Butler's Ghost OR HUDIBRAS The Fourth Part. WITH Reflections upon these Times Iacta est alea. Eras LONDON Printed for Ioseph Hindmarsh at the Black-Bull in Corn-hill over against the Royal-Exchange 1682. A second and a third time too This dog-like Fate has been your due Had not propitious Fortune sway'd And from the danger you convey'd And now upon this slight occasion To make upon your self Invasion Instead of Towns where Plunder lies Take your own Castle by surprize For you your self to act Squire Dun Such Ignominy ne're saw the Sun But pardon if ye are such a Tony To pine for Wormwood Matrimony If like our Lovers in Romances Y' are plagu'd with Dreams and fleeting Fancies When midst the Ioys that Love infuses Phillis ne're gets tho Damon loses And cannot prop the tottering Nation 'Till deeds are done of Generation Dismount your wooden Courser straight Then to Advice incline your Pate And if I do not shew a way To make her your Commands obey If she don't listen to your Fiddle And follow ye as Thread does Needle Nay kiss ye hug ye and Adore ye Within a Week then I 'le hang for ye At this the Knight did silence break First taking th' Cord from off his Neck Well pleas'd to hear that chearful noise Which now he knew was Ralpho's Voice Who as Fate order'd sleeping lay Upon a Bundle of fresh Hay Yet to pursue the Humour on Begun this Counterfeiting Moan Is there ye Powers no Station free No place of Rest for Misery Unlucky Squire had'st thou been gone My business had e're this been done And I throng'd with Seraphick Loves In Sacred and Immortal Groves For Heavens sake quoth the Squire Sir Knight Once in your life-time be in th' right And let me though perhaps unsit To sight your battels teach you Wit He that admires you Azure Skies And longs to taste Eternal Ioys E're Nature half his thread has Wove Is like that Niggardly damn'd Oaf That having Gold and Iewels store Leapt into th' Sea to dive for more And so like Esop's Dog was crost Who snatching shadows substance lost Besides I fear he that should scan Your inward and your outward Man Examine your offences Rife And weigh the Actions of your life Would find you are for all your Iokes Unfit for Heaven as other folks But from the Brethren I believe You learnt this Custom to deceive Who to be thought devoutly given Do always wish themselves in Heaven When for all the Saints and Angels there They had rather be with Sister here And only use that Canting Notion As proper to their feign'd Devotion There is a Tale whose Moral 's good Of an Old man that gathering Wood Grown sick with Age and out of breath Sat down upon 't and wisht for Death Death straight appearing cry'd I 'me here And come to end thy Mortal Care He seeing Monsieur Bloody-bone And that there was no way but one Shaking through fear now ten times more Than e're he did for Age before Cry'd Sir your Help I only lack To lift my Wood upon my back Friend quoth the Knight this simile Though good can ne're allude to me And thou these Figures dost Commence Only to cloak thy Ragged sence Else why this Story in this place Whose purport's nothing to my Case At least so little that I doubt I 've hardly brains to find it out Like bellowing Fryer that when he preaches Religion in cramp Latin teaches And mouths it with conceited Passion T' amuse the Ignorant Congregation With Rhetorick and specious Stories Fine Shams and pleasing Allegories Roves wide and schools the Female Sex 'Till he has quite forgot his Text. So hast thou rang'd about to bring A Tale that 's nothing to the thing Yet in the Banter made more flaws Than Lawyers when they thrash a Cause For when did I exclaim for Death For being old or out of breath For Sickness sake make such a motion Or case of Conscience or Devotion Is not Despair in Loves Intrego Of greater moment than an Ague Or can the Tooth-ach e're compare With th' Heart-ach for a wealthy Fair And tho I should from Beam turn over And show Example of true Lover Yet for a less cause so to dye I think there 's little reason why Quoth Ralph You have much cause to know When it is fit to dye and how Yet those that saw you in that place Would guess y' had very little Grace But for that a valiant Knight should swing Take Pet and dye like Dog in string For Widow a stanch cunning Dame Not