to them that â—eglect the care of their Children Parents must goe in a midâ—le way betweene â—â—usterity and fâ—lly towards their Children Bâ—se shifts and respects of Parents in disregard of their Children A contrary extreame of parents in overmuch love to Children The 1. degâ—eâ—â— The 2. degree Abuses of Guardians and Governors of Orphans in this kind of neglect sundrie waies Wofull fruite hereof Vse of exhortation of parents to attend their Children in this great work Second digression to the point of Contract Contract in what sense here used Promises of marriage the root of a contract To be very cautiously made and tâ—eir properties Reall contacts as good as verball What promise for marriage doth bind A mutual one A free or voluntary one 3. A plaine one without deceit What that is Admonition to all parties to beware of their marriage promises Raâ—h and inconsiderate promises of marrage very foolish and sinfull Whether a Contract be essentiall to Marriage Contracts very ancient and of general use Iewish Contracts what Iosh 15. 16. Action and performance of the Contract â—ow to be done Rationall respects in which a Contract may be used The 1. Sutablenes to the weight of the thing The 2. To prevent inconstancie Respect 3. The benefit of the parties contracted Generall Touching questions Whether publication of contract be necessary What is to be thought of the marrying by a Minister Whether Cosen Germans may marry answered I make no quarrel but oâ—ly shew my opinion leaving â—thers to themselves Wherin differss contractfrom marriage God is in a contract for good and not evill but in marriage whether good or evill One is better spoiled then 〈◊〉 Why a space is alotted twixt contract and marriage What spâ—ce is he most convenâ—enâ— What if either party defile it selfe before marriage Of Reproofe of all disdainers of Contracts Exhortation Contracted Couples prise your contract 1. Sam. 13. 12. Iob. Heb. 13. 5. Zach. 12. end 1. Cor. 7. Deut. 32. end Luc. 22. Gâ—lath 6. Councells in peciall for such The second generall preservation of the honour of Marriage in the conversation of it 2. Iohn 8. Prov. 13. Honour of marriage to be preserved partly by the joint acts of both and partly by the severall acts of each party Joint acts of the married fowre Jointhes iâ— worship a main preservative of honorable marriage 1. Sam. 25. Reasons of joinâ— religion of couples Gâ—â— is their mutuall God Because the grace of each furthers both They enjoy all things both good and bad in common Religon is the Cement of all fellowship From one instance viz. their necessity of joint trust in God Nothing hath such blessing annexed to it What if he one party will not joine with the other Reproofe Severalnesse of religion in the married sinful if afâ—ected Branch 2. Hindrers of each other in such joints religion to be taxed Branch 3. Such as dorest in each others religion taxed Married persons who forsake their own fellowshâ—p and runne to strangers faulty Cause or the unhappy and unprosperous state of many couples is want of mutuall religion Exhortation to all good couples to be joint in their religion Both inward as in faith and the like Faith the principall prop of the married Infinite miseries of the married through the distrust of Gods providence Familie duties and private worship necessary for good couples to joine in closely Needfnll to use private worship Causes why it should be so Great benefit of prâ—vaâ—e jâ—â—â—t woâ—shâ—p Counsells about it Exhortation to private enâ—â—â—ourse with God The second joint office of the marryed Conjugal love Love ought to be jointly preserved for the honor of Marriage Not only bred by peculiar instinct But oftentâ—ms by outward occasions and motives Conjugall love a mixt affâ—ction And how Reason of it Ephe. 5. 29. Rom. 12. 20. Ephe. 5. 25. Tit. 2. 4 5. Conjugall love though a joint duty to be carried in a severall way Psal 134. 2. Tit. 2. 4. Ephe 5. 22. 24. What that way is Reproofe Branch 1. Forced and lovelesse matches dangerous And in what respects Reproofe Branch 2. Love will not nourish selfe but must be nourished dayly between couples By what meanes love may be nourisht Gen. 20. 16. Admonition to the joint practise of conjugall love Pro. 23. 29. 30. 4. Iames 1. Danger of breaâ—h of conjugall love is sad 2. King 7. 4. Iudg. 18. 23. 24. Exhertation to couples to love joinly John 21. 15. John 14. 15 John 15. 12. 2. Gen. 23. Motives to thehuâ— band to love his wife 1 Tim. 2. 15. 1 Sam. 25. 39. Motives to the wife to love him 2 Sam. 12. 3. Thirde mutuâ— all duty of the marryed Chastity Chastity the mâ—yn joint duty of the Married Proofes of it Math 196. Mal. 2. 15. 2. Cor. 7. 2. 1. Tim. 3. 2. 1. Thes 4. 4. 1. Cor. 3. 16. 17. Dâ—ut 21. 14. Gen 49. 4. Pro. 6. 33. Iudg. 11. 3. 4. Iudg. 16. 21. Amplification of this Truth Levit. 14 44. 45. Chastity the mayne support of union The defilement of each party is enough to defile the whole state of marriage God hath ordeined one for one It covers all other defects But it selfe can be covered by no endowments It s the corner stone which holds in the whole building 1 Sam. 18. 28. â—eâ—â—use in somerespects it makes marriag Honorable 12 ps 3. 8. 1. Fruitfulnesse of wombe Numb 5. 21. Isai 56. 4. 2 Respect Blessing of 〈◊〉 Gen. 21. 10. 3. The curse of siâ— turned to blessing by Chastity 13. Levit. 49. Tit. 1 15. Luc. 11. 41. How Chastity may be preserved 4. wayes 1. The spirit 2. Prevention 3. Bedd 4. Body Math. 12. 24. Pro. 2â— 26. The. 1. Chastâ—â—y of spirit must be kept against Contemplative uncleannes Why so needfull The. 2. Chastity of prevention necessary What is 2. Sam. 11. 2. Gen. 34. 1. Why this is here urgâ—d 2 Cor. 12. 7. Iob. 31. 1. 1 Cor. 9. 7. The third chastity of the bed Two extremes here The first 1 Cor. 7. 3. The second Levit. 20. 18. Gen. 26. 8. Heathens shame us Christians in this Markes to know the moderation of the bed Popish forced chastity And affected Abstinence from the benefit of the Bed compared InconveÌ„sence of both unjust abstinence and excesse of liberty compared The fourth last head of the mutuall duty is the Chastity of Body Gen. 39. 8. Exhortation to the duty of Chastity Pro. 5. 〈◊〉 and 9. Against base and unjust jealousie it is most odious Pro. 31. 11. Remedy of the innocent party The fourth generall and joint duty of the married consent Branch 1. Experience of such as want it Prov. 13. 12. Branch 2. The experience of such as enjoy it shew it to be worth the preserving jointly Th price of this Iewell in her nature deserves the carefull improoving of it The praise of Consent Consent hâ—th a Divine instinct in it Psal 133. 23. Consent brings God into the married 12. Math. 26. 2. Cor 6. 15.
