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A57030 The second book of the works of Mr. Francis Rabelais, Doctor in Physick treating of the heroick deeds and sayings of the good Pantagruel. Written originally in the French tongue, and now faithfully translated into English. By S.T.U.C.; Pantagruel. Book 2. English. Rabelais, François, ca. 1490-1553?; Urquhart, Thomas, Sir, 1611-1660. 1653 (1653) Wing R108; ESTC R202205 100,489 230

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into the land of the Fairies by Morgue as heretofore were Oger and Arthur together and that the report of his translation being spread abroad the Dipsodes had issued out beyond their borders with inrodes had wasted a great part of Utopia and at that very time had besieged the great City of the Amaurots whereupon departing from Paris without bidding any man farewel for the businesse required diligence he came to Rowen Now Pantagruel in his journey seeing that the leagues of that little territory about Paris called France were very short in regard of those of other Countreys demanded the cause and reason of it from Panurge who told him a story which Marotus set down of the lac Monachus in the acts of the Kings of Canarre saying that in old times Countreys were not distinguished into leagues miles furlongs nor parasanges until that King Pharamond divided them which was done in manner as followeth The said King chose at Paris a hundred faire gallant lustie briske young men all resolute and bold adventurers in Cupids duels together with a hundred comely pretty handsome lovely and well complexioned wenches of Picardie all which he caused to be well entertained and highly fed for the space of eight dayes then having called for them he delivered to every one of the young men his wench with store of money to defray their charges and this injunction besides to go unto divers places here and there and wheresoever they should biscot and thrum their wenches that thy setting a stone there it should be accounted for a league thus went away those brave fellows and sprightly blades most merrily and because they were fresh and had been at rest they very often jum'd and fanfreluched almost at every fields end and this is the cause why the leagues about Paris are so short but when they had gone a great way and were now as weary as poor devils all the oile in their lamps being almost spent they did not chink and dufle so often but contented themselves I mean for the mens part with one scurvie paultry bout in a day and this is that which makes the leagues in Britany Delanes Germany and other more remote Countreys so long other men give other reasons for it but this seems to me of all other the best To which Pantagruel willingly adhered Parting from Rowen they arrived at Honfteur where they took shipping Pantagruel Panurge Epistemon Eusthenes and Carpalim In which place waiting for a favourable winde and caulking their ship he received from a Lady of Paris which I had formerly kept and entertained a good long time a letter directed on the out-side thus To the best beloved of the faire women and least loyal of the valiant men PNTGRL CHAP. XXIV A Letter which a messenger brought to Pantagruel from a Lady of Paris together with the exposition of a Posie written in a gold Ring WHen Pantagruel had read the superscription he was much amazed and therefore demanded of the said messenger the name of her that had sent it then opened he the letter and found nothing written in it nor otherwayes inclosed but only a gold ring with a square table-diamond Wondering at this he called Panurge to him and shewed him the case whereupon Panurge told him thar the leafe of paper was written upon but with such cunning and artifice that no man could see the writing at the first sight therefore to finde it out he set it by the fire to see if it was made with Sal Armoniack soaked in water then put he it into the water to see if the letter was written with the juice of Tithymalle after that he held it up against the candle to see if it was written with the juice of white onions Then he rubbed one part of it with oile of nuts to see if it were not written with the lee of a fig-tree and another part of it with the milk of a woman giving suck to her eldest daughter to see if it was written with the blood of red toads or green earth-frogs Afterwards he rubbed one corner with the ashes of a Swallowes nest to see if it were not written with the dew that is found within the herb Alcakengie called the winter-cherry He rubbed after that one end with eare-wax to see if it were not written with the gall of a Raven then did he dip it into vineger to try if it was not written with the juice of the garden Spurge After that he greased it with the fat of a bat or flittermouse to see if it was not written with the sperm of a whale which some call ambergris Then put it very fairly into a basin full of fresh water and forthwith took it out to see whether it were written with stone-allum But after all experiments when he perceived that he