former respecting themselues the latter their families Vnto themselues they owe in common first loue secondly faithfulnesse and helpefulnesse ioyned together a faithfull helpefulnesse and an helpefull faithfulnesse As for loue it is the life the soule of marriage without which it is no more it selfe than a carcase is a man yea it is vncomfortable miserable and a liuing death For this all must labour as all will yeeld that take marriage vpon them The want of this causeth defectiuenesse in all other duties the abundance of it supplyeth what is wanting in the rest Loue seasons and sweetens all estates Loue breakes off and composeth all controuersies Loue ouer-ruleth all affections it squareth all actions in a word it is the King of the heart which where it preuayleth marriage is it selfe indeede viz. a pleasing combination of two persons into one home one purse one heart and one flesh But to commend it and the good effects of it which all doe confesse were needlesse paynes Let vs rather shewe what a kinde of loue it must bee and how it may bee gotten 8. This loue therefore which wee speake of must bee first spirituall then matrimoniall Spirituall I say that is grounded principally vpon the Commaundement of God that requyres it for I speake of Christians not vpon the face fauour proportion beauty dowrie nobility gifts or good parts of him or her to whom it is due for that naturall loue which builds it selfe vpon such sandy considerations as the fore-named will either bee blowne downe by some storme or tempest of displeasure or fall of it selfe or else degenerate into iealousie the most deuouring and fretting canker that can harbour in a married persons brest but spirituall loue that lookes vpon God rests vpon his will yeeldes to his Commaundement and resolues to obey it cannot change it selfe because the cause thereof is vnchangeable Thou louest thy Wife for that shee is faire well-spoken courteous of good feature brings much and is huswifely It is well But what will become of thy loue when all those things faile as all may the most must faile Thou louest thine husband because hee is a proper man and hath an actine and able body is of good health wit carriage because hee is kinde louing of faire condition vseth thee well But where shall we finde thy loue if an alteration come to these things as to all earthly things it may come Loe then how there is no constancy or firmitude in other causes But he which loues his wife and shee which loues her husband because God hath so bidden the maker of all things hath enioyned it the Lord and Master of the heart who alone may command the very affections appoints it so shall finde his or her loue lasting and durable as God alters not and his Law continues alwayes the same This right foundation of loue is Gods Commandement and then it is spirituall when built vpon this rocke 9. It must be also matrimoniall Wee are to loue our friends our kindred our neighbours yea forreiners and our vtter enemies euen all men euery-where but the nuptiall loue of yoke-fellowes is a speciall and peculiar loue farre more deare and inward than all or any of all these It is the fixing of their hearts in the good liking each of other as the onely fit and good match that could bee found vnder the Sunne for them The husband must rest his heart in his wife as the best wife that the world could haue yeelded him The wife must settle her very soule vpon her husband as the best husband that might haue beene had amongst men for her Thus doing they should loue perfectly thus striuing to doe they loue intirely They may lawfully thinke others better men or women but none a better husband or wife for them than their yoke-fellow for this were to admit the desire of changing which cannot stand with true loue Who would change his Childe with any man Euery mans owne son pleaseth him best though perhaps his qualities displease so should the husband so the wife They therefore that are still vpbraiding each other with the by-past matches which they might or should haue had loue not soundly though they may smile vpon each other Marriage-loue admits of no equall but placeth the yoke-fellow next of all to the soule of the party louing it will know none dearer none so deare And of this quality is the loue we require 10. But how shall one that wants this loue attaine it and he which hath some portion thereof gaine a larger increase I answere there bee two things which will euen cement and glew the foules of man and wife together the first is that they take speciall notice of Gods gracious prouidence for good in their match They which looke to God as the match-maker and that in fauour take each other as loue-tokens from Heauen and therefore cannot but loue that well which comes as a signe of his fauour whom they striue to loue aboue all But they which see not his hand mercifully coupling them in this fellowship must needes fall out speedily seeing they want this third thing as it were the ligament and iuncture of their affections A matter of small value is