passe on a most uncomfortable time of marriage more dismall then to live in a wildernesse because the necessity of an unwelcome chaine makes it doubly wearisome And as themseves so they who were the authors of such matches do live together at deadly feude at continuall sutes the one striving to revenge himselfe upon the other till both their estates be ruined I doe not hereby exclude Guardians from that due respect which the law affordeth when their care and respect to their orphans welfare is sutable to the calling of a Governour But whatsoever the law allots the conscience of one that feares God should be so tender that themselves being no losers in respect of the charge which they have bin at they should deale with the orphan mercifully in all other respect of advantage which a man of no conscience would encroach upon Such as looke at their own peace and the honour of their profession will be wary in such undertakings to make their retreat sure that nothing may after be cast upon them which might crocke their name or religion or give occasion to others either to stumble at the practice or to make it at a president for the like impiety To conclude I say this to all parents who will be ruled by the word boast not of your honour and priviledge to doe hurt with Shunne all those base distempers of which I have treated at large as the infamies and reproaches of bad parents or governours Sinne not on either hand ether on the right or left neither by base sluggish neglect and contempt of this charge nor yet by any abusing of your liberty to the prejudice of your children But walke in the cleere way of duty To which end consider your prerogative is allotted you by God no otherwise then that you might undertake the duty more cheerfully Be circumspect painfull wife and helpfull to your children so farre as your meanes will admit with a free beteaming heart God tries your love and integrity by this occasion Times are now growne such that the best parents cannot improve their love and affection to their well deserving children as were to be wished the world is at such an high rate that they whose estates are not very great can hardly light upon a comely sutable match especially for daughters there being none so meane now adaies but looke for as good portions as in our predecessors time would have beene thought a very good portion for men thrice above their fashion And it is the disease as well of the children of God as of men to flight good matches where excesse of portion attends not yea I am perswaded it s the cause why Gods hand is so manifest in the ill successe of most matches because God was never so little looked at in marriages as now But as for these things let both good parents and children count it their affliction beare it meekely and leave it to God Let your love be neverthelesse to doe them the good you can It is not in your power to do all you would God will have somewhat left to himselfe Smaller matches with Gods presence and blessing for ought I see may in short time equall farre greater in successe Doe that for your children both in your education meanes counsell prayers providence which is in your power to doe and as for the the rest remember marriages are made in heaven and thence must expect their happinesse you can doe no more then you can And for this whole argument viz. consent of parents thus much CHAP. V. Touching a contract What it meanes The substance of it Answer to some questions about it COncerning this argument the first enquirie will be about the word contract how and in what sense we here use it Then touching the necessity or indifference thereof Thirdly concerning the performance and act of contracting Fourthly touching such reasons or respects as whereupon it may seeme to be reasonably practised And then shall want such quaeres as are or may be made against it or about it Lastly we will conclude with some use of the point For the former of these we here make a contract a relative word importing an antecedent act betweene two parties who intend marriage that is to say a private mutuall free unconditionall promise having past between these two persons to marry each other and no other But here this contract is not ment but a more solemne and open binding expression of this former promise made that it may be ratified and strengthned as becommeth a businesse of so great consequence So that before we come to any other consideration we must needs premise a little touching marriage promises made in private betweene the single parties it being presupposed that they be not within degrees prohibited and further that they be without all exception of inconvenience or ill report and scandall as in the case of cozen Germans is manifest and the nature thereof For we must know that although an explicite or expressed contract hath in it the greater force externall before men to tye the parties to marriage yet the mutuall promises of them both joyntly made either at the first or afterwards doe as deepely binde them both before God and in court of conscience as the other doth And indeed the difference betweene them is not formall but accidentall and both are true reall contracts or covenants the one as the other and if there be somewhat in the expressed contract which is not in the other in respect of outward obligation then may there be truly said to be somewhat in the former which is not in that in respect of essence For the being of the expressed contract rests in the former viz. in the deliberate voluntarie mutuall and honest resolutions of the parties among themselves which being past give the essence to marriage before the other came and is the foundation and ground of the latter For else it might be said that any passage of expression betweene two before witnesse falling from parties though in rashnesse or in sport or upon a question demanded might carry the force of a contract which no man of any sense can imagine to wit because the expressed contract before witnesse implieth a former mutuall consent betweene them not now to be questioned but yet for speciall causes to be more solemnly and publiquely testified for avoyding of great inconvenience And this appeares plainly by the effect which a contract or promise produceth and that is a great alteration in the parties who before such promise were their owne and had the stroke in their owne hand to dispose of themselves as they please But after their mutuall promise they cease to be their owne and passe over themselves not their money or corne or goods but themselves each under God to the other so that now each hath power over other and onely one over the other In so much that whatsoever other promise should possibly be made by both
houre of temptation which shall come for a triall upon all flesh Hee shall uphold thee in six troubles and the seventh shall not come neere thee The floods of great waters with all those plagues which God hath denounced against these shall not come neere thee Be cheerefull in the Lord therefore and still thou and thy wife cleave and cling to him deny your owne wils and carnall reason and trust to his eternall strength buckle with the worke of God faithfully and walke in his ordinance humbly till hee come and then he shall bring healing in his wings at last and in the meane time hee shall cause a voyce to sound behinde saying This is the way walke in it Hee shall order your pathes resolve your doubts prevent dangers and so preserve the soules of his Saints that thousands shall fall at his right hand and ten thousands at your left you going safe in the middest and so be brought safe and well through all extremities at last So much for Comfort and for this first Chapter CHAP. II. More full explication in what the honour of marriage consists being the ground of the Treatise ensuing viz. entrance and continuance Entrance first in marrying in the Lord handled BVT because there be many more Vses to be made of this point ere I come to them I desire further to open this truth and in particular to shew what the honour of this marriage is and in how many things it consists Honourable we see it is by that which hath bin said but the question is How married couples may attaine this honour To which I answer by two maine duties First procure it Secondly preserve it Procure it first by laying the foundation of it in honour for as the root is so will the branches be either honourable or reproachfull seeke therefore to enter into that estate according to God and his rules And then secondly having entred well into it manage it well also nourish the honour of it carefully and warily for it s no whit lesse vertue to keepe well then to seeke aright and many begin with great shew of honour who yet end in shame Touching the former of these there is a double rule of the word first to marry in the Lord secondly to marry aptly in the Lord. This is the ground of an honourable marriage when as thou art content to be taught by him who first put honour upon it to maintaine it For the former to marry in the Lord is to use our uttermost discreet diligence to seeke out such companions as in charity and likelihood are either already espouzed to the Lord Iesus their husband by faith and in token thereof sit close to him in obedience or an endeavourer thereto that is such as are in a faire and hopefull way of inclining to it These two I confesse differ but be ware lest thou attempt any marriage in which neither of these can be perceived To open my selfe a little they that are indeed actually married to Christ have bin truely drawne to him by his Elezier's and spokesmen by whose embassage God hath treated with them about this spirituall union betweene himselfe and them They have well digested the offer and with Abigail when sent for to be Davids wife confesse themselves to be so farre from worthinesse to be his Consorts and to taste of his marriage contents and benevolence that they are unworthy even to be fellow-servants with his children doorekeepers in his house or to wash and wipe the feet of his houshold So vile God hath made them in the sight of their owne eyes shewing them by his pure Law the basenesse of that conversation of theirs wherein they have walked as the doore alway rolling one way upon her hinges so they alway living in the same vices soked upon their old dregs that hereby he emptieth them of themselves dasheth that pride and vanity which puffed them up before so that alas they rather thinke that he is throwing them out of his presence for ever then marrying them in faithfulnesse to himselfe By this humiliation they come to be further acquainted with his pleasure That even to such wofull ones who have defiled their fathers bed worse then Reuben yea defaced his image yet to these most forlorne harlots and children of adulterers he is willing to be reconciled yea to seeke them out as that Leuite did his concubine yea after just cause of Divorce Iorem. 