those Saints died there were people exhorted to doe the like Rust. But I mislike the very ground and cause of those holydaies which you say is suffring death willingly Doe not we die fast enough thinke you against our wils but we must set vp a trade of dying with a good will Acu. Thou speakest against reason For if thou must needs dye first or last wert not better to die for a glorious cause so to be sure of heauen willingly in perfect memory then against thy will wrestling with death overcome in the end with great paine and perhaps past thy sences Rust. Reason me no reasons I speake as I thinke I protest from my heart I had rather doe any worke in the world then dye What never come home againe to my wife and my pretie barnes Why I haue a boy his name is Iacke hee has a face as welfavor'd as any great turnippe root with a cracke in the mid'st which is the very proportion of his mouth I will not willingly leaue that boy for all the deaths in the world No I will not But if I must needs dye whether I will or no I wood haue death take mee asleepe that I may not see his face for if I did I would run away as hard as ever I could for my life Hor. Mr Acuto talke with me hee speakes like a foole I haue more wit then twentie such loggerheads Rust. Nay then I haue more wit then thou canst get for I can make my horses turne vp the ground and thou must doe it with thy hands and feet else thou canst earne no mony Come neighbour Vulcano we two wise men will leaue these two to play the fooles here vntill our â—urne come againe Exeunt Rust. Vul. Hor. Now Acuto let vs two conclude what shall become of these holydaies and as we agree I warrant it shall goe And thou hast almost perswaded me to let them stand But let vs goe and read a booke I haue at home of the liues of Saints to furnish vs with stronger reasons against our next encounter with these Dunces and then wee will end this controversie Exeunt Secu. How thinke you by this S. Hermito would you haue imagined that such plaine fellowes as these be should call a businesse of this nature in question By this you may may gesse what stirring heads we haue to deale withall and how easie a matter to keepe them in order Her It is somewhat strange And the more vnlearned the men are the harder to be satisfied But he hope is that as mad men doe best service when some of their like are most vnruly so these men being alike vnskilfull will soone confound each other and so giue over the businesse ACT. II. SCEN. II. Enter Antonio at one dore Proberio and Simplo at another It is not vnknowne to mee that very many doe censure my deeds as wicked and not beseeming a Christian But this is the iniquitie of the time because they doe not distinguish between persons and seasons For my actions being not ordinary are not to be iudged by ordinary but refined wits For now your downe right dealing is exploded as too subiect to every meane capacitie Pro. Yonder is thy master that shal be Simplo thou shalt lose no time wee le to him sodainely Segnieur Antonio All haile to your person Here is a man desires to serue you to be your pupill to imitate your actions so neere as his vessell can hold the print And he will doe well For hee is made all of wax very pliant emptie of all thing but a little mony and a tenement or two of land lying next your freehold on the south side worth 10l per annum Ant. He is welcome Haue you giuen him any principles such as you knowe are necessarie and is he docible Pro. He is ready for your hand Sir I will not commit such an errour knowing you as I doe but lay the foundation You may worke vpon him as you list I warrant you Simp. Sir I hope you shall finde me diligent and according to your heart Ant. Thou hast a good sterne countenance I like thee well if thy minde be as vntoward it will be sutable Simp. I warrant you Sir no man shall get any thing of me but I will knowe how he comes by it except your selfe whom I will trust withall I haue Deale with mee as you please Ant. I thanke you Nay if I deale not well with you I wish no man should deale ill with me I heare you haue land lying neere me I would haue you bee a good husband and keepe it Let me lay vp your writings safe least some deceaue you of them Simp. That you shall Sir here they be They shall be in pawne to you for my good behaviour for I thinke no man will giue his word for me Ant. Thou art the fittest man for mee that ever I met withall nor any man I thinke will vndertake I shall bee a good master to thee Simp. T is no matter sir I will stand to your gentlenesse Ant. Well said and I le even deale with thee thereafter Exeunt Ant. and Simp. Pro. Thou hast a seruice a dog would not haue it except his taile were already so short cut to his breech that no more could be spared I warrant thou turne seene the last of thy writings They will pull thy land after them And that 's but