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Word A	Word B	Word C	Word D	Occurrence	Frequency Band	MI	MI Band	Prominent
cause_n	child_n	great_a	time_n	1,924	5	3.6290	3	true

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ID	Title	Author	Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication)	STC	Words	Pages
A19453	The court of good counsell VVherein is set downe the true rules, how a man should choose a good wife from a bad, and a woman a good husband from a bad. Wherein is also expressed, the great care that parents should haue, for the bestowing of their children in mariage: and likewise how children ought to behaue themselues towardes their parents: and how maisters ought to gouerne their seruants, and how seruants ought to be obedient towards their maisters. Set forth as a patterne, for all people to learne wit by: published by one that hath dearely bought it by experience.	Guazzo, Stefano, 1530-1593. Civil conversatione.	1607 (1607)	STC 5876; ESTC S105096	41,315	73

eyther lamented too soone or repented too late Many be the occastions that make mariage to haue an vnhappy successe by which good houses and great kindreds are brought to ruyne and decay as the difference between the marryed couple eyther in yeares or in calling whereof both arise many quarrels about house-keeping and manners of life therefore the way to liue quietly is to marry equally in all respects Touching the difference in yeares in mine oppinion it is an vnseemely thing to ssee a young woman matched with an olde man that caryeth a countenance rather to be hir Father then her Husband and I am verely perswaded that young and dainty Damsels got as willingly to such husbands as to their graues For they are sicke to become widowes in their husbands life time and to spend their dayes in a most miserable case for how modest or honest so euer they be yet some will not sticke to say that they are lewd and wanton onely by reason of their husbands white beards Consider I pray you on the other side what a name olde wrinkled and toothles women get in taking husbands that be young and beardles boyes and tell me whether the rage of these olde women be not greater then the young and of good nature and haue these outward markes that do betoken a good horse I deny not but by the lookes of a woman a man may gather somewhat of her disposition but seeing God hath commaunded vs not to iudge altogether by the face of the woman we must yet vse a more certaine and commodious way as in the next Chapter following you shall read CHAP. II. ¶ How that many times Wise Parentes may haue foolish Children and foolish Parents wise Children how that oftentimes Rich mens Children being left rich become poore and poore mens Children become rich I haue alwaies liked exceeding well of those Marriages which are treated of tr●ely without hiding of any thing which after comming to light bringeth griefe and repentance to one of the parties but neither men nor women now adayes vse that orderly endeuoring so much as they may to couer the faults as well of the body as the mind But yet the surest way to deale in the choice of a Wife I will now report by the example of Olimpia the mother of Alexander whose saying was that women are to be married with the eares before they are with the eyes which is that out of the mouthes of diuers people a constant report may come of the parentage life and behauiour of them But the greedines of the world is so great at this day that a man will seeke diligently for Oxen and Horse of a good rase but careth not though his wife be ill brought by and worse borne so that she be rich enough But be that is wise will aboue all things haue a speciall regard of the conditions and qualities of his wife and will note what the life and conuersation of her parents are remembring the saying that the Eagle breedeth not the Pidgion but that alwaies the Cat will after kinde Yet I will not deny but that many good and vertuous men haue gotten had and wicked children and contrariwise many wise children haue beene begotten by foolish fathers and we dayly see and know many very honest women haue dishonest Mariots to their daughters therefore to conclude let all men ●ine with discretion But now to passe further in our discourses those men whom Nature causeth their Children to be fooles in my Iudgement hapneth not by the birth but by the bringing vp the which is the cause that many great heads by long practise become readie witted And other who euer in their cradles are sound to haue a quick wit in processe of time either through idlenes or gluttony or some such mis-gouerment become slow and dull headed Now from that consideration I would come to this that the father who through much trauell and trouble both of body and minde hath gotten wealth and honour though be getteth children of great wit yet he is so ouer-gone in latherly affection towards them that knowing he hath prouided for them sufficiently to liue by at their case he cannot abide to see them trauell and labour as he hath done so that vanquished with a certaine tender effectien he suffereth them to be brought vp dillicately and wantonly and is the cause that by this idlenes their naturall force decayeth and by Custome is quite chaunged into an other nature Consider this also besides how that many Children peceiuing and knowing very well them selues to be thus pampred vp by their Parents keepe them-selues so much as they way out of the Dust a Sun neyther care they