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A36958 Butler's ghost, or, Hudibras with reflections upon these times. D'Urfey, Thomas, 1653-1723.; Butler, Samuel, 1612-1680. Hudibras. 1682 (1682) Wing D2703; ESTC R22762 38,919 202

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cease and then Put on his Hat and cry'd Amen And now began the Massacre Whilst stillness seiz'd each Member there Even Zeal it self had Self-denial The lust of Eating made him Loyal 'Till second Course the Table crown'd And the Whig Healths were coming round But then as if the passive Bottles Had charm'd Sedition to their Noddles Pigmy starts up with Zealous fury And like hired Foreman of a Jury Tickled with old rebellious Itch Began this edifying Speech ' That Hieroglyphick Loyn of Veal ' Quoth he is like the Commonweal ' From Body Politique so lopt ' And like the State mangled and Chopt ' Heaven even in Naturals does express ' Perfect Idea's of our Case ' And by mean Symptoms makes us know ' The Troubles we must undergo ' For 't is not only Railery ' Blasting our deeds with Infamy ' Which hair-brain'd Scriblers frame to cramp one ' Or seeing of our names in Lampoon ' Must e're have pow'r enough to vex us ' Or with their emptiness perplex us ' Nay should we hear a fellow prate ' There goes a Rogue of Forty eight ' It must not on us make Invasions ' The Touchstone of the Saints is Patience ' And the pleasure will be ours at last ' Revenge tho slow is surely pac't ' Little disgraces still must be ' Companions of our Constancy ' Halters sharp Axes breach of Laws ' Must aid and propagate the Cause ' But like brave Theeves if any dies ' 'T is not for Trifles but a Prize ' What Troubles did on Brutus wait ' E're he had power to change the State ' How did he let pert Coxcombs rule ' And squint and slaver like a Fool ' Abus'd by the Monarchal Crew ' Oft spurn'd and cudgel'd black and blew ' And yet with patience without snobbing ' How did he bear th' unfriendly drubbing ' 'Till Lucrece dy'd the first Coy thing ' That e're did so for Ravishing ' But then as if her wanton Fate ' Gave cause enough to change the State ' He boldly threw off his disguise ' Aided the Rebels and grew wise ' As he proceeded so must we ' The best of Wit is Policy ' And opportunity 's the main ' Thing to make us our ends obtain ' What made the quondam Draymen Lords ' But time and patience and good Swords ' Or th' Hotspur of the North expire ' But testy Wrath and too much Fire ' Rage as in Reason needs must appear ' Is like a gust of Wind to a Taper 'T is either puff'd and melted fast ' Or quite extinguisht by the blast ' And so shall we if we expose 'Our kindled Anger 's to our Foes ' Passion converts our solid sense 'To folly and impertinence Like Hectors that make Cullies fret And then are sure to win the Set ' Or like a Squib that flies about ' Buzzes and bounces and goes out ' But ne're can do half th' ill turns ' Of the Fire that moderately burns ' Besides we have Examples still ' That Caution was our chiefest skill ' In late successes a sly fleer ' Carry'd more Cunning than to swear ' And Yea and Nay with formal Dress ' Gave us such great advantages ' That those that did against us fight ' Almost believ'd we were in th' right ' Deceiv'd by holy Politiques ' And influence of Canting tricks ' 'Till we with Men and Arms were stor'd ' But then Religion was the Sword ' Each pious Pastor warm'd with Bub ' Would were his Buff-Coat in his Tub ' In his right hand would weild a Bible ' In th' left an edifying Libel ' Thence loudly bawling Gospel Law ' And if they not believ'd would draw ' But this was when the point was gain'd 'A step which yet we han't obtain'd ' And therefore mildly must agree ' And grace our Plots with subtlety 'A Commonwealth's as hard to bring in ' As 't was of late to get the King in ' When fatally his Cause was try'd ' And tho it happen'd the wrong side ' Yet if we do but mind our hits 'Our Party such advantage gets ' Such shoals of Rabble daily draws 'To back and fortifie the Cause ' We doubt not the Conscientious Men ' Will one day get him out agen ' For Monarchy is still profest 'A foe to all our Interest 'A headlong Arbitrary sway ' That proudly makes us all obey ' When we in Justice should maintain ' The Priviledge of English-men ' Whose humours with Republiques breed ' But seldom honour a crown'd Head ' Pleas'd with the freedom of their State ' And blind Ambition