not smally respected when it comes in good-will from a great friend and deare withall Hee that loues the giuer will loue his gift also though not so pretious So the husband or wife though not of the best parts shal be deare to the yoke-fellow that loues God if he or she resolue in their hearts God in great goodnesse hath bestowed this man or woman vpon mee Yea say hee or she be somewhat froward and sullied as I may say with ill conditions the dearenesse of the giuer wil counteruaile some blemishes in the gift Say the Lord did correct thee in giuing thee this husband this wife It was in sauour and for thy good Canst thou chuse but kisse and loue euen the rod that comes from a fathers hand But to this meanes adde a second which will also further vnto this and loue shall grow without faile Let married couples ioyne together in priuat prayer good conference singing of Psalmes and other like religious exercises betwixt themselues alone 2. Pet. 3.7 S. Peter would not haue the prayers of the married interrupted for hee knew full well that these were the best meanes of nourishment to their loues In these things the bright beames of Gods Image will shine forth which haue power to make them amiable each to other Heere they shall bring so much profite and good to each others soule euen to their owne feelings as will effectually prouoke their affections to bee mutually feruent Heere they shall see themselues to bee children of the same father seruants of one Master strangers of one Countrey Pilgrims trauailing both to one the same home So when the sudden land-floud of youthfull violent affections are quite dryed vp these fountaines of spirituall loue which prayer and other exercises
A BRIDE-BVSH OR A WEDDING SERMON Compendiously describing the duties of Married Persons By performing whereof Marriage shall be to them a great Helpe which now finde it a little Hell Marriage is honourable amongst all men but Whoremongers and Adulterers God will iudge Heb. 13.4 Printed at London by William Iaggard for Nicholas Bourne and are to be sold at his shop at the entrance into the Royall Exchange 1617. To the Reader CHristian Reader Marriage hath scarse more that vse then that accuse it Most men enter into this estate and beeing entred complaine therof They should rather complaine of themselues It is an vniust thing and a fruit of ignorant pride to cast the blame of our greeuances vpon Gods ordinances I had bene happie saith one had I not bene married Then wast thou foolish both before and since thy marriage Vse it well it shall adde to thine happinesse We make bitter sawce and cry out that the meate is bitter Thou liuest in Matrimony not after Gods direction but the rules crooked rules they be of thine owne lusts and then sayest Oh that I had neuer married Oh that I were vnmarried For shame keepe silence thy crying shewes thy disease Thou art indeed married to an ill companion thy wicked flesh that body of death that old husband and art pestered with its brood and neither seekest a diuorce from this tyrant nor endeauourest to crucify the wicked off-spring thereof Hence are thy woes not thy Husband not thy Wife but thy pride thy passion cause all this annoyance all this discontentment I labour in this little Treatise to plead the cause of marriage not so much directly in speech as indeede actually by directing the married to the knowledge and practise of their duties which would mend all These what soeuer man and woman indeuour to follow if they prooue not marriage a solace to their soules and refreshing to their other greefes let mee neuer but greeue These things I commend to thine vnderstanding to thy life vse them and then say how thou speedest I intended them at first for a few and now communicate them to many It is no vncharitable I am sure I hope no vnprofitable deed I desire thou shouldest make some vse of them therefore I make them publicke if not bee ignorant and complaine still I meane them not to the learned that can finde out better directions for themselues but to those whose place is not too good to learne of the meanest Teacher euen vnto men of the same ranke as they for the most part were to whom I spake them If this worke profite I am glad then I know it shall please howsoeuer thou hast it Reader and better shouldst haue had if my store affoorded any better I hope thou wilt not blame me for meaning well and doing no harme So I commend thee to the Lord. Banburie August 20. 