law Transit terra cum onere Exit Pro. Enter Hortano and Acuto Is it true that you told me Acuto at our last parle here that there were such valiant people in times past that willingly and cheerefully went to their death when they might haue inioyed life longer Acu. There is no question of it except wee should discredit all Historiographers who make honorable mention of them iâ— all ages before vs And in our owne time and memory there haue beene many such men Hort. I protest it is a wonderfull courage these people haue and in mine opinion farre beyond the stoutnes of the souldiers For they goe to kill and contend not meaning to dye which only they strive against and avoid by all meanes they can and provide aboue all things to bee well arm'd for safetie of life But the martyr with not resisting conquers death and feares not that which is feared and shunned of all others Therefore I thinke them worthie of great honour and perpetuall memorie But who are they say you that giue testimonie of them me thoght it was a very fine word Acu. They be Historiographers Hor. O Histornoggerfers a braue word I le make a knot of these letters Acu. No Historiographers man Hor. Now I haue it Histriagerfers Acu. Not so neither you must marke wel pronouÌ„ce it iust as I doe Hor. That I will be sure to doe Acu. Thus then Hi-sto-ri Hor. Stay there Now gape he gapes Hortano looks in his mouth le ts tell how many teeth ha you 22. hough whoo 's within there
stood by and yet had nothing to doe with the question went about to proue me a horse and thus he began Euery liuing beast or Animal that hath in him horse stones is a horse But this Animal meaning me hath horse stones in him Ergo he is a horse I was striken in such a maze knowing that I did eate the horse stones that I was like to sinke where I stood and euen presently to congeale into a horse But there was by chance an honest Scholler by who saw my colour quite gone took pity on me and bade me be of good cheere I shood not be a horse And told the tother to his face that there was a flacy in his argumen And then fetcht him about with a Recumbentibus and prou'd that the horse stones which I had eaten were consum'd and became such stuffe as I cannot tel you without Sir reuerence of your teeth and that they did not grow in me as they doe in horses Ergo the case was alter'd Then vpon this point of growing and not growing there was such a sturre that all the horse-coursers in the Faire came about vs One said they did grow another denyed it and such part taking on both sides that in the end I was content being desirous to make them friends to bee search't in the open market and so was cleer'd before them all to haue no more stones then I shood haue And glad was I that I was not a horse Had not I thinke you good cause to remember Logicke Yes I shall neuer forget it if I should liue 100 yeares Hor. Goe to then if you bee such a scholler I will not dispute with you about the Holy dayes but my neighbour Acuto hath beene a scholler as well as you and hee is able to shew you many reasons why they ought to continue And he hath fully converted me Vul. I will not be judg'd by Acuto nor by a better man then he Why I tell you my neighbour Rustico and I thinke our selues as good men as Acuto and you and we are two to two Wee le neuer yeeld while the Plow and chaines hold and that wil be a good long time for as fast as they weare I can mend them Acu. Will you referre it then to iudgement of indifferent men we are all neighbours let vs not fall out about things that none of vs haue skill in Rust. Yes wee le be iudg'd but not by any braue people for they will all take part with the Tayler that makes their parell gawdie and with the Gardner that makes them pleasant waukes and knots Acu. Wee le giue you the choice so that you name none of your owne trade and an indifferent man Rust. You say honestlie Nay truelie we are desirous to haue an end of it so that none of vs be his owne carver Here sits a countrie Gentleman a plaine man a good house-keeper and peace-maker among all his neighbours he is no Iustice of peace so there is no feare to speake our minde before him nor neede we any minerator to him he is very courteous Acu. Wee le not refuse him nor any that is honest Rust. God saue you Sir Heere is a great controuersie betweene foure neighbours two against two Reasons are alleaged on both sides and neither part will agree to other In the end we accorded to referre the matter to you we beseech you to consider and order it as you please and then so shall it be Secu. The controversie is beyond my skill it being matter of diuinity but mine opinion is they ought still to bee kept For I perswade my selfe that our Auncetours which did all things well had speciall reasons for these daies to be kept holy What their reasons were I take not vpon me to set downe there