hauing past with troubles griefes and cares This transitory life this vale of teares Yet LANCELOT ANDREWES name doth this portend All sure All due content Crownes all art end FINIS True louing Sorrovv â—â—TTIRED IN A ROBE OF VNFAINED â—efe presented vpon occasion of the much bewailed Funerall that Gracious and Illustrious Prince LEVVIS STEVVARD â—â—e of Richmond and Linox Earle of Newcastle and Darnely Lord of Torboltâ—n and â—â—uen Baron of Settrington Knight of the Noble Order of the Garter Lord High â—â—â—â—irall great Chamberlain of Scotland Lord high Steward to the Kings most â—â—lent Maiesties most Honourable Houshold Gentleman of his Maiesties Bed-chamber â—â—â— one of his Maiesties most Honourable Priuie Councell for England and Scotland who â—â—â—â—departed this life at White-hall on Thursday the 12 of February 1624. whose obsequies were solemnly and Princely celebrated on Munday the 19 of Aprill following described in forme as followeth Dedicated generally to all his worthy Friends and louing Seruants and particularly to that trusty and welbeloued Seruant of his Arthur Neassmith ANd first my Muse findes that his Graces name Significantly makes an Anagram LEWIS STEWARDE Anagram VERTV IS WEL EAS'D His Vertues such continuall paines did take For King and Countrie Church and peoples sake That for Earths courtly toyle to him 't was giuen His VERTV IS WEL EAS'D t 'the Court of Heauen A Funerall Elegie GReat God that to thy self wilt take thine own By sundry waies and means to man vnknown Whose Eye of prouidence doth still perceiue When where why who to take or else to leaue Whose mercy and whose Iustice equall are Both Infinite to punish or to spare All men doe know that men to dye are borne And from the earth must to the earth returne But Time and Circumstance coniecture may For some great cause thou took'st this Duke away Amongst vs lurks so many a foule offence Which giues thee cause to take good men from hence And that this Prince was good as well as great His life and timelesse losse doth well repeate Deuout and zealous to his God aboue True to his King as did his seruice proue Discreet in Counsell Noble in his minde Most Charitablly Honourably kinde So Affable so Hopefull vnto all And so Repleat with vertues generall That we may say This Land in losing him Hath lost a gracious Peere a prop a lim It must be true that well he spends his daies Whose actions doe attaine all peoples praise And surely I suppose hee doth not liue Who of this Duke a bad report can giue So full endu'd he was of all good parts With Noble Courtesie he wan all hearts To loue and honour his admired minde So well addicted and so well enclin'd That as a Diamond in gold transfixt His vertues with his greatnesse were so mixt That he as one of an immortall Race Made Vertue vertuous and gaue Grace to grace Then since his goodnesse was so generall The losse of him is Gen'rall vnto all This being true let 's recollect our spirits And weigh his worth with our vnworthy merits The manner of the Funerall 8. Conductors with black staues poore Gowns 10â— Seruants to Gentlemen and Esquires in Cloakes 50. Seruants to Knights 46. Seruants to Baroness â—â— Three Trumpeters Then came the Standard borne by Sir Geâ—â— Samms Knight accompanyed with an Officer of Armes The first Horse couered with blacke cloth â—â—â— with Scutchions Shoffron and Plumes ledly a groâ—â— Heere went seruants to Baron younger Sonnes â—â—â— some others of like quality in number 15. The seruants to Knights of the Priuy Councell,30 Seruants to Earles younger Sonnes 24. Seruants to Viscounnts eldest Sonnes 6. Then the Schollers of Westminster in â—ounâ—â— Surplices their Masters following in mourning Goâ—â— Three Trumpeters The Guiators borne by Sir Andrew Boyd Knight â—â—â— companyed with an Officer of Armes The second Horse led by a Groome and furnished the former Barons seruants 60. Bishops seruants 10. Earles eldest Sonnes seruants 15. Viscount seruants 10. Marquesses eldest Sonnes seruants 3 Trumpeters The Banker of the augmentation borne by a kniâ—â— companied with an Officer of Armes The third Horse led by another Groome of his Grâ—â— Stable furnished as the others Earles seruant maâ—â—â— set and Dukes seruants The Lord Priuy-Seales Seruantâ— President of the Cuoncell Seruant Lord Treasurers Seruant Lord Keepers Seruant And Lord Archbishops Seruant 3 Trumpeters The Banner of Steward borne by â—â— Iohn Steward accompanied with an Officer of Armesâ— The fourth Horse sed by a Yeoman of his Graces â—â—â—ble And then our fraileties truely will confesse God tooke him hence for our vnworthinesse Death was in Message from th' Almighty sent To summon him to Heau'ns high Parliament He chang'd his Gracious Title transitory And by the grace of God attain'd true Glory And as his King had his integrity So did the Commons share his Clemency Which was so pleasing to his Makers sight That bounteously he did his life requite That Lambe-like mildely hence hee tooke him sleeping To his Eternall euer-blessed keeping Thus as his name includes so God is pleas'd From worldly sorrows VERTV IS WEL EAS'D No sicknesse or no physicke made him languish He lay not long in heart-tormenting anguish But as Gods feare was planted in his brest â—â—â—oat his Rest God tooke him to his Rest. When like a good Tree laden full of fruite Of Grace of Vertue Honour and Repute Euen in his best estate too good for Earth Then did his soule put on a second Birth And though his part of fraile mortality Yet Monumentall Marble heere doth lye As thousands weeping soules with deepe laments â—â—â—s his most woefull mourning Monuments â—â—â— daily see whose visages doe show That Hee 's inter'd within their hearts below Whose faces seeme an Epitaph to beare That men may Reade who is intombed there Epitaph GOod Gracious Great Richmond Linox Duke God King and Countries seruant heere doth lye â—hose liuing Merits merit no rebuke â—â—â—â— whose liues losse lamenting Memory â—â—â—â—â— hearts are groning Graues of griefes and cares â—hich when we dye wee 'l leaue vnto our heyres ME thinks the Sable Mourners did appeare As if in forme they numbring Figures were â—â—â— 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9. Whilst all that view'd like Ciphers did combine Their mourning with the Mourners to vnite Which made thier Lamentations infinite And Infinite are now his Ioyes aboue With the Eternall God of peace and loue Where for a mortall Duke dome he hath wonne Through boundlesse merits of th'Amighties Son â—â—â— Kingdome that 's immortall where hee sings â—erpetuall praise vnto the King of Kings Thus what the Earth surrendred heau'n hath seaz'd Most blest LEWIS STEWARDE VERTV IS WEL EAS'D ble furnished as the other Seruants to his Grace in Cloakes Officers to his Grauce in Gownes 3 Trumpeters The Banner of Steward and the augmentation quartered with it borne by a Baronet accompanied with a Herald of Armes The 5 Horse led by a Yeoman of his Graces Stable furnished as the
pretences vnder the inchanting and various colours of pleasure profit estimation loue reputation and many more the like But of all the e Mrithmetiske Arts I thinke shee bee most vnperfect in Arithmeticke for though she hath beene brought vp to know Diuisions and Multiplications yet she hath traded but by Retaile altogether in Fractions and broken Numbers so that her accounts were seldome or neuer to number her dayes not caring for the past or the future her minde like a Dyall alwayes fixed vpon the present giuen much to ouer and vnder-reckonings for at forty yeeres old she would be but twenty one and at threescore she will be no lesse then fourescore so that the marke being out of her mouth wee must take the Apocryphall account of her age from her owne Arithmeticke without any further warrant Cornelius Agrippa approues a Bawd for an excellent Geometrician for deuising engines to climbe into windowes as Ladders of Ropes or such like to scale the Castle of comfort in the night or the making of Picklockes or false keyes wherein the Bawds care and prouidence is great in greazing and oyling lockes bolts and hinges to auoid noise shee knowes her Angles Triangles Quadrangles squares rounds circles semicircles and centers her altitudes longitudes latitudes and demensions yet for all this skill of hers she hath much adoe to liue squarely according to Geometricall rules or to liue within any reasonable Compasse As for Musicke It is to be coniectured by her long practice in prickesong that there is not any note aboue Ela or below Gammoth but she knowes the Diapason a Bawd is old dogge at a hornepipe her chiefest instrument is a Sackbut her female minikins doe bring in her meanes and her trebles the tenor of all is that her selfe is the Base Besides there are many pretty prouocatory dances as the kissing dance the cushin dance the shaking of the sheets and such like which are important instrumentall causes whereby the skilfull hath both clyents and custome Poetry many times though she vnderstand it not doth her as good seruice for the most of our great Bawds are diligently waited on by scurrilous oylie sonneting practicall Poeticall a Geometry b Musicke d Poetry Panegyricall Panders quaint trencher Epigrammatists hungry and needy Anagraâ—â— mongers their conceits being either commending or prouoking Bawdry as one being requested by a Gentleman to inuent him a poesie for a Ring which hee ment to giue his Loue the conceit was Haue you any Logges to cleaue Painting and grauing are now and then profitable seruants to Bawds as the naked Pictures of Venus and Diana and her darlings Aretine and diuers other in that kinde can testifie but commonly all she Bawds are or haue beene painters themselues or painters of themselues by which bold practice they are bold aduenturous impudent and audacious fearing no colours As for Physicke and Chirurgery shee hath beene so much practis'd vpon that by long continuance shee 's a most excellent Empericke so that a man need not doubt but an ancient professed Bawd can play the Mountebanke Moreouer many old Bawds are skil'd in Palmestry or Chiromancy by looking into the hand of a man or woman or Phisiognomy and Metoposcopi in viewing of the face or forehead by which shee professeth to tell the parties how many husbands or wiues they shall haue how long they shall liue when they are neere a good or bad turne but aboue all her skill is much credited to helpe yong women breed and fructifie so that if shee be as barren as a Stockfish yet the matronly medicines and instructions of this wise cunning woman will iâ— a little time make her encrease with a vengeance and multiply with a mischiefe Besides her skill in these forenamed Arts and sciences she hath an insight and practice into all Mysteries and manuall trades she caâ— imitate a deceitfull Mercer in setting out her ware faire to the eye and false in the dye with an outside of glorious glosse and an inside of rotten decayed drosse more for pride or pleasure then for prouidence or profit a Painting b Physicke and Chirurgerie c Taimâ—â— and Fortune-telling d Mercer Like a bold a Grocer Grocer she cares not a Figge for any man she knows flesh is fraile yet she hath many Reasons to liue by she runs her race long and she is able to Pepper as many as haue any dealing with her tooth Lickorish tongue Lickorish c. shee knowes a bribe to a Catchpole is as sufficient as an Almond for a Parrot to free her from the heate of the Mace Master Cloue at the signe of the Sugar-loafe is a sweet youth whose Candied Visitation will keepe her estate Currant till age and diseases weare her quite out of date b Draper A yong rich heire newly come to his lands or portion is a Bawds Broadcloth whom shee measures out in parts I will not tell you with what yard but I thinke no London measure till in the end onely a poore remnant remaines her meaner Merchandise are tradesmen and poore seruing-men these serue for course Kerseyes Bayes Cottons and Pennistones to line her inside with Sacke hot waters and Aqua vitae Though she liue after the flesh all is c Fishmongers and Fishermen Fish that comes to the net with her shee is a cunning Angler and gets her liuing by hooke or by crooke shee hath baits for all kind of Frye A great Lord is her Groneland Whale a Countrey Gentleman is her Gods-head a rich Citizens sonne is her sows'd Gurnet or her Gudgeâ—n A Puritan is her Whitingmop her Lobster is a scarlet Townsman and a seuere Iustice of Peace is her Crab her meanest customers are Sprats and Pilchards whilest the Puncke is her salt Eele and the Pander her Sharke and Sword-fish And though shee deale most in Scorpio yet shee holds correspondency with Pisces for they both are signes that attend vpon Venus Fryday is her day and a day of doome to more fish then all the dayes in the weeke beside And fish by nature is prouocatory as appeares by the chaste liues of fasting fish-eating Fryers and Nuns whose notorious qusia meritorious continency is touched partly afore Shee differs from the d Goldsmith Goldsmith in the Tutch the Test and the weight yet she puts the best side of her ware outward shee casts and hammers her wenches into all fashions thee hath them burnished pollish'd punch'd and turnd and if any of them by a fall or too much heat be bruis'd crack'd or broken shee can soder them together againe and make them marketable There is scarce any Art mystery trade or manuall occupation but a Bawd hath a reference or allusion to it or it to her Therefore to runne diuision through them all would be long labour to little purpose In which respects hauing spoken of a few He sâ—ip ouer the rest to auoid tediousnesse and to free my selfe from the imputation
