sad people he pretends himselfe to be sad for company To the end that he may delude such as are in ioy he faynes himselfe also to reioyce That he may beguile such as are spirituall he transformeth himselfe into an Angell of light That he may insinuate himselfe and by that meanes crush such as are strong he takes the semblance of a lambe that he may deuoure such as are meeke he borrowes the face of a Wolfe All these things he takes vpon him according to the similitude and proportion of the temptations which he meanes to vse As some he frights with a nocturnall feare others by the arrow which flyes by day others by the busines which walkes by night others by expresse assault and others by that deuill of high noone Now who is he that can thinke himselfe a match for this enemy so farr as that he may so much as know him and who did euer reach to the bottome of his craft Who shall reueale the makeing of his garment to vs and who shall make vs knowe the walke of his teeth Behould he hideth his arrowes in his quiuer and he couers his snares vnder a shew of light soe he is lesse subiect to be vnderstood vnlesse O Lord O thou hope of ours we beg light from thee whereby we may discerne all things For not onely doth he striue to deceiue vs in the sensuall workes of flesh and blood nor onely in the exercise of vice which is easily discerned but euen amongst our most spirituall actions he hideth certain subtile snares vnder the colour of vertue he puts on vice transformes himselfe into an Angell of light these and many other things O Lord our God doth this very sonne of Beliall this Satan endeauour to bring against vs. And now as a Lyon then as a Dragon both manifestly and secretly interiourly and exteriourly both by day and night he is laying traynes for vs that soe he may destroy our soules But thou O Lord deliuer vs thou who sauest such as hope in thee that our enemy may haue cause to be sorry for as much as may concerne vs but that thou O Lord our God maist be praised in vs. CHAP. XVIII Of the benefits of God BVt let mee the sonne of thy handmayd who haue commended my selfe into thy hands confesse to thee O my deliuerer with my whole harte in these little poore confessions of myne and let me call to minde all those good blessings which thou hast voutchsafed to bestow on mee from my youth and in my whole life For I well know that ingratitude doth much offend thee which is the roote of all spirituall mischeife and a kinde of dry and parching wynde which blasteth all goodnes and it shutteth vp the fountayns of diuine mercy towards man and by this meanes both our ill deedes which were dead gett life againe our good deedes which liue doe quickly growe to dy and haue noe more life afterward But as for mee O Lord I will giue thankes to thee Let not mee O thou my deliuerer be vngratefull to thee since thou hast freede mee How often had that Dragon euen swallowed mee vp and thou O Lord diddest drawe mee out of his mouth How often haue I sinned when he was ready to haue deuoured mee but thou O Lord my God diddest defend mee When I did wickedly against thee when I transgressed thy commaundements he stood ready to snatch mee away into hell but thou forbadest him I offended thee and the while thou defendedest mee I did not feare him and yet thou diddest preserue mee I departed from thee made offer of my selfe to myne enemy but thou diddest fright him so as that he should not dare to carry me away These benefits diddest thou bestowe vpon me O Lord my God and I wretched creature knew it not Full often hast thou freed mee from the uery iawes of the Deuill and snatched me out of the mouth of the Lyon and full often hast thou brought me back againe from hell though I was ignorant thereof For I descended euen towards the very gates of hell and thou heldest me back from goeing in I drewe neare the gates of death and thou wert the cause why they opened not themselues to receiue mee Thou also O my Sauiour hast often deliuered me from corporall death when I was subiect to great sickenes And when I found my self in many daungers by sea by land by fyre by sword and many other wayes thou wert euer deliuering mee euer present to mee and euer saueing mee with great mercy For thou O Lord diddest well knowe that if death had then seised vpon mee hell had possessed my soule and I had bene damned for euer But thy mercy and thy grace O Lord my God preuented mee and gaue mee deliuerance from that death of my body and consequently from the death of my soule These and many other benefits diddest thou imparte to mee but I was blinde and knew them not till I was illuminated by thee But now O thou light of my soule O Lord my God my life by which I liue and the light of mynes eyes by which I see Behould thou hast illuminated mee and now I knowe thee and cōfesse my selfe to liue by the guift of thy