all_o their_o hope_n be_v lose_v though_o for_o my_o part_n i_o conceive_v that_o all_o that_o loss_n be_v gain_n but_o let_v they_o advice_n as_o i_o have_v say_v represent_v themselves_o as_o in_o the_o presence_n of_o christ_n our_o lord_n and_o without_o weary_v of_o the_o understanding_n be_v speak_v and_o regal_v themselves_o with_o he_o and_o not_o tire_v their_o wit_n to_o find_v out_o and_o frame_v certain_a discourse_n but_o let_v they_o only_o present_v their_o necessity_n and_o the_o reason_n which_o he_o may_v have_v not_o so_o much_o as_o to_o endure_v they_o there_o some_o one_o of_o these_o consideration_n will_v serve_v at_o one_o time_n and_o some_o other_o at_o a_o other_o that_o so_o the_o soul_n may_v not_o be_v weary_a of_o feed_v always_o upon_o one_o dish_n these_o particular_n be_v both_o very_a gustfull_a and_o very_o profitable_a also_o if_o once_o the_o party_n be_v accustom_v to_o feed_v on_o they_o for_o they_o use_v to_o bring_v great_a support_n and_o 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we_o upon_o what_o it_o be_v convenient_a for_o we_o to_o feed_v so_o that_o it_o import_v we_o very_o much_o that_o the_o spirit_n director_n be_v well_o advise_v &_o i_o mean_v also_o that_o he_o be_v of_o good_a understanding_n and_o experience_n and_o if_o with_o this_o he_o be_v also_o learned_a it_o will_v be_v of_o mighty_a importance_n but_o yet_o still_o when_o all_o these_o three_o part_n shall_v not_o chance_v to_o meet_v together_o in_o the_o same_o man_n the_o two_o former_a quality_n of_o these_o three_o will_v fall_v out_o to_o import_v more_o than_o the_o three_o because_o they_o may_v easy_o procure_v to_o consult_v with_o such_o as_o be_v learned_a whensoever_o they_o shall_v have_v need_n thereof_o
i_o remain_v so_o alter_v yea_o and_o so_o astonish_v that_o i_o intend_v to_o see_v that_o person_n no_o more_o it_o do_v i_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o hurt_n that_o i_o know_v not_o at_o that_o time_n that_o it_o be_v possible_a for_o one_o to_o see_v any_o thing_n but_o with_o the_o eye_n of_o the_o body_n and_o the_o devil_n be_v careful_a enough_o to_o continue_v i_o in_o that_o erroneous_a opinion_n and_o to_o make_v i_o still_o believe_v that_o it_o be_v impossible_a and_o therefore_o that_o i_o have_v but_o fancy_v certain_a thing_n to_o myself_o and_o that_o perhaps_o it_o may_v be_v a_o work_n of_o the_o devil_n and_o he_o bring_v many_o suggestion_n like_o this_o upon_o i_o though_o yet_o still_o i_o be_v very_o confident_o of_o opinion_n that_o it_o be_v god_n and_o no_o conceit_n or_o fancy_n at_o all_o but_o yet_o still_o because_o it_o induce_v i_o to_o do_v thing_n which_o be_v against_o my_o gust_n i_o do_v the_o best_a i_o can_v even_o to_o belie_v my_o very_a self_n and_o forasmuch_o as_o i_o dare_v not_o confer_v with_o any_o body_n about_o this_o particular_a and_o find_v myself_o also_o extreme_o importune_v afterward_o and_o be_v wish_v to_o be_v assure_v that_o it_o can_v not_o be_v ill_o do_v to_o see_v such_o a_o person_n as_o that_o and_o that_o there_o will_v be_v no_o loss_n of_o honour_n by_o it_o but_o rather_o gain_v i_o return_v to_o enjoy_v the_o same_o conversation_n yea_o and_o also_o at_o other_o time_n i_o converse_v in_o like_a manner_n with_o other_o for_o they_o be_v many_o year_n wherein_o i_o take_v this_o pestilential_a recreation_n and_o when_o once_o i_o be_v far_o embark_v therein_o it_o seem_v not_o to_o i_o to_o be_v so_o very_a ill_n as_o yet_o indeed_o it_o be_v though_o still_o it_o be_v very_o true_a that_o sometime_o i_o discern_v clear_o enough_o that_o it_o be_v not_o good_a but_o yet_o no_o other_o conversation_n distract_v i_o so_o much_o as_o this_o in_o particular_a do_v by_o reason_n of_o the_o great_a affection_n which_o i_o bear_v to_o the_o party_n but_o myself_o be_v afterward_o again_o with_o the_o same_o person_n we_o both_o of_o we_o see_v come_v towards_o we_o and_o there_o be_v other_o also_o present_a who_o see_v it_o too_o a_o certain_a thing_n which_o have_v the_o manner_n of_o a_o great_a toad_n and_o it_o press_v and_o pass_v on_o with_o very_o much_o more_o speed_n than_o such_o creature_n use_v to_o have_v for_o my_o part_n i_o be_v not_o able_a to_o conceive_v how_o such_o a_o filthy_a beast_n as_o that_o shall_v get_v into_o that_o room_n through_o that_o part_n from_o whence_o it_o come_v and_o even_o as_o it_o be_v at_o noon_n day_n nor_o have_v ever_o any_o such_o thing_n be_v see_v there_o the_o effect_n which_o it_o wrought_v with_o i_o seem_v not_o to_o have_v be_v void_a of_o some_o mystery_n and_o this_o also_o be_v a_o thing_n which_o i_o can_v never_o forget_v but_o o_o greatness_n of_o almighty_a god_n with_o how_o much_o care_n &_o pity_n be_v thou_o admonish_v i_o in_o so_o many_o kind_n and_o by_o so_o many_o way_n &_o how_o little_a do_v i_o permit_v that_o all_o these_o warning_n shall_v help_v there_o be_v also_o there_o at_o that_o time_n a_o certain_a religious_a woman_n of_o my_o kindred_n and_o she_o be_v ancient_a and_o a_o great_a servant_n of_o god_n and_o of_o much_o discipline_n in_o her_o religious_a order_n she_o also_o will_v sometime_o be_v give_v i_o good_a counsel_n but_o i_o do_v not_o only_o not_o believe_v she_o but_o be_v also_o disgu_v with_o she_o as_o conceave_a that_o she_o will_v needs_o take_v scandal_n at_o i_o without_o cause_n and_o this_o i_o here_o relate_v to_o the_o end_n that_o both_o my_o wickedness_n and_o the_o great_a goodness_n of_o almighty_a god_n may_v be_v the_o better_o understand_v and_o that_o it_o may_v be_v know_v how_o well_o i_o deserve_a hell_n for_o my_o great_a ingratitude_n and_o i_o do_v it_o also_o to_o this_o end_n that_o if_o our_o lord_n may_v so_o ordain_v &_o be_v please_v that_o any_o religious_a woman_n may_v fall_v upon_o read_v this_o discourse_n they_o may_v be_v bring_v to_o be_v careful_a to_o take_v warning_n by_o i_o and_o i_o beg_v of_o they_o that_o for_o the_o love_n of_o our_o lord_n they_o will_v take_v heed_n of_o such_o recreation_n as_o these_o and_o i_o beseech_v his_o divine_a majesty_n that_o some_o one_o of_o they_o may_v be_v disabused_n who_o i_o have_v deceive_v when_o i_o tell_v they_o that_o it_o be_v not_o ill_a and_o when_o be_v in_o such_o blindness_n at_o that_o time_n i_o procure_v to_o assure_v they_o that_o there_o be_v no_o danger_n at_o all_o and_o in_o regard_n also_o that_o by_o the_o ill_a example_n which_o i_o give_v give_v they_o as_o i_o have_v relate_v here_o i_o be_v a_o cause_n to_o they_o of_o great_a mischief_n while_o yet_o i_o think_v not_o that_o i_o do_v so_o much_o hurt_v and_o though_o also_o it_o be_v certain_a that_o i_o have_v no_o design_n at_o all_o to_o deceive_v they_o but_o now_o even_o while_o i_o be_v yet_o much_o indispose_v in_o the_o way_n of_o health_n both_o concern_v body_n and_o mind_n and_o so_o before_o i_o be_v able_a to_o help_v myself_o in_o either_o kind_n i_o grow_v into_o a_o extreme_a desire_n to_o do_v other_o good_a which_o be_v a_o very_a ordinary_a temptation_n for_o new_a beginner_n though_o yet_o it_o happen_v now_o to_o succeed_v well_o with_o i_o and_o consider_v how_o dear_o i_o love_v my_o father_n i_o wish_v he_o the_o self_n same_o benefit_n which_o i_o conceive_v myself_o to_o have_v