2. 1 2. to admit them to his bed againe themselves seeking no favour but fleeing from him as she from her Lord. By this unheard of love hee hath broken their whorish hard heart and forehead of brasse melted them into teares to see his bottomlesse and causelesse compassions as Zachary in chap. 10. ver 12. cals them especially while they by rejecting or sleighting it yea shutting him out and abhorring his love deserved to have his heart hardned and love to turne jealousie against them And now they consult whether they were better perish in their desolate courses or venture upon his love for a second reconciling At length seeing his scope to be to get himselfe a name in turning an harlots heart as bad as Mary Magdalen to her husband againe a thing which no man can doe to an whorish wife yea to make her more loyall and tender to him then she ever was ere she forsooke him I say at length she is convinced and casting her selfe downe at his feet as one that is loath to dishonour that love which she so much abused with a trembling and selfe-despairing heart begins to touch the hem of his garment to apprehend him to speak as he meanes and so becomes one againe with him neerer in covenant then ever bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh Striving from that second renuing of love towards him to draw mighty encouragement and resolution not onely never to be faithlesse to him in her conjugall affections any more but also to returne the fruit of his deere love into his bosome againe to walke in all subjection to his lore and will to delight in denying her selfe that so she may be wel-pleasing in his sight whether in doing or suffering for him Thus abiding faithfull to him in the uttermost service she can doe she waits patiently for his coming that he may finde her in peace and well occupied at his coming and then make her glorious and like himselfe without spot or wrinkle This is a short description of a spouse of Christ and a sonne or daughter of Abraham and such an one in measure more or lesse is each soule married to Christ and of such no question needs to be made but they are in this first respect meet husbands and wives for each other But lest my words prove snares to any who come short of these and yet are loth to be debarred from marriage I adde that there
not good marriages religion concurring but set not up your top-sailes and do not beare up your selves above your worth in this respect but wait upon God and be modest lest he pull you downe as fast dwell at home affect not high things if God have indeed a blessing for you in this kinde for else a great match may prove too hot and too heavy to manage let God lay it in your lap ere you affect it and let your goodnesse finde you out while you lye hid And when it s offered you yet swell not say with David marrying Michal Seemeth it small had I not need to looke well about me and with David marrying Michal Seemeth it small had I not need to looke well about me and with Abigail sent for to David Let me wash the feet of the servants of my Lord go from the dignity to the burden take thought how to live with such an one of greater breed and estate then your selves consider what affronts may meet with you the best will save it selfe are you fit to drinke of this bitter cup if discontents should come into the place of peace and love whiles the one is loth to stoop to the others lownesse and the other feares offence if he should suffer it Better it were to desist early then to bring a perpetuall vexation upon your selves too late begge of God humble and wise demeanure even all unequalnesse by religious cariage and selfe deniall lest your preferment prove a penalty rather then a priviledge otherwise as he said of his Diadem he would not have it for the taking up as being fuller of care then comfort who knew the sorrow of it Secondly to them who already live under this yoke of inequality I advise the same which I did to them who are under an inequality of religion looke backe to that Section and read it Onely this let me adde here since your unsutablenesse came from your owne wilfulnesse doe that now which you ought before to have done somewhat out of season perhaps but better late then never humble your selves under Gods afflicting hand remember it is unjust you should fret against Providence and your lot in that which out of your owne choice and free-will you have brought upon your selves Keepe to your selves that straitnesse and pinching which is onely or chiefly knowne to your selves To live like male-contents upbraiding each other and quarreling with God is not onely most sinfull but a disease worse then the remedy it selfe seeing the time was wherein you seemed each to other the most precious of all its reason that now you make the best of a bad bargaine and of each other If then beauty wealth or the like objects so bleared your eyes that you forgat the rule of equality reremember you have finned not only against your own soules but even against them whom you have unequally married who in another equall way might perhaps have lived much better and contentedlier then now they doe with companions of their owne fashion so that you should doubly wrong them by your discontents Rather looke up to God by faith and repentance for your error that it may be covered and that Gods anger being removed you may finde your yoke as tolerable as an unequall one may be And as once a grave man said to one in this case if God ever offer you a new choice beware least you stumble at the stone which once foiled you And so much of this second generall also and of the whole direction serving for the entrance into an honorable marriage now we proceed to that which remaineth in the next Chapter CHAP. IV. A Digression touching consent of Parents and sundry Questions and Objections answered I should now proceed to the second generall head wherof I made an honorable marriage to consist viz. Continuance therein in an holy manner But I am occasioned to stop my course a while for the space of this and the next chapter because an hint of new matter being offered in the former discourse touching consent of Parents and the contracting of the Couples it will be looked for that somewhat be here said about both e're I wade any further in this Argument Of the former thereof in this fourth and of the latter if God please in the fifth and then we returne Touching this former consent of Parents if I should goe about to make any set proofes of so generally a confessed truth which all ages nations histories lawes both divine and humane common civill yea cannon too though with exception with one voyce have averred I might seeme not onely to adde light to the Sunne but to weaken that which I would strengthen yet for order and formes sake a word or two may be premised for the necessity thereof I say necessity in a way of God though not absolute for this businesse of marriage without parents consent is one of them which ought not to have bin done yet being done must availe for the avoyding of worse consequences that is consent is not so essentiall to marriage as some other things are that the non-concurrence thereof should disanull it againe But in a morall and meet way its necessary that marriage be attempted with consent of parents And surely if those heathen Lawes seemed just which yeelded unto parents power of life and death over their children supposing perhaps that love might well enough be trusted and thought it meet enough that they who were the instruments of giving children their naturall life might be permitted to be Iudges of the same children in taking it away or perhaps rather chusing that a parent might kill a vicious childe for some offences then the childe kill the heart of a parent by his dissolutenesse then surely much more may it be yeelded to parents to have power to give life or to marre their marriages I doe not by the way justifie the former law but rather thinke it was a dangerous snare and betrayed the lives of many innocents into the hands of the unmercifull and no doubt if it were in force among us it would provoke many prophane and malicious persons to shed the blood of better children then themselves But I plead the farre greater equity of this law that parents may claime a right in the choice of their childrens marriages Must parents have the worst of it and be debarred from the best beare the burthen of the whole day the providing for their children all meanes of support education either ingenuous or machinall helpe them to Arts Stocks trades which is but to be their drudges if there were no more but so and shall they leave them just at the point of marriage and betake them to their owne wisdome and counsell No surely it 's good cause they share in the honour as well as the labour It it true God makes matches and parents cannot as they desire in such a world as this is wherein all are
