press_v very_o much_o upon_o i_o this_o day_n which_o bless_a counsel_n my_o desire_n and_o prayer_n be_v that_o the_o lord_n will_v frame_v and_o mould_v i_o into_o gather_v up_o my_o soul_n more_o into_o jesus_n christ_n and_o out_o of_o all_o other_o thing_n whatsoever_o the_o 24._o of_o this_o 7_o month_n be_v the_o lord_n day_n i_o be_v in_o expectation_n to_o have_v hear_v mr._n knight_n but_o when_o i_o come_v to_o fulham_n there_o be_v a_o stranger_n and_o when_o i_o hear_v he_o to_o pray_v so_o strange_o i_o be_v strike_v with_o a_o exceed_a damp_n wish_v myself_o somewhere_o else_o yet_o desire_v to_o still_o my_o spirit_n and_o to_o wait_v upon_o the_o lord_n who_o be_v able_a to_o hint_n out_o somewhat_o that_o may_v be_v of_o advantage_n to_o i_o he_o speak_v from_o joh_n 5._o 25._o in_o which_o he_o show_v we_o that_o man_n may_v be_v alive_a natural_o and_o yet_o dead_a spiritual_o and_o so_o press_v we_o to_o the_o trial_n of_o our_o estate_n which_o i_o think_v may_v be_v a_o call_n from_o god_n to_o check_v i_o for_o my_o neglect_n in_o this_o work_n and_o to_o put_v i_o upon_o that_o duty_n he_o tell_v we_o that_o god_n be_v the_o life_n of_o the_o soul_n as_o the_o soul_n be_v the_o life_n of_o the_o body_n and_o when_o god_n be_v depart_v from_o the_o soul_n it_o be_v dead_a and_o that_o which_o make_v god_n depart_v be_v sin_n prove_v from_o isa_n 59_o 2._o in_o which_o scripture_n i_o think_v the_o lord_n do_v secret_o hint_n to_o my_o soul_n that_o my_o sin_n be_v the_o cause_n of_o all_o the_o withdrawing_n of_o the_o light_n of_o his_o face_n and_o manifestation_n of_o his_o gracious_a presence_n from_o i_o and_o of_o his_o seem_n not_o to_o hear_v the_o desire_n and_o prayer_n offer_v up_o to_o he_o which_o discovery_n i_o look_v upon_o as_o a_o answer_n of_o my_o desire_n and_o prayer_n that_o day_n and_o as_o a_o appearance_n of_o he_o through_o his_o instruction_n this_o day_n the_o 25._o of_o this_o 7._o month_n the_o lord_n in_o the_o morning_n draw_v out_o my_o heart_n to_o beg_v of_o he_o that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o be_v present_a that_o day_n be_v to_o go_v to_o my_o aunt_n dogget_n to_o guide_v and_o direct_v i_o in_o all_o my_o word_n and_o action_n be_v some_o what_o distract_v and_o disturb_v in_o my_o own_o thought_n and_o mind_n and_o not_o so_o content_o submit_v to_o all_o the_o providence_n of_o god_n as_o i_o ought_v to_o do_v and_o after_o some_o discourse_n and_o hot_a dispute_n at_o dinner_n between_o mr._n aldgate_n and_o myself_o at_o which_o time_n i_o deal_v plain_o with_o he_o according_a to_o my_o poor_a measure_n after_o which_o mrs._n aldgate_n very_o unexpected_o from_o i_o and_o unusual_o from_o she_o be_v very_o earnest_a to_o have_v i_o go_v and_o read_v in_o a_o little_a book_n of_o she_o concern_v content_a marvel_v in_o my_o mind_n at_o this_o strange_a and_o unusual_a thing_n in_o she_o look_v upon_o it_o as_o some_o providence_n happy_o to_o i_o who_o have_v see_v the_o book_n before_o but_o look_v upon_o it_o in_o a_o slight_a cursory_a way_n and_o not_o with_o any_o valuation_n of_o it_o yet_o now_o i_o think_v that_o happy_o the_o lord_n may_v have_v some_o thing_n to_o speak_v to_o i_o out_o of_o it_o and_o so_o i_o take_v the_o book_n and_o go_v to_o read_v therein_o for_o a_o hour_n or_o more_o and_o true_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o lead_v i_o to_o most_o sensible_a and_o seasonable_a thing_n to_o the_o frame_n of_o my_o wretched_a spirit_n by_o which_o it_o convince_v i_o that_o i_o do_v not_o content_o submit_v to_o his_o will_n in_o all_o condition_n for_o if_o i_o do_v then_o there_o will_v be_v a_o silence_n in_o my_o spirit_n yea_o a_o joyful_a frame_n of_o spirit_n yea_o a_o continue_v give_v thanks_o to_o he_o and_o many_o such_o like_a thing_n by_o way_n of_o discovery_n together_o with_o many_o sensible_a direction_n and_o instruction_n which_o i_o desire_v to_o acknowledge_v as_o a_o mercy_n bege_v that_o the_o lord_n will_v make_v these_o hint_n effectual_a to_o my_o soul_n the_o 27._o of_o the_o 7._o month_n expect_v that_o our_o brother_n â—ental_a be_v to_o preach_v that_o day_n i_o have_v some_o discouragement_n whether_o to_o go_v or_o no_o but_o at_o last_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o give_v a_o turn_n to_o my_o spirit_n and_o upon_o one_o account_n or_o a_o other_o i_o at_o last_o resolve_v to_o go_v and_o see_v what_o the_o lord_n will_v do_v for_o i_o there_o desire_v to_o wait_v upon_o he_o and_o withal_o tell_v he_o in_o the_o morning_n that_o he_o have_v gracious_o appear_v to_o my_o soul_n and_o give_v i_o eminent_a token_n of_o his_o appearance_n through_o weak_a instrument_n beseech_v he_o to_o add_v one_o mercy_n more_o this_o day_n and_o give_v my_o soul_n a_o real_a visit_n from_o heaven_n through_o whatever_o instrument_n he_o shall_v please_v to_o use_v but_o oh_o my_o soul_n how_o gracious_o be_v the_o lord_n please_v to_o bow_v down_o and_o condescend_v to_o answer_n those_o poor_a scatter_a desire_n and_o vouchsafe_v my_o soul_n a_o most_o fit_a and_o seasonable_a word_n this_o day_n by_o that_o our_o brother_n who_o speak_v from_o matth._n 6._o take_v no_o thought_n what_o you_o shall_v eat_v or_o drink_v or_o wherewith_o you_o shall_v be_v clothe_v whence_o he_o show_v the_o lord_n jesus_n do_v great_o forbid_v all_o cark_n care_n or_o solicitude_n of_o spirit_n about_o present_a enjoyment_n or_o future_a event_n together_o with_o many_o other_o seasonable_a instruction_n reprehension_n and_o direction_n to_o wait_v upon_o the_o lord_n and_o rest_n on_o he_o and_o cast_v all_o our_o burden_n on_o he_o and_o the_o like_a most_o seasonable_a thing_n to_o my_o wretched_a spirit_n the_o 28._o of_o this_o 7._o month_n be_v thursday_n and_o mr._n knight_n day_n to_o preach_v at_o the_o abbey_n i_o have_v strong_a desire_n to_o hear_v he_o and_o yet_o somewhat_o discourage_v from_o some_o passage_n of_o providence_n fear_v whether_o or_o no_o i_o go_v out_o of_o desire_n only_o to_o hear_v which_o lie_v somewhat_o heavy_a upon_o i_o and_o great_o oppress_v my_o spirit_n cause_v it_o to_o breath_n out_o to_o the_o lord_n after_o this_o manner_n that_o if_o he_o do_v see_v my_o heart_n not_o to_o be_v set_v aright_o to_o seek_v he_o and_o he_o only_o in_o this_o undertake_n that_o he_o will_v please_v some_o way_n or_o other_o to_o hinder_v i_o or_o cause_v some_o special_a providence_n or_o other_o to_o instruct_v i_o and_o keep_v i_o from_o rush_v on_o this_o undertake_n on_o any_o self-end_n or_o design_n whatever_o beseech_v he_o to_o guide_v i_o lead_v and_o instruct_v i_o this_o day_n and_o vouchsafe_v his_o glorious_a presence_n with_o my_o soul_n and_o the_o pour_v out_o of_o his_o spirit_n upon_o his_o servant_n that_o be_v to_o speak_v to_o we_o and_o true_o i_o desire_v to_o acknowledge_v to_o the_o praise_n of_o god_n that_o he_o be_v please_v much_o to_o deaden_v my_o heart_n to_o the_o creature_n before_o i_o go_v out_o and_o to_o put_v it_o into_o a_o frame_n desirous_a to_o wait_v for_o any_o discovery_n from_o he_o when_o he_o please_v expect_v all_o the_o way_n as_o we_o go_v whether_o the_o lord_n will_v please_v to_o suffer_v we_o to_o go_v through_o yea_o or_o nay_o desire_v not_o to_o murmur_v at_o he_o in_o it_o but_o to_o submit_v quiet_o to_o his_o will_n in_o what_o manner_n soever_o he_o shall_v please_v to_o reveal_v it_o but_o be_v not_o by_o any_o providence_n prevent_v in_o the_o way_n we_o go_v where_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v great_o to_o draw_v out_o master_n knight_n heart_n in_o prayer_n in_o such_o suitable_a thing_n as_o if_o the_o lord_n from_o heaven_n shall_v say_v i_o know_v thy_o want_n and_o weakness_n and_o will_v supply_v they_o providence_n cast_v he_o upon_o the_o same_o thought_n speak_v in_o the_o five_o chapter_n of_o john_n and_o the_o five_o and_o twenty_o verse_n the_o lord_n again_o by_o it_o check_v i_o for_o my_o neglect_n of_o examination_n of_o my_o spiritual_a life_n the_o end_n of_o the_o second_o book_n the_o three_o book_n of_o experience_n which_o the_o lord_n have_v give_v my_o soul_n of_o the_o gracious_a answer_n and_o return_n of_o prayer_n etc._n etc._n these_o record_n i_o desire_v to_o leave_v of_o god_n appearance_n to_o my_o soul_n from_o time_n to_o time_n which_o i_o trust_v if_o my_o wicked_a heart_n deceive_v i_o not_o be_v do_v upon_o this_o account_n that_o wherein_o i_o have_v fail_v in_o my_o life-time_n in_o declare_v how_o good_a the_o lord_n have_v be_v to_o such_o a_o wretch_n as_o i_o be_o i_o may_v yet_o leave_v a_o good_a report_n