Did in his Mothers belly leape with ioy Both Christ and Iohn vnborae yet Iohn knew there His great Redeemer and his God was neere When Ioseph his pure wife with child espide And knew he neuer her accompanide His heart was sad he knew not what to say But in suspect would put her quite away Then from the high Almighty Lord supreme An Angell came to Ioseph in a Dreame And said Feare not with MARY to abide For that which in her blest wombe doth recide Is by the Holy Ghost in wonder done For of thy wise there shall be borne a Sonne From him alone Redemption all begins And he shall saue his people from their sinnes This being said the Angell past away And Ioseph with his Virgin-wife did stay Then he and she with speed prepared them To goe to Dauids Citty Bethelem Through winters weather frost wind and snow Foure weary daies in trauell they bestow But when to Bethlem they approched were Small friendship lesse welcome they found there No chamber nor no fire to warme them at For harbor onely they a Stable gat The Inne was full of more respected guests Of Drankards Swearers and of godlesse beasts Those all had roomes whilst Glory and all Grace But among beasts could haue no lodging place There by protection of th' Almighties wing Was borne the Lord of Lords and King of Kings Our God with vs our great Emanuel Our Iesus and our vanquisher of hell There in a cratch a â—â— well was brought forth More then ten thousand thousand worlds is worth There did the humane nature and diuine The Godhead with the Manhood both combine There was this Maiden-mother brought to bed Where Oxen Kine and Horses lodg'd and fed There this bright Queene of Queenes with heau'nly my Did hug her Lord her Life her God her Boy Her Sonne her Sauiour her immortall Blisse Her sole Redeemer she might rocke and kisse Oh blessed Lady of all Ladies blest Blessed for euer for thy sacred brest Fed him that all the famisht soules did feed Of the lost sheepe of Israels forlorne seed A Stable being Heau'n and earths great Court When forty dayes were ended in that sort This Virgin-Mother and this Maiden-Bride All pure yet by the Law was purifide Old Simeon being in the Temple than He saw the Sonne of God and Sonne of man He in his aged armes the Babe imbrac'd And ioying in his heart he so was grac'd He with these wordswisht that his life might cease Lord let thy Seruant now depart in peace Mine eyes haue seene thy great saluation My Loue my Iesus my Redemption Vnto the Genteles euerlasting light To Israel the glory and the might Hope faith and zeale truth constancy and loue To sing this Song did good old Simeon moue Then turning to our Lady most diuine Thy Sonne said he shall once stand for a signe And he shall be the cause that many shall By faith or vnbeliefe arise or fall He shall be raild vpon without desert And then sorrowes sword pierce through thy heart As Iesus fame grew dayly more and more The tyrant Herod is amazed sore The Sages said Borne was great Iudaes King Which did vsurping Herods conscience fling For Herod was an Idumean base Not of the Kings of Iudahs Royall Race And hearing one of Dauids true-borne Line Was borne he fear'd his State he should resigne And well he knew he kept the Iewes in awe With slauish feare not loue 'gainst right and law For t is most true A Prince that 's fear'd of many Must many feare and scarce be lou'd of any Herod beleaguer'd with doubts feares and woes That Iesus should him of his Crowne depose He Chaf'd and vext and almost grew starke mad To vsurpation he did murther adde An Edict sprung from his hell-hatched braine Commanding ad male Infants should be slaine Of two yeares old and vnder through the Land Supposing Iesus could not scape his hand But God to Ioseph downe an Angell sent Commanding him by slight he should preuent The murd'rers malice and to Egypt flye To saue our Sauiour siem his tyranny Our blessed Lady with a carefull flight Her blessed Babe away did beare by night Whilst Bethelem with bloody villaines swarmes That murth'red Infants in their mothers armes Some slaughter'd in their cradles some in bed Some at the dugge some newly borne strucke dead Some sweetly fast asleepe some smiles ewake All butcher'd for their Lord and Sauiours sake Their wofull mothers madly here and there Ran rending of their checkes their eyes and haire The Tyrant they with execrations curst And in despaire to desp'rate acts out-burst Some all in sury end their wofull liues By banefull poison halters or by kniues And som with sorrow were so fast combin'd They wept and wept and wept themselues starke blind And being blind to lengthen out their mones They piec'd their sorrows out with sighs grones Thus with vnceasing griefe in many a mother Teares sighs groues did one succeede the other But till the Tyrant Herods dayes were done The Virgin staid in Egypt with her Sonne Then backe to Nazareth they return'd againe When twelue yeeres age our Sauiour did attaine Her Sonne her selfe her Husband all of them Together trauell'd to Ierusalem The Virgin there much sorrow did endure The Most pure Mother lost her Child most pure Three daies with heauy hearts with care thought Their best belou'd they diligently sought But when she found her Lord she held most deare Ioy banisht griefe and loue exiled feare There in the Temple Iesus did confute The greatest Hebrew Doctors in dispute But Doctors all are dunces in this case To parley with th' Eternall Sonne of Grace Th' Immortall mighty Wisedome and the Word Can make all humane sapience meere absurd Soone after this as ancient Writers say God tooke the Virgins Virgin-spouse away Good Ioseph dide and went to heauenly rest Blest by th' Almighties mercy mongst the blest Thus Mary was of her Good-man â— creâ—t A Widdow Maiden Mother being lose In holy contemplation she did spend Her life for such a life as n'er shall end Search but the Scriptures as our Sauiour bid There shall you find the wonders that he did As first how he by his high power diuine At Canan turned Water into Wine How he did heale the blind deafe dumb lame How with his word he winds and seas did tame How he from men possest siends dispossest How he to all that came gaue ease and rest How with two fishes and fiue loaues of bread He fed fiue thousand how he rais'd the dead How all things that he euer did or taught Past and surpast all that are taught or wrought And by these miracles he sought each way To draw soules to him too long gene altray At last approacht the full preâ—xed time That GODS blest Sonne must dye for mans curst crime Then Iesus to Ierusalem did goe And left his Mother full of griefe and woe Oh woe of woes and
expressed by Saint Paul Romans 9. 3. Where he saith For I would wish myselfe to be separated from Christ for my brethren that are my kinsmen according to the flesh Thus these two blessed Lamps or Beacons which God appointed to illuminate his Church did desire the dreadfull Curse of Gods heauy and eternall wrath to fall vpon them for euer rather then Gods honour should be violated or their brethren befor euer reprobates These two last Curses of Moses and Paul against themselues were so great and good examples of true zeale to God and loue to our neighbours that though it be long since they liued yet I haue not read or heard of any that euer imitated them Moses as a Type of Christ before his Incarnation and Paul as a follower of Christs example after his bitter death and passion did both wish themselues to be accursed to the end that thereby so many of their miserabeb rethren might be blessed so our Sauiour Christ though hee were and is the fountaine of all blessing yet hee was contented to be made a Curse for as many as would lay hold on the promises of God by faith in him Galatians 3 23 14. And thus I conclude my third part of this Treatise of Man Cursing himselfe Fourthly When Man Curseth or Blasphemeth God THis sinne is as it may rightly be called a degree beyond sinne for this is the sword which the Deuill doth put into mad-mens hands wherewith they doe wound themselues mortally for there were neuer yet any that durst to lift vp this Cursed weapon of Blasphemy against God but that the point thereof did alwayes turne into their owne bosomes to their destructions or most grieuous calamities as Pharaoh when hee said Who is the Lord I know not the Lord neither will I leâ—â— Israel goe Exodus 5. 2. and Sennacherib King of Assyria by the mouth of his seruant Rabshakeh blasphemed the Name of the Lord of Hoasts 2. Kings 18. Where he doth impiously extoll the Heathen Idols aboue the God of Israel saying verse 34. and 35. Whence is the God of Hamath and of Arpad Where is the God of Sepharuatm Heua and Iuab How haue they deliuered Samaria out of mine hand The like did Holophernes Iudith 6. 3. when he threatned the Israelites in Bethuliah saying That their God should not deliuer them When he had set vp his golden Image threatning all that would not fall down and worship it with most cruell torments to death he proudly said Who is that God that can deliuer you out of mine hands Nicanor Lieutenant Generall or Captaine of the Host of King Demetrius 2. Machabeus 15. Against Iudas Machabeus and the Host of Israel whom he purposed to inuade vpon the Sabbath day said verse 3. Is there a Lord in Heauen that commandeth the Sabbath day to be kept and verse 4. when they said There is a liuiâ—â— Lord which ruleth in the Heauen who commanded the seuenth day to be kept then he said And I am mighty vpon Earth to command them for to arms themselues and to performe the Kings busines But this Blasphemons miscreant had his hire for he lost 35000. of his men in the battell and himselfe was slaine and his head hand and shoulder brought in triumph to the City of Ierusalem and his accursed tongue cut out and cut in small pieces and giuen to the fowles of the Ayre as the same chapteâ— doth declare The Scribes and Pharises Marke 3. 22. did Blaspheme our Sauiour and said hee had Deuill and that through the power of Beelzebub he did cast out Deuils out of the possessed But as the liues of these and all other Blasphemers were odious and execrable so were their deaths and punishments miserable and remarkable for Pharaoh after the enduring of many most grieuous plagues lost his Kingdome and his life he and all his Army being drowned in the red Sea Exod. 14. 27 28. Sennacherib for his Blasphemy lost in one night 185000. men all of them being slaine by the Angell of the Lord himselfe being forced to flee to saue his life where at his returne to his Kingdome he was slaine by his owne sonnes in the Temple at Nineueh as he was at the vngodly worship of his god Nisroch 2. Kings 19. 37. Holophernes that blasphemous Champion was by Gods iust Iudgement being asleepe in his Tent and drunken although he were in his Camp amidst a great Army of his owne rusty Souldiers yet was his head smote from his shoulders by a woman and carried â—nto the City of Bethulia and there vpon the highest place of the walles set vp in memoriall of Gods vengeance and his peoples victory â—deth 14. 1. Nebuchà dnezzar was for his blasphemy depriued of his manly reason and Kingdome â—nd for seuen yeeres space liued as a beast among the beasts of the field Daniel 4. 30. The Scribes and Pharises who were the onâ—y men in reuerend estimation amongst the â—ewes as being the writers and expounders of the Lawes for their blasphemy were deliuered vp into most miserable captiuity and â—â—erpetuall slauery as is before expressed God is iealous of the honour of his Name that he commanded the blasphemer â—o be stoned to death Leuiticus 24. 14. Which was forthwith executed vpon him in the â—3 verse For which cause when that blessed man Iob was in his greatest afflictions sitting in â—â—shes full of Byles and sores then his wife perswaded him to Curse or blaspheme God and dye Iob 2. 9. She well knowing that the Law was so strict that for euery such â—ffence there was a speedy execution of death and so by that meanes shee would haue perswaded him to haue been quickly dispatched out of his paine and misery Briefly then to conclude this short Treatise Cursing I beseech you brethren by the â—percies of God that you all haue an especiall â—â—are not to blaspheme the holy and glorious Name of our good and gracious Creator Redeemer and Sanctifier that we by our Cursing doe not turne his blessings into a Curse vpon vs and our posterity here and eternally thereafter that wee bee not so much out of â—oue charity and obedience as to Curse our Superiours neighbours or any other persons or lastly that wee bee not so wilfully â—â—ad to Curse ourselues all which Cursed â—â—eanes are the causes to plucke downe vpon our heads the dreadfull Curses of the Almighty as it hath done in all times and ages vpon Blasphemers and Cursers Against Swearing WHen man hath so farre offended God by his disobedience that hee had thereby purchased to himselfe and all his posterity perpetuall damnation not knowing which way to turne himselfe from the Almighties wrath and much lesse knowing how to bee repossest in his fauour when vndeserued vnknowne vnhoped for mans infinite misery was to bee cured by his Creators infinite mercy then at that time if God had giuen man leaue to aske some great gift which he might be redeemed by had he had licence to desire or request what
their Immortall Maker and Redeemer without any feeling or touch of conscience insomuch that they would be ashamed to vse their enemies or their vassals or slaue in such contemptible manner as they doe their God and Sauiour and they would be highly offended to haue halfe the like abuse offered to themselues and which is more they would and should be all hangd or worse if they spake but one quarter of such treason against their naturall King as they doe against the Immortall King of Kings A Seruant is the better to be beloued or hated for so much as in respect the Master whom he serueth bee good or bad and can any villaines deserue more to bee hated abhorred and spewed out of the company of Christians then common swearers the Deuils best seruants who are the Archtraitonrs against the Maiesty of Heauen who like the foole doe say in their heart that there is no God and so doe hold the third Commandement to bee a fable where God forbids swearing saying That hee will not hold him guiltlesse that taketh his name in vaine Oh what a miserable case shall those wretched soules be in who at the dreadfull Barre of Gods Iudgement shall be by the Lord condemned and iudged guilty of swearing forswearing blasphemy and taking of the name of the Lord in vaine Suppose a man were tranailing alone vpon some Plaine Heath or Desart where many crosse wayes lead towards diuers places and hee being a stranger and amazed goes on not knowing whether he goe right or wrong at last by chance hee espieth a man and asketh him it hee be in the way to such a place or no The party answers him that hee is quite out of his way a mile or halfe a mile more or lesse but faith he I will shew you how you may with lesse trauaile come into your way againe then hee directeth him to take his course crosse to such a Tree or House or Gate or other marke and so consequently sheweth him the easiest meanes to find his way againe for which courresie what thanke the I rauailer will giue him and say that if euer it lyeth in his power that he will require his kindnes in a larger measure On the contrary let a man heare a wretch curse blaspheme and sweare and say to him My friend you are quite out of the way to Heauen and if you doe hold that course you will neuer come thither for you are now going downe hill the high broad way to the Deuill If a man should tell a prophane swearer this all the thankes hee should haue would be contempt derision scorne and hard words or perhaps a right roaring Rascall would be so liberall as to sweare ten or twelue oathes more and bestow a knocke or a stab vpon him that mildely reproued him If the penalty of twelue pence for euery oath had bene duely payd as the Statute hath in that case prouided I doe verily beleeue that all the coyned money in England would haue beene forfeited that way for little children that can scarce goe or speake plaine can make a shift to sweare lispingly Meate drinke cloathing or any neceflaries that we vse or any bargaine buying or selling doe very seldome passe betwixt party and party without oathes swearing and oftentimes falsly so that commonly it is no match except the name of God be abused in it At Dice Cards Bowles or at any other game or recreation it is lamentable to heare how vngodly villaines will outdare the Deuils in Hell in abusing