1608. Thine in the Lord W. W. A BRIDE-BVSH OR A Wedding Sermon IF it were not growne out of custome to preach without a text I should thinke that the fittest course for meetings of this nature No one place of Scripture doth either directly containe or plainly expresse the full dutie of the married couple which yet from many places may well bee collected into the body of one discourse But lest I should seeme to affect nouelty in recalling the long disused practise of antiquity I will make the ground of all my speech those words of the Apostle Paul Ephes 5.23 where hee saith The Husband is the Wiues head THe comparison which the holy Ghost heere vseth affords this generall point That there is a mutuall bond of duty standing betwixt man and wife They are indebted each to other in a reciprocall debt The parcels and specials of which debt I am at this time to declare vnto you for the direction of all such as either are or shall be entred into this estate 2 Now that we may proceed in some order for the help of our owne and your memories these duties are all of two kinds Some be principall some lesse principall Principall I terme those by the breach whereof this knot is dissolued and quite vndone and which being obserued other smaller infirmities notwithstanding the bond remaines entire on both sides 3 These maine duties are two The first is the chaste keeping of each ones body each for other The Husband must not dare to giue himselfe to any woman in this world but to his wife nor the wife to company with any vnder heauen besides her owne husband Against which duty if either of them shall offend the party so transgressing hath committed adultery broken the couenant of God remooued the yoke from the yoke fellowes neck and laide himselfe open if the Magistrate did as Gods law commands to the bloody stroke of a violent death Leu. 20.40 Deut. 21.22 But if it be demanded whether the party wronged may lawfully admit the other party againe after the offence knowne I answer that in case the man or woman haue offended once or so through infirmity and yet beeing conuicted shall by manifest outward tokens testifie his or her repentance and sure desire of amendment then it is meet and conuenient that this offence bee by the yoke-fellow passed by for the loue of the married couple should be very feruent and abundant and therefore able to passe by great yea the greatest wrongs so farre as it may with safe conscience be done And we reade not of any expresse commandement which enioynes a finall separation But againe I say that in case the party transgressing shall continue in the begunne fault and declare himselfe irreformable the party thus iniuried is bound in conscience both to complaine of the sinne and separate himselfe vtterly for no man must make himselfe a member of an harlot nor woman of an whore-master The chiefe thing therefore that married people must take heed of is this lest by any means they should so farre offend God neglect their publick couenant wrong their yoke-fellow scandalize the Church pollute their bodies and aduenture their soules to damnation as to follow strange flesh and receiue vnto the vse of their bodies any besides themselues whom God hath coupled together and sanctified one for another Yet not alone the grosse act of adultery but all such ouer-familiar and light behauiours as may giue either occasion or suspition of an euill meaning must be by them forborne shunned alwayes bearing in minde the graue speech of wise Salomon Prou. 6 29. Whosoeuer toucheth her speaking of his neighbors wife shall not be innocent Let no man therfore let no woman take this burning fire into their bosomes or walk vppon these scorching coales And for the principall dutie so much 4. The next is cohabitation or dwelling together enioined in expresse termes to the husband by the Apostle Peter who bids him 1 Peter 3 7 Dwell with his Wife and therefore by good consequent extending to her also for who can dwel with a woman
not the market place they loue not to doe such things with a witnesse Christ bids reproue thy neighbour Mat. 18.5 first betwixt him and thee then take two more with thee and so proceede further More loue is required to a wife and so more secrecie But say shee offend in publique before the seruants children strangers Then shew thy dislike in a patient manner of speaking that al may see thou winkest not at the fault and be much in expressing griefe rather then anger Leaue the lawfull sharpnesse and wholesome launcing as I may terme it for a reproofe till you come alone By that time shee will shame to remember how she ouer-shot herselfe if thou giue her not aduantage of replying by committing the like absurdity at the same time Neither feare that faults so healed in secrecy should infect the children seruants Nay thy present griefe dislike wil worke more vpon them then any reproofe there is time in her absence to warne thē of so offending in theirs euen to chide her for giuing so bad an example They may know thou hast reproued though they heare thee not reprooue So that we can in no sort allow the foolish rashnes of those husbands yea wee most sharply condemne it which must needs out with their reproofe before children seruants and perhaps also strangers as if their stomack were surcharged with it not hauing the wit to refrain til the oporrunity of priuatnes These men disgrace themselues in discrediting their wiues as the head gaines the knocke if the heeles be taken vp For now the wife conceiues that her disgrace is aymed at hence she becomes more cholericke perhaps also to iustifie the matter that prouokes him to more anger