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A05326 A helpe to discourse. Or, A miscelany of merriment Consisting of wittie, philosophical and astronomicall questions and answers. As also, of epigrams, epitaphs, riddles, and iests. Together with the countrymans counsellour, next his yearely oracle or prognostication to consult with. Contayning diuers necessary rules and obseruations of much vse and consequence being knowne. By W.B. and E.P. Basse, William, d. ca. 1653, attributed name.; Phillips, Edward, 1630-1696?, attributed name.; Pond, Edward, d. 1629, attributed name. 1619 (1619) STC 1547; ESTC S117185 70,959 300

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he did me so much grace To take the worse leaue me the better place For if by th'owners wee esteeme of things The wals the Subiects but the way 's the kings Epig. 5. NIX IX CorNIX Snow 9. A Crow NIX I that the winters daughter am Whil● thus my letters stand Am whiter then the plume of Swan Or any Ladies hand IX Take but a way my letter first And then I do incline That stood before for milk whit snow To be the figure nine And if that further you desire By change to do some trickes As blacke as any bird I am Cornix By adding Cor to nix Epig. 6. De sanit Medico Health is a iewell true which when we buy Physitions value it accordingly Epig. 8. In Amorosum A Wife you wisht me Sir rich fayre and yong With French Italian and the Spanish tongue I must confesse your kindnesse verie much But yet in truth Sir I deserue none such For when I wedde as yet I meane to tarry A woman of one Language I le but marry And with that single portion of her store Expect such plenty I would wish no more Epig. 9. Vpon an Vsurer and an improp Parson A Clergy man that oft had Preacht From his stopt steeple throte And to his congregation teacht Full oft this certaine note There could no Vsurer be sau'd Vnlesse he did restore What he so wrongfully had shau'd From th'backes of needy poore Vpon a time it so fell out This Vsurer did meete The Parson as he went from Church And thus he did him greete Good Sir quoth he I wonder much You take such fruitlesse paine To preach against a sinne that 's such As you your selfe maintaine But ten in the hundred do I take On good occasion when But you a hundred do reserue Allowing out but ten The Parson hearing him say so Began to be affeard And neuer preacht against that sinne To this day that I heard Epig. 10. In Aulum West Westminster is a Mill that grindes all Causes But grinde his Cause for me there hee that list For by Demurs and Erros stayes and cla●ses The tole is oft made greater then the grist Epig. 11. In Iacobum Hee that doth aske Saint Iames doth say shall speed O that King Iames would answere so my need Epig. 12. Consilium From the Confessor Lawyer and physition Hide not thy Case on no condition Epig. 13. Hayw. Rent By lease without writing one once let a Farme The Lesser most lewdly the rent did retaine Whereby the lesser wanting writing had harme Wherefore hee vowed whilst life did remaine Without writing neuer to let thing againe Husband quoth the wife that thing againe reu●rt Else without wryting you cannot let a fart Epigram 14. One time as was my ordinary wont I went abroade into the fields to hunt Started a Hare pursud ' her with ful cry And had neere wearyed her when by and by Miso because I hunted in his grounds Let lose his running dogges and baukt my hounds From thence that sport I vtterly forswore Being so vnkindly croft by such a Bore So shunning the open fields and forrests wide My common haunt was by the water side For what thought I though lands inclosed be Yet Seas and Riuers questionlesse are free There will I sport mee with the scaly frie Fearelesse though all the world were standing by I had not scarce cast in my bayte to take But straight one comes it seems he hast did make That bids mee packe when first I did appeare Away went I it was no fishing there Scarce knowing now what sport to entertaine Being banisht both the earth and watry plaine I tooke a peece next time and foorthwith went To sport me in the airy regiment Where hauing scarce discharg'd to kill a Daw Another coms brings me statute law Vpon my peece where I it lost then swore I nere would hunt nor angle nor shoote more Then tooke I dice in hand my heauy fate Thus crost in al lost my whole estate HEREAFTER FOLLOWeth certaine Epitaphs on sundry persons 1. On the Vsurer HEre lies as least ten in