of thy future tranquillity glory and blisse at the right hand of thy dearest Saviour in Heaven to all Eternity hereafter In the sixth place The sixth duty of the Husband to his Wife it is the duty of the Husband to his wife to beare with her infirmities We that are strong ought saith the Apostle to beare the infirmities of the weake Rom. 15.1 And Peter in 1 Pet. 3.7 saith the woman is the weaker vessell Ergo A man ought to beare with the Infirmities of his wife But the question is what faults may be said to be Infirmities to be borne with in any in generall and in the woman in particular I answer these and such like as forgetfulnesse of some materiall businesse some unusuall neglect of duty to the Husband Children or Servants some wasting and spoyling of the Creature contrary to Custome formerly or purpose then or some not ordinary breakin gs forth into extravagant and exorbitant passions heat and Choler of the last kind we shall find two very sad presidents from two gracious women and of two patterns of admirable patience in their Husbands The first is the extreame but groundlesse passion of Sarah formerly Sarai raised against her Husband Abraham Gen. 16 2 3.4 5 6. we shall abbreviate the Divine History Sarai was barren and Aged she despaires of being naturall mother to any Children who did therefore desire to be the reputed mother of Children she makes a motion such a one as it was unto her Husband to go in to her Maid Hagar Abraham hearkens to her voice and doth it Hagar conceives then is elevated in herselfe and casts off due honour from her Mistris which she discerning is presently full of passion and vents it very uncivilly into the bosome of her Husband and speakes thus that is My wrong be upon thee I gave thee my maid into thy bosome and when she saw that she had conceived I was despised in her eyes thâ— Lord judge betweene me and thee Well Saraâ— what 's the matter Here is a great complaint out who hath done thee the wrong What Abram No he poore man is innocent in comparison of thy selfe what a false charge iâ— here drawn up against Abram What clamor upon it What appeales to God about it But how doth Abram demeane himselfe in the condition Truly singularly well he beats wiâ— this infirmity in his wife he knew this wâ— not the frame and temper of her spirit anâ— therefore answers very mildly and saith to be behold thy Maid is in thy hand do to her at pleaseth thee The second sad president as beforesaid is that of the carraige of Zipporah to her husband Moses Ex. 4.19 20 21 25 26 Moses being commanded by God to leave the land of Midian and to returne into Egypt about the delivering of the Children of Israel out of bondage he takes his Wife and Sons and the Rod of God in his hand and begins his journey but be having neglected the observation of a speciall Ordinance of God viz. the circumcising of his Son God saith the Text met him in the Inne and sought to kill him where note by the way that it is a dangerous thing for a man to take a journey though upon as lawfull an occasion as can be with the neglect of a duty or the guilt of any sin lying on the conscience unrepented of Moses you see is in great danger of death and his wife knowing the cause of it takes a sharpe stone and cuts off the fore-skin of her Son and throws it at his feet with these words surely a bloudy husband art thou unto me which was a very Contemptible Contumelious uncivill and unmannerly behaviour in her yet he is silent bears with her infirmities and no doubt but he did consider there lay a sad temptation on her spirit and withall was conscientious of his own sin against God and so sweetly passeth by his wives weakness Now these infirmities which a Husband out of duty to his wife must beare with must not be publike nor giving scandall and offence to others Nay whatever they are he must take a fit opportunity to give her a sweet reproofe for such a Husband as is in a passion for his wives infirmities will make such a smoake in his house as shall disturbe all in or neare it The discretion of a man deferreth his anger and it is his glory to passe by a transgression Prov. 19.11 The seventh duty of the Husband to his Wife The seventh duty the Husband doth owe unto his Wife is due maintenance in all things both inward and outward for her comfortable bodily subsistance here both in life and livelihood for supportation of health whilest it is enjoyed and for restoration of it when decayed And this to be performed with as much dearenesse of affections and tendernesse of heart as to himselfe which duty the Apostle clearely requires husbands to performe to their wives Eph 5.28 29. