SVSANNA'S Apologie against the ELDERS OR A Vindication of SVSANNA PARR one of those two Women lately Excommunicated by Mr LEWIS STVCLEY and his Church in Exeter Composed and Published by her selfe for the clearing of her own Innocency and the Satisfaction of all others who desire to know the true Reason of their so rigorous Proceedings against her Whose hatred is covered by deceit his wickednesse shall be shewed before the whole Congregation Prov. 26.26 They shall put you out of the Synagogues yea the time cometh that whosoever killeth you will think that he doth God service Joh. 16.2 Let us go forth therefore unto him without the Campe bearing his reproach Heb. 13.13 Printed in the Year 1659. To the Impartiall READER IT is a thorny path and a myrie way that I am compelled to walke in a way wherein there is a danger of loosing more in all likelyhood rather then of regaining what is already lost A way the walking wherein all the comfort I have is the hope of getting out of it at last and so it concerns me to hasten as fast as I can In it I meet with the Enemies Sword covered over with zeale for God and his glory when as nothing of this hath appeared in the least either in the worke or in the managing thereof Satan is now transformed into an Angel of light But my hope is that he will in the end appear to be no other than he is a prince of darknesse a black grisely Divel Jealousy and censorious Slander the discovery of which is the worke I am at present engaged in the designe of this following Vindication a worke it is no lesse difficult and dangerous then troublesome and unpleasing in respect of my selfe who write the things vvhereof I write and the persons against whom I write Weaknesse is entailed upon my Sex in generall and for my selfe in particular I am a despised worme a woman full of naturall and sinfull infirmities the chiefest of Sinners and least of Saints should the Lord contend with me I must lay my hand upon my mouth I must acknowledge him to be just and righteous in suffering them to deale thus with me neither should I put my selfe to the trouble of a Vindication but leave the clearing of my Innocency to that day which he hath appointed to judge the world in righteousnesse I have cause to remember and be ashamed before the Lord there being Iniquity even in my holy things yet as to them my heart doth not reproach mee but on the contrary I have great cause of rejoycing in the uprightnesse of my heart as to the things of God and in my abundant love and affections unto them my heart was enlarged in love towards them and therefore my mouth was opened upon all occasions for their good though I was of a stamering Tongue slow of speech and wanted eloquence yet the desire I had of their perfection made me forward to speake to them in generall and in particular the Lord knowes I lie not my conscience also bearing me witnesse I mourned with them that mourned rejoyced with them that rejoyced when any were under temptations or afflictions I did labour to sympathiz◠with them as if they were mine owne and did engage for them at the Throne of Grace as for my selfe And as for that which I did oppose among them it was matter of mourning unto mee when I apprehended the glory of Christ and their particular interest could not stand together I then withstood them resolving not to spare any that stood in the way of Christ and the Gospels enlargement It is my comfort that the Lord seeth not as man seeth man looketh on the outward appearance but the Lord looketh on the heart not he that commendeth himselfe but he whom the Lord commendeth is approved Though they have proceeded to Censure me and have been full of Cursing and bitternesse returning evill for good yet I shall pray Lord lay not this sin to their charge they know not what Spirit they are of Besides my personall weaknesses the many Family-cares that lie upon me must needs unfit me for such a worke and very much disinable me to write even of those things which were newly done and fresh in my memory much more to write of these which they charged me with being some of them transacted Seaven or Eight yeares since In the laying down of which if my memory should fail me I need not tell thee if thou knowest Mr. Stucley and his Congregation what an improvement they will make thereof for the justifying of their late unchristian Censure of whom I have cause to complaine as the Church in the words of Jeremiah Lam. 3.53 they have cut off my life in the dungeon and cast a stone upon me which they threaten to eternity Surely they who have been so wicked as to censure me without any ground will not stick to take hold of the least occasion for the maintaining of it and though I have in part been cleared by the Ministers of Exeter from their forged accusations who received me jointly into communion with them yet my Adversaries being so crafty cruell and powerfull it will be no hard matter for them to beare