could finde out nothing he called the messenger and asked him Good fellow the Lady that sent thee hither did she not give thee a staffe to bring with thee thinking that it had been according to the conceit whereof Aulus Gellius maketh mention and the Messenger answered him No Sir Then Panurge would have caused his head to be shaven to see whether the Lady had written upon his bald pate with the hard lie whereof sope is made that which she meant but perceiving that his hair was very long he forbore considering that it could not have grown to so great a length in so short a time Then he said to Pantagruel Master by the vertue of G I cannot tell what to do nor say in it for to know whether there be any thing written upon this or no I have made use of a good part of that which Master Francisco di Nianto the Tuscan sets down who hath written the manner of reading letters that do not appear that which Zoroastes published peri grammaton acriton and Calphurnius Bassus de literis illegibilibus but I can see nothing nor do I beleeve that there is any thing else in it then the Ring let us therefore look upon it which when they had done they found this in Hebrew written within Lamach sabathani whereupon they called Epistemon and asked him what that meant to which he answered that they were Hebrew words signifying Wherefore hast thou forsaken me upon that Panurge suddenly replied I know the mystery do you see this diamond it is a false one this then is the exposition of that which the Lady meanes Diamant faux that is false lover why hast thou forsaken me which interpretation Pantagruel presently understood and withal remembering that at his departure he had not bid the Lady farewel he was very sorry and would faine have returned to Paris to make his peace with her but Epistemon put him in minde of Aeneas's departure from Dido and the saying of Heraclitus of Tarentum That the ship being at anchor when need requireth we must cut the cable rather then lose time about untying of it and that he should lay aside all other thoughts to
of Lusinian called Iafrey with the great tooth Grandfather to the Cousin in law of the eldest Sister of the Aunt of the Son in law of the Uncle of the good daughter of his Stepmother was interred at Maillezais therefore one day he took campos which is a little vacation from study to play a while that he might give him a visit as unto an honest man and going from Poi●tiers with some of his companions they passed by the Guge visiting the noble Abbot Ardillon then by Lusinian by Sansay by Celles by Coalonges by Fontenay the Conte saluting the learned Tiraqueau and from thence arrived at Maillezais where he went to see the Sepulchre of the said Iafrey with the great tooth which made him somewhat afraid looking upon the picture whose lively draughts did set him forth in the representation of a man in an extreme fury drawing his great Malchus faulchion half way out of his scabbard when the reason hereof was demanded the Chanons of the said place told him that there was no other cause of it but that Pictoribus atque Poetis c. that is to say that Painters and Poets have liberty to paint and devise what they list after their own fancie but he was not satisfied with their answer and said He is not thus painted without a cause and I suspect that at his death there was some wrong done him whereof he requireth his Kinred to take revenge I will enquire further into it and then do what shall be reasonable then he returned not to Poictiers but would take a view of the other Universities of France therefore going to Rochel he took shipping and arrived at Bourdeaux where he found no great exercise only now and then he would see some Marriners and Lightermen a wrestling on the key or strand by the river-side From thence he came to Tholouse where he learned to dance very well and to play with the two-handed sword as the fashion of the Scholars of the said University is to bestir themselves in games whereof they may have their hands full but he stayed not long there when he saw that they did cause bury their Regents alive like red herring saying Now God forbid that I should die this death for I am by nature sufficiently dry already without heating my self any further He went then to Monpellier where he met with the good wives of Mirevaux and good jovial company withal and thought to have set himself to the study of Physick but he considered that that calling was too troublesome and melancholick and that Physicians did smell of glisters like old devils Therefore he resolved he would studie the lawes but seeing that there were but three scauld and one bald-pated Legist in that place he departed from thence and in his way made the Bridge of Gard and the Amphitheater of Neems in lesse then three houres which neverthelesse seems to be a more divine then humane work After that he came to Avignon where he was not above three dayes before he fell in love for the women there take great delight in playing at the close buttock-game because it is Papal ground which his Tutor and