and contrition Vpon her knees for pardon made petition Desiring them since her offence was past They would forgiue her and forget at last Married I am quoth shee and would to God That I could truly say I were not married But till repentance whip vs with her rod With headstrong youthfull wills we are so carried We cannot turne vntill too late we finde Our selues nto your selues are most vnkinde And yet how blest and happie were my state Now to repent if it were not to late But I am tied to such a crabbed Clowne That all this Cittie scarce hath such a fellow For he doth nothing else but lowre and frowne And hath his hose allreadie died in yellow Because I breed he twits me with a crime And saith I am with child before my time And though I left you all by his perswasion He meanes to cast me off by this occasion Herewith a dropping showre of trickling teares As most of them haue weeping at command Did stop her speach And Hercules appeares Which in the next roome all this while did stand With whom mine Hostesse in great rage choler Seeming much mou'd to see her daughters dolour In hastie manner did begin to chide That so vnkindly he had vs'd his Bride And hath our daughter against our intent Made choice said shee of such a froward mate Hath she without our liking and consent Preferring your good will before our hate Left all her friends and gone with you away And in this sort doe you her loue repay Now doubtlesse she hath made a goodlie match Fishing so faire at length a Frog to catch What she hath caught in fishing he replied May by her bellie quickly be perceiued But for my part it cannot be denied But with a Frog or worse I am deceiued Yet howsoere a Frog fall to my share Because in fishing I did not beware Since that the Frog too soone doth multiplie I le neither keepe the Frog nor yet her frie. The simple truth is this I doe not meane To stile an others bastard by my name He which did till the furrowes let him gleane And reape the crop that growes vpon the same Your daughter is with child and I doe finde That by no meanes it can be of my kinde Therefore I am resolu'd let come what may Within my house she shall no longer stay Sir said mine Hostesse if that she were cleare I would thinke scorne to pin her on your sleeue But since she is with child as you doe feare And ye are married though without our leaue Whether that you be willing or else loth You shall maintaine and patronize them both For I am sure you wed not to the halfe Yours is the Cow and you shall keepe the calfe She is with child you say and what of that 'T is none of yours you thinke how can you proue it I say if that she be with child it 's flat That you must father keepe protect and loue it But 't is not yet a month since you were married And therefore you suppose she hath miscaried But giue me leaue to say you are deceiu'd For diuers in lesse time haue been conceiu'd You are too yong as yet and much to seeke What to these woemens matters doth belong You thinke vnlesse she goe full fortie weeke That she hath plaied you false and done you wrong Alas goodmen how cunning you will be In your wiues childing and deliuerie Before you scarce know how to get a child You will keepe reconing lest you be beguil'd To see the child begotten is your part It is your wiues to bring them forth in season It shewes a iealous and suspitious heart How long or short they reckon for to reason Neuer was man with child And therefore no man Can tell those thinges so truly as a woman And therefore to your proofe I make deniall Since by report you speake and not by triall Some foole or grosse Physition brought to light This fond opinion first of fourtie weekes But I will shew by arguments aright That this opinion is not worth two leekes For though in ancient times it might be true Yet in the yeares and ages that ensue It still should hold is no found inference As I will shew by good experience In former Ages when the world began And that dame Nature was in her full strength The time of life appointed vnto man Nine hundred and odde yeares was then in length Then wiues had time to breed as writers tell And tooke more leisure for to doe thinges well Their children were far greater large stronger Which was the cause that they accounted longer For then a child but newly come to light Lying in cloutes vpon his Nurses knee Was euerie way as great in outward sight As now at 20. yeares a man can bee And therefore such great children must by reason Vnto their birth require a longer season Then doe out little silly Pigmie brats Which in respect of them are but like Rats An other instance likewise doth me moue Which much auaileth for this truths discerning When our forefathers first began to loue And generations art was but in learning Men were not halfe so skillfull in the Trade As now by long experience they are made And therefore shorter time will serue I hold To bring forth children now then did of old Againe dame Nature is more fertile growne Then erst she wonted for to be of yore Twice in a yeare you see some meadowes mowne And trees to bring forth fruit not seene before Twice in a yeare some Ewes doe multiplie And more then twice some creatures fructifie And diuers wiues whose faith wants no excuse