Selected quad for the lemma: cause_n
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A65052
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Aesop a comedy as it is acted at the Theatre-Royal in Drury-Lane.
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Vanbrugh, John, Sir, 1664-1726.; Boursault, M. (Edme), 1638-1701. Fables d'Esope.
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1697
(1697)
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Wing V54; ESTC R27037
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53,009
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81
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power or not But I have a Son at home a brave chapping Lad he has been Captain in the Militia this twelve months and I 'd be glad to see him in his Place What do you stare for Sir ha I gad I tell you he 'd scour all the Devils He 's none of your Fencers none of your Sa Sa men Numphs is downright that 's his Play You may see his Courage in his Face He has a pair of Cheeks like two Bladders a Nose as flat as your Hand and a Forehead like a Bull. Ae. In short Sir I find if you and your Family were provided for things would soon grow better than they do G. And so they wou'd Sir Clap me at the Head of the State and Numphs at the Head of the Army He with his Club Musquet and I with a Club Head peice we 'd soon put an end to your business Ae. I believe you wou'd indeed And therefore since I happen to be acquainted with your extraordinary Abilities I am resolv'd to give the King an account of you and employ my Interest with him that you and your Son may have the Posts you desire G. Will you by the Lord Give me your fist Sir the only honest Courtier that ever I met with in my Life Ae. But Sir when I have done you this mighty peice of Service I shall have a small request to beg of you which I hope you won't refuse me G. what 's that Ae. Why 't is in behalf of the two Officers who are to be displac'd to make room for you and your Son G. The Secretary and the General Ae. The same 'T is pity they should be quite out of business I must therefore desire you 'll let me recommend one of 'em to you for your Bailiff and t'other for your Huntsman G. My Bailiff and my Huntsman Sir that 's not to be granted Ae. Pray why G. Why Because one wou'd ruin my Land and t'other wou'd spoil my Fox-Hounds Ae. Why do you think so G. Why do I think so These Courtiers will ask the strangest Questions Why Sir do you think that Men bred up to the State and the Army can understand the business of Ploughing and Hunting Ae. I did not know but they might G. How cou'd you think so Ae. Because I see men bred up to Ploughing and Hunting understand the business of the State and the Army G. I 'm shot I han't one word to say for my self I never was so caught in my Life Ae. I perceive Sir by your Looks what I have said has made some impression upon you and wou'd perhaps do more if you wou'd give it leave Taking his Hand Come Sir tho' I am a stranger to you I can be your Friend My Favour at Court does not hinder me from being a Lover of my Country 'T is my Nature as well as Principles to be pleas'd with the prosperity of mankind I wish all things happy and my study is to make 'em so The Distempers of the Government which I own are great have employ'd the stretch of my Understanding and the deepest of my thoughts to penetrate the Cause and to find out the Remedy But alas all the product of my study is this That I find there is too near a Resemblance between the Diseases of the State and those of the Body for the most expert Minister to become a greater Master in one than the College in t'other And how far their Skill extends you may see by this Lump upon my Back Allowances in all Professions there must be since 't is weak Man that is the weak Professor Believe me Senator for I have seen the Proof on 't The longest Beard amongst us is a Fool. Cou'd you but stand behind the Curtain and there observe the secret Springs of State you 'd see in all the Good or Evil that attends it Ten Ounces of Chance for One Grain either of Wisdom or Roguery You 'd see perhaps a Venerable Statesman sit fast asleep in a great Downy Chair whilst in that soft Vacation of his thought Blind Chance or what at least we blindly call so shall so dispose a thousand secret Wheels that when he wakes he needs but write his Name to publish to the World some blest Event for which his Statue shall be rais'd in Brass Perhaps a moment thence you shall behold him torturing his Brain His thoughts all stretcht upon the Wrack for Publick Service The live-long Night when all the World 's at rest consum'd in Care and watching for their safety when by a Whirlwind in his Fate in spight of him some mischief shall befall 'em for which a furious Sentence strait shall pass and they shall Vote him to the Scaffold Even thus uncertain are the Rewards and Punishments and even thus little do the People know when 't is the Statesman merits one or t'other G. Now do I believe I am beginning to be a wise man for I never till now perceiv'd I was a Fool. But do you then really believe Sir our Men in Business do the best they can Ae. Many of 'em do some perhaps do not But this you may depend upon He that is out of business is the worst Judge in the World of him that is in First because he seldom knows any thing of the matter and secondly because he always desires to get his place G. And so Sir you turn the Tables upon the Plaintiff and play the Fool and Knave at his Door Ae. If I do him wrong I 'm sorry for 't Let him Examine himself he 'll find whether I do or not Exit Aesop. G. Examine I think I have had enough of that already There 's nothing left that I know of but to give Sentence And truly I think there 's no great difficulty in that A very pretty Fellow I am indeed Here am I come bellowing and roaring 200. Miles Post to find my self an Ass when with one quarter of an hours consideration I might have made the self same Discovery without going over my Threshold Well! if ever they send me on their Errand to reform the State again I 'll be damn'd But this I 'll do I 'll go home and reform my Family if I can Them I 'm sure I know There 's my Father's a peevish Old Coxcomb There 's my Uncle's a Drunken Old Sot There 's my Brother's a Cowardly Bully Son Numphs is a Lubberly Whelp I 've a great Ramping Daughter that stares like a Heifer and a Wife that 's a Slatternly Sow Exit Enter a Young Gay Airy Beau who stands smiling contemptibly upon Aesop. Ae. Well Sir what are you B. Fool. Ae. That 's impossible for if thou wer 't thou d'st think thy self a Wise Man B. So I do This is my own Opinion the t'other's my Neighbours Walking Airly about Aesop gazing after him Have you any business with me Sir B. Sir I have Business with no body Pleasure 's my study Ae. Aside An Odd Fellow this Pray Sir who