the hundred Shackled vp fast both hands and feet That at such as lent mony gratis wondred The gaine of Vsur●e was so sweet But thus being new of life here●●●n T is 100. to 10. he is scarce gone to heauen Epit. 2. Vpon a Spendthrist Here lies Iacke carelesse Without Tombe without thought without sheete That liu'd in the Alehouse the Bowling-Alley And dide in the streete Epit. 3. Vpon a riotous Courtier Here lies he now where no man sees That liu'd by crooked hams and knees Yet in his heart did boyle that lust That nought could quench but earth and dust Where if he had sooner beene layde Lesse summes his reckoning would haue payde In Papam Pium quintum Papa Pius quintus moritur res mira quod inter Pontifices tantum quinque fuere Pii Pius the fist is dead and vnderstood Of some so cald because but fiue were Good In all the line of Popes Fallar ego nam nemo pius re nomine tantum Pontifices constat quinque fuisse pios Yet erre I doe in this to their more shame For none were good indeede though fiue in name Certaine verses fixed vpon a childe laide in S. T. Hospitall Conceiue a fault by me conceiu'd By my seduced mother Who vowes vntill she be a wife I nere shall know a brother And for this hospitall is rich And hath a plenteous purse And she is poore and cannot pay She hath put me here to nurse No further she imparts her selfe Then that she is a sinner Though not the last that so shall erre No nere then th' first beginner How ere she here hath packt me vp The witnesse of her shame And left me vnto you to feede To cloathe and giue a name Vpon the vnequall diuision of the earth how some haue all and some none Though th' earth's the Lords and all that is therein And nothing really mans owne but sinne A● is the sea the tributer of fountaines The sheepe and cattle on a thousand mountaines Though he that all these made doth al these feede And of no creature ayde doth stand in neede Yet doth he frō his high exalted throne Suruay the wayes men title these their owne He sees his earth the base of this fayre frame Intayld to greatnesse to their bloud and name Meate to the rich in Akers of such store That what makes one too prowde makes ten too poore Some of his walking earth he sees haue gold That rusts for vse too se●dōe being told And some again so s●āted in their need Their sinnowes cracke before their bellies feed Some choycest dainties sea and land afforde To surfet on seru'd daily to their bord And some again are so penurious fed They thinke they fare rich if they purchase bread Anothers glory lies vpon his backe And hauing plēty there appears no lack Veluets silks c robes of endles wast Altering
before the floud then since A. Before that Deluge the Planets were glorious in their Natures and sent better influences into human bodies There were not so many Meteors Comets Eclipses seene from which innumerable defects and diseases doe proceede The earth was more fruitfull wholesome powerfull in her Herbs Plants and Vegitables theyr effects and vertues better knowne which euer since the floud which was sted away her fatnesse haue lost much of their operations and now since with age more infeebled in these weak and sickly seasons of our times of which one thus writeth to our purpose And now the springes and Sommers which we see Like sonnes of Women after fiftie bee Lastly they be more continent in their liues more satisfied in their desires which since Gluttonie and her new Cookerie haue kil'd more then the sword famine or pestilence Their knowledge in all Arts was more enlarged the influences of the Planets better known and how they worke vpon humane bodies as the s●me Author to the same purpose wittily followeth it Then if a slow pac'd star had stolne away Frō the Obseruers marking he might stay Two or three hundred years to see it again And so make vp his obseruation plaine Q. How is the World diuided A. Into two essentiall parts the Coelestiall and Elementall part of which the Celestiall part containeth the 11. Heauens or Spheares which are thus numbred The 1 Is the spheare of the Moon 2 Of Mercurie 3 Of Venus 4 Of the Sunne 5 Of Mars 6 Of Iupiter 7 Of Saturne 8 Is the Spheare of the fixed stars 9 Is the spheare of the second moueable 10 Of the primum Mobile or first mouer 11 The Imperiall Heauen where God his Angels are sayde to dwell The Elementall part doth containe the 4. Elements viz. 1 The Element of Fire next to the Moone and so downeward 2 The Element of the Ayre 3 