creatures Hereupon Marcus Tullius in the second of his Orator declaring the nature propertie of one these saith thus Qui tempus quid postulet non videt aut plura loquitur aut se ostentat aut eorum cum quibus est vel dignitatis vel commodi rationem non habet aut denique in aliquo genere inconcinnus aut multus est is ineptus dicitur He that obserueth not what the time requireth babling out many things vaunting himselfe hauing no respect to the dignitie or commoditie of those in whose companie he is or that to conclude in any kinde whatsoeuer is inseasonable or superfluous may be said to be foolish In my opinion that ancient Amphistides named by Caelius may well be placed in the number of these men who was of so flat and rebated a braine as he knew not thus much whether he came of a father and mother as commonly we doe or no. Acesias the Phisition may likewise be numbred among these senselesse for this was his propertie that when he had any cure in hand he administred to him in a quite contrarie course to that he should haue done whereupon Paulus Manutius vseth this prouerbe Acesias Medicatus est Acesias did such a cure Among those of our time Franceschino of Montecuculo was held for a great Dizzard who conforming himselfe in actions with the name of his countrey entring into the court to defend a client of his alleaged such testimonie and proofe as was quite contrarie to the poore man A certaine fellow called Hortensio of Sarni was by a iudge in some particular cause reprooued for a Foole of this kinde for hauing framed a processe for the Latinitie thereof altogether excellent and Ciceronian yet in the rest of the clauses so impertinent and out of order as the Iudge was vrged to tell him that another time he might doe well and bring before him some countrey or Scottish Iigs for such bables would better content him in the reading then such a bald processe of Piouan Arlotto That Castelline grosser shewed himselfe to be anotable Foole and buzzard who when he should haue serued a maide with starche sold her in steed thereof powdred Arsenicke Christalline who through his folly caused the mistres of the house well neere to die with the fume of the same No lesse a wise-aker did one Lirone some applesquier manifest himself who when he was willed to scum the pipkin that ranne ouer not knowing what to doe put out all the broath leauing the meate drye in the pipkins bottom while the Cooke was readie to serue in dinner No lesse sottish was Bastiano of Monselice who seruing a certaine Neapolitane Signior that commaunded him to set vpon the table some citrons and oranges went into the orchard and pluckt vp by the rootes the best plants of the same that were in the whole orchard bringing them all in a bundell to his master with great dammage and no small reproche to himselfe A like example to this is that of another Bergamascan blockhead who being commāded by his master that he should go vp into the Lobby and fetch some billets to burne he went with an hatchet in his hand and began to hew hard at certaine beames that sustained the house when his master obseruing his delay fetch him downe with sound bastinadoes on his shoulders But this other example of Lucchino of Fusolara is not altogether thread-bare for he seruing one of these that sell Malmsie whiles his master willed him to entertaine a certaine honest man his friend and that he should taste of euerie hogshead meaning that hee should broach them tooke one of those great beetles that wood-cleauers vse with which he staued more then fower before his master was ware of his owne errour or the others simplicitie Marie this last exāple is that which carries it for Bartolo of Calepio in Bergamasco being seruitor in Venice with a verie rich chandler who one day being to make Tapers the vessell boyling hot and the waxe beeing melted demaunded what it was that so boyled in the vessell to whom his master smoothly answered without laughing that it was sugar and honie mixed together to make marchpanes of whereupon this liquorish cockscomb tarrying while his master would bee out of the way hee tooke one of the shoppe ladles and before the waxe was cold while it was good and hotte hee suppes mee vppe a ladell full of the same so melting his teeth toong and bowelles that hee was readie in a manner to brast and recounting this accident to his master he likewise with laughing almost splitte himselfe perceiuing this nyddicocke to bee thus beguiled These therefore bee senselesse or giddie-headded Fooles who in the Hospitall enioy a Cell which hath hanging out the goddesse Bubona for a signe as one truely fauourable to such like men wherefore in this inuocation following they be recommended to her An Inuocation vpon the goddesse Bubona for senselesse and giddie-headed Fooles THese Geese of Romagna Puglian sheepe and Asses of Marcanconitan infinitely recommend themselues to the most happie goddesse Bubona friend to Pan Ladie of the Flocks keeper of the Heards and most faithfull guardian of the sheepfolds and they coniure thee by the loue of Pasiphaes Bull Aristo Ephesian his Asse Cratides the shepheard his goate and by the mare so deerely beloued of Fuluius that thou wilt also protect this flocke of the foresaid creatures little differing from them and if it fall out that thou shalt vndertake their tuition as they desire they will consecrate vnto thee a wild whole roasted Buffle and therewith sing an