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A27397 Some prison meditations of an humble heart given forth from a child in Israel, whose soul very dearly loveth his Heavenly Fathers children : much desiring, (and travelling in spirit for) their prosperity in the truth, even as for his own soul ... / by a sufferer for the truth in the common goal of Edmondsbury, whose earthen vessel bears the name of William Bennit. Bennit, William, d. 1684. 1666 (1666) Wing B1893; ESTC R32569 25,285 28

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of the largest full flagons but oh alass for me I have scarce a drop of refreshment hardly a crum of consolation but my tears is my m●at and drink day and night whilest my enemy saith unto me where is thy God Oh I go bowed down all the day long and none knoweth my sorrow but the Lord alone Oh I am even as an Owle in the desart and as the Pelican in the Wilderness I am as the alone quail in the stuble fields and as a Dove mourning for the loss of her Mate and as the alone Sparrow upon the house top and as a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit Oh whose condition is like mine is there any amongst the Sons and daughters of Men like unto me is there any so poor as I oh is there any so needy as I oh is there any so weak and feeble as I is there any so foolish as I oh is there any so dry and barren as I oh is there any so cold and fruitless to Godward as I is there any so desolate as I Oh my leanness oh my leanness oh how long how long shall it be thus with me oh how long how long shall I sit mourning as by the river of Babylon with my Harp laid aside oh when when shall I walk again in Sion and travel in the streets of Jerusalem with a new song in my mouth and everlasting joy upon my head and living praises in my heart unto the Lord who dwelleth in his Sion and his presence is great in his Jerusalem but oh alass for me I am as one cast out of his sight and one who walketh dejected all the day long Oh when will the Lord cause the days of my mourning to be over and the nights of my sorrow to pass away and my sighings and groanings to vanish and all tears to be wiped from mine eyes Oh when will the Lord give me beauty instead of ashes the oyle of joy for mourning and the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness that I a poor dry barren one might become a tree of Righteousness bringing forth fruit of holiness abundantly to the praise of the Lord God that he in and through me might be glorified oh when shall my winter be over and the terrible storms gone Oh when shall the cold nipping frosts be expelled and the darkness and gloominess be extinguished Oh when will the Sun of Righteousness break forth unto me in his glory and his warm beams refresh and warm my poor cold soul Oh when will the spring come when shall I know a spring time in the Lord oh when will Summer come oh when will the singing of birds come oh when shall I hear the voice of the Turtle in my Land oh when will the shoures from on high fall down upon my soul oh when shall I receive the early and latter rain oh when shall I come to sit under my own Vine and under my fig tree and none to make me afraid Oh how long shall my beloved be hid from me as in the ●lifts of the Rocks and as in the secret places of the Stares sometimes indeed he shews himself unto me as behind the wall and as through a lattis and then my bowels my tender bowels are moved for him Oh when oh when shall I have a full enjoyment of him whom my soul loveth oh that I could but plainly hear his voice and perfectly see his face for oh indeed sweet is his voice and his countenance is very comely oh my soul desireth him in the night season and in the morning I seek him early but oh I cannot find him whom my soul loveth for he hath withdrawn himself from me and that is the cause of my leanness coldness barrenness and unfruitfulness to Godward which is the cause of my sorrow tears sighing groaning mourning and walking dejected all the day long Oh indeed there was a time once when my beloved kn●cked at the door of my heart saying again and again open open unto me my head is wet with dew and my locks filled with the drops of the night open open unto me and let me in but oh wo's me I was gotten into a bed of false ease and wrong security and was loath to come out but I made excuses and said I have put off my coat how shall I put it on I have washed my feet how shall I defile them c. and I lingered so long as that my beloved withdrew himself and at last I rose in my own time not when he called to open to my beloved and he was gone and then I called him but he did not answer me I sought him but did not find him and oh now my bowels my bowels is even pained for him and my soul panteth after him even as the hart panteth