a_o evident_a answer_n of_o prayer_n and_o a_o fulfil_n of_o that_o promise_n prov._n 28._o 27._o he_o that_o give_v unto_o the_o poor_a shall_v not_o lack_v april_n 24._o be_v desire_v to_o go_v to_o a_o poor_a christian_a i_o promise_v to_o go_v there_o be_v only_o two_o maid_n in_o the_o house_n i_o consider_v whether_o it_o may_v not_o prove_v some_o scandal_n to_o go_v but_o consider_v also_o she_o be_v a_o member_n of_o christ_n and_o therefore_o i_o ought_v to_o administer_v to_o her_o soul_n i_o resolve_v to_o commit_v the_o take_a care_n of_o my_o name_n to_o the_o lord_n and_o to_o do_v my_o duty_n i_o beg_v of_o he_o that_o he_o will_v secure_v i_o from_o reproach_n and_o as_o i_o go_v a_o honest_a poor_a man_n meet_v i_o to_o who_o i_o tell_v whither_o i_o be_v go_v and_o ask_v he_o to_o go_v along_o with_o i_o he_o be_v willing_a and_o do_v so_o i_o look_v upon_o he_o as_o send_v by_o the_o providence_n of_o god_n in_o answer_n to_o my_o prayer_n these_o be_v some_o of_o those_o observation_n and_o experience_n which_o he_o record_v during_o his_o continuance_n at_o cambridge_n upon_o his_o removal_n from_o thence_o he_o intermit_v this_o practice_n for_o some_o year_n but_o resume_v it_o again_o octob._n 1662._o god_n put_v it_o into_o my_o heart_n as_o at_o other_o time_n so_o especial_o on_o wednesdays_n the_o day_n on_o which_o i_o be_v wont_a to_o preach_v my_o lecture_n when_o i_o be_v not_o divert_v by_o some_o unexpected_a providence_n to_o lament_v after_o the_o lord_n who_o have_v cast_v i_o out_o of_o my_o employment_n in_o his_o vineyard_n and_o to_o seek_v to_o he_o for_o a_o discovery_n of_o the_o cause_n for_o which_o he_o contend_v with_o i_o and_o that_o he_o will_v show_v i_o for_o what_o sin_n or_o sin_n he_o have_v send_v this_o sad_a affliction_n and_o that_o he_o will_v give_v i_o a_o sanctify_a use_n thereof_o by_o purge_v out_o my_o sin_n and_o make_v i_o more_o holy_a and_o that_o he_o will_v restore_v i_o again_o to_o some_o employment_n in_o his_o vineyard_n when_o and_o where_o it_o shall_v seem_v good_a in_o his_o sight_n be_v sad_a and_o deject_a because_o i_o have_v sin_v now_o i_o be_v under_o the_o afflict_a hand_n of_o god_n i_o be_v very_o much_o revive_v by_o isa_n 57_o 17_o 18._o i_o smite_v he_o he_o go_v on_o in_o the_o way_n of_o his_o own_o heart_n i_o have_v see_v his_o way_n and_o will_v heal_v he_o have_v afterward_o sin_v again_o and_o be_v overpowred_n by_o a_o corruption_n which_o have_v oft_o prevail_v over_o i_o i_o be_v cause_v to_o observe_v from_o that_o scripture_n further_o that_o it_o be_v not_o only_o a_o single_a act_n of_o sin_n which_o be_v commit_v but_o he_o go_v on_o in_o the_o way_n of_o his_o heart_n and_o god_n say_v i_o have_v see_v his_o way_n and_o will_v heal_v he_o it_o be_v a_o stay_n to_o my_o faith_n here_o i_o observe_v what_o i_o have_v often_o find_v viz._n 1._o dejection_n be_v a_o forerunner_n of_o consolation_n seldom_o have_v i_o have_v trouble_v upon_o my_o spirit_n but_o if_o i_o have_v eye_v and_o follow_v after_o god_n he_o have_v take_v it_o off_o by_o some_o word_n of_o promise_n 2._o the_o observe_v and_o ponder_v of_o every_o word_n and_o circumstance_n in_o a_o promise_n be_v of_o great_a use_n as_o it_o have_v be_v to_o i_o 3._o god_n open_v his_o promise_n gradual_o sometime_o hint_v and_o discover_v one_o thing_n and_o then_o another_o in_o the_o promise_n be_v foil_v by_o sin_n i_o be_v raise_v to_o my_o former_a hope_n and_o affiance_n in_o god_n by_o phil_n children_n of_o god_n till_o the_o come_n of_o christ_n be_v another_o time_n foil_v with_o the_o same_o corruption_n and_o my_o heart_n sink_v in_o a_o despondent_a frame_n i_o be_v much_o revive_v from_o jam._n 4._o 5._o 6._o he_o give_v more_o grace_n where_o i_o see_v that_o even_o our_o strong_a sin_n such_o as_o our_o corrupt_a nature_n be_v most_o prone_a to_o and_o be_v deep_o root_v in_o our_o heart_n and_o spirit_n be_v conquerable_a by_o god_n grace_n be_v trouble_v that_o i_o have_v sin_v against_o god_n under_o his_o correct_a hand_n and_o have_v thereby_o lose_v my_o former_a comfort_n which_o god_n have_v speak_v to_o my_o soul_n after_o my_o former_a backslide_n i_o sigh_v over_o the_o great_a treachery_n and_o unstedfastness_n of_o my_o heart_n and_o cast_v about_o in_o my_o