Courts It is beyond the power of Iove to please the various humours of Woman-kind Exit Scene 29. Enter two Gentlemen 1 GEntleman There was never so many Noble Persons Married in one day in one City I think before those that are to Marry to morrow 2 Gentlem. Who are they 1 Gentlem. Why do you not hear 2 Gentlem. No 1 Gentlem. Surely you have been either dead or deaf 2 Gentlem. I have been in the Country 1 Gentlem. That is some reason indeed but the Newes of the City uses to travel in Letters on Post-horses into the Country 2 Gentlem. No faith for the most part they come in slow Waggons but tell me who those are that are to be Maried to morrow 1 Gentlem. Why first there is the Lord Title and the Lady Virtue Secondly the Lord Courtship and the Lady VVard Thirdly there is Sir Famit Poet and the Lady Contemplation Fourthly the Lady Conversation and Sir Experienc'd Traveller And fifthly the Lady Visitant and Sir Humphry Interruption 2 Gentlem. I will do my endeavour to see them all for I will go to each Bridal House 1 Gentlem. How will you do so being all maried on a day 2 Gentlem. Why I will bid Good-morrow to the one and I will goe to Church with another and dine with the third and dance the afternoon with the fourth and see the fifth a bed 1 Gentlem. That you may do Exeunt Scene 30. Enter Mistris Troublesome and her Maid MIstris Troubles Lord there are so many Weddings to be to morrow as I know not which to go to Besides I shall displease those I go not to being invited to them all Maid If you would displease neither of them you must feign your self sick and go to none of them Mistris Troubles None of them say you that would be a cause to make me die for I would not but be a guest to one of them for any thing could be given me But I am resolved to go to the Lady Conversation and Sir Experienc'd Travellers Wedding for there there will be the most company and it is company that I love better than the Wedding-cheer for much company is a Feast to me Maid Truly Mistris I wonder you should delight in company you being in years Mistris Troubles Out you naughty Wench do you say I am old Maid No indeed I did not name old Mistris Troubles Then let me tell you that those women that are in years seek company to divulge their Wit as youth to divulge their Beauty and we Aged Wits may chance to catch a Lover from a young Beauty But I should applaud my own wit if it could contrive to bring each Bride and Bridegroom into one Assembly making Hymen's Monarchy a Republick where all should be in common Maid So Mistriss you would prove a Traytor to Hymen which is a Bawd Mistris Troubles Faith I will turn you away for your boldness Enter Mistris Gossip O Mistris Gossip you are welcome what Newes Mistris Gossip I am come to tell you that the five Bridals meet with their Guests and good Cheer at the City-Hall and make their several Companies Joyning as one as one Body and there will be such Revelling as the like was never before Mistris Troubles Iuno be thanked and Venus be praised for it for I was much perplex'd concerning their Divisions till you came and brought me this good Newes of their Corporation Exeunt Scene 31. Enter the Lord Title and the Lady Virtue as his Bride both of them richly attired and Old Humanity following them LOrd Title Come Old Humanity and be our Father to ioyn and give us in the Church and then when we are Maried we will live a Country-life I as a Shepherd and this Lady as my Fair Shepherdess Exeunt Scene 32. Enter the Lady Ward as a Bride and her Nurse Nurse Careful NUrse Careful My dear Child you appear as a sweet budding Rose this morning Lady Ward Roses are beset with thorns Nurse I hope I am not so Nurse Caref. By 'r Lady your Husband may prove a thorn if he be not a good man and a kind Husband but Oh my heart doth ake Lady Ward Wherefore doth it ake Enter Lord Courtship as a Bridegroom Lord Courts Come Sweet are you ready for it is time to go to Church it is almost twelve a clock Lady Ward I am ready but my Nurse doth affright me by telling me her heart doth ake as if she did fore-know by her experien'd age some ill fortune towards me or that I shall be unhappy in my mariage Lord Courts Her heart doth not ake for you but for her self because she cannot be a young fair bride as you are as being past her youth so that her heart doth ake out of a sad remembrance of her self not for a present or a future cause for you Nurse Caref. Well well I was young indeed and a comely bride when I was maried though I say it and had a loving bridegroom Heaven rest his soul Exeunt Scene 33. Enter the Lady Visitant as a Bride to the Lady Conplation another Bride LAdy Visit. Come I have brought all my bridal guests hither to joyn with yours for we will go to Church together Wherefore prethee come away our Bridegrooms and our Guests stay for you Lady Contempl. I will go to them by and by Lady Visit. Why I hope you do not stay to muse upon Phantasmes saith Mariage will banish them out of your head you must now imploy your time with Realities Lady Contempl. If I thought Mariage would destroy or disturb my Contemplations I would not marry although my Wedding-guests were come and my Wedding-dinner ready drest and my Wedding-cloaths