publike affaires entred into the counsell chamber and cried out aloud I giue my verdite that euery one of you be dawcockes And one Norandino of Sauignano was not much vnlike these being a most vitious foole who at a time when a great disputation was helde in the citie of Cesena neere to that towne and passing by chance through the place where all the disputāts were gathered togither making roume amongst them all with a good quarter staffe he spake with a loud voice I hold this conclusion that Sauignano is not distant from Cesena aboue ten miles and next I maintaine this other that Sauignano is male and Cesena is female as also I le stand to this that more people will giue eare to me which am but a Foole then to you who would appeare to be wise And last of all I will affirme and prooue this other that if euer a wiseman went thorough Cesena I should not be a foole my selfe These of this kinde therefore are called vicious fooles and within the Hospitall they enioy a cell which hath hanging without the image of the goddesse Themis vpon whom as their protectrix in this vnder supplication we will call for helpe A supplication to goddesse Themis for vicious Fooles O Great daughter of heauen and earth so woonderfully beloued of Iupiter as thou art desirous of his loue be not niggardly of thy help to those who being fooles and vicious seeke at the handes of Themis the goddesse of reasonable demaunds that which is requisite for them to request and sue for They demaunde therefore this iust and lawfull sute that of Heauen thy father thou wouldest obtaine wit for their vnderstanding and vertue for their mindes for if by thy grace and fauour they shall be deliuered from such a defect in thy temple so much honored by the Boëtians neere the riuer Celisus thoushalt see offred vnto thee a Spanish mule which will be an euident signe of the great victorie and triumph thou shalt obtaine by such a deliuerie Of malicious and despightfull fooles the thirteenth discourse SOme men there be that inwardly haue inserted in thē such a spirit as if they happē at any time to be offended or iniuried by anie one with a foolish wilfulnes at one instant they begin to contend with him and as of the offenders side iniuries and offences multiply so likewise togither with hatred doe continuall rancors and despightes encrease on their part so as the matter commeth to this passe that brutishly thus hammering and boiling in their mindes they obtaine the name of malitious and despightfull fooles Amongst auncient examples that peraduenture of Cleomedes Astipalensis a man of mightie strength named by Plutarke may well be placed who being defrauded of a certaine rewarde due vnto his vertue entred for this cause into such malice and despight as one day he laide his shoulders to a pillar which susteined the common schoole wherein were all the children of the chiefest men of the place and bearing it furiously to the ground he killed the master and all those yoong youths togither In the number of these also may that Merganore in the Poet Ariosto be reckoned who for the death of his two sonnes conceiued such mortall hatred against women-kinde as looke howe many women soeuer came within his circuit they were al for this cause rudely scoffed and hardly intreated by him For a malicious and peeuish Foole of late daies a certaine literate quoy quanquam is of all men crowned or such a kinde of peeuish Poul-iobham that for the biting of a flea could finde in his hart to kill the whole world when he is in his spleene sir Iohn Chimneis humor he feares not all the great ordinance of the Tower for enuie and despight take away from him all foresight of the danger and blow that hangeth ouer the head of his furie Wherefore to this our purpose it is reported of him that on a time another calling him head of a base violl he was through this word mooued to such choler that he reached him such a blow which missing him lighting vpon a pillar by broke all this Fooles owne hand arme and when he cleerly saw the dammage which redounded to himselfe entring into greater furie then before he threw a flinte-stone to haue hit him on the head which lighting against the wall and recoyling backe tooke himselfe on the breast so that raging presently with double furie and madnes he went to runne his head against the other mans belly who drawing back he ran his owne head against the wal broke it all ouer and last of all hauing no otherthing wherewith to shew his spleene hee indiscreetly out of his stomacke powers a belch in his face saying Goe to take this seeing I can in no other sort reuēge my self Christoforo of Crispino was a notable wayward and despitefull Foole who because on a time another said vnto him he being of rude and homely aspect you are a welfauoured yoong man abhorring this mans ironicall speech hee threw a cheese at his breast and because he tooke vp the cheese carried it away to eat he sent after him a knife which he had but he taking vp the knife also to serue his turne to cut the cheese withal being neer to a bakers shop the other tooke vp as much bread as hee could in his hand and threw it at him the which in like manner he taking vp to serue him to eate his cheese withall the other would last of all haue throwen an emptie cup without wine at him which was readie at hand but hee saying vnto him nay gentle brother but fill it with wine and then send it after mee in gods name With