The Element of the Water 4 And lowest of all the Earth Q If there bee so many seuerall Heauens how comes it to passe that all these to the eye seeme but as one entire body A The reason hereof is because they are all so cleare and transparant that though they inuolue and couer one another as the skin or skale of an Onion yet being in their nature more bright pure and subtill then eyther Chrystall or the most transparant Glasse the sight doth pierce through them all as one and viewes them all as one though they are seuerall and of exceeding great thicknesse Q. Into how many Regions is the aire deuided A. The Ayre is deuided into three Regions by the Naturall Phylosophers both of Antient and moderne times that is to say into the highest lowest and middle-most Region In the highest Region turned about by the Element of fire are bred all lightnings fire-drakes Comets Blazing-Starres and such like In the Middle Region all cold and watry impressions as Frost Snow Ice Haile c. In the lowest Region somewhat more hot by reason of the Beames of the Sunne reflecting from the Earth and therein are bred all clowds dewes raines and such like A briefe discourse of the Naturall causes of sundry Meteors as Snow Haile Raine Winde things well knowne in their effects though darkely in their causes Happie his estate aboue the fate of Kings That could but truly know the cause of things You must first vnderstand that all watry Meteors as Raine Snow or such like are but a moist vapor drawn vp by the vertue of the Sunne the rest of the Planets into the middle Region of the Ayre where beeing first congealed are afterwardes dissolu●d and fall vpon the Earth as Haile or Raine Of the Rainebow and the effects thereof If two Rainebowes appeare at one time they presage Raine to eusue But if one Rainbow presently after Raine it betokeneth faire weather Dianaeus in his Phisickes saith the Rainebow is made by reason of the Sunne beames beating vpon a hollow clowde their edge beeing so repelled and beaten backe against the Sunne and thus ariseth varietie of colours by the mixture of clowdes Ayre and fierie light together but as hee saith it pretendeth little alteration or change of weather Of the Wind what it is what the Motion and effect thereof and from whence it proceedeth though no man knoweth whence it commeth nor wh●ther it goeth as testifieth the holy writ First then you haue to vnderstand that Aristotle and the rest of his S●ct doe define the Winde to be an Exhalation Hot and Dry ingendred in the bowels of the earth where breaking his prison and violently rushing therout is carried sidelong vpon the face thereof Q. Why is not the motion therof right upward and downward as well as alwaies sidelong A. Because that whilst by his heate he striueth to mount vp and carry his course through the 3. Regions of the Ayre the middle Region by his extreame doth alwayes beat it backe so that thereby together with the confluence of other exhalations rising out of the earth his motion is forced to be rather round than right and the reason why he bloweth more sharply one time than another and in one place more then in another and sometimes not at all is as fumes that arise out of new exhalations and out of Flouds Fens and Marishes may ioyne with it to increase his force the defect or fulnesse whereof may either allay it or increase it as also the Globe or rotunditie of the Earth may by the cause of the blowing of it more in one place than in another or mountaines hills or woods may hinder his force from blowing in all places equally whereas vpon the plaine or broad sea it bloweth with an equall force and as for the stilnesse or ceasing thereof it commeth to passe diuers wayes either by frost closing and congealing vp the pores of the Earth whence it should issue or by the heate of the Sunne drying vp fumes and vapours that should increase it and whereof it is engendered The Nature of the 4 principall winds and their effects 1 SVbsolanus or the East winde is hot and dry temperate sweete pure subtle and healthfull and especially in the morning ' when the Sunne riseth by whom he is made more pure and subtle causing no infection to mans body but expelling it 2 Zephirus or the West winde is temperate hot and moyst and wholsome especially in the euening it dissolueth frost ice and snow and maketh flowers and grasse to spring and some write that it produceth Thunder 3 Septentrio or the North winde is for the most part cold and dry repelling moysture and raine and though it cause cold and numnesse so nipping the fruits of the earth and many times the forward buds of the Spring yet it driueth away infectious and noysome ayres and so is a meanes to preserue health 4 Auster or Notas the South winde is hot and moyst breeding thicke cloudes and sicknesse Naturall causes of Earthquakes PLenty of windes got into the bowels holes