to be got by Love but Sham That likes not those that most admire her But those that at her own tricks tire her Like Salmons that with Line and Hook Are wearied first and then are took That he in Death his Love should quench When I can help him to the Wench Nay all her Wards and Passes break Or else I 'le forfeit here my Neck Must be th' Effect of Melancholy Or brainless Presbyterian Folly Quoth Hudibras Now by my Sword Bold Squire I take thee at thy word Thy Thesis here I do insist on And therefore now take care that 't is done For shouldst thou fail I swear by Mars By th' Moon and my propitious Stars Nay by my now expected Marriage Thy Head shall answer the miscarriage Hold hold quoth Ralpho good Sir Knight First let us settle all things right My Head 's not such a thing of no worth 'T is to be sham'd away and so forth And by a threatning be effected Like his that the Black Box expected There 's yet to be a small Harangue A word or two before I hang And tho I promis'd you her Heart 'T was not except you did your part I like a Tool do idle stand Without the Workman's helping hand For as a Christian Merchant drew And seal'd a Bond once to a Iew A Pound of Flesh should th' Forfeit pay If he did fail and break his Day Which happening and th' Infidel To weigh the Flesh had fetcht a Scale The Merchant cries your Bond is good For Flesh but not one drop of Blood If thou spill'st that thou murder'st me And then the Law takes hold on thee So tho this friendly Oath I made I did not say without your Aid A Pound of Flesh I gave 't is true But the Life Blood still lies in you You must the Matrimony teach her Tho I perform the Pimp to fetch her And do your best to make her joyn Or else your Head 's as due as mine But if you 'l calmly take advice And be by my Example wise Aiding the trick with best endeavour I once more promise you shall have her Take there my Hand quoth Hudibras Descending with an awker'd Grace My Hand the Earnest of my Heart That I 'le not fail to do my part And tho our last Efforts were vain For all the Wisdom of thy Brain Yet I have now especial hope Thou 'lt do 't for fear of fatal Rope
through Case of Conscience And now altho he sav'd their Souls They wish him hang'd as high as Paul's A most ungrateful thing I vow Were all his Depositions true But as sly Synon once lookt honest And yet was found a Villain soonest For all his Tears and Oaths and Tricks Betray'd Old Illium to the Greeks So our Doctore with Clodpate Faction Gull'd by his Shams and close Transaction His Arguments and Senseless Babble With which he Balderno's the Rabble With groundless Fears distracts the Town For Rebels Interests and his own And only roots out Romish Prigs The sooner to get in the Whigs These two to make her Fame the greater Her Husband did intrust to cheat her As if he Prophet-like discover'd That you should be the second Lover Nice Honesty you must corrupt But not with open Bribe obrupt But clean conveyance into Fist A hundred Guinneys is the least For Money as our Elders say Is Matrimony's Captain Key That maugre all the Bars beside Opens the Padlock of the Bride What mighty Actions Gold has done Or what but Heaven has it not won The Hero's Sword the Lawyer 's Art The Poet's Brains the Ladies Heart Made Reverend Iudges speak with aw And a bad Title good in Law Wrested even Nature by main force Like Streams to run a backward Course Made Zealous Saints of hair-brain'd Letchers And Sons of Aretine turn Preachers And will as soon seduce these Trustees As ever Turky-Pie did Iustice. Therefore with speed your self apply These are the marks to know them by The first by his purple-colour'd Train His Foot-men Horse and Copper Chain The tother by his quadrant Face And three starv'd Bullies at his A Quoth Hudibras ' The Devil will have thee ' Nor can the Churches Interest save thee ' For these malicious wicked Rants ' And slanderous Libelling the Saints ' Like poysonous Snakes in fragrant Bowers ' Thou shedst thy Venom on those Flowers ' That often a kind Umbrage made ' Cool'd and refresh'd thee with their shade ' Have not Stalliano and the Doctor ' Sav'd th' Town from Villains would have smok't her ' Plunder'd and massacered the City ' Slain Wives and Matrons without pity ' Plagu'd us with many a wanton freak ' And