governors as David saith how your fellowship with the good encreases what new blessings are fallen upon you in persons names trades posterity Marke also well where Satan most insuleth and where the hedge is lowest with you what corruptions as old sores breake out in their seasons which yet seemed to be quasht before what lustes of the heart lust of the eie or pride of life bubbles up from within Looke not each into him or her selfe but each into other as having interest deeply planted yet doe it not with curiosity but simplicity By this meanes both abundant matter and manner as oile to the lampe will offer themselves to nourish this ordinance all lust of sloth all rust of ease wearinesse will be filed off And a free heart to make God the umpire of your differences if any be as how can it be avoided but a roote of bitternesse within will lesse or more breake out the composer of your hearts the granter of your requests and the gracer of your marriages will be obtained And feare not lest this course should in time wearie you or alienation each from other should grow to distast this duty for the Lord who hath founded it will owne it and can blesse it and keepe out disorder and the sweet fruit of this service will so both prevent attend and follow you in all your waies that you shall feele your selves to walke each before other and both before God lesse loosely moresoundly and safely For why how can it otherwise be when both of you remember whom you use to goe to as to the oath and covenant both in your confessions on which you shame your selves for your faylings and in your requests craving pardon and purging and where you have done wel to praise him for support and to be thankfull for that administration and protection of his under which as his beloved you have bin all the day long I conclude therefore goe to God more jointly then ever hold and pull more hard and close together so oft as you go to the throne of grace especially when as with that good Jacob you are resolved not to cease wrastling till you be blessed compell him to send you away with your request else you cannot be answered Goe by a promise in your Advocate and say now Lord this new state of ours requireth new manners new selfedeniall new faith new life a donble portion of grace begge it therefore as Elisha did all that belong to you require a new part in you And who is sufficient for these Make your selves nothing and God all in all who can satisfie you Seperate not your selves in these duties as others doe in Congregations or others in boord and bed but say come let us pray together confesse give thanks I am as thou art my people as thine my horses as thine my thoughts affections members as thine By this meane love shall so grow that it shall outgrow all distempers you shall say of each other I never thought my wife had the tithe of that grace in her heart or that my husband had halfe that humblenesse compassion faith which now I perceive Those evills those infirmities which would for ever have estranged some and caused distast I see in him in her breed so much the more love to my soule sympathy and mercy This from this welspring of joint worship shall flowe streames of hony and butter as Iob speakes into all the lifeâ— Especially when crosses and streights shall befall you then shall God be neerest of all unto you and be afflicted with you in all because you have made him the God of your mounteynes he wil bee the God of you valleys also whenas others who never thus traded with him shal be sent to their Idolls and to shifte for themselves And as touching the first duties of mutuallnes viz. of these fowre jointnesse of religion and worship thus much CHAP. VII The second mutuall duty of the Married viz. Conjugall love handled I Now proceed to the second mayne and joint duty of the marryed which is conjugall Love For the better handling wherof it will not be amisse first to premise somewhat touching the nature of it and then to shew some reasons why it should bee jointly preserved adding some meanes wherby it may bee done and so concluding with use That infinitely and onely wise God who both upholdeth by his providence all his creatures in their kindes and subsisting and hath by one soule of harmony and consent accorded each with other for their mutuall ayde and support much more hath his hand in the accorde of reasonable creatures their fellowship and league together as without which they could not well continue in their welfare prosperity And therefore for the more sweete reconciling and uniting of the affections of one to another in every kinde of league and fellowship both the more generall and common standing in outward commerce and the more neer close as in friendship and marriage he hath accordingly planted in every nature sexe and person more or lesse Simpathy that the one not possibly beeing able to subsist without the other might by this tye each love the other and be knit to the other in union and affection This appeares even in the most remote contracts of buying and selling borrowing and lending wherin although the league stand rather in things then in persons yet even there is seene a generall kinde of love each man chusing to trade and traffique with them whose spirit and frame is most sutable to their owne When God meant to enrich the Israelites by the bounty of the Egyptians he darted in for the time such a sympathie into their hearts that they found favour in their eies so that nothing was then too deare for them jewels and gold and silver till they had impoverisht themselves And in those combinations of men which are grounded in law and civill order in commonwealths and corporations although there be a necessary bond to keepe all sorts within order and government yet there is to be observed between those members a more peculiar bond betweene some then others through a suteablenesse of disposition that is in them whereby for speciall causes the one doth more tenderly affect some one or other then the common body can affect it selfe This yet doth much more appeare in the league of friendship wherin we see God doth so order it that by a secret instinct of love and sympathy causing the heart of the one to incline to the other two friends have beene knit so close to the other that they have beene as one spirit in two bodies as not only wee see in Jonathan and David but in heathens which have striven to lay downe their lives for the safeguard of each other And that the finger of God is hert appeares by this that oftimes a reason cannot be given by either partie why they should be so tender each to other It being caused notby any profitable
or pleasurable meane but by meere sympathy which is farre the more pure and noble cement of union then what else so ever Nay in the very sencelesse creatures is to be seene this amity and neerenesse that as some have an antipathy each to other as the shadow of the walnut is noxious to other plants so the elme and the vine doe naturally so entwine and embrace each the other that it s called the friendly elme who can tell why much more then in reasonable creatures it must be so And hence those heathens that could goe no further make the very constellations of heaven under which two are borne to be the cause and influence of their accord I know not what starre saith one hath temperd my nature so fitly to thine that we should be so united And another scoffing at one he distasted tells him I love thee not certainly and yet I cannot tell why for thou never hurtest me but this I am sure of that I love thee not What wonder then if God for the preserving of that band which is neerest of all durablest of all and the most fundamentall of all hath much more caused a secret sympathie of hearts to live in the brests and bosomes of some men and some women that are to live in the married estate whereof no reason can bee given save the finger of God whereby I say their hearts and affections doe consent together of two to become one flesh the most inward union of all Whence is it that all others set aside sometimes more amiable in themselves more rich better bred and the like yet through this instinct of sympathie an hidden and unknowne cause two consent together to become husband and wife Surely by this it appeares that by how much lesse reason can be given of this temperament so much the more God is in it as purposing by a more pretious and uniting band then ordinary to knit them together whom he purposeth to maintaine in such a league as must endure and cannot be dissolved when once it is made So that we see marriage love is oftime a secret worke of God pitching the heart of one party upon another for no knowne cause and therefore where this strong lodestone attracts each to other no further question need to be made but such a man such a womans match were made in heaven and God hath brought them together But because the finger of God is not so manifest in all matches as by a secret inspiration to unite them and because man being a reasonable creature is led in affections not to live by sensuall appetite as a beast but by rationall motives and inducements therefore providence discovers it selfe herein also even framing the matter so that oftimes where this naturall inclination failes and where in likely hood some antipathie and contrariety of spirits would appeare yet by some accidentall endowments of religion of education of eminent naturall parts of sweet disposition even that party pleases best who yet were as likely to displease as much as any in the generall I say this is a providence more generall then the former so ordering things that where meere sympathy failes yet another band may proove to some persons as pleasing and lasting when as they see that one defect is recompenced with another eminencie and perfection Who but God hath so accorded it that many a woman of exquisite beauty and person like to attract love enough in a mutuall way of man should yet come short of inward wiâ— wisedome and abilities Surely he who doth all so well that nothing can bee found out after him better then he hath made it hath thus appointed it lest if all perfections should concurre in one impotent subject the heart would be too big for the bosome and swell into an excesse of pride and selfelove And on the other side who hath so ordred it that oftentimes where beauty failes where â—ther person is ordinary there yet these uncomely partes should be cloathed with greater honour of vertue understanding industry providence and other qualities of worth and all for this universall end that there might be an equality So that whereas the person in some regards might be an object of disdaine yet in others might be to a rationall and wise man a meet object of esteeme her gifts drowning her defects and so sustaining the poore creature from contempt and scorne Thus doth God by his wisedome so order contraires that being brought by his own skillfull hand to a due temperature they might cause a most pleasing harmony so that oftimes a nimble wit joyned with a more slow a phlegmatique temper with a sanguine a melancholique with a merry a cholerique with a mild and patient temper might behold the workmanship of God herein with such admiration that the frame of spirit which in the generall