sits a Religious man he is more like to quenche your thirst and resolue your doubts then I am Vul. Most Reverend Sir though we be strangers to you we are bold to aske your counsell in a busines of weight Her You are welcome whosoeuer you are no marvaile though you be strangers to me who haue estranged my self from all the world but what counsell can you expect from me who am not like to giue wordly men any satisfaction since I haue alreadie given the world with all his busines an vtter farewell Acu. Sir our busines is not worldly though it concerne worldlie men euen as your life is not worldlike though bodilie you liue on earth Vul. Nay M. Acuto stand aside or I le haue you taken away for you marre the paly you are very forward to take the tale out of my mouth as if you had more wit but I think not so I began first to speake vnto this man therefore I wil haue the last word Sir our busines with you shal be short for I am a hot fellow and I strike thick and short This Tailer takes long and wide stitches and drawes out the time to make his worke seeme much Our difference is for the Holy-dayes as they stand in the Kalender whether it were fitter they should be retourn'd into working-daies as they were at the first or remaine to the worlds end If you iudge they ought to stand we are content and will worke harder at other times If you will haue them downe doe but say the word hold vp your finger wee le maule vs to the ground at a blow Her Your questiō is not hard to decide fit enough for me to deliuer mine opinion in It is true they were all working daies at the first For which purpose it is said such work as thou doest worke it in those six daies and not on the seauenth day Yet God did neuer forbid any of those six daies to be kept holy And the Christian Church hath appointed many daies to be kept holy in memory of Saints which suffered diverse torments for Christs sake who suffered all for them and for them all And those to be kept to the worlds end that their facts and fame might neuer die but encourage others to treade their bloudie but Heauenly steppes Therefore since the Church of God and custome of Christian countries haue so ordered it let no mans private rashnes presume such alteration as to make away or put out the Holy-dayes but with due reverence to obserue them Vul. Gods blessing on you Sir you haue quite confiscated my conceite I le kill him that would haue them downe Such a sermon every day would make me keepe all the rest of the weeke holy Gow neighbour Rustico you and I will hang together and change together I le neuer meddle with any matter out of the length and bredth of my Anvile fall back fall edge while I breathe Me thinkes I am good enough with this little teaching I shall neuer need to mend heereafter I could finde in my heart to goe to hanging presently and be a martyr if I might haue no time to thinke of the paine but goe aliue to Heauen
at your hands if your spirit coÌ„sent that is that I may call your son Iacke my boy for my credit sake And that he may know no other but he is mine and then shall I be quiet in minde and thinke you deale verie iustlie and liberallie with me La. With all my heart And I professe vnto you that hee shall neuer know otherwise by me but I doubt his generous spirit will not suffer him after a few yeares of discretion to tarrie long in that errour but that he will heroicallie disdaine to haue you otherwise accompted of then his reputed father and that he is rather the sonne of some zealous brother who neuer sees the Relikes of Charing-crosse but wisheth hee were on horse-backe with a launce in his hand in full speed to beare it downe And yet his mother extreame honest for all this Rust. All this I stedfastlie beleeue And I am afraide my owne weakenes wil be the first discoverer and pleade not guiltie to getting of such a sonne Nevertheles good wife I cannot chuse but thanke you much for your kindnes that he shal be called my sonne that men may thinke so noblie yet of me to doe such a deed And for you wife I will sweare you are a verie honest woman for all this La. No husband You shall not sweare so rashlie I thanke you as much as though you did Your faith shall saue you without swearing Exit Lamia Rust. Was ever man more blessed with a wife then I am Then he holds his hands before his face fals to a silent meditation a prery while at last fetching a great sigh hee saith The Lord make me thankfull Then he hides his face with his hands againe and so standeth a while sighing and sobbing untill Hortano shake him by the arme saying Hor. How now Rustico what wilt thou doe kill thy selfe with this same foolish zeale plucke vp a good heart and liue to see thy boy a man Rust. A man He is a man already at sixe yeares age by his great stomacke and I thinke in my conscience I am not halfe his father But I beshrew you for troubling