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and_o trouble_v in_o his_o sickness_n and_o i_o think_v i_o also_o make_v he_o some_o part_n of_o poor_a amends_o for_o the_o pain_n which_o he_o have_v take_v with_o i_o in_o i_o for_o now_o be_v ill_a enough_o in_o myself_o i_o yet_o strain_v very_o hard_o to_o do_v he_o service_n and_o beside_o i_o well_o consider_v that_o by_o the_o only_o loss_n of_o he_o all_o my_o comfort_n and_o regalo_n be_v to_o be_v lose_v for_o it_o all_o be_v shut_v up_o in_o only_o he_o i_o animate_v myself_o also_o so_o much_o towards_z the_o not_o show_v he_o that_o i_o be_v in_o any_o pain_n and_o in_o continue_v so_o even_o till_o he_o expire_v as_o if_o i_o have_v feel_v no_o trouble_n at_o all_o though_o yet_o it_o be_v very_o true_a that_o when_o i_o see_v he_o come_v to_o be_v upon_o the_o very_a point_n to_o loose_v his_o life_n it_o seem_v to_o i_o as_o if_o my_o own_o very_a soul_n have_v then_o be_v tear_v out_o of_o my_o body_n for_o i_o love_v he_o much_o it_o be_v a_o thing_n to_o make_v our_o lord_n be_v high_o praise_v to_o see_v the_o death_n which_o my_o father_n die_v together_o with_o the_o desire_n which_o he_o also_o have_v to_o die_v and_o the_o counsel_n which_o he_o give_v we_o after_o he_o have_v receive_v extreme_a unction_n and_o how_o he_o charge_v we_o to_o recommend_v he_o to_o god_n and_o that_o we_o shall_v beg_v mercy_n of_o he_o for_o his_o soul_n and_o that_o we_o must_v serve_v he_o ever_o and_o consider_v that_o all_o this_o world_n must_v come_v to_o end_v with_o tear_n he_o also_o tell_v we_o how_o sad_a he_o be_v at_o the_o hart_n for_o not_o have_v serve_v his_o divine_a majesty_n better_o that_o he_o wish_v he_o be_v some_o religious_a man_n i_o mean_v that_o he_o have_v be_v so_o and_o that_o of_o the_o most_o strict_a who_o be_v in_o the_o world_n and_o i_o hold_v it_o for_o very_o certain_a that_o some_o fifteen_o day_n before_o our_o lord_n give_v he_o to_o understand_v that_o he_o be_v not_o to_o live_v because_o before_o that_o very_a time_n he_o do_v not_o think_v he_o be_v sick_a though_o yet_o he_o be_v so_o in_o good_a earnest_n but_o afterward_o though_o he_o seem_v to_o mend_v much_o in_o point_n of_o health_n and_o though_o the_o doctor_n bid_v he_o believe_v that_o there_o be_v no_o danger_n at_o all_o yet_o he_o make_v no_o account_n of_o that_o but_o only_o attend_v to_o put_v his_o soul_n in_o good_a order_n that_o sickness_n of_o he_o begin_v with_o a_o very_a grievous_a pain_n round_o about_o his_o shoulder_n which_o never_o leave_v he_o and_o sometime_o it_o press_v he_o
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he_o look_v even_o like_o a_o angel_n and_o as_o such_o in_o manner_n of_o speech_n he_o ever_o seem_v in_o my_o sight_n to_o be_v both_o in_o soul_n and_o disposition_n or_o humour_n which_o he_o have_v extreme_o good_a nor_o do_v i_o know_v why_o i_o have_v speak_v thus_o much_o of_o he_o unless_o it_o be_v to_o confess_v and_o accuse_v my_o own_o wickedness_n so_o much_o the_o more_o since_o upon_o the_o sight_n of_o such_o a_o death_n and_o the_o knowledge_n of_o such_o a_o life_n i_o ought_v to_o have_v amend_v and_o reform_v i_o if_o it_o have_v be_v but_o to_o grow_v the_o like_a to_o such_o a_o father_n his_o confessarius_fw-la who_o be_v a_o dominican_n and_o a_o great_a learned_a man_n affirm_v that_o he_o make_v no_o doubt_n but_o that_o my_o father_n will_v go_v straight_o to_o heaven_n for_o he_o who_o have_v confess_v he_o diverse_a year_n speak_v much_o of_o the_o great_a purity_n of_o his_o conscience_n this_o dominican_n father_n be_v a_o very_a worthy_a man_n and_o a_o true_a servant_n of_o god_n do_v i_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o good_a for_o i_o confess_v myself_o to_o he_o and_o he_o undertake_v the_o profit_n of_o my_o soul_n with_o care_n and_o to_o make_v i_o well_o understand_v the_o way_n of_o perdition_n wherein_o i_o be_v walk_v he_o cause_v i_o also_o to_o communicate_v every_o fifteen_o day_n and_o begin_v first_o to_o treat_v with_o he_o by_o little_a and_o little_a i_o speak_v with_o he_o afterward_o at_o length_n about_o my_o prayer_n and_o he_o tell_v i_o that_o i_o must_v not_o fail_v to_o use_v it_o and_o that_o it_o can_v not_o by_o any_o mean_n but_o do_v i_o good_a i_o begin_v therefore_o to_o use_v it_o again_o and_o from_o that_o time_n forward_o i_o never_o leave_v it_o though_o yet_o i_o do_v not_o for_o the_o present_a give-ove_a the_o occasion_n of_o my_o imperfection_n i_o therefore_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n pass_v a_o most_o sad_a life_n for_o in_o prayer_n i_o come_v to_o understand_v my_o fault_n on_o the_o one_o side_n i_o be_v call_v by_o almighty_a god_n and_o on_o the_o other_o i_o follow_v the_o world_n all_o those_o thing_n which_o belong_v to_o god_n give_v i_o great_a contentment_n but_o those_o thing_n which_o be_v of_o the_o world_n tie_v i_o up_o in_o chain_n and_o it_o seem_v i_o have_v a_o mind_n to_o make_v these_o two_o contraries_n friend_n which_o yet_o be_v so_o much_o in_o enmity_n with_o one_o another_o namely_o a_o spiritual_a life_n on_o the_o one_o side_n and_o sensual_a pastime_n contentment_n and_o delight_n on_o the_o other_o in_o my_o prayer_n i_o endure_v much_o trouble_n because_o now_o my_o spirit_n be_v grow_v to_o be_v no_o long_o a_o lord_n but_o a_o slave_n and_o therefore_o i_o be_v not_o able_a to_o shut_v myself_o up_o in_o my_o hart_n which_o be_v the_o only_o way_n of_o proceed_v i_o former_o have_v hold_v in_o my_o use_n of_o prayer_n without_o shut_v up_o a_o thousand_o vanity_n together_o with_o myself_o i_o pass_v so_o many_o year_n in_o this_o manner_n that_o now_o i_o be_o astonish_v to_o consider_v that_o any_o person_n shall_v be_v able_a to_o endure_v the_o not_o leave_v either_o the_o one_o or_o the_o other_o in_o so_o long_a a_o time_n i_o well_o know_v that_o now_o it_o be_v no_o long_o in_o my_o hand_n to_o give_v over_o mental_a prayer_n for_o he_o hold_v i_o now_o in_o his_o who_o resolve_v to_o do_v i_o great_a favour_n o_o that_o i_o can_v declare_v the_o occasion_n of_o do_v ill_a which_o god_n remove_v from_o i_o in_o those_o year_n and_o how_o i_o put_v myself_o again_o into_o they_o and_o of_o the_o danger_n wherein_o i_o be_v to_o loose_v all_o the_o opinion_n and_o reputation_n which_o i_o have_v in_o the_o world_n from_o which_o he_o free_v i_o and_o of_o the_o haste_n which_o i_o make_v to_o discover_v by_o my_o action_n what_o kind_n of_o creature_n i_o be_v and_o the_o haste_n which_o our_o lord_n make_v also_o to_o cover_v these_o fault_n and_o to_o discover_v some_o little_a virtue_n of_o i_o if_o there_o be_v any_o and_o to_o make_v the_o same_o seem_v great_a in_o the_o eye_n of_o all_o man_n in_o such_o sort_n as_o that_o they_o ever_o hold_v i_o in_o much_o account_n for_o though_o sometime_o my_o vanity_n will_v shine_v through_o my_o action_n yet_o they_o see_v other_o thing_n in_o i_o which_o appear_v good_a will_v not_o believe_v the_o ill_a but_o the_o true_a cause_n hereof_o be_v that_o the_o knower_n of_o all_o thing_n see_v that_o this_o be_v fit_a to_o be_v so_o ordain_v to_o the_o end_n that_o when_o afterward_o i_o shall_v come_v to_o persuade_v the_o world_n to_o do_v he_o service_n they_o may_v give_v i_o some_o little_a credit_n therein_o and_o that_o sovereign_a bounty_n of_o god_n do_v not_o so_o much_o consider_v my_o great_a sin_n as_o it_o do_v those_o desire_n which_o i_o have_v sometime_o to_o serve_v he_o and_o the_o great_a trouble_n i_o feel_v in_o myself_o for_o want_v power_n and_o strength_n to_o put_v the_o same_o in_o execution_n but_o o_o thou_o lord_n of_o my_o soul_n and_o how_o shall_v i_o ever_o be_v able_a to_o express_v with_o fullness_n and_o clearness_n enough_o the_o favour_n which_o thou_o show_v i_o in_o those_o year_n and_o how_o in_o that_o very_a time_n when_o i_o be_v offend_v thou_o most_o thou_o make_v such_o haste_n to_o dispose_v my_o soul_n to_o a_o most_o profound_a remorse_n and_o sorrow_n that_o so_o i_o may_v come_v to_o taste_v of_o thy_o regalo_n and_o great_a favour_n again_o the_o truth_n be_v o_o my_o king_n that_o thou_o do_v use_v the_o most_o curious_a and_o choice_a kind_n of_o sharp_a punishment_n which_o can_v possible_o to_o my_o think_n be_v find_v for_o i_o as_o one_o who_o do_v well_o understand_v what_o be_v likely_a to_o cost_v i_o the_o dear_a of_o all_o other_o thing_n for_o thou_o do_v punish_v those_o sin_n of_o i_o with_o great_a regalo_n and_o i_o think_v it_o be_v no_o impertinency_n which_o i_o utter_v though_o yet_o it_o be_v a_o kind_n of_o reason_n that_o i_o shall_v now_o 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that_o i_o shall_v do_v therein_o what_o he_o ordain_v but_o i_o speak_v not_o of_o these_o vision_n with_o that_o prelate_n but_o that_o lady_n treat_v with_o he_o and_o tell_v he_o that_o she_o desire_v to_o erect_v a_o new_a monastery_n and_o the_o provincial_n do_v very_o glad_o give_v way_n for_o he_o be_v a_o friend_n of_o all_o religious_a observance_n and_o piety_n and_o so_o he_o afford_v all_o the_o favour_n which_o be_v needful_a and_o tell_v she_o that_o he_o will_v admit_v and_o accept_v the_o house_n they_o speak_v then_o of_o the_o revenue_n which_o it_o be_v to_o have_v and_o we_o never_o incline_v to_o let_v it_o consist_v of_o more_o than_o thirteen_o religious_a &_o this_o for_o many_o reason_n but_o before_o we_o begin_v to_o treat_v of_o the_o matter_n thus_o far_o we_o write_v to_o the_o holy_a man_n fray_n pedro_n de_fw-fr alcantara_n and_o acquaint_v he_o with_o all_o that_o which_o pass_v and_o he_o counsel_v we_o to_o proceed_v in_o this_o design_n and_o he_o 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and_o he_o change_v his_o former_a opinion_n and_o now_o will_v no_o long_o admit_v the_o house_n but_o say_v that_o the_o rent_n be_v both_o little_a and_o beside_o not_o very_o secure_a and_o that_o there_o be_v very_o great_a contradiction_n he_o seem_v to_o have_v reason_n in_o all_o and_o in_o fine_a he_o gave-ove_a the_o business_n and_o will_v not_o admit_v the_o house_n now_o we_o who_o have_v already_o receive_v the_o first_o blow_n upon_o our_o own_o head_n be_v great_o trouble_v at_o it_o but_o particular_o it_o strike_v i_o much_o that_o the_o provincial_n be_v now_o find_v to_o be_v opposite_a for_o
