honour liberty power credit safety or estate those other comforts of dearest relations which are as the life of our lives Though as a KING I think My selfe to live in nothing temporall so much as in the love and good-will of My People for which as I have suffered many deaths so I hope I am not in that point as yet wholly dead notwithstanding My Enemies have used all the poyson of falsity and violence of hostility to destroy first the love and Loyalty which is in My Subjects and then all that content of life in Me which from these I chiefly enjoyed Indeed they have left Me but little of life and only the husk and shell as it were which their further malice and cruelty can take from Me having bereaved Me of all those worldly comforts for which life it selfe seems desirable to men But O My Soule think not that life too long or tedious wherein God gives thee any opportunities if not to doe yet to suffer with such Christian patience and magnanimity in a good Cause a sare the greatest honour of our lives and the best improvement of our deaths I know that in point of true Christian valour it argues pusillanimity to desire to die out of wearinesse of life and a want of that heroick greatnesse of spirit which becomes a Christian in the patient and generous sustaining those afflictions which as shaddows necessarily attend us while we are in this body and which are lessened or enlarged as the Sun of our prosperity moves higher or lower whose totall absence is best recompensed with the dew of Heaven The assaults of affliction may be terrible like Sampson's Lyon but they yeeld much sweetnesse to those that dare to encounter and overcome them who know how to overlive the witherings of their Gourds without discontent or peevishnesse while they may yet converse with God That I must dye as a man is certain that I may dye a King by the hands of My own Subjects a violent sodain barbarous death in the strength of my years in the midst of My Kingdoms My Friends and loving Subjects being helples Spectators My Enemies insolent Revilers and Triumphers over me living dying dead is so probable in humane reason that God hath taught me not to hope otherwise as to mans cruelty however I despair not of Gods infinite marcy I know my life is the object of the Devils wicked mens malice but yet under Gods sole custody and disposall Whom I do not think to flatter for longer life by seeming prepared to dye but I humbly desire to depend upon him and to submit to his will both in Life and death in what order soever he is pleased to lay them out to me I confesse it is not easie for me to contend with those many horrors of death wherewith God suffers me to be tempted which are equally horrid either in the suddennesse of a barbarous Assasination or in those greater formalities whereby my Enemies being more solemnly cruell will it may be seek to add as those did who Crucified Christ the mockery of Justice to the cruelty of malice That I may be destroyed as with greater pomp and artifice so with les pitty it wil be but a necessary pollicy to make my death appeare as an act of Justice don by Subjects upon their Soveraigne who know that no Law of God or Man invests them with any power of Judicature without me much lesse against me and who being sworn and bound by all that is sacred before God and Man to endeavour my preservation must pretend Justice to cover their perjury It is indeed a sad fate for any man to have his Enemies to be Accusers Parties and Judges but most desperate when this is acted by the insolence of Subjects against their Soveraigne wherein those who have had the chiefest hand and are most guilty of contriving the publike Troubles must by shedding my blood seem to wash their owne hands of that innocent bloud whereof they are now most evidently guilty before God and Man and I beleive in their own Consciences too while they carried on unreasonable Demands First by Tumults after by Armies Nothing makes meane spirits more towardly-cruel in managing their usurped power against their lawfull Superiours than this the Guilt of their uniust Usurpation notwithstanding those specious and popular pretensions of Justice against Delinquents applyed only to disguize at first the monstrousnesse of their designs who despaired indeed of possessing the power and profits of the Vineyeard till the heire whose right it is be cast out and slaine With them my greatest fault must be that I would not either destroy My selfe with the Church and State by my Word or not suffer them to do it unresisted by the Sword whose covetous ambition no Concessions of Mine could ever yet either satisfie or abate Nor is likely they will ever think that Kingdome of brambles which some men seek to erect at once weak sharp and fruitlesse either to God or Man is like to thriue till watred with the Royal bloud of those whose right the Kingdom is Wel Gods will be don I doubt not but my Innocency will find him both my protectour and my Advocate who is my only Iudge whom I owne as King of Kings not onely for the eminency of his power and Majesty above them but also for that singular care and protection which he hath over them who knows them to be exposed to as many dangers being the greatest Patrons of Law Justice Order Religion on earth as there be either men or Devills which love confusion Nor will he suffer those Men long to prossper in their Babel who build it with the bones and cement it with the bloud of their Kings I am confident they will find Avengers of my death amongst themselves the injuries I have susteined from them shall be first punished by them who agreed in nothing so much as in opposing Me. Their impatience to bear the loud cry of My bloud shall make them thinke no way better to expiate it than by shedd ing theirs who with them most thirsted after Mine The sad confusions following my destruction are already presaged and confirmed to Me by those I have lived to see since My troubles in which God alone who only could hath many wayes pleaded my cause not suffering them to go unpuin shed whose confederacy in sin was their only security who have cause to fear that God wil both further divide and by mutual vengeance afterwards destroy them My greatest conquest of Death is from the power and love of Christ who hath swallow'd up death in the Victory of his Resurrection and the glory of his Ascention My next comfort is that he gives me not onely the honour to imitate his example in suffering for righteousnesse sake though obscured by the foulest charges of Tyranny and injustice but also that charity which is the noblest revenge upon and victory over My Destroyers By which I thank God
deceived and destroyed Nor can any mens malice be gratified further by my Letters than to see my constancie to my VVife the Lawes and Religion Bees will gather Honey where the Spider sucks Poison That I endeavour to avoid the pressures of my Enemies by all fair and just correspondencies no man can blame who loves me or the Common-wealth since my Subjects can hardly be happy if I be miserable or enjoy their peace and liberties while I am oppressed The world may see how soon mens designe like Absoloms is by enormous actions to widen differences and exasperate all sides to such distances as may make all reconciliation desperate Yet I thank God I can not only with patience bear this as other indignities but with Charity forgive them The integrity of my intentions is not jealous of any injury My expressions can doe them for although the confidence of privacy may admit greater freedome in writing such Letters which may be liable to envious exceptions yet the Innocency of my chief purposes cannot be so obtained or mis-interpreted by them as not to let all men see that I wish nothing more than an happy composure of differences with Justice and Honour not more to my own then my Peoples content who have any sparks of Love or Loyalty left in them who by those my Letters may be convinced that I can both mind and act my owne and My Kingdomes Affaires so as becomes a Prince which mine enemies have alwaies been very loath should be believed of me as if I were wholly confined to the Dictates and Directions of others whom they please to brand with the names of Evill Counsellours It 's probable some men will now look upon me as my owne Counsellour and having none else