their passions grow to bitterness fierceness and unruliness but to Cruelty they have passion without compassion and many times the rage is so great that the Wife that is so much inferiour to her Husband in strength will not only give provoking speeches but blows also She will flie at his head pluck him by the hair strike him on the face and throw any thing that she hath in her hand at his head Indeed here is an evidence of a cholerick temper But certainly all the anger of an Husband or Wife that doth not aim at the good of the party that he or she is angry with is sinful anger and is the effect of a furious disposition And thus I have shewn you as brief as I might the usual grounds that occasion wrath and discord between Husband and Wife II. I come now to shew the evil of Wrath and Discord between Husband and Wife in these following particulars 1. THe gratifying an angry passionate humour produceth abundance of evil effects All other passions do but draw men and women to evil but anger doth precipitate them If any thing be the principle of evil it is a froward Spirit which is the principle of anger And therefore let us consider the essects of frowardness and passion to see how much hurt it doth to the Souls of men and women 1. Wâ—â—n an Husband or Wife is angry it doth mightily blind the judgment of that party that is so and blind reason exceeding much The hart of passion the fire of passion when it is kindled causeth a great smoak to come up to the understanding and judgment and even extinguish reason Other Passions stray from Reason but this treads it under feet and leads it as it were in tryumph When once such near Relations as Husband and Wife are stirred are froward and in anger they do things so irrationally that one can hardly think them the same men and women that they are at other times it doth so take away their reason The man or woman that is froward cannot have any counsel but run headlong yea run in a rage to such and such things and know not what he or she saith or doth because while passion is prevalent he or she hath no use of reason or understanding Passionate persons are rash and inconsiderate they act without deliberation they run headlong Job 5.14 That is they go too fast forward and they who will not take time to consult of what they are about to do may have time to repent of what they have done and all this happeneth because the passion of anger causeth a cessation of the exercise of reason Other things may dazle the sight of reason but this makes it stark blind and for a time maketh men and women as it were distracted and out of their wits Anger having obtained the soverâ—ignty over their minds taketh away all judgment counsel and reason and over-swayeth all by foolish affection and raging passion and by darkening reason It is a kind of short madness saving that here it is far worse in that the person that is possessed with madness is necessarily will he nill he forced to be subject to that fury but a sinful angry passion is entred into wittingly and willingly Madness is the evil of Punishment but Anger is the evil of Sin Madness as it were thrusteth Reason from its Imperial Throne but Anger abuseth Reason by forcing it with all violence to be a slave to Passion so fit to execute those works of darkness in which Rage imployeth it Well then O Husband or thou O Wife seeing thy immoderate anger is an injury to humanity and a Rebel against the Government of Reason that it is without Reason and against Reason Remember then that thou art a Man or Woman and do thou scorn to subject thy self to such bestial fury O with how much attentive care should st thou avoid anger and notwithstanding provocations offered thee do not disturb the quiet of thine own mind Therefore give not way to anger seeing it blindeth reason which is the light and guide of the Soul If men abhor Drunkenness and that worthily because it maketh them differ from bruit Beasts only in shape of body why should'st thou not for the same cause hate this Vice of Anger which like a burning Ague doth so disturb thy mind and while the fit lasteth it uttereth nothing but raving Do not then nourish thy froward humour nor give way to thy wrath Be not of an hasty Spirit whereby thou art guilty of such rashness and fierceness in all thy actions because those furious actings are so contrary to right Reason 2. Another effect of Anger and Discord between Husband and Wife is that they are great enemies to the quiet of their own hearts An angry passion is a great disturber of a man or womans own peace That we may say of it as the wise man saith of Cruelty Prov. 11.17 He that is cruel troubleth his own flesh So those that are of froward Spirits they trouble their own flesh and trouble their Spirits too It doth macerate and vex the Soul with fury for what greater torment can we imagine than to have the mind distracted upon the Rack of Rage As therefore we would account him a mad man who with his own hands should set his house on fire and consume it alike mad is that person to be thought who will set his or her Soul on fire with the rageing flame of anger wherein it is not only tormented in this life but also without Repentance in the life to come it shall be tormented everlastingly Rage and fury tortureth more than wrong or injury Hereby men and women prove burdens