he glorious Name of God And I verily thinke that Venison is too oftentimes more vnseasonably seasond with oathes in the taking then it is with cornes of Pepper salt in the baking so that if the Law were executed which St. Leuis King of France made that euery Swearer Blasphemer should haue their tongues cut out I am doubtfull that more then three quarters of the people in Christendome would be tonguelesse for in these dayes men are seldome wearied with swearing as I haue read of an Italian that at his game was tyred in that kind who commanded his man to helpe him to sweare till he himselfe had gathered his breath againe And it is to be feared that there are some who doe make a liuing or trade of swearing as a fellow being asked once of what occupaâ—ion he was made answer that he was a vitnesse which was one that for hire would sweare in any mans cause be it right or wrong The veriest villaine that euer abused the name of God may learne from a Dog to be a better Christian for if he doe take a Whelpe bring him vp giuing him but meate fit for a Dog he may see how the Curre will attend him follow him watch his house and to the best of his ability guard and defend his Masters person from wrong or violence and at no time he will euer forsake him although he might haue a farre better Master But if at any time hee should wax stubborne and fly in his Masters face otherwise bite him then surely such a Master would either hang such a Dog or knocke out his braines Thus as Salomon bids the sluggard goe to the Pismire to learne labour and disigence so I counsaile the blasphemous Swearer to make his Dog his patterne for his better behauiour for much worse then the worst of Dogs is he that knowes God to be his Maker Redeemer preseruer conseruer and keeper and yet for all this a contrary to his knowledge against his conscience will audaciously impiously and ingratefully reuile raile blaspheme the glorious name of this his most bountifull and mercifull God Hee that reuiles or scandals his Soueraigne Prince is rightly accounted worthy to dye the death of a Traitor and whosoeuer doe abuse slander or impeach the reputation of Iudges Rulers and Magistrates there is a Pillory a whipping with sometimes losse of eares and goods for an exemplary punishment Theeues are hangd for stealing and incontinent persons are sometimes punished for adultry and fornication but swearing and abusing the name of God is esteemed lesse then a veniall sinne being by regardlesse conniuence rather approued then reproued and as it were by intolerable toleration defended rather then punished All which the Lord did in his foreknowledge knowe namely that men should be remisse and negligent in the punishing of all those that bee dishonourers of his Name and therefore hee tooke the cause iudgement and punishment into his owne hands with this irreuocable sentence that he will not hold him guiltlesse that taketh his name in vaine so that the Swearer Blasphemer may see that although through Greatnesse of Riches Office Fauour or Flattery men doe passe ouer this great offence slightly yet God doth most assuredly promise and pay them their hire in this world Ecclesiasticus 23. For though thou thinkest God heares thee not but is as deafe aâ—â—â—â— said Baal was yet thou shalt one day kâ—â—â—â—â— that he that made the eye
nick and froth My Master Host vnto the Brewer gaue me The Malt-man came on Munday would haue me He to the Alehouse brought me backe in haste From thence I quickly to the Baker past My seruice there was very short and briefe He plac'd me with a Miller and a Thiefe That was a merry Master for the nonce He got his liuing cogging with two stones I next dwelt with a Butcher that had tricks To liue and thriue by Mutton and by pricks Thus haue I oft beene tossed to and fro From bad to worse from misery to woe From miserable Slaues to Prodigals To arrant Thieues and to good Hospitals To good and bad to true â—en and to Taylers * I haue set downe all these Masters of Twelue pence â—â—â— order as they are in degree but as hee trauailed fromâ—â— to man good and bad poore and rich without any order To Fiddlers Pipers Fishmongers and Saylers To Mercers Grocers Drapers Tinkers Peddlers To Fruiterers for Pipins Plumbs and Medlers To Silk-men Sadiers Turners Tylers Glasiers To â—ripewines MealmeÌ„ Gardners Grasiers Brasiers To Plummers Brick lay'rs Smithes and Carpenters To Dyers Goldsmiths and to Playsterers To Noble-men to Water-meâ— and to Ioyners To honest men to Knaues to clipping Coyners To Knights to Beggers Scriu'ners Colliers Lawiers To Stationers to Printers Silk-men Sawyers To Fooles to Wise-men Dunces and to Doctors To Harlots Varlots Sericants Baylisfes Proctors To Papists Protestants and Puritans To Traytors Subiects Matchiuillians To Catchpoles Beadles Iaylors Ironmongers To Cooks whose labours do asswage meÌ„s hungers To Cuckolds Bawdes to greasie Pimps Panders To Cowards valiant men and stout Commanders To Fishers Fowlers Shepheards Queristers To Feather-makers Girdlers Barristers To Players Bearewards Fencers to good fellowes To those that make no breath yet caÌ„ make bellows To Pewt'rers Shoomakers and Buttonmakers To Marshals men and dirty kenell-rakers To Leather-sellers Armourers and Curriers To Iuglers Iesters Masons Barbers Spurriers To Woodmongers to Tapsters and to Salters To Ropemakers for Cables Ropes and Halters To Painters Pointers Hackney-men and Skinners To Hearb-wiues Fish-wiues such scolding sinners To Cutlers Parrators to Posts to Iudges To Druggists Felmougers and to toyling Drudges To Hatters Powlterers Coniurers and Farmees To Priests Clerks Sextanes Sorcerâ—rs Charmers To Bowyers Chandlers and Astronomers To Gulls to Gallants and Embroyderers To Basket-makers Milke-maydes Iewellers To Comfit-makers and Soliciters To Yeomen Hostlers and to Vnder-Shrieues To Millainers to Chamberlaines and Thieues To Cappers Faulkners Plow-men Haberdashers To Coopers Weauers Scullions Coblers Trashers To Hunts-men Gunners Grauers Rhethoricians To Coachmen Tuckers Potters and Musicians To Reapers Spinners Caruers and Suruayors To Orators to Carriers and Puruayors To Clothiers to Logicians Mowers Sheermen To Clockemakers Collectors Minâ—rs Carmen Tobacco-sellers Netmakers Men Boyes To Sharkes Stales Nims Lifâ—s Foysts Cheats Stands Decoyes â—a Cut-purse and a Pocket picking Hound To as mad Rogues as euer trod on ground To married men to Batchelers to Lads To sober fellowes and to drunken Swads To Maydes to Wiues to Widdowes Whores To liberall mindes and hungry hide-bound Boores To Midwiues Chimney-sweepers Beadles Nurses To Seampsters Laundresses and Gossips purses To Drummers Draimen Pyrates Drawers Glouers To trumpets Whitsters Ratcatchers and Drouers To Hang-men Side-men to Churchwardens Cryers To Fluits Horse-coursers Sellers and to Buyers To Prisoners to Night-farmers to Broome-men To all estates of forraigners and Freemen â— could name more if so my Muse did please Of Mowse Traps and tormentors to kill Fleas For Ballads Table-bookes and Conny-skins For ends of Gold and Siluer Poynts and Pins For Knights and Madames made of Ginger-bread And many a stale and musty maydenhead These Masters haue I seru'd and thousands more Of all degrees and Trades on seas and shore And amongst all the places that I had Whereas I found one good I got ten bad If I did serue a poore man but one day I fiue yeere for it with the rich would stay I haue bin Twelue-pence seuenty od long yeere And to the world I 'le make it plaine appeare * Heere are a strange gallymawsrey of Twelue-pences Maâ—sters honest men Knaues like hearbs weeds in a Hotchpotch That where I had one Master lou'd the poore I had ten Drunkards that did loue a Whore For each houres seruice good men had of mee To my great griefe I seru'd bad people three I weare the Kings badge yet flie from the King And to a Misers Chest I profit bring The words I haue are Latine which implies That I should waite vpon the learn'd and wise But for one Scholler that can vnderstand I haue seru'd twenty Artlesse fooles command My seruice to the Poets hath bin euill I ranne more swift from them then from the Deuill I know not well the cause but they and I Together long could ne'r keepe company I haue a true excuse that will defend me They * Poets and money are in emulation loue me not which makes e'm quickly spend me But there 's no great loue lost 'twixt them and mee We keepe asunder and so best agree They that doe loue me best beyond * Our English Coyne is well be loued beyond the Seas Sea dwell For there I am like to a soule in hell From whence there 's no returning and so I In the Low Countries or in Germanie If they doe get me once vpon their shore 'T is ten to one I ne'r see England more I haue seru'd Cut-purses and high-way Fellowes And haue brought ten thousand to the Gallowes Were he the arrantst Thiefe that euer ' twang'd For my loue he would venture to be hang'd Some Seriueners some Post Knights it appeares To louing me too much haue lost their eares There 's many a renerend Bawde rode in a Cart For bearing vnto me a louing heart There 's many a swee-fac'd Punk hath bin perplext Whip'd behind her * When a Whore is whip'd she is vex'd behind her backe back much grieu'd vext Some of my Masters would take paines to haue me And like to Barbers wash clip poll and shaue me In this I onely differ from a Whore We both haue wicked followers great store The whore they may kisse clip and coll and strip Me they may safely kisse but neuer clip And now and then like imitating Apes With Brasse Tin Iron they counterfeit my shapes They lou'd me more then honesty requires But commonly the Hangmrn payes their hires Thus though I be but of a small account I haue had power to make my Master mount And some againe by their owne had endeuour I haue had power to sinke them downe for euer To some I am in comming slowe as I â—ad But quicke as Quicke-siluer againe soone sted Suppose that any mischiefe that could be Had lately bin by th' onely meanes of me As casting good men into great distresse T' vndoe the Widdow and the Fatherlesse A long delaide sute longer to prolong Or hang'd a
reason forme or hue He kicks and stings and winces thee thy due He maketh shift in speeches mysticall To write strange verses Cabalisticall Much like thy booke and thee in wit and shape Whilst I in imitation am his Ape Mount Maluora swimming on a big-limb'd guat And Titan tilting with a flaming Swanne Great Atlas flying on a winged Sprat Arm'd with the Hemispheares huge warming pan Or like the triple Vrchins of the Ash That lie and she through Morpheus sweet-fac'd doore Doth drowne the starres with a Poledauies flash And make the smooth-heel'd ambling rocks to roâ—â— Euen so this tall Colombrum Pigmy steeple That bores the Butterflie aboue the spheare Puls AEolus taile and Neptunes mountaines tippleâ— Whilst Coloquintida his fame shall reare Loe thus my Muse in stumbling iadish verse On horse-backe and on foot thy praise rehearse Pricksong Here 's one harmoniously thy same doth raise With Pricksong verse to giue thee prick praise But prick nor spur can make thee mend thy troâ— For thou by nature art nor cold nor hot But a meere nat'rall neutrall amongst men Arm'd like the bristles of a Porcupen If French or Venice Puncks had fir'd or scald thee This man had neuer raw-bon'd Coriat call'd thee Thou that so many Climats hotly coasted I wonder much thou wast not boild nor rosted Yet euery man that earst thy carkasse saw Are much in doubt if thou bee'st roast or raw Iohannes Pawlet de George Henton Now here 's another in thy praises ran And would intitle thee the great god Pan. No warming pan thou art I plainely see No fire-pan nor no frying-pan canst thou be Thou art no creame-pan neither worthy man Although thy wits lie in thy heads braine-pan Lionel Cranfield This Gentleman thy wondrous trauels rips And nothing that may honour thee he skips Thy yron memory thy booke did write I prethee keepe a wench to keepe it bright For cankerd rust I know will yron fret And make thee wit and memory forget Left rust therefore thy memory should deuoure I 'd haue thee hire a Tinker it to scowre Iohannes Sutclin Now here 's a friend doth to thy fame confesse Thy wit were greater if thy worke were lesse He from thy labour treats thee to giue o're And then thy case and wit will be much more Lo thus thy small wit and thy labour great He summons to a peaceable retreat Inigo Iones What liuing wight can in thy praise be dum Thou crowing Cock that didst from Odcom com This Gentleman amongst the rest doth flocke To sing thy fame thou famous Odcomb'd cocke And learnedly to doe thee greater grace Relates how thou canst scrue thy veriuyce face He wishes him that scornes thy booke to read It at the sessions house he chance to plead That he may want his booke although he craue But yet thy booke will sooner hang then saue So many gallowses are in thy booke Which none can read without a hanging looke Georgius Siddenham Now here 's a Substantiue stands by himselfe And makes thee famous for an anticke else But yet me thinkes he giues thee but a frumpe In telling how thou kist a wenches rumpe To spoile her ruffe I thinke thou stood'st in fearâ— That was the cause that made thee kisse her there Robertus Halswell Thy praise and worth this man accounts not small But ' thad bin greater writing not at all Thy booke he calls Dame Admirations brother I thinke the world vnworthy such another Thy booke can make men merry that are sad ' But such another sure will make men mad Iohannes Gifford This friend amongst the rest takes little paine To laud the issue of thy teeming braine And to applaud thee with his best endeauor He begs his wits to helpe him now or neuer He bids graue Munster reuerence thy renowne And lay his pen aside and combe thy crowne He praises thee as though he meant to split all And saies thou art all wit but yet no witall Except thy head which like a skonce or fort Is barracado'd strong left wits resort Within thy braines should rayse an insurrection And so captiue thy head to wits subiection Robertus Corbet The luggage of thy wit thy Booke he tearmes The bagge and baggage of thy legs and armes That neuer can be vnderstood by none But onely such as are like thee alone Iohannes Donnes This Gentleman commends thy Trauels much Because like thee was neuer any such Decembers thunder nor hot Iulies snow Are nothing like the wonders thou dost show Iohannes Chapman Here 's one in kindnesse learnedly compacts Thy naturall iests and thy all naturall acts And craues the Reader would some pity take To buy thy booke euen for his owne deare sake For of thy trauels and thy great designes There 's little matter writ in many lines Thou in much writing tak'st such great delight That if men read thou car'st not what thou write This man could well afford to praise thee more But that hee 's loth to haue thee on his score For he no longer will thy praise pursue Lest he should pay thee more then is his due Iohannes Owen This Author to thy fame in friendship saies How ancient Writers pend the Asses praise And wishes some of them aliue agen That they alone might thy high praises pen. Petrus Alley Now here 's a friend that lowd thy glory rings With Cannons Sakers Culuerings and Slings Guns drums and phifes and the thrill clang'rous truÌ„pet Applauds thy courting the Venetian struÌ„pet Samuel Page This Gentleman accounts it no great wrong Amidst thy praise to say thy cares be long His meaning my construction much surpasses I wet not what he meanes except an â—â—â— Thomas Momford Here 's a strange riddle puts me much in doubt Thy head 's within thy wit thy wit 's without 'T were good some friend of thine would take the paines To put thy wit i' the inside of thy braines For pitty doe not turne it out of dore Thy head will hold it if'twere ten times more Thomas Bastard This Gentleman aduiseth thee take heed Lest on thy praise too greedily thou feed But though too much a surfet breed he saies Yet thou shalt surfet but not die of praise Guilielmus Baker Here 's one by no meanes at thy same can winke And saies how most men say thou pissest inke If it be true I 'de giue my guilded raper That to thy inke thou couldst sir-reuerence paper Thy gaines would be much more thy charges lesse When any workes of thine come to the Presse 'T were good thy eares were par'd from off thy head 'T would stand Cosmographers in wondrous stead To make a Globe to serue this massie earth To be a mappe of laughter aud of mirth All new-found sustian phrases thou do'st sup And ' gainst a dearth of words dost hoard them vp Yet where thou com'st thou spendst thy prating pelse Thogh no man vnderstand thee nor thy selfe Thou art a iewell to be hang'd most fit In eares whose heads are nothing