after the water brooks Oh that I could but find him whom my soul loveth oh I would hold him I would hold him fast I would not let him go he should lie all night in my bosom I would be watchful and diligent that I grieve him not and very fearful of displeasing of him and would take heed of giving him any cause whereby to leave me and thus to hide his face from me but oh alass for me when shall I find him when will he come whom I long for Oh when when shall I have my full enjoyment of him oh when will he bring me into his banqueting house and his love be even as a banner over me his left hand under my head and his right imbrasing of me staying me with flagons comforting me with apples making me sick of love giving me of his spised Wine and of the juice of his Pomgranets oh if thus I could come to enjoy him whom my soul loveth then would all tears be wiped away from mine eyes and I forget my sorrow because of joy and gladness and then should I look no more sorrowful but should rejoyce as Hannah did and say oh my heart rejoyceth in the Lord and my horn is exalted in the Lord and my mouth is enlarged over my enemy who said unto me I should be always barren and unfruitful because I rejoyce in his salvation who hath regarded my low estate oh now I the barren shall bear seven and she who hath had many Children wax feeble now I the parched ground become a Pool and I the dry hath springs of water now I the soletary place rejoyce and I the desart blossom as a Rose I the poor one made rich and I the weak one made strong I the foolish one made wise I the empty one overflow with fulness now the days of my sore mourning turned into joy and the nights of my sorrow turned into pleasure and the seasons of my seeking him whom my soul loveth turned into times of sweet reposes with him in his bed of solace But oh alass for me I may speak of these things but oh when when will it be thus with me oh how long shall I
wait how long shall I seek how long shall I call and utter my voice weeping saylng oh come away come away unto me thou whom I mourn for whom I long after whom my soul loveth oh I have waited so long that I am weary and begin to be almost without hope of his coming any more unto me Well what shall I do and whether shall I go I will even lay me down in sorrow and make it my bed make grief my sheets and tears my pillow and sighing and mourning my sleep untill he come whom my soul loveth for verily I cannot I cannot be satisfied with another besides him Oh who amongst the sons and daughters of Men shall I make my moan unto unto whom shall I complain and ease my heart unto where shall I find one who is sensible of my condition that can simpathize with me and that can speak a word in season unto my poor soul oh is it thus with any as it is with me Yes yes I believe there is many hath been and many now are in thy condition Oh where may I find one of them that I might ease my heart unto him and spread my condition before him for oh verily my bowels is very open to those who be in my condition well have patience be quiet and be still and lend an ear unto me and I may speak a little how it is with me and it may be if the Lord will to thy comfort for oh truly my soul loveth thee oh my heart is moved with compassion towards thee oh my bowels my bowels is open unto thee and my soul greatly simpathize with thy soul and could even wish my soul for a time in thy souls stead oh though indeed I am but a Child yet truly I am in some measure sensible of thy condition and can read it by my own and oh how willingly would I help thee according to my ability oh truly methinks I would even be a help unto all who stand in need of help but especially unto thee thou poor soul what art thou poor so am I what art thou weak and feeble so am I oftentimes what art thou empty so am I oftentimes what art thou cold and barren so am I sometimes what art thou as one desolate and destitute so am I sometimes what doth thou eat thy bread weeping and mingle thy drink with thy tears it is so with me at sometimes when I want the enjoyment of him whom my soul loveth for truly it is with me sometimes as it is with thee for sometimes I have not the enjoyment of my beloved as I have at other times but sometimes he seems to be withdrawn and to hide his face from me oh then it is with me as it is with thee oh then sorrows take hold upon me and trouble surroundeth me about as a wall and mourning covers me as a garment and none seeth my tears but the Lord oh then my leanness my leanness my coldness and barrenness is my greatest burden which causeth me to go bowed down in spirit saying in my heart Oh whether is my beloved gone and what is the cause he hath withdrawn himself from me wherefore is it thus with me what is the matter what shall I do what will the Lord