hand and I giue thankes to thee Which though they be meane and poore full of disproportion to thy benefits yet they are the best which my frailty can affoord For thou alone art my God my benigne Creatour who doest loue our soules and hatest none of those things which thou hast made Behold I who am the greatest of those sinners whom thou hast saued to the end that I may giue an example to others of thy most benigne piety will confesse thy great benefits to me For thou hast snatched me out of that lower hell once twice and thrice and a hundered and a thousand times And indeede I was euer tending towards Hell and thou wert euer drawing mee back And thou mightest iustly haue damned me a thousand times if thou haddest beene soe disposed But thou wouldest not because thou louest soules O Lord my God and thou dissemblest the sinnes of men that soe they may come to pennance and there is much mercy in all thy wayes Now therefore I see these things O Lord my God and I knowe them by thy light and my soule doth euen faynt and is sicke with loue vpon the consideration of thy great mercy towards mee since thou hast snatched my soule out of that lower Hell and hast brought mee back againe to life For I was all plunged in death and thou hast wholy reuiued mee Be therefore all my life and beeing thyne and I doe wholly offer my whole selfe vp to thee Let my whole spirit my whole harte my whole body and my whole life liue to thee O thou my sweete life for thou hast deliuered me wholly that thou mightest possesse me wholy thou hast intirely repaired me that so againe thou mayest haue mee intirely
one of them according to theyr workes whether they be good or bad Teach me how I may confesse my pouerty to thee For once I said that I was rich and that I wanted nothing I did not know the while that indeede I was poore and naked and a miserable wretch I beleiued that I was some-what when yet indeede I was nothing I told my selfe that I would become wise and I turned a starke foole I thought my self to be prudent but I was deceiued And now I see that all is thy guift without whom wee can doe nothing For vnles thou O Lord keepe the Citty he watcheth but in vaine who pretends to keepe it Thou hast taught me thus to knowe thee whilest thou diddest leaue mee for a while and proue mee not that thou mightest knowe mee thereby but for my sake that so I might come to knowe my selfe For as I was saying ô Lord I thought once that I was some-what of my self I conceiued that I was sufficient by my self nor did I discerne that thou wert he that gouerned mee till thou diddest a little withdrawe thy selfe from me And then presently I fell and soe I sawe and knew that thou didest gouerne mee and that it was of my self that I fell and that it was of thee that I rose againe Thou O Light diddest open myne eyes and diddest rowse mee vp and illuminate mee and I sawe that the life of man vpon earth is all temptation and that noe flesh must presume to glory before thee for soe noe man liueing can be iustifyed For if there be any good in him whether it be great or little thy guift it is and nothing is ours but that which is naught Of what therfore shall any flesh be able to vant Shall he glory in sinne This is not glory but misery May he glory in that which is good Noe For he may not glory in that which belongeth to another Thine O Lord is the Good annd thyne must be the Glory For hee who seeketh glory to himselfe and not to thee out of the good he doth that man is noe better then a theefe and robber who had a minde to bereaue thee of thy glory For he who will be praysed for any guift of thyne and seeketh not thy glory but his owne therein although he be praysed by men for that guift of thyne yet he is dispraysed by thee in regard that he sought not soe much thy glory by it as his owne And now he who is praysed by men whilest thou dispraysest him shall not be defended by men when thou iudgest him nor deliuered by them when thou condemnest him But thou O Lord who diddest frame me in my mothers wombe do not suffer me to fall vnder so greate a reproofe as that I should be charged with procureing to robb thee of thy glory To thee be glory of whome all good things are and to vs confusion of face and misery vnles thou vouchsafe to haue mercy on vs. But thou hast mercy O Lord thou hast mercy vpon vs all who hatest none of those things which thou hast made and who bestowest of thy good guifts vpon vs dost enrich vs O Lord our God with thy most excellent graces For thou louest poore creatures and thou enrichest them with thy aboundance And now behould O Lord we are thy poore children and thy little little flocke open thy gates to vs and thy poore shall eate and be satisfyed they who seeke thee and prayse thee I doe also knowe O Lord and I confesse for I am taught to doe it by thee that they onely who knowe they