cannot be without it this without doubt is come to set some of our Trees on Fire We sent for the Animal Frozen-nose to come to our Assistance however is not as yet arrived But farewel I have no time to talk we must look to the publick Safety nay do you look to your self also and fly for it else you 'll be in danger of being involved in our destruction I followed the counsel but without much straining because I knew my Legs In the mean time I was so ill acquainted with the Geopraphy of the Country that at the end of Eighteen hours I found my self at the back of the Forest that I thought I fled from and to add to my fear a hundred dreadful Thunder-claps stunned my Brains whilst the ghastly and pale Glimpses of a Thousand flashes of Lightning put out my Eye-sight These Claps redoubled from time to time with so much fury that one would have said The Foundations of the World were about to be over-turned and nevertheless the Heavens never appeared more serene Though I was at my wits end yet the desire of knowing the Cause of such an extraordinary Accident made me go towards the place from whence the noise seemed to proceed I had advanced about four hundred Furlongs when I perceived in the middle of a great Plain as it were two Bowls which having rustled and turned along time round one another approached and then recoyled And I observed that when they knocked one against the other then were these great Claps heard but going a little farther on I found that what at a distance I had taken for two Bowls were two Animals one of which tho round below formed a Triangle about the middle and his lofty Head with ruddy Locks which floated upwards spired into a Pyramide his Body was bored like a Sieve and through these little holes that served him for Pores thin flames glided which seemed to cover him with a Plume of Fires Walking about there I met with a very venerable old Man who observed that famous conflict with no less curiosity than my self He made me a sign to draw nigh I obeyed and we sat down by one another I had a design to have asked him the motive that had brought him into that Country but he stopt my Mouth with these words Well then you shall know the motive that brought me into this Country And thereupon he gave me a full account of all the particulars of his Voyage I leave it to you to judge in what amazement I was In the mean while to increase my consternation as I was boyling with desire to ask him what Spirit revealed my thoughts to him No no cryed he it 's no Spirit that reveals your thoughts to me This new hit of Divination made me observe him with greater attention than before and I perceived that he acted my Carriage my Gestures and Looks that he postured all his Members and shaped all the parts of his Countenance according to the pattern of mine in a word my Shadow in relief could not have represented me better I see said he you are in pain to know why I counterfeit you and I am willing to tell you Know then that to the end I might know your inside I dispofed all the parts of my Body into the same Order I saw yours in for being in all parts scituated like you by that disposition of matter I excite in my self the same thought that the same disposition of matter raises in you You will judge this to be a thing possible if heretofore you have observed that Twins who are like have commonly the like Mind Passions and Will insomuch that there were two Twins at Paris who always had the same Sicknesses and the same Health married without knowing one anothers design the same day and at the same hour wrote Letters mutually to one another in the same Sense Words and Stile and in short have upon the same Subject composed a Copy of the same kind of Verse with the same Stops Words and Order Now don't you see that it was impossible but that the Composition of the Organs of their Bodies being in all Circumstances alike they must act in a like manner seeing two like Instruments alike touched ought to render a like Harmony And that so I having conformed my Body wholly to yours and become if I may say so your Twin it is impossible but that the same Agitation of Matter must cause in both of us the same Agitation of Mind Having said so he fell a counterfeiting me again and thus went on You are at present in great pain to know the Original of the Conflict of these two Monsters but I will inform you of it Know then that the Trees of the Forest behind us being unable with their blowing to repel the attempts of the fiery Beast have had their recourse to the Animal Frozen-Nose I never heard of these Animals said I to him but from an Oak of this Country and that in great haste too because it was sollicitous for its own safety and therefore I would beg of you to give me some account of them He thereupon spake to me in this manner In this Globe where we are we should see the Woods