mee you haue done you know not what for I was euen melting into â— martir Hor. A martir How canst thou be a martir Rust. O yes and I shall die so patiently that I dare not call for a posset how sicke soever I be for feare of sinning till the very point of death And now I begin to be hart-sick Hor. If you find your selfe so sicke indeed I wish you to make your will and dispose of your estate Rust. How make my will that 's the next way to die in earnest Hor. Not a whit neerer death for that Rust. O yes A will and a toling bell are as present death as Gods tokens No I le none of that Hor. Let me perswade you neighbour Rustico to make your will I assure you it is superstition to thinke death to be nerer you for that cause Rust. Superstition The Lord defend me I had rather not â—o obserue order in anie thing then to be thought superstitious I agree to you neighbour and thank you for your gentle perswasion I will presently doe it while I am in perfect memory â— First for my soule I will not bequeath it to God but let it goe even as it is predestinated 2 My body may be buried if my executor wil pay for it or else let it alone and be patient as I was when I liued 3 At my buriall I desire my wife to preach and no body to heare her but my sweet boy Iacke and I 4 Fortie shillings I giue to any man that shall put me into the booke of Martires 5 My wit such like moueables I leaue as an heireloome to my sonne Iacke then lifting his eies vpward vpon whom my desire is that the firmament may powre downe as many ioyfull lots as there are heares vpon his fingers ends that his seed may multiplie like mice in a maltheape 6 All my breeches I bestow vpon my beloued wife 7 My land if any be giuen me after my death I freely bestow vpon him that shall marrie her to amend his bargaine 8 The rest of my goods and chattles which cannot bee found I will shall be equally devided at my executors discretion among the poore of the parish wheresoeuer I shal die 9 And of this my last will and testament I make the longest siuer in London my sole executor because I will haue no fighting nor suits in law for my goods 10 And you neighbour Hortano I make overseer of this my will and for your paines to be taken therein I giue you all that shall be overplus after execution of the same Now my sight failes Lead me lead mee good neighbour home and to bed and so farwell and good night Exeunt ACT. IIII SCENA III Intrant Antonio Noverindo Proberio Here is more worke for vs Noverindo and wee will not worke for simple fees though foedum simplex bee a good tenure a frend of mine wants 2000l and I must haue it for him within these two daies or he seekes elsewhere Nov. In anie case hold him in let him not scape hee shall pay for his expedition I le about it and I le haue it for you within 24 houres or I le giue you my head hee goes forward a little and suddenly steps backe saying I had almost forgot a matter of waight you are intreated by the whole companie of our sort that some order may bee taken to checke the sawcinesse of divers meane persons that enquire for monies to be taken vp They make no more adoe but with hats on their heads aske the question thus haue you 100l to lend vpon good securitie what a malepertnes and abuse is this Of my honestie Sir what a villain was I to sweare so deeplie there be manie knights and some Lords that haue not alwaies 100l to lend vpon an instant And then what reason is there that we which haue it at all houres should be so sleÌ„derly regarded Anto. You saie well Noverindo I wish it to be redressed but what would the companie haue me to doe Nov. This Sir you are acquainted at Court they intreat that you would vse your frends to get a grant vnder the broad seale whatsoeuer it cost that we may erect an office with a master and clarks belonging to it to the ende that everie one which wants monie may repaire thither and vpon request to the vnder clarks speake with the master of the office and thence take directions how to proceed and so obtaine monie This will make them knowe themselues and yeeld dutie to them that it appertaines when they shall come by degrees to the worth of monie Anto. This I like well but it will be a great charge to maintaine master and clarkes in an office so shall wee loose much out of our gaine Nov. Sir you mistake it quite The companie hath argued that case to and fro