layes hold vpon Christs mercies and euen whilest it is called to day and hee may bee found that bore all our infirmities vpon his crosse O Lord saith S. Bernard I may walke about the heauen and the earth the sea and the dry land but I shal find thee no where so soon as on the crosse there thou feedst there thou sleepst c. And as he further addeth so may euery sinner in this kind concerning his vnworthinesse and his sinnes either to seeke or finde him Non sum laeta seges lolium sum treste sedero Me tamen in messem collige Christe tuam English No fruitfull field am I no blessed wheate But cursed Cockle to weede out not eate Yet though I am this out cast lost sold To sinne yet Lord reduce me to thy fold Q. VVhat is the carelesse liuer compared vnto and most fitly A. To him that seeing his face in the glasse goes away and either forgets his deformitie or cares not to amend it A good and short rule to meditate Quid sis quid fueris quid eris semper meditaris Alwayes meditate what thou art what thou wast what thou shalt be The yong mans question to the old man concerning life and what it is to liue Dic venerande senex humanum viuere quid sit The old man answereth Principium vitae dolor est dolor exitus nigens Sic medium dolor est viuere quis cupiat English The beginning of mans life is griefe and misery the end of it griefe and misery and the middle noting but griefe and misery which conioynes both the middle and end and makes one compleate masse of sorrow of all of which we may say as one saith VVhat ioy to liue on earth is found VVhere griefe and cares do still abound And therefore the more firmely to fixe this exhortation againe he sayth yong men heare me an old man that beeing a yong man heard old men and haue both by relation and experience found the truth hereof Q. What sinne is that which by making Q. What sin is that which by making others contemptible in a mans own eyes makes his owner contemptible in the eyes of God A. Pride a sin so much beaten against by the learned of all ages that it is admired how it hath preserued a life so flourishing to these times of ours A Pythy aenigma whereof to that purpose is here infixed O SVPER Be Mors SVPER Te Cur SVPER Bis Deus SVPER Nos Negat SVPER Bis vitam SVPER nam Englished O proud man Death is aboue thee Why wilt thou be proud Seeing God aboue vs Denies to the proud The life aboue Further motiues for humility If these deiect thee not then consider a little further with me whither thy life will leade thee which is to death and whither death will carry thee but to iudgement But before we come to speake of the iudgment let vs a little consider death Mors antror sū retror sū considerata Death considered backwards and forwards Mors solet innumeris morbis abrūpere vita M Omnia mors rostro deuorat ipsa fu O Rex princeps sapiēs seruus stultus miser aege R Sis quicunque belis paluis et vmbra eris S Englished The many sorrows that are heirs to breath And twins adioyn'd to it are freed by death With whose impartial sith the wise the iust Princes kings are al mowed down to dust Q. What is there concerning the last iudgement Iudicabit iudices iudex genera lis Ibi nihil proderit dignitas papa lis Siue sit episcopus siue Cardina lis Reus condēnabitur nee dicetur qua lis Ibi nihil proderit multa allega re Neque accipere neque replica re Nee ad Apostolicam sedem appella re Reus condemnabitur bene sciens qua re Cogitate miseri qui qualis es t is Quid in hoc iuditio dicere potes tis Quo nec erit codici locus nec diges t is Christus Iudex Demō actor reustes t is Englished Before this Iudge all Iudges must appeare Despight their greatnesse dignitie or place For to be iudgd as they haue iudged here VVhere feare nor friendship Iustice shall out face Excuses there to alledge will but vaine As to appeale vnto the sea of Rome For there the guiltie though he much doe fame Shall not peruert his iustice nor his doome VVeigh then must wretched man thine estate How in this iudgement thou-maist stand vpright Where shall no booke be opened to relate