get_v and_o gain_v by_o mean_n of_o mental_a prayer_n and_o esteem_v that_o in_o this_o life_n there_o be_v no_o great_a blessing_n then_o to_o obtain_v and_o enjoy_v that_o gift_n i_o begin_v by_o certain_a way_n of_o discourse_n to_o procure_v the_o best_a i_o can_v that_o he_o will_v endeavour_v to_o obtain_v it_o and_o i_o give_v he_o certain_a book_n for_o this_o purpose_n now_o he_o be_v a_o man_n of_o so_o much_o virtue_n as_o i_o have_v already_o declare_v grow_v to_o settle_v himself_o so_o very_o well_o in_o this_o exercise_n that_o he_o come_v within_o five_o or_o six_o year_n for_o so_o long_o i_o think_v it_o be_v to_o be_v so_o well_o improve_v and_o advance_v therein_o that_o i_o bless_v our_o lord_n much_o for_o the_o favour_n and_o it_o give_v i_o a_o extreme_a consolation_n the_o trouble_n and_o cross_n which_o he_o endure_v be_v very_o great_a and_o of_o many_o kind_n and_o he_o pass_v through_o they_o all_o with_o much_o conformity_n to_o the_o will_n of_o our_o lord_n he_o come_v to_o see_v i_o often_o and_o be_v great_o comfort_v to_o treat_v of_o spiritual_a thing_n and_o when_o now_o i_o live_v so_o distract_v and_o diffuse_v without_o use_v mental_a prayer_n and_o see_v withal_o that_o he_o conceive_v i_o to_o be_v still_o the_o very_a same_o that_o i_o have_v be_v before_o i_o be_v not_o able_a to_o endure_v to_o live_v without_o undeceaving_a he_o for_o i_o have_v then_o be_v a_o year_n and_o more_o without_o mental_a prayer_n as_o think_v it_o more_o humility_n for_o i_o to_o abstain_v and_o this_o as_o i_o shall_v declare_v afterward_o be_v the_o great_a and_o worst_a temptation_n that_o ever_o i_o have_v for_o by_o this_o mean_n iranne_n headlong_o upon_o my_o total_a ruin_n whereas_o when_o i_o frequent_v prayer_n if_o i_o offend_v god_n one_o day_n i_o return_v to_o recollect_v myself_o upon_o another_o and_o so_o to_o absent_v myself_o from_o the_o occasion_n but_o that_o bless_a man_n my_o father_n come_v to_o see_v i_o in_o such_o state_n as_o this_o it_o be_v too_o much_o for_o i_o as_o i_o be_v say_v to_o let_v he_o walk_v on_o so_o far_o in_o error_n as_o to_o think_v that_o i_o still_o converse_v with_o god_n in_o prayer_n as_o former_o i_o have_v do_v and_o so_o i_o tell_v he_o then_o that_o i_o do_v no_o long_o use_v mental_a prayer_n though_o yet_o i_o do_v not_o tell_v he_o the_o cause_n thereof_o but_o i_o allege_v my_o infirmity_n for_o the_o reason_n and_o that_o although_o i_o be_v recover_v of_o the_o main_n sickness_n i_o have_v yet_o disease_n yea_o and_o very_o great_a one_o still_o and_o that_o although_o of_o late_a they_o have_v not_o assault_v i_o with_o so_o very_a great_a fierceness_n as_o before_o yet_o they_o fail_v not_o still_o to_o continue_v and_o to_o exercise_v i_o also_o in_o many_o kind_n in_o particular_a that_o i_o have_v certain_a vomit_n for_o twenty_o year_n together_o every_o morning_n in_o such_o sort_n as_o that_o i_o can_v never_o break_v my_o fast_n till_o noon_n be_v past_a yea_o and_o
for_o so_o many_o foul_a treason_n as_o i_o have_v commit_v against_o thou_o by_o these_o few_o poor_a little_a tear_n of_o i_o which_o yet_o be_v give_v i_o by_o thyself_o and_o which_o real_o for_o my_o part_n thereof_o be_v but_o as_o so_o much_o water_n of_o a_o stinke_v well_o for_o still_o i_o be_o commit_v sin_n &_o procure_v to_o frustrate_v &_o even_o as_o it_o be_v annihilate_v the_o favour_n which_o thou_o have_v do_v i_o but_o be_v thou_o please_v o_o my_o dear_a lord_n to_o give_v value_n to_o these_o poor_a tear_n and_o do_v thou_o purifye_v this_o so_o trouble_a water_n of_o my_o soul_n though_o it_o shall_v be_v for_o no_o other_o reason_n then_o only_o to_o keep_v man_n free_a from_o the_o temptation_n of_o make_v rash_a judgement_n as_o for_o my_o part_n i_o have_v be_v subject_a to_o this_o thought_n why_o o_o lord_n do_v thou_o pass_v over_o those_o other_o holy_a people_n who_o have_v always_o serve_v and_o suffer_v for_o thou_o and_o have_v be_v bred-up_a in_o the_o way_n of_o a_o religious_a life_n and_o be_v indeed_o true_o religious_a and_o not_o like_o i_o who_o have_v no_o more_o thereof_o than_o the_o name_n and_o yet_o i_o clear_o see_v that_o thou_o do_v they_o not_o those_o favour_n which_o thou_o have_v do_v i_o but_o yet_o here_o i_o discern_v very_o well_o o_o thou_o my_o eternal_a good_a that_o thou_o keep_v their_o reward_n in_o store_n that_o so_o thou_o may_v give_v it_o they_o all_o together_o and_o that_o my_o weakness_n be_v so_o great_a that_o i_o have_v need_v to_o be_v proceed_v with_o thus_o whereas_o they_o like_o gallant_a person_n be_v content_a to_o serve_v thou_o still_o without_o these_o help_n and_o so_o thou_o treat_a they_o as_o valiant_a people_n who_o have_v no_o interest_n of_o their_o own_o but_o yet_o i_o with_o all_o this_o o_o my_o lord_n cryed-out_a many_o time_n before_o thou_o excuse_v they_o who_o murmur_v against_o i_o because_o i_o think_v they_o have_v too_o much_o reason_n for_o what_o they_o say_v but_o this_o occur_v to_o i_o o_o lord_n when_o already_o through_o thy_o goodness_n thou_o withheldst_a i_o from_o offend_v thou_o so_o high_o any_o more_o and_o when_o i_o go_v divert_v myself_o from_o all_o that_o which_o i_o think_v may_v displease_v thou_o for_o when_o once_o i_o begin_v to_o do_v but_o thus_o much_o thou_o also_o do_v begin_v to_o open_v thy_o treasure_n towards_o this_o servant_n of_o thou_o and_o it_o seem_v thou_o do_v expect_v nothing_o else_o but_o only_o that_o there_o may_v be_v a_o inclination_n in_o i_o to_o receive_v they_o so_o quick_o do_v thou_o begin_v not_o only_o to_o bestow_v they_o but_o to_o be_v please_v that_o the_o world_n shall_v understand_v it_o when_o this_o be_v once_o perceive_v some_o begin_v to_o hold_v a_o good_a opinion_n of_o i_o though_o all_o have_v not_o yet_o know_v well_o how_o ill_o i_o be_v and_o that_o much_o of_o it_o do_v then_o half_o appear_v but_o then_o do_v detraction_n and_o persecution_n begin_v at_o a_o clapp_n and_o in_o my_o opinion_n not_o without_o much_o cause_n and_o therefore_o i_o undertake_v no_o enmity_n against_o any_o creature_n but_o only_o beseech_v thy_o divine_a majesty_n to_o consider_v what_o little_a reason_n they_o have_v they_o say_v that_o i_o have_v a_o mind_n to_o make_v myself_o a_o saint_n and_o that_o i_o invent_v certain_a novelty_n though_o i_o have_v not_o arrive_v yet_o by_o a_o great_a deal_n to_o fulfil_v all_o my_o own_o rule_n nor_o overtake_v in_o the_o way_n of_o virtue_n those_o many_o good_a and_o holy_a religious_a woman_n who_o be_v in_o that_o monastery_n nor_o do_v i_o think_v indeed_o that_o i_o shall_v ever_o arrive_v so_o far_o unless_o almighty_a god_n through_o his_o goodness_n will_v be_v please_v to_o perform_v it_o all_o on_o his_o part_n but_o rather_o that_o i_o be_v likely_a to_o abolish_v that_o which_o be_v good_a and_o to_o establish_v certain_a custom_n which_o be_v not_o so_o at_o least_o i_o do_v what_o i_o can_v to_o introduce_v they_o and_o i_o have_v always_o power_n enough_o to_o do_v hurt_v so_o that_o they_o blame_v i_o without_o any_o fault_n of_o they_o nor_o do_v i_o say_v that_o they_o be_v only_o religious_a woman_n but_o other_o also_o who_o tell_v i_o truth_n because_o it_o be_v permit_v by_o thou_o when_o once_o i_o be_v say_v my_o