downe all their gain-sayers whosoever shall dare to contradict them unlesse the Lord himselfe take them in hand and then though they are mightier then I yet they will find to their cost that he is higher then they to him I have committed my way in him is my trust therefore my confidence is that he will bring it to passe seeing my undertaking is not so much for my selfe as for the Lord for his servants and for his people It cannot be whatever Mr Stucley sayes to the contrary p. 46. of his answer to Mr Toby Allen. but that a slur is cast by their censuring mee on the Ministers and people of God in this City it must needs reflect very much on them who have received such a daughter of Belial such a lyer c. as he tels the world confidently enough I am into communion and fellowship with them I looke on it as my duty to keep the house of God pure to the uttermost of my power which in this case I cannot doe without clearing my selfe from those crimes layd to my charge Had Mr Stucley dealt ingeniously with his Readers in discovering the right and true grounds of his Excommunication viz my hearing another Minister whiles I was with them and after my leaving them my refusing to returne unlesse I might have the liberty of communion with other of Gods people in this City then it would have been apparent that their censuring mee was no other then the smiting of the watchmen for seeking after my beloved and so have freed mee from a great deale of trouble But seeing he hath dealt so craftily as to omit them and lay other things to my charge in their place it will be worth the while a little to uncase him in his cōparisons for
Societie with vs and not admonishing vs of our neglect in suffering Sin uppon us To this Mr Stucley replyed what that lawe of Charitie was for his part he knew not he knew noe such law Mr Roles said It was a word hastily spoken and so it might be taken After this Mr. Stucley asked me how I could go amon the Presbyterians To this I answered that I looked on it as my dutie to wait upon God amongst a professing reforming people And then he told me how that in my letter unto him I had acknowledged that for a true Church which I had formerly called Babylon To this I answered that I had called to mind so much as I could against my selfe as to that particular of Babylon and so far as I could remember any such expressions I did acknowledge my evill therein for which I had cause to be humbled and withall that I did not separate as from Babylon that I looked upon them from whom vve separated as true Churches in doctrine and worship that I did not separate from either of these but only from their discipline that the chiefe ground of my separation vvas a Mistake I supposing that a Church rightly constituted must be joined together by an Explicite Covenant vvhich I found to be othervvise novv I vvas likevvise questioned for opposing in a publique meeting Mr. Stucley as to his being Pastor at that time vvhen they chose him to be the Pastor and that in such a Contentious manner as to cause an hovver and halfe debate in the meeting Mr. Whitehorne sent them a paper vvherein he profered to affirme vvith oath this charge Which being denied by me because I knevv I vvas not present at the meeting at that time Mr. Role and Mr. Slade said they did believe that Mr. Whithorne vvas mistaken or to that effect and Mr. Sprague expressely affirmed that it vvas othervvise then Mr. Whithorne had vvritten for said he vve did agree to conceale that meeting from her lest she should oppose him I asked Mr. Roles and Mr. Slade where ever they knew me oppose Mr. Stucley in a publique meeting They said no they never knew it Thus after they had spent some time in such Cavills Mr. Stucley said to me you are accused of a slip of your Tongue of an Untruth To which I replied that this was a new thing and desired to know what ground he had for it He answered here is Testimony here are they who will witnesse I told him my witnesse might be taken as soon as theirs and had been formerly before theirs Mr. Rols then turning himselfe towards Mr. Stucley said that he believed there was never an untruth spoken and it being things long before and that every one spake as they remembred and farther said that he wondred he made so much adoe about nothing To which Mr. Stucley replied here is a negative and an affirmative and therefore a lye although he never examined where the lye was At the conclusion I told them that I should come no more among them This is the Substance of what I can remember concerning this daies discourse it being more then three yeares since Whereby it appeares that I have just cause to charge the lye on themselves A few daies after they sent for me againe but I told the messenger seeing they had so grossely abused me as to charge a lye upon me I would come no more among them that they were a people not to be trusted and that I would be drawn in sunder by wild