very thin sow'n by reason of the great number of the fiery Beasts that destroy them were it not for the Animals Frozen-Noses which at the desire of the Forests their Friends come daily to cure the Sick Trees I say cure for no sooner have they from their Icy Mouth blown upon the coals of that Plague but they put it out In the World of the Earth from whence both you and I are come the fiery Beast is called the Salamander and the Animal Frozen-Nose is known by the name of Remora Now you must know that the Remoras live towards the extremity of the Pole at the bottom of the Mare Glaciale and it is the cold of these Fishes evaporated through their Scales which makes the Sea-Water in those quarters to freeze though it be Salt. Most Navigators who have Sailed for the discovery of Green-land have at length experienced that in certain Seasons they found none of the Ice which at other times had stopt them Now though that Sea was open at the time when it is bitterest Winter there yet they have attributed the cause of it to some secret Heat that had thawed it but it is far more probable that the Remoras who only feed upon Ice had at that time devoured the whole stock Besides you are to know that some Months after they have filled their Bellies that strange Food of uneasy digestion so chills their Stomack that their very blowing of their Breath freezes again all the Sea under the Pole. When they come on Land for they live in both Elements they fill their Paunch only with Hemlock Wolf-bane Opium and Mandrakes It 's wondred at in our World whence proceed those piercing North-Winds that always bring Frost with them but if our
the like was never heard before And that was that all of a sudden we perceived the Earth blackened under our Feet and the Heavens kindled before with Beams extinguished over head as if a Canopy Four Leagues broad had been spread betwixt us and the Sun. It would be no easie matter for me to express what we imagined in that Juncture All sorts of Terrors even that of the Worlds end seized us and none of these Apprehensions seemed to us to be improbable for to see night in the Sun or the Air overcast with Clouds is a Miracle that never happens there And yet this was not all for immediately after a sharp and skreaking noise like to that of the winding up of a Jack came to grate our Ears and at the very same time a Cage fell at our Feet No sooner had it rested upon the Sand but it opened and was brought to bed of a Man and a Woman they had an Anchor with them which they fastened to the Roots of a Rock the next thing they did was to make towards us The Woman led the Man and with threats dragged him forward When she was come very near us Gentlemen said she in some little disorder Is not this the Province of Philosophers I made answer No but that we hoped to be there within the space of Four and twenty hours and that the old Man who allowed me his Company was one of the chief Ministers of that Monarchy Seeing you are a Philosopher replied the Woman addressing her self to Campanella without going further I must discharge my heart to you To tell you then in a few Words the occasion of my coming hither you must know that I come to complain of a Murder committed on the person of the Youngest of my Children the Barbarian whom I hold here hath twice kill'd him though he be the Father We were extreamly puzled at this Discourse and therefore I desired to know what she meant by a Child killed twice Know anssered the Woman that in our Country amongst the other Statutes of Love there is a Law regulates the number of Kisses which a Husband is obliged to give his Wife And it 's for that reason that every evening a Physician within his own precinct visits all the Houses where having viewed the Husband and Wife he taxes them for that night according to their Health strong or weak in more or less Embraces Now my Husband there was adjudged to Seven Nevertheless being netled at some angry words I gave him as we were going to Bed he did not so much as touch me all the while we were in bed But God who avenges the cause of the afflicted permitted That that Wretch being tickled in a dream by remembring the Kisses which he unjustly detained from me let a Man be lost I told you that his Father hath killed him twice because by hindering him to be he is the cause that he is not there is his first Murder and he is likewise the cause why he hath not been there 's his second Whereas an ordinary Murderer knows very well that he whom he destroys is no more in being but he cannot hinder but that he hath had a Being Our Magistrates would have rendred Justice in the matter but the Crafty Man alledged for excuse That he would have performed his conjugal Duty had he not been apprehensive that kissing me in the rage that I had put him into he might have begot a Mad-man The Senate puzled at that