kindles more heat so in conclusion that growes to a plain braule or fray which should haue bin a kind Christian reproofe Had not these bin better well saued till another time then so dangerously misspent at this time to both their hurts both their disgraces And this is the practise of wisedome 21. The next vertue is mildnes This society comes neerest to equality therefore allowes familiarity which must not be suffred in other couplings of superiors inferiors requires more gentlenes This is the sweet sauce of this gouernment which makes it not to seem ouer tart it is the soft lining of this yoke of authority which without it is vnsupportable No womā can endure gouernmēt if gentlenes do not temper it 22. Now this gentlenes must be vsed in cōmandements and reproofes In commandements both for the matter of them and for the manner For the matter of them it must bee regarded that a man extend not his commanding power in the vse thereof too farre neither shew himselfe rigorous in euery thing but bee content to gratifie his wife in some things that shee may lesse vnwillingly yea with more cheerefulnesse bee subiect in other things Obedience would be inticed and allured and as it were by committing it to it owne disposing in matters of inferiour nature that it may follow more dutifully when more necessity requires more speedy and voluntary obsequiousnesse The Sunamite is a noble paterne for this matter 2 Kings 2.22 His wife in the middest of haruest he not knowing any cause required a man and two asses from that needful and hasty worke to attend her vnto the Prophet He is not vrgent in asking the cause nor peremptory in repelling the suite but grants her desire though it might seeme something inconuenient He knew her to bee no gadder and one day was not much Thus shee had liberty to depart and hee himselfe was a gayner by it as being freed from a great deale of sorrow which the newes of his sonnes death would haue procured and obteyning vnspeakable comfort in his reuiuing for she saw him raysed vp before hee knew of his disease It was in Abraham also more than ordinary gentlenesse that in a matter so neerly concerning him would condescend to his wiues passionate request about her mayde Hagar Let not the husband bee as churlish Nabal to his wife but follow these paternes of husbandly mildnesse which will beget at once both loue and reuerence testifying kindnesse and procuring it Hee that will bee Lord in euery thing stretcheth the authority of his string so high that it is at least in danger of breaking So carry thy selfe to thy wife that she may perceiue herselfe to haue entred not into seruile thraldome but louing subiection 23. Then when neede requireth a commandement to be giuen it must be for the manner not imperious not in the heate and extremity of inforcing and charging words but with a sweet instinct of kindenesse as the head doth moue the members of the body by louing perswasions and familiar requests Indeed if the wife try the mastery and cast off the yoke of obedience such her distemper makes it not alone lawfull but very meere that the husband with good words and behauiour not bitter not raging doe stand for his authority euen stifly and peremptorily professing that he will haue his will in things lawfull But such a course would be seldome vsed and that alone in matters of some importance that are worth so much earnestnesse It is more safe and as honourable subduing a rebellious City by treaties of peace with good and fauorable conditions than by the battery of ordinance and fierce dint of the sword So that husband doth with most praise and happines subdue his wiues passions of disobedience that can effect it by faire meanes Yea indeed she must be a monstrous and vnwomanly woman that being drawne by entreatie will not yeeld Authority is like the arts of Logick and Rhetoricke that must in speaking be vsed and yet concealed and then they most preuaile when being vsed they are least seene It preuents resisting to request when thou mayst charge There is nothing to striue for when a man doth not as it were vaunt his superiority Things are also best done when the will is allured rather than the body compelled If thou stand vpon it and come with flat commandements as you shall and I will make you and you were as good as you did and you shall know that I am master c. and the like big words the heart goes against that which the hand performes and thou art disliked inwardly though perhaps obeyed in shew and if obedience come not from the heart can it last long This is the way to preuaile with least burden to the inferiour toyle to the superiour if with milde words hee wish this and this rather then with imperious speeches enioyne it Men that ride horses haue a wand and a spurre both they wil rather set forward their horses with the whisk sound or perhaps little touch of the smal stick then with the sharpnesse of their iron spurre They proceed not to spurring till their horse be either restie or tiry and if tiry that doth more hurt So the husband should