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies be that loveth his wife loveth himselfe for no man ever yet hated his own flesh but cherisheth and nourisheth it even as Christ doth his Church Now we know all men will nourish their own bodies with such meat and drink and Physick with such Preservatives and Restoratives of health as is necessary And they will cherish their own body with such Apparell as may not only keep them warme in their bodies but be some delight unto their minds The same for kind and measure for quality and quantity they must allow unto their wives if it be of necessity or necessary for them which I dare presume it is almost alwaies Yet this must be granted that a man must not maintaine himselfe in any thing either for food or rayment above his ability or unbecoming his place and Calling Neither must he allow it his wife and doubtlesse no discreet wife will desire the same Beloved you have heard at large that it is the duty of the Husband to his Wife to tender the good of her soule and can any man think that the good of her body is to be neglected Truly it were absurd for any to conceit any such thing God would not have the mouth of the Oxe to be muzled when he treadeth out the Corne Deut. 25.4 and will he have the mouth of her muzled that doth draw with thee in the same yoke Surely no The Apostle saith that he is worse than an Infidell that doth not provide for his own Family 1 Tim. 5.8 Now if the whole Family must be provided for as none dare deny then much more she who in thy absence is the head of the Family and in thy own presence thy right-hand Mate VVhat encouragement can thy wife have to seek thy good when thou shalt in whole or in part neglect hers Besides when thou shalt especially with cheerefulnesse allow thy wife all due and necessary maintenance for her comfort and encouragement in this life if she
have their allowance from God and are kept at his Table as we may say and at his Charge The Lord hath a great Family but were it ten thousand times bigger he hath such an inexhausted store-house of provision of all kinds that not one of them could want ease thy selfe then of thy cares I meane distracting and distrustfull cares and cast them upon God who careth for thee 1 Pet. 5.7 I am God al-sufficient saith the Lord to Abraham walke before me and be upright Do thou but labour to walke before God and to be upright and then thou maiest act faith on Gods Al-sufficiency to do good to and for thee and thine Let me yet a little further argue with thee about this particular Thou saiest in effect thou art afraid that if thou shouldst have many Children they would undo thee How can this be when the Lord affirmes Children to be a blessing mind these two places first Psal 127.5 where the Holy Ghost speaking of Children saith Blessed is the man who hath his quiver full of them Secondly Psal 128. Blessed is the man saith the Psalmist that feareth the Lord and walketh in his way But how is he blessed truly this is one part of his blessednesse that his Wife shall be like a fruitfull Vine and his Children like Olive branches round about his Table Lothus saith he shall the man be blessed that feareth the Lord v. 3 4. Children you see then are a blessing Nay many Children are a blessing yea they are as so many severall blessings Now to apply this what a preposterous thing is this for thee to say many Children will undoe thee Will blessings undoe any It is very Incongruous to speake or thinke so it is impossible that blessings as they are blessings can hurt much lesse undoe any I confesse the abuse of blessings may undoe thee but this is per accidens and springs from thy selfe it is not the having many Children that can undoe thee but thy abuse of so rich a blessing there is no blessings in the world enjoy'd by any but if they are unsanctified they will undoe those that have the fruition of them I have been the longer in this point because distrust of the Lords providence in generall but more especially relating to meanes for maintenance of many Children is growne to be an Epidemicall disease overspreading the face of the Christian World Ah truly let me say that thou whosoever thou art and my selfe too should not be ashamed to take shame for this exceeding vile sin Be then in the feare of God convinced that the propagating of the Church in the procreation of Children was an essentiall and principall end why God did ordaine Marriage and that which was the Lords end must be thy aime and this shall suffice for this particular The second end of Marriage The second end we are to aime at in desisiring Marriage is the subduing our corruptions and base lusts especially when we find them to be predominant There is no man in this life but his Regeneration is only in part Sanctification here is at best but inchoate in Heaven it shall be consummated and therefore is obnoxious to temptations as in all kinds having the seed of all sins in him so to the sin of uncleannesse in particular Yet it must be granted that such men as do enjoy this holy Ordinance of Marriage are more free from the concupiscence of the flesh especially the violence of them than they ordinarily are who enjoy not this blessed help And the