reasonable time first to learne the languages of those Countries through which I am to passe betwixt the bounds of the Territories of this Prince and Christendome namely these three the Persian Turkish and Arab which I haue in some competent measure attained vnto by my labour and industry at the said Kings Court matters as auaileable vnto me as mony in my purse as being the chiefest or rather onely meane to get me mony if I should happen to be destitute a matter very incidentall to a poore Footman Pilgrim as my selfe in these heathen and Mahometan Countries through which I trauell Secondly that by the helpe of one of those languages I meane the Persian I might both procure vnto my selfe accesse vnto the King and bee able to expresse my mind vnto him about the matter for the which I should haue occasion to discourse with him These were the reasons that moued me so long to tarry at the Mogols Court during which time I abode in the house of the English Merchants my deare Countrimen not spending one little peece of mony either for diet washing lodging or any other thing And as for the Persian tongue which I studied very earnestly I attained to that reasonable skill and that in a fewe moneths that I made an Oration vnto the King before many of his Nobles in that language and after I had ended the same discoursed with his Maiesty also in that tongue very readily and familiarly the Copy of which speech though the tongue it selfe will seeme to an Englishman very strange and vncouth as hauing no kind of affinity with any of our Christian languages I haue for nouelty sake written out in this letter together with the translation thereof in English that you may shew it to some of my learned friends of the Clergy and also of the Temporalty in Euil and elswhere who belike will take some pleasure in reading so rare and vnusuall a tongue as this is The Persian is this that followeth The Copie of an Oration that I made in the Persian tongue to the Great Mogoll before diuers of his Nobles HAzaret Aallum pennah salamet fooker Daruces ve tehaungeshta hast am kernia emadam az wellagets door ganne az mulk Inglizan ke kessanaion petheeÌ„ mushacas cardand ke wellagets mazcoor der akers magrub bood ke mader hamma iezzaerts dunmast Sabebbe amadane mari mia boosti char cheez ast au val be dedane mobarreckdeedars Hazaret ke seete caramat ba hamma Trankestan reeseedast ooba tamam mulk Musulmanan der sheenedan awsaffe Hazaret daueeda amadam be deedane ast awne akdas mushar af geshtans duum bray deedane feelbay Hazaret kin chunm ianooar der heech mulk ne dedam seu in bray deedane nauswer dary ace shuâ—ma Ganga ke Serdare hamma daryaba dumiest Chaharum cen ast keyec ferm awne alishaion amayet fermoy and ke betwanam der wellayetts Vzbeck raftan ba shahre Samarcand bray Zeerat cardan cabbre mobarrec Saheb crawncab awsaffe tang oe mosachere oo der tamans aallum meshoor ast belkder wellagette Vzbec cencader meshoor neest chunan cheder mulc Iuglisan ast digr bishare eshteeac darambe deedane mobarrec mesare Saheb crawnca bray â—â—n saheb che awne samanche focheer de shabr stâ—lâ—l boodam ycaiaeb cohua amarat deedam dermâ—n yecush bawg nasdec sbaht mascoor coia che paâ—â—aâ— Eezawiawn che namesh Manuel bood che Saâ—â—â—â— crawnea cush mehmannec aseem cards bood beâ—dâ—â—â—â—â— gristane Sulten Baiasetra as iange aseem che sâ—â—â— bood nas dec shahre Bursa coimache Saheb craâ—â— Sultan Baiasetra de Zenicera tell aio bestand codâ— cafes nahadond cen char chees meera as mulche mâ—ium baneed tamia as mulc Room oo Arrac peeâ—â— geshta as door der cen mulc reseedam che châ—r bâ—sar pharsang raw dared beshare derd co moâ—â—â— casheedam che heech ches der een dunnia cencâ—â—â—n mohuet ne casheedast bray deedune mobarrec dedâ—â—s Hasereret own roos che be tacte shaugh ne shaughâ—â— musharaf fermoodand The English of it is this LOrd * This is the ordinary title that is giuen him by all strangers Protector of the world all haile to you I am a poore Traueller and worldseer which am come hither from a farre country namely England which ancient Historians thought to haue beene situated in the fartheâ— bounds of the West and which is the Queene of all the Ilands in the world The cause of my comming hither is for foure respects First to see the blessed face of your Maiesty whose wonderfull fame hath resounded ouer all Europe the Mahometan Countries When I heard of the fame of your Maiesty I hastened hither with speed and trauelled very cheerefully to see your glorious Court Secondly to see your Maiesties Elephants which kind of beasts I haue not seene in any other countrey Thirdly to see your famous Riuer Ganges which is the Captaine of all the Riuers of the world The fourth is this to intreat your Maiesty that you would vouchsafe to grant me your gracious Passe that I may travell into the Country of Tartaria to the City of Samarcand to visit the blessed Sepulcher of the Lord of the Corners this is a title that is giuen to Tamberlaine in this Country in that Persian language and whereas they call him the Lord of the Corners by that they mean that he was Lord of the corners of the world that is the highest and supreme Monarch of the Vniuerse whose fame by reason of his wars and victories is published ouer the whole world perhaps he is not altogether so famous â—n his own Country of Tartaria as in England Moreouer I haue a great desire to see the blessed Toombe of the Lord of the Corners for this cause for that when I was at Constantinople I saw a notable old building in a pleasant garden neere the said City where the Christian Emperor that was called Emanuel made a â—umptuous great Banquet to the Lord of the Corners after he had taken Sultan Baiazet in letters of Gold and put him in a cage of Iron These foure causes moued me to come out of by natiue Counrrey thus farre hauing trauelled a foot through Turkie and Persia so far haue I traced the world into this Countrey that my pilgrimage hath accomplished three thousand miles wherin I haue sustained much â—bour and toyle the like whereof no mortall â—â—an in this World did euer performe to see â—â—e blessed face of your Maiesty since the first day that you were inaugurated in your glorious Monarchall throne After I had ended my speech I had some â—â—ort discourse with him in the PersiaÌ„ tongue â—ho amongst other things told me that concerning my trauell to the City of Samarcand â—â— was not able to doe me any good because â—here was no great amity betwixt the Tartaâ—â—an Princes and himselfe so that his commendatory letters would doe mee no good â— Also he added that the Tartars did so deadly hate all Christians that they would certainely kill them when they came
doe generally beleeue composed wholy by Mahomet for hee was of so dull a wit as hee was not able to make it without the helpe of another namely a certaine Renegado Monke of Constantinople called Sergis So that his Alcoran was like an arrow drawne out of quiuer of another man I perceiue thou dost wonder to see mee so much inflamed with anger but I would haue thee consider it is not without great cause I am so moued for what greater indignity can there be offered to a Christian which is an Arthomusulman then to bee called Gtaur by a Giaur for Christ whose Religion I professe is of that incomparable dignity that as thy Mahomet is not worthy to bee named that yeere wherein my blessed Christ is so neither is his Alcoran worthy to bee named that yeere wherein the * This doe all Mahometans cali our Gospell or the History of our Sauiour written by the foure Euangelists Iuieel of my Christ is I haue obserued among the Mahometans such a foolish forme of prayer euer since my departure from Spasâ—an which I confesse was no nouelty vnto me for that I had obserued the like before both in Constantinople and diuers other Turkish Cities that what with your vaine repetitions and diuers other prophane fooleries contained therein I am certaine your prayers doe euen stinke before God and are of no more force then the cry of thy Camell when thou doest lade or vnlade him But the prayers of Christians haue so preuailed with God that in time of drought they haue obtained conuenient aboundance of raine and in time of pestilence a suddaiâ—e cessation from the plague such an effect of holy and seruent prayer as neuer did the * words that the Mahometans doe often repeat in their prayers Scofferalahs or the Allernissel allow of any Mahometan produce yet must wee whose prayers like a sweete smelling sacrifice are acceptable to God bee esteemed Giaurs by those whose prayers are odious vnto his Diuine Maiesty O timos O maners Now as I haue told thee the difference betwixt the effect of our Christian and your Mahometan prayers so I pray thee obserue another difference betwixt you and vs that I will presently intimate vnto thee thou by the obseruation of the Law of thy ridiculous Alcaron dost hope for Paradise wherein thy Master Mahomet hath promised Riuers of Rice and to Virgins the imbracing of Angels vnder the shaddowe of spacious Trees though in truth that Paradise be nothing else then a filthy quagmire so full of stinking dung hils that a man cannot walke two paces there but hee shall stumble at a dung hill and defile himselfe but where this Paradise is not one amongst a thousand of you knoweth therfore I will tell thee it standeth in a Country situate betwixt Heauen and Earth called Vtopia whereof there is mention in the third booke of thy Alcaron and in the seuen and thirty Asaria but expressed with those mysticall and obscure termes that is very difficult to vnderstand it for this Vtopian Paradise I say as the reward of all your superstitious mumbling in your prayers and the often ducking downe of your heads when you kisse the ground with such a deuout humility forsooth doe you Mahometans hope in another world But wee Christians hope to liue with God and his blessed Angels for euer and eueâ— in Heauen as being a proper and peculiar inheritance purchased vnto vs by the precious bloud of our Christ yet must wee bee reputed Giaurs by those that are Giaurs One thing more will I tell thee O thou Mahometan and so I will conclude this redious speech whereunto thy discourtious calling of me Giaur hath inforced mee and I prethee obserue this my conclusion Learning which is the most precious Iewell that man hath in this life by which hee attaineth to the knowledge of diuine and humane things commeth to man either by reuelation which we otherwise call inspiration or by industry Learning by reuelation I call that which God doth infuse from aboue by his speciall grace vnto those whom he will vse as the instruments of his glory who without labour or trauell doe aspire to a most eminent degree of knowledge Learning by industry I call that which a man doth purchase to himselfe by continuall writing and reading by practice and meditation now by neither of these meanes haue the Mahometans acquired any meane much lesse any singular learning for as Mahomet himselfe was a man of a very superficiall and meane learning so neuer was there any one of his Disciples in any part of the world that was indued with any profound knowledge but wee Christians by the one and the other meane haue attained to the most exquisite science that can be incident to man * I meane the blessed Apostles of our Sauiour some of our men that neuer were brought vp in Studies hauing beene so expert in a generall learning onely by Gods speciall illumination as those haue spent forty yeeres in the practice thereof and others by continuall practice of writing and reading haue beene so excellent that they became the very Lampes and Stars of the Countries wherein they liued These things being so it cannot possibly come to passe that the omnipotent God should deale so partially with mankinde as to reueale his will to a people altogether misled in ignorance and blindnes as you Mahometans are and conceale it from vs Christians that bestowe all our life time in the practice of diuine and humane disciplines and in the ardent inuocation of Gods holy Name with all sincerity and purity of heart Goe to then thou Pseudo-musulman that is thou false-beleeuer since by thy iniurious imputation laid vpon mee in that thou calledst mee Giaur thou hast prouoked mee to speake thus I pray thee let this mine answer bee a warning for thee not to scandalize mee in the like manner any more for the Christian Religion which I professe is so deare and tender vnto mee that neither thou nor any other Mahometan shall scotfree call mee Giaur but that I will quit you with an answer much to the wonder of those Mahometans Dixi. I Pray you Mother expect no more letters from me after this till my arriual in Christendome because I haue resolued to write no more while I am in the Mahometans Countries thinking that it will bee a farre greater comfort both to you and to all my friends whatsoeuer to heare newes that I haue accomplished my trauells in Mahometisine then that I am comming vp and downe to and fro in the same without any certainty of an issue thereof therefore I pray haue patience for a time about two yeeres and a halfe hence I hope to finish these Mahometan trauells and then either from the City of Raguzi in Sclauonia which is a Christian City and the first wee enter into Christendome from those parts of Turky by land neere vnto the same or from famous Venice I will very dutifully remember yea againe with lines
