am troubled and mourn and my Soul is grieved within me O thou Heavenly Physician of Souls from thy Pity alone I expect my cure I am miserable and undone without thy Compassion and expect no relief but from the Treasure of thy Grace I must perish and sink under the burden of Sin if thy merciful hand do not save me and lift me up I am intangled and insnar'd by the Devil and my Lusts and without thy Succour can never hope to get free O Lord forgive my Sin and heal my Soul Deliver and save me for thy Mercies sake May I not yet hope in thy Mercy Thou hast mercifully born with me hitherto thou callest me to repent thou commandest me to return and promisest to forgive those Sins which are confessed and forsaken O do not cast me out of thy Sight and Presence now I desire from the bottom of my Heart to return to thee I abhor my self in dust and ashes for my past Iniquities But alas such is the hardness of my Impenitent Heart that I am even asham'd of my humblest Repentance how much more may God despise and reject it But hast thou not given thy Blessed Son to dye for Sinners and exalted him to this very end to be a Prince and a Saviour to give Repentance and Remission of Sins And by the word of thy Grace thou beseechest all even the Greatest Sinners to accept of mercy and art more willing to pardon than we can be to Repent 'T is thy Delight and Glory agreeable to thy Nature and declared Name as a God gracious and merciful slow to Anger and of great Kindness forgiving Iniquity Transgression and Sin. O Pardon mine Iniquity for it is great and receive an humble Penitent who implores thy Grace according to the Tenor of thy new Covenant flying to the arms of thy Mercy through the merits of Jesus Christ who is able to save to the uttermost all that come unto God by him Lord hear my Prayer and let not the mixture of my weaknesses and unworthiness turn it into Sin but graciously vouchsafe to look upon a returning Prodigal and cause me to hear the voice of Joy and Gladness that my sorrowful Heart may be comforted and my life be directed to thy Praise Lead me into the path of life that I may no longer err from the way of thy Commandments Teach me to do thy Will O God and write thy Law upon my Heart that I may never more return to Folly. I am convinc't of the Evil of Sin of thy Right to govern me of the Equity and Justice of thy Law of the sweetness and rewards of keeping thy precepts O sanctifie my Heart and make me Sound in thy Statutes that I may hate every false way and be devoted to thy Fear the remainder of my Life If there be any particular Lust or Wickedness which through the power of Temtation and the deceitfulness of Sin you have fallen into that hath wasted Conscience and rob'd you of your Peace and provok't God to write bitter things against you be sure to humble your self without delay in an especial manner for that Backsliding Confess it freely with its aggravations Consider whether it was not after some special manifestation of God's Love after some special warning some strong Conviction under or soon after some great Affliction from God or some more than ordinary kindness of his Providence c. And impress such Thoughts to humble your self the lower search into the grounds and causes of such Apostacy such as the abatement of your Watchfulness the neglect of serious closet Devotion making bold with Temptation too great compliance with vain Company venturing too far in lawful or indifferent Things toò much Confidence in your own Wisdom Strength and stedfastness not fearing sufficiently the Approaches and Beginnings of Sin or avoiding the fuel incentives and occasions of it c. Palliate and disguise nothing that may make your sin exceeding sinful lest by some little Art of the Devil you deceive your self by an half-Repentance and the Evil Spirit you think to be cast out return again with seven worse than himself and so your latter end be worse than your Beginning For if the sin be not truly hated but only cover'd over with penitential Ashes it will quickly flame out again when it meets with combustible matter and a strong blast of Temptation But if you are griev'd to the very Heart and abhor the Sin and resolve to quit it you need not doubt of God's readiness to receive you to Mercy His Spirit is yet striving with you if you are willing to Repent and return to God. He sought you and call'd you to return when you were wandring as a lost sheep in the broad way and can you think he will not be found of you if you seek him with your whole Heart Therefore renew your Repentance and beg more earnestly a Spirit of Humility Holy Fear and Watchfulness And every morning implore Divine succours against that Sin and all Temptations to it Which as much as possible you must avoid Constant and fervent Prayer after Repentance must be your refuge and your Remedy If you let fall your hands this Amalek will prevail again As soon and as far as you fail in the constancy and fervency of that Duty your Sin will get strength and successfully attempt you another Time. But by this practise God may turn Evil to work for Good make you gain by your loss stand the faster by your Falls and become stronger by the discovery of your weakness and so be better establisht for the future But take heed that you pervert not the Grace of God and encourage your self to sin again by the supposition that if you should Fall 't is but to Repent and renew your Resolutions and all will be well This is a subtle Artifice of Satan but such methinks as should take with none who have ever known by Experience what it is to Repent Who have felt the burden of Sin to be heavier than a Millstone than Luke 23. c. 30. 