are poore and confesse theyr pouertie to thee shall be enriched by thee and they who conceiue themselues to be rich whereas indeede they are poore will be found excluded from thy riches For my parte therefore I confess my pouerty to thee O Lord my God and let all glory remayne to thee For all that which hath bene well done by mee is thyne O Lord I confesse to thee as thou hast taught me that I am nothing but an vniuersality of vanity a shadow of death and a blacke kinde of Abysse and a plott of earth which is all empty and vnfruitefull and which shootes not vp one leafe without thy blessing and of it selfe it yeilds no other fruite then confusion sinne and death If euer I had any good thinge I receiued it of thee Whatsoeuer good I haue now is thine and of thee I haue it If euer I stood fast I stood by thee but whensoeuer I fell of my selfe I fell and for euer had I weltered in that myre if thou haddest not raised mee And for euer had I continued blinde vnles thou haddest illuminated mee When I fell I had neuer risen vnles thou haddest reached forth thine hand And when afterward thou diddest raise mee I had instantly retournend to fall vnles thou haddest susteyned mee and I had perished very often vnles thou haddest gouerned mee So perpetually O Lord soe perpetually was I preuented by thy mercy and grace deliuering me from all my sinnes saueing me from all such as are past solliciteing me against such as were present and fortifying me against such as might be future Cutting of before my face those snares of sinnes by preuenting the occasions and causes thereof For vnles thou haddest also done this fauour to me I might haue committed any sinne in the whole world And I know O Lord that there is noe kinde of sinne which any one man did euer committ which another man may not also committ if the helpe of the Creatour whereby man is made be wanting But thou art the cause why I committed them not Thou diddest commaund that I should abstayne from them thou didest infuse thy grace that I might beleiue in thee For thou O Lord diddest gouerne mee for thy selfe and thou diddest keepe me both for thy selfe and for my selfe and thou diddest giue me light grace to the end that I might not commit adultery and euery other sinne CHAP. XVI Of the manifold temptations of the deuill THe Tempter was absent and thou wert the cause that he was absēt Fitt time and place for sinne were wanting and thou wert the cause that they were wanting The Tempter was present and nether time nor place were wanting but thou diddest keepe me from consenting The Tempter came to mee all vgly and frightfull as he is and thou diddest comfort mee soe farre as to make me despise him The Tempter came to mee all strong and armed and to the end that he might not conquer mee thou restraynedst him didest strengthen me The Tempter came transfigured into an Angell of light and to the end that he might not deceiue mee thou rebukedest him and thou diddest illuminate mee that I might knowe him For he is that great and redd dragon that ancient serpent and he is called the Deuill and Satā haueing seauen heads and tenn hornes Whose imployment is to inueigle this greate huge Sea wherein
the Kingdome of heauen whilest the children of the same Kingdome are cast out into exteriour darkenes But how come all these things to passe but onely because they would needes ascend into that mountayne into which that first Angel did goe vp and came downe a deuill But whom thou hast predestinated them thou hast called and sanctifyed and clensed that they may be a fitt habitation for thy Maiestie in whom with whom thou takest holy and pure delight in whom thou art pleased and thou dost recreate they re youth Dwelling so with them in theyr memory that they proue a holy Temple for thee which is a matter of much dignity and honour to our humanity CHAP. XXX That a faithfull soule is a Sanctuary of God THe soule which thou hast created not of thy self but by thy Word not of any elementary matter but of nothing this soule which is rationall intellectuall spirituall euer liueing euer in motion which thou hast stamped with the light of thy countenance and consecrated by the vertue of thy Baptisme is made so capable of thy Majesty that it can onely be filled by thee and by noe other When it possesseth thee the desire therof is fully satisfied and there resteth then noe more exteriourly which it can desire But when it is found to desire any thing exteriourly it is cleere that it possesseth not thee interiourly vpon the haueing of whome there remayneth nothing more to be desired For since thou art the soueraigne and totall Good the soule which possesseth that totall Good can aske noe more But if it desire not that totall Good it remaineth that it must desire some-what which is not that totall Good and which therefore cannot be that soueraigne