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A46275 Tricks of youth, or, The walks of Islington and Hogsdon with the humours of Woodstreet-compter a comedy, as it was publickly acted nineteen dayes together with extraordinary applause / written by Tho. Jordan, Gent.; Walks of Islington and Hogsdon Jordan, Thomas, 1612?-1685? 1663 (1663) Wing J1067; ESTC R16117 39,145 64

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your wife Sir I know her not nor you Enter Drawer Draw Anon anon Sir by and by did you call how now what 's become of the company was here who payes the Reckoning Trim. Hey day what have they left their Reckoning to pay they were in mighty hast it seems Drow Was the woman in the black Guown yawr woife Sir Trim. Yes which way went they Drow Marry 3. Gentlemen carried her down them stayrs You were best make haste after 'um or they 'l Make you a Coock old afore you come and then You 'l lose the sport Trim. I le follow presently I guess where to find them If I cannot overtake them Exit Trim. Drow By the masse I le follow too for my Gentleman Is amongst them I le teach him to turne Up wenches bellies and give them no sartifaction Exit Drow Pimp Well you have your reckoning Drawer Draw To a farthing Sir if you 'l stay Sir I le give You one pinte because you shall remember the Sarazens head in Islington Pimp I cannot stay now I faith sirrah but next time I come this way Draw Well Sir you are welcome by and by I come I come Exit Draw Pimpw. So so a bad shift's better then none oh the rage his head is filld with for his wife and the belly full of vexation she has to find Mr. Flylove Pox of all fooles I wonder what mad folly posses'd him to lye with this dirty greasy kichen-wench was his appetite so sharp set that he must needs be lapping in the Dripping-pan well I le follow them I know their old haunt the Kings-head at Hogsdown Jealousie hath many eyes I must prevent the searcher If all my plots hit right I le make the Cuckolds horns hang in his light Exit Actus primus Scaena secunda Enter Marcurio and Splendora Mercu. My fair Splendora though my fortunes are I Humble as he that ownes them yet I can Love thee with holy ardencie devoutly As zealous men in prayer do their Saints Or Votaries their Goddess Splend I know you want not wit to coyn a passion And pray with all Mercurio conceive I know how many symtoms of true love A Parasite in service to his Mrs. Can use to gain his end 't is not a sigh Dissembled sorrow in a far straind tear The folded Arms Encomiums compos'd With many interjections nor the trick Of praising what she 's pleased with can move me To the least faith he whose slow tongue speaks least In Love or sorrow oftentimes means best Merc. I am sorry you should think I doubt your knowledge I know you have a soul as full of Raies As Delphean Phaebus in oraculous glory You have divinity enough to see The purest love from nicest flattery Or I should ne'r affect you t is my thought That she whom flattery can purchase to me By one more subtil may be flattered fro me Splend You give a large account of your pure thoughts And I beleeve thee with such confidence As to not do 't were heresie I here Resign thee all the intrest I hold dear In this weak frame Merc. That shall contain us both Our hearts shall be one individuall essence To which we 'l frame like passions like affections By this divinest Metomorphosis The Gods well pleas'd shall terminate our lives Both at one Expiration in good age Season'd and fit for glory more Divine Where in one orbe our unity shall shine Ent. Mr. Nice Nice Who 's here undone Mercurio and my daughter Embracing Changes Kisses I shall part you Splond My Father Nice Splendora your Mother calls you Splend I am sorry Sir I have such faulty ears as not To hear till your love please to tell me I attend her Exit Splend Nice Sir t is to you that I direct my speech Merc. I shall attend Sir what your speech directs Nice To this intent I frame it what 's the cause You make it all the business of your time In visits to my house though uninvited I do not say you'r an unwelcome guest But till I know the motive of your coming I shall be cautious in your entertainment Merc. Your words do bear a strange suspect in them And this to me the Son of him that was Once your best friend whose love hath made you rich The manner 's somewhat strange Nice I shall be plainer I disaffect your neerness with my daughter Splend stands within the Arras I have beheld loose kisses fond embraces Her sighes to eccho yours such wantonness As may not fit a pair of single creatures Much lesse you two confidering the distance Sir to be brief I do suspect you love her Merc. Oh nere suspect so Sir you may be sure on 't Splend Why this is honest truth fine right down dealing Nice And she loves you Merc. I hope she will in time Sir Nice T is well Sir lend me your