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A51432 Brutes turn'd criticks, or, Mankind moraliz'd by beasts in sixty satyrical letters upon the vices and follies of our age / written in Italian by Signiore Moscheni ; and now done into English with some improvements.; Lettere missive e responsive delle bestie. English Moscheni, Carlo.; Savage, John, 1673-1747. 1695 (1695) Wing M2851; ESTC R8606 59,503 228

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Upon Licensers The Linx's Answer p. 1●… LET. LVII Upon Treachery The Ermine to the Weesel p. 1●… LET. LVIII The Same The Weesel's Answer p. 16●… LETTER LIX ●…on Servants ●…e Bear to the Civit-Cat p. 161 LETTER LX. ●…on the same ●…e Civit-Cat's Answer p. 164 LETTER I. Vpon Physick ●…he Leopard to the Rhinoceros I Address my self to your Honour not to justifie any Error because I know I am guilty of none but prevent the Calumnies of Evil-●…inded people from wounding my ●…eputation My Enemies accuse me ●…s I hear from my friends of taking ●…pon me the Practice of a Physician ●…d for presuming to get an easie pe●…y of the people of Alessano Metro●…olis of Lucadia I call it an easie ●…enny for if I were to chuse a thousand times I could not hit upon advantageous a Calling For wh●… as before being reputed what I 〈◊〉 still under another Title I was 〈◊〉 and anon accus'd of Murthers c●…mitted in the Forrests tho' at the 〈◊〉 time I were never so innocent w●… made me always upon my Gua●… and careful not to fall into t●… Snares so that I were never al●… free from Fatigue and Vexation 〈◊〉 now by means of this Blessed A●… am delivered from such Fears 〈◊〉 if any of my Patients thro' my M●… chance to die without being a●● of the Laws I defend my self 〈◊〉 my Ignorance with affirming 〈◊〉 transgrest my prescriptions Someti●… I blame the weakness of their Co●…tutions sometimes the use of W●… and in short every smallest Irregu●…ty which commonly signified 〈◊〉 little to the Distemper Now by t●… means I am not only free from ●●nishment but in the greatest li●●hood in the World to get a great state for over and above my Com●…on Fee if my Patient recovers he ●…wards me plentifully and if he dies ●…s Heir is seldom ungrateful for the ●…nefit he has received And now ●●cause every one ought to support his ●●ofession with Common Decorum tho' it were never so easie for me to ●●cover any one with the meanest ●…erb that grows in the Field yet ●…r the honour of Physick I am forbid 〈◊〉 do it but on the contrary am ●…blig'd to stuff my Recipe's with ex●●avagant and unpalatable Names ●…oreover for the farther Glory of ●…hysick at my first Visit I always ●…ighten the Patient and his Friends ●…ith my Opinion That he is a dead ●…an and to give the greater Credit 〈◊〉 what I say I order Medicines ●●rong enough for an Horse and con●●ne him to a rigorous Dyet I beg ●…our Honour to be farther satisfied of ●…y Reasons When I write a Recipe 〈◊〉 always order abundantly more than 〈◊〉 necessary because by the Apothecary's Gain my Wealth is encreas●… for he commonly considers how m●… I have been his Friend Now by t●… Art I rob the Purse of its Soul a●… the Body oftentimes of its Breath 〈◊〉 it not therefore seem unlawful to y●● Honour because it may appear to rather the effect of Avarice and Vi●…ny than Charity for it is an all●…ed Maxim in the Mouths of all M●… Quod Galenus dat Opes And if we 〈◊〉 deny'd the Means how can we m●… the Saying good I humbly int●… therefore your often approved Gene●●sity to represent favourably to 〈◊〉 Majesty these my Reasons that o●… Mens Envy may not unjustly t●… place of my Innocence whilst I s●… long for all Occasions of acknowle●●ments and expressing my self Yo●… c. LETTER II. The Rhinoceros his Answer Vpon the same SIR HIS Majesty the Lyon has commanded me to signifie to you ●…hat having had your Reasons in ma●…re Consideration they have been ●…und very advantageous to your ●…ame and Profession For the Censors ●●ving examin'd 'em strictly and be●…g satisfied of their Worth and Vali●…ty have reported to his Majesty ●●at a Physician is no less necessary in Commonwealth than a Soldier and ●●at the Invention of Money is very ●…equisite for both their encouragements for as the one with his Igno●●nce the other might with his Sword ●…eep the Provinces moderately peo●…led that there might be neither dan●…er of Rebellion or Subjects starving for want of Bread And because 〈◊〉 oftentimes Poverty raises Tumults is permitted the Physician to kill wh●… and as many as he pleases and 〈◊〉 Soldier to Dragoon and Cut throats often as he can Proceed theref●… chearfully in the Profession you h●… begun