no other guard Nature her self's beholden to your Dress Which tho' still like much fairer you express Some vainly striving Honour to obtain Leave to their Heirs the Traffick of their Brain Like China under Ground the ripening Ware In a long time perhaps grows worth our Care But you now reap the Fame so well you 've sown The Planter tasts his Fruit to ripeness grown As a fair Orange-tree at once is seen Big with what 's ripe yet springing still with Green So at one time my worthy Friend appears With all the sap of Youth and weight of Years Accept my pious Love as forward Zeal Which tho' it ruins me I can't conceal Expos'd to Censure for my weak Applause I 'm pleas'd to suffer in so just a Cause And tho' my Offering may unworthy prove Take as a Friend the Wishes of my Love J. W. MARSH To Mr. CONGREVE on his PLAY called The OLD BATCHELOR WIT like true Gold refin'd from all Allay Immortal is and never can decay 'T is in all Times and Languages the same Nor can an ill Translation quench the Flame For tho' the Form and Fashion don't remain Th' intrinsick value still it will retain Then let each studied Scene be writ with Art And Iudgment sweat to form the labour'd Part Each Character be just and Nature seem Without th' Ingredient Wit 't is all but Phlegm For that 's the Soul which all the Mass must move And wake our Passions into Grief or Love But you too Bounteous sow your Wit so thick We are surpriz'd and know not where to pick And while our Clapping does you Iustice do Our selves we injure and lose something new What may'nt we then great Youth of thee presage Whose Art and Wit so much transcend thy Age How wilt thou shine at thy Meridian height Who at thy rising give so vast a Light VVhen DRYDEN dying shall the VVorld deceive VVhom we Immortal as his VVorks believe Thou shalt succeed the Glory of the Stage Adorn and entertain the coming Age. BEVIL HIGGINS PROLOGVE intended for the old Btcahelour sent to the Author by an unknown Hand MOST Authors on the Stage at first appear Like Widows-Bridegrooms full of doubt and fear They judge from the experience of the Dame How hard a Task it is to quench her Flame And who falls short of furnishing a course Up to his brawny Predecessors force With utmost rage from her Embraces thrown Remains convicted as an empty Drone Thus often to his Shame a pert Beginner Proves in the end a miserable Sinner As for our Youngster I am apt to doubt him With all the vigour of his Youth about him But he more Sanguine trusts in one and twenty And impudently hopes he shall content you For tho' his Batchelour be worn and cold He thinks the Young may club to help the Old And what alone can be atchieved by neither Is often brought about by both together The briskest of you all have felt Allarms Finding the fair One prostitute her Charms With broken Sighs in her old Fumblers Arms. But for our Spark he Swears he 'll ne're be jealous Of any Rivals but young lusty Fellows Faith let him try his Chance and if the Slave After his bragging prove a washy Knave May he be banish'd to some lonely Den And never more have leave to dip his Pen But if he be the Champion he pretends Both Sexes sure will join to be his Friends For all agree where all can have their ends And you must own him for a Man of Might If he holds out to please you the third Night PROLOGUE Spoken by Mrs. Bracegirdle HOW this vile World is chang'd In former days Prologues were serious Speeches before Plays Grave solemn Things as Graces are to Feasts Where Poets beg'd a Blessing from their Guests But now no more like Suppliants we come A Play makes War and Prologue is the Drum Arm'd with keen Satyr and with pointed Wit We threaten you who do for Iudges sit To save our Plays or else we 'll damn your Pit But for your Comfort it falls out to day We 've a young Author and his first born Play So standing only on his good Behaviour He 's very civil and entreats your Favour Not but the Man has Malice would he show it But on my Conscience he 's a bashful Poet You think that strange no matter he 'll out grow it Well I 'm his Advocate by me he prays you I don't know whether I shall speak to please you He prays O bless me what shall I do now Hang me if I know what he prays or how And 't was the prettiest Prologue as he wrote it Well the Deuce take me if I hau'e forgot it O Lord for Heavens sake excuse the Play Because you know if it be damn'd to day I shall be hang'd for wanting what to say How my sake then but I 'm in such Confusion I cannot stay to hear your Resolution Runs off Personae Dramatis Men By Heartwell a furly old Batchelour pretending to slight Women secretly in Love with Silvia Mr. Betterton Bellmour in Love with Belinda Mr. Powel Vainlove capricious in his Love in Love with Araminta Mr. Williams Sharper