IT was at that time that the worlds terrour and warres Thunder-bolt Allaricke King of the Gothes wasted Italy sacked Rome and stooke all the Kingdomes of the earth into a Feuertertian when there was inhabiting in the Dukedome of Tuscanye a valiant Captaine named Catso descended from the Royall house of Frigus the first King of the Fridgians This Catso being driuen to his shifts in these robustuous bickerings of the Gothes fled for safety to the I le of Sardinia where for his good parts and free behauiour hee was entertained by the most beautifull Madam Meretricia the delightfull daughter and sole heire of Baloclitus King of Sardis yet although his place was chiefe Gentleman of the Bid-Chamber his high pitcht resolution was eleuated and erected for trauell and hotter seruices So with much griefe to the Lady hee tooke his leaue and sayling through the straits of Gibralter and the gulphe of Madye Lane hee past the Cape Bona Esperance as farre as China where hee staid certaine daies at Iappan then hee determined to progresse it by land and passing by the great Citty of Tarsus in Idumea by long iourneys hee came to Gallicia where nere to Greyne hee was in hot seruice and came off somewhat scortch'd with fire workes in a mine passing from thence hee came into France where hee was well wel-com'd at Brest and at the Towne of Deipe was made great prouision for his comming but for some reasons hee would neuer come there In briefe after hee had approu'd himselfe a hot valiant and aduenturous Souldier abroad and a peace-maker aâ—â—â— home hee came into Ireland where at Dubblâ— hee was strucke lame but recouering neâ— strength and courage hee snip'd himselfe foâ— England landed at West-Chester whence taking pofte towards London hee lodg'd at â—â—â— ley in the hole in his way at last being come to the Citty hee made many merry and mad vageries betwixt Turnebull-street and Burnt-wood spending freely and faring deliciously hauing a stiffe stomacke to digest all dishes except Winchester Geese and Newmarket Turkies â—â—â— thus with much danger and difficulty hauing trauelled farther then euer man saw and passed his time with much loue amongst Ladyes and Gentlewomen hauing beene a great with stander of many desperate oppositions and â—â—â— rare Musitian for his long practice in Prickesong He againe past the Sea in a Frigget to Constantinople where hee fell into a moody melancholy like Tymon of Athens and scorned to stand at any time although he was charged in the name of the Graund Signior This Gallant hauing beene all his time a great vser wearer and taker vp of Napery did most bountifully bequeath to any Poet that would write a Poeme in the praise of Cleane Linnen as many shirts of the purest Holland as might bee wash'd in Hellicon and dryed on the two topt hill of Parnassus To performe whose commaund and receiue the bequeathed Legacie I vndertooke this great taske and perform'd it accordingly FINIS THE TRVE CAVSE OF THE WATERMENS Suit concerning Players and the reasons that their Playing on London side is their extreame hindrances With a Relation how farre that suit was proceeded in and the occasions that it was not effected THe occasions that hath moued me to write this Pamphlet are many and forcible and the Attempt in wriring it aduenturous and full of danger for as on the one side I doubt not but with truth to stop the mouthes of Ignorance and Mallice that haue and doe daily scandalize mee and withall I know I shall purchase a generall thankes from all honest men of my Company so I am assured to gaine the hatred of some that loue mee well and I affect them no worse only for my plaine truth and discharging my conscience But fall back fall edge come what can come I am resolued and without feare or flattery thus I beginne In the month of Ianuary last 1613. there was a motion made by some of the better sort of the company of Watermen that it were necessary for the reliefe of such a decayed multitude to petition to his Maiesty that the Players might not haue a play-house in London or in Middlesex within foure miles of the City on that side of the Thames Now this request may seeme harsh and not well to bee disgested by the Players and their Apendixes But the reasons that mou'd vs vnto it being claritably considered makes the suite not only seeme reasonable but past seeming most necessary to be sued for and tollerable to bee granted Out petition being written to purpose aforesaid I was selected by my company to deliuer it to his Maiesty and follow the businesse which I did with that care and integrity that I am assured none can iustly taxe me with the contrary I did ride twice to Theobalds once to Newmarket and twice to Roystone before I could get a reference vpon my petition I had to beare my charge of my company first and last seuen pound two shillings which horshire horse meat and mans meat brought to a consumption besides I wrote seuerall petitions to most of the Right Honourable Lords of his Maiesties Priuy Counsell and I found them all compassionately affected to the necessity of our cause First I did briefly declare part of the seruices that Watermen had done in Queene Elizabeths raigne of famous memory in the voyage to Portingale with the Right Honorable and neuer to be forgotten Earle of Essex then after that how it pleased God in that great deliuerance in the yeere 1588. to make Watermen good seruiceable instruments with their losse of liues and limbs to defend their Prince and Country Moreouer many of them serued with Sir Francis Drake Sir Iohn Hawkins Sir Martin Frobusher and others besides in Cales action the Iland voyage in Ireland in the Lowcuntryes and in the narrow Seas they haue beene as in duty they are bound at continuall command so that euery Summer 1500. or 2000. of them were imployed to the places asoresaid hauing but nine shillings foure pence the month a peece for their pay and yet were they abâ—e then to set themselues out like men with shift of Apparell linnen and wollen and forbeare charging of their Prince for their pay sometimes sixe months nine months twelue months sometimes more for then there were so few Watermen and the one halfe of them being at Sea those that staid at home had as much worke as they would doe Afterwards the Players began to play on the Bank-side and to leaue playing in London and Middlesex for the most part then there went such great concourse of people by water that the smal number of watermen remaining at home were not able to carry them by reason of the Court the Tearmes the Players and other imployments so that we were inforced and encouraged hoping that this golden stirring world would haue lasted euer to take and entertaine men and boyes which boyes are growne men and keepers of houses many of them being ouer-charged with families of Wife and
Children so that the number of Water-men and those that liue and are maintained by them and by the onely labour of the Oare and the Scull betwixt the Bridge of Windsor and Grauesend cannot be fewer then forty thousand the cause of the greater halfe of which multitude hath beene the Players playing on the Banke-side for I haue knowne three Companies besides the Beare-bayting at once there to wit the Globe the Rose and the Swan And it is an infallible truth that had they neuer played there it had beene better for Water-men by the one halfe of their liuing for the Company is encreased more then halfe by their meanes of playing there in former times And now it hath pleased God in this peaceful time that there is no imploymeÌ„t at the sea as it hath beene accustomed so that all those great numbers of men remaines at home and the Players haue all except the Kings men left their vsuall residency on the Banke-side and doe play in Middlesex farre remote from the Thames so that euery day in the weeke they doe draw vnto them three or foure thousand people that were vsed to spend their monies by water to the reliefe of so many thousands of poore people which by Players former playing on the Banke-side are encreased so that oft-times a poore man that hath fiue or sixe children doth giue good attendance to his labour all day and at night perhaps athâ— not gotten a Groat to relieue himselfe his wife and family This was the effect and scope of our petition though here I haue declared it more at large to which his Maiesty graciously granted me aâ—reference to his commissioners for suites who then were the Right honourable Sir Iulius Caesar Sir Thomas Parray Knights the Right Worshipfull Sir Francis Bacon then the Kings Atturny generall Sir Henry Mountague his Maiesties Sergant at Law Sir Walter Cope Master George Caluert one of the Clarkes of his Maiesties priuy Counsell and Baron Southerton one of the Barons of the Kings Exchequer these Honorable and Worshipfull persons I did oft folicite by petitions by friends and by mine owne industrious importunity so that in the end when our cause was heard wee found them generally affected to the suit we prosecuted His Maiestes Players did exhibit a petition against vs in which they said that our suit was vnreasonable and that we might as iustly remoue the Exchange the walkes in Pauls or Moorefields to the Bank-side for our profits as to confine them but our extremities and cause being iudiciously pondered by the Honorable and Worshipfull Commissioners Sir Francis Bacon very worthily said that so farre forth as the Publike weale was to be regarded before pastimes or a seruiceable decaying multitude before a handful of particular men or profit before pleasure so far was our suite to be preferred before theirs Whereupon the Players did appeale to the Lord Chamberlaine which was then the Earle of Sommerset who stood well affected to vs hauing beene moued before in the businesse by Master Samuel Goldsmith an especiall friend of mine and a Gentleman that my selfe and all the rest of my poore company in generall are generally beholden and deepely ingaged vnto for of his owne free will to his cost and charge wee must with thankfulnesse acknowledge he hath beene and is continually our worthy friend Who seeing the wants of such numbers of vs â—â—hath often neglected his owne vrgent and profitable affaires spending his time and coynâ—â— any honest occasion that might profit vs. Thâ—s much I thought good to insert in the â—ay of thankfulnesse because of all vices ingratitude is most hatefull The Commissioners did appoint mee to â—â—me on the next day that they sate again and that then the Players and wee should know their determinations concerning our businesses but before the day came Sir Walter Cipe died and Sir Iulius Caesar being chiefe Commissioner was made master of the Rolls by which means the Commission was dissol'd and we neuer yet had further hearing Thus fâ—â—re did I proceed in this thanklesse suite and because it was not effected some of my comâ—â—â—y partly through malice or ignorance or â—oth haue reported that I tooke bribes of the Players to let the suit fall and that to that purpose I had a supper with them at the Cardinalls Hat on the Banke-side and that if I â—â—d dealt wel with my Company and done as I might haue done then all had beene as they would haue had it These and more the like such pritty aspersions the out-cast rubbish of my Company hath very liberally vnmannerly and ingratefully bestowed vpon mee whereby my credit â—â—â— been blemished the good opinion which many held of me lost my name abused and I â— common reproach a scorne bye-word and bayting-stocke to the poysonous teeth of enâ—â—â—y and slander But I doubt not but what is before said will satisfie any well disposed or honest mind and for the rest if there bee any such as I found them ignorant knaues so I leaue them vnthankfull villanes And I will regard such Vipers and their slander so little that their malice shall not make mee giue ouer to doe seruice to my Company by any honest lawfull meanes my Trade vnder God is my best friend and though it bee poore I am sure the calling is honest therefore I will be an assistant in this suite or any other that may be auaileable vnto it and howsoeuer we are slightly esteem'd by some Giddy-headed Corkbrains or Mushrom Painted Puckfoysts yet the estate of this Kingdome knowes that many of the meanest Scullers that Rowes on the Thames was is or shall be if occasion serue at command to doe their Prince and Country more seruice then any of the Players shall be ioyned vnto I must confesse that there are many rude vnciuill Fellowes in our company and I would some Doctor would purge the Thames of them the reason whereof is that all men being Vicious by consequence most Vice must be in the greatest Companies but Water-men are the greatest Company therefore most abuses must raigne amongst Water-men yet not to excuse them in any degree let a man but consider other trades and faculties of of higher account and I am sure they will come short in honesty perhaps not of Watermen but of the honest Vocation of a Waterman For if hee vse his labour no otherwise then he ought which is to carry the Kings Leidge people carefully and to land them safely to take his due thankfully without murmuring or doing iniury then I say that that Waterman may feed vpon the labours of his hands with a better Conscience and sleepe with a quieter spirit then many of our furre-gownd mony-mongers that are accounted good common-wealths men but if a rayling knaue doe chance to abuse his Fare either in words or deeds as indeed wee haue too many such what reason is it that for the wrong that one two or more doth commit that all the rest of the whole Company shal
