evil but as he was Israel so his Days were many and good He had two Names Jacob and Israel Genesis 49.1 2. both given him from his Wrestling the farmer Name was given him for wrestling with his Brother for the Birth-right in the Womb wherein he Miscarried but the latter for his Wrestling with his God for the Blessing at Penuel wherein his Valour through Divine Condescension obtain'd the Victory When the Messiah saw Jacob's undaunted Courage in resolutely detaining him Asks him his Name Gen. 32.24 26 27. As if he should say Thou art such a Fellow as I never met with who though thou be lamed and laid Hard at yet wilt not let me go without my Blessing Thou hast let thy Flocks go and thy Herds go Thou hast let thy Wives go and thy Children go yet thou wilt not let me go nor my Blessing go I will not let thee go except thou Bless me saith Jacob v. 26. Hereupon He Honours Him as it were with the Honour of Knighthood saying to him Kneel down Jacob Rise up Israel for as a Prince thou hast had Power with God and with Men and hast prevailed Gen. 32.28 Hos 12.3 4. Now Jacob is a Name of Weakness the poor Worm Jacob Isa 41.14 Trampled upon and trodden under foot This Afflicted State made Jacob sigh out those Sad Words All these things are against me Gen. 42.36 and those of my Text also Few and Evil have the Days of the Years of my Life been But so far as he had Princely Power as Israel signifies both with God and with Men In this Sence his Days were many and good One Day with God is a Thousand elsewhere VSE Hence learn we the Reason why the Church is called Jacob through out the Scriptures when Speech is of her Weakness and Calamity But she is frequently call'd Israel to signifie her Splendour and Glory and as it is thus with the Church of God in General so it is with the Children of God in Particular Some times they are run down with strange Temptations and with strong Tribulations then are they the poor Worm Jocob Isa 41.14 The Shulamite found two Armies Warring in her The Army of the Flesh and the Army of the Spirit Cant. 6.13 When the Army of the Flesh or Amalek prevaileth as Exod. 17.11 then the Seed of Jocob droops but when they are made strong in their Weakness 2 Cor. 12.9 Strengthned with all Might Col. 1.11 and made able through the Supplies of Christ's Spirit Phil. 1.19 to Tread down Strength as Judg. 5.21 even the strongest Temptation without then are they called the Israel of God Gal. 6.16 for their Prince-like prevailing over Flesh World and Devil III. Observation From the Circumstances of the Text. The Third Observation ariseth from the Conjunction of these two Parts This Question and the Answer to it which is 'T is a Duty Incumbent upon all Mankind to be Asking and Answering How the Days of the Years of their Lives do pass away It was Moses's Prayer Lord teach us to number our Days that we may apply our Hearts unto Wisdom Psalâ— 90.12 In which Psalm it being â— Meditation of Man's Mortality corresponding with my Text therefore Mark 1. Moses mentions the Brevity and Uncertainty of Man's Life comparing it to a Watch v. 4. which is but the fourth part of a Night Mark 13.35 Then he goes on and compares it to a Sleep to a Dream all vanishing things and to a Tale that is soon told and is as soon forgotten lastly to Grass which we well know if it be not cut down in Summer or Autumn doth wither in Winter So such Mortals as are not cut down with the Sithe of Death in their Youth do yet wither away in the Winter of Old Age. Quid est Vita nisi quidam Cursus ad Mortem said the Ancient Father Life is nothing but a Posting to Death The 2d Occurrence in this Meditation of Moses upon Man's Morality is his assigning the proper procuring Cause of this Humane Miseâ—y to wit Divine Displeasure â—gainst Sin which causeth God to â—urn Man to Destruction ver 7 8. Man at the first was made Immortal he had then an Immortal Body a Suitable Companion for his Immortal Soul These two Sweet Associates had never been severed each from other if Man had not sinned against his Maker Had Adam stood on his State of Innocency He should then have rendred to the Lord a time of perfect Obedience and Service here upon Earth and when that Homage to his Great Landlord had been accomplish'd he should then have been Translated from Earth without the least taste of Death to Heaven the Soul should never have been separated from the Body as now it is for the Wages of Sin is Death Rom. 6.23 It was that one Man's Offence that pulled up the Sluce and let in Death as a Deluge with a Regal Authority over all the World Rom. 5.14 to 17. and Sin did not only let in Death but also all sorts of Sicknesses Sorrows and Sufferings that are Forerunners of it Then 3ly Moses Condemns Mans Dulness in taking no more notice of this Divine Displeasure ver 11. All other Creatures know their Times and their Seasons Jerem. 