horses rather then go unto them However the same day I sent unto Mr. Slade one of the Officers to know what they would have of me who told me that they were very much troubled at my leaving them and that they would look on my Returne as a Resurrection mercy I desired him to returne this as my answer unto them viz. Let them study the Word and convince me from the Word what is my dutie in such a Case and I would gladly receive it and willingly submit to it so unwilling was I to offend them yet to come any more among them I durst not because of their former Carriage neither was it as I conceived safe for me to adventure singly and without witnesse among them who were my accusers witnesses and judges Since that day of the meeting abovesaid I never spake with Mr. Stucley though I desired it severall times Some daies after Mr. Eveleigh and Mr. Slade Officers and a member with them came unto me and as they said expected Mr. Stucley's comeing likewise but he came not I then complained of their Carriage towards me telling them how much I was troubled at it and desired them also to shew me from the word what they could expect and then I should submit One of them replied you must returne and do otherwise I answered that I had too much to do with Separation already and therefore should not returne then said one of them then they will never be satisfied As for Mr. Eveleigh he told me that my going away should cost me dearer then my coming in and that they would proceed according to the order of the Churches this was heard by another I ansvvered vvhatever I suffered by them could not be so much as had suffered for them After this others came to me I told them I did expect to speak vvith Mr. Stucley that I might knovv vvhat he had against me and that I vvas ready to submit to the vvord that they should convince me thereby hovv I ought to be affected Mris Roles also came unto me in vvay of a visit vvho desired me to consider vvhat a dishonour it vvould be unto the Church if I left them and as for vvhat you have at any time spoke unto them said she I believe it vvas in the uprightnesse of your heart and so doth my husband I told her that I did not justify my selfe in every particular as to the manner of it said she you spoile all in saying you vvill leave them and if you do so vvhat vvill they say of my Cozen Stucley and what vvill they say of us consider we are rising and more will come into us continually And after this Mris. Stoneham came unto me asking with teares in her eies whether I would not returne and whether she was the cause of my going away I demanded of her whether Mr. Stoneham knew of her coming She answered that she did not see him at her coming away I then told her that it was reported by some of them that they could not partake with me in ordinances now For my part said she I was never of that mind neither do I know any who are but on the contrary we are all much troubled that you will leave us About two months after Ezekiel Pace was sent from Mr. Eveleigh to tell me that I was suspended by the Church I told him that I had left their Society and that I had no communion with them He
did oppose not union so much as the pride and irregularity of three members Mr Owen and John Whitehorne then servant to Mr Mayne who tooke upon them to deny Admission unto two persons who proposed themselves because they differed in judgment about the Circumstance of this ordinance and that before it was debated by the Church consisting at that time onely of eight or nine persons when as admitting or refusing of persons was then accounted a Church act that which was to be debated by the whole These persons did affectionately declare that they were in the darke about the manner of singing not knowing whether it were a praising of God in a musicall tune or praising of him in prayer one of them being asked whether shee looked on singing of Psalmes as an ordinance of God shee answered that she lookt on praising of God as an ordinance of God and as for singing as now used she could not say but it might be an ordinance of God however it was doubtfull to her This person was afterwards received into the Church and hath attested this under her owne hand so that its evident these words were spoken by others and if I did afterwards speake them it was on the behalfe of those persons whose judgement I spake more then mine own And farther the desire I had to be informed concerning it put mee upon objecting many things against it especially vvhen Mr Stucley vvas present for this cause also vvas I very earnest vvith them to procure an able Minister as all the then Church can vvitnesse Instance 3. Thirdly she hath opposed severall persons in their Admission vvho have beene knovvne to be of approved godlinesse and integrity and those vvho have beene most lyable to Exception she hath most contended for insomuch that the Church having respited the admission of a person concerning