that is among all estates and all nations Matrimony then being an indissoluble bond and knot whereby the husband and wife are fastened together by the ordinance of God is fatte straighter then any other coniunction in the society of mankind In somuch that it is a lesse offence for a man to forsake father and mother and to leaue them succourlesse who notwithstanding ought by Gods commandement to be honoured then it is for him to do the like towards his lawfull maried wife Wherfore let them looke well what they do that are ready for light and small causes to separate man and wife seeing that Christ himselfe saith Mat. 19. 9. that whosoeuer is separated from his wife sauing for whordome and marrieth another committeth adultery This is a thing worthy to be remembred both on the behalfe of the suter and wooer as also on her part that is wooed Namely that they deale plainely and faithfully one with the other and not guilefully craftily go about to deceiue one the other in body or in goods For so doing they shall neuer vse one the other so louingly and commodiously as they hoped and desired they might when the one hath fraudulently and deceitfully enticed and beguiled the other either in body or substance for naturally we hate him or her that doth be guile vs. Neither is there any thing that displeaseth a man or woman more then to lacke and faile of a thing they both hoped and looked for And therefore it were conuenient and also much better that both parties should disclose the one to the other the imperfections infirmities and wants in either of their bodies as also the mediocrity and meannesse of their goods and substance as in truth it is yea though it should be with perill and losse one of the other rather then the one to obtaine and get the other with fraude guile and discord But before we shall come to speake of the causes of marriage we purpose God so willing briefly to shew how euery one that intendeth to marry should choose him a meet fit and honest mate for there lieth much weight in the wise election and choise of a wife As he that will plant any thing doth first consider the nature of the ground in the which he mindeth to plant euen so much more ought a man to haue respect to the condition of the woman out of whom he desireth to plant children the fruites of honestie and welfare The first thing that is to be remembred of such a one as mindeth to marry is that he do not chuse his wife within such degrees of consanguinitie and affinitie as are by Gods Law forbidden Secondly religion and faith must be considered lest he make diuorce of the true faith or bring it into perill For although he thinke himselfe as wise as Salomon and as strong as Sampson yet may he be ouercome as they were Therefore great aduertisement before-hand is to be taken in this behalfe left afterwards with much griefe and sorrow of heart he do too late repent Now if any that hath matched himselfe with a wife that is an infidell irreligious or of a corrupt religion would put her away for this matter herein he deceiueth himselse as the Apostle manifestly proueth For we must put a difference betweene that mariage that is made and done already that which is yet to do Wherefore he that is snared and matched with such a wife as is either froward waiward or else is poisoned with superstition and poperie in such a case must call vpon God and liue in his feare in faithfulnes in patience with discretion godly counsell labouring to win her from the same For like as the husband-man doth with great labour and diligence till that ground which he hath once taken to farme although it be neuer so full of faults as if it be dry if it bring forth weeds brambles or briers or though it cannot beare much wet yet through good husbandry he winneth fruit thereof Euen so in like maner he that hath married a wife that is irreligious or froward if he shall vse like diligence to instruct and order her minde if he diligently and courteously apply himselfe to weede away by little and little the noysome weeds out of her mind both by wholesome and godly precepts and by Christian conuersation it can not be but in time he shall feele the pleasant fruite thereof to both their comforts Euery one therefore that purposeth to marry ought also to remember that there be three manner of riches in man 1. The riches of the mind 2 The riches of the body 3. The riches of temporall substance The best and the most precious are the riches of the mind as without which the other two are more hurtful then profitable The riches of the minde are the feare of God faith a desire of Gods glory the knowledge of his will sobernesse liberalitie chastitie silence humblenesse honestie and such like vertues These vertues lie not still neither hide themselues wheresoeuer they be but will breake out diuers waies so that they may well be spied and discerned As then a traueller hath marked in his way that he may proceede aright so likewise the man or woman that intendeth to marrie haue also markes in their wayes by which they may make a right choise There be certaine signes of this fitnesse and godlinesse both in the man and in the woman so that if the man be desirous to know a godly woman or the woman would know who is a godly man then let them obserue and marke these sixe points 1. The report 2. The lookes 3. The speech 4. The apparell 5. The companions 6. Lastly the education and bringing vp which are like the pulses that shew whether a man be sicke or whole well or ill The report name or fame that he or she hath had and yet haue and what opinion honest folkes haue of them because as the market goeth so the market-men will talke A good man and a good woman commonly haue a good name because a good name is one of the blessings which God promiseth to good men and good women But a good name is not to be praysed from the wicked and therefore our Sauiour Christ saith Woe be to you when all men speak well of you Luke 6. 16. that is when euill men praise and commend you for that is a plaine argument that you are ambitious vaine-glorious and of the world For the world liketh and praiseth her owne Ioh. 15. 19. Neuerthelesse it is conuenient that euery Christian should so liue in the world that although he cannot say as Christ said Whuh of you can rebuke me of sinne Ioh. 8. 40. yet so as in truth he may with a good conscience boldly say Which of you can accuse me oflying sweating whoring dissembling dishonesty deceit couetousnesse or such like Though therefore no man can cleere himselfe in
leauing their lawfull wiues tooke others Because saith he the Lord hath bene witnesse betweene thee and the wife of thy youth against whom thou hast transgressed yet is she thy companion and the wife of thy couenant The promise therefore to God cannot be broken but onely by his authoritie In the dayes of Moses husbands were easily and soone intreated to sorsake their wiues by giuing them a bill of diuorce yet so farre was this course from being lawfull that contrarywise Iesus Christ saith that it was tolerated only in respect of the hardnesse of husbands hearts who otherwise would haue vexed their wiues and intreated them cruelly And this libell containing the cause of diuorce and putting away of the woman did iustifie her and condemne the man For seeing it was neuer giuen in case of adulterie which was punished with death all other causes alledged in the libell tended to iustifie the woman and declare that she was wrongfully diuourced and so condemned the husband as one that contraryed the first institution of marriage whereto Iesus Christ condemning this corruption doth returne them saying It was not so from the beginning And therefore Whosoeuer shall put away his wife except it be for whoredome and marrieth another committeth adulterie and whosoeuer marrieth her which is diuorced doth commit adulterie with her So straight is the bond of marriage Here of it followeth that notwithstanding whatsoeuer difficulties may arise betweene the husband and the wife whether it be long tedious and incurable sicknesse of either party whether naturall and contrary humours that breed debate wrangling or 〈◊〉 about household affaires whether it be any vice as if the husband be a drunkard or the wife a slothfull idle or 〈◊〉 housewife whether either party forsake the truth and profession of religion and do fall to idolatrie or heresie yet still the bond of marriage remaineth stedfast and not to be dissolued Neither may they be separated euen by their owne mutuall consent for as the holy Ghost hath pronounced That which God hath ioyned together let no man put asunder And therefore Saint Paul saith If any brother hath a wife that beleeueth not if she be content to dwell with him let him not forsake her and the woman which hath an husband that beleeueth not if he can be content to dwell with her let her not for sake him And because some did suppose that the vnbeleefe in anie of the parties might breed some pollution in their marriage and make it prophane and vnchristian he answereth no. His reason is For the vnbeleeuing husband is sanctified by his beleeuing wife and the vnbeleeuing wife by her beleeuing husband And this he proueth by affirming that the childrēissuing of such marriage be holy that is to say partakers of the couenant of God and consequently accepted into the fellowship of the Church Onely he addeth this exception If the vnbeleeuing man depart and for sake the beleeuing wife she is not subiect to follow him And yet must this be vnderstood where such departure ariseth either vpon hatred that he beareth to the true religion that bis wife prosesseth or vpon a desire to vse his polluted and false religion For therein cannot his wife follow him without danger of defiling and depriuing her selfe of the profession of the truth together with the food of her soule Likewise where Saint Paul speaking of the husband and wife both beleeuers saith If the woman depart from her husband let her remaine vnmarried or be reconciled to her husband he therein meaneth not that it shall be lawfull for the woman because she cannot beare the troublesome nature of her husband or to auoyde strife and debate to depart and liue as a widdow but onely he 〈◊〉 that when the husband vpon such like occasion shall put away or cast off his wife yet is not she at her libertie to marry another but must remaine vnmarried and labour to be reconciled And therefore those women which vpon the hard dealing or troublesome disposition of their husbands do for sake them are greatly to be reproued as thereby giuing occasion of great mischiefe and trouble as also are those husbands who vpon like occasion do forsake their wiues For seeing nothing may make diuorce but adultery euery purpose and determination to part vpon any other occasion or reason is restrained by Gods ordinance and the law of marriage And 〈◊〉 as it is not lawfull for vs to continue in such desperation the whole course of our liues neither is it lawfull so to abide at all or so much as enter thereinto if therefore vpon such occasion the husband forsake his wife or the wife her husband rather then to continue the mischiefe begun let them returne together againe and thinke that the shortest follies do least hurt If they alledge their intreaty in their opinion intollerable and their nature so contrary that they cannot liue without strife and debate and that being asunder and quiet in conscience free from trouble they may the better apply themselues and employ their time in prayer the answer is that such 〈◊〉 must not dissolue or breake the bond of marriage and their duties to liue together but let them thinke that God hath called them to the exercise of patience which vpon hearty prayer he will grant to them Let them labour to beare each with other that they may liue in peace and continually pray to God to giue them grace so to do Let them remember that the diuell transformeth himselfe into an Angell of light when by propounding a desire to liue in quiet and consequently a meane to pray vnto God for the compassing thereof he induceth them to gainesay Gods prohibition and also to separate that which God hath ioyned together For as the coniunction commeth of God so the separation and diuorce proceedeth from the diuell If they reply that by liuing asunder so that they marry not againe they breake not the bond of marriage let them remember that marriage being ordained for a remedie against fornication for the generation and bringing vp of children and also for an helpe each to other in mutuall societie and inseparable conuersation oflife yet doth there appeare no token or effect of marriage in those that liue asunder albeit they marry not againe So that the benefit of marriage consisteth not onely in the procreation of children but also in the mutuall societie of the two diuerse Sexes Otherwise it could not be said that there were any marriage betweene two old folkes This vnion of marriage yet teacheth vs another duty common both to the man and to the wife which is that their goods be common betweene them That Common-wealth may in some sort be said to be happy where they haue no vse of these words Mine and thine but in marriage especially they ought not to be heard If the wife haue brought most goods in marriage the marriage once consummate and made her part is gone and
bestow or not to bestow his daughter in marriage saying In doing either of the twaine he sinneth not Yet it is written in another place If the father refuse to giue her to him he shall pay money according to the dowrie of Virgins In which words the Lord doth giue an absolute authority to the father to yeeld or not to yeeld his consent to giue or not to giue his daughter For if he haue power to deny it to his daughter that is deflowred and so by the Apostles iudgement made one flesh with another much more lawfully may he deny his consent to her that is no manner of way bound but is euery way free And if he haue power to deny his consent in such a case much more hath he power to giue his consent Now his authority and power to deny his consent is apparent by the expresse commandement of God in that behalfe which saith Take heed to thy selfe that thou make no compact with the inhabitants of the land and so take of their daughters vnto thy sonnes c. More plaine Neither shalt thou make marriages with them neither giue thy daughter vnto his sonne nor take his daughter to thy sonne How could those parents obserue this commandement vnlesse God had giuen them power to deny consent to their children or why doth he rather forbid to the parents then to the children but to shew that the power to giue or not to giue was in the parents and not in the children especially considering the children being the principall parts of their parents goods are no lesse in their power and authoritie to giue and bestow then the rest are This was so well knowne in the Church and so vsually practised amongst the people of God that the greatest among them who might seeme to haue greatest liberty in that behalfe durst not disobey the holy commandement of God For Sampson the strongest of all though he loued a Maide of the Philistims yet he durst not betroth himselfe vnto her before he had intreated his parents to giue her vnto him Dauid a mighty valiant Prince begged Michol at the hands of Saul her father and after his death being betrothed vnto her he desired her of Ishbosheth her brother Iacob agreed with Laban for his wiues And Abraham the father of the faithfull by his seruant intreated Rebeccaes parents to giue her to wife vnto his sonne Isaack All which testimonies and examples do plainly proue the great interest power and authority that parents haue in bestowing their children and that their consent added to the sixe former points whereof we haue spoken doth make for so sure a Contract as cannot be loosed and vntyed by any authoritie vnder heauen For here in this that saying of Christ Matth. 19. 