It may be thy Husband in his hast did once unadvisedly speak something to thy dishonour but thou mak'st it a frequent practice upon every slight occasion of thy disgust Thy Husband may have desisted such a practice but thou continuest it and in excuse of the continuance of thy sinful practice in reproaching thy Husband thou dost upbraid him with that single act of speaking something that was not honourable to thee which perhaps by thy untoward carriages thou might'st give him great provocations to do So that notwithstanding all that thou canst plead for thy self thou art the alone cause of thine own anger and of all the strife that happens between thy self and Husband 5. That party is truly guilty of sinful anger that takes distast at every frivolous matter or any thing done unadvisedly and through indiscretion which the party offending doth acknowledge that doth rage for a trifle or things not worth taking notice of that are not at all offensive to God but only not correspondent to his or her corrupt and imperious will That party that doth this is the sole cause of all contentions that do arise between them 6. That party is guilty of sinful anger that when contentions do arise at any time between Husband and Wife that doth first of all give railing reviling filthy and reproachful language for no persons anger can be lawful and holy that doth not observe Christian modesty in abstaining from malicious and wicked speeches and unjust and spightful actions in expressing his or her anger for such as justifie themselves with spightful and bitter speeches are not at all guided by the spirit of God It is usual when an Husband or Wife is causelesly angry and cannot convince the other of any particular offence against God to rail at the other for some contempt that he or she apprehends to have received from the other And indeed none are more injurious to others than those who rail at others in reproachful speeches for pretended injuries to have received from others that revilers pride hath occasioned his or her own anger and promoted the discord between them 7. That party that doth most justifie his or her anger that like Jonah saith I do well to be angry and will not be convinced of the evil of his or her anger but will make vain and frivolous pretences to excuse it is principally guilty of sinful anger and is principal causer of the difference that happens between them as Husband and Wife 8. That person either Husband or Wife that after some heats and differences between them is most backward to the performance of Family-worship and will order or set about any unnecessary business or lawful employment to interrupt it is guilty of sinful anger and the only occasion of difference between them For whatever a person hath done that indisposeth him or her or maketh him or her averse to the service of God is sinful When the rage of one is grown so high as not to pray with the other or joyn in Sacraments together at least not willingly or with complacency but after hath joyned in prayer will quarrel at the matter of Prayer carp at expressions used in Prayer and censure the party praying guilty of hypocrisie or if the party praying vent his own passions in Prayer that party that is guilty in any of these respects is guilty of sinful and causeless anger and was the only cause of the difference that happened between them 9. That person is the most faulty person and most guilty to sinful anger which is not willing to be reconciled again when once displeased but will retain anger a great while that person doth manifest much stoutness and proudness of spirit When vain trifles have stirred up an Husband or Wife to wrath his or her perseverance in it doth evidence that it did seem to begin without a cause and so against all reason the injustice of his or her anger makes him or her to persist in it with the greater obstinacy and therefore thou dost retain it yea encrease it because thou may'st not seem to others to be angry without a cause and that the greatness of thine anger may make others believe that it could not choose but arise from a weighty occasion and just cause and so thou dost choose rather to seem just than be just But the continuance of anger must needs be sinful because the Apostles injunction is that we must not let the Sun go down upon our wrath Ephes 4.26 That person that can lie down and sleep and awake in an angry fit is very faulty in being angry and is the principal cause of the difference that is continued between him and his Wife or her and her Husband That party either Husband or Wife in whose bosom anger is permitted to rest is guilty of the greatest folly Eccles 7.9 That woman that is in a burning feaverish fit of anger for a long time is certainly sinfully angry because there is a great evil in this abiding of anger Indeed the longer anger continues the more it grows and the longer time anger is drawn out the greater distance thou wilt be at from thy Husband with whom thou art angry and thou art one that delightest to drink of no other waters but of Massah Meribah of the waters of strife and anger long retained is in danger of receiving some sowerness of malice from the dregs of thy corruption The continuance of this inhumane fury hath dissolved even the most sacred friendship upon very frivolous occasions I come now to give some Directions for the preventing moderating and suppressing angry fits that usually arise between Husband and Wife 1. ENdeavour in the way of God the mortification of that prevailing principle of flesh that is in thee if thou would'st be restrained from thy violent passions So long as the flesh is deeply rooted in thee it will bring forth its fruits and anger wrath malice and contention are the fruits of the flesh If thou would'st not have such ill fruits come forth from thy flesh endeavour always to destroy the root of thy corruptions for the weaker thy fleshly principle is the seldomer wilt thou be moved to anger The mortification of in-dwelling sin remaining in our mortal bodies that it may not have life and power to bring forth the deeds and works of the flesh is the constant duty of believers In-dwelling sin is the same which I mean by a fleshly principle Now the more powerful thy corruptions are the more violent will thy passions be which are the off-spring of thy in-bred corruption Thou canst not while in the body utterly destroy in-dwelling sin that it should have no more hold at all no residence in thy heart but this thou must aim at and earnestly desire thou must with thy heart really desire that in-dwelling sin should leave neither root or fruit in thy heart or life Therefore the mortification that I press thee to set upon is an habitual weakening of in-dwelling
see violence and fury in their eyes If an Husband or Wife will give credit to every story that a tale-bearer brings them they shall never live at peace with one another VI. A peevish froward humorous constitution is another cause of Anger and Discord between Husband and Wife and so they will be angry at bare surmizes when it is nothing but a surmize or fancy that they make and propound to themselves and thereupon let out their anger like the Dog that barketh at the shining of the Moon Hence many are angry at their own fancy A pettish froward heart will create causes of anger to it self when there are none nay the power of their peevish and pettish humours is such that they are angry for every thing Every trifle every toy any thing in the world that falls out in the least manner against their minds puts them into an anger And indeed when Husbands or Wifes anger comes to be common upon every trifle it makes their anger contemptible and no one cares for it Some think to gain more Authority in their Family by their anger and make others more conformable to them by it but in truth it makes themselves the more despised You shall find your froward furious persons that they will be angry with irrational insensible Creatures and a pettish and froward Wife will be angry with one for the fault of another If a Child displease her she will be angry with her Husband Some persons have such froward and fretful natures that they have Gunpowder-Spirits that as soon as any thing displeaseth them they fly in the faces of their nearest Relations They are like dry wood that have all the Sap and Juice out of it as soon as ever the fire comes to it is all on a flame So Husband and Wives that have hasty natures Sapless and void of true Wisdom as soon as ever they have any occasion but a little fire a little occasion they are all on a fire presently Persons that are of froward and peevish dispositions will manifest their anger before any body never considerihg whether it be a convenient season The Husband will vent his anger against his Wife and the Wife vent her anger against her Husband tho' in the presence of Children or Servants and through the violence of their passions they care not what time they vent their revilings and reproaches And such furious persons will upbraid one another with their failings whoever be present they will not allow time to confider inconveniencies they are of such hasty Spirits and so will belch forth their passionate expressions in hast Also persons of cholerick Spirits they have no command of their Spirits to get them down when they are once up Though the winds be still the waves of the Sea are up and down a great while after So it is with Husbands and Wives when there is occasion to stir up their hearts to anger by reason of their froward peevish natures Though they have that which satisfies them yet they cannot be quiet for all that but they are like Salamanders in the fire continually There are many Husbands and Wives that have Dog-days all the year long You know we have Dog-days in one time of the year but they last but a little while but indeed such Husbands and Wives that have humoursome natures and dogged dispositions have always Dog-days there is nothing but frowardness wrangling and jangling between them all the year long so that in many the heat of anger is in their hearts like the fire of Hell that is unquenchable If once their passion is up they will never have done as if the fire of Hell were in their hearts and though there may be yielding to them and a forbearing of all words that may feed their passions yet nothing will quench them And it is certain that many that have suffered their passion and anger to arise unjustly and foolishly and are convinced in their own consciences that there is no sufficient cause for their anger yet they will continue in their anger and abide in it that they might not seem to others to be angry without a cause and they are loth that the distemper of their hearts should be discovered And also it appears that an Husband and Wife is sway'd by a peevish froward cholerick nature when they can let their anger rise to its utmost height for a very little offence that which would not be taken amiss at all by a person of meek Spirit Also persons are sway'd by a cholerick nature when they do manifest bitterness of Spirit in their anger This bitterness of Spirit consists in this when one is provoked and passion is up against another they care not what provoking speeches they use towards others grating upon their Spirits such things as they know before or at least hope will provoke them and this they do very eagerly Whereas one of a meek Spirit will be very loth to provoke any one and if there be any means to reform another without manifesting the passion of anger he will do it he will try all means of reformation before he will be angry I say though a meek person be justly offended by another yet if he can reform him with sweetness of carriage he will do it but the hearts of many Husbands and Wives are like a Spunge filled with Gall and Vinegar if you do not touch it nothing will come out but nip it between your fingers and it will presently come out in abundance so many hearts if you do but nip them as it were between your fingers the Gall will presently drop down they will presently be angry as it is with many bodies a cholerick stomach will turn all meats and make them to be bitter to them and so it is with such Husbands and Wives that have cholerick Spirits the distemper of their hearts turn every thing into bitterness and if any thing be done unto them that doth displease them they 'll go and chew upon it and so imbitter their own Spirits by thinking what wrong the other hath done him or her A bitter Pill must not be chew'd but swallowed down whole so when there is any thing done amiss to Husband or Wife the wrong indeed is a bitter Pill and should be swallowed down No marvel if every cross is so bitter if it be chew'd and meditated on Again it is evident that an Husband or Wife is master'd by a cholerick distemper if either of them be of a fierce disposition and indeed we may call such hare-brain'd Christians that are fierce and furious upon every occasion An angry person is more furious when only a seeming injury is done to him or her than when a real injury is done to God so that many times some peoples passions makes them like a furious mad Dog that when it sets on an object it cannot be called back Oh! the anger of froward peevish Spirits is very unruly so that such angry persons have not only