thought_n where_o i_o shall_v find_v a_o suitable_a word_n to_o fix_v on_o god_n bring_v to_o my_o remembrance_n isa_n 48._o 8_o 9_o i_o know_v that_o thou_o will_v deal_v very_o treacherous_o for_o my_o name_n sake_n will_v i_o defer_v my_o anger_n while_o i_o be_v muse_v and_o ponder_v hereon_o and_o have_v new_a hope_n put_v into_o i_o the_o lord_n let_v in_o further_a comfort_n and_o encouragement_n from_o vers_fw-la 10_o 11._o which_o be_v render_v by_o piscat_fw-la behold_v i_o will_v refine_v thou_o and_o i_o will_v make_v thou_o a_o choice_n one_o in_o the_o furnace_n of_o affliction_n for_o my_o own_o sake_n even_o for_o my_o own_o sake_n will_v i_o do_v it_o which_o give_v i_o abundant_a refreshment_n and_o do_v marvellous_o strengthen_v my_o hope_n in_o god_n this_o be_v give_v i_o in_o when_o i_o have_v set_v apart_o some_o time_n to_o humble_v my_o soul_n apr._n 5._o 1665._o i_o set_v apart_o that_o day_n for_o fast_v and_o prayer_n on_o behalf_n of_o my_o daughter_n elinor_n that_o have_v be_v so_o long_o sick_a and_o in_o the_o evening_n have_v my_o faith_n revive_v from_o isa_n 44._o 3_o i_o will_v pour_v my_o spirit_n upon_o thy_o seed_n apr._n 7._o i_o begin_v the_o day_n with_o discourse_n with_o some_o friend_n before_o i_o have_v be_v at_o my_o private_a communion_n with_o god_n i_o meet_v with_o a_o gentle_a rebuke_n from_o the_o providence_n of_o god_n in_o my_o family_n affair_n and_o my_o heart_n be_v flat_a in_o family_n duty_n and_o straighten_a in_o private_a i_o take_v this_o as_o a_o item_n to_o begin_v with_o god_n before_o i_o converse_v with_o man_n in_o the_o evening_n god_n come_v in_o gracious_o to_o i_o in_o my_o family_n exercise_n apr._n 9_o lord_n day_n i_o be_v much_o discompose_v in_o my_o spirit_n in_o the_o morning_n by_o reason_n of_o a_o foil_n sin_n have_v give_v i_o the_o evening_n before_o satan_n will_v have_v boat_n i_o off_o from_o preach_v in_o my_o family_n but_o i_o perform_v my_o morning_n exercise_n and_o continue_v deject_v till_o the_o evening_n and_o then_o in_o family_n prayer_n god_n gracious_o revive_v i_o with_o that_o promise_n hos_fw-la 11._o 10._o they_o shall_v walk_v after_o the_o lord_n in_o connexion_n with_o vers_fw-la 7._o my_o people_n be_v bend_v to_o backslide_v though_o they_o call_v they_o to_o the_o most_o high_a none_o at_o all_o will_v exalt_v he_o where_o two_o thing_n be_v a_o great_a relief_n to_o my_o faith_n 1._o god_n promise_v they_o shall_v walk_v after_o he_o notwithstanding_o their_o habitual_a proness_n to_o backslide_v from_o god_n 2._o notwithstanding_o their_o refuse_v to_o exalt_v the_o lord_n though_o call_v to_o it_o yet_o within_o a_o little_a time_n i_o be_v again_o foil_v by_o my_o corruption_n which_o make_v i_o see_v what_o a_o poor_a creature_n i_o be_v it_o leave_v of_o god_n to_o myself_o may._n 8._o at_o eleven_o of_o the_o clock_n at_o night_n my_o daughter_n elinor_n die_v after_o a_o long_a sickness_n god_n give_v i_o several_a opportunity_n of_o recommend_v her_o soul_n to_o he_o in_o prayer_n at_o some_o whereof_o my_o heart_n be_v much_o affect_v and_o my_o faith_n and_o hope_v act_v on_o god_n for_o the_o eternal_a welfare_n of_o her_o soul_n which_o make_v her_o departure_n easy_a to_o i_o my_o ground_n be_v gen._n 17._o i_o will_v establish_v my_o covenant_n between_o i_o and_o thou_o and_o thy_o seed_n after_o thou_o for_o a_o everlasting_a covenant_n to_o be_v a_o god_n to_o thou_o and_o thy_o seed_n after_o thou_o i_o consider_v that_o this_o covenant_n be_v to_o give_v life_n mal._n 2._o 5._o and_o whereas_o the_o thought_n of_o the_o child_n be_v original_a and_o actual_a sin_n as_o frowardness_n etc._n etc._n may_v make_v i_o fearful_a of_o its_o estate_n it_o be_v bring_v to_o my_o mind_n that_o the_o covenant_n be_v to_o give_v pardon_n of_o sin_n heb._n 8._o 10_o 12._o and_o whereas_o faith_n and_o regeneration_n be_v necessary_a to_o salvation_n i_o consider_v further_a that_o the_o covenant_n be_v to_o give_v all_o thing_n necessary_a to_o salvation_n 2_o sam._n 23._o 5._o this_o be_v all_o my_o salvation_n beside_o the_o consideration_n of_o the_o covenant_n god_n give_v i_o other_o encouragement_n to_o hope_v in_o reference_n to_o my_o child_n as_o from_o math._n 19_o 14