6. is truly verified Let no man put asunder that which God hath coupled together but if this or any of the former be omitted the Contract may be broken and disanulled And lest we should be ignorant or forget what those errors are which disauow and lawfully frustrate a Contract These they be 1. First if there be onely a naked shew of a promise and yet no promise indeed 2. Secondly if any other thing be promised then Marriage 3. Thirdly if the promise be conuinced to be meere hypocriticall or forced 4. Fourthly if one of the parties alone do promise and not both 5. Fifthly ifit were wade betweene other creatures or betweene moe then one man and one woman 6. Sixthly if the persons contracted or either of them be altogether vnfit for marriage 7. Seuenthly if either of them be formerly betrothed or haue committed adultery after the Contract or be allyed or ofkinne or for any other cause not at liberty to marry 8. Eightly if there lacke the consent of the parents If all or any of these be vndoubtedly knowne and clearely proued they do ioyntly and seuerally frustrate or nullifie the Contract so as the Magistrate may lawfully dissolue the same and set the parties at libertie But contrarily if all these concurre and accord the Contract is as inuiolable as marriage it selfe neither can the parties be set at liberty by themselues or by any power whatsoeuer because this Contract and euery parcell thereof is in the Lord which being a sacred ordinance of God as it cannot but haue speciall vse and fruite among his Saints so now it is time to declare and teach the same First therefore it serueth as a strong bridle to pull backe the force and headinesse of carnall naturall and brutish lust For if this Contract be holily and dutifully kept according to the former doctrine it would neuer come to passe that any person man or woman should abuse their bodies suddenly or hastily vpon euery instigation oflust like brute beasts but would willingly in all modesty and sobriety take sufficient time of deliberation for the making and accomplishing of this necessary and holy Contract which is ordained to this end that men might haue sufficient time of deliberation to learne all the vses and abuses all the commodities and incommodities all the comforts and discomforts with all the duties breaches of duties that can befall in the honourable estate of marriage 2 Secondly it serueth to discouer betimes and in good season all sorts of impediments lets that may or ought to hinder the marriage that is promised Hence came that ancient and most excellent custome of asking the banes of Matrimony thrice or three seuerall dayes to the end that euery materiall defect might be learned in time when it might be remedied rather then after marriage accomplished when it is remedilesse 3 Thirdly it serueth for the keeping and preseruation of honest chastity seeing by this meanes not onely former promises and contracts but also fornications if any haue bene and adulteries may be descried and discerned For after Ioseph was contracted before he was married his wife was found to be with child though without ill demeanour on her part yet it made Ioseph so afraid that he had intended in his heart priuately to relinquish forsake her and had so done indeed had not Gods Angell commanded the contrary Neuerthelesse it was the Contract that discouered this truth and so preserued Maries virginitie that the Scripture might be fulfilled which saith A Virgine shall conceiue c. If this were not men might vpon knowledge or ignorance make two seuerall contracts with seuerall persons and commit fornication and adulterie with other mens wiues either betrothed or married and so lose their honesty and chastity to their great infamy and hinderance 4 Last of all it serueth to condemne and auoyd all priuate Contracts and secret marriages and contrarily to iustifie and grace the honourable estate of Marriage as well in the beginning as in the end thereof that all things touching the same might be begun continued and finished in the Lord according to his commandement that his promised blessings might ensue vpon it accordingly This being done
Gods people in times past to the place of his worship that they haue not come scattered and alone but many together and by companies whereof the holy Prophet speaketh When I remembred these things I powred out my very heart because I had gone with the multitude and led them into the house of God with the voice of singing and praises as a multitude that keepeth a feast In which place the man of God complaining that he was banished from the holy Assemblies saith that his griefe was increased by remembring his former estate when he vsed to go with a great companie to the Temple euen as to a feast whereby he declareth what was the manner of their going euen as men go to a market or to a feast not onely with ioy but also by companies and so many of one house as go will go together So they did not onely go to the house of God cheerefully but many of them together euen as to the market and feast of their soules By which practise of theirs as the doing of many is condemned so it appeareth that the men of our time are led by another spirit then they were and are otherwise perswaded of the worship and place they go vnto For all the people nay the seuerall housholds come not together but scattered and one dropping after another in a confused manner First comes the man then a quarter of an houre after his wife and after her we cannot tel how long especially the maid-seruants who must needs be as long after her as the men-seruants are after him Whereby it commeth to passe that either half the seruice of God is done before all be met or else if the Minister tarry till there be a sufficient congregation the first commers may be weary and sometimes cold with tarrying before the other shal be warme in their seates Now if it be demanded of the maisters why they alone make such hast and leaue all the rest behind them they answer truly because the time is come wherin vsually publike prayer beginneth can they be perswaded that it is time for themselues to come as it is indeed and yet no time for the rest to come with them Hath the maister no longer time to tarry and haue his seruants time to tarry so long after him As though there were one law for him and another for them or rather that the same law of the Sabbath which moueth him of conscience to do that which he doth did not as forciblie bind them all as himselfe nay did not binde him to looke to them that they should keep holy the day as well as himself which if he graunt to be true yet is not able to bring it to passe where the Lord hath giuen him so great authoritie for his owne sake partly through the frowardnesse of his wife and partly through the obstinacy of the rest in his familie his case is to be pittied and he is rather to be gouerned then to gouerne and he might do well to set vp one of them in his stead seeing he doth suffer himselfe wilfully so to be abused and is contented to be ouer-ruled by them in the chiefest thing Therefore that he might bring this matter happily to passe as he must go before them by his owne example and be readie betimes euen first of all so he must earnestly call vpon them for this dutie and exhort them vnto it and the slower that they are and the more they draw backe the more fotward must he be and by his practise and words draw them forwards also For this is that readinesse which Dauid obserued in the people of his time I reioyced when they said vnto me we will go into the house of the Lord or Let vs go to the house of the Loŕd for they are words of exhorting and incouraging one another thereunto euen as the Prophet Esay also foretelleth that this shall be the zeale of Gods people in the time of the Gospell that they shall go together to serue God and therefore call vpon one another for the same purpose saying It shall be in the last dayes that the mountaine of the house of the Lord shall be prepared in the top of the mountaines and shall be exalted ' aboue the hils and all nations shall flow vnto it and many people shall go and say Come and let vs go vp to the mountaine of the Lord to the house of the God of Iacob And truely this want of zeale in vs to Gods worship and loue to the saluation of our brethren bewraying it selfe in the neglect of this duty of calling one vpon another is the cause of this slownesse For the husband going first out of the doores saith to the wife Make hast and come assoone as you can she comming at her leisure giues the same charge to her seruants Dispatch and tarry not long behind but here is no saying Come let vs go Let vs go together and if it be once said it is not pursued that it might be performed In going to market and to a feast what earnest calling will there be vpon one another and it would seeme strange to behold the houshold go diuided and it were a thing that would much be marked and euery one that knew vs and whither we were going it should be the first question they would ask vs How chanceth this that you come alone Where is your husband your wife or your children Why come you not together So no doubt the dispersed and broken comming of housholdes to the Church is a thing greatly obserued of the Lord God and of his Angels which are present at their assemblies and it is that which grieueth the rest of the Church and as soon as they see one come in alone they are ready with grief to ask Where are the rest What meaneth this partie to come alone Therefore let all Gouernours be perswaded that it is their bounden dutie thus to looke to their families and to be sure that they sanctifie the Lords day as well as themselues and that they not onely thus bring them to the publike ministerie but also looke vnto them that they spend the rest of the day in holy exercises so much as may be examining them in that which they haue heard and causing them to conferre about it themselues and to appoint some to reade the Scripture vnto them and all of them to sing Psalmes and generally whatsoeuer they haue seene before that they ought to do themselues to call vpon their seruants for the same and to take such order that they be sure they do it and let them be sory that they haue neglected this duty so long heretofore thereby haue charged so many sinnes of their houshold vpon themselues and now at the last in Gods holy feare let them begin to put this in practise lest they do further prouoke the most patient Lord to their endlesse destruction And though it be a thing
so rare in the world as it is and men altogether so vnacquainted with it as they be nay so lothsome and tedious to flesh bloud that they are afraid once to begin with it yet let the bare commandement of God preuaile more with vs to take it in hand and to continue in it then all that can be said or thought against it should weigh with vs either to keepe vs from it at the first or afterwards cause vs to giue it ouer And that all men might do it so much the rather let them be assured that the want of this especially is the cause of so many wicked and rebellious children vntrusty and disobedient seruants nay vnfaithfull and vnkind wiues euery where euen for that their husbands their fathers and their maisters do not call vpon them to serue God and see them sanctifie the Sabbath It is a common and iust complaint in all places in the mouth of euery man that seruants and children will not be ruled that they cannot tel where to find a good seruant they know not whom to trust but they see not the greatest cause of it to be in themselues and so go not about to remedie it For whiles they labour not to make their children the sonnes and daughters of God by adoption and to bring their seruants within the houshold of God that they might be his seruants by grace and to make their wiues the chast spouses of Iesus Christ and so all of them to serue him the Lord iustly punisheth them making wiues children seruants and all disobediēt vnto them For how can they do duties vnto men if they haue not learned to do duties vnto God and so of conscience for Gods sake to do duties vnto men Nay must not the Lord needs punish them with disobedience against themselues that by their owne experience they may know how grieuous the neglect of his seruice is vnto himselfe when he iustly measureth out vnto them with the same measure that they haue meat vnto him before And whereas men are readie to imagine and we know it is that which many do obiect against this that to deale so straightly with their houshold were the next way to ridde themselues of all good seruants and that then they might soone be maister and man themselues They must againe on the contrary vnderstand that it is a great wickednesse in them once to thinke that the Lord should require that of them which would necessarily driue them to such inconuenience Nay rather they must be assuredly perswaded That godlinesse hath the promises of this life as well as of the life to come and that if we first seeke the kingdome of God and his righteousnesse in our selues and others all needfull things shall be cast vnto vs. Euen as it is said of Abraham I know that he will commaund his sonnes and his houshold after him that they keepe the way of the Lord to do righteousnesse and iudgement that the Lord may bring vpon Abraham that he hath spoken vnto him So that thus to do is the very high way not to keepe vs. from but to bring vs vnto the fruition of all Gods promises if we giue credit vnto him who as he onely maketh them in the beginning of meere mercy so must he onely accomplish them in the end by his constant veritie and truth We confesse indeed if he be an ill seruant this is the readiest way to be rid of him whose roome is better then his company for he thinketh himselfe to be in a prison nay in hell all the while but in the end he shall perceiue that he is gone from the way of heauen vnto hell if the Lord be not more mercifull vnto him And why should we be loth to depart from the seruice of them that haue no care to serue God or can we looke that they should do any faithfull seruice vnto vs that are so vnfaithfull in the seruice of God But as concerning the rest if any be religious this is the best meane to retaine and keepe them if they be but indifferent this may winne them if they be falling away this may recouer them For what shall we thinke of all the godly fathers in times past that when they vowed diligently to looke to their housholds that they should serue God with them and did constantly performe it that then they had no seruants at all Was so great a man as Iehoshua without seruants when he promised before so many witnesses that he and his house should serue the Lord Was Dauid left alone and constrained to do all himselfe when as being a mightie King he bound himselfe vnto it by that song which he made for the same purpose wherein he saith Mine eyes shall be vnto the faithfull of the land that they may dwell with me he that walketh in a perfect way he shall serue me there shall no deceitfull person dwell in mine house he that telleth lies shall not remaine in my sight Had not Abraham a great household when he was able on a sudden to carrie forth with him of them that were borne and brought vp in his house three hundred and eighteene men in armour to rescue his brother Lot Ofwhom notwithstanding it is said that he would teach his children the way of the Lord as it appeareth he did indeed when by his onely perswasion at the word of God all the males were contented to be circumcised and to receiue that Sacrament vnknowne before and painefull and also ignominious to the flesh if they had looked onely to the outward signe And must not that worthy Captaine of an hundred Italian souldiers needs haue a greater familie then many of these that cauill at this doctrine of whom the spirit of truth reporteth That he feared God and all his houshold What shall we thinke of all these men Shall we ignorantly presume to the further deceiuing of our selues and hardening vs in this sinne that the times were then better and good seruants then more plentifull Or must we needs confesse as the truth is indeed that these men vsed more meanes to make their seruants the seruants of God then men do now a dayes and that so the blessing of God was greater vpon them And is it not set downe in writing for our learning to shew vs what is that which we might looke for at Gods hands if we would walke in the same way that they did seeing there is no respect of persons times or places with him Secondly he must set an order in his house for the seruice of God to wit that morning and euening before meales and after meales prayers and thankes may be offered vnto God and so he acknowledged to be the authour not onely of all spirituall graces that belong to a better life but also of all temporal blessings that belong to this life For seeing that it is Gods good hand ouer vs that doth defend