17. c. 2. the weight of a Mountain Who have tasted how evil and bitter a thing it is to depart from God. Who have loathed and abhorr'd themselves with deep Remorse and Sorrow and Anguish of Spirit wishing with all their Hearts that they had not sinn'd and if it were in their power would give all the world to retrieve it and would rather dye than commit that Folly again they then repented of Let those who have not their own Experience to confirm this read over and consider the case of David when he wrote the Penitential Psalms How many like him have roar'd and cried out under the sense of sin of stings and furies in their Conscience of the poison'd Arrows in their Souls and his Terrors surrounding them whereever they went from the sense of sins Malignity the apprehensions of God's Anger and the consequent Fears of his Wrath. Serious Repentance after great Transgressions is
implied in them What matter of rejoycing may it now give me to admit the Hope that my Blessed Saviour will say such words as these to me and bid me stand upon his Right-hand among his Sheep O what an exulting frame of Soul will such Expressions raise How shall all my Doubts and Fears and Sorrows be scatter'd in a moment and cease for ever O Glorious Day when my blessed Lord shall thus publickly acknowledge me for his own and plead my Cause against all the Accusations of Satan and the malicious Calumnies of all his Instruments when I shall be able to say of all my Sins and Sufferings as my Lord upon the Cross It is finished it is finished My warfare being accomplish'd being more than Conquerour over all through him who loved me and died for me and now is come to wipe away all tears from mine eyes as it were with the Napkin that was bound about his Head when laid in the Grave all being the fruit of his meritorious Death Then shall I have nothing more to fear or wish or beg I shall offend provoke and dishonour him no more or by my folly and scandal discredit his holy Name and Gospel but by consummate Holiness be fitted to rejoyce in his Presence and Love and celebrate his Praise for ever I shall never more lament his Absence or complain of his Anger never see a cloud on his Face or a Frown in his Look any more Now I must wait and pray struggle and strive labour and suffer desire and expect believe and hope c. but then perfect Rest and Holiness Love and Joy Vision and Fruition Bliss and Glory unutterable and everlasting shall take place All the Attributes of God all the wonderful Perfections of Christ will then be glorified in Believers and admired by them His invariable Truth will then be honoured which they trusted to and waited for for now they shall know and find they did not wait in vain They hop'd in his Word and ventur'd their Salvation upon it and now they shall receive the end of their Faith and Hope infinitely beyond what they ever expected or believed The Glory of Divine Wisdom will then appear when the Constitution Administration and Design of the Mediator's Kingdom shall be fully known in the admirable Order and Beauty of every part of it with the exact tendency of all the particulars to one Glorious End and the whole Undertaking crown'd with so blessed an Issue What is now a Mystery even to Believers themselves and hath a Veil upon it shall then no longer be so all the Riddles of God's Grace and Providence shall be plainly understood O how transporting a View must it needs be when the Glory of all the Divine Attributes which God intended to accomplish in and by Christ shall be manifest to his Redeemed Saints The whole method of our Salvation will then appear to be the fruit of unsearchable Wisdom when we shall all see the Reality and Substance and entire Scheme of all that God designed in and by him all that was typified of him and foretold concerning him in the Old Testament How will it all appear to be the manifold Wisdom of God! Ephes 3. c. 10. As in uniting Heaven and Earth together in the Person of our Mediator fulfilling the Truth of a terrible threatning in his Death and by the same way accomplishing * Vid. Mr. Charnock of the Divine Attribute Wisdom many gracious Promises satisfying Justice and at the same time shewing Mercy manifesting