providence_n i_o set_v apart_o a_o day_n to_o humble_v my_o soul_n with_o fast_v and_o prayer_n that_o i_o may_v obtain_v from_o god_n a_o sanctify_a use_n of_o my_o affliction_n i_o seek_v god_n to_o pardon_v my_o sin_n which_o be_v the_o cause_n thereof_o and_o to_o make_v they_o work_v for_o my_o good_a i_o spend_v a_o good_a part_n of_o the_o day_n in_o meditate_v how_o i_o shall_v make_v a_o right_a improvement_n of_o these_o correction_n i_o considere_v that_o one_o main_a end_n of_o all_o chastisement_n be_v that_o god_n may_v make_v we_o partaker_n of_o his_o holiness_n heb._n 12_o 10._o isa_n 26._o 9_o i_o resolve_v in_o the_o strength_n and_o by_o the_o help_n of_o god_n to_o follow_v after_o holiness_n more_o vigorous_o than_o i_o have_v do_v and_o i_o engage_v in_o this_o resolution_n because_o i_o see_v from_o isa_n 60._o 21._o that_o by_o my_o be_v holy_a and_o righteous_a god_n shall_v be_v glorify_v and_o see_v the_o nature_n of_o holiness_n lie_v in_o our_o bear_a god_n image_n in_o our_o be_v like_a to_o god_n or_o in_o our_o conformity_n to_o the_o divine_a nature_n eph._n 4._o 24._o col._n 3._o 10._o i_o resolve_v to_o endeavour_v to_o imitate_v and_o resemble_v god_n in_o mercifulness_n luk._n 6._o 36._o in_o forgive_a injury_n eph._n 4._o ult_n in_o do_v good_a ps_n 119._o 68_o in_o justice_n deut._n 32._o 4._o in_o love_n joh._n 4._o 16._o in_o humility_n ps_n 113._o 5_o 6._o in_o longfuffering_n exod._n 34._o 6._o in_o not_o retain_v anger_n ps_n 30._o 5._o in_o uprightness_n isa_n 26._o 7._o in_o kindness_n luk._n 6._o 35._o in_o help_v the_o fatherless_a widow_n and_o stranger_n ps_n 10._o 14._o 146._o 9_o and_o whereas_o we_o come_v to_o partake_v of_o god_n image_n 1._o by_o behold_v the_o discovery_n which_o he_o have_v make_v of_o himself_o and_o his_o glorious_a attribute_n in_o the_o gospel_n 2_o cor._n 3._o 18._o 2_o by_o apply_v the_o promise_n 2_o pet._n 1._o 4._o 3._o by_o walk_v with_o he_o act._n 4._o 13._o for_o we_o grow_v like_o those_o with_o who_o we_o converse_v prov._n 22._o 24._o 25._o i_o determine_v to_o walk_v with_o god_n to_o cleave_v to_o the_o promise_n and_o to_o meditate_v often_o on_o his_o glorious_a attribute_n and_o see_v that_o our_o holiness_n lie_v in_o the_o conformity_n of_o our_o life_n to_o the_o will_n of_o god_n reveal_v in_o his_o word_n as_o well_o as_o in_o the_o resemblance_n of_o the_o divine_a nature_n i_o determine_v to_o set_v before_o i_o several_a scripture_n as_o my_o rule_n to_o walk_v by_o and_o often_o to_o ponder_v they_o and_o if_o i_o can_v walk_v up_o to_o these_o rule_n yet_o my_o endeavour_n shall_v be_v grace_n assist_v to_o walk_v after_o they_o and_o that_o will_v be_v accept_v as_o a_o demonstration_n of_o my_o love_n to_o god_n 2_o joh._n v_o 6._o for_o guide_v and_o regulate_v my_o thought_n i_o set_v these_o scripture_n before_o i_o jer._n 14._o 14._o isa_n 55._o 7._o mal._n 3._o 17._o ps_n 104._o 34._o phil._n 4._o 8._o prov._n 23._o 26._o deut._n 15._o 9_o eccl._n 10._o 20._o prov._n 24._o 9_o math._n 9_o 4._o zech._n 8._o 17._o for_o regulate_v my_o affection_n these_o col._n 3._o 2_o 5._o gal._n 5._o 24._o particular_o for_o my_o delight_n ps_n 1._o 2._o 37._o 5._o my_o joy_n phil._n 4._o 4._o ps_n 43._o 4._o my_o desire_n isa_n 26._o 8_o 9_o my_o sorrow_n ezek._n 7._o 16._o my_o love_n math._n 22._o 37._o ps_n 119._o 97._o my_o hatred_n ps_n 97._o 10._o my_o fear_n luk._n 12._o 4_o 5._o my_o hope_n ps_n 39_o 7._o my_o trust_n ps_n 62._o 8._o isa_n 26._o 4._o for_o regulate_v my_o speech_n these_o eph._n 4._o 29._o col._n 4._o 6._o deut._n 6._o 6_o 7._o ps_n 119._o 46._o ps_n 71._o 8._o 24._o prov._n 31._o 26._o we_o shall_v lay_v it_o as_o a_o law_n upon_o ourselves_o to_o speak_v kind_o to_o all_o sort_n of_o person_n for_o my_o work_n these_o tit._n 3._o 8._o 1._o 2_o tim._n 2._o 12._o 1_o tim._n 5._o 10._o tit._n 2._o 14._o math._n 5._o 47._o 1_o tim._n 6._o 18._o rev._n 3._o 2._o rom._n 13._o 12._o act._n 26._o 20._o our_o work_n must_v be_v visible_o as_o well_o as_o true_o good_a math._n 5._o 16._o must_v be_v exemplary_a tit._n 2._o 7._o yet_o we_o must_v not_o expect_v justification_n or_o salvation_n by_o our_o own_o work_n but_o by_o grace_n eph._n 2._o 8_o 9_o rom._n 3._o 28._o thus_o do_v this_o man_n of_o god_n gird_v himself_o with_o the_o sword_n of_o the_o spirit_n which_o he_o faithful_o