might seeme most repugnant yet in respect of the necessarie usefulnesse and commodity thereof might find most favour And why surely because similitude of distempers might breed a confusion in the married estate wheras the one quality alaying the other might reduce the body to a sweet harmony and correspondence So that still we see God hath an hand in this union of hearts in the married and although some unite through a secret sympathy others from some confessed good and amiable object in the party loved yet God is in them both that by a strong marrimoniall knot the married couples might eike out that love and affection towards each other which else neither the need of each other no nor religion it selfe could alone maintaine and preserve And so much for this second branch By all I have said it may be perceaved that by conjugall love here I meane not onely Christian love a grace of Gods spirit for marriage borders much what upon nature and flesh nor yet a carnall and sudden flash of affection corruptly enflamed by Concupiscence rather brutish theâ— humane but a sweete compounde of both religion and nature the latter being as the materiall the former as the formall cause therof properly called Marriage love And this love is not an humor raysed suddenly in a pang or thoade of affection ebbing and flowing sometymes when the parties are set upon the stage abroad among company and strangers where they woulde acte a parte for their Credit for family and place where they live ought to be their true stage of Action but an habited and settled love planted in them by God wherby in a constant equall and cheerfull consent of spirit they carry themselves each to other each hollow companion wil exceed at an od time and put downe true lovers who if they were tryed by their uniforme love would be tired as jades betray themselves to be counterfeits whatsoever is according to God is equall though but weake So is this of the love of couples no union of imagination mixture nor yet bare affection but an effect of divineinstitutioÌ„ betweene two for polygamy is
experience will construe my meaning herein better then others can I now conclude the whole Chap. with use of exhortation and with some short direction to set it home First I say let all who desire to preserve the honor of their marriage looke to their Chastity Drinke of the waters of thine owne well but let the Cisterne bee thine owne Seeke not to strangers give not thy strength to the harlot and thy yeeres to the cruell Abhorre all sweetenesse of stollen waters let not thy teeth water after forbidden deynties lest thou find bitternesse in the end If medling with thy neighbors hedge thou mayst feare lest a serpent bite thee how much more with his bed Let thine owne wife delight thee shee is the woman whom thou chosest for the companion of thy youth transgresse not against her therefore Let her love satisfie thee and her affections equall thy embraces let thine appetite be subject to him and share the duty and the honor of it betweene you both and keep chaste till the comming of the Lord Iesus Know that this is an equall duty of both God having bestowed the power of each over other upon both Thinke not thy husband tyed to this rule O woman nor thou thy wife tied O husband and the other free the tye is equall It s not jealousie of each other which can preserve this honor no it s the Canker of marriage Bathsheba describing the condition of a good woman tells us The husband of such a woman rests in her his heart setles upon her Nothing that a wise man observing vertuous qualities in his wife iudgeth her the same towardes himselfe which he is to her A good man such an one as Joseph was to Mary a just man one that had no worse thoughts of jealousie towards her then shee had to him loth to entertaine the least suspicious thought against her will alway esteeme her by himselfe Why should I thinke that her Conscience Chastity is not as tender to her as mine to my selfe what can it come from save a base heart enclined to treachery against my wife that I should imagine my wife should bee false to mee Surely were it not a sin to do such a thing or wish it done it were but just that an unjustly jealous husband should meete with that he feares that so he might be jealous for somewhat Many civilly chast women having bin drawne to commit this folly by no greater motive then the vexation of jealousie as not fearing God and therfore thinking they were as good commit it as be alwayes falsely charged with it And marke it It s commonly the sin of couples unequall in yeeres who having marryed yonger husbandes wives then themselves lye opē to this temptation Alas I am too old to give him or her content they seeke such as are like themselves when as yet the parties are as cleere from such aspersions as the child new borne what hast thou offended once and is there no remedye but thou must soder it by a worse I speake not as if I would make men Pandars and Bawdes to their wives through their folly and carelesse confidence exposing them to any temptations and winking betweene the fingers for what is this save to give ayme to a chaste woman to be lewd No But to shame that impotencie and basenesse of either sex whereby each is prone contrary to the good cariage and approoved conversation of the other yet to surmise in them falsehood and ill meaning What can be such an incendiary to set all on fire between couples as this cursed mischiefe of jealousie which is ofttimes upon meere mistake of some word guise or action nothing tending that way rooted in the spirit of man or woman that neither all the assurances of truth betweene themselves nor yet by mutuall friends can compound the matter so but still there must be a pad in the straw and ther smoke must argue some fire And yet when all is done it prooves a meere Idoll of fancie nothing in all the world The Lord indeed appointed a triall for the jealous man against his wife but wee must not conceive this was to breed or nourish causelesse conceits it was no doubt first brought to the judges in criminall causes to determine what the matter was and as our Inquests doe to cut off all meere surmises else what a bondage had it beene for a wife to be so hurried and defamed And although it be true that for the hardnesse of their hearts the Lord permitted more liberty to men at that time being sturdy and rebellious should that be any encouragement now to Christians to nourish such trash in themselves to make their spirits their prayers their whole life sad and miserable to themselves and to be so imbittered each against other that even when they would faine shake off their owne conceits they should not be able I say no more of this elfe of causelesse jealousies but this for the party sinning no man shall need to wish his greater torment then himselfe hath created to himselfe let him thanke himselfe that his owne sinne hath eaten up the marrow of his bones The greatest pity is to the party innocent and sinned against who is to be advised while there is any hope of recovery to strive by all caution and exact circumspection of carriage to tender the weaknesse of the other hoping that love rather then anger hath bred it but by no meanes disdaine them and to walke loosely under pretext of innocency But if the disease be so rooted that it will not be healed let them enjoy their uprightnesse for the way of God is strength to the upright as Salomon saith Prov. 10. 29. and not be dismaied but looke up to God who can cleare their righteousnesse as the noone day and plead their cause against their oppressour joyning prayer to God to quit them accordingly This I have said of injust jealousie as for that which is just I say as much against the guilty party wishing the law were as strong now as it hath formerly beene against all violaters of this sacred knot And for this branch so much I had here purposed to insert some other watchwordes and directions but I consider that in the latter part of this Treatise more full occasion will be given of this Argument So much therefore shall serve for this Chapter CHAP. IX Conteining the description of the 4. last Ioint duty of the Marryed viz. Consent THe fourth and last duty equally concerning both parties married is Consent and harmony of course each to another Both the former of chastity and this doe grow as springs from the stocke of love the former in the bodies this latter in the lives of both For this I would have the Reader conceave that the former of love and this of consent doe not differ save as the roote and the branch the cause and the effect Love being the noble groundworke this the sweet building
himselfe and exposing himselfe to hazard and in both how he preserves innocency and uprightnesse Besides these she may behold in him neither on the one side cowardize in a good cause nor in the other folly in the bad handling of it how close and secret he is to them that are faithfull friendes to God and himselfe how he is neither basely niggardly nor yet vainly lavish that he is neither lightly credulous nor yet sinfully distrustfull in his liberties neither taking the uttermost nor yet scrupling the moderate and lawfull Thus I say when shee sees the image of God shining in his understanding and behaviour she shall be farre from despising him at least justly for grace is honorable and makes the face to shine even before such as have little good in them much more such as can observe it Nay more shee shall honor him as her head see cause of entirely loving him devoting her selfe first to God in thanks for such a blessing and then to him in all loyall affection No woman save a Micol can find any disdaine in her heart of such an husband And which is the crowne of all shee shall represent and act her husbands vertues upon the stage of her owne practice and conversation So much for this second Vse 1 If this be thus how much to blame are many husbands of all sorts we Ministers you people who in matters of God suffer their wives to live at randon Because they see it requires some labor to menage the soules of their wyves by that neere Communion I have spoken of therfore they plucke off hand quite from boorde leave them wholly to themselves to sincke or swim The very grounde of the sluggard doth not so speake against his sloth by the briars thistles wherewith it s overgrowne as the soules of