vs follow still the Apostles lore Apostata's thou follow'st euermore They bid refresh the poore with Almes-deedes Thou rauish dost the poore with all misdeedes They promist ioyes eternall neuer wasting You merit noyes infernall euerlasting 18 Of Sheepe turned Wolues WHen hearts obdurate make of sin an habitâ— High frowning Nemesis was wont to senâ— Beares Lions Wolues and Serpents to this end To spoyle the coasts whereso good folke inhabite Now since this age in habite and in act Excels the sinnes of euery former age No maruaile Nemesis in her iust rage Doth like or greater punishment exact And for this cause a cruell beast is sent Not only that deuoures and spoyles the people But spares not house nor village Church nor Steeplâ— And makes poore widdowes mourn Orphants lameÌ„â— You muse perhaps what beasts they be that keep Such beastly rule as seld was seene before T is neither Beare nor Lyon Bull nor Bore But Beasts then al these beasts more harmeful sheâ—â— Loe then the mystery from whence the name Of Cotsold Lyons first to England came 19 Of Lynus borrowing WHen Lynus meets me after salutations Courtsies and complements and gratulations He presseth me euen to the third deniall â—o lend him twenty shillings or a royall But of his purpose of his curtsie fayling He goes behind my backe cursing and rayling Foole thy kind speeches cost not thee a penâ—y And more foole I if they should cost me any 20 Of one Master Carelesse WHere dwels Mr. Carelesse Iesters haue no dwelling Where lies he in his tongue by most mens telling Where bords he there where feasts are fouÌ„d by smelling Where bites he all behind with all men yelling Where bides the man oh sir I mist your spelling â—ow I will read yet well I doe not wot â—ut if that I to him shall point his lot In Shot-ouer at Dogs-head in the pot For in that signe his head oft ouer-shot 21 Against Momus in praise of his dogge Bungey BEcause a witty Writer of this time Doth make some mention in a pleasant rime Of Lepidus and of his famous dogge Thou Momus that dost loue to scoffe and cogge Prat'st amongst base companions and giue'st out That vnto me herein is meant aflout Hate makes thee blinde Momus I dare be sworne He meant to me his loue to thee his scorne Put on thy enuious spectacles and see Whom doth he scorne therein the dogge or mee The Dogge is grac't compared with great Bankes Both beasts right famous for their pretty prankes Although in this I grant the dogge was worse He onely fed my pleasure not my purse Yet that same Dogge I may say this and boast it He found my purse with gold when I haue lost it Now for my selfe some fooles like thee may iudge That at the name of Lepidus I grudge No sure so farre I thinke it from disgrace I wisht it cleare to me and to my race Lepus or Lepos I in both haue part That in my name I beare this in mine heart But Momus I perswade my selfe that no man Will deigne thee such a name English or Roman I le wage a But of Sack the best in Bristo Who calles me Lepid I will call him Tristo 22 Of Faustus NOw Faustus saith long Epigrams are dull Lowt Larks are lothsom wheÌ„ ones panch is fulâ— Yet whom the short doe please the long not weary I wish them neuer weary euer merry 23 Of summum bonum WHile I of summum bonum was disputing Propounding some positioÌ„s som confuting â—ld Sextus sayes that we were all deluded â—nd that not one of vs aright concluded â—nowledge sayth he is only true felicity â—traightwayes a stranger askt me in simplicity â— Sextus learned no quoth I by this light â—hen without light how iudgeth he so right He doth but ayme as poore men vallew wealth The feeble value strength the sicke man health 24 To Mall to comfort her for the losse of her Children â—Hen at the window thou thy doues art feeding Then thinke I shortly my Doue will be breeding â—â—ke will loue like and so my liking like thee 〈◊〉 I to doues in many things can like thee â—oth of you loue your lodgings dry and warme â—oth of you doe your neighbours little harme â—oth loue to feede vpon the firmest graine â—oth for your liuings take but little paine Both murmur kindly both are often billing Yet both to Venus sports will seeme vnwilling Both doe delight to looke your selues in Glasses You both loue your own houses as it passes Both fruitfull are but yet the Doue is wiser For though she haue no friend that can aduise her She patiently can take her young ones losse Thou too impatiently doost beare such crosse 25 Of the excuse of Symony CLerus I heare doth some excuse alledge Of his and other fellowes sacriledge As namely that to some against their wills That men are bound to take the lesse of ills That they had rather no man need to doubt Take Liuings