Plea ordered us to go and appear before the Philosophers and plead our Cause there So soon as we received the Order to be gone we put or selves into a Cage hung by the Neck of that great Fowl which you see there from whence by means of a Pully which we fastned to it we let our selves down to the ground and hoist our selves up into the Air. There are people in our Province purposely appointed to tame them when they are young and breed them up to the work we employ them in That which chiefly makes them tractable contrary to their fierce nature is that to satisfie their unsatiable Hunger we give them the Bodies of all the Beasts that die to feed on After all when we have a mind to sleep for because of the constant excesses of Love which weaken us we stand in need of Rest We let loose into the open Fields at convenient distances Twenty or Thirty of these Fowls each tied to a rope who taking flight with their great Wings display in the Sky a Night larger than the Horizon I was very attentive both to her Discourse and in great extasie to consider the prodigious bulk of that Giant-Bird But so soon as Campanella had lookt a little upon it Ha! verily cried he it is one of those Feathered Monsters called Condores which are to be seen in the Isle of Mandragora in our World and all over the Torrid Zone they cover an Acre of ground with their Wings But seeing these Animals grow Huger according as the Sun under which they are bred is hotter in the World of the Sun they must needs be of a prodigious Greatness However added he turning to the Woman you must of necessity accomplish your Journey for it belongs to Socrates who hath the inspection of Manners to decide your Cause In the mean time I adjure you to tell us what Country you are of because seeing it is but three or four years since I arrived in this World I am but very little as yet acquainted with the Map of it We are answered she of the Kingdom of Lovers That great State is on one side bordered by the Republick of Peace and on the other by that of the Just In the Country I come from at Sixteen years of Age Boys are put into the Novitiat of Love It is a very stately Palace that takes up almost a quarter of the City The Maids are put into it at Thirteen and both accomplish their year of Probation there during which the Boys are only employed in meriting the affection of the Girls and the Girls in rendring themselves worthy of the Love of the Boys When the Twelve Months are up the faculty of medicine in Body go and visit this Seminary of Lovers They feel them all over one after another even to the most Privy parts of their Body make them couple before them and then according as the Male upon Tryal is found to be vigorous and well-shaped they give him for Wives Ten Twenty Thirty or Forty Maids such as loved him provided he reciprocally love them The Husband nevertheless cannot lie but with Two at a time and it is not lawful for him to Embrace any of them so long as she is with Child Such as are found to be Barren are only employed in Service and Men who are impotent are made Slaves and may carnally mingle with the Female-Drudges After all when a Family hath more Children than it can bring up the Republick takes care of
certain time to drink up all the Water they have poured into it But if they find Fish as I make no doubt on 't it is a convincing Argument that there is both Salt and Fire there Consequentially now to find Water in Fire I take it to be no difficult Task For let them chuse Fire even that which is most abstracted from Matter as Comets are there is a great deal in them still seeing if that Unctuous Humour whereof they are engendred being reduced to a Sulphur by the heat of the Antiperistasis which kindles them did not find a curb of its Violence in the humid Cold that qualifies and resists it it would spend it self in a trice like Lightning Now that there is Air in the Earth they will not deny it or otherwise they have never heard of the terrible Earth-quakes that have so often shaken the Mountains of Sicily Besides the Earth is full of Pores even to the least grains of Sand that compass it Nevertheless no Man hath as yet said that these Hollows were filled with Vacuity It will not be taken amiss then I hope if the Air takes up its quarters there It remains to be proved that there is Earth in the Air but I think it scarcely worth my pains seeing you are convinced of it as often as you see such numberless Legions of Atomes fall upon your heads as even stiffle Arithmetick But let us pass from simple to compound Bodies they 'll furnish me with much more frequent Subjects and to demonstrate that all things are in all things not that they change into one another as your Peripateticks Juggle for I will maintain to their Teeth that the Principles mingle separate and mingle again in such a manner that that hath been