Mr. Alexander Sir Joseph Wittol Mr. Bowen Capt. Bluffe Mr. Hains Fondlewife a Banker Mr. Dogget Setter a Pimp Mr. Underhill Servant to Fondlewife Women Araminta in Love with Vainlove Mrs. Bracegirdle Belinda her Cousin and affected Lady in Love with Bellmour Mrs. Mountfort Laetitia Wife to Fondlewife Mrs. Barry Silvia Vainlove's forsaken Mistress Mrs. Bowman Lucy her Maid Mrs. Leigh Betty Footmen The Scene LONDON THE Old Batchelour ACT I. SCENE I. The Street Bellmour and Vainlove Meeting Bell. VAinlove and abroad so early good Morrow I thought a Contemplative Lover could no more have parted with his Bed in a Morning than a' could ' have slept in 't Vain Bellmour good Morrow Why truth on 't is these early Sallies are not usual to me but Bussiness as you see Sir Shewing Letters And Business must be follow'd or be lost Bell. Pox o' Business And so must Time my Friend be close pursued or lost Business is the rub of Life perverts our Aim casts off the Blas and leaves us wide and short of the intended Mark Vain Pleasure I guess you mean Bell. Ay what else has meaning Vain Oh the Wise will tell you Bell. More than they believe Or understand Vain How how Ned a wise Man say more than he understands Bell. Ay ay pox Wisdom's nothing but a pretending to know and believe more than really we do You read of but one wise Man and all that he knew was that he knew nothing Come come leave Business to Idlets and Wisdom to Fools they have need of 'em Wit be my Faculty and Pleasure my Occupation and let Father Time shake his Glass Let low and earthy Souls grovel till they have work'd themselves six foot deep into a Grave Business is not my Element I rowl in a higher Orb and dwell Vain In
THE Old Batchelour A COMEDY As it is ACTED at the Theatre Royal BY Their MAJESTIES Servants Written by Mr. Congreve Quem tulit ad Scenam ventoso gloria Curru Exanimat lentus Spectator sedulus inflat Sic leve sic parvum est animum quod laudis avarum Subruit aut resicit Horat. Epist. I. Lib. II. LONDON Printed for Peter Buck at the Sign of the Temple near the Temple-gate in Fleet-street 1693. To the Right Honourable Charles Lord Clifford of Lanesborough c. My Lord IT is with a great deal of Pleasure that I lay hold on this first Occasion which the Accidents of my Life have given me of writing to your Lordship For since at the same time I write to all the World it will be a means of publishing what I would have every Body know the Respect and Duty which I owe and pay to you I have so much Inclination to be yours that I need no other Engagement But the particular Ties by which I am bound to your Lordship and Family have put it out of my power to make you any Complement since all Offers of my self will amount to no more than an honest Acknowledgment and only shew a willingness in me to be grateful I am very near wishing That it were not so much my Interest to be your Lordships Servant that it might be more my Merit not that I would avoid being obliged to you but I would have my own Choice to run me into the Debt that I might have it to boast I had distinguished a Man to whom I would be glad to be obliged even without the hopes of having it in my Power ever to make him a return It is impossible for me to come near your Lordship in any kind and not to receive some Favour and while in appearance I am only making an Acknowledgment with the usual underhand dealing of the World I am at the same time insinuating my own Interest I cannot give your Lordship your due without tacking a Bill of my own Priviledges 'T is true if a Man never committed a Folly he would never stand in need of a Protection But then Power would have nothing to do and good Nature no occasion to shew it self and where those Vertues are 't is pity they should want Objects to shine upon I must confess this is no reason why a Man should do an idle thing nor indeed any good Excuse for it when done yet it reconciles the uses of such Authority and Goodness to the necessities of our Follies and is a sort of Poetical Logick which at this time I would make use of to argue your Lordship into a Protection of this Play It is the first Offence I have committed in this kind or indeed in any kind of Poetry tho' not the first made publick and therefore I hope will the more easily be pardoned But had it been Acted when it was first written more might have been said in its behalf Ignorance of the Town and Stage would then have been Excuses in a young Writer which now almost four Years experience will scarce allow of Yet I must declare my self sensible of the good Nature of the Town in receiving this Play so kindly with all its Faults which I must own were for the most part very industriously covered by the care of the Players for I think scarce a Character but receiv'd all