these mens wyves by their profanenes and their lives by their immodest rude behaviour So themselves can hold bodily welfare farewell sleep and play and lye downe in an whole skin what care they what becomes of them How many inclinations are there in some tender plants at first marriage which through the neglect of husbands vanish How many sweet parts and graces which lie and ruste for the want of good improovement how many blemishes and wants which wise and seasonable counsell might redresse are suffred to grow remedilesse how many husbands might say of their wives as once a shrew sayde of her husband shee could have lived sweetly with him if shee would meaning it was not passion but a spiteful heart which hindred it so it s not ignorance but a â—ase lasie heart which doth this had they bin worth their eares God seconding theÌ„ they might have improoved them sweetly And how gladly would such wives have blessed God for their counsell if they might have bin beholding to them for it what honor had they got for their instrumentall help to convert support save theÌ„ If thou do not this work how canst thou say thou lovest her or thy heart is with her Surely thou shalt pay the sad shot of her sin If no place in thy house bed board closet walke can witnesse for thee if any common worke steale away thine heart or leasure from helping her If she run into riot because thou staydst her not how just is it that thy life goe for hers wherewith God betrusted thee Vse 2 Secondly how great cause is there that some bad husbands should tremble to consider that they have bin so far froÌ„ guiding their wyves with understanding that alas they lack all wisedome to guide themselves So that if their wives should be so unhappy as to tread in their steps they must of necessity fall with theÌ„ into the ditch of all error profanneesse Alas how full is the world of women not the worst for disposition hope of good who yet through ill planting because they see that else they must live a dismall life not only stumble at the threshold and go not one step forward but ten degrees backward being fain to comply with their husbands and waxe tenfold more the children of the devill then before what is more easy then for a weake Chamaeleon a faint and weake creature to resemble the colour of each cloth its laide in when they see no feare of God nor reverence of man care of Sabbaths conscience in dealings savor in examples to fall to the like especially fynding a sweetnes and welpleasing to the flesh and nothing to gainsay it How basely dare they speake of sincerity of the ministery how vaine frothie and fashionable grow they their husbands reading them the lecture and as Abimelec saying what you see mee doe do ye likewise How full is each corner of Lamecs desperate varlets who act villany wrath rage envy worldlines pride and scorne before their wives to cast them into the like moulde of wickednesse Vse 3 But if it fall out that there bee any more wisedome in women matcht which such Nabals to observe and judge aright how can they chuse but underprise them for want of understanding Is it wonder that a woman except very humble should extremely vilify such an head Doth the Apostle justly reproove men for wearing shag hayre like women and for shaming their head or being ashamed of the glory of God which they resemble by the uncovering of it and shall not these dishonorers of their headship much more be condemned as in this matter of walking like men of understanding before their wives yes surely it s no wonder that their complaints against such husbandes are so frequent that they can nourish so little honor in their hearts toward them who powre out so much contempt upon their owne heades I do not patronize such women as do so but yet their disdeyne is in some sort veinall against them who do so violate the Ordinance â— what a clog is it to be matcht to a man who in stead of stayednesse and due wisedome is not so much as sensible when he is told of his follies So openly ridiculous that as oile in the hand it bewrays it selfe to all men So shallow-braynd fickly easily led aside by any bad counsellor to any loose uncleane wastfull courses who makes as many promises as he hath fingers on both handes and that daily but breakes them before he go to bed what wise woman can endure it to see him who should understand himself to bee so seely credulous in judicious that each base cheating companion can cosen him of his wealth rob him of his money make him drunke and picke his pocket Such a foole as will lend every man he meets with that wold borrow not shillings but poundes without any band save a bare word as good never a whit as never the better to such as are not worth that they borrow what indignation would it moove in a woman to be compelled to follow her wise husband to the Alehouse to gaster
even in the eyes of them among whom he lives How is both Church Commonwealth Towne beholding to such as are provident for the upholding of peace the Gospell the poore If all were careles Husbands what must become of all these Some I grant shall ever be poor but these subsist in all these respects by the aide of the Provident when as spend thrifts do nothing but pull downe the house with their hands The conclusion is If the personall diligence of the husband do so much honor his marriage he hath good cause to put to his best care to be provident Quest But here is the question wherein this Providence of his consists For answer wherto I conceive that this point might tempt mee to enter into a Commonplace of Providence But I will waive that in this place attending the pointe as here it standes cutting off whatsoever doth not peculiarly touch this relation Answ I say then This gift stands in sundry points First and principally it standes in learning perfectly the trade of his way even while he is yong If there must be teachers Teach a childe c. then there must be learners This is the Seminary of Providence in husbands that they have learned their way in youth There must then be a foresight of things to come in youth and a willing subjection of themselves to such wisedome and painfulnesse as may enable them with skill sufficient in their trade of life what sort soever it bee of to bee provident The very Pismire is taught by instinct but it s not so heer man must be trayned with much adoe and discipline to be provident First by wisedome he is to shun all unlawfull scandalous and base wayes or Trades of life apply himselfe to that way which is most warrantable best agreeable to his nature whether ingenuous or mechanicall and that by the direction of his wisest Governors and friends Mocke trades savoring halfe of idlenes halfe of worke base Trades which import a shifting indirect and ill reported way of Support and profane Godlesse Trades of life must be abhorred Such as to be a Serving man for inheritance to keep an Alehouse or bowling Alley to be a stageplayer Dancer or the like Secondly he must compasse for himself through Gods blessing by the learning the mistery of this or that meet Trade ability experience to himselfe to make him a provident husband He must have his eyes in his head to observe and marke the secret of his way that he may get insight and experience he must not be so wise in his owne way as to slight them who should teach him the right way which may maynteyne him afterward But he must subject himselfe with teachablenesse to their direction that an habite of skill may accrue therby For not onely through the totall lacke of a trade but the halfe still in the trade and inexpertnesse therin many of all sorts procure to themselves most uncomforable and shifting courses in marriage whether bred to meanes or wanting them To this adde curiosity and giddinesse of braine in medling with many trades and fickle wearinesse in attending upon thine owne carrying a busie heart and eye over the trades of others having many irons in the fire at once so that some must needs be marred this error must be abhorred And there is none more common and yet very dangerous stealing away the heart from a setled applying of the mind to one thing distracting it to many as we see how many curious braines prying into things beyond their skill and trying conclusions for the satisfying of their humorous spirit have layd all their estate and hopes in the dust Thirdly a stock must follow skill to helpe the improoving of skill The best husband may sit still if he want wherewithall Yet we must know a little stock is a stock as well as a great one all have not the like abilities but all sorts must be occupied about their stocks more or lesse They who have but one talent have sutable expences or contentment in lesse they must not bury it but imploy it as farre as a little will extend looking at the promise Though thy beginning bee but small yet thy latter end shall bee full of encrease Although other trades outstrip them by their stockes yet they go not so fast forwarde but providence and blessing may follow and sometymes overtake them if there be faith and patience to wayte and not be discouraged Each mans stocke is his owne or ought to bee Such as have not the patience to bee doing with a little but must hasten beyond rule to borrow and rake a stocke together or to follow their first Credit out of breath till they loade themselves with more dealings then they can digest are not like to atteyne to much but lay a foundation of Bankerupts For a competent stock followed with moderate diligence though it be sure of no great encrease yet usually frees the owner from excessive losses which are much worse then slow gaines Fourthly skill and Stocke beeing gotten though some trades consist more in manuall worke then stock and others in the activity of the mynde not the body there must be an of the one to the other else providence fayles The upper milstone of skill must run upon the other of Stock The hand the saw are not enough to cut the log in two there must be an hand of life to moove and draw the one upon the other and so some what comes of it This Mort-maine of sloth will spoile providence what skill and stock so ever there bee besides therfore there must bee all dexterity cheerfulnes and painfulnes exercised to keep life in a trade A wise seasonable taking in of wares of Commodities at the best hand paying old scores ere new bee made warily and a putting off in season not overpassing our best marquet and opportunity an accomodating plyable and acceptable spirit to traffique with others a fine gift to be a Chapman if it go without basenes and flattery and with truth and simplicity To bee as ready to put off or take in without eyther rashnes in the one or covetousnes in the other are all meet properties for a provident husband The Apostle Rom. 12. 11. hath one sweet rule for this Not slothfull in businesse but fervent in spirit serving the Lord. q. d. So far as Gods worke is not hindred by our owne it s a comely sight to see a man active in his employment The diligent hand saith Salomon maketh rich and in all labor there is abundance if it be wise He sayd not amisse that sayde I love when I eate my meate to eate heartily and when I am at work to follow it closely so to do each thing as if for the present I did nothing else It s a common saying He that keepes his shop his shop will keep him The speech is usuall It s not enough not