leave me what will my God forsake me what will the Lord now cast me off who hath done so much for me Oh what is the cause that it is thus with me wherefore is the windows of Heaven shut up and the shoures of refreshment from on high withheld from me oh once I could say the Lord is my shepherd and my soul doth not want he causeth me to feed and even to lie down in green Pastures and leadeth me by the still waters and spreadeth my table with dainties and anointeth my head with the oyle of gladness and causeth my cup to overflow with new Wine But oh alass for me now I am in a dry and thirsty land where no water is oh what hath the Lord cast me off for ever Oh my tears is my meat and drink whilest my enemy saith unto me where is thy God dost thou think he will ever appear again unto thee why dost thou thus hunger thirst cry and pant after him alass it is in vain for thee to wait for him once indeed thou had the enjoyment of him once thou went with the multitude with them to the house of God with the voice of joy and praise with a multitude that keep holy day but alass thou must not look for such a day again And thus the adversary of my soul endeavoureth to add sorrow to my sorrow and to encrease the weight of my burden that so I might sink and never rise But oh the Lord my God is near to help me even in that time when I can scarce perceive him and when I am as Peter was ready to sink then his invisible arme of mercy is ready to save me and a secret hope the Lord preserveth alive in me which is as an anchor unto my soul which keeps me from suffering shipwrack a hope that the Lord will appear again to me to my joy whereby some encouragement I feel stirring in me to wait upon the Lord patiently and to trust in him though I do not see him and to relie upon him and hope in his tender bowels when he seems to be far off me and to roul my self upon him and surely he will appear again to thy joy oh my soul who canst not be satisfied without his presence even the presence of the Lord thy God which thou desireth more then all things else whatsoever wherefore the Lord seeing it is so with thee that thou desireth his presence more then all other things surely surely he will not cast thee off for ever surely he will appear again to thy joy wherefore why art thou so much cast down oh my soul and why art thou thus disquieted within me oh hope hope thou in thy God for thou shalt yet praise him the Lord will yet again command his loving kindness in the day time and in the night season his song shall be with thee even praises to the God of thy life oh wait patiently upon the Lord and trust in the living God whose compassions fails not towards those who loveth him oh he will send out his light and his truth into thee again and it shall bring thee unto his holy hill and to his Tabernacle and then shalt thou go to the altar of God of God thy exceeding joy and upon thy harp shall thou praise the Lord thy God thy delight and joy oh it is good for thee both to hope and quietly to wait upon the Lord for the Lord is good to the man that waits upon him unto the soul which seeketh him and cannot be satisfied without him oh wait patiently upon him even as a servant waiteth upon his Master and as a maiden at the hand of her Mistress so do thou wait for the Lord
and even as the Husbandman who soweth his seed in the Earth hath long patience for it untill he receiveth the early and latter rain so do thou wait patiently upon the Lord who will be unto thee as the early and latter rain in due season wait upon him he who is to come will come and will not tarry and his reward will be with him even fulness of joy comfort peace rest and sweet satisfaction unto thee oh my soul Oh my soul oh my soul surely surely the Lord will never leave thee nor forsake thee if thou forsake him not indeed he may seem to hide his face from thee for a time but without doubt he will appear again to thy comfort who cannot live without him oh my soul the Lord heareth thee often saying in secret alass what is the glory of the world unto me what is the honour and praise of the world to me what is the favours friendship and estemation of the world to me what is the vanity vain sports delights and pleasures of the sons and daughters of Men to me oh surely all these things are but as dross and dung unto me in comparison of the Lord my God who is the fountain of everlasting joy delight and pleasure oh if I enjoy him fully I have enough he is the joying of my heart the rejoycing and glading of my spirit the strength of my rains the girdle of my lines wherefore how can I live without him oh my soul the Lord intends good unto thee by all his dealings with thee if he withdraw for a time and hide his face from thee for a season it is thereby to let thee see what thou art without