yet if the parents afterwards shall certainely know this and that there was no will nor vnfained meaning at all in the party neither yet is but rather a loathing and abhorring of his Spouse betrothed though he be not able to render iust and sufficient cause thereof they may vpon this occasion either deferre the day of marriage the louger to see if God will happily change the mind of the partie or vtterly breake and frustrate the promise if all good meanes and occasions hauing bene vsed none will preuaile but that the party rather groweth worse and worse For a Contract being a willing and a voluntary consent there is no cause why the parents and such as haue authority and power in sueh cases when they shall vndoubttedly know that the promise was altogether vnwilling and therefore made in meere hypocrisie and dissimulation neither can be by tract of time or any other good meanes vsed be bettered but rather waxeth worse and worse may not breake and frustrate the same For why did Rebeccaes parents deny her to Isaack neither would send her with Abrahams seruant to be married before such time as they had asked her consent yea when as they said We will call the maide and aske her consent do they not plainly shew that both the law of Nature and the Law of God taught them that this consent was of great moment absolute necessity And when the Apostle doth command men and women to marrie in the Lord how can the marriage be in the Lord when one party doth not onely not loue but hate the other And how can such two become one flesh lawfully when as there wants the vnion and coniunction of the heart the true naturall mother of all marriage duties Wherefore this promise must be in this respect at least willing and voluntary For albeit it is not necessary neither yet possible that there should be such great measure of true holy and sanctified loue at that time as afterward for that groweth by little and little according to the blessing of God and the faithfull performance of other duties afterward euen to their liues end yet if it be voluntarie and vnfained it is enough and sufficient to make a true contract in the Lord. So as no man ought to separate those whom God hath thus ioyned Secondly we call it voluntary in respect of constraint and compulsion contrary to a free cōsent For if either party be vrged constrained or compelled by great feare of their parents or others by threatning of losse of preferment of health of limbe of life or of any such other like or by any other violent manner of dealing whatsoeuer to yeeld their promise cleane contrary to the motion or good liking of their hearts this kind of promise as it doth not binde the partie to keepe it so it ought to be frustrated broken by the parents themselues or by such maisters as may and ought to command and rule them in such cases If this were not so how could the parties keepe the commandements of God giuing them direction whom to marrie First that they should marrie onely in the Lord. Againe that they should not be vnequally yoked with infidels neither of which they can keepe if their parents might compell them to Contract and marrie It becometh the parents to perswade their children by all good meanes to yeeld their consent rather then to draw them by wicked sleights and cunning drunkennesse or any other wicked and violent meanes For as that is not to marrie in the Lord so all such forced Contracts may be broken and frustrated by the Magistrate who is Gods Lieutenant to redresse such intollerable enormities among the societies of men For if parents may deny marriage to such as haue onely by force and violence obtained the word and body of their child much more may the magistrate deny marriage where onely a verball promise nath bene gotten by violent compulsion and for these causes and in this sense and meaning alone we conclude that Contracts must be voluntary Fourthly it must be a mutuall promise that is either party must make it to other not the man onely nor the woman onely but both the man and the woman though decency and order require the man to do it first and then the woman because he is her head and she his glory and ought to leade and guide her in all things wherein the Lord hath put a pre heminence For if this promise be not mutually made of them both but of one alone it is no true and perfect Contract and therefore may be broken by parents and such as haue authority herein because the party vnpromising is not bound by word or deed but is free in so much that such a Contract is rather so termed then that it is any true Contract indeed But if it be mutuall then it doth mutually and muiolably bind both so that in this regard neither parent magistrate nor any other can or ought to breake it for this being fully performed and accomplished is one principall cause of making two one flesh in such sort as it is written Therefore a man shall leaue his father and mother and shall be ioyned to his wife and they two shall be one flesh c. Genes 2. 24. Also that the man hath not power ouer his owne body nor the woman ouer hers and so to be short hence ariseth all mutuall beneuolence betweene them And therefore a point of great weight and necessitie in no wise to be omitted in a Contract Fiftly we say it must be betweene one man and one woman where first it is to be noted that it may not nor ought not to be betweene any other creatures but man-kind nay neither among brute beasts nor Angels For God hath not ordained or instituted marriage for them neither can it be betweene man and man or woman and woman If any such Contract be either voluntary or by fraud and deceipt by ignorance or errour it is no Contract at all but a meere wicked profanation of Gods ordinance who gaue onely woman to man not woman to woman nor man to man Likewise it cannot be betweene Angels good or bad and woman because God hath set no such ordinance in the nature of these creatures If therefore there hath bene any such matter or shall be attempted by Sathan with any woman as some stories report it is nothing 〈◊〉 but a meere illusion and diuellish practise to deceiue and draw superstitious into the kingdome of darknesse and to intrap them in the chaines of condemnation against which and all other diabolicall illusions we ought to watch and pray continually Secondly it is to be obserued that betweene one man and one woman and not two men and one woman or two women not betweene two women and one man or moe By which is condemned as meere nullities and prophanations all Contracts whatsoeuer made betweene moe then two For it is written And they twaine shall be
all other And this doth God declare saying Let vs make Adam as helper like vnto himselfe By the helper is signified the vtilitie and profit of the seruice and by the similitude and likenesse are signified loue and helpefulnesse For a seruant and he that is hired are insufficient to supply that place there can neither be so much loue and ability to minister helpe and comfort to a man as will be found in a faithfull wife The child is part of the father and through a naturall pitie they loue each other but yet the wife is more annexed and ioyned to her husband The father doth labour and taketh paine for his children but the children seldome labor or take paines for their fathers and oftentimes are sent to inhabite and dwell in other mens houses whereby in a manner it appeareth that their streight and fast societie doth dissolue and breake but the wife cleane contrarie doth continually take paines for her husband who may as long as she liueth neither change house nor bed If commoditie and prosit be looked for no commoditie excelleth this if thou shalt loue thy wife thou shalt liue most pleasantly if not thy life will be most miserable and wretched For there is nothing so sharpe nor so bitter as to hate the thing that doth fauour and loue thee nor any thing more happy then to loue him that loueth thee Therefore loue that thou mayest be loued Now we will in few words shew the occasions of Wedlocke why and wherefore it was ordained and for what purpose it should be contracted that euery man and woman may the better vnderstand to what thing they consent when either of them granteth to marry the other Doubtlesse it cannot otherwise be but that marriage which was ordained of such an excellent author as of God himselfe and in such a worthy place as Paradise and of such an ancient time as in state of Adam and Eues innocencie and after such a notable order must likewise haue speciall causes for the ordinance of it Therefore the holy Scripture doth declare chiefly three causes thereof The first is the procreation begetting and bringing vp of children Gen. 1. 27. 28. 9. 1. For in the children do parents liue after a sort euen after death And if they be well and vertuously brought vp God is greatly honoured by them the commonwealth is aduanced yea their parents and all other fare the better for them For they are their parents comfort next vnto God their ioy staffe and vpholding of their age and therefore parents ought to begin betimes to plant vertue in their childrens breasts for late sowing bringeth sometimes a late but neuer an apt haruest yong branches will bow as a man will haue them but old trees will sooner breake then bow c. But more of this shall be said after in the dutie of Parents Although marriage be an holy and sanctified ordinance yet none may vse the benefit of it without some acknowledgement of originall sin in that vncleannesse may be practised therein which should cause Gods children to vse this meanes with as much chastitie as may be and husband and wise to keepe themselues together in the feare of God and in all modestie and sobrietie If then in marriage it selfe there be such mischiefes what hellish mischiefe is there in those lustes which are not expressed with these considerations So that marriage is not a mad and dissolute estate to giue libertie to their wiues in vncleannesse nor wiues to consent with their husbands in impuritie by immoderate intemperate or excessiue lust Many thinke they cannot sinne in this behalfe if they passe not their owne wiues but they may make their marriage polluted and defiled if they vse it without prayer and sobernesse c. 1. Tim 4. 4. 5. Therefore the husband is to forbeare the company of his wife when it is with her as it is common to women c. Ezechiel 18. 6. Leuiticus 18. 19. 24. 22 and 19. 18. This was one of the sinnes for which the Lord rooted out the Canaanites out of their land The second occasion why marriage was ordained was that the wife might be a lawfull remedy to auoide whoredome fornication and all filthy vncleane lusts 1. Cor. 7. 2. 3. c. Touching this point I will say no more for it is handled at large by others already and I haue elsewhere sufficiently discoursed of it The third and last cause was for mans commoditie to the end to auoid the inconuenience of solitarinesse that the one may helpe comfort the other in sicknesse in affiction and in all houshold cares and trouble as education of children and keeping the family in order For this cause old men and old women may lawfully marrie So that a wife is called by God himfelfe an helper and not an impediment or a necessarie euill as some vnaduisedly do say and as other some say It is better to burie a wife then to marrie one againe if we could be without women we should be without great troubles These and such like sayings tending to the dispraise of women some maliciously and vndiseretly do vomit out contrarie to the minde of the holy Ghost who saith that she was ordained as a helper and not a hinderer And if they be otherwise it is for the most part through the fault and want of discrerion and lacke of good gouernment in the husband For married folkes for two eyes haue foure and for two hands as many moe which being ioyned together they may the more easily dispatch their handy businesse and houshold affaires For like as a man hauing one hand or one foote if by any meanes he get himselfe an other may thereby the more easily lay hold on what he listeth or go whither he will euen so he that hath married a wife shall more easily enioy the healthfull pleasures and profitable commodities of this present life For in trouble the one is a comfort to the other in aduersity the one a refreshing vnto the other yea and in all their life the one is a helpe and succour to the other Most true it is that women are as men are reasonable creatures and haue flexible wits both to good and euill the which with vse discretion and good counsell may be altered and turned And although there be some euill and leude women yet that doth no more proue the malice of their nature then of men And therefore the more ridiculous and foolish are they that haue inueighed against the whole sexe for a few euill and haue not with like fury vituperated and dispraised all mankind because part of them are theeues murtherers and such like wicked liuers But the marriage and companie of the husband and wife is made amiable sweet and comfortable by these fiue meanes by godlinesse vertue 〈◊〉 forbearing mutuall loue and by dut 〈◊〉 performed busily and godlily on both sides 1. Godlinesse of right holdeth the chiefe place for there
is no stable and stedfast friendship vnlesse it haue his beginning from God and therefore must godlinesse needes shine before the rest For when couples haue determined to obey God all things afterwards become more easie 2. Vertue and honest conditions breede mutuall delight betweene man and wife For when vertue is exercised it maketh conuersation of liuing more amiable 3 Mutuall forbearing whereby we take in good worth one anothers conditions and faults is very needfull For in this weaknesse of nature there happens many scapes which will breede strife if they be not couered by mutuall forbearing 4. Mutuall loue hauing his beginning of godlinesse and true vertue maketh the husband and wife not to be too sharpe-sighted in spying into one anothers fauits but that many things either they mark not or if they marke them they couer them with loue For loue couereth a multitude of sinnes 1. Peter 4. 8. Prou. 10. 12. 5. Dutie performed godlily caresully and cheerefully on both sides maketh the marriage-yoke light and sweet For when man and wife marke one another and finde like heedfulnesse and buxomnesse in their dutie both their companie is made more pleasant and they are the more stirred vp on both sides to render dutifulnesse that the one may requite the otheralike Where these fiue duties be not the companie of their life is both loath some and bitter or rather more sharpe then death Therefore the godly couples must do their endeuour that these vertues may be seene in their life continually for euer Now we will through Gods assistance say something concerning the three seuerall points contained in this dutie and mentioned in the beginning hereof and so end this dutie 1 The first whereof is that the husband must liue with his wife according to knowledge This point of doctrine is most plainely proued by the Apostle Peter where he saith a Ye husbands dwell with your wiues as men of knowledge giuing honour vnto the woman as vnto the weaker vessell euen as they which are heires together of the grace of life that your prayers be not interrupted Whereby he teacheth the husband his dutie to wit that the more vnderstanding and wisedome God hath endued him with the more wisely and circumspectly he ought to behaue himselfe in the bearing those discommodities which through his wiues weaknesse oftentimes cause some iarre and dislike one to the other Neuerthelesse though she be by nature weaker then he yet she is an excellent instrument for him made for very profitable vse whereupon it followeth that she is not therefore to be neglected because she is weake but on the contrarie part she ought to be so much the more cared for Like as a vessell the weaker it is the more it is to be fauoured and spared if we will haue it to continue euen so a wife because of her infirmities is so much the more to be borne withall of her husband 1. Peter 3. 