eare Merc. Your pleasure Splend I fear this whispering portends no good Here 's pen and paper I le appoint our meeting Though we shall misse that ceremonious way Of lovely parting we were wont to have I le find occasion to deliver this Nice Nay which is more you are a riotous man Splend My deare Mercurio She writes Nice And let me tell you Sir my Child and wealth Shall not be both expos'd to your profuseness Therefore by my admonishment pray leave her Splend Meete me tomorrow Writes agen Merc. Sir did you ever love Nice Yes Merc. But did you e're affect a Virgin truly Nice As man can do Merc. When. Splend To morrow in the afternoon Writes agen Nice When time and love had made me capable Of woman and her vertues Splend In the green long walk by Newington Writes Merc. Was not her presence all your heaven on earth And then her absence brought such sickly thoughts No novelty could mitigate Nice Very true Mere. With that affection I esteem your daughter Just such a heaven her blest society And such a hell her absence had we not By some diviner inspiration A little prospect to eternity I should believe all joyes of soul were her The most indulgent Mothers never lov'd Their fair ligitimate Babes with such a fondness As I do your Splendora Nice You are very bountifull in your expression Merc. Too niggardly her goodness merits more Then I have worth to know or tongue to utter I think her vertues all are infinite And not to be examin'd I have searcht With most ingenious and industrious boldness To take the height of her perfection But forc'd with admiration to retire For still as I drew neer her soul flew higher Splend Your constant heart Splendora Writes agen Nice You have exprest her merit and your love And had you an estate equall to either With worldly providence and care to use it I should esteem your motion as you are Your polyte phrases cannot work on me Nor shall they on my daughter whose obedience Must be conformable to my dispose Enter Splend Splend Did you call
grant thy place corrupt thee not pray Sir was there not brought in amongst other Gentlemen a prisoner late last night call'd Mr. Flylove Keep Yes Lady Bella. How could I speak a word in private with him the business which I have concerns his freedome Keep I shall be glad to call him Mr. Flylove Prisoners within Mr. Flylove Mr. Flylove Ent. Flylove Fly What a noise you make I 'm become a man of calling now who is 't would speak with me Sir Keep Here 's a fair Lady I 'le leave you to your opportunity Exit Keeper Fly Gramercy honest Keeper How now who 's this How my blood startles in me on the sudden Bella. What do I fright you Sir I come to see and comfort you with my best love to file your Fetters off Fly Such charitable language and such face Had beauteous Bellaflora to whose soul Mine was contracted but my breach of vow Joyn'd with the infamy of this Ioath'd action So lately done hath sent her far from me This is the pleasant widdow we met at Hogsdon I remember now But see how guilt will fool a man I was Admiring how you thought to finde me here Bella. Some other time I 'le tell you if I may Without the breach of modest manners ask you What is the cause of your imprisonment Fly What a question 's that I 'le lye i th' Compter all my life time e're I make known the cause that laid me here a toy a trifle for nothing but disputing with the Constable here 's Iack Wildblood and Frank Rivers in the house three merry boys be we here 's the woman too will you go see them Bella. No Sir but if the cause of your restraint from freedom be of that easie value you 'l be gone within an hour Fly I I within this hour at the farthest Bell. Poor man how thou deceiv'st me and thy self aside I as much blush to let him understand I know the cause of his affliction As he doth to reveal it if you please I 'le stay till you go off Fly You may stay this twelve-month for ought aside I know I must put her off to say the plain truth Lady I have an Action entred against me since I came in Bella. You need not let that fright you I have so much skill although a very unexperienc'd woman to tell you whilst you are under the command of any Justice for the breach o th' peace you are not lyable to any Action Fly She says true where the Devil got you so much law Bella. Come come I know the cause that keeps you here Fly How I am sorry for that aside Bell. I' st not a womans Action Fly A womans Action Bell. I have hit the mark and I could name the party Fly Lady I 'le take my leave I 'm call'd above Bella. Indeed you are not Sir pray stay a little I know you think the fact you have committed To be of that vile nature that you blush To tell or think I know it you the less Stand in my condemnation for the ill Because 't was acted on so much deformity It makes me think some Witchcraft drink or madness Possest you at that time they being remov'd Your