Apostle doth intimate as much when he saith To avoid fornication let every man have his own Wife and every woman her own Husband 1 Cor. 7.2 which place to the like occasion was mentioned before though on another head and in ver 8 9. he adds if the unmarried cannot containe let them marry and backs his exhortation with a reason viz it is better to marry than to burne it is the duty of every one to labour to preserve themselves pure and chaste Virgins unto Christ which that person cannot do who hath an impure heart though free from the acts of uncleannesse He that looks on a woman to lust after her hath committed Adultery in his heart saith our Saviour Mat. 5.28 Christ also makes the heart the proper seat and receptacle of Adultery and Fornication Mat 15.19 Now for this heart-defilement every soule hath cause not only to be humbled but also thankfully to make use of the remedy prescribed of God against the same When our Saviour reproves divorce betweene Man and Wife but in case of Fornication and the sin of those that are justly divorced if they marry the sin also of those who marry such his Disciples say if the case be so it is not good to marry Our Saviour Answers All men cannot receive this saying save those to whom it is given Mat. 19.11 That is to say all men cannot nay no man can at pleasure attaine this gift of Chastity for it is the gift of God Therefore such to whom the Lord denies it ought to take the help of Marriage But if the end of Mens Marrying be rather to satisfie the lusts of the flesh than to subdue the same they may justly feare themselves as persons never like to be gainers by such conjunctions but to have the fire of lust so enkindled in their impure Natures as that Chastity shall be made but combustible matter to be wholy consumed thereby and so made unsufferable losers which is a Judgement most dreadfull let therefore the destruction and extirpation of impure-selfe be sincerely thy aime and endeavour in seeking the Marriage condition We have done with this second end of Marriage and proceed to the last The last end we are to aime at in desiring Marriage is comfortable Society to enjoy a solid sweet and bosome Companion in which Estate for the most part it may be expected man is a sociable Creature and therfore God would not have him live alone but creates him a meet helper Gen. 2.18 And Solomon saith Two are better than one Eccl. 4.9 Truly they speake most profanely and are every way unworthy of the comfort that Marriage doth afford that say A woman is a necessary evill we may rather say she is a singular and necessary Good yet understand she is only so when she answers the end God made her for that is a meet helper and it is such a one that in the sequell of this small Treatise I shall endeavour to put thee on and stir thee up to seeke such a one will fit as we say for every occasion both in prosperity and adversity in sicknesse and health Next the glory of God she will spend and be spent for the good of thee and thine she will help beare thy burthens in every kind she will sympathize and condole with thee in all thy sufferings In her bosome there is a passage to receive in any secrets thou shalt thinke fit to impart but no vent to
preserved from the evill of punishment the patience of God will be but his omission of punishment and not the remission of thy sin Reas 4 The fourth and last Reason to induce thee to the practice of these duties to thy Family may be taken from that respect thou maiest in due place have to the recompence of reward for if thou be an instrument of the glory of God in the conversion of soules thou maiest through free grace expect an interest in that promise of God That they that are wise shall shine as the firmament but they that convert many to righteousnesse shall shine as the stars for ever and ever Dan. 12.3 And what knowest thou but thou maiest have the presence and assistance of the spirit of God with thee in thy discharge of these duties if thou be consciencious therein both for the information of thy Children and Servants and the reformation of their lives Thus much for the Reasons or Motives to actuate and provoke your spirits to the discharge of those duties you owe to your Children and Servants First taken from the command of God Secondly From those bowels of Compassions to their soules that ought to be in you Thirdly From that account you must passe to God for their soules if they perish by your default And lastly from that respect you may have to the recompence of reward We shall come to a few words of Application before we proceed to the ensuing matter This in the first place may serve for Information Use 1 to let you see the originall cause and the cursed and impoysoned root from whence doth spring all the abominations of these times the profanation of Gods Sabbaths drunkennesse pride uncleannesse hating of the power of Godlinesse and all other sins Even from hence that