Heart against them O Blessed Jesus that knowest the Necessities of all thy Vniversal Commands to Repentance to all men methinks seems to be peculiarly directed to me who have neglected this most necessary Duty hitherto thou O Lord seest my Danger and pittiest my Approaching Ruine I Bow my Head and Heart and neither can or dare disobey so gracious and loving Advice so useful and necessary a Warning thy bare Words hath been sufficient to command Obedience from me who do expect Eternal Salvation by thee but thou art pleased further to convince me I do believe dearest Jesus the Benefit is great if I shall turn now while thy Grace is offered so freely to all People I know the danger is dreadful if I delay any longer since 't is certain that thy Kingdom shall come but uncertain now soon either Death shall Arrest me or Judgment surprise me in such Delays I have great cause to bless thy Name that neither of these have happened yet unto me though I have even excluded thee out of my Heart and entertained my Sins there yet Lord thou callest on me still and now I am making what hast I can O remember not how long I have staid but consider how little time I have left and by the help of thy Grace make my Work short and easie proportionable to my Time and Strength I confess that I knew before but I never considered it till now and now I dare not stay but through thy help I come O do not cast me off for thy Mercies sake Oh my Soul thou art surely seized with a strange Distemper which resists the Efficacy of the choisest Remedies the Plaister which cures others doth not avail me I confess my Offences every day on my bended Knees but my Faith is Weak my Hope Wavering my sense of Gods Love very small so that I am almost tempted to live like those that are unconverted and unconcerned whether they sin or no because I find no Benefit by all my Humiliations and this Temptation had prevailed if I had not seen that since others receive some Advantage by these meanes the fault is in me and not in them nor in the God whom I Serve he cannot deny his Promises falsifie his Word nor reject those when they come who come upon his Courteous Invitation O where then is this accursed thing that restrains Gods Mercies blasts my Endeavours and puts me upon Injurious Thoughts against Heaven Atheistical Resolutions of totally neglecting those Holy Things the Matter of my Duty is good for God commands it the Benefit is great for many have found it to be so but Is it done in a right manner The failing may be there I have been more careful to kneel reverently look sadly sigh grievously and tell the Almighty a Story of my Sinful Life with Addresses becomming a Penitent but this comes far short of what God requires even a Broken Heart and a Contrite Spirit for I have been so concerned to seem sorrowful that I have not endeavoured really to be so O my God thou that searchest the Heart and tryest the Reins thou hast seen my Heart untouch't in the midst of these Pretences I have not been smitten with the Odiousuess of my Sins to thee nor the Danger to me and therefore I have not fully renounced them nor yet absolutely returned to thee and thy Ways and therefore thou hast not blessed my Confessions which have been rather looked upon by me as an Indulgence to go on since my former were so easily pardoned than an Ingagement to forsake mine Iniquities but now I see my Vileness in making so slight Addresses for so great a Favour I discern my Folly to cheat my self of so considerable a Blessing and my Sloath to slip so many fair Opportunities by my deceitful Behavior before thee O Lord I have deceived my self I am hugely ashamed that having offended so dear and loving a Father I have not been really concerned more and having so gracious a God to turn to I am yet so far distant from him if I want Pardon or Peace the blame must be upon my own Negligence for thou art apt to give and ready to forgive long before thou punishest Sinners but soon intreated to receive Presents dost most joyfully lay aside thy Resolutions of Judgments when we promise our Purpose of Amendment O my Soul will not this real Goodness of thy God shame thy Hyppocrisy Will it not pierce thine Heart to see whom thou hast offended and thaw thy Hopes to behold him whom thou art turning to his Holiness is mixed with Long-suffering his Justice with Mercy his Decrees allayed with Limitations and is it fit to approach him without Love or Fear Hopes or Desires Gratitude oâ— Admiration Or Is the Forgiveness too mean a Favour that it deserves no more Hearty Applications sure enough mine Hyppocrisy hath hindred my Pardon wherefore I begin to detest it and hereafter I will look more to the Disposition of my Heart than the Posture of my Body I will set him before me whose Love I have abused and whose Patience I have tried who is so