complaine I so mournefully as if our afflictions exceeded all that ever were sent upon the children of men If I consider our estate by it selfe I cannot choose indeede but conclude it miserable but if I weigh it with the Pestilences of former ages it will not perhapps appeare a burden so un-supportable Comparisons may peradventure ease my griese and lessen my torments therfore with David I will remember the dayes of ould I will meditate on all the workes of God Ps 143 5. It may be that Solomon may advise mee and comfort mee too where hee thus counselleth Eccl 7.10 Say not in thine heart What is the cause that the former dayes were better then these For thou doest not enquire wisely concerning this I will therfore consider the dayes of ould Ps 77.5 and the yeeres of ancient times Num 16.41 example 1 The children of Israël murmured against Moses and Aaron about the destruction of Korah Dathan Abiram and their accomplices saying Yee have killed the people of the Lord vers 46 and presently there was wrath gone out from the Lord the plague was begunne vers 49 So they that dyed of the plague were foureteene thousand and seaven hundred and all in a day beside them that dyed about the matter of Korah example 2 When Israel abode at Shittim the people committed whoredome with the daughters of Moab and Num 25.1 vers 3. Ps 106 28. vers 29 not contented with this high offence they allso joyned themselves unto Baal-Peor and did eate the sacrifices of the dead Thus they provoked the Lord to anger with their inventions and the plague brake in upon them Num 25.9 and those that dyed in the plague were twentie and foure thousand Their sinne was double it was whoredome both carnall and spirituall their punishment was therfore allmost double to that which was sent for murmuring example 3 When David sent for the Captaine of the hoast to number the people Ioab answered him fairely saying 2. Saâ—… 24.3 Now the Lord thy God adde unto the people how many soever they be an hundred fold and that the eyes of my Lord the King may see it but why doth my Lord the King delight in this thing vers 4. Notwithstanding the King's word prevailed against Ioab and against the Captaines of the boast and Ioab and the Captaines of the hoast went out from the presence of the King to number the people of Israel But what was the event thereof vers 15 The Lord sent a Pestilence upon Israël from the morning even to the time appointed and there dyed of the people from Dan even to Beersheba seaventy thousand men and all of them in the space of but three dayes vers 13 Here was yet a greater number then before and yet all of them fell for the sinne of one onely man but this one man was a King and for his eminent offence five times as many were slaine as when the multitude of people joyned in a murmuring Hee who by the people was acknowledged worth ten thousand of them c 18.3 now for his sinne became the destroyer of seaven times as many of them as hee was vallued at by them so greate was the anger of the Lord for a sinne so greate and committed by a person so greate so eminent example 4 The All-mighty threatned Ierusalem by the mouth of his Prophet that hee would make that cittie desolate Ier 19.8 and an hissing every one that passed thereby should be astonished and hisse c 49.17 because of the plagues thereof The same God threatned Edom allso by the same Prophet saying Edom shall be a desolation every one that goeth by shall be astonished and shall hisse at the plagues thereof The same God againe threatned Babylon by the same Prophet saying c 50.13 Because of the word of the Lord it shall not be inhabited but it shall be wholly desolate Every one that goeth by Babylon shall be astonished and hisse at her plagues Thus I remember thy judgments of old ô Lord Ps 119 52. and receave comfort Comfesse I must indeede that wee have sinned with our fathers 2. Chr 6.37 wee have done amisse and dealt wickedly but are our punishments as greate as our fathers were Foureteene thousand and seaven hundred of them fell at one time twentie and fower thousand at another time threescore and ten thousand at a third time Lord what mighty numbers were here and yet wee feare when one dyeth wee tremble when ten wee runne when twentie wee are dismayed when an hundred wee are hopelesse heartlesse even allmost quite dead allready when a thousand depart But why should not wee expect as greate plagues as were sent upon any of our ancestours seeing that our sinnes are not lesse either in number or weight Wherein are wee better then Ierusalem or Edom or Babylon that wee are not yet as desolate as were they That every one that passeth by is not astonished nor hisseth at us as they did at them Hee who visited them doeth visit us Ps 89.32 hee visiteth our offences with his rod and our sinnes with his scourges Yet hee visiteth us not so sorely as hee did the Israelites when fowreteene thousand and seaven hundred of them dyed or not so severely as when twentie and fowre thousand of them were swept away or not so grie vously as when threescore and ten thousand of them were destroyed or not so terribly as Ierusalem Edom and Babylon for wee are not quite desolate or not so furiously as Nineveh to whom God spake by his Prophet saying Nah 3.19 There is noe healing of thy bruise thy wound is grievous all that heare the