obtain'd some say as mucâ—… With Rostock Beare who overthrew the Dutch Which story made me laugh for on a time A boon-Companion and a friend of mine Telling this tale one of a light conceit Which made the jest more full replied streight By thus retorting it Now by this light I wonder much why you 'r not made a Knight For if to healths such knightly vailes befall You's drinke a health with any of them all But to the purpose though I force a smile I 'd rather mone th' abuses of our I le Again to see those who have well deserv'd How they can shew their warlike bodies carv'd Their arms disjoynted or their legs cut off Yet for all this rewarded with a scoff Their service wants least solace for out Peace Makes us conceive small pitty toward these Yet their designes were glorious and the cause For which they fought deserv'd no lesse applause But see their end for all the time they serv'd The most of these are eyther hang'd or starv'd Now to propose some due reward to these Nought were more fit if it the State would please Than to injoyne the miserable Chrone I meane the usurous oppressing one Whose only sport it is and recreation To see a dearth of grain in all our Nation Who grates regrates grinds and engrosseth all Laughs when our markets rise grives when they fall Who will not sell his Corn if men should die But stops his eare against their ruthfull crye Then to injoyn I say his stonie heart Some portion of his substance to impart To a deserving Souldier and know My reason 's this why I would have it so This earth-adoring and admiring wretch Who craves no more then that he may be rich Lives safe at home his family attend him But all this while the Souldier doth defend him Snayle-like at home hee ever makes aboad And little feels the dangers are abroad While the encamped Souldier doth endure The worst extremes the Miser to secure From sleep hee wakes with noyse of least alarm Surveys the Campe prevents ensuing harm Rampiers he reares Fortes Bulwarks Palisadoes Mures Countermures stores his wel-rig'd Armadoes The key-cold ground the field-bed wher he rests him Where not one minute but some fear molests him All which he beares with patience for this Elfe Who cares not who fall so he save himselfe Now ought not he to share in his encrease Who by his danger doth secure his peace Do wee not see each one relieve his Cur Who on the night-time barks and makes a stur To shield his masters house from those would venter But for fear of discovery to enter And shall a Cur so kindly be entreated And a poor Souldier of his right defeated Can one delight so much a Cur to cherish And suffer one endow'd with reason perish Nor for my self do I this comfort seek For as I think I 'm in for all the week Although perchance I have as great delight In a good cause as any one to fight And would be loth to spare my dearest blood If shedding it might do my Countrey good But diverse means are form'd for diverse men Some are to fight with pike and some with pen Eyther of which requires aspirit stout To vanquish fiends within or foes without But say can neither eye eare taste nor smell Afford thee ought that may content thee well Can no choice object to thy eye appeare Nor no melodious accent to thy eare No fragrant perfume to refresh thy Scent While thou art here in lists of thraldom pent No sense-affecting-solacing repast That may delight or relish thy distast Can none of these thy drooping spirit cheere Or ease thy griefe while thou art lodged here Yes yes in every faculty I find Somthing to give contentment to my mind For thus I argue If these breed such loathing I must infer on earth there can be nothing Bee 't nere so pleasant-seeming or so moving That may in any measure merit loving Which to confirme as I conceiv'd distast In all those former Senses that are past Now for my love I bear the Commonweale Heare but the griefs I for her sake do feele MUch do I feele for even my heart doth ake Not for my self but for my Country sake Wherein ther 's nought doth me so neerly touch As to see great-men wrong the State so much For ther 's no place we heare not some of these Tax'd and reprov'd for their Monopolies Which they will beg that they their turns may serve No matter though the common-people starve O age me thinks thou art distracted growne To squeeze a whole State for advancing one And what 's that one a profuse Rioter Who spends upon a painted Sepulcher What ere he gains by begging thus the poor Are forced to maintain a great mans whoor They want he surfeits they may pine and die Hee hears but takes small pitty on their crie They crave one crum of comfort he denies them And when he meets them stops his nose flies them He all enjoys whatso'ere may like him well And on his foot-cloth rides in state to Hell O yee high peering Mounts incline your ear Unto the counsel of a Prisoner For do not think although I be in thrall That I will humor any of you all I have not learn'd to flatter hitherto And I do scorn to take the trade up now But what 's my counsell Labour to deserve Well of your Prince whom you are bound to serve Hate to inhance your State or fill your purses With wofull widows tears and poor-mens curses That gaine must needs be ill be 't more or lesse That 's suck'd and strained from the fatherlesse Scorne to enrich your selves by others hate Or rayse your selves by razing of the State And for as much I heare that Some of you Which I protest doth much my grief renue Support your Followers in an uâ—…just cause Against the course and tenure of the Laws So as they care not what they undertake Because they shall be favor'd for your sake Surcease for shame to countenance a wrong Either by Letter or perswasive tongue For there is nought on earth right sure I am Detracteth more from any Noble-man Then with the brand of injury to stain him For love of any onâ—… that doth retain him For this such deep impression leavs behind it As on your graves succeeding times shâ—…ll find it Where it will live long after you be dead And sprinkle hatefull poyson on your seed And you the reverend Judges of the Land Stand in defence of right whosoe're withstand Your just proceedings let no favor draw you Nor fear of any great-one over-aw you Doe you not think it were a shame to heare Such men as you who on your shoulders beare The burden of the State and should take care To guard the Prince and those his Subjects are E're to decline from doing what is right For love or lucre enmity or might Patrons and Patterns you should be of truth To curbe the