7. And for so much as the husband and wife are equall in that which is the chiefest that is to say in that gracious and free benefit whereby they haue euerlasting life giuen them though otherwise I confesse vnequall as touching the gouernance and conuersation at home the wife is not be despised although she be weake And besides all brawlings and chidings must be eschued and cast away because they hinder prayers and the whole seruice of God whereunto both the husband and the wife are equally called Also for the more confirmation of this point the Apostle Paul likewise saith Let the husband giue vnto the wife due beneuolence and likewise also the wife vnto the husband The wife hath not power ouer her owne bodie but the husband and likewise also the husband hath not the power of his owne body but the wife Defraud not one another except it be with consent for a time that ye may giue your selues to fasting and prayer and againe come together that Sathan tempt you not for your incontinencie Which is as if the Apostle should say the parties married must with singular affection entirely loue one the other for that they are each in others power as touching the bodie so that they may not defraud one another except the one abstaine from the other by mutuall consent that they may the better giue themselues to prayer wherin not withstanding they must consider what is expedient lest by this long breaking off as it were from marriage they be stirred vp to incontinencie The second point is that the husband should not be bitter fierce or cruell vnto his wife which point is approued by the said Apostle saying Husbands loue your wiues and be not bitter vnto them First and aboue all things the husband must be circumspect to keepe the band of loue and beware that there neuer spring vp the roote of bitternesse betwixt him and his wife If at any time there happen to arise any cause of vnkindnesse betwixt them as it is impossible alwayes to be free from it then he must be carefull to weede vp the same with all lenitie gentlenesse and patience and neuer suffer himselfe nor his wife to sleepe in displeasure Ephesians 4. 26. And if he shall haue occasion to speake sharpely and sometimes to reproue he must beware that he do not the same in the presence of others but let him keepe his words vntill a conuenient time which is the point of a wise man and then vtter them in the spirit of meekenesse and in the spirit of perfect loue and he must not let sometimes to couer faults and winke at them if they be not too great and intollerable Whatsoeuer losse or mischaunce shall happen vnto them let him take it patiently and beare it cheerefully yea though the same should come partly through his wiues negligence yea rather let it be a louing warning to take better heed in time to come then a cause to sorrow for that which is past and cannot be holpen Euery wise-man by his owne experience knoweth that he is in his life subiect to many inconueniences and that of nature he is prone to displeasure and readie to take vnkindnesse for euery trifle and especially with his best friends yea soonest with his louing wife who is lothest to displease him Let him therefore beware of this cankered corruption and consider that he ought most of all in loue to beare with his wife according to Christs example towards his Church who gaue himselfe for it That he might sanctifie it clense it by the washing of water through the word That he might make it vnto himselfe a glorious Church not hauing spot or wrinkle or any such thing but that it should be holie and without blame so ought men to loue their wiues as their owne bodies he that loueth his wife loueth himselfe For no man yet euer hated his owne flesh but nourisheth it and cherisheth it euen as the Lord doth the Church As if the Apostle had said
The husbands dutie is to loue their wiues as themselues of which loue the loue of Christ towards his Church is a liuely patterne And because many husbands pretend the infirmities of their wiues to excuse their owne hardnesse and crueltie the Apostle willeth them to marke what manner of Church it was when Christ ioyned it to himselfe and he doth not onely not loath all her filth and vncleannesse but ceasseth not to wipe the same a way with his cleannesse vntill he haue wholly purged it and made it holy And seeing that euery man loueth himselfe euen of nature Therefore saith the Apostle the husband shall striue against nature if he loue not his wife which he proueth first by the mysticall knitting of Christ and the Church together and then by the ordinance of God who saith that the husband and wife are one that is not to be diuided The husband is alwayes to remember that he be not fierce rigorous hastie nor disordered with his wife for then there will neuer be vnitie and concord betwixt them If the wife do not learne to keepe silence and the husband to haue patience it shall rather be the dwelling of fooles then the house of friends For where the husband wanteth wisedome to gonerne and the wife patience to suffer they shall be forced it is to be feared in continuance of time to part house or else euery day to be iarring and brawling Euery married man ought also to remember this that either his wife is wise and religious or else she is foolish and irreligious If he be matched with a wife that is sottish foolish and ignorant of God and his word it will little auaile or profit him to reprehend or chide her and if he be married to one that is wise and religious and knoweth her dutie out of Gods word then one sharpe and discret word is sufficient because if a woman be not corrected by that which is wisely and discretly said she will neuer amend by that which is threatned When the wise shall be inflamed with ire wrath malice or enuie the husband ought to suffer her and after the heate is somewhat cooled and the flame quenched then mildly to admonish her for if she once begin to lose her shamefastnesse in the presence of her husband then it is likely that there wil often follow brawlings and quarrels betwixt them And as the husband ought at all times to shun brawlings and quarrellings with his wife so much more he ought to auoid the same when they shall be newly married For if at the beginning she shall haue cause to abhorre and hate him then late or neuer will she returne to loue him faithfully Therefore at the beginning of their marriage the wise and discret husband ought to vse all good meanes to winne the good liking of his wife towards him for if then their loue be fixed and truely setled one towards the other although afterwards they come to some houshold words and grudgings yet it proceedeth but of some new vnkindnesse and not of old rooted hatred and therefore the sooner remedied For loue and hatred be mortall enemies and the first of them that taketh place in the heart there it remaineth a dweller for the most part all the dayes of life in such wise that the first loue may depart from the person but yet it will neuer be forgotten at the heart But if the wife from the beginning of marriage do take the heart to loath and abhorre her husband then a miserable life wil follow to them both For although the husband shall haue power to force his wife to feare and obey him yet he shall neuer haue strength to force her to loue him Some husbands do boast themselues to be serued feared and obeyed in their houses because the wife that abhorreth doth feare and serue her husband but she that indeed liketh doth loue him and cherish him As the wife ought with great care to endeauour and by all good meanes to labour to be in fauour and grace with her husband so likewise the husband ought to feare to be in disgrace and disliking with his wife for if she do once determine to fixe and settle her eyes and liking vpon another then many inconueniences will ensue and follow The husband ought not to be satisfied with the vse of his wiues body but in that he hath also the possession of her will and affections for it sufficeth not that they be married but that they be well married and liue Christianly together and be very well contented And therefore the husband that is not beloued of his wife holdeth his goods in danger his house in suspition his credite in ballance and also sometimes his life in perill because it is 〈◊〉 to beleeue that she desireth not long life vnto her husband with whom she passeth a time so tedious and irksome And if any vnkindnesse or displeafure should happen to be at any time betwixt the husband and the wife yet neither of them ought to impart or to make it knowne vnto any one of their neighbours for if they be such as wish them euill they will reioyce at it and if they be such as wish them well then they minister matter whereof to talke That husband that is matched and doth encounter with a wife that is a dizzard a foole a babbler light ofbehauiour a glutton a chider slothfull a gadder abroad vntractable iealous or dissolute c it were better for him to be a slaue to some honest man then a husband to such a wife The best rule that a man may hold and practise with his wife to guard and gouerne her is to admonish her often and to giue her good instructions to reprehend her seldome neuer to lay violent hands on her but if she be good and dutifull to fauour her to the end she may continue so and if she be shrewish and way ward mildly to suffer her to the end that she waxe not worse But some husbands be of so sowre a nature and so vnpleasant in their behauiour that they can hardly be loued no not of their wiues their countenance is so lowring their company so currish that they seeme angry euen when they are best pleased they cannot speake faire scarce will they laugh when their wiues laugh vpon them a man would say they were borne in an angrie houre This is also a dutie not to be forgotten namely that 〈◊〉 be diligent and carefull to make prouision for their houses to cloath their wiues decently to bring vp their children vertuously and to pay their seruants duely because that in voluntary matters men may be negligent but the necessities of the house do neither suffer negligence nor forgetfulnesse The duty of the husband is to get goods and of the wife to gather them together and saue them The duty of the husband is to trauell abroad to seeke liuing and the wiues dutie is to keepe the
house The duty of the husband is to get money and prouision and of the wiues not vainely to spend it The dutie of the husband is to deale with many men and of the wife to talke with few The duty of the husband is to be intermedling and of the wife to be solitarie and withdrawne The duty of the man is to be skilfull in talke and of the wife to boast of silence The duty of the husband is to be a giuer and of the wife to be a sauer The duty of the man is to apparell himselfe as he may and of the woman as it becommeth her The dutie of the husband is to be Lord of all and of the wife to giue account of all The dutie of the husband is to dispatch all things without dore and of the wife to ouersee and giue order for all things within the house Now where the husband and wife performeth these duties in their house we may call it a Colledge of quietnesse The house wherein these are neglected we may terme it a hell It is to be noted and noted againe that as the prouision of houshold dependeth onely on the husband euen so the honour of all dependeth onely of the woman in such sort that there is no honour within the house longer then a mans wife is honourable And therefore the Apostle calleth the woman The glorie of the man But heere it must be noted and remembred that we do not intitle honourable to such as be onely beautifull comely of face of gentilitie of comely personage and a good huswife but onely to her that is vertuous honest of life temperate and aduised in her speech 3. The last point is that the husband loue cherish and nourish his wife euen as his owne body and as Christ loued his Church and gaue himselfe for it to sanctifie it And this point is plainely proued by the Apostle Paul as is sufficiently declared in the second point There are few husbands or wiues that know in truth how they should loue one the other If a man loue his wife onely for these respects because she is rich beautifull noble or because she contenteth and pleaseth him after the sensuall appetite of the flesh and for such like causes that is no true loue before God for such loue may be among harlots and whoores yea among bruite beasts But a Christian husband must loue his wife chiefly because she is his sister in the 〈◊〉 of the sound and Christian religion 〈◊〉 so an inheritour with him of the kingdome of heauen And he must also loue her for her vertues as for her shamefastnesse modestie chastitie diligence patience faithfulnesse temperance secrecie obedience and such like Christian qualities and graces of God yea although she be but hard fauoured of poore parentage But as we would that the man when he loueth should remember his superioritie so we would that when he ruleth he neither forget to loue nor to temper his loue with grauitie And when he doth think himselfe to be the head and the soule and the woman as it were the flesh and the body he ought in like manner to remember that she is his fellow and companion of his goods and labours and that their children be common betweene them bone of the bones and flesh of the flesh of man And thus there shall be in wedlocke a certaine sweet and pleasant conuersation without the which it is no marriage but a prison a hatred and a perpetuall torment of the mind So that the husband must let his wife perceiue and know that for the good opinion that he hath of her he doth loue her simply and faithfully and not for any vtilitie or pleasure For who so doth not perceiue that he is beloued for his owne sake will not lightly do the same to another for the thing that is loued loueth againe If mony or nobilitie could perceiue and vnderstand that they were beloued they would if they had any feeling at all of loue requite it with loue but when the soule is loued in as much as it may loue it giueth loue for loue and loueth againe The breaker of horses that doth vse to ride and pace them doth handle the rough and sturdie colt with all craft rigour and fiercenesse that may be but with the colt that is more tractable he taketh not so great paines A sharpe and shrewd wife must be pleased and mitigated with loue and ruled with authority and the more gently thou doest vse and shew thy selfe vnto her that is meeke and honest the more benigne and meeke thou shalt find her But she that is noble and of a stout minde and stomacke the lesse thou doest looke to be honoured the more she will obey and honour thee But yet the wise husband shall neuer set himselfe so farre in loue that he forget that he is a man the ruler and gouernour of the house and ofhis wife and that he is set as it were in a station to watch and diligently to take heed what is done in his house and to see who goeth out and in And although the husband by Gods ordinance be the head ouer his wife yet he may not abuse or despise her but most louingly defend and keepe her from all iniuries and all euils as his owne body For like as the head 〈◊〉 and heareth for the whole body ruleth and guideth the body and giueth it strength of life or as Christ doth defend teach and preserue his Church and is the Sauiour comfort eye heart wisedome and guide thereof euen so must the husband be head vnto his wife in like manner to shew her like kindnesse and after the same fashion to guide her and rule her with discretion for her good and preseruation and not with force and wilfulnesse to intreat her but to be her defender instructer teacher and comfort So that when the husband hath obtained that his wife doth truely and heartily loue him there shall then need neither precepts nor lawes for loue shall teach her moe things and more effectually then all the precepts of all the Phylosophers He ought therefore to endeauour and more force himselfe that his wife may loue him then that she may feare him When his wife shall offend or displease him he may nor hate her or quarrell with her but patiently and mildly admonish her For no man euer hated saith the Apostle his owne body but cherisheth it and maketh much of it So then he that loueth his wife loueth himselfe for thereby he enioyeth peace and comfort and helpe to himselfe in all his affaires therefore in the same verse Paul counselleth husbands to loue their wiues as their bodies And after in the 33. verse as though it were too little to loue them as their bodies he saith Let euery one loue his wife as himselfe that is as his body and soule too For if God commanded men to loue their neighbours as themselues much