excellent hymne which in euerie verse shal make mention of Bubona and the Buffle together Reach therefore thy helping hand to these Buffles if thou mindest that this inuocation shall be consecrated with all honor and glorie Of plaine lourdish and naturall Fooles the eleuenth discourse THere be certaine silly wretches in the world so blockish in resoning harsh in proceeding in their operatiōs proceedings negotiations so foolish that in al right they obtaine the title of lourdish natural fooles in the world being distinct from al those we haue before made mention of And if we be content to referre our selues to the examples of ancient writers we must necessarily affirme that Miltiades so celebrated by Homere was one of these archdolts for he then came to succour Troy when the citie was alreadie ruinated and destroyed and therefore it grew into a prouerbe with Lucian Mitiadis auxilium the succour of Miltiades when men would speake of slow aide or succours or of a grosse and witlesse man One Mammachutus also is made famous by Aristophanes for this one point for in his proceedings of the world he was so stupide and insensate as from him it commeth that all naturals and cockscombes are as it were prouerbially called Mammachutes This dizzardly crew is made renowmed by Gratianus of Bologna in his Comedies for when you heare such a like
amongst his medicinall toies vnder title of Angelicall diuine Elixir Fiorauantyne Who euer saw so many od Mechanicks as are at this day who not with a geometricall spirite like Archimedes but euen with arte surpassing the profoundest Cabalistes who in stead of a pigeon loft place in the garrets of houses portable and commodious Aiaxes in stead of conuenient fish ponds digging fit ditches for snakes and adders To conclude all the world is matter from head to foote and one beateth his braines about one thing another about some other this man feedes himselfe in worldly glorie thinking that in honour hee is a verie Arke Triumphall when all the woorth in him scarcely amounteth to an halfe penie value another ruffleth in his without-booke-Rhetoricke as though he had no paragon for Latine and Greeke one in deep wisedome of the world tags the points of his hose with yron that he may haue readie crownes in his chest at commaund for in twenty yeeres past he gathereth little or nothing another stands vpon puntoes with his drawen sword like another Gargantua in that he is exalted to some catchpoale or hangmans office as if euerie one knewe not that to put an office into a Fooles hand is as much as we should set an asse to play on the harpe this man is verie ginger dangerous of himselfe vpon his traine of three or fower raggie heeld followers seeming some pompeous proude Pharoe of parasites amiddest a multitude of Ginnie Monkies who makes himselfe doctor doddipowle for wisedome a pedanticall quaint quanquam for epistles desiring to appeere like an halfe blowen glasse as if the play were ended without a plaudite And thus euerie one sets both good and bad vpon the boord not considering what the wise man saith that Vanitas vanitatum omnia vanitas Vanitie of vanities and all is vanitie But because we shall the better know in generall if we discourse in particular by little and little let vs examine Fooles in speciall for thus shal we attaine to the full and perfect knowledge of Folly we seeke after Of Franticke and doting Fooles the second discourse THe generall opinion of all learned Phisitions and especially of Galen in the first of his Prorrheticks touching this matter called Frensie is this that Frensie properly is tearmed an affection or interiour passion which being accompanied with a violentague or sharpe fit beareth alwaies about with it madnes in the braine of the patient And this passion as Aetius writeth by authoritie of Possedonius is a certaine inflammation of the organicall parts of the braine which induceth a kind of dotage and grieuous percussion of the minde whereupon they are saide to be franticke and doting whom such a strong and displeasing passion surpriseth But Trallianus that excellent phisition in the thirteenth chapter of his first booke is of opinion that Frensie is a tumour or inflammation of the braine or of the membranes thereof And Paulus Medicus in the sixt chapter of his third Booke produceth his opinion of the same after this manner that Frensie is an inflammation of the membranes of the braine yet so that sometimes the braine it selfe seemeth togither with them co-inflamed and that in it may be perceiued otherwhiles a certaine heate besides that which we call vigor or heat naturall Galen afterwards in the second of the causes of Symptomes plainely maintaineth that the residēce of passion is as wel in the brain it selfe as in the membranes and the greater part of Phisitions iumpe with him but especially amongst those of late daies Altomar in the sixt chapter of his medicinall methode Yet the Phisitions doe make some difference betweene Frensie and weaknes of braine although both of them are associated with an feuer or fit because dotage or braine-sicknes as Iohn Fernelius Ambianus in the fift Booke of his workes medicinall writeth is procured sometimes by choler and otherwhiles by a subtill effused blood through the braine or some other cause but Frensie hath euer his cause from that inflammation of the braine which before we mentioned and besides deliration is oftentimes a