whole then such as his without And therefore we must lay this haynous crime Not vnto them forsooth but to the time Alas a fault confest were halfe amended But sinne is doubled that is thus defended I know a right wise man sings and beleeues Where no Receiuers are there be no Theeues 26 In commendation of Master Lewkeners sixt description of Venice Dedicated to Lady Warwick 1595. LO here 's describ'd though but in little roome Faire Venice like a Spouse in Neptunes armes For freedome emulous to ancient Rome Famous for counsell much and much for Armes Whose stories earst written with Tuscan quill Lay to our English wits as halfe conceal'd Till Lewkners learned trauaile and his skill In well grac'd stile and phrase hath it reueald Venice be proud that thus augments thy fame England be kind enricht with such a Booke Both giue due honor to that noble Dame For whom this taske the Writer vnder-tooke 27 Of one that gaue a Benefice A Squire of good account affirm'd he went A learned man a Liuing to present But yet that Squire in this did breake no square He purposed thereof to keepe a share â—o set two sonnes to schoole to make them Clarks He doth reserue each yeere an hundred markes Ah said the Priest this card is too too cooling I set your sonnes nay they set me to schooling 28 Of Faustus fishing WIth siluer hooke Faustus for flesh was fishing But that game byting not vnto his wishing He said he did being thus shrewdly matcht Fish for a Roach but had a Gudgen catcht Faustus it seemes thy luck therein was great For sure the Gudgen is the better meat Now bayt againe that game is set so sharpe That to that Gudgen thou mayst catch a Carpe 29 To his friend Of his Booke of Aiax YOu muse to find in me such alteration That I that may denly to write was wont Would now set to a Booke so desperate front As I might scant defend by incitation My Muse that time did need a strong
for the greater terrour â—diudged first to lye a yeere in fetters â—hen burned in his forhead with two letters â—nd to disparage him with more disgrace â—o slit his nose the figure of his face The prisoners wife with no dishonest mind To shew her selfe vnto her husband kind Sued humbly to the Lords and would not cease Some part of this sharp rigour to release He was a man she said had seru'd in warre What mercy would a Souldiers face so marre Thus much said she but grauely they replied It was great mercy that he thus was tried His crimes deserue he should haue lost his life And hang in chaines Alas repli'd his wife If you disgrace him thus you quite vndoe him Good my Lords hang him pray be good vnto him 44 Of Don Pedro. DOn Pedro neuer dines without red Deere If red Deere be his guests grasse is his cheere I but I meane he hath it in his dish And so haue I oft what I doe not wish 45 The Author to his wife MAll once in pleasant company by chance I wisht that you for company would dance Which you refus'd and said your yeeres require Now Matron-like both manners and attire Well Mall if needs thou wilt be Matron-like Then trust to this I will a Matron like â—et so to you my loue may neuer lessen 〈◊〉 you for Church house bed obserue this lesson 〈◊〉 in the Church as solemne as a Saint â—o deed word thought your due deuotion taint â—aile if you will your head your soule reueale â—o him that onely wounded soules can heale 〈◊〉 in my house as busie as a Bee â—auing a sting for euery one but mee â—uzzing in euery corner gathering hony â—et nothing waste that costs or yeeldeth mony â—nd when thou seest my heart to mirth incline 〈◊〉 tongue wit bloud warme with good cheere and wine Then of sweet sports let no occasion scape But be as wanton toying as an Ape 46 Of Lelia WHen louely Lelia was a tender girle She hapt to be deflowred by an Earle â—las poore wench she was to be excused â—â—ch kindnesse oft is offered seld refused â—ut be not proud for she that is no Countesse â—nd yet lies with a Count must make account this All Countesses in honour her surmount They haue she had an honourable Count. 