on nay were I at the holy Altar I would return back Lady Visit. That would be such an action as all the Kingdome would say you were mad Lady Contem. I had rather all the World should not only say I were mad but think me so rather than my self to be unhappy Lady Visit. Can want of Contemplation make you unhappy Lady Contem. Yes as unhappy as a body can be without a soul for Contemplation is the life of the soul and who can be happy that hath a dead soul Lady Visit. By my troth I had rather be dead than have such a dull life Enter Maid Maid Madam the Bridegroom is coming hither Lady Contempl. I will prevent him and meet him Exeunt Scene 34. Enter the two Gentlemen 1 GEntlem. Come away come away they 'l be all married before we shall get to Church 2 Gentlem. There will be enough Witnesses we may well be spared but so I share of the Feast I care not whether they be married or not 1 Gentle The truth is the benefit to us will be only in eating of their meat and drinking of their wine 2 Gentlem. And I mean to be drunk but not for joy of their Mariages but for pleasure of my Gusto Exeunt Scene 35. Enter the five Couples and all the Bridal Guests The Bridegrooms and
will be very industrious if you please to set me to work Enter Maudlin Huswife her Mother she falls a beating her Maudlin You idle slut do you stand loytering here when it is more than time the Cows were milk'd Mall Mean-bred flings away her milking-pail Mall Mean-bred Go milk them your self with a murrain since you are so light-finger'd Maudlin I will milk your sides first The Mother goeth to beat her again Mall Mean-bred her daughter runs away from her mother she follows her running to catch her Master Inqui. I marry Sir this is right as a Farmers daughter should be but in my Conscience the other Maid that was here before her is a bastard begot by some Gentleman Exeunt Scene 14. Enter Sir John Argument and the Lady Conversation LAdy Conversa. Let me tell you Sir Iohn Argument Love delivers up the whole Soul to the thing beloved and the truth is none but one soul can love another Argum. But Justice Madam must be the rule of Love wherefore those souls which Love must give the bodies leave to joyn Conversat. O no pure souls may converse without gross bodies Argument Were it not for the Senses Madam souls could have no acquaintance and without an acquaintance there can be no reciprocal affection and will you make the Senses which are the souls chief confidence to be strangers or enemies Conversat. I would have them converse but not interrupt Argum. The bodies must have mutual friendship and correspondency with each other or otherwise they may dissemble or betray the souls or abuse the trust loose appetites or wandring senses or contrary humours and what can interrupt Love more than the disagreement of bodies Conversat. The Senses and Appetites of the Body are but as subject to the Soul Argument But 't is impossible for Forein Princes as I will compare two loving souls unto can live in peace and mutual amity if their subjects disagree Enter Mistris Troublesome Conversat. O Mistris Troublesome you are welcome for you shall end the dispute between Sir Iohn Argument and I Troublesome If you cannot decide the Dispute your selves I shall never do it But what is the Dispute Madam Conversat. Whether there can be a perfect friendship of Souls without a reciprocal and mutual conversation and conjunctions of Bodies Troublesome Faith Madam I think it would be a very faint friendship betwixt the Souls without the Bodies Conversat. I perceive Sir Iohn Argument and you would never make Platonick Lovers Troublesome Faith Madam I think Platonick is a word without sense Argument You say right Mistris Troublesome it is an insensible love Conversat. It is the Soul of Love Troublesome What 's that Madam a Ghost or Spirit Conversat. Indeed it hath no material body Argument No for it is an incorporal thing Troublesome What is an incorporal thing Sir Iohn Argument Why nothing Troublesome Pray leave this discourse or else you will talk nonsense Argument That 's usual in Conversation Conversat. Setting aside this discourse at Mistris Troublesomes request Pray tell me how the Lady Contemplation doth Troublesome Faith Madam by the course of her life one might think she were an incorporal thing Conversat. Why Troublesome Because she makes but little use of her Body living always within her Minde Conversat. Then her Body stands but as a Cypher amongst the Figures of her thoughts Troublesome Just so by my Troth Conversat. Pray bring me acquainted with the Lady Contemplation Troublesome If it be possible I will but the Lady Visitant can do it better than I Conversat. I am resolv'd I will visit her Exeunt Scene 15. Enter the Lord Courtship and the Lady Ward LOrd Courtship What is your passion over Lady Ward My passion will strive to maintain my honour and you may take my life but as long as I live my passion will fight in the quarrel But what man of honour will make a Bawd of her he intends to make his Wife and what man of honour will be cruel to those that are weak helplesse and shiftlesse and what man of honour will be uncivil to the meanest of our Sex It is more noble to flatter us than