of Maiâ—â—â— and Nobility as we doe I write not to disparrage any nor with boasting to puffe vp our selues none comes neerer except the Barber and long and often may he come or the Physicion and Chirurgion which God grant they may bee euer needlesse but a Water-man many times hath his Soueraigne by the hand to stay him in and out the Barge where there is not aboue halfe an inch betwixt life death the Barge being then the royal Court being but a dore betwixt the King them they are at that time Gentlemen of the priuy Chamber or Yeomen of the Gard at least And thus much I am bold to insert for my selfe and many more of my company that I know that we neuer exacted mony wrongfully or contended with any of the Kings Leidge people for more then they themselues would giue with any reason or gaue any one abusiue or vnreuerend speeches if they would not go with vs for we know that men are free to buy their cloath at what Drapers they please or their stuffes at which Mercers they will what Taylor they list make their garments and what Cooke they lâ—ke may dresse their meat and so forth of all fâ—â—â—â—ions euery man is free to make his choyâ—e and so amongst Watermen men may take whom they please because they are sâ—ound to none he that goes with me shall haue my labor and I am in hope to haue his moneyâ— he that will not goâ— with me goes with another and I haue the more ease the while he doth me no wrong in not going with me I will do â—â—â—â— iniury for going from â—â—â— this is my resolution and a number more of my Company and those that are otherwise minded â—â—â— all my heart that God will be pleased to â—â—â— them or else that the Hangman may haue authority to end them But to returne to the purpose from which I haue too long digrest The Players are men that I generally loue and wish well vnto and to their quality and I doe not know any of them but are my friends and wish as much to me and howsoeuer the matter falls out whether they play or not play I thanke God I am able to liue as well as another either with them or without them But my loue is such vnto them that whereas they do play but once a day I could bee content they should play twice or thrice a day so it were not in such places as doth vndoe so many thousands of poore people for as it is it were much better for vs that they plaid no where And seeing so triuiall a cause as this would be scarâ—e incommodious to any and more commodious to vs then the foure Tearmes in the yeere seeing our necessities so great and our reliefe harmelesse to any seeing the vse of vs expedient if occasions serue abroad or at home and our vnablenesse to set our selues to sea by reason of ouâ— want our hope is that wee shall bee as much â—eckoned of as horses for horses haue meat drink and lodging though they be but seldome ridden and many of them haue a warme footcloth when thousand of seruiceable men are like to famish and starâ—â— through want and nakednesse As concerning our endeauours to â—â—moue the shelues and sands in the Thames whicâ— are a great â—â—noyance to the Riuer and huâ—â—â— full to the City As his Maiesty hath comâ—manded and the Right Honourable the Loâ—â— Maior the rest of his worshipfull brethreâ— shall direct we shall with all willingnesse doâ— our duties we doubt not both to the King Maiesties contentment the good of the City and the good report of our selues Thus becuase the truth shewes best being naked I haue plainely set downe how farre proceeded in my suite how it was broken ofâ— what thankes I haue for my paines The necessity of the cause that made mee goe abouâ—â—â—â— it The abuses I had because it tooke no effect which is the chiefe cause why I wrote thiâ— Pamphlet to iustifie my selfe At these thing I hope the Iudicious Vnderstander will iudge accordingly alwaies esteeming mee a Loyal ouer of my Countrey and my Company FINIS Wit and Mirth CHARGEABLY COLLECTED OVT OF TAVERNS ORDINARIES Innes Bowling Greenes and Allyes Alehouses Tobacco Shops Highwayes and Water passages Made vpâ— and â—â—â—â—â— Clinohes â—ulls Quirkes Yerkes â—…garbled at the requâ—â— of old â—â—â—n GAâ—â—â—â— Ghâ—â— DEDICATED To the truely Loyall harted learned well-accomplished Gentleman Mâ—â—ter â—â—â— SIR BEing enioyned by the Ghost or â—â—â— beloued to collect gleant or gather a bundle or trusse of Mirth and for his â—â—â— bestrow the stage of the melancholly world with it and withall to present it to somâ— â—â— generous spirit who was old Iohns friend I thought upon many to whom I might haue â—â—â— my Dedication who were both Royall Honourable Worshipfull and all well-affected toâ—â—rds him As to mention one for all that Iewell of the world and richest Iem of her sex that Magazine of the two inestimable Iewels Patience and Fortitude to that illustrious â—â—relesse Princesse I might haue recommended it to whose seruice and for whose happinesse his life and best endeauours with his prayers and implorations at his death were vnfainealy â—â—â—â—rated But my manners conceiuing the subiect of this Booke of altogether to triuiall a â—â—â— to be sheltred vnder the shadow of the wings of transcendent and admired Maiestie â—â—â— so many steps downe the staires with my inuention where by good fortune I met with â—â—â— whom I knew did loue that old honest mirrour of mirth deceased and whom the world â—â—â—ter knows are a true deunted friend to honest harmelesse mirth and laudable recreation â—â—â—herefore entreat you that when your more serious affaires will permit you would beâ—â—â—â—â— the looking vpon these my poore and beggarly wardrobe of witty Iests whom I dare not â—â—â— Apothegmes And because I had many of them by relation and heare-say I am in doubt that some of them â—â—â— be in print in some other Authors which I doe assure you is more then I doe know which â—â—â—â— be so I pray you but to conniue or tollerate and let the Authors make twice as bold with â—â— at any time Thus wishing euery one to mend one whereby the rent and torne garments of Thred-bare â—â—â— may be well and merrily patched and repaired crauing your pardon with my best wishes â—â—â—aine Yours euer in the best of my best studies hereof IOHN TAYLOR IOHN GARRETS GHOST â—He doores and windowes of the Heauens were barr'd And Nights blacke Curtaine like an Eâ—on Robe From Earth did all Celestiall light discard And in sad darknesse clad the ample Globe Dead midnight came the Cats ' gan catterwaule The time when Ghosts and Goblings walke about â—â—â— Owles shrick dismall Dogs doe bawle Whileâ— conscience cleare securely sleeps it out At such a time I sleeping in my bed A â—â—â—â— strange appear'd vnto my â—ight â—â—â—zement all my senses ouer spread And fill'd me full with terrour and
in the house and art so busie a baggage that thou canst let nothing stand to which the other answered and you are so wayward and teasty that a little thing troubles you and puts you in a great anger 122 IN a time of peace a Captaine being in company where after dinner there was dancing with whom a Gentlewoman was desirous to dance the Captaine said hee was made to fight and not to dance to whom she answerd that it were good that he were oyl'd hang'd vp in an Armoury till there were occasion to vse him 123 ONe asked a huffing Gallant why hee had not a Looking-Glasse in his Chamber he answered he durst not because hee was often angry and then he look'd so terribly that he was fearefull to looke vpon himselfe 124 THere was a fellow that not for his goodnesse was whip'd at a Carts tayle and in his execution he draw backward to whom a Gentleman in pitty said Fellow doe not draw backe but presse forward and thy execution and paynes will be the sooner past and done to whom the Rogue answerd It is my turne now when thou art whip'd doe thou goe as thou wilt and now I will goe as I please 125 ONe said that hee had trauaild so farre that he had layd his hand vpon the hole where the winde came forth a second said that hee had beene at the farthest edge of the world and driuen a nayle quite thorow it the third replide that he had beene further for hee was then on the other side of the world and clencht that nayle 126 THere was a Pope who being dead it is said that hee came to heauen gate and knock'd Saint Peter being within the gate asked who was there The Pope answered brother it is I I am the last Pope deceased Saint Peter said if thou be the Pope why dost thou knocke thou hauing the keyes mayst vnlocke the gate and enter The Pope replied saying that his predecessors had the keyes but since their time the wards were altered 127 A Rich Miser being reuiled by a poore man whom he had oppressed the rich man said Thou dogge leaue thy barking the poore man answered that hee had one quality of a good dogge which was to barke when hee saw a thiefe 128 A Man being deeply in play at dice hauing lost much money his sonne a little lad being by him wept quoth the father Boy why dost thou weepe the boy answered that hee had read that Alexander the Great wept when he heard that his father King Philip had conquered many Cities Townes and Territories fearing that hee would leaue him â—â—hing to winne and I weepe the contrary â—ay quoth the boy for I feare that my father will leaue me nothing to loose 129 AN Oppressor hauing feld all the trees in a Forest which for a long time had beene â—â—e reliefe of many poore people sayd that it was as good as a Commedy to him to see the trees fall to whom a poore man said I â—â—pe as thou makest a Commedy of our miseries that three of those trees may be reserued â—â—â—â—â—ish a Tragedy for thee and thy Children 130 ONe lamented his friends hard fortune that being raysed to a place of honour his growne sencelesse forgetting all his old â—â—milar acquaintance and so farre from knowing any man that he knew not himselfe 131 THe Plough surpasseth the Pike the Harrow excelleth the Halbert the Culter exâ—â—deth the Cuttleaxe the Goad is better â—â— the Gunne for the one sort are the instruments of life and profit and the other are the engines of death and all kindes of calaâ—â—ries 132 A Poore man is in two extremes first if he â—â—â— he dyes with shame secondly if he â—â—â— not he dies with hunger 133 ONe being in office was reproued for negligence his excuse was that it was his best policy to be idle for if he should doe â—â—â— he should displease God and if he should â—â—e well should offend men to whom one answered you ought to doe your duty for â—â— well doing you shall please God and in ill â—â—â—ing you shall please men 134 VVOmen take great pleasure to be sued to though they neuer meane to grant 135 ONe said that Suiters in Law were mortall and their suite immortall and that there is more profit in a quicke deniall then in a long dispatch 136 A Trauailer was talking what a goodly City Rome was to whom one of the company said that all Rome was not in Italy for wee had too much Rome in England 137 A Countrey fellow came into Westminster Hall where one told him that the roofe of it was made of Irish wood and that the nature of it was such that no Spider would come neere it and he said further that in Ireland no Toad Snake or Caterpiller can liue but that the earth or the trees will destroy them Ah quoth the Countrey man I wish with all my heart that the Benches Barres and Flooring were all made of such earth and wood and that all Coaches Barges and Wherries were made of Irish Oake that all our English Caterpillers might be destroyed 138 MAster Thomas Coriat on a time complained against mee to King Iames desiring his Maiesty that hee would cause some heauy punishment to bee inflicted vpon mee for abusing him in writing as he said I had to whom the King replide that when the Lords of his honourable Priuy Councell had leisure and nothing else to doe then they should heare and determine the differences betwixt Master Coriat the Scholler and Iohn Taylor the Sculler which answere of the King was very acceptable to Master Coriat WhereupoÌ„ I made this following petitioÌ„ to the King TO THE KINGS MOST Excellent Maiestie The humble petition of Iohn Tailor your â—… â—… I begge thou wilt be graciously inclined To reade these lines my rusticke pen compile Know Royall Sir Tom Coriate workes the wile Your high displeasure on my head to bring â—… Did heare the cause of two offending Harlots So I beseech thee Great great Britaines King To doe the like for two contending Varlots â—… A Ribble â—â—bble of Gossips THe space of a â—orting he from the Bearbaiting â—… stulted by the right reuerend Matron madam Isabel that Katherin should go no more a maying â—… spoones now old Sibill all this while sate mumping like a gib Cat and on the sodaine she starts vp and thrusts Charity out of doores to take vp her lodging where she could get it well being much offended to see Marget inâ—â—â—… it and bade her tell Alice that vnlesse she toolâ—â— heed the pot would run ouer and the fat lye in the fire at this â—â—â—â—… Now in the heat of all this businesse Barâ—â—â— tels Frances how there is good ale at the laboâ— in vain the matter being brought to this passe Winisrit saies that her god-daughter â—â—â—â—â— newly brought â—â—â— God blesse the child and â—â—â— Constance the Comfit maker wife at the â—â—â— of the Spiders leg must be â—… dresse to
Were by his reading graced and made better And howsoeuer they were good or ill His bourty shew'd he did accept them still He was so good and gracious vate me That â— the vilest wretch on earth should be If for his sake I had not writ this Verse My last poore dutie to his Royall Hearse Two causes made me this sad Poems wrue The first my humble dutie did inurte The last to shunne that vice which doth include All other vices foule Ingratitude FINIS FOR The sacred memoriall of the great Noble and ancient Example of Vertue and Honor the Illustrious and welbeloued Lord CHARLES HOWARD Earle of Nottingham Iustice in Eyre of all his Maiesties Forrests Parks and Chases on this side Trent Knight of the Honourable Order of the Garter and one of the Lords of his Maiesties most Honourable Pâ—iuie Councell Who departed this Life at his Mannour of Halâ—ing in Surrey on Thurseday the 14. of December 1624. and was buried at Rigate amongst his Honourable Ancestors the 20. of December last 1624. TO THE RIGHT HONORABLE Right Worshipfull of both Sexes who had either alliance by Marriage Consanguinity by Birth or bore loue to the Right Noble and truly vertuous deceased I Humbly craue your Worthinessetâ— excuse This boldnesse of my poore vnlearned Muse That hath presum'd so high a pitch to flye In praise of Vertue and Nobility I know this taske most fit for Learned men For Homer Ouid or for Virgils pen But for I with him haue both seru'd and sail'd My gratefull duty hath so farre preuail'd Boldly to write true Honours late decease Whilst better Muses please to hold their peace And thus much to the world my Verse proclaimes That neither gaine nor flattery are my aimes But loue and duty to the Noble dead Hath caus'd me cause these Lines be published And therefore I entreat your gen'rous Hearts Tâ— accept my duty pardon my deserts Beare with my weakenesse winke at my defects Good purposes doe merit good effects Poore earthen Vessels may hold precious Wint And I presume that in this booke of mine In many places you shall something finde To please each Noble will affected minde And for excuse my Muse doth humbly plead That you 'l forbeare to iudge before you read He that is euer a true wel-wisher and â—â—â—sequious Seruant to your Honours Worships and Noble Personages Iohn Taylor SOme few yeeres since I rode to my Lords Mannour of Halcing in Surrey where I presented his Lordship with a Manuscript or written Booke of the names and degrees of all the Knights of the Noble Order of the Garter since the first institution by king Edward the third which was of mine owne collections out of Windsor Cattle and some authontike â—â—â—â— His Lordship receiued it gratefully and rewarded me honorably in the which Booke was â—â—â— Anagram of his name and Earledome of Nottingham which â—old very 〈…〉 to be heâ—reâ—â—â— under Printed because it falles correspondent to the reuerence of his â—â— and the happinesse which the words import Charles Howard Earle of Nottinghame Anagramma O Heauen cals and hath true Glorie for me And happy was this happy Anagram Heauen calls Charles Howard Earle of Nottingham And he obeyd the call and gain'd true glory For change of earthly Titles transitory For the sacred Memoriall of the Great Noble and Ancient example of Vertue and Honour the Illustrious and welbeloued Lord Charles Howard Earle of Nottingham Iustice in Eyre of all his Maiesties Forrests Parks and Chases on this side Trent Knight of the Honorable Order of the Garter and one of the Lords of his Maiesties most Honorable priuy