Parents and Masters neglect their duties to their Children and Servants in Catechizing and instructing them in the waies of God as also that they pray not with them nor for them nor walke before them giving them good examples but rather the contrary and lastly in that they use no meanes to reclaime them from vicious waies but leave them to themselves laying the raines of corrupt liberty on their necks whereby they run a full careere into all waies of sin and so to hell at last The Lord hath cause to complaine of the multitude and hainousnesse of the sins of these times as once he did of the sins of Israel Amor â— 13 Behold saith God I am pressed under you as a Cart is pressed that is full of sheaves and truly it is only his mercy that the Land doth not spue us out Lev. 18 28. And that which aggravates our sins is that after the faithfull Ministers of God in the later and this present Age have cried out against the horrid sins of the Times and have spent the strength of their Reines and wasted their best spirits that they may sit down and mourne over us and say they have spent their labour in vaine and their strength to no purpose Isa 49.4 For custome in sin doth bring a necessity to sin and that in such an habituall way that no meanes without a miracle of mercy can reforme the evill manners of most for the Ministers of the Gospell cannot preach down sin nor the Civill Magistrate cut it down with the sword of justice But Beloved how easily by the blessing of God might many if not all the Exorbitances of these times have been prevented by the Christian and prudent care of Domestique Governours they might have broke the Egge betimes and so have prevented it from bringing forth a Serpent they might have taken and dash'd Babylons little ones against the stones Psal 137. ult Every Family is a little Nursery to the great Orchards of Church and Common-wealth Now Family Discipline is the pruning ingrafting Enoculating and digging about the root of the tender Imps to qualifie and fit them for transplantation into either or both the foresaid Orchards But if the meanes before-mentioned be not used instead of removing fruitfull trees you shall replant Crabs bryers and thornes and such Vines as shall bring forth no Grapes but such as Moses mentions in his Song Deut. 32.32 Their Vine is of the Vine of Sodom and of the fields of Gomorrah their grapes are grapes of gall their clusters are bitter They shall bring forth such grapes as the Lord complaines of Isa 5.2 Now as Parents and Masters may be charged to be the originall cause of all the sins beforesaid and of the sins of the like kind so may all the Errours fundamentall and circumstantiall now maintained with a Whores forehead be brought and laid down at their doores likewise for had they taken more paines with their Children and Servants to season their hearts and informe their judgements by a Catechisticall way in the solid and profound truths of God both concerning faith and life things to be believed duties to be practised there might by the blessing of God on their sincere endeavours have been better fruit expected in these daies of sadnesse and sorrow than declining pure truth vilifying Gods Ordinances and faithfull Ministers raging against and worrying of the tender Lambs of Christ In which they take the same diabolicall course that some heathens of old tooke that is cloathed the Saints in the skins of Beares and other wild beasts that so their dogs might fasten their impoysoned fangs in their tender hearts so these calumniate such who by the grace of God walke closer to the Rule than themselves with many opprobrious and vile but notoriously false aspersions they are say they enemies to the State disturbers of the peace of a Nation and many other hellish accusations they have against them which I forbeare to name not doubting but in Gods time the guilt of their abominations will settle in their owne bosoms and so clap to their hearts and so sting their soules that by the goodnesse of God they shall be awakened to see their evill and repent of it before it be too late By reason whereof all their beagles and bloud-hounds take the sent not by the feet of the non-guilty from the cursed vomit of the accuser of the Brethren and run with so much hellish fury at them that did not God graciously and the precious Laws of the times preserve them they must inevitably perish but blessed be God there is yet hopes in Israel concerning this thing Ezra 10.2 For in order to the reforming of the destructive errors of these times the higher powers do declare their sense of the same and do protest against them and we hope they will make a hedge of thornes against them Now as wicked Parents and Masters have by their neglect of their duties occasioned all the evils of sin before-mentioned and pointed at so they have been the occasion by good consequence of all the evill of punishments that this day the righteous God hath inflicted on the Nation for sin is the Antecedent of