i_o remain_v so_o alter_v yea_o and_o so_o astonish_v that_o i_o intend_v to_o see_v that_o person_n no_o more_o it_o do_v i_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o hurt_n that_o i_o know_v not_o at_o that_o time_n that_o it_o be_v possible_a for_o one_o to_o see_v any_o thing_n but_o with_o the_o eye_n of_o the_o body_n and_o the_o devil_n be_v careful_a enough_o to_o continue_v i_o in_o that_o erroneous_a opinion_n and_o to_o make_v i_o still_o believe_v that_o it_o be_v impossible_a and_o therefore_o that_o i_o have_v but_o fancy_v certain_a thing_n to_o myself_o and_o that_o perhaps_o it_o may_v be_v a_o work_n of_o the_o devil_n and_o he_o bring_v many_o suggestion_n like_o this_o upon_o i_o though_o yet_o still_o i_o be_v very_o confident_o of_o opinion_n that_o it_o be_v god_n and_o no_o conceit_n or_o fancy_n at_o all_o but_o yet_o still_o because_o it_o induce_v i_o to_o do_v thing_n which_o be_v against_o my_o gust_n i_o do_v the_o best_a i_o can_v even_o to_o belie_v my_o very_a self_n and_o forasmuch_o as_o i_o dare_v not_o confer_v with_o any_o body_n about_o this_o particular_a and_o find_v myself_o also_o extreme_o importune_v afterward_o and_o be_v wish_v to_o be_v assure_v that_o it_o can_v not_o be_v ill_o do_v to_o see_v such_o a_o person_n as_o that_o and_o that_o there_o will_v be_v no_o loss_n of_o honour_n by_o it_o but_o rather_o gain_v i_o return_v to_o enjoy_v the_o same_o conversation_n yea_o and_o also_o at_o other_o time_n i_o converse_v in_o like_a manner_n with_o other_o for_o they_o be_v many_o year_n wherein_o i_o take_v this_o pestilential_a recreation_n and_o when_o once_o i_o be_v far_o embark_v therein_o it_o seem_v not_o to_o i_o to_o be_v so_o very_a ill_n as_o yet_o indeed_o it_o be_v though_o still_o it_o be_v very_o true_a that_o sometime_o i_o discern_v clear_o enough_o that_o it_o be_v not_o good_a but_o yet_o no_o other_o conversation_n distract_v i_o so_o much_o as_o this_o in_o particular_a do_v by_o reason_n of_o the_o great_a affection_n which_o i_o bear_v to_o the_o party_n but_o myself_o be_v afterward_o again_o with_o the_o same_o person_n we_o both_o of_o we_o see_v come_v towards_o we_o and_o there_o be_v other_o also_o present_a who_o see_v it_o too_o a_o certain_a thing_n which_o have_v the_o manner_n of_o a_o great_a toad_n and_o it_o press_v and_o pass_v on_o with_o very_o much_o more_o speed_n than_o such_o creature_n use_v to_o have_v for_o my_o part_n i_o be_v not_o able_a to_o conceive_v how_o such_o a_o filthy_a beast_n as_o that_o shall_v get_v into_o that_o room_n through_o that_o part_n from_o whence_o it_o come_v and_o even_o as_o it_o be_v at_o noon_n day_n nor_o have_v ever_o any_o such_o thing_n be_v see_v there_o the_o effect_n which_o it_o wrought_v with_o i_o seem_v not_o to_o have_v be_v void_a of_o some_o mystery_n and_o this_o also_o be_v a_o thing_n which_o i_o can_v never_o forget_v but_o o_o greatness_n of_o almighty_a god_n with_o how_o much_o care_n &_o pity_n be_v thou_o admonish_v i_o in_o so_o many_o kind_n and_o by_o so_o many_o way_n &_o how_o little_a do_v i_o permit_v that_o all_o these_o warning_n shall_v help_v there_o be_v also_o there_o at_o that_o time_n a_o certain_a religious_a woman_n of_o my_o kindred_n and_o she_o be_v ancient_a and_o a_o great_a servant_n of_o god_n and_o of_o much_o discipline_n in_o her_o religious_a order_n she_o also_o will_v sometime_o be_v give_v i_o good_a counsel_n but_o i_o do_v not_o only_o not_o believe_v she_o but_o be_v also_o disgu_v with_o she_o as_o conceave_a that_o she_o will_v needs_o take_v scandal_n at_o i_o without_o cause_n and_o this_o i_o here_o relate_v to_o the_o end_n that_o both_o my_o wickedness_n and_o the_o great_a goodness_n of_o almighty_a god_n may_v be_v the_o better_o understand_v and_o that_o it_o may_v be_v know_v how_o well_o i_o deserve_a hell_n for_o my_o great_a ingratitude_n and_o i_o do_v it_o also_o to_o this_o end_n that_o if_o our_o lord_n may_v so_o ordain_v &_o be_v please_v that_o any_o religious_a woman_n may_v fall_v upon_o read_v this_o discourse_n they_o may_v be_v bring_v to_o be_v careful_a to_o take_v warning_n by_o i_o and_o i_o beg_v of_o they_o that_o for_o the_o love_n of_o our_o lord_n they_o will_v take_v heed_n of_o such_o recreation_n as_o these_o and_o i_o beseech_v his_o divine_a majesty_n that_o some_o one_o of_o they_o may_v be_v disabused_n who_o i_o have_v deceive_v when_o i_o tell_v they_o that_o it_o be_v not_o ill_a and_o when_o be_v in_o such_o blindness_n at_o that_o time_n i_o procure_v to_o assure_v they_o that_o there_o be_v no_o danger_n at_o all_o and_o in_o regard_n also_o that_o by_o the_o ill_a example_n which_o i_o give_v give_v they_o as_o i_o have_v relate_v here_o i_o be_v a_o cause_n to_o they_o of_o great_a mischief_n while_o yet_o i_o think_v not_o that_o i_o do_v so_o much_o hurt_v and_o though_o also_o it_o be_v certain_a that_o i_o have_v no_o design_n at_o all_o to_o deceive_v they_o but_o now_o even_o while_o i_o be_v yet_o much_o indispose_v in_o the_o way_n of_o health_n both_o concern_v body_n and_o mind_n and_o so_o before_o i_o be_v able_a to_o help_v myself_o in_o either_o kind_n i_o grow_v into_o a_o extreme_a desire_n to_o do_v other_o good_a which_o be_v a_o very_a ordinary_a temptation_n for_o new_a beginner_n though_o yet_o it_o happen_v now_o to_o succeed_v well_o with_o i_o and_o consider_v how_o dear_o i_o love_v my_o father_n i_o wish_v he_o the_o self_n same_o benefit_n which_o i_o conceive_v myself_o to_o have_v get_v and_o gain_v by_o mean_n of_o mental_a prayer_n and_o esteem_v that_o in_o this_o life_n there_o be_v no_o great_a blessing_n then_o to_o obtain_v and_o enjoy_v that_o gift_n i_o begin_v by_o certain_a way_n of_o discourse_n to_o procure_v the_o best_a i_o can_v that_o he_o will_v endeavour_v to_o obtain_v it_o and_o i_o give_v he_o certain_a book_n for_o this_o purpose_n now_o he_o be_v a_o man_n of_o so_o much_o virtue_n as_o i_o have_v already_o declare_v grow_v to_o settle_v himself_o so_o very_o well_o in_o this_o exercise_n that_o he_o come_v within_o five_o or_o six_o year_n for_o so_o long_o i_o think_v it_o be_v to_o be_v so_o well_o improve_v and_o advance_v therein_o that_o i_o bless_v our_o lord_n much_o for_o the_o favour_n and_o it_o give_v i_o a_o extreme_a consolation_n the_o trouble_n and_o cross_n which_o he_o endure_v be_v very_o great_a and_o of_o many_o kind_n and_o he_o pass_v through_o they_o all_o with_o much_o conformity_n to_o the_o will_n of_o our_o lord_n he_o come_v to_o see_v i_o often_o and_o be_v great_o comfort_v to_o treat_v of_o spiritual_a thing_n and_o when_o now_o i_o live_v so_o distract_v and_o diffuse_v without_o use_v mental_a prayer_n and_o see_v withal_o that_o he_o conceive_v i_o to_o be_v still_o the_o very_a same_o that_o i_o have_v be_v before_o i_o be_v not_o able_a to_o endure_v to_o live_v without_o undeceaving_a he_o for_o i_o have_v then_o be_v a_o year_n and_o more_o without_o mental_a prayer_n as_o think_v it_o more_o humility_n for_o i_o to_o abstain_v and_o this_o as_o i_o shall_v declare_v afterward_o be_v the_o great_a and_o worst_a temptation_n that_o ever_o i_o have_v for_o by_o this_o mean_n iranne_n headlong_o upon_o my_o total_a ruin_n whereas_o when_o i_o frequent_v prayer_n if_o i_o offend_v god_n one_o day_n i_o return_v to_o recollect_v myself_o upon_o another_o and_o so_o to_o absent_v myself_o from_o the_o occasion_n but_o that_o bless_a man_n my_o father_n come_v to_o see_v i_o in_o such_o state_n as_o this_o it_o be_v too_o much_o for_o i_o as_o i_o be_v say_v to_o let_v he_o walk_v on_o so_o far_o in_o error_n as_o to_o think_v that_o i_o still_o converse_v with_o god_n in_o prayer_n as_o former_o i_o have_v do_v and_o so_o i_o tell_v he_o then_o that_o i_o do_v no_o long_o use_v mental_a prayer_n though_o yet_o i_o do_v not_o tell_v he_o the_o cause_n thereof_o but_o i_o allege_v my_o infirmity_n for_o the_o reason_n and_o that_o although_o i_o be_v recover_v of_o the_o main_n sickness_n i_o have_v yet_o disease_n yea_o and_o very_o great_a one_o still_o and_o that_o although_o of_o late_a they_o have_v not_o assault_v i_o with_o so_o very_a great_a fierceness_n as_o before_o yet_o they_o fail_v not_o still_o to_o continue_v and_o to_o exercise_v i_o also_o in_o many_o kind_n in_o particular_a that_o i_o have_v certain_a vomit_n for_o twenty_o year_n together_o every_o morning_n in_o such_o sort_n as_o that_o i_o can_v never_o break_v my_o fast_n till_o noon_n be_v past_a yea_o and_o
continue_v to_o remain_v in_o a_o very_a inferior_a degree_n in_o this_o way_n nor_o never_o also_o any_o one_o cowardly_a soul_n though_o yet_o withal_o it_o have_v the_o safeguard_n of_o humility_n which_o be_v able_a to_o make_v so_o much_o way_n in_o many_o year_n as_o i_o have_v find_v those_o other_o do_v in_o very_a few_o i_o be_o even_o amaze_v when_o i_o consider_v how_o much_o it_o work_v in_o this_o kind_n for_o one_o to_o animate_v himself_o towards_o the_o do_n of_o great_a thing_n though_o instant_o he_o may_v perhaps_o not_o have_v force_n where_o with_o to_o perform_v for_o the_o soul_n put_v herself_o to_o make_v a_o flight_n and_o arrive_v to_o be_v in_o a_o high_a place_n though_o yet_o like_o some_o young_a bird_n she_o be_v not_o so_o well_o feather_v yet_o and_o therefore_o as_o be_v weary_a she_o can_v but_o pause_v and_o hover_v in_o former_a time_n i_o often_o remember_v and_o consider_v what_o s._n paul_n affirm_v of_o himself_o namely_o that_o he_o can_v do_v all_o thing_n in_o god_n who_o comfort_v he_o for_o as_o for_o i_o i_o know_v well_o that_o i_o can_v do_v nothing_o of_o myself_o but_o that_o say_v of_o his_o do_v i_o very_o much_o good_a &_o so_o also_o do_v this_o other_o of_o s._n augustin_n give_v i_o o_o lord_n what_o thou_o command_v and_o then_o command_v i_o what_o thou_o will_v and_o for_o my_o part_n i_o think_v also_o many_o time_n that_o s._n peter_n have_v lose_v nothing_o by_o the_o bargain_n when_o he_o cast_v himself_o headlong_o into_o the_o sea_n though_o yet_o he_o be_v afraid_a afterward_o in_o a_o word_n these_o first_o strong_a purpose_n and_o resolution_n be_v a_o great_a matter_n though_o yet_o in_o this_o first_o degree_n and_o state_n it_o be_v fit_a that_o we_o go_v detain_v ourselves_o and_o hold_v ourselves_o fast_o tie_v to_o the_o discretion_n and_o dispose_v of_o a_o director_n but_o then_o we_o must_v procure_v that_o he_o may_v be_v such_o a_o one_o as_o will_v not_o teach_v we_o to_o leap_v heavy_o and_o dull_o like_o certain_a toad_n nor_o be_v content_a that_o our_o soul_n dispose_v themselves_o to_o hunt_v those_o little_a weak_a beast_n call_v lizard_n only_a humility_n must_v ever_o go_v before_o that_o so_o we_o may_v besure_n to_o understand_v that_o this_o strength_n do_v not_o grow_v from_o ourselves_o but_o here_o it_o will_v be_v necessary_a for_o we_o to_o know_v what_o kind_n of_o humility_n this_o of_o we_o must_v be_v and_o i_o be_o very_o apt_a to_o think_v that_o the_o devil_n do_v much_o hurt_n towards_o the_o make_n such_o as_o exercise_v prayer_n not_o to_o advance_v themselves_o very_o much_o in_o their_o way_n by_o cause_v they_o to_o mis-understand_v humility_n and_o by_o procure_v to_o make_v we_o believe_v that_o it_o be_v but_o a_o kind_n of_o pride_n to_o have_v heroical_a desire_n and_o to_o pretend_v to_o imitate_v saint_n and_o to_o desire_v to_o be_v martyr_n for_o upon_o this_o he_o tell_v we_o and_o make_v we_o think_v that_o the_o action_n of_o saint_n be_v fit_a to_o be_v admire_v but_o not_o to_o be_v imitate_v by_o we_o who_o be_v sinner_n this_o do_v i_o also_o say_v as_o well_o as_o he_o only_o we_o must_v consider_v what_o in_o particular_a be_v fit_a for_o admire_v admiration_n and_o what_o for_o imitation_n for_o it_o will_v be_v no_o way_n convenient_a that_o a_o person_n who_o be_v sick_a and_o weak_a shall_v put_v himself_o upon_o great_a fast_n and_o sharp_a pennance_n or_o shall_v betake_v himself_o to_o the_o wilderness_n where_o