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his_o sin_n shall_v find_v mercy_n and_o isai_n 55._o 7._o let_v the_o wicked_a for_o sake_n his_o way_n and_o the_o unrighteous_a man_n his_o thought_n and_o let_v he_o turn_v unto_o the_o lord_n and_o he_o will_v have_v mercy_n upon_o he_o and_o to_o our_o god_n for_o he_o will_v abundant_o pardon_v i_o then_o to_o encourage_v my_o return_n to_o god_n and_o the_o forsake_v of_o my_o sin_n think_v of_o the_o great_a sinner_n that_o have_v obtain_v mercy_n such_o as_o manasseh_n mary_n magdalen_n and_o some_o of_o the_o very_a jew_n that_o have_v be_v guilty_a of_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n and_o have_v murder_v the_o son_n of_o god_n yet_o through_o repentance_n and_o faith_n in_o christ_n many_o of_o they_o be_v pardon_v and_o save_v nay_o paul_n that_o eminent_a pattern_n of_o god_n free_a grace_n to_o great_a sinner_n and_o david_n and_o other_o of_o god_n dear_a child_n that_o have_v foul_o fall_v be_v encouragement_n to_o i_o a_o prodigal_n now_o to_o arise_v and_o go_v to_o my_o father_n now_o i_o begin_v to_o set_v upon_o a_o course_n of_o duty_n which_o when_o i_o find_v i_o be_v pretty_a strict_a in_o the_o performance_n of_o i_o begin_v too_o much_o to_o rest_v upon_o they_o now_o i_o be_v for_o believe_v but_o hardly_o know_v how_o to_o believe_v that_o christ_n die_v for_o sinner_n so_o as_o to_o throw_v myself_o and_o rest_v whole_o upon_o he_o and_o to_o think_v my_o tear_n and_o prayer_n and_o other_o duty_n will_v do_v i_o no_o good_a in_o point_n of_o justification_n when_o i_o have_v serve_v in_o my_o apprenticeship_n about_o four_o year_n my_o elder_a brother_n cornelius_n be_v dead_a some_o short_a time_n before_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o visit_v the_o city_n with_o the_o plague_n which_o begin_v in_o the_o street_n in_o which_o i_o live_v upon_o which_o my_o father_n prevail_v with_o my_o master_n to_o give_v i_o leave_v to_o retire_v into_o the_o country_n to_o he_o during_o that_o visitation_n according_o i_o come_v down_o in_o 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but_o rather_o to_o be_v humble_v for_o i_o present_o be_v under_o temptation_n to_o think_v that_o i_o must_v now_o carry_v it_o out_o and_o live_v at_o the_o rate_n of_o my_o father_n elder_a son_n and_o not_o as_o mr._n oglethorp_n apprentice_n and_o servant_n now_o it_o be_v that_o though_o indeed_o i_o dare_v not_o much_o associate_n with_o wicked_a companion_n that_o be_v stranger_n though_o neighbour_n to_o i_o yet_o i_o do_v it_o too_o much_o with_o those_o that_o be_v relation_n and_o think_v that_o relation_n will_v justify_v that_o practice_n not_o consider_v the_o snare_n of_o it_o i_o there_o make_v too_o many_o sinful_a slip_v go_v often_o to_o norton_n and_o norwell_n where_o i_o meet_v with_o such_o company_n as_o have_v not_o freegrace_n sustain_v i_o have_v certain_o ruin_v i_o both_o as_o to_o my_o principle_n and_o practice_n there_o it_o be_v i_o fall_v to_o the_o practice_n of_o good_a fellowship_n most_o undeserved_o so_o call_v and_o then_o have_v be_v persuade_v to_o think_v that_o time_n well_o spend_v can_v sometime_o most_o wicked_o triumph_v in_o my_o ability_n to_o bear_v strong_a drink_n not_o consider_v the_o sad_a woe_n in_o scripture_n denounce_v against_o such_o at_o that_o time_n i_o learn_v to_o drink_v and_o game_n and_o smoke_n tobacco_n and_o trifle_n etc._n etc._n and_o spend_v by_o persuasion_n of_o other_o though_o my_o bad_a heart_n be_v most_o to_o blame_v not_o only_o day_n but_o night_n in_o those_o kind_n of_o excess_n and_o here_o i_o can_v but_o observe_v how_o