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cause_n	appear_v	detestable_a	great_a	13	3	2.1104	3	false

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ID	Title	Author	Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication)	STC	Words	Pages
A14103	The schoolemaster, or teacher of table philosophie A most pleasant and merie companion, wel worthy to be welcomed (for a dayly gheast) not onely to all mens boorde, to guyde them with moderate [and] holsome dyet: but also into euery mans companie at all tymes, to recreate their mindes, with honest mirth and delectable deuises: to sundrie pleasant purposes of pleasure and pastyme. Gathered out of diuers, the best approued auctours: and deuided into foure pithy and pleasant treatises, as it may appeare by the contentes.	Twyne, Thomas, 1543-1613.; Anguilbertus, Theobaldus. Mensa philosophica.; Turswell, Thomas, 1548-1585, attributed name.	1576 (1576)	STC 24411; ESTC S111450	115,907	158

had saued mony enough to redéeme his Church lands which his predicessour had layd to morgage But he answered that he was far more liberal then his predicessour for sayd he I haue payd his debts and mine owne also A Bishop in France promised Philip the French Kynge that the first Prebend that fell in his gift he would giue it to whome soeuer it pleased the Kynge And when many fell voyde and the kyng was pleasured with none he was sore offended To whom the Bishop sent this answer desiring his grace not to be offended for he had yet giuen neuer an one of them but sould them all The Bishop of Mentz coursed an Hart and after long rūnyng the beast leapt into a deepe ponde and a greate Pike caught him fast by the throat And when the Hart came out of the water hee brought the Pike with him hanginge by his throat and so hée tooke them bothe and sent pieces of them abread for present to his friends A certain Priest was accused vnto the bishop of the Diocesse for buriyng his dead Asse solemly with Dirige Masses of Requiem And béeing much rebuked for so doing he certified the Bishop that it was a very godly Asse had made a will had bequea●hed his Lordship fiue pounde which he had now brought vnto him And when the Bishop had receiued the money he said let him then rest in peace so discharged the priest A noble younge Gentlemen that was a schollar in Paris sayd that all Bishops in France were blinde bicause they gaue not som good benefice to his maister beyng but poore and well learned Not long after being himself made a Bishop he was so blinded with his spirituall promotion that he neither gaue his poore maister any thing but on a time when he came to Paris his Maister went and met him bearyng a couple of Waxe candles burnyng in his hand And when the Bishop asked him why hée did so hée answered bycause your lordship should sée mée for you are blinde A certain Bishop had many yonge Nephewes and Kinsfolkes in his house which alwaies sat at meate at a low table before him and whensoeuer any preferment fell voyde he repulsed other and bestowed it vpon one of those Then a man of worship whom the Bishop had bid to dinner set himself downe at the childrens Table And béeing demaunded by the Bishop why hée did so hée answered that hée could not be preferred sittyng at any other Table neither knew he any other then those that sat there aduanced by him vnto any dignitie Chap. 28. Of Archdeacons AN Archdeacon being in visitatiō spent whole daies in feasting making good chéere when the people looked that he should haue preached vnto them the word of god And as hee was going from hearyng Masse vnto dinner an olde woman sayd vnto him that they looked for that which was his dutie to do meaning to shew them their duties out of the word of god Well quoth the Archdeacon I will not call thée to counsell what I had best to do But shée answered surely he had small care of our soules that put them in trust to thée An Archdeacon visited his parish Church from which hée was promoted vnto the Archdeaconrie And there came vnto him an husband man to aske counsell saying M. Archdeacon I married a poore wife and now I know where I may haue a ritch one is it lawful for mée to f●rsake the poore one and to take the ritche The Archdeacon answered by no meanes Then said the husbandmā but you haue forsaken a poore church and keepe a ritch Archdeaconry Which he hearing gaue vp his Archdeaconry and returned to his owne Churche A certein Priest against his Archdeacon shoulde come in visitacion hauinge none other prouision killed a litle Asse which hee had and dressed him in the stead of Veale and whē the Archdeacon fead hungerly theron at dinner and the Priest himselfe woulde eate none the Archdeacon demaunded the cause Then quod the Priest your Mastership saith that I haue wit and learning litle ynough already and therefore I neede to eate no asses fleash When the Archdeacon heard this he arose from the table in a rage and immediatly departed chap. 29. Of Canons and their mery Iests IVlius in his booke of Bees writeth an history of one Philip that was Chancellour of Paris who hauing many benefices was in his sicknes admonished by the Bysshop to resigne thē vp