ought not to yeeld to it in conscience but with love and modesty hold her selfe to agreement But the truth is many women who have power enough to do good do it not yet blaming their husband whenas the sin lies upon their owne base hearts as also many who have of their owne to do it will spare themselves do it of their husbands who indeed eate stollen bread and drink of the waters of a forbiddē Cisterne Now I mean by Reservation only this that they have acknowledged no more estate to their husbands then they wil yield upon marriage desiring their jointer to be according 3. Except upon the yeelding up of their whole estate to their husbands hands they make such a mutuall compact together that the wife shall enjoy such libertie without jealousie ascribing to her discretion in that behalf without jealousie or grudging 4. Except she have allowance by her husband to take to her own use the overplus of such monys as are granted for the expences of the family she faithfully providing for it without parsimony not defrauding any of their due for that were to feed others upōrapine stealth in such case that which she spares is her own the like is the case of such vayles as do by a kinde of custome issue vndoubtedly to the woman from her husbands trading Fifthly except any thing be fall her by Gods providence gift or speciall bequest of the deceased wherin her husband doth and hath cause to all other a portion as being derived by her Channel unto him Sixthly if she doe perceive by his behaviour and love that when she doth any thing in that kinde before his face he give allowance therto as a gift mutually issuing from both their consents though not named precisely yet implied secretly And in a word except she know that such a practice of hers wisely ordered would no whit prejudge her in her husbāds thoughts if he knew it but be taken by him as an act of Conscience not to be opposed But to returne if none of these cases can be safely alledged it is unlawfull for the woman to put forth her hand to her husbands estate under any colour whatsoever As that their estate is God be thanked great enough to admit it that they have small charge and do little by Consent any way or that her husband is extreamly base or that her dowry was more then ordinary or if she were againe to compact with him she would not doe as she hath done or because her huswifery is great she deserveth the liberty by her great gaines or savings or her comparing her lot with other women lesse deserving then shee or that shee is hardly handled or shee is to be pittied and pardoned if the need of the poor so requiring she exceed the rule a little for the greatnes of the good which might so be done I say not what God may in mercie do in point of covering the goodnesse of her meaning if shee do it ignorantly but what right she hath to do it before God Let such women as enjoy their liberty blesse God and beware lest they stumble at the stumbling block of their iniquity As for the rest lest them mourne under their crosse but not ease themselves of subjection knowing that their desies are accepted of God for the deed in greater inabilities then these and therfore resting in their integrity till God grant them greater libertie The worst is many women whine and aske Questions while they live under Covert of their husbands who yet when the Lord hath set them free to try all that is in their hearts have neither Questions nor Answers to make but are bounde with chaynes of their owne from all good doing shewing that neither credit nor Conscience was their motive And doubtles where there is a sound heart to God few women are so straited by their husbands but they might by one meane or other winne them to some indifferency But for that which I spake touching the necessitie of times and danger of not affording of helpe to the distressed and the like cases of extraordinary nature its sufficient that the Church hath beene compeld to greater aberrations then this as appeares by Act. 1. and the act of Abigail to David contrary to Nabals resolution may sufficiently evince And so much for this second branch Thirdly this subjection extendes to the whole conversation of the wife in Marriage whereof I say this That shee is to be generally attendant to this duty and to have it in her eye daily as if written upon her frontless and fringes of garments rising up walking and lying downe with her continually whether God do blesse or crosse them in their goings out commings in she must carry it writtē on her forehead Subjection to my husband In particular take these First in point of her attire The common tenent of gallants and proud dames is this that whatsoever fashion is up be it never so costly above her mean troublesome be it change upō change have it she will The fashion she holds is above her husbands power she must not be laught at for her worne sute because she is not in the new cut St. Peter could not speak of subjection but he must needs speake of this as for the sake whereof womē otherwise subject yet for their wils sake wil venture a joint and forfeit subjection In a case of meetnes of fashion what husband so little delights in his wife as not to allow her that which is indifferent But hereupon to run before the husband even to that which is uncomely and excessive either for fashion or cost I must tell women it sutes not with subjection Not in gold sayth he broydred attire playting of the hayre but in meeknesse of the spirit as if subjection were much a seene and most forfeited in this case I will not run into the determining of fashions sutable to each degree Let the soberest in every state determine it and I had rather it should be the husband should determine then she Love wil be bountifull enough selfe love may not be trusted But oh the excesse of this sexe both in married women and Virgins yea the wyves of those who should be Patternes to the world is so woefull in these dayes and so hideous that it doth not onely helpe to make a world of Banque-rupts but to fil the world with curiosity and Vanity wherfore let this be taken for a rule Never was there curious proude and fashionable woman who could stoop to be subject by their ruffling flinging flaring curling dresses tirs and forelocks you shall know them Custome as the world thinkes takes away offence But by that rule nothing should be evill in it selfe but in opinion But a subject wife puts little oddes betweene such opinion and realnes For shee is knowne by her Modesty as abhorring to receive lustre from rags but affording honor to her attire by her sober
insolencies of women not able to containe themselves within boundes of silence and subjection I am so farre from warranting that I here openly defie them as ungrounded and ungodly and I cannot but wonder that any should bee itching after novelties as being present in such assemblies especially themselves being publique persons and such as ought to discerne better betweene things that differ To both I say beware lest your pride of gifts carrying you beyond the bounds of your private condition and your curiosity in favouring and being led away with such vizored ostentation of graces doe not wrap you within in the sinne of Nadab and Abihu and Vzza and Vzzia who under pretext of holinesse adventured to profane hallowed things nay of Cora and his complices who murmured against Moses and Aaron opposing their calling and office If when you bee convinced by the word you will yet rebell take heed lest you perish in his contradiction as Saint Jude speaks teaching others by their fearfull example because they would take none themselves If such as these had beene from God the divell would not have let them alone so long quiet in their attempts But hee knowes distraction in opinions makes him reigne in the world And to these more impudent persons I adde all such undertaking women who either in families companies or in the private converse with their husband usurpe authority despising the graces of God in their husbands and others and taking upon them all the speech at the table to discourse of religion to debate matters in question in the Church to decide things of difficulty to spend all the time in hearing themselves talke of good things These although they thinke they have learned many things yet have not learned one great thing to wit wisely to judge what their sex and state will admit And therefore though haply what they speake is good yet it s not comely for them it s as a garment of good cloth but made into a garment very unfit for the body for lack of taking measure beforehand These are not helpers but hurters by their unseasonablenesse But I digresse not too farre No reason there is why the impudence of the Rebellious should prejudicate the gifts of an humble wife soberly improoved Neither doth the holy Ghost envie her the honour of her grace and helpfulnesse But as Bathsheba saith Prov. 31. 