put our Virgins to the squeak ' Rifled their Treasures several ways ' Well stor'd with Nature's Picklock Keys ' And can we be such base Detractors 'To vilifie our Benefactors ' And term them Profligate and Lewd ' Have done the Nation so much good ' What tho Stalliano for the health ' Of England broach't a Commonwealth ' What tho he fought against the King ' 'T was with design to bring him in ' He with a prosperous Defeat ' Routed his Troops to make him Great ' And made rebellious Crowds reveal ' His Indefatigable Zeal ' And what if Learn'd Doctoro has 'To nervate and support the Cause ' Rais'd doubts and fears swore true or false ' Just as the Brotherhood prevails What if he once was Evidence For th' King and for the Prisoner since ' And rail'd at these whom Conscience try'd ' Because they were not of his side ' All must that know how he 's endow'd ' Believe 't was for the Nations good ' For as a wise expert Physitian 'To fest'ring wound makes deep incision ' And by that dangerous way does heal 'A wound which else would ne're be well ' So he that knew the Constitution ' Of the City and its grand pollution ' No better Medicine could devise ' Than wholesome Perjury and Lyes ' In Arguments there are no Rules Quoth Ralph ' with Mad-men or with Fools ' For one confounds with want of Sence ' And t' other with Impertinence ' And though your honour'd knightly spurs ' From downright folly you prefers ' Yet all that hear what you have said ' By G must think you drunk or mad ' For would a Man that 's well in 's wits ' And is not Lunatick by fits ' Argue for Villains Fiends of Hell ' For all are such that would rebel ' And yet run down the Royal Party ' Though true and firm as Magna Charta ' Besides I fain would understand ' What 's this to th' business now in hand ' Will your applauding Bully-rock ' E're get the Widow by the Smock ' Will searching what the Nation suffers ' Procure you e're to search her Coffers ' Can you by giving them their due ' Engage them both to Pimp for you ' Or will your lies though enough to scare one ' Make her come under Covert-barron ' If so your sence I will obey ' If not then mines the better way ' And must when all your Topiques fail ' In spite of Arguments prevail 'A freindly bribe Sir still affords ' Much greater influence than words ' Tho Rhetorick speaks with ne're such skill ' Money 's the smoother Language still ' And at the last must act your Part out ' Flatter and Cogg and lie your heart out ' When Poems are to Patron sent ' Who sends back only Complement ' Does not the Author grudge his Wit ' And wish his Lordship were be-sh ' Or does a Lawyer e're agree ' For an Applause t' excuse his Fee ' Desert pecuniary hope ' For a fine figure or a Trope ' And that he 's well contented answer ye ' For a long tedious Bill in Chancery ' You 'l find his liking more exprest ' Clap but ten peices in his Fist ' And that your gold hath greater force ' Than all your flourishing discourse ' Once more then lest success be wanting ' Let me advise you leave your Canting ' And now occasion shows you her top ' Advance and take her by the fore-top ' The Motto of the Duke D' Alva ' In war was Post Occasio Calva ' Inferring that no good could come on 't ' If he once lost the happy moment ' And the same Crisis still is known 'To rule o're Love as o're Renown ' Rowze then Sir Knight and take advice ' And without more demurs be wise ' Or else I swear by yonder pole ' Nay by my fathers Rurall soul ' Henceforth to take a rougher course ' And what you would demur to force ' Despair and prove the Village Scoff ' And hang or draw all 's one to Ralph When Hudibras this Threat'ning heard And saw the Squires gloomy beard Wet with the Argumental froth That deckt the outside of his mouth His ferret Eyes look red with passion To hear his groundless disputation He thought it was no prudent Trick To touch his fury to the quick But cool and settle all things right As Bullies do to those will fight Besides he oft had heard a rumour Of Ralpho's blunt and sturdy humour And knowing 't was ill time to jest With tough Battoon and tougher Fist He wisely now agrees to do What e're the Squire should prompt him to Not that he valued his haranging But through a prudent fear of banging For Ralpho tho not us'd to
