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A47513 A new family-book, or, The true interest of families being directions to parents and children, and to those who are instead of parents : shewing them their several duties, and how they may be happy in one another : together with several prayers for families and children, and graces before and after meat : to which is annexed a discourse about the right way of improving our time / by James Kirkwood ... ; with a preface, by Dr. Horneck. Kirkwood, James, 1650?-1709.; Horneck, Anthony, 1641-1697. 1693 (1693) Wing K647; ESTC R15399 107,616 291

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101. 6 7. Mine Eyes shall be upon the Faithful of the Land that they may dwell with me He that walketh in a perfect way he shall serve me He that worketh Deceit shall not dwell within my House He that telleth Lies shall not tarry in my sight 'T will not be unfit in this place to mention what a Famous Author reports of the Ancient Romans 'T was their custom to make choice of an Elderly Kinswoman of whose Probity and Discretion they had good assurance to whom they committed the Charge of the Children Her business was to keep them from hearing and seeing whatever tended to corrupt their Manners to direct them in such little Studies and Exercises as were proper to their Years and to see that their Recreations and Divertisements were harmless and innocent and that they were used and managed modestly and inoffensively This course Cornelia took says this Author with her Sons the Gracchi Aurelia with her Son Caesar and Artia with her Son Augustus The Fruit and Effect of which Method was this The Spirits of the Children being kept pure and sincere straight and upright they were thereby made the more capable to receive Noble and Excellent Impressions which way soever they applied their minds whether to Military Arts to the knowledge of the Laws or the Study of Eloquence But now says he speaking of the Age in which he lived Children are entrusted to the care of a Grecian Girl and to one or other of the Servants of most base and servile Qualities by whose words and actions they are quite spoiled and utterly ruined Neither are there any in the Family who make account what they say or do before them And no wonder says he for the Parents themselves are so far from training them up to Modesty and Probity that they accustom them to Wantonness and extravagant Liberty by which means they grow Impudent and Impetuous in the pursuit of their wild and foolish Humours and Inclinations As this Rule of chusing good company for Children is necessary to be followed at all times so especially when Parents send their Children into Foreign Countries when they are fit to Travel how careful should they be not to trust them to every body But to the Conduct of those who not only may be useful to advance them in the Knowledge of the World to assist them in their Journeyings to take care about their Lodging and Diet to wait on them to visit great Men to see fine Places curious Fabricks Famous Monuments and Ancient Inscriptions to learn the Language of the Country and the different Modes and Fashions the Government and Policy and such like But who likewise through the Blessing of God on their Endeavours may preserve them from the Vices of those Countries where they Travel from those bad Customs to which they have a great Inclination Who may make it their business to season their Minds with deeper and more lively impressions of Virtue to possess them with a mighty regard for such excellent Examples as they have occasion now and then to see to Fortifie them against the many wicked and dangerous Opinions and Practices they meet with to acquaint them chiefly with the wisest and best Men by whose Conversation they may be improved in Wisdom and Virtue that they may return into their own Country with their Minds furnished with useful Notions with solid Principles and wise Observations that they may be able either in a more private way or in a publick capacity to do somewhat not unworthy of those who have had such good occasions for improving themselves in those things which are excellent To serve this design Parents are to be careful of two things One is That their Children Travel under the Conduct of a Person who is wise and prudent and is of a sincere and solid Piety If he be one that is either Foolish or Prophane and Atheistical his Company must needs be very hurtful and dangerous It may utterly 〈◊〉 the young Persons who are intrusted to him tho' they have very good ●●clinations and have been happy in a Religious Education We see that a straight Twig tied to that which is crooked and stronger than it self grows crooked also What an unaccountable thing is it to think that Men who are careful to have a skilful Groom to look to their Horses should be so mad as to venture their Children who are their chiefest Possession and the principal Objects of their care and kindness into the hands of those who have little discretion and less Piety The Second thing that Parents ought to be careful of in this matter is That their Children do not Travel till they are come to somewhat of stayedness and solidity of Judgment till their Understanding and Discretion is such as may give ground to hope that their Travelling shall do them no hurt but good It is none of the wisest parts in some Parents to send their Children too soon