among all men which indeed it is the words following containe an Admonition and run thus Therefore is not to be enterprized that is Marriage nor taken in hand unadvisedly lightly or wantonly to satisfie mens carnall lusts and appetites like brute Beasts that have no understanding but Reverently discreetly advisedly soberly and in the feare of God duly considering the causes for which Matrimony was ordained c. such rash inconsiderate heady and unadvised persons as these never labour to see themselves to have a cleare Call to change their conditions by entring into the Marriage estate They desire no spirituall gifts to enable them to performe spirituall duties They look not upon any qualifications in the party they desire to enjoy in such a condition provided there be person and beauty to satisfie their brutish lusts and mony to please their covetous humour they will marry their hearts and soules to a bag of silver or gold these answer the Proverbe What hath she what is she and so they make money to answer all things As Solomon speakes yet to other ends Eccl. 10.19 And as for the way and meanes which God hath sanctified and appointed for men to walke in and make use of to obtaine good wives and meet helpers they will not set one foot in them they will not go to God by prayer for direction this way and for successe herein they scarce know what God is and for the duty of Prayer they know not so much as the A B C of it and as for Parents consent they regard not that all they desire is to inveigle maids to love them and enchant their foolish affections to answer their unreasonable desires let Parents consent or not consent what care they but for some sinister ends for portion sake or to attaine preferment by their favour There is an impure generation who have overspread the Nation yea and many other parts too like the Locusts in Egypt Exod. 10.14 who purposely do invent obscene lascivious scurrilous and filthy songs and Ballads on purpose to pollute and poyson young Virgins and Maids with carnall fleshly and abominable lusts that so they may bring them over to themselves for uncleane dalliance at present and then make them yield to their hellish Motions and run point blanke against the consent of their Parents to bestow themselves on them but poore Creatures when they thinke they are good wives they are but filthy Whores so long as Parents consent is not obtained by means whereof the Common-wealth is filled with abundance of Whores Bastards by which meanes also it comes to passe that Townes and Parishes are so over-charged with poore that there can scarce be an able Family there And where be they who labour to informe themselves in the duties which married persons are call'd to performe each to other and both to their Families And these duties to mind as I have said before Marriage that afterward they might practice them Truly this is the condition of multitudes of Men and Women now conjoyned together after their way in Marriage by reason whereof the Land is full of ignorant and extreamely profane Families by this meanes it is come to passe that the power of Godlinesse is slighted here is the cause why Sabbaths are profaned this is the cause why faithfull Ministers are the scorne of this Age this is the cause of so much Whoredome Drunkennesse Lying Cheating Over-reaching and what not amongst us Ah you poore soules who have contracted Marriage before you were call'd to it and have so wickedly entred into and lived in it all the sins before-mentioned and also what sins else can be named must like so many illegitimate children be brought and laid at your door and you must be Fathers and Mothers to them Never looke to prosper in your soules especially untill you labour to remove the guilt by repentance and teares of godly Compunction and untill thou reforme for which end be carefull to be informed in the duties thou art called to performe in the state of Marriage and then set about the discharge of them as in the presence of God labour to redeeme lost time by double diligence in the well improving the future and so God may yet be gracious to you and yours and make you blessings both to Church and Common-wealth In the last place it may serve for instruction Vse 2 First unto the unmarried And secondly to those in the Married condition First let me direct my selfe to you that are in the single Estate but yet mind a change of that life of yours as opportunity shall serve you to accomplish your desires Dost thou then desire I say to change thy condition as beforesaid and wouldst thou faine enjoy a meet helper in all conditions God shall put thee into whether prosperity or adversity Then let me exhort thee and be thou exhorted in the name and feare of God to see God going before thee by a cleare Call to enterprize so great a businesse even in fitting thee for the same as hath been