Gods Providences do not sute thy humour If his anger be dreadful when kindled but a little what is it then when kindled very much Here is the sad effect of thy being angry with thy Husband or Wife thou then ventest thy froward humour upon God and beginnest to quarrel with God for ordering such a Relation for thee and beginnest to abate thy respects to God and carest not to exercise thy self in those exercises wherein thou mayest enjoy Gods company Do not then feed thy angry passions whereby thy heart is so much estranged from God and whereby you thrust God from your hearts Oh how should'st thou loath thy violent passions and contentions when thou considerest how they deaden thy affections to God! May not God justly thrust thee from his presence when by thy wrath and fury thou dost thrust him frrom thy heart If thou would'st preserve in thee a principle of prevailing love to God endeavour after meekness and quietness of Spirit As Husband and Wife are the nearest Relations let them not be jarring and quarrelling one with another 2. The prevailing of furious angry passion in a person doth abate true and real love to it self By the rashness and inconsiderateness of peoples wrath they manifest no pity to themselves Through the violence of anger how many have been cruel to themselves they wound themselves and must not that be dreadful that makes persons offer violence to themselves Persons in their anger are not sensible how much mischief they do themselves They will not allow themselves time to deliberate or consider of the prejudice that comes to themselves by giving way to their anger by neglecting to endeavour to suppress it O what cruelty is this for persons to vex and torture themselves O then what an heinous evil is it for people to let anger to rest in their bosoms Bethink thy self O Man or O Woman of the danger of letting thy Spiritâ— to be enraged with passion against thy nearest Relation for every trifle Thou thinkest only to manifest the height of thy displeasure against thy Husband or against thy Wife but indeed thou dost hurt thy self and dost evidence that thou hast so little love to thy self as thou hast no tender regard of thine own good If thou didst really love thy self thou wouldst carefully avoid whatever did prejudice thy self thou wouldst faithfully watch against every thing that would break thy peace or deprive thee of thy amiableness or deform thee with a tart sâ—â—ire and furious countenance And as hereby thou dost make it appear that thou dost not love thy self by undervaluing a calm and quiet spirit so thereby no body will love thee Thy passions do cause others to cease manifesting respects to thee they make others to slight thee and shun thee If thou canst not live in quiet with thy Husband or Wife no body will esteem thee so then passion and contention between Husband and Wife must needs be a very great evil 3. Anger will abate thy love to the person that thou art angry with The decay of thy love to the party with whom thou art angry doth appear in mis-interpreting his actions in the worst sense raising contention from suspicion or imagination inventing causes of displeasure where none are Thus by anger charity is notably violated for love suffereth all things therefore their love is small that will suffer nothing Love covereth a multitude of sins they therefore that find faults where they are not rather than cover them where they are do plainly shew their want of love to the party with whom they are angry It is the nature of love to make great faults seem little and little faults none at all but when a persons anger makes every slip in his or her Friend or Relation a capital offence then there appears a great decay of love When a person apprehending it self highly wronged by another doth presently begin to slight that party that person doth manifest more displeasure against the person he or she is angry with than the offence and hath no love at all for him Such is the violence of passion that there is scarce any other affection so strong which it doth not easily subdue Love is said to be stronger than Death yet anger if it be once admitted to rage easily overcometh it Persons then forget the love of the Relation that they are in In anger Wives speak to their Husbands as if they had no kind of superiority at all or as if God had not set them over them any way so own neither subjection or reverence to be due unto them and so causeth them instead of the duties of love to bring forth the fruits of hatred When the furious flame of anger is kindled in the hearts of some people they care not what reproach they cast upon or any other prejudice that they do unto those that they should love as themselves Indeed this is the evil effect of anger that it inclineth persons to hurt them that make them angry that it putteth hurting thoughts into their minds and hurting words into their mouth and inclineth them to think or do some mischief And wilt thou favour that passion that tends to extinguish thy love to thy nearest and dearest Relation that makes thee neglect to manifest those respects that be long to thy Husband or to thy Wife If thou art a Wife anger will put thee upon usurping authority over thy Husband denying subjection to him that the wâ—râ— of God requires make thee insolent and inâ—verent and herein it makes thee oppose the word of God which commands thee in all things to acknowledge thy Husbands superiority by being obedient to him in all things in the Lord that is in all things that are not positively sinful If thou wert humble and meek thou wouldst not be of such a captious contentious and wrangling disposition but over-look those failings that provoke proud spirits Thus it is evident how anger hath a tendency to extinguish the love of God for the love of God will not kindle and flame in an unquiet breast It makes men and women fret against God and murmur at his Providences and makes them discontented with that state and Relation he hath put them into and that it abates peoples love to themselves and makes them desperate in their ways makes them ready to mischief themselves that is makes them run upon such ways and courses as are likely to prove mischievous to them without all love or pity to themselves Be not then such an enemy to thy self as to nourish such fiery passions in thee as will do thy self the greatest prejudice Also anger abates peoples love to their nearest Relations makes them entertain jealousies and suspicions which feed their anger makes them take in ill part every light action and so their hearts grow estranged from their dearest friends and have their nearest Relation in contempt Thou then that dâ—st find thy self by nature prâ—ne to anger labour earnestly with thy self that thou
and too bad to be harboured in the hearts of Husbands and Wives that will hinder them from enjoying fellowship and acceptance with God in prayer that will either make them cease to pray together or if they do pray will make their Prayers vain and fruitless as passion and discord usually doth Also anger and discord is a very great evil in hindering Husbands Wives to do good by unfitting them to come together to the Sacrament of the Lords Supper I question not but many angry Husbands and Wives are convinced in their own consciences that they ought not to come to the Sacrament in a passion when they are angry with one another they know they must lay aside wrath and malice then and be in charity with all persons Hence many Husbands Wives will rather lose a Sacrament than come in a passion Many will say I could not come to the Sacrament because my Husband and I fell out or my Wife and I fell out Now this is a vile thing that when there is a Sacrament that Men and their Wives are convinced that they ought to come unto but the breaches that are between them hinder them So many men and women by giving way unto their passions are unfit to hear and read the word unfit for any act of obedience of the Divine Will unfit for any act that hath a tendency to promote the Glory of God So that the violence of passion doth hinder Men and Women from doing of any spiritual good 3. Passion and frowardness doth hinder Husbands and Wives from doing good to one another in disables them from admonishing one another of any fault because an admonition is to be administred in a spirit of meekness A furious person is very unlikely to convince another of sin neither hath such an one any heart to give another whom he or she is disgusted with any spiritual counsel That secret prejudice which is harboured in the angry persons breast hindereth him or her from doing any offices of love for his or her nearest Relation but instead of doing such a Relation good will do him or her the greatest prejudice that may be done Angry persons are no way servicable to the good of others rather offering indignities than kindnesses to them Here is a sore evil indeed that angry Husbands and angry Wives are neither serviceable to God themselves nor one another O then do not let thy passion rage for every trifle thou then makest thy self unfit either for the service of God or man and what a sad thing is it to be a useless Creature not capable of doing any good Oh then it is a sad and sore evil to be an angry passionate froward and contentious person 8. Anger passion and frowardness of spirit hinders persons from receiving any good A froward spirit is unfit to take in any good there is no dealing with angry and froward Spirits when they are in their fits as there is no Physick to be given to a man when he is in the heat of his Feaver so there is no meddling with angry persons when they are in a flame You must come to them when they are quiet or else you will not be able to do them any good and indeed this is the horrible distemper of this passion that God and man must stay till it be down that God should not only wait on persons to do them good but also wait upon their wicked vile base Lusts that he must stay till they are over before they are fit to hear him speak to them Now it is a meaner thing to wait upon a persons humour than to wait upon the meanest Creature in the world When the fire of anger is kindled in peoples hearts they are fit to hearken to nothing their souls are on fire and not fit to hear any thing thus mens angry passions hinder them from receiving good And angry person is impatient of admonition which is ordained of God as a means of their recovery from sin Angry persons will flie in the face of a reprover they cannot endure to have their ways and actions found fault withal the more you endeavour to convince them of their sin the more they are exasperated the more you persuade them from their evil course they grow the more furious in their passion they are not fit to receive any good counsel while they are angry they are obstinate and resolute if you smite with a Reproof 't is as if you had struck upon an Anvil it makes no impression on them And also anger is the cause that the word of God becometh unprofitable Anger causeth men to entertain the truths of the word of Life as wind in the stomach doth wholsom meat that will not suffer it to enter Those that will benefit by hearing Gods word must be slow to wrath James 1.19 For anger hardens the heart that the Seed of Life cannot take root or leave impression yea it makes resistance to the Work of Grace Those Spirits in whom there is a wrathful fierceness rise up in rage against the Word of God Angry Spirits think that the Minister raileth when he doth but discover their guilt to them so peoples passions stir them up many times to a fierce opposition of the Truth but let such consider that their perverse opposition with be their ruine as in Luke 7.30 they rejected the counsel of God against themselves that is to their own loss Though anger may not altogether hinder or keep them back from hearing yet it will fully hinder them from practice for then only persons receive good by the Word when they practice what they hear when they are doers of the word and not hearers only O Husband or O Wife dost thou observe what an hindrance thy froward and passionate spirit is to thy receiving good Indeed it is a sore evil to indulge thy self in that humour which resisteth those means that should do thee good whereby tho receivest no benefit by any means that is used for thy good yea the allowing thy self in thy passions doth deprive thee of the good thou hadst before thou art not only hindred from receiving more good but thou shalt lose even what thou hast It is reported that some Pearls may be dissolved by Vinegar so there are many excellent things in men and women but they are dissolved by the Vinegar of passion the Vinegar of passion doth stain the spirits of men and women and causeth them to lose that Beauty that they had before yea to lose much of the sweetness of the enjoyments of God himself yea it makes them lose the sense of Divine Love As we cannot discern the Sun when we are near a scorching fire so the Heavenly heat of Divine Love is not felt if the furious flame of anger be kindled in peoples hearts Froward Christians have little sense of Gods love towards them O then O Husband or O Wife Do thy continual brawling hinder thee from receiving good by admonitions counsels