without comparison more straite and bindeth them each to loue other much more then the coniunction whereby man is vnited vnto his neighbour But this is the mischiefe that in many their loue is not grounded vpon the vnion of marriage but vpon beautie riches and other carnall and worldly considerations subiect to change alteration and losse This corruption that respecteth beautie is olde and noted to be among the causes of the floud The sonnes of God saith Moses seeing the daughters of men were faire lusted after them and tooke them in marriage But indeed it is money that maketh loue and riches ingender affection witnesse the experience of our dayes Yet such loue resembleth onely a fire of straw which is but a blaze and is soone out vnlesse it be continued with great wood or other like substance Loue growing of beauty riches lust or any other like slight vncertaine and fraile grounds is soone lost and vanished vnlesse it be maintained with the consideration of this vnion of two in one flesh and the vertues thereto adioyned therefore must euery man thinke vpon this vnion in marriage that he may enioy nourish continue the loue that there of proceedeth the rather because such loue is the nurse of concord that maketh marriage happy as contrariwise the want of this loue is the fountaine of strife quarrelling debate and other like afflictions that conuert the paradise of marriage into a hell For dissention betweene man and wife is the trouble and ouerthrow of the houshold They that wil auoide such strife must therefore loue each other and especially they must haue care hereof when they are first married For as a vessell made of two peeces and glewed together may at the first be easily broken but in time groweth hard so is it also with two persons that are glewed or ioyned together by the bond of marriage This loue the mother of peace will ingender a care and duty each to support other and so to practise the same which Saint Paul requireth in all beleeuers that is To be gentle one to another friendly and each to forgiue other euen as God hath forgiuen vs through Christ. Let the husband think that he hath married a daughter of Adam and all her infirmities and likewise let the woman thinke that she hath not married an Angell but a child of Adam with his corruption And so let them both resolue to beare that that cannot be soon amended Let not the body complaine of the head albeit it haue but one eye neither the head of the body albeit it be crooked or mishapen Such defaults do neuer breake vnion and loue betweene the head and the body neither must the infirmities of the husband or the wife infringe the loue that proceedes of the vnion and coniunction of mariage If the husband be giuen to brawling or the wife to chiding let them both beware of giuing any occasion The bell hath a loud sound and therefore he that will not heare it must beware how he pulleth the rope and shake it so if the one will begin to chide without a cause let the other be either deafe and so not heare it or dumbe and so make no answer So that where the husband is deafe and the wife blinde marriage is quiet and free from dissention Whereby is meant that the wife must winke at many infirmities of her husband as if she saw them not and the husband put vp many shrewde speeches of his wife as if he heard them not Neither can it be any reproach to the husband and wise so stedfastly vnited to practise this dutie considering that Dauid protesteth that he vsed the like patience and discretion among his enemies They that seeke after my life lay snares and they that go about to do me euill talke wicked things and imagine deceit continually But I as a deafe man heard not and am as a dumbe man which openeth not his mouth Thus I am as a man that heareth not and in whose mouth are no reproofes This vnion betweene man and wife doth also engender that dutie which the holy Ghost noteth saying For this cause shall a man leaue his father and mother and cleaue to his wife And also the wife in the like respect is bound to the like duty toward her husband Not that marriage exempteth any from their due honour and obedience to parents but to declare that the vnion betweene man and wife is greater then betweene the children and the parents And indeed the true loue of the husband to the wife and the wife to the husband surmounteth all loue of children to their parents The husband and the wife haue their secret counsels and communication of matters concerning their profit and commodity The wise it more obedient to her husband and the husband more desirous to please his wife then their Parents yea and at length it falleth out that they depart from their parents to keepe house by themselues And this plainely appeared in Lea and Rachel being sisters and the wiues of lacob For lacob grieued at the wrong offered him by their father Laban boldly made his moane to them Whereupon they also complaining of their father agreed with lacob and consented together to leaue their father and to follow their husband lacob Herein likewise consisteth another dutie of the husband to the wife and of the wife to the husband namely that they shew no greater secrecie or communication of their houshold affaires to their parents then mutually each to other and this rule is especially to be put in practise when there groweth any discontent betweene themselues For if the husband shall complaine to his parents of his wife or the wife of her husband such dealing might breed a most dangerous iealousie and consequently perhaps irreconciliable dissention and strife But if it should grow to any complaint it were requisite so discreetly to prosecute the matter as that the wife should come to her husbands parents and the husband to the wiues parents So would all cause of iealousie ceasse and the complaint procure most assured remedy This loue and agreement in marriage produceth yet another dutie common both to the husband and the wife And that is that they neuer seeke neither once thinke of diuorce And to that end let them remember what is written That which God hath ioyned together let no man put asunder Likewise that nothing but adultery may separate those that are vnited by marriage All other agreements and contracts made by mutuall consent may be broken and dissolued by the like consent of both parties but in the contract of marriage Almightie God commeth in as a witnesse yea he receiueth the promise of both parties as a ioyning them in that estate And this doth Salomon note where he obiecteth to the harlot that she hath forgotten the couenant or alliance of her God But Malachie speaketh more plainely and giueth a reason why God punished such husbands as
they are gone and they are made common as also are the debtes whether hers or her husbands And therefore can neither of them say this is mine but this is ours When a woman hath brought great goods yet may she not say I will do with mine owne what I list for she her selfe is not her owne but her husbands The husband as the head and chiefe guide of the family must haue the custody and chiese gouernment of the goods in the house yet may he discharge himselfe of the whole or of part as himselfe shall thinke meete and conuenient Yet let him remember that he intreate her not as a seruant by giuing her money as it were in mistrust or with condition to returne him a particular account for the husbands mistrust doth many times prouoke the woman and the wiues vaine expence breedeth mistrust in the husband But the faithfull and discret employment and good vsage of the wife and her husbands confidence in her will procure that as the goods be common to both so each alike shall vndertake the custody and employment of the same Hereunto for a conclusion of this point we will yet adde two duties common both to the husband and the wife The first that they daily pray to God to giue them grace to liue together in peace and loue and that each may be an helpe to others saluation Let all such as desire to enioy such a selicitie vnderstand that they must daily pray to God for the obtaining thereof And let those that liue in strife and debate examine themselues whether they haue no cause to impute their miserable estate to their neglect of this duty The second consisteth in the practise of the same which Saint Paul teacheth saying Let those that be married be as if they were not married But how by so enioying the commodity and contentation of marriage that the benefit of their coniunction breed no diuorce betweene God and them Likewise that thereby they be not hindered or made slacke in any duty towards God and their neighbours as also that no affliction depending or proceeding of marriage withdraw them or force them to resolue any thing contrary to the vnion of marriage and these Christian profession that they be the children of God The particular duties of the husband toward the wife are first to protect her to haue regard and care ouer her c. Ruth 3. 9. Secondly that he vnfainedly loue her out of which fountaine springeth this dutie that he must beare with her infirmities and not by and by to enter into bitternesse and wrath Colossions 3. 16. To the same end Saint Peter exhorting husbands to behaue themselues discreetly and with knowledge and wisedome toward their wiues he requireth of them two things First that they neuer say nor do any thing that may iustly offend their wiues as some there be who being prodigall great spenders or idle and slacke in their businesse do cause their wiues and children to languish in pouertie Others who haunting tauernes ale-houses and gaming do consume and wast that which should maintaine their family Others who comming home drunke do beate and vexe their wiues and as it were driue them into dispaire Others who by vile and bitter speeches by threatnings and other vnchristian actions vnworthy a husband do prouoke their wiues and so stirre vp such strife and debate as do conuert the comfort of marriage into an hell Seeing therefore that the husband is head he ought in such wisedome reason and discretion to beare himselfe that he giue his wife no iust occasion of offence or prouocation yet he must remember that if the head be drunke the whole body is in danger of weake gouernment euen oflying in the mire Secondly that albeit the wife should minister iust cause of griefe and displeasure yet that the husband should not thereof take occasion against his wiues infirmities or enter into bitternesse taunts or disquietnesse but discreetly and patiently beare with her that so they may quietly and louingly liue together The hurt or weaknesse of any one member of the body prouoketh not the head to wrath or bitternesse but rather to compassion and an inclination to helpe it And indeede whereas God hauing created the woman the weaker vessell as Saint Peter noteth and did so ioyne her to man it was not to the end that he striuing with so fraile a vessell should bruise and breake it but that by gentle and discreet intreating he should quietly enioy the help that God hath giuen him Let him therefore after the counsell of Saint Peter so respect her as one who albeit she be weake is neuerthelesse a profitable vessell for him Moreouer let him loue and honour her as one whom notwithstanding the frailtie of her Sexe God hath so honoured and Iesus Christ so loued that being together with man redeemed with his bloud she is together with her husband co-heire of life euerlasting A chrystall glasse is a precious and profitable vessell yet brittle so is the married woman But albeit she be brittle yet is she profitable to her husband and precious in the sight of God as a child of God and member of Christ. As therefore a man doth more carefully take heed ofbreaking such a glasse then some earthen or tinne vessell the one being more base and the other more strong so likewise should the husband haue such regard of the frailtie of his wife that he may beare with her and intreate her with gentlenesse and discretion that he may vse her as a precious and profitable vessell to his comfort and ioy And in as much as prayer is an excellent seruice that God requireth of vs and the ready meanes to purchase his blessings let the husband discretly beare with his wife lest otherwise through their strife and contention their prayers as Saint Peter saith be letted and interrupted 1. Pet. 3. 7. Yet must we not say but the husband both may and ought to tell his wife of her infirmities that she may amend But here we are to enter into consideration of sundrie points First he is especially to reproue her offences against God as when Rachel said vnto Iacob Giue me children or else I die he reproued her of impoitunitie saying Am I in Gods stead who hath withholden from thee the fruit of thy wombe Also when Iobs wife said to her husband Doest thou abide in thy integritie Curse God and die he wisely reproued such a wicked speech saying Thou speakest as an vnwise woman What shall we receiue good at the hand of God and not receiue euill Secondly that it be with gentlenesse and testimonie of good will as Elkanah dealt with his wife Hanna when she mourned because she had no children And indeed it is meete that the husband should reproue his wife louingly rather by perswasion then by force For as in a great stormie winde a man lappeth his cloake about him and holdeth it fast for feare oflosing it but
when the winde is downe and the weather calme he letteth it hang easily so when husbands will as it were perforce wrest away their wiues infirmities many of them will obstinately resist yet contrariwise by sweete wordes and louing exhortations they might be wonne voluntarily to forsake them Thirdly the husband must seeke diligently to remoue the occasion and stone whereat his wife stumbleth and taketh occasion of griefe So when Sarah was moued against Abraham because of Agar and obiected vnto him albeit wrongfully that he was the eause that she contemned her bearing with his wife 〈◊〉 remoued the cause of the contentation in suffering her to turne Agar out of doores He must also take heed that he himselfe be not tainted with the same vice which he reproueth in his wife lest she stop his mouth with a reproach of the same fault but rather by giuing her example by the contrarie vertue let her be induced and led to follow him In reprouing the wife the husband must alwayes vse such discretion that she be not brought into contempt and therefore it should neuer be done in the presence of moe then themselues For as it is meere follie for an husband to praise and commend his wife in company so is it as dangerous to checke and reproue her before witnesse For indeed thereof it commeth that women not being able to beare that disgrace will reply and so ptouoke strife and dissention in open presence which will redound to great reproach and offence And therefore as the husband must not flatter his wife so he must not reproue her before strangers A wise husband and one that seeketh to liue in quiet with his wife must obserue these three rules Often to admonish seldome to reproue and neuer to smite her Let the husband also remember that the infirmities of his wife must be either taken away or borne witball So that he that can take them quite away maketh his wife farre more commodious and fit for his purpose and he that can beare with them maketh himselfe better and more vertuous The husband is also to vnderstand that as God created the woman not the head and so equall in authoritie with her husband so also he created her not of Adams foote that she should be troden downe and despised but he tooke her out of the rib that she might walke ioyntly with him vnder the conduct and gouernment of her head And in that respect the husband is not to command his wife in such manner as the maister his seruant but as the soule doth the body as being conioyned in like affection and good wil. For as the soule in gouerning the body tendeth to the benefit and commoditie of the same so ought the dominion and commandement of the husband ouer his wife to tend to reioyce and content her To conclude as God hath testified his singular goodnesse vnto man in creating him an helper to assist him so let him consider in how many sorts she is to him an helper to passe ouer this life in blessednesse And let