for applying their thindes to any cōmendable thing nor for to seeke to get any more Riches or substance then that which their Parents haue with great diligence formerly prouided for them but here it may be truely said of them that they are not vn-like the Crowe who liveth onely by such Fonde as other Beastes a Cattle do usually leane surely there is no doubt of it but if that they were meanely lefte by their parents as many poore mens Children often are then would they grow to be exceeding prudent wise and then would they be rich sufficiently able to liue in a Common wealth We may dayly sée by experience that for the most part poore mans children become rich by their owne labour and industry and rich mens children war poore by their necligence and idlenes which is signified vnto vs by this prouerb or wh●●le saying Riches breeds pride pride breeds pouertie pouertie breeds humilitie humilitie breeds riches and riches againe brings pride Therefore the good father must be admonished that he trust not too much in the goodnes of his nature that he thinkes that not onely sufficient to keepe his children good But beholding them with an eye rather aduised then pittifull and fatherly he must seeke to better their good nature in stirring them vp to vertuous deeds for it is not enough to be well borne but also to be well brought vp CHAP. III. ¶ What great Care a man ovght to haue in the choice of his Wife what circumspection ought to be had therein likewise shewing that many mischavnces often happen to the Children through the manyfolde imperfections of the Parents HEARE will wée now returns againe to our former matter in the choice of a good Wife Wée must therefore first of al be wel and throughly informed of the modest behauiour and of the honest caryage of the Mother all her life-time before in hepe that if the Mother hath alwayes gouern her life wel the daughter will follow hir honest steps and good Nature and Conditions Yet it is not inough for to know the qualities of the mother but we must like wise be partly in-sigted into the Conditions of the Father for it oftentimes falleth out for that the Children do most continually draw some imperfections from one of

not their children in such awe neyther bring them vp in such sort as they ought to doe or to the children who know not how much they are beholding to their fathers But in my mind I conclude that the childe rather is to be in the fault who cannot bring any action against his father though he doe him neuer so great wrong First of all therefore will I begin to excuse the father whom some will thinke to be in fault who ought to haue informed him in his dutie when he was young and tender If the father giue his sonne good lessons and he wil not hearken vnto them what can he doe more If the father offereth Instructions to his child with his right hand and the childe receyueth them with the left what fault is the father in None but this in my opinion but that he deferreth till euening to giue him those Instructions which hee shoulde haue giuen him early in the morning at the sunne rising I meane whilst he is young euen as it were with the milke of the nurse not considering that in tender mindes as it were in war a man may make what impression he lift But I know not how to excuse the children who after their father hath nourished and brought them vp carefully vnder the learned men and instructed them in the faith of Christ in the end run astray liuing lewdly bring forth fruit vnworthy their bringing vp I matualle not so much that a child vertuously brought vp sometime falleth out naught but I count it straunge and as it were against nature that both the father and the sonne being both honest men and for their good dealing well spoken of by all men it shoulde often fall out that they cannot agree together in one house but liue in continuall strict and variance and agreeing well in publike aff●yres still disagree about houshold matters whereof I could bring forth many examples But this I must say that the sonne in duty ought to suffer his father to commaund ouer him and that he ought to obay him without any resistance And that their conuersation may frame the better I thinke it necessarie to counsell the father how he ought to proceede in his fatherly iurisdiction that he exceede not the bonds of reason and giue not his sonne cause to finde fault with him in his hart and to thinke himselfe ill dealt withall by him by meanes whereof he waxeth colde in the loue and reuerence he ought to beare to his father I cannot forget the olde saying that few children are like the father and that many of them are worse and those that are better are very rare and thin sowen therefore I would willingly search out the cause why so few Children resemble the Father and answere to the hope he conceaueth of them CHAP. XIIII ¶ Of the great discomfort that Children many tymes bring to their Parents through their mis-deameanor towards their parents And of the euill successe that oftentymes hapneth thereby FIRST it is to be considered that Children bring small or no comfort to their Parents if Nature and Fortune be not well temperd in them For as a fruitful graine sowen in a soyle vnfit for it bringeth foorth no increase So a child that is naturally giuen to learning will neuer doe well if be be fet to husbandry so much it behooueth the father to find out in his Childe-hood wherevnto he is most inclined Therefore it behooueth fathers to vse discretion in this poynt that