hungrie cry when they buy of the rich and are cozened by the rich when they suffer in the cozenage and suffer likewise in the publike in the generall punishment for the cozenage For this our land mourneth for this our people are visited our houses are shut up our streetes are not frequented ouâ— markets not filled and yet the hungry lament and the thirstie doe mourne The poore can neither buy for their money not be imployed in their willing labours to earne them money Is 59.11 nor live without money Wee roare all like Beares and mourne sore like Doves Wee looke for judgment but there is none for salvatien but it is farre from us Therfore with the oppressed I will cry and with the visited allso I will cry I will cry with the oppressed for right and I will cry with â—…e visited for health How long Lord â—ow long wilt thou punish us c. 44.22 O remove â—…ur sinnes like a cloude blott out as a thick cloude our transgressions and as a cloude our sinnes returne unto us for thou hast redeemed us part 3 The Third part of the Soliloquie shewing that Sinne especially is the cause of the Pestilence THe diseased ignorant of the kind of their maladies cause the Phisitian 〈◊〉 consult with their pulses to examine their â—rine and by symptomes to find out the â—ause of their disturbance So should the sick soule allso or else the ignorance of the sinne may hinder the cure Generall complaints have beene made by men groaning under the burdens of severall visitations but doeth the Pestilance come by the same rules and arise from the same causes Surfeits and Consumptions and Feavers and Palsies and Plurisies and other such sicknesses may have their causes in nature and their remedies oftentimes by physick but neither is the cause of the Pestilence so cleere in nature nor is the cure thereof so easie by physick Or if it be yet is this disease more infectious more mortall and therfore more dreadfull then any of the rest It shall therfore be my first care to find out the cause in my soule before I looke upon the effects thereof in the bodies of sinfull mortalls I will examine our times by those of our ancestours and see whether this generall contagion doeth not rather proceede from the mallice of the soule then from the aire dyet or whatsoever else the Phisitians conjecture at The men which Moses had sent to spie out the land of Canaan returned 1. Num 14.36 and made all the congregation to murmur against Moses by bringing up a slaunder upon that land of promise those very men that did bring up that evill report upon the land vers 37 dyed of the plague before the Lord. What Of the plague Of the Pestilence There were but ten of those spies and those ten onely dyed Wee have the Pestilence too but it contenteth not it selfe with ten ten and ten and ten but hundreds dye hundreds are visited thousands complaine every one feareth But was their disease the same as ours Was not theirs an inflammation of their tongues and wormes issueing out of them as a just recompenseâ— because with their tongues they had lyed Or was it not some other extraordinarie plague from the hand of God Or was it not that Pestilence which was threatned when the Lord said unto Moses vers 11 How long will this people provoke mee and how long will it be ere they believe mee for all the signes which I have shewed among them vers 12 I will smite them with the Pestilence and disinherit them and will make of thee a greater nation mightier then they Whatsoever their disease was though I cannot determine it yet will I consider the cause thereof The cause was a sinne a grievous sinne a lye and the effect of this was a sinne a grievous sinne it was murmuring O thus have wee allso added sinnes unto sinnes Wee allso lye wee lye grievously desperately impudently Like unto Iob's friends wee are forgers of lyes Iob. 13.4 Ps 40.4 Ps 58.3 Ps 62.4 Eze. 24 12. Hos 10 13. wee turne aside to lyes wee goe astray so soone as wee be borne and speake lyes wee delight in lyes and wee have wearied our selves with lyes justly therfore now doe wee eate the fruit of lyes And yet not contented with this wee murmur too Against our superiours wee murmur for not governing us according to our licentious and sinfull desires against the rich wee murmur because wee floate not in their plentie yea even against God himselfe wee murmur because hee graunteth not our sinfull desires Thus in every thought and in every word wee either find a sinne or make a sinne For this our lying for this our murmuring wee are now visited wee are now stricken wee are as those spies were destroyed of the destroyer 1. Cor. 10.10 The rebellious Israëlites were threatned by Moses that Every sicknesse 2. Deut. 28.61 every plague which was not written in the booke of the law them should the Lord bring upon them untill they were destroyed vers 62 And they should be left few in