into_o my_o spirit_n to_o beat_v i_o off_o from_o that_o pitch_n of_o faith_n which_o i_o then_o find_v my_o spirit_n breathe_v after_o viz._n that_o where_o the_o lord_n give_v such_o great_a strength_n of_o faith_n or_o any_o other_o grace_n he_o give_v also_o as_o great_a trial_n and_o that_o therefore_o if_o i_o have_v the_o one_o i_o must_v expect_v the_o other_o also_o and_o so_o shall_v not_o only_o be_v a_o mean_n to_o pull_v down_o sorrow_n affliction_n and_o trial_n upon_o my_o own_o head_n but_o also_o in_o lie_v under_o they_o and_o so_o sad_o dishonour_n god_n as_o now_o i_o do_v which_o at_o the_o present_a do_v somewhat_o take_v of_o the_o edge_n of_o my_o affection_n and_o weaken_v my_o former_a desire_n until_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o discover_v to_o i_o that_o it_o be_v a_o mere_a temptation_n whether_o from_o satan_n or_o my_o own_o heart_n my_o deceitful_a but_o subtle_a enemy_n to_o scare_v i_o with_o such_o fear_n which_o temptation_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o enable_v i_o to_o overcome_v with_o grief_n that_o i_o shall_v in_o the_o least_o parley_n with_o it_o and_o again_o to_o renew_v my_o former_a desire_n and_o withal_o to_o beg_v his_o continual_a presence_n with_o i_o in_o all_o whatever_o trial_n and_o condition_n he_o shall_v bring_v i_o under_o that_o he_o will_v keep_v i_o from_o dishonour_v he_o under_o they_o and_o manifest_v himself_o to_o i_o through_o they_o and_o then_o to_o do_v with_o i_o as_o seem_v he_o good_a a_o few_o day_n after_o as_o i_o be_v one_o evening_n write_v a_o letter_n unto_o a_o dear_a kinswoman_n of_o i_o who_o at_o that_o time_n lie_v under_o some_o sad_a dispensation_n from_o the_o lord_n whereupon_o i_o take_v occasion_n to_o urge_v that_o promise_n upon_o she_o in_o rom._n 8._o 28._o and_o we_o know_v that_o all_o thing_n work_v together_o for_o good_a to_o they_o that_o love_n god_n etc._n etc._n which_o while_o i_o be_v endeavour_v to_o press_v upon_o she_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o cause_v it_o to_o fall_v with_o mighty_a power_n upon_o my_o heart_n which_o be_v set_v home_o upon_o my_o spirit_n not_o only_o as_o that_o which_o i_o shall_v rest_v upon_o and_o expect_v the_o performance_n of_o but_o as_o that_o which_o i_o have_v have_v much_o experience_n through_o all_o the_o deal_n of_o god_n with_o i_o to_o have_v be_v continual_o make_v good_a so_o that_o the_o experience_n which_o the_o lord_n have_v give_v i_o of_o his_o deal_n with_o my_o soul_n for_o many_o year_n in_o all_o the_o affliction_n and_o exercise_n i_o have_v lyen_fw-we under_o whether_o in_o body_n or_o mind_n in_o loss_n of_o relation_n or_o comfort_n etc._n etc._n yea_o the_o very_a withhold_n â—he_v light_a of_o god_n face_n which_o be_v life_n itself_o â—_o do_v testify_v to_o the_o truth_n of_o this_o word_n have_v be_v all_o of_o they_o by_o the_o lord_n bring_v and_o wrought_v about_o for_o my_o good_a the_o lord_n enable_v i_o to_o cleave_v the_o close_a to_o himself_o and_o take_v the_o fast_o hold_v of_o he_o from_o the_o consideration_n of_o all_o which_o there_o fall_v this_o far_a hint_n with_o some_o weight_n upon_o my_o spirit_n that_o it_o shall_v also_o be_v even_o so_o with_o i_o in_o respect_n of_o those_o corruption_n that_o i_o be_v still_o pester_v with_o and_o groan_v under_o but_o there_o be_v yet_o especial_o at_o some_o time_n many_o confuse_a fear_n upon_o my_o spirit_n which_o i_o can_v give_v very_o little_a reason_n for_o upon_o the_o second_o day_n of_o the_o eleven_o month_n 1652._o be_v the_o first_o day_n of_o the_o week_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v yet_o further_o to_o appear_v with_o a_o very_a seasonable_a word_n to_o my_o soul_n which_o do_v much_o refresh_v it_o it_o be_v thus_o mr._n knight_n be_v in_o the_o afternoon_n in_o his_o ministry_n at_o fulham_n upon_o that_o scripture_n in_o heb._n 2._o 1_o 2_o 3._o stir_v we_o up_o to_o hearken_v diligent_o to_o jesus_n christ_n and_o not_o to_o let_v any_o of_o his_o word_n at_o any_o timeslip_n out_o of_o our_o heart_n whence_o also_o he_o take_v occasion_n to_o comfort_v the_o people_n of_o god_n upon_o this_o account_n that_o christ_n shall_v think_v their_o ear_n worthy_a of_o hear_v his_o voice_n &_o that_o he_o shall_v not_o always_o send_v his_o messenger_n nor_o make_v use_n of_o instrument_n but_o shall_v often_o rather_o as_o it_o be_v choose_v to_o speak_v himsel_n at_o which_o word_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o touch_v my_o heart_n and_o to_o make_v it_o sweet_o to_o melt_v before_o he_o with_o joy_n to_o think_v that_o christ_n shall_v thus_o speak_v to_o my_o soul_n as_o i_o now_o see_v he_o have_v do_v by_o he_o 2_o year_n before_o who_o when_o he_o have_v visit_v i_o with_o that_o sore_a loss_n of_o my_o dear_a parent_n and_o cast_v i_o and_o my_o mother_n both_o upon_o our_o sick_a bed_n neither_o of_o we_o be_v able_a to_o speak_v to_o each_o other_o yea_o when_o no_o friend_n or_o creature_n either_o can_v or_o do_v endeavour_v to_o speak_v a_o word_n of_o comfort_n to_o my_o poor_a soul_n which_o be_v in_o a_o most_o sad_a condition_n for_o want_n of_o a_o clear_a sight_n of_o god_n under_o all_o these_o dispensation_n of_o his_o towards_o i_o who_o have_v as_o it_o be_v by_o his_o own_o hand_n as_o i_o now_o real_o believe_v he_o do_v shut_v up_o and_o stop_v all_o other_o mouth_n yet_o that_o now_o the_o lord_n jesus_n shall_v choose_v to_o speak_v himself_o as_o i_o find_v he_o have_v do_v in_o some_o measure_n support_v my_o spirit_n which_o be_v ready_a to_o sink_v and_o give_v up_o under_o the_o heavy_a burden_n it_o lay_v both_o of_o the_o sense_n of_o guilt_n and_o wrath_n all_o which_o be_v put_v together_o oh_o how_o do_v the_o sight_n of_o his_o love_n both_o melt_v and_o cheer_v my_o heart_n then_o do_v the_o lord_n also_o the_o next_o day_n be_v the_o second_o day_n of_o the_o same_o week_n bring_v to_o my_o mimd_n and_o thought_n those_o word_n that_o be_v record_v of_o job_n in_o job_n 9_o 11._o which_o after_o i_o have_v pause_v a_o little_a upon_o contrary_a to_o my_o intention_n or_o thought_n i_o go_v on_o still_o read_v though_o but_o in_o a_o brief_a quick_a way_n be_v straighten_v of_o time_n for_o it_o be_v late_o in_o the_o evening_n but_o i_o take_v a_o view_n of_o the_o whole_a book_n of_o job_n until_o i_o come_v to_o the_o end_n of_o it_o and_o the_o thing_n