8.7 but Man knoweth not the Day of his Visitation till He come to be Snared in an Evil Net c. Eccles 9.12 Though Man's Life be a Life full of all Inconveniencies of Indignities of Injuries of Infirmities and of Iniquities also yet such is the Stupidity of the Fall'n Nature that Man puts the Thoughts of these things far from him Amos 6.3 Fourthly Hereupon Moses begs God for Illuminating Grace wherewith to make a more Distinct Discovery of all Humane Frailty Lord teach w to number our Days c. ver 12. And the Sweet-Singer of Israel David will be of the same Chorus with Moses sighing as well as singing out these Synonimical Sentences Lord make me â—o know my end and the Measure of my Days what it is That I may know how frail I am c. Psal 39.4 5. Thus likewise Jacob in my Text carries on the like Concord and Consort to compleat the Harmony complaining here Few and evil have the Days of the Years of my Life been c. Adding only this one Note of Discord for making better Musick that God had taught him this great Truth concerning his own Frailty He had seen it for time past and He would be sensible of it for time to come his Days had been few and Evil Now they might be fewer and worse seeing He and all his were famished out of Canaan the Land of Promise into Egypt the place where his Posterity would be evilly intreated Gen. 15.13 VSE Moses teacheth us what use to make of the knowledge of our own Frailty It should strongly stir us up to an earnest imploring of Divine Mercy He maketh a loud Out cry after Mercy Crying Return O Lord How long c. Oh satisfie us early with thy Mercy
Word with him for his Promise is but with the Silver of this life but his Payment is with the Gold of a Better Life Solon said 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 whom God Loves Dye Young He 's taken away from the Evil to come 2 Kings 22.20 Isa 57.1 He hath lived long enough that can say not I have Married my Children to good Husbands as Worldlings say but I have Married my precious Soul to the Blessed Bridegroom This was his Joy yet could be Content to pass out of the midst of this Joy on Earth to possess a Better and Greater iâ— Heaven And O that we may enter into our Masters Joy as he hath done As a Post that hath delivered his Pacquet to God a Ship that is laid up in the Haven of Heaven an Eagle now feeding on the Carcass of Christ FINIS A Brief Relation of the First Conversion and after that of the whole Conversation of that precious Young Man Mr. John Draper drawn out of his Experiences Exercises Examinations of Himself and his Evidences for Heaven all writ with his own hand in Characters c. CHAP. I. HAving diligently perused what a prodigious account he gives of himself with â—is own Hand-writing I could not but stand astonished that one so young and a servant too and who had so much business on Earth in his Masters service should redeem so much time to make Religion his business in serving his great Master Christ and in securing Heaven for his Soul Though it seems almost incredible yet it is most certainly true that he Mellowed much and Ripened fast for Abrahams Bosom as appears by the Sequel This Holy Young Man may be a very eminent Patern of Piety to Old as well as Young Men in a fourfold respect 1. for his Experiences 2. for his Exercises 3. for his Self-Examinations and 4. for his Excellent Characters and Evidences of his Interest in a better World All which I find very strenuously stated in his own Hand-writing though in Characters yet by the help of a Key is made both legible and intelligible and now published for publick good I. For his Experiences they fall under a twofold head the former relates to his first Conversion and the latter to his whole Conversation His Conversion I understand was effectually wrought notwithstanding his strict and Religious Education and former convictions hereafter mentioned c. by a Sermon preached from Matth. 5.25 26. Agree with thy Adversary quickly while thou art in the way c. About December the 8th 1678. From whence He learned those blessed truths following and not only had them fixed upon his Heart and sealed upon his Soul but also I find his own Soul fixed in wax upon them to express the great Veneration of them for their being so Ravishing and Refreshing in the Hand of Christ to his Spirit The Great Truths that had an abiding work upon his heart when this Time of Love came upon him were these I. That God and Man are at variance through sin they are at a distance II. 'T is mans wisdom to make his peace with God his Adversary III. This must be done quickly while Man is in his way before he be brought to the Judges House by death c. IV. There is great danger in delaying or deferring this agreement but sinners should take up with God before it be too late c. V. That God hath an Action of Debt for which to arrest every sinner c. VI. This Debt of sin is strangely circumstanced 1. 't is an Hereditary 2 an Vniversal Debt both every man is born in this Debt and no man living is exempted from it 3. 't is an increasing and a growing debt the longer it runs on in a mans life c. 4. 