he_o may_v neither_o be_v able_a to_o sleep_v nor_o yet_o can_v get_v what_o to_o eat_v or_o the_o like_a but_o yet_o we_o ought_v to_o think_v that_o we_o may_v well_o endeavour_v earnest_o by_o god_n favour_n to_o hold_v the_o world_n in_o great_a contempt_n and_o not_o to_o esteem_v earthly_a honour_n and_o not_o to_o remain_v tyed-up_a to_o the_o care_n of_o riches_n but_o we_o real_o have_v heart_n so_o very_o poor_a and_o straight_o that_o it_o seem_v to_o we_o as_o if_o we_o can_v not_o have_v ground_n enough_o to_o go_v upon_o if_o once_o we_o shall_v lay_v the_o care_n of_o our_o body_n never_o so_o little_a aside_o to_o give_v it_o to_o the_o soul_n it_o seem_v therefore_o here_o already_o that_o even_o for_o the_o better_a enjoy_n of_o recollection_n it_o will_v be_v good_a that_o we_o be_v in_o no_o want_n of_o necessary_a thing_n for_o any_o kind_n of_o care_n will_v be_v able_a to_o disquiet_v man_n in_o prayer_n and_o i_o be_o hearty_o sorry_a that_o we_o shall_v have_v so_o little_a confidence_n in_o god_n and_o so_o much_o love_n of_o ourselves_o as_o that_o we_o shall_v be_v disquiet_v by_o this_o thought_n but_o the_o truth_n be_v that_o wheresoever_o man_n have_v make_v so_o small_a progress_n as_o this_o in_o the_o way_n of_o spirit_n certain_a foolery_n will_v trouble_v some_o as_o much_o as_o great_a and_o more_o substantial_a matter_n will_v do_v other_o and_o yet_o still_o in_o our_o way_n of_o understanding_n we_o will_v needs_o presume_v ourselves_o to_o be_v spiritual_a person_n it_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o this_o kind_n of_o way_n of_o proceed_v show_v a_o desire_n in_o they_o to_o put_v the_o body_n and_o mind_n into_o such_o a_o concurrence_n and_o correspondence_n as_o that_o we_o will_v fain_o find_v mean_n to_o take_v our_o ease_n in_o this_o world_n and_o yet_o enjoy_v god_n in_o the_o next_o and_o that_o conceit_n will_v prove_v to_o be_v true_a if_o we_o live_v according_a to_o justice_n and_o continue_v to_o stick_v close_o to_o virtue_n but_o yet_o still_o this_o be_v but_o the_o pace_n of_o a_o henn_n and_o it_o will_v never_o be_v able_a to_o bring_v we_o on_o to_o enjoy_v true_a liberty_n of_o spirit_n this_o seem_v indeed_o to_o be_v a_o good_a way_n of_o proceed_v for_o such_o as_o be_v in_o state_n of_o marriage_n who_o be_v to_o carry_v themselves_o according_a to_o their_o vocation_n but_o for_o any_o other_o state_n then_o that_o i_o do_v by_o no_o mean_n desire_n any_o such_o kind_n of_o profit_v in_o spirit_n as_o this_o nor_o shall_v they_o ever_o make_v i_o believe_v that_o it_o be_v a_o good_a one_o for_o i_o have_v try_v it_o long_o enough_o and_o i_o have_v ever_o continue_v in_o that_o way_n if_o our_o lord_n through_o his_o infinite_a goodness_n have_v not_o show_v i_o another_o and_o a_o short_a cut_n though_o yet_o withal_o it_o be_v true_a that_o i_o have_v ever_o great_a desire_n but_o i_o procure_v as_o i_o have_v say_v to_o use_v prayer_n though_o yet_o still_o to_o live_v withal_o at_o my_o pleasure_n but_o real_o i_o conceive_v that_o if_o any_o body_n will_v have_v encourage_v i_o to_o fly_v a_o high_a pitch_n i_o shall_v have_v strive_v hard_o to_o make_v those_o desire_n prove_v deed_n but_o alas_o it_o be_v true_a that_o through_o our_o sin_n there_o be_v so_o very_a few_o and_o may_v so_o quick_o be_v count_v who_o have_v any_o more_o discretion_n then_o be_v necessary_a for_o such_o occurrence_n as_o these_o that_o i_o believe_v it_o be_v a_o great_a part_n of_o the_o cause_n why_o such_o as_o be_v beginner_n can_v get_v no_o fast_o on_o towards_o great_a perfection_n for_o our_o lord_n do_v never_o fail_v on_o his_o part_n but_o it_o be_v we_o who_o be_v still_o the_o faulty_a and_o miserable_a creature_n they_o may_v also_o be_v able_a to_o imitate_v the_o saint_n in_o procure_v to_o use_v solitude_n and_o keep_v silence_n and_o to_o exercise_v many_o other_o virtue_n which_o will_v yet_o by_o no_o mean_n murder_v this_o miserable_a body_n which_o they_o desire_v to_o preserve_v with_o such_o curiosity_n &_o care_n though_o it_o shall_v turn_v to_o the_o disorder_n of_o the_o soul_n and_o now_o the_o devil_n be_v careful_a enough_o to_o help_v to_o render_v we_o the_o more_o unable_a for_o when_o he_o see_v but_o a_o little_a inordinate_a fear_n he_o desire_v no_o more_o then_o to_o make_v we_o apprehend_v that_o every_o thing_n will_v be_v apt_a to_o kill_v we_o or_o at_o least_o to_o deprive_v we_o of_o our_o health_n yea_o and_o if_o we_o be_v accustom_v to_o have_v tear_n he_o will_v put_v we_o into_o a_o fear_n that_o we_o shall_v be_v blind_a myself_o have_v pass_v by_o this_o walk_n &_o therefore_o i_o know_v it_o and_o i_o know_v withal_o that_o i_o can_v tell_v what_o better_a kind_n of_o life_n or_o health_n we_o can_v possible_o desire_v then_o to_o loose_v they_o both_o upon_o such_o a_o occasion_n myself_o be_v so_o sickly_a as_o i_o be_v till_o i_o resolve_v to_o make_v no_o account_n at_o all_o of_o my_o health_n and_o of_o my_o body_n be_v ever_o tie_v up_o and_o be_v good_a for_o nothing_o and_o even_o now_o it_o be_v
soul_n do_v at_o that_o time_n and_o our_o lord_n say_v this_o to_o i_o in_o these_o word_n it_o do_v my_o daughter_n dissolve_v and_o defeat_v itself_o to_o be_v so_o the_o more_o ingulfed_a in_o i_o for_o now_o it_o be_v no_o long_o she_o who_o live_v but_o i_o and_o since_o she_o can_v comprehend_v that_o which_o she_o understand_v her_o very_a understanding_n it_o after_o a_o kind_n of_o moral_a way_n which_o she_o do_v be_v real_o a_o not_o understand_v it_o after_o a_o strict_a &_o comprehensive_a way_n which_o she_o be_v not_o able_a to_o do_v he_o who_o shall_v have_v have_v trial_n of_o this_o by_o experience_n will_v be_v able_a to_o arrive_v to_o the_o expression_n of_o some_o part_n thereof_o but_o as_o for_o i_o i_o can_v deliver_v that_o more_o clear_o which_o pass_v here_o since_o it_o be_v so_o very_o obscure_a i_o can_v only_o say_v that_o in_o this_o case_n their_o be_v then_o so_o close_o to_o almighty_a god_n be_v represent_v to_o they_o and_o there_o remain_v such_o a_o kind_n of_o certainty_n thereof_o that_o it_o can_v possible_o fail_v to_o be_v believe_v and_o now_o here_o all_o the_o power_n of_o the_o soul_n fall_v short_a of_o operation_n and_o be_v suspend_v in_o such_o sort_n that_o by_o no_o mean_n as_o i_o have_v say_v it_o can_v possible_o be_v understand_v that_o they_o work_v if_o she_o be_v think_v of_o some_o mystery_n it_o be_v instant_o so_o forget_v as_o if_o there_o have_v never_o beme_fw-mi any_o such_o thought_n if_o she_o be_v read_v there_o be_v no_o remembrance_n of_o it_o nor_o yet_o of_o pause_v and_o if_o pray_v vocal_o in_o like_a manner_n so_o that_o now_o this_o importunate_a little_a gnatt_n of_o the_o memory_n have_v her_o wing_n burn_v here_o and_o can_v now_o no_o long_o spring-up_a nor_o stir_v the_o will_v also_o be_v now_o employ_v all_o in_o love_v though_o it_o understand_v not_o how_o it_o love_v the_o understanding_n if_o it_o understand_v it_o be_v not_o yet_o understand_v how_o it_o understand_v and_o at_o least_o it_o can_v comprehend_v nothing_o of_o that_o which_o it_o understand_v to_o i_o it_o do_v not_o seem_v that_o it_o understand_v because_o as_o i_o be_v say_v it_o be_v not_o understand_v and_o for_o my_o part_n i_o attain_v not_o to_o understand_v all_o this_o at_o the_o first_o i_o chance_v to_o be_v in_o so_o great_a a_o ignorance_n as_o not_o to_o know_v that_o almighty_a god_n be_v in_o all_o thing_n and_o consider_v how_o very_o present_a i_o conceive_v he_o to_o be_v to_o i_o it_o seem_v impossible_a for_o i_o to_o believe_v the_o contrary_n to_o leave_v therefore_o to_o believe_v that_o he_o be_v there_o i_o can_v not_o because_o it_o seem_v to_o i_o as_o it_o be_v apparent_o and_o clear_o that_o i_o have_v understand_v his_o very_a presence_n to_o be_v there_o some_o man_n who_o be_v not_o learned_a tell_v i_o that_o he_o be_v only_o there_o by_o his_o grace_n which_o still_o i_o can_v not_o possible_o believe_v because_o as_o i_o be_v say_v i_o hold_v he_o to_o be_v direct_o present_a otherwise_o and_o thus_o i_o continue_v with_o some_o trouble_n but_o at_o length_n a_o great_a learned_a man_n of_o the_o order_n of_o the_o glorious_a s._n dominick_n free_v i_o from_o this_o doubt_n and_o tell_v i_o not_o only_o that_o he_o be_v present_a but_o that_o he_o also_o communicate_v himself_o to_o we_o which_o comfort_v i_o very_o much_o but_o now_o it_o be_v here_o to_o be_v note_v and_o understand_v that_o this_o celestial_a water_n be_v always_o a_o most_o eminent_a favour_n of_o our_o lord_n and_o give_v the_o soul_n excessive_o great_a advantage_n as_o i_o shall_v now_o declare_v the_o nineteen_o chapter_n she_o prosecute_v the_o same_o discourse_n and_o begin_v to_o declare_v the_o effect_n which_o this_o degree_n of_o prayer_n work_n in_o the_o soul_n she_o persuade_v man_n earnest_o not_o to_o turn_v back_o nor_o to_o give-ove_a their_o prayer_n though_o they_o shall_v happen_v to_o fall_v even_o after_o they_o have_v receive_v these_o favour_n she_o speak_v of_o the_o great_a harm_n which_o will_v arrive_v to_o they_o if_o they_o do_v otherwise_o this_o discourse_n be_v much_o to_o be_v note_v and_o it_o be_v of_o great_a consolation_n for_o weak_a person_n and_o sinner_n the_o soul_n do_v in_o this_o prayer_n and_o union_n remain_v with_o a_o excessive_a kind_n of_o tenderness_n in_o such_o sort_n that_o she_o will_v feign_v even_o defeat_v and_o dissolve_v herself_o not_o through_o pain_n or_o trouble_v but_o by_o abundance_n of_o tear_n of_o joy_n wherein_o she_o be_v bathe_v without_o so_o much_o as_o feel_v or_o know_v how_o or_o when_o she_o weep_v they_o it_o give_v she_o a_o great_a delight_n to_o find_v the_o impetuous_a force_n of_o that_o fire_n appease_v and_o allay_v by_o water_n which_o yet_o make_v it_o increase_v so_o much_o the_o more_o this_o language_n of_o i_o may_v seem_v to_o be_v a_o kind_n of_o gibberish_n but_o yet_o thus_o stand_v the_o case_n it_o have_v happen_v to_o i_o sometime_o when_o i_o be_v in_o this_o part_n of_o this_o prayer_n to_o be_v so_o prayer_n whole_o out_o of_o myself_o as_o that_o i_o know_v not_o whether_o i_o be_v awake_a or_o asleep_o or_o whither_o in_o very_a deed_n i_o have_v be_v in_o that_o glory_n which_o i_o feel_v and_o whether_o it_o be_v true_a that_o i_o be_v indeed_o so_o all_o bathe_v in_o water_n which_o distil_v with_o such_o force_n and_o speed_n from_o my_o eye_n that_o it_o seem_v as_o if_o a_o very_a cloud_n of_o heaven_n have_v rain_v it_o down_o but_o in_o fine_a i_o find_v that_o it_o be_v no_o dream_n this_o happen_v to_o be_v in_o the_o beginning_n of_o this_o prayer_n and_o it_o pass_v quick_o over_o but_o the_o soul_n remain_v so_o courageous_a thereby_o that_o if_o it_o be_v possible_a for_o she_o to_o be_v cut_v into_o a_o thousand_o piece_n for_o god_n sake_n it_o will_v be_v of_o extreme_a consolation_n to_o she_o and_o now_o here_o come_v in_o all_o her_o promise_n her_o heroical_a resolution_n the_o livelie_a efficacy_n of_o her_o desire_n her_o beginning_n to_o abhor_v the_o world_n her_o clear_o discern_v she_o own_o vanity_n and_o all_o this_o