in_o general_a that_o be_v hint_v to_o i_o and_o fall_v upon_o my_o spirit_n from_o the_o whole_a be_v this_o that_o none_o of_o all_o job_n friend_n who_o endeavour_v to_o speak_v to_o he_o can_v neither_o hint_n out_o a_o word_n of_o comfort_n or_o of_o conviction_n to_o he_o in_o this_o sad_a estate_n none_o of_o all_o their_o word_n take_v hold_v at_o all_o upon_o his_o spirit_n until_o god_n himself_o come_v to_o speak_v and_o then_o one_o word_n of_o god_n do_v it_o make_v he_o cry_v out_o job_n 40._o 45._o behold_v i_o be_o vile_a what_o shall_v i_o answer_v thou_o i_o will_v lay_v my_o hand_n upon_o my_o mouth_n once_o have_v i_o speak_v but_o i_o will_v not_o answer_v yea_o twice_o but_o i_o will_v proceed_v no_o further_o and_o again_o job_n 42._o 5_o 6._o i_o have_v hear_v of_o thou_o by_o the_o hear_n of_o the_o ear_n but_o now_o my_o eye_n see_v thou_o therefore_o i_o abhor_v myself_o and_o repent_v in_o dust_n and_o ash_n that_o be_v as_o i_o conceive_v when_o god_n speak_v which_o cause_v i_o strong_o to_o reflect_v upon_o my_o own_o heart_n thereby_o call_v to_o mind_n how_o many_o instruction_n conviction_n and_o comfort_n have_v be_v from_o time_n to_o time_n for_o many_o year_n pass_v by_o several_a friend_n and_o servant_n of_o god_n hold_v out_o to_o i_o which_o never_o take_v any_o hold_n at_o all_o upon_o my_o spirit_n but_o when_o god_n himself_o will_v take_v in_o hand_n to_o speak_v he_o can_v bring_v thing_n past_a and_o go_v quite_o back_o again_o as_o he_o do_v the_o sun_n upon_o it_o he_o dial_n of_o ahaz_n 2_o king_n 22._o 11._o and_o bring_v they_o fresh_a into_o memory_n and_o cause_n the_o soul_n to_o see_v his_o hand_n and_o work_v in_o all_o and_o so_o to_o abhor_v itself_o for_o those_o abominable_a unbelieved_a thought_n and_o jealousy_n of_o god_n that_o have_v be_v upon_o its_o heart_n when_o as_o the_o lord_n have_v as_o it_o be_v take_v all_o opportunity_n to_o beget_v in_o the_o soul_n good_a and_o honourable_a thought_n of_o he_o then_o hear_v this_o same_o night_n that_o mr._n simpson_n be_v next_o morning_n be_v the_o three_o day_n of_o this_o week_n to_o begin_v his_o lecture_n in_o friday_n street_n
&_o 66._o 16._o 1_o tim._n 1._o 13_o 14_o 15_o 16._o act._n 22._o there_o be_v also_o sudden_o after_o this_o present_v to_o i_o as_o one_o thing_n that_o the_o lord_n may_v aim_v at_o in_o this_o touch_n of_o he_o even_o to_o mind_n i_o that_o i_o have_v not_o that_o degree_n of_o compassion_n or_o fellow_n feel_v as_o i_o ought_v of_o that_o affliction_n which_o in_o some_o respect_n in_o the_o same_o kind_n though_o in_o a_o great_a degree_n lie_v upon_o our_o sister_n arnat_a by_o reason_n of_o a_o great_a fever_n and_o doubtless_o there_o may_v be_v something_o in_o this_o though_o i_o shall_v also_o wrong_v myself_o shall_v i_o not_o acknowledge_v much_o and_o continue_a work_v in_o my_o heart_n for_o and_o towards_o she_o which_o oft_o occasion_v i_o to_o spread_v her_o condition_n before_o the_o lord_n according_a to_o my_o poor_a measure_n but_o upon_o the_o 25_o of_o this_o 11_o month_n in_o the_o night_n i_o have_v little_a or_o no_o rest_n by_o reason_n of_o the_o great_a distemper_n which_o lie_v upon_o i_o and_o real_o i_o do_v not_o well_o know_v whether_o the_o distemper_n of_o my_o body_n or_o my_o mind_n be_v the_o great_a but_o both_o meeting_n it_o lay_v somewhat_o heavy_a upon_o the_o flesh_n which_o think_v itself_o ready_a to_o give_v up_o under_o it_o but_o my_o thought_n be_v continual_o work_v i_o find_v in_o my_o spirit_n a_o great_a natural_a reluctancy_n against_o death_n which_o seem_v at_o time_n as_o it_o be_v to_o approach_v often_o think_v that_o it_o be_v not_o possible_a in_o natural_a reason_n that_o i_o can_v continue_v until_o morning_n yet_o say_v i_o nothing_o for_o fear_v of_o affright_v my_o mother_n yet_o have_v i_o also_o between_o time_n a_o great_a desire_n together_o with_o a_o kind_n of_o persuasion_n that_o for_o all_o this_o i_o shall_v be_v enable_v to_o hear_v mr._n knight_n next_o morning_n who_o turn_n it_o be_v to_o preach_v at_o the_o chapel_n at_o fulham_n thus_o i_o say_v find_v in_o my_o spirit_n some_o kind_n of_o reluctancy_n at_o death_n of_o which_o consider_v a_o little_a it_o be_v that_o corruption_n which_o i_o think_v have_v now_o be_v in_o some_o good_a measure_n crucify_v but_o find_v it_o still_o to_o work_v up_o be_v no_o small_a trouble_n to_o i_o which_o together_o with_o many_o other_o fear_n that_o lay_v upon_o my_o spirit_n as_o that_o i_o shall_v not_o be_v enable_v to_o sanctify_v the_o name_n of_o god_n or_o honour_v he_o under_o this_o affliction_n which_o be_v indeed_o the_o ground_n of_o my_o trouble_n at_o the_o approach_n of_o death_n and_o if_o i_o know_v my_o heart_n in_o any_o measure_n that_o only_o which_o i_o resolve_v in_o myself_o to_o declare_v to_o some_o friend_n i_o shall_v meet_v at_o fulham_n next_o day_n if_o the_o lord_n shall_v please_v to_o enable_v i_o to_o go_v and_o so_o beg_v their_o remembrance_n at_o the_o throne_n of_o grace_n but_o be_v enable_v to_o consider_v better_o of_o it_o i_o be_v give_v to_o see_v that_o it_o be_v nothing_o but_o a_o mere_a temptation_n to_o distrust_v the_o power_n and_o love_n of_o god_n to_o think_v as_o if_o he_o shall_v now_o bring_v i_o into_o that_o condition_n that_o he_o will_v not_o carry_v i_o through_o whereupon_o i_o be_v enable_v to_o gather_v up_o my_o spirit_n a_o little_a and_o in_o some_o better_a measure_n to_o submit_v to_o the_o hand_n and_o will_n of_o my_o father_n which_o i_o be_v now_o assure_v shall_v certain_o end_v in_o his_o glory_n and_o my_o good_a and_o to_o this_o end_n i_o be_v now_o also_o enable_v again_o to_o call_v over_o that_o bless_a promise_n in_o rom._n 8._o 28._o that_o all_o thing_n shall_v work_v yea_o work_v together_o for_o good_a to_o they_o that_o love_n god_n etc._n etc._n which_o promise_n i_o have_v often_o find_v by_o experience_n have_v be_v make_v good_a to_o my_o soul_n and_o be_v therefore_o much_o trouble_v that_o any_o distrustful_a thought_n shall_v arise_v in_o i_o concern_v it_o divers_z other_o promise_n also_o before_o mention_v be_v now_o bring_v to_o my_o mind_n and_o wrought_v afresh_o upon_o my_o heart_n which_o do_v exceed_o refresh_v my_o spirit_n so_o that_o the_o first_o refreshment_n which_o i_o find_v be_v in_o my_o spirit_n and_o after_o that_o be_v a_o little_a quiet_v i_o have_v a_o little_a short_a slumber_n and_o do_v the_o lord_n so_o far_o mitigate_v my_o bodily_a distemper_n as_o that_o it_o do_v not_o hinder_v i_o from_o that_o bless_a opportunity_n next_o day_n though_o accompany_v with_o much_o bodily_a weakness_n but_o upon_o the_o 2_o day_n of_o the_o 12_o month_n 1652._o i_o find_v my_o distemper_n of_o body_n much_o abate_v in_o so_o much_o as_o i_o think_v it_o be_v now_o quite_o go_v but_o that_o very_a night_n be_v the_o lord_n please_v to_o return_v yea_o to_o heighten_v it_o constrain_a i_o to_o keep_v house_n certain_a day_n whereby_o i_o perceive_v that_o this_o work_n upon_o my_o soul_n be_v not_o yet_o accomplish_v nor_o i_o full_o acquaint_v with_o his_o mind_n and_o will_n in_o it_o which_o be_v some_o trouble_n to_o i_o whereupon_o i_o again_o beseech_v the_o lord_n to_o acquaint_v i_o with_o his_o mind_n and_o will_n in_o it_o and_o to_o sanctify_v it_o unto_o i_o give_v i_o a_o heart_n to_o submit_v to_o whatsoever_o he_o have_v yet_o further_o to_o lay_v upon_o i_o in_o which_o i_o also_o seek_v the_o prayer_n of_o his_o people_n upon_o the_o 6_o of_o this_o month_n