But euen the conscience shall it selfe indight Q. What shall be the last words that shal be spoken in this world A. Come ye blessed Go ye cursed c. Aspera vox ite sed vox benedicta venite Ite malis vox est apta venite bonis Frō which bitter word I pray with S. Bern. Deliuer me O Lord in that day Q. What language according to the coniectures of some learned shall we speake in the world to come A. The Hebrew a language that Christ himself spake in this world and the most ancient most sacred of all other and which was not changed at the confusion of Babel the next wherto is the Greeke as most rich then the Latin most copious Q. Which of al the Psalmes of Dauid is the longest and which the shortest A. The shortest is the 117. the longest the 119. the one cōsisting of 175. ver reckonning 4. lines where the meeter ends to a verse as the other of 2. stanzes Q. Which of all the Psalmes of Dauid is the most mournfull compassionate A. The Psalme 77. Q. What Psalme is that the wicked nay the verie diuels themselues according as Athanasius writeth tremble and quake to heare reade or recited A. 68. Psalme Let God arise and see his enemies scattered How many Innes or lodging did the Son of God vse in this world Prima domus Christi fuit alnus virginis almae Altera praesepe cruxtertia quarta sepulchrum Englished Our Sauiours first house was the Virgins wombe Second his stall third crosse and fourth his tombe testifieth vnto another that it waxeth olde as doth a Garment or the birth of a woman and experience it selfe findes that both in the fruitfulnesse strength and operation of hearbes plants and vetigables the defect and decay whereof is dayly seene and the lessening of the operation and virtue most sensibly perceiued in the languishing dolor of many incurable diseases Q. Wherefore doe the Iewes breake the glasse in which the bride and bridegroome drinke A. To admonish them that all things are transitorie and brittle as that glasse and therefore they must bee moderate in their pleasures Q. Wherefore haue all Iewes a ranke smell or savour A. Some thinke because they are of a bad digestiō others think because they vse not labour nor exercise but liue by vsury some think the wrath of God vpon them the immediate cause howsoeuer they haue bin a people strangly dispersed ouer the face
of the earth slaughtered tormented in al coūtries France Spaine Portugall Germany and England some of their offences were washing clipping the kings coyne circūcising stealing of christian children pricking them full of holes for their blood which they cōceited wold cure the leprosie ranke smel both of their breath skin In king Iohns time they were fined at 1000. marks a man vpon penalty of not payment to lose their teeth an old Iew had 6. of his teeth pulled out because he refused to pay his fine Many 1000. of them were slaughtered in diuers kingdomes vpon a rumour spred that they had poysoned all the wells in those countries and where euer they liue at this day among Christians they liue in subiection and slauery to them they most hate Q What country in the world is the most desolate and solitarie A. The countrey of the Sodomites where Sathan wanne so much ground that whereas according to Strabos description stood 13. cities scituate vpon one of the most fruitfull soyles in the whole earth euen a second Eden or garden of Paradise for pleasure beauty whence sprong those clustering grapes from those vines of Engeddi so renowned in Scripture stands not now one of those cities to magnifie her selfe aboue her fellowes but all with Sodome the Lady of them all desolated and destroyed not one stone left vppon another nor no other witnesse of their somtimes being more then the dry smell of fire brimstone the heauy iusticers of God that destroyed thē for the fruit of that vine that made glad the heart of man in thē peruerted from his true vse to sin and drūkēnes are only found now apples of a beautious appearance but touch them and they are but ashes and of a sulphurous sauour an ayre of so poysonous a vapour aboue that as Historiographers write stifles the fowles that fly ouer it that they fall downe dead and the fishes likewise in that dead sea vnder it poysoned as they fall in or flote from the siluer streames of Iordan that thence emptie themselues into that sulphurous lake There are foure kinde of men that lay clayme to their owne or others and but one rightly and these are they 1. The first saith that which