penitence brings back your ravisht worth And you are man agen but the nice winner Of every fair one 's a judicious sinner And in that judgement multiplies each fact And findes his Tragedy in the last Act. Fly This circumstance confirms your knowledge of it And I am sorry Bell. That I know 't Fly T is true Bella. But if you please't shan't be the worse for you Would I were beautiful enough to please you Or had a mind that you might think so fair To merit your best wishes in the bliss Of sacred Wedlock you should then be sure To shake this bondage off Fly Pray let me pause My former rashness may take license for 't I am in prison and the Law exacts My body for a year I could produce Such bayl as is sufficient for my freedom But I will perish e'r I reveal my scandall This woman's fair and hath a face so like To one whose memory I owe my being I know not what to answer Then agen 'T is for my freedom from a bondage which May ruine soul and body I 'm resolv'd If Bellaflora knew it so would she And pardon all which works my Liberty You do not ask me this to try me do you Bella. No by those joys I wish for Fly Nor tell me of my fact or of your friendship At every angry occasion Which the best married pair seldome avoid Bella. May all my life be made of discontents And they in old age kill me if I do Fly How neer she comes to Bellaflora still In all her noble actions If I could Believe the Pythagorean axioms true Of transmigrated spirits did the Grave Contain my Bellaflora I should think This frame contain'd her soul the Gods would sure Consume me if this Contract I now make And seal this vertuous woman were not lawful By all the joys eternal by the hopes I have to live a life that 's long and blest To see a numerous issue fairly bred In all their actions sh●wing still the minds Of their long sleeping Ancestors I 'le bee Thy husband love and life I 'le marry thee Bella. This day Fly This very day Within Stephen Flylove the Constable's come Keep Sir the Constable waits for you Ent. keeper Bella. Delay not i th' mean time I 'le bayle you here Remember Sir Fly I doe Bella. Adieu my dear Actus quintus Scaena prima Enter Flyl. Bellafl Rivers Mrs. Trimwel and Wildblood Wild. W●lcome to liberty my Cavaliers The gawdy portalls of the red-cheekt morn Stand wide to entertain you and delight Your sickned sences with the bright display Of glittering Phoebus Rivers Your genius soars too high you 'l melt his wings Wild. I am aiery as Philetus when he tripp'd Over the ears of Corn and ne'r bent head I could out-run Atlanta Rivers Atlanta within these two hours a Cripple could out-run thee and give thee five in the fifteen But Stephen why so stupid rowse thy spirit Can Liberty discomfort or the exchange Of grates for fragrant fields dismay thee thus Fly Faith I am dull and I ha' reason for 't Wild. What is the melancholly matter prethee Fly That which will move you all when I shall speak Mercurio's dead Rivers Dead Wild. He was well last night Fly He dy'd this morning Wild. Oh my poor lost friend Rivers His cruel Creditor is paid Oh my Mercurio Fly I knew 't would dull you all as well as I This day his Funeral is I hope you 'l be The sad spectators of his Obsequies Raynard the Keeper will instruct you when And tell you more pray go and leave me here I have a sadness that concerns not you I 'le put it off and meet ye Riv. Good morrow Stephen Wild. Farewel friend Mrs. Trim. Good morrow Mr. Flyl. Fly
and superstitious remnant of that foul flaps the whore of Babylon Sir Rev. Begar dat whore of Babylon be one of me Aunts Riv. Monsieur you see we are come to bear you company you shall not engross the prison to your self Sir Rev. Me tank you for noting you can no give me de sheat now as you have frō vat do you cal de fader of de pig Fly The father of the Pig a Hog Sir R Hog hog hog as you gave me de sheat at Hogdown Riv. Wel forget it there was no hurt meant on my credit there was another cause you must not know Sir R. Begar but me do know already you carry away de Surzhons vife begar he be horn-mad Wild. How came you to know this would he reveal it Sir R. Yes begar and more to 't was he dat make Drowzy de Kishin-wensh to arrest Monsieur Flylove Riv. The devil at last is even with us A showt in the Hole Within Room for my Lord Judge Fly How now what 's the matter Keep This noise is i th' Kings Ward 't is term'd the Hole Fly But are they allow'd to be so lowd there Keep We cannot check a Custome they have us'd Which is when a new Prisoner first comes in They have a Scaene of mirth where one is Judge And sits a tryal upon life and death Fly May we not see them Sir Keep I have no priviledge to open Wards at this late hour o th' night left some combustion happen amongst the prisoners which my strength will be too weak to pacifie Riv. My life for yours no danger Sir Keep Ye appear honest Gentlemen and I 'le trust ye Riv. Thank you Sir come Monsieur wil you walk down Sir R. Zhentlem me vill vait on you to morrow but me mus com to bed but me have anoder plot in my head begar Fly Wel Monsieur good night take rest and sleep secure Sir R. Awee Monsieur tres humble serviteur Act 4. Scaen. 