the Advantage it would admit of from the justness of Action As for the Criticks my Lord I have nothing to say to or against any of them of any kind from those who make just Exceptions to those who find fault in the wrong place I will only make this general Answer in behalf of my Play an Answer which Epictetus advises every Man to make for himself to his Censurers viz. That if they who find some Faults in it were as intimate with it as I am they would find a great many more This is a Confession which I need not to have made but however I can draw this use from it to my own Advantage that I think there are no Faults in it but what I do know which as I take it is the first step to an amendment Thus I may live in hopes sometime or other of making the Town amends but you my Lord I never can tho' I am ever Your Lordships most obedient and most humble Servant Will. Congreve To Mr. CONGREVE WHEN Vertue in pursuit of Fame appears And forward shoots the growth beyond the Years We timely court the rising Hero's Cause And on his side the Poet wisely draws Bespeaking him hereafter by Applause The days will come when we shall all receive Returning Interest from what now we give Instructed and supported by that Praise And Reputation which we strive to raise Nature so coy so hardly to be Woo'd Flies like a Mistress but to be pursu'd O CONGREVE boldly follow on the Chase She looks behind and wants thy strong Embrace She yields she yields surrenders all her Charms Do you but force her gently to your Arms Such Nerves such Graces in your Lines appear As you were made to be her Ravisher DRYDEN has long extended his Command By Right divine quite through the Muses Land Absolute Lord and holding now from none But great Apollo his undoubted Crown That Empire settled and grown old in Pow'r Can wish for nothing but a Successor Not to enlarge his Limits but maintain Those Provinces which he alone could gain His eldest Wicherly in wise Retreat Thought it not worth his quiet to be great Loose wandring Etherege in wild Pleasures lost And foreign Int'rests to his hopes long lost Poor Lee and Otway dead CONGREVE appears The Darling and last Comfort of his Years May'st thou live long in thy great Masters smiles And growing under him adorn these Isles But when when part of him be that but late His Body yielding must submit to Fate Leaving his deathless Works and thee behind The natural Successor of his Mind Then may'st thou finish what he has begun Heir to his Merit be in Fame his Son What thou hast done shews all is in thy Power And to Write better only must Write more 'T is something to be willing to commend But my best Praise is that I am your Friend THO. SOUTHERNE To Mr. CONGREVE THe Danger 's great in these censorious days When Criticks are so rife to venture Praise When the infectious and ill-natured Brood Behold and damn the Work because 't is good And with a proud ungenerous Spight would try To pass an Ostrocism on Poetry But you my Friend your Worth does safely bear Above their Spleen you have no cause for fear Like a well-metled Hawk you took your flight Quite out of reach and almost out of sight As the strong Sun in a fair Summers day You rise and drive the Mists and Clowds away The Owls and Bats and all the Birds of Prey Each Line of yours like polisht Steel's so hard In Beauty safe it wants
rear of my Master and enter the Breaches which he was made Lucy Ay the Breach of Faith which he has begun Thou Traytor to thy lawful Princess Setter Why how now prithee who art lay by that Worldly Face and produce your natural Vizor Lucy No Sirrah I 'le keep it on to abuse thee and leave thee without hopes of revenge Setter Oh! I begin to smoak ye thou art some forsaken Abigail we have dallied with heretofore And art come to tickle thy Imagaination with remembrance of inicuity past Lucy No thou pitiful Flatterer of thy Masters imperfections thou Maukin made up of the Shreds and Pairings of his superfluous Fopperies Setter Thou art thy Mistresses foul self Composed of her fully'd iniquities and Cloathing Lucy Hang thee Beggars Curr Thy Master is but a Mumper in Love lies Canting at the gate but never dare presume to enter the House Setter Thou art the Wicket to thy Mistresses Gate to be opened for all Comers In Fine thou art the high Road to thy Mistress as a Clap is to the Pox. Lucy Beast filthy Toad I can hold no longer look and tremble Vmasques Setter How Mrs. Lucy Lucy I wonder thou hast the impudence to look me in the Face Setter Adsbud who 's in fault Mistress Mine who slung the first Stone who undervalued my Function and who the Devil could know you by instinct Lucy You could know my Office by instinct an behang'd which you have slander'd most abominably It vexes me not what you said of my Person but that