Three or 4. children at one birth produce In ancient time full 40. weekes did need Because their babes were of a larger size But now dame Nature making better speed A great deale shorter time doth well suffize For manie woemen after they are wed In lesse them 20. weekes are brought a bed And some in ten and some in more some lesse According to their kind and fruitfullnesse And which his yet more strange then all the rest But not so strange as true I knowe a wife That was esteem'd as honest as the best And true vnto her husband all her life Which ere a moneth was fully past and done After the wedding had a goodlie sonne And yet I know her husband will be sworne The child was his allthough so quickly borne And therefore if you meane to liue in quiet It is your best to make no further trouble The child is yours It bootes not to denie it And you the father though she carrie double Well answered Hercules I doe not meane To keepe a bastard and anothers Queane Good wordes said she then the harme is small You must and shall and ther 's an end of all VVhen as mine Host did heare them grow so hot VVhich all this while stood silent without speach VVith milder wordes as they had laid the plot That they
sober lookes their wanton lustes to hide Some woemen must be wo'ed they are so chast And some there are which tempt poore men as fast That to conclude as Ariosto taught Manie of them belewd vnchast and naught Phar'o the King of Aegypt being blind For ten yeares space made triall of this matter When by the Oracle he was assing'd To wash his eies in such a womans water Which kept her faith inuiolate and right And neuer had to doe with any wight But onely with her husband Then should hee Againe recouer sight and clearly see Manie a womans water Phar'o tri'd And manie a chambor-pot to him was brought Yet still his sight was vnto his deni'd Because the female vrine helped nought Nor could his wife release the wofull King By the distilling vertue of her spring Long lay King Phar'o in great grief and paine Despairing euer to haue fight againe And but that one at last of honest life Which after manie thousands thither came And was approu'd a true and faithfull wife A modest matron and a vertuous dame Restor'd his sight by vertue of the fountaine Which bubbled purely from her bearing mountaine He yet had liu'd in darkenesse and been blinde For such Phisitions still are hard to find Here may the reader 3. thinges chiefly gather What store of hornes were extant by this matter How hardly then a child could know his father And what the vertue was of woemens water The first many might challenge as their right The last had power to giue the blind their sight And how could children know their fathers well When as their mothers truly could not tell Much could I wish that Phar'o were to trie The vertue of this medicine once againe That we might see what faith and loialtie In married wines doth at this day remaine Sure manie of them which haue done amisse Would say they had the stone could not pisse And manie which we iudge could not be blamed Then to make water would be much ashamed Then should you see some woemen which make showe Of pure behauiour and great honestie VVhich will not touch a man for ought we know Nor once bee seene in prophane companie VVhich walke in little ruffes and set their face So simpringly as if they still said grace Then should you see them by their vrinall To bee found meerely hypocriticall Then should you see how daintie and precise Manie fine minions would be at this martter Affirming that it could not helpe his eies To haue them washed in a womans water But that it was the superstitious tricke Of some prophane vngodlie Catholique Because within the Primitiue of yore They neuer read of such a thing before Then should you see some men which doe deride And scoffe at others wearing of the horne VVhen their owne wiues did come for to bee tride How they should be requited with like scorne Then manie woemen which seeme coie and nice VVould be dissemblers found by this deuice So that if Phar'o now releast would bee It would be long ere he should clearly see Nath'les I will not bee too cynicall To condemne euerie woman for this fault Nor for a certaine number blemish all Each beggar is not lame though 〈◊〉 hault Nor euerie woman of so small compunction To violate her faith and holie function For many woemen doubtlesse may be found VVhich keep their plighted promise whole soūd And God forbid that wee should all condemne Though all do taste the tree of good and ill For in so great a number some of them Must needes bee honest though against their will Some are for feare as modest as they may And worldly shame which holds them from their play And some reserue their loyalty vntainted Because with Gallants they are not acquainted And some for want of more conuenient place And time which for such pleasures are elected Preserue themselues from blemish and disgrace Chiefely because they would not be suspected And some for other idle vnknowne cause Obserue a while their vowes and marriage lawes But very few of them which to the last For loue of honesty continues chast Sometimes the golden prey doth make the theife And women yeeld for further maintenance