vvhose conversation they vvere not sufficiently satisfied she did openly declare against it in these vvords That it was an unrighteous sentence this particular vvas vvitnessed by foure persons Resol As to the former part of the Accusation my opposing persons reputed godly in their admissions I answer 1. They themselves have done the same as appeares in my ansvver to the Accusation immediately preceding this They denyed admission to tvvo persons esteemed godly because they scrupled Singing and for their unwillingnesse to speake their Experiences in a publique meeting 2. I never opposed any for their godlinesse and as for any who were esteemed godly I never opposed them alone without other members why am I therefore more Contentious then they 3. They vvere not all godly vvhom I opposed as is evident in Ganicle vvho after his Admission vvhich I vvithstood turned Quaker As to the second part of the Accusation my contending for those vvho vvere most lyable to exception I ansvver The persons I contended for are novv many of thē Church-members and such I conceive as Mr Stucley and the rest do not novv looke upon as lyable to exception As for the person concerning vvhom I used those vvords that it vvas an unrighteous sentence it vvas A. P. one generally accounted godly yea Mr Stucley himselfe hath given this Testimony of her often that she vvould oppose Sin vvhere ever she found it that shee vvould not feare to Reprove it vvhere ever she came shee being in fellowship vvith us from the first beginning did at length propose her selfe to be admitted a Church-member but this vvas denied her because of her unwillingnesse to declare her Experiences in a publique meeting this vvas the onely reason that ever I heard vvhy she vvas then kept off Aftervvards vvhen the Admission of members began to be in private she proposed her selfe againe but vvas refused the second time because that some had a prejudice against her for vvhich as I conceived they had little reason the things vvhereof she was accused were triviall neither were they sufficiently proved yea Mr Stucley himselfe cleared her as to some one of the particulars and although she vvas in societie with us for some yeares yet she was not permitted to speake for her selfe Her companion also a Church-member who lived continually with her by reason of her many weaknesses was ready to ansvver for her but it vvould not be permitted After this meeting vvas dismist I desired M. Stucley that I might not be present at such debates for I lookt on this as an unrighteous judgement of vvhich he seemed then to take no great notice if he vvere offended at that expression vvhy did he not presently examine vvhat ground I had for it vvhy did hee not convince me of the Equity of their proceedings vvhich untill it be done I cannot but looke on it to this day as an unrighteous sentence such a sentence as they have cause to be humbled for It is not unknowne to those vvho vvere acquainted vvith her how that she vvas a person that had beene under great Terrours of minde and affliction of spirit even from her youth that she vvalked very sadly continually partly by reason of the vveaknesse of her body and partly by reason of those temptations vvith vvhich her vvhole life was accōpanied so that it is not to be wondred at if she vvere troubled at her being twice refused admission by those vvhom she did so highly honour and that she vvas so exceedingly troubled at it appeares by what she said to mee tvvo daies before her death vvhich vvas vvithin fevv dayes after they had denyed to admit her she then told mee that their cruell dealing vvas the cause of her sicknesse and would be the cause of her death And vvhen shee vvas told that death could not come till his commission vvas sealed by him vvho had the keyes of hell and death she ansvvered shee knevv that very vvell but yet they vvere the instruments which had effected it shee desired mee likewise to tell them of their pride and cruelty and to beware of them she likewise grieved very much that Mr Stucley came not unto her when she sent for him in her sicknesse however she testified her love unto the Church and him by leaving them both Legacies the morning after she dyed Mr R. as I heard came to the house and did with teares in his eyes tell her companion to this effect that he and his wife had blessed God solemnly for that they had no hand in this censure Mr Stucley himselfe honoured her so farre after shee was dead as to preach her funerall Sermon by all which it appeares how little reason hee hath to charge mee with being dissatisfied with their censuring her and calling it an unrighteous sentence when as others besides my selfe did not looke on it as righteous Instance 4. Shee opposed the Admission of D. E. for her Ioyning with the Presbyterians in the ordinance of the lords Supper insisted upon it with much Earnestnes shee then declareing that shee could not be satisfied otherwise then by her acknowledging it to be her Sin in breaking the law of