office_n i_o who_o have_v sometime_o be_v subject_a to_o this_o temptation_n come_v to_o this_o verse_n justus_n es_fw-la domine_fw-la &_o rectum_fw-la iudicium_fw-la tuum_fw-la thou_o be_v just_a o_o lord_n and_o thy_o judgement_n be_v right_a and_o i_o begin_v to_o consider_v how_o true_a this_o be_v for_o in_o this_o kind_n the_o devil_n have_v never_o power_n to_o tempt_v i_o so_o far_o as_o to_o make_v i_o doubt_v but_o that_o thou_o o_o lord_n be_v the_o owner_n and_o author_n of_o all_o goodness_n no_o nor_o yet_o in_o any_o thing_n at_o all_o which_o belong_v to_o faith_n nay_o rather_o it_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o the_o more_o they_o be_v above_o nature_n the_o more_o firm_o do_v i_o believe_v they_o yea_o and_o they_o cause_v even_o more_o devotion_n in_o i_o and_o in_o regard_n that_o thou_o be_v omnipotent_a all_o such_o greatness_n as_o thou_o shall_v be_v please_v to_o act_v and_o execute_v be_v resolve_v upon_o and_o conclude_v in_o i_o and_o of_o this_o as_o i_o be_v say_v i_o never_o have_v doubt_n so_o that_o when_o i_o come_v afterward_o to_o consider_v how_o thou_o can_v permit_v that_o there_o shall_v be_v so_o many_o dear_a servant_n of_o thou_o as_o i_o be_v say_v who_o yet_o receive_v not_o those_o favour_n and_o regalos_n which_o thou_o be_v please_v to_o vouchsafe_v i_o i_o be_v so_o miserable_a a_o creature_n as_o i_o be_v thou_o answer_v i_o thus_o o_o lord_n do_v thou_o serve_v i_o and_o do_v not_o trouble_v thyself_o with_o that_o now_o this_o be_v the_o very_a first_o word_n of_o that_o kind_n which_o ever_o i_o perceive_v thou_o to_o speak_v to_o i_o and_o therefore_o it_o amaze_v i_o much_o and_o i_o will_v hereafter_o declare_v this_o manner_n of_o understand_v thing_n together_o with_o diverse_a other_o i_o speak_v not_o of_o it_o here_o for_o it_o be_v to_o go_v from_o the_o purpose_n and_o i_o believe_v i_o have_v go_v from_o it_o already_o and_o in_o effect_n i_o scarce_o know_v what_o i_o have_v say_v nor_o can_v it_o indeed_o well_o be_v otherwise_o but_o your_o reverence_n must_v needs_o bear_v with_o these_o interual_n and_o interruption_n for_o when_o i_o once_o consider_v how_o much_o god_n endure_v at_o my_o hand_n and_o withal_o behold_v myself_o in_o this_o condition_n it_o be_v not_o to_o go_v for_o a_o strange_a thing_n that_o i_o lose_v my_o aim_n both_o in_o that_o which_o i_o say_v and_o be_o to_o say_v and_o i_o beseech_v our_o lord_n that_o all_o my_o impertinency_n and_o roaving_n may_v always_o be_v of_o this_o kind_n and_o that_o his_o divine_a majesty_n may_v not_o permit_v that_o i_o may_v ever_o vary_v one_o hair_n breadth_n from_o he_o but_o rather_o that_o i_o may_v be_v consume_v even_o in_o this_o moment_n for_o it_o may_v well_o be_v sufficient_a for_o i_o to_o have_v observe_v and_o discern_v his_o great_a mercy_n not_o once_o but_o often_o in_o that_o he_o have_v be_v please_v to_o pardon_v so_o great_a a_o ingratitude_n as_o i_o he_o pardon_v s._n peter_n once_o but_o i_o often_o so_o that_o the_o devil_n have_v some_o kind_n of_o reason_n to_o tempt_v i_o as_o hope_v that_o i_o will_v not_o pretend_v to_o hold_v straight_a friendship_n with_o one_o with_o who_o i_o have_v be_v in_o so_o public_a enmity_n but_o how_o great_a o_o lord_n be_v this_o blindness_n of_o i_o for_o where_o can_v i_o ever_o think_v o_o my_o lord_n to_o find_v any_o remedy_n but_o by_o thou_o what_o a_o senseless_a kind_n of_o folly_n be_v it_o for_o i_o to_o fly_v from_o the_o light_n that_o so_o i_o may_v for_o ever_o go_v stumbling-on_a in_o the_o dark_a what_o a_o foolish_a kind_n of_o proud_a humility_n be_v that_o which_o the_o devil_n invent_v for_o i_o when_o he_o persuade_v i_o to_o depart_v from_o lean_v against_o that_o staff_n and_o pillar_n prayer_n which_o may_v support_v i_o that_o so_o my_o fall_n may_v not_o be_v so_o great_a at_o this_o instant_n do_v i_o bless_v myself_o with_o the_o cross_n for_o i_o think_v i_o never_o pass_v a_o danger_n so_o very_o hazardous_a in_o my_o whole_a life_n as_o this_o invention_n be_v which_o the_o devil_n have_v a_o mind_n to_o teach_v i_o by_o way_n of_o humility_n for_o he_o put_v it_o into_o my_o conceit_n to_o think_v how_o it_o can_v be_v possible_a that_o so_o wicked_a a_o thing_n as_o
and_o so_o make_v those_o wretch_n tremble_v for_o already_o we_o know_v well_o enough_o that_o the_o devil_n be_v not_o able_a to_o stir_v unless_o our_o lord_n permit_v he_o what_o then_o may_v be_v the_o ground_n of_o all_o these_o disorder_n it_o be_v certain_o that_o i_o be_o more_o afraid_a of_o they_o who_o be_v so_o fright_v by_o the_o devil_n then_o of_o the_o devil_n himself_o for_o he_o be_v utter_o unable_a to_o do_v i_o hurt_v whereas_o these_o other_o especial_o if_o they_o be_v ghostly_a father_n may_v put_v soul_n to_o much_o disquiet_n and_o for_o my_o part_n i_o have_v pass_v some_o year_n through_o so_o great_a trouble_n that_o now_o i_o be_o even_o amaze_v to_o consider_v how_o i_o have_v be_v able_a to_o endure_v it_o but_o bless_v be_v our_o lord_n who_o have_v assist_v i_o in_o so_o good_a earnest_n amen_n the_o six_o and_o twenty_o chapter_n she_o prosecute_v the_o same_o discourse_n and_o go_v relate_v and_o declare_v such_o thing_n as_o happen_v to_o she_o which_o make_v her_o loose_a fear_n and_o to_o be_v strengthen_v in_o a_o beleif_n that_o it_o be_v a_o good_a spirit_n which_o speak_v to_o she_o i_o esteem_v the_o courage_n which_o our_o lord_n have_v vouchsafe_v to_o give_v i_o against_o all_o the_o devil_n of_o hell_n to_o be_v one_o of_o the_o great_a favour_n which_o it_o have_v please_v his_o divine_a majesty_n to_o do_v i_o since_o for_o a_o soul_n to_o go_v cowardly_o on_o and_o to_o be_v fearful_a indeed_o of_o any_o thing_n but_o only_o to_o offend_v the_o majesty_n of_o almighty_a god_n be_v a_o extreme_a inconvenience_n for_o since_o we_o have_v a_o king_n who_o be_v omnipotent_a and_o so_o great_a a_o lord_n that_o he_o can_v do_v what_o he_o list_n and_o who_o bring_v all_o thing_n into_o subjection_n under_o himself_o there_o be_v no_o fear_n at_o all_o to_o be_v have_v and_o therefore_o as_o i_o be_v say_v we_o have_v no_o cause_n to_o doubt_v so_o that_o we_o walk_v sincere_o and_o with_o purity_n of_o conscience_n in_o the_o presence_n of_o his_o divine_a majesty_n and_o in_o order_n to_o this_o end_n i_o shall_v be_v glad_a to_o have_v all_o the_o fear_n in_o the_o world_n to_o offend_v he_o in_o any_o one_o instant_n of_o my_o whole_a life_n who_o be_v able_a in_o the_o very_a selfsame_a instant_n to_o destroy_v and_o annihilate_v we_o all_o as_o long_o as_o his_o divine_a majesty_n be_v please_v with_o we_o there_o be_v no_o creature_n who_o can_v stand_v against_o we_o without_o have_v his_o head_n break_v for_o his_o pain_n you_o will_v peradventure_o say_v that_o this_o be_v very_o true_a but_o yet_o now_o on_o the_o other_o side_n where_o shall_v we_o find_v that_o soul_n which_o stand_v so_o straight_o as_o that_o she_o may_v be_v whole_o please_v to_o he_o and_o because_o she_o be_v not_o so_o she_o be_v in_o fear_n i_o answer_v that_o i_o be_o sure_a that_o that_o pure_a and_o innocent_a soul_n be_v none_o of_o i_o which_o indeed_o be_v very_o wretched_a and_o unprofitable_a and_o surcharge_v even_o with_o a_o thousand_o misery_n but_o