to quarrell with under that notion they will hereafter confine their anger to my selfe Although I know they are very unwilling I should enjoy the liberty of my own Thoughts or follow the light of my owne Conscience which they labour to bring into an absolute captivity to themselves not allowing me to think their Counsells to be other then good for me which have so long maintained a Warre against me The Victory they obtained that day when my Letters became their prize had been enough to have satiated the most ambitious thirst of popular glory among the Vulgar with whom prosperity gaines the greatest esteem and applause as adversity exposeth to their greatest slighting and dis-respect As if good fortuâ—e were alwaies the shadow of Vertue and Justice and did not oftner attend vitious and injurious actions as to this world But I see no secular advantages seem sufficient to that cause which began with Tumults and depends chiefly upon the reputation with the Vulgar They think no Victories so effectuall to their designes as those that most rout and waste my Credit with my People in whose hearts they seek by all meanes to smother and extinguish all sparks of Love Respect and Loyalty to me that they may never kindle againe so as to recover mine the Lawes and the Kingdomes Liberties which some men seek to overthrow The taking away of my Credit is but a necessary preparation to the taking away of my life and my Kingdomes First I must seem neither fit to live nor worthy to Reigne By exquisite methods of cunning and cruelty I must be compelled first to follow the Funeralls of my Honour and then be destroyed But I know Gods un-erring and impartiall justice can and will over-rule the most perverse wills and designes of men He is able and I hope will turn even the worst of mine enemies thoughts and actions to my good Nor doe I think that by the surprize of my Letters I have lost any more than so many Papers How much they have lost of that reputation for Civility and Humanity which ought to be pay'd to all men and most becomes such as pretend to Religion besides that of respect and Honour which they owe to their KING present and after-times will judge And I cannot think that their owne consciences are so stupid as not to inflict upon them some secret impressions of that shame and dishonour which attends all unworthy actions have they never so much of publique flattery and popular countenance I am sure they can never expect the divine approbation of such indecent actions if they doe but remember how God blest the modest respect and filâ—all tendernesse which Noahs Sons bare to their Father nor did his open infirmity justifie Chams impudency or exempt him from that curse of being Servant of Servants which curse must needs be on them who seek by dishonourable actions to please the Vulgar and confirme by ignoble acts their dependance upon the People Nor can their malicious intentions be ever either excusable or prosperous who thought by this meanes to expose me to the highest reproach and contempt of My People forgetting that duty of modest concealment which they owed to the Father of their Country in case they had disovered any reall uncomelinesse which I thank God they did not who can and I believe hath made me more respected in the hearts of many as he did David to whom they thought by publishing my private Letters to have rendred me as a vile Person not fit to be trusted or considered under any notion of Majesty But thou ô Lord whose wise and all-disposing providence ordereth the greatest contingences of humane affairs make me to see the constancy of thy mercies to me in the greatest advantages thou seemest to give the malice of my Enemies against me As thou didst blast the counsell of Achitophel â—urning it to Davids good and his own ruine so so canst thou defeat their designe who intended by publishing my private Letters nothing else but to under me more odious contemptible to my People I must first appeale to thy Omniscience who canst witnesse with my integrity how unjust and â—alse those scandalous misconstructions are which â—y Enemies endeavour by those Papers of mine to â—epresent to the world Make the evill they imagined and displeaâ—â—râ— they intended thereby against me so to 〈◊〉 on their owne heads that they may be ashamed and covered with their owne confusion as with a cloake Thou seest how mine Enemies use all means to cloud mine Honor to pervert my purposes and to slander the footsteps of thine Annointed But give me an heart content to be dishonoured for thy sake and thy Churches good Fix in me a purpose to honour thee and then I know thou wilt honour me either by restoring to me the injoyment of that Power and Majesty which thou hast suffered some men to seeke to deprive me of or by bestowing on me that crowne of Christian patience which knowes how to serve thee in honour or dishonour in good report or evill Thou O Lord art the fountain of goodnesse and honour thou art colathed with excellent Majesty make me to partake of thy excellency for wisdome justice and mercy and I shall not want
good Conscience in me which hath been fought against nor did they ever intend to bring mee to my Parliament till they had brought my mind to their obedience Should I grant what some men desire I should be such as they wish me not more a King and far lesse both Man and Christian What Tumults and Armies could not obtain neither shall Restraint which though it have as little of safety to a Prince yet it hath not more of danger The feare of men shall never be my snare nor shall the love of any liberty entangle my soule Better others betray me than my selfe and that the price of my liberty should be my Conscience the greatest injuries my Enemies seek to inflict upon me cannot be without my own consent While I can deny with Reason I shall defeat the greatest impressions of their malice who neither know how to use worthily what I have already granted nor what to require more of me but this That I would seem willing to help them to destroy my selfe and mine Although they should destroy me yet they shall have no cause to despise me Neither liberty nor life are so dear to me as the peace of my Conscience the Honour of my Crownes and the welfare of my People which my word may injure more than any Warre can doe while I gratifie a few to oppresse all The Lawes will by Gods blessing revive with the love and Loyalty of my Subjects if I bury them not by my Consent and cover them in that grave of dishonour and injustice which some mens violence hath digged for them If my Captivity or Death must be the price of their redemption I grudge not to pay it No condition can make a King miserable which carries not with it his Souls his Peoples and Posterities thraldome After-times may see what the blindnesse of this Age will not and God may at length shew my Subjects that I chuse rather to suffer for them than with them happily I might redeem my self to some shew of liberty if I would consent to enslave them I had rather hazard the ruine of one King than to confirm many Tyrants over them from whom I pray God deliver them what ever becomes of me whose solitude hath not left me alone For thou O God infinitely good and great art with me whose presence is better than life and whose service is perfect freedome Own me for thy servant and I shall never have cause to complain for want of that liberty which becomes a Man a Christian and a King Blesse me still with Reason as a Man with Religion as a Christian and with constancy in justice as a King Though thou sufferest me to be stript of all outward ornaments yet preserve me ever in those enjoyments wherein I may injoy thy self and which cannot be taken from me against my will Let no fire of affliction boile over my passion to any impatience or sordid fears There be many say of me There is no help for me doe thou lift up the light of thy countenance upon me and I shall neither want safety liberty nor majesty Give me that measure of patience and constancy which my condition now requires My strength is scattered my expectation from men defeated my Person restrained ô be not thou far from me lest my Enemies prevaile too much against me I am become a wonder and a scorne to many ô â—e thou my Helper and Defender Shew some token upon me for good that they â—hat hate me may