into Foreign Countries before their Judgment is prepared and made fit to make useful Reflections and Observations on the World before their minds are possessed with solid Principles of Virtue and with a deep sense of Religion so as not to be in great danger from the temptations which they are sure to meet with in most places Before they know any thing at home it is too soon to send them abroad Before they know themselves a little it is not advisable to send them into the wide World to know a vast multitude of other things Hence it too often comes to pass that a great many return after their Travels greater Fools than they went they bring back nothing but a load 〈◊〉 the Vices and Vanities of other Countries Thirdly Let not over-great fondness blind your Eyes so as not to see the Faults of your Children nor cause you to stop your Ears against just complaints It 's true there are some wicked People who love to sow Discord to kindle strife and contention to divide the nearest Relations But all a●● not so very wicked you cannot bu● know some who love you and your Children sincerely and when such Persons tell you of their Faults you ought to do the part of those who are wise as well as kind Parents that i● you ought to do all you can to reform their Faults and make them better and withal you ought to be heartil● thankful to those who do not flatter you and your Children to the hurt bot● of you and them In order to their Reformation try first all gentle Methods to make them better Endeavour to conquer them with the Weapons of Kindness and Affection endeavour by Instructions and Admonitions to make them sensible of their Faults Use Promises and Encouragements to allure them to do what they ought if these gentler Methods do not succeed 't is fit to use Reproof to rebuke them sharply Reproofs of Instruction saith Solomon Prov. 6. 23. are the way of Life When Threatnings are necessary make
2. 24. he said Therefore shall a Man leave his Father and Mother and cleave unto his Wife and they shall be one Flesh. Now by Virtue of this near Relation and close Union they ought to have a tender regard for the Interests and Concerns of one another and the dearer any thing is to the one the greater affection ought the other to have towards it As therefore 't is past all doubt that Children are the dearest and most valued and beloved Earthly thing that Natural Parents have upon this account it is very reasonable that Step-Parents should express a great Regard and Affection for them 2. This is the way to preserve and to increase that mutual Love which ought to be 'twixt Man and Wife If a Step-Parent is kind and loving to the Children and careful to promote their Happiness and Welfare it cannot but have an Influence on the Natural Parent so as to produce an Increase of Love and Respect which will render the lives of the married Persons very easie and comfortable Whereas on the other hand if Step-Parents are rough unkind and unnatural to their Step-Children it must needs cause a great deal of mischief it will certainly cool if not quite alienate the affection of the Natural Parent and when once this happens there is thenceforth nothing but strife and contention jealousies and suspicions which are ordinarily attended with very sad and dreadful effects to the utter Ruin of one or t'other Party if not of both 3. This is the way to make the Children very respectful and kind and very dutiful and obedient to them when they use them kindly are careful to seek their happiness and welfare and carry themselves towards them in all respects as they ought to do Whereas on the contrary by being unkind to them and unconcerned for their happiness and welfare they provoke them to hate them and to prove Disrespectful and Disobedient to them 4. This is the way to gain a great deal of Love and Respect from all those who are Related to the Deceased Parents who cannot chuse but resent it very kindly when they see the Children of their Friends well used and taken care of both as to their Souls and Bodies This will make them ready upon all occasions to serve them and to do them the best Offices which are in their power Whereas on the other hand if they see the poor Children of their Deceased Friends neglected and contemned wrong'd and abus'd by unkind Step-Parents they must needs take it in very ill part and resent it heavily yea and all other Persons who see or hear of such unkindness severity and injustice towards poor Children cannot chuse but think very ill of those who discover themselves to be altogether void not only of Religion but of Humanity also From what hath been said it appears how very just and reasonable it is for Step-Parents to be heartily concerned both for the Spiritual and Temporal welfare and happiness of their Children And therefore how much are they to be Condemned who make no Conscience at all of doing any thing for the benefit of either their Souls or Bodies As to their Souls some Step-Parents are so far from endeavouring to season them with good Impressions and to fortifie them against Tentations that they themselves are their greatest Tentation and do them the greatest hurt and prejudice As to their Bodies they grudge them necessary Food and Rayment and seldom let them have any thing with good will And as to their Outward Estate they are so far from improving for their Advantage the Portion of Worldly Goods that belongeth to them that