but_o upon_o the_o seven_o day_n of_o this_o month_n providence_n offer_v some_o occasion_n whereby_o i_o be_v put_v upon_o the_o thought_n of_o part_v with_o my_o aunt_n dogget_n who_o be_v upon_o remove_n into_o the_o country_n with_o many_o thought_n there_o about_o which_o be_v now_o bring_v to_o my_o mind_n which_o occasion_v such_o a_o heavyness_n to_o possess_v my_o spirit_n upon_o other_o account_n also_o which_o come_v in_o to_o add_v to_o the_o other_o in_o so_o much_o that_o i_o be_v even_o as_o it_o be_v overwhelm_v with_o it_o until_o i_o be_v enable_v to_o vent_v it_o before_o the_o lord_n at_o which_o time_n he_o be_v please_v to_o discover_v to_o i_o that_o this_o be_v mere_o to_o return_v as_o it_o be_v from_o the_o lord_n to_o the_o creature_n for_o comfort_n and_o support_v as_o if_o he_o be_v not_o able_a abundant_o to_o make_v up_o in_o himself_o the_o want_n of_o such_o a_o comfort_n and_o relation_n if_o he_o see_v meet_v to_o deprive_v i_o of_o it_o the_o thought_n of_o which_o do_v much_o grieve_v i_o then_o do_v the_o lord_n also_o show_v i_o how_o i_o have_v continual_o provoke_v he_o in_o this_o kind_n by_o lean_v upon_o such_o poor_a reed_n and_o dige_v to_o myself_o such_o poor_a pit_n such_o break_a cistern_n as_o can_v indeed_o hold_v no_o water_n and_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n too_o much_o neglect_v he_o the_o fountain_n of_o live_a water_n jer._n 2._o 13._o yea_o while_o i_o be_v thus_o pour_v out_o my_o soul_n before_o he_o and_o lament_v my_o miserable_a and_o wretched_a folly_n he_o be_v please_v also_o to_o cast_v my_o thought_n upon_o that_o part_n of_o scripture_n i_o find_v record_v in_o 1_o king_n 11._o 9_o how_o the_o lord_n be_v angry_a with_o solomon_n because_o his_o heart_n be_v turn_v from_o the_o lord_n god_n of_o israel_n which_o have_v appear_v to_o he_o twice_o even_o so_o i_o see_v the_o lord_n have_v just_a cause_n to_o be_v angry_a with_o i_o that_o i_o shall_v thus_o again_o return_v to_o the_o creature_n and_o as_o it_o be_v make_v a_o god_n of_o it_o yea_o after_o such_o eminent_a appearance_n of_o his_o to_o my_o soul_n the_o same_o day_n do_v the_o lord_n bring_v to_o my_o mind_n that_o severe_a threaten_n against_o moab_n who_o have_v be_v at_o ease_n from_o his_o youth_n and_o be_v settle_v on_o his_o lees_n who_o have_v not_o be_v empty_v from_o vessel_n to_o vessel_n neither_o have_v go_v into_o captivity_n and_o therefore_o his_o taste_n remain_v in_o he_o and_o his_o scent_n be_v not_o change_v jer._n 48._o 11_o now_o find_v this_o give_v by_o the_o spirit_n of_o god_n as_o the_o reason_n why_o his_o scent_n remain_v even_o because_o he_o have_v not_o be_v empty_v etc._n etc._n i_o can_v not_o but_o stand_v and_o wonder_n what_o reason_n can_v be_v give_v of_o the_o corruption_n in_o my_o heart_n who_o the_o lord_n have_v not_o leave_v at_o ease_n but_o have_v often_o empty_v from_o vessel_n to_o vessel_n as_o it_o be_v try_v always_o and_o mean_v with_o i_o and_o yet_o that_o i_o shall_v still_o savour_v so_o much_o of_o the_o earth_n and_o of_o the_o old_a man_n and_o shall_v still_o so_o incline_v to_o depend_v upon_o a_o arm_n of_o flesh_n 2_o chron._n 32._o
may_v have_v cause_n to_o praise_v he_o even_o to_o all_o eternity_n for_o this_o unspeakable_a mercy_n this_o latter_a be_v write_v in_o the_o behalf_n of_o one_o in_o near_a relation_n afterward_o it_o be_v exceed_o set_v upon_o my_o heart_n not_o to_o do_v it_o only_o in_o his_o behalf_n but_o also_o in_o the_o behalf_n of_o other_o poor_a dark_a soul_n in_o relation_n to_o i_o may_v the_o 4._o oh_o my_o soul_n must_v thou_o not_o needs_o acknowledge_v the_o lord_n a_o god_n hear_v the_o very_a groan_n of_o thy_o soul_n before_o they_o be_v effectual_o put_v up_o put_v in_o at_o the_o very_a time_n a_o seasonable_a word_n into_o the_o mouth_n of_o his_o servant_n suit_v to_o thy_o trouble_n and_o fear_n support_v thy_o spirit_n under_o they_o abundant_o and_o do_v not_o the_o lord_n that_o same_o day_n may_v 4._o by_o a_o letter_n that_o as_o soon_o as_o i_o come_v home_o come_v to_o my_o hand_n give_v my_o soul_n great_a hope_n of_o a_o begin_v work_n upon_o that_o poor_a soul_n which_o come_v as_o it_o be_v as_o a_o fresh_a return_n of_o prayer_n this_o very_a person_n be_v in_o my_o heart_n in_o these_o desire_n that_o be_v then_o put_v up_o may_v 21._o the_o lord_n be_v please_v one_o evening_n very_o much_o to_o draw_v out_o my_o heart_n to_o beg_v his_o appearance_n to_o my_o soul_n in_o every_o ordinance_n in_o a_o more_o full_a and_o lively_a manner_n then_o former_o and_o next_o day_n be_v the_o first_o day_n of_o the_o week_n true_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v very_o much_o to_o appear_v in_o the_o morning_n to_o refresh_v and_o cheer_v my_o heart_n and_o so_o also_o in_o the_o ordinance_n of_o the_o supper_n for_o which_o bless_v the_o lord_n o_o my_o soul_n the_o four_o of_o the_o four_o month_n in_o the_o evening_n i_o find_v my_o heart_n very_o dead_a and_o dull_a to_o any_o spiritual_a service_n yet_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o draw_v it_o out_o in_o this_o request_n to_o he_o beg_v a_o special_a presence_n of_o his_o the_o next_o day_n both_o in_o prayer_n and_o preach_v and_o the_o ordinance_n of_o the_o supper_n beg_v the_o lord_n to_o appear_v through_o his_o servant_n that_o be_v to_o administer_v in_o his_o name_n that_o there_o may_v be_v such_o a_o lively_a presence_n and_o appearance_n of_o god_n through_o he_o as_o may_v be_v a_o token_n of_o good_a to_o my_o soul_n and_o true_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v the_o next_o day_n in_o a_o lively_a manner_n to_o appear_v not_o only_o suit_v his_o appearance_n to_o that_o dead_a dull_a frame_n my_o wretched_a heart_n be_v in_o to_o he_o but_o do_v abundant_o above_o even_o my_o expectation_n in_o some_o sense_n ride_v triumphant_o and_o glorious_o in_o the_o chariot_n of_o his_o word_n the_o 13_o of_o this_o four_o month_n in_o the_o evening_n the_o lord_n draw_v out_o my_o heart_n very_o much_o among_o other_o thing_n to_o plead_v with_o he_o to_o discover_v to_o i_o what_o the_o desire_n the_o hungring_n and_o the_o thirsting_n of_o my_o soul_n be_v indeed_o after_o tell_v he_o withal_o that_o as_o far_o as_o i_o know_v my_o own_o heart_n it_o be_v not_o after_o the_o world_n the_o profit_n pleasure_n or_o any_o thing_n in_o it_o beseech_v he_o to_o search_v and_o try_v i_o and_o if_o i_o be_v deceive_v in_o this_o to_o discover_v it_o to_o i_o and_o to_o be_v so_o far_o from_o satisfy_v any_o thirst_n of_o my_o soul_n after_o any_o thing_n beside_o himself_o as_o to_o blast_v it_o and_o to_o make_v i_o sensible_a of_o it_o and_o humble_a before_o he_o for_o it_o but_o tell_v he_o withal_o that_o he_o have_v promise_v that_o he_o that_o hunger_n and_o thirst_v after_o righteousness_n they_o shall_v be_v satisfy_v and_o fill_v and_o true_o if_o i_o know_v any_o thing_n of_o my_o own_o heart_n this_o be_v it_o my_o soul_n wait_v for_o and_o bray_v after_o to_o be_v make_v more_o like_o he_o more_o conformable_a to_o he_o to_o have_v the_o spirit_n of_o a_o child_n put_v upon_o i_o whereby_o i_o may_v be_v more_o like_a unto_o he_o and_o more_o dedicate_v and_o give_v up_o in_o all_o my_o way_n to_o he_o but_o that_o if_o it_o be_v not_o thus_o with_o i_o but_o that_o i_o be_v deceive_v in_o it_o i_o do_v then_o beg_v above_o all_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n that_o the_o lord_n will_v discover_v it_o unto_o i_o the_o 