and for your farther Licen●… His Majesty has been pleased to gr●… you his Letters-Patents with 〈◊〉 Power and Authority command all Magistrates Chief Physicians 〈◊〉 Super-Intendants of Health that t●… do not presume to molest you in 〈◊〉 least but on the contrary to be ●…ing and assisting you as often as th●… should be found occasion But y●… must remember notwithstanding t●… you are not allow'd to exact up●… your Patients for tho' his Majesty pleas'd to wink at Murther yet 〈◊〉 will not forgive you any Extorti●… for that being only reserv'd to 〈◊〉 Publick Collectors it will not be c●…venient to suffer it to be practi●… by any others Observe this 〈◊〉 you 'll oblige your self and your ●…riend c. LETTER III. The Cat to the Ass Vpon the Law SIR THE Bearer of this is my Client who has been so suf●…ciently influenc'd by my Inclinations 〈◊〉 serve you that he has offer'd him●●lf to be recommended to you for ●…dvice He has been in Law a great ●…hile and his Suit has been unmerci●●lly follow'd by me ever since ●…ut at length finding that his Case ●…equired the Assistance of some more ●…earned and Able Advocate I thought 〈◊〉 could not do him better Service than ●…o send him to you by whom the Me●…its of his Cause being better under●●ood might be the more judiciously handled I have bubbled him as lo●… as ever I could yet I don't think 〈◊〉 has had any reason to complain 〈◊〉 at the same time that I have set 〈◊〉 Night and Day and worn out 〈◊〉 very Nails to bring his Cause to 〈◊〉 Trial I have not neglected to light his Purse that he might be the mo●… nimble in the Hall in its prosecutio●… After this manner I have hones●… done my best Endeavours to perso●… the part of a good Attorney 〈◊〉 pleas'd to accept therefore of this 〈◊〉 good Will since it has no other c●… than your Riches and Honour T●● Gentleman has a good Estate and a ●…lerable Understanding so that I m●… safely leave him to the rest of 〈◊〉 Apology I do not mention any father Instances because I am satisfy●… of your Generosity but with a du●…ful Acknowledgment of your ma●… Obligations subscribe c. LETTER IV. The Ass's Answer Vpon the same SIR I Have accepted your good will towards me in sending a rich Client with a great deal of Acknowledgment and I 'll assure you I shall endeavour not to seem ungrateful by ta●…ing the greater care of his Cause And ●…ho ' some People take me for an Ass ●…ecause I am a meer Lawyer yet I ●…hall give 'em to understand that they ●…re
the future But Signiore Cola de Renzo in favour of the many dull and ignorant of that Profession has obtain'd a moderate construction of that Act so that now those that know not how to draw up a writing compleat may supply as they did before their defects with an c. Some few days ago a wonderful Prodigy was heard in the Air which cry'd out frightfully three times Ra●…venat●… words that gave occasion 〈◊〉 doubt whether they related to Hu●…ting wild Beasts in the Woods or Me●… Purses in the Hall If any other ne●… occurs you may promise your self faithful and speedy Account from Yours c. LETTER XXXVI The Tortoise's Answer Vpon Presents YOur Cause I cannot presume to direct you in nevertheless I thought it but convenient to write because we should never refuse an Answer 〈◊〉 one that had taken the pains to ob●●ge us with a Letter out of pure good manners If there were no other Motive for to great Men we must an●…wer out of duty to our Equals out of ●…ood manners and to our Inferiours ●…ut of good Nature I say out of good Nature which may be meant to our●…elves for the Vulgar being always desi●…ous of communication with the Gen●…ry every the least line they receive from them does not render 'em more oblig'd than liberal Be pleas'd but to make Experience of this truth and you 'll find that Presents frequently come from Inferiours seldom from Equals but never from Superiours If one of the meanest even of the Mobb do but receive a Letter from a Gentleman full of lying expressions of civilities and inclinations to do him service and such like empty Compliments he shall immediately make it his diligent study how to be grateful to one whose words proceeded rather from a design upon him than any sincerity of heart This is my opinion and if you please you may follow it but however receive it in good part from him that wishes you well and so Subscribes c. LETTER XXXVII The Lizard to the Scorpion Vpon Fairs THe time of the rich and splendid Fair of Cambalu drawing near I have determin'd with my self to make one amongst 'em and accordingly have prepar'd no ordinary rarities but amongst the rest I design to build a Booth in the New-street