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A68132 The discouery of a new world or A description of the South Indies Hetherto vnknowne by an English Mercury.; Mundus alter et idem. English Hall, Joseph, 1574-1656.; Gentili, Alberico, 1552-1608.; Healey, John, d. 1610. 1613 (1613) STC 12686.3; ESTC S103684 102,841 283

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my mother cradeled my head Well I staid not long there I had not neede but on I passed vntill I came to Coopers-nor-ton a pretty well seated village but not a droppe of water was to bee got in it for loue nor money the reason is as I heard afterward least they should mixe it with the wine and so prooue euill common-wealths men Onelie this I must tell the reader by the way for I promise yee it put mee often to a shrewd putther I was as much troubled with pottes and flaggons in my iourney as the traueller that hath farre to goe is with the Spanish and Italian Crosses I could neuer goe three miles to an end but I should finde a bouncing tankard kenneld vnder an arch and drinke I must needes no gain-saying the lawes of the Lands holie hospitality at last I ouertooke a traueller in an old tatterd Cassocke of haire-cloath bare-foote and bare-head I demaunded whether hee went so fast Sir quoth hee I haue vndertaken a long Pilgrimage vnto Saint Borachio of Bottles-brooke I wondered at this new name and this as yet vndiscouered Pilgrimage so I questioned him at large of the country of this townes situation and discipline and finally of the vertues of this Borachio Bottles-brooke sir quoth hee is seated in the confines of Hot-watria and Let cheritania and is of great fame through out both the soiles Besides diuers other ancient monuments in the towne there is a temple of Bacchus Fiery-face they call it the Chappell Ardent where a ritch and rare statue of his is erected not like a grown man as else-where it is but of an informed birth iust as his father tooke him from the burning womb of Semele so is it hauing beene long ago so cut out of the hard Rocke of Rubies The top of this temple is al set with Carbunickles golden sparks most ritch to behold from the embowed arch there drops they say a kinde of hot fuming liquour as the Cataracts doe in some places of Mar del zur and is receiued into a Borachio that standes placed accordinglie whose vertue is such that if one drinke a large draught of it with good deuotion he shall neuer in all his life after be either drunke before noone or a thirst before midnight both which helpes may doe mee much good for I am a man so employed in my countrie that I can neuer lye in my bed vntill mid-night for thirst nor neuer rise in the morning but before noone I am drunke and fast a sleepe againe Therefore haue I gone this three dayes without drinking at all saue that I dranke one dish of water this morning because I would merite the more of this holy Saint Borachio when I come there nor dares any man importune mee to drinke or any in my company as long as I weare this weede Bir-lady sir you must thinke I was not meanly glad of so good a priuiledge and therefore I intreated both his company and patronage Well wee went chatting on vntill I obseruing the soile altered asked him where we were now This country quoth he euer since wee came ouer the Lake Metheglin is called the Countie of Vsquebath being the first shire of Hott-watria It is not so well husbanded but it is farre more fertile then our country of Wine-cester exceeding both in fatnesse of soile and purenesse of ayre So when I heard the name I vnderstood presently both the originall and the definition thereof Vsquebathia because they drinke there Vsque ad 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 euen to the bottome there are other deriuations thereof but those I leaue vnto the six wits to censure of The people of this nation are generally fulsome and slouenly and of a continuall fearce and terrible aspect vnlesse they be drunke yet they vsed mee very kindly for my religious pilgrims sake as they are very much giuen to superstition who lodged with me the first night in the common hospitall of an obscure little cittie I forgot the name yet we lay very quietly for wee found all the towne dead drunke at our comming and left them so at our parting much other matter past vs but I leaue it as vnworthy of regarde At length through many craggie fennie woody passages wee ariued at a famous port towne called Puerto d' Aqua forte Now quoth I being as weary as a dog whether goe we now is not this Bottlesbroke O Lord no quoth he but cheere vp your selfe we haue not a foote of ground more to passe vntill we bee there all the rest of our iourney lyes by water which when we haue passed we shall coast a little by the pleasant shores of Hott-watria and presently we are at Bottlesbroke this country is like Denmarke parted into two by the sea that was the cause of our crossing the water Well to ship we went and away By this time imagine vs in the midst of the sea well my heart is cold yet to thinke but what a danger wee escaped there for looke yee sir our Mariners were all drunke to a haire not a man could guide himselfe if hee might haue a kingdome One was a sleepe at the sterne another going about to row had Palinures destinie and fell ouer-boord whō two more seeking to hale vp again had not we two held thē had both falne after A third falls into choller laieth a fourth ouer the pate for not helping his fellow he st●ikes againe to it they go fight Beare fight dogge and all the rest diuided themselues on two sides Now flew the pondrous oares about their eares and clubbs and pumpe-staues all their armes appeares the water was quiet and euery one vsed his oare in the aire But indeed they are easily knockt downe whose ham-strings Bacchus hath already cut in two Flat they lay all but a couple of conquerors who being too late weary of the massacre fell vpon vs two laying all the blame vpon vs. But wee two scorning to bee put downe by two walking tankards got vp a couple of cudgels and gaue them their due disarmed them bound them fast to the Mast and plaide the sailers our selues But our boat sympathizing belike with hir ancient maisters the drunkards did so welter from side to side that had not Aeolus sent vs a strong gale and forced the boate on against hir will wee had laide our bones in the bottome of those seas for ought that I saw and my religious fellow had neuer seene Saint Borachio As we sailed on I descried a farre of on the left hand a certaine high Iland couered with snow and asking him how he called it It is quoth he the Frozen Iland where Bacchus liued for feare of his step-dames wrath when hee was young and the inhabitants vsing him churlishly and at length chasing him by force from thence his father being offended laid a plague of perpetuall snow and darknesse vpon them But whence is that smoake I see a farre of That smoake comes out of Mount