to themselves and hence it is that an angry Husband or Wife cries out No one is so plagu'd as I am I know no body so crost as I am because indeed they are plagues to themselves and crosses to themselves they having no quiet in their own Spirits nothing without is quiet to them If we could look into the bofom of an angry person we should find that there is no such discontented Spirit as an angry Spirit is such an one would fain have his or her own will but sailing herein in spight of his or her heart there will be nothing but confusion and trouble in his or her Spirit Immoderate anger hath proved an enemy to the body it self it inflameth the blood stirreth up diseases and breedeth such a bitter displeasedness in the mind as tends to consume the strength of Nature and hath cast many into accute and many into chronical sicknesses which have proved their death And how uncomfortable kind of death is this Well then let the party that is most overcome by this passion say What good do I get by this passion What! had it not been better for me to have put up this wrong than endure such vexation to my self and be guilty of doing my body so much prejudice as to cause me if I continue my
implietâ— the greatest sense of his own vileness nothingness and wretchedness The true reason why people at any time carry it so high with God that they have a good opinion of themselves is because their notions and apprehensions of God are so infinitely below him Did they know God more how would they fear before him and stand as persons astonished at the presence of his Majesty It is peoples darkness about God which emboldens them beyond their bounds or the line of Creatures and the reason why carnal persons and hypocrites carry it so stoutly before God is because they know not God aright They may bâ—ast of their knowledge when they know nothing as they ought 1 Cor. 8.2 Persons never see how imperfect they are till they see themselves in the light of Gods Perfection when they duly see themselves in that Glass they greatly abhor themselves because they see no beauty nor comliness in themselves for they cannot but see much deformity in themselves when they behold the Beauty and Glory of God As when we behold that Beauty we shall abhor our selves for our deformities and defilements so we shall be daily mending and cleansing our selves from them That sight of God Job had cap. 42.5 6. humbled him so deeply as to work in himself abhorrency But now mine eye seeth thee wherefore I abhor my self 1. An abhorrency of a sinful self or loathing of self for sin and evil done Ezek 36.31 2. It signifies an abhorrency of righteous self or a loathing our selves in the good yea even in the best that we have done Isa 64.6 So that a truly humble Soul abhorreth his righteousness as never to trust in it at all This the Apostle saith Philip. 3 7 8 Self righteousness is Gold and to be embraced in conversation but it is Dung and to be abhorred in justification An humble Soul doth abhor self-righteousness because he is convinced that self-righteousness is a weak and imperfect thing even in sanctification therefore he is so far from boasting of it or trusting to it that he hath a kind of abhorrency of it that as to justification he looks on it as abominable And as he abhors it because 't is unfit and incompetent in it self for justification so also because it is utterly inconsistent with the tenor of the Gospel wherein God hath removed all mans Righteousness how pure soever it may be from that use and directed us to look only to the Righteousness of Christ for that use which the Apostle calls the Righteousness of God Rom. 10.3 because 't is that which the Wisdom of God the Father hath provided for us and which the Worthiness of God the Son hath wrought and procured for us Pardon this digression I have reason for what I do O then would you get your pride mortified that begets and feeds your angry passions endeavour after fuller manifestations of God seriously consider God as revealed in his Word converse more with God get more acquaintance with God know and consider how much God is above and the meaner you will be in your own eyes the fuller discoveries you have of God the more sensible you will be of your own unworthiness and the more calmness will you have in your own spirits and the more able you will be to resist provocations unto anger We have no cause to wonder to see persons in the world that do not know God to have bold and presumptious spirits and have their spirits lifted up in vanity But it is a wonder that a Soul that ever had any sight of God should have any rising of spirit that any sinful heights of spirit should be in that Soul that knows what an infinite God he is to deal with O converse much with God and then you will be humble Souls That Soul that never goes from duty without experiencing communion with God is very humble and nothing hath that excellency in it as that which comes from conversing with God and upon the sight of his excellency 3. Consider that the more you see and know your selves the more you shall be abased and lie low in your selves A right knowledge of your selves is that which should bring your hearts low Do but seriously consider what you are in your selves what abundance of filth and vileness there is in your selves and you will not have any high