A most pleasant and merie nevv Comedie Intituled A Knacke to knowe a Knaue Newlie set foorth as it hath sundrie tymes bene played by ED. ALLEN and his Companie VVith KEMPS applauded Merrimentes of the men of Goteham in receiuing the King into Goteham Imprinted at London by Richard Iones dwelling at the signe of the Rose and Crowne nere Holborne bridge 1594 A merie Knacke to knowe a Knaue Enter King Edgar bishop Dunston and Perin a courtier King DVnston how highlie are we bound to praise The Eternall God that still prouides for vs And giues vs leaue to rule in this our land Lyke wise Vaspasian Romes rich Emperour Suppressing sinue that daylie raignes in vs First murther we rewarde with present death And those that doe commit fellonious crimes Our lawes of England doe awarde them death And hee that doeth dispoyle a Uirgins chastitie Must lykewise suffer death by lawes decree And that decree is irreuocable Then as I am Gods Uicegerent here on earth By Gods appointment heere to raigne and rule So must I seeke to cut abuses downe That lyke to Hydras heades daylie growes vp one in anothers place And therein makes the land infectious Which if with good regard we looke not to We shall lyke Sodom feele that fierie doome That God in Iustice did inflict on them Dunston Your Graces care herein I much cummend And England hath iust cause to praise the Lorde That sent so good a King to gouerne them Your lyfe may be a Lanterne to the state By perfect signe of humilitie Howe blest had Sodome bene in sight of God If they had had so kinde a Gouernour They had then vndoubtedlie escapt that doome That God in iustice did inflict on them Then England kneele vpon thy hartie knee And praise that God that so prouides for thee And vertuous Prince thou Salomon of our age Whose yeares I hope shall double Nestors raigne And bring a thousand profits to the land My selfe dread Prince in token of my loue And dutifull obedience to your Grace Will studie daylie as my dutie willes To roote sinnes from the flourishing common wealth That Fame in euery angle of the world May sound due praise of Englands vetuous King King Dunston liue thou and counsell still the king To maintaine Iustice were it on himself Rather than soothing him in his abuse To see subuersion of his common wealth I tell thee Dunston thou hast pleased the King And prooued thy selfe a vertuous counsellour Thy counsell is to me as North stars light That guides the Sayler to his wished port For by that starre he is so comforted That he sailes daungerlesse on daungerous seas And in his deepest sadnes comforts him So Dunstons knowledge is that starre of ioy That will with helpe conduct me to my happinesse Honesty And yet thou art not happy Edgar Because that sinnes lyke swarmes remaine in thee King Why t is impossible for I haue studied still To root abuses from the common wealth That may infect the king or communaltie Therefore base Peasant wilfull as thou art I tell thee troth thou hast displeasd the King Honesty Nay the King hath displeased himselfe In trusting euery one that speaks him faire For through faire words Kings manie tymes are faine To countenance Knaues by their authoritie I will not say your Grace doeth so Perin No sir you were not best Honest. Why if I should I might make good my word And fynd a Knaue I feare before I part King Why what art thou Honesty Mary I goe plaine and my name is Honesty A friend to your Grace but a foe to Flatterers And one that hath a Knacke to know a Knaue Perin As how sir by art or by some foolish gift God hath giuen you You are some Uissitian or skild in Uisognomy or in palmestry For I am sure you can neuer do it by Astronomie Because there are no starres to knowe a knaue Hon. True but many an honest man knowes a knaue to his cost And is neither Uisitiā Uisognomer palmester nor astronomer But a plaine man of the country lyke me That knowes a knaue if he doe but see his cap Per. That wer pretie I faith to see Honesty know a knaue by his cap T is more than I can do with al the skil I haue But tel me I pray thee how I should know a knaue Hon. I beleeue you wel for offenders neuer bewray their offences Til the Law fynd them and punish them But you would faine tell how to know a knaue Then thus the first man you meet in the morning If he salute you drawe neere him And smell to his hat and after smell to your owne And my cap to a noble if his smel lyke yours he is a knaue I thinke I spoke with you now Perin Base Uillain were it not that the Kinges presence doth priuilege thy presūptiō I wold teach you to iest with your fellows Ki. Forbear honesty thou art a good plain fellow And I cōmend thy wit that hast such waies to know a knaue Hon. Honesty is plaine my Lord but no good fellow For good fellowes be purse-takers now a daies And there be so manie of such good fellowes That Honesty may walke the streetes without company Not that there wants company but honest company I mean And yet Honesty can clap a knaue on the shoulder for al his brauerie Perin Why base companion meane you me Honesty Not base sir