by doing others right For right and wrong though they contraries be Yet wrong does right if it bring in a fee Or a Physitian whose Empyrick Hand Must kill downe right before he understand Should apprehend remorse when as by doses He weighs his Physick out but not the losses Of his abused Patients who with grones Must loose their lives and substance both at once These haning novght to give must be forsaken And if they die the care is quickly taken Or a Civilian though Conscience be Thâ—… Oâ—…ject of his Law will loose his fee Or not protract a Cause and make a sturre By plodding some impertinent demurre For he such store of Presidents can show That their examples tell him what to doe And will secure him onely let pretences Guilded with sanctity disguise offences Or that a Rorâ—…r will his Oathes forbeare Or shudder when he does Gods judgements heare Oâ—… leave his Brothells or his midnight revells Oâ—… leave consorting with his femal Devels For so he should abandon all his joy And loose the Title of a roâ—…ing Boy No Sir these taskes surpasse a Critick straine And make him wash the Blackamoore in vaine Yet I persâ—…ade me you â—…xprest your zeale In your dimensions to the Commonweale And that your meaning was to waine the State From some of that which all good people hate But where sinne 's grow to ripenesse you must know Good meanings and intentions will not doe So delicate aâ—…e these corrupted times As none must taxe or taint â—…heir swâ—…lling crimes But tell me in good sadnesse what 's the cause To think your Lives more powerful then our Lawes If an Oppressor hatefull Contracts make Our Laws can bring him like a Beare to th' stake The Cunningst Church thiefâ—… be he neere so great When once detected for a Counterfeate Must not uncensur'd passe nor any one Who in a civill State shall throw a Bone So as in my Opinion from the State Such Stigmaticks doe highly derogate Who judge their Muse mongst men t' have more command Then all the Lawes and Statutes of our Land But to remove this Error I thinke fit If any one have mind to shew his wit That in obscurer manner he disclose it Least too much plainenesse make the Satyrâ—… lose it This moved some as in their workâ—…s we find In Hieroglyphicks to expresse their mind Or like choyce Heralds to finde out a Crest Fitting the forme and nature of the Beast As some of our spruce-silken Curtaine Lords Who shew their worth in their imperious words Have beene displaid and shadow'd to their shame Yet know not who nor where they wounded them But most of these their Dingity have lost And can of nought but painted 〈◊〉 boast This Course was held at first and ever since The freest from distaste and from offence For when we darkely write thanks be to Heav'n So small a portion of conceit is given To our Magnifico's as when they read us They understand us not or never heed us Which happy ignorance secures our pen And makes them laugh at us that nettle them In these darke colours have I drawnâ—… the shapes Of vicious Silke wormes in this Age of Apeâ—… Which shadow'd with a Vision may doe good To purge if not to purifie the blood Nor would I have this to be held in me Weaknesse of courage or timiditie For in a Cause where I intend to doâ—… Service to God I ne're did terror know Nor doe I see ought in this vale of tearâ—… Which should beget in me such fruitlesse feareâ—… The Substance I enjoy I nâ—…re did gather But as a Birth-right left me by my Father For had my fortunes hung upon my care My part had com'd unto an easie share But what I now possesse be it more or lesse I never wâ—…sh God may it longer blesse Then I shâ—…ll-willingly forgoe the same To honour God and magnisie his name Nor is my health so good that I should feare When s'ere 't please God my dissolution here Besides gray-hayres have caus'd me change my song Assuring me my dayes cannot be long Should I then in my Glorious Makers sight Play servile Sycophant or Parasite Should I now when my one foot is in grave Learne the obsequious posture of a knave Should I contemne my Soule when death is nie Or complement when I should learne to die Should I who ne're could fawne in all my dayes An unjust Man against my conscience praise No heav'ns forbid that I should taxe that thing In Subjects which I would not in a King Or praise that in a King which I 'le not doe Even in his Groome or meanest Subject too For howsoâ—…'re our Statists Some times frowne Seeing those darling vices of their owne Touch't to the quicke yet why should good men feare Such Impes who Sattin in and out side weare No in that cause where I desire to please My gratious God I scorne the threates of these But I returne unto my Critick now And will informe him too what he shall doe I know the Sate Sir desperately sick Where some Sores should be Lanced to the quick For they must not bee smooth'd or smeer'd with Oyle Least they attract a more impressive soile But how should this be done or how applde Before the member grow quite mortifide An art-full and experienc'd hand were fit And to that active hand a pregnant wit A grave and serious outside too would prove That they were types of what their selves did move For him unfit I hold to chastize sin Whose youth admits no downe upon his chin He should be of authority and power If he would be a powerfull monitour For such mens words like nayles enforce our passion Struck by the Rulers of a Congregation Yea this our owne experience doth teach We eye as much the person as the speech For if he be a man of worth or prize Speake what he will his person makes it wise Besides that life of his should be approv'd That his example may be better lov'd For it redounds unto the Teachers shame To taxe when he is guilty of the same Who aymes to shoote his shaft at many men Mâ—…y chance to hit himselfe too now and then Unlesse he blamelesse be which is so rare As to seeke such our labours we may spare Lest then this frumpe should in our dish be laid Phisitian cure thy selfe as hath been said Our Lifes should forme our Lines that after times May say our Life 's did paralel our Lines But why should we pursue this fruitlesse taske By striving Great-mens errors to unmaske Their discontent may by some censure move us But them we cannot hurt so far above us I hold it best then Critick we begin To let these Peers take their Careere in sin While we restraine our liberty of pen Untill we see Gods judgement waken them Have we not known of late some raised high That they with more disgrace and shame might die Who would have thought in such a civill State I
Be gon my Censure shall not be disputed This is decree'd and must be executed Affrighted with the Censure of each Ape Fearing my selfe were one I did awake But finding it a dreame I thought it fit Only for pastime-sake to publish it Similis mihi Simia nulla est Upon the Censure of his Vision SOme Familist or punctuall Precisian Will sleight this worke because it is a Vision Saying That Visions are deceitfull things And to distraction our affection brings That this Luciferan Spirit takes the shape To gull th' imagination of an Ape Whence he inferres to prove these Visions evil That this same Ape is an incarnate devil All which I grant but likest of all other When he resembles such a Zealous Brother Truth is for sinns survey who would descry it Must closly doe 't or soone be censur'd by it Whereas 't were 'gainst all reason that to Prison One should be sent for sâ—… of a Vision But whether I be censured or no This will I say and you shall finde it so Viewing these grosse abuses of your minde This for a grounded maxim you shall finde Of all the Tyrants which the world affords Your owne affections are the fiercest Lords The life of POLYMORPHUS SIMIANUS Author of this Poem POlymorphus Simianus a Florentine born a younger brother but well descended and during his minority in all generous free-born Studies trained He was naturally affected to Poeâ—…ie from the delight whereof his Father being of 〈◊〉 esteeme in Florence laboured to waine him by diverting his course that way and importuning him to the study of the Law Whereto having for some yeares applyed his minde he grew in short time indifferently furnished Neither was his practise lesse usefull then his knowledge fruitfull Albeit inwardly 〈◊〉 could never relish nor