gracious as to spare me and so willing to be Reconciled to a most ungrateful Wretch that when I come to him I may have my Eyes filled with Tears and my Cheeks with Blushes and my Heart with Sorrow I will remembeâ— who I am that go so that my Heart may be humâ—â—e and what I go for that I may be earnest and who I go to that I may be full of Faith and Hope so thaâ— my Addresses may not be in vain but that all these gracious Attributes may be made good unto me for Jesu Sake to whom be Glory for ever Thomas Brownings 's Prayer O Lord prepare my unprepared and sinful Heart by thy Holy and Blessed Spirit to Pray unto thee for Jesus Christ his Sake pour down into my Heart thy Spirit of â—race Supplication and Humiliation good God do away mine Iniquities and remember my Transgressens no more help me to pour out my Soul before thee under a deepsence of and a true sorrow for all my Sins which I have most wickedly and grieviously committed against thy Divine Majesty from time to time help me to pray with the Spirit and with Understanding let thy Spirit help my Infirmities with Sighs and Groans that cannot be expressed strike my Heart with an Awe and Dread of thy Maiesty help me to approach thy Presence with Reâ—erence a Godly Shame and Holy Trembling there is no secret Thoughts afar off help me to confess my Sins with a true Sorrow for the same help me to depart from all Iniquity that it may not be my Ruine let me hate all Sin with a perfect Hatred and avoid the very Appearance of Evil let me no longer regard any Iniquity in my Heart least it prove my undoing knowing that the very Hope of the Hyppocrite stall perish but work in me a Godly Sorrow for my sin which may cause a
thou and art so cast down and disquieted within thy self Dost thou well to be angry with my Chastisements And why art thou offended that I should make thee like my self Causing thee to walk in the way of inward and outward Griefs which I did tread before thee Why refusest thou to take up my Cross and follow me and to taste of that Cup which I drank before and for thee The Soul Oh Lord give me of thy Spirit and all trouble with thee or for thee shall be sweet unto me What ever thou didst Oh Lord it was for me and if I were so disposed as I should then would I be content to bear all that thou my God shouldst be pleased to lay upon me But alas it is my cursed Corruptions that makes me think thy Cross my Burthen Lord therefore uphold me by thy Grace that I may count thy Yoak easie and find joy in these Sufferings with thee The Lord. I know the Cause of thy Grief and Terrour to be the Consideration of thy Sins But I pray thee Why lookest thou so to thy Sins that thou lookest not to my Mercies Why wouldst thou so extol thy evil Deeds that thou shouldst extenuate my rich Mercies or any way compare the one with the other Was it for thy good Deeds that I did first enter into Friendship with thee And thinkest thou now that for thy evil Deeds I will utterly forsake thee Seeing it is among my Praises that the Work which I have begun I will perfect it I like it well indeed to see thee grieved for the Sins thou hast committed against me But I would also have thee comforted in the Mercies that I have shewed thee Call to mind my Works of old what I have done to thee since thou canst remember How cared I for thee in thy young and tender Years Look back now and see Did not the Angel of my Presence lead thee when thou hadst no wisdom nor strength to govern thee Did not I then begin to acquaint thee with the Knowledge and Fear of my Name Canst thou deny now that my Mercy preserved thee from many Sins whereunto thy Nature was prone and ready to have declined And when thou sinnedst with what long patience have I waited thy turning and how lovingly have I winked at thy Transgressions And when I had given thee Grace to repent of thy Sins and to seek for my Favour and Mercy for the Sins of thy youth with a melting heart and a mourning eye Canst thou deny that I have filled thy Heart with my Joys and made thy tongue to burst out in singing and glorying Speeches And why then wilt thou not trust in my Mercies to the end The Soul I were O Lord most unthankful if I should not confess that many a time in the multitude of my thoughts thy Mercies have comforted me But alas I have not answered thy Loving Kindness for after many Mercies received I have sinned against thee contrary to my Light and my sins are now before me witnessing that I am unworthy to taste of the sweetness of thy Mercies any more The Lord Is my Mercy only for a Day or a Year Or is it for ever and ever towards those that I have made mine in Christ Jesus Wilt thou restrain my Mercies and limit them within thy narrow Bounds as to think they cannot be extended over all thy Transgressions Wilt thou measure my Mercies with so narrow a span