infinite Grace and Kindness by shedding of Blood conquering Death by dying and disarming the Law by Obedience to it c. afterwards subduing the world to the Faith of the Gospel by the foolishness of Preaching making men wise to Salvation by the knowledge of the Cross and spreading that Faith the more by all the opposition made against it c. How wonderfully will a clear View of these things discover and glorifie the Wisdom of God. But the Love and Grace of Christ the infinite Goodness and Compassion of God will then be magnified in an especial manner What but Soveraign Love in the whole Contrivance and Counsel of God about our Redemption What admirable Love and Grace in the whole management of that design What unparallel'd kindness in the accomplishment of it by the Sacrifice of the Son of God And how Glorious will this Love appear when he shall come again to give us the full Harvest of all his Purchase With what admiring Thankfulness shall Believers then contemplate the unsearchable Riches of his Grace In all the Parts and Instances of his Humiliation from his Conception to his Crucifixion and Burial in all the Evidences and Discoveries made of it from the first Promise to its Completion yea from before the Foundation of the World in the Covenant of Peace between the Father and the Son until his second Coming to Judge the World and deliver up the Kingdom to his Father How shall we then admire and adore his Powerful Grace which snatcht us as Firebrands out of everlasting Burnings that effectually shin'd into our minds by heavenly Light conquer'd the Opposition of our stubborn Wills Sanctified our carnal Hearts rescued us from the Tyranny of Satan and the Dominion of Lust giving cherishing and preserving the holy Seed of Grace and making it Spring up to Eternal Life defeating the malicious and subtil Endeavours of the Devil to destroy it inabling us to indure Tribulation and persevere to the end giving us Victory over Death conducting us through the dark Valley raising our Bodies reviving and reuniting them to our Souls and rendring them glorious like his own Body and at length rewarding our imperfect Services with Eternal Life Yea tho our best Services were mixt with Sin our holiest Duties spotted our most couragious Sufferings mixt with unbelief yet rewarded with a Blessedness that hath no alloy of Evil but all the ingredients of a Perfect Felicity and nothing to lessen and interrupt it How shall we then admire the Bounty of our Gracious Lord the Freeness Tenderness Riches and the exceeding Greatness and Glory of his Infinite Goodness and Grace to poor Believers With what Extasies of Joy and Gratitude may we imagine that our Lord will be then admired by all his Redeemed ones Saying This is He who made our Peace with God and reverst the Sentence of Damnation which we were under who bought us with the price of his most precious Blood bore the Wrath of his Father and submitted to an infamous and cursed Death for us He assumed our Nature that we might partake of his became the Son of Man that we might be made the Children of God for our sakes he became poor that we through his Poverty might become Rich He stoopt to bear the greatest Ignominy and Reproach to confer Honour on us He was for a time forsaken of his Father that we might not be so eternally He felt the stroke of his Anger against Sin that
to at last When even the little Good that remains is ready to dye May I not ask such Christians or desire them to ask themselves What is already the effect and consequence of this Declension Is not God's Spirit removed and the Light of his Countenance Eclipsed Yea as to many of them are they not under sad apprehensions of God's displeasure Do they not feel the terrors of the Lord Do they not walk heavily from day to day They that could once converse with God on all occasions as a Friend and a Father do now think of God and are troubled Thick Darkness doth incompass them round about They have lost the sense of his Love the comforts of his presence and their Song in the night and see no relief This is a more hopeful case however than theirs who are under great Backslidings and Desertion and hardly sensible of it To awaken and assist both Consider I beseech you whence you are fallen and what you have lost and what will be the issue of this if Sickness or some smart Affliction overtake you or if you should dye in this condition And inquire seriously and presently into the cause of all this Evil for a few transient thoughts will not affect the Heart and persuade to Action And do it presently because by every delay your work will be the harder your danger the greater and your recovery the more difficult Reflect upon the Sinfulness as well as Affliction of this case Know that you have displeased God and run from him neglected his Presence and griev'd his Spirit and in what Instances you have done so that hath made him weary of his dwelling what Ordinances