palat that profession being as he termed it a practise whose materiall were extracted from extortion yet to give all possible content to his father he ever extended his best endeavour â—…ly to further what he could not favour Being now growne a pretty good proficient in a profession contrary to his element you shall heare upon whâ—… occasion he became degraded from the benefit of 〈◊〉 practise excluded and by a judicial though incompâ—…tible censure silenced Pleading one day with great vehemencie for his friend Farnesio a Citizen of approved honesty and whose cause deserved no lesse successe being in the judgement of the whole Court grounded vn equity and uprightnesse He perceived the Judge of the Court to be more indulgent to the Advers part 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 the more he pressed it the more did the Judge sleight and disvalue it Wherefore being without expectancs of reliefe for his much injured friend as one 〈◊〉 transported with passion to see corruption seated 〈◊〉 the throne of Judgement or transpierced with aâ—…ction to see his honest friend so highly wronged with a spirit no lesse resolved then enraged he thus 〈◊〉 the Judge My Lord quoth he my comfort is thoâ—…gh this gentleman my clyent be by your Lordship injuriously censured the date of your commission for sitting on Judgement is almost expired so as our hope is by your Successour we shall be redressed Expired said the Judge how doe you means â—… I meane replied Simianus you are at the point of death Your reason quoth the Judge for I feale no such matter in my selfe The more dangerous is your malady answered Simianus for diseases insensible are ever held most incurable but to resolve your doubt with an infallible reason your Lordship knowes it is an ancient sacred ceremony herein Florence as in all other Catholique Countrieâ—… for 〈◊〉 sick immediatly before the approching inâ—… of their dissolution to receive from a religious man thereto ordained and consecrated extreme â—…ction The Judge perceiving whereto his meaning 〈◊〉 covertly implying corruption by those words â—…f extreme unction with present passion transported 〈◊〉 him forthwith to depart the Court in these words Sir for your small reverence to this place heare your censure So long as the State of Florence shall authorize me to sit in this Seat of iudgement I injoyne you Silence to caution others by your example to shew more reverence No 〈◊〉 was this heavie Censure pronounced then Simianus left the Court allthough he had many friendly Oraters who with their best perswasive Rhetorick laboured to mitigate the Judges censure whom they found steeled with relentlesse rigour About this 〈◊〉 when Simianus was silenced his father died by â—…hose death he was more troubled then with his former sentence disqâ—…eted for of such generall esteeme 〈◊〉 I formerly noted was this old man as he was no lesse for his wisedome and judgement approved then for his discreete carriage and amiable conversation generally loved so as his vertues gain'd his progeny â—…ch honour in Florence Simianus being thus by publique censure from hope of future preferment excluded of his fathers advice whose pietie was a mirror to his familie deprived and in some debts by reasons of his tâ—…a affable or easie disposition engaged being brought to these straits as one doubtfull where to retire it fortuned even then when he had resolved privately to convey himselfe from Florence and expose himselfe to some forraine adventures to fall in acquaintance with a Zealous brother of Amsterdam with whom in short time he grew so familiar aâ—… none but HE was of his Cabinet councell Away he must goe with him so powerfully had his zeal wrought with him unto Amsterdam where as he pretended he was a merchant of especiall note ranke and quality Simianus who had even from his infancy an excellent art of insinuating into mens knowledge professed that howsoever other occasions of maine consequence had reason to avert his resolution from that course yet so farre had the opinion of his sanctity the grounded conceit of his sincerity and those tyes of familiar society and sociable amity prevailed with him as he would leave his Countrey with hope of all promotion meerely for love of such a Zealous and faithfull Companion At Amsterdam within few Months after they arrived where Simianus found as many religions as the world had regions or the Gergason possessed with Legions but in principall esteeme grew he with a devout fraternity by meanes of this Zealous Merchant who made him acquainted with all those mysterious rites used and practised by that Saintly Society Within short time being a proper man and wâ—…ll approv'd of by the Sisterhood who had their free voices in the election of every Officer he stood in Election for a place which they call the Emunctorie the speciall charge whereof is this At a certaine time which upon signe given is duely observed when the Conventickle is full and all things in readinesse he it to snuffe out the Candles for the Zealous assemblie 〈◊〉 exercise their works of lightnesse in darknesse This Place by generall suffrage he obtained wherein he demeaned himselfe so closely to the Sisters content as no one Officer stood so deepe in
bee Tax'd for as high and heavy crimes as hee For his to such a number nev'r did mount Yet who dare call these State-moaths to account Hee must be censur'd these may live secure Pill Church and Staâ—…e to keep their hands in ure Suck Orphans blood drain tears from widows-eyes And fill both heav'n and earth with shriks cries Joyn land to land like priviledged men They wipe their mouths and say Who seeeth them ` Las none Who dare do 't They may be allow'd To do what ere they list and in a Cloud Walk as unseen for very few there bee That see their hatefull crimes dare say they see Now for my life I cannot see the cause Why this should be unlesse they have the Laws Under their girdle meaning to draw blood Not from themselves but where they hold it good Which cannot be So might I justly tax The Law it self to bee a nose of wax Wherefore I cannot think this is the matter For God forbid that Laws should learn to flatter But I doe rather judge the case so stands They make their peace with great-ones under hand Whose awfull count'nance is the only cause To stay the execution of our Lawes If this be so O yee who injure most This peacefull State heare my incensed Ghost Who like a Fury haunts you cease for shame To lay npon your honours such a staine You should be like to Beacons on a hill To give your Country notice of what ill So ev'r assail's her and by your wise care Divert all dangers that might happen there You should be like to Pilots to direct Our Ship of State lest some should intercept Our hopefull commerce which I heard last day Ev'n through my grate was faln to great decay So troubled were the Seas as none would venter Their goods because the Ports were hard to enter Yea upon serious conf'rence I did heare A rich french-Merchant on his Conscience sweare That by one loss which hee of late sustain'd He lost more wealth then he three yeers had gain'd You should be like the Sun to cleer the mist Of each slie state-exacting Alchimist State-Politician base Monopolist Church peace-disturbing-factious Novelist To these like â—…esoms it is your behoof To shew your selves to sweep them from the rooâ—… Of Albions speciall Palace for this Crue