't is an infinite debt and therefore insoluble it cannot be paid c. no finite creature can ever pay this infinite debt to the infinite Creator Those blessed truths the Lord spake with a strong hand as Isa 8.11 to this Young Mans heart and made him consider First That till this Agreement be made my God is my Adversary and I had better have all the World my Enemy the Maker of the World who if a friend can make my Enemies Friends c. Secondly I cannot stand it out with the great God who will burn up those bryars that set themselves against him Isa 27.4 Thirdly 'T is no frivolous thing to be done or undone but 't is a matter of great moment Eternal weal and woe hangs upon it c. Fourthly I must agree c. because there is no other way in all the World to take up this prodigious debt but by agreement c. Fifthly It will not always be my priviledge to make an agreement Time will not last always for taking up the Controversy for when Death comes then it is to late c. Sixthly If my cause come before the Righteous Judge I am sure to be cast because 't is a bad cause and that Judge will not be bribed with any thing in the day of Judgment Seventhly It I be cast in my cause I shall be delivered up by the Judge to Gods Gaoler and Executioner to wit the Devil Eightly If I be Delivered over to Gods officer of Justice he will cast me into Prison that is Dragg me into hell Ninthly If once I be cast into the prison of Hell there must I lye till I have paid the uttermost Farthing which can never be done I must be always paying the Debt yet never have paid it By these Soul-awaking Considerations the Lord help'd him through his Grace to conclude with himself That it was the highest Wisdom in the World to agree quickly with God his Adversary as he was a child of Wrath by nature Eph. 2.3 and it would be the most sublime Folly for him any longer to deferr it c. Hereupon the Lord having thus opened his Eyes touch'd his Heart and broke down windows into his Dark Soul upon further inquiry he learned that this vast debt he was owing to Divine Justice no less than Ten thousand Talents Mat. 18.24 which is no less than a Kings Ransom could never be compounded for This just Judge will have either All or None and till an Agreement be made God is an angry Adversasary And better I should anger all the Witches in the World and all the Devils in Hell than anger the great God I must agree with Him Then the inquiry was made how this might be done The answer was there is something lays on Gods part and something on yours That on Gods part is 1. to find an Arbitrator or Days-Man one more than a man for what could a meer man do with an angry God 2. God found a Ransom a Surety to satisfy the debt with the Travel of his Soul Job 33.24 Heb. 7.22 and Isa 53.11 3. God makes the Sinners Heart wilâ—ing to accept of this way of Agreement Phil 2.13 That which â—ays on mans part is two
what we came for I went to him and told him methought that my Soul loved him and I was come to meet him for strength against corruption and by his help I could forsake the world and sin which I hated to enjoy him c. then he told me my pride should not prevail against me this month nor my other sins but by own neglect This was sweet and refreshing to my Soul and this was the occasion of the Devils great rage against me as appears by my Diary March 14. yet could he not prevail but Christ kept his promise in keeping me from pride c. Oh what cause have I to love the Lord Jesus whom I saw here again coming from Heaven to Earth to the Cross to the Grave and to Heaven again and all this to save my Soul here sin was made more odious Christ more dear and here I renewed my Covenant with God c. The Ninth Sacrament was April the 2d 1682. upon which he says thus Some Time before this I was in a dull frame by the hurries of our Trade at this time as may be seen by my diary little life could I find till the noon before that day then had I the presence of my Dear Lord in a lively manner and measure after this wandring thoughts dulness and coldness unsuitable to so sweet a supper seized upon me but by running over again the same circumstances of my Saviours sufferings especially his Agony in the Garden and all for such a wretch as me I found relief got hatred of my sins begged pardon of them And not only so but got power against them yet wandring thoughts 4 or 5 times did trouble me but by Christs strengthening me I overcame them and hoped to have my pardon sealed and to have power for the future for watching better against them and against my deadness and breaking my Covenant c. which made me long to quit the World whereupon it was answered me I should shortly be freed from all sin yet in this Sacrament I had the least communion with God than in any before but still much more infinitely more than I deserved who sure I am deserves not the least mercy The Tenth Sacrament was May 7. 1682. upon which he writes thus I had not longing desires after this Blessed Ordinance having lost much of my life I had in duty before through much hurries of our worldly affairs This morning I wrestled with God but had not the light of his countenance which made me think of not going yet considering that was not the way to be better I ventured but found no life at first yet a little after I felt some reaching after my Dear Redemer this made me resolve to walk more closely for the future after this it pleased God to come in out of his free love and to give me a clear sight of my sweet Saviours going to his Cross and I following him and laying my self down at his feet when I could do nothing Then had I plain visions of my lovely Lords ascensions and his Angels looking upon him whereat I found much goings out of my Soul after him yet wandring thoughts did trouble me for I had not brought my breaking Covenant my Dulness and Deadness before the Lord so as to be deeply humbled for them The Eleventh Sacrament was June 4 1682. Vpon which he He remarks thus I having no time was very bad in my