made Water by the Wise Creator of the World will always be Water I shall suppose no Maxime as they do but what I prove And therefore take a Billet or any other combustible stuff and set Fire to it they 'll say when it is in a Flame That what was Wood is now become Fire but I maintain the contrary and that there is no more Fire in it when it is all in Flame than before it was kindled but that which before was hid in the Billet and by the Humidity and Cold hindered from acting being now assisted by the Stronger hath rallied its forces against the Phlegm that choaked it and commanding the Field of Battle that was possessed by its Enemy triumphs over his Jaylor and appears without Fetters Don't you see how the Water flees out at the two ends of the Billet hot and smoaking from the Fight it was engaged in That flame which you see rise on high is the purer Fire unpestered from the Matter and by consequence the readiest to return home to it self Nevertheless it Unites it self by tapering into a Piramide till it rise to a certain height that it may pierce through the thick Humidity of the Air which resists it but as in mounting it disengages it self by little and little from the violent company of its Landlords so it diffuses it self because then it meets with nothing that thwarts its passage which negligence though is many times the cause of a second Captivity For marching stragglingly it wanders sometimes into a Cloud and if it meet there with a Party of its own sufficient to make head against a Vapour they Engage Grumble Thunder and Roar and the Death of Innocents is many times the effect of the animated Rage of those inanimated Things If when it finds it self pestered among those Crudities of the middle Region it is not strong enough to make a defence it yields to its Enemy upon discretion which by its weight constrains it to fall again to the Earth And this Wretch inclosed in a drop of Rain may perhaps fall at the Foot of an Oak whose Animal Fire will invite the poor Straggler to take a Lodging with him and thus you have it in the same condition again as it was a few Days before But let us trace the Fortune of the other Elements that composed that Billet The Air retreats to its own Quarters also though blended with Vapours because the Fire all in a rage drove them briskly out Pell-mell together Now you have it serving the Winds for a Tennis-ball furnishing Breath to Animals filling up the Vacuities that Nature hath left and it may be also wrapt up in a drop of Dew suckling the thirsty Leaves of that Tree whither our Fire retreated The Water driven from its Throne by the Flame being by the heat elevated to the Nursery of the Meteors will distil again in Rain upon our Oak as soon as upon another and the Earth being turned to Ashes and then cured of its Sterility either by the nourishing Heat of a Dunghill on which it hath been thrown or by the vegetative Salt of some neighbouring Plants or by the teeming Waters of some Rivers may happen also to be near this Oak which by the heat of its Germ will attract it and convert it into a part of its bulk In this manner these Four Elements undergo the same Destiny and return to the same State which they quitted but a few days before So that it may be said that all that 's necessary for the composition of a Tree is in a Man and in a Tree all that 's necessary for making of a Man. In fine according to this way all things will be found in all things but we want a Prometheus to pluck us out of the Bosom of Nature and render us sensible which I am willing to call the First Matter These were the things I think with which we past the time for that little Spaniard had a quaint Wit. Our conversation however was only in the Night time because from Six a clock in the morning until night Crowds of the People that came to stare at us in our Lodging would have disturbed us For some threw us Stones others Nuts and others Grass there was no talk but of the Kings Beasts we had our Victuals daily at set hours and the King and Queen took the pains often to feel my Belly to see if I did not begin to swell for they had an extraordinary desire to have a Race of these little Animals I cannot tell whether it was that I minded their Gestures and Tones more than my Male did But I learnt sooner than he to understand their Language and to smatter a little in it which made us to be lookt upon in another guess manner than formerly and the news thereupon flew presently all over the Kingdom that two Wild Men had been found who were less than other Men by reason of the bad Food we had had in the Desarts and who through a defect of their Parents Seed had not the fore Legs strong enough to support their Bodies This belief would have taken rooting by being spread had it not been for the Learned Men of the Country who opposed it saying