this daily seeking of such a benefit receiued at the hands of God induce and stirre him vp to render thanks and to dispose himselfe to vse it well to his owne comfort and saluation and not to abuse it to the destruction both of himselfe and his wife But if he chance as many do vpon troubles and afflictions in marriage let him remember that the same doth proceed not properly from marriage but from the corruption of the parties married and for his part let him studie to amend his infirmities and faults by amendment of life and withall pray to God to grant the like grace vnto his wife to the end that the more they recouer the Image of God the more feeling they may haue of the felicitie of marriage which Adam and Eue had enioyed had they continued as they were created in the Image of God And the particular duties of the wife to the husband are principally these First that she be a helper vnto him Secondly that she be obedient vnto him c. These speciall duties are partly touched before and partly afterwards As loue matrimoniall is greatly allowed of God and much commended of all good men as an ordinate holy and godly loue so contrariwise hatred dissention strife debate vnquietnesse and frowardnesse in marriage highly displeaseth God and much grieueth all good and godly men And therefore the diuell the enemie of all vnitie concord and agreement laboureth by all meanes he can specially at the first comming of the married folkes to dwell together to sow dissention and discord and to cause them not to agree but to dislike one of the other against whom they must diligently watch by seruent and earnest prayer to God that the diuel preuaile not against them by such too early disagreement For as two boords if at the first they be not well coupled and ioyned together are neuer fastened right afterwards but if the first coupling and ioyning together be good then can there afterward no violence driue the boordes asunder yea the whole boord doth sooner breake then the glewing of them together euen so the husband and wife must be very carefull and diligent that their first cohabitation and dwelling together be louing delectable and friendly and not separated through any spitefull contention or discord so shall the whole estate of their marriage be more comfortable and prosper the better so long as they shall liue And though there happen to arise any sparke of discord betwixt them yet let them beware that at the last there be not too much displeasure disdaine and inconuenience kindled thereby For if at the first dwelling together there shall fall out such vnto wardnesse and vncomely discord then will it now and then be breaking out Euen as it fareth with great wounds and broken legges or armes which seldome are so throughly healed but sometimes they haue paine at the change of the weather so likewise if married folkes behaue themselues thus vntowardly and vnhonestly the one towards the other at the first and if larres and discord be once begun betweene them the old canker of hatred will breede againe though it be scaled afterward Let the one therefore learne betime to be acquainted with the nature and condition of the other and to apply themselues according to the same in as much as they must needs dwell together one to enioy another and the one to liue and die with the other and so stedfastly and vnfainedly to loue one the other that neither of them haue any thing so deare which they cannot be content to giue and bestow one vpon the other yea euen their owne life if need require And therefore husbands and wiues must euen at the beginning of their marriage giue their diligence that all iniuries offences may be auoided for tender and lost loue is soone dissolued and broken So that this new loue and coniunction of the mind must be nourished
mother Mine owne deare husband and well beloued brother And if it be true that men do say that friendship maketh one heart of two much more truely and effectually ought wedlocke to do the same which farre passeth all manner both of friendship and kindred Therefore it is not said marriage doth make one man or one minde or one body of two but clearely one person wherefore matrimonie requireth a greater dutie of the husband to wards his wife and the wife towards her husband then otherwise they are bound to shew to their parents The Apostle biddeth To reioyce with them that reioyce and weepe with them that weepe With whom should the wife reioyce rather then with her louing husband Or with whom should she weepe and mourne rather then with her owne flesh I will not leaue thee saith Elisha to Eliah so she should say I will neuer leaue him till death Beare one anothers burthen saith Paul Who shall beare one anothers burthen if the wife do not beare the husbands burden Wicked lezabel comforted her husband in his sicknesse and Ieroboams wife sought for his health though she was as bad as he God did not bid Sarah leaue her father and countrie as he did bid her husband yet because he bad Abraham leaue his she left hers too shewing that she was content not onely to be his play fellow but his yoke-fellow too Beside a yoke-fellow she is called an helper to helpe him in his labours to helpe him in his troubles to helpe him in his sicknesse like a woman physition sometime with her strength and sometime with her counsell For as sometime God confoundeth the wise by the foolish and the strong by the weake so sometimes he teacheth the wise by the foolish and helpeth the strong by the weake Therefore Peter saith Husbands are wonne by the conuersation of their wiues As if he should say sometime the weaker vessell is the stronger vessell Abraham may take counsell of Sarah as Naaman was aduised by his seruant The Shunamites counsell made her husband receiue a Prophet into his house and Hesters counsell made her husband spare the Church of the Iewes so some haue bene better helpe to their husbands then their husbands haue bin to them for it pleaseth God to prouoke the wise with the foolish as he did the Iewes with the Gentiles Beside an helper she is called a comforter too and therefore the man is bid to reioyce in his wife which is as much to say that wiues must be the reioycing of their husbands euen like Dauids harpe to comfort Saul A good wife therefore is knowne when her words and deeds and countenance are such as her husband loueth She must not examine whether he be wise or simple but that she is his wife and therefore being bound she must obey as Abigail loued her husband though he were a foole churlish and euill conditioned For the wife is as much despised for taking rule ouet her husband as he for yeelding it vnto her Therefore one saith that a mankind woman is a monster that is halfe a woman halfe a man It beseemeth not the mistresse to be maister no more then it becommeth the maister to be mistresse but both must saile with their own wind and both keepe their standing Lastly we call the wife huswife that is houswife not a street-wife one that gaddeth vp and downe like Thamar nor a field-wife like Dinah but a house-wife to shew that a good wife keepes her house and therefore Paul biddeth Titus to exhort women that they be chast and keeping at home presently after chast he saith keeping at home as though home were chastities keeper And therefore Salomon depainting and describing the qualities of a whore setteth her at the doore now sitting vpon her stall now walking in the streets now looking out of the window like cursed Iezabel as if she held forth the glasse of temptation for vanity to gaze vpon But chastitie careth to please but one and therefore she keepes her closet as if she were still at prayer The Angell asked Abraham Where is thy wife Abraham answered She is in the tent The Angell knew where she was but he asked that we might see how women in old time did keepe their tents and houses It is recorded of the Shunamite that she did aske her husband leaue to go vnto the Prophet though she went to a Prophet and went of a good errand and for his cause as much as her owne yet she thought it not meete to go farre abroad without her husbands leaue The second point is that wiues submit themselues and be obedient vnto their owne husbands as to the Lord because the husband is by Gods ordinance the wiues head that is her defender teacher and comforter and therefore she oweth her subiection to him like as the Church doth to Christ and because the example of Sarah the mother of the faithfull which obeyed Abraham and called him Lord moueth them thereunto This point is pattly handled before in the first point as also in the duty of the husband to the wife As the Church should depend vpon the wisedome discretion and will of Christ and not follow what it selfe listeth so must the wife also submit and apply her selfe to the discretion and will of her husband euen as the gouernmēt and conduct of euery thing resteth in the head not in the bodie Moses writeth that the Serpent was wise aboue all beasts of the field and that he did declare in assaulting the woman that when he had seduced her she might also seduce and deceiue her husband Saint Paul noting this among other the causes of the womans subiection doth sufficiently shew that for the auoiding of the like inconueniences it is Gods will that she should be subiect to her husband so that she shall haue no other discretion or will but what may depend vpon her head The Lord also by Moses saith the same Thy desire shall be subiect to thy husband and he shall rule ouer thee This dominion ouer their wiues will doth manifestly appeare in this that God in old time ordained that if the woman had vowed any thing vnto God it should not withstanding rest in her husband to disauow it so much is the wiues will subiect to her husband Yet it is not meant that the wife should not employ her knowledge and discretion which God hath giuen her in the helpe and for the good of her husband but alwayes it must be with condition to submit herselfe vnto him acknowledging him to be her head that finally they may so agree in one as the coniunction of marriage doth require Yet as when in a Lute or other musicall instrument two strings concurring in one tune the sound neuerthelesse is imputed to the strongest and highest so in a well ordered houshold there must be a communication and consent
of counsell and will betweene the husband and the wife yet such as the counsell and commandement may rest in the husband True it is that some women are wiser and more discreet then their husbands as Abigail the wife of Nabal and others Whereupon Salomon saith A wise woman buildeth vp the house and blessed is the man that hath a discreete wife Yet still a great part of the discretion of such women shall rest in acknowledging their husbands to be their heads and so vsing the graces that they haue receiued of the Lord that their husbands may be honored not contemned either of them or of others which falleth out contratie when the wife will seeme wiser then the husband So that this modestie and gouernment ought to be in a wife namely that she should seldome speake but to her husband or by her husband And as the voice of him that soundeth a trumpet is not so lowd as the sound that it yeeldeth so is the wisedome and word of a woman of greater vertue and efficacie when all that she knoweth and can do is as if it were said and done by her husband The obedience that the wife oweth to her husband dependeth vpon this subiection of her will and wisedome vnto him as 1. Peter 3. 6. Ephesians 5. 33. Ester 1. 12. So that women may not prouoke their husbands by disobedience in matters that may be performed without offence to God neither presume ouer them either in kindred or wealth or obstinately to refuse in a matter that may trouble household peace and quiet For disobedience begetteth contempt of the husband and contempt wrath and is many times the cause of troubles betweene the man and the wife If the obedience importeth any difficultie she may for her excuse gently propound the same yet vpon condition to obey in case the husband should persist in his intent so long as the discommoditie importeth no wickednesse For it is better to continue peace by obedience then to breake it by resistance And indeed it is naturall in the members to obey the conduct and gouernment of the head Yet must not this obedience so farre extend as that the husband should command any thing contrary to her honour credit and saluation but as it is comely in the Lord Colos. 3. 16. Ephes. 5. 13. Therefore as it were a monstrous matter and the meanes to ouerthrow the person that the body should in refusing all subiection and obedience to the head take vpon it to guide it selfe and to command the head so were it for the wife to rebell against the husband Let her then beware of disordering and 〈◊〉 the course which God in his wisedome hath established and withall let her vnderstand that going about it she riseth not so much against her husband as against God and that it is her good and honor to obey God in her subiection and obedience to her husband If in the practise of this dutie she find any difficultie or trouble through the inconsiderate course of her husband or otherwise let her remember that the same proceedeth not of the order established by the Lord but through some sin afterward crept in which hath mixed gall among the honie of the subiection and obedience that the woman should haue enioyed in that estate wherein together with Adam she was created after the Image of God And so let her humble her selfe in the sight of God and be well assured that her subiection and obedience is acceptable vnto him and that the more that the image of God is restored in her and her husband through the generation of the holy Ghost the lesse difficultie she shall find in that subiection and obedience as many in their marriage haue in deed tried to their great contentment and consolation Further there is a certaine discretion and desire required of women to please the nature inclinations and manners of their husbands so long as the same import no wickednesse For as the looking-glasse howsoeuer faire and beautifully adorned is nothing worth if it shew that countenance sad which is pleasant or the same pleasant that is sad So the woman deserueth no commendation that as it were contrarying her husband when he is merry sheweth herselfe sad or in sadnesse vttereth her mirth For as men should obey the lawes of their Cities so women the manners of their husbands To some women a becke of her husband is sufficient to declare that there is somewhat amisse that displeaseth him and specially if she beare her husband any reuerence For an honest Matron hath no neede of any greater staffe but of one word or one sowre countenance Moreouer a modest and chaste woman that loueth her husband must also loue her house as remembring that the husband that loueth his wife cannot so well like of the sight of any tapestry as to see his wife in his house For the woman that gaddeth from house to house to prate confoundeth her selfe her husband and family Titus 2. 5. But there are foure reasons why the woman is to go abroad First to come to holy meetings according to the duty of godlinesse The second to visit such as stand in need as the duty of loue and charitie doth require The third for employment and prouision in houshold affaires committed to her charge And lastly with her husband when he shall require her Gen. 20. 1. c. The euill and vnquiet life that some women haue and passe with their husbands is not so much for that they commit with and in their persons as it is for that they speake with their tongues If the wife would keepe silence when her husband beginneth to chide he should not haue so vnquiet dinners neither she the worse supper Which surely is not so for at the same time that the husband beginneth to vtter his griefe the wife beginneth to scold and chafe whereof doth follow that now and then most vnnaturally they come to handy-gripes more beast-like then Christian-like which their so doing is both a great shame and foule discredit to them both The best meanes therefore that a wife can vse to obtaine and maintaine the loue and good liking of her husband is to be silent obedient peaceable patient studious to appease his choler if he be angry painefull and diligent in looking to her businesse to be solitary and honest The chiefe and speciall cause why most women do faile in not performing this duty to their husbands is because they be ignorant of the word of God which teacheth the same and all other duties and therefore their soules and consciences not being brought into subiection to God and his word they can neuer vntill then yeeld and performe true subiection and obedience to their husbands and behaue themselues so euery way as Christian wiues are in duty bound to do But if wiues be not so dutifull seruiceable and subiect to their husbands as in conscience they ought the onely cause thereof for the most part