on the contrary they use their utmost Policy to rob them and to disinherit them that they may build their own Childrens Fortune upon the others Ruin for which end they make it their business to alienate the Affection of their Natural Parent they invent a great many wicked and malicious Stories which with great boldness and impudence they fasten upon them and they never give over working and undermining till they have brought about their cruel and cursed Devices But surely he that sits in Heaven and beholds all their contrivances even he who is the God of Recompences will in due time bring to Light their hidden Works of Darkness and will vindicate the cause of those poor Children and render to their cruel Persecutors according to their Works he will fooner or later cause them to feel the heavy Load of his Just and Terrible Indignation The Duties of Guardians GUardians are either chosen by Parents before their Death or by Children themselves after their Parents Decease or by the Magistrate Which way soever they are chosen their Duty is to do what they can for the benefit and advantage of their Pupils both in Spiritual and Temporal Things As to their Souls they must take care of their good Education according to their Age and Capacity If they are not as yet taught to read they ought to make choice of a skilful and prudent Schoolmaster or Tutor for them of whose fitness for such a Charge they are well assured But they must not so intrust them to the Care of such Persons as never to mind them more themselves They ought to enquire after them now and then and either by themselves or others more fit for it make tryal of their proficiency that so they may be able to judge and resolve what is further to be done for them As for the way of training them up in true Piety the Directions given to Parents are to be observed and practised As to their Bodies the former Directions likewise to Parents concerning Childrens Diet and Apparel ought to be followed As to their outward Estate when they are fit for a Trade or some sort of business they ought to take care to settle them in good Company so far as is possible and in such a way of living as is most agreeable to their Genius and Inclination and which their Friends and Relations reckon most sutable and convenient for them It will afford great peace and satisfaction to Guardians whatever be the Event if in this matter they have a due regard to Childrens own Inclination and to the Opinion of their Friends and Relations As to their Marriage when it is time to dispose of them that way they onght to do nothing by force and violence They must not constrain them to Marry unless they have a mind themselves And tho' they are not bound absolutely to approve of those whom their Pupils fancy without any regard to their fitness yet they are obliged by the Law of Justice and Equity not to impose upon them such Matches as they cannot like As to their Patrimony and Inheritance they ought to improve it as much as may be for the Childrens good and to employ it wholly for their use except so far as the Law does allow them their necessary Charges in which they ought to govern themselves by that Golden-Rule Mat.
to Christian Parents That you may the better act your part 't is fit for you when you call your selves to an account about your Lives and Conversations to make enquiry particularly how you perform the Duties of Parents towards your Children as to their Souls their Bodies and Outward Concerns And if upon serious enquiry you find that you sincerely endeavour to do whatever you know your selves to be bound to do for them then bless and praise God who gives you both to will and to do according to his good Pleasure Beg his pardon for those Imperfections and Defects that attend all Humane Actions Resolve to go on and not to grow weary in your Duty towards them that so they may be as happy in all respects as is possible for you by the help of God to make them But if upon inquiry you find that you have been very negligent in your duty towards your Children that you have done very little good for their Souls and not what you should and might have done for their Bodies and outward Estate and that perhaps you have done them a great deal of hurt by your Evil Counsel and Prophane and Wretched Example that you have led them on in the Broad Way which leads to the Chambers of Death that you have robbed God who bestowed them on you of their Service and Obedience and have made them the Servants of Sin that you have contributed to the making them Heirs of Wrath and Children of Disobedience who were made by their Baptism Children of God and Inheritors of the Kingdom of Heaven that you have done what tended to destroy eternally those Souls and Bodies which God intrusted with you that you might take care of them and do what you could to make them happy If I say upon enquiry into your hearts and lives you find your selves guilty of those things how great reason have you to be in bitterness and grief of Heart to weep and lament to abhor your selves in Dust and Ashes to confess and acknowledge your Sins with great Humility and Contrition to implore the Divine Mercy and Forgiveness with all earnestness for the sake of his dear Son to resolve and purpose sincerely to amend your ways and doings to beg Grace from God that he would assist you that he would compass you about with his Salvation and never leave you nor