annihilate it but in killing a Man you make him only change his Habitation Nay I 'll go farther with you still since God doth equally cherish all his Works and hath equally divided his Benefits betwixt Us and Plants it is but just we should have an equal Esteem for Them as for our Selves It is true we were born first but in the Family of God there is no Birth-right If then the Cabbage share not with us in the inheritance of Immortality without doubt that Want was made up by some other Advantage that may make amends for the short ness of its Being may be by an universal Intellect or a perfect Knowledge of all things in their Causes and it 's for that Reason that the wise Mover of all things hath not shaped for it Organs like ours which are proper only for a simple Reasoning not only weak but many times fallacious too but others more ingeniously framed stronger and more numerous which serve to manage its Speculative Exercises You 'll ask me perhaps when ever any Cabbage imparted those lofty Conceptions to us But tell me again who ever discovered to us certain Beings which we allow to be above us to whom we bear no Analogy nor Proportion and whose Existence it is as hard for us to comprehend as the Understanding and Ways whereby a Cabbage expresses its self to its like though not to us because our Senses are too dull to penetrate so far Moses the greatest of Philosophers who drew the Knowledge of Nature from the Fountain-Head Nature her self hinted this truth to us when he spoke of the Tree of Knowledge and without doubt he intended to intimate to us under that Figure that Plants in Exclusion to Mankind possess perfect Philosophy Remember then O thou Proudest of Animals I that though a Cabbage which thou cuttest sayeth not a Word yet it pays it at Thinking but the poor Vegetable has no fit Organs to howl as you do nor yet to frisk it about and weep Yet it hath those that are proper to complain of the Wrong you do it and to draw a Judgement from Heaven upon you for the Injustice But if you still demand of me how I come to know that Cabbage and Coleworts conceive such pretty Thoughts Then will I ask you how come you to know that they do not And that some amongst them when they shut up at Night may not Compliment one another as you do saying Good Night Master Cole-Curled-Pate your most humble Servant good Master Cabbage-Round-Head So far was he gone on in his Discourse when the young Lad who had led out our Philosopher led him in again What Supped already cryed my Spirit to him He answered yes almost The Physiognomist having permitted him to take a little more with us Our young Landlord stayed not till I should ask him the meaning of that Mystery I perceive said he you wonder at this way of Living know then that in your World the Government of Health is too much neglected and that our Method is not to be despised In all Houses there is a Physiognomist entertained by the Publick who in some manner resembles your Physicians save that he only prescribes to the Healthful and judges of the different manner how we are to be Treated only according to the Proportion Figure and Symetry of our Members by the Features of the Face the Complexion the Softness of the Skin the Agility of the Body the Sound of the Voice and the Colour Strength and Hardness of the Hair. Did not you just now mind a Man of a pretty low Stature why ey'd you he was the Physiognomist of the House Assure your self that according as he observed your Constitution he hath diversified the Exhalation of your Supper Mark the Quilt on which you lie how distant it is from our Couches without doubt he judged your Constitution to be far different from ours since he feared that the Odour which evaporates from those little Pipkins that stand under our Noses might reach you or that yours might steam to us at Night you 'll see him chuse the Flowers for your Bed with the same Circumspection During all this Discourse I made Signs to my Landlord that he would try if he could oblige the Philosophers to fall upon some head of the Science which they professed He was too much my Friend not to start an Occasion upon the Spot But not to trouble the Reader with the Discourse and Entreaties that were previous to the Treaty wherein Jest and Earnest were so wittily interwoven that it can hardly be imitated I 'll only tell you that the Doctor who came last after many things spake as follows It remains to be proved that there are infinite Worlds in an infinite World Fancy to your self then the Universe as a great Animal and that the Stars which are Worlds are in this great Animal as other great Animals that serve reciprocally for Worlds to other People Such as we our Horses c. That we in our turns are likewise Worlds to certain other Animals incomparably less than our selves such as Nits Lice Hand-worms c. And that these are on Earth to others more