much_o more_o perfect_o and_o more_o high_o than_o it_o happen_v in_o any_o of_o her_o former_a prayer_n her_o humility_n be_v also_o grow_v much_o strong_a for_o now_o she_o very_o clear_o discern_v that_o no_o diligence_n at_o all_o of_o her_o own_o be_v any_o piece_n of_o a_o cause_n for_o bring_v she_o that_o excessive_a and_o incomparable_a favour_n nor_o for_o make_v she_o enjoy_v the_o same_o she_o see_v now_o clear_o that_o she_o be_v a_o most_o unworthy_a creature_n for_o in_o any_o room_n where_o there_o enter_v a_o strong_a and_o clear_a sunbeam_n there_o be_v not_o the_o least_o and_o thin_a cobweb_n which_o can_v lie_v hide_v she_o now_o look_v very_o clear_o upon_o her_o own_o misery_n and_o now_o she_o be_v so_o very_o free_a from_o vainglory_n that_o it_o seem_v a_o kind_n of_o impossible_a thing_n for_o she_o to_o have_v any_o because_o now_o already_o she_o have_v it_o even_o in_o her_o very_a eye_n how_o little_a she_o be_v able_a to_o perform_v or_o rather_o in_o very_a deed_n that_o it_o be_v just_o nothing_o at_o all_o and_o that_o in_o this_o case_n there_o be_v hardly_o so_o much_o as_o any_o consent_n of_o she_o but_o that_o it_o seem_v that_o even_o whether_o she_o will_v or_o no_o they_o shut_v the_o gate_n of_o all_o her_o sense_n up_o to_o the_o end_n that_o she_o may_v so_o the_o better_a enjoy_v her_o lord_n and_o that_o now_o since_o she_o remain_v all_o alone_a with_o he_o what_o can_v she_o have_v to_o do_v but_o to_o love_v he_o she_o neither_o can_v see_v nor_o hear_v unless_o she_o be_v make_v to_o do_v so_o as_o it_o be_v by_o very_o strong_a hand_n and_o therefore_o there_o be_v little_a for_o which_o to_o thank_v she_o her_o former_a life_n grow_v then_o to_o be_v represent_v to_o she_o with_o perfect_a truth_n together_o with_o the_o great_a mercy_n of_o almighty_a god_n and_o all_o this_o occurr_n to_o she_o without_o any_o necessity_n at_o all_o that_o her_o understanding_n shall_v now_o go_v hunt_v after_o it_o for_o there_o do_v she_o already_o find_v all_o this_o kind_n of_o food_n ready_a dress_v for_o she_o to_o understand_v and_o eat_v of_o herself_o she_o see_v very_o well_o that_o she_o deserve_v hellfire_n and_o that_o now_o in_o stead_n thereof_o they_o give_v she_o no_o other_o punishment_n than_o glory_n and_o therefore_o she_o do_v now_o even_o consume_v herself_o in_o the_o praise_n of_o almighty_a god_n and_o now_o will_v i_o be_v glad_a even_o to_o consume_v myself_o so_o bless_a be_v thou_o o_o
myself_o have_v receive_v so_o great_a favour_n from_o almighty_a god_n can_v ever_o procure_v to_o come_v to_o mental_a prayer_n and_o that_o for_o i_o it_o will_v suffice_v if_o i_o say_v those_o vocal_a prayer_n to_o which_o i_o be_v bind_v as_o other_o do_v but_o that_o since_o now_o i_o do_v not_o even_o thus_o much_o well_o what_o sense_n be_v there_o that_o i_o shall_v pretend_v to_o do_v more_o and_o that_o this_o be_v to_o express_v little_a reverence_n to_o almighty_a god_n and_o to_o underualue_n his_o favour_n it_o be_v fit_a to_o think_v and_o know_v all_o this_o but_o to_o put_v it_o in_o execution_n have_v be_v extreme_o ill_o do_v and_o be_v thou_o bless_v o_o lord_n who_o bring_v i_o the_o remedy_n for_o this_o temptation_n seem_v to_o have_v be_v no_o less_o than_o a_o beginning_n to_o that_o other_o which_o the_o devil_n bring_v upon_o judas_n but_o that_o traitor_n the_o devil_n dare_v not_o tempt_v i_o so_o open_o but_o will_v fain_o have_v come_v by_o little_a and_o little_a to_o set_v upon_o i_o as_o he_o do_v upon_o he_o and_o now_o for_o the_o love_n of_o our_o lord_n let_v all_o they_o who_o use_v mental_a prayer_n consider_v well_o that_o which_o follow_v very_o well_o let_v they_o know_v that_o during_o the_o time_n when_o i_o forbear_v it_o my_o life_n be_v much_o worse_o than_o before_o and_o let_v it_o be_v well_o consider_v what_o a_o fine_a kind_n of_o remedy_n the_o devil_n bring_v i_o and_o what_o a_o dainty_a ridiculous_a humility_n it_o must_v be_v which_o can_v fill_v i_o with_o so_o deep_a a_o disquiet_n for_o indeed_o how_o can_v this_o soul_n of_o i_o appease_v itself_o the_o ignorant_a foolish_a creature_n go_v away_o as_o fast_o as_o she_o can_v from_o her_o true_a repose_n and_o rest_n she_o have_v her_o favour_n and_o regalo_n present_a to_o her_o memory_n and_o she_o find_v that_o the_o contentment_n of_o this_o world_n be_v so_o loathsome_a as_o even_o almost_o to_o provoke_v a_o vomit_n but_o i_o be_o amaze_v how_o i_o can_v endure_v it_o though_o belike_o it_o be_v with_o some_o kind_n of_o hope_n that_o at_o the_o worst_a hand_n i_o may_v be_v able_a to_o remain_v free_a from_o sin_n for_o i_o never_o as_o i_o remember_v though_o yet_o it_o be_v now_o more_o than_o one_o &_o twenty_o year_n ago_o gave-ove_a a_o be_v resolve_v to_o return_v to_o prayer_n but_o o_o how_o ill-grounded_a and_o address_v be_v this_o hope_n of_o i_o for_o the_o devil_n will_v fain_o have_v turn_v i_o over_o till_o the_o day_n of_o judgement_n that_o so_o from_o thence_o he_o may_v conduct_v i_o to_o hell_n but_o yet_o now_o afterward_o i_o frequent_v prayer_n &_o read_v which_o be_v indeed_o the_o way_n to_o see_v real_a truth_n &_o look_v down_o upon_o that_o wicked_a course_n which_o i_o be_v hold_v and_o often_o importune_v our_o bless_a lord_n with_o many_o tear_n i_o be_v yet_o so_o very_o wretched_a that_o i_o know_v not_o by_o any_o mean_n how_o to_o help_v myself_o but_o then_o again_o on_o the_o other_o side_n i_o grow_v to_o give-ove_a these_o good_a thing_n and_o employ_v myself_o upon_o certain_a idle_a pastime_n and_o expose_v myself_o to_o many_o occasion_n of_o ill_a and_o enjoy_v very_o few_o help_n and_o i_o may_v rather_o venture_v to_o say_v none_o at_o all_o but_o only_o such_o as_o may_v help_v i_o to_o fall_v for_o what_o may_v i_o ever_o hope_v but_o what_o i_o have_v say_v i_o believe_v that_o a_o certain_a religious_a man_n of_o s._n dominick_n order_n who_o be_v very_o learned_a have_v great_a merit_n in_o the_o sight_n of_o god_n for_o he_o awake_v i_o out_o of_o this_o sleep_n and_o he_o make_v i_o as_o i_o think_v i_o have_v already_o express_v receive_v the_o b._n sacrament_n every_o fortnight_n and_o so_o my_o misery_n be_v then_o not_o altogether_o so_o great_a i_o begin_v to_o come_v back_o again_o into_o myself_o though_o yet_o withal_o i_o forbear_v not_o to_o commit_v some_o offence_n against_o our_o lord_n but_o because_o i_o have_v not_o lose_v my_o way_n i_o go_v still_o on_o with_o fall_v &_o rise_v though_o yet_o but_o by_o little_a and_o little_a and_o he_o who_o never_o gives-ove_a to_o go_v forward_o will_v arrive_v at_o length_n by_o go_v soft_o though_o it_o be_v late_o for_o my_o part_n i_o conceive_v that_o for_o a_o soul_n to_o loose_v her_o way_n and_o to_o leave_v her_o prayer_n be_v indeed_o but_o one_o and_o the_o self_n same_o thing_n and_o our_o lord_n deliver_v we_o from_o it_o for_o his_o own_o mercy_n sake_n it_o be_v heerupon_o to_o be_v infer_v and_o i_o desire_v even_o for_o the_o love_n of_o our_o lord_n that_o it_o may_v be_v much_o observe_v that_o although_o a_o soul_n shall_v come_v to_o such_o pass_n as_o that_o our_o lord_n may_v do_v her_o great_a favour_n in_o prayer_n she_o must_v not_o yet_o be_v confident_a of_o herself_o since_o she_o may_v yet_o come_v to_o fall_v again_o and_o let_v she_o not_o by_o any_o mean_n expose_v herself_o to_o heed_n occasion_n of_o sinne._n let_v she_o be_v careful_a to_o consider_v thus_o much_o for_o the_o deceit_n of_o which_o the_o devil_n be_v wont_a to_o serve_v himself_o in_o this_o occasion_n be_v very_o great_a for_o though_o the_o favour_n which_o be_v impart_v to_o the_o soul_n be_v most_o certain_o from_o almighty_a god_n yet_o the_o traitor_n will_v not_o fail_v to_o serve_v himself_o of_o that_o very_a favour_n in_o whatsoever_o he_o can_v and_o especial_o for_o the_o disadvantage_n of_o person_n who_o be_v not_o strong_a in_o virtue_n and_o mortification_n nor_o be_v absolute_o untie_v and_o loose_a from_o all_o thing_n belong_v to_o this_o world_n for_o man_n in_o fine_a must_v know_v that_o they_o be_v not_o by_o mean_n of_o this_o prayer_n sufficient_o strengthen_v and_o fortify_v as_o i_o will_v declare_v afterward_o for_o the_o put_v themselves_o into_o occasion_n and_o danger_n how_o great_a desire_n and_o resolution_n soever_o they_o may_v have_v this_o be_v a_o excellent_a doctrine_n and_o it_o be_v not_o i_o but_o teach_v by_o almighty_a god_n himself_o and_o so_o i_o shall_v be_v glad_a that_o all_o ignorant_a person_n like_v i_o may_v learn_v it_o for_o though_o a_o soul_n be_v never_o so_o high_a in_o this_o state_n yet_o must_v she_o not_o trust_v herself_o so_o far_o as_o to_o go_v out_o to_o combat_v but_o she_o will_v have_v acquit_v herself_o well_o if_o she_o can_v defend_v herself_o so_o that_o in_o this_o state_n and_o condition_n it_o will_v be_v necessary_a for_o she_o to_o carry_v defensive_a arm_n against_o the_o devil_n for_o yet_o she_o have_v not_o strength_n enough_o wherewith_o to_o assault_v he_o and_o much_o less_o to_o tread_v he_o under_o foot_n as_o yet_o they_o will_v be_v able_a to_o do_v who_o shall_v find_v themselves_o in_o that_o state_n whereof_o i_o will_v discourse_v afterward_o but_o this_o be_v that_o devise_n and_o cosening-trick_n whereby_o the_o devil_n be_v wont_a to_o take_v we_o that_o when_o once_o he_o see_v a_o soul_n arrive_v to_o be_v so_o very_o near_o to_o our_o lord_n and_o which_o can_v judge_v so_o very_o well_o of_o the_o difference_n between_o the_o blessing_n which_o belong_v to_o this_o life_n and_o the_o next_o and_o of_o the_o love_n which_o our_o lord_n bear_v to_o that_o soul_n from_o this_o very_a love_n he_o make_v such_o a_o kind_n of_o confidence_n and_o security_n grow_v as_o that_o she_o shall_v never_o forsooth_o be_v able_a to_o fall_v from_o that_o which_o she_o be_v enjoy_v at_o that_o time_n and_o she_o also_o seem_v there-upon_o to_o eye_v her_o reward_n so_o very_o clear_o that_o she_o be_v easy_o bring_v to_o hold_v it_o even_o impossible_a for_o she_o to_o quit_v that_o which_o be_v so_o very_o delightful_a and_o gustfull_a even_o in_o this_o life_n for_o so_o base_a and_o filthy_a a_o thing_n as_o worldly_a pleasure_n be_v now_o by_o mean_n of_o this_o vain_a confidence_n do_v the_o devil_n grow_v to_o deprive_v she_o of_o the_o distrust_n which_o otherwise_o she_o will_v have_v of_o her_o own_o strength_n and_o thus_o she_o expose_v herself_o as_o i_o be_v say_v to_o danger_n and_o begin_v with_o a_o foolish_a kind_n of_o good_a zeal_n to_o be_v give_v the_o fruit_n of_o her_o garden_n away_o to_o other_o without_o any_o limit_n as_o believe_v now_o that_o she_o have_v no_o more_o cause_n so_o to_o be_v afraid_a concern_v herself_o and_o that_o this_o be_v not_o forsooth_o out_o of_o pride_n for_o the_o soul_n understand_v well_o enough_o that_o she_o be_v able_a to_o do_v nothing_o of_o herself_o but_o through_o the_o much_o temptation_n confidence_n which_o she_o have_v in_o almighty_a god_n yet_o all_o this_o be_v without_o discretion_n because_o