the first Article vvhich concernes the Presbyterians I ansvver I must acknovvledge confesse that difference in judgement did likewise cause some breach in affection that I vvas too much svvayed vvith a spirit of separation vvhich made mee prone to censure those vvho differed from mee in judgment more then vvas fit vvhich I have cause to bevvaile and lament But yet I cannot but vvonder that Mr Stucley should be so farre blinded vvith passion as to censure mee for this vvhen it is vvell knovvne that neither himselfe nor any of his Congregation are in a capacity to fling so much as one stone at mee upon this account It is now the fifth time hee hath mentioned the Presbyterians in his threefold Accusation for what reason though he himselfe knowes best yet others cannot be ignorant of and as for the hope he puts in this I believe it will prove but a Spiders web I shall onely adde this That if my Tongue were against the Presbyterians so would my hand likewise had I harkened to Mr Stucley As to my uncharitable language concerning themselves he doth instance in severall particulars which I shall answer in that order he layes them downe having desired him in the generall to consider those reproachfull bitter unchristian Raylings against Mris Allen and my selfe wherewith both his Pamphlets are full and see whether they doe not farre exceed all the hard speeches I have given of them As for the particulars they are viz. 1. My reporting one to be fallen from the faith Resol I do not remember that ever I used such an expression in reference to any of them as fallen from the faith There was its true one concerning whom when they were about to choose him to be an Officer I said that I did feare he was not sound in the faith for which I had good ground neither did I hereby intend to reproach that person but to prevent the evill that might follow in case one not sound in the faith were chosen an Officer 2ly That another had nothing of God in her Resol I never heard the least hint from them of any such expression neither do I remember that I ever used it concerning any among them If it be that person which I admonished that is meant by Mr Stucley as I have some ground to conjecture for I cannot conceive who it should be else Then I say that it is a grosse mistake if no worse to affirme that I reported that shee had nothing of God in her Shee was a person that pretended to a great deale of Assurance whereupon I was willing to have some conference with her to know if shee had any ground for such an assurance To this I was the more willing because a member of the Church did somewhat question it who desired me to try whether it were so or no which I did in my discourse I told her that they who had this assurance knew how they came by it that where there is assurance there is likewise adherence a closing with the promises the workings whereof will be evident to that soul which hath attained it that therefore she should do well to look to the ground of her confidence and be sure that she had Scripture for it What her answers were I shall not here mention but it seemes she did not like this my plaine and faithfull dealing with her as appeares by her complaining of it to some who hereupon have now accused mee for being so censorious as to affirme that she had nothing of God in her which is false yea I was so unwilling to dishearten her as that I told her that grace was in the hidden man of the heart and not discernable many times where it is though assurance hath alvvayes its evidence Had I knovvne that they had been offended vvith me for this I should have given them a full Account of vvhat passed betvveen us whereby they vvould have knovvne the truth of vvhat was reported concerning her this had beene farre better then to accuse mee for it so many yeares after 3. As to that of Mr. Stoneham c. Resol I must confesse that when Mr Stoneham refused to declare the End of that fast mentioned in my Narrative I did look upon it as walking in Craftinesse contrary to that of the Apostle 2 Cor. 4.2 And as to his Expressions in preaching c. I conceived Mr. Stucley the fittest to admonish him of his weaknesse and therefore in a letter I wrot unto him these following words I shall intreat you to speak to Mr. Stoneham of those Expressions he doth often use to expresse spirituall things by the word I conceive is fittest to expresse spirituall mysteries and duties I am sure that is the sword of the Spirit and that is able to make the man of God perfect throughly furnished to all good works The more wise the preacher was the more he sought to teach the people wisdome and to find out acceptable words words of wisdome that are as nailes and goads fastned by the master of the Assembly I must confesse I cannot close with his Expressions which are usuall and ordinary both in prayer and preaching which is