because I was truelie begotten For Honesty may be suspected but neuer detected But you think I had a bayliefe to my father as you had And that my mother could returne a writ of error As yours did when such a Gallant as you were gotten King Beleeue me Perin he hath toucht you now And I perceiue though Honesty be simple Yet manie tymes he speakes trueth Honesty True if it please your Grace for honest men wil not lie But if your Grace vouchsafe to giue me leaue You shall see me finde more knaues than one If my cunning faile me not or els say Honesty had no honesty Ki. But tel me Dunston how thinkest thou of this motion Were it not good thinkest thou we gaue him leaue To stifle such Catterpillers as corrupt the common welth For manie tymes such simple men as he Bewray much matter in simplicitie Then tell me Dunston what thinkest thou of his motion Dunst. If it please your Grace to thinke it good Dunston will say as once Hefestion did When Alexander wan rich Macedone That what so ere the King himselfe thought meete He would in dutifull obedience yeeld vnto And so saith Dunston to your Maiestie For many times such simple men bring that to passe That wiser heads cannot attaine vnto For doubtlesse he hath some deuice in hand Whereby to fynde such subtle knauerie King Well Dunston then as thou hast counseld me I will for once make proofe of Honesty sirra come hither In hope you wil as your profession is In honest sort to fynde deceiuers out And fynding them to
giue vs notice straight That we may punish them for their amisse We giue thee leane to work what means thou maist So it be not preiudice to the state nor vs Honesty My gratious Lord if Honestie offend In anie thing that he hath promised And doe not as your Grace hath giuen in charge Stifle such Caterpillers as corrupt the state Let Honestie receiue such punishment As he deserues that leazes to the king King Honesty it is ynough but tel me now what moued thee first To vndertake this taske to visit vs speak truth desemble not Honest. If I shuld tel your Grace t wold make you laugh To heare how Honesty was entertainde Poore lame and blinde when I came once ashore Lord how they came in flocks to visit me The shepheard with his hooke and Thrasher with his flaile The very pedler with his dog and the tinker with his male Then comes a souldier counterfeit with him was his Iug And Wil the whipper of the dogs had got a bounsing trug And coging Dick was in the crue that swore he cam frō Frāce He swore that in the Kings defence he lost his arm by chance And yet in conscience if I were put to sweare I would be bound to lay a pound the knaue was neuer there And hapning mongst this companie by chance one day I had no sooner namde my name but they ran all away But now I will to my taske and leaue your Grace And so I take my conge of your Maiestie King Honestie farewel and looke vnto your charge Perin My gratious Lord if I might not offend I would intreat a fauour at your hand T is so I heard of late my gratious Lord That my kinde father lay at poynt of death And if my Lord I should not visite him The world I feare would fynd great fault with me King Nay Perin if your businesse bee of waight We are content to giue you leaue to goe Prouided this that you returne againe When you haue seene your Father and your friends Perin My gratious Lord I will not stay there long Only but see my father and returne againe Till when my gratious Lord I take my leaue Kin. Perin farewel and tel me Dunston now we are alone What doest thou thinke of beauteous Alfrida For she is reported to be be passing faire They say she hath a white pit in hir chin That makes her looke lyke to the Queene of loue When she was dalying with Endymion Beleeue me Dunston if she be so faire She will serue our turne to make a Concubine Me thinks t is good some tyme to haue a loue To sport withall and passe away the tyme Dun. I my good Lord Dunston could wel allow of it If so your Grace would marrie Alfrida King What wouldst thou haue me marie her I neuer saw Then men would say I doted on a wench But Dunston I haue found a policie Which must indeed be followed to the full Enter Ethenwald Earle Ethenwald welcome I thought to send for you You must goe doe a message for vs now T is nothing but to woo a Wench which you can doe You must not woo her for your selfe but me Tell her I sit and pine lyke Tantalus And if you can straine foorth a teare for me Tell her she shall be honoured in my Loue And beare a childe that one day may be King Bid her not stand on tearmes but send me word Whether she be resolued to loue me yea or no If she say no tell her I can enforce her Loue Or t is no matter though you leaue that out And tell her this we heare she is as wyse As eloquent and ful of Oratory as Thaly was daughter of Iupiter Whose speaches were so pleasing mong the Greeks That she was tearmde a second Socrates For some report women loue to be praised Then in my cause I pray thee loue thou Alfrida Ethen. My gratious Lord and Ethenwald shall not faile To shew his humble dutie to your Maiestie