forsake you that he would give you his Holy Spirit to sanctifie you to wash and cleanse you to lead and guide you to support and strengthen you to revive and quicken you to carry you from strength to strength and from Grace to Grace till you come and appear before him in Sion Consider the particular things wherein you have hurt the Souls of your Children and failed in your Duty to them as to their Bodies and Outward Concerns And the more you find you have done amiss resolve so much the more to be zealous to do them good to double your diligence in promoting the welfare and happiness both of their Souls and Bodies Tell them so far as is meet what you now see and feel let them know that you have been out of the way that you have misled them and brought both your selves and them in danger of being undone and ruined Eternally Tell them what you resolve to do and what you and they ought to do and must do or else that you will certainly perish Delay not to do this one moment fly like a Bird out of the Snare of the Fowler Your Souls lie at the stake and therefore do what Men use to do to save their Lives Skin for Skin and all that a Man hath will be give for his Life Men are ready to part with any thing to save their Lives They 'l part with House and Lands with Silver and Gold with their whole Estate and Substance to save their Bodies alive which must die at last and for ought they know may die within a very few days or hours How much more ought you that you may save your own Souls and the Souls of your Children to part with your ●ile and unruly Lusts and Passions your vain foolish Habits and Customs which are your reproach and dishonour which are the worst things in the World which can do you no good if you hold them still but will certainly do you a great deal of mischief They will prove the cause of your destruction they will deprive you of all that is good and excellent they will cut you off from the favour of God the Love of Christ and the fellowship of the Blessed Spirit they will likewise deprive you of the Assistance and Ministry of the Holy Angels and the Comfortable Society of the Saints departed they will exclude you for ever from the Kingdom of Heaven the Crown of Righteousness the Peace the Joy the Love and Glory of the future State All this your sins will deprive you of and instead thereof they will expose you to the Wrath of God to the devouring fire to Everlasting Burnings to blackness of darkness to weeping and gnashing of Teeth to the wretched and cursed Company of Devils and damned Souls to the Worm which never dieth which will gnaw you and torment you for ever And will you chuse all this rather than part with your Lusts that you may be for ever happy and have fulness of Joy and Pleasures for evermore Will you be so mad as to prefer Hell and Death everlasting Misery and Woe to Heaven and Everlasting Life to Blessedness and Glory And will you still continue to be so cruel to your poor Children as to draw them along with you to the bottomless Pit Now is the time for you to become either happy or miserable if you repent and amend and act the part of Wise and Religious Parents you may be happy for God will have Mercy upon you Isa. 55. 7. Let the wicked forsake his way and the unrighteous Man his Thoughts And let him return unto the Lord and he will have Mercy upon him and to our God for he will abundantly pardon Follow therefore the Example of the Psalmist Psal. 119. 59 60. I thought on my ways and turned my feet unto thy Testimonies I made haste and delayed not to keep thy Commandments Resolve without delay to forsake your wicked Customs and Practices Begin in earnest to work out your own Salvation and do all that lies in your power to make your Children wise and good But if instead of this you continue in your sin and folly setting at naught God's Counsels and despising his Reproofs putting the Evil day far from you promising your selves peace and safety tho' you walk after your own Hearts Lusts making a mock at Sin and laughing at all that is sacred and serious and by your wicked Example destroying the Souls and Bodies of your poor Children then assure your selves God will not be mocked he will at last whet his Sword and bend his Bow and make ready his Arrows against his
7. 12. All things whatsoever ye would that Men should do to you do ye even so to them Some Motives to excite Guardians to do these Things The first thing which should stir up Guardians to perform their Duty towards their Pupils is A Sense of Justice When they are chosen for this End if they have no mind to undertake such a Charge or if they cannot attend it they ought to declare so much and peremptorily to refuse it that so care may be taken to get some other Body who will undertake it But when once they have undertaken it they ought to make Conscience of it and to do all that is in their power for the Childrens welfare and happiness in every thing 'T is both their Duty and Interest to fulfill their Ingagement and to act that part which they have undertaken which if they perform wisely and faithfully then they may expect the Praise Love and Esteem of not only the Children themselves and of their Relations but likewise of all good and worthy Persons who see or hear of their Fidelity and Carefulness for the benefit of their Pupils If Care is not taken in this manner to fulfill what is undertaken to be done and if there is no respect had to