thoughts of your selves O then study your selves more converse with your selves and endeavour to know your selves more and that noxious wind of ostentation by which proud persons are vainly puâ—â—t up in their fleshly minds will be let out and avoided Let every proud person consider what he is let the question be put to his or her own Soul thus Who am I or what am I that I should have a proud thought shall dust and ashes shall one that is but a shadow a vapour but as grass a flower of the field and in his best estate altogether vanity be prâ—ud O consider whatever thou art as to this world thou canst not be long what thou art in thy highest perfections attainable in this world thou art very mutable and the higher thou art the more mutable thou art and what hast thou to be proud of Shall perishâ—ng things be proud things wilt thou be lifâ—ed â—pâ— with what thou hast which as 〈◊〉 the wâ—rld is of â—o little being as thou canst haâ—lly be said to be Consider all these things which are as fuel and occasions of thy priâ—e Thou must shortly give an account for them to God and the more thou haâ—â— received in any kind whatsoever the stricter will thy account be for thy Accâ—unt will be proportionable to what thy Râ—ceipt is Luke 12.48 To whomsoever much is given of him shall much be required Consider wâ—at thou art by Nature and whiles â—n thy unconverted state thou wert a Child of Wrath as bad as the basest and vilest wretch in the world thou wert full of sin the seeds of all kind of sin there is no sâ—n in Hell it self but the seeds of it were in thy heart thy heart and life was full of sin all the faculties of thy Soul were full of sin all the members of thy body were instruments of sin thy Soul and Body was polluted and loathsom and in that condition thou wert succourless and helpless thou could'st never deliver thy self thou wert wandring from God and would'st have wandred eterâ—aâ—ly if God had not looked upon thee in mercy There was such a breach made between God and thy Soul that had all the Angels n Heaven or Creatures in the world laid down their lives for thee thou could'st not by their deaths have helped to make up that breach Look back to this condition and thou wilt see cause enough to be low in thine own eyes Consider what thou might'st now have been if the Lord had takâ—n advantage against thee Thou art now in a comfortable condition thou now comest among the people of God into the assemblies of the Saints but thou
Apostle prescribeth humility as an Antidote against strife and contention and a sovereign mean for attaining unto and entertaining of union and peace But where pride is predominant men and women walk so as that they care not to give content to any body but themselves in the Family they must have all the content and no body else be pleased Certainly an humble Spirit is much freer from angry passions than any other because as an humble person is not willing to give offence to any so is not ready to take offence from others for it is pride of spirit to be ready to take offence from others upon every trifle and by this means persons prove to be very burdensom to others The ground of a proud persons taking offence is this because they think that every body must say as they say and do as they do else they cry out that they are always opposed and because they think their own judgments best and such a thing is better therefore others must do it and if they do not then they are lofty then they are proud and stout and break out into unseemly speeches be inflamed with passion evidencing that they are under the tyranny of their pride So that there is no preventing of anger contention between Husband Wife without the mortification of their Pride 4. Another direction to prevent siâ—ful anger and hot contests between Husband and Wife is that thou dost consider that God is merciful and gracious slow to anger and abundant in kindness Exod. 34.6 And as he is not easily provoked to anger so being provoked his anger lasteth not long for he will not always chide nor keep his anger for ever Psal 103. 8 9. The Lord with much lenity suffereth the vessels ordained to destruction how long did he suffer the old world how loath was he to strikeâ— if in and hundred twenty years he could have reclaimed them he would have forborn them 1 Pet. 3.20 The measure of his grace and mercy towards us is daily boundless and exceeding all measure He forgiveth us every moment much more than we can possibly be wronged of men yea he forgiveth that person that injureth us much more than we can forgive him O then if thou wilt evidence thy self to be a Child of God must thou not labour to express his Virtues This is that the Apostle exhorts Col. 3.12 13. Put on therefore as the elect of God holy and beloved bowels of mercy kindness humbleness of mind meekness long-suffering forbearing one another If any man have a quarrel against any even as Christ forgave you even so do ye He recommendeth the practice of meekness and long-suffering which consists in bearing with and pardoning of even real injuries done by others and persuadeth to it from Christs example in pardoning us The example of God and Christ is a most convincing pattern for exciting us to pardon and forgive on another if we consider either the greatness of those wrongs which he pardoneth Isa 1.18 