to be great ' Which cannot be effected when ' The Nation has a foremost Man ' The wise Plebeans fear'd to bring ' Their Votes for Caesar to be King ' As doubting that his Power might rise 'T' incroach upon their Liberties ' And keep them from their honour'd Due ' Who one day might be Consuls too ' And in our latter Age we found 'A Wight aspiring to be crown'd ' Who tho he had gain'd th' utmost height ' Of th' lofty Pyramid of State ' Would yet have made our stubborn Folk 'To bow to a more haughty Yoke ' Had they not boldly checkt the thing ' And cry'd No Bishop nor no King ' Two Names that never yet would heal ' The Wounds made in a Commonweal ' But make it rankle a worse way ' Than a neglected Slave's at Sea ' Yet tho a Monarch be the Bug 'A thing we hate like a mad Dog ' 'T is fit we humour Times and with ' Fit subtlely beware his Teeth ' In Royalty is a strange Power ' That sometimes higher moves and lower ' When low the blow is to be strook ' When higher we must only look ' And its declension watch with pains ' As Pigmies do the soaring Cranes 'Our Wit is now a wiser course 'To propagate the Cause than force ' As Horseleeches with eager might ' Suck to the Blood but never bite ' Petitions and such Gentilesses ' Convenient are but no Addresses ' Rumours of Popish Cavalcades ' Armies i' th' North and Hatfield Maids ' Dreams Whimsies and the strange affrights ' Of Enthusiastic Bethlemites ' All things that can the King perplex ' And with Eternal Buzzings vex 'To urge him to strike first and then ' We have good cause to do 't agen ' For Causes howe're understood ' In wrong or right will do us good ' And what can better charm a Widgeon ' Than th' old Authentic sham Religion ' What made State Carpenter rebel Religious Cause of doing well Or brought Mun's Murder to be found Religion No five hundred Pound Answer'd an old neglected Guest That sat at th' lower end o' th' Feast Who tho by Mrs. Bride envited By all the rest o' th' Board was slighted His Tory Principles not being Squar'd right with theirs but disagreeing He finding that the warpt Statemonger Would preach his Canting Treason longer Resolv'd to cut him off and make Him know 't was now his turn to
Reasons for so doing Than e're chous'd Cully did for wooing With his imagin'd Wit he 's wrapt And like an Autumn Spider shapt His busie Pate extracted Fears As Whores do mercinary Tears He 'd swear i' th' Skies he heard a drumming And that the Bugbear French were coming Or if a Blazing Star were seen The fault must be in King or Queen Some mighty flaw in Government For which their Prodigies were sent But ne're believ'd the Heavens foretell A Plague for Villains that rebell To all ill News he was a Prophet But if 't were good knew nothing of it In his opinion most precise And obstinate to all advice For in all his Race and Progeny No Rebel e're was found but he Two City Sparks next fill'd the Table New plac'd in Office by the Rabble And us'd just like a pair of Bellows To blow Sedition 'mongst the Zealous Pimpino and Backoso nam'd At Court tho not in th' City sham'd Scorn'd by the Loyal and the brave Tho cherisht by the factious Knave The first a tall affected Prig In entertaining Gown and Wig With Spanniel gate and fawning form That Porpuss-like foretells a storm Low Cringes and uncover'd Pate He hugs the Man he means to cheat So proud of purple Officers That he oft pulls 'em by the Ears To shew 'em in what Sphere they move And that his Worship 's plac'd above The second was a drunken Sot So scar'd and frighted with the Plot That he durst never see the Cuts Without two Bottles in his Guts Nor with the story on 't dispense 'Till he were fairly past his sense And as the true Geneva breed When any thing does ill succeed Seek to avert their State Commotion By formal setling to Devotion His Zeal another way inclin'd And fortifi'd his fears with Wine That what his Wit could not pursue His Courage thus infus'd might do So Asia's Conquerour inspir'd By Greekish Brimmers Fame acquir'd And the vast World before him shrunk Nor e're durst meet his Arms when drunk Thus stor'd with equal Vertues they Were likewise plac'd in equal sway Like Beagles coupled in a Chain To hunt the Loyal and arraign All those that would not break the Laws Kiss and Espouse the Good old Cause Recusants were for Faction blam'd Dissenters cherisht for the same And what was Treason in the one In tother was an act well done As if so