We see by experience that euery beast and euery fowle is nourished and bred of the same that did beare it onely some women loue to be mothers but not nurses As therefore euery tree doth cherish and nourish that which it bringeth forth euen so also it becometh naturall mothers to nourish their children with their owne milke Secondly the examples of the Scriptures are many that proue this As Sarah who nursed Isaack though she were a Princesse and therefore able enough to haue had others to haue taken that paines Though she was a beautifull woman and of great yeares yet she her selfe nursed and gaue sucke to her sonne Also Anna vnto whom the holy Ghost hath left it recorded as a commendation that she nursed her owne sonne Samuel So when God chose a nurse for Moses he led the hand-maide of Pharaos daughter to his mother as though God would haue none to nurse him but his mother Like wise when the Sonne of God was borne his Father thought none fit to be his nurse but the blessed virgin his mother It is a commendation of a good woman and set downe in the first place as a principall good worke in a widow that is well reported of if she haue nursed her children And therfore such as refuse thus to do may well and fitly be called nice and vnnaturall mothers yea in so doing they make themselues but halfe mothers and so breake the holy bond of nature in locking vp their breasts from their children and deliuering them forth like the Cuckoo to be hatched in the sparrowes nest Thirdly the childrens bodies be commonly so affected as the milke is which they receiue Now if the nurse be of an euill complexion as she is affected in her body or in her mind or hath some hidden disease the child sucking of her breast must needs take part with her And if that be true which the learned do say that the temperature of the mind followes the constitution of the body needs must it be that if the nurse be of a naughty nature the child must take thereafter Yet if it be so that the nurse be of a good complexion and of an honest behauiour whereas contrariwise maidens that haue made a scape are commonly called to be Nurses yet can it not be but that the mothers milke should be much more naturall for the child then the milke of a stranger As by experience let a man be long accustomed to one kind of drinke if the same man change his ayre and his drinke he is like to mislike it as the egges of a henne are altered vnder a hawke Neuerthelesse such women as be oppressed with infirmities diseases want of milke or other iust and lawfull causes are to be dispensed withall But whose breasts haue this perpetuall drought Forsooth it is like the gowt no beggers may haue it but Citizens or Gentlewomen In the ninth of Hosea verse 14. drie breasts are named for a curse What a lamentable hap haue Gentle-women to light vpon this curse more then others Sure if their breasts be drie as they say they are they should fast and pray together that this curse might be remoued from them And lastly that it is hurtfull to the mothers themselues both Physitians can tell and some women full oft haue felt when they haue bene troubled with sore breasts besides other diseases that happen to them through plentie of milke The wise is further to remember that God hath giuen her two breasts not that she should employ and vse them for a shew or of ostentation but in the seruice of God and to be a helpe to her husband in suckling the child common to them both Experience teacheth that God conuerteth the mothers bloud into the milke wherewith the child is nursed in her wombe He bringeth it into the breasts furnished with nipples conuenient to minister the warme milke vnto the child whom he endueth with industrie to draw out the milke for his owne sustenance The woman therefore that can suckle her child and doth it not but resuseth this office and duty of a mother declareth her selfe to be very vnthankfull to God and as it were forsaketh and contemneth the fruite of her wombe And therefore the bruite beasts lying vpon the ground and granting not one nipple or two but sixe or seauen to their young ones shall rise in iudgment against these dainty half-mothers who for feare of wrinckling of their faces or to auoyd some small labour do refuse this so necessary a duty of a mother due to her children The properties due to a married wife are that she haue grauitie when she walketh abroad wisedome to gouerne her house patience to suffer her husband loue to breed and bring vp her children courtesie towards her neighbours diligence to lay vp and to saue such goods as are within her charge that she be a friend of honest company and a greater enemie of want on and light toyed So then the principall dutie of the wife is first to be subiect to her husband Ephes. 5. 22. Colloss 3. 18. 1. Pet. 3. 1. 2. To be chast and shamefast modest and silent godly and discreet 3. To keepe her selfe at home for the good gouernment of her family and not to stray abroad without iust cause Here it is not to be pretermitted but we must say somewhat touching men and women that betwise married and so become step-fathers and step-mothers Such husbands and wiues as marrie againe after the death of their first wiues or first husbands are carefully to remember that they do not displease their wiues or their husbands which they now haue by ouermuch rehearsing of their first wife or first husband For the course and condition of the world is such that husbands and wiues do account and reckon things past better then things that be present And the reason is because no commoditie or felicitie is so great but it hath some griefe and displeasure and also some bitternesse mingled with it which so long as it is present grieueth vs sore but when it is once gone it leaueth no great feeling of it selfe behind it and for that cause we seeme to be lesse troubled with sorrowes and discommodities past then with those that are present Also age stealeth and commeth on apace which causeth both men and women to be the lesse able to sustaine and endure troubles and griefes then before Therefore such men and women as be twise married and be wise and religious ought not to esteeme their wife or husband which is dead better then her or him which they enioy now aliue remembering the common prouerbe That we must liue by the quicke and not by the dead and that we must make much of that we now haue Let the name of step-father and step-mother admonish and put them in mind of their duty towards the children of the one and the other For step-father and step-mother doth signifie a sted-father and a
prouision according to their degrees for the reliefe and maintenance of their children and familie And therefore such fathers and mothers as consume and wast away their money and substance vnthriftily by dycing carding gaming or by any other indirect and vnlawfull meanes whereby their children and familie should be maintained do very vnnaturally sin and breake Gods Commandements The Wiseman sheweth parents when is the best time to sow the seed of vertue in their children that it may bring forth the fruite of life and make them alwayes readie to die saying Eccles. 12. 1. Remember now saith he thy Creator in the dayes of thy youth As if he should say Be mindfull and thinke on God in thy youth and do not prolong or deferre it vntill age And so all their life shall runne in a line the middle like the beginning and the end like the middle as the Sunne setteth against the place where it arose One of the principallest duties that belong to parents towards their children is that they be very wary and carefull that their sonnes and daughters do not match in marriage with such as are vngodly wicked and voyde of true religion Which if they do they endanger the faith of their children and so commit a grieuous sinne For proofe whereof let vs consider first what marriage is and how nigh a coniunction the Lord hath made it He made the woman of the mans nature flesh of his flesh and bone of his bones So that we may not imagine that that God which required so neare a coniunction in the outward and inferiour part will suffer the minde and spirit of the husband and wife betweene faith and superstition to be rent asunder Therefore when God said They shall be two in one flesh we may not thinke but that he spake it of the whole and perfect creature made of bodie and soule that they should be of two one or that God did by so holy a Law set free the holiest part requiring onely such agreement in the flesh and bodie and leaue the soule and spirit in dissention For as God gaue vnto both one name as touching their earthly nature signifying their vnitie and called them Adam Genesis 5. 2. so he gaue vnto them a likenesse in name as they were ioyned in marriage to signifie their agreement in minde and spirit and called the one man and the other woman Genesis 2. 22. 23. Yea he gaue vnto marriage this especiall priuiledge For this cause shall a man leaue his father and his mother and shall cleaue to his wife and they shall be one flesh but it could neuer be that any vniting onely of flesh and bloud should haue found a dispensation from the Law that bindeth minde and conscience Honour thy father and thy mother Exod. 20. 12. The holy and faithfull bond of marriage betweene man and wife is commended to vs by that most holy coniunction of Christ with his Church Ephes. 5. 2. Seeing that this is a coniunction both of bodie and soule then such as are Christian parents ought to be carefull that their children may reioyce in it howsoeuer it liketh others to marrie their children yet they ought to see that their children do settle themselues that they may knit their minds in religion where they make their bodies one that so their marriage may be to them as a looking-glasse to view and behold the loue of Christ. S. Paul giueth this generall rule to all that wil marrie that they marrie onely in the Lord and to marrie only in the Lord is not to be led by flesh and bloud with fauour credite honour friendship riches or beautie but rather it is to marrie religiously in the feare of God in the fellowship of the Church of Christ where true Christians liue by one faith professe one religion and serue one God Now let vs a little call to our remembrance what fruit such vnequal mariages haue brought forth from the beginning The sonnes of God saw the daughters of men that they were faire and they tooke them wiues of all that they liked This aduenturous marriage in a strange religion did so infect the world that all flesh had corrupted his wayes For this cause God gaue this plaine and expresse Law vnto the people of Israel as touching all the inhabitants of the land of Canaan Thou shalt not giue thy daughters vnto his sonnes Deut. 7. 2. 3. 4. Exod. 34. 16. Surely they will turne away thy heart 1. Kings 11. 2. Ezra 9. 1. 2. c. and 10. 18. 19. Reade the places We may not here thinke that this inhibition serueth not now 〈◊〉 ys as touching Pagans Turks or Infidels but rather we must assure our seiues in the truth and know that no people in the world are more within the compasse of this law then the Papists and superstitious idolaters The holy Ghost forbiddeth vs to keepe company with Idolaters and such as are of a strange religion and how can he then permit that we should marrie with them He commandeth streightly that we should not draw in one yoke with the vnbeleeuing 2. Cor. 6. 14. which to do is as vnseemely as an Oxe and an Asse to be yoked together to plough Deut. 22. 10. And how can we possibly deuise to violate and breake this commandement more contumeliously then to yoke our selues in marriage with the vnfaithfull We are charged To offer vp our bodies a liuely a holy and a reasonable sacrifice vnto God Rom. 12. 1. But if we shall giue our bodies to Papists we then shall make them one flesh with the Papists and then we may be sure that no corrupt sacrifice can be a sweete smelling sacrifice vnto the Lord our God Here godly parents ought then aduisedly to consider that the strengthening and constant standing in religion of their children is onely of God and from God and not of themselues and therefore although they haue brought vp their children religiously and vertuously and thinke they are so well grounded and setled therein that they cannot be remoued drawne from their sound profession yet they must beware that they do not tempt God and venture their children to walke in that way which so many haue fallen in How can they assure themselues that their children shall abide constant and stand vpright if they shall consent that they may couple themselues in marriage with Papists Sampson was borne by Gods promise consecrated to the Lord from the day of his birth to the day of his death made a Iudge of Israel a deliuerer of Gods Church and a reuenger of his enemies very great and especiall tokens of the grace of God in him that it should be continued yet when he would attempt to marry one of a strange religion he lost his honour and became a laughing-stocke vnto the enemies of God Iudges the fourteenth Chapter and first verse c. and 16. 4. 17. 18. c. Salomon was a
wise man as euer was any before him or after him God hath endued him with heauenly gifts and had set him vp as a figure of his Sonne Christ yet when he had married with Pharaohs daughter and others of an other religion and strangers from the commonwealth of Israell he then fell from worse to worse till at the last he fell to miserable idolatrie 1. King 11. 4. What was the cause that Ahab king of Israell did worse then all the kings before him a man euen sold to worke wickednesse in the sight of the Lord aboue all his idolatries and walking in the most wretched wayes of Ieroboam the Scripture layeth this to his charge euen as his greatest 〈◊〉 that he tooke the daughter of the king of the Sydonians to his wife 1. King 16. 29. 30. 31. 23. 33. And lest such parents as either haue or hereafter shall marrie their children to Papists should thinke their case to be better then his because though they marry them to Papists or to Atheists yet they do not marry them to any Pagans let them consider what the Scripture teacheth them more Iehoram King of Iudah married neither with anie Sydonian nor AEgyptian neither with Pagan nor Infidell but with one of his owne people and of the Tribe of Israell yet because she had corrupted her religion in her fathers house the Scripture sheweth this to to be the cause of all Iehorams sinne He did euill in the sight of the Lord because the daughter of Ahab was his wife 2. Kings 1. 18. Yea the Scripture maketh this sinne so great that Iehosaphat a good King was yet defiled with it and it is reported as a great blemish of his vertuous doings that euer he suffered his sonne Iehoram so dangerously to marrie 2. Chron. 1. 18. When God would blame the idolatrie of his people of Israel shewing both how greatly he did hate it and what plagues he would bring vpon them for it he reuealed it vnto the Prophet 〈◊〉 this parable bidding him take vnto himselfe a wife of fornications that is a wife full of spirituall whoredomes such a one as a papist is that in such a marriage as in a glasse he might behold how lothsome the peoples idolatries were Hos. 1. 