or our baseness who do injure him Isa 40.17 22. or his omnipotency to right himself of the wrongs done unto him Mat. 10.28 Dost thou O Husband or O Wife stand in need of forgiveness and wilt thou not forgive thy Husband or thy Wife shall God forgive thee infinite sins and wilt thou not pass by one offence dost thâ—n stand in deed of a sea of mercy for the washing away thy many foul offences and wilt thou not let one drop fall upon thy Husband or thy Wife to forbear or forgive in trifling wrongs Certainly if Husbands and Wives would but seriously consider these things it would make all quarrellings and contentions between them to cease O what little cause hast thou then to manifest a furious spirit against thy Husband or thy Wife for every trifle seeing God doth not deal furiously with thee for great offences O that these considerations might prevent Husbands and Wives raging against and falling out one with another for the time to come 5. If thou would'st keep thy spirit quiet and free from furious passions when any thing is done by thy Husband or thy Wife that is contrary to thy mind and doth much displease look up to the hand of God and acknowledge the Providence of God without which not the least grief or injury could befall thee for even the least is a portion of that Cup which the hand of God reacheth out to thee to drink of Job looked not at the Sabeans and Thieves that took away his Goods but at the hand of God The Lord hath taken away blessed be his name Job 1.21 22. He was satisfied that God willed that in righteousness and justice which they acted with so much cruelty and injustice David's looking up to God when Shimei cursed him quieted his spirit and restrained his anger So in Psal 39.9 I was dumb and opened not my mouth O Lord because thou didst it He doth neither manifest forwardness nor discontent because he took notice of the hand of God Joseph did not vent his passion against his Bretheren for selling him to the Ishmeelites but kept himself in a calm frame of spirit by considering this it was God that sent me hither A godly man cannot be angry at the doing or speaking of that which pleaseth God to order the speaking or doing of because he knows he is bound to submit to the will of God And thy only observing of the person that doth in any way displease thee and not considering that God hath an hand in all things that befall thee is the cause that thou art so often transported with furious passions An observation that God hath an hand in all things that befall thee is as water to quench the inflamation of thy angry passions This persuasion That God seeth cause for all the wrongs that thou dost suffer is many ways forceable to move thee unto patience For 1. If thou dost look to the hand of God in those things that distast thee it will constrain thee to confess that all thy chastisements are just far less than thy sins have deserved for indeed all the opposition that thou hast from thy Husband or thy Wife is in some measure a rebuke of God against some miscarriage of thine And God in permitting thee to be exercised with such things as do very much distast thy spirit doth do thee no wrong because 't is not commensurate to the merit of thy sin For indeed such crosses and provocations as thou dost meet with from thy Husband or thy Wife are but light to a gracious heart and if not so light to thee as to others yet but momentory but thy sins have deserved infinite and eternal punishments If therefore the Lord use those earthly rods to correct thy sins thou should'st rather admire his mercy than be angry at so gentle chastisements If thou didst but consider that the hand of God is in every thing whereby thy Husband or thy Wife displeaseth thee thou would'st
places above your inferiours tho' you ought to order and manage your actions with such gravity as may gain some awe and respect from their hearts and tho' you ought to uphold the honour and preheminence of that station wherein God hath set you by all prudent means yet you must not carry your selves towards your inferiours with any proud supercilious or fastuous deportment As you need not indent your cheeks with continual smiles so neither plow your foreheads with rough and fâ—wre wrincles A sober affability and unaffected and amiable gravity will sufficiently chastise contempt and nourish a reverend love Rigid austerity in words and actions will produce a slavish dis-spirited temper in Children and Servants that when they come to years they are so pusillanimous that they are rendred unfit to manage the work of their Generation The dogged carriages of your superiours with a word and a blow to Children and Servants upon every trifling occasion works in them an over-much rustick slavery makes them dejected dull and stupid and unfit for any service Carry your selves therefore in that manner that they may neither fear or have your morosity nor grow wanton upon the commonness of your carriage 9. Be careful not to manifest too much severity against a fault when 't is ingeniously and fully confest for if you do you will cause your Children and Servants to deny the truth another time When superiours are equally severe when their inferiours confess as when they deny the truth of the fact they provoke them to lye If a confession of a fault doth not procure a moderation of correction