I will my Lord woe her in your behalfe Plead loue for you and straine a sigh to show your passions I will say she is fayrer than the Dolphins eie At whome amazde the night stars stand and gaze Then will I praise her chin and cheeke and prety hand Long made lyke Venus when she vsde the harp When Mars was reueling in loues high house Besides my Lord I will say she hath a pace Much like to Iuno in Idea vale When Argus watcht the Heifer on the mount These words my Lord will make her loue I am sure If these will not my Lord I haue better far King Nay this is well now Ethenwald be gone For I shall long to heare of thy returne Eth. My gratious Lord I humbly take my leaue Exit King Ethenwald farewel Dunston how likest thou this What haue I done well in sending Ethenwald But in good tyme how if he lyke the mayde Beleeue me Dunston then my game is mard Dunst. I doe not thinke my gratious Lord My Nephew Ethenwald beares that bad mind For hetherto he hath bene tearmed iust And kept your Grace his gratious fauourer Ki. True Dunston yet haue I read that Loue Hath made the sonne receiue the father oft But Dunston leauing this come le ts to court Dunston I will attend vpon your Maiesty Exeunt Enter Baylief of Hexam and his foure sonnes to wit a Courtier a Priest a Conicatcher and a Farmer Bayly MY sonnes you see how age decaies my state And that my lyfe lyke snow before the sun Gins to dissolue into that substance nowe From whose inclosure grew my syre of lyfe The earth I meane sweet mother of vs all Whom death authorised by heauens high power Shall bring at last from whence at first I came Yet ere I yeeld my selfe to death my sonnes Giue eare and heare what rules I set you downe And first to thee my sonne that liuest by wit I know thou hast so many honest sleights To shift and cosen smoothly on thy wit To cog and lie and braue it with the best That t were but labour lost to counsell thee And therfore to the next Walter that seemes in shew a husbandman My sonne when that thy master trusts thee most And thinks thou dealest as truelie as himselfe Be thou the first to worke deceit to him So by that means thou maist inrich thy selfe And liue at pleasure when thy maister 's dead And when to market thou art sent with woll Put sand amongst it and t will make it weigh The waight twise double that it did before The ouerplus is thine into thy purse But now my sonne that keeps the Court Be thou a means to set the Peeres at strife And curri fauour for the commons loue If any but in conference name the King Informe his Maiestie they enuie him And if the king but moue or speake to thee Kneele on both knees and say God saue your Maiestie If any man be fauoured by the King Speake
nothing with thee I am sure Con. Tush tel me what it is I le doe it I warrant thee Honest. Nothing but this to sweare vpon a booke That thou sawest a Gentleman pay a Farmer Foure hundred pound as the last payment of a Farme That the said Gentleman bought of him Con. Tush if this be all let me alone I will doe it Why t is nothing for me to sweare For I am forsworne already but when is the day Honest. Why to morrow Conic, But where shall I meet you Honesty Why vpon the exchange at eight a clocke Con. I will not misse til that time fare well Exit Hon. Farewel nay you will scant farewel By that tyme I haue done but I must about my busines To fynd some knacke to know this knaue at large Enter Ethenwald Ethen. THe night drawes on Phoebus is declining towards the West Now shepheards bear their flocks vnto the folds And wintred Dren fodered in their stalles Now leaue to feede and gin to take their rest Blacke duskie cloudes inuyron round the globe And heauen is couered with a Sable robe Now am I come to doe the kings command To court a Wench win her for the King But if I lyke her well I say no more T is good to haue a hatch before the dore But first I will moue her Father to prefer The earnest suit I haue in canuasing So may I see the Maid woo wed I and bed her to Who is here what ho Enter Osricke Os. Earl Ethenwald welcome how fares our friends at court What cause constrains your Honor that thus late You visite vs that dreame not of your comming Ethenwald My Lord I am come vnlooked for very true So is my cumming yet conceald from you Osr. Your Honor shall repose you here to night And earlie as you please begin your taske Tyme serues not now come Ethenwald As welcome as the King himselfe to me Eth. Now Ethenwald if Fortune fauour thee Thou maist prooue happie loue to Alfrida Exeunt Enter Honestie and the King disguised Hon. This is the place and this the appointed tyme I know hee l keep his word for he thinks me his friend King But tell me Honestie am I not well disguised Can any man discerne me by my lookes to be the King Take heed of that for then our game is mard And hast thou promised him what reward he shall haue Hon. Tush fear not you for you neuer knew honest man dissemble with his friend Though many friends dissemble with honest men But my Lord the cards be shufled and here comes a knaue Enter Conicatcher Conic. T is