47 Of a drunken Smith I Heard that SMVG the Smith for ale and spice Sold all his tooles and yet he kept his vice 48 Of Soothsaying MIght Kings shun future mischief by foretelling TheÌ„ amongst Soothsayers 't were excelleÌ„t dweâ—ling But if there be no means such harmes repelling The knowledge makes the sorrow more excelling But this deare Soueraigne me comfort doth That of these Sooth-sayers very few say sooth 49 A good request of a Lawyer A Pleasant Lawyer standing at the barre The Causes done and day not passed farre A Iudge to whom he had profest deuotion Askt him in grace if he would haue a motion Yes Sir quoth he but short and yet not small That whereas now of Satieants is a call I wish as most of my profession doe That there might be a call of Clyents too For sure it brings vs Lawyers mickle cumber Because of them we find so small a number 50 Of Friendship NEw friends are no friends how can that be true The oldest friends that are were somtimes new 51 Of Caius increase in his absence WHile Caius doth remaine beyond the Seas And followes there some great important suit â—is Lands bare neither Oates nor Beanes nor Pease â—ut yet his wife beares faire and full-growne fruit What is the cause that brings his Lands sterility â—nd his wiues fruitfulnes and great fertility His Lands want occupyers to manure them But she hath store knows how to procure them 52 Of a toothlesse Shrew OLd Ellen had foure teeth as I remember She cought out two of them the last December â—ut this shrewd cough in her raign'd so vnruly â—e cought out tother two before t was Iuly â—ow she may cough her heart out for in sooth â—he said shrewd cough hath left her ne're a tooth But her curst tongue wanting this common curbe Doth more then erst the houshold all disturbe 53 To Doctor Sharpe LAte I tooke leaue of two right noble dames And hasted to my wife as I protested You will'd me stay awhile and thus you iested You Sir may please your Wife with Epigrams Well said 't was Doctor-like and sharply spoken No friendship breakes where iests so smooth are 〈◊〉 But now you haue new orders tane of late Those orders which as you expound Saint Paul Are equall honourable vnto all I meane of marriage the holy state I hope in Lent when flesh growes out of date You will in stead of tother recreation Be glad to please your wife with some Collation 54 Of the Papists Feasts and the Brownists Fasts A Papist dwelling to a Brownist neere Their seruants met and vanted of their cheeâ— And first the Papists man did make his bost He had each festiuall both bak't and rost And where said he your zealous sort allow On Christmasse day it selfe to goe to plow We feast and play and walke and talk and slumbâ—â— Besides our holy dayes are more in number As namely we doe keepe with great festiuity Our Ladies both assumption and natiuity S. Pauls conuersion S. Iohns decollation S. Laurence broyld S. Swithens moyst translation S. Peters chaines and how with Angels vision He brake the prison quite without misprision â— grant the tother said you seeme more gainesome But for your sport you pay too deare a ransome We like your Feasts your Fastings bred our greeues Your Lents your Ember weekes and holy Eeues But this coniunction I should greatly praise The Brownists fasts with Papists holy daies 55 Of Mile the glutton MIlo with haste to cram his greedy gut One of his thumbs vnto the bone had cut Then straight it noysed was about by some That he had lost his stomack with his thumb To which one said No worse hap fall vnto him But if a poore man finde it 't will vndoe him 56 Of Fortune FOrtune men say doth giue too much to many But yet shee neuer gaue enough to any 57 Of deuotion and promotion I Met a Lawyer at the Court this Lent And asking what great cause him thither sent He said that mou'd with Doctor Androes fame To heare him preach he onely thither came But straight I wisht him softly in his eare To find some other sense else some will sweare Who to the Court come onely for deuotion They in the Church pray onely for promotion 58 Of a painted Lady I Saw dame Leda's picture lately drawne With haire about her eares transparent Lawne Her Iuory paps and euery other part So limd vnto the life by Painters Art That I that had been long with her acquainted Did think that both were quick or both were painteâ— 59 Of Galla's gallantry WHat is the cause our Galla is so gallant Like ship in
vowed to shunne all companies vnruly â—nd in his speech he vsde none oath but truely â—nd zealously to keepe the Sabboths rest His meate for that day on the e'ue was drest And lest the custome that hee had to steale Might cause him sometime to forget his zeale He giues his iournymen a speciall charge That if the stuffes allowance being large He found his fingers were to filch inclin'd Bid him but haue the Banner in his minde This done I scant can tell the rest for laughter A Captaine of a Ship came three daies after And brought three yards of Veluet three quarters To make Venetians downe below the garters He that precisely knew what was enuffe Soone slipt away three quarters of the stuffe His man espying it said in derision Remember Master how you saw the vision Peace knaue quoth he I did not see one ragge Of such a colour'd silke in all the flagge 21 Of one Paulus a great man that expected to be followed PRoud Paulus late aduanc't to high degree Expects that I should