it_o say_v he_o this_o can_v grow_v but_o from_o one_o of_o these_o two_o occasion_n namely_o that_o either_o it_o be_v because_o they_o will_v murmur_v against_o you_o orel_n for_o that_o they_o will_v praise_v and_o magnifye_v i_o mean_v that_o they_o who_o shall_v believe_v it_o will_v praise_v he_o and_o they_o who_o shall_v not_o believe_v it_o will_v condemn_v i_o though_o yet_o without_o any_o fault_n at_o all_o of_o i_o but_o he_o say_v that_o both_o those_o thing_n will_v prove_v to_o be_v of_o advantage_n to_o i_o and_o that_o therefore_o i_o must_v no_o long_o be_v trouble_v at_o it_o this_o quiet_v i_o very_o much_o then_o and_o it_o also_o comfort_v i_o now_o whensoever_o i_o call_v it_o to_o mind_n this_o temptation_n come_v on_o so_o far_o that_o it_o give_v i_o a_o inclination_n to_o quit_v this_o place_n and_o to_o carry_v my_o fortune_n with_o i_o to_o another_o monastery_n which_o be_v very_o much_o more_o enclose_v and_o shut_v up_o then_o that_o wherein_o i_o be_v for_o the_o present_a and_o i_o like_v it_o also_o the_o rather_o for_o that_o i_o have_v hear_v it_o extreme_o praise_v many_o way_n and_o beside_o it_o be_v a_o house_n of_o my_o own_o order_n yea_o and_o also_o very_o far_o off_o from_o my_o former_a abode_n and_o it_o be_v a_o thing_n which_o will_v have_v comfort_v i_o much_o to_o remain_v where_o i_o be_v utter_o unknown_a but_o my_o ghostly_a father_n will_v never_o permit_v it_o these_o fear_n do_v much_o deprive_v i_o of_o liberty_n of_o spirit_n but_o i_o come_v to_o understand_v afterward_o that_o it_o be_v no_o good_a humility_n since_o it_o give_v i_o such_o a_o deal_n of_o disquiet_n and_o our_o lord_n upon_o that_o occasion_n teach_v i_o this_o truth_n that_o if_o indeed_o indeed_o i_o be_v resolve_v and_o assure_v that_o nothing_o at_o all_o of_o i_o be_v good_a but_o that_o it_o be_v all_o of_o god_n it_o will_v follow_v that_o just_a so_o as_o i_o will_v not_o be_v sorry_a to_o hear_v other_o person_n praise_v but_o rather_o will_v be_v great_o comfort_v and_o joy_v that_o our_o lord_n do_v show_v himself_o in_o they_o so_o neither_o will_v i_o be_v sorry_a that_o his_o work_n may_v be_v also_o see_v in_o i_o i_o fall_v also_o upon_o another_o extreme_a and_o it_o be_v to_o beg_v of_o almighty_a god_n yea_o and_o i_o make_v particular_a prayer_n to_o this_o purpose_n that_o when_o by_o accident_n any_o person_n shall_v enter_v into_o good_a opinion_n of_o i_o his_o divine_a majesty_n will_v be_v please_v to_o declare_v my_o sin_n to_o he_o to_o the_o end_n that_o the_o man_n may_v see_v how_o absolute_o without_o any_o merit_n of_o i_o it_o please_v our_o b._n lord_n to_o do_v i_o favour_n and_o this_o do_v i_o ever_o much_o desire_n though_o my_o ghostly_a father_n have_v command_v i_o it_o not_o to_o ask_v it_o but_o hitherto_o till_o very_o late_o if_o i_o chance_v to_o see_v any_o person_n who_o think_v extraordinary_o well_o of_o i_o i_o take_v the_o best_a mean_n i_o can_v find_v by_o some_o devise_n or_o other_o to_o tell_v he_o my_o sin_n and_o thus_o i_o conceive_v myself_o to_o find_v ease_n but_o yet_o hereby_o they_o have_v put_v i_o into_o a_o kind_n of_o scruple_n that_o this_o proceed_v not_o in_o i_o from_o humility_n and_o that_o it_o rather_o grow_v from_o a_o temptation_n in_o regard_n that_o many_o come_v to_o i_o and_o i_o seem_v to_o have_v cozen_v they_o all_o but_o though_o it_o be_v very_o true_a that_o they_o be_v indeed_o deceive_v if_o they_o think_v that_o there_o be_v any_o goodness_n in_o i_o yet_o have_v i_o no_o desire_n at_o all_o to_o deceive_v they_o nor_o do_v i_o ever_o pretend_v any_o such_o thing_n but_o that_o our_o bless_a lord_n may_v have_v perhaps_o permit_v it_o and_o so_o for_o the_o selfsame_a reason_n i_o will_v never_o have_v impart_v any_o private_a accident_n of_o i_o which_o be_v no_o sin_n even_o to_o my_o very_a ghostly_a father_n themselves_o unless_o i_o have_v find_v it_o to_o be_v whole_o necessary_a for_o i_o shall_v otherwise_o have_v have_v much_o scruple_n to_o do_v it_o but_o now_o i_o see_v very_o well_o that_o all_o these_o little_a truth_n fear_n and_o trouble_n &_o superfluity_n of_o ill-grounded_a humility_n do_v savour_n very_o sufficient_o of_o imperfection_n and_o proceed_v from_o the_o immortification_n of_o the_o soul_n for_o to_o a_o soul_n which_o be_v well_o resign_v into_o the_o hand_n of_o almighty_a god_n it_o do_v not_o import_v she_o a_o iott_n more_o that_o they_o shall_v speak_v well_o of_o she_o then_o ill_o if_o once_o she_o understand_v well_o and_o home_n forasmuch_o as_o god_n will_v give_v she_o that_o grace_n that_o she_o have_v nothing_o at_o all_o of_o herself_o but_o let_v she_o confide_v in_o he_o who_o impart_v it_o and_o she_o shall_v know_v in_o time_n why_o he_o discover_v it_o and_o in_o the_o mean_a while_n let_v she_o prepare_v herself_o for_o persecution_n for_o it_o will_v most_o certain_o arrive_v in_o such_o a_o age_n as_o this_o upon_o any_o such_o person_n as_o to_o who_o our_o lord_n will_v have_v it_o know_v that_o he_o do_v she_o such_o favour_n as_o these_o for_o upon_o any_o such_o soul_n as_o this_o a_o thousand_o watchful_a eye_n will_v be_v cast_v whereas_o there_o will_v not_o be_v one_o upon_o a_o whole_a thousand_o of_o such_o other_o soul_n as_o be_v of_o a_o contrary_a make_n and_o there_o be_v real_o much_o cause_n to_o fear_v this_o and_o it_o ought_v to_o have_v be_v my_o fear_n that_o the_o other_o be_v truth_n not_o humility_n but_o pusillanimity_n for_o a_o soul_n which_o almighty_a god_n permit_v to_o be_v expose_v thus_o to_o the_o sight_n of_o the_o world_n may_v expect_v to_o be_v a_o martyr_n of_o the_o same_o world_n for_o if_o she_o will_v not_o die_v to_o it_o she_o shall_v die_v by_o it_o for_o my_o part_n i_o real_o see_v nothing_o in_o this_o thing_n call_v world_n which_o seem_v good_a to_o i_o except_o only_o that_o it_o give_v not_o way_n that_o worthy_a and_o good_a people_n shall_v be_v permit_v to_o do_v ill_a without_o be_v murmur_v at_o for_o their_o labour_n and_o by_o this_o mean_n they_o grow_v to_o perfect_v themselves_o but_o there_o be_v need_n of_o more_o fortitude_n and_o courage_n for_o a_o man_n who_o be_v yet_o imperfect_a to_o walke-on_a towards_o a_o way_n of_o perfection_n then_o even_o to_o be_v instant_o make_v a_o martyr_n for_o perfection_n be_v not_o so_o quick_o get_v unless_o it_o be_v by_o some_o such_o person_n as_o to_o who_o our_o bless_a lord_n may_v vouchsafe_v that_o favour_n by_o way_n of_o a_o particular_a privilege_n but_o the_o world_n discern_v once_o that_o a_o man_n begin_v to_o aspire_v to_o do_v well_o will_v needs_o account_v he_o perfect_a at_o a_o instant_n and_o then_o will_v it_o present_o see_v any_o fault_n in_o he_o if_o he_o have_v any_o though_o it_o be_v a_o thousand_o league_n off_o yea_o and_o perhaps_o that_o which_o they_o hold_v to_o be_v a_o fault_n in_o he_o shall_v indeed_o be_v a_o virtue_n and_o the_o other_o who_o condemn_v he_o and_o be_v wont_a peradventure_o to_o do_v the_o selfsame_a thing_n by_o a_o impulse_n of_o vice_n will_v judge_v ill_a of_o it_o in_o another_o so_o that_o according_a to_o his_o dictamen_fw-la that_o other_o man_n shall_v neither_o eat_v nor_o sleep_n nor_o even_o as_o it_o be_v draw_v his_o breath_n and_o the_o more_o also_o they_o esteem_v such_o person_n the_o more_o apt_a be_v they_o to_o forget_v that_o how_o perfect_a soever_o their_o soul_n be_v and_o how_o absolute_o soever_o they_o tread_v the_o whole_a world_n under_o their_o foot_n yet_o still_o they_o be_v in_o the_o body_n and_o live_v upon_o earth_n and_o be_v subject_a to_o the_o misery_n of_o their_o condition_n and_o therefore_o still_o i_o say_v that_o there_o be_v need_n of_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o courage_n because_o such_o man_n have_v a_o mind_n that_o the_o poor_a soul_n which_o have_v not_o yet_o begin_v to_o walk_v shall_v already_o fly_v she_o have_v not_o yet_o overcome_v and_o mortify_v her_o passion_n and_o yet_o these_o man_n will_v needs_o expect_v that_o she_o shall_v remain_v as_o entire_a and_o firm_a as_o they_o have_v read_v of_o saint_n themselves_o after_o they_o be_v confirm_v in_o grace_n the_o particular_n which_o occur_v in_o this_o kind_n be_v to_o give_v a_o man_n cause_n to_o wonder_n and_o withal_o even_o to_o afflict_v we_o to_o the_o hart_n to_o see_v so_o many_o soul_n turn_v back_o again_o which_o know_v not_o poor_a creature_n as_o they_o be_v what_o shift_n to_o make_v for_o themselves_o and_o so_o do_v i_o believe_v that_o i_o have_v also_o do_v if_o our_o
desire_v for_o four_o or_o five_o year_n together_o before_o her_o end_n and_o then_o she_o die_v upon_o a_o sudden_a without_o be_v so_o much_o as_o visit_v and_o much_o less_o confess_v but_o the_o happiness_n be_v that_o according_a to_o the_o custom_n which_o she_o have_v hold_v there_o be_v little_o more_o than_o eight_o day_n expire_v after_o her_o last_o confession_n this_o make_v i_o a_o very_a glad_a woman_n when_o i_o know_v of_o her_o death_n and_o she_o stay_v a_o very_a short_a time_n in_o purgatory_n nor_o be_v it_o yet_o above_o eight_o day_n since_o our_o lord_n appear_v to_o i_o after_o i_o have_v receive_v the_o bless_a sacrament_n and_o be_v please_v to_o let_v i_o see_v how_o he_o carry_v my_o sister_n soul_n into_o glory_n in_o all_o these_o year_n from_o the_o time_n when_o the_o particular_a concern_v she_o be_v tell_v i_o till_o her_o very_a death_n i_o forget_v not_o that_o which_o have_v be_v give_v i_o to_o be_v understand_v concern_v she_o as_o neither_o also_o do_v my_o companion_n for_o as_o soon_o as_o she_o have_v hear_v of_o my_o sister_n death_n she_o come_v towards_o i_o with_o much_o admiration_n to_o see_v how_o all_o have_v be_v fulfil_v let_v our_o lord_n be_v praise_v for_o ever_o who_o vouchsafe_v to_o take_v such_o care_n of_o soul_n to_o the_o end_n that_o they_o may_v not_o perish_v amen_n the_o five_o and_o thirty_o chapter_n she_o prosecute_v the_o same_o discourse_n about_o the_o foundation_n of_o this_o house_n of_o our_o glorious_a father_n s._n joseph_n she_o speak_v of_o the_o degree_n by_o which_o our_o lord_n come_v to_o appoint_v that_o holy_a poverty_n shall_v be_v ordain_v there_o and_o of_o the_o cause_n why_o she_o come_v from_o that_o lady_n with_o who_o she_o be_v and_o of_o other_o thing_n also_o which_o succeed_v but_o now_o whilst_o i_o be_v with_o that_o lady_n of_o who_o i_o have_v speak_v and_o with_o who_o i_o have_v remain_v more_o than_o half_a a_o year_n our_o lord_n do_v so_o ordain_v that_o a_o certain_a holy_a woman_n of_o our_o order_n fall_v out_o to_o come_v from_o a_o place_n which_o be_v no_o less_o than_o threescore_o and_o then_o league_n off_o from_o this_o and_o to_o arrive_v here_o and_o to_o lengthen_v her_o way_n by_o some_o league_n on_o purpose_n to_o speak_v with_o i_o our_o lord_n have_v move_v she_o to_o this_o in_o the_o selfsame_a year_n when_o he_o move_v i_o to_o make_v another_o monastery_n of_o this_o order_n and_o as_o soon_o as_o she_o have_v entertain_v this_o desire_n she_o sell_v whatsoever_o she_o possess_v and_o go_v herself_o barefoot_a to_o rome_n to_o get_v and_o bring-away_a the_o dispatch_n of_o this_o business_n this_o woman_n be_v a_o person_n of_o much_o penance_n and_o prayer_n and_o our_o