number whereas they were as the starres of heaven for multitude These were the menaces these were the threats to the children of Israël but among all these sicknesses where is that which reigneth among us Hath God prepared a new punishment for us such as the Israëlites never suffered nor the law ever mentioned nor skill ever cured Doubtlesse thus God could afflict us but hee chuseth rather to punish us as hee did others that so wee might find out the cause as others have done Hee was pleased to tell the Israëlites the cause of their plague which hee would send upon them vers 62 even Because they would not obey the voyce of the Lord their God Iust thus hee punisheth us as hee punished them even untill wee are allmost quite destroyd and hee telleth us our sinne our offence too by his word by his ministers by our owne consciences even that wee refuse to obey the voyce of the Lord. Iust therfore most just it is that seeing wee have wee doe wee will thus sinne even thus yea thus severely likewise wee should be punished Yea wee deserve it in a farre greater manner in a sarre greater measure Hee who threatned those that would walke contrarie unto him and would not hearken unto him Lev 26 21. that hee would bring seaven times more plagues upon them according to their sinnes Hee who by Moses threatned them that If they would not observe to doe all the words of that law which are written in that booke Deut 28.58 that they might feare this glorious name The Lord thy God vers 59 Then the Lord should make their plagues wonderfull and the plagues of their seede even greate plagues and of long continuance and sore sicknesses and of long continuance The selfe-same God hath found us walking contrarie unto him and therfore hath
SUBJECT Teares of a woman in a deepe Consumption or in any other languishing disease The Soliloquie Consisting of three parts viz 1 A complaint and description of the nature of the disease 2 The cause of the maladie 3 The hope of recoverie part 1 The First part of the Soliloquie expressing A complaint and description of the nature of the disease THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words o Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voice of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray ALl flesh is as grasse saith the Apostle 1. Pet 1 24. and all the glory of man as the flower of the grasse The grasse withereth and the flowâ— thereof falleth away Blessed Apostle hoâ— truely hast thou discribed the condition oâ— humanitie O how sensible am I of thâ— piercing trueth of that sacred text Those whom age enforceth to decline doe easily feele their approaching autumne Io 4.35 and when they lift up their eyes and looke on the fieldâ— on the drooping yeeres of their parched selves they easily conclude themselves to be white allready unto the horvest But must death be confined to the leasure of antiquitie and allways be locked out untill it hath complyed with age to destroy the prison O noe I find it otherwise Death may as easily enteâ— at the gates of diseases as at the stooping salie-port of numerous yeeres Mee think'sâ— see it staring and gaping upon mee with aâ— eager appetite and when I pleade the minoritie of my time it telleth mee that the flowes may be cropped in their spring True it is that every one in the prime of yeeres is like unto grasse priding himselfe in the verdure of youth if yet hee be permitted to enjoy iâ— with delight Wee grow up with the strength of a juycie stemme and beare the flowers oâ— beawtie and glory But when our pompe hath jollied it selfe in the pleasure of earth and our strength hath wantonned among the painted flowers of the springing fields at length the sappe shall returne the Sunne shall withdraw it selfe the plant shall wither and the sith shall cut it downe But is this true in those alone whose hearie heads incline to the earth and whose stooping bodies are bowed by antiquitie Alas noe Diseases have a power as greate as hath age and can worke the carkeise in the selfe same mould as doeth length of dayes I am sure it is so I find it so I see it so I feele it so in the continuance of mine infirmitie The naturall heate moisture of my body decline like the juyce of the flowers In the time of their autumne and what a number of yeares could not easily have effected the sharpnesse of a maladie can quickly conclude Man dyeth saith Iob Iob 14.10 and wasteth away yea man giveth up the ghost and where is hee Too true too true it is that I dye while I live and I wast away when I hope to increase My life is but a lingering death for my meates nourish mee not my drinkes comfort mee not my physick restore's mee not my clothes content mee not and my bed easeth mee not When I hope that my meate will nourish mee then the weakenesse of my stomack chides mee for my hope and tell 's mee that it is wearie