be ashamed because thou Lord hast â—olpen and comforted me establish me with thy free Spirit that I may do and suffer thy will as thou â—ouldst have me Be mercifull to me ô Lord for my soule trusteth in thee yea and in the shadow of thy wings will â— make my refuge untill these calamities be overâ—â—st Arise to deliver me make no long tarrying ô â—y God Though thou killest me yet will I trust in thy mercy and my Saviours merit I know that my Redeemer liveth though thou leadest me through the vale and shadow of death yet shall I fear none ill 24. Vpon their denying His Majesty the Attendance of His Chaplaines VVHen Providence was pleased to deprive Me of all other Civill comforts and secular Attendants I thought the abscence of them all might best be supplied by the attendance of some of my Chaplains whom for their Function I reverence and for their Fidelity I have cause to love By their learning piety and prayers I hoped to be either better enabled to sustaine the want of all other enjoyments or better fitted for the recovery and use of them in Gods good time so reaping by their pious help a spirituall harvest of grace amidst the thornes and after the plowings of temporall crosses The truth is I never needed or desired more the service and assistance of men judiciously pious and soberly devout The solitude they have confined me unto adds the Wildernesse to my temptations for the company they obtrude upon me is more sad than any solitude can be If I had asked my Revenues my Power of the Militia or any one of my Kingdomes it had been no wonder to have been denied in those things where the evill policy of men forbids all just restitution lest they should confesse an injurious usurpation But to deny me the Ghostly comfort of my Chaplaines seemes a greater rigour and barbarity then is ever used by Christians to the meanest Prisoners and greatest Malefactors whom though the justice of the Law deprive of worldly comforts yet the mercy of Religion allows them the benefit of their Clergy as not aiming at once to destroy their Bodies and to damn their Soules But my Agony must not be relieved with the presence of any one good Angell for â—wich I account a Learned Godly and discreet Divine and such I would have all Mine to be They that envy my being a King are loath I â—â—ould be a Christian while they seek to deâ—rive me of all things else They are afraid I â—hould save my soule Other sense Charity it selfe can hardly pick out of those many harsh Repulses I received as to that request so often made for the attendance of some of my Chaplaines I have sometime thought the Unchristianâ—esse of those denialls might arise from a displeasure some men had to see me prefer my own Diuines before their Ministers whom though I â—uspect for that worth and piety which may be in them yet I cannot think them so proper for â—ny present Comforters or Physitians who have some of them at least had so great an influence â—n occasioning these calamities and inflicting these wounds upon me Nor are the soberest of them so apt for that devotionall compliance and juncture of hearts which I desire to bear in those holy Offices to be performed with me and for me since their judgements standing at a distance from me or in jealousie of me or in opposition against me their Spirits cannot so harmoniously accord with mine
I can both forgive them pray for them that God would not impute My bloud to them further then to convince them what need they have of Christs bloud to wash their soules from the guilt of shedding Mine At present the will of My Enemies seems to be their only rule their power the measure and their successe the Exactor of what they please to call Justice while they flatter themselves with the fancy of their owne safety by my danger and the security of their lives and designes by My Death forgetting that as the greatest temptations to sinne are wrapped up in seeming prosperities so the severest vengeance of God are then most accomplished when men are suffered to compleat their wicked purposes I blesse God I pray not so much that this bitter cup of a violent death may passe from Me as that of his warth may passe from all those whose hands by deserting Me are sprinkled or by acting and consenting to My death are embrued with My bloud The will of God hath confined and concluded Mine I shall have the pleasure of dying without any pleasure of desired vengeance This I think becomes a Christian toward his Enemies and a King toward his subjects They cannot deprive Me of more than I am content to lose when God sees fit by their hands to take it from me whose mercy I believe will more then infinitely recompence what ever by mans injustice he is pleased to deprive me of The glory attending my death will farre surpasse all I could enjoy or conceive in life I shall not want the heavy and envyed Crownes of this world when my God hath mercifully Crowned and Consummated his graces with Glory and exchanged the shadows of my earthly Kingdomes among men for the substance of that Heavenly Kingdom with himselfe For the censures of the world I know the sharpe and necessary tyranny of my Destroyers will sufficiently confute the calumnies of tyranny against me I am perswaded I am happy in the judicious love of the ablest and best of my Subjects who doe not onely pity and pray for me but would be content even to dye with me or for me These know how to excuse my failings as a man and yet to retaine and pay their duty to me as their King there being no religious necessity binding any Subjects by pretending to punish infinitely to exceede the faults and errours of their Princes especially there where more then sufficient satisfaction hath been made to the publike the enjoyment of which private ambitions have hitherto frustrated Others I beleive of softer tempers and lesse advantaged by my ruine doe already feel sharp convictions and some remorse in their consciences where they cannot but see the proportions of their evill dealings against me in the measure of Gods retaliations upon them who cannot hope long to enjoy their owne thumbs and toes having under pretence of paring others nails bin so cruell as to cut off their chiefest strength The punishment of the more insolent and obstinat may be like that of Korah and his complices at once mutining against both Prince and Priest in such a method of divine justice as is not ordinary the earth of the lowest and meanest people opening upon them and swallowing them up in a just disdain of their ill-gotten and worse-used Authority upon whose support and strength they cheifly depended for their building and establishing their designes against me the Church and State My chiefest comfort in death consists in My peace which I trust is made with God before whose exact tribunall I shal not fear to appear as to the Cause so long disputed by the sword between me and my causlesse Enemies where I doubt not but his righteous judgment wll conâ—ute their fallacy who from worldly successe â—rather like Sophisters than sound Christians â—raw those popular conclusions for Gods apâ—robation of their actions whose wise proviâ—ence we know oft permits many events which â—s revealed word the only clear safe and fixed rule of good actions good consciences in no sort approves I am confident the Justice of My Cause and clearnesse of my conscience before God and toward my people wil carry me as much above them in Gods decision as their successes have lifted them above me in the vulgar opinion who consider not that many times those undertakings of men are lifted up to heaven in the prosperity and applause of the world whose rise is from Hell as to the injuriousnesse and oppression of the designe The prosperous winds which oft fill the sayles of Pyrates doth not justifie their piracy and rapine I look upon it with infinite more content and quiet of Soule to have been worsted in my enforced contestation for and Vindication of the Laws of the Land the freedome and honour of Parliaments the rights of My Crown the just liberty of My Subjects and the true Christian Religion in its Doctrine Government and due encouragements then if I had with the greatest advantages of successe overborn them all as some men have now evidently done whatever designes they at first pretended The prayers and patience of my Freinds