2. c. Parents haue further to remember that they haue not this rule and authoritie ouer their children that they may chuse whether they will let them marrie or no or when they list and whom they list but fathers and mothers must consider that they haue rule ouer their children vnder the Lord so that the Lord is aboue them and therefore parents must deale with their children according to the will and minde of God which will of God is reuealed vnto vs out of his word Now God by his Apostle saith To auoide fornication let euery man haue his owne wife and let euery woman haue her owne husband Whereby all parents may see that God commaundeth them to permit and suffer euery one to marrie that is disposed to marrie Now if they may not forbid any man or woman to marrie much lesse their owne children whom if they suffer not to marrie not hauing the gift of continencie then they breake and resist Gods ordinance For we reade that when Isaack forbad his sonne Iacob to marrie any of the daughters of Canaan he did not restraine him altogether from marriage and therefore he directed him where and with whom he should marrie Likewise the parents of Sampson when he asked a wife of them did not simply forbid him to marrie but they reproued him for because he would marrie an Insidell and a prophane woman Therefore such parents as be godly will haue aduised consideration and regard of the infirmities of their children and whether they can liue continent and chast or no and if they shall make choise and haue a good liking to such as be honest religious and godly hauing craued their parents consent although they be not so rich and wealthie as they would wish them to matc h with yet they ought not to hinder 〈◊〉 and forbid their children to marrie onely for want of goods and substance Parents ought to be carefull that their children do marrie in such an age wherein they should vnderstand whom they choose and very well perceiue what they take in hand and that they do not seeke to match themselues in marriage aboue their degree And it is very expedient that parents admonish their children to make their choise according to their complexion and condition This is a most vnnaturall and cruell part for parents to sell their children for gaine and luker and to marrie them when they list and to whom they list without the good liking of their children and so bring them into bondage And therefore if parents shal force and compell their children to marrie contrarie to their minde and liking then the sorrowfull children may not say they haue married them but for euer they haue marred and vndone them And therefore to the end that marriages may be perpetuall louing and delightfull betwixt the parties there must and ought to be a knitting of hearts before striking of hands The places of Scripture are many and diuerse by which it may plainely appeare that all godly and Christian parents are charged by God himselfe that they should be carefull in time to make meete choise of husbands for their daughters and fit wiues for their sonnes amongst many these quotations do sufficiently proue it Deut. 7. 3. Nehemia 13. 23. 24. Ierem. 29. 6. 1. Corinth 7. 36. 37. 38. Genesis 24. 10. c and 28. 1. 2. and 4. 4. and 38. 6. 8. Iosua 15. 16. 17. 2. Samuel 13. 23. Iudges 14. 1. c. Let fathers and mothers therefore on whom this charge by God his Commandement lyeth to take wiues for their sonnes and to prouide husbands for their daughters take diligent heed hereunto that they abuse not their power and authoritie ouer their children but as in other cases they are willed by the Apostle that they deale not in such sort to wards them that they thereby be dismayed discouraged so especially in this matter of greatest moment and value of all other worldly things whatsoeuer let them abstaine from all rigour and roughnesse and beware that they turne not their fatherly iurisdiction and gouernment into a tyrannicall sowrenesse and waywardnesse letting their will go for a law and their pleasure for a reason For the rule of parents ouer their children ought to resemble the gouernment of good Princes towards their subiects that is to say it must be milde gentle and easie to be borne For as they so likewise parents so farre as concerneth them and lyeth in their abilitie to performe must carrie such an euen and vpright hand in their gouernment that they may by loue seeke to winne the hearts of those ouer whom they are set to be firme and sure towards them and not to
21. 2. Tim. 3. 2. 3. 4. 5. 2 The riches of the body Beautie Chuse a wife for vertue onely Pro. 19. 14. Seek no match in marriage aboue thy 〈◊〉 Equalitie in marriage to be respected Of the choise of a wise A good wife is aboue all things to be craued of God by prayer Heb. 13. 4. Ephes. 5. 25. 26. 27. Three causes of marriage Psal. 51. 5. The second cause wedlocke lawfull for such as haue not the gift of chastitie The third cause This is often found most true that such as are contemners of marriage are most offenders against marriage and liue most vnchastly 21. Pet. 2. 7. By honour is meant that the husband is to sustaine and relieue the wants of his wife to support vphold beare with her infirmities as the weaker vessell Besides the prayers had with their family they must pray priuately Gen. 25. 21. 1. Cor. 7. 3. 4. 5. Col. 3. 19. Anger in a husband is a vice The roote of bitternesse to be weeded out by the spade of patience How when the husband ought to reproue Faults sometimes must be couered with loue Not to take vnkindnesse for euery trifle Ephe. 5. 25. 26 27. 28. 29. The husband is to the wife in Gods stead Husbands may 〈◊〉 be rigorous 〈◊〉 their wiues especially when they be new married Prou. 20. 3. The wife is not to be vsed or intreated as a handmaid or seruant but as a fellow Prou. 8. 7. 14 9 15. 5. 18. 2. 27. 22. Prou 9. 9. 19. 25. Gen 16. 6. The falling out of louers is a renewing of loue That man is miserable that is married vnto a foolish woman Husbands must prouide things necessarie for the house A mans house will continue by prouision before hand and by order in his expences 1. Tim. 5. 8. But where disorder is in a house it cannot endure Spare in time and spend in time for sparing is a rich purse The honour of the husband dependeth on the wife 1. Cor. 11. 7. The third point Can. 4. 9. 10. 1. Cor 9. 5. 1. Pet. 3 7. 1. Cor. 11. 3. Ephes. 3. 23. Ephes. 5. 28. 29 1. Sam. 1. 8. Gal. 6. 2. Gen. 1. 28. Gen. 2. 18. The causeswhy the husband should loue his wife The husband must loue his wiues kinsfolkes Gen. 26. 8. 9. 1. Cor. 7. 4. Duties common both to the husband the wife 1. Cor. 7. 2. Gen. 1. 18. 1. Cor. 7. 5. Ephes. 5. 15. Tit. 2. 5. Mat. 5. 44. Gen. 6. 2. Psal. 38. 22. Mat. 19. 5. Ephes. 5. 31. Gen. 31. 4. 5. c. Math. 19. 6. Pre. 2. 27. Mal. 2. 14. Mat. 19. Leuit. 20. 10. Ioh. 8. 5. Mat. 19. 8. Mat. 19. 6. 1. Cor. 7. 12. 1 Cor. 7. 11. Obiection Answer 1. Cor. 7. 29. 1. Pet. 3. 7. 1. Pet. 3. 7. Gen. 30. 1. 1. Sam. 1. Gen. 16. The best pollicie in marriage is to begin well 1. King 12. 7. 8. c. Iudg. 19. 3. Prou. 15. 1. Gal 5. 9. Gen. 22. 11. Psal. 133. 1. Leuit. 24. 5. Mat. 12. 25. Gen. 19. 33. Gen. 18. 3. Pro. 12. 4. Gen. 2. 23. Ephes. 5. 29. 1. Pet. 3. 1. Ephes. 5. 22. Col. 3. 18. 1. Cor. 7. 2. Wiues must be seruiceable obedient vnto their husbands and stand in a reuerend awe of them Ephes. 5. 24. Cheerefull in countenence Gen. 27. 9. Gen. 2. 23. 24 Math 19. 5. 1. Cor. 6. 16. Eihes 5. 31. How the wife ought to behaue her selfe vnto her husband Rom. 12. 15. 2. King 2. 6. Gal. 6. 2. 1. King 21. 5. 1. King 14. 4. Gen. 12. 1. Gen. 2. 18. 1. Cor. 1. 27. 1. Pet. 3. 1. 2. King 5. 3. 49. Hest. 7. 3. 〈◊〉 32. 21. 〈◊〉 10 19. Prou. 5. 18. 19. 1. Sam. 16. 23. 1. Sam. 25. 3. Gen. 38. 4. Gen. 33. 1. Why wiues are called huswiues Tit. 2. 5. Pro. 7. 12. 2. King 30. Gen. 18. 9. 2. King 4. 22. Ephe. 5. 22. 23. 〈◊〉 Cor. 11. 14. 34. Gen. 18. 12. 1. Pet. 3. 6. Ephes. 5. 24. Gen. 3. 1. 1. Tim. 2. 14. Num. 30. 7. Pro. 14. 1. 18. 22. 19. 14. 31. all The wife must keepe a good tongue When the wife doth hold her peace she keepes the peace The cause of domesticall combats Silence becometh a woman Lacke of knowledge of Gods word is the principall cause why wiues do not their duties to their husbands One heart and one will How the loue faithfulnesse and dutie of married folkes may be kept increased They must secretly keepe no euill will in their minds but tell their griese 1. Sam. 25. 36. 37. 1. Cor. 7. 10. 11 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. Mat. 19. 6. Mat. 19. 9. Luke 16. 18. The wife ought to obey her husband in all things that be honest and agreeable to Gods word Gen. 3. 16. Hest. 1. 20. 22. Numb 30. 7. 8 9. 1. Pet. 3. 6. It is a speciall dutie of a mother to giue her children sucke her selfe 1. Tim. 5. 10. Gen. 22. 7. 1. Sam. 1. 23. Exod. 8. Cant. 8. 1. Psal. 22. 9. Mat. 2. 14. Luke 2. 7. 12. 1. Tim. 5. 10. Stepfathers stepmothers their duties The husband must so praise his first wife she her first husband as it be not done to the offence or reproch of either to the other Iealousie which is the suspecting of adulterie in the married parties ought wisely and carefully to be suppressed in both parties without apparent matter The very name of stepfather stepmother teacheth them their dutie 1. King 12. 13. 2. Sam. 2. 7. As wiues ought to go comely plainly and handsomly in their 〈◊〉 so they must in any wise beware of pride riot or excesse therein Pride is hatefull before God and man be not therefore proud for thou art but dust ana ashes Prou. 16. 18. Titus 1. 3. Temperance in apparell The dutie containeth foure points Namely in teaching or instructing them in religion in manners good example of life and skill of an occupation The first point The children of Christians ought not to be called by any papish name We are neither better nor worse in respect of our names Iosua 10. 3. The name profiteth none in whom vertue is not conuinced Luk. 1. 59. 2. 21. Proper names are also giuen vnto vs for this vse and end that is to distinguish between man man Instructing correcting prayer make good children and happy parents Deut. 6. 7. 8 4. 9. 11. 19. Psal. 78. 5. 6. 78. Iosu 4. 6. Exod. 12. 26. 27. Gen. 18. 19. 1. 〈◊〉 28. 9. Act. 10. 2. 2. Tim. 1. 5. Parents must performe their dutie to their children moderately with great grauity and authority Which is done by example Fruits are wont to take their shape nature of the tree Deut. 6. 5. 6. 7. 31. 13. 1. King 17. 10. c. 2. King 4. 1. c. Ioh. 4. 53. Luke 19. 9. Act. 10. 44. 2. Tim. 1. 5. 3. 15. Ezech
is the want and neglect of the wise discreet and good gouernment that should be in the husbands besides the want of good example that they should giue vnto their wiues both in word and deed For as the common saying is such a husband such a wife For so much as marriage maketh of two persons one therefore the loue of the husband and wife may the better be kept and increased and so continued if they remember the duties last spoken of as also not forget three points following 1. They must be of one heart will and mind and neither to vpbraide or cast the other in the teeth with their wants and imperfections any wayes or to pride themselues in their gifts but either the one to endeuour to supply the others wants that so they both helping and doing their best together may be one perfect body 2. It doth greatly increase loue when the one faithfully serueth the other when in things concerning marriage the one hideth no secrets nor priuities from the other and the one doth not vtter or publish the frailties or infirmities of the other and when of all that euer they obtaine or get they haue but one common purse together the one locking vp nothing from the other and also when the one is faithfull to the other in all businesse and affaires Likewise when the one hearkeneth to the other when the one thinketh not scorne of the other and when in matters concerning the gouernment of the house the one will be counselled and aduised by the other the one of them being alwayes louing kind courteous plaine and gentle vnto the other in words manners and deeds 3. Let the one learne euer to be obsequious diligent and seruiceable to the other in all honest things And this will the sooner come to passe if the one obserue and marke what thing the other can away withall or cānot away withall and what pleaseth or displeaseth them and so from thence-foorth to do the one and to leaue the other vndone And if one of them be angry and offended with the other then let the party grieued open and make knowne vnto the other their griefe in due time and with discretion For the longer a displeasure or euill will rages in secret the worse wil be the discord And this must be obserued that it be done in a fit and conuenient time because there is some season in the which if griefes were shewed it should make great debate And if the wife would go about to tell or admonish her husband when he is out of patience or moued with anger it should then be no fit time to talke with him Therefore Abigail perceiuing Nabal her husband to be drunke would not speake to him vntill the morning Both the husband and wife must remember that the one be not so offended and displeased with the manners of the other that they should thereupon forsake the company one of another for that were like to one that being stung with the Bees would therefore forsake the bony And therefore no man may put away his wife for any cause except for whoredome which must be duly prooued before a lawfull Iudge But all godly and faithfull married folkes are to commend their state and marriage to God by humble and feruent prayer that he for his beloued Sonnes sake would so blesse them and their marriage that they may so Christianly and dutifully agree betweene themselues that they may haue no cause of any separation or diuorcement For like as all manner of medicines specially they that go nighest death as to cut off whole members c. are very loathsome and terrible euen so is diuorcement indeed a medicine but a perillous and terrible medicine Therefore euery good Christian husband and wife ought with all care and heedfulnesse so to liue in marriage that they haue no need of such a medicine As the holy Scripture maketh mention of many wiues and women that were wicked and vngodly as partly may be seene by these quotations 1. King 1. 2. Prou. 7. 27 and 22. 14. and 25. 24. and 27. 15. Eccles. 7. 28. So contrariwise the same sacred Scripture also commendeth vnto vs many women that haue bene deuout religious and vertuous as partly is manifest by that which hath bene already said and also by these places of Scripture Ruth 2. 11. 1. Sam. 25. 3. Pro. 14. 1. and 31. 10. Mat. 28. 1. 8. 9. 10. Luke 8. 2. 3. and 23. 55. 56. Acts 1. 14. and 17. 4. and 9. 36. 39. 2. Ioh. 1. 2. Tim. 1. 5. And whosoeuer shall obserue it in the reading of the word of God shall find that it speaketh of the praise of as many and mo good women then men Yea and I am perswaded that if at this day a due suruey should be taken of all the men women throughout his Maiesties dominions there would be found in number moe women that are faithfull religious and vertuous then men Now if a wife be desirous to know how farre she is bound to obey her husband the Apostle resolueth this doubt where he saith Ephesians 5. 22. Wiues submit your selues vnto your husbands as to the Lord. As if he had said wiues cannot be disobedient to their husbands but they must resist God also who is the author of this subiection and that they must regard their husbands will as the Lords will But yec withall as the Lord commandeth that which is good right so she should obey her husband in good and right or else she doth not obey him as the Lord but as the tempter The first subiection of the woman began at sinne For when God cursed her for seducing her husband when the serpent had deceiued her he said He shall haue authoritts ouer thee And therefore as the man named all other creatures in signe that they should be subiect to him as a seruant which commeth when his maister calleth him by his name so he did name the woman also in token that she should be subiect vnto him likewise And therefore Assuerus made a law that euery man should beare rule in his owne house and not the woman Because she sinned first therefore she is humbled most and euer since the daughters of Sarah are bound to call their husbands Lord as Sarah called her husband that is to take them for heads and gouernours Amongst the particular duties that a Christian wife ought to performe in her family this is one namely that she nurse her owne children which to omit and to put them foorth to nursing is both against the law of nature and also against the will of God Besides it is hurtfull both for the childs body and also for his wit lastly it is hurtfull to the mother her selfe and it is an occasion that she falleth into much 〈◊〉 thereby First nature giueth milke to the woman for none other end but that she should bestow it vpon her child