the Devil and not a Child of God and in thy rage and fury dost resemble the Devil who g es about like a roaring Lyon seeking whom he may devour 4. Persons by their sinful anger their contentious wrangling and frowardness of spirit do subject themselves to the wrath of God and bring his curse upon them yea their anger brings upon them even in this life the dreadful effects of Gods anger O thou angry Husband or angry Wife if thou dost not repent thee of thy sinful anger frowardness hastiness and touchiness of spirit upon every trivial occasion God will deal with thee in his anger as thou would'st deal with thy Husband or Wife in thy anger for as we forgive others so doth God forgive us If therefore thou retain thine anger towards thine Husband God will retain his anger towards thee The Lord acteth the part of an Umpire to make up breaches heal differences and make reconciliation between Relations but if either of them be so stiff and contentious that he or she will not be reconciled what doth that party else but by froward behaviour and obstinate stiffness refusing the Lords arbitrement and determination make God his enemy Eliphaz tells Job cap. 5.2 Wrath killeth the foolish man That may be taken two ways very true the wrath of God kills or destroys the wrathful rash and inconsiderate man that hath no true government of himself for anger resteth in the bosom of fools Eccles 7.9 or the angry man kills himself his own wrath is as a Knife to his throat and as a Sword in his own bowels Wrath properly is anger inveterate Wrath is a long anger When a man or woman is set upon it when the Spirit is steeped or soaked in anger then it is wrath but in this place I conceive it notes a fervent heat and distemper of Spirit presently breaking forth or an extreme vexation fretting or disquieting within as in Psal 112.10 The wicked shall see it and be grieved That is he shall have secret indignation in himself to see matters go so he shall gnash with his teeth and melt away Gnashing of the teeth is caused by the vexing of the heart and therefore said he shall melt away which notes an extreme heat within so that a persons wrath makes him or her melt away as we say of a person furiously vex'd it melos his or her grease with chafing This is an effect of Divine displeasure whereby God in judgment doth suffer peoples wrath to be so vexatious to them that it makes their lives a continual death to them and at last so weary and wast their spirits that they die for very grief and except the Lord be merciful to them and the death of Christ heal the wounds that their anger and impatiency have made they will murder their own Souls for ever frowardness and anger is a persons sin and torment For People tare themselves in their anger Job 18.4 The more fretful people are the more miserable do they make themselves Those that are of wrathful spirits will certainly feel some degrees of the wrath of God either in this life or in the life to come That must needs be hurtful yea mortal to men that carries in it a resistance to the immortal God Some anger is not only grief for the opposition that persons meet with but a kind of stomacking at God who permits them to be opposed or crossed and tho' they do not confess it to be so yet the spirit of God knows it to be so Now know that the wrath of man against man is a sin which God will punish with further wrath God will powre out wrath upon wrathful persons and it appears that the wrath of man stirs up God to punish man if we observe what the Apostle saith in Gal. 5.15 If ye bite and devour one another What is this biting and devouring that is every act which is opposite to that love which God commands us to exercise towards our Neighbour or our near and dear Relation is a biting and devouring We bite and devour one another when we are unkind wrathful and vexatious one to another See what follows as the effect of their passionate and froward carriages one to another Take heed ye be not consumed one of another Take heed lest by walking so unlike Christians and so unanswerable to the Law of Gospel-love you provoke God to kindle such a fire among you and in you as may prove an utter consumption When Husbands and Wives are not careful to walk together in love as Christ hath loved us God sometimes as an evidence of his wrath and displeasure gives them up to a spirit of contention and their breaches are like the Sea which cannot be healed Their cruel and harsh dealings which are yet but to the vexing and healing of one anothers spirits or to devouring and eating one anothers credit may provoke such Judgments as shall destroy their Persons Families and Estates until nothing be left Thus peoples peevish froward and angry carriages to such as are their nearest Relations provoke God to execute revenges on them When an Husband or Wife is fierce towards the other God is angry with that person and will not suffer that person to live in peace who hath so much love to dissention and this Judgment of God upon persons is both the fore-runner and demonstration of further yea the final Judgment And so saith Solomon in Prov. 19.19 A man of great wrath shall suffer punishment And Christ denounceth great Judgment against unadvised anger in Mat. 5.22 He that is angry with his brother without cause is in danger of judgment intimating that rash anger is a capital offence and doth bring a person under the severe sentence of Gods Judgment In the latter part of the verse Christ saith That if a persons anger break out in disrespectful speeches the sin is the more capital because such an one gives words of disdain Whosoever shall say to his brother Racha shall be in danger of the Councel but if anger and disdain proceed so far as to reproach a brother yet more despightfully and call him Fool then that person shall be in danger of Hell-fire Consider then O Husband or O Wife the dreadful effects of thine anger wrath and frowardness It subjects thee to the wrath of God and Oh! what punishments what consuming judgments doth Gods wrath bring forth The wrath of God may be specificated into any Judgment it produceth every evil If Gods wrath be kindled but a little if it be but as a spark it will quickly grow up to a flame and consume all as in Numb 16.46 Moses bids Aaron hast to make the Attonement for saith he wrath is gone out from the Lord the Plague is begun But know the wrath of God is not a passion in him but an action towards man He acts as men when they are angry but he suffers nothing by his anger He smites and wounds and pulls down and destroys
like a wrathful man yea an enraged man yet he doth this in the exactest frame and sweetest composure of his Spirit But the wrath of God is only his holy and most blessed will burning with hatred against sin especially the wrath and disâ—entions of such near Relations as Husband and Wife and so he turns away from such in his high displeasure And as the wrath of God draws out punishments so thy angry froward pettish humours draws out the wrath of God The wrath of God is terrible and that must needs be a terrible evil that provokes God to powre it out Will it not then be grievous to thee to behold the appearances of the wrath of God against thee and smart under the kindlings of Divine displeasure O who can abide the coming of the Lord with consuming fire A fire kindled only to consume is dreadful as in Isa 10.17 The light of Israel shall be for a fire and his holy One for a flame and it shall burn and devour his thorns and his bryars in one day That is the fury of the Lord shall appear against those that like bryars and thorns in their anger and contention do prick and scratch one another though in a strict sense it relates unto Gods consuming the Assyrians who plagued the Jews Should not then the terrible wrath of God that thy furious spirit brings upon thee scare thee from cherishing thy passionate and froward humour If thou retain thine anger against thy Husband or against thy Wife God will settle his wrath upon thee O think upon this O Husband or O Wife when thy choler begins to rise If I give way to mine anger I do but call upon God to powre down his wrath upon me Before I proceed to give directions for the subduing bridling and preventing wrath and dissention between Husband and Wife I shall endeavour to manifest which of them is most principally faulty in causing heats and dissentions between them which of them is most faulty in being angry and froward and that in these following particulars 1. THat person that in his or her anger doth by expressions manifest a contempt or undervaluing or a want of affection to the others person is principally faulty in being angry and is indeed angry immoderately and without cause for a well-grounded anger doth manifest displeasure against anothers offence and sin but not against the persons offending endeavours to make faulty persons ashamed but not a shame That Husband that doth in his anger and furiousness of spirit call his Wife Where doth indeed evidence a contempt and hatred of her person and that Wife that doth call her Husband Rogue Knave and cheating Fellow or other opprobrious terms doth really hate her Husband and is principally in fault when a difference doth arise between them Also that person that doth obstinately refuse to give due conjugal respects to the other doth evidence a contempt of the others person and is guilty of its own anger and of the strife that is stirred up between them 2. That party that keeps in memory and repeateth over old things that have been the occasion of contention a long time before is guilty of sinful anger is the promoter of new passions and is the cause of the present discord for such a party doth deliberately endeavour to raise new strife and contention for as former provocations ought to be forgiven so they ought to be forgotten Prov. 17.9 He that covereth a transgression seeketh love but he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends even such near Friends as Husband and Wife And usually that person that frequently repeateth former transactions hath a prejudice against the party of whom and to whom he or she repeateth the matter and by additions and passionate perversions aggravateth the things that are so repeated So either the Husband or the Wife that makes a fresh rehearsal of old matters doth but increase his or her own fury and fully evidence his or her own faultiness 3. That party that doth in anger upbraid the other with natural Infirmities or with such failings as he or she was through the power of temptation overtaken in by a surprize and doth it in a vexatious way to cast a slur or disgrace upon the other is chiefly faulty in raising discord between them and is guilty of sinful anger being the duty of Husband and Wife to forbear every thing that may cause any breaches between them 4. That Wife that doth divulge her Husbands miscarriages to any third person and talk in company what evil he hath done is really and principally the kindler of her own causeless anger and the only occasion of discord between her and her Husband for that Husband that doth manifest anger against his Wife before others or that Wife that is discovering her fiery disgust of spirit against her Husband when others are present that she cares not at what time she vents her self though it be at such a time that she is like to do no good with it This thy violâ—nce of passion doth evidence that thou art the alone cause of thine own anger because such near Relations are bound not to divulge the dishonourable failings of each other The Reputation of thy Husband or thy Wife must be as dear to thee as thine own It is a sinful and unfaithful practice of many both Husbands and Wives who among their Companions and also amongst their Servants are opening the faults and infirmities of each other which they are bound in tenderness to cover as if they perceived not that by dishonouring one another they dishonour themselves They twain being but one flesh the dishonour of one is the disgrace of the other Love will cover a multitude of faults 1 Pet. 4.8 Nay many disaffected peevish persons will aggravate one anothers faults behind their backs to strangers and sometimes slander them and speak more than is truth and this is the effect of that persons sinful anger and displeasure against the other Many a man hath been put to it to vindicate himself in a publick way to clear his good name from the slanders of a jealous and passionate Wife An open enemy is not capable of doing so much wrong to him as she that is in his bosom because she is easily to be believed as being supposed to know him better than any other therefore that Wife that is not tender of the Reputation of her Husband but in her anger will speak things before others that tends to his disgrace and reproach is certainly guilty of sinful anger and the cause of all the discord that is between them But perhaps she will say My Husband hath spoken words to others in his anger that tended to my disparagement and why may not I speak words to others that are dishonourable to him In answer to this Know that the sin of thy Husband cannot justifie thine own sin neither is that a good Argument to justifie thy offending God because thy Husband offended God likewise