Good and consequently not God but a Creature Now as long as it desires a Creature it is subiect to continuall hunger For although it obtayne that of the Creature to which it pretendeth yet still it is not full because nothing can fill it but thou according to whose Image it is made But thou doest onely fill them who desire nothing els but thee and thou O God makest such to be worthy of thee and holy blessed immaculate and in fine thy freinds as repute all things but dunge that they may gaine thee alone For this is that Beatitude which thou hast bestowed on man This is that honour where-with thou hast honoured him both amongst and aboue all thy other Creatures that thy Name may be admirable ouer all the earth Behold O Lord my God Supreame most Excellent and Omnipotent I haue found that the place wherein thou dwellest is the soule which thou created after thyne owne Image and likenes and which seeketh desireth thee alone For in that soule which seeketh or desireth thee not thou doest not dwell CHAP. XXXI That God is not to be found eyther by the exteriour or interiour senses I Haue wandred like a lost sheepe in exteriour thinges seekeing thee who art interiour and I did putt my selfe vpon much labour by seekeing thee without my selfe who dwellest in mee if indeede it be true that I desire thee I haue walked round about the streetes and open places of the citty of this world in search of thee but I found thee not because I did foolishly looke that abroade which was within I sent all my exteriour senses as my Ambassadours abroad that soe I might seeke thee but I found thee not because I sought thee ill For I see O my light and my God who hast illuminated mee that I sought thee ill by theyr meanes because thou art within and yet they scarce can tell how thou diddest enter For the eyes will say if he were not of some colour he came not in by vs. The eares say thus if he made noe noise he did not passe by vs. The nose saith if he had no smell I know nothing of him The taste saith if he had noe sauour he entred not in by mee The sense of touching also addeth if it haue noe corpulency there is noe cause why you should interrogate mee These kind of things O my God are not in thee and therefore the beauty of bodyes or the order of tyme or candour of light or colour or the concerts of sweete musicke or whatsoeuer other thing of delightfull sound or the odour of flowers pretious oyntments or other aromaticall odours or hony or Manna which is soe delightfull to the taste or other things which is soe amiable to be embraced or touched or in fine any other obiect which are subiect to these senses of ours are the things which I seeke when I seeke my God Farre be it from mee that I should beleiue these thingâ— to be my God which are comprehended by the sense of brute beasts And yet neuertheles when I seeke my God I seeke a certayne light aboue all other light which the eye doth not receaue and a certaine voyce beyond all voyces which the eare doth not contayne a certayne odour beyond odours which the nose doth not apprehend a certain sweetenes beyond all sweetenes to which the taste doth not reach and a certain imbracement beyond all imbracements whereof the touch cannot iudge For this light shineth where place doth not contayne this voyce soundeth where the ayre doth not carry away this odour giueth smell where it is not scattered by any wynde this sauour giueth tast where it is not diminished by being eaten this embracement is touched where it cannot be diuorced This is my God and noe other can be compared to him This doe I seeke when I seeke my God and when I loue my God I loue this Too late am I come to loue thee O thou beauty which art soe auncient and I so new too late am I come to loue thee Thou wert within and I without without I sought thee and I rushed with deformity vpon those things which thou madest fayre Thou wert with me but I was not with thee Those things did keepe mee farre from thee which yet had noe being at all but onely in thee For I raunged ouer all things in seekeing thee and for the loue of them I lost my selfe I asked the earth if it were my God and it told mee noe and all things which are vpon the earth made the same confession I asked the Sea and those Abysses and the creeping creatures which are therein they answered Wee are not thy God thou must looke him aboue vs. I asked the stable ayre and the whole ayre with all the inhabitants thereof sayd Anaxinenes is deceyued I am not thy God I asked the heauen the Sunne and Moone and the Starres and they sayd Neither are wee thy God Then I sayd to all them who stand about the doores of my flesh and blood tell me somewhat of my God which you knowe tell me some-what I say of him And they all cryed out with a loude voyce He made vs. Then I sayd thus to the whole bulke of the World Tell mee whether