and loving Subjects will contribute much to the sweetning of this bitter cup which I doubt not but I shall more cheerefuly take and drink as from Gods hand if it must be so than they can give it me whose hands are unjustly and barbarously lifted up against me And as to the last event I may seeme to owe more to my Enemies than my Freinds while those will put a period to the finnes and sorrows attending this miserable life wherewith these desire I might still contend I shall be more then Conquerour through Christ enabling me for whome I have hitherto suffered as he is the Authour of Truth Order and Peace for all which I have beene forced to contend against Errour Faction and confusion If I must suffer a violent death with my Saviour it is but mortality crowned with martyrdome where the debt of death which I owe for sinne to nature shall be raised as a gift of faith and patience offered to God Which I humbly beseech him mercifully to accept and although Death be the wages of my owne sinne as from God and the effect of other sinnes as men both against God and me yet as I hope my owne sinnes are so remitted that they shall be no ingredients to imbitter the cup of my death so I desire God to pardon their sinnes who are most guilty of my destruction The Trophees of my charity will be more glorious and durable over them than their ill-managed victories over me Though their sin be prosperous yet they had need to be penitent that they may be pardoned Both which I pray God they may obtaine that my temporall Death unjustly inflicted by them may not be revenged by Gods just inflicting eternall death upon them for I look upon the temporall destruction of the greatest King as far lesse deprecable than the eternall damnation of the meanest
commonweal The eldest son must be involved in the punishment as he was infected with the sinne of the Father against the Father of his country root branch God cuts off in one day These observations are obvious to every fancy God knows I was so far from rejoycing in the Hotham's ruine though it were such as were able to give the greatest thirst for revenge a ful draught being executed by them who first imployed him against Me that I so far pitied him as I thought he at first acted more against the light of his Conscience then I hope many other men do in the same cause For he was never thought to be of that superstitious sowrnesse which some men pretend to in matters of Religion which so darkens their judgment that they cannot see any thing of Sin and Rebellion in those means they use with intents to refrom to their Models what they call Religion who think all is Gold of piety which doth but glister with a shew of Zeale fervency Sir John Hotham was I think a man of another temper and so most liable to those downright temptations of ambition which have no cloak or cheat of religion to impose upon themselves or others That which makes me more pity him is that after he begun to have some inclinations towards a repentance for his sinne and reparations of his duty to Me He should be so unhappy as to fall into the hands of their Justice and not my Mercy who could as willingly have forgiven him as he could have asked that favour of Me. For I think clemency a debt which wee ought to pay to those that crave it when wee have cause to beleive they would not after abuse it since God himself suffers us not to pay any thing for his mercy but only prayers and praises Poor Gentleman he is now become a noteable monument of unprosperous disloyalty teaching the world by so sad and unfortunate a spectacle that the rude carriage of a Subject towards his Soveraigne carries alwayes its own vengeance as an unseparable shadow with it and those oft prove the most fatall and implacable Executioners of it who were the first imployers in the service After-times will dispute it whether Hotham were more infamous at Hull or at Tower-hill though 't is certain that no punishment so stains a mans Honour as wilfull perpetrations of unworthy actions which besides the conscience of the sin brands with most indelible characters of infamy the name memory to posterity who not engaged in the Factions of the times have the most impartiall reflections on the actions But thou O Lord who hast in so remarkable a way avenged thy servant suffer me not to take any secret pleasure in it for as his death hath satisfyed the iniury he did to me so let me not by it gratifie any passion in me lest I make thy vengeance to be mine consider the affront against me more then the sinne against thee Thou indeed without any desire or endeavour of mine hast made his mischief to return on his own head and his violent dealing to come down on his own pate Thou hast pleaded my cause even before the sons of men and taken the matter into thine own hands that men may know it was thy work and see that thou Lord hast done it I do not I dare not say so let mine enemies perish O Lord yea Lord rather give them repentance pardon and impunity if it be thy blessed will Let not thy iustice prevent the obiects and opportunities of my mercy yea let them live and amend who have most offended me in so high a nature that I may have those to forgive who beare most proportion in their offences to those trespasses against thy Maiesty which I hope thy mercy hath forgiven me Lord lay not their sins who yet live to their charge for condemnation but to their consciences for amendment Let the lightning of this Thunderbolt which hath been so severe a punishment to one be a torrour to all Discover to them their sinne who know not they have done amisse and scare them from their sinne that sin of malicious wickednesse That preventing thy Iudgements by their true repentance they may escape the strokes of thine eternall vengeance And do thou O Lord establish the Throne of thy servant in mercy and truth meeting together let my Crown ever flourish in righteousnesse and peace kissing each other Heare my prayer O Lord who hast taught us to pray for to do good to and to love our Enemies for thy sake who hast prevented us with offertures of thy love even when we were thine Enemies and hast sent thy Son Iesus Christ to die for us when we were disposed to crucifie him 9. Vpon the listing and raising Armies against the King I Finde that I am at the same point and posture I was when they forced Me to leave White-Hall what Tumults could not doe an Army must which is but Tumults listed and enrolled too a better order but as bad an end My recesse hath given them confidence that I may be conquered And so I easily may as to any outward strength which God knowes is little or none at all But I have a Soule invincible through Gods grace enabling Me here I am sure to be Conqueror if God will give Me such a measure of Constancy as to feare him more then man and to love the inward peace of My Conscience before any outward tranquility And must I be opposed with force because they have not reason wherewith to convince Me O My Soule be of good courage they confesse their knowne weaknesse as to truth and Justice who choose rather to contend by Armies then by Arguments Is this the reward and thanks that I am to receive for those many Acts of Grace I have lately passed and for those many Indignities I have endured Is there no way left to make Me a glorious KING but by My sufferings It is a hard and disputable choice for a King that loves his People and desires their love either to kill his own Subjects or to be killed by them Are the hazards and miseries of Civill War in the bowels of My most flourishing Kingdome the fruits I must now reap after 17. years living and reigning among them with such a measure of Justice Peace Plenty and Religion as all Nations about either admired or envied notwithstanding some miscarriages in Government which might escape rather through ill counsell of some men driving on their private ends or the peevishnes of others envying the publike should be managed without them or the hidden and insuperable necessities of State then any propensity I hope of my selfe either to injuriousnes or oppression Whose innocent bloud during My Reign have I shed to satisfie My lust anger or covetousnes what Widdowes or Orphans tears can witnesse against me the just cry of which must now be avenged with My own bloud For the hazards of War are equall nor doth the