and_o successful_o manage_v against_o his_o corruption_n temptation_n and_o transgression_n thus_o do_v he_o put_v on_o the_o breastplate_n of_o righteousness_n hold_v the_o mystery_n of_o faith_n in_o a_o pure_a conscience_n apply_v the_o word_n of_o god_n as_o a_o inviolable_a law_n and_o rule_n to_o his_o heart_n and_o life_n sincere_o aim_v at_o the_o glory_n of_o god_n and_o the_o obtain_v that_o blessedness_n which_o by_o the_o covenant_n of_o god_n be_v secure_v to_o the_o undefiled_a in_o the_o way_n who_o walk_v in_o the_o law_n of_o the_o lord_n how_o fit_a be_v he_o to_o be_v the_o mouth_n of_o god_n and_o ambassador_n of_o christ_n to_o sinner_n who_o when_o with_o great_a importunity_n he_o call_v they_o to_o repentance_n and_o reformation_n of_o heart_n and_o life_n and_o the_o mortification_n of_o the_o most_o belove_a lust_n and_o most_o earnest_o press_v upon_o they_o faith_n and_o holiness_n and_o universal_a conformity_n to_o the_o will_n of_o god_n be_v not_o reproach_v by_o his_o own_o heart_n as_o if_o he_o lay_v heavy_a burden_n upon_o other_o which_o himself_o will_v not_o touch_v with_o one_o of_o his_o finger_n but_o with_o deliberate_a choice_n and_o constant_a resolution_n impose_v they_o upon_o himself_o and_o obviate_v all_o objection_n by_o demonstrate_v the_o strict_a holiness_n to_o be_v practicable_a eligible_a and_o delectable_a by_o his_o own_o example_n but_o though_o he_o be_v very_o liberal_o instruct_v by_o nature_n art_n and_o grace_n for_o the_o office_n and_o work_n of_o the_o ministry_n yet_o such_o low_a and_o mean_a thought_n have_v he_o of_o himself_o both_o of_o his_o gift_n and_o grace_n and_o such_o deep_a and_o affect_a apprehension_n of_o the_o difficulty_n and_o weight_n of_o the_o ministerial_a service_n which_o as_o it_o be_v in_o itself_o so_o be_v to_o he_o onus_fw-la tremendum_fw-la and_o 〈◊〉_d 〈◊〉_d 〈◊〉_d 〈◊〉_d 〈◊〉_d who_o be_v sufficient_a say_v the_o apostle_n that_o though_o it_o be_v his_o design_n and_o desire_v to_o serve_v god_n and_o his_o church_n in_o that_o great_a work_n yet_o he_o be_v so_o discourage_v that_o he_o will_v not_o as_o too_o many_o do_v hasty_o adventure_v and_o engage_v himself_o in_o that_o office_n by_o solemn_a ordination_n but_o will_v first_o prove_v himself_o well_o ask_v counsel_n of_o god_n and_o his_o word_n and_o attend_v to_o the_o call_v of_o god_n by_o his_o spirit_n and_o providence_n according_o be_v master_n of_o art_n he_o do_v sometime_o exercise_v his_o gift_n in_o some_o country_n village_n nigh_o the_o university_n where_o his_o manner_n be_v at_o first_o private_o to_o inquire_v out_o what_o small_a parish_n within_o ten_o or_o fifteen_o mile_n of_o cambridge_n be_v destitute_a of_o minister_n unto_o these_o he_o go_v and_o preach_v and_o that_o with_o such_o privacy_n as_o for_o some_o while_n none_o know_v of_o it_o but_o himself_o and_o the_o parishioner_n to_o who_o he_o go_v and_o to_o many_o of_o they_o it_o be_v a_o long_a time_n unknown_a either_o who_o he_o be_v or_o from_o whence_o he_o come_v this_o service_n he_o perform_v gratis_o neither_o expect_v nor_o according_a any_o worldly_a reward_n yea_o it_o be_v a_o charge_n to_o he_o among_o these_o countrypeople_n god_n bless_v he_o and_o give_v he_o the_o first-fruit_n of_o his_o ministry_n make_v he_o instrumental_a and_o successful_a to_o the_o conversion_n and_o edification_n of_o many_o whereby_o he_o be_v so_o endear_v to_o they_o and_o they_o to_o he_o that_o after_o he_o be_v call_v to_o preach_v at_o one_o certain_a place_n in_o cambridge_n he_o will_v yet_o often_o go_v among_o they_o on_o the_o weekday_n preach_v sometime_o at_o one_o place_n and_o sometime_o at_o another_o the_o people_n lay_v aside_o their_o country-business_n and_o ready_o travel_v several_a mile_n to_o attend_v upon_o his_o ministry_n and_o after_o his_o remove_n from_o cambridge_n to_o a_o considerable_a distance_n in_o essex_n and_o suffolk_n his_o manner_n be_v for_o the_o most_o part_n so_o long_o as_o he_o live_v once_o a_o year_n to_o visit_v those_o people_n preach_v to_o they_o and_o converse_v with_o they_o after_o he_o have_v a_o while_n thus_o exercise_v his_o gift_n among_o the_o country_n village_n he_o observe_v three_o thing_n especial_o which_o