of the labour of the teeth When I desire that my drinke should comfort mee then the in-disposition of my concoction frustrateth my desires and causeth my stomack to render back the present in contempt of the briberie When I too seriously rely upon the skill of the Physitian and have a kind of confidence that his physick shall restore mee then either his ignorance of my disease or the debilitie of my deaded body or the in-disposition of the druggs flowte's mee for my confidence and tell 's mee I must dye When my clothes are presented to the heate of the fire and requested to convey the warmth to my chillowed body then either the ayer lyeth in wayte and robbeth them of the heate or else the stricktnesse of the poares of my shrivelled skinne deny it accesse by those contracted doores Iob. 7.13 vers 14 vers 15 vers 16 When I say My bed shal comfort mee my couch shall ease my complaint them am I skared with dreames and terrified through visions so that my soule chooseth death rather then life I loath it I would not live allway let mee alone for my dayes are vanitie Ps 22.15 My strength is dryed up like a pot-sheard my tongue cleaveth to my jawes and I am brought into the dust of death I am chastened with paine upon my bed Iob 33 19. Ps 22.17 and the multitude of my bones with strong paine I may tell all my bones they looke and stareâ— upon mee Lord what a walking ghost am I become even able to affright the world with amazement and wonder at the power of a Consumption Eyes fare yee well yee shall noe more be admird by spectatours nor convey enticements of wickednesse to my deluded heart Eares fare yee well yee shall noe more enjoy the fond delights of earthly musick nor shall the Ecchoeing Choristars of the yealding ajer any more bewitch you with the melodie of their voyces And yee the rest of my senses take your leaves labour noe more the service of my body for bitternesse hath seized upon my tast roughnesse my touch and dullnesse my smelling Mine eyes have now none other object then the bare perusing of â—he craggie mountaines of my rising bones and â—he pale dull lead-colloured skinne is so brivelled and deformed just like the parchment which is contracted and puckered by the â—eate of the fire Mine Eares are entertained with noe other sound 's then a hollow cough which borroweth from my lungs as much of their froath as they can spare at a time and make's mee see how I howerly consume by mammocks All that I have is paine and all that I am is a burden to my selfe When I thinke to walke my knees complaine my Feete are unwilling if the charitable hand of a friend supporteth mee I am to beginne againe to learne to goe When I thinke to discourse the first word biddeth mee be silent and speake noe more lest my spirits should slinke from mee in the ajer of my speech I am growne as much a trouble to society as they doe appeare a burden unto mee I am not so weake in my digestion as I am various in mine appetite and if speedily I am not furnished with what I long for I am presently passionate if it cometh as I desire I am cloyed with the sight I puzzle mine invention to become my Caterer and if I obtaine what I thinke upon I am surfieted with looking upon it Full I am of paine but distinctly and most predominantly I know not where Every part hath a share in the anguish and yet I cannot say which part is most afflicted I cry when I am pained
desert Peraduenture to corect my pride this thorne in my flesh may be a messenger of Satan sent to buffet mee 2 Cor. 12.7 as once Saint Paul had one sent unto him for who of all our sexe is not guilty of this follie Among us are the tender and the delicate women such as were among the Israelites who will not aduenture to set the sole of the foote upon the ground Deut. 28.56 for delicatenesse and tendernesse and not to flatter or deceave my selfe I may peradventure be one of them Or if I have not had power to put in practise what I desired yet it may be that my desire hath beene to be as delicate as the chiefest and finest of our sexe Satan is sayd to have gone forth from the presence of the Lord Iob 2.7 and to have smote Iob with sore boyles from the sole of the foote to the crowne of his head O that I were but halfe so righteous as was holy Iob of whom God himselfe beareth witnesse that There was none like him in the earth c. 1.8 a perfect and an upright man one that feared God and eschewed evill But alas I am noe such person for I have by my wickednesse as it were taught the serpent to goe forth from the presence of the Lord and to smite mee with this sicknesse this rising this swelling worse then those boyles which infested Iob. David had a sore too 1 Sam. 13.14 a running sore allithough hee was a man after God's owne heart Psa 77.2 for so hee complained saying My sore ranne in the night and ceased not my soule refused comfort