Cannon know any respect of Persons In vaine is My Person excepted by a Parenthesis of words when so many hands are armed against Me with Swords God knowes how much I have studied to seâ— what ground of Justice is alledged for this Wa against Me that so I might by giving just satisfaction either prevent or soone end so unnaturall a motion which to many men seemâ— rather the productions of a surfeit of peace anâ— wantonnesse of minds or of private discontents Ambition and Faction which easily find o make causes of quarrell then any reall obstructions of publick Justice or Parliamentary Priviledge But this is pretended and this I must be abâ— to avoid and answer before God in My owâ— Conscience however some men are not wiâ—ling to believe Me lest they should condemâ— themselves VVhen I first with drew from White-hall â— see if I could allay the insolency of the Tumulâ— of the not suppressing of which no account i Reason can be given where an orderly Guaâ— was granted but only to oppresse both Mine aâ— the Two Houses freedome of declaring and voting according to every mans Conscience whâ— obstructions of Justice were there further the this that what seemed just to one man might nâ— seeme so to another VVhom did I by powâ— protect against the Justice of Parliament That some men withdrew who feared tâ— partiality of their tryal warned by My Loâ— of Straffords death while the vulgar threatned to be their Oppressors and Judgers of their judges was from that instinct which is in all creatures to preserve themselves If any others refused to appear where they evidently saw the cur rent of Iustice freedom so stopped and troubled by the Rabble that their lawfull Judges either durst not come to the houses or not declare their sense with liberty safety it cannot seem strange to any reasonable man when the sole exposing them to publick odium was enough to ruine them before the cause could be heard or tryed Had not factious Tumults overborn the Freedom and Honour of the two Houses had they asserted their Iustice against them made the way open for all the Members quietly to come and declare their Consciences I know no man so dear to Me whom I had the least inclination to advise either to withdraw himselfe or deny appearing upon their summons to whose sentence according to Law I think every Subject bound to stand Distempers indeed were risen to so great a height for want of timely repressing the vulgar insolencies that the greatest guilt of those which were Voted demanded as Delinquents was this That they would not suffer themselves o be over-aw'd with the Tumults and their Paâ—ons nor compelled to abet by their suffrages â—r presence the designs of those men who agiated innovations and ruine both in Church â—â—ate In this point I could not but approve their generous constancy and catiousnesse further then this I did never allow any mans refractorinesse against the Priviledges and Orders of the Houses to whom I wished nothing more then Safety Fulnesse and Freedom But the truth is some men and those not many despairing in fair and parliamentary ways by free deliberations and Votes to gain the concurrence of the Major part of Lords and Commonâ— betook themselves by the desperate activity o factious Tumults to sift and terrifie away aâ— those Members whom they saw to be of contrary minds to their purposes How oft was the businesse of the Bishops enjoying their Ancient places and undoubted Priviledges in the House of Peers carried for theâ— by far the Major part of Lords Yet after fiâ— repulses contrary to all Order and Custome â— was by tumultuary instigations obtruded again and by a few carried when most of the Peeâ— were forced to absent themselvs In like manner was the Bill against Root aâ— Branch brought on by tumultuary Clamours â— schismaticall Terrours which could never pasâ— till both houses were sufficiently thinned aâ— over-awed To which Partiality while in all reâ—son Justice and Religion My conscience forbâ— Me by consenting to make up their Votes â— Acts of Parliament I must now be urged wiâ— an Army and constrained either to hazard M owne and My Kingdoms ruins by My Defence or prostrate My Conscience to the blind obedience of those men whose zealous superstition thinks or pretends they cannot do God and the Church a greater service than utterly to destroy that Primitive Apostolicall and anciently Universall Government of the Church by Bishops Which if other mens Iudgements bind them to maintaine or forbids them to consent to the abolishing of it Mine much more who besides the grounds I have in My Iudgement have also a most strikt and indispensable Oath upon My Conscience to preserve that Order and the Rights of the Church to which most Sacrilegious and abhorred Perjury most un-beseeming a Christian King should I ever by giving My consent be betrayed I should account it infinitely greater misety then any hath or can befall Me in as much as the least sinne hath more evill in it then the greatest affliction Had I gratified their Anti-episcopall Faction at first in this point with My consent and sacrificed the Ecclesiasticall Government and Revenues to the fury of their covetousnesse ambition and Revenge I believe they would then have found no colourable necessity of raising an Army to fetch in and punish Delinquents That I consented to the Bill of putting the Bishops out of the House of Peers was done with a firme perswasion of their contentednâ— to suffer a present diminution in their Rights and Honour for My sake and the Common weals which I was confident they would readily yeeld unto rather then occasion by the leaâ— obstruction on their part any dangers to Me o to My Kingdome That I cannot adde My consent for the totall extirpation of that Government which I have often offered to all fit regulations hath so much further tie upon My Conscience as what I think Religious and Apostolicall and so very Sacred and Divine as no to be dispensed with or destroyed when what â— only of civill Favor and priviledge of Honoâ— granted to men of that Order may with theâ— consent who are concerned in it be annuâ— led This is the true state of those obstruction pretended to be in point of Justice and Authority of Parliament when I call God to witneâ— I knew none of such consequence as was wort speaking of a VVarre being only such as Jâ—stice Reason and Religion had made in My ow and ther mens Consciences Afterwards indeed a great shew of Delinquents was made which were but consequeâ—ces necessarily following upon Mine or other withdrawing from or defence against viâ—lence but those could not be the first occasion of raising an Army against Me. VVherein was so far from preventing them as the have declared often that they might seeme to have the advantage and Justice of the defensive part and load Me with all the envy injuries of first assaulting them
that God knows I had not so much as any hopes of an army in My thoughts Had the Tumults been Honourably and effectually repressed by exemplary Iustice and the liberty of the Houses so vindicated that all Members of either house might with Honour and Freedome becoming such a Senate have come and discharged their Consciences I had obtained all that I designed by My withdrawing and had much more willingly and speedily returned then I retired this being my necessity driving the other my choise desiring But some men knew I was like to bring the same judgement and constancy which I carry with me which would never fit their designes and so while they invited me to come and greivously complain'd of my absence yet they could not but be pleased with it especially when they had found out that plasible and popular pretext of raising an Army to fetch in Delinquents when all that while they never punished the greatest and most intolerable Delinquency of the Tumults and their Exciters which drave my selfe and so many of both Houses from their places by most barbarous indignities which yet in all reason and Honour they were as loath to have deserted as those others were willing they should that so they might have occasion to persecute them with the Injuries of an Army for not suffering more tamely the Injuries of the Tumults That this is the true state and first drift and designe in raising an Army against Me is by the sequell so evident that all other pretences