Symptome or after passion of an feuer or of some more grieuous maladie but of a Frensie there is no Symptome it effecting causing a fit or feuer and this dotage hapneth often whereas Frensie falleth out but seldome Frensie being a far more violent infirmitie then deliration or dotage But because I meane not to intreat of Folly so much according to Phisitions as the vulgar opinion I haue for this cause comprehended Franticke and brain-sicke Fooles vnder one kinde because wee commonly say when any one goeth about a thing arsie-versie that such a man doteth or is Franticke the same happening to him which sorteth them who are properly oppressed with Frensie or madnes Amongst vs therefore ordinarily Franticke and deliring Fooles be those who with a kind of imitation of their owne folly Frensie swarue from al sense in anything they vtter being inconstant and so intricating themselues that another Sphinx should haue work enough to explane their conceits Oedipus himselfe would sweate to apprehend the meaning of their words for there vtterance is readie and at hand but then fantasie on the other side in thē is mounted on a winged Pegasus rouing here and there at randome Of this kinde of Fooles two examples only may serue for the learned the one of a certaine man named by Seneca in his Epistles Sparsus to whom he ascribeth these qualities that amongst schollers he talked like a mad man and amongst mad men he discoursed like a scholler where in the one and other the dotage of his minde was euident to all men the other is of Caelius an Author much esteemed in the ninth Booke of his ancient lectures recited where he saith that there was a certaine decrepit woman called by him Acco and so much the rather it might be a dotage because the same is more proper to this then any other age who perceiuing hir face in a glasse deformed through olde age of the discontentment she receiued by this in her minde she became a Foole in this hir mad folly she spoke to her owne face in the glasse laughed and talked to it sometimes shee woulde threaten otherwhiles shee woulde promise it somewhat sometimes shee flattered it and anone after a franticke manner shee woulde bee angrie with the same one while shee woulde bee as merrie as maide Marrian and by and by outragious and despightfull like an oysterwife But amongst the vulgar the example of one Talpine of Bergamo an old Dizzard may well be added who not being able to continue a quarter of an hower or one minute in a purpose departing from Bergamo and going to Venice before the Signiorie or Magistracie of Quarantia to appeale vnto them about sentence giuen vpon an house whereunto he pretended title as he stood before them he leaped suddenly out of the house into a well
maintaining with so great obstinacie how at least yet he would seaze vpō the well of that house that those signiors smiling offered to make him also Lord put him in possession of the whole sea much more of a wel and thus he gaue ouer his appeale of the well and carried newes to Bergamo how this Signiorie had made him patron of the sea and also of the Buccetor But returning againe to his former humors he had recourse a new vnto them exclaiming that he thought it an indignitie when by his Admiralship he might dispose of so much salt water for ships to saile vpon and could not haue the fresh water of a well for prouision of his galleies and those Signiors perceiuing his wit at the highest for solace and entertainment of the companie they caused a writing to bee made him subscribed with a coale sealed with an horse brand wherein they declared that they made a present vnto him of all the water in the riuers of Sergio Oio Brenta Sile Piaue Tagliamento Grauallone Adige of that part of Pò which runneth through their dominion for the vse of this affaire and yet in the ende the Foole for all this concluded that he would not haue so much water but his house or otherwise he meant to raze the towne of Bergamo euen to the verie foundation together with the goodly chappell there seated and built No lesse a dotage is that which is reported of one Santino of Tripalda vpon whom an humour came that at threescore and fower yeeres of age he would needs goe to the Vniuersitie in Padoa and lighting at an Inne neerest to the publike schooles there read a Phisition at the same time that was then the most famous man of this Vniuersitie where he entring into the schooles at lecture time amongst others while the Doctor by chance was conuersant in the argument of the braine this dizzard began to shake his head mightily and finally not being able to containe himselfe at the presence of many schollers who in the beginning by reason of the olde mans graue countenance and apparance knew not of which foot he halted he cried out aloud how he would hold maintaine this cōclusion that the oxen of his towne of Tripalda had more wit then al the doctors schollers that were in Padoa wherupō flocking about this apparāt foole he was presently placed in the chaire with much laughter by the schoolers very desirous to heare some goodly stuffe proceed from this new archdoctor and thus entring into the readers seate whereas they expected one thing there succeeded an other for he began to talke of the meanes how to set vpon the Turke and Sophie both at a time and by and by he leapt to discourse of the grace of Saint Paul as some pratling Balletters vse to doe and withall heescapes me