31. Give her of the fruit of her hands and let her workes praise her in the gates Subjection and helpfulnesse enterfeer not one whit both may agree well Subjection caused the wife of Manoa when the Angell appeared to her with a sollemne message to distrust her selfe and to call her husband when God preferres her she modestly craves leave and preferres her husband and his judgement before her owne deriving her owne honour upon him Howbeit afterward wee see that the case so requiring when as upon the Angels departure from them Manoa was left in a carnall feare lest he should die having seene God his wife steps in with her helpfulnesse betweene him and his feares saying if the Lord would have slaine us doubtlesse he would not have revealed himselfe unto us in this sort to tell us we shall have a sonne and yet to kill us She saw further in this case then hee and therefore gives him advice what to settle himselfe upon What could more aptly have beene spoken how is that of Salomon verified A word in season is like Apples of gold and Pictures of silver And how is Abigail honored for her wise counsell to a man who for that her wisdome was so farre from disreputing of her that he sent for her to bee his wife shortly after So that when David was in the way of heate and resolution to shed Nabals and his families blood she encounters him saying let not my Lord doe such a thing as this It shall not grieve him when he shall sit upon his throne that he hath not shed innocent blood Oh! how comly a thing it is for Christian wives to come in thus with humble subjection somtimes with a soft word to allay wrath to stay the husband from prejudice against good persons and causes to enterpret all in the better part to observe him when the word kindles any affections in his soule and presently to follow them home not to suffer them to slip out and vanish to provoke him to mercy and compassion to draw him from a naturall course to a morrall from a morrall to a spirituall to perswade him to equalnesse and indifference towards such as are at controversie to debate and decide things peaceably to stay his hand from immoderate correction of children or servants when she sees passion prevaile against judgement yea and sometimes with the same meecknesse and mildnesse to convince him of an evill quality or pang as choler discontent worldlinesse censuring of others rashnesse and the like admonishing also to beware of the occasions which might lead thereto wherewith shee herselfe should receive the like from him Somtimes to win his adverse heart to a more entire love to Gods Sabbaths to his word preached to his faithfull Ministers and servants to affect them to associate them and to renounce all his old company and fellowship in evill To be alway darting some savour of that which they have heard in publique and prompting him with it that the world eat not up all Oh! these things come sweetly as the latter raine from a woman who counts it her happinesse to see her husband to bee brought home to Christ who mournes for his rebellion and rejoices to see his heart broken As Mordecai told Ester so should a good wife tell herselfe who knowes whether thou art come to thy place for such a season even to bring home one sheep to Christs fould Doubtlesse if Satan were not a professed foe to such helpfulnesse the worke would proceed with more ease and successe So much for the first branch The next head of the wives helpfulnesse is in matters of the world Salomon as truly said of this as of any other vertue of the wife that a wise woman buildeth her house For though it be little in comparison which a poore woman can add to the estate of her husband yet she must bee all in all for the preserving therof So that an improvident woman is next a waster in this only respect and loseth much But if she be also a spendthrift and really wastfull there is no end of her spoile till she have brought all to nothing and overthrowne both her husbands state and posterity She is the Moth yea Canker of the marrow and beauty of his estate and by insensible morsels devours at length the whole substance And because there bee many queazy women yet such as would be religious that thinke it a peece of religion to be no housewives let Bathsheba a Queene who might more stand upon her estate then the proudest Dame may upon her dowrie in
way of promise follow this worke hard It belongs to the hopelesse not to such as turne this hope to a snare Beg of the Lord to turne a terrified heart into a melting one that it is which must mould an uncleane soule to a cleane and chast one no hammer can doe this mercy must dissolve it in the fornace of grace Lin not till thou feele that heart which hath beene drencht in the sweetnesse of lust to bee steept in bitternesse over head and eares for thy wounding the Lord of life and his Virgin-pure flesh to death by thy unclennesse Looke not upon other sinners thy selfe wert murderer sufficient of his sacred person thou soughtest to destroy his Godhead as well as his flesh if it had beene in the power of thy sinne though there had been no other sinner in the world thou hadst beene enough And shouldst thou not care for thy base lust sake to kill not a man onely an innocent Vrija but the person of the Sonne of God If this melting spirit be wrought in thee by the spirit of grace thou shalt behold him ' as pierced willingly and of his owne accord for thee who didst as little deserve it as Judas the Traytor but yet seeing thou hast a melting heart which he wanted and canst with Peter weepe bitterly it s a signe that the curse shall turne to a blessing yea thou shalt see God so ordering the matter for thee and Christ so giving up his soule to the speares point of wrath for thee that thine eie shall behold another sight that is an enwrapped hope of forgivenesse in this satisfaction of his and of life in his Resurrection so that now thine horror shall turne to hope And know it only this glimpse of Sun-shine in thy dungeon of feare can dissolve thy hard heart and prepare thee for pardon Thirdly let this hope rip up all the seames of thine uncleane heart and all that filth which lay hid in the entralls thereof never like to have come to light had not God revealed it and uncased thee Let I say this seed of hope discover that which an habituall love of thy sinne would have smothered for ever For this opening and ingenuous confessing of thy sinne will make way for further mercy It s none of thy worke but the spirit of grace that makes way for it Now a franke heart is put into thee to be as open as ever thou wert close before yea and to take as much paines with thy selfe how thou maist give glory to God in a full confession and turning up that cursed poake of falshood from the bottome pouring out all thy sinne as ever thou tookest care before to sweare thine heart to an hellish secrecy It s with thee as with a woman who hath many old peeces of gold and jewells lying by her which she is loth to forgoe although shee might thereby make a summe for the purchase of faire house and land yet perhaps rather then quite forgoe the purchase she will fetch them all and poure them downe upon the table So when hope of mercy offers it selfe oh the pearle thereof exceeding all petty shreds wil make thee freely disburden thy soule of whatsoever loads it thy most beloved lusts I speake not now of abandoning the habits of them that 's mortification following after but of the cleere intention and meaning of thy heart to abandon without any base hollownesse Oh! thou desirest now to spare God a labour of proclaiming thy sin before men and Angells and if it were meet as it is where Gods ordinance may prevaile thou wouldest chuse that place ratherest to shame thy selfe in where the solemne presence of God his Angels and Church are gathered together Still I speake with caution if thy sinne have broken out publiquely but if thou hast kept it secret thou art not tied to make thy self publique nor to take witnesse except thy hard heart require it to confesse to others for the breaking thereof the reason is because the way of Church-correction for open sins is one and the Evangelicall correction of the spirit of Christ in private is another But usually these sinnes are open and therefore openly to be proclaimed in confession as in the committing If mercy have toucht thee at the heart never so little it will worke in thee as Gods voice in the Whale when she vomited up Jona upon the drie ground thou shalt no more take care what become of thy lust so thou maist be rid of it nor who shame thee so thou be shamed and sinne have her due Thou takest more care how God may be honoured in the abhorring of thy rebellion how others may be flaited from the like how thine owne heart may be melted upon melting not how thou may maist scape in an whole skinne and lie hardened in thy stie of uncleannesse No rather shall litter and whelpes and all be raked together and cast to the dunghill I tell thee of a sollemne thing rarely seene yet I will not say I have not seene such a confessing spirit Ephraim had it when shee smote upon her thie the Publicant the Prodgall the Theefe on the Crosse and here and there as a berry left upon the bush I have seene such as uâ—fained Penitent but when I did so I never pleased my selfe with any object like it I was almost ravisht with it and tooke it as a reall marke of the Lords pardoning of it in heaven which was so performed on earth And good cause for what shouldst thou care to nourish that in thy selfe which thou purposest for ever to be divorced from Therefore here on Lord say thou comes the most tainted Adulterer that ever lived These were my first allurements to silthinesse such and such companies I haunted such baites for my lust I maintained so many base harlots married or single I clave unto Such were the places I frequented the filthie Sonnets I sang the musique dauncings revellings and wantonnesse I was defiled withall yea such and such were the colors whereupon I hardned my heart in sinne such fees such bribes such perjuries such friends in Courts and Proctors I corrupted with mony and in this confusion I had lien for ever had not mercy cast an eie upon me No day no Sabbath or season of worship came amisse no light of conscience could beare downe my sinne no shame of world no patience of thine long winking at me no good education no hope of my friends no terror by thy judgments could disswade I sinned against all Here therefore I uncase my selfe oh Lord Against thee thee Lord have I done this villany in it selfe morall in me spirituall and in an high degree I was ever tainted even from the womb and this my sinne is but one of a thousand which the forge of my heart hath sent forth If for this thou hadst drown'd me in perdition even in the act burying mee up in the bed of my lust thou hadst beene