for feare of longer incurring Gods displeasure who answered that hee would try the truth of that béefore the greate iudge But shortly after hee was dead hee appeared vnto the Bysshop like a shadow and sayd I most miserable wretch am damned and that cheifly for thrée causes First for my fruites which I kept from the poore Secondly for my pluralitye of benefices And lastly for my detestable whoredome Moreouer hee sayd is the world yet at an end Then quod the Bysshop I marueill that thou hauinge in thy life time beene a great clarke and seeing mee and other liuing who must all die beefore that day come shouldest aske mee that question But hee sayd marueill not at all for in hell there is neither knowlegde nor reason Maister Albertus sayd vnto a Canon of Colein which came home from the Court with a dispensation to haue many benefices Before you might haue gone to Hell without licence and now you must néedes go thither by vertue of your dispensation There was a Canon which had two Canonries one in one Church another in another the dreamed one night the two staues were reatched vnto him and the same night the bishops of both Churches died Then some of his familiars expounding his dreame said that he should be chosen bishop in both places and riding out the next day morninge he fell from his horse and brake both his legges and was faine to go with two crutches to beare himselft vp withall Chap. 30. Of the Hault and Lame ON a time there came vnto a sanctes church so many hault and Lame people to be cured that the Priest could not driue them foorth Then said the priest giue me your staues I wil heale you all And when he had them he sent for fier beinge demaunded what he would do with it Burne him that is most lambe quoth he that you may all be healed with his Asshes And when they heard this they ran all away Cap. 31. Of Priests A Certain poore lecherous Priest had a concubine whom he loued well wherof the Archedeacon hearing commanded him either to forsake his Church or to leaue his concubin But being loth to depart from his Concubine he resigned his benefice and when the harlot saw that he had nothing now to liue withall she would tarie no lenger with him and so he lost both profit and pleasure together A certein Priest had two Concubines one yonge another olde The younge bicause

third of the Politickes writeth thus whoso would haue wit and vnderstanding to gouerne saith he it semeth he would haue God and the lawes to gouerne but whoso will haue a man of himself without these to gouerne putteth a very sauedge beast in aucthoritie For when rage and lust beare sway then good men go to wrack so that vnderstanding without affection is as good as a written law Likewise Vegetius in his first booke and first chapter of the art of war it is decent for a Prince saith he that no man know mo things nor better things then he for his knowledge may profit all his subiectes and for that cause Princes ought to applie themselues to the study of wisdome Chap. 4 Of the Gentile Byshops VAlerius in his fift Booke and fift chapter writeth of Horatius Puluillus who being Bysshop and as hee was after the guise at those daies consecrating a great Church vnto Iupiter while he was pronouncing the solemne woordes holding the post in his hand woord was brought vnto him that his sunne was dead hee neither plucked his hande from the post neither changed his countinaunce from the publique religion to his priuat sorow because he would not séeme at that present to sustaine rather the person of a Father then of a Bysshop In the same place likewise he writeth of Xenophon who being offring a very solemne sacrifice it was tolde him that his eldest sunne was slaine Then did he only put of the crowne from his head demaunding of the messenger in what sort he was slaine And vnderstanding that he was killed fightinge very valiently he put the crowne vpon his head againe shewing that he tooke more ioy of his valiencie then he did greif of his vntimely death S. Ierome in the second booke against Iouinian writeth that Zenon that Stoick reporteth of the liues of the auntient priests of Egipt how that setting all worldly care and busines apart they alwaies remained in the Church searching the hid natures of things obseruing the motions of the stars They neuer companied with their wiues nor any woman nor neuer saw their children nor kinsfolks after the once they betooke thēselues to diuine seruice They abstained frō eating flesh drinking wine chefly to auoid the motion to the flesh which cōmeth by those meats the drink They did seldome eate bread but they vsed oyle both to driue away lothsomnes and to take away the roughnes of their throats What shall I speake of foules séeing they eschewed egs and milke as fleash wherof they sayde the one was liquid fleash and the other bloud the coulour onely being chaunged They laide a footstoole vnder their heades in stéede of a pillow and fasted two or thrée daies togeather And Aristotle in the seauenth of his Politickes the Priests saith hée haue charge of althings appertaining to the God and to sée that houses bee kept vp tight in repairacions and those which bee