vanish For when they declared by Propositions or Treaties what they would have to appease them there was nothing of consequence offered to Me or demanded of Me as any originall difference in any point of Law or order of Justice But among other lesser Innovations this chiefly was urged The Abolition of Episcopall and the Establishment of Presbyterian Government All other things at any time propounded were either impertinent as to any ground of a War or easily granted by Me and only to make up a number or else they were meerly consequentiall and accessary after the Warre was by them unjustly began I cannot hinder other mens thoughts whom the noise and shew of piety and heat for Reformation and Religion might easily so fill with prejudice that all equality and clearnesse of judgement might be obstructed But this was and is as to my best observation the true state of affaires betweene us when they first raised an Army with this designe either to stop My mouth or to force My consent and in this truth as to My conscience who was God knowes as far from meditating a VVar as I was in the eye of the world from having any preparation for one I find that comfort that in the midst of all the unfortunate successes of this VVar on My side I do not think My Innocencie any whit prejudiced or darkned Nor am I without that integrity and Peace before God as with humble confidence to addresse My Prayer to Him For Thou O Lord seest clearly through all the cloudings of humane affaires Thou Judgest without preiudice Thy Omniscience eternally guids thy unerrable Iudgement O my God the proud are risen against me and the assemblies of violent men have sought after my soule and have not set Thee before their eyes Consider my Enemies O Lord for they are many they hate me with deadly hatred without a cause For Thou knowest I had no passion designe or preparation to embroyle My Kingdoms in a Civill War whereto I had least temptation as knowing I must adventure more then any and could gaine least of any by it Thou O Lord art my witnesse how oft I have deplored and studied to divert the necessity thereof wherein I cannot well be thought so prodigally thirsty of my Subiects blood as to venture my own life which I have bin oft compelled to doâ— in this unhappy Warre and which were better spent to save then to destroy my People O Lord I need much of thy grace with patience to bear the many afflictions thou hast suffered some men to bring upon me but much more to bear the uniust reproaches of those who not content that I suffer most by warre will needs perswade the world that I have raised first or given just cause to raise it The confidence of some mens false tougues is such that they would make me almost suspect my own Innocency yea I could be content at least by my silence to take upon me so great a guilt before men If by that I might allay the malice of my Enemies redeeme My People from this miserable Warre since thou O Lord knowest my Innocency in this thing Thou wilt find out bloudy deceitfull men many of whom have not lived out half their dayes in which they promised themselvs the enioyment of the fruits of their violent and wicked Councells Save O Lord thy servant as hitherto thou hast and in thy due time scatter the people that delight in War Arise O Lord lift up thy selfe because of the rage of mine Enemyes which encreaseth more and more Behold them that have conceived mischief travelled with iniquity and brought forth falshood Thou knowest the chief designe of this Warre is either to destroy my Person or force My Iudgement and to make Me renege my Conscience and thy Truth I am driven to crosse Davids choice and desire rather to fall into the hands of men by denying them though their mercy be cruell then into thy hands by sinning against My Conscience and in that against thee who art a consuming fire Better they destroy Me then thou shouldest damne Me. Be thou ever the defence of My soule who wilt save the upright in heart If nothing but My bloud will satisfie My Enemies or quench the flames of My Kingdomes or thy temporall Iustice I am content if it be thy will that it be shed by Mine owne Subiects hands But O let the bloud of Me though their King yet a sinner be dashed with the bloud of My Innocent and peace-making Redeemer for in that thy Iustice will find not only a temporary expiation but an eternall plenary satisfaction both for my sins and the sins of my People whom I beseech thee still owne for thine and when thy wrath is appeased by my Death O Remember thy great mercies toward them and forgive them O my Father for they know not what they doe 10 Vpon their seizing the Kings Magazines Forts Navy and Militia HOw untruly I am Charged with the first raising of an ARMY and beginning this Civill Warre the eyes that only pitty me and the Loyall hearts that durst only pray for me at first might witnesse which yet appeare not so many on my side as there were men in Arms listed against me my unpreparednesse for a War maâ— well dis-hearten those that would help me while it argues truly my unwillingnesse to fight yet it testifies for Me that I am set on the defensive part having so little hopes or
but for their weighty and judicious piety than those are whose weaknes or giddines they sought to gratifie by taking it away One of the greatest faults some men found with the Common-Prayer-book I beleive was this That it taught them to pray so oft for Me to which Petitions they had not Loyalty enough to say Amen nor yet charity enough to forbear Reproaches and even cursings of Me in their own forms instead of praying for Me. I wish their Repentance may be their only punishment that seeing the mischiefs which the disuse of publique Liturgyes hath already produced they may restore that credit use and reverence to them which by the ancient Churches were given to Set Formes of sound and wholsome words And thou O Lord which art the same God blessed for ever whose mercies are full of varie y yet of constancy Thou denyest us not a new fresh sense of our old and dayly wants nor despisest renued affections ioyned to constant expressions Let us not want the benefit of thy Churches united wel-advised Devotions Let the matters of our prayers be agreeable to thy will which is alwaies the same and the fervency of our spirits to the motions of thy holy Spirit in us And then we doubt not but thy spirituall perfections are such as thou art neither to be pleased with affected Novelties for matter or manner nor offended with the pious constancy of our petitions in them both Whose variety or constancy thou hast no where either forbidden or commanded but left them to the piety and prudence of thy Church that both may be used neither dispised Keep men in that pious moderation of their Iudgments in matters of Religion that their ignorance may not offend others nor their opinion of their own abilities tempt them to deprive others of what they may lawfully and devoutly use to help their infirmities And since the advantage of Errour consists in novelty and variety as Truths in unity and constancy Suffer not thy Church to be pestered with errours and diformed with undecencies in thy service under the pretence of variety and novelty Nor to be deprived of truth unity and order under this fallacy That constancy is the cause of formality Lord keep us from formall Hypocisie in our own hearts and then we know that praying to thee or praising of thee with David and other holy men in the same formes cannot hurt us Give us wisdome to amend what is amisse within us and there will be lesse to mend without us Evermore defend and deliver thy Church from the effects of blind zeal and over-bold devotion 17. Of the differences betweene the King and the two Houses in point of Church-government TOuching the GOVERNMENT of the Church by Bishops the common Jealousie hath bin that I am earnest and resolute to maintain it not so much out of piety as policy and reason of State Wherein so far indeed reason of State doth induce Me to approve that Government above any other as I find it impossible for a Prince to preserve the State in quiet unlesse he hath such an influence upon Church-men and they such a dependance on Him as may best restraine the seditions exorbitances of Ministers Tongues who with the Keys of Heaven have so far the Keys of the