to quarrel with us but that I have heard you are valiant I should think you were a base coward and such a one that would quarrel in a Brothel-house rather than fight in a Battel But I perceive you are one that loves Pleasure more than Honour and Life more than Fame and I hate to be in that mans company or to make a Husband whose courage lies in Voluptousness and his life in Infamy I will sooner marry Death than such a man The Lady Ward goes out Lord Courtship alone Lord Courts Her words have shot through my soul and have made a sensible wound therein How wisely she did speak how beautiful appear'd Her minde is full of honour and the actions of her life are built upon noble principles so young so wise so fair so chaste and I to use her so basely as I have done O how I hate my self for doing so unworthily Exit Scene 16. Enter Sir Effeminate Lovely and Poor Virtue EFfemin. Lovely The more ground is troden on the easier the path to walk in Poor Virtue It seems so that you visit me so often Effem. Lovely Why thou art such sweet company and behav'st thy self so prettily as I cannot choose but visit thee Poor Virtue I would if I could behave my self so to the world as my indiscretion might not defame me Effem. Lovely Why do you think of a Fame Poor Virtue VVhy not since fame many times arises from poor Cottages as well as from great Palaces witness the Country labouring-man that was taken from the plough and made an Emperour as being thought sittest to rule both for Justice and VVisedome and he was more famous than those that were born of an Heroick Line and were of Royal dignity and David a shepherd became a King 'T is Merit that deserves a fame not Birth and sometimes Merit hath its desert though but seldome Effem. Lovely Thy discourse would tempt any man Poor Virtue Mistake not my discourse it hath no such devilish design for to tempt is to pervert 'T is true my Nature takes delight to delight and please others and not to crosse or displease any yet not to tempt or to delude with counterfeit demeanors or fair insinuating words smooth speech or oiled tongue to draw from Virtues side but to perswade and plead in Virtues cause Effem. Lovely Thy very looks would gain a cause before thy tongue could plead Poor Virtue Alas mans countenance is like the Sea which ebbs and flows as passion moves the minde Effem. Lovely I am sure Love moves my minde and makes it in a fiery heat Poor Virtue If it be noble Love it is like the Sun which runs about to give both light and heat to all the world that else would sit in darknesse and be both cold and steril so doth a noble minde run with industry to
give away what they have Portrait Talk not of womens souls for men say we have no souls only beautiful bodies Bon' Esprit But beautiful bodies are a degree of souls and in my Conscience please men better than our souls could do Superbe If anything prove we have no souls it is in letting men make such fools of us Matron Come come Ladies by Womens Actions they prove to have more or at least better souls than Men have for the best parts of the Soul are Love and Generosity and Women have more of either than Men have Grave Temperance The truth is that although Reason and Understanding are the largest parts of the Soul yet Love and Generosity are the delicatest parts of the Soul Enter Monsieur Heroick Heroick Goodmorrow young Ladies you appear this morning like sweet-smelling flowers some as Roses others as Lillies others as Violets Pinks and Primroses and your associating in a company together is like as a Posie which Love hath bound up into one Bucket which is a fit Present for the Gods Bon' Esprit If you would have us presented to the Gods we must die for we are never preferred to them but by Death wherefore we must be given to Death before the Gods can have us they may hear us whilest we live and we may hear of them but partake of neither until we die Heroick O that were pity Ladies for there is nothing more sad in Nature than when Death parts a witty Soul from a young beautiful Body before the one hath built Monuments of Memory and the other gained Trophies of Lovers And as for the Gods you will be as acceptable to them when you are old as when you are young Ambition As nothing could make me so sad as untimely death of Youth Wit and Beauty so there is nothing could anger me more as for Fortune to frown upon Merit or not to advance it according to its worth or to bury it in Oblivion hindring the passage into Fames Palace Temperance For my part I believe Death will neither call nor come for you before his natural time if you do not send Surfet and Excess to call him to take you away Pleasure Indeed Mankind seem as if they were Deaths Factors for they do strive to ingross and destroy all other creatures or at least as many as they can and not only other creatures but their own kinde as in Wars and not only their own kinde but themselves in idle and unprofitable Adventures and gluttonous Excess thus as I said they are Deaths Factors buying sickness with health hoping to gain pleasure and to make delight their profit but they are cozen'd for they only get Diseases Pains and Aches Matron Pray Ladies mark how far you are gone from the Text of