these words he grew into such a furie as running to a fountaine neere hand he would needes haue cast it full of water at him but this man smiling and flying away like a trecherous Parthian or snearing companion said I will haue the knife the bread and the cheese and let the cup and the water remaine with thee for we are now share and share like and thus did he delude the last blow of this despitefull Foole who in the end perceiued that he was exceedingly derided for his foolish enterpise A more famous example of malitious Folly cannot be produced then that which diuine Ariosto setteth downe in peruerse and wicked Gabrina especially in that Stanza which beginneth thus Hearke thou said she that art so stoute and fell As thou contem'st and mak'st a scorne of me For if thou knew'st what newes I could thee tell Of her whom dead thou dost bemoane I see Then would'st thou me behold with merrie glee But rather then I will the same declare Thou shalt me into mammocks pull and tare For the cursed olde wretch with all furious despite sought to wreake her selfe on miserable Zerbino not imparting to his lamentable Fortune one onely sparke of pitie or commiseration like a diuelish and impious witch as
supplications let vs call vpon god Apollo in their ayd saying An orizon to Apollo for idle and carelesse Fooles OSacred Apollo called by the Graeciās Phoebus who with thy golden haire or beames comfortest both the one and the other Hemispheare acceptable to all discourteous to none cast such a light of thy diuine beames vpon this blind and carelesse retinue of fooles that they may perceiue themselues by thee in minde rectified and thus enioying thy diuine illumination exalt and magnifie by this meanes that thy vertue and power which slew the proud Cyclopes wounded the wicked sonnes of Niobe and extinguished that cursed serpent Python whereupon thou drewest to thy selfe that glorious title of Pythius Thou planter of Amfrisus inhabiter of Parnassus louer of Helicone lord of fount Caballyne patrone of the Laurell inuentor of the Harpe master of Astrologie and prince of Phisicke helpe these poore slimslacks who haue need of internal remedies for the restitution of their disturbed braine destitute witte obfuscate vnderstanding lost memorie and as thou art called Pronopius for deliuering the Beotiās from gnats Lemnius for curing the Sicilians of the plague Erethibius for healing the Rhodians of the Emeroydes so I beseech thee by these noble titles correspondent to thy great dietie with the others of Thimbrius Cataoneus Cylleus Tenateus Larisseus Tilposius Leucadius Philleus Lybissinus and Symtheus as also Patareus of the towne of Patara in Lycia Cyntheus of Cynthio in the I le of Delos Cyrrheus of Cyrrha Clorius of Claria in Colophonia Lycius of Lycia Crineus of a woode in Ionia so called and Marmorius of the castle Marmorio that it may please thee to adde vnto these epythites this one other of the great Phisition of Fooles ydle and slothfull to the ende that thy name throughout the whole world with exceeding prayses may be extolled and magnified But if in commiseration thou regardest these men as thou hast done the former nations in honour of thee thou shalt see consecrated before thy image a paire of spectacles of sixtie pound weight in thy Temple of Delphos as a true signe of thy hauing recouered and healed so senselesse a people as these were and alwaies this one honour shall be attributed to thee that the blinde see by meane of great Apolloes spectacles at their noses dispatch therefore and make haste of thy helpe for thou canst not delay neuer so little but these now carelesse and ydle Fooles will in the end prooue absolute dolts and cockscombes Of drunken Fooles the fift discourse IT is an euident and manifest thing that amongst the diuers kindes of matter that procured by the fume and vapour of wine is to be placed which constituteth these kinde of Fooles whom we commonly call drunkards they being of this qualitie that when they bee heated and chafed with wine they raise such tumults and noyse as they resemble herein Steropus or Bruntus in Vulcane his forge wherfore Atheneus the Philosopher in the fourteenth book of his Gymnosophistes propoundeth this question wherefore Dionysius or Liberus is fained by the Poets to be mad to which demaund he answereth in the first chapter with these words Many friend Timocrates fayned Dionysius to be mad because they that vse wine immoderatly become tumultuous which matter was also touched by Ouid in these verses Beware of brawles oft stirred vp in wine And of that hand which striketh out of time And Herodotus in this consideration saith that wine once taken downe into a mans bodie mad and foolish words are produced Xenophon also being to giue good counsell to the great Captaine Agesilaus about abstinence from wine vsed these words Refraine drunkennes and madnes making it should seeme no difference betweene a drunkard and a mad Foole for the vapour of wine mounting vp into the braine taketh from a man sight knowledge and iudgement and ouerwhelmeth all the noblest faculties of our soule in an instant the which thing Saint Ambrose touched excellently well in his booke of Fasting saying Cum ebrij fuerint de continentia disputant vbi vnus quisque pugnas suas enarrat ibi fortia facta praedicat vino madidus somno dissolutus nescit mente quid lingua proferat which signifieth when they are drunke they