preparations for this blessed Sacrament so doubted whether I should go to it but fearing it might be the last I should injoy in peace I then went yet it prov'd the worst I ever yet had I hardly felt any movings of affections only a little mourning for my breach of Covenant my coldness and deadness c. Had a little sight of my Dearest Redeemer but O my misery for not keeping my ingagement made in the foregoing Ordinance whereby I feared the Holy Spirit was greived and sinned away O sad sad lamentable deplorable was my state when I had sinned my God from me My condition was wretched now and without more care it may yet be much worse The Twelfth Sacrament was on July 2d 1682. whereupon he notes thus I was but little in preparation in order to my participation of this Holy Ordinance yet much more than on the last on Fryday morning before I had much of Gods presence but because I had not taken a Catalogue of my sins and had broke my vows with God 't is just with him to hide his face from me and O my deadly sin got again too much advantage against me yet praised be the free Grace of my God I had his presence in this Ordinance and saw my Dear Redeemer going along bearing his heavy Cross and his suffering thereupon and when his side was pierced methought I stood under and his precious blood did drop down upon me but still I was too little grieved for sin and had 3. times wandrings which through Grace passed away as the Wine went down I desired my sins might be purged away and renewed my resolve of walking better both before and in this Sacrament designing to shelter my Soul in the holes of his blessed Side that was â—ierced as the Dove doth in the holes of the Rock The Thirteenth Sacrament was August 6. 1682. On which he records thus The hurries of the World had made menegligent before it yet did I try my self by my catalogue of sins drawn up in February before such as pride whereof I had a great deal breach of Covenant whereof I was greatly guilty Wandrings Dullness in Duty c. and then another great one the neglect of self tryal after my vows renewed Covenant to do it after Sacraments wherein I had found much sweetness I could not still call my self to a strict account nor actuate my repentance as becomes a worthy receiver though my sins were many and great At my first sitting down I had but little sense of sin but after God showed me something of himself then had I some sorrow of Soul and something of my dear Lord but once God seemed to come out in fury towards me yet methought I saw my Dear Redeemer stop it Here again I lay under the Cross to be washed from my sins and did see as before Christ coming from Heaven to Earth to hiâ— Cross and to his Grave and from thence into Glory this I viewed with a little oh too little life then the Devil tempted me to make no new engagement of reformation but the Lord helped me and I harkned not to the Tempter About 4. times wandrings came but through grace they continued not yet had I smal actings of love and out-goings of Soul after my God and my Dear Redeemer The Fourteenth Sacrament was September 3. 1682. On which he observes thus I had but little of God some time before this till Saturday night Though I had been much in preparation yet my God came not in till then and indeed I
to the unconverted which through grace shewed me the necessity of my conversion yet all this time never consulted with any man about my sins but only confessed them to God till I met with Mr. Hookers Soul preparation for Christ which convinced me to advise with some Godly minister hereupon I did address to one though a stranger to him saying Sir I cannot I dare not any longer refrain having ask'd my self what fitness I had to dye was answered I was unfit till I had eas'd my heart to you as followeth 1. When I was 7. years old I tore my Bible and cast away my Catechism 2. I have broke the Sabbath by rambling abroad playing at farthings with naughty boys and washing my self in the fields when I should have been at the Church c. 3. By excusing my sins with a lye so added one sin to another for covering it 4. Nor have I been free from Youthful Lusts which young Timothy was bid to flee but my corrupt Heart hath had workings after the Act several times yet hath been wonderfully prevented by the advice of my Godly Sister who laid before me Christs words Mat. 5.28 whoever looks on a woman to lust after her c. however I am guilty of Heart-Adultry yea 5. I have erred and laughed when I have heard the word preached with power c. Hereupon the Good Minister gave me grave council and comfort suitable to my penitent case and condition yet notwithstaning all this I was not effectually called nor througly converted and made a new creature until afterwards I heard that Sermon upon Mat. 5.25 26. as the account above mentioned specifieth But alas in my Apprentiship through the hurries of the World in our way of trading especially in May and June c. I became negligent of my close walking with God not minding as I might to continue in his love when God my adversary was reconciled to me I neglected Dayly Self-examination or did it only to halfe part being dull and sleepy through weariness with worldly work at night then my old corruptions got head again upon me I broke my Covenant made at the agreement with my adversary and