unwilling_a the_o devil_n be_v to_o lose_v i_o who_o so_o late_o have_v be_v his_o prey_n and_o lead_v captive_a by_o he_o at_o his_o pleasure_n but_o yet_o after_o these_o relapse_n for_o ever_o magnify_v be_v distinguish_v love_n the_o lord_n gracious_o give_v i_o a_o check_n and_o after_o some_o reproof_n and_o advice_n from_o parent_n and_o serious_a friend_n i_o again_o begin_v to_o consider_v my_o way_n conscience_n be_v startle_v and_o begin_v to_o do_v the_o office_n of_o a_o faithful_a monitor_n and_o this_o scripture_n be_v often_o in_o my_o thought_n and_o sound_v terrible_o in_o my_o ear_n he_o that_o be_v often_o reprove_v and_o harden_v his_o heart_n shall_v sudden_o be_v destroy_v and_o that_o without_o remedy_n much_o precious_a time_n i_o do_v waste_v and_o trifle_v away_o in_o those_o day_n in_o sinful_a delight_n and_o pleasure_n the_o want_n of_o which_o i_o now_o sad_o experience_n several_a gentlewoman_n one_o after_o another_o i_o court_v be_v invite_v thereto_o by_o one_o friend_n or_o other_o and_o too_o many_o of_o my_o address_n of_o that_o nature_n be_v too_o extravagant_a inconsiderate_a and_o sinful_a which_o the_o lord_n have_v humble_v i_o much_o for_o since_o from_o swinderby_n i_o go_v to_o barkston_n with_o my_o father_n and_o his_o family_n who_o go_v to_o settle_v there_o for_o the_o sake_n of_o mr._n trott_n the_o minister_n of_o that_o town_n and_o a_o worthy_a good_a man_n whilst_o there_o 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the_o lord_n send_v i_o into_o and_o continue_v i_o in_o the_o world_n about_o now_o begin_v i_o not_o only_o to_o observe_v my_o private_a retirement_n for_o prayer_n but_o to_o pray_v in_o my_o father_n family_n though_o too_o hypocritical_o in_o those_o my_o first_o attempt_n i_o have_v cause_n enough_o to_o believe_v however_o have_v cast_v a_o look_v heavenward_n hell_n be_v present_o in_o a_o uproar_v the_o devil_n storm_n at_o it_o my_o old_a companion_n begin_v to_o upbraid_v i_o for_o it_o which_o yet_o the_o lord_n give_v i_o grace_n to_o bear_v with_o patience_n as_o know_v that_o i_o have_v much_o better_o bear_v and_o endure_v the_o frown_n of_o wicked_a man_n for_o be_v religious_a than_o the_o everlasting_a frown_n of_o the_o great_a god_n for_o not_o
be_v so_o but_o here_o let_v i_o stop_v a_o while_n to_o admire_v the_o transcendent_a goodness_n of_o my_o heavenly_a father_n to_o i_o a_o most_o vile_a wretch_n that_o he_o shall_v do_v more_o for_o i_o than_o other_o who_o i_o think_v have_v do_v less_o for_o he_o and_o more_o against_o he_o than_o most_o other_o what_o such_o a_o brand_n as_o i_o snatch_v out_o of_o the_o fire_n such_o a_o wander_a prodigal_n bring_v home_o to_o god_n o_o my_o soul_n stand_v and_o wonder_n what_o so_o hard_a a_o heart_n as_o my_o soften_a so_o proud_a a_o heart_n as_o my_o humble_a so_o obstinate_a a_o will_n as_o my_o subdue_a o_o amaze_a goodness_n this_o be_v the_o lord_n be_v do_v and_o must_v always_o 〈◊〉_d marvellous_a in_o my_o eye_n though_o alas_o alas_o whilst_o i_o be_o here_o in_o the_o body_n i_o must_v say_v with_o the_o apostle_n paul_n i_o find_v a_o law_n in_o my_o member_n war_a and_o rebel_n against_o the_o law_n of_o my_o mind_n that_o when_o i_o will_v do_v good_a evil_n be_v too_o often_o present_a with_o i_o so_o that_o the_o thing_n i_o will_v not_o do_v i_o do_v corruption_n i_o find_v too_o much_o stir_v and_o even_o â—…ainting_v the_o best_a i_o do_v for_o god_n yet_o through_o grace_n i_o have_v these_o present_a ground_n to_o hope_n for_o salvation_n god_n in_o infinite_a mercy_n have_v make_v i_o salvation_n sensible_a not_o only_o of_o my_o great_a sin_n but_o