foolish match Infâ—. Why sir if you be let it not trouble you I hope you shall haue better lucke in greater matters yet if she haue a good portion you are happy if she haue none yet you may be even with her if it please you although she proue a roaring girle Insa. Canst thou tell which way to be even with her Infâ—. Mary to haue as little as she And if I were 〈◊〉 you I would serue her so teach her to come emptie handed to a man of your spending Infâ—. Well we must make the most of her that I can now â— haue her and take no care for any thing that the way to liue long and leaue nothing ACT. 7. SCEN. 3. Intrat Simplo. Gentlemen you two I meane M. Securus and Sir Hermito my master intreats you both to come to his chamber for a short space he will go twice so faire for you any other time Exeunt Insa. Infael. Sâ—cu. Thanke your master we haue din'd alreadie and can eat nothing another time we will see him if wee haue no businesse Sim. O you mistake it Sir neither now nor any other time for eating there is no meat my Master does not vie to quilt his frends stomackâ— with too much meat No hee would speake with you about a note he hath caused to bee drawne he will desire you to pervse it and do him a favour it is in the nature of a certificate Seâ—u. Truely he shall haue no hand of mine to any writing nor to anie purpose nor for my credit sake will I come in his companie I doe imagine what it is He knoweth that we heare so much evill of him that he doubts we will speak â—s we finde And therefore he would haue vs giue commeÌ„nations of him to some friend of ourâ— in some small request which he never meanes to sue for But this our good report he will keepe by him partly to stop our mouthes hoping we will not speake contrarie to our testimonie in writing and partly for his crediâ— to be shewed vpon every occasion against all that haue cause to speake evill of him Let him content himselfe we refuse to come neere him Her Honest friend I marvell with what conscience 〈…〉 serue one that is 〈…〉 Sim. Mary Sir with as wide and large a conscience as any man hath and as throughly tentered My master I are no niggards of our conscience Besides I am bound by my 100l to serue him Her Thou wert as good lose thy 100l at first as at last for he will in the end deceaue thee of it Sim. If he doe then I hope hee will teach mee cunning worth 100l to deceaue others so I may double my 100l For I doe not thinke but hee hath gotten manie 100l with art And I le never leaue him tell I get all his tricks and now he hath made me free he will vse me as his fellow Her By that meanes thou wilt accompanie him to â—ell Sim. Downe the lane to the Divell Nay an wee goe to no worse place then Hell I care not for I doe not think but my master hath craft enough for any Divell on um all Her But there he shall meet with his crafts master Sim. What master my master in craft that were somewhat strange yet I le beleeue any thing but that Wel I shall tell him you will not come And what 's the reason you will not come I haue almost forgotten Her Mary because at our baptisme wee vowed to renounce the infernall Spirit And now upon our owne experience and iudgement we abandon all incarnate Divells Sim Abandon what 's that if I can obserue that word right I shall carry the rest well I knowe what you meane by a carnation divell Exit Her What doe you iudge of these passages M. Securus â—ecu. Surely Sir it is hard vpon the suddaine to deliuer a true sentence vpon so many contrarieties as this day wee haue heard But breefly I thinke they ought all to be duced vnto two maine heads of Good and Bad and of the worst to chuse the least and of the better take the most Her In part I dissent from you but in part I agree If we be constrained to chuse among things which are 〈…〉 best to permit the least but if a man haue freedome then the best choice is to refuse evill be it never so little Among the severall discourses this day acted I note many vices vailed over with froth and florish of words but the same againe vnmasked with substantiall matter and laid naked to disgrace So it seemeth they are not propounded to imitate but 〈◊〉 forth to be shamed They are painted in colours but in a map of 〈…〉 some 〈…〉 but such as runne to ruine They are brought forth to be rewed but to manifest their vglinesse They come not here to be liked but lothed not to be fauored but derided Not allowed in private but in publike to be condemned So I hope that all wise hearers will avoid the sinnes and abuses here touched which are many and follow good counsell if they heard any Which that they may doe my part is to pray to the giuer of wisdome And so Sir wishing much prosperitie to your charitable endeavours I take leaue and the next way to my poore quiet Cell Exit Securus sequitur Intrat Proberio 〈…〉 〈…〉 〈…〉 〈…〉 Exit EPILOGVS NOw that your patience hath permitted vs to bring vnto an end this present Dialogue wee stand in good hope of your clemencie that no more offence will bee taken at any word 〈◊〉 passed then we had meaning to giue which wee protest 〈…〉 at all For it were against reason and our owne ends to driue hence that companie which we wish rather â—oubled then out of it one to be spared It resteth that we render you very humble and hartie thanks And that all â—â—r hearts pray for the I le and his families enduring happinesse 〈…〉 FINIS