lord_n do_v she_o many_o favour_n and_o our_o b._n lady_n appear_v to_o she_o and_o require_v she_o still_o to_o do_v what_o she_o be_v do_v and_o she_o serve_v our_o bless_a lord_n so_o incomparable_o beyond_o any_o thing_n that_o i_o can_v do_v that_o i_o be_v in_o confusion_n even_o to_o appear_v in_o her_o presence_n she_o show_v i_o the_o dispatch_n which_o she_o bring_v from_o rome_n and_o in_o those_o fifteen_o day_n which_o she_o stay_v with_o i_o we_o take_v order_n how_o we_o will_v make_v these_o monastery_n and_o till_o i_o have_v speak_v with_o she_o it_o never_o have_v come_v to_o my_o knowledge_n that_o our_o rule_n till_o it_o be_v relax_v do_v ever_o command_v that_o none_o of_o the_o religious_a house_n of_o our_o order_n shall_v have_v any_o propriety_n in_o any_o good_n nor_o have_v myself_o have_v any_o purpose_n to_o find_v any_o monastery_n at_o all_o without_o revenue_n for_o my_o intention_n be_v that_o we_o shall_v be_v free_a from_o the_o care_n of_o procure_v any_o such_o thing_n as_o we_o may_v be_v in_o necessity_n to_o use_v but_o this_o bless_a woman_n have_v be_v instruct_v by_o our_o lord_n be_v grow_v to_o understand_v that_o truth_n very_o well_o without_o be_v able_a so_o much_o as_o to_o read_v of_o which_o truth_n i_o be_v ignorant_a even_o after_o have_v take_v so_o much_o pain_n to_o read_v over_o the_o constitution_n of_o our_o order_n and_o as_o soon_o as_o she_o acquaint_v i_o with_o her_o purpose_n i_o like_v it_o well_o though_o yet_o i_o be_v afraid_a that_o it_o will_v not_o be_v yield_v to_o but_o that_o they_o will_v say_v perhaps_o that_o these_o be_v but_o impertinency_n and_o wish_v that_o i_o will_v not_o do_v any_o thing_n whereby_o other_o may_v be_v put_v to_o suffer_v through_o my_o fault_n though_o yet_o in_o very_a deed_n if_o i_o have_v be_v alone_o i_o will_v not_o have_v be_v detain_v one_o minute_n from_o do_v it_o since_o it_o will_v be_v a_o regalo_n to_o my_o soul_n to_o observe_v &_o follow_v the_o counsel_n of_o jesus-christ_n our_o lord_n for_o real_o his_o divine_a majesty_n have_v already_o give_v i_o great_a desire_n to_o observe_v poverty_n so_o that_o for_o my_o part_n i_o make_v no_o doubt_n but_o that_o this_o be_v best_a yea_o and_o i_o have_v long_o desire_v that_o it_o may_v be_v possible_a and_o compatible_a with_o my_o state_n that_o i_o may_v go_v beg_v my_o bread_n for_o the_o love_n of_o god_n without_o have_v so_o much_o as_o a_o house_n or_o any_o thing_n else_o but_o only_o i_o be_v in_o fear_n that_o if_o our_o bless_a lord_n shall_v not_o give_v the_o selfsame_a desire_n to_o other_o which_o he_o give_v to_o i_o they_o will_v live_v perhaps_o with_o disgust_n and_o consequent_o that_o it_o may_v prove_v a_o cause_n of_o some_o distraction_n or_o division_n for_o i_o see_v that_o there_o be_v some_o poor_a monastery_n which_o live_v not_o with_o much_o recollection_n and_o i_o consider_v not_o that_o their_o not_o be_v recollect_v be_v the_o cause_n of_o their_o be_v so_o poor_a and_o not_o their_o poverty_n the_o cause_n of_o their_o want_n of_o recollection_n for_o distraction_n make_v they_o not_o more_o rich_a nor_o be_v ever_o almighty_a god_n want_v to_o such_o as_o serve_v he_o in_o fine_a my_o faith_n be_v weak_a which_o that_o of_o this_o servant_n of_o god_n be_v not_o but_o now_o i_o who_o will_v be_v take_v the_o opinion_n of_o so_o many_o person_n for_o every_o thing_n which_o i_o be_v to_o do_v can_v find_v no_o body_n of_o this_o mind_n no_o nor_o even_o my_o ghostly_a father_n himself_o nor_o yet_o those_o other_o learned_a man_n who_o i_o consult_v in_o the_o case_n but_o they_o bring_v i_o so_o many_o reason_n against_o it_o that_o i_o know_v not_o which_o way_n to_o turn_v myself_o for_o i_o for_o my_o part_n who_o know_v already_o that_o it_o be_v the_o rule_n of_o the_o order_n and_o know_v also_o that_o it_o be_v a_o point_n of_o more_o perfection_n can_v not_o persuade_v myself_o to_o have_v revenue_n and_o though_o sometime_o they_o convince_v i_o towards_o their_o opinion_n yet_o still_o when_o i_o return_v to_o prayer_n and_o consider_v christ_n our_o lord_n so_o very_o poor_a and_o naked_a upon_o the_o cross_n i_o be_v not_o able_a so_o much_o as_o to_o find_v patience_n for_o be_v rich_a but_o i_o humble_o beseech_v he_o with_o tear_n to_o ordain_v thing_n in_o such_o sort_n that_o i_o may_v be_v poor_a like_v he_o and_o i_o find_v so_o many_o inconvenience_n even_o in_o have_v revenue_n and_o find_v it_o to_o be_v so_o great_a a_o cause_n of_o disquiet_n yea_o and_o even_o of_o distraction_n also_o that_o i_o do_v nothing_o but_o dispute_v the_o business_n with_o those_o learned_a man_n i_o write_v also_o about_o it_o to_o that_o religious_a man_n of_o s._n dominick_n order_n who_o assist_v we_o and_o he_o send_v i_o two_o sheet_n of_o paper_n which_o he_o have_v write_v by_o way_n of_o contradiction_n to_o i_o and_o he_o ground_v himself_o in_o theology_n for_o the_o persuade_v i_o not_o to_o do_v it_o yea_o and_o he_o tell_v i_o that_o he_o have_v study_v the_o point_n very_o well_o to_o which_o i_o answer_v he_o that_o for_o not_o follow_v my_o vocation_n and_o for_o not_o perform_v the_o vow_n which_o i_o have_v make_v of_o poverty_n and_o embrace_v the_o counsel_n of_o christ_n our_o lord_n in_o all_o perfection_n i_o mean_v not_o to_o make_v use_n of_o his_o theology_n nor_o of_o his_o learning_n and_o therefore_o that_o in_o this_o case_n he_o may_v be_v please_v to_o excuse_v i_o for_o my_o part_n i_o be_v very_o glad_a when_o i_o find_v any_o creature_n who_o will_v help_v i_o and_o the_o lady_n with_o who_o i_o be_v assist_v i_o particular_o herein_o there_o be_v other_o also_o who_o tell_v i_o instant_o at_o the_o first_o that_o they_o like_v it_o well_o but_o afterward_o when_o they_o consider_v it_o better_o they_o
that_o i_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v with_o myself_o o_o that_o we_o will_v look_v with_o attention_n upon_o the_o thing_n of_o this_o world_n for_o every_o body_n will_v then_o be_v quick_o able_a to_o find_v by_o experience_n how_o little_a he_o be_v to_o lodge_v either_o his_o contentment_n or_o discontentment_n upon_o it_o it_o be_v most_o certain_a in_o my_o opinion_n that_o this_o be_v one_o of_o the_o feirce_v kind_n of_o fit_n of_o affliction_n that_o ever_o i_o have_v endure_v in_o my_o whole_a life_n and_o it_o seem_v as_o if_o my_o very_a spirit_n have_v half_o prophesy_v how_o much_o do_v still_o rest_v behind_o to_o be_v endure_v though_o yet_o that_o arrive_v not_o so_o far_o as_o this_o if_o it_o have_v continue_v but_o now_o our_o bless_a lord_n do_v not_o permit_v this_o poor_a servant_n of_o he_o to_o suffer_v long_o nor_o do_v he_o ever_o fail_v to_o succour_v i_o in_o my_o tribulation_n nor_o do_v he_o also_o in_o this_o for_o now_o he_o give_v i_o a_o little_a objection_n light_n wherewith_o to_o see_v that_o all_o this_o be_v of_o the_o devil_n and_o that_o i_o may_v discern_v the_o truth_n and_o that_o the_o whole_a business_n be_v but_o to_o put_v i_o into_o a_o fright_n by_o lie_n and_o so_o i_o come_v by_o degree_n to_o call_v to_o mind_n and_o to_o recover_v the_o great_a resolution_n which_o i_o have_v former_o conceive_v towards_o the_o service_n of_o our_o bless_a lord_n as_o also_o my_o desire_n to_o suffer_v for_o he_o and_o so_o i_o grow_v also_o to_o consider_v that_o if_o real_o i_o intend_v to_o fulfil_v they_o i_o be_v not_o to_o busy_v myself_o about_o procure_v rest_n and_o ease_n but_o if_o i_o will_v endure_v affliction_n that_o this_o be_v the_o true_a way_n to_o merit_v and_o that_o if_o i_o will_v goe-through_a with_o they_o for_o the_o service_n of_o almighty_a god_n they_o will_v be_v in_o stead_n of_o purgatory_n for_o i_o &_o of_o what_o be_v i_o afraid_a &_o that_o since_o i_o desire_v affliction_n these_o which_o be_v offer_v now_o will_v be_v very_o fit_a &_o good_a and_o that_o where_o the_o great_a contradiction_n be_v feel_v the_o rich_a gain_n will_v be_v find_v and_o why_o shall_v my_o hart_n fail_v i_o for_o his_o service_n to_o who_o i_o owe_v so_o much_o and_o by_o these_o and_o other_o consideration_n and_o employ_v all_o the_o courage_n i_o have_v i_o make_v a_o promise_n in_o presence_n of_o the_o b._n sacrament_n to_o do_v all_o the_o very_a uttermost_a that_o i_o can_v to_o get_v leave_n to_o come_v to_o this_o monastery_n as_o also_o if_o i_o may_v do_v it_o with_o safe_a conscience_n to_o promise_n clausure_n but_o now_o at_o my_o resolve_v upon_o this_o the_o devil_n flee_v instant_o away_o and_o leave_v i_o very_o quiet_a and_o content_v and_o so_o i_o have_v remain_v ever_o since_o and_o all_o that_o which_o be_v observe_v in_o this_o house_n either_o by_o way_n of_o enclosure_n or_o penance_n in_o any_o kind_n have_v make_v itself_o both_o very_a delightful_a and_o seem_v very_o little_a and_o the_o contentment_n on_o the_o other_o side_n be_v so_o extreme_o great_a that_o i_o be_o think_v several_a time_n if_o i_o be_v able_a to_o find_v any_o thing_n in_o the_o whole_a world_n which_o can_v be_v of_o so_o much_o gust_n to_o i_o as_o this_o i_o know_v not_o also_o whether_o perhaps_o even_o this_o may_v not_o be_v the_o true_a reason_n why_o i_o enjoy_v better_a health_n now_o then_o ever_o or_o else_o that_o perhaps_o our_o lord_n will_v have_v it_o so_o because_o perhaps_o there_o may_v be_v some_o necessary_a use_n thereof_o and_o because_o it_o be_v but_o reason_n that_o i_o shall_v also_o do_v thosething_n which_o be_v perform_v by_o all_o the_o rest_n and_o therefore_o that_o he_o be_v please_v to_o give_v i_o so_o much_o comfort_n as_o to_o be_v able_a to_o do_v it_o though_o yet_o it_o be_v with_o some_o little_a trouble_n but_o certain_o all_o they_o who_o see_v it_o and_o be_v privy_a to_o the_o great_a infirmity_n to_o which_o i_o be_o subject_a be_v amaze_v at_o it_o bless_a be_v our_o lord_n who_o give_v it_o all_o and_o have_v power_n enough_o wherewith_o to_o do_v it_o but_o i_o fail_v not_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n to_o be_v very_o well_o weary_v with_o such_o a_o stiff_a contention_n and_o strife_n as_o this_o though_o yet_o i_o laugh_v at_o the_o devil_n for_o i_o clear_o see_v it_o be_v he_o and_o i_o conceive_v that_o our_o bless_a lord_n will_v permit_v it_o because_o i_o never_o know_v till_o then_o what_o it_o be_v to_o be_v in_o any_o disgust_n for_o be_v a_o religious_a woman_n nor_o do_v i_o ever_o find_v any_o during_o the_o space_n of_o eight_o and_o twenty_o year_n and_o more_o that_o i_o have_v be_v one_o but_o now_o his_o divine_a majesty_n permit_v it_o to_o come_v upon_o i_o to_o the_o end_n that_o i_o may_v the_o better_o understand_v the_o great_a favour_n which_o it_o have_v please_v our_o lord_n to_o do_v i_o in_o that_o state_n yea_o and_o the_o torment_n from_o which_o he_o have_v free_v i_o as_o also_o to_o the_o end_n that_o if_o afterward_o i_o see_v any_o one_o who_o shall_v be_v afflict_v in_o the_o same_o kind_n i_o may_v not_o be_v fright_v at_o it_o but_o may_v both_o have_v compassion_n of_o she_o and_o know_v also_o how_o to_o give_v her_o comfort_n if_o there_o shall_v be_v cause_n but_o now_o have_v pass_v this_o brunt_n and_o be_v