live comfortably together is their neglecting to give their Children a Pious Education which through Divine assistance might be a special means to heal the viâ—iosity of their depraved natures to master and conquer their sinful propenâ—ions God in judgment permits Husbands Wives to be plagues to each other who neglect by education â—o refine and reform their Children and make them pliable to the Divine Will who are rugged and untoward by nature for if an Husband be not tender of a regular carriage to his inferiours he will never be tender of a dutiful carriage to God And if the Wife doth not carry her self as she ought to her Children and Servants she will never carry her self as she ought towards her Husband nor have any tender care to promote Gods honour If Husbands and Wives did better discharge their duties to their inferiours they would live more peaceably with each other Therefore I shall give them some directions how they should carry themselves to inferiours in general and then give some particular directions how they ought to carry themselves to their Children in respect of instruction and correction 1. Concerning their carriage to inferiours in general 1. Let Husbands and Wives be careful not to be too hasty or sudden in charging faults on their Children Servants or other inferiours For sudden surprizes do put them by all due consideration that many times they speak what otherwise they would not Therefore give them time to consider what to answer and advise them to speak the truth tho' against themselves telling them That a lye will double their fault and greatly encrease their guilt 2. In reproving your inferiours manage your reproofs so prudently that you may manifest love to their persons when you evidence the dislike of their sins Begin gently to use all persuasive motives to reclaim them from sin and allure them to the ways of God Never use severity but in cases of flat necessity lest the too frequent exercise of severity make them to despise you and harden them against you When you mix some severe expressions of holy anger against their sin let it be done in a grave prudent way for when you deal with them in a boisterous way you only put them into a slavish fear Let them perceive that you are more displeased with them for oâ—â—ences committed directly against God than your selves Pray let not your passions like unruly torrents overflow the banks that are limitted by Scripture and Reason A grave carriage and a sober moderate anger will procure reverence and advance reformations but that which is mixâ—d with horrid noise and clamours â—â—oweth from the breast of fools A Child can never persuade himself that such anger proceedeth from love when he is made the sink to receive the daily disgorgements of a cholerick stomach when the unhappy necessity of his relation ties him to be always in the way where an angry disposition must vent and empty it self If you that rule be thus unruly how can you expect your inferiours to be regular when your uncomely demeanour doth almost convince them that love can hardly be the genuine root of your anger but that they are made the sad objects of your native temper and that your reprehensions are spic'd with hatred If you have cause to be angry yet let not your storms run all upon the Rocks but endeavour speedily to cool the inflamation to abate the feaver and slack the fire of your anger 3. Observe a prudent administration of your rebukes gild those bitter Pills with hopes of winning your favour upon their amendment mix those unpleasant potions with some sweet emollient Juices that such interwoven lenity may procure access for your admonitions and effect your desired 〈◊〉 Great heinous faults if repeated deserve a greater ardency of spirit Smaller offences of Wife Children Servants if they be not committed openly rebuke them a part and in private Wink at infirmities and failings that are not positively sinful in a plain breach of the known Law of God Reserve your severest and sharpest reprehensions for open and scandalous sins that have been reiterated having a shâ—w of contempt and disdain 1 Tim 5.20 4. Beware that you do not reprove your inferiours to gratifie a froward perverse humour Your aims intentions must be upright in reproving Take heed of mingling any wildfire of price vain-glory and ambitious humour of contradicting and controuling others with your zeal of reproving Let your rebukes be purely for Gods glory out of hatred unto sin and out of love to the Salvation of your inferiours 5. If you would reform the miscarriages of your inferiours do it by way of instruction and preceptive injunctions Lay it as a charge upon their souls in the name of God That they hearken to and obey your institutions Efficacious words rather than many are to be sought studied used There be some especially Wives when they are displeased with their Children or Servants when they begin to speak against what they dislike they are not willing to give over but keep thundering out their frivolous repetitions of the same things for an hour together Therefore beware when you reprove the faults of inferiours that you do not multiply words for in a multitude of words there will be many impertinencies which nourish contentions and rather bring contempt upon the reprover than reform the reproved Therefore in few words and insignificant terms injoyn them to conform to your instructions that you give them from Gods word and say no more but with a grave look 〈◊〉 them 6. Before your reprove your inferiours or joyn corrections with your reproofs consider Whither their faults proceed from imprudence and weakness or obstinacy and wilfulness upon what grounds and occasions upon what provocations and seductions and deal with them according to the circumstances their faults are cloathed with If they appear to be truly sorrowful and deeply humbled and do readily beg forgiveness of God and you with a promise of amendment and leading a new life you ought to deal gently with them 7. Take heed of exasperating and provoking Wives Children and Servants by rigid and severe courses where less may effect your purpose There are some cruel Husbands and Wives that carry themselves more like raging Bruits than men and women that take pleasure in tyrannical corrections If they do not act what they would have them as they would have them and as soon as they would have them they â—all upon those their inferiours and tare them 〈◊〉 â—â—â—ld beasts Such superiours are apt to â—â—â—pret 〈◊〉 their inferiours actions in the woâ—â—◠〈◊〉 and â—ay they are fauly in their actio◠〈…〉 hate their persons and so dea◠〈◊〉 and â—ardly with them Take heed of making your Wives Children and Servants vile in your eyes by too much severity and know that God will require such vile acts at your hands at the great day 8. Tho' you ought to maintain the eminency of your
evil of the ways of God because of their disorderly carriages Therefore I have endeavoured in the ensuing Discourse to shew the causes whence usually Wrath and Discord doth arise between them and have shewn which of them is most faulty when Wrath and discord happens Also I have opened the evil of Wrath and Discord between such near Relations and have laid down some Rules and Directions how they may prevent it for the time to come and divers motives to perswade them to use those Directions Indeed it hath very much troubled me to observe the hot contests that have been between such relations about very trifles how some will be offended and cannot tell wherefore They have been of such cholerick constitutions that they have enquired after occasions to feed their anger Alas how much are such carriages unbecoming the Gospel how much do such persons dishonour God and prejudice their own Souls The consideration thereof hath put me upon using my weak endeavours to gather such means out of the Word of God as may prevent their continuance in such disorderly carriages that they may not any longer drink the Waters of Meriba that is of Strife their common drink lest they find them prove Waters of Mara that is Waters of Bitterness at last I shall pray them to suspend their passions so long as seriously to consider what I have written that what they find agreeable to Gods Word they would endeavour faithfully to observe AN ANTIDOTE AGAINST DISCORD BETWEEN MAN and WIFE I. Whence is it that Wrath and Discord between Husband and Wife doth arise 1. ANger and Contention between Husband and Wife doth arise from a prevailing principle of flesh in the heart a fleshly mind produceth much strife and violent passionate disturbances 1 Cor. 3.3 For ye are yet carnal for whereas there is among you envying and strife and divisions are ye not carnal and walk as men The meaning is the flesh prevails in them more than the spirit the remainders of old Adam are very strong in them that party that is touchy and takes distast at every trifle doth evidence that much unmortified corruption remains in that heart and I say when distast is taken at that which is not positive sin then distast is taken at a trifle Now when corruption prevails in the heart it will break forth and blister upon the tongue 't is because a person is rotten in heart that he is rotten in language as in Mat. 12.34 you may smell the filth of some mens hearts by their breath and it is from this root from this ground that some persons are all for strife and debate hereby strife is the very element wherein they live and they live and love to live in troubl'd waters yea also in the fire of trouble they are persons of contentions If their fleshly principle was not so prevalent their passions would not be so violent and it is sad when the strongest bent of some people are for strife that they can discover the boisterousness of their spirits upon every frivolous occasion and certain it is that either Husband or Wife that is soonest angry with the other is most carnal for anger wrath variance strife contentions and hatred are fruits of the flesh and they are seldom separated Gal. 5.20 So that a persisting in this disorder is a contrivance to fulfil the inordinate motions of inbred corruption Now passion and contention is usually accompanied with carnal emulations litigious strivings for trifling matters enmity variance a muttering of disgraceful and opprobrious words These usually go together and raise a tempest of wrath and by that violent commotion the person is transform'd into a very beast and these must needs be the fruits of the flesh because they are directly opposite to the fruits of the spirit which are love peace long-suffering gentleness goodness meekness c. and those that bring forth the fruits of the spirit are able to moderate their anger and can patiently bear and forgive even many real injuries and will not be provoked but for such just causes and not more or longer than the word of God allows So that it is evident that one ground of Wrath and Discord between such near Relations as Husband and Wife is the prevailing of a fleshly principle in the party that is more passionate 2. Self-love is a cause of Wrath and Discord between Husband and Wife whereby the one party so inordinately loves it self that it hath no true conjugal love for the other that he or she never thinks of the injuries and indignities which he or she offers to the other or else will suppose them to be none or else lightly esteem of them as not worthy the recital on th' other side makes the party guilty of this self love or defect of conjugal love heinously to agravate the injuries offered to its self and so make huge Mountains of small Mole-hills and causeth its heart easily to apprehend the wrong and to be busie in meditating of it being apprehended and then longeth for revenge one way or other wishing some disaster to fall upon person or name or both of the other and are glad to be freed any way from the relation thinking nothing sufficient to make amends for so great an indignity offered one of such worth as the party fondly and falsly conceits it self to be And if the self-lover hath not so much respect given as is expected is presently provoked to a furious rage When a Wife is mastered by self love she over values her self and under-values her Husband she can wink at the injuries she offers her Husband and put on spectacles of affection when she looketh on those wrongs which are offer'd to her whereby it cometh to pass that every small matter seemeth a great injury and provoketh her to great anger whereas if she thought meanly of her self and lov'd her Husband as her self she would not have suffered her self to be over-ballanced with the weight of self-affection in judging of the injury nor in giving the reins to her anger to rise to such an hâ—ight If the Wife had an endeared love for her Husband her love would have more force to restrain her from reproaching and reviling her Husband then any injury or seeming contempt of her could have to provoke her to anger For love suffereth long yea suffereth all things and is not provoked to anger 1 Cor. 13.4 7. The prevailing of self-love and the cooling and decay of conjugal love is the fundamental cause of all disturbances that are between Husband and Wife and that party that is most passionate hath least conjugal affection and by want of this love small matters do exasperate and breed distast and he or she that is most furious is most faulty For an Husband or Wife cannot have a bitter mind upon small provocations against one another if they dearly love one another and every thing that provokes is a small provocation which is not a breach of Gods Law And as