of_o the_o vileness_n of_o my_o heart_n and_o nature_n he_o have_v make_v i_o to_o abhor_v myself_o for_o my_o sin_n and_o i_o hope_v true_o to_o repent_v of_o they_o for_o i_o do_v find_v that_o what_o be_v before_o the_o delight_n of_o my_o soul_n be_v now_o become_v as_o bad_a as_o hell_n to_o i_o that_o god_n have_v bring_v i_o so_o far_o off_o from_o my_o own_o bottom_n as_o to_o convince_v i_o that_o all_o my_o prayer_n and_o tear_n and_o duty_n be_v not_o able_a to_o save_v i_o a_o christ_n alone_o i_o must_v have_v have_v throw_v myself_o at_o his_o foot_n for_o mercy_n resolve_v 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meekness_n patience_n subjection_n sympathy_n and_o helpfulness_n i_o do_v not_o know_v any_o in_o the_o world_n that_o can_v â—oust_v of_o a_o wife_n exact_o thus_o qualify_v but_o do_v believe_v most_o of_o they_o to_o be_v in_o i_o a_o valuable_a portion_n indeed_o to_o this_o time_n when_o we_o have_v be_v marry_v 14_o year_n i_o have_v find_v she_o first_o and_o last_o she_o be_v a_o true_o good_a woman_n yet_o but_o a_o woman_n and_o therefore_o subject_a to_o humane_a frailty_n her_o spirit_n be_v somewhat_o too_o high_a and_o my_o humour_n a_o great_a deal_n too_o proud_a and_o this_o occasion_v too_o often_o jarring_n betwixt_o we_o but_o through_o grace_n we_o have_v both_o see_v the_o ill_a consequence_n of_o such_o strife_n and_o the_o lord_n have_v make_v we_o more_o useful_a and_o less_o provoke_v one_o to_o another_o it_o be_v then_o consider_v where_o we_o shall_v make_v our_o settle_a abode_n roadenooke_v friend_n be_v desirous_a we_o will_v either_o be_v there_o or_o 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which_o will_v enable_v you_o to_o improve_v this_o loss_n to_o better_a gain_n the_o lord_n sit_v we_o all_o for_o our_o last_o and_o great_a change_n and_o in_o the_o midst_n of_o our_o private_a loss_n let_v we_o remember_v the_o affliction_n of_o zion_n now_o sit_v in_o the_o dust_n so_o pray_v your_o sympathize_v friend_n and_o humble_a servant_n j._n r._n i_o hope_v you_o will_v return_v up_o again_o after_o some_o day_n i_o think_v it_o will_v be_v convenient_a to_o divert_v yourself_o with_o your_o friend_n here_o some_o time_n after_o you_o have_v perform_v the_o last_o office_n of_o love_n to_o your_o yokefellow_n etc._n etc._n a_o copy_n of_o a_o letter_n from_o cos_n m._n s._n date_a
surmount_v who_o then_o be_v like_o the_o lord_n our_o god_n who_o though_o of_o high_a worth_n humble_v himself_o for_o to_o behold_v both_o thing_n in_o heaven_n and_o earth_n the_o poor_a from_o dust_n he_o raise_v high_a and_o from_o the_o dunghill_n bring_v the_o needy_a press_v with_o misery_n to_o sit_v enthrone_v with_o king_n the_o barren_a he_o do_v cause_n to_o bear_v such_o joyful_a mother_n shall_v in_o their_o own_o house_n child_n rear_v praise_v you_o the_o lord_n for_o all_o a_o hymn_n upon_o prov._n 28._o 13._o he_o that_o cover_v his_o sin_n shall_v not_o prosper_v etc._n etc._n and_o upon_o the_o doctrine_n raise_v by_o mr._n c._n march_v 27_o 86._o the_o sinner_n think_v by_o hide_v sin_n it_o shall_v not_o come_v to_o light_n because_o man_n see_v not_o be_v conclude_v it_o be_v not_o in_o god_n sight_n but_o folly_n great_a will_n soon_o appear_v in_o sinner_n thus_o mislead_v for_o he_o by_o cover_v sin_n pull_v down_o heaven_n wrath_n upon_o his_o head_n though_o he_o that_o hide_v sin_n never_o shall_v have_v quiet_a in_o his_o mind_n he_o that_o confess_v and_o forsake_v the_o same_o shall_v mercy_n find_v a_o hymn_n upon_o matth._n 16._o 26._o for_o what_o be_v a_o man_n profit_v etc._n etc._n what_o can_v it_o profit_v any_o man_n