Are not â—…o have least countenance from you You should be like bright Lamps light to bestow Both on your selves and upon others too Upon your selves that you may patterns seeme Adding unto your Hoâ—…or an esteeme On others too that they may take a view Of what is good by taking note of you You should be Starrs in this same darkesome night Where many walk in blindness few in light That by the light which your examples give You may procure you love teach them to live For many Batts we have and Night Owles too Doe more by night than they by day dare doe These are of Belâ—…all the sons of night For wicked men doe ever hate the light As those who are sworn vassals to the Devill Hating the light because their works are evil And what are these but of that forlorne tribe Who will dispence with conscience for a bribe So 't be in secret sell the Orphans right Oppresse the succourless by th' arm of mâ—…ght Divide the Stake and sâ—…are in others State As an occasion I did hear of late Three youths all Brethren when death had 〈◊〉 them Of their deer Fathâ—…r who good portions left them Amounting to nine hundred pound in all Some legacies discharg'd which were but small Were by some friends who wish'd their welfare mov'd To take their Fathers Will get it prov'd Along they went and unto One they came Who had authority to prove the same One who with long connivencie had made His place a Stale and mercenary Trade The Will he reads and somtimes questions them To try if they were understanding men Which had he found without'en more adoâ—… I am resolv'd He had not us'd them so But he observing that they were but weake Thought not to slip th' occasion he might take To benefit himself no matter how And thus he gull'd and satisfied them too Young men quoth he I have survey'd your state But I must tâ—…ll you 't is so intricate As I protest I either have no skill Oâ—… I ne're saw a more defective Will But leave your names recorded by my man Som sev'n-night hence I 'll do you th' good I can Thus as he wish'd for that time he dispatcht them By means of which delay hark how he catcht them The matter as he thought might first be driven By them to whom the Legacies were given With whom he dealt so cunningly as they Either for feare or profit gave him way On which foundation he his project reares Extracting treasures from the Oâ—…phans teareâ—… For when the time came they repair'd unto him Expecting th' good he promised to do them But th' Copy of his countenance was chang'd His meer-pretended promises estrang'd As one remorsâ—…ess of the state of men For in this manner he accosted them Since you were with mee I perceive in Law This Will you brought is sarcely worth a straw For it relation hath unto some other Which you out of your cunning seek to smother But for as much as I doe hereby gather There was affection born you by your father Both in respect of nature and of blood Whereby I think he meant to doe you good I will perswade effectualy with these To whom your Fathers Will grants Legacies And who for ought that yet to mee appears May claime as much as you that are his Heirs First that all suits and differences might cease And you to have a hundred pound a peece Which simple soules for little did they know Their own estate they condescended to Whereby he gain'd as I have heard it said Five hundred pounds all Legacies defraid Now was not this a brave Probationer To keep a Register for Lucifer Could one devise an apter instrument Those sullied wares of Machivell to vent Than this Impostor this Egyptian Rat Whom I have seen both whoop'd houted at And must he live uncensur'd and remain As if his spotless life were free from stain Must hee enjoy his Place as he hath done And hug oppression as he hath begun Must he be cap'd and congi'd where you meet him When on my conscience I had rather beat him Must hee retain opinion and esteem Yes What 's the reason He has to redeem The name he lost With what With lads of gold Why thâ—…n is reputation bought and sold. Alas for griefe that gold should find a cover To case vice in and so to gild it over O so to gild is but to gull the eyes And force poore virtue lend her robe to vice Had hee by order been a Benedict And of such crying crimes as these convict He should have heard of nothing but confusion Till he had made a threefold restitution Had
misdemeanors of our youth Whose unconfined wills are rather bent To ill then good unless they feel restraint But for as much as I have heard Some say That great-mens power hath ever born much sway In Seates of Justice which should be so pure As neither power could awe nor love allure That you from course of Justice less may swerve Observe the Rule which Cato did observe Who on â—… time when he in judgement sat Professing truth the scope he aymed at Receiv'd a Letter which in post-haste came From One who was esteem'd a special man Then in the State addressed to this end To spare pronouncing judgement on his Friend But He suspecting what th' contents might â—…e Meant to prevent him by this Policie And that he might procede in judgment better Fiâ—…st Sentenc'd him and after read the Letter O then to all alike just judgement render As you the safety of the State doe tender Grant great ones no exemption who alledge They may offend by writ of Priviledge But make them know that you have pow'r to strikâ—… If they impugn the Law all men alike This if you do which â—…onscience bids you doe Good men will love and ill men feare you too Yea God himself who 's present in your Court Sees your uprightness and shâ—…ll bless you for'â—… And you strife-stirring Lawyers who have sold Too oft your souls more oft your tongues for gold Like some foule Leprosy my Muse would shun you But that the State complaines so much upou you Eye your profession and examine then If you your selves be such condition'd men As both the State requireth at your hands And with the form of your profession stands And what is this but that you should take heed What cause you take in hand for whom you plead Whom you peâ—…swade and with perswasion mad Saying their cause is good when it is bad How you doe earne your fees for some mens aym Are by delayes to multiply their gaines For know that you who should judicious bee Are first to weigh the cause then take your fee And if 't be such a Cause 't will bear no water Perswade your Client to compound the matter But if the cause be good fall soundly to it And slight it not for so you might undo it What shame were 't then to see men of your Coâ—… Distemperd with a swelling in the throat A dangerous infectious disease Spâ—…ung from the practice of Demosthenes Whom the Milâ—…sians feeing on a time That to their cause he might the more incline Hee when he should the matter fully break Had got the Squinancie and could not speak O take you heed of this lest God withhold Speech from your tongues thus tipt and tide witâ—… Gold And you the Gentry who retaine the name But not thâ—… Worth of those from whence you came You who should be life hope and all that 's deere Both to your selves and such as neighbour neere Observe yoâ—…r ranke and in your ranke so live As to your House you may no scandall give Alasse for griefe that ere it should be sed So many hopefull Plants are withered Such ancient houses where reliefe was found By way-beat Passengers now raz't to ground And whence comes this but from improvidencâ—… Neglect of State