Sometimes short commons makes them seek releife And stubborne vsage and sterne countenance Perforce constraine a woman now and than To seeke for comfort of a kinder man And sometime want of heartes when handes are married Is one great cause that many haue miscarried For 't is not now as erst in elder daies When marriage was contracted by affection For kindred now so much the matter swaies The parties haue small choice in loues election But many times ere one behold the other An vnaduised match the friends do smother And howsoeuer they two can agree Their frends haue woo'd they must married be When they are wed behold the ill successe They liue like dogs and cats in brawles and strife Before they lou'd not Now they fancy lesse Shee hates her husband hee abhorres his wife The diuels dance to see the iust confusion Of enforst marriage And to make conclusion Hee growes a carelesse vnthrift bare and poore Shee turnes a shamelesse and detested Whoore Thus many either for this last respect Or for the causes which I late recited May iustly for their knauery be suspect And by the lawes of honesty endited Where though that none doe giue in euidence Nor sit as Iudge but their owne consciene Certaine it is the most would guilty stand To be condemn'd to dye or burnt i' th hand For either lust reuenge or want of loue And vnkind husband or desire of gaine The tender hearts of woemen doth so moue As old and new examples shew most plaine That few of them if they haue fit occasion Are able to withstand a weake inuasion For they are fraile vnconstant apt to range Faire-fac'd false-hearted and by nature strange Chast wiues are as the grapes which we may see To hang vpon the Vine the vintage past Or as the Apples which are on a tree When blustering Autumne hath her pride defac't For such a dearth of honesty is tride Since Patient Gresill and True Constance di'd That if a wife be honest if once crost It is almost as strange as the great frost Here could I cote a rabble of those wiues That you would wonder but to heare them nam'd Which whilome led such lewd dishonest liues That to remember them I am asham'd But that the multitude and mighty number Were good for nothing but your eares to cūber Nor need we any proofes from graue be brought We haue too many liuing which are nought Nor will I here their other vices scanne Which more then to a million do amount Hee that would know them may in Mantuan See a great number more then I can count As enuy scolding swearing lying pride Dissembling and a thousand faults beside Which I forbeare because beyond my tex I would be loth those louing wormes to vex For
which did so much him paine That now he wisht to be vnwed againe They were not long conioyn'd in wedlocks band But that from them a Messinger was sent Vnto mine Host to let him vnderstand The wedding newes and how all matters went Which when he heard with wordes he Kate reuil'd Calling her gracelesse disobedient child And since she married all her friends vnwilling He swore frō thē she neuer should haue shilling This was fome cause why Hercules might grieue And of his hastie marriage soone repent The want of portion with should him relieue The lacke of Parents fauour and consent The want of wealth for which some onely marrie Might giue him cause with Katherine to varie But want of these nor all these did molest him It was too much of one thing which opprest him Too much and more then he was glad ro finde Too much and more then he so soone expected Did so with iealous thoughts disturbe his minde That now his Bride by him was much suspected For as one night he chanced to put ouer His twining arme about his naked Louer ' As married men are wont to doe in bed With sudden feare he was astonished For as he there her bodie did embrace Touching each tender and delicious limme Her breasts her necke her chin her nose her face So round streight prettie beautifull and trimme And finding those so pleasant to his touch Downward he felt if lower partes were such But on her bellie when his hand was laid A quicke conceit his further searching staid A quicke conceit or thing conceiued quicke Vnder his hand he deemed for to feele And now he thought that it did stir and kicke As if it were a creature with a heele But in the end he certainly concluded That in this hastie march he was deluded And that this stirring motion needes must be A liuing child and two-legd Timpanie And doe I liue thought he or am I dead Or doe I sleepe or doe I dreame awake Or doe I feele or are my senses fled Or doth this stir or doe I but mistake No sure I liue and waking haue perceiu'd That I doe feele my wife is quicke conceiu'd That I doe truly feele and plainly finde These stirring motions cannot come from winde And am I gul'd and made a laughing stocke To haue my children gotten to my hand And had you none sweete wife but me to mocke Or do you thinke I cannot vnderstand Must I be baud vnto your base desire And cloak your whordome like an Apple-squire No Kate you shall perceiue that I haue eies And can descerne your wiles and pollicies Herewith his sleeping wife he did awake And grauely to examine her begun What thing is this which doth this stirring make And vp and downe thy bellie seemes to run Art