I Apostatized from these sweet thoughts I formerly had upon my God and Dear Redeemer for which had he not been gracious I had been damned and rotting in Hell for ever This consideration made me exclaim against my self saying O silly Soul to heed a perishing dying world before Heaven such sadness and darkness seized on me at this time when the things of the world I found had been the substance of my thoughts and discourse that I knew not what to do nor whither to go at last I turned to the Lord and begged of him that he would not take the forfeiture nor suffer me to run this ready way to utter destruction I cryed Lord 't is just with thee to hurle mein to hell and into the hottest place thereof and never wait longer upon such a cumber-ground as I am but to thee my Dear Redeemer do I run for refuge as one that am hungry and hardly bestead poor blind naked wretched and miserable a loathsom wretch unworthy to be called a servant much less a Son having so wickedly departed from my God yet through thee will I venter again to my God and by thy strength I will better mind my future walkings O my dearest Redeemer I die without thee O come in once again and let me feel once more what it is to have Christ dwelling in my Soul O find a time of love wherein to disperse those dark clouds and shine upon my Dead and Darkned Soul O hath my night no day 't is an hell to me to be thrust away from God I know the cause is all at home my sin my sin O let it be done away then should I recover the light of thy countenance as formerly and in so doing I do ingage to amend my manners depending on thy help my hand is witness John Draper now to bind his Soul and Slippery heart to God the better in observing this new ingagement he wrote down many profitable rules in his pocket book As 1. In a day of humiliation I must lay all my sins before the Lord and resolve to forsake them 2. I must look upon my sin of Passion as a feaver in my mind of Lust as fire in my bones of Pride as a fatal tympany in my Soul of covetousness as an insatiable and unsufferable thirst and the sin of Envy or Malice as rank poyson in the heart 3. If I would run so as to obtain I must cast off all those weights or sins that do so easily beset me 4. I must resolve to begin betimes the running of this race 5. Nor must I loyter in the way 6. Nor must I cumber my self with the needless incumbrances of the World 7. I must look to every part of my way with equal care and observation 8. Nor must I ever think I have gone far enough till I have obtained the prize 9. And the further I have run in this race the more eager should be to obtain the end 10. I must alway think that I am upon the brink of eternity and therefore should give all diligence to make my calling and election sure working out my Salvation and making sure work for a better world before I go hence to be seen no more 11. I must ever come to God as to a Soul-pittying a Sin-pardoning and a Prayer-hearing God 12. I must be fervent in prayer yet submit to Gods Soveraignâ—y 13. Occasions of being too â—ong alone are to be avoided so â—s Strong Drink and too full a Dyet 14. I must be thinking oft Death Judgment Hell and Heaâ—en those four last things 15. I must not stretch my Christian liberty too far for he that dare go so far as he thinks he may goes sometime farther than he should c. 16. I must bridle my Tongue and not be too apt to speak of things whereof I am not certain And much more to the same purpose both for particular and general instruction too long to insert here This Holy Young-Man put down in his pocket book also how he had been Exercised with Temptations to Sin as to Theft Adultry Playing at Cards and prophaning the Sabbath c. as also with tryals to prevent temptations instancing that in a lash upon his eye with a Coach-whip whereby the Lord healed him of hie lustful Eye which had been too ful of Adultry 2. Pet. 2.14 CHAP. IV. NOw come we to the Third Head his Examinations of himself in the workings of his heart relating to his Communion with God It was not enough to this good Soul to examine himself only when he was approaching to the Lords Table on the Lords Day as is before specified but he look'd upon it as his duty to do it every day both every Sabbath-day when there was no Sacrament and every week day also making it his continual daily
in duty 17th had like to have fallen into passion but God disappointed it yet not much in Holy Ejaculations c. eighteenth not up early had my former omissions and commissions the ninteenth twentyeth and twenty first yea to the end of April he arraigns himself as guilty of all those aforesaid Crimes then May 1 2 3 4 5 6. Complains of all those evils adding that hurreys of his trade at this time did provoke him more to passion but sometime God helped him to subdue it c. the 7. being Sabbath Day sin set too light did not mourn for the sins of the land not enough in holy ejaculations nor in looking into my own heart nor seriously minding the Word of God 8 9 10 11 12 13. the same little life much dullness being wearyed with the hurries of the World 14 frothy discourse with some delight O sin sin lay too light both mine own and the lands sin 15 16 17 18 19. the same Complaint 20. neglecting to read Gods Word 21 22 23. so on to the end of May he cryes out I have done nothing