quite out of the Turkes handes in the ende growing to this conclusion that he came to Padoa to be made doctor and bicause he vnderstood howe the schollers of Padoa occupied themselues about a thousand matters he ment to reade publikely in that Vniuersitie Orlando Furioso and without stipend so that he might haue preeminence of the head schooles all in iesting manner consenting therevnto and crying out with a liuely voice long liue Santino of Tripalda for that in his discussion hee shewed himselfe so sufficient and comming downe from the pulpit or readers place turning to all the assemblie hee saide Friends and companions euery one performe his part and I giue you place in the lecture following I meane to returne to my towne of Tripalda doctorized thus by your grace and fauour They therefore of Santino of Tripalda and of Talpino of Bergamos wit be in the number of those fooles whom the vulgar terme franticke or dizzards and their Cell in this Hospitall hath hanging out for a signe a Minerua bicause she is the Goddesse that protecteth this kind of Fooles wherfore prostrate on the earth with this ensuing supplication let vs implore her aide for the cure of these poore bransickes and witlesse men A praier to the goddesse Minerua for doting and franticke Fooles TO thee Tritoniā virgine worthily adorned with a 1000. lofty epithites as of Itonian Lyndian Medusean Ionian Scillutian Alcessian Scyras Elean Pylotean Polian Glaucopian and of the Attean virgine by the Greekes called Pallas in that armed with a speare in thy hand thou art helde for a goddesse of armes and of the Latines Minerua bicause thou rightly aduisest them that haue neede of counsell I vnfainedly direct these my humble praiers And if thou beest as all men esteeme thee the goddesse of wisedome borne of Iupiters braine in all reason called operatiùe for that all discreete and wise operations proceede by thy meane tearmed Necina which is as much as to say valiant bicause thou art of a constant resolution and magnanimous in euerie one of thy deliberations made knowne of all men by the name of Dedala which importeth as much as wittie bicause thou art the mother mistresse and ladie of humaine wit I beseech thee receiue into thy protection thesemen who forsaken of wit and abandoned of conceite by my meane haue recourse vnto thee being wholy nothing but pregnancie and wit Thouknowest that whatsoeuer they vtter is but rudely by them pronounced they being franticke and distraught in such a manner as any action of theirs is commonly reputed friuolous rash Cure this frensie to the end that with recouered wit regained wisedome and conceite retired and called home they may extol thee the goddesse fountaine beginning cause of conceit and intellect I no farther at this time instigate thee most wise goddesse ne sus Mineruam as the prouerbe saith least being a foole I shoulde controule thy wisedome thou being she who artable to instruct all the world and keeping the key of all others knowledge of all our discipline and vnderstanding if thou shalt but vouchsafe recouerie to these miserable wretches in thy sacred temple shall bee consecrated to thee a drie Pompion rinde which shall hang at thy feet in token of the vnderstāding thou hast giuen to thesefooles who before were as voide of witte as this gourd is emptie of substance Peace be with thee and preserue them that haue neede of thy helpe Of solitarie and melancholike Fooles the thirde discourse THe most renowmed Phisitions as well ancient as moderne ioine in this fundamentall conclusion that melancholie is to be reputed a kinde of dotage without feauer or fit which springeth from no other thing then aboundance of melancholike humour that occupieth the seate of the minde it being a common thing with all melancholike persons to haue the braine euill affected either essentially by nature or voluntarily by their owne consent as Altomar affirmeth in his medicinall arte the seuenth chapter And this is Galens opinion in his thirde of the seate of passion Hippocrates his censure in the sixt booke of vulgar diseases Paulus Medicus assertion
let him onely read the description of Bacchus set downe by the Poets for by this he shall be cleerely satisfied concerning the errour thereof For Bacchus was painted in forme of a boy in that drunkardes forgoe their wit and vnderstanding in womans forme bicause drunkards performe no operation manlike disroabed and naked for that a man can communicate no secret with ebrious men and drawen in a chariot bicause instabilitie and inconstancie is incident to them with an iuie garland about his head in that as the iuie weakeneth and ruinateth wals so drunkards are apt to all kinde of waste spoile And thus much may suffice for this race of fooles who within the Hospitall before their Cell haue god Abstemius for an ensigne bicause he is the protector and aduocate of all drunkardes wherefore let vs haue recourse vnto him in this petition following for their fauour and furtherance A petition to god Abstemius for drunken Fooles WIth fewe words but with so much the more groaning of spirite in such great need I come vnto thee O thou contemner of Lyaeus aduersarie to Bacchus foe to Liberus and mortall enimie to Bromius beseeching thee by that vertue through which thou didst effect that the Locrians held it for a capital offence to be drunken with wine stirredst vp in Mosco Sophista and Apollonius Thianeus