Selected quad for the lemma: cause_n
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A49085
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The London jilt, or, The Politick whore. The second and last part shewing all the artifices and stratagems which the ladies of pleasure make use of for the intreaguing and decoying of men interwoven with several pleasant stories of the misses ingenious performances.
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Oldys, Alexander.
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1683
(1683)
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Wing L2897C; ESTC R37996
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55,938
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134
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in their hatred or their Love even most commonly without any Cause that they exceed all Bounds Three or four days after that my Husband was gone I went to my Widdow's House and gave her to understand that I should have henceforward the occasion to be employed in the Service of an honest Man without running any Risque and certainly I was not long without putting in Practice so laudable an Exercise and there presently after a Man came in who approached me and who having an ugly Wife diverted himself sometimes with those of other Mens though perhaps he would have done no less if he had had a fair one for even the most dainty Meats cause at length Disgust if you eat them continually It seems as if Nature for the Mortification of Honest Women has so deeply imprinted this abominable desire in the Hearts of Men that they cannot get rid of it And methinks they would be in this Case in less manner excusable if they sought after Women tho' none of the greatest Beauties yet who ought not to yield that advantage to the others that belong to them but O! the Prodigiousness of disorderly Love We see Husbands who have Wives as beautiful as Angels who nevertheless run after Wenches who are more deformed and ugly than if they were Devils but if those Women did as I was used to do I am sure that those Gallants would find themselves much more assiduous at their own Homes for fear that during their absence their Wives should dishonour them in making them bear the Arms and Crown of the Cornutors And why should our Freedom be less than that of the Men in what concerns the violation of the Conjugal Oath Perhaps I shall be answered as to that point that this is the cause that Families are bastardized but where can one find a Medium in this Affair and if all those who fall into such extravagancies govern themselves after the same manner that I did let 'em take my word it would be a great Prodigy if ever they come to Bastardize a Family for the Field produces abundance of Herbs but the High-way has not this advantage from whence comes then this disorder unless it be that Men have established Laws and when once the Women shall have in their hands the Helm of the Government things will have another Byass But not to Moralize too long upon this Point and not to suffer my self to be transported in this manner by the fervency of my Zeal I may once more return into the way I ought to keep and pass over such things as are the least necessary to my Subject for will it not be better in imitation of the Shoe-maker I hold exactly to the form of the Last since besides my Wit is not strong enough to make such like Sallys and that tho' they should be done pat and to the purpose I shall only lose my time in employing my Leisure therein Wherefore to return to my Subject I will tell the Reader that three days after that my Husband was departed that fore-mentioned Widdow came to my House and besought me since too I had no Body to be afraid of that I would come and spend one Night in her House protesting to me that I should have to do with a Man that she would be Surety that I should be well paid by I ask't her what sort of Man it was and if I had never had his Company before Thereupon she answered me in the Negative and that he was of an Humour not to be known by any Body I remained a long time wavering if I should conclude or no this Bargain For to pass a whole Night out of my House methought too difficult a matter to effect without my Servants having some knowledge thereof or some ill suspicion and as for worldly benefits I would not have hazarded my self so far for these Creatures are often filled with Malice and when they have once discovered that you have committed any such fault you are always afterwards under their Protection without it's being possible for you to shake off this Yoke in any manner and there is danger that their blabbing and long Tongues may make you lose your honour or at least your good reputation Now as for your honour it is to be supposed absolutely lost when those Queans of Maids have once began to observe your Actions and Criticise your Conduct Nevertheless as the Power of Money has ever had an absolute Dominion over my Mind and as I was in hopes to behave my self so well in my Affairs that no Body should know any thing thereof I promised to come to her accordingly upon Condition that it should be after eleven of the Clock and that I should stay no longer than five of the Clock in the Morning for it was in Autumn which is a Season dark enough to come back to one's House without being taken notice of by the Neighbours I protest to you Dearest Madam said the Widdow as soon as I had given her my Word that I shall be obliged to you all the rest of my Life For that Gentleman told me this morning that he has been so transported with Love for you these two or three days last past that he has seen you that he promised me three Guinneys in case that by my means he could bring about his Design From whence you may conjecture added she how great the Recompence will be that you are to expect These Reasons were the Cause that I made my self very fine and I intended to make him pay dear enough for my Commodity But Affairs have not always that Success that People do imagine to themselves and we often find our selves very villainously mistaken when that we have not any Suspicion of Deceit and Treachery As soon as it was Ten a Clock our Shop was shut up as was customary and our Maids were gone to Bed before Eleven at which time I was to be at the Rendezvouz appointed so that I had no reason to fear because they lay in a Room so far towards the Backside of our House that tho' they had been awake it would have been impossible they should have heard me open and shut the Door tho' I had done it less gently Whereupon I set out after having decked my selfe to some purpose and having taken a Coach at some distance from our House I came to the Widows about half an hour after Eleven I ask'd her immediately if the Gentleman was yet come She made me Answer that he had waited for me above an hour and an half but that he would not that any one should see him and that he had given her in Charge that she should only put me to Bed and that he would come to me in the dark I was not over-well pleased with this new Freak of his and from the Beginning I seemed to have some Repugnance thereto But forasmuch as that I did not much care so I got but Money whether it was with handsom