Pedagogue Epistemon perceiving he drew him out of that place and brought him to Valence in the Dauphinee where he saw no great matter of recreation only that the Lubbards of the Town did beat the Scholars which so incensed him with anger that when upon a certain very faire Sunday the people being at their publick dancing in the streets and one of the Scholars offering to put himself into the ring to partake of that sport the foresaid lubbardly fellowes would not permit him the admittance into their society He taking the Scholars part so belaboured them with blowes and laid such load upon them that he drove them all before him even to the brink of the river Rhosne and would have there drowned them but that they did squat to the ground and there lay close a full halfe league under the river The hole is to be seen there yet After that he departed from thence and in three strides and one leap came to Angiers where he found himself very well and would have continued there some space but that the plague drove them away So from thence he came to Bourges where he studied a good long time and profited very much in the faculty of the Lawes and would sometimes say that the books of the Civil Law were like unto a wonderfully precious royal and triumphant robe of cloth of gold edged with dirt for in the world are no goodlier books to be seen more ornate nor more eloquent then the texts of the Pandects but the bordering of them that is to say the glosse of Accursius is so scurvie vile base and unsavourie that it is nothing but filthinesse and villany Going from Bourges he came to Orleans where he found store of swaggering Scholars that made him great entertainment at his coming and with whom he learned to play at tennis so well that he was a Master at that game for the Students of the said place make a prime exercise of it and sometimes they carried him unto Cupids houses of commerce in that City termed Islands because of their being most ordinarily environed with other houses and not contiguous to any there to recreate his person at the sport of Poussevant which the wenches of London call the Ferkers in and in As for breaking his head with over-much study he had an especial care not to do it in any case for feare of spoiling his eyes which he the rather observed for that it was told him by one of his Teachers there called Regents that the paine of the eyes was the most hurtful thing of any to the sight for this cause when he one day was made a Licentiate or Graduate in law one of the Scholras of his acquaintance who of learning had not much more then his burthen though in stead of that he could dance very well and play at tennis made the blason and device of the Licentiates in the said University saying So you have in your hand a racket A tennis-ball in your Cod-placket A Pandect law in your Caps tippet And that you have the skill to trip it In a low dance you will b'allow'd The grant of the Licentiates hood CHAP. VI. How Pantagruel met with a Limousin who too affestedly did counterfeit the French Language VPon a certain day I know not when Pantagruel walking after supper with some of his fellow-Students without that gate of the City through which we enter on the rode to Paris encountered with a young spruce-like Scholar that was coming upon the same very way and after they had saluted one another asked him thus My friend from whence comest thou now the Scholar answered him From the alme inclyte and celebrate Academie which is vocitated Lutetia What is the meaning of this said Pantagruel to one of his men It is answered he from Paris Thou comest
see the extravagancie of the Gobeline building and to taste of their spiced bread Panurge was with him having alwayes a flaggon under his gown and a good slice of a gammon of bacon for without this he never went saying that it was as a Yeoman of the guard to him to preserve his body from harme other sword carried he none and when Pantagruel would have given him one he answered that he needed none for that it would but heat his milt Yea but said Epistemon if thou shouldest be set upon how wouldest thou defend thy self With great buskinades or brodkin blowes answered he provided thursts were forbidden At their return Panurge considered the walls of the City of Paris and in derision said to Pantagruel See what faire walls here are O how strong they are and well fitted to keep geese in a mue or coop to fatten them by my beard they are competently scurvie for such a City as this is for a Cow with one fart would go near to overthrow above six fathoms of them O my friend said Pantagruel doest thou know what Agesilaus said when he was asked Why the great City of Lacedemon was not inclosed with walls Lo here said he the walls of the City in shewing them the inhabitants and Citizens thereof so strong so well armed and so expert in military discipline signifying thereby that there is no wall but of bones and that Towns and Cities cannot have a surer wall nor better fortification then the prowesse and vertue of the Citizens and Inhabitants