before laid downe and in particular labour to get an humble spirit and an understanding heart to discharge all duties to every relation that God shall set under thee and that for their good both of body and soule that thou maiest be a blessing to them and they under God a comfort to thee labour to propound to thy selfe lawfull ends in that thy undertaking and be sure walke in warrantable waies and use godly and lawfull meanes to carry on thy desires by and amongst those meanes set down for thy direction mind well in a way of practice the going to God by Prayer then use double care and diligence to meet with one for thy companion who is of a gracious frame both of heart and life so far as possibly can be discerned And for those other qualifications before-mentioned be so far from slighting them that rather on the contrary be unsatisfied in thy thoughts if thou find any one of them wanting Yet not so unsatisfied as to divert thy affections from such a party because some one of them are undiscerned and perhaps some others a little defective but if the maine be there then in the name and feare of the great God proceed gradually to put a period to all thy cares paines and endeavours that way and now being married if thou wouldst have God say amen to all those joyes thy friends and acquaintance wish thee then set thy selfe the worke that lyeth before thee namely thy godly and Christian-like discharging of all the duty that estate cals for from thee which brings me to the second thing proposed in this Use that is to speake a word or two of Instruction to those in the Marriage condition It is a true saying that Marriage is either Merry-age or Mar-age But if thou wouldst have it to thee Merry-age and not Mar-age then now labour to walke with God in the conscientious discharge of all the duties that the same estate ties thee to
like it not that I should enjoy her as my wife and that because she hath too much of the feare of God in her as they think and not outward portion so much as they would have me enjoy with a wife and truly I have long waited for their consents and used the best meanes I can to enjoy the same but do even despaire of ever gaining of it now Sir I beseech you give me a word or two of counsell and direction what I shall do in this case I answer Deare heart I condole thy condition and cannot but sympathize with thee I see thou art in a conflicting estate with the devill with thy corruptions and with thy unnaturall and degenerate Parents yet there is some Balme in Gilead for thee only first take by the way a word or two of advise It appeares thou art qualified for and call'd to the Marriage estate and hast a fit opportunity to change thy life only the obstruction sticks here thy Parents will not consent and that upon the grounds thou hast spoken of Then I say in the feare of the Lord set apart a day two or three to seeke God by Fasting Humiliation and Prayer there bewaile thy own sins in generall that they may have had an Influence on the hearts of thy Parents to bind them up and harden them against thee But if thou dost know any particular sin that thou hast perpetrated and that God may maintaine a controversie against thee for it this way be sure Anatomize that before the Lord on that day of thy humiliation rip it up let all the cursed lineaments of it appeare labour to affect thy Heart with the consideration of all the sad circumstances and aggravations of the same and rent the Caule of thy heart before the Lord by unfeigned humiliation and implore his Mercy for pardon and reconciliation Then in a second place seek to God to humble thee likewise for thy Parents sin Thirdly seek God to humble thy Parents for their Iniquities and to pardon their sin Lastly seek God to be gracious to thee in wheeling their hearts toward thee Now when thou hast this done and yet hast not prevailed beg the prayers of such as have an interest in God both for thy selfe and for thy Parents which done if no cloud yet appeare for thy comfort so big as a mans hand then desire some godly Ministers and other worthy Christians to grapple with thy Parents by perswasive Arguments tending to the melting their frozen hearts and for the turning them toward thee Now if none of these meanes can prevaile then wait a convenient time expecting some comfort for thee but if none come and that thy necessities remaine still for the enjoyment of the Marriage estate Acts 5.29 then know thou art bound to obey God rather than man God commands thee to marry though thy Parents forbid thee In such a case I am confident that thou shalt not sin by marrying against the unreasonable desires of thy Parents Mind that of the Apostle Eph. 6.1 Children obey your Parents in the Lord for that is right Parents must not be obeyed but in the Lord. God is the Father of soules and spirits now the spirit is the better part of a man we must obey our spirituall Father rather than our Earthly