Selected quad for the lemma: cause_n

Word A	Word B	Word C	Word D	Occurrence	Frequency Band	MI	MI Band	Prominent
cause_n	affection_n	love_n	love_v	1,622	5	6.3349	4	false

Text snippets containing the quad

ID	Title	Author	Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication)	STC	Words	Pages
A67866	A godly forme of houshold government for the ordering of priuate families, according to the direction of Gods word : wherunto is adioyned in a more particular manner, the seuerall duties of the husband towards his wife, and the wiues dutie towards her husband, the parents dutie towards their children, and the childrens towards their parents, the maisters dutie towards his seruants, and also the seruants duty towards their maisters / first gathered by R.C. ; and now newly perused, amended and augmented by Iohn Dod and Robert Cleuer.	Cleaver, Robert, 1561 or 2-ca. 1625.; Carr, Roger, d. 1612.; Cawdry, Robert.	1621 (1621)	STC 5387.5; ESTC S118705	199,876	382

keepe them vnder a seruile or slauish awe subiection by too much feare but rather be a child-like and reuerend feare which both the subiects owe vnto their Princes and children vnto their parents and which both the one and the other easily obtaine at the hands of such as are vnder their gouernment by their equall vpright and modetate behauiour towards them It doth therefore stand parents greatly in hand that in making choise for their children they be free from all sinister and corrupt affection and that for luker and couetousnesse they seeke not to thrust such matches vpon their children as they cannot brooke nor like well of Yea and in this most graue and weightie cause it is a thing earnestly to be wished that all Christian parents would not take this matter and businesse lightly in hand as it were but a toy or a ieast but that they begin it with prayer that in the whole action they may in such sort be directed that they do nothing against the word of God or vnbeseeming the same authoritie the which God himselfe in this cause hath imposed or laid vpon them And thus doing God no doubt will adde a blessing vnto their godly endeuour and holy care and worke obedience in the hearts of their children as he framed the heart of Isaack with entire affection to embrace Rebecca whom his father Abraham had by his steward prouided for him Gen. 27. 7. c. The third point that appertaineth to parents is to be themselues examples of all godlinesse and vertuousneste to their children So that they must remember that they themselues do not say or do any thing that is euill or offensiue in the presence of their children For it is certaine that children follow and learne nothing so much and so soone as that which they see their father and mother do or say For the vertue thriuing and prosperitie of children is for the most part wrought by the fathers and mothers good examples and instructions and contrariwise for that which is done by examples the inferiours will thinke they may lawfully do the like As good examples do edifie and vphold so ill examples do destroy and confound For humanity is taught by the law of nature If therefore parents by their example should teach the contrarie what do they else but indeuour to transforme men into beasts beginning first to performe it in their owne children They must be circumspect that their children do not fight and iniurie one another and if they sweare curse lye or speake any bawdie or ribaldous words or sing any 〈◊〉 rimes or vnchristian songs then to reprooue them sharply for it And let all parents alwayes labour that their children may rather feare them for loue and reuerence then for fearé of punishment For children that obey their parents for feare of correction commonly feare them no longer then the stripes endure Before all things it is needfull that parents should shew themselues vnto their children as a manifest patterne or example not onely by not sinning and offending God any wayes but also by liuing godly and by doing all things honestly that so their children may look into their liues and peruse themselues as in a glasse And therefore if parents do giue good examples they shall reape the fruite thereof in the life behauiour manners and prosperitie of their children For children loue and delight to do as their parents did before them All Christian fathers ought to be most carefull in nourishing and maintaining naturall loue and concord amongst the children and family and in no wise to suffer any sparke of hatred to enter into their hearts lest it kindle a fire in their breasts much lesse ought they themselues to cast in coales of discord among them by vnkind or iniurious examples of dealing For the state of a family if it be in due order is like to a frame of ioyning worke or building whereof if some one peece be out of his place it tendeth to the disordering of all the rest and one disorder following another all becommeth out of ioynt and falleth into confusion very dispraiseable So that parents therefore ought to be carefull to maintaine their children in peace concord and amitie for if discord and contention be dangerous and pernicious among all men how much more betweene brethren and sisters Likewise if it be hard quenching of stomacke and debate betweene those that are not enioyned in kindred it is farre more difficult to revnite brethren because enmitie amongst them is mightie and strong like iron-barres to keepe them asunder Neither is there any thing more slipperie or of greater efficacie to subuert a family then dissention among brethren It is an old saying by concord small things do grow but by discord great things come to nought Againe how dangerous it is for parents to shew more loue and affection to one child then to another except vpon iust and great cause the example of lacobs children doth testifie For what was the originall of their enuie and crueltie executed against their brother Ioseph Geneses 37. 