strange to see how men of our knowledge liue And how we are hated of the baser sort Because forsooth we liue vpon our wit But let the baser sort thinke as they will For he may best he termed a Gentleman That when all fayles can liue vpon his wit And if all fayles then haue I got a wench That cuts and deales to maintaine my expence Now I vse her as men vse sweetest flowers That while they are sweet and pleasant to the eie I doe regard them for their pleasant smell But when their cullour fades and sent decaies I cast them off for men to trample on But to the purpose here is the Gentleman My honest friend did lately tell me of Sir though I had another businesse of import That might haue hindred me for comming here Yet in regard I am loth to breake my word I haue set my other businesse cleane apart Because you should not iudge amisse of me Honest. I find you kind Sir and your self shal see How I will labour to requite your curtesie This is the honest man I told you of One that will doe you pleasure in the cause So be it you will content him for his paines King Els God forbid and good sir thus it is I bought a farme of one that dwels here by And for an earnest gaue an hundred pound The rest was to be paid as sixe weekes past Now sir I would haue you as witnesse That at my house you saw me pay three hundred pound And for your paines I will giue you a hundred pound Besides I will stand your friend in what I may You heare the cause what will your conscience serue you to do it Conic. How say you sir my conscience then you touch me I tell you sir my conscience wil serue me to doe more than this Why I haue bene a poste knight in Westminster this xii. year And sworne to that which no one els would venture on Why I haue sworne against mine owne father for mony I haue sworne right or wrong any wayes for money whē I haue receiued mony before witnes I swore to the cōtrary And do you misdoubt me in so sleight a matter as this When I haue sworne against father mother and all my kin Honest. I told you sir how resolute you should find him He doeth it without feare I warrant you I think that in London you could not haue found a man so fit for your purpose I knew his father sir a man of honest reputation And one whose lyfe was witnesse to the lyfe he led He was a Bailiefe sir though I say 't but no Bayliefe that vsde deceit He had too good a conscience for that King Al the better for that for it should seem by his behaueor That he hath had good bringing vp Conicate. Indeed my father in his lyfe time was a man Giuen to the feare of God and to vse much deuotion Hon. I but he gaue nothing for Gods sake except it were hard words or blowes and they had bene better kept that giuen But husht here comes the Iudge Enter Perin a Iudge and Dunston a Farmer King Heare you sir if you be in readines here is the Iudge Conic. I sir fear not I warrant you is that your aduersary What an old crust it is Honest. I think the villaine hath a face hardened with steel He could neuer be so impudent els Dunston It it please your Worship this is the man That wrongfully would haue my farme from me Facing me downe that he hath paid me that Which he neuer offred nor I neuer receiued And this day he hath promised to make proofe That he hath paid me ful foure hundred pound King And so I can and here 's my witnes to it That saw me when I paid the money Dunston Why I am sure he wil not say it I neuer saw the man in all my lyfe Conic. No sir but I saw you and was a witnes When this Gentlemā paid you three hundred pound As the last paiment for the farme he bought Perin But where was the money tendered Con. At the Gentlemans house Per. You see father this marchant wil be witnes That he saw so much money tendred And you receiued it being full satisfyed As the last payment for the farme he bought And if this marchant take his oath against you That seuen daies
I am not willing to shoot Cobler I will talke with you nay my bellowes my coletrough and my water shall enter armes with you for our trade O neighbour I can not beare it nor I wil not beare it Mil. Heare you neighbour I pray conswade your self and be not wilful let the Cobler deliuer it you shal see him mar all Smith At your request I will commit my selfe to you And lay my selfe open to you lyke an Oyster Mil. I le tell him what you say Heare you naighbor we haue conssulted to let you deliuer the petition doe it wisely for the credite of the towne Cob. Let me alone for the Kings Carminger was here He sayes the King will be here anon Smith But heark by the Mas he comes Enter the King Dunston and Perin King How now Perin who haue we here Cob. We the townes men of Goteham Hearing your Grace would come this way Did thinke it good for you to stay But hear you neighbours bid somebody ring the bels And we are come to you alone to deliuer our petition Kin. What is it Perin I pray thee reade per. Nothing but to haue a license to brew strong Ale thrise a week and he that comes to Goteham and will not spende a penie on a pot of Ale if he be a drie that he may fast Kin. Well sirs