as the Chaffe to the wheate and what is the chafte to the wheat I should speak to him my selfe but I fear he will not hear it from me The ground on which I went was that of the Apostle say to Archippus take heed to thy ministry that thou fulfill it Would it have been an ingenuous returne of Archippus to censure suspend or excommunicate a person for giving him such an admonition let Mr. Stucley judge Lastly concerning my imputing the affliction of some of the church to their unworthy receiving c. Resol For answer hereunto I shall here set down what I wrote in the same letter concerning it viz. It is and hath been a great trouble to me that there is no meanes of instructing by Catechising which is like in my apprehension to put a stop in the way of the Gospell And I conceive the ordinance of the Lords supper cannot be kept pure without instructing those that are of the Church younger ones especially in the mystery of discerning the Lords body for this many are weake and sick the Apostle laies it down as a Cause of that sicknesse and death that was amongst them For my part it is my feare that the Lord hath a controversie with us for not discerning the Lords body and not judging our selves Surely the Lords hand that is upon us and those afflictions that have been upon me hath put me upon serious enquiry after the Lord in his word and I am afraid we do not walk up to our own principles and keep the ordinances pure Behold Mr. Stucley's discretion and ingenuity in censuring me for censuring my selfe which I did in that letter as well as others I did impute the afflictions on my selfe and them either to the omitting of the administration of the Lords supper for a long time
according to my best Remembrance is this On the day before being munday after dynner Mr. Stonham and his wife came to visit me Before I could come to them my husband in discoursing with them sayed that I had heard Mr. Ford the day before when I came into the Roome Mr Stonham looked on me with an Angry countenance and would scarce Speak whereupon I asked his wife what did aile him who ansvvered that he vvas not vvell pleased vvith me for my goeing avvay to heare she told me likevvise that he did not like Mr Eveleighs maide and farther added that she heard that I had somewhat against her she is said I a stranger unto me and therefore it is my desire that she may be kept off one week longer untill I have informed my selfe concerning her Then said she do you be present at the meeting to speak to have her kept off this she desired with much earnestnesse On the Tuesdaie following after dinner Mr Spraigue the younger came to me frō Mr Stoneham as he said who had been with him the day before and desired him to take me off from hearing Mr Ford. To this end among other things he told me that those sheep which had been used to meane feeding were not fit for fat pasture it was the way to bring them to the scab he likewise spake something about Mr Eveleighs maid and earnestly desired me to be at the meeting I told him that I then lay under some trouble of spirit and so could not be fit for such an Imployment however upon his earnest intreaty I fitted my selfe to goe When I was come they began contrarie to their usuall practice to talke of the maid before ever the Lord had been sought unto in prayer Mr Owen sitting at the table neer me I willed him to acquaint them that it was my desire she might be kept off a week longer as I remember untill I had informed my selfe concerning her Mr Eveleigh presently replyed that he would give Testimony for her I told him that a master or superior was not so fit to give Testimony for a servant or inferior and withall instanced in Gehazi who carried himselfe fairly in his masters presence After this one Ambrose a shoomaker was proposed who it seemes wrought with Ganicle concerning whom Mr Eveleigh asked me whether I had any thing against him I answered that I had nothing and also that though he were a stranger unto me yet I had heard a good report of him upon which Ganicle said that I would take his Testimony for his man and not Mr Eveleighs for his maid yea said Mr Eveleigh that is the very thing because it is my Testimony therefore she will not take it adding farther that it was scandalous and that I was offensive or contentious and had hindred their proceedings for many yeares insomuch as he could not partake with me in the Ordinances untill he was satisfied I replyed that this would not be borne and that if my carriage had bin so offensive I should have heard of it in some other place and in some other manner and then I presently appealed to all the Congregation desiring them to be faithfull unto me as they would Answer it another day by declaring wherein my carriage had been offensive and what evils they had seen in me And when I perceived they were unwilling to meddle in it I told them plainly that I would come no more among them unless they would