3. Moses there saith that Iacob louing Ioseph better then his brethren made him a partie-coloured-coate and thereof they tooke occasion to hate him and to speake roughly vnto him Parents therefore to the end to preuent the like inconueniences are to vse equalitie among their children so neare as may be whether in their ordinary vsage or in the diuision of their goods For as all men naturally are inclined but too much to the loue of earthly goods so the vnequall sharing and diuiding of the same doth oftentimes breede great brawles and pernicious debate betweene brethren and sisters Therefore all fathers and mothers are with great diligence to take heede what they say or do in their houses and that they do not commit any leude or wicked deed whereby their children may be moued to imitate and follow the same neither that they vtter or speake any bawdy or ribaldous words or vse to sweare or lie in their presence for euill speakings or communication saith the Apostle corrupteth good manners Seruants also are to be looked vnto and sharply rebuked if they do commit or shew any leud trickes or vnhonest behauiour in the presence of children either in word deede or gesture For if they be iustly called murtherers that kill the children being new-borne and kill but the bodie how great wickednesse is it then to kill the mindes of children through euill example Deserue not such seruants seuerely to be punished by law thinke you that bewitch young children and hurt their weake bodies with poysons What then do they deserue which corrupt the chiefe parts of Infants with most vngracious venime we meane by filthy talke and leude conuersation of life Yet it is a lighter matter to kill the bodie then the mind and soule Further parents ought to be circumspect and warie that their children do not haunt or vse euill companie nor vse

The husbands dutie is to loue their wiues as themselues of which loue the loue of Christ towards his Church is a liuely patterne And because many husbands pretend the infirmities of their wiues to excuse their owne hardnesse and crueltie the Apostle willeth them to marke what manner of Church it was when Christ ioyned it to himselfe and he doth not onely not loath all her filth and vncleannesse but ceasseth not to wipe the same a way with his cleannesse vntill he haue wholly purged it and made it holy And seeing that euery man loueth himselfe euen of nature Therefore saith the Apostle the husband shall striue against nature if he loue not his wife which he proueth first by the mysticall knitting of Christ and the Church together and then by the ordinance of God who saith that the husband and wife are one that is not to be diuided The husband is alwayes to remember that he be not fierce rigorous hastie nor disordered with his wife for then there will neuer be vnitie and concord betwixt them If the wife do not learne to keepe silence and the husband to haue patience it shall rather be the dwelling of fooles then the house of friends For where the husband wanteth wisedome to gonerne and the wife patience to suffer they shall be forced it is to be feared in continuance of time to part house or else euery day to be iarring and brawling Euery married man ought also to remember this that either his wife is wise and religious or else she is foolish and irreligious If he be matched with a wife that is sottish foolish and ignorant of God and his word it will little auaile or profit him to reprehend or chide her and if he be married to one that is wise and religious and knoweth her dutie out of Gods word then one sharpe and discret word is sufficient because if a woman be not corrected by that which is wisely and discretly said she will neuer amend by that which is threatned When the wise shall be inflamed with ire wrath malice or enuie the husband ought to suffer her and after the heate is somewhat cooled and the flame quenched then mildly to admonish her for if she once begin to lose her shamefastnesse in the presence of her husband then it is likely that there wil often follow brawlings and quarrels betwixt them And as the husband ought at all times to shun brawlings and quarrellings with his wife so much more he ought to auoid the same when they shall be newly married For if at the beginning she shall haue cause to abhorre and hate him then late or neuer will she returne to loue him faithfully Therefore at the beginning of their marriage the wise and discret husband ought to vse all good meanes to winne the good liking of his wife towards him for if then their loue be fixed and truely setled one towards the other although afterwards they come to some houshold words and grudgings yet it proceedeth but of some new vnkindnesse and not of old rooted hatred and therefore the sooner remedied For loue and hatred be mortall enemies and the first of them that taketh place in the heart there it remaineth a dweller for the most part all the dayes of life in such wise that the first loue may depart from the person but yet it will neuer be forgotten at the heart