they ought not to have a bitter mind so where love is prevalent they cannot proceed to reviling words or to averseness or estrangedness or any abuse of one another And if a breach or wound be unhappily made the balsamick quality of love will heal it so that here you see that too much self-love and too little conjugal love is another cause of discord between Husband and Wife and that party that is first provoked and grows most furious is most defective in Love 3. Pride is another cause of Wrath and Discord between Husband and Wife for it is the diseased temper of the heart that causeth dissentions more than occasions or matters of offence do A proud heart is troubled and provoked by every word or carriage that seems to tend to its undervaluing A proud Woman is always jealous of her Honour and Reputation is also very suspicious of contempt so that the least seeming injury provokes her to choler and disdain because she is ready to imagine that thereby she is exposed to contempt Solomon saith Only by pride cometh contention Prov. 13.10 The meaning is that Pride is good for nothing but to cause brawling strife and contention Pride alone of it self without the aid of any other thing is sufficient to kindle contention yea the wise man observed so much Strife and anger to come from Pride as that he seems to speak as if Pride was the only cause of all brawlings so that the least spark of anger kindled with the smallest occasion bursteth out into a raging flame of fire if it be blown with the wind of pride or self-conceitedness A proud humour that would have all stoop to it if it meet with the least seeming slight is presently hurried with unquiet and turbulent thoughts which are fit Harbingers to prepare a lodging in the heart to entertain anger And this is clear from the nature of Pride for 't is a fountain-sin a root-sin productive of many other sins it nurseth nourisheth and bringeth up many other sins and it is the mother of these three very bad Children First It makes men and women boast of Themselves of their Wisdom Parts Accomplishments and their Pedigree as the proud Jews did when they were contending with Christ Say they We have Abraham to our Father So some will say I am the Child of such a godly Father I was such a mans Son or Daughter or such a worthy mans Wife and shall I be slighted now and so brings forth the second Daughter Contention and be wrangling with any one that crosseth the proud humour fret at any thing that looks like an undervaluing fume at rage at and revile any person that will not be observant of their wills and cannot endure to be hindred from insulting and commanding And this being the humour of many Husbands and Wives it produceth and nourisheth their passions But the third Daughter of Pride is Contempt Proud persons do despise and vilifie all whom they converse with for some Wives despise their Husbands in their hearts as Michal did David that let Husbands carry it as obligingly as they can yet because their Wives do despise their persons they will despise their actions and so be angry with every thing that they do they do despise their actions and company too with abhorrency as the stomach doth meat which is offensive to it and so like their Husbands like ill-savour'd meat From this ground every thing that their Husbands say or do is offensive to them so fly at them with bitter and reproachful words but the truly humble woman is not provoked to anger though she be neglected because her lowly conceit of her self makes her to think that she is not worthy to be much esteemed nor yet is she angry tho' she hath received an injury because she thinks she hath deserv'd it either by like faults committed against her Husband or more heinous sins against God so that it is clear that another great cause of that Wrath and Discord that is between Husband and Wife is the pride of that party that is most passionate And it is evident from the Scripture that Pride is the chief ground of sinful anger if we read Prov. 21.24 Proud and haughty scorner is his name who dealeth in proud wrath So much inordinate passion as one hath so much pride he or she hath for pride is as much seen in frowardness and passion as in any thing and there is a proportion between sinful passion and pride in every ones heart and that man or woman that hath a passionate spirit hath a proud spirit let them seem to be never so humble in other things for the truly humble Soul is of a meek spirit for Christ joyns meekness and humility together Mat. 11.29 Learn of me for I am meek and lowly I shall evidence to you in these following particulars how passionate and angry persons are proud persons and how pride raiseth their angry passions First Proud persons are impatient of being contradicted in their speeches be they right or wrong You must say as they do and not gainsay them So if passionate persons be opposed in what they say or do they are in a flame presently An angry person cannot bear the least contradiction Secondly Pride makes persons uncharitable and censorious They extenuate other persons Virtues and good Works and suspect ungroundedly their sincerity They will vilifie others and give them disgraceful terms Thus will passionate persons do They will judge the party that they are angry with as a vile base unworthy person and censure him for an Hypocrite void of all inward and real good Thirdly Pride causeth men and women to hate reproof Those that are proud are forward in finding fault with others but love not a plain reprover of themselves as in Prov. 15.12 A scorner loveth not one that reproveth him They can easily endure to be evil and do evil but not to hear of it So passionate persons impatient of admonition they will not endure to be told of their faults They storm and rail at every reproof that is given them their spirits are too hot to be told of their faults Fourthly Proud self-conceited persons are ever talkative persons and more desirous to speak than to hear They will suffer none to speak but themselves because such think always highly of their own understandings So angry persons rage if any offer to discourse in their presence if any presume to speak they take exceptions at every word If their passions are high their first word of command is Hold your peace and say no more or be gone out of the Room They cannot endure the company of those that will adventure to reply to any thing they say They are too high to be answered again though by their Equals and Superiours and this kind of passionate rage is the effect of Pride Fifthly If proud persons be wronged they look for great submission before they will forgive you must lie down at their feet make
very full confession and behave your selves with very great submission or they will never pardon the offence you have done them But if they have wronged others they are hardly brought to confess that they have wronged them and more hardly brought to be so humble as to desire a reconciliation Thus it is with angry persons while anger lasteth no persuading them to pass by a wrong but if ever they do forgive it must be upon the humblest submission that may be but never acknowledge any wrong that they do Whatever abuse they do offer to another is justified as well done Such do think that they can do nothing amis and thus you see how pride passion and frowardness do go together that a contentious person is a proud person and cannot put up injuries and foul words He that is of a proud spirit stirreth up strife Prov. 28.25 What is peoples wrath what are their scorns their railings and endeavouring to vilifie those that have offended them but the some and vomit of their Pride It is so contentious a sin that it makes Men and Women firebrands in the Societies where they live There is no quiet living with them longer than they have their own saying will and way They must bear the sway and not be crossed and when all is done there is no pleasing them for the missing of a word or a look or a complement will catch on their hearts and raise their fury As a little spark on Gunpowder will make it flame so the least conceit of a disrespect offered doth disturb their peace break their sleep and cast them into a Feaver of passion There are seldom any hot contests between Husband and Wife but Pride doth occasion them All the passionate angry irreverent insulting and insolent carriages of a Wife to an Husband are from the pride of her heart and hence it is that Pride makes Men and Women angry Pride makes them think themselves superiour in worth and goodness to any so they think that they are too high to have their wills crossed by any and say Shall I bear such a thing from thee poor pitiful Creature And then proud persons think themselves so good as they can never deserve any cross from another and that whatever they do deserves not contradiction at all whereas they are ready to make mis-interpretations of any thing that another doth but think that they can justifie every thing that they do So that whatever is done by another that sutes not with their proud humour puts them into a fiery passion presently for proud spirits make their wills to be the rule of their actions and they would have it to be a rule of all other mens actions too and such when their wills are opposed cannot but be froward and highly displeased Also proud persons think nothing too mean for others to do and so would fain put their Equals yea their Superiours to do such things as they scorn to touch and if they be not complied with presently they are in a flame of passion and are froward and contentious presently and thus you see how Pride doth bring forth anger frowardness and contention IV. Foolish niceness breedeth choler for if you come into the house of one who is nice and curious you shall easily perceive how soon she is incited to great anger upon a little cause I instance in the Female Sex because they are more influenced by niceness and curiosity than men and therefore by it they are mostly provoked to fretting discontent If the decking and adorning ordering and cleansing of their house be not fully answerable to their minds if a spot or wrincle be upon their Garments they are inrag'd with anger that the house will scarce hold them or at least not contain their clamorous voices Those curious folks are not only offended with injuries but also with shadows and appearances Such can carp at Gestures of the Body that they do not like and fret at the words of their Husbands because they do not think them respectful enough to them They judge their language rustick and their carriages clownish so are in no way genteel enough to please their humours and upon this account fall into such a rage of passion as if they had received some mortal wound They are so prying and quick-sighted that they will espy some things amiss by which they will alarm the whole Family and break their Husbands and their own Peace If a failing be ever so little they cannot overlook it and be more enraged that some small Family-concern is neglected then that their Family-worship is omitted whereby they can strain at Gnats and swallow Camels Mat. 23.24 They can storm at small offences committed against themselves and take no notice of great wrongs done to God Whereas others who have not their minds effeminated with this nice curiosity can easily pass over such trifling imperfections and repel anger in far more violent assaults So that a Wifes niceness in finding great fault with every frivolous matter doth occasion much jarring and hot contests betwixt her self and Husband whereby a small spark of distast doth kindle a flame of a violent passions V. Lightness in believing what comes to the ear and listning to tale-bearers doth raise Discord and Strife between Husband and Wife Prov. 26.20 Without wood the fire is quenched and without a tale-bearer strife ceaseth So that as wood is the fires fit nourishment so is a tale-bearer fit to beget and nourish anger between Husband and Wife yea a tale-bearer doth raise contention so high as to make a Separation between Husband and Wife as Solomon saith A whisperer separateth chief friends When an Husband or Wife gives a credulous ear to the lying suggestions of a pickthank tale-bearer they will be incens'd to such rageing anger that a great matter will not be sufficient to quench the heat thereof There have been manifold experiences of great evils which have followed credulity and listning after tale-bearers David giving ear to the false report of Ziba was moved to unjust anger against innocent Mephibesheth There is no greater firebrand in the world than a tale-bearer One Neighbour comes to a Wife and saith Your Husband was at such a place spent so much money there spake such and such words there did such and such actions there The Wife presently believes it and is in a rage presently Some Servants will tell their Mistress My Master did thus and thus and said so and so of you Credit is presently given to the information and the flame of passion is presently kindled though if the matter were rightly enquired into the information would prove false Some Wives will search and enquire after matter to feed their passions and enquire of their Servants What is your Master doing what did he say of such a business and if they be informed that he said or did any thing cross to their humours or contrary to their approbations their Spirits are hot presently and you may