you have slighted what Duties you have omitted what sins you have given way to in order to Repentance and deep Humiliation Can you contentedly sit still with this dismal State of things while God hath somewhat yea a great deal indeed against you for having left your first Love Will you not endeavour to remove that which hath made such a separation between God and you and brought you thus low What Communion with God what Communications of his Grace what Influences of his Spirit and Evidences of his Favour have you lost And will you not acknowledg your Iniquity and abase your selves in the Dust and return to the Lord and do your first works that he may heal your Backslidings and receive you graciously that you may again take hold of his Covenant and be at Peace with him But to be at Peace with God is not the whole of your Concern you need not only a Pardon but a Physician to heal you as doth a Malefactor that is not only liable to the Law but desperately sick Your State is sinful and dangerous as well as troublesome From performing duties in such a manner as you now do you may quickly be Tempted to let them altogether alone God may be so far provok'd to suffer Satan to make attempts upon you of that kind and he is forward enough to make use of such an opportunity to try all his Snares and Stratagems against you till he prevail with you to think hardly of God himself * Vid. Mr. Gilpin of Temptation p. 2. chap. 6. unthankfully to overlook all his former kindnesses to put the worst Interpretation that can be upon all his Providences to distrust and quarrel with him as if his faithfulness had failed and his Mercy were clean gone for ever and there were no hope left for one in your case and so run into Desperation and through the subtlety and violence of Satan's Temptations try the most foolish and unlawful means for ease and cure either open Licentiousness or it may be Self-Murder Therefore speedy present Repentance is necessary to find out and mortifie every Corruption and that especially which Conscience tells us you have most indulg'd from whence your Distress doth principally arise Confessing your sin freely fully and without reserve and waiting on God in the diligent use of all means for the recovery of that which you have lost and Justifying God in his Righteousness Truth Wisdom Holiness in all his Rebukes That you may regain a Spirit of Prayer and taste the sweetness vertue and efficacy of every Duty and of every Ordinance and God may give you the Garment of Praise for the Spirit of Heaviness and the Joy of the Lord may be your Strength for future service and suffering In the mean time do not cast away your Hope but tho you have too justly depriv'd your self of the Faith of Assurance yet indeavour to maintain and exercise the Faith of Adherence (a) Vid. Dr. Owen on Ps 130.2 Say unto God that because there is forgiveness with him therefore he is to be feared My sin is not too great to be forgiven 'T is not the Vnpardonable Sin for I desire to repent and am resolv'd to return I will still cleave to the Lord and wait upon him and follow hard after him and take no other course for Deliverance and Comfort Mine is not a single Case I am not the only Soul that hath been so distressed and yet found relief by seeking unto God. 'T is therefore good for me to hope and quietly wait for the Salvation of God (b) Lam. 3. c. 26. I will draw near to God I will lye at his foot and continue in all ways of Worship and Duty wherein I may hope to meet with the quickning and comfort of his Spirit I will seek relief from no other I will keep as near him as I can whither else shall I go he alone hath the words of Eternal Life he alone can create what is the fruit of his own lips Peace Peace * Vid. Mr. Baxter's Method for Peace of Conscience I will encourage my self in the consideration of his General Grace and the probabilities of his special Love I will recollect my former Experiences when I had some good hope through Grace concerning my Adoption I will remember the years of the right hand of the most High. If God will give me so much Grace as to continue waiting I will hope still and though I walk in darkness and see little or no Light I will stay my self upon the Lord. And if by the want of sensible Consolation he will make me more humble and keep me in a greater Submission to his will I will bless his holy Name and derive more comfortable hope from thence than from the most sweet and sensible Considerations I ever had and look upon Humility Self-denial Dependance on God Resignation to him and Hatred of sin as a better sign of his Love than the highest fervors of Affection in his service can be Oh that I had formerly done as much for Holiness as I have for Comfort by the enjoyment of the one I should have had more of the other the Exercise of Grace would have discover'd the Truth of it Let me therefore accuse and condemn my self but still trust and love