But if the wife from the beginning of marriage do take the heart to loath and abhorre her husband then a miserable life wil follow to them both For although the husband shall haue power to force his wife to feare and obey him yet he shall neuer haue strength to force her to loue him Some husbands do boast themselues to be serued feared and obeyed in their houses because the wife that abhorreth doth feare and serue her husband but she that indeed liketh doth loue him and cherish him As the wife ought with great care to endeauour and by all good meanes to labour to be in fauour and grace with her husband so likewise the husband ought to feare to be in disgrace and disliking with his wife for if she do once determine to fixe and settle her eyes and liking vpon another then many inconueniences will ensue and follow The husband ought not to be satisfied with the vse of his wiues body but in that he hath also the possession of her will and affections for it sufficeth not that they be married but that they be well married and liue Christianly together and be very well contented And therefore the husband that is not beloued of his wife holdeth his goods in danger his house in suspition his credite in ballance and also sometimes his life in perill because it is 〈◊〉 to beleeue that she desireth not long life vnto her husband with whom she passeth a time so tedious and irksome And if any vnkindnesse or displeafure should happen to be at any time betwixt the husband and the wife yet neither of them ought to impart or to make it knowne vnto any one of their neighbours for if they be such as wish them euill they will reioyce at it and if they be such as wish them well then they minister matter whereof to talke That husband that is matched and doth encounter with a wife that is a dizzard a foole a babbler light ofbehauiour a glutton a chider slothfull a gadder abroad vntractable iealous or dissolute c it were better for him to be a slaue to some honest man then a husband to such a wife The best rule that a man may hold and practise with his wife to guard and gouerne her is to admonish her often and to giue her good instructions to reprehend her seldome neuer to lay violent hands on her but if she be good and dutifull to fauour her to the end she may continue so and if she be shrewish and way ward mildly to suffer her to the end that she waxe not worse But some husbands be of so sowre a nature and so vnpleasant in their behauiour that they can hardly be loued no not of their wiues their countenance is so lowring their company so currish that they seeme angry euen when they are best pleased they cannot speake faire scarce will they laugh when their wiues laugh vpon them a man would say they were borne in an angrie houre This is also a dutie not to be forgotten namely that 〈◊〉 be diligent and carefull to make prouision for their houses to cloath their wiues decently to bring vp their children vertuously and to pay their seruants duely because that in voluntary matters men may be negligent but the necessities of the house do neither suffer negligence nor forgetfulnesse The duty of the husband is to get goods and of the wife to gather them together and saue them The duty of the husband is to trauell abroad to seeke liuing and the wiues dutie is to keepe the

house The duty of the husband is to get money and prouision and of the wiues not vainely to spend it The dutie of the husband is to deale with many men and of the wife to talke with few The duty of the husband is to be intermedling and of the wife to be solitarie and withdrawne The duty of the man is to be skilfull in talke and of the wife to boast of silence The duty of the husband is to be a giuer and of the wife to be a sauer The duty of the man is to apparell himselfe as he may and of the woman as it becommeth her The dutie of the husband is to be Lord of all and of the wife to giue account of all The dutie of the husband is to dispatch all things without dore and of the wife to ouersee and giue order for all things within the house Now where the husband and wife performeth these duties in their house we may call it a Colledge of quietnesse The house wherein these are neglected we may terme it a hell It is to be noted and noted againe that as the prouision of houshold dependeth onely on the husband euen so the honour of all dependeth onely of the woman in such sort that there is no honour within the house longer then a mans wife is honourable And therefore the Apostle calleth the woman The glorie of the man But heere it must be noted and remembred that we do not intitle honourable to such as be onely beautifull comely of face of gentilitie of comely personage and a good huswife but onely to her that is vertuous honest of life temperate and aduised in her speech 3. The last point is that the husband loue cherish and nourish his wife euen as his owne body and as Christ loued his Church and gaue himselfe for it to sanctifie it And this point is plainely proued by the Apostle Paul as is sufficiently declared in the second point There are few husbands or wiues that know in truth how they should loue one the other If a man loue his wife onely for these respects because she is rich beautifull noble or because she contenteth and pleaseth him after the sensuall appetite of the flesh and for such like causes that is no true loue before God for such loue may be among harlots and whoores yea among bruite beasts But a Christian husband must loue his wife