though_o all_o the_o world_n he_o gain_v and_o by_o his_o sinful_a cark_n care_v what_o heart_n can_v wish_v obtain_v if_o after_o all_o his_o soul_n be_v lose_v what_o be_v it_o he_o will_v not_o give_v to_o ransom_v his_o miscarry'ng_v soul_n that_o it_o may_v ever_o live_v a_o hymn_n upon_o mr._n n_n text_n octob._n 89_o prov._n 30._o 7_o 8_o 9_o two_o thing_n have_v i_o require_v of_o thou_o etc._n etc._n two_o thing_n o_o lord_n especial_o i_o beg_v thou_o will_v please_v to_o give_v deny_v i_o not_o before_o i_o die_v but_o grant_v they_o whilst_o i_o live_v remove_v far_o from_o i_o vanity_n make_v heart_n and_o life_n both_o sound_n let_v not_o deceitful_a shift_n and_o lie_n be_v with_o thy_o servant_n find_v lord_n give_v i_o neither_o poverty_n nor_o wealth_n in_o too_o great_a store_n i_o beg_v what_o may_v convenient_a be_v and_o do_v desire_v no_o more_o not_o riches_n lord_n lest_o too_o great_a share_n make_v pride_n become_v my_o bane_n nor_o poverty_n lest_o i_o shall_v steal_v and_o take_v thy_o name_n in_o vain_a a_o hymn_n upon_o mr._n m_n text_n may_n 29_o 1690._o and_o doctrine_n 1_o joh._n 3._o 9_o whosoever_o be_v bear_v of_o god_n etc._n etc._n he_o do_v not_o sin_n that_o be_v bear_v of_o god_n his_o seed_n in_o he_o remain_v he_o can_v sin_v as_o other_o do_v the_o grace_n of_o god_n restrain_v he_o do_v not_o sin_n insensible_o as_o carnal_a man_n be_v prone_a but_o quick_o feel_v its_o smart_n and_o pain_n and_o under_o it_o do_v groan_v through_o corruption_n which_o remain_v and_o best_a of_o saint_n have_v get_v they_o be_v in_o sin_n too_o apt_a to_o slip_v but_o constant_o sin_v not_o he_o do_v not_o sin_n presumptuous_o nor_o wilful_o submit_v he_o do_v not_o overtake_v the_o sin_n but_o be_v o're'tane_v by_o it_o and_o when_o through_o frailty_n he_o do_v fall_v he_o quick_o do_v arise_v he_o dare_v not_o rest_n and_o wallow_v in_o his_o sin_n in_o any_o wise_a lord_n give_v i_o grace_n for_o to_o avoid_v the_o pit_n the_o sinner_n in_o keep_v back_o thy_o servant_n from_o know_a guile_n and_o from_o presumptuous_a sin_n a_o hymn_n upon_o mr._n d_n text_n luk._n 13._o 24_o 25_o 26._o strive_v to_o enter_v in_o at_o the_o strait_a gate_n etc._n etc._n strive_v now_o to_o hit_v the_o narrow_a way_n and_o enter_v the_o strait_a gate_n for_o not_o a_o few_o shall_v sad_o rue_v their_o strive_n when_o too_o late_o when_o once_o the_o lord_n have_v shut_v the_o door_n and_o those_o without_o begin_v to_o knock_v and_o cry_v in_o misery_n lord_n open_z let_v we_o in_o the_o lord_n shall_v answer_v they_o and_o say_v thus_o tremble_v at_o his_o bar_n i_o never_o know_v any_o of_o you_o i_o know_v not_o whence_o you_o be_v then_o shall_v poor_a wretched_a sinner_n urge_v and_o many_o of_o they_o say_v lord_n have_v we_o not_o do_v this_o and_o that_o for_o thou_o in_o our_o day_n it_o be_v in_o thy_o presence_n we_o poor_a we_o have_v eat_v and_o drink_v and_o seek_v we_o have_v thy_o word_n o_o bless_a lord_n and_o in_o our_o street_n thou_o have_v teach_v we_o have_v prophesy_v in_o thy_o name_n and_o mighty_a work_n have_v do_v the_o devil_n they_o do_v we_o obey_v we_o cast_v they_o out_o they_o run_v when_o as_o the_o lord_n shall_v thus_o reply_v go_v sinner_n take_v your_o lot_n in_o you_o i_o see_v iniquity_n depart_v i_o know_v you_o not_o verse_n upon_o the_o king_n of_o france_n persecution_n the_o faithful_a account_n be_v publish_v in_o prose_n turn_v into_o verse_n by_o g._n d._n decemb._n 86._o in_o humane_a monster_n what_o will_v nothing_o do_v but_o seize_v estate_n and_o ruin_n church_n too_o will_v nothing_o serve_v the_o turn_n but_o tear_n and_o rend_v and_o break_v in_o