yet_o still_o we_o have_v this_o comfort_n that_o almighty_a god_n do_v not_o proceed_v with_o such_o rigour_n as_o man_n do_v for_o he_o know_v and_o consider_v our_o frailty_n and_o the_o soul_n have_v way_n of_o understanding_n and_o find_v in_o itself_o by_o great_a conjecture_n whether_o real_o she_o love_v his_o divine_a majesty_n or_o no_o for_o in_o such_o as_o arrive_v once_o to_o this_o state_n our_o love_n to_o he_o be_v not_o now_o a_o kind_n of_o dissemble_a or_o disguise_v love_n as_o it_o use_v sometime_o to_o be_v in_o the_o beginning_n but_o it_o be_v accompany_v with_o so_o great_a impulse_n and_o even_o impetuosity_n of_o desire_n to_o see_v almighty_a god_n as_o i_o shall_v afterward_o declare_v or_o rather_o as_o i_o have_v declare_v already_o and_o all_o thing_n be_v wont_a to_o afflict_v all_o thing_n to_o weary_a &_o tire_v and_o all_o thing_n do_v even_o torment_v she_o unless_o it_o be_v only_a god_n or_o for_o god_n there_o be_v not_o so_o much_o as_o any_o repose_n which_o do_v not_o displease_v she_o because_o she_o find_v herself_o absent_a from_o her_o true_a repose_n and_o so_o it_o falls-out_a to_o be_v very_o evident_a that_o thing_n pass_v not_o here_o in_o a_o dissemble_a way_n it_o have_v happen_v to_o i_o in_o former_a time_n that_o i_o find_v myself_o in_o great_a tribulation_n and_o i_o be_v subject_a to_o many_o detraction_n by_o occasion_n of_o a_o certain_a business_n whereof_o i_o may_v have_v cause_n to_o speak_v afterward_o from_o all_o that_o house_n where_o i_o live_v yea_o and_o from_o my_o order_n and_o i_o be_v afflict_v upon_o many_o accident_n which_o occur_v then_o at_o which_o time_n it_o please_v our_o lord_n to_o utter_v these_o express_a word_n to_o i_o of_o what_o be_v thou_o afraid_a do_v thou_o not_o know_v that_o i_o be_o omnipotent_a i_o will_v accomplish_v all_o that_o which_o i_o have_v promise_v thou_o and_o indeed_o he_o accomplish_v it_o afterward_o very_o well_o but_o even_o instant_o there_o remain_v such_o a_o kind_n of_o strength_n in_o i_o that_o i_o think_v i_o can_v present_o have_v put_v myself_o to_o adventure_v upon_o other_o thing_n though_o they_o shall_v cost_v i_o much_o more_o trouble_n for_o the_o do_v he_o service_n and_o can_v have_v suffer_v also_o much_o more_o for_o he_o and_o this_o very_a self_n same_o thing_n have_v happen_v to_o i_o so_o often_o that_o i_o be_o not_o able_a to_o count_v the_o time_n and_o he_o have_v make_v i_o and_o make_v i_o still_o such_o reprehension_n by_o occasion_n of_o those_o imperfection_n which_o i_o commit_v sometime_o that_o they_o be_v able_a even_o as_o it_o be_v to_o annihilate_v the_o soul_n at_o least_o they_o bring_v so_o much_o in_o their_o company_n as_o that_o she_o be_v mend_v by_o they_o for_o his_o divine_a majesty_n as_o i_o have_v say_v do_v not_o only_o give_v we_o the_o counsel_n but_o the_o remedy_n at_o other_o time_n he_o bring_v back_o to_o i_o the_o memory_n of_o the_o sin_n of_o my_o former_a life_n and_o this_o he_o most_o ordinary_o use_v to_o do_v whensoever_o he_o intend_v to_o vouchsafe_v i_o any_o extraordinary_a favour_n and_o he_o do_v it_o in_o such_o sort_n that_o the_o soul_n discern_v herself_o as_o if_o she_o be_v real_o plant_v at_o the_o very_a day_n of_o the_o last_o universal_a judgement_n and_o the_o truth_n be_v represent_v to_o she_o with_o such_o a_o kind_n of_o perspicuity_n and_o claritie_n that_o she_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v with_o herself_o at_o other_o time_n he_o be_v please_v to_o inform_v i_o of_o certain_a danger_n concern_v both_o myself_o and_o other_o about_o thing_n which_o do_v not_o happen_v till_o three_o or_o four_o year_n after_o but_o they_o all_o be_v ever_o fulfil_v and_o some_o of_o they_o may_v also_o be_v name_v if_o there_o be_v cause_n so_o that_o there_o be_v so_o many_o particular_n whereby_o it_o may_v be_v understand_v that_o these_o thing_n be_v of_o almighty_a god_n as_o that_o in_o my_o opinion_n they_o can_v but_o be_v know_v and_o acknowledge_v the_o most_o secure_a proceed_n consist_v in_o that_o such_o a_o person_n do_v not_o fail_v to_o impart_v her_o whole_a soul_n to_o her_o ghostly_a father_n and_o that_o he_o be_v a_o learned_a man_n and_o that_o she_o do_v entire_o obey_v he_o at_o least_o this_o be_v the_o course_n which_o i_o take_v and_o without_o this_o i_o can_v have_v no_o rest_n nor_o be_v it_o indeed_o fit_a that_o we_o woman_n shall_v have_v any_o since_o we_o have_v no_o learning_n and_o there_o can_v be_v no_o hurt_n at_o all_o in_o this_o but_o many_o advantage_n and_o benefit_n as_o our_o lord_n himself_o have_v tell_v i_o many_o time_n i_o say_v many_o time_n i_o have_v once_o a_o ghostly_a father_n who_o mortify_v i_o very_o much_o and_o sometime_o he_o do_v even_o afflict_v i_o and_o bring_v i_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o trouble_n and_o disquiet_v i_o in_o extraordinary_a manner_n and_o yet_o it_o be_v he_o who_o in_o my_o opinion_n do_v i_o the_o most_o good_a of_o they_o all_o and_o though_o i_o love_v he_o very_o much_o yet_o i_o have_v some_o temptation_n to_o leave_v he_o for_o it_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o i_o be_v much_o prejudice_v by_o those_o inconvenience_n which_o he_o be_v wont_a to_o give_v i_o concern_v my_o prayer_n but_o yet_o ever_o when_o i_o be_v determine_v to_o do_v this_o i_o instant_o understand_v that_o i_o be_v to_o forbear_v it_o and_o i_o receive_v such_o a_o reprehension_n from_o our_o lord_n as_o defeat_v and_o as_o it_o be_v annihilate_v i_o more_o than_o all_o that_o which_o my_o ghostly_a father_n can_v
the_o very_a first_o by_o experience_n which_o be_v indeed_o the_o only_o thing_n whereof_o i_o have_v need_v at_o that_o time_n for_o then_o i_o can_v not_o give_v myself_o so_o well_o to_o be_v understand_v as_o now_o i_o can_v at_o least_o not_o so_o far_o as_o to_o express_v it_o home_o for_o since_o that_o time_n it_o have_v please_v our_o lord_n to_o enable_v i_o to_o understand_v and_o to_o declare_v to_o i_o the_o favour_n which_o his_o divine_a majesty_n do_v i_o but_o former_o it_o be_v necessary_a enough_o for_o i_o to_o find_v a_o person_n who_o have_v pass_v through_o the_o same_o thing_n by_o experience_n if_o i_o will_v hope_v that_o he_o shall_v perfect_o understand_v i_o and_o declare_v to_o i_o what_o every_o thing_n be_v now_o this_o father_n give_v i_o very_o great_a light_n for_o i_o can_v not_o by_o any_o mean_n understand_v what_o that_o can_v be_v which_o concern_v those_o vision_n which_o be_v not_o imaginary_a or_o represent_v by_o the_o imagination_n and_o i_o think_v also_o that_o i_o understand_v as_o little_a of_o those_o other_o which_o i_o see_v with_o the_o only_o eye_n of_o my_o soul_n for_o as_o i_o have_v say_v before_o those_o only_a which_o be_v visible_a by_o our_o corporeal_a eye_n seem_v to_o i_o to_o be_v indeed_o of_o importance_n and_o of_o these_o i_o have_v receive_v none_o at_o all_o but_o now_o this_o holy_a man_n give_v i_o light_n in_o all_o and_o declare_v it_o to_o i_o and_o require_v i_o not_o to_o be_v trouble_v any_o long_o but_o that_o i_o shall_v bless_v and_o praise_v almighty_a god_n and_o that_o i_o be_v to_o be_v very_o sure_a that_o these_o be_v true_a effect_n of_o his_o spirit_n and_o that_o although_o