25_o of_o this_o four_o month_n my_o spirit_n wasdraw_v out_o to_o beg_v the_o lord_n appearance_n the_o next_o day_n and_o suit_v my_o heart_n to_o it_o which_o i_o find_v in_o a_o very_a dead_a &_o dull_a frame_n beseech_v the_o lord_n that_o his_o appearance_n may_v not_o answer_v that_o wretched_a frame_n my_o heart_n be_v then_o in_o but_o that_o my_o heart_n may_v be_v put_v in_o frame_n to_o meet_v with_o he_o as_o also_o that_o the_o lord_n will_v be_v please_v to_o provide_v a_o portion_n for_o every_o poor_a soul_n that_o desire_v to_o see_v his_o face_n and_o to_o seek_v his_o presence_n that_o they_o may_v find_v some_o word_n suitable_a to_o their_o condition_n and_o how_o rich_o and_o abundant_o do_v the_o lord_n answer_v each_o of_o those_o desire_n both_o in_o behalf_n of_o my_o own_o soul_n and_o also_o on_o the_o behalf_n of_o other_o how_o glorious_o do_v the_o lord_n appear_v and_o ride_v triumphant_o in_o the_o chariot_n of_o his_o word_n this_o day_n in_o the_o morning_n present_v very_o glorious_a useful_a truth_n seasonable_a to_o my_o poor_a soul_n which_o the_o lord_n enable_v i_o to_o practice_v and_o make_v use_n of_o enable_v i_o to_o improve_v the_o promise_n to_o this_o great_a work_n of_o clean_v from_o corruption_n yea_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v in_o a_o further_a way_n to_o answer_v my_o desire_n for_o other_o put_v in_o a_o very_a seasonable_a word_n of_o he_o to_o my_o cousin_n jefferson_n concern_v freewill_n who_o be_v much_o in_o my_o thought_n in_o my_o former_a request_n show_v how_o the_o promise_n be_v make_v in_o respect_n of_o our_o own_o weakness_n and_o nothingness_n for_o have_v the_o creature_n any_o power_n god_n need_v not_o promise_v to_o do_v all_o the_o lord_n have_v thus_o appear_v this_o morning_n there_o arise_v in_o my_o heart_n a_o question_n at_o noon_n whether_o i_o shall_v not_o public_o by_o mr._n knight_n offer_v up_o praise_n to_o the_o lord_n for_o this_o appearance_n of_o he_o but_o through_o many_o fear_n that_o arise_v upon_o my_o spirit_n lest_o it_o may_v be_v misconstrue_v as_o if_o i_o do_v desire_v to_o appear_v to_o be_v somebody_o with_o the_o like_a temptation_n be_v keep_v off_o yet_o notwithstanding_o some_o trouble_n to_o my_o spirit_n for_o i_o be_v great_o desirous_a to_o have_v bless_v the_o lord_n public_o for_o it_o yet_o how_o do_v the_o lord_n appear_v in_o answer_n to_o this_o secret_a desire_n of_o i_o for_o mr._n knight_n himself_o upon_o his_o own_o account_n do_v large_o bless_v the_o lord_n for_o his_o appearance_n in_o the_o midst_n of_o the_o day_n and_o so_o throughout_o with_o which_o my_o heart_n do_v real_o close_a and_o so_o do_v our_o sister_n arnal_a as_o she_o say_v afterward_o as_o well_o as_o myself_o great_o rejoice_v that_o the_o lord_n draw_v out_o his_o heart_n in_o that_o wherein_o her_o heart_n and_o mind_n also_o do_v so_o abundant_o join_v our_o brethren_n have_v make_v some_o entrance_n into_o the_o private_a conference_n and_o somewhat_o of_o god_n appear_v from_o several_a of_o they_o my_o heart_n be_v much_o draw_v out_o to_o propound_v some_o question_n to_o they_o have_v two_o or_o three_o thing_n upon_o my_o spirit_n wherein_o i_o be_v much_o unsatisfied_a and_o have_v resolve_v upon_o the_o thing_n in_o general_n there_o arise_v a_o great_a dispute_n in_o my_o spirit_n which_o question_n to_o propound_v first_o for_o they_o all_o leave_v much_o weight_n upon_o my_o spirit_n and_o among_o other_o i_o have_v a_o very_a strong_a desire_n to_o propound_v this_o what_o mean_n may_v be_v best_o available_a for_o the_o subdue_a of_o pride_n and_o strong_a debate_n have_v i_o in_o my_o spirit_n before_o i_o can_v pass_v this_o over_o yet_o at_o the_o last_o my_o spirit_n be_v overcome_v to_o propound_v another_o which_o prove_v very_o suitable_a to_o many_o other_o spirit_n in_o which_o i_o see_v some_o hand_n of_o god_n yet_o do_v my_o heart_n earnest_o long_o after_o some_o resolution_n concern_v that_o of_o pride_n but_o how_o gloriou_o do_v the_o lord_n a_o while_n after_o the_o 26_o of_o this_o four_o month_n appear_v in_o answer_n to_o it_o show_v i_o that_o there_o be_v no_o way_n like_o to_o the_o take_n of_o the_o advantage_n of_o the_o ordinance_n which_o the_o lord_n enable_v i_o to_o do_v about_o the_o end_n of_o this_o four_o
even_o for_o the_o full_a accomplishment_n of_o his_o own_o promise_n who_o have_v say_v sin_n shall_v not_o have_v dominion_n over_o he_o that_o be_v not_o under_o the_o law_n but_o under_o grace_n as_o also_o that_o he_o will_v tread_v down_o satan_n under_o his_o people_n foot_n short_o which_o my_o soul_n desire_v to_o wait_v upon_o he_o for_o and_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n desire_v to_o bless_v his_o name_n and_o that_o you_o will_v bless_v he_o together_o with_o i_o that_o he_o be_v please_v to_o open_v any_o fountain_n of_o love_n and_o mercy_n in_o this_o vale_n of_o tear_n so_o abundant_o fulfil_v to_o my_o poor_a soul_n that_o word_n of_o he_o which_o he_o be_v please_v no_o soon_o to_o set_v upon_o my_o heart_n with_o a_o persuasion_n in_o some_o measure_n that_o it_o shall_v be_v make_v good_a roll_v though_o weak_o upon_o he_o for_o it_o but_o that_o he_o be_v please_v so_o to_o do_v indeed_o that_o word_n i_o find_v isai_n 56._o 19_o when_o the_o enemy_n shall_v come_v in_o like_o a_o flood_n the_o spirit_n of_o the_o lord_n shall_v set_v up_o a_o standard_n against_o they_o for_o which_o i_o desire_v to_o bless_v his_o name_n beseech_v he_o that_o those_o impression_n that_o he_o be_v please_v by_o his_o spirit_n through_o several_a word_n of_o he_o to_o make_v upon_o my_o heart_n may_v never_o be_v forget_v by_o i_o but_o that_o they_o may_v continual_o be_v as_o support_v to_o my_o poor_a weak_a faith_n that_o it_o may_v grow_v from_o strength_n to_o strength_n even_o till_o i_o shall_v meet_v my_o god_n bless_v for_o ever_o be_v that_o god_n that_o be_v please_v to_o know_v my_o poor_a soul_n in_o this_o hour_n of_o temptation_n and_o to_o take_v this_o poor_a lame_a soul_n and_o lead_v and_o carry_v it_o of_o be_v not_o able_a to_o go_v one_o step_n in_o any_o of_o his_o way_n without_o his_o hand_n but_o that_o it_o get_v one_o knock_n or_o bruise_v or_o other_o yea_o bless_v for_o ever_o be_v that_o god_n and_o saviour_n that_o will_v not_o suffer_v his_o poor_a creature_n to_o slip_v as_o he_o do_v other_o but_o be_v please_v in_o rich_a mercy_n to_o be_v ever_o awaken_n my_o poor_a drowsy_a spirit_n by_o one_o affliction_n or_o another_o the_o thought_n of_o which_o do_v much_o refresh_v my_o spirit_n and_o seem_v at_o present_a a_o special_a token_n of_o his_o love_n for_o which_o i_o desire_v to_o bless_v he_o and_o oh_o that_o i_o can_v praise_v the_o name_n of_o that_o god_n and_o father_n who_o be_v the_o father_n of_o all_o mercy_n and_o god_n of_o all_o consolation_n for_o true_o i_o must_v needs_o say_v i_o be_o persuade_v satan_n have_v not_o now_o be_v let_v loose_a to_o buffet_v i_o thus_o have_v i_o not_o be_v so_o sleepy_a and_o drowsy_a in_o spirit_n but_o bless_v be_v that_o rod_n that_o awake_v my_o poor_a soul_n from_o the_o sleep_n of_o any_o sin_n so_o that_o the_o lord_n will_v but_o please_v to_o work_v it_o out_o which_o i_o desire_v to_o wait_v on_o god_n for_o i_o shall_v for_o some_o respect_n have_v forbear_v this_o duty_n of_o praise_n but_o that_o the_o lord_n have_v let_v in_o the_o clear_a sight_n of_o this_o mercy_n as_o also_o lest_o i_o shall_v prove_v ungrateful_a for_o so_o large_a