thoughts heere from so remote and alienate they hating the Phigalians aboue any contagious disease in that their whole life was in the bottome of cellers that thou wouldest reforme these men of this foolish desire they haue to be euery day drunke And if thou grantest them this grace and fauour we at this present make a vowe to hang vp before thy image a bottle ful of good Zante cuite in token of the health thou hast vouchsafed this foolish crew more of good will then for any vse thou hast of it Peace be with thee and helpe those that haue need of thy assistance Of harebraind and forgetfull Fooles the sixt discourse AMongst the Phisitions of late time Iohn Fernelius Ambianus in defining what madnes is precisely vttreth these words that Amentia est vel imaginationis vel mentis occasus atque priuatio qua iam ab ipso ortu perculsi affectique vix inopia mentis loqui discunt which importeth that madnes is a priuation or falling away of imagination or the minde wherewith they stroken and possessed from their birth scarcely through this impotencie of minde learne to speake and he addeth heereunto In this kinde is a slipperie and brittle memorie the losse of which memorie constituteth those sorte of fooles whom wee vsually terme harebrainde or forgetfull and these men in this one point may easily be discerned for they retaine with them no discourse at all nor enioy not the least sparke of meditation that opinion of Galens continuing true in the Proeme of his booke of Sects that Memoriam commendat magna frequens rerum meditatio great and frequent meditation of things confirmeth memorie True it is that these fooles may spring and arise from some defect in nature as also from some extraordinarie accident while a man is adultus or in adolescencie as examples by authors produced giue testimonie to the whole world Caelius amongst others speaking of those who by accident haue lost their memory saith that Messala Coruinus a singular Oratour in his time two yeeres before he died lost his memory in such a sorte that he coulde not deliuer fower words togither of one matter or that might be sensible in the vnderstanding and eares of an hearer The like Bibaculus writeth to haue hapned to Orbilius Beneuentanus he that by Marcus Tullius is called the seuere or rigorous master towards his schollers Among those so sterile of memorie Cicero setteth downe the example of Curio the greater who was of so little and brittle memorie that sometimes in iudgement he forgot the whole cause discussed of And Seneca writeth of Caluisius Sabinus that naturally hee was endued with so fraile a memorie as sometimes he would forget Vlysses name now Priamus and anone that of Achilles although before they were setled in his minde The admirable follie of Corebus son to Migdo a Phrigian concerning memorie is celebrated by Lucianus and Eustasius for he contended to number the most frequent and often waues of the sea although naturally he could not go aboue the nūber of fiue And Plinie for a last exāple reciteth how the Thracians are of so dull a wit and fickle memorie that they cannot reckon to the number of fower And of Atticus the sonne of Herode Sophista he declareth for a certaine truth that he was of so slipperie a retention as he could not carrie in minde the first letters or alphabet of his owne countrie language The intemperature of the braine is the cause of al this as phisitions affirme which maketh all the officiall and functiue parts full of heauines and indisposition and so through this hebetude to vse their terme vnapt to keepe in minde any thing Amongst these of our time the example of one Melchior of Riuabassa is most notable who in his time was so forgetfull harebraind a foole that when any asked him his fathers or mothers names he was not sufficient to call them to minde And this is that sottish Melchior which one day at Bergamo faire demanded of his friend whether the Iewes were Christians or no. As also that other exāple of Marchetto of Toletino is very ridiculous who being inuited to dinner by certaine gentlemen of Foligno and by reason of his age wanting teeth wherewith to chew he forgot certaine artificiall teeth which bounde fast togither with a siluer wier or threed he was woont to vse and returning home he turned all thinges topsie turuie euen to a great barne of corne which hee had thinking that vndoubtedly hee had left them there within These be therefore giddie headed and forgetfull fooles who haue allotted vnto them within the Hospitall a roome which is called the lodge of obliuion hauing before the gate hanging out for a signe the image of Caron as a god propitious and fauourable to their necessities vpon whom therefore in their aide and assistance I call with this inuocation following A supplication vnto Caron for harebraind and forgetfull Fooles NOw I turn me to old Caron prince of the Stigian lake lorde of Cocytus famous pylate of Lethes principall keeper of Phlegeton and by thy boate which ferrieth ouer mortall men to the lake of obliuion I intreate thee that thou wouldst looke backe vpon this forgetfull rablement who hauing lost their remembrance of things worldly stande plunged in the water of Lethes nay gorged vp to the very throat Vouchsafing helpe to this madging thou shalt before thy graue bearded image and in the temple consecrated to thy name amongst the Cizenians see hanged vp a case of crickets as a signe of thy helping these