desirous_a to_o rest_v a_o little_a when_o i_o shall_v have_v dine_v for_o in_o all_o the_o night_n before_o i_o have_v take_v none_o as_o also_o in_o many_o other_o night_n i_o have_v not_o fail_v of_o care_n and_o trouble_n enough_o when_o yet_o i_o be_v also_o tire_v out_o in_o the_o day_n as_o they_o know_v very_o well_o what_o pass_v not_o only_o in_o the_o monastery_n but_o in_o the_o city_n there_o be_v grow_v to_o be_v a_o great_a deal_n of_o noise_n and_o disquiet_v upon_o the_o occasion_n which_o have_v be_v former_o touch_v yea_o and_o there_o seem_v to_o be_v some_o colour_n for_o the_o same_o just_o then_o the_o prioress_n require_v i_o to_o be_v call_v and_o that_o i_o must_v go_v to_o she_o at_o the_o instant_n and_o meet_v with_o her_o commandment_n i_o leave_v my_o religious_a full_a of_o pain_n and_o care_n and_o so_o instant_o go_v to_o she_o but_o i_o than_o perceive_v well_o that_o i_o be_v to_o be_v sure_a of_o trouble_n enough_o though_o yet_o the_o house_n be_v then_o dispatch_v i_o be_v not_o in_o very_a much_o pain_n howsoever_o i_o betake_v myself_o to_o prayer_n beseech_v our_o bless_a lord_n to_o be_v good_a to_o i_o and_o beg_v of_o my_o father_n s._n joseph_n that_o he_o will_v bring_v i_o back_o again_o to_o his_o house_n and_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n i_o offered-up_a all_o that_o which_o i_o may_v chance_v to_o endure_v for_o his_o sake_n and_o i_o be_v to_o be_v very_o well_o please_v if_o it_o fall_v out_o that_o i_o may_v suffer_v any_o thing_n for_o he_o or_o be_v able_a to_o serve_v he_o and_o so_o i_o go_v away_o with_o opinion_n that_o they_o will_v instant_o commit_v i_o to_o prison_n whereby_o i_o yet_o conceive_v that_o they_o will_v so_o have_v do_v i_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o pleasure_n for_o then_o i_o shall_v not_o have_v be_v vex_v with_o their_o talk_n and_o i_o shall_v have_v enjoy_v a_o little_a solitude_n whereof_o i_o be_v in_o very_o great_a want_n for_o they_o have_v even_o as_o it_o be_v grind_v i_o to_o dust_n by_o force_v i_o to_o converse_v so_o long_o with_o such_o a_o multitude_n of_o people_n but_o be_v then_o arrive_v and_o have_v give_v account_n of_o myself_o to_o the_o superior_a she_o be_v a_o little_a appease_v and_o they_o all_o agree_v to_o send_v i_o to_o the_o provincial_n and_o so_o the_o cause_n be_v to_o depend_v before_o he_o and_o as_o soon_o as_o i_o be_v come_v thither_o for_o judgement_n i_o find_v myself_o with_o much_o contentment_n to_o see_v that_o i_o be_v suffer_v somewhat_o for_o the_o love_n of_o our_o lord_n for_o as_o for_o have_v do_v any_o thing_n either_o against_o his_o divine_a majesty_n or_o yet_o against_o the_o order_n i_o conceive_v not_o that_o i_o have_v offend_v but_o rather_o have_v endeavour_v to_o augment_v it_o to_o the_o uttermost_a of_o my_o power_n and_o will_v be_v glad_a with_o my_o whole_a hart_n to_o die_v for_o it_o for_o all_o my_o desire_n be_v that_o it_o may_v be_v fulfil_v according_a to_o the_o uttermost_a perfection_n but_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n i_o call_v to_o mind_v the_o sentence_n which_o be_v pass_v upon_o christ_n our_o lord_n and_o i_o acknowledge_v what_o a_o nothing_o this_o be_v
in_o respect_n of_o he_o i_o accuse_v myself_o then_o as_o in_o fault_n yea_o and_o as_o very_o faulty_a and_o so_o i_o make_v no_o doubt_n but_o i_o be_v in_o the_o opinion_n of_o all_o they_o who_o know_v not_o very_o much_o of_o the_o cause_n and_o after_o they_o have_v give_v i_o a_o great_a reprehension_n though_o not_o yet_o with_o so_o much_o rigour_n as_o the_o fault_n may_v seem_v to_o deserve_v and_o as_o many_o of_o they_o tell_v the_o provincial_n that_o i_o have_v commit_v i_o be_v absolute_o for_o my_o part_n resolve_v to_o hold_v on_o this_o course_n and_o so_o i_o rather_o desire_v that_o they_o shall_v pardon_v i_o and_o then_o punish_v i_o if_o they_o will_v but_o by_o no_o mean_n remain_v unkind_a or_o ill-affected_a towards_o i_o in_o some_o thing_n i_o plain_o see_v that_o they_o have_v no_o reason_n at_o all_o against_o i_o but_o that_o they_o condemn_v i_o without_o cause_n as_o when_o they_o say_v i_o have_v do_v whatsoever_o i_o have_v do_v to_o the_o end_n that_o i_o may_v be_v hold_v in_o great_a opinion_n and_o to_o be_v talk_v of_o and_o such_o other_o toy_n as_o that_o but_o in_o other_o i_o see_v clear_o that_o they_o say_v true_a as_o namely_o that_o i_o be_v much_o worse_o than_o the_o rest_n and_o that_o since_o i_o have_v not_o keep_v the_o observance_n of_o that_o house_n which_o be_v maintain_v with_o so_o much_o piety_n and_o devotion_n there_o how_o can_v i_o come_v to_o think_v of_o perform_v another_o rule_n of_o more_o rigour_n and_o that_o this_o be_v but_o to_o raiseup_a novelty_n in_o the_o world_n and_o to_o scandalize_v the_o people_n but_o yet_o all_o this_o cause_v no_o tumult_n in_o my_o hart_n nor_o put_v i_o to_o any_o pain_n at_o all_o though_o yet_o i_o show_v to_o be_v in_o some_o lest_o otherwise_o they_o may_v conceive_v that_o i_o undervalue_v what_o they_o say_v but_o in_o fine_a the_o provincial_n command_v i_o to_o give_v account_n of_o myself_o to_o they_o of_o the_o former_a monastery_n and_o that_o i_o must_v necessary_o do_v it_o and_o so_o be_v at_o great_a peace_n within_o myself_o and_o our_o lord_n assist_v i_o therein_o i_o give_v such_o a_o discharge_n of_o my_o action_n as_o that_o neither_o the_o provincial_n nor_o the_o religious_a woman_n who_o be_v in_o that_o assembly_n find_v any_o thing_n for_o which_o to_o condemn_v i_o after_o this_o i_o speak_v more_o plain_o to_o he_o in_o private_a and_o i_o do_v it_o also_o more_o at_o large_a and_o he_o be_v very_o well_o satisfy_v with_o i_o and_o promise_v i_o that_o if_o the_o city_n shall_v proceed_v towards_o a_o be_v quiet_a again_o he_o will_v give_v i_o leave_v to_o go_v to_o my_o monastery_n but_o the_o disorder_n and_o distemper_n of_o the_o city_n be_v so_o very_o great_a as_o i_o shall_v now_o declare_v within_o two_o or_o three_o day_n after_o that_o time_n the_o governor_n and_o other_o magistrate_n of_o the_o town_n and_o some_o also_o of_o the_o chapter_n of_o the_o cathedral_n church_n meet_v together_o and_o they_o all_o declare_v joint_o that_o by_o no_o mean_n they_o must_v permit_v the_o work_n to_o go_v forward_o that_o it_o will_v result_v to_o the_o evident_a disadvantage_n of_o the_o commonwealth_n that_o they_o must_v not_o fail_v to_o remove_v the_o b._n sacrament_n from_o thence_o and_o by_o no_o mean_n permit_v the_o business_n to_o proceed_v one_o only_o doctor_n of_o s._n dominick_n order_n although_o he_o be_v of_o a_o contrary_a opinion_n to_o we_o i_o mean_v not_o in_o that_o point_n of_o the_o monastery_n but_o in_o that_o other_o of_o be_v incapable_a of_o revenue_n and_o poor_a say_v that_o there_o be_v no_o cause_n why_o the_o house_n shall_v instant_o be_v dissolve_v after_o that_o manner_n but_o that_o it_o ought_v to_o be_v well_o consider_v that_o there_o will_v be_v time_n enough_o for_o this_o that_o it_o be_v a_o case_n which_o belong_v to_o the_o bishop_n and_o diverse_a other_o thing_n of_o this_o kind_n which_o do_v very_o much_o good_a to_o the_o business_n for_o consider_v how_o great_a the_o fury_n of_o the_o people_n be_v it_o be_v happy_a that_o they_o do_v not_o put_v the_o dissolve_v of_o the_o house_n present_o in_o execution_n and_o this_o show_v that_o the_o thing_n in_o fine_a be_v to_o take_v effect_n and_o that_o our_o bless_a lord_n be_v please_v to_o have_v it_o so_o and_o that_o they_o all_o can_v do_v little_a against_o his_o will_n and_o pleasure_n but_o yet_o they_o all_o assign_v their_o reason_n and_o express_v good_a zeal_n in_o what_o they_o say_v and_o yet_o thus_o without_o their_o give_a offence_n to_o almighty_a god_n they_o make_v both_o i_o and_o diverse_a other_o suffer_v who_o favour_v the_o business_n the_o tumultuous_a disposition_n of_o the_o people_n be_v so_o great_a that_o now_o there_o be_v no_o talk_n of_o any_o thing_n else_o and_o they_o all_o agree_v in_o condemn_v i_o and_o in_o go_v to_o complain_v of_o i_o to_o the_o provincial_n and_o to_o my_o monastery_n as_o for_o i_o i_o be_v no_o more_o trouble_v at_o what_o they_o say_v then_o if_o they_o have_v not_o say_v it_o but_o the_o only_o fear_v i_o have_v be_v whether_o or_o no_o they_o will_v dissolve_v the_o house_n for_o this_o put_v i_o to_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o pain_n and_o so_o also_o do_v it_o to_o see_v that_o the_o person_n who_o assist_v i_o lose_v credit_n and_o be_v otherwise_o also_o put_v to_o much_o inconvenience_n by_o it_o but_o as_o for_o that_o which_o they_o say_v of_o i_o i_o be_v rather_o glad_v of_o it_o than_o otherwise_o and_o if_o i_o have_v have_v any_o faith_n it_o will_v have_v make_v no_o alteration_n in_o i_o at_o all_o but_o when_o there_o be_v a_o want_n in_o some_o one_o virtue_n all_o the_o rest_n be_v wont_a to_o be_v cast_v into_o a_o kind_n of_o slumber_n and_o so_o i_o be_v much_o trouble_v during_o those_o two_o day_n wherein_o the_o two_o assembly_n whereof_o i_o speak_v be_v make_v among_o the_o people_n and_o i_o be_v very_o much_o afflict_v our_o lord_n say_v these_o word_n to_o i_o do_v thou_o not_o know_v that_o i_o be_o powerful_a of_o what_o be_v thou_o afraid_a and_o thus_o do_v he_o assure_v i_o that_o the_o house_n shall_v not_o be_v dissolve_v whereby_o i_o remain_v full_a of_o comfort_n but_o then_o do_v they_o dispatch_v their_o agent_n or_o sollicitour_n to_o the_o council_n royal_a with_o their_o information_n and_o so_o there_o come_v order_n from_o thencÄ—_n to_o send_v a_o relation_n thither_o of_o the_o whole_a proceed_n so_o that_o heet_n we_o may_v behold_v the_o beginning_n of_o a_o great_a suit_n in_o law_n for_o already_o some_o be_v go_v to_o the_o court_n on_o the_o part_n of_o the_o city_n &_o other_o be_v instant_o to_o go_v on_o the_o part_n of_o the_o monastery_n and_o on_o the_o other_o side_n neither_o have_v we_o any_o money_n nor_o do_v i_o know_v what_o to_o do_v but_o our_o lord_n provide_v all_o thing_n for_o us._n and_o as_o for_o i_o my_o father_n provincial_a do_v never_o forbid_v i_o to_o deal_v in_o it_o for_o he_o be_v so_o true_a a_o friend_n to_o all_o virtue_n that_o although_o he_o do_v not_o assist_v in_o the_o work_n yet_o he_o will_v not_o be_v against_o it_o though_o yet_o withal_o it_o be_v very_o true_a that_o he_o will_v never_o give_v i_o leave_v to_o pass_v to_o this_o new_a monastery_n till_o he_o may_v see_v what_o kind_n of_o end_n the_o business_n will_v have_v in_o the_o mean_a time_n the_o servant_n of_o god_n be_v all_o alone_a and_o do_v more_o with_o their_o prayer_n than_o all_o that_o which_o i_o be_v able_a to_o do_v by_o way_n of_o negotiation_n though_o yet_o still_o it_o be_v necessary_a to_o use_v diligence_n enough_o sometime_o it_o will_v seem_v that_o all_o be_v want_v and_o especial_o one_o day_n before_o the_o provincial_n come_v hither_o when_o the_o prioress_n command_v i_o not_o to_o treat_v any_o more_o about_o that_o business_n but_o to_o give_v it_o utter_o over_o but_o than_o go_v i_o to_o almighty_a god_n and_o say_v o_o my_o lord_n this_o house_n be_v not_o i_o but_o it_o be_v make_v for_o thou_o and_o now_o there_o be_v no_o creature_n to_o negotiate_v the_o business_n for_o we_o and_o therefore_o thy_o divine_a majesty_n must_v be_v please_v to_o do_v it_o heerupon_o i_o find_v myself_o real_o and_o instant_o at_o so_o great_a ease_n and_o so_o without_o any_o manner_n of_o trouble_n as_o if_o i_o have_v have_v the_o whole_a world_n on_o my_o side_n to_o employ_v itself_o for_o i_o and_o so_o i_o hold_v all_o the_o business_n to_o be_v in_o safety_n upon_o this_o a_o certain_a priest_n a_o very_a great_a servant_n of_o