it_o be_v no_o article_n of_o faith_n yet_o nothing_o can_v be_v more_o certain_o true_a nor_o which_o i_o may_v more_o firm_o believe_v and_o he_o comfort_v himself_o very_o much_o with_o i_o and_o show_v i_o all_o courtesy_n and_o favour_n and_o ever_o after_o he_o have_v great_a care_n of_o i_o and_o he_o communicate_v diverse_a of_o his_o affair_n and_o business_n with_o i_o and_o find_v that_o i_o have_v the_o selfsame_a desire_n of_o those_o thing_n which_o he_o have_v already_o put_v in_o practice_n for_o indeed_o in_o as_o much_o as_o concern_v desire_n our_o lord_n have_v give_v they_o to_o i_o with_o great_a resolution_n and_o find_v also_o that_o i_o be_v so_o full_a of_o courage_n in_o order_n to_o that_o end_n he_o take_v particular_a contentment_n to_o treat_v with_o i_o for_o whensoever_o our_o bless_a lord_n be_v please_v to_o bring_v one_o to_o this_o state_n there_o be_v truth_n no_o joy_n or_o comfort_n which_o can_v be_v equal_a to_o the_o meeting_n with_o some_o such_o other_o person_n as_o to_o who_o our_o lord_n have_v be_v please_v to_o vouchsafe_v some_o beginning_n thereof_o for_o then_o perhaps_o i_o have_v not_o much_o more_o than_o a_o beginning_n by_o what_o i_o may_v be_v able_a to_o conceive_v and_o i_o beseech_v our_o bless_a lord_n that_o i_o have_v it_o vet_n but_o as_o for_o he_o he_o have_v extraordinary_a compassion_n of_o i_o and_o tell_v i_o that_o one_o of_o the_o very_o great_a affliction_n of_o this_o life_n be_v that_o which_o i_o have_v endure_v namely_o the_o opposition_n and_o contradiction_n of_o good_a man_n and_o that_o still_o i_o will_v be_v a_o little_a obnoxious_a in_o the_o same_o kind_n because_o i_o must_v ever_o be_v in_o need_n of_o help_n and_o that_o he_o fear_v there_o be_v no_o body_n in_o that_o city_n who_o will_v understand_v i_o but_o that_o he_o will_v speak_v with_o my_o ghostly_a father_n &_o to_o one_o also_o of_o those_o other_o who_o be_v wont_a to_o give_v i_o most_o discomfort_n which_o be_v that_o marry_v cavallier_n of_o who_o i_o speak_v before_o for_o he_o as_o be_v a_o person_n who_o love_v i_o perhaps_o more_o than_o the_o rest_n do_v continual_o make_v war_n upon_o i_o and_o he_o be_v a_o man_n of_o a_o tender_a and_o holy_a soul_n and_o consider_v how_o late_o before_o he_o have_v find_v how_o wicked_a i_o be_v he_o know_v not_o how_o to_o make_v himself_o sure_a that_o all_o be_v right_a but_o now_o the_o holle_fw-ge man_n fray_n pedro_n grow_v to_o talk_v with_o those_o two_o person_n afforesayd_a and_o he_o show_v they_o cause_n and_o reason_n why_o they_o shall_v both_o quiet_a and_o assure_v themselves_o and_o disturb_v i_o no_o more_o as_o for_o my_o ghostly_a father_n there_o be_v no_o very_a great_a need_n of_o much_o diligence_n but_o as_o for_o the_o cavalier_n it_o suffice_v not_o for_o he_o to_o hear_v what_o fray_n pedro_n say_v though_o yet_o it_o be_v a_o mean_n to_o keep_v he_o from_o fright_v i_o so_o very_o much_o as_o he_o have_v do_v before_o but_o then_o we_o resolve_v together_o that_o i_o shall_v write_v to_o fray_n pedro_n of_o all_o that_o which_o may_v succeed_v to_o i_o afterward_o and_o to_o recommend_v one_o another_o much_o to_o almighty_a god_n for_o so_o great_a be_v his_o humility_n as_o to_o make_v some_o little_a account_n of_o the_o prayer_n of_o this_o miserable_a creature_n which_o give_v i_o confusion_n enough_o but_o he_o leave_v i_o with_o extreme_a comfort_n and_o gust_n and_o direct_v i_o to_o proceed_v secure_o on_o with_o my_o prayer_n and_o to_o make_v no_o doubt_n at_o all_o but_o that_o it_o be_v of_o almighty_a god_n and_o that_o whensoever_o i_o may_v be_v in_o any_o doubt_n for_o my_o own_o great_a security_n i_o shall_v impart_v whatsoever_o occur_v to_o my_o ghostly_a father_n and_o that_o then_o i_o shall_v hold_v myself_o for_o safe_a but_o yet_o notwithstanding_o all_o this_o counsel_n i_o be_v not_o able_a to_o be_v entire_o secure_a because_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o guide_v i_o still_o by_o the_o way_n of_o fear_n which_o sometime_o make_v i_o apt_a to_o doubt_v that_o the_o devil_n have_v a_o hand_n in_o the_o business_n whensoever_o they_o will_v needs_o tell_v i_o that_o it_o be_v so_o and_o thus_o indeed_o upon_o the_o whole_a matter_n no_o creature_n be_v able_a to_o give_v i_o either_o so_o much_o security_n or_o so_o much_o fear_n as_o to_o make_v i_o yield_v more_o credit_n to_o either_o of_o they_o than_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o infuse_v into_o my_o soul_n so_o that_o howsoever_o this_o holy_a man_n do_v help_v i_o both_o to_o quiet_a and_o comfort_n yet_o do_v i_o not_o so_o entire_o believe_v he_o as_o to_o remain_v without_o any_o fear_n at_o all_o especial_o when_o our_o lord_n come_v sometime_o to_o leave_v i_o in_o certain_a trouble_n of_o mind_n which_o i_o shall_v instant_o relate_v yet_o howsoever_o as_o i_o be_v say_v my_o comfort_n be_v then_o much_o increase_v but_o i_o can_v not_o then_o satisfy_v myself_o with_o give_v humble_a thanks_n enough_o to_o almighty_a god_n and_o to_o that_o glorious_a father_n of_o i_o s._n joseph_n who_o as_o i_o be_v apt_a to_o think_v have_v bring_v fray_n pedro_n thither_o for_o he_o be_v commissarie_n general_n of_o the_o custodia_fw-la of_o s._n joseph_n to_o who_o as_o also_o to_o our_o b._n lady_n i_o use_v to_o recommend_v myself_o much_o now_o it_o have_v happen_v to_o i_o former_o sometime_o yea_o and_o so_o it_o do_v also_o yet_o though_o not_o so_o often_o to_o find_v myself_o in_o so_o excessive_a trouble_n and_o affliction_n of_o mind_n together_o with_o fierce_a infirmity_n affliction_n and_o torment_n of_o body_n that_o i_o know_v not_o which_o way_n to_o turn_v myself_o at_o other_o time_n i_o have_v be_v subject_a to_o corporal_a misery_n which_o be_v more_o grievous_a but_o yet_o not_o find_v myself_o subject_a then_o to_o the_o sense_n of_o such_o sorrow_n of_o mind_n as_o now_o i_o have_v i_o pass_v with_o much_o alacrity_n through_o they_o all_o but_o whensoever_o they_o of_o both_o kind_n come_v together_o the_o misery_n of_o it_o be_v so_o great_a as_o that_o it_o give_v i_o affliction_n enough_o and_o as_o for_o those_o great_a favour_n which_o our_o lord_n have_v be_v please_v to_o do_v i_o i_o then_o forget_v they_o all_o and_o there_o only_o remain_v but_o such_o a_o kind_n of_o memory_n of_o they_o as_o of_o a_o thing_n which_o i_o have_v dream_v and_o this_o serve_v but_o to_o give_v i_o so_o much_o the_o more_o pain_n for_o the_o understanding_n grow_v in_o those_o case_n to_o be_v all_o obscure_v and_o dull_v in_o such_o sort_n as_o that_o it_o make_v i_o enter_v into_o a_o thousand_o suspicion_n trouble_n and_o doubt_n as_o if_o i_o have_v not_o former_o understand_v thing_n well_o and_o that_o perhaps_o i_o follow_v fancy_n in_o stead_n of_o truth_n and_o that_o it_o may_v have_v be_v misery_n enough_o for_o i_o to_o be_v deceive_v myself_o without_o seek_v