satisfie me herein At length Mr Stoneham began his prayer after this manner Lord we have waited for a prayer and now thou hast given us in a prayer it may be the returne of many prayers and then bewailed that the serpent was gotten into the garden After the prayer Mr. Eveleigh and my selfe were to withdraw but Mr Eveleigh before he went out told them he left it to the Church to determine whether I were not contentious Two things said he I have against her Contention and her going away to hear Mr Ford which the Church neither can nor will bear And he farther charged John Whitehorne the chiefest then in this businesse that he should insist upon Contention and if he wanted an Instance that he should name Agnes Pullen When we were withdrawne the generality of them said they did believe I was a good woman c. But then they were asked againe whether through a mixture of Corruption it might not tend to Contention to which this reply was made That they did not know but it might Mr. Stoneham told me that they would not for a world charge me with contention but did fear lest through a mixture of Corruption it might tend thereunto Many of them were offended with the Elders dealing so disorderly with me but knew not how to help it and desired me to take no notice of it By all which it appeares 1 That they were very much displeased with me for hearing others besides our own Officers though they were unwilling to quarrell with me openly about it Mr. Eveleigh t is true accused me thereof at this meeting but as I am informed some of them did very much dislike his mentioning of that particular and refused to medle with it because they thought it fitter to be concealed then that it should be publickly taken notice of 2 That it is very probable they had a resolution some of them to quarrell with me about Mr. Eveleigh's maid in case I could not be prevailed with to leave off hearing of other ministers why else should they be so earnest with me after I had given a sufficient Excuse for my absence to be present at the meeting why else should Mr. Stoneham use such expressions in his prayer 3 That although Mr Eveleigh at this time when the Quarrell brake out accused me of Contention yet that the Quarrell did not begin in my contentious spirit and sowing divisions is apparent 1 Because I did no more then Mr. Stoneham approved of and Mris. Stoneham desired me to do so that I could be no more contentious in opposing Mr. Eveleighs mayd then they 2. This businesse was ended in three daies they had nothing after this against me but my hearing other ministers as Mr. Eveleigh himselfe told me 4 And therefore notwithstanding the quarrell brake out at the time when I opposed Mr. Eveleigh's maid yet it is very apparent that it began was continued carried on and increased even to a breach only for my hearing of another minister for as to the charge of lying I never heard of it till my coming off as I have already declared In the next place he takes shame to himselfe that he did not sooner excite the church to their duty as to the last Remedy for the healing of this woman c. Resol I believe in the end he will see more cause to take shame to unto himselfe in that he hath so rashly excited them to this censure before he ever discharged the duty of admonition Let him consider whether
he hath not run before the Lord sent him let him produce his warrant to Excommunicate before ever he proved the Crime or admonished me of the Evills for which he saies I am Excommunicated He addes that there are some full of evill surmises about this matter as if the Church would never have proceeded against her but upon a designe to hinder others from deserting us Resol It is no surmise for 1 One of their own Officers Mr. Slade by name talking with an Alderman of this City about this Excommunication told him that if they had proceeded against me sooner Mris. Allen would not have left them 2 Mr. Stucley doth not in plain termes deny it And though that which follows concerning the unquietnesse of his spirit about my not Repenting may imply a deniall yet 3 It is that which he hath in a manner acknowledged in pag. 10. of the True Account in these words If we had discharged our duty sooner on the lyar we might have prevented the others fall her disobedience and perversenesse of spirit As for that he professeth he had no quiet in his Spirit that a Person should lie so long suspended and give no Evidence of Repentance but the Contrarie c. Resol The Suspension vvas tvvo moneths after I had left them the messenger that vvas sent to give me notice thereof sayd it vvas in order to my Returne a Returne to them this is the Repentance they expected and I resolved against unlesse as I told the Elder I might have communion with them and not to separate from others that vvere godly But vvhat quiet can Mr Stucley have novv that he hath passed a Sentence of Excommunication vvithout admonition seeing I so earnestly