Councell WHat English Muse forbeares to shead a teare For Englands Nestor grauest oldest Peere Not onely old in number of his dayes But old in vertue all good mens praise Whose actions all his pilgrimage did passe More full of honour then his title was And though his corps be seuer'd from his spirit And that the world sufficient knowes his merit Yet shall my poore vnworthy artlesse Verse â—â— dutious seruice wait vpon his Hearse My selfe his Honour on the Seas attended And with his bounty haue I beene befriended And to acquite me from vnthankfulnesse My lines shall here my gratitude expresse No monumentall Marble reard on hie He needs t'emblaze him to posterity No flattring Epitaph he needs to haue To be engrau'd vpon a gawdie graue His life and actions are his Monument Which fills each kingdome Clime and Continent And when their memories shall stinke and dye Who in most stately sepulchers doe lay Then royall histories shall still relate To each degree or age or sex or state The vertue valour bounty and the fame Of Englands all-beloued Nottingham And Noble hearts his memory shall retaine Vntill the world to Chaos turne againe That yeere of wonderment call'd eighty eight When fraud and force did our destruction wait When Hell and Rome and Spaine did all agree That wee should vanquish'd and inuaded be Our foes at Sea thirty one thousand men With neere foure hundred ships and â—â—â—lies then Then this White Lyon rowz'd with â—â—â—â—â—ue Defending both his ounrry and his Queene Like second Mars to battell braue he wenâ— God making him his worthy instrument His Chiefraine Champion and his Generall With sixe score ships and Vessels great aâ—â—â—mall To conquer those that did for conquest â—â—â— And foyle the pow'r of Hell and â—â—â— and â—â— Then valour was with resolution mixt And manhood with true Fâ—uoâ—â— â—â—â— When death and danger â—â—â—â—tned euery where Braue Charles all â—earel 〈…〉 â—â—â— did encourage can When roring cannons counâ—â—â— heau'ns thunder And slaughteâ—d men their vessels â—â—â— vnder The Sun eclips'd with â—â—â—â— skies darke and dim And batt'ring bullets seuered â—im from liâ—â— When as that Sea might bee the Rea Sea call'd Then he with dreadlesse courage vnappaâ—l'd Like a bright Bâ—acon or a blazing Staire Approu'd himselfe a thunder â—â—olr of warre Whose valour and example valiantly Pursu'd and wonne a glorious victory And then by him through the Almighties hand Preserued from inuasion was this Land So that who euer shall his Tombe passe by And shall enquire who there doth buried lye If answere be but made He 's in this Graue Who did in Eighty eight this Kingdome saue Then is the â—otall told and seruice best Where with this little Land was euer blest At * 1596 Cales likewise the Sea-fight we did win By his direction and graue disciplin The Spanish ships soone from his force retir'd Some torne some sunke some taken and some fir'd And whensoere he gaue the ouerthrow He nere insulted ore his conquerd foe But like a Noble Lyon euery way He scorn'd to prey vpon a yeelding prey With pitty piety and true remorce His clemency was mixt with manly force Vnto his foes a noble care he had Nor would affliction to affliction adde So that his enemies much cause did find To loue and honour his true noble mind Yet 'gainst offenders he was sharply
cocks Drakes with the ducks all male and female stocks The Ewe the Ram the Lambe and the sat weather In generall are called sheepe together Harts Stages Bucks Does Hinds Roes Fawnes euery where Are in the generality call'd Deere So Hemp and Flax or which you list to name Are male and female both one and the same Those that 'gainst these comparisons deride And will not with my lines be satisfide Let them imagine e'â—e they doe condemne I loue to play the foole with such as them The cause why Hempseed hath endur'd this wrong And hath its worthy praise obscur'd so long I doe suppose it to bee onely this That Poets know their insufficience is That were earth Paper and Sea inke they know 'T were not enough great Hempseeds worth to show I muse the Pagans with varietie Of godles Gods made it no Deity Heeree followes the names of most of the heathen Gods and â—â—â—s The AEgyptians to a Bull they Arts nam'd A temple most magnificent they framed The â—â—is Crocodile a cat a dog The Hippopostamy beetles or a frog â—â—â—â—â—â—mons dragons the wolfe aspe â—â—le and Râ—â— Base beastly gods for such curst â—â—â—â— of Cham â—â—s were so with I dolatry misted They worship'd Onioâ—s and a garlike hâ—ad If these people had tasted but a messe of Tewxbury must and they would surely haue honoured it â—ot a God or â—eared it as a â—â—â—â—â— King Ieroboam for his gods did take Two golden calues and the truâ— God forsake â—â—â— Philistins and the Assirians The Persians and Babilonians Sâ—â—â—â—ritâ—ns and the Arabians The Thebans Spartans and Athenians The Indians Parthians and the Libians The Britaines Galliant and Hibernians Since the first Chaos or creation â—â—â—ry hath crept in euery Nation And as the diuell did mens minds inspire Some worshipt earth seme aire or water fire Windes Riuers Rainbow Stars and Moone and Sun Ceres and Bacchus riding on his â—un Mars Saturne Ioue Apollo Mercury Priapus and the Queene of techery Vulcan Diana Pluto Proserpine Pâ—â—â—â—â— Neptune and Panâ— piping shrine Old Bâ—â—â—m Berâ—câ—rthia Stones and Trees Bâ—witâ—â—â—â— creatâ—râ—â— worshipt on their knees Bâ—â—l Bâ—â—â—z â—â—â— Niâ—roâ—â— the Diâ—â—ll and Dâ—â—gon Ashâ—aâ—â—oth Râ—mmon Belus Bâ—li the Dragon Flies soules hawkes â—â—â—men any thing they saw Their very Pâ—â—â—ies they did serne with awe And theâ— did sacrifice at sundry â—â—â—sts Their châ—â—â—â—eâ— vnto diuels stockes stones and beasts O had these men the worth of Humpseed knowne Their bâ—â—â—â— zâ—â—â— no doubt they would haue showne In building Temples and would alters frame Lake Ephesus to great Dianaes name And therefore Merchants Marrâ—ners people all Of all trades on your marrow bones â—â—â—â—â— fall For you could neither rose or bâ—te or â—â—p If noble Hempseed did not hold you vp And Reader now â—â—â—â—â—â—â— it is â—â—â—â—â—â— To come vnto the matter with my â—â—â—â— But iudge not â—â—â—â— you â—â—â— well read and scan'd And asks your selues if you dec vnder stand And if you can doe but this fauour shew Make no ill faces cryâ—â—â—â—â—â—â— and â—â—mew For though I dare not brag I dare â—â—â—â— taine Tâ—ue censurers will iudge I haue â—â—â—â— paine Vnto the wise I humbly doe submit For those that play the fooles for want of wit My poore reuenge against them stâ—â—â— shall be I le laugh at them whilst they doe scoffe at me THE PRAISE OF HEMP-SEED WITH The Voyage of Mr. Roger Bird and the Writer hereof in a Boat of browne-Paper from London to Quinborough in Kent SWeet sacred Muses my inuention raise Vnto the life to writâ—â— great Hempseeds praise This grain growes to a stalk wrose coat or â—â—in Good industry doth â—aâ—chellâ—t â—â—â— and â—pin And for mans best aduantage and auailes It makes clothes cordage halters ropes and sailes From this small Aâ—ome mighty matters springs It is the Art of nauigations wings It spreads aloft the lofty skie it scales â—â—â—s o're the great Leuiathan and Whales Dâ—â—es to the boundlesse bottome of the deepe What Neptune doth mongst dreadful monsters keep From Pole to pole it cuts both Seas and Skyes From th'orient to the occident it flyes Kings that are sâ—ndred farre by Seas and Lands It makes them in a manner to shake hands It fils our Land with plenty wonderfull From th'Esterne Indiâ—â— from the great Mogull From France from Portiagale from Venice Spaine From Denmarke Norwâ—y it seâ—ds o'er the maine Vnto this Kingdome it doth wealth acrue From beyond China farre beyond ' Peru From Beâ—gâ—a Almaine the West Indies and From Guiny Biny â—â—â—and New sound land This little seed is the great instrument To shew the power of God Omnipotent Whereby the glorious Gospell of his Sonne Millions misled soules hath from Sathan wonne It is an instrument by the appointment of God for the encrease of the Gospell of Christ. Those that knew no God in the times of yore Now they their great Creator doe adore And many that did thinke they did doe well To giue themselues a sacrifice to Hell And seru'd the Diuell with th' inhumane slaughters Of their vnhappy haplesse sonnes and daughters Now they the remnant of their liues doe frame To praise their Makers and Redeemers name Witnesse Virginia witnesse many moe Witnesse our selues few hundred yeares agoe When in Religion and in barbarous natures We were poore wretched misbeleeuing creatures How had Gods Preachers faild to sundry coasts Tinstrust men how to know the Lord of Hosts But for the Sayles which he with wind doth fill As Seruants to accomplish his great will But leauing this high supernaturall straine I 'le talke of Hempseed in a lower vaine How should we haue gold siluer jems or Iewels Wine oyle spice rice and diuers sorts of fewels Food for the belly clothing fot the baâ—ke Silke Sattin Veluat any thing we lacke To serue necesâ—icies How should we get Such sorts of plenteous fish but with the net The smelt Roaoh Salmon Flounder and the Dace Would in fresh riuers keeps their dwelling place The Ling Cod Herring Sturgeon such as these Would liâ—e and dyâ— in their owne natiue Seas Without this feed the Whale could not be caught Whereby our oyles are out of Greenland brought Nay wer 't not for the net made of this seed Mâ—n could not catch a Sprat whereon to feed Besides it liberally each where bestowes A liuing vpon thousands where it growes As beaters Spinners Weauers and a crue Of halter makers which could sâ—â—rce line true But for th' imployment which this little graine Doth vse them in and payes them for their paine Mirth and Truth are good companions The Rope makers the Net makers and all Would be trade falne for their trade would fall Besides what multitudes of Fishers are In euery Sea townâ— numbers past compare Whilest they their seruants children and their wiues From Hempsceed get their liuing all their liues The Fish-mongers would quickly goe to wrack The lacke of this seed would be their great lack And being now rich and in good reputation They would haue neither Hall nor Corporation
32 of the Compasse in all 40. We being in our watry businesse bound And with these wicked winds encompass'd round For why such breaths as those it fortunes euer They end with hanging but with drowning neuer And sure the bladders bore vs vp so tight As if they had said Gallowes claime thy right This was the cause that made vs seeke about To finde these light Tiburnian vapoursour We could haue had of honest men good store As Watermen and Smiths and many more But that we knew it must be hanging breath That must preserue vs from a drowning death Carefully and discreetly prouided Yet much we fear'd the graues our end would be Before we could the Towne of Grauesand see Our boat drunke deepely with her dropsie thirst And quast as if she would her bladders burst Whilst we within sixe inches of the brim Full of salt water downe halfe sunck did swim Thousands of people all the shores did hide And thousands more did meet vs in the tide With Scâ—â—crs Oares with ship boats with Barges To gaze on vs they put themselue to charges Thus did we driue and driue the time away Till pitchy night had driuen away the day The Sun vnto the vnder world was fled The Moone was loath to rise and kept her bed The Stanes did â—winckele but the Ebon clouds Their light our fight obseures ouer shrowds The tosling billowes made our boat to caper Out paper forme scarce being forme of paper The water foure mile broad no Oares to row Night darke and where we were we did not know And thus 'twixt doubt and feare hope and despaire I sell to worke and Roger Bird to prayer And as the surges vp and downe did heaue vs He cry'dmost feruently good Lord receiue vs. I pray'd as much but I did worke and pray And he did all he could to pray and play Thus three houres darkeling I did puzzâ—ll and toile Sows'd and well pickl'd chafe and muzzell moile Dernch'd with the swaffing waues stew'd â—â— sweat Scarce able with a cane our boat to set At last by Gods great mercy and his might The morning gan to chase away the night Aurora made vs soone perceiue and see We were three miles below the Towne of Lee. And as the morning more end more did cleare The fight of Quinborogh castle did appeare That was the famous monumentall marke To which we striu'd obring our rotten barke The onely ayme of our intents and scope The anker that brought Roger to the Hope He dwelleth now at the Hope on the Banck-side Thus we from Saturday at euening Tide Till Monday morâ—e did on the water bide In rotten paper and in boy sterous weather Darke nights through wet and toyled altogether But being come to Quinborough and aland I tooke my fellow koger by the hand And both of vs ere we two steps did goe Gaue thankes to God that had preseru'd vs so Confessing that his mercy vs protected When as we least deseru'd and lesse expected The Maior of Quinborough in loue affords To entertaine vs as we had beene Lords It is a yearely feast kept by the Maior And thousand people thâ—â—her doth repaire From Townes and Villages that 's neerâ— about And t was our luck to come in all this roue I'th'street Bread Beere and Oysters is their meat Which freely friendly shot-froe all doe eat But Hodge and I were men of ranck and note We to the Maior gaue our aduenturous boat The which to glorifie that Towne of Kent He meant to hang vp for a monument He to his house inuited vs to dine Where we had cheare on cheare and wine on wine And drinke and fill and drinke and drinke and fill With welcome vpon welcome welcome still But whilst we at our dinners thus were merry The Country people tore our tatter'd wherry In mammocks pecoemeale in a thousand scraps Wearing the reliques in their hats and caps That neuer traytors corps could more be scatter'd By greedy Rauens then out poore boat was tatter'd Which when the Maior did know he presently Tooke patient what he could not remedie The next day we with thankes left Quinbroght coast And hied vs home on horse-backe all in post Thus Master Birds strange voyage was begun With greater danger was his mony won And those that doe his coine from him detaine Which he did win with perill and much paine Let them not thinke that e're 't will doe them good But eate their marrow and consume their blood The worme of conscience gnaw them euery day That haue the moanes and not the will to pay Those that are poore and cannot let them be Both from the debt and malediction free Thus I in part what Himp-seed is haue showne Cloth ropes rags paper poorely is made knowneâ— How it maintaines each kingdome starte and trade And how in paper we a voyage made I therefore to conclude thinke not amissâ— To write something of Thames or Thamasis The names of the most famous riuers in the world Mazâ— Rubicon â—lue Volga Ems Scamander Loyre Moldous Tybar Albia Scyne Meander Hidaspes Indus Iuachus Tanaies Our Thames true praise is sarre beyond their praise Great Euphrates Jordans Nilus Ganges Poe Tagus and Tygris Thames doth farre out-goe Danubia Ister Xanthus Lisus Rhrine Wey Seuerue Auon Medway Isis Tinâ— Dâ—â— Ouze Trent Humber Eske Tweed Annan Tay. Firth that braue Demy-ocean Clide ' Dun Spay All these are great in sames and great in names But great'st in goodnesse is the riuer Thames From whose Diurnall and Nocturnall flood Millions of soules haue fewell cloathes and food Which from twelue houres to twelue doth still succeed Hundreds thousands both to cloath feed Of watermen their seruants children wiues It doth maintaine neere twenty thousand lines I can as quickly number all the starres As reckon all things in particulars Which by the bounty of th' All-giuing giuer Proceeds from this most matchlesse famous Riuer And therefore ' cis great pitty shelfe or sand From the forgetfull and ingrate full land Should it's cleare chrystall entrailes vilesy Or soyle such purenesse with impurity What doth it doe but seruas our full contents Brings food and for it takes our excrements Yeelds vs all plenty worthy of regard And dirt and mucke we giue it for reward Riuers sabled or seigned to be in Hell Oh what a world of Poets that excell Is ar haue fabled riuers out of hell As Erebus Cocitus Acheron Sur Orchus Tartarus and Phlegeton And all internall Barathrums Damn'd Creekes With Charous Passengers and fearefull shriekes Who writing drinking Lethe to their shames Vnthankefully they haue forgot the Thames But noble Thames whilest I can hold a pen I will diuulge thy glory vnto men Thou in the morning when my coine is seant Before the euening dost supply my want If like a Bee I seeke to liue and thriue Thou wile yeeld hony freely to my hiue If like a drone I will not worke for meate Thou in discretion giues me nought