him how poor how weak how feeble how foolish how empty how dead how dry how cold how barren and unfruitful art thou without the Lord that so thou being made truly sensible of thy own weakness and inability may be the more sensible of the needfulness of the supporting power and upholding arme and saving grace of the Lord thy God and the more to relie and depend upon the Lord oh my soul through the Lords withdrawing his presence from thee thou comes the more to know what the want of his presence is and coms to learn to prize the sweet enjoyment of his presence the more and to hold him fast and cleave unto him and to be very vigilent and careful thou doth not grieve him nor do the thing that may cause him to withdraw himself from thee oh my soul Oh my soul thou must learn to know how to want and how to abound how to be full and how to be empty how to be rich and how to be poor and in every condition to be content and not to murmur against the Lord the Lord can open and none can shut and he can shut and none can open the Lord can open the windows of Heaven and shour down abundantly upon thee oh my soul and even make a plenty in thy land even cause thy store to abound with corn and thy Fat 's overflow with new wine and he can also shut up the windows of heaven for a time and make a famine in thy Land if he pleaseth and thou must not say unto him in a murmuring way why dealeth thou thus with me for indeed he may do what he will do and yet all his doings are just and righteous altogether and in all his dealings with thee he thy dear tender nursing Father intends good unto thee oh my soul Oh my soul when the fountain openeth and the great deep overfloweth and fills thee with plenty of things needful for thee even then oh my soul dread and fear thou before the Lord and take heed of being lifted up in heart of being puffed up in mind of being exalted in spirit and beware of a false ease and wrong liberty and false security which may soon steal upon thee at such a time when thou art rich wise strong and full enough in thy own eyes if thou do not abide upon the watch and dread the Lord and drink the draughts of joy in the pure fear and trembling never departing therefrom in what ever thou enjoy of the Lord or receive from the Lord or do and suffer for the Lord keeping low in heart meek in mind humble in soul tender in bowels contrite in spirit and then oh my soul thou art in a safe condition truly my soul when thou appeareth wise strong rich and full enough in thy own eye even then thou art rather in greater danger then when thou appeareth weak poor and empty in thy own eyes although thou art not then without danger but hath cause to fear and watch in all conditions oh my soul when thou appeareth weak poor and feeble in thy own eyes even then take heed of distrust and doubting but hold fast thy trust in the Lord and let thy confidence in his name be firme and thy hope in his tender bowels be sure and constantly relie and depend upon him and honour him in believing in him and if he kill thee yet trust thou in him and never leave him for alass whether should thou go he hath the word of eternal life who is worthy to be glorified magnified honoured and praised feared served loved and obeyed for ever and forever more Oh my soul thou dearly loveth thy Fathers Children oh the Lord knoweth how near and dear his dear babes and tender lambs are unto thee oh my soul oh thou knoweth them in the spirit of love wherein thou delighteth to imbrace them even those whom outwardly thou never saw and in spirit to clasp them about and kiss them with a kiss of peace and hug them in the bosom of indearedness ah thy bowels thy bowels is open unto them and thy love is dear indeed towards them as the Lord thy God knoweth and oh that love might abound in thee more and more and in the hearts of all the children of Light it may abound one towards another as in days past and years which are gone that it may appear to all we are of God who is love and that we all are true disciples of Christ in that we love one another not only in shew and in word but in deed and in truth loving one another fervently with a pure heart Oh my soul thou desirest to simpathize with thy Fathers Children in their tryals sufferings and afflictions and in spirit to bear a part with them therein oh thou desirest even to mourne with them that mourne and to weep with them that weep in secret and to rejoyce with them that rejoyce and to travel in spirit with and for the Travellers to Sion and with the Travellers in Sion and to watch with those Watch-men which the Lord hath set upon the walls of Jerusalem who for Sions sake cannot be still and for Jerusalems sake cannot hold their peace who cease not to cry day and night to the Lord and can give him no rest until he establish