But his Sore was not like unto mine for his was in the fierce combat which hee had with distrust and it may as well be meant that his hand by night reached out in prayer and ceased not or by that sore may be meant the running of his eyes which dropped in the night for his grievous crimes and ceased not as well as an impostume or ulceration But mine is not such it is a sore indeede a carbuncle a pestilentiall sore allthough as yet it is not come to such maturitie as to doe as David spake of his It is yet but a swelling a hard swelling a rising and for its swelling and for its hardnesse it may either be my very heart removed from the seate appointed it by nature or else it may be sent to put mee in mind of the proud swelling and the malitious hardnesse of mine impenitent heart Alas if I doe but seriously consider of that litle morsell of proude flesh or rather stone hard stone then flesh that Adamantine heart what have I not deserved for that wicked heart which others were ever punished with Worse farre worse doe I deserve then ever did Iudah I onely want a Prophet to lament mine estate as Isaiah did hers for the judgements of God inflicted upon her for her rebellion Is 1.5 and to cry The whole head is sick and the whole heart is faint from the sole of the foote even to the head there is noe soundnesse in it vers 6. but wounds and bruises and putrifying sores they have not beene closed neither bound up neither mollified with oyntment But what shall I doe in this distresse May not these poisoned humours that have conspired together in this present tumour as well be some other disease as the infectious Pestelence Lord how faine would sinners live in ignorance and never either understand the offences which they have committed or know the manner and the kind of their punishments How faine would the sick delude themselves with a conceipt of health and hoping for life cozen their knowledg with the falsehood of opinion I cannot deny but it is the sicknesse which I am stricken with the infectious sicknesse the dreadfull Pestilence and I can have noe hope of life if once it seizeth on my trembling heart To prevent that danger therfore since my heart hath hitherto beene so stonie so hard to entertaine the motions of the blessed Spirit I will request it now to continue its obduracie not against my greate God but against this sad and deadly sicknesse What it hath usually reteined allmost to the utter un-doeing and destruction of my soule I will intreate it to continue now for the preservation of my body Or if that will not doe if it resolue to yeeld in this time of distresse farre rather then I will seeke to that I will humbly besiech my offended Lord to take possession of my heart and if hee will vouchsafe to graunt my petition then come what can come I am sure I shall have comfort because I shal have the societie of my God But what if my heart be preserved from these malignant humours Have I â—hen any assurance that my disease is not mortall Alas noe but I must use the meanes and besiech my God to give them his blessing I must apply those things which will mollifie this swelling it must be softened be broken be drawne before it can be healed Thus even thus must I deale with my heart too The malitious humours of sinne and corruption have allready assembled there and caused it to swell I will hasten therfore to Iob 's Physitian Iob. 23.16 who softened his heart and troubled him and I will besiech him for Christ's sake to mollifie mine for there are more then the seaven abominations of a dissembler in it Prov. 26.25 Ioël 2.13 Hos 10.12 Psa 69.20 Ier. 4.4 I will pray him to rent it to breake it to breake up the fallow ground of it for hee better can breake mine then the miserie of repreach could breake the heart of the Prophet David I will intreate him to take away the foreskinne of it and to wash it from wickednesse that so I may be saved and that noe vaine thought may lodge in it vers 14. c. 17.10 I will request him to search it that hee will lay some-thing to it Is 47.7 Ps 147 3. even all the wickednesses that ever I have committed Then when hee hath broken it I know that hee will heale it and bind up the Wounds of it for to this purpose hee sent his sonne his onely-begotten sonne my Redeemer my Iesus even to bind up the broken hearted Is 61.1 But when this greate cure shall be wrought for mee what have I to render unto him by way of thankfullnesse Alas nothing even just nothing at all unlesse hee will accept of that broken yet therein that whole and cured heart That then shall be his and I know that hee wil accept of it for so saith David that man after his owne heart A broken Act. 13.22 Ps 51.17 and a contrite heart ô God thou wilt not despise from the mallice of this heart doeth proceede the malignitie of this my disease for sinne is the cause of every sicknesse But all this while I doe but talke of this maladie I sieke not for a remedie Alas