imperceptible ones in the same manner as every one of us appears to be a great World to these little People Perhaps our Flesh Blood and Spirits are nothing else but a Contexture of little Animals that correspond lend us Motion from theirs and blindly suffer themselves to be guided by our Will which is their Coachman or otherwise conduct us and all Conspiring together produce that Action which we call Life For tell me pray is it a hard thing to be believed that a Louse takes your Body for a World and that when any one of them travels from one of your Ears to the other his Companions say that he hath travelled the Earth from end to end or that he hath run from one Pole to the other Yes without doubt those little People take your Hair for the Forests of their Country the Pores full of Liquor for Fountains Buboes and Pimples for Lakes and Ponds Boils for Seas and Defluxions for Deluges And when you Comb your self forwards and backwards they take that Agitation for the Flowing and Ebbing of the Ocean Doth not Itching make good what I say What is the little Worm that causes it but one of these little Animals which hath broken off from civil Society that it may set up for a Tyrant in its Country If you ask me why are they bigger than other imperceptible Creatures I ask you why are Elephants bigger than we And the Irish-men than Spaniards As to the Blisters and Scurff which you know not the Cause of they must either happen by the Corruption of their Enemies which these little Blades have killed or which the Plague has caused by the scarcity of Food for which the Seditious worried one another and left Mountains of Dead Carcases rotting in the Field or because the Tyrant having driven away on all Hands
Monsieur de Cyrano my Cousin who advanced me Money for my Return I went to Civita vecchia and embarked in a Galley that carried me to Marseilles During all this Voyage my mind run upon nothing but the Wonders of the last I made At that time I began the Memoires of it and after my return put them into as good order as Sickness which confines me to Bed would permit But foreseeing that it will put an end to all my Studies and Travels that I may be as good as my word to the Council of that World I have begg'd of Monsieur le Bret my dearest and most constant Friend that he would publish them with the History of the Republick of the Sun that of the Spark and some other Pieces of my Composing if those who have Stolen them from us restore them to him as I earnestly adjure them to do FINIS ERRATA PAge 17. line ult read Telescope p. 39. l. 18. add long p. 58. l. 5. r. were p. 65. l. 2. r. ends p. 99. l. 14. r. who p. 100. l. 21. r. an THE Comical History OF THE STATES and EMPIRES OF THE WORLD OF THE SUN Written in French by Cyrano Bergerac And now Englished by A. Lovell A. M. LONDON Printed for Henry Rhodes next door to Swan-Tavern near Bride-Lane in Fleet-Street 1687. THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD OF THE SUN OUR Ship at length arrived in the Harbour of Toulon where the Passengers being immediately put ashore and having thanked the Winds and Stars for the Prosperity of our Voyage we mutually embrac'd and took our leave one of another For my part seeing in the World of the Moon whence I came a Song goes for Money no that I had quite forgot the use of it the hunest Master thought himself sufficiently paid for my passage by the Honour he had of carrying on Board a Man who had dropt from Heaven So that nothing hindred our Progress to a Friends House of mine near Thoulouse I was impatient of seeing him in hopes that I might fill him with Joy by the Relation of my Adventures I shall not trouble you with an account of all that happened to me upon the Road I tired my self and took rest I felt hunger and thirst and drank and eat amidst a Pack of twenty or thirty Hounds that belonged to him Though I was much disfigured lean and Sun-burnt he knew me for all that being transported with Joy he flew about my Neck and having in an Extasie of Content kissed me above an hundred times he pulled me into his House where so soon as Tears had given way to Words We live now at length cried he and shall live in spight of all the Accidents wherewith Fortune hath tossed our Life But Good God! It was a false report then that you were burnt in Canada in that great Fire-work whereof you were the Inventor And nevertheless two or three Persons of Credit amongst those who brought me the sad Tidings swore to me that they had seen and touched that Bird of Wood wherein you were hurried away They told me that it was your Misfortune to go into it at the very instant they put Fire to it and that the rapid Force of the Squibs that burnt all round it carried you so high that the Spectators lost sight of you So that as they protested you were to that degree consumed that the Machine falling down