is to finde out the naturall inclination of their children the which is best done in their Infancy as the prouerbe is that by the morning it may be gathered how all the day will proue after whether it will be eyther faire or foule I thinke this counsell most necessary to be respected by the fathers who force their Children to enter into trade of life which is altogether contrary to their mindes and therefore no maruaile though they receiue small comfort of them For thereof many times insueth the dishonor of their house and which is worse great offence towardes God as when poore boyes are put to study diuinitie who euen from their mothers wombe desire the warres Those fathers that set their children to things contrary to their disposition are rather to be pittied then blamed for that happeneth commonly for lacke of taking hade but those which thrust their children into Colledges before they are of yeares to choose or refuse that life Are no doubt greatly to be blamed for that they bring their children too it eyther through feare or through false perswasions which is nothing else but to withstand the will of God and so take from their children that free choyce which God of his diuine goodnes hath promised them Therefore if the father be carefull of the loue and quiet of his house let him be also carefull to know whether his sonnes mindes be giuen eyther to learning or to armies or to husbandry or to marchandize and when hee shall perceiue he hath drawne him out of the right let him make him returne into it forthwith and set him againe where he should be otherwise let him assure himselfe that a thing ill begun will come to a worse end Seeing we are to search why children oftentimes fall not out according to the good hope of their parents we● haue neede to begin at the milk they sucke in their cradles for that the nurses milke is of such force that the vse therof maketh the child take after her then after the mother which brought him into the world and when I remember the custome of diuers women in Fraunce who bring vp their Infants onely with the milke of beasts I thinks thereof it commeth that diuers of them are so sterce and cruell that by their ill life many of them shew themselues scarce to be indued with that reason proper to men I am of mind without doubt that the effects of the milke is maruelous and it is a thing certaine that if a lambe be nourished with the milke of a Goate or a Kidd with the milke of a yeaw the Kidd will haue a very soft hayre and the Lambe a very rough and barry wooll And therefore it is thought that as the childe by reason of the milke taketh after the complerion of the Nurse So the disposition of the minde fol oweth the complerion of the body and thereof also it commeth that the daughters of honest women oftentimes proue altogether vn-like them both in body and minde so that to deliuer Children from their mothere to nurses cannot be said so be other then a corrupting of nature But if wee should make mention of this first nourishment we should haue spoken of it when we discoursed of vnfortunate mariages but I neyther spake of it there neyther will doe here The reason I forbeare to speake of it is for that women at this day are so curious of their comlines or rather of their vanity that they had rather to

peruert the nature of their children then chaunge the forme of their hard and round papps Whereof it commeth often to passe that the children fashioning themselues to the humours of their nurses swarue from the loue and dutie they owe to their mothers and haue not in them the bloud which moueth then to obey which is manifest by the example of a bastard in Italy who returning from the warres laden with the spoyles of the enemy had his mother and his nurse comming before him be gaue to his mother a siluer ring and to his nurse a chayne of golde which his mother misliking with he talde her she was to blame to doe so saying You hore me but nine monethes in your wombe but my nurse kept me with her seats the space of two yeares that which I hold of you is my body which you gaue me scarre donestly but that which I haue of her proceeded of a pure affection And moreouer as soone as I was borne you depriued me of your company and vanished me your presence but she most gratiously receiued me banished as I was betwéene her armes and vsed me so wel that she hath brought me to this you see these reasons with others stopped his mothers mouth being ashamed and made his nurss further in loue with him but resurne we againe to our matter Seeing that diuers women will not be the whole mother of their children they ought at least to be carefull to choose good nurses and of a good complexion For as the first abuse began in setting out their children to nurse so consequently followed the second not to respect the nature of the nurse CHAP. XV. ¶ Herein is shewed the occasions of the great difference that oftentimes hapneth betweene the Parents and their Children BVT now let vs goe forward to shew the occasions of the difference betweene the fathers and their children holding for certaine that the difference proceedeth from the trade of life the childe is set too and therefore I say that it is not enough for the father to know wherevnto his child is not naturally giuen if afterward he indeauour not to assist him and carefully to prouide to place him in that Art or Science that he most desires Another cause of this difference betwéene the father and the childe is when the father