now his follower be Glad I would be to follow ones direction By whom my honest suits might haue protection But I sue Don Fernandos heyre for land Against so great a Peere he dare not stand A Bishop sues me for my tithes that 's worse He dares not venter on a Bishops curse Sergeant Erifilus beares me old grudges Yea but saith Paulus Sergeants may be Iudges Pure Cinna o're my head would begge my Lease Who my Lord. Man O hold your peace Rich widdow Lesbia for a slander sues me Tush for a womans cause he must refuse me Then farewell frost Paulus henceforth excuse me For you that are your selfe thrall'd to so many Shall neuer be my good Lord if I haue any 22 Of a terrible Temporall non-resident OLd Cosmus hath of late got one lewd qualitie To rayle at some that haue the cure of soules And his pure sprite their auarice controules That in their liuings is such inequalitie That they that can keepe no good hospitalitie And some that would whose fortune he condoles â—ant meanes which comes he sayes in generalitie â—ecause of these same Toâ—â—â—â—ts and Pluralitie Affirming as a sentence full discust One Clergie man haue but one liuing must â—ut he besides his sundry ciuill offices â—ath brought in fee fiue fat Impropriations â—welue Patronages rights or Presentations â—ll which he keepes yet preaches not nor prophesies â—el Cosmus hold thy tong else some wil scoffe at this thou d'st haue vs thinke a Priest should haue but one Wee 'le thinke nay say nay sweare thou shouldst haue none â—l sutes it thee to blame then for non Residents That giuest thereof such foule and shamefull Presidenâ—â— 23 A Tale of a Rosted Horse ONe Lord 2. Knights 3. Squires 7. Dames at least My kind friend Marcus bade vnto his Feast Where were both Fish and Flesh and all acates That men are wont to haue that feast great States To pay for which next day he sold a Nagge Of whose pace colour Raine he vs'd to bragge Well I le ne're care for red or fallow Deere And if a Horse thus cookt can make such cheere 24 Of Madam Dondrages with her faire brest A Fauorite of Charles late King of France Disporting with the King one day by chance Madam Dondrages came among the rest All bare as still she vsed 〈◊〉 her brest The King would needs haue notice of his Minion Of this free Dame what was his franke opinion I say and dare affirme my liege quoth he That if the crupper like the pertrell be A King a Loue I worthy can account Vpon so braue a trapped beast to mount 25 The Author to his wife of a womans eloquence MY Mall I mark that wheÌ„ you mean to proue me To buy a Veluet gowne or some rich border Thou calst me good sweet heart thou swearst to loue me Thy locks thy lips thy looks speak all in order Thou think'st and right thou think'st that these doe moue me That all these seuerally thy sute do further But shall I tell thee what most thy suit aduances Thy faire smoothe words no no thy faire smoothe banches 26 Of Peleus ill-fortune in burying his friends OLd Peleus plaines his fortune and ill chaunce That still he brings his friends vnto the graue God Peleus I would thou hadst led the daunce And I had pointed thee what friends to haue 27 To my Lady Rogers of breaking her bitches legge â—Ast night you laid it Madam in our dish How that a mayd of ours whom we must check â—â—d broke your bitches legge I straight did wish â—â—e baggage rather broken had her neck 〈◊〉 tooke my answer well and all was whish But take me right I meant in that I said Your baggage bitch and not my baggage mayd 28 Of Paying A Captaine late arriu'd from losse of Sluce Hearing some friend of mine did him abuse â—ow'd he would pay him when he met him next â—y friend with these great threats nothing perplext Prayd that the promise faild not of fulfilling For three yeeres past he lent him fortie shilling 29 The Author of his owne fortune TAke fortune as it falles as one aduiseth Yet Heywood bids me take it as it riseth â—nd while I think to doe as both doe teach 〈◊〉 falles and riseth quite beside my reach 30 Of the cause of dearth I Heare our Country neighbors oft complaine Their fruits are still destroyd with too much raiâ— Some gesse by skill of Starres and Science vaine Some watry Planet in the heauens doth raigne No Sinne doth raigne on earth the case is plaine Which if we would repent and then refraine The skyes would quickly keepe their course againe Now that with lewdnesse we be luld asleepe The heauens to see our wickednesse doe weepe 31 To Sir Hugh Portman in supping alone in too much company WHen you bade forty guests to me vnknowne I came not though you twice for me did send For which you blame me as a sullen friend Sir pardon me I list not suppe alone 32 Of Sextus a bad husband HAd