fallen downe may be builded vp agayne and that others be appointed vnto their purposes and for this cause they bee had in reuerence Sum of these Bishops are termed by one man Princes by an other Kinges sum call them Potestates Prouosts and Maisters Sée then if the Priestes and Bysshops of the Gentiles were so religious continent and holie what ought our Christian Bisshops to be Chap. 4. Of noble Personages TVllie in his booke of olde age writeth that when a certen man in reproche saide vnto Themistocles that hee had no honour of himselfe but that all his estimacion came vnto him by reason of his cuntrey surely saide Themistocles if I were Seresius I should bee but a verlet and if thou were an Athenian thou wouldest neuer haue bin of any estimacion Cecil●us Balbus of the toyes of Philosophers writeth that when one a time one being borne of the race of a Senatour and at that present mutch imbased obiected to Epaminundas the vil●nes of his birth I am glad quoth he that I am rysen of my selfe and thou art fallen of thy selfe and wee both together are honour and dishonour Salust in the Oracion of Marius against Iugurth when one 〈◊〉 ●ery mutch in his owne conceit in respect of his owne 〈◊〉 and therfore reproched Marius basenesse although saith h●● we haue one nature common vnto vs all that eue●●● 〈◊〉 ma● if he can be most valient and most noble yet if there ●● an● man that despice-me let them do that which is a agréeable to their manners since the exercise of vertuous exploites is the verie beginning of mine honour They enuye at mine honour let them also enuie at my paines and mine innocency and my traueiles and my daungers for by these haue I woon it Now sée I beséech you how vniust they bée they wyll not suffer me to get that by mine owne vertue which they boast in themselues to haue bin gotten by another And because I haue no images and my Nobility is new and now first risen in my selfe which better it is to get first then to dishonour it being once gotten before As for mee in my iudgment there can no mans talke hurt mée For if they speake ill of mée my béehauiour shal declare their report to bée false The Speare and Shield Ensigne Barbed Armour for the Courser with other rewards of the Fielde and scarres in the fore parte of my body these are my Images this is my Nobilitie not left vnto me by inheritance as theirs is but gotten by mine owne aduentures and traueill And Iuuenall the Poet saith very well I rather had Thersites sun thou were so that thou might Like Pyrrhus beare Vulcanus Armes in midst of Martial fight Then if Achillus should beget one like Thersites foule A dastard wretch that could do naught but prattle scould skoule And Albertus vpon the first Booke of the Ethickes saith how it is read that the Emperour of Rome Dioclesian who gouerned that Empire very valiently was taken from among shéeperds And he is a right Gentleman saith Seneca that is naturally disposed vnto vertue Chap. 5. Of Knightes VAlerius Maximus in the third Booke and second Chapter writeth of a Knight that was Captayne of a band vnder Augustus and had geuen many a sharp shoure vnto Antonius and went away euermore with the better hand At length being taken by treason and brought prisoner to Alexandria Antonius asked hym what hee should do to him Then the Knight said commaunde mee to bee slaine quod hee for neyther with hope of life nor feare of death will I bee perswaded to forsake Caesar and serue thée Howbeit the more constantly hee despised his life so mutch the more easly hee obtained it For Antonius pardoned his life for his vertuous sake Frontinus in the fourth booke and first chapter of his warlike pollicies reporteth that when Flaccus and Varro were Consuls then were Knightes first dubbed and admitted vnto that order by an othe for before they were gouerned

she would haue the Priest to be like herselfe pluckt all the gray heares out of his head and the olde pluckt away al the blacke vntill betwéen them both thei had made him bald not only in head but also in his goods and minde A poore aged woman being weake and like to die bequeathed vnto a Priest one Hen which shée had to bée deliuered after her departure But the Priest came and tooke away the Hen while she was yet liuinge Then sayde the olde woman I perceiue that Priests bée worse then the Diuell for many a time haue I giuen my Hen to the Diuell the Foxe and they haue letten her alone and now haue giuen her but once to a Priest and hée taketh her away There was a Priest which vsed to cary holy water as they termed it about vnto his friends parishoners houses whē he came to a certein ritchmans house he was sure of nothing els but rayling curses and euil language It fortuned that he caught a sore in one of his legges and at the Priests next cūmynge thither he ma●e him good cheere and desired him to pray for him Then quod the Priest I pray God sende your other legge to bee sore also that you may bee more deuoute Which the ritch man hearinge well bumbasted the Priest and with strayning his leg found the pain to be eased This or the like is alwaye the end of vngodly prayers Chap. 32. Of Abbots and their Iests IT is read