slip have I not made it more my business to seem Religious then really to be so how much of the Patience of God have I abus'd refusing his calls to Repentance resisting the strivings of his Spirit smothering my Convictions and turning the grace of God into wantonness In stead of returning gratitude for all his Love I have repeated my Transgressions after Forgiveness and gone in a circle of Repenting and Sinning even to this day Lord I am Asham'd and lay my self in the dust before thee To me belongs nothing but shame and confusion of Face If God should condemn and punish me as a Rebell and a Traitor and give me the Portion of Hypocrites I cannot but own his Justice even in Hell I must do it with my flaming Tongue and Breath O Spare me for thy mercies sake Enter not into Judgment with thy servant for in thy sight shall no flesh living be justifi'd if Thou lay Judgment to the line and equity to the Plummet Give me Repentance unto life never to be repented of never to be retracted againe Bring me to the Bloud of Jesus which cleanseth from all sin Behold the sighings of a contrite Spirit For I acknowleg my Transgressions unto thee against whom I have sinned o Lord forgive the Iniquity of my Sin. I am unworthy to lift up my hands and Eyes towards Heaven unworthy to be called thy son or thy servant I am vile in mine own eyes because I have made my self vile in thine For this I am troubled and mourn and my Soul is grieved within me O thou Heavenly Physitian of Souls from thy Pitty alone I expect my cure I am miserable and undone without thy Compassion and expect no relief but from the Treasure of thy Grace I must perish and sink under the burden of Sin if thy mercifull hand doe not save me and lift me up I am intangled and insnar'd by the Devill and my Lusts and without thy Succor can never hope to get free O Lord for give my Sin and heal my Soul deliver and save me for thy mercies sake May I not yet hope in thy mercy thou hast mercyfully born with me hitherto thou callest me to repent thou commandest me to return and promisest to forgive those Sins which are confessed and forsaken O do not cast me out of thy Sight and Presence now I desire from the bottom of my Heart to return to thee I abhorr my self in dust and ashes for my past Iniquities But alas such is the hardness of my Impenitent Heart that I am even asham'd of my humblest Repentance how much more may God despise and reject it But hast thou not given thy H. Son to dye for Sinners and exalted him to this very end to be a Prince and a Saviour to give Repentance and Remission of Sins And by the word of thy Grace thou beseechest all even the Greatest Sinners to accept of mercy and art more willing to pardon then we can be to Repent T is thy Delight and Glory agreable to thy nature and declared Name as a God gracious and mercifull slow to Anger and of great Kindness fergiving Iniquity Transgression and Sin. O Pardon mine Iniquity for it is great and receive an humble Penitent who implores thy Grace according to the Tenor of thy new Covenant flying to the arms of thy Mercy thro the merits of Jesus Christ who is able to save to the uttermost all that come unto God by him Lord hear my Prayer and let not the mixture of my weaknesses and unworthiness turn it into Sin but graciously vouchsafe to look upon a returning Prodigal and cause me to hear the voice of Joy and Gladness that my sorrowfull Heart may be comforted and my life be directed to thy Praise Lead me into the path of life that I may no longer erre from the way of thy Commandments Teach me to do thy Will o God and write thy Law upon my heart that I may never more return to Folly. I am convinc't of the Evill of Sin of thy Right to govern me of the equity and Justice of thy Law of the sweetness and rewards of keeping thy precepts O sanctifie my Heart and make me Sound in thy Statutes that I may hate every false way and be devoted to thy Fear the remainder of my Life If there be any particular Lust or Wickedness which thro the power of Temptation and the deceitfullness of Sin you have fallen into that hath wasted Conscience and robb'd you of your Peace and provok't God to write bitter things against you be sure to humble your self without delay in an especial manner for that Backsliding Confess it freely with its aggravations Consider wither it was not after some special manifestation of God's Love after some special warning some strong Conviction under or soon after some great Affliction from God or some more then ordinary kindness of his Providence c. and impress such Thoughts to humble your self the lower search into the grounds and causes of such Apostacy such as the abatement of your watchfullness the neglect of serious closet devotion making bold with Temptation too great compliance with vaine Company venturing too far in lawfull or indifferent Things too much Confidence in your own Wisdom Strength and stedfastness not fearing