argue of continencie where euerie one declareth the dangerous fights he hath beene in there he setteth foorth his valiantacts thus drowned in wine and drowsie with sleepe the minde conceiues not what the toong vttereth Whereupon in the Decretals not without cause in the thirtie ninth distinction these profitable words be registred It is farre from a wise mans part to apply himselfe to eating banquetting and drunkennes And in this point our Poet Dante greatly commendeth the first Saturnian age when they went not into cellars to broach hogsheads but ran with their hands to the fresh water riuers saying The former age which was of purest gold Made acornes sauorie with sharpe hunger sause And Nectar sweet of riuer water cold Oh happie were this our age if with such abstinence it were endued but the truth is they are now adaies no other but giddie-headed Pyes chattering after fiftie in the hundred when the good Rhenish liquor beginneth to worke Among those of late daies one example of Margute of Binasco is able to fill the whole world with laughter for when he hath drunke but three cups of muskadell then he sleepes like god Bacchus and thus his wits riding on the spurre at last he arriueth with the first poste in Lubberland where at the first setting of foote he meeteth Tom Tospot taking him for the best companion in the world but when the good Canarie gets but vp to his crowne then like one of the Menades or Bacchus furious Nunnes he runneth vp and downe the house filling euerie place with such terrour as it seemeth another wilde Baiardo hath broken his halter no man daring to come in the way of such a headstrong beast as this yet sometimes he procureth to the companie great solace and recreation as that night he did when being drunke and going to bed hee beheld the moone and thinking it had beene a riuer he said to his companions and friends Hold me I pray you for feare I drowne my selfe in this riuer Among the ancients the Scythians and Thracians are greatly blamed because the greatest glorie they tooke was in drinking while they were drunke wherefore Horace writeth of them The Thracians tosse the bowles with merrie glee And Aristotle in reproch of the Syracusanes maketh mention that sometimes they continued 90. daies one after an other in this irkesome custome of being euery day drunke holding it for a noble glorious practise It is written of Nero aboue all others that he was so addicted to ebrietie as that for this cause he was ignominiouslie in stead of Tiberius called Biberius for Claudius Caldius and for Nero Mero or Wine But he that knownes not what an euill ebrietie is
his domesticall and familiar acquaintance being desirous friendly to comforte him after his losse he entred vpon this into such an extasie that like a beast as he was against all the reason in the worlde hee commaunded that in his presence they shoulde presently bee slaine Atheneus reporteth of Eurilochus the Philosopher who was an auditour of Pirrhus Eliensis that he was a right headstrong foole indeed for vpon a small occasion hee woulde sometimes grow into such choler as that he pursued once a cooke of his that fledde before him euen into the market place running after him with the broch and rosted meate vpon it all piping hot Diuers setdowne this woonderfull matter of Commodus the Emperor that finding once the bath luke warme wherein he ment to wash himselfe in a mightie rage he caused the stoue master to be cast into an hot burning furnace to the end that while hee was in this tepide or luke warme bath the other might quite contrarie feele that excessiue heate which his despightfull furie imposed vpon him Sansouino writeth of Mahumet Ottoman that going through a garden and by chance perceiuing two faire cucumbers that had beene plucked vp laying this faulte vpon two goodly yoong men of excellent presence and forme whō notwithstanding he vsed as ganimedes although they denied the fact yet did hee cruelly at the same instant cause them both to be slaine Philagrus the sophister one of Lullianus his auditors was also of so heteroclite and peruerse an enclination that if his disciples chaunced but sometimes of meere necessitie to fall a sleepe in the schoole he no waies bearing with their imbecilitie woulde laie his fistes vpon their faces spurning harde against their bellies without hauing any compassion in the worlde euen to nature it selfe in this point It is an euident matter which Biondus writeth of Vedius Pollio who was an headstrong foole in all he went about for those seruitors which at the table had by chance but broken one of the least glasses there were he woulde sodainly as a man euen madde with furie commaund them to be slaine and giuen to certaine murenaes to feed vpon which he kept in a woonderfull great fishponde that he had Cherophon Athenian a philosopher little known was so notable a foole in this kinde that in talking of an exquisite foole this prouerbe is vsed by Paulus Manutius In Palladis vestigijs nihil Cherefontis gubernabis In Pallace her footesteps Cherefon can hardlie treade The onely example of this gog-furie is read in Corius of Barnabo the Visconte who caused a poore baker to bee slaine onely for that passing by a castle where he dwelt he waked him sometimes in the night in calling in with his bread As also that other is very well knowne to the world which he performed to two of the Popes legates whom hee commaunded to