I good Sextus well considered first And better thought on phrases of ciuilitie When I said you of husbands were the worst I should haue said excepting the Nobilitie Well none to speak more mannerly and true The Nobles and great States-men all foreprised â—n husband worse then you I neuer knew â—hen mend yet thus in mending be aduised Be no good husband for as some haue thought Husbands that will be good make huswifes nought 33 Of writing with double pointing It is said that King Edward of Carnaruan lying at Berkly Castle prisoner a Cardinall wrote to his Keeper Edwardum occidere noli timere bonum est which being read with the point at timere it cost the King his life Here ensues as doubtfull a point but I trust not so dangerous DAmes are indude with vertues excellent What man is he can proue that they offend Daily they serue the Lord with good intent
that such prayers are deadly sinnes â—nd that it prou'd he was deuoyd of grace â—o speake to God in so vnfit a place â—he reuerend man though at the first dismayd â—et strong in faith thus to the Diuell said â—hou damned Spirit wicked false and lying â—espayring thine owne good and ours enuying â—ach take his due and me thou canst not hurt â—o God my prayer I meant to thee the durt Pure prayer ascends to him that high doth fit Downe falls the filth for fiends of hell more fit 49 Of Don Pedro his sweet breath HOw i st Don Pedros breath is still perfâ—m'd And that he neuer like himselfe doth smell I like it not for still it is presum'd Who smelleth euer well smells neuer well 50 Misacmos against his Booke THe Writer and the matter well might meet Were he as eloquent as it is sweet 51 Of Cloacina and Sterquitius THe Romanes euer counted superstitious Adored with high titles of Diuinitie Dame Cloacina and the Lord Sterquitius Two persons in their State of great affinitie But we that scorne opinions so pernitious Are taught by Truth well try'd t' adore the Trinitie And who-so care of true Religion takes Wil think such Saints wel shrined in AIAX 52 To the Queene when she was pacified and had sent Misacmos thankes for the inuention A Poet once of Traian begd a Lease Traian terror of Warre mirror of Peace â—â—d doubting how his writings were accepted â—â—inst which he heard some Courtiers had excepted â—â— came to him and with all due submission â—â—liuered this short Verse with this Petition â—â—are Soueraigne if you like not of my Writings 〈◊〉 this sweet cordiall to a spirit daunted 〈◊〉 if you reade and like my poore enditings 〈◊〉 for reward let this small sute be granted Of which short Verse I finde insu'd such fruit The Poet of the Prince obtain'd his sute 53 A Poets Priuiledge PAinters and Poets claime by old enroulement A Charter to dare all without controulement 54 To Faustus FAustus findes fault my Epigrams are short Because to reade them he doth make some sport I thanke thee Faustus though thou iudgest wrong Ere long I 'le make thee sweare they be too long 55 Against Faustus WHat is the cause Faustus that in dislike Proud Paulus still doth touch thee with a Pike 〈◊〉 breedeth in my minde a great confusion â—o thinke what he should meane by such elusion Trowst thou hee meanes that thou mightst make a PikemaÌ„ That caÌ„not be for that thou art no like man Thy crazed bones cannot endure the shocke Besides his manner is to speake in mocke Or i st because the Pike's a greedy Fish Deuoures as thou dost many a dainty Dish And in another sort and more vnkinde Wilt bite and spoile those of thy proper kinde Or doth he meane thou art a quarrell-piker That amongst men wert neuer thought a striker In this he sayes thou art a Christian brother That stricken on one eare thou turnest the other Or doth he meane that thou would'st picke a thanke No sure for of that fault I count thee franke How can thy tale to any man be gratefull Whose person manners face and all 's so hatefull Then Faustus I suspect yet one thing worse Thou hast pickt somwhat else What 's that a purse 56 Of mis-conceiuing LAdies you blame my verses of scurrilitie While with the double sense you were deceiu'd Now you confesse them free from inciuilitie Take heede henceforth you be not misconceiu'd 57. How the Bathe is like Purgatory WHether it be a Fable or a Story That Beda and others write of Purgatory â— know no place that more resemblance hath With that same Purgatory then the Bathe Men there with paines doe purge their passed sinnes Many with paines purge here their parched skins â—rying and freezing are the paines there told Here the chiefe paine consists in heate and cold Confused cryes vapour and smoke and stinke â—re certaine here that there they are some thinke There fire burnes Lords and Lowts