be_v so_o suit_v to_o some_o reason_n and_o doubt_n that_o i_o have_v upon_o my_o mind_n and_o come_v so_o seasonable_o at_o my_o first_o fix_v at_o chattisham_n i_o be_v much_o affect_v with_o it_o and_o look_v upon_o it_o as_o a_o token_n for_o good_a that_o i_o shall_v have_v god_n presence_n with_o i_o and_o the_o teach_n of_o his_o spirit_n at_o chattisham_n as_o i_o have_v have_v they_o at_o colchester_n the_o encouragement_n which_o he_o thus_o take_v be_v not_o vain_a and_o empty_a god_n remember_v his_o word_n unto_o his_o servant_n wherein_o he_o have_v cause_v he_o to_o hope_v for_o he_o not_o only_o incline_v the_o heart_n of_o the_o people_n among_o who_o he_o live_v though_o stranger_n to_o he_o to_o pay_v he_o that_o respect_n and_o honour_n which_o be_v due_a to_o he_o and_o indulge_v he_o the_o liberty_n of_o private_a preach_v as_o he_o have_v before_o enjoy_v but_o moreover_o open_v to_o he_o in_o this_o place_n a_o door_n for_o the_o frequent_a public_a exercise_n of_o his_o ministry_n which_o be_v shut_v against_o he_o at_o colchester_n the_o minister_n of_o the_o parish_n have_v another_o cure_n by_o reason_n whereof_o he_o can_v attend_v this_o at_o chattisham_n but_o once_o a_o fortnight_n do_v in_o his_o absence_n not_o only_o willing_o but_o thankful_o indulge_v to_o mr._n stockton_n the_o liberty_n of_o his_o pulpit_n and_o have_v a_o very_a small_a maintenance_n and_o some_o burden_n lie_v heavy_a upon_o he_o which_o after_o a_o few_o year_n make_v his_o residence_n there_o very_o uneasy_a to_o he_o he_o desert_v his_o charge_n and_o leave_v this_o flock_n to_o shift_v for_o themselves_o whereupon_o at_o the_o request_n of_o the_o people_n mr._n stockton_n frequent_o supply_v that_o vacancy_n and_o his_o zeal_n provoke_v and_o encourage_v other_o also_o both_o minister_n and_o people_n for_o other_o neighbour_a parish_n be_v destitute_a of_o minister_n for_o want_v of_o maintenance_n call_v in_o the_o help_n of_o nonconformist_n who_o in_o these_o place_n so_o much_o below_o envye_a have_v enjoy_v the_o liberty_n of_o their_o public_a preach_v for_o the_o most_o part_n to_o this_o day_n so_o as_o not_o only_o the_o parish_n where_o he_o live_v but_o the_o neighbour_a vllage_n have_v abundant_a cause_n to_o bless_v god_n for_o send_v to_o they_o so_o happy_a a_o instrument_n so_o willing_a and_o zealous_a so_o able_a and_o industrious_a to_o serve_v their_o soul_n in_o the_o gospel_n of_o christ_n when_o it_o please_v his_o majesty_n to_o set_v forth_o his_o most_o gracious_a declaration_n for_o indulgence_n he_o be_v choose_v both_o by_o a_o congregation_n in_o ipswhich_n and_o another_o in_o colchester_n to_o preach_v to_o they_o and_o both_o be_v very_o desirous_a of_o he_o he_o comply_v with_o their_o desire_n as_o far_o as_o he_o can_v and_o undertake_v half_o the_o service_n of_o either_o and_o so_o with_o other_o divide_v his_o labour_n between_o they_o during_o his_o life_n to_o their_o great_a satisfaction_n and_o edification_n his_o labour_n be_v abundant_a his_o ministry_n be_v his_o whole_a business_n beside_o his_o lord_n day_n service_n wherein_o he_o not_o only_o preach_v twice_o but_o oft_o expound_v the_o scripture_n and_o catechise_v the_o young_a sort_n and_o many_o time_n discourse_v particular_a christian_n that_o apply_v themselves_o to_o he_o for_o counsel_n and_o instruction_n about_o their_o spiritual_a case_n he_o moreover_o preach_v a_o lecture_n at_o ipswich_n on_o the_o weekday_n once_o a_o fortnight_n and_o scarce_o a_o week_n pass_v but_o he_o preach_v at_o some_o other_o lecture_n or_o funeral_n beside_o keep_v of_o private_a fast_n which_o he_o frequent_o practise_v both_o at_o home_n and_o abroad_o the_o providence_n of_o god_n over_o he_o while_o he_o be_v thus_o zealous_o and_o constant_o employ_v in_o his_o work_n in_o so_o many_o place_n be_v so_o remarkable_a that_o it_o must_v not_o be_v pass_v over_o without_o special_a observation_n notwithstanding_o the_o severity_n of_o the_o law_n the_o malice_n watchfulness_n and_o endeavour_n of_o adversary_n yet_o god_n suffer_v not_o a_o hair_n to_o fall_v from_o his_o head_n though_o complaint_n information_n indictment_n conviction_n warrant_v presentment_n excommunication_n be_v make_v against_o he_o yet_o be_v he_o never_o imprison_v apprehend_v distrain_v or_o bring_v before_o any_o