Favours from him I hate seek a Reprieve from him I abhor 'T is low 't is mean 't is base in me Do. VVhy you hate the Devil as much as you do Aesop or within a small matter and shou'd you think it a scandal to pray him to let you alone a day or two if he were a going to run away with you ha Eu. I don't know what I think nor what I say nor what I do But sure th' art not my Friend thus to advise me Do. I advise I advise nothing e'en follow your own way marry him and make much of him I have a mind to see some of his Breed if you like it I like it He shan't breed out of me only that 's all I have to take care of Eu. Prithee don't distract me Do. VVhy to morrow 's the day fix'd and firm you know it Much Meat little Order great many Relations few Friends Horse-play Noise and bawdy Stories all 's ready for a compleat VVedding Eu. Oh what shall I do Do. Nay I know this makes you tremble and yet your tender Conscience scruples to drop one Hypocritical Cursy and say 'pray Mr. Aesop be so kind to defer it a few days longer Eu. Thou know'st I cannot dissemble Do. I know you can dissemble well enough when you shou'd not do 't Do you remember how you us'd to plague your poor Oronces make him believe you loath'd him when you cou'd have kiss'd the ground he went on affront him in all publick Places ridicule him in all Company abuse him where-ever you went and when you had reduc'd him within Ams Ace of hanging or drowning then come home with Tears in your Eyes and cry now Doris let 's go lock our selves up and talk of my dear Oronces Is not this true Eu. Yes yes yes But prithee have some Compassion on me Come I 'll do any thing thou bidd'st me What shall I say to this Monster Tell me and I 'll obey thee Do. Nay then there 's some hopes of you Why you must tell him 'T is natural to you to dislike Folks at first sight That since you have consider'd him better you find your Aversion abated That though perhaps it may be a hard matter for you ever to think him a Beau you don't despair in time of finding out his Iene scai quoy And that on t'other side tho' you have hitherto thought as most young Women do that nothing cou'd remove your first Affection yet you have very great hopes in the natural Inconstancy of your Sex Tell him 't is not impossible a change may happen provided he gives you time But that if he goes to force you there 's another piece of Nature peculiar to Woman which may chance to spoil all and that 's Contradiction Ring that Argument well in his Ears He 's a Philosopher he knows it has weight in 't In short Wheedle whine flatter lye weep spare nothing it 's a moist Age Women have Tears enough and when you have melted him down and gain'd more time we 'll employ it in Closet-Debates how to cheat him to the end of the Chapter Eu. But you don't consider Doris that by this means I engage my self to him and can't afterwards with Honour retreat Do. Madam I know the World â—onour ' a Jest when Jilting's useful Besides he that wou'd have you break your Oath with Oronces can never have the Impudence to blame you for cracking your Word with himself But who knows what may happen between the Cup and the Lip Let either of the Old Gentlemen dye and we ride triumphant Wou'd I cou'd but see the Statesman sick a little I 'd recommend a Doctor to him a Cousin of mine a Man of Conscience a wise Physician tip but the Wink he understands you Eu. Thou wicked Wench woud'st poison him Do. I don't know what I wou'd do I think I study I invent and some how I will get rid of him I do more for you I 'm sure than you and your Knight Errant do together for your selves Eu. Alas both he and I do all we can thou know'st we do Do. Nay I know y' are willing enough to get together but y' are a couple of helpless Things Heaven knows Eu. Our Stars thou see'st are bent to Opposition Do. Stars I 'd fain see the Stars hinder me from running away with a Man I lik'd Eu. Ay But thou know'st shou'd I disoblige my Father he 'd give my Portion to my younger Sister Do. Ay there the Shooe pinches there 's the Love of the Age Ah! to what an Ebb of Passion are Lovers sunk in these days Give me a Woman that runs away with a Man when his whole Estate 's pack'd up in his Snap-sack That tucks up her Coats to her Knees and through thick and through thin from Quarters to Camp trudges heartily on with a Child at her Back another in her Arms and a brace in her Belly There 's Flame with a Witness where this is the Effects on 't But we must have Love in a Feather-bed Forsooth a Coach and Six Horses Clean Linen and a Cawdle Fie for shame O ho here comes our Man Now shew your self a Woman if you are one Enter Aesop. Aes I 'm told fair Virgin you desire to speak with me Lovers are apt to flatter themselves I take your Message for a Favour I hope 't was meant so Eu. Favours from Women are so cheap of late Men may expect 'em truly without Vanity Aes If the Women are so liberal I think the Men are generous too on their side 'T is a well-bred Age thank Heaven and a deal of Civility there passes between the two Sexes What Service is 't that I can do you Lady Eu. Sir I have a small Favour to intreat you Aes What is 't I don't believe I shall refuse you Eu. What if you shou'd promise me you won't Aes Why then I shou'd make a Divorce between my good Breeding and my Sence which ought to be as sacred a Knot as that of Wedlock Eu. Dare you not trust then Sir the thing you love Aes Not when the thing I love don't love me never Do. Trust is sometimes the way to be belov'd Aes Ay but 't is oftner the way to be cheated Eu. Pray promise me you 'll grant my suit Do. 'T is a reasonable one I give you my word for 't Aes If it be so I do promise to grant it Do. That 's still leaving your self Judge Aes Why who 's more concern'd in the Tryal Do. But no body ought to be Judge in their own Cause Aes Yet he that is so is sure to have no wrong done him Do. But if he does wrong to others that 's worse Aes Worse for them but not for him Do. True Politician by my troth Aes Men must be so when they have to do with Sharpers Eu. If I should tell you then there were a possibility I might be brought to love you you 'd scarce believe me Aes I shou'd hope