nation he would sweare as one did once of Paris that the whole world came to trade thether I am not ignorant of the number of the people that are imagined to be in all Europe take it therefore as from the Historiographers and not from mee Italy is said to conteine 9000000 more or lesse Spaine a number somewhat lesser England 3000000 the Low Countries as manie both the Germanies 15000000 France as many Sicilia 130000 Wee know also what they that vse to amplifie vpon all things say of the number of the inhabitants of China that they do amount vnto ●0000000 That countrie paralelld with the whole country of Fooliana is rather an vnhabitable desert thē a peopled nation it lieth iust vnder the Antarctike pole as the Pigmey-land lieth vnder the Articke and hence doe I gather as any man else may that the extremity of cold in both these opposed regions is cause both of the Pigmees littlenesse and the Foolianders blockishnesse ● nature so well gracing hir selfe by effecting the defect of body in one place and counterpeysing it with as great a defect of witte in another To confirme this doe we not see that such as inhabite the temperate Zones are generally perfect both in body mind But let this be remooued vnto the cloisters of the Philosophers I must proceed with my purpose Fooliana on the South butteth vpon Tenter-belly on the East vpon Shee-landt and the farthest corner of Thriuingois and finally on the West vpon Theeues-wijck The parts of Fooliana the peoples conditions in generall CHAP. 2. FOoliana the great is diuided into fiue lesser Fooliana's as namely there is Fooliana the fickle in the Easterne frontires Fooliana the craggie iust vnder the Pole Fooliana the fatte towards the South-west Fooliana the fond betweene both and Fooliana the deuoute towards the West Now the inhabitants of all these fiue are generally tall of body for all the vehemencie of the cold climate wherein they liue their haire a pale flaxen their heads like sugar-loues their lipps bigg like a Moores and their eare● thick and spacious But their conditions do not keepe all one forme some things they haue generally in them all and they are these what euer stranger arriue amongst them vnlesse he light in Fooliana the craggie they presently entertaine him with all the pleasures that their towne-house table can by any means affoord Come wee to any of them all with a dust-licking congee some three or foure vostra Signioria's Spaniard like and either commend his good face his new coate his fine hand his faire house or season but his affections with an admiring applause and this your obsequiousnesse shall purchase you an hoste whose curtesie will imagine nothing too deare for you good words faire promises are all the moneys that this nation vseth yet they haue great store of gold which they barter away for feathers bells timbrells and garlands happy hee that hath the best store of such commodities to vtter at these Ports The inhabitants are of a hard constitution going bare-brested thin attired in the depth of winter to take ayre the better marry in the heate of summer they were rugge gownes and cloakes aboue that to keep out heate the better yet they haue some Philosophotericall professors amongst them that will go almost naked in midst of winter in contempt of the colde and their reason is this that seeing all creatures besides man can bee content with haire and hide onely why should not man that is made maister to them all make shift to breake through all the battalions of colde being armed onely with his shirt of nature his skin I promise you a strong sensible argument You shall neuer take any of them solitary for they doe continually talke and contend in argument with them-selues when they are alone and in game you shall haue them fall terribly out sometimes with themselues onely one word prouoking him to teares another immediatly procuring laughter the person being all this while single by himselfe They haue also certaine sects of people generally called Fool-osophers amongst them and these haue the same credit there that the Bonzoes haue in China I haue well neere forgotten their seuerall orders some of them run vpō my tongues end and I thinke I am not sure that there was one sort called Browne-backs and another called Clunches besides as I remember there are the Quadricornes the Barly-faces the Greenegeese the societies of Saint Patch del Culo Saint Gynny come home at noone many more that are far frō my remembrance all these giue their own allowances vnto others and begge for scraps themselues wandring through that verges of Fooliana where they finde a stone with any picture vpon it be it what it will downe they go vpon all foure with curtsies and cringes 't is more thē strange to obserue them gold is ready change with them for led prouided it haue a taile of parchmēt at the end of it Tapers and noone day meete ordinarily at euery dinner time amongst them To eate flesh is altogether vnlawfull for them but for fish take your gorge full gratis and neuer breake statute for it I le bee your warrant It is a sinne inpardonable for some of them to touch gold or siluer with their bare hands as it is also their generall custome scarcely to salute any man yet may they neither omitte crosse nor carued statue without a religious duck They whip them-selues cruelly the Spartans boyes scourging was but a flye blowing vnto this of theirs first because no man but themselues will vndergoe sore lashes and secondly because in the obedient times they had a tradition giuen them that calues bloud was a pleasing sacrifice to their gods nosthrils Their crownes are shauen eyther to put the world in minde that all men are borne bald or for auoyding heate of the head or else least the haire growing betwixt heauen and the braine should bee any hindrance to the minde in her celestiall meditation Onely two things in my simple iudgement they are iustly to be accounted too wittie in first in that they bring the people into such a fooles paradice that they fetch all the fruits of other mens labours into their platters whilest themselues sitte at ease in their cells and secondly in that they can so cunningly auoide the bearing of their crosses at home by getting grasse for their stallions abroad and by keeping their foles at other mens mangers There is witte in this beleeue me If any of these monasticall men be sick the couent neuer ceaseth weeping till he either goe for vp or take a longer day Phisick hee must haue none yet when they are in their pangs of death their foolosophers anoint them with oyle They measure not ones wisdome by his silence for so may one of Iohn of Paules Church-yeards blocks prooue wiser then he himselfe but by the choise composition and deliuerance of good