loueth himselfe better then his child keeping him with him to play withall without taking any care to set him to masters which may instruct him in Learning or to the Court or to those professions wherevnto his mind is most inclined In this many wealthy fathers greatly offend who beare themselues bolde vpon their goods and neuer take care for the bringing vp of their children in learning and vertue but suffer their wits to be dulled with idlenes and gluttony that as the prouerbe is they know not chaffe from corne but grow to haue as good iudgement as the Asse which iudged the Cuckoes singing to be more sweets then the Nightingales but now some will say that the more the father kéepeth his children about him the more he maketh their manners like to his But such men are deceiued for the life of the olde father is no patterne for the young sonne to shape his doings by and besides in time he will accuse his father for that hauing oppertunitie to send him abroad to get wealth and estimation he kept him at home and thereby hindreth his preferment Therefore those fathers that loue their children will not by keeping them vnder their wings hinder their preferment for in my iudgement the father shewes his child the greater figne of good will in letting them goe from him then in keeping him at home for thereby he prefers his childs profit before his owne and if he loue him as he ought by nature he must also loue his preferment and séeke to better his estate liking better that be should dye like a horse in a battell then liue like a bogge in the mire I haue yet made no mention of fathers which are indued with learning sufficient to make his childe partaker of his knowledge for indéed they be very rare and if there be any such yet they will not or they cannot take such paines nor tye themselues to such a charge hauing other busines Marry if they would vndertake it there is no doubt but great good would come of it for that the father would instruct the child more carefully and the child would receiue it more haedefully of his father then of his maister For Cato of Rome himselfe taught his sonne and brought him to great perfection without the helpe of any gouernour or maister Likewise Octauian Augustus being Emperour tooke no scorne to teach his two adoptine sonnes but the iniquitie of this our time is sach that men would count it a monsterous thing to see a father being a gentleman to teach his sonne but the shame of those fathers is greater who being neither sufficient nor willing to teach their children themselues take no care to put them out to be instructed by others such men in my iudgement are very simple and know not the difference betweene the learned and the ignorant Yet for all that the abuse of this age is such that the men of our time will not haue their sonnes breake their heads with study and in a manner mislike that they should reade forgetting quite that the ignorant in comparison of the learned are worse then dead and that rich men without learning are budies without minds and tearmed by Diogines sheepe with golden fleects and therefore they ought to be more carefull to instruct their children in learning for as the poore are driuen to study by necessity so the rich are hindred from it by superfluitie and they consider not vntill it be too late that learning is more necessary for rich men then for poore for the rich haue more dealings in the world and haue ●●ore néede of wit then the poorer sort for riches are brettle and frayle and can hardly last without they be kept with great wit and wisdome And it is certaine that a man siueth better with a little gotten by labour then a great deale giuen him by fortune and those which waxproud through aboundance of riches shew themselues not to know what happened to the snaile that made his braggs how he had gotten to the top of the pine tree a little before a tempest blew it downe CHAP. XVI ¶ Of the great wisedome of men in getting of riches and of the excellencie of many good and learned Maisters now in this age LET vs now goe a little furder and consider that those which are wise the richer they are the better they will consider with themselues how riches are gotten with trauell kept with feare and lost with griefe and that he which putteth his trust in them shall be deceiued for the true riches are those which cannot be lost being once gotten and therefore wise fathers will be carefull to bring vp their

the Parents in suffring of them to grow too old or stuborne before they breake them of their obstinacie I Must néeder in this place mention vnto you a youth of fifterne or sixteene yeares of age of a ready wit but otherwise vicious and lewd of life which hapned through the fault of the father and mother who were so far from correcting him that they durst not so much as threaten him nor say any word to him that might displease him and I remember when he was fiue or fire yeares olde if any tolde them that they must rebuke him for some faulte he had done they would excuse him by and by saying he was not yet of age to know his fault And beeing seauen or eight yeares olde they would nouer beate him nor threaten him least through some great feare his bloud should be chase or inflamed whereby he might be cast into an ague No at ten yeares olde they thought not good to trouble nor molest him alledging that stripes and threats would too much pull downe his courage and take from him his stout and proud stomacke and though now for his haughty