manifestation_n of_o mercy_n though_o all_o i_o can_v do_v in_o it_o be_v a_o mere_a nothing_o the_o great_a be_v the_o goodness_n of_o god_n that_o bow_v down_o to_o accept_v such_o break_a praise_n which_o i_o have_v cause_n even_o to_o lament_v over_o have_v too_o little_a spiritual_a life_n in_o they_o when_o as_o in_o truth_n my_o whole_a soul_n and_o body_n shall_v be_v a_o holy_a and_o lively_a sacrifice_n to_o god_n which_o the_o lord_n enable_v i_o to_o do_v to_o that_o god_n whence_o all_o my_o enjoyment_n come_v in_o who_o i_o desire_v to_o rest_v your_o unworthy_a but_o in_o desire_n and_o hope_v real_a friend_n for_o my_o lord_n sake_n finis_fw-la the_o second_o book_n of_o manifold_a experiment_n of_o god_n deal_v with_o my_o soul_n in_o hear_v prayer_n and_o other_o gracious_a income_n of_o love_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o help_v i_o very_o much_o in_o this_o search_n by_o mr._n knight_n who_o speak_v from_o this_o scripture_n at_o fulham_n the_o nine_o of_o this_o nine_o month_n in_o the_o 12_o of_o luke_n 42_o 43._o from_o which_o he_o show_v we_o have_v the_o lord_n set_v out_o the_o blessedness_n of_o that_o servant_n that_o be_v faithful_a in_o the_o work_n that_o his_o lord_n intru_v he_o about_o and_o who_o his_o lord_n when_o he_o come_v find_v to_o be_v so_o do_v as_o he_o appoint_v now_o o_o my_o soul_n what_o comfortable_a hope_n can_v thou_o gather_v out_o from_o the_o serious_a examination_n of_o thy_o own_o heart_n upon_o this_o point_n that_o the_o lord_n have_v make_v thou_o faithful_a though_o thou_o be_v poor_a weak_a and_o unworthy_a every_o way_n to_o be_v the_o servant_n of_o such_o a_o lord_n what_o can_v thou_o say_v to_o this_o have_v the_o lord_n indeed_o make_v thou_o faithful_a ans_fw-fr 1._o i_o gather_v some_o hope_n of_o it_o that_o the_o lord_n have_v make_v i_o in_o some_o measure_n faithful_a from_o that_o sincerity_n that_o the_o lord_n have_v put_v into_o my_o heart_n to_o aim_v pure_o at_o his_o glory_n in_o all_o i_o do_v in_o this_o world_n the_o contrary_a to_o which_o cause_v much_o bitterness_n in_o my_o spirit_n yet_o through_o the_o prevalency_n of_o the_o unregenerate_a part_n in_o i_o i_o be_o many_o time_n bias_v and_o carry_v aside_o to_o aim_v at_o other_o thing_n in_o many_o of_o my_o way_n but_o the_o glory_n of_o my_o lord_n be_v my_o principal_a aim_n for_o if_o i_o know_v any_o thing_n of_o my_o own_o heart_n through_o mercy_n i_o do_v find_v it_o set_v to_o seek_v the_o honour_n of_o christ_n and_o to_o walk_v in_o way_n well_o please_v to_o he_o though_o i_o do_v too_o often_o sad_o wander_v from_o these_o intent_n and_o desire_n which_o be_v discover_v to_o be_v the_o real_a burden_n of_o my_o life_n 2._o in_o that_o the_o lord_n have_v be_v please_v to_o put_v into_o my_o soul_n i_o hope_v a_o real_a desire_n te_fw-la do_v his_o whole_a will_n and_o therein_o to_o appear_v faithful_a daily_o desire_v and_o beg_v of_o he_o that_o i_o may_v not_o at_o any_o time_n in_o any_o command_n of_o his_o be_v find_v consult_v with_o flesh_n and_o blood_n but_o that_o as_o soon_o as_o ever_o he_o discover_v his_o will_n in_o any_o thing_n whatever_o to_o i_o that_o he_o will_v also_o enable_v i_o to_o obey_v it_o ready_o find_v the_o spirit_n of_o the_o lord_n i_o hope_v oftentimes_o breathe_v in_o my_o soul_n after_o this_o manner_n lord_n if_o thou_o will_v but_o discover_v thy_o mind_n &_o will_n to_o i_o in_o all_o my_o way_n that_o be_v it_o i_o beg_v of_o thou_o and_o though_o it_o be_v never_o so_o contrary_a to_o flesh_n and_o blood_n yea_o though_o i_o can_v see_v nothing_o but_o that_o it_o be_v lay_v out_o for_o to_o afflict_v i_o and_o to_o be_v a_o trial_n and_o exercise_v for_o i_o and_o so_o have_v nothing_o to_o induce_v i_o but_o thy_o will_n yet_o lord_n if_o thou_o will_v but_o discover_v thy_o mind_n in_o it_o to_o i_o what_o will_v i_o then_o beg_v of_o thou_o but_o only_o a_o ready_a frame_n to_o yield_v obedience_n to_o thy_o will_n and_o leave_v the_o success_n &_o sanctify_v of_o it_o to_o i_o to_o thyself_o and_o if_o on_o the_o other_o side_n i_o think_v any_o mercy_n to_o be_v never_o so_o good_a or_o for_o my_o advantage_n yet_o if_o thou_o see_v meet_v to_o discover_v to_o my_o soul_n that_o thy_o will_n be_v not_o in_o it_o will_v i_o not_o then_o if_o i_o know_v my_o own_o heart_n beg_v above_o all_o thing_n to_o have_v my_o will_n to_o be_v whole_o swallow_v up_o into_o thou_o lord_n and_o this_o hope_n be_v ground_v in_o some_o measure_n upon_o the_o abundant_a experience_n the_o lord_n have_v give_v i_o of_o his_o goodness_n and_o mercy_n and_o abundant_a kindness_n in_o his_o often_o deny_v i_o of_o my_o will_n 3_o i_o hope_v the_o lord_n have_v in_o some_o measure_n make_v i_o a_o faithful_a servant_n in_o that_o he_o have_v set_v my_o soul_n upon_o the_o watch_n to_o know_v his_o mind_n and_o will_n endeavour_v and_o desire_v to_o keep_v my_o eye_n upon_o he_o and_o he_o only_o that_o i_o may_v see_v what_o his_o mind_n and_o will_n be_v who_o have_v say_v that_o he_o will_v guide_v he_o by_o his_o eye_n which_o cause_v my_o soul_n though_o with_o much_o weakness_n not_o only_o earnest_o to_o desire_v but_o also_o to_o endeavour_v to_o reflect_v upon_o all_o my_o motion_n and_o action_n and_o thought_n and_o word_n in_o this_o
world_n to_o see_v with_o what_o countenance_n my_o lord_n look_v upon_o this_o and_o the_o other_o action_n be_v i_o hope_v desirous_a i_o be_o sure_a if_o my_o heart_n deceive_v i_o not_o to_o see_v the_o will_n of_o my_o god_n in_o every_o promise_n providence_n and_o administration_n 4_o the_o lord_n have_v make_v i_o faithful_a in_o that_o he_o have_v put_v into_o my_o soul_n this_o earnest_a desire_n that_o my_o end_n in_o all_o i_o do_v may_v only_o be_v to_o seek_v the_o advancement_n of_o he_o my_o lord_n who_o i_o desire_v only_o to_o serve_v daily_o beg_v of_o he_o i_o may_v no_o more_o live_v to_o myself_o as_o i_o have_v too_o much_o and_o have_v too_o long_o do_v yea_o when_o i_o find_v any_o thing_n of_o myself_o or_o self-end_n to_o appear_v or_o break_v forth_o though_o but_o in_o the_o bud_n be_v it_o not_o bitter_a to_o my_o soul_n and_o such_o as_o imbitter_v the_o best_a action_n to_o i_o though_o otherwise_o never_o so_o good_a and_o this_o desire_n of_o serve_v the_o lord_n i_o may_v upon_o experience_n say_v i_o find_v to_o differ_v not_o only_o from_o that_o slavish_a fear_n that_o be_v in_o other_o i_o will_v not_o say_v so_o though_o i_o suppose_v it_o to_o be_v true_a also_o but_o from_o that_o slavish_a fear_n that_o do_v too_o much_o predominate_v in_o my_o own_o poor_a soul_n which_o do_v in_o the_o time_n of_o my_o bondage_n cause_v i_o to_o fear_v rather_o than_o love_v he_o but_o now_o the_o lord_n have_v in_o some_o measure_n be_v screw_v up_o my_o obedience_n to_o a_o high_a note_n or_o pin_n that_o it_o be_v now_o to_o a_o lord_n and_o father_n who_o at_o last_o i_o will_v love_v and_o i_o do_v also_o lament_v before_o he_o in_o the_o sincerity_n of_o my_o soul_n that_o i_o can_v love_v he_o no_o more_o who_o have_v so_o much_o loveliness_n in_o he_o yea_o nothing_o but_o loveliness_n yea_o it_o be_v a_o service_n of_o a_o lord_n who_o will_v all_o and_o make_v the_o law_n and_o make_v it_o to_o be_v just_a because_o he_o can_v do_v no_o evil_n and_o i_o will_v i_o can_v continual_o meditate_v upon_o this_o his_o will_n but_o this_o be_v it_o i_o daily_o press_v after_o and_o mourn_v under_o the_o want_n of_o the_o clear_a sight_n of_o this_o that_o there_o shall_v