sufficiently the Approaches and Beginnings of Sin or avoiding the fuell incentives and occasions of it c. Palliate and disguise nothing that may make your sin exceeding sinfull least by some little Art of the Devil you deceive your self by an half-Repentance and the Evil Spirit you think to be cast out return againe with seven worse then himself and so your latter end be worse then your Beginning For if the sin be not truly hated but only cover'd over with penitential Ashes it will quickly flame out againe when it meets with combustible matter and a strong blast of Temptation But if you are griev'd to the very Heart and abhorr the Sin and resolve to quitt it you need not doubt of God's readiness to receive you to Mercy His Spirit is yet striving with you if you are willing to Repent and return to God. He sought you and call'd you to return when you were wandring as a lost sheep in the broad way and can you think he will not be found of you if you seek him with your whole Heart Therfore renew your Repentance and beg more earnestly a Spirit of Humility Holy Fear and Watchfullness and every morning implore divine succors against that Sin and all Temptations to it Which as much as possible you must avoid Constant and fervent Prayer after Repentance must be your refuge and your Remedy If you let fall your hands this Amaleck will prevail againe assoon and as far as you fail in the constancy and fervency of that Duty your Sin will get strengh and successfully attempt you another Time. But by this practise God may turn Evil to work for Good make you gaine by your loss stand the faster by your
spared for his Greatness nor the mean man for his Poverty O Fool o Wretch that I am shall many then say who now brave it out in Pride and vanity unconcern'd about a future Judgment not to be persuaded by the Terrors of the Lord which I was so often warn'd and foretold of what refuge of Hope can I now flye to what can I say for my self what can I doe to escape to dye to exist no longer I would have no compassion on my own Soul I would not so much as consider its Danger I shall now find none from Christ I can expect none his Mercy is gone and gone for ever I am lost undone tormented and must Eternally be so O the amazement Horror and Despair of self condemned Sinners in that day of Vengence O my Soul what is there of greater Consequence or of greater Certainty from the word of God then that I must appear to Judgment when Christ shall come againe Lord teach me to believe it firmly to consider it often to lay it seriously to Heart to act under the influence and power of it as long as I live that at the Great Resurrection from the Dead I may lift up my head with a joyfull Hope and find the Judge to be my Friend my Advocate my Jesus and not my Enemy and Destroyer XXIII Meditations of the Glory of Christ in his Glorifyed Saints and of the thankfull Admiration of Believers when He shall come againe from Heaven which shall be continued to all ETERNITY THe Terror of our Lords Appearance to Judgment cannot be greater to the wicked then the comfort and Joy it will be to the Saints When they shall see him whom their Souls love ascend with him to Heaven and be wellcom'd according to his promise with those indearing words Matt. 25. Come the Blessed Children of my Father inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from before the foundation of the world 'T was for your sakes I assumed flesh lived on Earth and dyed on the crosse to purchase this Glorious Kingdom for you which I now come to give you the Possession of 'T was for this I prayed and suffered on Earth for this I interceded ever since in Heaven I was heard in that prayer accepted in those sufferings and my Intercession granted that where I am you may be also to behold my Glory Come therefore Good and Faithfull Servants enter into your Lords Joy. O what Ravishing words will thees be what an Extasy of Love and kindness is implied in them What matter of Rejoycing may it now give me to admit the Hope that my Blessed Saviout will say such words as these to me and bid me stand upon his Right Hand among his sheep O what an exulting frame of soul will such Expressions raise how shall all my doubts and fears and sorrows be scatter'd in a moment and cease for ever O Glorious Day when my Blessed Lord shall thus publickly acknowledg me for his own and plead my cause against all the accusations of Satan and the malicious Calumnies of all his Instruments when I shall be able to say of all my Sins and sufferings as my Lord upon the crosse It is Finished It is Finished My warfare being accomplisht being more then Conqueror over all thro him who loved me and dyed for me and now is come to wipe away all Tears from mine Eyes as it were with the Napkin that was bound about his Head when laid in the Grave all being the fruit of his Meritorious Death Then shall I have nothing more to fear or wish or beg I shall offend provoke