eate the letters they had about them to bring vnto him onely for a despight to that highest prelate with whom he was then in enmity touching matter of state Neither can I omit the other which hee perfourmed to that parish priest which for his auarice deserued notwithstanding great chastisement who vnwilling to burie a poore womans husband for nothing hee made him togither with the dead carkase to enter into the graue that hee might paie by this meanes for the publike iniquitie he had in thus dooing committed So that heteroclite reuerse thwart and head strong fooles bee such as wee haue described them vnto you and these haue hanging before their Cell within the Hospitall the image of halting Vulcane limping with his legs as they doe in their vnderstanding wherefore to a god correspondent to themselues in this petition following wee very commodiously recommend them A petition to god Vulcane for heteroclite reuerse thwart and headstrong Fooles WE beseech thee O thou great celestiall blacksmith minister of the great fire in mount Aetna called Mulciber bicause thou makest iron tractable malleable Vulcan for that thou makest thy flames ascend speedilie vpward Cyllopodius in that falling from heauen by a disgrace thou becamest lame Lemnius bicause being cast out of heauen by thy mother thou didst light in Lemnos where by Eurymenes and Thet is thou wert nourished or else peraduenture by apes as thou thy selfe knowest well by that pittie therefore which then was taken of thy disaster charitablie also assist these thy cosen germaines not lame in their legs but in their vnderstanding as thou seest and as thou didst temper Ioues thunderbolts and knit the nette for the taking of Venus and Mars as thou madest Hermions carcanet Ariadnes crowne and the wagon of Sol or as by thy handes in the Cyclopians forge the armes of Achilles and Aeneas were tempred euen as likewise were Mambrinoes helmet Orlandoes Durindana Rinaldos Fusberta the enchaunted armes of Mandricard and Argiliaes armour euen so settle the braines of these men after such a sort as that in triumph they may haue cause to hang vp in thy shop a mighty huge dumpling of the Lumbard-size which may serue in stead of a signe of these mens braines thus resetled by thy means reduced to their right vse temper Of scoffing Fooles the one and twentith discourse TAles bables fables I will not say wittily but scoffingly related together with correspondent actions gestures and operations to the same constitute those kinde of men whom we here call scoffing or iesting Fooles whose intent is no other but to recreat and make merrie the world they retayning in their heads a disposition more then Iouiale from whence inuentions flow abundantly and a thousand odde prancks they euerie day performe in presence of the multitude as that Clisophus parasite to Philip K. of Macedonia of whō Lynceus Samius maketh mention in his commentaries who perceiuing that his master by chaunce had broken one of his legs began likewise to goe limping like him and scoffingly wreathed his eies mouth and teeth in eating any sharpe sauces imitating diligently and like an Ape his Lord and master in euerie thing Of Clarisophus also Dyonisius the Tyrant his iester we finde thus much written in Hegesander that whensoeuer he saw his master laugh a part with any nobleman or Baron hee would also giggle soundly himself so that one day Dyonisius obseruing this Sycophant he asked him why hee so laughed to whō the Gnato answered I laugh for this cause In that I imagin those matters which passe betwixt you deserue no lesse cōsidering you your selues so laugh at them as you do But aboue al M. Varro Galba make mention of a certaine base Tarentine scoffer called Rhintone who was another Cesco of our daies for in all matters how weighty or serious soeuer they were he had euer a scoffe ready at the fingers end which peraduēture might well be mother or sister vnto him as also in this point Sosicrates in his first booke of the Cretane affaires attributeth to the Phestians as a
as a beast that must be fast tied and bound I thinke not the example of Santin of Villa Franca to bee the coldest and most threadbare one of all the rest who falling into furie about a cowe and an oxe hee had which died went to a stable of one of his neighbours where there was an asse and a sowe with many pigges where by this madnes prouoked hee killed them all and eate halfe the asse before hee so much as once drunke An other called Marchion of Buffaloura in the territorie of Millaine being sacristan to a certaine vicar about Varese he also through misfortune entred into these brutish humours by reason of a fewe fetches that were stollen from him by a coosening knaue wherefore growing by and by cocke a whoope in his braine he ranne presently into the steeple and eate an whole clapper of a bell to the great solace though losse of that communaltie when they knew of it But yet Peter Antonio of the valley of Taro a gardner by profession performed somewhat a more solemne beastialitie for hauing had certaine fruite of his spoiled in the night as so it chanced hee fell heerewith into so woonderfull an amazement and furious extasie with all that with his teeth hee tore and deuoured aspade shouell and dung-cart not being able to mitigate this violent humour which besides all reason did driue him to madnes Like vnto this man was Dominicon of Guastalla who by a mischance