and yet 't is a paine to mee to cry yea and 't is follie to cry because I receave 〈◊〉 certaine hurt by it but noe release from thâ— which I cryfor I envy all that enjoy theâ— health and each moment I am ready to repiâ— at him who hath brought mee so low Thâ— smile of a visitant is a dagger at my heart for while I find my selfe thus lingering in a sicknesse I looke that the whole world should decay for companie I am fretfull and peevish and disturbed with every thing yea even by a continuance of the fretfulblesse it selfe One while I faine would have my life prolonged another while I cry out for a speedie departure Sometimes I have a kind of glimmering oâ— health and then I am so proude of it that 〈◊〉 adventure too much Either I eate too much or I walke too much or I discourse too much or one thing or other exceeding its proportion speedes mee back againe to my former weaknesse then am I sorrie for what I have done and yet am I apt either to denie or excuse it Thus ô thus is my body perplexed but all this while I say nothing of my soule I am sensible of the anguish which I feele in my body but in what estate or condition doe I find my foule My body is allmost resolved into that whereof it was framed my soule therfore is not long to continue upon earth When they shall part it will prove either a day of tryumphant blisse or else a dismall time â—t will be of horrour and confusion O come come thou fond and foolish woman looke â—o that darling which ere long shall be crowned with a diademe of glory or else be damned with the rebellious ghosts Well I am resolved I will now take up banishing the thoughts or hopes of recoverie I will prepare my selfe that I may meete my God O my God assist mee in this my resolution and blesse mee in the performance part 2 The second part of the Soliloquie expressing the cause of the maladie HAd Adam continued in his integritie man should have beene freed from the tortures of sicknesse The dead and trampled earth should not have beene freer from thornes and thistles then man the living earth from maladies and infirmities But ô I feele the sowernesse of the apple in the bitternesse and sharpnesse of my disease and needes must I therfore remember mine originall corruption This is the cause of my languishing this is the ground of my feeblenesse But is this all Have I nothing but the staine which I inherit from my parents to be termed the cause of this my miserie One onely offence to my greate creatour hath power enough to purchase my disquiet But have I but one Is mine hereditarie sinne mine onely crime Surely I feare that I have something amisse in mine owne thoughts and words and actions as well as in my parent's un-kind legacie I cannot believe that God doeth afflict my body with these chastisements yea and threaten my soule too with eternall tortures and all this onely for a sinne of Adam so many ages since committed Thus indeede hee might doe and yet I should not chuse but justifie him when hee should speake Ps 51.4 and cleare him when hee should judg Oh but I feele some-thing else at my heart as weightie as lead which make's mee cry out it is some-thing at my conscience which telleth mee that I have more to answer for then the pollutions of nature it assureth mee that I have offended cruelly deepely desperately I have offended 'T is true ô mine angrie my disturbed conscience I must confesse I have Oh my heart I feele there I feele there something more then an universall guilt I have offended I have sinned actually greatly mightily bloodily in every thought in every word in every action I have so industriously imployed my time to the dishonour of my God that I cannot remember I ever pleased him Guiltie guiltie I must I doe confesse my selfe highly guiltie of fearefull crimes such as disturbe mee in the very remembrance O my God vouchsafe mee a repenting heart for them yet never without the assurance of thy mercy and pardon through the sufferance of thy Sonne How can I choose but find my sinnes even in my very feeble and consuming sicknesse Since I have so many testimonies in the sacred pages that God is noe revenger untill mee are delinquents All disturbances of the body doe un-doubtedly arise from the pollutions of the soule The Prophet David confessed it and said Ps 38.3 There is noe soundnesse in my flesh because of thine anger neither is there any rest in my bones by reason of my sinnes My Redeemer justified it when hee who had beene shaken with a palsie was brought unto him lying upon his bed for hee cured him Mat 9.2 and said Sonne be of good cheere thy sinnes be forgiven thee And againe when thirtie eight yeeres had beene spent by a man in a lingering disease and after that my Iesus had cured him when hee found him in the Temple Io 5.14 his words