thou with child couldst thou find no other To be thy stake and make a yonger brother Or do'st thou thinke I am so soone beguild That I will patronize an others child Kate with had long before these things debated Now of an answere was not to prouide Nor at his speaches did she seeme amated Neither to be conceiued she denide For I confesse quoth she I feele some thing Within my bellie for to leape and spring Which if it be an infant as I gather Here I will take mine othe you are the father Shamelesse and wicked woman void of grace Do'st thou not blush said he these wordes to giue Can it be true that in so little space A child should be begotten moue and liue Cert's if you proue so soone and child so quickly We shall haue store of children it is likely But 't is so plaine that I will pawne my life You were with child before you were my wife And therefore early doe your selfe prouide And backe againe vnto your friends repaire For I will be no Gold-smith for to hide And guild the outside of your copper ware Nor will I be a marchant of retaile To set your broken marchandise to sale No mistris Kate your counning is too shallowe I am not yet so blind such flies to swallowe Kate was not daunted at his bosterous threats Nor of his mighty menaces a fraid Neither for pardon at his hands entreats But boldly vnto Hercules she said Haue I said she vnfortunate vnblest Against my Parents liking and behest Onely for loue vnwisely chosen thee Reiecting many better of degree And are you now so iealous without ground Or else growne weary of your wedding state Do you not know when marriage once hath bound That afterwards repentance is too late Haue I cast off my friends at your petition And would you now diuorce me for suspition Making your selfe a by-word vnto men And laughing stocke to euery Cittizen VVell Mynion answered he I tell you plaine I le not be bob'd with such a slight excuse You know without a cause I do not plaine Nor will I pocket vp this vilde abuse For though till death the lawes of wedlocke bind Yet in this case I am not of your minde For if conditions be dissolu'd by you The forfeit of the bond I 'le stand vnto If I said she haue broke my plighted vow Or since the marriage gone one step awry Then vse the rigour which Law doth allow And of the forfeite take the penalty But from my promise since I haue not sweru'd But haue my faith inuiolate obseru'd I craue no fauour Therefore do your worst It is your child and you shall see it nurst And though my wrathfull Parents for your sake Out of their loue and fauour haue me throwne Yet both of them I will acquainted make And presently send for them to the Towne And though my foolish choice much hath them grieued VVhereby I might despaire to be relieued Yet since my honest name is at the stake I hope that now they will not me forsake Thus for that night the conference had end And carelesse Kate fell quickly fast a sleepe But Maister Hercules the night did spend In troublous thoughts which did him waking keep Sometimes he thought to put her quite away Sometimes suppos'd it fitter she should stay Sometimes to make it knowne he deemed best Sometimes much better that it were supprest For if he cast her off or make it knowne Though to her share great scandall might betide Yet he perceiu'd the scorne would be his owne And that the world his folly would deride Or if he kept her and the fault conceale To shun reproaches in the common-weale Yet inwardly some griefe would still be cleauing Because that he must take anothers leauing And thus perplexed in his doubtfull mind Consulting with himselfe he lay all night Vntill the Rosie morning had assign'd The clouds of darkenesse to auoid the light VVhen from his bed arising presently He went vnto a neighbour dwelling by His trusty friend a Midwife by vocation Of great experience and good estimation Full twentie yeres she had a widdowe been Like to a Turtle mourning for her make Yet fat
would heare him speake he did beseech I cannot tell quoth he to what intent You hold this strong and needlesse argument For manie idle wordes may breed confusion But neuer bring these matters to conclusion The case is thus Our daughter you haue married VVithout our leaue our liking and consent And therefore if she chance to haue miscarried It is your iust deserued punishment If we had been the makers of this match You might haue said we did you conicatch But since it was your worke against our minde You must be pleas'd to take such as you finde I speake not this because that I doe thinke My daughter hath plaid false and done you wrong But for to let you know that you must drinke As you haue bru'd bee it small or strong Besides the fault if that she haue offended Against your person cannot be intended Because the damage trespas and transgression Was done before that you were in possession Likewise the Lawes of Holie Church doe binde And fast combine you during all your life So that no fault which at the first you finde Is cause sufficient to diuorce your wife For by the Priest you vnder-went this curse To haue and hold for better and for worse Then sure by law you neuer can forsake her With all her faults perforce you needs must take her And neuer grudge to take her for your