Peoples hearts as they prevaile much by their Oratory to let in or shut out both Peace and Loyalty So that I being as King intrusted by God the Laws with the good both of Church and State I see no reason I should give up or weaken by any change that power and influence which in right and reason I ought to have over both The moving Bishops out of the House of Peers of which I have elsewhere given an account was sufficient to take off any suspicion that I encline to them for any use to be made of their Votes in State affairs Though indeed I never thought any Bishop worthy to sit in that House who would not Vote according to his Conscience I must now in charity be thought desirous to preserve that Government in its right constitution as a matter of Religion wherein both My judgement is justly satisfyed that it hath of all other the fullest Scripture grounds and also the constant practise of all Christian Churches til of late years the tumultuarinesse of People or the factiousnesse and pride of Presbyters or the covetousnesse of some States and Princes gave occasion to some mens wits to invent new modells aud propose them under specious titles of Christs Government Scepter and Kindome the better to serve their turns to whom the change was beneficiall They must give Me leave having none of their temptations to invite Me to alter the Government of Bishops that I may have a Title to their Estates not to believe their pretended grounds to any new wayes contrary to the full and constant testimony of all Histories sufficiently convincing unbiased men that as the Primitive Churches were undoubtedly governed by the Apostls and their immediate Successors first best Bishops so it cannot in reason or charity be supposed that al churches in the world should either be ignorant of the rule by thē prescribed or so soon deviate from their divine and holy patterne That since the first Age for 1500. years not one Example can be produced of any setled Church wherein were many Ministers and Congregations which had not some Bishop above them under whose jurisdiction and government they were Whose constant and universall practise agreeing with so large and evident Scripture-directions and examples as are set down in the Epistles to Timothy and Titus for the setling of that Government not in the persons only of Timothy and Titus but in the succession the want of Government being that which the Church can no more dispense with in point of wel-being then the want of the Word Sacraments in point of being I wonder how men came to look with so envious an eye upon Bishops power and authority as to oversee both the Ecclesiasticall use of them and Apostolicall constitution which to Me seems no lesse evidently set forth as to the maine scope design of those Epistles for the setling of a peculiar Office Power and Authority in them as President-Bishops above others in point of Ordination Censures and other acts of Ecclesiasticall discipline then those shorter Characters of the qualities and duties of Presbiter-Bishops and Deacons are described in some parts of the same Epistles who in the latitude and community of the name were then and may now not improperly be called Bishops as to the oversight and care of single Congregations committed to them by the Apostles or those Apostolicall Bishops who as Timothy and Titus succeeded them in that ordinary power there assigned over larger divisions in which were many Presbyters The humility of those first Bishops avoiding the eminent title of Apostles as a name in the Churches stile appropriated from its common notion of a Messenger or one sent to
that degree of Honour and Majesty which becomes the Place in which thou hast set me who art the lifter up of my head and my salvation Lord by thy grace lead me to thy Glory which is both true and eternall 22. Vpon His Majesties leaving Oxford and going to the Scots ALthough God hath given Me three Kingdomes yet in these he hath noâ— now left me any place where I may witâ— Safety and Honour rest my Head Shewing me that himselfe is the fafest Refuge and the strongest Tower of defence in which I may put my Trust In these extremities I look not to man so much as to God He will have it thus that I may wholly cast my self and my now distressed affaires upon his mercy who hath both hearts and hands of all men in his dispose What providence denies to Force it may grant to Prudence Necessity is now my Counsellour and commands me to study my safety by a disguised withdrawing from my chiefest strength and adventuring upon their Loyalty who first began my Troubles Happily God may make them a means honourably to compose them This my confidence of Them may dis-arme and overcome them my rendring my Person to them may engage their affections to me who have oft professed They â—ought not against me but for me I must now resolve the riddle of their Loyalty and give them opportunity to let the world see they mean not what they do but what they say Yet must God be my chiefest Guard and My Conscience both My Counsellour and My Comforter Though I put my Body into their hands yet I shall reserve my Soule to God and my selfe nor shall any necessity compell me to desert mine Honour or swerve from my Judgement What they sought to take by force shall now be given them in such a way of unusuall confidence of them as may make them ashamed not to be really such as they ought and professed to be God sees it not enough to deprive me of all Military power to defend my self but to put me upon using their power who seem to fight against me yet ought in duty to defend me So various are all humane affaires and so necessitous may the state of Princes be that their greatest danger may be in their supposed safety and their safety in their supposed danger I must now leave those that have adhered to me and apply to those that have opposed me this method of Peace may be more prosperous than that of Warre both to stop the effusion of bloud and to close those wounds already made and in it I am no lesse solicitous for My Friends safety than mine owne chusing to venture my selfe upon further hazards rather then expose their resolute Loyalty to all extremities It is some skill in play to know when a game is lost better fairly to give over than to contest in vaine I must now study to re-inforce my judgement and fortifie my mind with Reason and Religion that I may not seem to offer up my Soules liberty or make my Conscience their Captive who ought at first to have used arguments not Armes to have perswaded my consent to their new demands I thank God no successe darkens or disguises Truth to me and I shall no lesse conforme my words to my inward dictates now than if they had been as the words of a KING ought to be among loyall Subjects full of power Reason is the divinest power I shall never think my selfe weakned while I may make full and free use of that No eclipse of outward fortune shall rob me of that light what God hath denied of outward strength his grace I hope will supply with inward resolutions not morosely to deny what is fit to be granted but not to grant any thing which Reason and Religion bids me deny I shall never think my self lesse than my self while I am able thus to preserve the Integrity of my Conscience the onely Jewell now left me which is worth keeping O thou Soveraigne of our Soules the onely Commander of our Consciences though I know not what to do yet mine eyes are toward thee To the protection of thy mercy I still commend my self As thou hast preserved me in the day of Battaile so thou canst still shew me thy strength in my weaknesse Be thou unto me in my dâ—rkest night a pillar of fire to enlighten and direct me in the day of my hottest affliction be also a pillar of cloud to overshadow and protect me be to me both a Sun and a Shield Thou knowest that it is not any perversenesse of will but just perswasions of Honor Reason and Religion which have made me thus far to hazard my Person Peace and Safety against those that by force have sought to wrest them from Mee Suffer not my just resolutions to abate with my outward Forces let a good conscience alwayes accompany me in my solitude and desertions Suffer me not to betray the powers of Reason and that fortresse of my soule which I am intrusted to keep for thee Lead me in the paths of thy