to him were Behould thou art made whole sinne noe more lest a worse thing come unto thee Saint Paul assured the Corinthians that because they did unworthily approach the table of the Lord 1. Cor 11.30 even for this cause many were weake and sick among them and many slept Thus the punishment is sent from God but the offence is both in and from our selves But have all diseases the same originall Is sinne the ground of every sicknesse Cannot I be afflicted with this languishing maladie but it must needes proceede from the wickednesse I have committed Noe doubtlesse for this very kind and manner of sicknesse hath particularly beene threatned yea and sent too as a punishment for disobedience A languishing hath beene threatned and sent upon the very creatures for the sinnes and wickednesse of the offending people Thus the Prophet bemoaneth the punishment of the Iewes for their greate rebellions and saith The earth mourneth Is 24.4 and fadeth away the world languisheth and fadeth away the height of the people of the earth doeth languish Ier 14.2 Thus in a grievous famine Iudah mourned and the gates thereof languished they were black unto the ground and Ierusalem was gone up Is 16.8 Thus the fields of Hesbon languished and the vine of Shibmah the lords of the heathen brake downe the principall plants thereof Ioel 1.10 Thus among the Iewes the field was wasted the land mourned for the corne was wasted the new wine was dryed up the oyle languished vers 12 the vine was dryed up and the figg-tree languished Thus in the confusion of Egypt the fishers mourned Is 19.8 and all that did cast the angle into the brookes lamented and they that spread netts upon the waters did languish Thus among the enemies of the church the earth mourned and languished c 33.9 Lebanon was ashamed and hewen
downe Sharon was like a wildernesse and Bashan and Carmel did shake off their fruits But what was the reason of all these judgments of all this languishing sent upon the creatures I neede not goe farre to seeke the cause the Prophet will soone determine it for hee complaineth of the people that By swearing and lying Hos 4.2 and killing and stealing and committing adulterie they brake forth and blood touched blood These were their sinnes but what was the effect The selfe same Prophet immediately after threatneth them with it saying vers 3. Therfore shall the land mourne and every one that dwelleth therein shall languish with the beasts of the field and with the fowles of heaven Here was the earth and the world the citties and the fields and the vines and the plants and the lands and the corne and the oyle and the figtrees and all languishing grievously languishing and the cause thereof was the people's sinne But yet mee think's this cannot much concerne mee Shall I for a smootie eare of corne or two or for the drying of the branch of a vine or a figtree presently conclude that the withering of them can paralell my consumption Yes doubtlesse I must if I looke into the cause The trees and the other of the smaller plants could never either be guiltie of an offence or be sensible of a punishment but the men the men they were the offenders and for their transgressions their mother earth had her second curse I cannot pleade mine owne innocency or pretend that I am free from the guilt of enormities Noe noe I cannot I may therfore conceave my selfe one of the trees which I find so cursed for my branches mine armes my leggs my thighs doe pine away my fruits my workes and my labours are now decayed and what can I say or pleade for my selfe I am one of those trees which the Apostle speaketh of whose fruite withereth Iud. 12 without fruit twice dead and now am I ready to be plucked up by the rootes Yet for all this my stubborne heart mee think's stand 's out and would faine perswade mee that the curse of the trees resemble's not my disease But I hope that I shall came this heart of mine and put it to silence when I shall search more narrowly in to the sacred booke Wherfore did the Prophet say that hee heard from the Lord God of hosts a Consumption Is 28.22 determined even upon the whole earth VVas it not because the people sayd vers 15 They had made a covenant with death and with hell they were at agreement when the overflowing scourge should passe thorow it should not come nigh them for they had made lyes their refuge and under falsehood they had hid themselves Doeth not the Lord by the mouth of Moses threaten the people saying If yee will not hearken unto mee Lev 26 14. vers 16 and will not doe these commandements I will allso doe this unto you I will even appoint over you terrour Consumption and the burning ague that shall consume the eyes and cause sorrow of heart Doeth hee not againe menace them and say Deut 28. The Lord shall smite thee with a Consumption and a feaver and with an inflammation