yea sometimes an omission of correction another time inferiours will obstinately deny what they have done and add sin to sin And let such superiours know that they are guilty of every such lye their inferiours tell and shall answer for it as their own sin I have here given those general directions how Husbands und Wives should carry themselves to their inferiours because their disorderly carriages to Children and Servants have caused hot contests between them When the one hath fallen fiercely upon a Child or Servant the other hath disliked it and thereupon have fallen out with each other and have been so furious against each other that they have not been reconciled in a long time Therefore O Husbands and Wives as you desire to have a comfortable enjoyment of each other observe those directions in your carriages to your inferiours But I pass on to the next particular to give some particular directions to Husbands and Wives concerning the education of their Children 1. Beware of manifesting your affections to one Child more than another but shew equal love to them all otherwise that will be an heinous crime in one which will seem no blemish or fault in the other For an unequal affection blinds the judgment and the child that is respected is dealt harsher with whereby it is very much discouraged dejected and grieved 2. Do not overmuch restrain them from innocent and lawful recreations but give them some convenient liberty to refresh themselves in the exercise of them which may better dispose them to receive benefit by your education and be a means the sooner to make your godly instructions to them 3. Beware of base vilifying language in your rebukes which will provoke Children to be dogged sullen and grow worse rather than reform them 4. Do you sometimes wink at small things in Children and not chide them for every trifle else as Children grow older Parents will grow contemptible 5. Let not the Mother chide or correct the Child in the Fathers presence but if the Father doth not observe the present ill behaviour or know of a former miscarriage let the Wife then inform the Husband whose right then it is to chide or correct by the authority of his place or deal with the Child when the Father is gone forth for otherwise she doth not respect her Husbands superiority over her self as well as the Child 6. Use not many words in rebuking your Children Let your words be few proper and weighty and let your carriage be grave but not fierce 7. Do not upbraid your Children with former miscarriages in your passionate heats for which they have received reproof and correction before but when the same faults are again renewed give new reproofs or corrections as the nature of the offence doth require 8. Study the constitutions of your Children Mildness will do better with some than severity and the dispositions of others need severity to be exercised towards them 9. When the Husband rebukes a Child let the Wife be silent and not plead for him in the childs hearing If the Husband doth what is not proper let her tell him of it in private 10. If you are angry with Children for some miscarriage forbear rebuking or correcting till your spirits are cooled That cannot be done regularly that is done in fury Whatever is done rashly will be done disorderly and so no good effect can be produced 11. Be careful that you be not causers of your childrens undultifulness and disobedience by your bad examples and ill behaviour If you have not walked so circumspectly as the duties of your Children might be due unto you even in regard of your behaviour you have brought on your selves the guilt of your Childrens want of duty You should be holy grave and modest in your lives and eminently exemplary for practical godliness and then your instructions will more effectually influence their hearts and breed and continue in them an awe and reverence of your parental authority But alas in how many places are Parents of careless and loose lives of peevish and froward humours bewraying their neglect of Religion going to Religious Exercises when they â—â—st making every trifling occasion a sufficient excuse for neglecting Christian duties sometimes pretending inability of body when laziness and want of affection is the principal cause of their neglects Others carry no gravity â—n their doings nor modesty in their behaviours but live most dissolutely and often incontinently Others swear fearfully without regard speaking profanely not respecting the frailty of the youth that hear them Sometimes Husbands and Wives let unkind speeches pass from them one towards another in the presence of their Children to the great impairing of their credit with them Other Parents are too careless of bringing up their Children in the fear of God in the nature and admonition of the Lâ—rd as they are bound Ephes 6.4 〈◊〉 these are means to make Children fillâ—â— reverence to their Parents and to tempt them to sin and tho' you may be grieved that your Children want a reverend regard of you yet your selves have been causers of the same Pray then consider O ye Parents what cause ye have given of y ur Childrens disobedience and bewail it and be watchful against such carriages for the future as have heretofore occasion'd their disobedience for surely what duties the Law bindeth all Children to perform it