their passions grow to bitterness fierceness and unruliness but to Cruelty they have passion without compassion and many times the rage is so great that the Wife that is so much inferiour to her Husband in strength will not only give provoking speeches but blows also She will flie at his head pluck him by the hair strike him on the face and throw any thing that she hath in her hand at his head Indeed here is an evidence of a cholerick temper But certainly all the anger of an Husband or Wife that doth not aim at the good of the party that he or she is angry with is sinful anger and is the effect of a furious disposition And thus I have shewn you as brief as I might the usual grounds that occasion wrath and discord between Husband and Wife II. I come now to shew the evil of Wrath and Discord between Husband and Wife in these following particulars 1. THe gratifying an angry passionate humour produceth abundance of evil effects All other passions do but draw men and women to evil but anger doth precipitate them If any thing be the principle of evil it is a froward Spirit which is the principle of anger And therefore let us consider the essects of frowardness and passion to see how much hurt it doth to the Souls of men and women 1. Wâ—â—n an Husband or Wife is angry it doth mightily blind the judgment of that party that is so and blind reason exceeding much The hart of passion the fire of passion when it is kindled causeth a great smoak to come up to the understanding and judgment and even extinguish reason Other Passions stray from Reason but this treads it under feet and leads it as it were in tryumph When once such near Relations as Husband and Wife are stirred are froward and in anger they do things so irrationally that one can hardly think them the same men and women that they are at other times it doth so take away their reason The man or woman that is froward cannot have any counsel but run headlong yea run in a rage to such and such things and know not what he or she saith or doth because while passion is prevalent he or she hath no use of reason or understanding Passionate persons are rash and inconsiderate they act without deliberation they run headlong Job 5.14 That is they go too fast forward and they who will not take time to consult of what they are about to do may have time to repent of what they have done and all this happeneth because the passion of anger causeth a cessation of the exercise of reason Other things may dazle the sight of reason but this makes it stark blind and for a time maketh men and women as it were distracted and out of their wits Anger having obtained the soverâ—ignty over their minds taketh away all judgment counsel and reason and over-swayeth all by foolish affection and raging passion and by darkening reason It is a kind of short madness saving that here it is far worse in that the person that is possessed with madness is necessarily will he nill he forced to be subject to that fury but a sinful angry passion is entred into wittingly and willingly Madness is the evil of Punishment but Anger is the evil of Sin Madness as it were thrusteth Reason from its Imperial Throne but Anger abuseth Reason by forcing it with all violence to be a slave to Passion so fit to execute those works of darkness in which Rage imployeth it Well then O Husband or thou O Wife seeing thy immoderate anger is an injury to humanity and a Rebel against the Government of Reason that it is without Reason and against Reason Remember then that thou art a Man or Woman and do thou scorn to subject thy self to such bestial fury O with how much attentive care should st thou avoid anger and notwithstanding provocations offered thee do not disturb the quiet of thine own mind Therefore give not way to anger seeing it blindeth reason which is the light and guide of the Soul If men abhor Drunkenness and that worthily because it maketh them differ from bruit Beasts only in shape of body why should'st thou not for the same cause hate this Vice of Anger which like a burning Ague doth so disturb thy mind and while the fit lasteth it uttereth nothing but raving Do not then nourish thy froward humour nor give way to thy wrath Be not of an hasty Spirit whereby thou art guilty of such rashness and fierceness in all thy actions because those furious actings are so contrary to right Reason 2. Another effect of Anger and Discord between Husband and Wife is that they are great enemies to the quiet of their own hearts An angry passion is a great disturber of a man or womans own peace That we may say of it as the wise man saith of Cruelty Prov. 11.17 He that is cruel troubleth his own flesh So those that are of froward Spirits they trouble their own flesh and trouble their Spirits too It doth macerate and vex the Soul with fury for what greater torment can we imagine than to have the mind distracted upon the Rack of Rage As therefore we would account him a mad man who with his own hands should set his house on fire and consume it alike mad is that person to be thought who will set his or her Soul on fire with the rageing flame of anger wherein it is not only tormented in this life but also without Repentance in the life to come it shall be tormented everlastingly Rage and fury tortureth more than wrong or injury Hereby men and women prove burdens to themselves and hence it is that an angry Husband or Wife cries out No one is so plagu'd as I am I know no body so crost as I am because indeed they are plagues to themselves and crosses to themselves they having no quiet in their own Spirits nothing without is quiet to them If we could look into the bofom of an angry person we should find that there is no such discontented Spirit as an angry Spirit is such an one would fain have his or her own will but sailing herein in spight of his or her heart there will be nothing but confusion and trouble in his or her Spirit Immoderate anger hath proved an enemy to the body it self it inflameth the blood stirreth up diseases and breedeth such a bitter displeasedness in the mind as tends to consume the strength of Nature and hath cast many into accute and many into chronical sicknesses which have proved their death And how uncomfortable kind of death is this Well then let the party that is most overcome by this passion say What good do I get by this passion What! had it not been better for me to have put up this wrong than endure such vexation to my self and be guilty of doing my body so much prejudice as to cause me if I continue my
maist contain thine anger for a longer time Enter into a resolve in the strength of divine assistance that whatever occasions may be offered thee yet thou wilt refrain to manifest thy wrath and displeasure and so by little and little thou shalt attain an habit of patience and meekness 5. In those that are guilty of much furious passion their anger doth cause abundance of sin as in Prov. 29.22 An angry man stirreth up strife and a furious man aboundeth in transgression Anger is the door and gate of Vice and therefore the Psalmist saith Psal 37.8 Cease from anger leave off wrath fret not thy self to do evil as if he would imply that to abound in anger is to abound in sin and it cannot be but a person must be guilty of much sin that lives in fretting passion and inward unrest More sin is committed by a person in a fit of passion in one quarter of an hour than a meek-spirited man commits in a quarter of a year Moses in his zeal for God broke the two Tables of Stone whereon the Law was written and sometimes passionate and angry people in their wicked heats of spirit break all the ten Commandments and in most fits of passion they break in pieces most of the Commandments of the second Table Peoples vile wicked and sinful lusts when they are pleased stir not But when once the heat of anger doth arise that warms these lusts they then like Snakes warmed with the Sun hiss and spit upon those that are about them When there is a Land-flood that the Brooks get over the banks and over-flow the Meadows they carry with them a great deal of soil and a great deal of filth Thus it is in an over-flowing of all affections but especially in the over-flowings of the affection of anger there comes a great deal of filth along with it for when once by rage the eye of reason is blinded the angry person is easily led into a gulph of all wickedness He that is of an hasty spirit exalteth Folly Prov. 14.29 that is exalteth wickedness When persons are quick and short of spirit they are transported into many indecencies which dishonour God and wound their consciences If men and women do not check their precipitant motions by delay and due recourse to reason they will be guilty of abundance of wickedness For motions vehement and of sudden eruption run away without a rule and end in folly and inconveniency Prov. 14.17 He that is soon angry dealeth foolishly By frequent fits of passion anger is concocted into malice which doth evidence a very wicked disposition and is found only in the most depraved natures James saith cap. 1.20 The wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God Intimating that it is so far from working righteousness that it worketh all manner of evil There is in a persons anger somewhat of rage and violence which vehemently exciteth the person to act and taketh away the rule according to which he or she ought to act So anger causeth peoples conscience to be stanied with the impurities of their lives 1. Violent passions cause Men and Women even to flie in the very face of God and walk frowardly towards him which God complains of in Isa 57.17 And went on frowardly in the way of his own heart When every Providence doth not suit with persons humours or if their Husbands or Wives do cross them they will be in a pettish humour against God fall out with God for permitting such things to befall them and so out of a pettish humour they lay aside and have no mind to set upon any duty that they owe to God And when Gods dealings are at any time opposite to thy will and permits any to molest thee thou complainest that God hath dealt hardly with thee Certainly there must needs be a very malignant humour in thee that makes thee act thus frowardly against God and how sad is it for men and women by the violence of their passions against their nearest Relations to act frowardly against God O thou Husband or Wife thou art angry with thy Husband or with thy Wife and wilt thou manifest thy frowardness against God and because thy Husband provokes thee wilt thou provoke God because he injures or wrongs thee wilt thou injure and wrong God What infinite unreasonableness is this What boldness and presumption is this There is so much evil in it as is impossible for any to utter it is so abominable 2. When men men or women are in fits of anger one with another when the Wife falleth out with the Husband the fear of the great and dreadful Majesty of God the infinite God and the dreadfulness of the fear of God is all gone and she is bold upon sin she cares not what she saith or what she doth she fears not Gods displeasures while the fit of passion and contention lasteth for the fear of God is to depart from evil and there can be no restraint from sin when that is gone In peoples fits of angry passions their reproachful and reviling speeches do much dishonour God and their actions flatly oppose his will While they are angry they do not stand in awe of God and thereby their unruly Lusts are let loose running up and down doing mischief sinning against God and their Brethren Indeed the gratifying of passionate humours doth make persons cease fearing God in fearlesness of God is a mighty provoking sin See what Almighty God saith in Jer. 5.22 Fear ye not me saith the Lord will ye not tremble at my presence And in verse 24. Neither say they in their hearts Let us now fear the Lord our God And in verse 29. Shall I not visit for these things saith the Lord shall not my soul be avenged on such a Nation as this O then be sensible what great provoking sins anger and contention do occasion 6. Husbands and Wives by the frequency of their angry passionate fits make themselves all their lives contemptible to others Some Husbands and Wives think to be terrible to others in their passion but they discover so much folly as that they make those that they are angry with to despise them They may think to gain the more authority and make others stand more in awe of them by their being angry with them but they see so much rashness and distemper in their passion that nothing deprives them of their authority respect more than this constant passion of anger when small matters puts them into a fiery sit Indeed if persons did but observe their shameful carriages when they are in passion after they were come to their right minds and in a calm frame of spirit did but consider how much they were disdained and contemned for it it would make them ashamed of their anger However many are angry because they would not be despised but keep others in subjection to them yet nothing in truth doth work base esteem and disregard in the minds of those that