too_o much_o if_o any_o such_o thing_n can_v be_v find_v in_o it_o as_o may_v put_v i_o into_o any_o fear_n of_o the_o inquisition_n that_o if_o i_o think_v there_o be_v any_o ground_n or_o cause_n myself_o will_v be_v the_o first_o to_o go_v thither_o and_o that_o if_o it_o be_v a_o slander_n raise_v up_o against_o i_o our_o lord_n will_v deliver_v i_o from_o it_o and_o i_o shall_v prove_v the_o gainer_n by_o that_o bargain_n now_o i_o treat_v of_o this_o matter_n with_o the_o dominican_n father_n who_o as_o i_o say_v be_v so_o very_o learned_a a_o man_n that_o i_o may_v well_o assure_v myself_o upon_o whatsoever_o he_o shall_v declare_v to_o i_o herein_o and_o i_o tell_v he_o then_o upon_o this_o occasion_n with_o the_o great_a clearness_n that_o i_o can_v possible_o use_v of_o all_o the_o vision_n which_o i_o have_v have_v and_o of_o the_o manner_n of_o prayer_n which_o i_o have_v use_v and_o of_o the_o great_a favour_n which_o our_o bless_a lord_n have_v be_v please_v to_o do_v i_o and_o i_o humble_o pray_v he_o to_o consider_v all_o these_o thing_n very_o well_o and_o to_o let_v i_o understand_v if_o there_o be_v any_o thing_n at_o all_o in_o any_o of_o they_o against_o holy_a scripture_n and_o that_o also_o he_o will_v acquaint_v i_o with_o the_o judgement_n which_o he_o make_v thereof_o now_o all_o this_o he_o do_v and_o so_o settle_v and_o secure_v i_o very_o much_o and_o i_o grow_v to_o be_v also_o of_o opinion_n that_o this_o accident_n be_v of_o much_o advantage_n even_o to_o he_o for_o though_o he_o be_v former_o very_o good_a yet_o he_o give_v himself_o much_o more_o to_o prayer_n from_o that_o time_n forward_o and_o withdraw_v himself_o to_o a_o certain_a retire_a monastery_n of_o his_o own_o order_n which_o be_v a_o place_n of_o great_a solitude_n and_o silence_n to_o the_o end_n that_o so_o he_o may_v exercise_v himself_o the_o better_a in_o prayer_n he_o remain_v there_o above_o two_o year_n and_o then_o obedience_n to_o his_o order_n take_v he_o from_o thence_o for_o which_o he_o be_v sorry_a enough_o but_o they_o have_v need_n of_o such_o a_o man_n as_o he_o be_v &_o i_o be_v no_o less_o grieve_v when_o he_o go_v from_o i_o through_o the_o great_a want_n which_o i_o be_v sure_a i_o shall_v have_v of_o he_o though_o yet_o i_o know_v withal_o that_o he_o will_v be_v a_o gainer_n by_o it_o and_o whilst_o i_o be_v in_o pain_n about_o his_o journey_n our_o lord_n bid_v i_o be_v comfort_v and_o not_o trouble_v for_o that_o he_o go_v away_o to_o good_a purpose_n and_o indeed_o he_o come_v back_o again_o afterward_o with_o his_o soul_n so_o well_o improve_v and_o advance_v in_o the_o way_n of_o spirit_n that_o himself_o tell_v i_o at_o his_o return_n how_o he_o will_v not_o for_o any_o thing_n of_o this_o world_n but_o that_o he_o have_v go_v and_o i_o also_o can_v say_v the_o same_o for_o whereas_o he_o have_v former_o give_v i_o assurance_n and_o comfort_n but_o only_o by_o his_o letter_n he_o be_v now_o grow_v able_a to_o do_v it_o also_o through_o the_o great_a experience_n which_o he_o be_v come_v to_o have_v in_o spirit_n and_o of_o supernatural_a thing_n and_o it_o also_o please_v almighty_a god_n to_o bring_v he_o back_o to_o we_o at_o such_o a_o time_n as_o when_o his_o divine_a majesty_n see_v that_o there_o will_v be_v need_n of_o he_o for_o assist_v his_o work_n concern_v this_o monastery_n which_o his_o will_n be_v shall_v go_v forward_o but_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n i_o remain_v in_o silence_n for_o a_o matter_n of_o some_o five_o or_o six_o month_n not_o hear_v or_o say_v any_o thing_n of_o this_o business_n nor_o do_v our_o bless_a lord_n command_v i_o any_o thing_n about_o it_o nor_o understand_v i_o the_o reason_n thereof_o but_o yet_o still_o i_o can_v not_o part_v with_o the_o beleif_n but_o that_o the_o business_n will_v be_v do_v soon_o or_o late_a but_o at_o the_o end_n of_o that_o time_n aforesaid_a the_o rectour_n of_o the_o college_n of_o the_o society_n of_o jesus_n who_o have_v be_v there_o till_o then_o be_v now_o to_o remove_v from_o hence_o his_o divine_a majesty_n bring_v another_o to_o be_v in_o his_o place_n who_o be_v a_o very_a spiritual_a person_n and_o of_o great_a courage_n and_o understanding_n and_o learning_n and_o he_o come_v at_o a_o certain_a time_n when_o i_o be_v in_o very_o great_a need_n of_o help_n for_o in_o regard_n that_o he_o who_o be_v my_o ghostly_a father_n have_v a_o superior_a over_o himself_o and_o by_o reason_n that_o they_o have_v this_o virtue_n in_o perfection_n not_o so_o much_o as_o once_o to_o stir_v but_o in_o conformity_n to_o the_o will_n of_o their_o superior_n and_o though_o this_o ghostly_a father_n of_o i_o have_v a_o very_a good_a understanding_n of_o my_o spirit_n and_o desire_v that_o i_o may_v profit_v &_o proceed_v he_o yet_o adventure_v not_o to_o conclude_v some_o thing_n with_o a_o firm_a resolution_n for_o diverse_a reason_n which_o he_o have_v for_o it_o and_o on_o the_o other_o side_n my_o spirit_n do_v press_v already_o to_o pass_v on_o with_o certain_a impulse_n and_o impetuosity_n which_o be_v so_o great_a that_o i_o find_v it_o a_o very_a troublesome_a thing_n to_o be_v tie_v short_a and_o yet_o for_o all_o this_o i_o resolve_v not_o to_o exceed_v those_o bound_n at_o all_o which_o he_o have_v prescribe_v and_o be_v one_o day_n in_o much_o affliction_n as_o conceave_a that_o my_o ghostly_a father_n do_v not_o believe_v i_o it_o please_v our_o b._n lord_n to_o require_v i_o not_o to_o trouble_v myself_o affirm_v that_o that_o difficulty_n will_v be_v soon_o at_o a_o end_n for_o my_o part_n i_o be_v much_o joy_v by_o this_o as_o conceave_a that_o i_o be_v quick_o to_o die_v and_o i_o be_v wont_n particular_o to_o rejoice_v when_o i_o remember_v it_o but_o afterward_o i_o see_v clear_o that_o his_o speech_n concern_v the_o come_n of_o this_o new_a rectour_n of_o who_o i_o speak_v and_o afterward_o i_o never_o have_v any_o occasion_n to_o be_v in_o pain_n in_o regard_n that_o this_o say_v new_a rectour_n contradict_v not_o the_o sub-rectour_a who_o be_v my_o confessarius_fw-la but_o rather_o man_n direct_v he_o to_o give_v i_o comfort_n and_o scope_n and_o that_o there_o be_v no_o cause_n of_o fear_n and_o that_o he_o shall_v not_o conduct_v my_o soul_n by_o such_o straight_a &_o narrow_a way_n and_o with_o such_o restriction_n but_o shall_v permit_v the_o spirit_n of_o our_o lord_n to_o work_v in_o i_o for_o indeed_o at_o some_o time_n it_o seem_v that_o by_o reason_n of_o those_o great_a impetuosity_n of_o spirit_n the_o soul_n have_v scarce_o room_n for_o so_o much_o as_o to_o breath_n i_o go_v then_o to_o visit_v this_o rectour_n and_o my_o ghostly_a father_n require_v i_o to_o treat_v with_o he_o with_o all_o liberty_n and_o clearness_n as_o for_o i_o i_o be_v wont_a to_o find_v very_o great_a difficulty_n to_o declare_v myself_o in_o that_o kind_n but_o yet_o real_o it_o be_v very_o true_a that_o even_o at_o my_o very_a first_o entrance_n into_o the_o confessionarie_n i_o feel_v a_o kind_n of_o i_o can_v tell_v what_o to_o call_v it_o in_o my_o spirit_n which_o i_o remember_v not_o myself_o to_o have_v ever_o find_v by_o occasion_n of_o any_o creature_n either_o before_o or_o after_o nor_o can_v i_o distinct_o tell_v how_o it_o be_v nor_o yet_o be_o i_o able_a to_o express_v it_o full_o by_o any_o way_n of_o comparison_n but_o it_o be_v a_o certain_a spiritual_a joy_n and_o a_o kind_n of_o understanding_n which_o my_o soul_n have_v that_o the_o soul_n of_o that_o man_n will_v be_v able_a to_o understand_v i_o and_o that_o there_o will_v be_v a_o kind_n of_o conformity_n in_o judgement_n between_o we_o two_o although_o as_o i_o be_v say_v i_o understand_v not_o how_o if_o indeed_o i_o have_v ever_o speak_v with_o he_o before_o or_o if_o other_o have_v peradventure_o give_v i_o any_o great_a news_n of_o the_o man_n it_o have_v not_o be_v very_o strange_a that_o it_o shall_v joy_v i_o when_o i_o come_v to_o understand_v that_o he_o be_v to_o hear_v i_o but_o neither_o he_o nor_o i_o have_v ever_o speak_v word_n to_o one_o another_o nor_o be_v there_o any_o one_o by_o who_o mean_n i_o have_v ever_o have_v any_o notice_n at_o all_o of_o he_o and_o yet_o since_o that_o time_n i_o have_v see_v very_o well_o that_o my_o spirit_n deceive_v i_o not_o because_o it_o have_v be_v of_o great_a advantage_n in_o all_o kind_n both_o to_o my_o soul_n and_o i_o to_o treat_v with_o he_o for_o his_o kind_n of_o conversation_n and_o way_n of_o conference_n and_o communication_n be_v a_o thing_n of_o great_a importance_n for_o such_o person_n as_o