2. Enter as in the Hole Wildfire Lord Lows-proof Steward Rentfree Constable-Lazy and Chamberlain-Iaylbird Rent What is your name my friend Lows You must tell the Steward your name you will be the sooner entred a member of the Sheriffs-Basket there is my friend a strange miracle in our living we never want meat yet keep continual fast and yet all that fast you may see by our Clothes we are loose enough we live in imitation of the Owls we sleep i th' day time and revel all the night Some beds we have for Gentlemen of quality as my self being the Lord Steward Rentfree Constable Lazy and Chamberlain Iaylbird Wildf. Gentlemen I was a Page to a Knight that was a prisoner in this house Sir Rev. Lamard my name is Wildfire Lows Prethee stand farther off thou wilt melt me else Iayl. My Lord begins to hiss Lows Gentlemen of the Kings-Ward let us consult upon the business 't is for the good of the Hole and of the whole House let us for once be wiser and honester then e'r we have been there may come much mischief by this Wildfire if he stay long he will consume us and every creeping thing about us our beds being all straw is very combustible the very blowing on 's nose blows a bed up Rent There 's a Bug upon your Honours doublet Lows Is there but one give it Wildfire he is fit for nothing but to receive my Moabites in reversion they may live upon him like so many Salamanders I will petition to morrow for the discharge of Wildfire he shall not stay with us we must have Wildfire put out 't is pity such a spark should be in the Compter Enter Keeper Flylove Rivers Wildblood Mrs. Trimw. Stand aside here comes the Gentlemen Rats it is most fit I give them the first salutation Gentlemen you are most unhappily incountred Fly I do most unfortunately thank you Sir we come to see your Revels are they ended are you my Lord Lazy Yes Sir he 's my Lord. Fly Well Gentlemen we make bold to visit you and to be the better welcome we have brought with us each man a bottle of Canary who 's that knocks Keep 'T is somebody at the Compter-gate some more Rats I believe knocking at the Compter-gate Wild. Bring them hither of what degree soever Exit Keeper and Lowzy Lazy I I Hole 'um Hole ' um ' Rat tat tat this is the City-Mous-trap here do we lye at a sure ward revel all night and breath defiance to the Watch and the Constable we have suffered under the terrour of Authority and now we have got the Law in our own hands Lowzy A Rat a Rat a Rat. Enter Lowzy Riv. What are they Citizens or Gentlemen Low No no they are neither Citizens nor Gentlemen and yet they are a company for Lords they are musicall Rats singing Rats men that are come to keep time in the Compter they are crowding in therefore you that mean to express your activity prepare and be in readiness a man in prison may easily do his sink-a-pace Enter Keeper and the Musicians Fly These are the Blades that were with us at Hogsdon this was some precise Constable some brother o th' Family that sent the Musicians to prison or else some joviall Humourist that had a mind the prisoners should be merry to night well my Masters since you are here strike up couragiously here be Gentlemen have a mind to discover their footing you shall not lose your labour I 'le pay your Fees in the morning Fidlers We thank you noble Mr. Flylove Low Gentlemen throw of your bottomless pantoffles and let 's to 't here 's Sack to cherrish us when we have finished They Dance on Antick Wildb. Gentlemen we thank you when we 'r at liberty we 'l send you something worth your estimation in the mean time drink that Gives them money Fly I come let 's go I do not like the fume of this close room how fare you Mrs. Trimwel Mrs. Trim. Well Sir but that the scent is somewhat noysome the room above from whence we came is sweeter Riv. Come we 'l go up agen then Fly I I let 's go god-night good friends Omnes We thank you Gentlemen we 'l drink your healths to morrow morning Riv. In the morning Musick we 'l keep our words with you but I shall talk with you for the trick you put upon me at Hogsdon Fidlers It was no fault of ours indeed Mr. Rivers we 'l mak 't appear to morrow Exeunt Rivers Mrs. Trim. Wildblood and Flylove Riv. Well well good night Omnes Good night to you all Gentlemen Lows Come my Masters we that were Dancers will make an equal division of the Gentlemans bounty here is ten shillings and we are six on 's Ren. 12. d. a piece the rest in drink among the prisners Lows I like the motion well my equal Steward here is some Sack left that we 'l drink with the Musitians and excuse their Garnish in the morning Omnes