and dishonour him no more or by my folly and scandal discredit his holy name and Gospell But by consummate Holiness be fitted to Rejoyce in his Presence Love and celebrate his Praise for ever I shall never more lament his Absence or complaine of his Anger never see a cloud on his Face or a Frown in his look any more Now I must wait and pray struggle and strive labor and suffer desire and expect believe and hope c. but then perfect Rest and Holiness love and joy vision and fruition bliss and glory unutterable and everlasting shall take place All the Attributes of God all the wonderfull Perfections of Christ will then be glorifyed in Believers and admired by them His invariable Truth will then be honoured which they trusted to and waited for for now they shall know and find they did not wait in vaine they hoped in his word and ventured their Salvation upon it and now they shall receive the End of their Faith and Hope infinitely beyond what they ever expected or believed The Glory of Divine Wisdom will then appear when the Constitution Administration and design of the Mediators Kingdom shall be fully known in the admirable order and beauty of every part of it with the exact tendency of all the particulars to one Glorious end and the whole undertaking crownd with so blessed an issue What is now a mystery even to Believers themselvs and hath a vail upon it shall then no longer be so all the riddles of Gods Graee and Providence be plainly understood O how transporting a view must it needs be when the Glory of all the divine Attributes which God intended to accomplish in and by Christ shall be manifest to his Redemed Saints The whole method of our Salvation will then appear to be the fruit of unscearchable Wisdom when we shall all see the reality and substance and intire scheme of all that God designed in and by him all that was typified of him and foretold concerning him in the old Testament How will it all appear to be the Manifold Wisdom of God. Ephes 3. c. 10. As in uniting Heaven and Earth together in the Person of our Mediator fullfilling the Truth of a terrible Threatning in his death by the same way accomplishing many gracious Promises Vid. Mr. Charnock of the Div. Attrib Wisdom Satisfying Justice and at the same time showing Mercy manifesting infinite Grace and kindness by shedding of bloud conquering Death by dying and disarming the Law by obedience to it c. afterwards subduing the world to the Faith of the Gospel by the foolishness of preaching making men wise to Salvation by the knowledg of the Crosse and spreading that Faith the more by all the opposition made against it c. how wonderfully will a clear view of these things discover and glorifie the Wisdom of God. But the Love and Grace of Christ the infinite Goodness and Compassion of God will then be magnified in an especial manner What but Soveraine Love in the whole Contrivance and Counsell of God about our Redemption what admirable Love and Grace in the whole management of that design what unparrallel'd kindness in the accomplishment of it by the sacrifice of the son of God and how glorious will this Love appear when he shall come againe to give us the full Harvest of all his Purchase with what admiring
that Awe of God with that Humility Fervency and Intensness of Spirit as some times they were are you not more Negligent and unconcern'd before and after wither you find any thing of this or no your Desires weak your Hearts flat your Thoughts wandring your Spirits trifling so the work be done and the duty be over in how formal customary and careless a manner soever it be you consider it not you lay it not to Heart you reflect not upon it you bewail it not or at least are better contented and sooner quieted and take less notice of the frame of your Heart in such Duties then formerly Examine farther how 't is with you as to the great distinguishssing Duties of an upright Christian if performed as they ought to be I mean Secret Pra er and meditation Are you as strict and carefull constant and Conscientious frequent and abundant in these as formerly may not our Closets and places of Retirement witness against us our former humble and importunate Prayers joyfull Thanksgivings and sweet Contemplation of the Mysteries of Religion compared with our present dayly practice will testifie that we are declin'd and fallen Moreover consider the Evil of Sin and how your Heart stands affected to it Is not your Hatred of Sin and Zeal against it much decayed especially with respect to inward Spiritual sins such as the secret workings of unbelief and distrust pride envy uncharitableness c. Doe you bewail it shire against it and shun the occasions and fear the Temptations that may lead you unto Sin as once you did Have you not lost much of that tenderness and holy Jealousy over your heart and ways you formerly had Doe you not now make more bold with Temptation Are you not of oftner conquered