profusenese of expence So as me thinks I heare poore earth complaine And chide her brats for being so profane That th' antient badge of Hospitality Should be defac'd by prodigality Cloaths made to cover shame and colour sin Are now habilliments to glory in Meates given to suffice nature not delight Must satisfy our liqu'rish appetite Drinks to refresh times so distemper'd are Must drink down debt apply a cure to care Of which disorderd rank I knew of late A youth of faire and eminent estate Who in few yeares had hiâ—… estate â—…o seeke from pissing Conduit that doth stand in Cheap But in my judgement there is none of these Brings ruine to our ancient families So much as profane swearing which doth call Like that hand-writing showne upon the wall For vengeance on them that the same do use Gods curse must nere depart from swearers House And yet I see and sigh to say I see How in this Land where God should honour'd be With duest praises for her great increase Of earthly blessings and continued peace The Gentry of our Ile should think no shame With new coin'd oaths to profane his name Which is their Parents fault who so much love them That when they hear them swear they 'l scarce reprove them Yea though they curse ere they be wean'd from teat And learne to sweare before they learn to speak They must not be rebuk'd but mark their ends And you 'l conclude their Parents their worst frends And you deceitful Tradesmen whose great'st care It to contrive dark shops to vent false ware Scorne with injurious practise to deceive Such as in you their trust reposed have And day by day the Chandlers case remember As you the welfare of your necks do tender Lastly to you my Brethren who by nature Are woodmen borne and gotten by a Satyre Examine ere you publish any line For I must tell you 't is a dang'rous time The State is jealous and will have an eye On such wild-headed waggs as you and I. Be warie then good Boyes and have a care Least in my censure yee do likewise share Which could not chuse but turne to your disgrace Besides your lothsom lodging in this place Where trust me though I doe not lye with any Spight of my teeth I goe to bed with many And which is strange Backbiters have I more Since I lay here then e're I had before But heark while I am taxing others sin My fellows they are roaring now within I must withdraw my Keeper he doth call And now my grate is shut good-night to all Exit Spectrum A Postscript NO sooner was my Grate closed than I from my Prospect barred retiring my self to my rest which was as restlesse as my fortunes haplesse my friends hopelesse and helplesse Neither did this lessen but heighten my misery to have mine eye barred from liberty by being shut from my Prospect of vanity But beggars must be no choosers nor prisoners disposers with Patience I retired resolving to enjoy my selfe though of all outward joyes deprived and joy in the liberty of my minde though of bodily freedom restrained Neither indeed to doe As surlie Cerberus right was my Argus-eyed Porter so relentlesse as wholly to restrain mee for his promise was unto mee next morning betime to tender mee a courtesie by giving mee free recourse to my Grate where I resolved to spend the next day in a serious survey of such passengers and passages as happily might encounter mee and make themselves objects to an embleme of misery But see how humane purposes are diverted implying that nothing can bee by man so long as hee is man firmly resolved For next day addressing my selfe to my old taske I
their care our neighbours House a fire bids us beware I follow'd warlike Tillie at the tayle When with streight siege he closed Frankindale To Berg'apsome I did my progresse make Where I much muz'd how Spynola could scape When in his Campe hee was so gyrt about As feare got in but nothing could get out Though plots seeme deepe one may their bottom sink But I were mad if I ' de speake all I think Nor is my observation so restrain'd As if it earthly objects only aim'd More high Mysterious speculation's given To view those Signes and Wonders are in heaven Prodigious formes and figures in the ayre All which impressions lately frequent were Neere sieged Prague and other Cities too Who have sustain'd what foe or fate could doe At Turein two miles from Egeria Within the kingdome of Bohemia Next to a Stew where I with others stood I saw a Table and a Form sweat blood Which I observ'd and forthwith did divine There would succeed a blood effusing time From whence dislodg'd no sooner did I come Unto the famous City Lintium Then there appeared a fear-increasing vision Which ore the City shewd this apparition Two Swords stood pointing one against another With furious Armies skirmishing together All which I made th' inhabitants beleeve Would some impressions in their City leave Assuring them to make mine Art more knowne These ayrie Armies would surprize the Towne This caus'd a strict watch to be duely kept And I did laugh at this while others wept For it was far above my element To know what these strange Apparitions meant Though my conjectures were esteem'd more true Then th' unknown Palmistry of any Jew But lest the Statute bring me into question This is the least I use in my profession Unlesse in forrain Countries where there be So few that practise this same Mysterie As they will lodg a Wizard in their brest But ever prize North-Britain Wizards best Thus I 've inrich'd my selfe with Observation And gaind me such renoune within this Nation That be my weekly Corrants nere so strange They passe for current-novells on th' Exchange So as upon my knowledge their esteeme Hath staid the vent of better labors cleane Yea there be divers Stationers in the Citie Who had been broke the more had beene the pitie Had not my high priz'd travels been brought hether Which kept them up from going down the wether And now these are which seems to mee most rare Held by our Stage-gulls for oracular Not any story or occurrent passes But is authentick truth with these sage-Asses Who neighbourly confer upon a bench Of such a Rampire Palisado Trench Of such a Conquest such a Battaile lost And what a world of Christian lives it cost This they peruse which they perusing send Into the Country to some speciall friend Who may p◅take these news without delay And these become as credulous fools as they For though to give my thriving-works their due Scarce among twenty one relation's true Yet on their truth not one of them will stand But spread their fame abroad from hand to hand Nor bee my Corants only Ale house talke Nor for Duke Humfries Knights who Pauls doe walke For I have seene the very Pulpits smooke With some extractions rifled from my booke Which howsoere they could not well beare water Yet would they serve for want of better matter But there 's no place so highly prizeth mee As where out Ordinary Gallants bee For there am I admir'd and to my grace Preferred ever to the highest place Where my loose glibbrie tongue is prating still Travels more strange then those of Mandevill Yea you shall see some score of Gallants stand Each with a Table booke within their hand To take observance of such speciall heads As from the forge of my discourse proceeds Which they relating duely now and then Makes them esteem'd for most accomplish'd men Now what may you imagine I deserve When these extract but that which I observe And gaine such praise as those Land-gulls