chiefly because she is his sister in the 〈◊〉 of the sound and Christian religion 〈◊〉 so an inheritour with him of the kingdome of heauen And he must also loue her for her vertues as for her shamefastnesse modestie chastitie diligence patience faithfulnesse temperance secrecie obedience and such like Christian qualities and graces of God yea although she be but hard fauoured of poore parentage But as we would that the man when he loueth should remember his superioritie so we would that when he ruleth he neither forget to loue nor to temper his loue with grauitie And when he doth think himselfe to be the head and the soule and the woman as it were the flesh and the body he ought in like manner to remember that she is his fellow and companion of his goods and labours and that their children be common betweene them bone of the bones and flesh of the flesh of man And thus there shall be in wedlocke a certaine sweet and pleasant conuersation without the which it is no marriage but a prison a hatred and a perpetuall torment of the mind So that the husband must let his wife perceiue and know that for the good opinion that he hath of her he doth loue her simply and faithfully and not for any vtilitie or pleasure For who so doth not perceiue that he is beloued for his owne sake will not lightly do the same to another for the thing that is loued loueth againe If mony or nobilitie could perceiue and vnderstand that they were beloued they would if they had any feeling at all of loue requite it with loue but when the soule is loued in as much as it may loue it giueth loue for loue and loueth againe The breaker of horses that doth vse to ride and pace them doth handle the rough and sturdie colt with all craft rigour and fiercenesse that may be but with the colt that is more tractable he taketh not so great paines A sharpe and shrewd wife must be pleased and mitigated with loue and ruled with authority and the more gently thou doest vse and shew thy selfe vnto her that is meeke and honest the more benigne and meeke thou shalt find her But she that is noble and of a stout minde and stomacke the lesse thou doest looke to be honoured the more she will obey and honour thee But yet the wise husband shall neuer set himselfe so farre in loue that he forget that he is a man the ruler and gouernour of the house and ofhis wife and that he is set as it were in a station to watch and diligently to take heed what is done in his house and to see who goeth out and in And although the husband by Gods ordinance be the head ouer his wife yet he may not abuse or despise her but most louingly defend and keepe her from all iniuries and all euils as his owne body For like as the head 〈◊〉 and heareth for the whole body ruleth and guideth the body and giueth it strength of life or as Christ doth defend teach and preserue his Church and is the Sauiour comfort eye heart wisedome and guide thereof euen so must the husband be head vnto his wife in like manner to shew her like kindnesse and after the same fashion to guide her and rule her with discretion for her good and preseruation and not with force and wilfulnesse to intreat her but to be her defender instructer teacher and comfort So that when the husband hath obtained that his wife doth truely and heartily loue him there shall then need neither precepts nor lawes for loue shall teach her moe things and more effectually then all the precepts of all the Phylosophers He ought therefore to endeauour and more force himselfe that his wife may loue him then that she may feare him When his wife shall offend or displease him he may nor hate her or quarrell with her but patiently and mildly admonish her For no man euer hated saith the Apostle his owne body but cherisheth it and maketh much of it So then he that loueth his wife loueth himselfe for thereby he enioyeth peace and comfort and helpe to himselfe in all his affaires therefore in the same verse Paul counselleth husbands to loue their wiues as their bodies And after in the 33. verse as though it were too little to loue them as their bodies he saith Let euery one loue his wife as himselfe that is as his body and soule too For if God commanded men to loue their neighbours as themselues much

the parents and parties are to be charged in the name of God as they will answer at the day of iudgement plainly to bewray and declare if they know any of the foresaid impediments in themselues or in their children for which this Contract ought not to be made If they say they know none or if they declare none then the consent of the parents is to be demanded which if they yeeld then the consent of the parties is also to be required And so the parties are to be betrothed and affianced in these words or such like 1. N. do willingly promise to marrie thee N. if God will and I liue whensoeuer our parents shall thinke good and meete till such time I take thee for my onely betrothed wife and thereto plight thee my troth In the name of the Father the Sonne and the holy Ghost So be it The same is to be done by the woman the name onely changed and all in the presence of parents kinsfolks and friends After this the parents are to be admonished to set and appoint the day of marriage neither too neare nor too farre off but to appoint a competent space of time that it may be sufficient for the learning and triall of all lets and impediments whereby promised marriage might be hindred and yet giue no occasion by reason of the length thereof to