Covenants Trusts and Ingagements then the very Foundation of the Happiness of Society is subverted If there is no regard to Truth and Justice what a miserable thing must it be to live in Society To be united by any civil ●yes to those whose Promises and Ingagements are worse than none at all 2. Does not A Sense of Honour oblige Guardians to be careful of their Pupils and true and faithful to them 'T was the Opinion of their kindness and faithfulness and of their fitness and worthiness for such a Charge which made them be chosen before others And therefore if they have any thing in them of true worth if they have any sense of Honour they must needs strive to answer the Expectation of those who have testified so great a value and esteem for them 3 dly Does not Charity oblige Guardians to do these things Orphans have always been reckoned amongst the greatest Objects of Charity especially when they are very Young and are not able either in respect of Body or Mind to do any thing for themselves So great is God's Compassion and Tenderness towards such Children that he has been Graciously pleased to declare himself to be The Father of the Fatherless 'T is therefore the Duty of All who are Followers of God as dear Children especially of those who are chosen to perform so Charitable an Office as this I say it is their Duty to omit nothing that is needful to be done for the benefit of Fatherless Children both in their Spiritual and Temporal concerns We see a very worthy President and Example in Mordecai Esth. 2. Esther's Father and Mother being dead Mordecai took her and she was to him as his own Daughter How careful was he both of her Soul and Body How well did he instruct her As may be easily gathered from her Wise and Pious Carriage and Behaviour And when she was taken from him we find he was still mindful of her for v. 11. 't is said Mordecai walked every day before the Court of the Womens House to know how Esther did and what should become of her We find him likewise from time to time giving her his best Advice how to carry her self and how to glorifie God in that Honourable State to which it had pleased him to raise her How worthy is such an excellent Pattern as this of the imitation of all those who are called to be the Guardians the Guides and Defenders of Fatherless Children And for their encouragement let them consider how richly God did reward the Charity and Piety of Mordecai not only in raising him up to great Honour by Esthers means but also by making her the Instrument of preserving his Life and the Lives of all the Jews who were in the Provinces belonging to Ahasuerus From what hath been said it appears how great Reason there is for Guardians to be true and faithful to the Interests of their Pupils and to do all that ever they can for their Spiritual and Temporal Advantage Now if it be their Duty to do so what shall be said of those who are not only careless of seeking their good but do likewise too successfully seek their hurt and ruine As to their Souls they corrupt and poyson them by their wicked Example and by Atheistical Principles which they instill into them they breed them up in all manner of Licentiousness As to their Bodies they either too far gratifie their vanity and folly or they are too niggardly towards them in withholding from them not only Conveniencies but Necessaries As to their outward Estate they either suffer them to live idly or they put them forth to some Trade or other very unfit and unsutable to them And when they are fit for Marriage they force them to Marry as they think good according as they see it will best serve their own private and worldly base and vile Interests without ever regarding the Happiness of their Pupils As for their Patrimony and Inheritance they are so far from improving it that they impair it wofully and sometimes quite consume and waste it they study a great many Arts and Wiles to ruine the poor Children whom they have got into their merciless hands Instead of proving their Guardians they prove their Robbers instead of being as Parents to them they prove betrayers of them and their most Dangerous and Cruel Enemies But shall they escape who do such things No They shall not He who is the helper of the Fatherless will plead their Cause and will avenge them of those Treacherous and Perfidious Persons For He beholdeth mischief to requite it Ps. 10. 14. I shall conclude this Advice with what is written Ex. 22. 22. c. Ye shall not afflict any fatherless Child If thou afflict them in any wise and they cry at all unto me I will surely hear their cry And my wrath shall wax hot and I will kill you with the Sword And your Wives shall be Widows and your Children Fatherless And Prov. 23. 10 11. Enter not into the fields of the Fatherless for their Redeemer is mighty He shall plead their Cause with thee PRAYERS FOR FAMILIES A Morning Prayer for Parents or Masters of Families with their Family O Most Gracious and Merciful Lord God who affords us thy unworthy Servants the Honour and Liberty of drawing near unto thee Assist us by thy good Spirit to Worship thee with sincere Devotion to lift up Holy Hands without wrath and doubting We acknowledge O Lord we deserve not to appear in thy sight for we are not only Vile and Sinful by Nature being the corrupt Posterity of Sinful Parents but likewise we are Guilty of a great many actual Transgressions in our Thoughts Words and Deeds