and with an extreame burning Doeth not the Prophet tell the people saying Is 10.22 vers 23. The Consumption decreed shall over-flow in righteousnesse for the Lord God of hosts shall make a Consumption even determined in the midst of all the land O my conscience my conscience thou art now at a standâ— O my heart my hardest heart thou art now struck dead Loe here 's my very disease my Consumption and is here not my sinne too Have I never made a covenant with death or beene at agreement with hell Have I never made lyes my refuge or hid my selfe under false-hood Have I not refused to hearken to my God and to doe his commandements O how faine would I have attributed my disease to fecond causes and rather have thanked the Physitian then the Divine for telling mee the ground But now I am at a stand and must needs confesse in the midst of my torments that I find in them the displeasure of my maker I cannot urge one act of goodnesse that ever I did to pleade my pardon for the least for the smallest sinne which I have committed Alas I find my destinie in the booke of Psalmes where the Prophet telleth mee that The wicked shall perish Ps 37.20 and the enemies of the Lord shall be as the fatt of lambs they shall Consume into smoake shall they Consume away O were I but worthy to be ranked in the forme with Aoraham I might as well as hee be styled The friend of God Iam 2.23 But my conscience telleth mee that though God be my friend in his goodnesse and longsuffering yet never was I hitherto a friend of his Such a friend to him indeede I am as hee was whom in his meekenesse hee called a friend Mat 22 12. hee who shifted in for a dinner among the guests that were invited But what became of him Alas when hee was found not having on a wedding garment vers 11 vers 13 the Lord then said unto his servants Bind him hand and foote and take him away and cast him into outward darknesse there shal be weeping and gnashing of teeth O this dreadfull sentence have I deserved besides this consumption which I now groane under and all because I am an enemie of the Lord's This shall be the plague saith the Prophet wherewith the Lord shall smite all the people that have fought against Ierusalem Zech 14.12 Their flesh shall consume away while they stand upon their feete and their eyes shall consume away in their holes and their tongue shall consume away in their mouth Ierusalem is the vision of peace Gal 4.26 But I have allways warred against it The Church upon earth hath found mee an adversarie and that Ierusalem which is above hath found mee an enemie This is my fault and justly therfore doe I feele this punishment For this offence my flesh consumeth away while I stand on my feete mine eyes are mistied and over-cast with dimnesse and my tongue is so feeble that I can skarce complaine I may now cry out as Hezekiah did and say Mine age is departed Is 38.12 and is removed from mee as a sheep-heard's tent I have cutt off like a weaver my life hee will cutt mee off with pining sicknesse from day even to night wilt thou make an end of mee But let mee not forget the sinne of Hezekiah His heart was lifted up 2. Châ—… 32.25 therfore there was wrath upon him and upon Iudah and upon Hierusalem Let mee not forget mine owne sinne My heart hath beene lifted up too I have beene proude yea I have swelled with scorne and contempt O that with Hezekiah too vers 26 I could humble my selfe for the pride of my
heart so that the wrath of the Lord might not come upon mee O that I could pray with Hezekiah weepe with Hezekiah that the Lord might say unto mee as hee did unto him Is 38.5 I have heard thy prayer I have seene thy teares That curse which David prophetically layed upon the wicked in his time Ps 58.7 mee think's doeth seeme at the first severe but yet it is just Let them melt away as waters which runne continually vers 8. as a snaile which melteth let every one of them passe away like the untimely sruit of a woman that they may not see the Sunne The snaile consumeth wheresoëver it crawleth and yet the providence of God is such that the consuming snaile is often found a remedie for the Consumption Thus what is good for my disease is troubled with the same and that which some have found to be a remedie is to mee a certaine remembrancer of my miserie ô that every thing might put mee in mind as well of the cause of this my disease Lord how my flesh doeth quiver though but litle is left of it How my heart doeth tremble as if noe comfort were left mee I have sinned I have done very wickedly But doeth the cure of my sicknesse as much exceede the power of my God as the skill of my Phisitian Noe noe hee may if hee please restore mee to health againe and hee may when hee pleaseth commit mee to the wormes All is in his hand ô what shall I doe to purchase his favour What shall I doe to have him reconciled Faine I would