and Curses which I flung in his Teeth quickly awaked him out of his Dumps yet as he had reason enough to take another Course for as I have already told you he had heard me rail against him more than once he held his Peace and went behind the Counter But his Looks made me sufficiently observe that he had not an over firm Belief that I had passed that Night in our House I afterwards took incredible Pains to learn who it was that had carried my Husband into that Place But I could not discover it till a long time after when that by chance I found a Letter that cleared the Business and which the Reader shall be acquainted with in the Sequel of this History After this Adventure we were about three weeks without setting our Horses together But to confess the Truth it was not that I was afraid of any Venereal Infection My only Disquiet was that one Night or other he would play me some Prank which I should keep the Remembrance of all the rest of my Life However we terminated at length our Quarrel and the two Parties were again reconciled to one another But the first Night of our Re-union was not so well solemnized as my Husband had done when we lay together at another Lodging in Drury Lane tho' I infallibly believe there was no other Cause that obliged him to make then so great an Effort than to hinder me from having any Suspicion and to reward me afterwards to some Purpose for those willing and vigorous Repartees Perhaps that some innocent Creature will imagine that the Constitution of his Thing and his way of Performing should have made me sensible with whom I had to do most of those filly Maidens may be pleased to know that there are so many of those Instrumets which resemble one another in Length and Bigness that there is no great Reliance to be had thereupon and that you may not be obliged to believe me alone enquire of all those brave Women who abandon themselves sometimes to others than their Husbands they will undoubtedly affirm the same thing unless they are desirous to disown what they are and what they do Since that dear Night with which far from gaining me a considerable Sum of Money as I had been made to hope for had made me disburse sufficient to have purchased those two above mentioned Women I durst not set my Foot again into that house and I had very seldom the opportunity to go into other Places by reason my Husband seldom let me go out without having some body to keep me Company This way of Living was very tedious and troublesome to my humor and yet I was constrained to submit to it if I intended to make my Husband believe that I played him no foul play In the mean while my Lovers were continually poaching about our house which was the greatest Punishment to me in the World For besides my knowing how to make my Markets with them there were some of 'em whose Embraces pleas'd me much more than those of my own Husband who daily became more and more insupportable to me Yet at length I had an Opportunity to have an amorous Ticket delivered to two of them frm whom in a little time I had gained by my Service a passable Sum of money Whereupon I wrote to him that the day following between eleven and twelve I would meet him at a certain Tavern in Covent Garden which had the Reputation of a Civil House and was so indeed to Ladies and a great Nursery of Gallantry I had several times been in this Tavern with that Gentleman to whom I was well assured they would not refuse him any Conveniencies by reason they could not in any wise tax him of being stingy and avaricious Besides the appointment of this Rendezvouz I set down to him the manner after which he was to comport himself in this Juncture of Affairs adding to him that I expected no Answer from him that so we might not be hinder'd in the Prosecution of the Design I had The day after I pretended going to the Market and my Husband having sent one of the Maids with me according to his Custom we walked very modestly along till we came just before the Tavern where I was sure my honest Spark had taken all the necessary Orders as we also found in the twinckling of an Eye For a Drawer and one of the Maids were before the Door where they made a Shew of tickling one another but another Drawer in the Balcony pretending as if he did it to spoil their Sport powred upon us a Chamber-Pot full of Water insomuch that it ran from our Heads to our Toes I turned my self immediately and tho' I had given order for this in my Letter yet I made so horrible a Clamour that in a Moment there were above Fifty persons before the Door In the mean while the Landlady came out to me and desired me with the most Civil words imaginable that I would do her the Honour to go into her House saying that she was extreamly sorry that the Drawer by a piece of insolence which nevertheless he should pay dear for had brought that Mischance upon my Head At first I seem'd wholly averse to make use of her offer but at length my Cloaths were so wet that I made a Shew of finding my self forced to accept of it I went into the House and so into a little Room where Faggots were immediately lighted Presently after I sent my Maid home tho' she was little drier than my self that she might go fetch me other Aparrel which she could not do nor put on fresh Cloaths her self in less than an hours time The poor Creature trembled with Cold and would willingly have staid by the Fire a little longer but I thought not convenient to defer any longer such precious moments As soon as this Creature was gone I was lead into another Chamber where my Gallant who had almost split his Sides with laughing considering the good Success of this Enterprise waited for me with extream Patience and without amuzing our selves and losing of time in making a great number of impertinent Complements and ridiculous Chatterings For not only Hours but Minutes were precious to us at that time We got upon our Bed and did our Business at so swinging a Rate that that day I was no less sprinkled within than without After we had spent above half an hour in taking our Pleasures I took my leave for to withdraw into my little Room where having found the Woman of the house who had all the while stood Sentinel I sate down with her by the Fire until that my Maid brought me other Cloaths Tho' my Husband in his Youth had much frequented the voluptuous Sinks yet he knew not at this time that this Affair had been contrived in this manner by reason that he had never known this Tavern otherwise than a house where the People would not have in any manner