for my self nor the Church I have not been my self hardly knowing what I did through the hurryes of the World O the World the World is a saâ— impediment to my Soul God hath not been in my mind Heaven out of my sight I have not mourned for my own sins nor those of the land nor had holy ejaculations c. thus he saith particularly upon every day adding thus I continued till the fourth of June being always wearyed with work and unfit for any good O it hath been a sad time for my Soul thus likewise I neglected till the 17 of June on which I renewed my covenant with God yet 18 19. the same neglects prevailed only on the 20. I had some holy Ejaculations but 21 22. the same and 23. I prayed not over the Sermon as I should have done and omitted all as before 24 still pestred with former neglects O sad sad that I should be thus carryed under Grace thus he moans on 25 26. and so on to the end of June on every day I have done little for the Church or for my Soul have not read Gods word sin sits too light not mourn'd for my own sin nor for the sins of the land Heaven hath been out of sight and God out of mind too little have I been in holy ejaculations with wandrings not oft looking into my own heart c. July 1682. from 1 to 10. he complains particularly upon each Day in the same word 's too much wandrings in Holy Duties too little sense of sin upon my heart I have not mourned enough for my own sins nor for the sins of the Land not much in ejaculations Heaven too much out of sight c. sometimes adding I neglected reading Gods Word have done little for Gods Church have not minded my Soul nor Gods praise c. Then concludes these ten days with this divine rapture O this deadly thing sin hath not duely affected my heart into what a sad state is my Soul fallen O my God I beseech thee leave me not This same complaint concerning those several omissions he carryeth on against himself quite through July to the last day August 1682. He makes the same moans of the same neglects all along the month upon the head of every day of the four weeks distinctly yet sometimes adding God helped me on the 2 of August against my deadly sin on the 6 day being the Sabbath I was less troubled with wandrings than I was the day after on the 8 day I arose from Supper without dropping any savory word at the Table on the 11. God kept me much from my sin this day On the 13. I had much of God in my night prayer though the Devil told me I had not begged Gods presence My dear Lord helped me to repulse him with ease On the 16 out of order all the day but at night God shone upon my Soul more than a long time before but lost all the two following days being hurryed with casting up our shop going backward not forward On 19. I felt my deadly sin crawl apace towards my heart which put me upon examination the 20. day and found it not in vain to cast my burden upon the Lord for I had thereby relief against my Pride c. for which I have cryed mightily to the Lord my God after which I had sweet communion with God then the Tempter strongly tempted me to neglect hearing and reading the Word but putting up an ejaculation I had strength to overcome him again after hearing a Sermon I went down into the Cellar to pray where the Devil would affright me that something would appear which through the help of my Dear Redeemer I stoutly resisted and bid Satan defiance then he objected against me my deadly sin which I could not but own yet could he not make me think so long upon it as to distract me in duty which was the Devils design but Osubtil Serpent my Lords goodness strengthned me to triumph over thee and I had a comfortable season upon the 21 of August 1682. all my old neglects prevailed and wandrings in my night prayer but God heard my ejaculation I got up early in the morning which sweet way I had much neglected through weariness with worldly work to pray wherein I found much of God O my Soul love that lovely lovely one thy Lord who hath heard thee hath done is doing great things for thee and will do greater On the 26. I neglected reading the Word been too much about Worldly affairs which took me off from God and I lost my time in Duty nor could I get up my thoughts to my God in my hurryes yet on the Saturday following I recovered a blessed frame O my Soul love and praise the Lord for ever September the 2. I was at a fast for the fire of London where I was not free of my aforesaid omissions yet waiting there all the day at length had the sweet presence of God On the 4. I had Heaven in my sight and but little troubled with wandrings yet too little looked I into my own heart I sat up late for Duty and God made it sweet to me On the seventh he makes his old moan against himself saying I feat my own self righteousness the 10. God discovered my deadly sin which caused his withdrawment from me and that wishing to die to avoid misery by God withdrawings is but a pang of passion The 15. old wandrings c. returned I think my murmuring was the cause I first read Isa 65.22 23 24. from whence upon my ejaculation God spake comfort to me so had after delight in duty The 19 God discovered another sin my seeking the praises of men that darkned his face from me The 23. but little sensible how I had grieved away Gods good Spirit in morning prayer The 25. had little sense of Gods putting a vail