is mine is thine and that which is thine is mine and this is the Ideot 2. The second sayth that which is mine is mine and that which is thine is thine and this is the indifferent man 3. The third saith that which is mine is thine and that which is thine is thine owne and this is the godly man 4. The fourth saith that which is thine is mine that which is mine is mine owne and this is the wicked man Christ all and without Christ nothing Possidet ille nihil Christum qui perdidit vnum Perdidit ille nihil Christum qui possidet vnum Q. What doe wee owe vnto our neighbour A. Three things that is to say nostrum nosse in consiliis nostrum posse in subsidiis nostrum velle in desideriis To counsell to assist to desire his good Three things are most precisely necessarie for euery Christian man and what they are Faith without the which we cā not please God A good name without the which we cā not please our neighbour A good cons. without the which we cā not please our selues Of the latter which one writes O vita secura vbi est conscientia pura O life secure that hath the conscience pure Q Why do yong men many times say they are yonger then they are and old men they are older then they are A. This doth youth that hee may seeme to preserue the flower of his youth the longer this doth age to regaine more reuerence and authoritie but either foolishly Q. Hee that learnes from youth who doth he resemble A. He that eats grapes before they are ripe drinks wine before it be setled Q But who doth hee resemble that drawes his precepts from old men A. He that eates ripe grapes and drinks old wine for seniores sunt saniores incipientes insipientes And likewise Quae laboriosa fuere inuentuti studia ea suntiucūda senectuti otia Whose studies were not painfull in youth their pleasures are more perfect in age and truely she lends the more nourishment whē to the other but as Bastards she withdraweth it from them Q. Why are Cats and Whelps brought forth blinde A. Because that drawing neere to their maturity and ripenesse they wound and pierce the Matrixe with their clawes wherupon by their Dams they are hastily and imperfectly cast forth before their time Q. Why blood issues afresh from an old member or wound many dayes before made and dryed vp the murderer approching neere vnto it A. Our Naturalists obserue diuers Naturall causes to the effecting of the same which for their vncertainty wee meddle not withal But thus conclude that murther shall not bee concealed or vnreuenged and to that ende that blood of the slaughtered cries for vengeance at the hands of God which God so regarding by that meanes answeres to approue to man what often seemeth doubtfull Q VVhy doth the affections of Parents runne vpwards to their children and not their children run downewards to them A. Euen as the sap in the root of a tree ascends into the branches thereof and from the branches returnes not into the root againe bu runs out from thence into seed so parents loue their children but children so loue not their parents but their affections runs forward to a further procreation wherby it comes to passe that a father with more willingnesse brings vp ten children then ten children in his want sustaines one father Q How is it that there be many more women in the world then men A. Some thinke because women are exempted from the warres from the seas imprisonment and many other troubles and dangers of the land to be a reason sufficient So others likewise there are that thinke this may be a reason because in the whole course of Nature the worst things are euer most plentifull to which effect Plynie tels a Story of a certaine field-mouse that euery moneth brings forth thirty when the Elephant a creature of vse and seruice is three yeeres in trauell with one Questions of the Earth Q. How many miles is the earth in circuit A. It is vncertaine and cannot rightly bee defined for as the Lord saith who hath measured the earth yet the Mathematicians Astrologiās are of opinion that it is 4. times 5400. miles but howsoeuer in respect of the Heauens they conclude it but a point where euery Star in the eight spheare is esteemed bigger then the whole circumference thereof where if the body of the earth should bee placed in the like splendor it would hardly appeare yet as saith a Father we make this little so great a matter so admiring this miserable dust on which not onely wee that are but dust wormes do creepe but also many other wormes