again very little of your Ashes were to befound These Ashes Sir then answered I were the Ashes of 〈◊〉 Machine it self for the Fire did not 〈…〉 hurt The Fire-works were fastened on the outside and by consequence their Heat would not incommode me Now you must know that so soon as the Salt-peter was spent the impetuous force of the Fire-works being no longer able to bear up the Machine it fell to the Ground I saw it fall and when I thought to have tumbled down head-long with it I was very much surprized to find that I mounted up towards the Moon But I must explain to you the Cause of an effect which you may look upon as a Miracle The Day when that Accident happened I had because of some bruises rubbed my Body all over with Marrow Now the Moon being then in the Wain at which time she attracts Marrow she suckt up so greedily that wherewith I had anointed my Flesh especially when my box was got above the middle Region where no Clouds interposed to weaken her Influence that my Body followed the Attraction and I protest she continued to suck me up so long that at length I arrived at that World which here they call the Moon Then I told him in full all the particulars of my Voyage and Monsieur de Colignac ravished to hear things so extraordinary adjured me to put them in Writing I who love Repose declined it as long as I could by reason of the visits that such a Publication in all probability world procure me but being out of Countenance at the Reproach wherewith he constantly baited me that I made slight of his Entreaties I resolved at length to give him that satisfaction I put Pen to Paper then and he being more impatiently tickled with my glory than his own no sooner had I made an end of a Sheet but he hastened with it to Thoulouse there to give it vent in the most ingenious Assemblies Seeing he had the Reputation of one of the wittiest Men of the Age my Praises of which he was the indefatigable Herald made me known of all Men. The Engravers without ever having seen me had already engraven my Picture and the Hawkers stunned the whole City crying about the Streets till they were hoarse again who 'll buy the Picture of the Author of the States and Empires of the Moon Amongst those who read my Book there were a great many Ignorants that were likewise medling These that they might act the Wits of the highest flight applauded as others did clapt at every Word for fear of being mistaken and ravished with delight cry'd It 's good even where they understood not a tittle But Superstition disguized into Remorse which hath very sharp Teeth under a Fool 's Coat so knaw'd the Heart of them that they chose rather to renounce the Reputation of a Philosopher which indeed was a Habit that did not at all become them than to answer for it at the day of Judgment Here then is the Reverse of the Medal he 's the best Man now that can retract first The work they had so much esteemed is no more now but a Hodge-podge of ridiculous Tales a heap of incoherent Shreds a Fardel of idle stories to wheadle young Children to Bed with and some who hardly understood the Grammar of it condemned the Author to Bedlam This clashing of Opinions betwixt the Wise-men and Fools encreased its Reputation Shortly afterwards Manuscript-copies of it were sold privately all the World and what is out of the World also that 's to say all from the Gentleman to
the Parson's Maid drive him towards her Master's Stable for fear he might get into the Church-yard and there pollute the Grass of the departed It was full Seven of the Clock at Night when we arrived at a Town where for my Refreshment I was dragg'd to Goal For the Reader would not believe me if I said that they Buried me alive in a Hole And nevertheless it is true that with one turn I surveyed the whole extent of it In a Word there was no Body that saw me in that place but would have taken me for a bit of Wax-Candle lighted under a Cupping-Glass At first when my Goaler turned me into that Cave If you give me said I to him this Stone Garment for a Doublet it is too big but if it be for a Tomb it 's too little The days here are only to be reckoned by Nights of my five Senses I retain only the use of two Smelling and Feeling the one to make me sensible of the stink of my Prison and the other to render it palpable to me In reality I protest to you I should think I were damned if I knew not that no Innocent Person goes to Hell. At that word Innocent the Goaler burst out into Laughter Nay Faith said he you are one of our right Birds then for I never yet kept any under my Key but such Gentlemen as these After some other Compliments of that Nature the good Man took the pains to search me I know not on what design but because of the Diligence he used I conjecture it was for what I had The pains he took in searching being all in vain because during the Battel of Diabolus