shares ' The young and those that are in years ' Nay even in Children every hour ' It gives them cause to know its power ' The Boy of seven just big enough 'To keep his Breeches pissing proof ' Cocks hat and imitates the Men 'To please the tiptoed Girl of Ten ' Whom rudely she away does shove ' Hoping to get a bigger Love ' And what is 't think ye that Inspires ' These hopes in her but green desires ' Lust is the chiefest cause of this ' Though yet she knows not what it is ' Therefore since all it do pursue ' Why should it fail to raign in you ' Being as proper on your score ' As Sursingle or your Bandore ' Or Peak which like a Bill is set 'To show the Shop is to be lett ' Then let not frailty so common ' So pertinent to every Woman ' Make you believe you reason have 'To blast the hopes of your poor slave ' That swears by the Eternal Powers 'To dye or live for ever yours At this with some few Artfull sighs And turning up her whites of Eyes Quoth she Your happy hour at last Is come t' attone for troubles past Nor can that Castle hold out long Where the besiegers are so strong And with such Iudgment too assail'd I 'm yours your merit has prevail'd But on this gentle fair condition That I may use my disposition And that you study still to please Else there will be no Love nor peace This Seal'd and granted on your part Take here my hand with it my heart And person at your will t' enjoy Have hold possess and occupy Who can express the vast delight And eager Raptures of the Knight 'T was such that the Entrancing bliss No tongue can e're relate but his Nor tell his Sentiments of Joy Or Transports of his Extasie In which long-wish't and happy state Full of the Joyes of coming fate Wee 'l leave him for a while to rest And dress us for the Wedding feast Where how his friends and he succeed In the next CANTO you shall read The End of the first Canto HUDIBRAS REVIV'D The Argument of the second CANTO The Character of every Guest The scuffle at the Marriage feast Comment's about a Loyal story And hot dispute 'twixt Whigg and Tory Which th' Knight just going to decide Was fetcht away to guard his Bride By Ralph who happened to trapan her With Stallian in undecent manner CANTO II. NO tongue can e're express the Joyes Nor Pen discribe the Extasies Of him that snares in Hymen's net Rich beauty he despair'd to get Like Criminals from Death repriev'd 'T is with such eagerness receiv'd That the abundance of the Blessing Abates the pleasure of Possessing 'Till Reason by degrees does rule And swelling Passions flag and cool Then airy Transports all remove To solid and substantial Love Oblig'd with this long wish'd-for case Was now Love's Minion Hudibras Who tho at first charm'd with surprize Yet growing every hour more wise No longer would let Passion cloy His Heart but soberly enjoy So needy Libertines whose use Was to be lavish and profuse Falling by chance to Wealth grow dingy Base fordid niggardly and stingy His Tongue no longer Grief exprest His Eyes were dry his Heart at rest His Breath that dim'd with moans the Skies Or coyn'd by Passion into sighs In tuneless Sonnets now was eas'd Or cool'd his Broth or what he pleas'd For now the Priest had shown his skill And each had bow'd and said I will The sacred Words that fast enrolls In th' Marriage-Book Bodies and Souls And every thing in order said To License them to go to Bed But stay the Hour 's not come yet The Guests must have a bit to eat And now in order to 't were come Into a spacious Dining-room Where Herbs were strew'd and Cloth was laid And three old blind Crowdero's play'd But to return to Hudibras He had not been from Church a space So long as one his Name could write But the old Maggot 'gan to bite And buzzing Whimseys warm'd the Addle Part of his disceptious Noddle His Conscience that for Commonweal Had long been Laquey to his Zeal Turns Head and smites him or'e the Face For being in that Tory Dress And each invited Guest swears Zounds Seeing him in those Pantaloons In fine he was by all so hurried And by each factious Bandog worried That he resolv'd to prove new Man And fairly now turn Cat in Pan And every former Protestation Evade by Mental Reservation For Presbyters and Priests are th' same And meerly differ in a Name Tho they of various Matters treat As