your discourse as from sweet-smelling flowers to stinking carrion which are dead carkasses from a lively good-morrow to a dead farewel from mirth to sadness Portrait You say right Mother Matron wherefore pray leave off this discourse for I hate to hear off death for the thoughts of death affright me so as I can take no pleasure of life when he is in my mind Heroick Why Ladies the thought of death is more than death himself for thoughts are sensible or imaginable things but Death himself is neither sensible nor imaginable Portrait Therefore I would not think of him and when I am dead I am past thinking Superbe Let us discourse of something that is more pleasing than Death Heroick Then by my consent Ladies your discourse shall be of Venus and Cupid which are Themes more delightful to your Sex and most contrary to death for Love is hot and Death is cold Love illuminates life and Death quenches life out Bon Esprit Let me tell you Sir Love is as apt to burn life out as Death is to quench it out and I had rather die with cold than be burnt with heat for cold kills with a dead numness when heat kills with a raging madnesse Pleasure But Lovers are tormented with fears and doubts which cause cold sweats fainting of spirits trembling of limbs it breaks the sweet repose of sleep disturbs the quiet peace of the mind vades the colours of beauty nips or blasts the blossome of youth making Lovers look withered before Time hath made them old Heroick It is a signe Lady you have been in love you give so right a Character of a Lover Pleasure No there requires not a self-experience to find out a Lovers trouble for the outward Actions will declare their inward grief and passion Superbe Certainly she is in love but conceals it she keeps it as a Secret Pleasure Love cannot be secret the passion divulges it self Portrait Confess Are you not in love Faction Nay she will never confess a Secret unless you tell her one for those that tell no secrets shall hear none Portrait O yes for a Secret is like a child in the womb for though it be concealed for a time it will come out at last only some comes out easier than others and some before their time Ambition Nay whensoever a secret comes out it 's untimely Faction Secrets are like Coy Ducks when one is flown out it draws out others and returns with many Pleasure Then like a Coy Duck I will try if I can draw all you after me Exit Pleasure Bon' Esprit She shall see she is like a Duck which is like a Goose and we like her for we will follow her Exeunt Scene 8. Enter Monsiuer Tranquillities Peace and his Man TRanquill Peace Have you been at Monsieur Busie's house to tell him I desire to speak with him Servant Yes I have been at his house Tranquill. Peace And will he come Servant Faith Sir the house is too unwieldy to stir and Monsieur Busie is too Active to stay at home but the truth is I went at four a clock this morning because I would be sure to find him and his servants and their Master was flown out of his nest an hour before Then I told his servants I would come about dinner-time and they laugh'd and ask'd me what time was that I said I supposed at the usual time about Noon or an hour before or after but they said their Master never kept any certain time of eating being full of business Then I asked them what time that would be when he would come home to bed They answered that his time of Resting was as uncertain as his time of Eating Then I pray'd them to tell me at what time they thought I might find him at home They said it was impossible for them to guess for that their Master did move from place to place as swift as thoughts move in the Mind Then I pray'd them that they would tell him when he came home that you would desire to speak with him They told me they would but they did verily believe he would forget to come to you by reason his head was so full of busie thoughts or thoughts of
and to obey and every Holyday you shall in Arbors sit shadow'd from hot Sun-beams whilst Country Maids and Country Men which Lovers are shall dance upon the grassy Green to the sound of the Horn-pipe Bag-pipe and such breathing Musick whose pleasant Strains and plain-set Notes rebound in Ecchos from the high-cast Banks the lofty Hills hollow Woods and murmuring Streams besides other Rural sports to entertain your Eyes and Ears and recreate your Minde with Mirth and harmless Plays to pass your Time withall No life so pleasant as the Country Life No woman so happy as the Farmers VVife Prudence Honest Friend could I as easily perswade my Affections to your Person as I could to the condition of a Shepherdesses life or Farmers wife you should be the only man I would choose but since I cannot I must only return you thanks for your good liking in that you have preferr'd me in your choise for which may neither nipping Frost nor burning Sun nor blasting winds nor weeds nor snails nor worms destroy your Labours nor ravenous Wolves nor crafty Foxes nor Polcats Weesels Kites or any such like Vermin fright or rob you of your young tender breed may all your grounds and flocks increase a treble-fold your fleeces long and thick your corn firm and full-car'd your grass sweet and broad-bladed your trees so full of fruits