be_v so_o much_o fear_n in_o my_o heart_n concern_v the_o issue_n or_o event_n of_o any_o thing_n wherein_o my_o lord_n shall_v be_v please_v at_o any_o time_n to_o declare_v his_o will_n to_o lie_v in_o further_a discovery_n of_o faithfulness_n 1._o faithfulness_n appear_v in_o the_o reality_n of_o the_o heart_n serve_v the_o lord_n with_o all_o the_o heart_n soul_n and_o strength_n and_o so_o faithfulness_n in_o prayer_n lie_v not_o in_o the_o pour_v out_o of_o word_n though_o with_o some_o affection_n but_o do_v it_o with_o all_o the_o heart_n soul_n and_o strength_n and_o a_o full_a exercise_n of_o every_o grace_n to_o the_o utmost_a in_o every_o service_n i_o do_v for_o christ_n and_o o_o my_o soul_n be_v not_o this_o that_o thou_o daily_o presse_v after_o though_o thou_o can_v not_o full_o attain_v unto_o it_o what_o else_o make_v thou_o to_o mourn_v over_o thy_o prayer_n and_o duty_n but_o that_o thou_o find_v no_o more_o of_o thy_o heart_n and_o strength_n in_o they_o be_v not_o thy_o constant_a desire_n that_o all_o thy_o soul_n and_o strength_n may_v be_v offer_v up_o to_o god_n in_o every_o service_n thou_o do_v he_o 2._o they_o be_v faithful_a servant_n of_o christ_n that_o do_v all_o they_o do_v in_o order_n to_o a_o trust_n from_o christ_n who_o intru_v they_o with_o his_o ordinance_n with_o their_o health_n wealth_n comfort_n enjoyment_n all_o i_o have_v be_v but_o a_o trust_n from_o christ_n now_o to_o be_v faithful_a be_v to_o improve_v this_o trust_n to_o god_n to_o do_v all_o the_o good_a that_o possible_a i_o can_v by_o his_o ordinance_n to_o do_v every_o service_n to_o he_o as_o they_o that_o indeed_o exercise_v a_o point_n of_o trust_n he_o entrust_v i_o with_o his_o glory_n in_o this_o world_n faithfulness_n be_v to_o make_v the_o utmost_a advantage_n to_o raise_v up_o his_o glory_n in_o this_o world_n &_o make_v he_o appear_v great_a and_o so_o faithfulness_n in_o improve_n all_o the_o grace_n that_o god_n and_o christ_n intru_v i_o with_o by_o improve_n of_o they_o to_o make_v the_o utmost_a advantage_n for_o he_o and_o so_o for_o health_n and_o all_o outward_a comfort_n now_o o_o my_o soul_n have_v not_o the_o lord_n write_v this_o in_o thy_o very_a heart_n that_o all_o that_o ever_o thou_o have_v and_o enjoy_v both_o spiritual_a and_o temporal_a whether_o ordinance_n grace_n comfort_n all_o thy_o enjoyment_n that_o thou_o have_v by_o trust_n from_o christ_n and_o must_v be_v improve_v for_o he_o and_o not_o spend_v upon_o thyself_o or_o this_o world_n and_o do_v not_o the_o thought_n of_o this_o make_v thou_o daily_o mourn_v before_o the_o lord_n that_o thou_o can_v not_o improve_v they_o better_o that_o he_o have_v so_o little_a revenue_n of_o glory_n from_o thou_o and_o by_o thou_o but_o that_o so_o much_o of_o his_o stock_n lie_v as_o it_o be_v dead_a and_o unimproved_a do_v not_o the_o sight_n of_o this_o cause_n thou_o to_o mourn_v daily_o before_o he_o that_o he_o shall_v intrust_v thou_o with_o so_o much_o and_o receive_v from_o thou_o so_o little_a now_o o_o my_o soul_n do_v not_o the_o thought_n of_o this_o make_v thou_o cry_v daily_o out_o to_o the_o lord_n beseech_v he_o to_o reveal_v his_o mind_n &_o will_n to_o thou_o how_o he_o will_v have_v thou_o improve_v this_o or_o that_o other_o mercy_n or_o trust_v commit_v to_o thou_o and_o not_o only_o teach_v thou_o his_o will_n in_o it_o but_o also_o help_v thou_o to_o improve_v it_o to_o his_o glory_n continual_o yea_o o_o my_o soul_n be_v there_o not_o a_o continue_a fear_n upon_o thy_o heart_n which_o cause_v thou_o often_o time_n to_o pour_v out_o strong_a cry_n before_o the_o lord_n that_o he_o will_v help_v thou_o to_o give_v he_o the_o glory_n of_o all_o the_o mercy_n and_o good_a thing_n he_o betru_v thou_o with_o at_o any_o time_n as_o also_o that_o there_o may_v never_o be_v find_v in_o thou_o any_o backwardness_n or_o unwillingness_n to_o give_v up_o thy_o trust_n in_o any_o thing_n whatever_o into_o his_o own_o hand_n when_o ever_o he_o see_v meet_v to_o call_v for_o it_o which_o seem_v to_o note_v a_o further_a degree_n of_o faithfulness_n further_a discovery_n of_o faithfulness_n at_o the_o same_o time_n 1_o faithfulness_n appear_v in_o the_o generality_n of_o it_o when_o a_o man_n be_v faithful_a in_o all_o that_o he_o have_v though_o all_o that_o he_o have_v be_v but_o a_o little_a and_o true_o herein_o i_o have_v great_a cause_n to_o lament_v before_o the_o lord_n for_o in_o the_o stead_n of_o be_v faithful_a in_o all_o that_o i_o have_v there_o be_v much_o unfaithfulness_n in_o i_o that_o appear_v in_o all_o that_o the_o lord_n trust_v i_o with_o and_o yet_o o_o my_o soul_n may_v thou_o not_o also_o say_v that_o there_o be_v some_o degree_n of_o this_o faithfulness_n or_o at_o least_o a_o desire_n after_o it_o in_o thou_o and_o may_v thou_o not_o say_v by_o this_o law_n of_o thy_o lord_n as_o paul_n do_v of_o the_o law_n of_o god_n in_o general_a with_o my_o mind_n i_o even_o myself_o serve_v this_o law_n of_o god_n in_o faithfulness_n though_o in_o my_o flesh_n i_o do_v too_o often_o rebel_v against_o it_o which_o be_v my_o daily_a burden_n from_o which_o evil_a in_o thy_o own_o time_n deliver_v i_o oh_o my_o god_n and_o this_o i_o desire_v to_o wait_v for_o 2._o faithfulness_n appear_v in_o be_v faithful_a notwithstanding_o all_o difficulty_n that_o accompany_v they_o in_o their_o service_n now_o o_o my_o soul_n have_v thou_o not_o abundant_o cause_v to_o give_v glory_n to_o god_n that_o have_v be_v please_v to_o make_v thou_o thus_o faithful_a in_o any_o degree_n or_o measure_n in_o this_o respect_n who_o by_o his_o own_o hand_n &_o power_n have_v carry_v thou_o through_o many_o a_o reproach_n and_o scoff_n and_o scorn_v and_o by_o word_n make_v thou_o like_o isaac_n who_o be_v still_o persecute_v by_o ishmael_n and_o have_v not_o this_o be_v thy_o lot_n by_o some_o ever_o reproach_v thou_o scoff_v deride_v thou_o backbiting_a speak_v evil_a abundant_o of_o thou_o and_o yet_o false_o do_v their_o utmost_a to_o bring_v thou_o out_o of_o favour_n with_o those_o who_o love_n thou_o high_o prise_v and_o have_v reason_n for_o it_o and_o how_o do_v the_o lord_n make_v thou_o to_o lie_v down_o under_o this_o when_o other_o tax_v thou_o of_o hypocrisy_n and_o the_o like_a to_o search_v thy_o own_o heart_n and_o bemoan_v before_o the_o lord_n the_o
nature_n but_o yet_o notwithstanding_o my_o heart_n be_v somewhat_o i_o think_v affect_v with_o those_o desire_n before_o the_o lord_n yet_o oh_o with_o what_o sadness_n i_o may_v speak_v it_o how_o soon_o be_v they_o out_o of_o mind_n even_o before_o i_o get_v to_o tulham_n in_o so_o much_o that_o i_o quite_o forget_v my_o own_o desire_n and_o not_o at_o all_o look_v after_o any_o answer_n of_o they_o but_o how_o do_v the_o lord_n raise_v and_o rouse_v up_o my_o dead_a heart_n even_o upon_o the_o name_a of_o the_o psalm_n that_o be_v call_v to_o be_v sing_v in_o the_o morning_n which_o be_v the_o 145._o psalm_n which_o at_o the_o first_o name_a of_o my_o heart_n leap_v as_o it_o be_v think_v what_o shall_v we_o sing_v that_o psalm_n mr_n knight_n text_n be_v in_o though_o for_o the_o present_a i_o mistake_v for_o his_o text_n be_v in_o the_o 45_o psalm_n but_o this_o be_v the_o 145._o psalm_n &_o the_o two_o last_o staff_n which_o as_o soon_o as_o we_o begin_v to_o sing_v my_o heart_n be_v exceed_o alter_v with_o it_o in_o which_o i_o find_v many_o suitable_a expression_n to_o my_o former_a desire_n even_o in_o the_o very_a word_n which_o do_v as_o it_o be_v raise_v my_o heart_n in_o a_o kind_n of_o