weepe for my sinnes but I know not how Faine I would shed some penitent teares but hardly will nature afford mee moisture enough But I resolve howsoever that noe excuse shall save a teare or a throb since without these I cannot hope for excuse and pardon Alas my sinnes lye heavie at the doore Gen 4.7 but I will rowle them away with the force of a water course I will grieve for my offending so mercifull a God I will lament for the offences which I have committed against him that visiteth mee I have but a litle time to continue upon earth unlesse it shall please him to restore mee to health Earth I am I must confesse it but I would not be drie I would not be dust untill I am layed to sleepe in the dust Io 9.6 Hee who made clay with his spitle to cure the blind can open mine eyes with the blessing of a teare Mee think's I am like unto the corne that is ground in a mill for so am I torne so am I crumbled worne into meale But since I am so I will make dough of this meale I will leaven it with my sorrowes I will adde unto it the water of my teares I will kneade it by contrition and bake it with the heate of that zeale which I will preserve in my heart and then will I pray that it may be a present accepted by my God Thus will I weepe in my languishing sicknesse thus will I lament for the cause of my sicknesse but I will weepe in faith and I will lament in hope that my Iesus will say unto mee as hee did to the woman that touched his garment Mat 9.22 Daughter be of good comfort thy faith hath made thee whole thy sinnes are forgiven thee part 3 The Third part of the Soliloquie setting forth the Patient's hope of recoverie THe hower of death seemeth neere approaching and putteth mee in remembrance of my last account The weakenesse of my body telleth mee now that the time is comeing wherein I must appeare at the greate tribunall Mee think 's these leane and languishing joynts doe seeme to wonder at mee for so long entertaining the fleeting ayre and doe groane under the burden of this sharpe disease Lord I cannot hope to continue here long since the litle house of my body is so tottering and shaking And yet mee thinks I have not sufficiently compleated the worke of my repentance and cannot therfore account my selfe ready to meete my God I repent indeede of whatsoever formerly I have done amisse and yet I cannot choose but doe amisse againe even as soone as I have repented I tremble when I thinke upon the punishment due to offenders and yet I tremble not when I commit when I act mine offences Readie I am not to dye too desirous I would not be to live and yet dye I must and yet live I may Lord if thou prolongest my life renew mine obedience I would be contented to live but then I would live without sinne I could yeeld to continue a while that I might perfect my repentance but then I am sure I should adde to the number of those sinnes whereof I repent I will resolve therfore neither to hasten my death nor yet too eagerly will I desire life I must needes confesse that I am willing enough to live Lord graunt that if I doe live I may live to thy glory and if I doe recover my health I may expresse my thanks in a religious life Thus I pray with my lipp but doe I pray so with my heart I am apt to promise unto God more then I feare I shall be able to performe and all these promises are made in hope that I may recover my strength Yea and it may please him who is the Physitian both of the soule and body to restore my body to health and strength I know that it is in his power hee may doe it if hee pleaseth Mat 19 26. With men indeede this seemeth impossible but with God all things are possible If I live I will spend my time in his service and upon these conditions I may hope to live Yea and so I will hope why should I not Hee in whom alone I doe hope hath power to graunt the thing that I hope for yea and to give a blessing thereto if hee full-filleth my hopes By him even dead bodies have beene restored to life it is not hard therfore for him to restore a living body to health When Tabitha was dead Act 9.37 vers 39 and washed and layd out Peter went into the upper chamber where all the widowes stood by him weeping and shewing the coates and garments which Dorcâ—s had made whilest yet shee was with them vers 40 Then the Apostle put them all forth and kneeled downe and prayed and turning him to the body hee sayd Tabitha arise and shee opened her eyes when shee saw Peter shee sate up Here was a wonder wrought by a man farre greater then the recoverie of my health would prove but this man receaved his power from God Mat. 9.8 Well might the people marveile when they saw such things and glorifie God who had given such power unto men But Saint Peter is dead and in these latter times those miracles are ceased of restoring the dead What then I am yet alive and my cure is not difficult to