in a morning had a bedde of yoong beanes killed and spoiled and for so small a matter he grew into that furie and spleene as disposed vpon this no more to plough he eate vp his fodder stacke plough and oxen in lesse then fiue daies Let it therefore suffice that such like men bee called outragious brutish and Bedlem fooles and within the Hospitall they haue god Mars hanging out for a signe bicause by him they are vpheld in those fantasticall humours that possesse their heades Therefore let vs haue recourse vnto him as to that god which kindleth the fire of theirfurie to the ende that blowing it as little as may be they may of such follie be healed and recouer their former estate A supplication to god Mars for outragious brutish and bedlem Fooles TO thee eldest sonne of Iupiter and Iuno called sometimes Mars somtimes Mamers and otherwhiles Mauors bicause thou reuoluest and turnest topsie turuey great matters now Mars the reuenger Grandeuan god deere brother in lawe to Bellona I nowe come to offer vnto thee the recommendation of these outragious and brutish fooles who daily growe in foolish humours to the ende that withdrawing from them thy terrible influence they may gently like lambes suffer themselues to bee tied euen as thou thy selfe wert sweetely bounde fast with Venus in Vulcanes net If therefore beside the songs and hymnes of the priests Salij thou desirest to heare a still pipe sounding in thy Temple and ouer and aboue the carpe and pike fishes that were anciently consecrated to thee thou beest willing farther to see offred the pawe of a great beast yeeld some hope of recouerie to these poore miserable wretches who will not faile to offer vnto thee fully as much as hath hitherto beene vowed and promised Of grosse and three elbowed Fooles the fiue and twentith discourse IT is an vse and custome to name certaine men in the world by the title of grosse and three elbowed fooles when such an extreme iocunditie taketh place in them or rather a kind of leuity vnusuall boldnes which inciteth them to speake and performe some follies not altogither vnlike the disposition they are of and these are for the most part a vaine kinde of people which drawe verie neere to buffones or scoffers they vttering iestes that procure laughter and playing their prankes out of all season as those who notwithstanding it bee lent yet make it still Shrouetide and as well in badde as good times retaine still their humours of follies not respecting as before I saide neither time place persons nor a thousand other necessarie circumstances The ancient example of Damasippus Athenian celebrated by Caelius giueth euident knowledge and testimonie of a grosse and three elbowed foole for of so pleasant a mould he was that being euer in his merrie pranks he had alwaies a route about him like a Christmas foole and partlie with his apish gestures and monkeie girnes and partly with his scoffes iests and other fopperies he entertained the multitude many howers playing the knaue sometimes out of all crie with those that crossed and plucked him by the beard with answerable crackroperie It may bee said that Antonella of Rubia was also in the number of these three elbowed fooles for he was continually set vpon so merrie a pinne as it seemed he had some fly or familiar that stirred vp in him these comical and triuiall merriments And amongst others as hee was in presence of a lord of great qualitie falling into his woonted rie hee performed so many merrie tricks counterfeited so well some fooles of his countrie and strooke so notablie into all kinde of rogerie as it wanted little that this great lord had not beene ouercome with laughing at them Hee which was called the Emperour of Bologna although he be not so well knowne to euery one yet was he also well stuffed with such like matter and amongst many others there is one most woonderfull reported by those that knew him which is this that being Vicar one day to a certaine President who had left him charge to publish in his owne absence certaine proclamations which were flatly against publike libertie and his owne and for this cause were odious to euerie one like a grosse headed foole as hee was hee yet plaied the crier himselfe and after the publication of them hee saide that the President had good daies himselfe and he had thus farre obeied his commaund in publishing them and they that woulde might likewise obserue them as for himselfe he ment to keepe no circumstance thereof and thus with exceeding laughter he left them all perceiuing the good affection that hee himselfe bore to those proclamations The other called by the vulgar Mascella d'Asino was also one of this tribe for being seruitor to a verie rich Spanish knight who one day threatned that he woulde take off his head vsing badly the Italian worde capezza which signifieth an halter or head-straine and he faining not to vnderstande it though he had it presently at his fingers ends went into the stable where there were ten or twelue horse head-straines and bringing them all to his master hee saide that his noble Signorie might take which of them he would so it woulde please him to forbeare that with which his trusse was tied vp so that the Spaniard was faine to laugh at this fellowes mad cōceit and thus passing ouer his choler he receiued him to former grace They therefore like vnto these aboue mentioned are called grosse and three elbowed fooles and within