we grant your petition Cob. We humblie thanke your royall Maiesty King Come Dunston le ts away Exeunt omnes Enter Ethenwald alone Eth. Ethenwald be aduised the King hath sent to thee Nay more he means to come and visite thee But why I there 's the question Why t is for this to see if he can fynd A front whereon to graft a paire of hornes But in plain tearms he comes to Cuckold me And for he means to doe it without suspect He sends me word he means to visite me The King is amorous and my wyfe is kinde So kind I feare that she wil quickly yeeld To any motion that the king shal make Especially if the motion be of loue For Pliny writes women are made lyke waxe Apt to receiue any impression Whose mindes are lyke the Ianamyâ—â— That eates yet cries and neuer is satisfied Well be as it is for I le be sure of this It shall be no waies preiudice to me For I will set a skreene before the fyre And so preuent what otherwyse would ensue T were good I questioned with my father first To heare how he affected towards the King What ho Enter Osrick and Alfrida Osr. Ethenwald my sonne what newes Ethen. Why aske you I am sure you haue heard the newes Osr. Not yer I promyse you my Lord Ethen. Why then t is thus the King doth meane to come and visit you Osr. And welcome shal his Maiesty be to me That in the wane of my decreasing yeares Uouchsafes this honour to Earle Osricks house Ethen. So then you meane to entertaine him well Osr. What els my Sonne Eth. Nay as you will but heare you wyfe what do you think in this that Edgar means to come and be your guest Alfr. I thinke my Lord he shall be welcom then And I hope that you will entertaine him so That he may know how Osrick honours him And I will be attyred in cloth of Bis Beset with Orient pearle fetcht from rich Indian And all my chamber shall be richly With Aras hanging fetcht from Alexandria Then will I haue rich Counterpoints and muske Calamon and Casia sweet smelling Amber Greece That he may say Venus is come from heauen And left the Gods to marie Ethenwald Eth. Zwouns they are both agreed to cuckold me But heare you wyfe while I am master of the Bark I meane to keepe the helmster in my hand My meaning is you shall be rulde by me In being disguised till the King be gone And thus it shall be for I will haue it so The King hath neuer seene thee I am sure Nor shall he see thee now if I can chuse For thou shalt be attyrde in some base weedes And Kate the kitchin maid shall put on thine For being richly tyred as she shall be She will serue the turne to keep him companie Osr. Why men that beare of this will make a scorne of you Eth. And he that lies with this wil make a horne for me It is ynough it must be so Alf. Me thinks t were better otherwaies Exit Alfrida Ethenw. I think not so will you be gone Father let me alone I le breake her of her will We that are maried to yong wiues you see Must haue a speciall care vnto their honestie For should we suffer them to haue their will They are apt you know to fall to any ill But here comes the King Enter the King Dunston and Perin to Ethenwald Ki. Earle Osricke you must needs hold vs excused Though boldly thus vnbid we visite you But knowe the cause that mooued vs leaue our Court Was to doe honour to Earle Ethenwald And see his louelie Bride faire Alfrida Osrick. My gratious Lord as welcome shall you be To me my Daughter and my sonne in Law As Titus was vnto the Roman Senators When he had made a conquest on the Goths That in requitall of his seruice done Did offer him the imperiall Diademe As they in Titus we in your Grace still fynd The perfect figure of a Princelie mind King Thankes Osrick but I thinke I am not welcome Because I cannot see faire Alfrida Osricke I will not stay nor eat with thee Till I haue seene the Earle of Cornwels wife Ethen. If it please your Maiestie to stay with vs My wyfe shal wayt as handmaid on your Maiestie And in her dutie shew her husbands loue And in good tyme my Lord see where she comes Enter the kitchin maid in Alfridas apparel Alfrida you must leaue your kitchin tricks And vse no words but princelie Maiestie Maid Now Iesus blesse your honourable Grace Come I pray sit down you are welcome by my troth As God saue me here 's neuer a napkin fie fie Come on I pray eat some plums they be sugar Here 's good drinke by Ladie why do you not eate Ki. May pray thee eat Alfrida it is ynough for me to see thee eat Maid I thank you hartily by my troth here 's neuer a cushen By my troth I le knock you anon go to Per. My Lord this is not Alfrida this is the kitchin maid Kin. Peace Perin I haue found their subtiltie Ethenwald I pray thee let me see thy kitchin Maid Me thinks it is a pretie homely Wench I promise thee Ethenwald I like her well Eth. My Lord she is a homelie kitchin maid And one whose bringing vp hath bene but rude And far vnfit for Edgars companie But if your Grace want merrie companie I will send for Ladies wise and curteous To be associates with your Maiestie Or if you Grace will haue Musitians sent for I will fetch your Grace the best in all this land Kin.