who hear them Account them highly blest who neighbour neer thē But now because I 'm to my Country come I le shew you what I have observ'd at home And in each sev'rall place where I have beene Briefly unfold what I have heard or seene In Court I liv'd and living felt no scant But bravely surfeited on others want It was my ayme and I did ayme aright To winde me in with some Great-favorite Whose gracefull count'nance might support me still In all my courses were they good or ill Where I observ'd more good might be effected By meanes of One who was in Court respected Were his Cause ne're so faultie nor so weake Then a good Cause if he no friends could make The reason was though Justice bore ev'n hand From some of these there came a countermand Which cause he was a great Antagonist They durst not his authority resist Or else his meanes advanc'd them to that place Which mov'd them veile to him in any Case For this I held a grounded observation Justice to Greatnesse ever had relation For some of these oft get a place worth chusing By being married to a great-mans Cousin So firm's the linke of mutuall allyance Against all opposits it pleads defiance For other silken-Apes who spend their time In making their seer-bodies brisk and fine I hold it needlesse here to make report Because ther 's such an Ape just now in Court Who will describe himselfe in every lim Which makes me leave that labor unto him For our Court-Ladies very few I know Who racket it with their Comradoes now Our spritely Lords doe either Treasure lack Or else they want agility of back So as amongst a number ther 's scarce one But shee is eyther mortifide or gone One did I heare of but the other day Who now has throwne her lighter Roabs away And by a firm-friend whom she well approv'd Sent to the wife of that same Lord she lov'd How she resolv'd her good esteeme to win By wearing of a mourning-gowne for him But what 's the answer shee return'd to her I wish quoth she your Lady may not weare But what becomes her best in publique sight Her Suite must sute her selfe her selfe is light But if with mee shee 'll keepe a mourning part Shee must not mourn in Habit but in Heart And so no question doth shee for long since Shee lost the eye of her concupiscence Which makes me hope the eye-light of her mind Is cleerer far since th' outward eye was blind Thus be our Ladies matchlesse Converts held To whom no Suiters make but are repeld Though One I know nor was old Lais liker Unto her selfe then shee is to a striker In City likewise I remain'd a while Where I observ'd how Trades-men did beguile And in some darke part of their shop tooke care How they might vent their most deceitfull ware Here did I stay farre longer then I need That I with laughter might my humor feed For here
how to geld a Bishoprick Which to good use converted I see not But it may thrive though indirectly got For if no ill-got-goods thrive in this Nation Some would seeme base who now are men of fashion The Judiciall Ape BRave Apes briske Bungs yet they must leave the field And to an ancient Bencher learne to yeeld Fox-fur'd 's my Gowne and smooth my close-cut chin But far more Foxly-smooth am I within Gravely can I for lucre-sake protest And clap mine unctuous fist upon my brest Ev'n when my heart 's as neer unto my mouth As East is to the West or North to South Musaeus came the other day to me A curious wit for straines of Poesie And he besought me in a Cause as good As truth could make it if well understood To be his friend and I did promise him But breach of promise is with us no sin He mee accoutred with his words of Art And I admit'd him too for his good part Ripe was his judgement and his wit as quick Garnish'd with copious flowers of Rhetorick But these are tongue ty'd Orators with me Who would have me his friend must bring his fee. Yet for all this I will not stick to chide If any come to tempt me with a Bribe For I would have these wittalls understand Fees must passe by my servants to my hand I take no Fees my selfe they may fee Ned They need not feare their cause if he be sped For we have Tarriers Agents Instruments To ope the Cabinet of our intents And plot our purposes give them their due And these we use as men should use a scrue These be our Harping-irons that will draw Like Ferrets these minc'd Maggots of the Law Who when their cause must to a hearing come Next night before unto my chamber run And currie favour all the waies they can To get admittance to me by my Man Which got they finde me in Majestick sort Starching my beard or reading a Report While each of these more scurvy Court'sies makes Then upon Whitby-Strand are shapes of Snakes Which country Congies were they ten times worse Shew State enough because they cram my purse Suppose then how these Rusetings appeare Wholly divided betwixt hope and feare At whose approach I lay aside my booke Teaching my face a Radamanthean looke Sirrahs What make you here who sent you hither Your man scarce mutter they walk knaves together Thus fret I like gumm'd-grogran which once past I deigne to take a superficiall taste Of their ill-open'd cause and give them hearing Which I intend next morning to appeare in Yet so as if it nought concerned me But out of meere respect to equitie Though I doe prize the justice of his Cause As much as old Sysambris did his Lawes But being heard I doe demeane me so I get both coyne and good opinion too Thus doe my plots work for a thriving end I poll the poor yet I 'm the poor-mans friend Nor am I alwaies held the same I seeme For in my time I have a Nigler been So as in privacy I sometimes must With my seer'd bones quench the desire of lust A faire-poor Client fall she in my dish I le tickle her for forma-pauperis Downe goe my trunck-hose with their gravity To cope for once with acts of levity Her Case I le put like to a man of Law Bee 't right or wrong I doe not care a straw My Bon-a-Roba shee the day shall win Nor spend a graine but what she spent in sin I weigh not what the world doth Judge of me My saplesse-age pleads my Apologie Appius has silent tongue but speaking eyes Yet who saith Appius loves Virginia lyes Yet they can tell you that do better know me How none sometimes can have admittance to me Fit were it then ye were advis'd when time is For now and then I drinke a cup of nimis So as to sleep so soundly I betake me A thousand Cannons scarcely could awake me Yet see my boldnesse while my thirst I drench In profuse cups I sometimes mount the Bench And gives my cup-shot-judgement out of hand Ere I the Case or Pleadings understand And who dare well control me sith these shelves Which wrack my wits my fellows feel themselves Besides if any in my friends Case do oppose me I am their Advocate if they will chose me They cannot stand for Seconds I 'm the man By all their Pleadings bob me if they can Some I have had and in this English Nation Who have stood firmly on their generation That they were greater and more ancient borne Then any descent was but I held in scorne Their fruitlesse Pleas to th' Judges I did write And made expresse my Byrth Descent and Scite Whereto they condiscended out a hand And doom'd my worthlesse brood take upper-hand Our Titles are as wee doe make them good And if they crosse us they 'r mis-understood For what is for us we embrace and love But what 's against us we doe dis-approve Zlid doe you think that our rich scarlet may With such