content_a expectation_n of_o a_o glorius_fw-la appearance_n of_o god_n that_o day_n as_o a_o return_n of_o prayer_n which_o methinks_v the_o lord_n do_v even_o then_o give_v to_o i_o by_o hint_v this_o scripture_n so_o put_v to_o my_o condition_n and_o desire_n and_o how_o glorious_o do_v the_o lord_n appear_v the_o 27._o of_o this_o 6._o month_n through_o his_o servant_n mr_n knight_n in_o both_o part_n of_o the_o day_n who_o he_o be_v please_v to_o come_v in_o even_o beyond_o his_o own_o expectation_n as_o he_o acknowledge_v to_o i_o in_o discourse_n the_o next_o day_n tell_v i_o that_o he_o do_v only_o intend_v to_o handle_v in_o general_a the_o 3_o thing_n concern_v christ_n as_o his_o sweetness_n fitness_n &_o faithfulness_n but_o when_o he_o come_v to_o speak_v to_o they_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v so_o great_o to_o enlarge_v the_o thought_n of_o it_o upon_o his_o heart_n and_o make_v it_o so_o sweet_a unto_o he_o that_o he_o can_v not_o but_o declare_v what_o the_o lord_n give_v in_o unto_o he_o and_o true_o not_o only_a be_v it_o sweet_a to_o he_o but_o as_o fit_v and_o seasonabe_n to_o my_o poor_a soul_n as_o any_o thing_n that_o can_v have_v be_v speak_v the_o lord_n give_v i_o but_o a_o heart_n to_o make_v improvement_n of_o it_o so_o as_o may_v be_v to_o his_o praise_n and_o eternal_a good_a of_o my_o poor_a soul_n the_o 7_o day_n of_o the_o month_n how_o abundant_o be_v the_o lord_n please_v to_o bow_v down_o to_o this_o rebellious_a wretch_n who_o have_v great_a cause_n to_o fear_v that_o my_o heart_n be_v set_v more_o to_o seek_v &_o see_v a_o poor_a vain_a creature_n &_o to_o meet_v which_o the_o they_o then_o to_o see_v or_o meet_v the_o lord_n &_o yet_o that_o the_o lord_n shall_v even_o now_o bow_v down_o and_o give_v forth_o gracious_a visit_n to_o my_o soul_n through_o many_o sensible_a conviction_n hint_v to_o my_o heart_n this_o day_n both_o through_o his_o word_n and_o through_o his_o other_o administration_n this_o day_n go_v early_o enough_o to_o hear_v the_o morning_n sermon_n though_o i_o much_o fear_n whether_o it_o be_v so_o much_o out_o of_o pure_a love_n to_o it_o as_o out_o of_o self-end_n yet_o what_o sensible_a conviction_n do_v there_o from_o the_o lord_n fall_v upon_o my_o hart_n from_o these_o instruction_n m._n blond_n hint_v out_o to_o we_o from_o the_o expression_n of_o david_n i_o keep_v myself_o from_o my_o iniquity_n where_o he_o show_v we_o that_o it_o be_v our_o great_a duty_n to_o watch_v chief_o against_o our_o own_o particular_a sin_n show_v we_o how_o we_o may_v know_v they_o hint_v also_o that_o it_o be_v probable_a that_o this_o sin_n of_o david_n be_v tongue-sin_n from_o which_o how_o secret_o do_v the_o lord_n check_v my_o poor_a soul_n afterward_o mr_n nie_n speak_v from_o psalm_n the_o 50._o 26_o this_o thou_o do_v and_o i_o keep_v silence_n where_o he_o show_v that_o by_o silence_n be_v mean_v a_o refrain_v from_o motion_n or_o action_n whence_o he_o observe_v that_o word_n and_o action_n be_v all_o one_o with_o god_n it_o be_v as_o easy_a with_o god_n to_o do_v as_o to_o speak_v it_o be_v but_o for_o he_o to_o speak_v and_o the_o work_n be_v do_v yea_o it_o be_v as_o easy_a for_o god_n to_o do_v as_o for_o we_o to_o speak_v and_o beg_v of_o he_o and_o much_o more_o and_o what_o a_o mighty_a encouragement_n be_v this_o to_o thy_o faith_n o_o my_o soul_n which_o be_v the_o improvement_n he_o make_v of_o it_o by_o application_n and_o also_o hint_v more_o that_o as_o all_o god_n word_n be_v action_n and_o so_o pardon_v action_n and_o administration_n be_v as_o so_o many_o word_n and_o oh_o of_o what_o use_n be_v this_o to_o my_o soul_n what_o thing_n have_v god_n speak_v to_o my_o soul_n from_o and_o by_o his_o various_a administration_n to_o thou_o for_o these_o many_o year_n how_o have_v the_o lord_n by_o his_o providence_n often_o as_o it_o be_v convince_v thou_o and_o yet_o thy_o base_a heart_n will_v not_o leave_v to_o go_v on_o to_o tempt_v the_o lord_n though_o he_o have_v so_o evident_o appear_v in_o cross_v thou_o and_o this_o day_n be_v a_o sign_n of_o it_o that_o thou_o will_v put_v on_o thy_o best_a clothes_n in_o that_o pride_n and_o vanity_n of_o thy_o heart_n thou_o know_v do_v thou_o not_o by_o a_o strange_a providence_n as_o it_o be_v get_v a_o spot_n in_o thy_o coat_n to_o check_v thou_o and_o do_v not_o the_o lord_n by_o it_o show_v thou_o thy_o pride_n vanity_n and_o folly_n but_o oh_o how_o gracious_a be_v the_o lord_n that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o show_v thou_o this_o in_o so_o mild_a and_o gentle_a a_o way_n the_o 10._o of_o this_o 7_o month_n be_v the_o lord_n day_n i_o seek_v the_o lord_n in_o the_o morning_n but_o in_o a_o formal_a way_n that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o appear_v to_o i_o that_o day_n through_o his_o servant_n as_o also_o to_o give_v in_o a_o gracious_a answer_n to_o these_o desire_n that_o mr._n knight_n put_v up_o to_o he_o the_o last_o day_n namely_o to_o unveil_v the_o grace_n of_o our_o lord_n jesus_n to_o he_o that_o he_o may_v so_o taste_v and_o feel_v it_o as_o may_v enable_v he_o to_o declare_v it_o to_o his_o praise_n which_o i_o do_v now_o also_o beg_v of_o the_o lord_n and_o that_o though_o i_o be_v altogether_o unworthy_a of_o this_o mercy_n or_o of_o any_o more_o appearance_n from_o the_o lord_n which_o have_v make_v so_o little_a improvement_n of_o so_o many_o gracious_a favour_n yet_o that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o overcome_v my_o rebellion_n and_o unfruitfulness_n with_o his_o love_n and_o at_o the_o last_o overpower_v my_o soul_n anâ—_n bring_v it_o to_o a_o more_o full_a subjection_n to_o himself_o and_o that_o which_o i_o desire_v now_o to_o record_v to_o the_o praise_n of_o the_o lord_n be_v before_o he_o and_o that_o yet_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v most_o particulary_a to_o unveil_v the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n in_o the_o riches_n of_o his_o grace_n the_o lord_n help_v thou_o o_o my_o soul_n to_o improve_v all_o those_o wondefull_a appearance_n of_o his_o praise_n and_o glory_n the_o 13._o of_o this_o 7_o month_n appoint_v by_o this_o new_a parliament_n for_o a_o day_n of_o humiliation_n and_o seek_v the_o lord_n i_o seek_v the_o lord_n in_o the_o morning_n that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o put_v my_o heart_n into_o some_o measure_n of_o suteableness_n to_o that_o business_n and_o to_o make_v i_o real_o sensible_a of_o all_o my_o rebellion_n unfruitfulness_n and_o unthankfulness_n to_o he_o for_o all_o his_o glorious_a appearance_n and_o that_o he_o will_v pour_v out_o his_o spirit_n upon_o his_o servant_n that_o be_v to_o be_v his_o and_o our_o mouth_n this_o day_n as_o also_o beg_v the_o lord_n to_o let_v some_o hint_n from_o himself_o fall_v with_o power_n upon_o my_o heart_n this_o day_n and_o there_o abide_v and_o bless_a god_n how_o gracious_o be_v thou_o please_v to_o appear_v and_o with_o what_o sensible_a and_o suitable_a truth_n press_v my_o soul_n to_o get_v into_o christ_n and_o dwell_v there_o than_o which_o there_o be_v no_o truth_n more_o needful_a to_o be_v press_v upon_o my_o wretched_a heart_n be_v so_o miserable_o shatter_v about_o and_o upon_o other_o thing_n and_o my_o affection_n so_o sad_o divide_v that_o in_o truth_n i_o do_v not_o dwell_v in_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n as_o i_o ought_v which_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v in_o great_a mercy_n to_o my_o soul_n to_o