without respect Our water for his force workes like effect Thence none can be deliuered without praying Hence no man is deliuered without paying But once escaped thence hath sure saluation But those goe hence still feare recidiuation 58 Of going to Bathe A Common phrase long vsed here hath beene And by prescription now some credit hath That diuers Ladies comming to the Bathe Come chiefely but to see and to be seene But if I should declare my conscience briefely â— cannot thinke that is their Arrant chiefely For as I heare that most of them haue dealt They chiefely came to feele and to be felt 59 Of Plaine dealing MY writings oft displease you what 's the matter You loue not to heare truth nor I to flatter 60 Against Paulus BEcause in these so male contented times I please my selfe with priuate recreation In reading or in sweetest contemplation Or writing sometime prose oft pleasant rimes Paulus whom I haue thought my friend sometimes Seekes all he may to taint my reputation Not with complaints nor any haynous crimes But onely saying in his scoffing fashion These writers that still sauour of the schooles Frame to themselues a Paradice of fooles But while he scornes our mirth and plaine simplicitie Himselfe doth sayle to Affricke and Ind. And seekes with hellish paines yet doth not finde That blisse in which he frames his wise felicitie Now which of twaine is best some wise men tell Our Paradice or else wise Paulus hell 61 Of Caius hurts in the warre CAius of late return'd from Flemmish warres Of certaine little scratches beares the skarres And for that most of them are in his face With tant plus beau hee showes them for his grace â—et came they not by dint of Pike or Dart â—ut with a pot a pint or else a quart But he ne're makes his boast how and by whom He hath receiu'd a greater blow at home 62 Of two Welsh Gentlemen I Heard among some other pretty Tales How once there were two Gentlemen of Wales Of Noble bloud discended of his House That from our Ladies gowne did take a Louse These two thus goes the tale vpon a day Did hap to trauell vpon London way â—nd for 't was cumbersome to weare a boote â—or their more ease they needs would walke afoote Their fare was dainty and of no small cost â—or euery meale they call'd for bak't and rost â—nd lest they should their best apparell lacke Each of them bore his Wardrobe at his backe Their Arrant was but sore against their wils â—o Westminster to speake with Master Milles. â—o maruell men of such a sumptuous Dyet Were brought into the Star-chamber for a Ryot These Squires one night arriued at a towne To looke their lodgings when the Sun was downe And for the Inne-keeper his gates had locked â—n haste like men of some account they knocked The drowsie Chamberlaine doth aske who 's there They told that Gentlemen of Wales they were How many quoth the man is there
was preaching The Gaolor busie for his eares was searching But all in vaine for there was not an eare Onely the places hid with locks of haire Thou knaue said he I will of thee complaine Vnto the Lords for cousonage againe Why so said hee their order me doth binde To lose mine eares not you mine eares to finde 77 Of taking a Hare VNto a Lawyer rich a Client poore Came early in the morning to his doore And dancing long attendance in the place At last he gat some counsell in his case For which the Lawyer look't to haue beene paid But thus at last the poore man to him said I cannot giue a fee my state 's so bare But will it please you Sir to take a Hare He that tooke all that came with all his hart Said that he would and take it in good part Then must you runne apace good Sir quoth he For she this morning quite out-stripped me He went his way the Hare was neuer taken Was not the Lawyer taken or mistaken 78 The Author to his Wife YOur maid Brunetta you with newes acquaints How Leda whom her husband wanting issue Brought erst to Bath our pilgrimage of Saints Weares her gowne veluet kirtle cloth of tissue A figur'd Sattin petticote Carnation With sixe gold parchment laces all in fashion Yet neuer was Dame Leda nobler borne Nor dranke in Gossips cup by Sou'raigne sent Nor euer was her Highnes woman sworne Nor doth her husband much exceed in rent Then Mall be proud that thou maist better weare them And I more proud thou better dost forbeare them 79 Of too high commendation in a meane person A Scholler once to win his Mistresse loue Compar'd her to three Goddesses aboue And said she had to giue her due desarts Iuno's Minerua's and faire Venus parts Iuno so proud and curst was of her tongue All men misliked her both old and yong Pallas so soule and grim was out of measure That neither gods nor men in her tooke pleasure Venus