Mate For she deserues your loue I can you tell She might haue had your betters in estate And left them all because she lou'd you well And for her honestie I now dare sweare She is as honest as her mother here It is but some conceit which feare hath bred That thus with iealousie doth fill your head Here Take her loue her and God giue you ioy And you shall haue 300. pound in hand And after we are dead you shall enioy Our house our goods our monie and our land And if you thinke that Kate hath you beguild And therefore doe repine to keepe the child Send it to vs And we will entertaine it And at our proper charges will maintaine it When these good motions Hercules did heare Allthough at first he seemed discontent Yet at the last all thinges concluded were And he well pleas'd with their arbitrement And thus you see how Kate herselfe behaued Whereby her name and credit might be saued How Hercules is wiu'd and well befriended And all parts pleas'd and thus my Tale his ended But from this storie which I late haue told Some few short obseruations let vs gather First how the Cittizen for loue of gold An others child was willing for to father Whereby we may discerne the seruile minde Of many Cittizens in this same kinde That for desire of profit will not shrinke At such small faultes and greater for to winke Yea some of them are so in loue with monie Or else so couetous to haue Hornes budding That to allure great Beares vnto their honie And hungrie dogs vnto a dirtie pudding They will not sticke to make their wiues a Stale To drawe on Customers for better sale And vnto some it is the surest prop To haue a handsome woman keepe their shop And this is one great reason I suppose That in great Townes so many Cuckolds swarme For when a Woman beautious as a Rose Sits in her shop the passengers to charme Like to a Ship in tempests doth she flir In danger euer minute to be split And though she doth escape both rockes sand Yet is not safe vntill she come to land For after all these stormy gustes are past And windes are husht and seas are calme and still On subtile Syrens she may fall at last VVhose smiles are wiles whose kindest lookes do kil Besides on cruell Pirats she may light And be encountred in the darke of night And though a while she fight yet ten to one Some cānon shootes her through then shee 's gone Euen so a Cittizen that sets his wife A publique lodestone to attract mens eies Doth vnto danger leaue her honest life Amongst both Syrens stormes and Pyracies And therefore if that some be Cuckolds named Onely themselues I thinke are to be blamed For notwithstanding all their shops pretence They are the Bawdes vnto their wiues offence Yea some of them as though this were too little To hood the forked corners of their head Allthough they know their wiues are fraile brittle And apt into temptations to be led Yet vnto Tauernes spectacles and Plaies And to the Court vpon the solemne daies They will conuoy them verie faire and quaint As though a woman were an earthly Saint And yet mistake not for I will not say But manie of them are both chast and pure Yet those are meanes to make them run a stray For golden booties soone doe theeues allure And yet they need no winde to blow the fire For they are hot euen of their owne desire And some of them though kept with key lock VVill graft a horne-thorne tree vpon your stocke A well-conceited fiction I haue read Among the Stories which old Poets framed Of one that had within his carefull head An hundred eyes and he was Argus named And yet for all his eyes which neuer closed But euermore to watching were disposed One silly woman he could hardly keepe For whiles he slept but once she playd bo-peepe Oh what deceitfull trickes haue women kinde When they intend their lust to satisfie How boundlesse and vnsatiate is their minde When they are bent to lawlesse luxurie How brittle fickle wauering false and fraile Like to a wether-cocke still turning taile So that to write their faults who doth intend May well begin but nere shall make an end But why should I complaine of letchery Or presse bad wiues with such an exclamation Since they vphold the state of Cuckoldrie And are the pillars of that ordination If that the fruit be good no cause I see Why we should fault or discommend the tree Or by our malice seeke the mans disgrace Which by his cunning graft it in that place The end is all the prouerbe old doth say And doth approue or disallow each thing Nor do the causes wander much astray Which to a good conclusion matters bring If that a woman somewhat tread awry And follow sports of lust and venery Why should we blame her since she doth pretend Her husbands good and credit in the end What reason haue I then may some suppose To raile at woemen in this bitter manner If wiues were true and free from secret blowes How should their husbāds purchase such an honor If that a Cuckold be so braue a name They rather merit praise then any blame And thus will Momus snarling brood complaine What late I prais'd I now dispraise againe Well could I wish the world were at that stay And euery woman of so honest carriage That hornes which now beare such a mighty sway Might be exil'd the bonds of lawfull marriage But since this fortune hath