court_n or_o magistrate_n he_o be_v much_o affect_v with_o this_o care_n of_o god_n over_o he_o and_o thankful_o accept_v and_o record_v it_o as_o the_o instance_n of_o god_n faithfulness_n and_o performance_n of_o his_o promise_n as_o the_o answer_n of_o his_o own_o faith_n and_o prayer_n and_o as_o the_o reward_n of_o his_o love_n and_o zeal_n and_o courage_n for_o god_n and_o his_o church_n by_o the_o power_n whereof_o he_o live_v above_o fear_n and_o danger_n for_o thus_o he_o write_v apr._n 16._o 1655._o be_v lord_n day_n in_o the_o morning_n i_o awake_v with_o that_o scripture_n in_o my_o thought_n 1_o tim._n 1._o 15._o i_o dwell_v a_o while_n upon_o it_o and_o draw_v comfort_n and_o relief_n for_o my_o faith_n by_o the_o help_n of_o god_n i_o have_v be_v before_o under_o a_o great_a sense_n of_o the_o sinfulness_n of_o my_o heart_n the_o comfort_n i_o have_v be_v that_o christ_n come_v to_o save_v the_o chief_a of_o sinner_n that_o this_o be_v a_o faithful_a say_n that_o it_o be_v worthy_a all_o acceptation_n or_o to_o be_v embrace_v by_o every_o one_o and_o that_o this_o salvation_n be_v from_o sin_n as_o well_o as_o from_o hell_n math._n 1._o 21._o consider_v whether_o he_o will_v save_v i_o as_o i_o be_v go_v to_o wash_v in_o the_o morning_n i_o be_v satisfy_v from_o joh._n 6._o 37._o he_o that_o come_v to_o i_o i_o will_v in_o no_o wise_a cast_v out_o it_o be_v then_o a_o time_n of_o danger_n as_o to_o the_o keep_n of_o my_o meeting_n because_o many_o soldier_n be_v in_o town_n i_o be_v dubious_a whether_o i_o shall_v admit_v the_o people_n to_o come_v to_o my_o house_n when_o i_o consider_v that_o christ_n take_v it_o as_o a_o act_n of_o love_n to_o feed_v his_o sheep_n joh._n 21._o 15._o and_o that_o he_o expose_v himself_o to_o death_n to_o save_v i_o and_o bring_v under_o a_o sense_n of_o the_o comfort_n that_o the_o lord_n have_v give_v i_o in_o the_o morning_n in_o my_o meditation_n on_o the_o 1_o tim._n 1._o 15._o i_o be_v willing_a to_o adventure_v myself_o on_o the_o providence_n of_o god_n sept._n 19_o as_o i_o be_v expound_v in_o my_o family_n the_o 91_o psalm_n on_o a_o day_n of_o humiliation_n i_o be_v much_o encourage_v to_o go_v on_o in_o my_o call_v notwithstanding_o the_o difficulty_n that_o attend_v the_o same_o by_o reason_n of_o many_o adversary_n from_o v_o 11_o 12_o 13._o though_o the_o adversary_n to_o private_a meeting_n and_o the_o preach_a of_o nonconformist_n be_v of_o several_a sort_n as_o strong_a as_o lion_n as_o full_a of_o venom_n as_o the_o dragon_n such_o as_o be_v greedy_a of_o and_o roar_v after_o the_o prey_n like_o the_o young_a lion_n as_o subtle_a and_o pertinacious_a and_o obstinate_a in_o their_o way_n as_o the_o adder_n of_o which_o see_v ps_n 58._o 4_o 5._o yet_o the_o angel_n have_v a_o charge_n to_o keep_v we_o in_o all_o our_o way_n and_o the_o promise_n be_v that_o we_o shall_v trample_v these_o under_o our_o foot_n this_o promise_n give_v i_o courage_n whilst_o at_o colchester_n and_o i_o see_v it_o make_v good_a for_o i_o go_v on_o in_o my_o call_v and_o have_v no_o harm_n from_o they_o i_o observe_v also_o in_o read_v dan._n 6._o 23._o the_o power_n of_o faith_n to_o deliver_v out_o of_o great_a and_o imminent_a danger_n daniel_n be_v cast_v into_o a_o den_n of_o hungry_a lion_n yet_o no_o manner_n of_o hurt_n be_v find_v upon_o he_o because_o he_o believe_v in_o his_o god_n sept._n 22._o in_o my_o family_n exercise_v as_o i_o be_v read_v ps_n 146._o 9_o the_o lord_n preserve_v the_o stranger_n my_o faith_n receive_v strength_n i_o enjoy_v much_o peace_n and_o security_n in_o colchester_n i_o have_v meet_v with_o no_o molestation_n either_o from_o the_o town_n or_o county_n but_o be_v come_v into_o a_o strange_a place_n where_o i_o be_v not_o know_v and_o have_v no_o friend_n to_o shelter_v or_o speak_v for_o i_o i_o apprehend_v myself_o to_o walk_v in_o more_o danger_n than_o before_o this_o word_n the_o lord_n preserve_v the_o stranger_n do_v help_v my_o dependence_n upon_o god_n oct._n 28_o 1666._o be_v sabbath_n day_n i_o go_v forth_o to_o preach_v at_o manitree_n in_o the_o morning_n before_o i_o go_v the_o lord_n give_v in_o that_o promise_n isa_n 55._o 12._o you_o shall_v be_v lead_v forth_o with_o peace_n it_o be_v a_o time_n of_o trouble_n and_o danger_n for_o nonconformist_n to_o preach_v public_o the_o promise_n be_v the_o