where with variety of Inventions and a Company of Stage-Players that have been us'd to bubble and amuse the people I do not question but to get a considerable penny For I am resolv'd to trouble my head no more with drawing rotten Teeth or introducing new ones where the old were not very grateful Neither will I concern my self at changing Cards in other peoples hands nor putting tricks upon any one because this deceit is grown so very trivial that he must be a very Blockhead that knows not how to practise it I must confess this putting tricks upon people has been heretofore very gainful to me but now who does not understand Legerdemain Juglers and Merry-Andrews only pretended to it for many Ages past but now Statesmen and Politicians invade their Prorogatives publishing it for an unalterable Maxim that those only are fit to Manage great Affairs that have cunning and dexterity enough to sell Gloe-worms for Lanthorns Also I intend to carry along with me a pair of Nine-holes to entertain the Canaglia and which will certainly be applauded for not only the weakest but the wisest of those people have been sometimes proud to excell at this Game Lastly I shall distribute for the publick good an Electuary made of Tortoise which I dont doubt will be very welcome to all such as want radical moisture and who have wasted their Substance and become Hectick by taking more care of other peoples business than their own Also because this should be the better receiv'd I have determin'd to present the Buyers with a considerable quantity of perfum'd Pastills to corroborate the Stomach and to make the breath sweet after an unmannerly belch of stinking Sentences which must needs be very Nauseous to the delicate Nostrils of Mr. Romance-writer Son of Mr. Spoil-paper both great Admirers of fresh B●…tter and Cream-Cheese These will be the chiefest part of my Vendibles and which will be so much the more advantageous if I can have the honour to sell you any there where I shall earnestly expect you whilst I Subscribe c. LETTER XXXVIII The Scorpion's Answer Vpon Eunuchs YOu invite me to Cambalu Metropolis of Catai and I will come but it will be more to correspond with your Commands than mov'd by the intreaties of some inhumane Fathers who being extreamly in love with their Sons Voices have invited me thither to Geld 'em to the end that they may the shriller accuse their Cruelties whilst to satisfie the folly of their Inclinations they expose their tender Infants to the greatest dangers with the depriving of 'em of those Moveables that ought rather to be encreas'd than diminish'd It would therefore be very commendable in some good Prince to publish an Edict in favour of Generation and such Boys as were heretofore so unmercifully handled because they were In deliciis Romanorum Prohibiting with the severest penalties so great acts of Cruelty which are nevertheless continu'd for Sport and Pastime So confirming my self yours to my Power 〈◊〉 Subscribe c. LETTER XXXIX The Elephant to the Stellion Vpon Governours I Give you hearty thanks for the honour done me by the safe delivery of my Letters and I am extreamly ●…oncern'd for my ill fortune that yours ●…hould go amiss Nevertheless I hope you will not think it caus'd by ●…y Negligence but attribute it to ●…tality that attends some affairs The Administration of publick Em●…loyments serves for a Touchstone to Essay the capacity of the undertaker so that when that is found sufficient to digest the great diversity of Affairs one meets with in Government to Command is no less delightful to Ambition than gainful and necessary for the Experience and Knowledge of things For I may freely confess to my friend that this Employment has not a little advantag'd my understanding for I have box'd the Law about with a great many Ministers and always triumpht because I was above 'em in Order I have also introduc'd publick Audience every day by which I have ended many stale Suits with a great deal of satisfaction to the Parties and for farthe●… content of the People I am always ready at hand to dispatch their business And because Bonum ex integr●… causâ malum verò ex singulis difficultatibus over and above my calmness in giving Jugdment my patience in hearing all is extraordinary tho' Justice in appearance ought to seem as much rigorous as it ought to be really mild in the distribution My punishments of Offenders are but few but those sudden and exemplary which is a Rul●… that I have always found successful As to the rest my City is great in differently Populous commodiously Rich and of a delightful and fertile Soil And because that