implietâ— the greatest sense of his own vileness nothingness and wretchedness The true reason why people at any time carry it so high with God that they have a good opinion of themselves is because their notions and apprehensions of God are so infinitely below him Did they know God more how would they fear before him and stand as persons astonished at the presence of his Majesty It is peoples darkness about God which emboldens them beyond their bounds or the line of Creatures and the reason why carnal persons and hypocrites carry it so stoutly before God is because they know not God aright They may bâ—ast of their knowledge when they know nothing as they ought 1 Cor. 8.2 Persons never see how imperfect they are till they see themselves in the light of Gods Perfection when they duly see themselves in that Glass they greatly abhor themselves because they see no beauty nor comliness in themselves for they cannot but see much deformity in themselves when they behold the Beauty and Glory of God As when we behold that Beauty we shall abhor our selves for our deformities and defilements so we shall be daily mending and cleansing our selves from them That sight of God Job had cap. 42.5 6. humbled him so deeply as to work in himself abhorrency But now mine eye seeth thee wherefore I abhor my self 1. An abhorrency of a sinful self or loathing of self for sin and evil done Ezek 36.31 2. It signifies an abhorrency of righteous self or a loathing our selves in the good yea even in the best that we have done Isa 64.6 So that a truly humble Soul abhorreth his righteousness as never to trust in it at all This the Apostle saith Philip. 3 7 8 Self righteousness is Gold and to be embraced in conversation but it is Dung and to be abhorred in justification An humble Soul doth abhor self-righteousness because he is convinced that self-righteousness is a weak and imperfect thing even in sanctification therefore he is so far from boasting of it or trusting to it that he hath a kind of abhorrency of it that as to justification he looks on it as abominable And as he abhors it because 't is unfit and incompetent in it self for justification so also because it is utterly inconsistent with the tenor of the Gospel wherein God hath removed all mans Righteousness how pure soever it may be from that use and directed us to look only to the Righteousness of Christ for that use which the Apostle calls the Righteousness of God Rom. 10.3 because 't is that which the Wisdom of God the Father hath provided for us and which the Worthiness of God the Son hath wrought and procured for us Pardon this digression I have reason for what I do O then would you get your pride mortified that begets and feeds your angry passions endeavour after fuller manifestations of God seriously consider God as revealed in his Word converse more with God get more acquaintance with God know and consider how much God is above and the meaner you will be in your own eyes the fuller discoveries you have of God the more sensible you will be of your own unworthiness and the more calmness will you have in your own spirits and the more able you will be to resist provocations unto anger We have no cause to wonder to see persons in the world that do not know God to have bold and presumptious spirits and have their spirits lifted up in vanity But it is a wonder that a Soul that ever had any sight of God should have any rising of spirit that any sinful heights of spirit should be in that Soul that knows what an infinite God he is to deal with O converse much with God and then you will be humble Souls That Soul that never goes from duty without experiencing communion with God is very humble and nothing hath that excellency in it as that which comes from conversing with God and upon the sight of his excellency 3. Consider that the more you see and know your selves the more you shall be abased and lie low in your selves A right knowledge of your selves is that which should bring your hearts low Do but seriously consider what you are in your selves what abundance of filth and vileness there is in your selves and you will not have any high thoughts of your selves O then study your selves more converse with your selves and endeavour to know your selves more and that noxious wind of ostentation by which proud persons are vainly puâ—â—t up in their fleshly minds will be let out and avoided Let every proud person consider what he is let the question be put to his or her own Soul thus Who am I or what am I that I should have a proud thought shall dust and ashes shall one that is but a shadow a vapour but as grass a flower of the field and in his best estate altogether vanity be prâ—ud O consider whatever thou art as to this world thou canst not be long what thou art in thy highest perfections attainable in this world thou art very mutable and the higher thou art the more mutable thou art and what hast thou to be proud of Shall perishâ—ng things be proud things wilt thou be lifâ—ed â—pâ— with what thou hast which as 〈◊〉 the wâ—rld is of â—o little being as thou canst haâ—lly be said to be Consider all these things which are as fuel and occasions of thy priâ—e Thou must shortly give an account for them to God and the more thou haâ—â— received in any kind whatsoever the stricter will thy account be for thy Accâ—unt will be proportionable to what thy Râ—ceipt is Luke 12.48 To whomsoever much is given of him shall much be required Consider wâ—at thou art by Nature and whiles â—n thy unconverted state thou wert a Child of Wrath as bad as the basest and vilest wretch in the world thou wert full of sin the seeds of all kind of sin there is no sâ—n in Hell it self but the seeds of it were in thy heart thy heart and life was full of sin all the faculties of thy Soul were full of sin all the members of thy body were instruments of sin thy Soul and Body was polluted and loathsom and in that condition thou wert succourless and helpless thou could'st never deliver thy self thou wert wandring from God and would'st have wandred eterâ—aâ—ly if God had not looked upon thee in mercy There was such a breach made between God and thy Soul that had all the Angels n Heaven or Creatures in the world laid down their lives for thee thou could'st not by their deaths have helped to make up that breach Look back to this condition and thou wilt see cause enough to be low in thine own eyes Consider what thou might'st now have been if the Lord had takâ—n advantage against thee Thou art now in a comfortable condition thou now comest among the people of God into the assemblies of the Saints but thou
Apostle prescribeth humility as an Antidote against strife and contention and a sovereign mean for attaining unto and entertaining of union and peace But where pride is predominant men and women walk so as that they care not to give content to any body but themselves in the Family they must have all the content and no body else be pleased Certainly an humble Spirit is much freer from angry passions than any other because as an humble person is not willing to give offence to any so is not ready to take offence from others for it is pride of spirit to be ready to take offence from others upon every trifle and by this means persons prove to be very burdensom to others The ground of a proud persons taking offence is this because they think that every body must say as they say and do as they do else they cry out that they are always opposed and because they think their own judgments best and such a thing is better therefore others must do it and if they do not then they are lofty then they are proud and stout and break out into unseemly speeches be inflamed with passion evidencing that they are under the tyranny of their pride So that there is no preventing of anger contention between Husband Wife without the mortification of their Pride 4. Another direction to prevent siâ—ful anger and hot contests between Husband and Wife is that thou dost consider that God is merciful and gracious slow to anger and abundant in kindness Exod. 34.6 And as he is not easily provoked to anger so being provoked his anger lasteth not long for he will not always chide nor keep his anger for ever Psal 103. 8 9. The Lord with much lenity suffereth the vessels ordained to destruction how long did he suffer the old world how loath was he to strikeâ— if in and hundred twenty years he could have reclaimed them he would have forborn them 1 Pet. 3.20 The measure of his grace and mercy towards us is daily boundless and exceeding all measure He forgiveth us every moment much more than we can possibly be wronged of men yea he forgiveth that person that injureth us much more than we can forgive him O then if thou wilt evidence thy self to be a Child of God must thou not labour to express his Virtues This is that the Apostle exhorts Col. 3.12 13. Put on therefore as the elect of God holy and beloved bowels of mercy kindness humbleness of mind meekness long-suffering forbearing one another If any man have a quarrel against any even as Christ forgave you even so do ye He recommendeth the practice of meekness and long-suffering which consists in bearing with and pardoning of even real injuries done by others and persuadeth to it from Christs example in pardoning us The example of God and Christ is a most convincing pattern for exciting us to pardon and forgive on another if we consider either the greatness of those wrongs which he pardoneth Isa 1.18 or our baseness who do injure him Isa 40.17 22. or his omnipotency to right himself of the wrongs done unto him Mat. 10.28 Dost thou O Husband or O Wife stand in need of forgiveness and wilt thou not forgive thy Husband or thy Wife shall God forgive thee infinite sins and wilt thou not pass by one offence dost thâ—n stand in deed of a sea of mercy for the washing away thy many foul offences and wilt thou not let one drop fall upon thy Husband or thy Wife to forbear or forgive in trifling wrongs Certainly if Husbands and Wives would but seriously consider these things it would make all quarrellings and contentions between them to cease O what little cause hast thou then to manifest a furious spirit against thy Husband or thy Wife for every trifle seeing God doth not deal furiously with thee for great offences O that these considerations might prevent Husbands and Wives raging against and falling out one with another for the time to come 5. If thou would'st keep thy spirit quiet and free from furious passions when any thing is done by thy Husband or thy Wife that is contrary to thy mind and doth much displease look up to the hand of God and acknowledge the Providence of God without which not the least grief or injury could befall thee for even the least is a portion of that Cup which the hand of God reacheth out to thee to drink of Job looked not at the Sabeans and Thieves that took away his Goods but at the hand of God The Lord hath taken away blessed be his name Job 1.21 22. He was satisfied that God willed that in righteousness and justice which they acted with so much cruelty and injustice David's looking up to God when Shimei cursed him quieted his spirit and restrained his anger So in Psal 39.9 I was dumb and opened not my mouth O Lord because thou didst it He doth neither manifest forwardness nor discontent because he took notice of the hand of God Joseph did not vent his passion against his Bretheren for selling him to the Ishmeelites but kept himself in a calm frame of spirit by considering this it was God that sent me hither A godly man cannot be angry at the doing or speaking of that which pleaseth God to order the speaking or doing of because he knows he is bound to submit to the will of God And thy only observing of the person that doth in any way displease thee and not considering that God hath an hand in all things that befall thee is the cause that thou art so often transported with furious passions An observation that God hath an hand in all things that befall thee is as water to quench the inflamation of thy angry passions This persuasion That God seeth cause for all the wrongs that thou dost suffer is many ways forceable to move thee unto patience For 1. If thou dost look to the hand of God in those things that distast thee it will constrain thee to confess that all thy chastisements are just far less than thy sins have deserved for indeed all the opposition that thou hast from thy Husband or thy Wife is in some measure a rebuke of God against some miscarriage of thine And God in permitting thee to be exercised with such things as do very much distast thy spirit doth do thee no wrong because 't is not commensurate to the merit of thy sin For indeed such crosses and provocations as thou dost meet with from thy Husband or thy Wife are but light to a gracious heart and if not so light to thee as to others yet but momentory but thy sins have deserved infinite and eternal punishments If therefore the Lord use those earthly rods to correct thy sins thou should'st rather admire his mercy than be angry at so gentle chastisements If thou didst but consider that the hand of God is in every thing whereby thy Husband or thy Wife displeaseth thee thou would'st