prouoke the parties to incontinency In the meane time the parties affianced are to be admonished to abstaine from the vse of marriage and to behaue themselues wisely chastly louingly and soberly till the day appointed do come And so with a Psalme and prayer to cóclude the holy action Now that there should be a competent space betweene the time of the Contract and the day of marriage it is very necessary for these causes 1. That there might be some preparation for the things pertaining to house-keeping betweene that time and the celebrating of marriage but this is not a chiefe cause 2. Because the Lord would by this meanes make a difference betwixt brute beasts men and betwixt the prophane and his children for they euen as beasts do after a beastlike manner being led by a naturall 〈◊〉 and motion come together but God will haue this difference whereby his children should 〈◊〉 seuered from that brutish manner in that they should haue a certaine distance of time betweene the knitting of affection and enioying one of another and a more neere ioyning of one vnto another 3. That they should in that time thinke on the causes why they are to marrie and the duties of marriage For many enter thereinto not considering at all of the great duties belonging to them in the same nor thinking of the troubles and afflictions that follow marriage But the Lord would haue these things thought on and a consideration to be had both of the causes of marriage and the duties to be performed and the troubles to be vndergone A good and carefull housholder so ordereth and frameth his houshold as it may manifestly appeare that it is indeed the house of a faithfull Christian and that he himselfe is a Pastor ouer his family that he instructeth it diligently in the feare of God and keepeth it in good and godly discipline by continuall exercise of godlinesse So that in his house you shall find the chast wife the shamefaced plaine and modest wife decked without as she is within no painted nor marked thing rendring true obedience to her husband and hauing a carefull eye vpon her family seruants and children the maister father and husband the children and seruants euery one likewise in his degree employing himselfe sincerely in his dutie and office approuing his doings as before God Now like as in the mind there are such vertues as we haue before spoken of so are 〈◊〉 in it also noysome wicked vices and detractions as vngodlinesse despising of Gods word vnbeliefe idolatrie superstition ignorance churlishnesse lying falshood hypocrisie vnrighteousnesse swearing backbiting distemperance drunkennesse gluttony couetousnesse vnchastitie vnshame fastnesse misnourture rashnesse furiousnesse wantonnesse pride presumption vain-glory childing brawling and vnhandsomnesse Who so now chooseth him a wife or the a husband that is infected and tangled with such noysome vices he seeketh not a spouse 〈◊〉 she a husband for a right peaceable good honest and Christian life but an hell a painefulnesse and destruction of all expedient quiet and vertuous liuing but specially there is little good to be hoped for of him or her whereas vngodlinesse and contempt of the word remaineth For like as the feare of God draweth the whole garland of vertues with it so vngodlinesse and despising of Gods word bring all vice and abhominations yea and shutteth vp the way to amendment When these points and rules are duly and warily obserued on either part they may ioyne together and say as Laban and Bethuel said This cometh of the Lord therefore we will not speake against it Oh how happie are those in whom faith loue and godlinesse are married together before they marrie themselues For none of these carnall cloudie and whining marriages can say that godlinesse was inuited and bidden to the bridall and therefore the blessings which are promised to godlinesse do flie from them After the riches of the mind do the riches of the bodie follow next of which sort is a comely beautifull or well-fauoured body health a conuenient age c. A beautifull bodie is such a one as is of right forme and shape meete and of strength to beare children and gouerne an house euen such a one as both the man and woman can find in their hearts vnfainedly to loue aboue all other and to be content withall c. As concerning the beautie or comlinesse of the body where there is else no good property or qualitie beside Salomon saith Prou. 31. 30. Fauour is deceitfull and beautie is vanitie but the woman that feareth the Lord she shall be praised And Prou. 11. 22. As a iewell of gold in a swines snout so is a faire woman which lacketh discretion or is of vncomely behauiour and hath not wit nor gouernment to behaue her selfe For beautie is a fraile gift and a slippery and more profitable to those that behold it then to those that haue it The beautifull woman can take no great pleasure in beautie but a little as it were in a glasse and yet incontinently she forgetteth that she beheld and saw and yet it is many times both to her selfe and to them that behold her beautie a prouocation to much euill She that is faire waxeth proud of it and he that doth behold her becometh subiect vnto filthy loue But in the mind which is iudged to be the man consist the true lineaments and properties of fairenesse which entice and prouoke spirituall and heauenly loue being mixt with nothing that is shamefull either to be done or spoken And therefore there is no man so farre without wit that had not rather haue her which