a Pension our Retinue pay Unlesse wee lose by 't No wee know our time And with Duke Humfrey wee 'll be loth to dine Now for my Circuit so imperious am I That though I purchase the distaste of many Yet I 'm indifferent how they censure me I justifie my legall Soveraignty My white-lock is ambitious of honour Yea I must tell you I doe dote upon her But in no place am I predominant So much as when I 'm Judge-itinerant Where flocks of country Gentlemen do meet me And in submissiv'st manner use to greet me Like Widgeons some behinde and some before me As a terrestriall Idoll they adore me Blest is the man to whom I le daigne to speake And how admir'd when I a jeast doe breake 'T is wonderfull to see what preparation Is daily made for me and in what fashion Each County entertains mee and my crue Who take upon them give the knaves their due As they were petie Judges in commanding Weake officers who have no understanding But only to admire them and give way To their commands whats'ere they doe or say My Tipstaffe is esteem'd a wittie man And one so saith the witless Commonty who can Prevaile much with me for he ever knowes What way the winde of my opinion blowes Nor err they in their judgement for indeed Hee that would in his businesse succeede Must make this man his Orator unto mee For he so fitly to my profit knowes mee As be the Cause you recommend to him Never so foule yee shall be sure to win For truth is I dare hardly say him nay He knowes my courses so which to display Would shame mee quite so as whats'ere I show I must keepe in with him whats'ere I do Now when I leave the County where I sit I cannot chuse but jeere them for their wit The generous Fry swim to my Chequer bag Where one presents mee with a summer Nag One with a cast
of Hawks and now and then Some Shires Scotch Daggers to my Serving-men Others give hunting-Leases which remaine For Customs now and must not off againe Yet were these bounteous Babies blest the while If all their bounties could procure a smile From my composed Count'nance but they err That doe expect me to be popular No I must punctuall be and set my face According to the tenour of my place My posture is accoutered with braves In calling of the Shrieff and Gentry knaves None dare affront me while I am in place And whom I please I put to all disgrace In Counties where I am at my own finding My richly-moultred Mill is ever grinding The Gentry shey have notice by the Shrieves And furnish me with Muttons Veals and Beeves Others doe send me Venison and Wine So as my Circuit is a joviall time For such aboundance of provision have I As it would furnish neere a Royall-Navie Now lest yee doubt my numerous Retinue Should want their due or competent Revenue I give the meaner sort which doe attend me Reversions of that store the Gentry send me As broken-meat and beere all which they prize And sell poor people at the end o' th Size There 's nought unvalued that may mony give So well my Meney is inform'd to live But for the better sort you may suppose Specially such who help to trusse my hose I mint some other profits more then these As my Subscription unto Refrences Which ignorant people bring hoping thereby T' affright their strong and factious enemy But they 'r deceiv'd for they no more prevaile By our Referments then an old-wives tale Nor shall this trouble us our men gaine by them Come they as thick as hayle wee 'll not deny them Thus far our Country life hath been exprest In Court and City wee 'll display the rest In Court we seldome come yet great men know us And in a Courtly-garbe petition to us By their ingenious Agents and we heare them And though their Crimes be odious we forbear them Or if to us they should a Letter send In such an ones behalfe to be his friend Then Stoick Cato wee ' r instructed better We passe no Doome before we read the Letter For wee 've experience of a tickle-seat How dangerous it is t' offend the Great Wee 'll not distaste them then in any case Lest they be meanes to put us from our place Sometimes we are invited to a Play Upon some joviall-ceremoniall-day Where we doe presse as other Sages use With grave aspect unto the Banket-house And there in Conscript manner doe wee sit Admiring of some passages of wit Which we doe understand as well as he That tooke Opigena for Mercurie But in reserved jests we have a care To make men deeme us wiser then we are If Great-ones laugh it is a pregnant jeast And we approve it as we hug a Feast If we be widdowers though saplesse old Decrepit crooked rhumatick and cold Yet see what wealth can do we straight are chosen As fit to match with such a Great-mans Cosen Though shee poor Girle rather would be led Unto her Grave then to a loathed bed Yet Will an old-man serve them for a cloake And be a Chimney for a greater smoake And that 's the cause no question when we dy And leave our wives so large a Legacy Why they set their affection on Soldadoes That can discourse on nought but Barracadoes For such is their strong-temperd resolution They love no Judgement like to Execution But 't is no matter for the worlds Sentence We get us honour by our wives acquaintance Which we so idolize that we can show it Even in our pace as we were borne unto it Were it not fit then we should shew all grace To such as these who raise us to our place For tell me seriously how many have Deserved well who never could receive Any esteeme at all for all their worth Because they had no friend to set them forth These liv'd obscurely and as poorly dyde Nor cap'd nor congi'd nor so much as ey'de Or popularly viewd what was the cause They had nought but the knowledge of our Lawes To give them count'nance whereas such as we By our Alliance more authentick be For there 's no place nor person in the Court Whereto we may not readily resort And have accesse by consequence successe In whats'ere we Petition more or lesse But now I must unto the City goe Where I am Councellor and dweller too Neighbours I have but principally three Who now are Wardens of a Companie Men of sufficient wealth I can assure ye And now and then impannell'd in a Jurye Of one whereof I cannot chuse but laugh For all he walks now with his Civil-staffe Being made Juror of a grand Enquest And in 's opinion wiser then the rest Unto his fellowes that himselfe display'd Thus long have we our Verdicts friends delay'd And as ye see it draweth neere to night And we by Law are barr'd from Candle-light Meat drink and necessaries till we give Our Verdict up which die or which to live Now hear me friends we 've twelve Indictments here Against twelve prisoners as may appeare To what end should we thus precisely watch them Let 's hang six and save six and so dispath them Yet this is held a man of choyce esteeme And in his white fox-fur sits to be seene Upon his well-couch'd-Bench whose Pillars be As fit t' advise a Company as he Yet deigne I with these sage-gulls to discourse Nor doe I hold my judgement any worse The Sun may shine on dung none can deny it And yet receive no stayne nor blemish by it The object of their knowledge is my jeast The ground of my acquaintance is to feast And jeere them for their bounty when they doe it Though I must tell you I goe gladly to it But for requitall they have none from me It is sufficient they 've my companie Once in his life the Churle make's his feast And by that feast his byrth-day is exprest Whose rule is my direction and shall ever I ' d rather be a taker then a giver If they invite us to them we will meet them Though fools make feasts wise men may go to eat them Nor are these all th' delights I cope with here I have variety through all the yeere Here a fresh Erithrea of choice price Came last day privately for my advice Whether a Citizen lawfully might Having as she put case laid with a Knight Challenge precedence for her eldest Son Fore such an one as had no such thing don Whereto I answer'd might I put her Case I little doubt but she should have the place And for her Son get that prioritie Which did belong unto my Progenie At which reply smiling away she went Silent which silence did imply consent Thus both in City Country and in Court With a reserved gravity and port I spread my beams of honour and descry A select affectation in