sometime_o not_o so_o soon_o and_o since_o of_o late_a i_o be_o grow_v able_a to_o receive_v the_o b._n sacrament_n more_o often_o it_o proceed_v from_o this_o that_o these_o vomit_v come_v to_o i_o at_o night_n before_o i_o go_v to_o bed_n and_o they_o put_v i_o to_o much_o more_o pain_n and_o then_o i_o must_v procure_v to_o hasten_v and_o facilitate_v they_o by_o the_o use_n of_o feather_n and_o such_o other_o thing_n because_o if_o i_o have_v not_o those_o vomit_n the_o sickness_n which_o i_o feel_v be_v extreme_a but_o indeed_o i_o be_o i_o think_v almost_o never_o without_o many_o kind_n of_o pain_n and_o sometime_o they_o be_v very_o sharp_a one_o and_o especial_o at_o my_o very_a hart_n though_o yet_o withal_o it_o be_v also_o true_a that_o the_o cruel_a palsy_n and_o other_o infirmity_n of_o fever_n which_o be_v wont_a to_o come_v very_o thick_a upon_o i_o be_v now_o find_v to_o oppress_v i_o more_o seldom_o so_o that_o many_o time_n i_o be_o well_o in_o those_o respect_n and_o i_o have_v make_v so_o little_a account_n of_o these_o misery_n for_o these_o eight_o year_n together_o that_o sometime_o i_o be_o even_o glad_a i_o have_v they_o as_o conceave_a that_o our_o lord_n may_v be_v peradventure_o serve_v in_o some_o sort_n thereby_o this_o be_v my_o discourse_n and_o now_o my_o father_n believe_v that_o this_o which_o i_o tell_v he_o here_o be_v indeed_o the_o true_a cause_n of_o my_o omission_n for_o himself_o never_o use_v to_o lie_v and_o consider_v in_o what_o sort_n and_o of_o what_o matter_n i_o be_v then_o discourse_v to_o he_o he_o have_v no_o reason_n to_o think_v but_o that_o i_o say_v true_a and_o to_o the_o end_n that_o he_o may_v believe_v i_o the_o better_a i_o tell_v he_o also_o then_o that_o i_o well_o see_v myself_o not_o to_o be_v without_o some_o fault_n and_o that_o i_o have_v enough_o to_o do_v to_o be_v able_a to_o assist_v in_o the_o choir_n though_o yet_o in_o very_a deed_n even_o this_o reason_n of_o corporal_a sickness_n be_v 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occur_v and_o thus_o may_v one_o exercise_v love_n for_o there_o be_v no_o necessity_n at_o all_o for_o a_o person_n either_o to_o be_v in_o solitude_n or_o else_o that_o there_o must_v be_v no_o mental_a prayer_n at_o all_o if_o we_o will_v take_v a_o little_a care_n we_o may_v arrive_v to_o obtain_v great_a blessing_n at_o those_o time_n when_o our_o lord_n even_o take_v time_n for_o prayer_n from_o we_o by_o mean_n of_o our_o sickness_n and_o pain_n and_o myself_o have_v find_v this_o to_o be_v true_a as_o long_o as_o my_o conscience_n be_v pure_a and_o good_a but_o my_o father_n through_o the_o opinion_n which_o he_o hold_v of_o i_o and_o the_o love_n he_o bear_v i_o believe_v all_o that_o i_o have_v say_v or_o rather_o he_o not_o only_o believe_v but_o have_v also_o pity_n of_o i_o though_o yet_o be_v then_o grow_v to_o find_v himself_o in_o so_o eminent_a and_o high_a a_o state_n of_o spiritual_a life_n he_o remain_v not_o with_o i_o very_o long_o and_o therefore_o have_v visit_v i_o he_o return_v home_o as_o hold_v his_o stay_n there_o to_o be_v loss_n of_o time_n and_o i_o who_o be_v willing_a to_o spend_v it_o upon_o other_o vanity_n be_v not_o trouble_v very_o much_o at_o his_o departure_n it_o be_v not_o only_o with_o he_o but_o with_o other_o person_n also_o who_o i_o procure_v that_o they_o shall_v addict_v themselves_o to_o mental_a prayer_n even_o whilst_o i_o be_v walk_v on_o in_o those_o vanity_n for_o still_o as_o i_o find_v they_o apt_a to_o use_v vocal_a prayer_n i_o tell_v they_o how_o they_o shall_v grow_v to_o have_v the_o use_n of_o meditation_n and_o i_o do_v they_o good_a and_o give_v they_o book_n for_o i_o have_v still_o a_o good_a desire_n that_o other_o shall_v serve_v almighty_a god_n even_o from_o the_o very_a first_o time_n that_o i_o use_v mental_a prayer_n as_o i_o have_v relate_v here_o it_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o since_o now_o i_o serve_v not_o our_o lord_n myself_o so_o well_o as_o i_o shall_v yet_o i_o like_v not_o that_o that_o light_n shall_v be_v lose_v which_o his_o divine_a majesty_n have_v bestow_v upon_o i_o but_o that_o other_o might_n also_o serve_v he_o by_o my_o mean_n and_o this_o i_o here_o recount_v that_o so_o the_o great_a blindness_n wherein_o i_o be_v may_v be_v the_o better_o see_v which_o induce_v i_o to_o make_v i_o loose_v myself_o whilst_o yet_o i_o go_v procure_v to_o do_v good_a to_o other_o about_o this_o time_n my_o father_n fall_v into_o the_o sickness_n whereof_o he_o die_v short_o after_o but_o i_o go_v to_o attend_v and_o recover_v he_o whilst_o myself_o be_v more_o sick_a in_o soul_n than_o he_o be_v in_o body_n through_o many_o vanity_n of_o i_o though_o yet_o not_o in_o such_o sort_n as_o that_o according_a to_o my_o understanding_n i_o be_v in_o mortal_a sin_n even_o in_o all_o this_o worst_a &_o wicked_a time_n whereof_o i_o speak_v for_o certain_o if_o i_o have_v conceive_v otherwise_o i_o shall_v by_o no_o mean_n have_v continue_v therein_o i_o endure_v some_o affliction_n and_o trouble_v in_o his_o sickness_n and_o i_o think_v i_o also_o make_v he_o some_o part_n of_o poor_a amends_o for_o the_o pain_n which_o he_o have_v take_v with_o i_o in_o i_o for_o now_o be_v ill_a enough_o in_o myself_o i_o yet_o strain_v very_o hard_o to_o do_v he_o service_n and_o beside_o i_o well_o consider_v that_o by_o the_o only_o loss_n of_o he_o all_o my_o comfort_n and_o regalo_n be_v to_o be_v lose_v for_o it_o all_o be_v shut_v up_o in_o only_o he_o i_o animate_v myself_o also_o so_o much_o towards_z the_o not_o show_v he_o that_o i_o be_v in_o any_o pain_n and_o in_o continue_v so_o even_o till_o he_o expire_v as_o if_o i_o have_v feel_v no_o trouble_n at_o all_o though_o yet_o it_o be_v very_o true_a that_o when_o i_o see_v he_o come_v to_o be_v upon_o the_o very_a point_n to_o loose_v his_o life_n it_o seem_v to_o i_o as_o if_o my_o own_o very_a soul_n have_v then_o be_v tear_v out_o of_o my_o body_n for_o i_o love_v he_o much_o it_o be_v a_o thing_n to_o make_v our_o lord_n be_v high_o praise_v to_o see_v the_o death_n which_o my_o father_n die_v together_o with_o the_o desire_n which_o he_o also_o have_v to_o die_v and_o the_o counsel_n which_o he_o give_v we_o after_o he_o have_v receive_v extreme_a unction_n and_o how_o he_o charge_v we_o to_o recommend_v he_o to_o god_n and_o that_o we_o shall_v