in the booke intitled vitae patrum that it belonged vnto the duty of one Arsenius an Abbot alwayes to prouide an Abbot for a certein Monastarie beeing destitute who sent vnto them a schollar of his owne bringynge vp one that was religious and seuere But when the Munkes could not away with him he sent them another that was calme gentle finding him to be soft and tractable thei yet misliked him and required another Then said Arsenius I haue sent you twayne whom I my self haue bought vp and I know that neither of them is destitute of the grace of the holy ghost who appeared in the forme of fire of a Doue and in none other likenesse that I haue heard And therfore I can prouide you none other A certein Abbot came suddeinly vpon a company of Munks as they were talkinge when they saw him they were abasshed Then sayd the Abbot wherof were you talkyng Whervnto one that had the rediest wit among them answered of your Lordship And what said you of me qouth the Abbot Surely we were talkyng said the Munke how you and other Abbots can so soone waxe euill Mary answered the Abbot bicause wee be made of so ill stuffe that is to say of Monkes An Abbot being in the Chapter house among the Munkes said that he had no pleasure nor rest but payn vexacion both of body minde in the office that he was no lord but rather their seruant and vnderling To whom the munkes answered Midsummer and the feast of S. John the Baptist is now at hand go play thy self sumwhere els for wee will haue thy seruice no longer and so depriued him of his office The Abbots roome of S. Dennise in France being voyde and the tyme of the election drawing neere the Prouost of the same house offred vnto the king fiue hundred pound for his good wyl the Chamberlayne as much and the Sellerer as much also all whiche money hee seuerally willed them to deliuer vnto his Chamberlaine When the day appointed for the election was come and the king was sat downe vnder his cloth of estate those three aboue named gaping euery one for the preferment the king called vnto him a simple Munke which sate in a corner and made him Abbot who alleaging his insufficiencie for it and the worthynes of many other in the Couent the king smiling I wyl supply your want quod bee and giue you fifteene hundred poundes toward your charges which was the Prouostes Sellerers and Chamberlaines money and besides helpe you with the best counsell and ayde otherwyse that I can An Abbot of Paris comming into the schooles at the Quodlibets demaunded this question whether it were better to knowe a litle good and to followe it or to know much and follow nothing It was answered that the first was the best Then quod the Abbot you bée all fooles that learne many sciences and followe none Chap. 33. Of Priours and of their merie Iestes IN the Priorie of Ramessa there dwelt a Priour that was very liberal which caused these verses to be written euer his doore Be open euermore ô thou my doore To none bee shut to honest or to poore But after his death there succéeded him another whose name was Raynhard as gréedie and couetous as the other was bountifull and liberall who kept the same verses there stil changing nothing therein but onely one point and made them runne after this manner Bee open euermore ô thou my doore To none bee shut to honest or to poore Afterwarde béeing driuen from thence for his extreme niggishnesse it grewe into a prouerbe that for one point Raynhard lost his Priorie A Priour hauing gheastes to dinner caused his seruauntes to mingle water with the wyne to the intent it might stretche the farther And perceiuing one of the Munkes to bée very talkatiue and full of wordes sayde vnto him Brother when wyll your myll leaue clacking It cannot leaue sir quod the Munke as long as ye geue it so muche water A Priour sayd vnto one of his Munkes that he was lyke vnto God into thrée qualities First that he could not sinne for that he defended so much his owne innocencie at t●eyr Chapters Next in knowing althinges for hee went about from shop to shoppe to learne newe what was done or sayd in any place And thirdly in béeing in euery place for he wandred very much abroade A certayne Munke displying the Priour and others after Complin stroke very harde blowes vpon the Priours head But méeting afterwarde at the Chapiter the Priour sayde vnto the Munke Brother you know not yet wel how to displie But when you disple the Priour you must strike handsomely and gently and not thus and thus and buffeted him well fauouredly about the eares and so was euen with the Munke for his hard displying Chap. 34. Of many merie Iestes of Munkes SOmetyme there was a young Munke in an Abbey who alwayes went casting his eyes to the grounde and was very milde and lowly in behauiour Afterwarde beyng made Priour hee helde vp his h●ad aloft ▪ and was very seuere and arrogant which seeming strange vnto them that knew him before being demaunded the cause of so great alteratiō Answered that before he alwaies looked on the earth for the keies of the Abbey if haply hee might find them which now hauing found he looked no more on the ground but beare himself according to the dignitie wherunto