so is this City so strong by the great number of warlike people that are in it that they care not for making any other walls Besides whosoever would go about to wall it as Strasbourg Orleans or Ferrara would finde it almost impossible the cost and charges would be so excessive Yea but said Panurge it is good neverthelesse to have an out-side of stone when we are invaded by our enemies were it but to ask Who is below there As for the enormous expence which you say would be needful for undertaking the great work of walling this City about if the Gentlemen of the Town will be pleased to give me a good rough cup of wine I will shew them a pretty strange and new way how they may build them good cheap How said Pantagruel Do not speak of it then answered Panurge and I will tell it you I see that the sine quo nons killibistris or contrapunctums of the women of this Countrey are better cheap then stones of them should the walls be built ranging them in good symmetrie by the rules of Architecture and placing the largest in the first ranks then sloping downwards ridgewayes like the back of an Asse the middle sized ones must be ranked next and last of all the least and smallest This done there must be a fine little interlacing of them like points of Diamonds as is to be seen in the grear Tower of Bourges with a like number of the nudinnudo's nilnisistando's and stiffe bracmards that dwell in amongst the claustral Codpieces What devil were able to overthrow such walls there is no metal like it to resist blowes in so farre that if Culverin-shot should come to grease upon it you would incontinently see distill from thence the blessed fruit of the great pox as small as raine beware in the name of the devils and hold off furthermore no thunderbolt or lightning would fall upon it for why they are all either blest or consecrated I see but one inconveniency in it Ho ho ha ha ha said Pantagruel and what is that It is that the flies would be so lickorish of them that you would wonder and would quickly gather there together and there leave their ordure and excretions and so all the work would be spoiled But see how that might be remedied they must be wiped and made rid of the flies with faire fox-tailes or good great viedazes which are Asse-pizzles of Provence And to this purpose I will tell you as we go to supper a brave example set down by Frater Lubinus libro de compotationibus mendicantium in the time that the beasts did speak which is not yet three dayes since A poor Lion walking through the fortest of Bieure and saying his own little private devotions past under a tree where there was a roguish Collier gotten up to cut down wood who seeing the Lion cast his hatchet at him and wounded him enormously in one of his legs whereupon the Lion halting he so long toiled and turmoiled himself in roaming up and down the forrest to finde helpe that at last he met with a Carpenter who willingly look't upon his wound cleansed it as well as he could and filled it with mosse telling him that he must wipe his wound well that the flies might not do their excrements in it whilest he should go search for some yarrow or millefoile commonly called the Carpenters herbe The Lion being thus healed walked along in the forrest at what time a sempiternous Crone and old Hag was picking up and gathering some sticks in the said forrest whoseeing the Lion coming towards her for feare fell down backwards in such sort that the winde blew up her gown coats and smock even as farre as above her shoulders which the Lion perceiving for pity ran to see whether she had taken any hurt by the fall and thereupon considering her how do you call it said O poor woman who hath thus wounded thee which words when he had spoken he espied a fox whom he called to come to him saying Gossip Renard hau hither hither and for cause when the fox was come he said unto him My gossip and friend they have hurt this good woman here between the legs most villainously and there is a manifest solution of continuity see how great a wound it is even from the taile up to the navel in measure foure nay full five handfulls and a half this is the blow of an hatchet I doubt me it is an old wound and therefore that the flies may not get into it wipe it lustily well and hard I prethy both within and without thou hast a good taile and long wipe my friend wipe I beseech thee and in the mean while I will go get some mosse to put into it for thus ought we to succour and help one another wipe it hard thus my friend wipe it well for this wound must be often wiped otherwise the Party cannot be at ease go to wipe well my little gossip wipe God hath furnished thee with a taile thou hast a long one and of a bignesse proportionable wipe hard and be not weary A good wiper who in wiping continually wipeth with his wipard by wasps shall never be wounded wipe my pretty minion wipe my little bullie I will not stay long Then went he to get store of mosse and when he was a little way off he cried out in speaking to the fox thus Wipe well still gossip wipe and let it