conditions he be hated of all the whole Cittie yet they leaue not to excuse him still saying he must first grow and then after be wise and that within few dayes they wil send him to schoole where he shall learne wit But now many a one lookes when hee shall be of age to he hanged o●● the gallowes to heare him before the people to lay the fault vpon his father and mother and iustly curse their foolish lone and shamefull cockering attempting as one did once to teare their nose and their eares of with his teeth CHAP. XIX ¶ Yf a childe be of neuer so good a wit yet for want of good bringing vp groweth to be ouer-bad and base in conditions and this oftentimes falleth out by the cockering of their Parents BY this example in the former Chapter reci●●d it is verified that a child though of nouer so good a witt yet beeing ill brought vp proueth too bad but this great tockering and compassion is proper to the mother who commonly bringeth vp her children with more tender affection and discretion and according to the olde saying it is an hard matter for a mother to be fond of her children and wise both together but yet the right loue is to beate and correct them when they shall deserue it for certainely the rod doth not tessen the mothers loue but rather increase it for if the excesse of loue be to be blamed in the mother much more is it to be reproued in the father whese part it is ito examine and correct his childrens faults assuring himselfe the onely way to spoyle them is to be too much fond and tender ouer them But now I must tell you which be these fathers that I call more then fathers in my oppinion they be those which are too cruell to their children and beate them continually like slaues for the least fault in the world Truely those fathers are to be misliked of all men for that without any discretion they measure their children by themselues and require at their hands a matter impossible whch is to haue them be olde in their youth not suffering them to inioy that liberty which is alowed to their age and in my minde they descrue no other name then of Schoole-maisters for that they cannot manner their children well vnlesse they haue a rod in their hand for if they were right fathers they would be content that their children shoulde learne of them nothing else but to refrayne from doing ill and to vse to doe that which is good and honest which a childe is brought too rather by loue then by force but the authoritie which some vn-wise fathers take vpon them is so great that without respecting age time or place they will heepe their children vnder by force and make them doe enery thing contrary to nature yea euen to wear their apparell after the fashion of the good men of the time past In this they doe amisse and hereby they make their children not to loue them harsely and to obey them rather for feare then affection And besides they consider not that the beating without measure and the keeping them in continuall feare is the cause that a man cannot iudge to what manner of life they are by nature inclined Moreouer it dulleth their wits and represseth their naturall strength in such sort that their is no liuely spirit left in them and comming in any company they know neyther which way to looke nor what to doe but stand like simple Idiots There I giue this counsell vnto all parents to leaue their butchery beating and consider rather that for larke of yeares their children cannot haue perfect vnderstanding and experience in thinges whereby they are to be borne withall when they doe amisse CHAP. XX. ¶ Of the great commendations of such parents as keepe their children in awe whilest they are young I Like those fathers well that can keepe their children in awe onely with shakeing their head at them or vsing some such like signe and can onely with a word correct them and make them ashamed of their fault yet I am perswaded that there are few fathers that know how to keepe the meane but they will orther be too rough or too gentle to their children whereof as the one driues them to desperatenes so the other bringeth them to wantonnes We must thinke that a childe hath giuen vnto him a father and a mother to the end that of the wisedome of the one and the loue of the other that meane I speak of might be made and that the seueritie of the father may be somwhat mittigated by the leuity of the mother Now this calls to mind an other disagréement betwéen the father and the childe which is the partiall loue of the father towardes his children for in my minde it is a great fault that he should loue one more then an other and that all being of his flesh and bloud he should cast a merry countenance vpon some of them and an angry looke vpon other some Yet this is the nature of man that a father loneth not all his children alike and yet he whom he loueth least cannot iustly complaine of him for the in-equality of loue is permitted to the fathers affection A father that is a husbandman hauing one sonne a scholler an other a Marchant and an other a husbandman of those three it is a great chaunce but hee will loue the husbandman best for he seeth him like himselfe in life and manners wherein his other sonnes in duty must be content for by nature we are led to like those things which resemble vs most Oh how hard a thing it is for the father after partiall loue is once entered into his hart to giue iustice indifferently The greater is the wisedome of the father who preferring the deserts of his children before his owne