When the Apostle had spoke of subjection to our Earthly Fathers Heb. 13.9 he adds Shall we not much rather be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live To draw to a conclusion Obey thy heavenly Fathers call in this particular and with all humility and thankfulnesse enter into the Marriage condition yet one thing let me add thou must labour to carry thy selfe with much care in the humble observance of thy Parents in all lawfull things and to counsell thy wife to do the same and then thou knowst not but that the Lord may give thee in their hearts to thine and thy Yoak-fellowes great comfort even after Marriage But to shut up all let not any thing here discust be understood as to weaken the power of Parents over their Children in relation to their Marriage for that power is of God and it is inviolable but in this singular condition which blessed be the Lord doth not often fall out though too often The fourth meanes to obtaine a good wife In the fourth and last place If thou dost desire to have a good Wife and a meet helper Then thou must be very carefull to seek by honest meanes and by no other to obtaine the love of the woman whom thou dost affect with Conjugall love and whom thou dost desire may be thy yoak fellow to live and dye with Now for thy orderly and Christian proceeding with her I shall endeavour very briefly to give thee a few directions When thou shalt come first to speech with her thou having first gained the consent of Parents on both sides then let her understand with as much brevity as thou canst in regard of her bashfulnesse and modesty the truth of thy love and hearty affection to her desiring her to take it into her consideration and to consult with God and her Parents about it and then to do as God shall perswade her heart and Parents advise her Thou maiest also then or at the next meeting declare unto her the dispositions of thy Nature also what Estate thou hast to live on and what Calling thou art of if she be a stranger thereto But be sure thou tell her the truth and nothing but the truth dealing faithfully with her in these and in whatsoever else is necessary for her to know After which give her a seasonable time to consider of all Now when thou hast thus done let thy affections sleep but thy judgement be kept waking leave all to God commit this thy way to him trust also in the Lord and if it be for his glory and thy good he will bring it to passe Psal 37.5 In the meane time sit down quietly and rest patiently not distracting thy selfe for the event of any thing Now if after all this thou receive an Answer to this effect That she can love thy Person like thy Nature accept of thy Estate and approve of thy Calling and that she is very well content to live and dye with thee Then in the Name and feare of God thou maiest proceed to a Contraction and in seasonable time to consummate the Marriage and thou maiest expect through the blessing of God a great deale of Comfort and be sure to find it when thy proceedings have been so upright But suppose that when she returnes an Answer to thee that it be an answer of repulse That she cannot love thee nor approve of any thing in relation to thee so well as to bestow her selfe on thee and doth entreat thee to be well satisfied and to take it for an Answer I say suppose it to be thus Then thou must labour to search into thy heart and life to find out the cause of it
for God hath some hand in it to humble thee for some sin happily thou hast hid some cursed thing in thy heart as Achan did the wedge of gold and Babylonish Garment in the Earth in the middest of his Tent for which sin of his all Israel were beaten back by the Citizens of Aâ— Josh 7 5. And we know God would not go forth with Israel to blesse them and to give them victory over their Adversaries untill this sin was purged out But if this be thy case that as I said there is some secret sin lying hid in thy heart do not delude thy selfe thou must set thy selfe to the worke of humiliation and reformation before thou canst expect a gracious speeding in thy sute but when that is done rouze up thy spirit be not discouraged but set on afresh with vigour againe and againe and if it be for Gods glory and the mutuall good of you both thou shalt certainly speed and further thou oughtest not to desire it But I desire to adde one thing yet further and that by way of Advice Be very circumspect that before Marriage thou be not prodigall in thy engagements be sure thou promise her no more Maintenance than thou art well assured thy meanes will make good oâ— that may beseeme her in that condition as being thy wife Againe take care in a speciall manner that thou promise her no more than thy honest purpose is to make good and performe to the full For otherwise when things come to passe contrary to thy promises it will be a cause of much variance and of great breaches betweene you which like a fretting gangrene will eat out