one to Lye and one to Cheat Yet nightly Friendship they pursue As Lawyers in a Tavern do Who tho one Hour they bawl and jar Another constant Cronies are Possest with Rules which these allow The Knight resolv'd to break his Vow Urg'd to 't by the envited Tribe Whose Characters I thus describe First to the Tables highest place Publicola with humble Grace Approaches he was one whose Foes Had led a long time by the Nose And by a Baud they call'd Ambition Deboach'd into a sad condition Nor did his Fate e're make amends And let him know 'em from his Friends But led him on to disobedience And like them forfeit his Allegiance Who when their Cards were shuffled right Soon left him and plaid least in sight And as I have seen Boys at play Glass Windows break then run away And leave one Impoteâ—t and Lame To bear the beating and the blame So they when mischief was on foot Withdrew and let him stand it out Famous he was for Birth and Race For Courage Person Meen and Face For Horsemanship and skill in Fence And every thing indeed but S For Nature thinking she has done With lavish Hand enough for one In ordering his Person fine And that she need not dress his Mind Unfurnisht Head on Shoulders set And to his Agents shov'led Wit Thus as advent'rous Knights of old Made Squires their Shields and Launces hold With which for Fame they were to fight Or to defend their Ladies Right His Battel Politiques were fought With Weapons that his Faction brought And he the weighty Cause maintains Argues and plots with others Brains His place being fill'd there next him sate A crippled Cobler of the State Deform'd and scarce in height a span Distorted Relique of a Man Yet th' Oracle of the dull Rout Tho plagu'd with Treason Pox and Gout O Miracle of scandalous Age Tho all his Bones at Nature rage Crampt with Diseases and sharp Pain Yet there is health still in his Brain His chattering Tongue does still rebel Altho his Body feel a Hell Near him old Sodom sat whose Fame Is justly suited to his Name His Lewdness claims the first degree And Treasons coyn'd in Italy Makes him with brainless Factions move As lewd and bestial as his Love Whispering with him was a squab thing That always rail'd against the King Yet gave worse
cease and then Put on his Hat and cry'd Amen And now began the Massacre Whilst stillness seiz'd each Member there Even Zeal it self had Self-denial The lust of Eating made him Loyal 'Till second Course the Table crown'd And the Whig Healths were coming round But then as if the passive Bottles Had charm'd Sedition to their Noddles Pigmy starts up with Zealous fury And like hired Foreman of a Jury Tickled with old rebellious Itch Began this edifying Speech ' That Hieroglyphick Loyn of Veal ' Quoth he is like the Commonweal ' From Body Politique so lopt ' And like the State mangled and Chopt ' Heaven even in Naturals does express ' Perfect Idea's of our Case ' And by mean Symptoms makes us know ' The Troubles we must undergo ' For 't is not only Railery ' Blasting our deeds with Infamy ' Which hair-brain'd Scriblers frame to cramp one ' Or seeing of our names in Lampoon ' Must e're have pow'r enough to vex us ' Or with their emptiness perplex us ' Nay should we hear a fellow prate ' There goes a Rogue of Forty eight ' It must not on us make Invasions ' The Touchstone of the Saints is Patience ' And the pleasure will be ours at last ' Revenge tho slow is surely pac't ' Little disgraces still must be ' Companions of our Constancy ' Halters sharp Axes breach of Laws ' Must aid and propagate the Cause ' But like brave Theeves if any dies ' 'T is not for Trifles but a Prize ' What Troubles did on Brutus wait ' E're he had power to change the State ' How did he let pert Coxcombs rule ' And squint and slaver like a Fool ' Abus'd by the Monarchal Crew ' Oft spurn'd and cudgel'd black and blew ' And yet with patience without snobbing ' How did he bear th' unfriendly drubbing ' 'Till Lucrece dy'd the first Coy thing ' That e're did so for Ravishing ' But then as if her wanton Fate ' Gave cause enough to change the State ' He boldly threw off his disguise ' Aided the Rebels and grew wise ' As he proceeded so must we ' The best of Wit is Policy ' And opportunity 's the main ' Thing to make us our ends obtain ' What made the