vnchaste that she strong Mars entices With yong Adonis and with old Anchises How thinke you are these praises few or meane Compared to a shrow a slut or queane 80 Of trusting a Captaine AN Alderman one of the better sort And worthie member of our worthiest Citie Vnto whose Table diuers did resort Himselfe of stomake good of answeres witty Was once requested by a Table friend To lend an vnknowne Captaine forty pound The which because he might the rather lend He said he should become in statute bound And this quoth he you need not doubt to take For he 's a man of late growne in good credit And went about the world with Captaine Drake Out quoth the Alderman that ere you sed it For forty pounds no nor for forty pence His single bond I count not worth a chip I say to you take not hereat offence He that hath three whole yeeres been in a ship In famine plagues in stench and storme so rife Cares not to lye in Ludgate all his life 81 In Cornutum WHat curld-pate youth is he that sitteth there So neere thy wife and whispers in her eare And takes her hand in his and soft doth wring her Sliding his ring still vp and downe her finger Sir t is a Proctor seene in both the Lawes Retain'd by her in some important cause Prompt and discreet both in his speech and action And doth her busines with great satisfaction And thinkest thou so a horne-plague on thy head Art thou so like a foole and wittoll led To thinke he doth the businesse of thy wife He doth thy businesse I dare lay my life 82 A Tragicall Epigram WHen doome of Peeres Iudges fore-appointed By racking lawes beyond all reach of reason Had vnto death condemn'd a Queene anointed And found oh strange without allegeance treason The Axe that should haue done that execution Shunn'd to cut off a head that had beene crowned Our hangman lost his wonted resolution To quell a Queene of noblenesse so renowned Ah is remorse in hangmen and in steele When Peeres and Iudges no remorse can feele Grant Lord that in this noble I le a Queene Without a head may neuer more be seene 83 Of reading Scriptures THe sacred Scriptures treasure great affoords To all of seuerall tongues of sundry Realmes For low and simple spirits shallow Foords For high and learned Doctors deeper streames In euery part so exquisitely made An Elephant may swimme a Lambe may wade Not that all should with barbarous audacity Read what they list and how they list expound But each one suting to his weake capacity For many great Scriptureans may be found That cite Saint Paul at euery bench and boord And haue Gods word but haue not God the word 84 The Author to his wife a rule for praying MY deare that in your closet for deuotion To kindle in your brest some godly motion You contemplate and oft your eyes doe fixe On some Saints picture or the Crucifixe T is not amisse be it of stone or mettle It serueth in thy mind good thoughts to settle Such images may serue thee as a booke Whereon thou maist with godly reuerence looke And thereby thy remembrance to acquaint With life or death or vertue of the Saint Yet doe I not allow thou kneele before it Nor would I in no wise you should adore it For as such things well vs'd are cleane and holy So superstition soone may make it folly All images are scorn'd and quite dis-honoured If the Prototype be not solely honoured I keepe thy picture in a golden shrine And I esteeme it well because 't is thine But let me vse thy picture ne're so kindly 'T were little worth if I vs'd thee vnkindly Sith then my deare our heauenly Lord aboue Vouchsafeth vnto ours to like his loue So let vs vse his picture that therein Against himselfe we doe commit no sinne Nor let vs scorne such pictures nor deride them Like fooles whose zeale mistaught cānot abide them But pray our hearts by faith's eyes be made able To see what mortall eyes see on a Table A man would thinke one did deserue a mocke Should say Oh heauenly Father to a stocke Such a one were a stocke I straight should gather That would confesse a stocke to be her Father 85 Poenitentia poenitenda Of a penitent Fryer BOund by his Church and Trentin Catechisme To vow a single life a Cloystered Frier Had got a swelling call'd a Priapisme Which seld is swag'd but with a femall fire The Leach as oftentimes Physicians vse To cure the corps not caring for the soule Prescribes a cordiall med'cine from the Stewes Which lewd prescript the Patient did condole Yet strong in Faith and being loth to dye And knowing that extremes yeeld dispensation He is resolu'd and doth the med'cine trie Which being done he made such lamentation That diuers thought he was fall'n in despaire And therefore for his confirmation praid But when that they had ended quite their prayer