my_o spirit_n from_o those_o word_n of_o the_o prophet_n isa_n 40._o 27._o why_o say_v thou_o o_o jacob_n and_o speak_v o_o israel_n my_o way_n be_v hide_v from_o the_o lord_n and_o my_o judgement_n be_v pass_v over_o from_o my_o god_n and_o do_v encourage_v my_o soul_n still_o to_o hope_v in_o god_n and_o wait_v for_o his_o strength_n from_o the_o follow_a word_n v_o 28_o 29._o 31._o have_v thou_o not_o know_v have_v thou_o not_o hear_v if_o thou_o have_v not_o know_v it_o by_o experience_n have_v find_v his_o everlasting_a arm_n under_o thou_o for_o thy_o support_n yet_o have_v thou_o not_o at_o least_o hear_v it_o that_o the_o everlasting_a god_n the_o lord_n the_o creator_n of_o the_o end_n of_o the_o earth_n faint_v not_o neither_o be_v weary_a he_o give_v power_n to_o the_o faint_a etc._n etc._n continue_v thou_o therefore_o o_o my_o soul_n to_o wait_v upon_o the_o lord_n lord_n what_o a_o accurse_a hard_a heart_n have_v i_o that_o sin_n which_o grieve_v thou_o gen._n 6._o 6._o thy_n son_n mar._n 3._o 5._o thy_o spirit_n eph._n 4._o 30._o shall_v not_o grieve_v i_o that_o sin_n which_o weary_v thou_o isa_n 43._o 24._o shall_v not_o be_v a_o burden_n to_o i_o that_o i_o shall_v not_o be_v trouble_v for_o want_v of_o thy_o presence_n when_o as_o the_o hide_v of_o thy_o face_n make_v our_o saviour_n cry_v out_o my_o god_n my_o god_n why_o have_v thou_o forsake_v i_o that_o eternity_n and_o judgement_n to_o come_v shall_v make_v no_o impression_n upon_o i_o that_o i_o can_v hear_v yea_o speak_v of_o thy_o word_n thy_o wrath_n etc._n etc._n and_o yet_o not_o fear_v thou_o not_o tremble_v at_o thy_o word_n nor_o at_o this_o my_o condition_n feb._n 19_o be_v sabbath_n day_n have_v former_o perceive_v a_o desperate_a hardness_n in_o my_o heart_n that_o that_o word_n which_o work_v upon_o other_o shall_v do_v i_o no_o good_a that_o no_o mean_n no_o mercy_n do_v melt_v my_o soul_n and_o almost_o despair_v of_o ever_o have_v it_o soften_v after_o prayer_n i_o be_v encourage_v from_o the_o lord_n in_o read_v mr._n hooker_n upon_o act._n 2._o 37._o who_o from_o those_o word_n when_o they_o hear_v these_o thing_n they_o who_o have_v crucify_a our_o lord_n christ_n be_v prick_v at_o the_o heart_n raise_v this_o observation_n it_o be_v possible_a even_o for_o the_o most_o stubborn_a sinner_n to_o get_v a_o break_a heart_n and_o now_o o_o my_o soul_n why_o be_v thou_o cast_v down_o be_v not_o the_o lord_n great_a than_o thy_o heart_n can_v satan_n be_v more_o malicious_a to_o destroy_v thou_o than_o the_o lord_n be_v merciful_a to_o save_v thou_o yet_o the_o act_n of_o my_o faith_n hereupon_o be_v but_o faint_a upon_o examination_n of_o myself_o i_o have_v sometime_o find_v that_o to_o my_o own_o sense_n and_o feeling_n i_o have_v be_v altogether_o void_a of_o any_o love_n or_o fear_v of_o god_n and_o that_o i_o have_v be_v at_o such_o a_o time_n as_o unable_a to_o work_v up_o my_o heart_n into_o the_o love_n and_o fear_n of_o god_n as_o to_o say_v to_o this_o mountain_n be_v thou_o remove_v and_o cast_v into_o the_o sea_n such_o wonderful_a deadness_n have_v seize_v upon_o my_o soul_n so_o great_o have_v i_o be_v enslave_v and_o hold_v captive_a by_o satan_n that_o i_o have_v not_o be_v able_a true_o to_o desire_v the_o spirit_n of_o god_n o_o that_o my_o heart_n can_v bleed_v at_o the_o remembrance_n of_o this_o great_a evil_n that_o i_o shall_v not_o only_o be_v cut_v off_o from_o communion_n with_o god_n but_o be_v content_v with_o this_o condition_n that_o i_o shall_v have_v no_o groan_n in_o spirit_n to_o be_v deliver_v from_o this_o miserable_a bondage_n be_v instruct_v hence_o o_o my_o soul_n to_o ascribe_v every_o good_a motion_n to_o god_n if_o thou_o feel_v any_o hungring_n after_o jesus_n christ_n or_o any_o sorrow_n for_o want_n of_o god_n presence_n or_o the_o like_a own_o it_o as_o his_o work_n and_o bless_v he_o for_o it_o i_o have_v sometime_o find_v my_o condition_n much_o like_o the_o man_n mention_v joh._n 5._o who_o lay_v a_o long_a time_n by_o the_o pool_n of_o bethesda_n but_o be_v not_o able_a to_o put_v himself_o in_o that_o he_o may_v be_v heal_v even_o so_o it_o be_v with_o my_o soul_n though_o god_n have_v open_v a_o fountain_n for_o sin_n and_o for_o uncleanness_n to_o wash_v in_o and_o i_o