as to think that I have no more to give than thou hast to receive Is it not among my Praises That I am able to do exceeding abundantly above all that my Children can ask or think of me Knowest thou not that as the Heavens are above the Earth so are my Thoughts above thine Hast thou not considered that my Mercy is above all my Works How much more then is it above thee who art nothing in comparison of my mighty Works And if it be above thee how much more above all thou canst do Why then wilt thou match thy Sins with my Mercies If I require such Mercy in my Children that I will have them to forgive one another not only seven times but seventy times seven times What pitty compassion and readiness to forgive is in my self Therefore my Beloved despair not for the multitude of thy Sins but be comforted with my Promises of Mercy I have made them without Exceptions of Sins For albeit they were Sins of Scarlet they shall be made white as Wool I have made them without exception of Persons For whosoever shall depart from his Wickedness and turn to me I will receive him Let this threefold Vniversality of my Promises sustain thee that thy Infidelity contract not my Mercy into narrower bounds than I have extended them The Soul Be merciful O Lord to my Infidelity I believe in part Lord help my Unbelief Establish and confirm my unstable heart with thy good Spirit My Conscience doth in such sort condemn me that I stand in fear of thy Justice for thou art greater than my Conscience and wilt much more condemn me if thou dost enter into Judgment with me The Lord Oh my Beloved consider that the Cause of thy present Vnquietness is because with the one Eye thou lookest to thy Sins and my Fathers Justice and with thy other Eye lookest not to me in whom his Justice is satisfied and thy Sins punished already Tell me I pray thee Thinkest thou in thy self to get such a Holiness of thy Disposition that which shall exempt thee from the Fear of his Justice Or art thou content to seek it in me If in thy self thou seekest it remember what thou art doing Wilt thou have the Lord bound and oblieged to thee Wilt thou be thy own Saviour Or shall it be said His Mercy Saved thee not If no misery were in thee whereupon should his Mercy be manifested And if thy disposition in the Earth be such as it should be then what remains but that the Praise of his Mercy should fall to the ground Turn thee therefore to me and seek thy Life in me If thou wilt know what is thine thou art a Sinner Let my Praise be reserved to my self I am thy Saviour Esteemest thou that my words are ineffectual or that there is no force in my Suffering Countest thou thy Sins so deadly that my Merit Vertue cannot cure them Will a Physitian pour out a rare Ointment either where no need it or where it cannot profit and thinkest thou that my Father would have my Blood to be shed in vain If his Justice terrifies thee remember his Justice was satisfied in me and that he pronounceth this Sentence Himself This is my Beloved Son in whom I am well pleased I came into the Wâ—â—ld not to call the Righteous but Sinners to Repentance Tarry not from me because thou art a Sinner but for that Cause come unto me I will refresh thee The Soul Oh Lord I know there is a cleansing and recoâ—â—ding
Vertue in thy Blood That Life is in thy Death But â—â—â—ll I fear my Sins deserve that thou shouldst never apply thy Vertue nor thy Merits to me for alas I find that the Old man is lively and strong in me and that the motions of Sin have power in me to bring forth Fruits unto Death The Lord Be not I pray thee injurious to thy self in the work of my Grace in thee Complain not of thy Corruptions But that thou mayst give unto me my own praise Canst thou deny but thou hast felt my Power working in thy Soul Have I noâ— sprinkled thy Conscience many times with the purifying and pacifying Blood of Christ from which hath flowed to thee such a witnessing of good things such a sence of Mercies as for the time hath filled thy heart with Joys thy mouth with Songs of Praise Have I not stirred thee up sometimes with great fervency to call upon the Name of the Lord Have I not made thee to give Christs Name a publick Testimony with thine own disadvantage And how often hath thy heart been effectually moved at the hearing of my Word in such sort that it wrought in thee a holy Remorse and an inward Contrition for Sin which hath broken out into tears Have I not made thee to wrestle against thine inordinate Lusts Have I not given thee Strength many a time to stand against Satans Temptations Whereas if I had left thee to thy self how often hadst thou been made a Prey to thine Enemy Remembrest thou not that the Tempter hath often assaulted thee But I have withdrawn the occasion of Sin and when the occasion hath served did I not restrain and hold back the