quondam Draymen Lords ' But time and patience and good Swords ' Or th' Hotspur of the North expire ' But testy Wrath and too much Fire ' Rage as in Reason needs must appear ' Is like a gust of Wind to a Taper 'T is either puff'd and melted fast ' Or quite extinguisht by the blast ' And so shall we if we expose 'Our kindled Anger 's to our Foes ' Passion converts our solid sense 'To folly and impertinence Like Hectors that make Cullies fret And then are sure to win the Set ' Or like a Squib that flies about ' Buzzes and bounces and goes out ' But ne're can do half th' ill turns ' Of the Fire that moderately burns ' Besides we have Examples still ' That Caution was our chiefest skill ' In late successes a sly fleer ' Carry'd more Cunning than to swear ' And Yea and Nay with formal Dress ' Gave us such great advantages ' That those that did against us fight ' Almost believ'd we were in th' right ' Deceiv'd by holy Politiques ' And influence of Canting tricks ' 'Till we with Men and Arms were stor'd ' But then Religion was the Sword ' Each pious Pastor warm'd with Bub ' Would were his Buff-Coat in his Tub ' In his right hand would weild a Bible ' In th' left an edifying Libel ' Thence loudly bawling Gospel Law ' And if they not believ'd would draw ' But this was when the point was gain'd 'A step which yet we han't obtain'd ' And therefore mildly must agree ' And grace our Plots with subtlety 'A Commonwealth's as hard to bring in ' As 't was of late to get the King in ' When fatally his Cause was try'd ' And tho it happen'd the wrong side ' Yet if we do but mind our hits 'Our Party such advantage gets ' Such shoals of Rabble daily draws 'To back and fortifie the Cause ' We doubt not the Conscientious Men ' Will one day get him out agen ' For Monarchy is still profest 'A foe to all our Interest 'A headlong Arbitrary sway ' That proudly makes us all obey ' When we in Justice should maintain ' The Priviledge of English-men ' Whose humours with Republiques breed ' But seldom honour a crown'd Head ' Pleas'd with the freedom of their State ' And blind Ambition to be great ' Which cannot be effected when ' The Nation has a foremost Man ' The wise Plebeans fear'd to bring ' Their Votes for Caesar to be King ' As doubting that his Power might rise 'T' incroach upon their Liberties ' And keep them from their honour'd Due ' Who one day might be Consuls too ' And in our latter Age we found 'A Wight aspiring to be crown'd ' Who tho he had gain'd th' utmost height ' Of th' lofty Pyramid of State ' Would yet have made our stubborn Folk 'To bow to a more haughty Yoke ' Had they not boldly checkt the thing ' And cry'd No Bishop nor no King ' Two Names that never yet would heal ' The Wounds made in a Commonweal ' But make it rankle a worse way ' Than a neglected Slave's at Sea ' Yet tho a Monarch be the Bug 'A thing we hate like a mad Dog ' 'T is fit we humour Times and with ' Fit subtlely beware his Teeth ' In Royalty is a strange Power ' That sometimes higher moves and lower ' When low the blow is to be strook ' When higher we must only look ' And its declension watch with pains ' As Pigmies do the soaring Cranes 'Our Wit is now a wiser course 'To propagate the Cause than force ' As Horseleeches with eager might ' Suck to the Blood but never bite ' Petitions and such Gentilesses ' Convenient are but no Addresses ' Rumours of Popish Cavalcades ' Armies i' th' North and Hatfield Maids ' Dreams Whimsies and the strange affrights ' Of Enthusiastic Bethlemites ' All things that can the King perplex ' And with Eternal Buzzings vex 'To urge him to strike first and then ' We have good cause to do 't agen ' For Causes howe're understood ' In wrong or right will do us good ' And what can better charm a Widgeon ' Than th' old Authentic sham Religion ' What made State Carpenter rebel Religious Cause of doing well Or brought Mun's Murder to be found Religion No five hundred Pound Answer'd an old neglected Guest That sat at th' lower end o' th' Feast Who tho by Mrs. Bride envited By all the rest o' th' Board was slighted His Tory Principles not being Squar'd right with theirs but disagreeing He finding that the warpt Statemonger Would preach his Canting Treason longer Resolv'd to cut him off and make Him know 't was now his turn to