beginnings which have broken out into most fearful outrages How often is it in a Family that a little spark doth kindle a great fire At first there may be but a word spoken amiss that might easily have been past over but that word begets another and another and so grows to a most hideous flame Sometimes it is between the nearest Relations as Husband and Wife that a contention doth arise between them for a very small matter sometimes for the very gesture of the hand or some spots on the apparel Oh! a very slight ground for distast and it argues very little or no Grace in that heart that is displeased with such inconsiderable things with which God is not displeased at all Sometimes it begins in the very countenance the Wife thinks that her Husband looks not upon her with so pleasant a countenance as he was wont to do and from thence she begins to have surmizes and suspicions and then comes to make mis-interpretations and from thence there comes a strangeness and from being strange she begins to hearken to tales that are carried to her against her Husband and to believe them and to aggravate them Then she begins to speak some hard words against him and then to do him some ill offices then break out into violent and eminent passions and actings against him reviling him casting false aspersions upon him endeavouring to represent him to others as the vilest wretch living laying such things to his charge as he is altogether innocent of and then to deny all conjugal respects to him and then wish she had never been related to him and some go so far as to use indirect means to extinguish the Relation Others grow fond of other men and so come to have unlawful intimacy with them whereas had there been care taken by her at the beginning all this might have been prevented as the wise man saith Prov. 17.14 The beginning of strife is as one letteth out water therefore leave off contention before it be meddled with or before the breach be made so great as not to be repaired So then when thy heart is first set on fire with anger do thou presently endeavour to quench it with the water of the Spirit for after thou art throughly inflamed it will be too late to apply any remedy till the flame hath spent it self But thou may'st say I fall into anger many times when I never meant it and it hath overcome me before I am aware how therefore should I prevent that which I did not fore-see or free my self from it when it violently over-ruleth me To which I answer 1. If thou dost carefully watch over thy self thou shalt easily perceive when thou art inclining to anger for there are many signs which go before a storm and many symptoms which discover Diseases before persons do fall into them So thou may'st easily discern in thy self many notes and signs of this furious and tempestuous storm and raging feaver of mind unjust anger before it break forth and shew it self Much pain swelling of heart discontent and bitterness of spirit appear before it 2. Anger doth not presently as soon as entred into thy heart over-rule thee before by increase of fuel it be grown to a greater height than it had at first The most furious anger attaineth not its full strength at first entrance but by little and little increaseth like a flame by taking hold of new matter and the fire in the beginning thereof is easily suppressed First by not yielding obedience to an angry passion nor bolieving her in any thing that she saith or doth to prompt thee to furious actions Therefore if thou observest thy self like to be transported with choler endeavour to retain thy self and strive to moderate thy passions and divert the infirmity that seeks to seize upon thee give no ear to any incitements unto anger 3. If thou would'st timely subdue thy anger withdraw the food wherewith it is nourished The most furious anger will soon be mitigated if it be not continually nourished with a new supply of matter the fuel of anger is the multiplying of words As nothing sooner than the wind causeth a small spark to burst out into a furious flame so nothing sooner doth cause a small spark of anger to increase into a furious raging flame than the wind of words Do not then think to disgorge thy stomach of anger by vomiting out spleen in bitter words for they only aggravate things for the continuing of anger Do thou therefore use most modesty Mildness of speech and lowness of voice doth so withdraw nourishment from the fire of anger that it will soon of it self be extinguished 4. If thine anger begin to arise make some delay before thou speakest or dost any thing Give not place to wrath let it not have vent by sudden or unadvised words Anger smothered will languish but let out will flame into further mischief 'T is some cure of passion to delay it therefore Solomon saith Prov. 19.11 The discretion of a man deferreth his anger and it is wisdom so to do so 't is thine honour it 's the glory of a man to pass by a transgression not to take distast at every offence Therefore 't is good to check thy precipitant motions by delay and due recourse to reason lest by following thy passion too close thou run thy self into great inconveniencies O by thy quickness and shortness of Spirit thou art transported into many indecencies which dishonour God and wound thy conscience therefore do what thou canst to suppress thine anger as soon as it doth appear If this course were taken by Husbands and Wives it would be an excellent means to prevent and suppress anger and discord between them 11. If thou would'st not be angry with thy Husband or thy Wife take heed of too much curiosity in observing every little thing or every trifle in thy Husbands or Wifes words or actions If thou would'st not be angry thou must past over a great many things and take no notice of them thou must have a kind of holy negligence of a great many things and pass over and see and not see and turn away thine ears from many things as in Eccles 7.21 Also take no heed unto all words that are spoken Many things that are spoken thou must let pass unregarded many times hard sayings or ill speeches vain and undervaluing speeches speeches spoken at random without occasion without consideration and without any real detriment to us must not be taken notice of to make them occasions of enmity and discord or to break our own peace and tranquility Thus Mr. Cotten on this wise Therefore I say do not take notice of hard or slight speeches spoken against thy self or vain impertinent words that do thee no personal prejudice Paul took little notice of words spoken against him 1 Cor. 3.4 But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged of you Never keep empty impertinent words
not troubling himself so much with the small scratches found upon the inferiour members Through the wisdom of the Head the house is built and with understanding it is established Prov. 24.3 where this is wanting that house is nigh to desolation according to that of our Saviour Mat. 12.25 A house divided against it self cannot stand It were to be wished that Christians especially under the ties of conjugal Relation could learn to bear with one anothers infirmities and so fulfil the Law of Christ A cholerick Couple being asked how he and his Wife liv'd so comfortably and sweetly together The man answered When my Wifes fit is upon her I yield to her and the woman said When my Husbands fit is upon him I yield to him and so we are never angry both at once It were well if the one were as David's Harp to appease the fury of the other It seldom proves an unhappy Conjunction when the one is deaf and the other blind the Man must not always hear nor the Wife always see Love covers a multitude of sins Prov. 10.2 Neither can the Man 's not doing his duty discharge the Wife from doing hers A soft answer pacifieth wrath on both sides But the Author being large in these things I only shall commend to you the practice of Domestick affairs And first there is a sinful quietness a meer piece of Stoicism when persons concern themselves with nothing let things go how they will having the use of no passions at all for even the evenest weights are easily put into some unevenness tho' they tend at last to a settlement in an even poise and so the most even and sedate tempers are naturally prone to some little exorbitances tho' they soon return to their quieted centre Paul a very still man after his Conversion and became all things to all men that he might gain some tho' he was a rough piece before exhorting them all to meekness of Spirit Col. 3.12 That they should put it on as a Garment implying that they had as good go without their Garments as suffer themselves to be stript of this Grace of Meekness yet he could be in a flame and stands up in the Vniversity of Athens and in the open street reproves their Idolatry So Moses the meekest man yet he shewed he could be moved upon a just cause and at the sight of the Calf he fumes and flies out as if he had been a man made up of Salt and Gunpowder rashly throws down the Tables of the Law and breaks them all in pieces And Christ himself as meek as he was could take a scourge of small cords and whip the buyers and sellers out of his Fathers house Stilness in not Stoicism Secondly There 's a holy stilness or quietness of spirit in all conditions bearing that quietly which we cannot help possibly This is my affliction and I must bear it It is a Grace of Gods Spirit Dove-like like himself Nature can't reach it Philosophy can't teach it Nature is a tetchy piece full of cholar Saul a turbulent Fellow no body that feared God could be at quiet for him But when the Spirit of God came upon him it made him as tame as a Lamb and so 't was prophesied When the Spirit should be powred forth the Lion shall lie down with the Lamb Isa 11.6 And it is made the Character of an nunderstanding man He should be of an excellent Spirit of a cool Spirit so the Hebrew Prov. 7.27 A cool spirit in opposition to a hot spirit is an excellent spirit and an excellent spirit is a cool spirit Indeed some new spirits are naturally cool without Grace as many Heathens were that had made a conquest over their natural tempers by improving their reasons and fixing their resolutions yet not being from the Holy Ghost it can but pass for a natural Virtue in them but never for a spiritual Grace This mystery is not learned at Athens but at Jerusalem None but God can give it none but Christ can still the wind the waves of the turbulent Sea of unruly passions therefore we must pray heartily if we mean to live quietly Moreover 'T is not the quieting of the tongue only if the mind be still unquiet Some can pinch in their passion when yet their minds are like the troubled Sea and burn inwardly like fire put up and this is more immediately the work of God We say to a discontented person Set your heart at rest but 't is God only can set the heart at rest Nor would I have such fiery natures shelter themselves under Religious Priviledges What! a Religion that cannot bridle the passions and bring the Soul to the foot of God! That is a poor Religion indeed 'T is a sad thing that God cannot lay a cross upon a mans shoulders but the proud worm must shew himself displeased and the Almighty must look to himself the Arrows of bitter words flying from him so thick and fast against the Providences of Heaven God must know he will not bear it he will not take it at his hands he will not put it up Finally I could wish this following Treatise might have entertainment in all sorts of Families Quiet Families that enjoy the warm Sun and the serene Air in pure Love and Peace how shou'd they bless God for the ornaments of a meek and quiet spirit while others are staked down in the Suburbs of Hell restless Spirits like the Inhabitants of tormenting Tophet Vnquiet Families let them read and consider and read it over and over again if peradventure God may be merciful unto them and still the unruly waves having sent the means of it into their houses and put it into their hands If in any thing it prove distastful and makes thee winch attribute it not to the ill-preparedness of the Medicine but the incurableness of the Distemper If thou throw'st it away because it makes the wound smart Fare wel Live in love and peace and the God of love and peace shall be with you I should greatly rejoyce if any thing in the ensuing Treatise prove instrumental to establish Peace in Families and be helpful to make up breaches between Men and their Wives I know the Authors design is principally to promote this end That would make this Discourse effectual to beget and maintain Love and Peace between Men and their Wives is the hearty Prayer of READER Thy real Well-wisher J. R. THE Introduction IT is observed That many Husbands and Wives that are eminent Professors of Religion yea such as are truly gracious as well as Professors through the weakness of their Graces and strength of their Corruptions do live together in much discontent and that there are often manifestations of Wrath and Discord between them yea and many times their passions grow to such an height that in their anger they speak and do such things as do very much disparage their Professions and discredit Religion and cause the Enemies of Religion to speak