beg_v mercy_n of_o he_o for_o his_o soul_n and_o that_o we_o must_v serve_v he_o ever_o and_o consider_v that_o all_o this_o world_n must_v come_v to_o end_v with_o tear_n he_o also_o tell_v we_o how_o sad_a he_o be_v at_o the_o hart_n for_o not_o have_v serve_v his_o divine_a majesty_n better_o that_o he_o wish_v he_o be_v some_o religious_a man_n i_o mean_v that_o he_o have_v be_v so_o and_o that_o of_o the_o most_o strict_a who_o be_v in_o the_o world_n and_o i_o hold_v it_o for_o very_o certain_a that_o some_o fifteen_o day_n before_o our_o lord_n give_v he_o to_o understand_v that_o he_o be_v not_o to_o live_v because_o before_o that_o very_a time_n he_o do_v not_o think_v he_o be_v sick_a though_o yet_o he_o be_v so_o in_o good_a earnest_n but_o afterward_o though_o he_o seem_v to_o mend_v much_o in_o point_n of_o health_n and_o though_o the_o doctor_n bid_v he_o believe_v that_o there_o be_v no_o danger_n at_o all_o yet_o he_o make_v no_o account_n of_o that_o but_o only_o attend_v to_o put_v his_o soul_n in_o good_a order_n that_o sickness_n of_o he_o begin_v with_o a_o very_a grievous_a pain_n round_o about_o his_o shoulder_n which_o never_o leave_v he_o and_o sometime_o it_o press_v he_o
lord_n through_o his_o goodness_n make_v i_o see_v it_o and_o show_v it_o i_o in_o a_o certain_a rapt_v of_o i_o so_o also_o shall_v it_o be_v here_o in_o this_o world_n and_o that_o so_o almighty_a god_n and_o the_o soul_n may_v be_v able_a to_o understand_v one_o another_o and_o that_o upon_o this_o sole_a cause_n and_o reason_n in_o regard_n that_o his_o divine_a majesty_n be_v please_v that_o they_o shall_v do_v so_o without_o any_o other_o artifice_n or_o mean_n that_o so_o the_o mutual_a love_n which_o these_o two_o dear_a friend_n carry_v to_o one_o another_o may_v be_v give_v by_o they_o to_o be_v mutual_o understand_v just_o so_o as_o in_o this_o world_n when_o two_o person_n love_v one_o another_o very_o dear_o and_o be_v endue_v with_o a_o good_a understanding_n and_o wit_n they_o seem_v able_a to_o understand_v themselves_o together_o even_o without_o so_o much_o as_o sign_n and_o by_o only_a look_v well_o upon_o one_o another_o thus_o ought_v it_o to_o be_v in_o our_o case_n since_o without_o our_o know_v express_o how_o these_o two_o lover_n look_v earnest_o upon_o one_o another_o in_o the_o face_n as_o the_o spouse_n say_v to_o his_o belove_a in_o the_o canticle_n for_o so_o i_o think_v i_o have_v hear_v that_o it_o be_v express_v there_o o_o admirable_a benignity_n of_o thou_o o_o lord_n who_o permit_v thyself_o to_o be_v look_v upon_o by_o those_o eye_n which_o have_v abuse_v their_o sight_n so_o much_o as_o these_o of_o my_o soul_n have_v do_v at_o least_o o_o my_o dear_a lord_n let_v they_o now_o be_v accustom_v after_o this_o sight_n of_o thou_o to_o look_v no_o more_o upon_o any_o inferior_a and_o base_a object_n nor_o let_v any_o thing_n be_v able_a to_o please_v they_o out_o of_o thou_o o_o great_a ingratitude_n of_o mortal_a creature_n how_o far_o will_v thou_o be_v able_a to_o ative_a for_o now_o i_o know_v even_o by_o experience_n that_o this_o be_v literal_o true_a which_o i_o be_o say_v that_o whatsoever_o be_v possible_o able_a to_o be_v express_v by_o i_o be_v no_o more_o than_o the_o very_a lest_o part_n of_o that_o favour_n which_o thou_o imparte_v to_o any_o such_o soul_n as_o thou_o vouchsafe_v to_o bring_v to_o such_o a_o state_n as_o this_o o_o soul_n which_o have_v begin_v to_o use_v prayer_n and_o you_o who_o have_v real_o faith_n and_o firm_a beleif_n what_o blessing_n and_o benefit_n be_v you_o possible_o able_a to_o seek_v and_o get_v which_o may_v any_o way_n be_v compare_v even_o to_o the_o least_o of_o those_o which_o be_v obtain_v by_o the_o servant_n of_o almighty_a god_n even_o in_o this_o mortal_a life_n of_o we_o and_o consider_v for_o it_o be_v most_o certain_o true_a that_o almighty_a god_n impart_v himself_o thus_o even_o here_o to_o such_o well_o as_o forsake_v all_o thing_n for_o love_n of_o he_o for_o he_o be_v no_o accepter_n of_o person_n and_o he_o love_v all_o man_n nor_o have_v any_o one_o of_o they_o any_o excuse_n how_o wicked_a soever_o he_o may_v have_v be_v since_o our_o lord_n have_v proceed_v after_o this_o manner_n even_o with_o i_o and_o advance_v i_o to_o such_o a_o condition_n as_o you_o see_v consider_v also_o that_o this_o which_o i_o be_o say_v now_o be_v not_o so_o much_o as_o a_o little_a cipher_n of_o that_o which_o be_v to_o be_v say_v but_o only_o so_o much_o be_v here_o deliver_v as_o be_v necessary_a for_o the_o give_v this_o manner_n of_o vision_n and_o favour_n which_o almighty_a god_n be_v please_v to_o do_v to_o a_o soul_n to_o be_v in_o some_o sort_n understand_v but_o now_o it_o be_v in_o no_o power_n of_o i_o to_o declare_v that_o which_o she_o find_v and_o feel_v when_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o impart_v those_o secret_n and_o greatness_n of_o he_o together_o with_o that_o delight_n which_o be_v so_o high_o superior_a to_o all_o those_o other_o which_o can_v possible_o be_v impart_v by_o this_o world_n and_o that_o they_o do_v with_o a_o mighty_a deal_n of_o reason_n make_v they_o who_o possess_v the_o same_o even_o abhor_v all_o the_o pleasure_n of_o the_o earth_n which_o when_o they_o be_v all_o clap_v together_o be_v no_o better_o then_o mere_a dung_n and_o dirt_n nay_o it_o be_v after_o a_o sort_n even_o to_o give_v one_o a_o vomit_n to_o bring_v these_o into_o any_o comparison_n at_o all_o with_o those_o other_o even_o though_o they_o shall_v be_v able_a to_o last_v for_o ever_o and_o yet_o of_o these_o celestial_a joy_n what_o kind_n of_o poor_a proportion_n of_o they_o be_v that_o which_o he_o be_v please_v to_o impart_v in_o this_o world_n no_o more_o then_o as_o it_o be_v one_o slight_a single_a drop_n of_o water_n of_o that_o huge_a full_a flow_a river_n which_o be_v prepare_v for_o we_o in_o heaven_n it_o be_v a_o very_a shame_n &_o scorn_n and_o real_o i_o employ_v it_o all_o against_o myself_o and_o if_o it_o be_v possible_a for_o soul_n to_o be_v affront_v even_o in_o heaven_n i_o shall_v have_v cause_n to_o find_v myself_o ashamed_a when_o i_o be_v there_o more_o than_o any_o creature_n to_o 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that_o i_o shall_v do_v therein_o what_o he_o ordain_v but_o i_o speak_v not_o of_o these_o vision_n with_o that_o prelate_n but_o that_o lady_n treat_v with_o he_o and_o tell_v he_o that_o she_o desire_v to_o erect_v a_o new_a monastery_n and_o the_o provincial_n do_v very_o glad_o give_v way_n for_o he_o be_v a_o friend_n of_o all_o religious_a observance_n and_o piety_n and_o so_o he_o afford_v all_o the_o favour_n which_o be_v needful_a and_o tell_v she_o that_o he_o will_v admit_v and_o accept_v the_o house_n they_o speak_v then_o of_o the_o revenue_n which_o it_o be_v to_o have_v and_o we_o never_o incline_v to_o let_v it_o consist_v of_o more_o than_o thirteen_o religious_a &_o this_o for_o many_o reason_n but_o before_o we_o begin_v to_o treat_v of_o the_o matter_n thus_o far_o we_o write_v to_o the_o holy_a man_n fray_n pedro_n de_fw-fr alcantara_n and_o acquaint_v he_o with_o all_o that_o which_o pass_v and_o he_o counsel_v we_o to_o proceed_v in_o this_o design_n and_o he_o 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