or fiue dayes recouered to his health but that he had a cricke in his necke â— the cramp in his iawes The old man was glad that he had done so good a deed as he thought began to giue the thiefe Fatherly counsell and told him that it was Gods great mercy towards him to make me quoth he the Instrument of thy deliuerance and therfore looke that thou make good vse of this his gracious fauour towards thee and labour to redeeme the time thou hast mispea get thy into some other Princes countrey where thy former crimes may not bring thee into the danger of the Law againe and there with honest industrious endeuours get the liuing The thiefe seemed willing to entertaine these good admonitions and thanked the Boore and his Sonne telling them that the next morning he would be gone â— and if euer his fortunes made him able he promised to be so grateful vnto them that they should haue cause to say their great curtesies were well bestowed vpon him but all his sugred sweete promises were in the proofe but Gall and wormwood in the performance for this gracelesse Caitiffe arose betimes in the morning and drew on a paire of Bootes and spurres which were the mans sonnes of the house and slipping out of the doores went to the stable and stole one of his kind hosts best horses and away rode hee The man and his Sonne when they were vp and missed the thiefe and the horse were amazed at the ingratitude of the wretch and with all speed his soone and he rode seuerall waies in pursuit of him and in briefe one of them tooke him and brought him backe to their house againe and when it was night they bound him and laid â—â—â—â— in their waggon hauing deafe eares and hardned hearts to all his intreaties and away to the Gallowes where they found him hanging there they with the halter being a little shortened they left him The next day the Country people wondred to see him hanging there again for they had seen him hanged and missed him gone and now tobe thus strangely priuately come againe in boote and spurres whereas they remembred at his first hanging he had shoes stockings it made them muse what iourney he had beene riding what a mad Gâ—est he was to take the Gallowes for his Inne or as I suppose for his end The rumor of this accident being bruited abroad the people came far and neere to see him all in general wondring how these things should come to passe At last to cleere all doubts proclamations were published with pardon and a reward to any that could discouer the truth whereupon the old Boore Soone came in and related the whole circumstance of the matter At another place the hangmans place beeing void there were two of the bloud for it is to be noted that the succession of that office doth liueally descend from the Father to the Soone or to the next of the bloud which were at strife for the possession of this high indignity Now it happened that 2. men were to be beheaded at the saine towne and at the same time and to auoid sute in law for this great prerogatiue it was concluded by the Arbitrators that each of these new hangman should execute one of the Prisoners and he that with greatest cunning and sleight could take the head from the body should haue the place to this they all agreed and the Prisoners were brought forth where one of the Executioners did bide a red silke thread double about his Prisoners necke the threads being distant one from another only the bredth of one thread and he promised to cut off the head with a backward blow with a Sword betweene the threads The other called his Prisoner aside and told him that if hee would be ruled by him he should haue his life saued and besides quoth he I shall be sure to haue the office The Prisoner was glad of the motion and said he would doe any thing vpon these conditions then said the Hangman when thou art on thy knees and hast said thy prayers and that Idoe lift vp my Axe for I will vse an Axe to strinke thee I will cry Heâ— at which word doe thou rise and run away thou knowest none will slay thee if thou canst once elcape after thou art deliuered into my custody it is the fashion of our Country and let me alone to shift to answer the matter This being said or whispered the headsman with the sword did cut off the Prisoners headâ— betweene the threads as hee had said which made all the people wonder at the steddinesse of his hand and most of them iudged that hee was the man that was and would be fittest to make a mad hangman of But as one tale is good till another be told and as there be three degrees of good better and best so this last hangman did much exceed and eclipse the others cunning For his prisoner being on his knees and he lifting vp his axe to giue the fatall blow Heâ—â— said he according to promise whereupon the fellow arose and ran away but when he had run some seuen or eight paces the hangman threw the Axe after him and strooke his head smoothly from his shoulders now for all this who shall haue the place is vnknowne for they are yet in Law for it and I doubt not but before the matter bee ended that the Lawyers will make them exercise their own trades vpon themselues to end the controuersie This tale doth fauour somewhat Hyperbolicall but I wish the Reader to beleeue no more of the matter then I saw and there is an end At another Towne there stood an old ouerworne despised paire of Gallowes but yet not so old but they will last many a faire yere with good vsage but the Townes men a little distance from them built another paire in a more stately Geometricall port and fashion whereupon they were demanded why they would be at the charge to erect a new Gallowes hauing so sufficient an old one they answered that those old Gallowes should serue to hang fugitiues and strangers but those new ones were built for them and their heires for euer Thus much for hangmen the eues and Gallowses Yet one thing more for theeues In Hamburgh those that are not hanged for theft are chained 2. or 3. together and they must in that sort sixe or seuen yeares draw a dung-cart and clense the streets of the towne euery one of those theeues for as many yeares as hee is condemned to that slauery so many Bels he hath hanged at an iron aboue one of his shoulders and euery yeare a Bell is taken off till all are gone and then he is a Freeman againe and I did see ten or twelue of these Carts and some of the Theeues had 7. Bels some 5. some 6. some one but such a noyse they make as if all the Diuels in Hell were dancing the morrice Hamburgh is
of LONDON for the same his happie Arriuall And the Relation of such Townes as are scituate in the wayes to take post-horse at from the Citie of London to Douer and from Callice through all France and Spaine to Madrid to the Spanish-Court AFter great Britaine ouerwhelmed with doubts hopes feares and most carefull louing and dutifull Iealousie had dolourously drooped and mounted in a robe of melancholy 8 monethlong for the absence our hopefull vnparaleld illustrious Prince Charles each minute of whole vnexpected and vnthought of Iourney from hence seeming a tedious torture to millions of louing and wel-wishing hearts whose happy and wel-comes home doth like the radiant Sun expell all the dismall and moody clouds of griefe and melancholy to the vniuersall joy of his Royall Father and all his loyall Subiects hauing passed so long and tedious a Iourney so much change of ayre and varieties of dyet preserued by the Almighties especiall prouidence from all dangers and casualties that might any way impeach his Highnesse health or preiudice is Princely person in any of his affaires After his Highnesse stay from the 7. of March with his Catholike Maiestie at his Court at Madrid with the great and magnificent Entertainments Feastings Maskings Banquetings Huntings Hawkings and diures other royall pleasant laudable costly sumptuous and manly disports and exercises wherewith the King the Queene the faire vertuous and louely Lady Maria the highborne Infanta his highnesse hauing all the content and welcome which so potent a Monarch could any way expresse or our gracious Prince expect Then to ease our common griefe to reuiue our halfe dead hopes it pleased his grace to take his leaue of Madrid passingby easie Iournies on his way accoÌ„panied some partby the King after whose departure from his Highnesse was attended by certaine of the Graundes of Spaine so that in 13. or 14. dayes space his Highnesse came in perfect health to the Portof Saint Anderas in the Prouince of Biscay where when our English Fleet had knowledge of his long look'd for and welcome comming then did the hearts of euery man leap within him for ioy their eyes ouerflowed with teares of louing and dutifull affection their voices shooted with acclamations The great Ordnance thundered and filled the earth skyes with loud reioycings the trumpets clangor pierced the welkin the beaten drums ratled tryumphantly all manner of Instruments sounded melodiously and to better and sweeten all the rest his Highnesse most graciously accepted their loues mutually and thankefully But blustring Boreas with his brother Eurus the North and East winde blew most stifly and churlishly detained our joy and happinesse from vs here in Britaine So that neuer any louing mother desired with more longing to see her hopefull Sonne whose long absence had fild her with griefe then all the honest Inhabitants of this Kingdome did hunger and thirst to see or heare from their most hopeful and beloued Prince With what greedy desire did many thousands as it were nayle their eye sights dayly vpon Fanes Weather-cocks the smoke of Chimneyes and the Racking of the Cloudes and for fifteene long dayes and nights the thwartouer and crosse North and Easterly Winde blew vs nothing but lengthening of our Sorrowes and delaying of our comforts vntill at last on Friday the third of October last it pleased the great Archmaster of windes and Seas to tutne the breath of Eolus the way we most heartily prayed for So that his Highnesse speedily taking aduantage of this most happy and prosperous Gale Anchors were soone weighed Sailes suddainely displayed and by the prouidence of the Almighty and the diligent industry of the skilfull Nauigators and Martiners his Highnesse most safely Landed at Portsmouth in Hampshire on Sunday the fifth of October betwixt the houres of three and foure in the afternoone where he tooke Coach and came that night and Lodged neere Guilford in Surrey 25. miles from London at the house of the Right Honourable the Lord Viscount Anuan's The happy newes of his Highnesse most welcome arivall was brought to London on Monday being the sixth of October and shortly after the same morning hee came in person himselfe taking Barge at Lambeth with the Duke of Buckingham followed by the Archbyshop of Canterbury and diuers other whence he past to Yorkehouse betwixt eight and nine of the clocke where hee hauing taken some repast hee tooke Coach againe to goe towards his Royall Father to reioyce his heart with his Princely presence The ioyfull newes of his happy returne filled the whole Kingdome with excessiue ioy first his most royall Father had a chiefe share in the comfort Secondly many of his good Seruants who were almost with griefe for his long absence like so many bodies without life but now they are all relieued by his welcome presence with the spirits of mirth and alacrity But the City of London in expression of their louing duties haue spared for no cost eyther generall or particular THe Bels proclaim'd aloud in euery Steeple The ioyfull acclamations of the people The Ordnance thundred with so high a straine As if great Mars they meant to entertaine The Bonfires blazing infinite almost Gaue such a heat as if the world did roast True mirth and gladnesse was in euery face And healths ran brauely round in euery place That sure I thinke this sixt day of October Ten thousand men will goe to bed scarce c. This was a day all dedicate to Mirth As 't were our Royall CHARLES his second birth And this day is a Iewell well return'd For whom this Kingdome yesterday so mourn'd God length his dayes who is the cause of this And make vs thankfull for so great a blisse The whole day being spent thus in mirth triumphs and thanksgiuing wherein the people of all degrees from the highest to the lowest both rich and poore in London Westminster and the Suburbs to their powers exprest their loues that not so much but the foure Elements Fire Water Ayre and Earth seemed to applaud the celebration of this happy and welcome day for the Heauens most aboundantly powred downe a shower of raine of nine houres continuance which the dry and thirsty earth dranke most greeddy or as I may say most louingly to the health of so joyfull and auspicious a solemnitie The fire or fires in all places Streets Lanes Courts and Corners despight the Raine or enuying that it should quench the flaming ardency of its tranâ—â—â—â—dent Loue ascended vpwards in shew of thankefulnesse and the vast empty and subtle Ayre was filled with the shours and acclamations of people with the reioycing noyles of Instruments Ordnance Muskets Bels Drums and Trumpets And further I heard it credibly reported that there was one Bonefire made at the Guildhall in London which cost one hundred pounds belike it was some Logwood which was prohibited and vnlawfull to bee vsed by Dyers and being forfeited was ordained to be burnt in tryumph But as good cause we had the day was