I had conveyed my Gold into my Stockings when after a most exact Anatomy he found his hands as empty as before both of us were within an Ace of Death I for fear and he for grief S'ounds cried he foaming at the Mouth at first sight I knew he was a Sorcerer he 's as poor as the Devil Go go Comrade continued he mind the Affairs of your Conscience in time He had no sooner said so but that I heard the knell of a bunch of Keys amongst which he lookt for those of my Dungeon His back was turned and therefore for fear he might take his revenge for the misfortune of his Visit I cunningly pull'd three Pistoles out of their Nest saying to him Master House-keeper there 's a Pistole pray send me a bit of somewhat for I have not eat these eleven hours past He took it very favorably and protested he was troubled at my Misfortune When I perceived he was a little mollified come here 's another continued I as an Acknowledgment of the Trouble I am ashamed to give you At once he opened his Ear Heart and Hand and I added making them up three instead of two that by the third I begg'd of him to let one of his Men come and keep me Company because the unfortunate ought to dread Solitude Being ravished at my Prodigalities he promised me all things embraced my Legs railed against the Justice told me that he well perceived I had Enemies but that I should come off with Honour that I should take good Heart and that in the mean time he engaged himself before three days were over to have my Cuffs washt for me I thanked him very seriously for his Courtesie and my dear Friend having hung about my Neck till he had almost strangled me went his way bolting and double bolting the Door I remained alone and very Melancholick lying round upon a little old Straw reduced almost into Dust However it was not yet so small but that above half a hundred Rats were still a grinding of it The Vault Walls and Floor were made up of six Grave-Stones that having Death over under and about me I might not question my Enterrment The cold Slime of Snails and the roapy Venom of Toads dropt upon my Face the Fleas there had Teeth longer than their Bodies I found my self tormented with the Stone which was not the less painful because it was External In a word I fancy that I wanted no more but a Wife and a Pot-sheard to make me a real Job I had however overcome all the Hardships of two very irksom Hours when the noise of a Gross of Keys with the ratling of the Bolts of my Door diverted me from minding my Pains After the jingling noise by a little Lamp-light I perceived a sturdy Clown He unlâ—…ded an earthen Dish between my Legs And there there said he be not disturbed there 's a good Cabage Soop for ye and were it but indeed it is my Mistress's own Soop and faith and troth as the saying is there is not one drop of the Fat taken off on 't Having said so he dives his four Fingers and Thumb to the very bottom of the Dish to envite me to do the like I followed my Copy for fear of discouraging him and he with a joyful glance of an Eye S'diggers cried he you are an honest Brother They zay you 've got Ill-willers S'lid they are Traytors yes Dad they are very Traytors Well wou'd they'd come here and see Ay ay it is so he goes first that leads the Dance This blunt Simplicity brought a fit of Laughter two or three times up to my very Throat However I was so happy as to check it I perceived that Fortune by means of this Rogue seemed to offer me an occasion of Liberty and therefore it extreamly concerned me to gain his Favor for otherwise to escape it was impossible The Architector that built my Prison having made my Entries into it did not bethink himself of making one Out-let These Considerations were the Cause that to sound him I spake to him to this purpose My good Friend thou art a poor man is n't that true Alas Sir answered the Clown had you been â—…th the cunning Man you could not have hit righter Here then said I take that Pistole I found his hand to shake so when I put the Pistole into it that scarcely could he shut it That begining seemed to me to be a little ominous However I quickly perceived by the heartiness of his Thanks that he only trembled for Joy and that made me go on But wert thou a man that would be concerned in the accomplishment of a Vow which I have made besides the Salvation of thy Soul thou might'st be as sure of twenty Pistoles as thou art of thine own Hat For thou must know that it is not as yet a full quarter of an Hour in a word a moment before thou camest that an Angel appeared to me and promised to make the Justice of my Cause appear provided I went to morrow to our Lady's Church of this Town and had a Mass said at the high Altar there I pretended to excuse my self upon the account of my close Imprisonment but the Angel made Answer That a man should come sent from the Goaler to keep me company whom I