through a Trunck or Prospective directly before the end of the Trunck is a Dung-hill his Imperzza I smell a Rat. 7. The Court Ape is expressed sitting mopping in a Tree full of flourishes above him this Imprezza The Cinnamon Tree 8. The City Ape is expressed as in a Rialto or Royall-Exchange Tapestrie-works Needle-works Chaines Girdles and Hangers Belts c. to life shadowed A walke as in the Exchange with Signes of eyther side On the one an Unicorn a Bull an Hart a Ram a Goate On the other directly opposite a Tigre a Panther an Elephant a Wolfe a Fox his Imprezza What doe ye lack 9. The Countrey Ape is expressed poring seriously upon an Almanack his Imprezza an Erra Pater 10. The Church Ape is expressed fat and corpulent a Mitre or corner-Cap upon his head the Basis or end ofa Steeple sticking out of his mouth his Imprezza Silence 11. The Judiciall Ape is expressed of meagre or sallow complexion wasted or decayed constitution close shaven in a Councellors Cap and Gowne a Rowle or Scedule in his hand his Imprezza Ambidexter 12. The Politicall Ape is expressed with a paire of Spectacles upon his Nose a paire of Compasles in his hand a Globe before him with a Jacob's-Staffe with which hee measures the Globe his Imprezza A sound head piece 13. The Chymicall Ape is expressed holding a payre of Bellowes wherewith he stands blowing against a solid Rock There are Kettles Landirons Candlesticks c. to bee shadowed implying his Chymick Art his Imprezza Fly Brasse 14. The Criticall Ape is expressed laughing and jeering extremely holding his sides as one oppressed with an unmoderate passion of Joy his Imprezza Hold sides 15. The Censuring Ape is portrayed according to his humor with a rugged ridged Countenance fiery and 〈◊〉 eyes corded Whipps in his hand Looking with an eye of scorne upon the rest of the Apâ—… his Mott A shots of Shallops And pointing at them with a jeering visage closeth in these words Have among you State-Shufflers Parthenia's Passions To the right Honorable THOMAS Viscount WENTWORTH Baron of Woodhouse Oversley and Newmarch Lord President of the Councell established in the North and one of his Majesties most honourable Privie Councell His thrice-honoured MECAENAS The western-Knights Pasquill MArshall an hall there Pray you Sir make roome For us poor Knights who in the fag-end come Mad is my Muse and now of late affrighted Out of her wits for feare she should be Knighted Knighted defend me Lord from such an honour I shall not git whole Cloaths to put upon her Nay since with Knights there is so great a doo I for my Summons will make ready too Come Masons come erect an Hospitâ—…ll Sith wee must all be Knights whom Statutes call For England never had unto this houre More * Chevaliers for number nor more poor Whence many of our Russetings deplore it That they ' r not worth so much as they paid for it Yea Almanacks I feare will beare record In Rubrick Letters next to th' yeare o th' Lord Which by Succeeding times will be recited How long 't is since yâ— Commonty was Knighted Yea Justice vows should she pay twenty five She cannot doe 't with honesty and thrive For some of her Bench-Whistlers States be such Their meanes vailes will scarce raise halfe so 〈◊〉 Yea I could pick out One of these who might Be made GRAND SOPHIE full as well as Knight For Justice-sake this imposition wave Lest they be forc'd to pay more then they have But since my Pinke 'mongst others runns a shelfe And ev'ry one is nearest to himselfe I must debate my Cause before I go Judge whether I speake reason friends or no. May my State-lov'd MECAENAS but give way To what the meanest of his Knights can say Now my good Lord your humble Suppliant comes To know the cause why he shoâ—…ld pay these Sums ` Object Our Princes Coronation by a Statute Inflicts these fines on those that were not at it Provided they have fourty pounds by yeare Of free-hold Land the Statute makes it cleare Answ. T is true but this reflecteth not on me For I was at that high solemnitie And I'â—…h best note my rurall Muse could sing Tendred my Poemes to my gratious King Object Yea but the Proclamation did forbid it You were not well advis'd then when you did it Answ. 'Slid should I neither then be here nor there But like a Ball hang hovering in the ayre O bject No though the Coronation wil'd you come The Proclamation wish'd you stay at home You should not have câ—…me up Sir Answ. No more did I For I as fortune fell was there allready Where my ambitious Muse did Knighthood crave But what I had I hold no more I have Discusse my Lord then each particular I shall be found in nought irregular I came not up I broke not th' Proclamation The Statute 's kept I was at Coronation At which I 'le justify with heart and hand I joy'd as much as any Knight i th' Land These duely weigh'd your Honour Umpire be Whether I pay the King or King pay me His regall 〈◊〉 receiv'd this Muse of mine And were this reason think you for my rime I sung my Sov'â—…igne heard me now wee say The Hearer not the Singer usd to pay I judge then what soe're to me is done Is by that figure Usteron Proteron You for the King demand of me a fee When it is meant that He should pay it mee But lest this should by me too much be thought So I goe free my Song shall go for nought But husht no more with this approv'd Position Your constant Servant closeth his Petition More Knights my Lord your State has little need on Let me be a poore Country Squire to breed on Now if these Reasons take no place my Lord I must Obey if you but speake the word A Knights fee for your Honour I have heere Knight and no Knight the Purchase is too deere But I 'm resolv'd my Reasons are so plaine Your squire may with his Coine go back againe AMPLITUDINI TUAE DEDITISSIMUS MUSOPHILUS EBORACENSIS EQUES EQUITUM HUMILLIMUS * Area quot spioas quot profert Silva myricaâ—… Curia quot curas Semina terrâ—…nes Quot scatebrâ—… venas quot 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 arâ—…nas Tot Milites inopeâ—… Angliâ—… 〈◊〉 Upon his Hon. Election of Deputation for Ireland FOr Ireland Lord what will become of me For Conscience-sake looke on my Familie Would you receive more honour then you have And so 〈◊〉 those whom you may save Is any one more earthly-blest then you Firme friends faire fates brave Bards corrivals few And who is hee that is so richly blest Will hatch his Airy in a forraine nest There the best Hawkâ—…s indeed they say are bred But there High-styers oft have perished Those that doe love my Lord doe hold it fit As th' Country honours him so should he it Admit my Lord that you entitled be