and with less Reluctance and by small Temptations c. Are you not more Unserviceable Root and Fruit in a withering condition God less Honour'd and Others less profited and edifyed by your Example and Life doe you not adhere more to the world conform to it and comply with it in many things which formerly you durst not have done and are every day waxing worse Make a pause a while and bethink your self what this will come to at last even the little Good that remains is ready to dye May I not ask such Christians or desire them to ask themselves what is all ready the effect and consequence of this declension Is not God's Spirit removed and the Light of his Countenance Ecclipst yea as to many of them are they not under Sad apprehensions of God's displeasure do they not feel the terrors of the Lord do they not walk heavily from day to day they that could once converse with God on all occasions as a Friend and a Father do now think of God and are troubled thick Darkness doth incompass them round about they have lost the sence of his Love the comforts of his presence and their Song in the night and see no relief This is a more hopefull case however then theirs who are under great Backslidings and Desertion and hardly sensible of it To awaken and affist both Consider I beseech you whence you are fallen and what you have lost and what will be the issue of this if Sickness or some smart Affliction overtake you or if you should dye in this condition And inquire seriously and presently into the cause of all this Evil for a few transient thoughts will not affect the Heart and persuade to Action And do it presently because by every delay your work will be the harder your danger the greater and your Recovery the more difficult Reflect upon the Sinfullness as well as Affliction of this case know you have displeased God and run from him neglected his Presence and griev'd his Spirit and in what Instances you have done so that have made him weary of his dwelling what Ordinances you have slighted what Duties you have omitted what sins you have given way to in order to Repentance and deep Humiliation Can you contentedly sit still with this dismal State of Things while God hath somewhat yea a great deal indeed against you for having left your first Love will you not endeavor to remove that which hath made such a separation between God and you and brought you thus low what Communion with God what communications of his Grace what influences of his Spirit and Evidences of his favor have you lost and will you not acknowledg your Iniquity and abase your selves in the Dust and return to the Lord and doe your first works that he may heal your Backslidings and receive you graciously that you may againe take hold of his Covenant and be at Peace with him But to be at Peace with God is not the whole of your Concern you need not only a Pardon but a Physitian to heal you as doth a Malefactor that is not only liable to the Law but desperately sick Your State is sinfull and dangerous as well as troublesome From performing duties in such a manner as you now do you may quickly be Tempted to let them altogether alone God may be so far provok't to suffer Satan to make attempts upon you of that kind and he is forward enough to make use of such an opportunity to try all his Snares and Stratagems against you till he prevail with you to think hardly of God himself Vid. Mr. Gilpiu of Temptations p. 2. chap. 6. unthankfully to overlook all his former kindnesses to put the worst Interpretation that can be upon all his Providences to distrust and quarel with him as if his faithfullness had failed and his Mercy were clean gone for ever and there were no hope left for one in your case and so run into Desperation and thro the subtlely and violence of Satan's Temptations try the most foolish and unlawfull means for ease and cure either open Licentiousness or it may be self Murder Therfore speedy present Repentance is necessary to find out and mortifie every Corruption and that especially which Conscience tells you you have most indulg'd from whence your Distresse doth principally arise Confessing your sin freely fully and without reserve and waiting on God in the diligentuse of all means for the recovery of that which you have lost and Justifying God in his Righteousness Truth Wisdom Holiness in all his Rebukes That you may regaine a Spirit of Prayer and taste the sweetness vertue and efficacy of every duty and of every ordinance and God may give you the Garment of Praise for the Spirit of Heaviness and the Joy of the Lord may be your Strength for future service and suffering In the mean time do not cast away your Hope but tho you have too justly depriv'd your self of the Faith of Assurance yet indeavor to maintaine and exercise the Faith of Adherence Vid. Dr. Owen on 130 Ps 2. Say unto God that because there is Forgiveness with him therfore he is to be feared My sin is not too Great to be