that every branch may bow under its load and may your plenty store all the Kingdom that neither want nor famine may be fear'd or felt may all your Country Neighbours and labouring Swains respect you as their Chief obey you as their Lord and worship you as their God Pan Exeunt Scene 22. Enter Sir William Holdfast meeting the Lady Mute she seeming as in a studious Thought HOldfast Lady you are in a serious Contemplation Pray what are you thinking of Mute I have heard that thoughts are free but I perceive they cannot pass without questioning Holdfast I would not boldly intrude upon them my humble desire is I might partake of the Excellency of them Mute I suppose you think my Contemplation is of Heaven and not of the World for there is no subject which can make Thought excellent but what is Divine for the World corrupts them Nature deceives them and Speech betrays them Holdfast If your speech never betrays more than it doth now which only expresses your Wit you may well pardon it but I now finde you are not so ignorantly simple as you are thought to be through your silence Mute I confess I have practis'd silence for I am of years fitter to learn than to talk and I had rather be thought ignorantly simple for being silent than to express folly by too much speaking Holdfast But I wonder you will suffer you self to be laugh'd at for a Natural Fool when your wit is able to defend you from scorns and scoffs and is able to maintain its own Arguments Mute If I had Wit there would be no Honour in the Arguing no more than for a Valiant man to fight with Cowards so wit to dispute with fools But I had rather they should laugh at me than I should weep for my self yet there were none in that company that laugh'd at me but were older than I and the older they are the more faults they have committed and if they laugh at me for my little wit I will scorn them for their many faults and hate them for their vices Holdfast The truth is 't is only fools that commit many faults and take delight in their own follies and do themselves hurt with their own errors and not those that have Wit for they have Ingenuity and Prudence to foresee and so escape errours and the mischiefs that may follow But you appear by not expressing your self to your disadvantage and your silence doth you wrong Mute I care not how I appear in my outward Aspect so my Life be honest my Actions just my Behaviour modest my Thoughts pure and that I obey to the utmost of my power the Laws and Customs of Duty Morality Divinity and Civility But 't is a sign of a foolish Age when silence is thought ignorant simplicitie and modesty accounted a crime when in Antient Times Youth was taught sober Attention and it was impos'd upon Scholars to keep silence five years before they were suffer'd to speak that they might afterwards be able to Teach and not always live to learn as School-boys which they would always be if they spent their time in words and not study and observe And silence is a discretion that few women practise being more apt to talk than men for women are fuller of words than thoughts but words should be weighed by Judgment in the ballance or scales of Sense and deliver'd by the tongue through the lips by Retail which cannot be if they throw them out so fast for there is required Reason Time and Understanding besides unstopped Ears to hear them But though mine Enemies laugh at me for a Fool yet I have so much Honesty Innocencie and Modesty to guard and defend my Reputation as they cannot wound that with their sharp words nor laughing faces Exeunt Scene 23. Enter the Lady Prudence and her strange Wooer a man that had a wooden Leg a patch on his Eye and Crook-back'd unhandsome snarled Hair and plain poor Cloaths on He takes the Wooers place and the Assembly about gazing with smiling faces at the sight of such a Wooer Strange Wooer Lady I come not now to plead with flourishing Rhetorick to make that which is false to appear like truth or paint a foul cause with fair smooth words But my cause of request is honest and what I shall speak is truth nor do I strive to hide my Deformities or Vices As for my outward deformities they are visible to your Eyes but Vices live in the Appetites Passions and Affections which are only exprest by the Actions and therefore the easier may be dissembled from the most part of the World yet not from Heaven to whom I am to make a just account And since my sins are only to the Gods and not you fair Godess I shall not at this time make a publick confession of them but I am come here to present you with my love which love is as pure as unspotted Angels it hath no by-respects unto your Wealth Beauty or Birth but barely and meerly to your Virtue in truth I come a wooing to your Soul not to your Body but yet mistake me not I would not have them parted I cannot say my Estate or Birth deserves you nor have I merits equal to your worth but since my love is as pure as your virtue it will be an equal Match And though you see my body a deformed bulk yet I am not asham'd of it because the owner which is my Mind is honest for I never betray'd my King or Country Mistris or Friend nor any Trust that was impos'd unto me by any although a Foe I never shut my