vow_n of_o his_o profession_n the_o bull_n grant_v in_o favour_n of_o his_o order_n have_v avail_v he_o towards_o his_o escape_n of_o purgatory_n now_o i_o know_v not_o why_o this_o be_v give_v to_o be_v understand_v by_o i_o but_o i_o think_v it_o may_v be_v very_o well_o to_o make_v i_o know_v that_o a_o man_n be_v a_o religious_a man_n do_v not_o consist_v only_o in_o his_o habit_n i_o mean_v not_o in_o the_o only_o wear_v it_o as_o if_o that_o very_a thing_n do_v endue_v he_o with_o more_o perfection_n i_o will_v now_o relate_v no_o more_o of_o these_o thing_n for_o there_o be_v no_o great_a cause_n why_o i_o shall_v though_o yet_o our_o bless_a lord_n have_v do_v i_o the_o favour_n to_o show_v i_o very_o many_a but_o among_o all_o those_o soul_n which_o i_o have_v see_v i_o have_v not_o understand_v of_o any_o one_o which_o escape_v the_o go_v at_o all_o into_o purgatory_n but_o only_o this_o last_o father_n and_o that_o holy_a man_n fray_n pedro_n de_fw-fr alcantara_n and_o that_o dominican_n father_n of_o who_o i_o speak_v before_o our_o lord_n have_v also_o be_v please_v to_o let_v i_o see_v the_o several_a degree_n which_o they_o have_v of_o glory_n by_o represent_v the_o place_n to_o i_o wherein_o they_o be_v and_o i_o find_v that_o there_o be_v a_o great_a deal_n of_o difference_n between_o some_o and_o other_o the_o nine_o and_o their_o tieth_n chapter_n she_o proceed_v in_o the_o same_o subject_n of_o show_v the_o great_a favour_n which_o our_o lord_n have_v do_v she_o and_o she_o declare_v how_o he_o be_v please_v to_o promise_v his_o favour_n to_o they_o for_o who_o she_o shall_v beg_v it_o and_o she_o relate_v some_o important_a particular_n wherein_o his_o divine_a majesty_n have_v do_v her_o particular_a favour_n of_o this_o kind_n be_v once_o very_o importunate_a with_o our_o bless_a lord_n that_o he_o will_v be_v please_v to_o give_v sight_n to_o a_o certain_a person_n to_o who_o i_o have_v obligation_n and_o who_o be_v almost_o grow_v to_o be_v utter_o blind_a i_o have_v much_o compassion_n on_o he_o and_o i_o fear_v lest_o our_o lord_n will_v not_o hear_v i_o in_o regard_n of_o my_o sin_n but_o yet_o he_o appear_v to_o i_o then_o as_o he_o have_v also_o do_v at_o other_o time_n and_o begin_v to_o show_v i_o the_o wound_n of_o his_o left_a hand_n and_o with_o his_o right_a hand_n he_o draw_v out_o the_o great_a nail_n which_o have_v be_v thrust_v into_o it_o and_o i_o thought_n that_o some_o of_o the_o very_a flesh_n come_v out_o with_o the_o nail_n i_o see_v well_o how_o great_a pain_n it_o do_v import_v and_o it_o afflict_v i_o much_o but_o he_o tell_v i_o that_o since_o he_o have_v endure_v so_o much_o for_o my_o sake_n i_o shall_v not_o doubt_v but_o that_o he_o will_v more_o easy_o be_v draw_v to_o harken_v to_o this_o suit_n of_o i_o and_o so_o he_o promise_v that_o he_o will_v grant_v whatsoever_o i_o shall_v desire_v but_o he_o know_v very_o well_o already_o that_o i_o will_v beg_v nothing_o of_o he_o but_o only_o to_o his_o own_o honour_n and_o glory_n and_o that_o i_o make_v this_o present_a suit_n under_o that_o condition_n he_o will_v i_o also_o to_o remember_v and_o consider_v that_o even_o when_o i_o do_v he_o not_o true_a service_n i_o have_v not_o desire_v any_o thing_n of_o he_o which_o he_o have_v not_o grant_v even_o better_o than_o myself_o have_v desire_v and_o therefore_o how_o much_o more_o will_v he_o be_v sure_a enough_o to_o do_v it_o now_o when_o he_o know_v i_o love_v he_o and_o therefore_o that_o i_o shall_v banish_v all_o doubt_n and_o i_o think_v eight_o day_n do_v not_o pass_v but_o that_o our_o lord_n restore_v sight_n to_o that_o person_n and_o this_o be_v present_o know_v by_o my_o ghostly_a father_n now_o peradventure_o as_o i_o think_v at_o first_o this_o do_v not_o happen_v by_o mean_n of_o any_o prayer_n of_o i_o though_o yet_o since_o i_o see_v this_o vision_n i_o have_v remain_v with_o some_o little_a certainty_n that_o the_o thing_n be_v do_v by_o the_o favour_n of_o his_o divine_a majesty_n to_o i_o and_o according_o i_o have_v present_v he_o with_o my_o thanks_n another_o time_n there_o be_v a_o person_n sick_a of_o a_o very_a painful_a infirmity_n which_o because_o it_o be_v of_o a_o odd_a condition_n and_o way_n i_o forbear_v to_o particularize_v it_o here_o but_o it_o be_v a_o kind_n of_o insupportable_a thing_n and_o he_o have_v be_v trouble_v with_o it_o two_o month_n but_o he_o endure_v a_o torment_n by_o it_o which_o do_v even_o tear_v he_o in_o piece_n now_o my_o ghostly_a father_n go_v to_o visit_v he_o and_o that_o be_v the_o rectour_n of_o the_o college_n of_o who_o i_o speak_v and_o he_o have_v great_a compassion_n of_o the_o man_n and_o tell_v i_o that_o in_o any_o case_n i_o must_v also_o go_v &_o give_v he_o a_o visit_n for_o that_o he_o be_v a_o person_n to_o who_o i_o may_v handsome_o do_v it_o in_o regard_n that_o he_o be_v my_o kinsman_n i_o go_v and_o have_v so_o much_o pity_n of_o he_o that_o i_o begin_v to_o beg_v his_o health_n of_o our_o lord_n after_o a_o very_a importunate_a manner_n and_o in_o this_o i_o see_v clear_o by_o the_o very_a uttermost_a of_o what_o i_o be_o able_a to_o imagine_v how_o much_o favour_n our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o do_v i_o therein_o for_o instant_o upon_o the_o very_a next_o day_n he_o be_v absolute_o well_o i_o be_v once_o in_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o trouble_n because_o i_o come_v to_o know_v that_o a_o certain_a person_n to_o who_o i_o be_v much_o oblige_v be_v resolve_v to_o do_v a_o thing_n which_o be_v great_o against_o the_o honour_n both_o of_o almighty_a god_n and_o himself_o and_o yet_o he_o be_v very_o much_o bend_v to_o do_v the_o thing_n now_o my_o trouble_n for_o this_o be_v so_o great_a that_o i_o know_v not_o which_o way_n to_o find_v remedy_n and_o mean_n to_o make_v he_o leave_v it_o and_o indeed_o it_o rather_o seem_v that_o there_o be_v none_o but_o then_o i_o beseech_v almighty_a god_n and_o that_o with_o my_o whole_a hart_n that_o he_o will_v help_v we_o and_o till_o i_o can_v find_v it_o do_v i_o shall_v be_v in_o pain_n be_v therefore_o now_o in_o this_o case_n i_o go_v to_o a_o certain_a oratory_n a_o little_a remore_n from_o where_o i_o be_v for_o there_o be_v diverse_a such_o in_o this_o monastery_n and_o find_v a_o picture_n of_o christ_n our_o lord_n as_o he_o be_v bind_v to_o the_o pillar_n i_o humble_o beg_v of_o his_o divine_a majesty_n to_o do_v i_o that_o favour_n and_o present_o i_o hear_v one_o speak_v to_o i_o in_o a_o most_o sweet_a voice_n but_o it_o be_v frame_v as_o if_o it_o have_v be_v in_o the_o manner_n of_o whistle_v for_o my_o part_n i_o be_v all_o in_o a_o fright_n and_o the_o very_a hair_n of_o my_o head_n stand_v a_o end_n and_o i_o have_v a_o great_a desire_n to_o hear_v what_o it_o say_v to_o i_o but_o when_o once_o my_o fear_n be_v go_v which_o be_v also_o quick_o i_o remain_v with_o rest_n and_o joy_n and_o so_o great_a a_o interior_a kind_n of_o delight_n that_o it_o amaze_v i_o how_o the_o only_o hear_v of_o a_o voice_n and_o that_o with_o the_o only_o ear_n of_o flesh_n and_o blood_n yea_o and_o without_o the_o articulation_n or_o frame_v of_o any_o one_o word_n be_v able_a to_o produce_v so_o powerful_a a_o operation_n in_o the_o soul_n but_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n i_o find_v even_o thereby_o that_o the_o thing_n which_o i_o have_v desire_v shall_v be_v do_v and_o so_o it_o be_v and_o the_o pain_n wherein_o i_o find_v myself_o concern_v it_o be_v utter_o remove_v in_o a_o thing_n which_o be_v not_o yet_o as_o if_o i_o have_v find_v it_o to_o be_v certain_o grant_v as_o it_o happen_v to_o be_v afterward_o and_o i_o relate_v the_o whole_a accident_n to_o my_o confessor_n who_o at_o that_o time_n be_v two_o and_o they_o both_o be_v very_o learned_a man_n and_o the_o servant_n of_o almighty_a god_n i_o know_v also_o of_o a_o certain_a person_n who_o have_v resolve_v to_o serve_v his_o divine_a majesty_n in_o very_o good_a earnest_n and_o he_o have_v use_v prayer_n some_o day_n and_o therein_o his_o divine_a majesty_n have_v do_v he_o many_o favour_n and_o yet_o he_o gave-ove_a his_o course_n of_o prayer_n upon_o certain_a occasion_n which_o occur_v to_o he_o and_o those_o he_o do_v not_o quit_v although_o they_o be_v full_a of_o danger_n this_o put_v i_o to_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o pain_n because_o the_o man_n who_o the_o matter_n concern_v be_v a_o person_n who_o both_o i_o love_v much_o and_o who_o i_o also_o be_v much_o oblige_v to_o love_n
and_o i_o believe_v it_o have_v be_v more_o than_o a_o month_n wherein_o i_o do_v almost_o nothing_o else_o but_o beg_v of_o almighty_a god_n that_o he_o will_v bring_v this_o soul_n back_o to_o himself_o and_o be_v in_o prayer_n one_o day_n i_o see_v a_o devil_n hard_a by_o i_o with_o certain_a paper_n in_o his_o hand_n which_o he_o be_v tear_v and_o he_o seem_v to_o be_v in_o a_o very_a great_a rage_n but_o this_o put_v i_o into_o much_o comfort_n because_o i_o conceive_v thereby_o that_o my_o suit_n be_v grant_v and_o so_o it_o be_v as_o i_o come_v to_o know_v afterward_o for_o the_o party_n have_v be_v at_o confession_n and_o have_v do_v it_o with_o great_a contrition_n and_o he_o return_v in_o so_o very_o good_a earnest_n to_o almighty_a god_n that_o i_o hope_v in_o his_o divine_a majesty_n he_o will_v ever_o go_v advance_v in_o his_o service_n and_o let_v he_o be_v bless_v for_o ever_o amen_n in_o this_o particular_a of_o procure_v our_o bless_a lord_n to_o bring_v soul_n out_o of_o grievous_a sin_n upon_o my_o humble_a suit_n and_o of_o other_o who_o be_v bring_v many_o time_n to_o more_o perfection_n and_o of_o fre_a soul_n also_o out_o of_o purgatory_n and_o of_o do_v other_o thing_n also_o of_o great_a importance_n the_o favour_n of_o our_o bless_a lord_n have_v be_v so_o great_a that_o i_o shall_v both_o weary_a myself_o and_o my_o reader_n if_o i_o will_v pretend_v to_o relate_v they_o and_o these_o thing_n have_v happen_v often_o to_o i_o for_o the_o benefit_n of_o soul_n then_o of_o body_n and_o this_o be_v so_o very_o well_o know_v that_o it_o have_v many_o witness_n but_o then_o instant_o there_o grow_v a_o kind_n of_o scruple_n upon_o i_o since_o i_o can_v not_o choose_v but_o believe_v that_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o do_v diverse_a thing_n through_o my_o prayer_n for_o in_o this_o case_n and_o at_o this_o time_n i_o abstract_n from_o his_o goodness_n and_o mercy_n which_o be_v ever_o the_o chief_n cause_n of_o all_o thing_n but_o for_o 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