desired it vwhat comfort can he have in passing this Censure three yeares wanting a few daies after I had left them when as in all probability by reason of forgetfulnesse there could not be a charging of sin so as to convince and work a kindly Repentance If his conscience had troubled him because of my lying in Sin without evidencing Repentance then his conscience is either blind or baffled else why had not his conscience checkt him when he discovered no zeale against lying when he was so often prest unto it by me why had not his conscience troubled him when there was a lye affirmed with so much Confidence by John Whitehorne when he offered to depose it upon Oath and yet there was clear Testimony brought by some of their members to prove it to be a lye this person is under his charge yet here his conscience hath not disquieted him And for what he addes That to quiet his conscience he tooke advice with severall Ministers and so concluded the matter by them and his own Conscience Resol 1. Why did he go so farre away had he desired to have the truth brought to light then why should he refuse to advise with those Ministers that he himselfe acquainted with the businesse and when I so often desired them to bring it to a new tryall before them with a promise to submit unto their determinations without expecting any favour from them 2. How could those Ministers whoever they be perswade him to such a censure without advising him to bring the businesse to a Triall without hearing both parties speake will not Festus rise up in judgement against them Did these Ministers in their advice duly weigh the weight of this Ordinance and the pretiousnesse of soules for which Christ did Sweat Bleed and died for which hee ever lives to make intercession Durst they upon the Report of one partie without Examination give such advice in a corner the Lord lay not this sin to their charge 'T is not the first time that Satan hath made use of such instruments Christ saw him in a Peter c. I confesse it would have been more easily borne if they had been such as have not knowne the Father nor the Lord Jesus that had given this wicked advice but that it should come from them who have or at least pretend to more acquaintance with Christ then others this is as the Vineger and the Gall. Charg p. 47. In the last place hee gives the world a Catalogue of lying defamations spoken by mee since my Suspension Resol As for those lying defamations I answer briefly That many of those Reports are no lying Defamations but manifest truths as I have made it already to appeare in my Narrative and Vindication and make no question but shall be able to do the like of the rest if called unto it even as many of them as he shall prove to proceed from mee farre better then Mr Stucley will be able to make good in a regular and orderly proceeding those slanderous reports concerning mee with which he hath filled the world notvvithstanding he boasts so much of witnesses at the end almost of every Charge And novv I suppose the Reader is sufficiently tired vvith perusing an unpleasing and broken History I shall therefore now hasten to an End If the Gospell be the great Salvation that is delivered by Christ himselfe and the Revelation of it compleated and it be once delivered to the Saints and no other Revelation to be expected till Christ come and this Salvation being so glorious as that the Angels desire to look into it and there being such a Curse by Christ pronounced on such as shall adde to it or take from it then let it serve as an Apology for me in my learning of them This was that which I did desire and aime at that I might be instructed in the mystery of this great Salvation God manifest in the flesh c. T is that was in my eye and that I still follow after although I have not yet attained to comprehend with all Saints what is the bredth and length and depth and heighth and to know the love of Christ which passeth knowledge yet through grace this was and is that one thing that I may know Christ and him crucified and that I may with the Apostle Phil. 3.12 13 14. know him and the power of his Resurrection and the fellowship of his Sufferings so as to be made conformable to his death that I may know this great mystery which hath been hid from other ages but is now revealed unto us by the holy Apostles and Prophets by the Spirit Eph. 3.1 Know him so as to bear about in my body the dying of the Lord Jesus that the life of Jesus may be made manifest in this mortall flesh that the old man may be Crucified with him that the body of Sin might be destroyed that I might not serve sin This was that which to the glory of free grace I can say in some measure if my heart do not deceive me was my desire in Joyning with them and in my withdrawing from them I finding not a Sufficiency in their Ministry for edification and building up and being disapointed of my expectation in the ministry and continuing my