righteousnesse and shew me thy salvation Make my wayes to please thee and then thou wilt make mine Enemies to be at peace with me 23. Vpon the Scots delivering the KING to the English and his Captivity at Holmeby YEt may I justifie those Scots to all the world in this that they have not deceived me for I never trusted to them further than to men If I am sold by them I am onely sorry they should doe it and that my price should be so much above my Saviours These are but further Essaies which God will have me make of mans uncertainty the more to fix me on himselfe who never faileth them that trust in him Though the Reeds of Aegypt break under the hand of him that leanes on them yet the Rock of Israel will be an everlasting stay and defence Gods providence commands me to rerire from all to himself that in him I may enjoy my selfe which I lose while I let out my hopes to others The solitude and captivity to which I am now reduced gives me leisure enough to study the worlds vanity and inconstancy God sees 't is fit to deprive me of Wife Children Army Friends and Freedom that I may be wholly his who alone is all I care not much to be reckoned among the Unfortunate if I be not in the black List of irreligious and sacrilegious Princes No Restraint shall ensnare my soul in sinne nor gaine that of me which may make my Enemies more insolent my Friends ashamed or my Name accursed They have no great cause to triumph that they have got my Person into their power since my Soule is still my owne nor shall they ever gaine my Consent against my Conscience What they call obstinacy I know God accounts honest constancy from which Reason and Religion as well as Honour forbid me to recede 'T is evident now that it was not evill Counsellours with me but a
consent without tyranny or Tumults We must not starve our selves because some men have surfeited of wholsome food And if neither I nor You be ever restored to Our Rights but God in his severest justice will punish My Subjects with continuance in their sinne and suffer them to be deluded with the prosperity of their wickednesse I hope God will give Me and You that grace which will teach and enable Vs to want as well as to weare a Crowne which is not worth taking up or enjoying upon sordid dishonourable and irreligious terms Keep you to true principles of piety virtue and honour you shall never want a Kingdom A principall point of your honour will consist in your deferring all respect love and protection to your Mother My Wife who hath many waies deserved well of Me and chiefly in this that having beene a meanes to blesse Me with so many hopefull Children all which with their Mother I recommend to your love and care She hath been content with incomparable magnanimity and patience to suffer both for and with Me and you My prayer to God Almighty is what ever becomes of Me who am I thank God wrapt up and fortified in My owne Innocency and his grace that he would be pleased to make you an Anchor or Harbour rather to these tossed and weather-beaten Kingdomes a Repairer by your wisdome Iustice piety and valour of what the folly and wickednesse of some mâ—n have so farre ruined as to leave nothing entire in Church or State to the Crowne the Nobility the Clergy or the Commons either as to Lawes Liberties Estates Order Honour Conscience or Lives When they have destroyed Me for I know not how farre God may permit the malice and cruelty of My Enemies to proceed and such apprehensions some mens words and actions have already given Me as I doubt not but My bloud will crie aloud for vengeance to heaven so I beseech God not to poure out his wrath upon the generality of the people who have either deserted Me or engaged against Me through the artifice and hypocrisie of their Leaders whose inward horrour will be their first Tormenter nor will they escape exemplary judgements For those that loved Me I pray God they may have no misse of Me when I am gone so much I wish and hope that all good Subjects may be satisfyed with the blessings of Your presence virtues For those that repent of any defects in their duty toward Me as I freely forgive them in the word of a Christian King so I beleive You will find them truly zealous to repay with interest that Loyalty and love to you which was due to Me. In summe what good I intended do you performe when God shall give You power much good I have offered more I purposed to church and State if times had been capable of it The deception will soon vanish and the Vizards will fall off apace This maske of Religion on the face of Rebellion for so it now plainly appears since My restraint and cruell usage that they fought not for Me as was pretended will not long serve to hide some mens deformities Happy times I hope attend you wherein Your Subjects by their miseries will have learned That Religion to their God and Loyalty to their King cannot be parted without both their sin their infelicity And if God blesse You and establish your Kingdomes in righteousnesse your Soule in true Religion and your honour in the love of God and your People And if God will have disloyalty perfected by My destruction let My memory ever with My name live in You as of your Father that loves you and once a KING of three flourishing Kingdomes whom God thought fit to honour not only with the Scepter and government of them but also with the suffering many indignities and an untimely death for them while I studied to preserve the rights of the Church the power of the Lawes the honour of My Crown the priviledge of Parliaments the liberties of My People and My owne Conscience which I thank God is dearer to Me than a thousand Kingdomes I know God can I hope he yet will restore Me to My Rights I cannot despaire either of his mercy or of My Peoples love and pity At worst I trust I shall but go before you to a better Kingdome which God hath prepared for Me and Me for it through My Saviour Jesus Christ to whose mercies I commend you and all mine Farewell till we meet if not on Earth yet in Heaven Meditations upon Death after the Votes of Non-Addresses and His Maiesties Closer Jmprisonment in Carisbrooke-Castle AS I have leisure enough so I have cause more than enough to meditate upon prepare for My Death for I know there are but few steps between the Prisons and grave of Princes It is Gods indulgence which gives Me the space but Mans cruelty that gives Me the sad occasions for these thoughts For besides the common burden of mortality which lies upon Me as a Man I now bear the heavy load of other mens ambitions fears jealousies and cruell passions whose envy or enmity against Me makes their owne lives seem deadly to them while I enjoy any part of Mine I thank God My prosperity made Me not wholly a Stranger to the contemplations of mortality Those are never unseasonable since this is alwayes uncertain Death being an eclipse which oft happineth as well in clear as cloudy dayes But My now long and sharp adversity hath so reconciled in Me those naturall Antipathies between Life and Death which are in all men that I thank God the common terrours of it are dispelled and the speciall horour of it as to My particular much allayed for although my death at present may justly be represented to Me with all those terrible aggravations which the policy of cruel and implacable enemies can put upon it affaires being drawne to the very dregs of malice yet I blesse God I can look upon all those stings as unpoysonous though sharp since My Redeemer hath eith er pulled them out or given Me the Antidote of his death against them which as to the immaturity unjustice shame scorn and cruelty of it exceeded what ever I can fear Indeed I never did find so much the life of Religion the feast of a good Conscience and the brazen wall of a judicious integrity and constancy as since I came to these closer conflicts with the thoughts of Death I am not so old as to be weary of life nor I hope so bad as to be either afraid to dye or ashamed to live true I am so afflicted as might make Me sometime even desire to die if I did not consider that it is the greatest glory of christians life to dye daily in conquering by a lively faith and patient hopes of a better life those partiall and quotidian deaths which kills us as it were by peicemeales and make us over-live our own FATES while we are deprived of health