the very vitals of love for upon thy non-performance or unability to make good all thou hast unadvisedly and wickedly promised she will both twit thee and exclaime against thee for cheating and deluding of her with faire and golden promises which since are vanished into meere vapours it is more safe and creditable for thee rather to promise nothing to her that way but yet to do what with reason may be fitting One thing more and no more of this Conceale not before-hand any deficiency in Nature that may disable thee to performe any Conjugall duties whatsoever Thus much may suffice to inform thee in all the meanes thou art to use to obtaine a good wife and a meet helper We are in then nâ—xt place with the Lords leave and assistance to come to take a view of the duties which Married persons are obliged to performe wherein we shall consider the duties the Husband doth owe unto his Wife and the rather shall we do this in the first place to draw on the Wife to a cheerefull performance of hers likewise to her Husband The first duty the Husband doth owe unto his Wife is Conjugall Affections The first duty of the Husband to his Wife Or Matrimoniall and speciall love The greatest part of a womans outward comfort in Marriage stands in the entire love and hearty Affections of her Husband toward her and if she misse of this from her Husband she may feare his falling short in all the rest for the love of a Husband to his Wife is as the foundation stone of all his other duties it is as the chiefe wheele in the Clock which gives a dexterous motion to all the other wheeles thy cordiall love to thy Wife will sweeten her condition in this life in her worst outward crosses in want of health wealth the society of good Neighbours pleasures and what not nay let her life be fill'd with the Affluence and Confluence of all the comforts under the Sun yet the bare want of the apprehension of her Husbands Affections toward her will make her dip all her Morsels in vinegar and gall and make her complaine that she doth not see one good day Now that it is the duty of the Husband to love his Wife appeares Eph. 5.25 Husbands saith the Apostle love your Wives as Christ loved his Church that is for kind not for measure for the measure of the love of Christ to his Church no dimensions can demonstrate for to know the love of Christ the Apostle saith it passeth knowledge Eph. 2.19 and in Col. 3.19 the Apostle bids Husbands to love their wives and not be bitter unto them The woman was made of a Rib taken out of the side of man and therefore Adam saith she was bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh Gen. 2.23 Nay by Gods Ordinance they are no more twaine but one flesh and from hence Paul taketh an Argument to perswade the Husband to love his Wife because no man yet did ever hate his own flesh Eph. 5.28 29. You may remember that upon another occasion we did observe that Jacob esteemed Rachel his Wife as his right hand he call'd his Sons name of whom she died Benjamin or the Son of his right hand Gen. 35.18 God calls the wife of Ezekiel the desire of his eyes Son of man I take from thee the desire of thine eyes with a stroake Ezek. 24.16 18. The Prophet Nathan tels David in a Parable that Bathsheba the wife of Uriah lay in his bosome that is in the bosome of her Husbands Affections 2 Sam. 12.3 You plainly see then that it is the duty of the Husband to love his Wife Now that there are Scripture Incitations for it and Scripture Presidents for it too you must know you sin against God if you performe it not and if you do it not then as you have heard you bring affliction and griefe on your Wife so likewise you bring much prejudice on your own selfe for you discourage her from drawing in the same Yoake with you you disable her to be a meet helper you make her to be uncheerfull in all the duties of her generall and particular calling and which is worse you expose your selfe to the strength of many noysome lusts as elsewhere hath been mentioned be thou so convinced that it is a speciall duty that the Husband doth owe to his Wife even to love her with Conjugall and entire love as that thou set thy selfe to the practice of it wherein stands thy owne and her comfort The second Duty which the Husband doth owe unto his wife is Cohabitation The seconâ— duty of the Husband to his Wife or to live together in one Family mutually to enjoy intimate society both in bed and at boord for where this is not there no duty which a Husband doth owe unto his Wife can be performed Nay the very ends of Marriage are hereby null and frustrate The Apostle Peter laies a command on Husbands to dwell with their Wives Ye Husbands dwell with your Wives c. 1 Pet. 3.7 Can a man have any true comfort in his Wife or she in him if they do not dwell together Truly it is not only against Grace but against Nature too for them to do otherwise for the Husband is the head of his Wife and of his Family When