base a thing would be In Courts of Law and Equity As that more Justice should be due To a Dutch Swabber than a Iew Especially when all pretences Are void and equal their Offences Law is the Guardian of our Lives Our Fortunes and Prerogatives By which our proper Rights are known And every Subject gets his own Unless some hired Vermin shame us And lose a Cause through Ignoramus Expose their Consciences of Steel To justifie their lasting Zeal Make ye a sly fallacious Quibble Act Vi Armis against a Bible And lies in Rhetoric exprest As if Men took an Oath in jest Or that a Monarch's Life were far Less worth than th' Prisoners at the Bar. Men should have Souls and Consciences And Loyalty to joyn with these Tho in a business lately known 'T is thought the Jury there had none When from the least to the greatest thing They all had Iustice but the King Near him was plac'd a sniveling Cur Wrapt up in Scarlet lin'd with Fur With guilded Lady by his side Trickt and Embroider'd like a Bride Well known to every Kinght and Lord And intimate with all the Board Her Husband's Riches did surmount Grew and Increas'd on her account Like rolling Snow-balls for tho he Extorted much by Usury She found the surest way of gaining By her obliging entertaining Famous he was for Procuration Demurrings and continuation Hedging Estates in and the Title For nothing or as bad for little On tender Conscience setting Tax And ever soft'ning it like Wax To make it fit to bear impression Of true or false upon occasion His name as I 'me inform'd by hear-say From friends was Noverint Universi Renown'd 'mongst Pauper Cavaliers Bilkt Widows and young Bancrupt Heirs As much admir'd for Poynant Wit Especially at his own Treat For drinking Healths in Brimmer Gills To Senates and Exclusive Bills Sirnaming Bishops England's Foes And Drone-like singing Raree-Shows Others of this rare Tribe were met And at the Board in order set Like Toads that in black Fogs appear To suck the Poison of the Air And then infuse it to the Blood And Entrails of their crawling Brood Whilst round about the spacious Room Loud Laughs and then confused Hum And scraps of Treason made the Jest From Pignies mouth with Grace exprest When Hudibras appear'd agen And usher'd all the Dishes in Sawces and Sallads on a pile All rang'd in order Rank and File At Tables end the Lady fair Was plac'd whilst all the Guests stood bare Each gratulating with submission The happy altering her condition Who with down-look and shamefast Meen Acted the Virgin of thirteen And by her carriage might be guest As pure a Maid as ever P But Ceremony's growing old And lest the Supper should be cold Up to the Board Doctoro comes Hanging his Hat upon his Thumbs And with his quondam Tone and Face Squeak'd out this formal Canting Grace Bless I beseech thee Lard quoth he This butter'd Dish of Furmity Ah! let the luscious Plumbs therein Mind us of our more luscious Sin And prove unto us sacred Meat For thy Disciples loved Wheat Let this Surloin have also Blessing This Venison Haunch tho spoil'd in dressing At that the Knight erecting head And finding it was so indeed Frowning with discontented look Stole softly out to beat his Cook Whilst thus the Priest went on And Lard When thou hast blest this plenteous Board Keep us the feeders too from fallings And bless us in our several Callings Give us we pray thee leave to tread Once more upon a Bishop's head Let not the Land those Silk-worms nourish And then thy chosen Saints shall flourish Religious Button-makers teach And gifted Weavers stifly preach Schoolmen with Rhetoric decoy us 'T is the most ignorant are most pious All Colledges and Schools are vain Breeders of Learning most prophane Except that University That grac'd my Vertue with Degree A Nursery built to preserve us And not for Doctrine but for Service Greek is a Heathen Tongue profest Latin the Language of the Beast Nor is Philosophy found good Unless to teach us to be lewd To trace mysterious Secrets home And search our Mother Natures Womb But we a near and shorter cut A North-East passage have found out To those immortal heavenly Mines Where gracious Noll in Splendour shines And all those holy Men appear Once Sanctifi'd at Doncaster Here stopt the Priest not having done But to pump Breath up to go on 'Till Pigmy having long o'recome The hungry Demons in his Womb And justly now began to fear No end would be of this long Pray'r Tipt him a wink to