Tempter Yea when both the occasion and Tempter were present have I not filled thy heart with the Fear and Love of my Name and so kept thee from sinning against me And whereas many times of thy weakness thou hast offended Did not I with a melting heart and mourning eye raise thee again and renew my former familiarity with thee So that thou canst never say from the first hour that I begun to renew thee that I have suffered thee to lye in thy Sin as I have done others that are Sâ—rangers to my Grace and many notable Effects of my working in thee thou canst not deny Are not these the undoubted Tokens of my Grace in thee Will Nature do such things Mayst thou not feel by these that I have begun to apply to thee Christs Merits for the Remission of thy Sins and Christs Vertue for quickening thee to a new Life Therefore think of thy self as barely as thou wilt but let the Work of my Grace be esteemed by thee according to the excellency of it Be humble and cast down when thou lookest on thine own corruption I find no fault with thee but I rejoyce and am glad of the new Workmanship which I have begun in thee Indeed if there were nothing in thee but that which thou hast by nature thy state were very miserable but seeing thou findest a new Workmanship in thee be comforted Art thou in Darkness that there is no Light in thee Or doth Sin possess thee that besides it also there is not a Will in thee to do Good and a Love to Righteousness If thou saist that thou hast no Sin in thee thou art a Lyer And if thou saist thou hast no other thing in thee but Sin thou art also a Lyer And thinkest thou that seeing I have begun to translate thee into my Light and to make thee a new Creature thinkest thou that I will leave thee till I have done till I have done my Work in thee Therefore my Beloved give not such ear to Satan and thy own Corruptions as to take this Testimony against me or make thee think that my Pledges which I have given thee are not worthy of Credit that by them thou shouldst be assured of my Mercy The Soul I cannot deny O Lord but that many times I have felt the sweetness of thy heavenly Consolations which have greatly rejoyced my Soul But alas my grief is so much the more that by my own Defaults I should now be deprived of them for I have grieved thy Holy Spirit yea I have done what I could to quench him and therefore it is that the Comforter who was wont to refresh my Soul is away nor can I feel his Presence with me as before The Lord Because I am not changed therefore it is that ye O Sons of Jacob are not consumed many are the Changes indeed whereunto you are subject but I remain the same and there is no shadow of alteration with me Be not therefore afraid O my Beloved neither esteem thy self to be rejected of me albeit that sometimes I hide my face from thee All my ways are Mercy and Truth to mine It is for thee that sometimes I go from thee and it is for thee that again I do return unto thee for if I come it is for thy Consolation that continual heaviness should not oppress thee by thy manifold Temptations How often hast thou found this when thou wert sick of Love I have strengthened thee with Flagons of my own and comforted thee wiâ—â— my Apples my Fruit hath been sweet in thy mouth and I â—aâ— put my Left-hand under thy Head and with my Right-hand I have imbraced thee But least the greatness of my Consolations should exalt thee to disdain thy Brother and offend me by imputing that to thy own disposition which thou hast of my Dispensation I have again withdrawn these glorious feelings from thee give me the Praise that I know best what is expedient for thee Had my Servant St. Paul need to be humbled with the Buffets of Satan least he should be exalted above measure by the greatness of his Revelations And hast not thou need that by thy inward Exercises I should hold thee humble If my Comforts were always present with thee thou wouldst think thy Heaven thy permanent City were here on Earth and so cease to enquire for a better to come thou wouldst take the place of thy Banishment for thy Home and thy Earnest for thy Principal Sum which I have promised thee Consider this wisely with thy self and albeit I laugh not alike on thee at all times and fill thee not always with Joys yet I always love thee for whom I love it is to the end If I close the Door of my Chamber upon thee it is not to hold thee out but to leave thee to knock If I cover my self with my Veiles that thou canst not see a glance of my Countenance it is only to stir thee up to seek me and if sometimes I seem to go from thee it is to provoke thee to follow me that thou mayst make hast from Earth to Heaven where thou shalt injoy me without Intermission Was Joseph so wise as to conceal his tender Affections from his Brethren till he had brought them to an humble acknowledgment of their