find_v my_o soul_n exceed_o pollute_v yet_o i_o be_o not_o able_a to_o step_v into_o this_o fountain_n that_o i_o may_v be_v heal_v o_o my_o soul_n the_o lord_n see_v thy_o weakness_n and_o that_o thou_o have_v be_v now_o a_o long_a time_n in_o this_o case_n wait_v thou_o on_o god_n who_o can_v tell_v but_o that_o as_o the_o bowel_n of_o jesus_n christ_n do_v yearn_v towards_o the_o poor_a man_n so_o may_v his_o compassion_n be_v great_a towards_o thou_o and_o he_o may_v heal_v thou_o also_o cease_v not_o to_o importune_v he_o say_v jesus_n thou_o son_n of_o god_n have_v mercy_n on_o i_o o_o lord_n heal_v my_o soul_n have_v at_o several_a time_n find_v diverse_a work_n upon_o my_o heart_n as_o conviction_n and_o thereupon_o some_o pant_n and_o breathe_n after_o god_n but_o as_o yet_o nothing_o come_v to_o perfection_n i_o think_v of_o and_o find_v that_o i_o have_v cause_n to_o take_v up_o the_o complaint_n of_o hezekiah_n in_o another_o case_n it_o be_v a_o day_n of_o trouble_n and_o rebuke_v the_o child_n be_v come_v to_o the_o birth_n and_o there_o be_v no_o strength_n to_o bring_v forth_o isa_n 37._o 3._o some_o time_n after_o read_v isa_n 66._o it_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o that_o word_n v._n 9_o be_v suit_v to_o my_o case_n shall_v i_o bring_v to_o the_o birth_n and_o not_o cause_n to_o bring_v forth_o say_v the_o lord_n shall_v i_o cause_v to_o bring_v forth_o and_o shut_v the_o womb_n say_v thy_o god_n o_o my_o soul_n wait_v thou_o on_o god_n who_o will_v perfect_v his_o own_o work_n in_o thou_o he_o have_v say_v he_o will_v not_o break_v the_o bruise_a reed_n nor_o quench_v the_o smoke_a flax_n till_o he_o send_v forth_o judgement_n unto_o victory_n i_o have_v ofttimes_o see_v a_o law_n in_o my_o member_n war_a against_o the_o law_n of_o my_o mind_n and_o lead_v i_o into_o captivity_n to_o the_o law_n of_o sin_n and_o death_n so_o powerful_a and_o mighty_a have_v be_v the_o act_n of_o some_o inward_a corruption_n that_o i_o have_v not_o be_v able_a to_o overcome_v they_o but_o have_v be_v hurry_v captive_a by_o they_o hereby_o i_o come_v to_o see_v that_o truth_n the_o heart_n of_o man_n be_v desperate_o wicked_a who_o can_v know_v it_o i_o can_v fathom_v the_o depth_n of_o iniquity_n which_o be_v in_o my_o heart_n hereupon_o i_o be_o make_v to_o cry_v out_o with_o st._n paul_n o_o wretched_a man_n that_o i_o be_o who_o shall_v deliver_v i_o from_o this_o body_n of_o death_n o_o lord_n be_v not_o thou_o far_o from_o i_o but_o make_v haste_n to_o help_v i_o let_v the_o sigh_v of_o the_o prisoner_n come_v before_o thou_o proclaim_v liberty_n to_o thy_o captive_n and_o the_o open_n of_o the_o prison_n door_n to_o he_o that_o be_v bind_v with_o the_o chain_n of_o sin_n isa_n 61._o 1._o mar._n 26._o 1654._o i_o find_v that_o though_o in_o my_o judgement_n and_o profession_n i_o acknowledge_v christ_n to_o be_v my_o righteousness_n and_o peace_n yet_o upon_o examination_n i_o observe_v that_o my_o heart_n have_v do_v quite_o another_o thing_n and_o that_o secret_o i_o have_v go_v about_o to_o establish_v my_o own_o righteousness_n and_o have_v derive_v my_o comfort_n and_o peace_n from_o my_o own_o act_n for_o when_o i_o have_v be_v disquiet_v by_o the_o act_n of_o my_o sin_n that_o which_o have_v recover_v i_o to_o my_o former_a peace_n have_v not_o be_v that_o i_o can_v find_v god_n speak_v peace_n through_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n but_o rather_o from_o the_o intermission_n of_o temptation_n and_o the_o cessation_n of_o those_o sin_n when_o i_o have_v be_v trouble_v at_o a_o evil_a frame_n of_o heart_n i_o do_v not_o find_v that_o the_o righteousness_n of_o christ_n have_v be_v my_o consolation_n but_o that_o which_o have_v relieve_v i_o as_o far_o as_o i_o can_v find_v be_v that_o afterward_o i_o find_v myself_o in_o a_o better_a temper_n have_v be_v in_o trouble_n and_o perplexity_n i_o have_v read_v the_o scripture_n go_v to_o prayer_n and_o in_o do_v these_o i_o have_v be_v relieve_v yet_o i_o do_v not_o find_v that_o at_o such_o time_n i_o have_v real_a true_a live_a communion_n with_o god_n in_o such_o duty_n or_o that_o the_o spirit_n of_o god_n do_v in_o those_o duty_n reveal_v to_o i_o my_o interest_n in_o christ_n and_o so_o quiet_a my_o conscience_n hence_o i_o come_v to_o see_v