piece_n heart_n that_o dare_v not_o bend_v excuse_v i_o then_o if_o now_o i_o can_v forbear_v to_o tell_v the_o world_n the_o story_n that_o i_o hear_v that_o some_o who_o stand_v amaze_v may_v perchance_o humble_a this_o proud_a and_o bloody_a king_n of_o france_n dragoon_n be_v call_v in_o to_o seize_v the_o treasure_n and_o quarter_n upon_o protestant_n at_o pleasure_n guards_z they_o be_v place_v at_o gate_n with_o naked_a sword_n with_o frightful_a aspect_n domineer_a word_n watchman_n stand_v lurk_v for_o to_o make_v a_o prey_n of_o all_o that_o will_v escape_v and_o get_v away_o this_o be_v the_o constant_a cry_n of_o trooper_n kill_v destroy_v those_o damn_a heretic_n at_o will_n be_v catholic_n you_o sot_n and_o now_o return_v unto_o our_o faith_n or_o you'_v do_v worse_o than_o burn_v how_o many_o weep_a eye_n and_o heart_n do_v bleed_v to_o see_v their_o friend_n as_o die_v yet_o not_o dead_a die_v they_o desire_v but_o those_o rogue_n in_o grain_n tell_v they_o they_o shall_v not_o die_v but_o live_v in_o pain_n estate_n they_o seize_v rifle_a house_n then_o invent_v torment_n new_a for_o those_o good_a men._n babe_n from_o the_o mother_n breast_n these_o tyrant_n tear_v such_o cruelty_n they_o act_v over_o and_o over_o they_o enter_v neighbour_n house_n at_o their_o pleasure_n take_v thence_o their_o jewel_n plate_n and_o other_o treasure_n they_o leave_v the_o owner_n nothing_o they_o think_v worth_a the_o take_n from_o they_o and_o their_o carry_v forth_o provision_n that_o they_o find_v they_o seize_v with_o joy_n and_o what_o they_o can_v not_o eat_v they_o do_v destroy_v they_o be_v fill_v the_o rest_n must_v go_v to_o the_o swine_n they_o swear_v the_o owner_n shall_v be_v force_v to_o dine_v on_o hard_a fare_n nay_o to_o complete_a their_o grief_n they_o make_v it_o penal_a for_o to_o give_v relief_n to_o any_o one_o of_o those_o the_o hungry_a belly_n and_o the_o naked_a back_n from_o door_n of_o rich_a man_n be_v force_v to_o pack_v no_o wickedness_n be_v scruple_v that_o may_v tend_v the_o project_n of_o these_o monster_n to_o befriend_v good_a man_n be_v sigh_v forth_o their_o dolorous_a cry_n whilst_o other_o mouth_n be_v fill_v with_o blasphemy_n inhuman_o they_o protestant_n do_v vex_v without_o regard_v either_o age_n or_o sex_n who_o will_v not_o yield_v that_o popish_a juggle_a fool_n shall_v have_v the_o conduct_n of_o their_o precious_a soul_n who_o will_v not_o give_v up_o reason_n and_o from_o thence_o submit_v to_o man_n that_o have_v not_o common_a sense_n they_o soon_o do_v mark_v they_o out_o for_o to_o presage_v they_o be_v to_o be_v the_o object_n of_o their_o rage_n they_o hang_v up_o man_n or_o woman_n that_o they_o take_v upon_o a_o gally-bauk_a or_o chimney-hook_n some_o by_o the_o hair_n of_o the_o head_n some_o by_o their_o foot_n and_o thus_o they_o serve_v all_o they_o do_v think_v meet_a smoke_v they_o with_o wisp_n of_o straw_n whilst_o hang_v there_o till_o they_o that_o torment_n can_v no_o long_o bear_v they_o take_v they_o down_o and_o if_o they_o will_v not_o then_o quick_o recant_v they_o will_v hang_v they_o up_o again_o through_o fiery_a stream_n they_o cause_v they_o to_o wade_v in_o which_o consume_a torment_n many_o staid_a till_o almost_o roast_v this_o be_v their_o intent_n new_a torment_n for_o those_o creature_n to_o invent_v many_o they_o hale_v with_o rope_n and_o let_v they_o down_o into_o the_o deep_a pit_n in_o all_o the_o town_n from_o whence_o they_o may_v not_o come_v till_o they_o can_v see_v by_o hand_n and_o seal_n they_o catholic_n will_v be_v bind_v they_o as_o criminal_n be_v tie_v alas_o and_o thus_o with_o pinion_v fetter_n they_o must_v