my innocent Calling should be expos'd and scandaliz'd I cannot bear it Cries Setter Nay faith Lucy I 'me sorry I 'le own my self to blame though we were both in fault as to our Offices Come I 'le make you any reparation Lucy Swear Setter I do swear to the utmost of my power Lucy To be brief then what is the reason your Master did not appear to Day according to the Summons I brought him Set. To answer you as briefly He has a cause to be try'd in another Court Lucy Come tell me in plain Terms how forward he is with Araminta Setter Too forward to be turn'd back Though he 's a little in disgrace at present about a Kiss which he forced You and I can Kiss Lucy without all that Lucy Stand off He 's a precious Jewel Setter And therefore you 'd have him to set in your Ladies Locket Lucy Where is he now Setter He 'l be in the Piaza presently Lucy Remember to Days behaviour Let me see you with a penitent Face Setter What no Token of amity Lucy you and I don't use to part with dry Lips Lucy No no avaunt I 'le not be slabber'd and kiss'd now I 'me not 'i th humour Exit Setter I 'le not quit you so I 'le Follow and put you into the humour Exit after her Enter Sr. Joseph Wittell Bluffe Bluff And so out of your unwonted Generosity Sr. Jo. And good Nature Back I am good Natur'd and I can't help it Bluff You have given him a note upon Fumblewife for a hundred Pound Sr. Jo. Ay ay poor Fellow he ventur'd fair for t Bluff You have disoblig'd me in it for I have occasion for the Mony and if you would look me in the Face again and live go and force him to redeliver you the Note go and bring it me hither I 'le stay here for you Sir Jo. You may stay till the day of Judgment then by the Lord Harry I know better things than to be run through the Guts for a hundred Pound Why I gave that hundred Pound for being saved and d'â—e think an there were no danger I 'le be so ungrateful to take it from the Gentleman again Bluff Well go to him from me Tell him I say he must refund or Bilbo's the Word and Slaughter will ensue If he refuse tell him But whisper that Tell him I 'll pink his Soul but whisper that softly to him Sir Io. So softly that he shall never hear on 't I warrant you Why what a Devil 's the Matter Bully are you mad Or de' e think I 'm mad Agad for my part I don't love to be the Messenger of ill News 't is an ungrateful Office So tell him your self Bluff By these Hilts I believe he frightned you into this Composition I believe you gave it him out of fear pure paultry fear confess Sir Io. No no hang 't I was not afraid neither Tho' I confess he did in a manner snap me up Yet I can't say that it was altogether out of fear but partly to prevent mischief For he was a devilish cholerick Fellow And if my Choller had been up too agad there would have been mischief done that 's flat And yet I believe if you had been by I would as soon have let him a' had a hundred of my Teeth Adheart if he should come just now when I 'm angry I 'd tell him Mum. Enter Sharper Bellmour Bell. Thou' rt a lucky Rogue there 's your Benefactor you ought to return him Thanks now you have receiv'd the Favour Sharp Sir Ioseph Your Note was accepted and the Mony paid at sight I 'm come to return my Thanks Sir Io. They won't be accepted so readily as the Bill Sir Bell. I doubt the Knight repents Tom He looks like the Knight of the sorrowful Face Sharp This is a double Generosity Do me a Kindness and refuse my Thanks But I hope you are not offended that I offer'd ' em Sir Io. May be I am Sir may be I am not Sir may be I am both Sir what then I hope I may be offended without any offence to you Sir Sharp Hey day Captain what 's the matter You can tell Bluff Mr. Sharper the matter is plain Sir Ioseph has found out your Trick and does not care to be put upon being a Man of Honour Sharp Trick Sir Sir Io. Ay Trick Sir and won't be put upon Sir being a Man of Honour Sir and so Sir Sharp Hearkee Sir Joseph a word with ye In consideration of some favours lately receiv'd I would not have you draw your self into a Premunire by trusting to that sign of a Man there That Pot gun charg'd with Wind. Sir Io. O Lord O Lord Captain come justifie your self I 'll give him the Lie if you 'll stand to it Sharp Nay then I 'l be beforehand with you take that Oafe Cuffs him Bluff Sir Io. Captain will you see this Won't you pink his Soul Bluff Husht 't is not so convenient now I shall find a time Sharp What do you mutter about a time Rascal You were the Incendiary There 's to put you in mind of your time A Memorandum Kicks him Bluff O this is your time Sir you had best make use on 't Sharp I Gad and so I will There 's again for you Kicks him Bluff You are obliging Sir but this is too publick a Place to thank you in But in your Ear you are to be seen again Sharp