bruite of thee shall clapp the hands over thee Or howsoever not so remedilesly as the army of Pharaoh at Euphrates whom the Lord mocketh by the mouth of his Prophet saying Ier 46.11 Goe up unto Gilead and take balme ô virgin the daughter of Egypt In vaine shalt thou use any medicines for thou shalt not be cured Eze 12 18. This ô this maketh mee to eate my bread with quaking and to drinke my water with trembling and carefullnesse for feare lest our sinne-revenging God should punish us as hee hath done them O what mercies doeth hee not yet offer unto us What kindnesse doeth hee not yet afford us To our Physitians hee giveth knowledg to our medicines hee giveth vertue The herbes of the fields and the fruits of the trees and the flesh of the beastes doe yet offer themselves for our cure and our sustenance O that wee had but so much happinesse as to know the miserie which is due to our offences O that wee had but so much mercy from God as to know his mercy in his gentle visitation For this our miserie will I groane for these our sinnes I will lament for the mercy of my God I will pray and I will cry Heare Ps 30.10 Ps 60.11 ô Lord
1. King 2.2 Iob. 17.1 My breath and my spirits allmost are spent my dayes are neere extinct and now the grave is ready for mee doe thou ô my God prepare mee for thy selfe With thee I long and desire to live To thee I desire to sing praises with the glorified Saints in thy celestiall Paradise O free mee from the burden of the flesh and the fetters of sinne and graunt that when I shall render thee an account of my yeeres I may behold thy face with comfort and joy Let me with desire attend the time of my change and the hopefull expectation of a happie resurrection Come ô my God and free mee from the bondage of sinne and corruption that I may sitt at thy right hand for ever and ever Heare mee ô father and graunt my petitions through the meritorious death of the Lord of life even Iesus Christ my onely mediatour and redeemer Amen subject 11 THE ELEVENTH SUBjECT Teares of a Barren woman The Soliloquie THE EjACULATION Psal 5. vers 1. Give eare to my words o Lord consider my meditation vers 2. Hearken unto the voice of my cry my king and my God for unto thee will I pray WHen God had created Adam and Eve hee blessed them Gen 1.28 and said Be fruitfull and multiply and replenish the earth This was a blessing in the time of innocency but did it remaine a blessing after the fall Yes doubtlesse for long after the breach of the first commandement the Psalmist determined that Children are an heritage of the Lord Ps 127 3. and the fruit of the wombe is his reward Yet though it remaineth a blessing it is not without the societie of a punishment for so the Lord said unto the woman Gen 3.16 I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception in sorrow shalt thou bring forth children This sorrow is an effect of sinne and not a sorrow for sin Yet surely it hath something in it above or beside a punishment for the first offence for neither is the sorrow in it selfe a sinne as is allwayes that which is onely worldly which beginneth continueth and endeth in griefe nor doeth this sorrow conclude in either sin or shame Io 16.21 or griese but as our Saviour saith As soone as shee is delivered of the child sh◠remembreth noe more the anguish for joy that a man is borne into the world The paine is a remembrancer of originall corruption but the issue is a continuance of the blessing in Paradise This paine I am freed from whilest I continue barren but then I want the blessing and the joy which accompanie the paine But why doe I complaine Why doe I disturbe my selfe for want of that which might become my tormentour All children are not blessed all are not elected to be heires of salvation Mat 20 16. Many indeede are called but few are chosen Doubtlesse Cain and Ham and Esau and Iudas and many millions besides did cost their mothers many bitter throwes and torments and cryes yet reaped not their parents that joy which others have receaved Is it not then better for mee to content my selfe with this state which I am in then to be the mother of a child which might be a fire-brand of hell All are not chosen to be vessells unto honour 2. Tim. 2.21 The way to destruction is a beaten roade My torments would be greater were I the mother of a child for feare that my child should dishonour my God then they could be with bringing that child into the world The cares of parents are full of trembling and disquietnesse allways suspecting ill accidents or diseases or which is worse a second death to befall their issues Reu 21 8. From these I am freed whilest I continue fruitlesse and I enjoy the societie of a husband without the disturbance of children But yet mee think's I rest not satisfied for barrennesse was ever accounted a reproach therfore Elizabeth upon her conception sayd Luc 1.25 Thus hath the Lord dealt with mee in the dayes wherein hee looked on mee to take away my reproach among men Gen 16 4. Thus when Hagar had conceaved by Abram her mistresse Sarai was despised in her eyes But alasse what 's this A litle reproach it may be among men but such as cannot continue long not longer at most then my life shall last and then it will cease or at least not trouble mee Surely it is not so contemptible in the eyes of my God for if so it were then Iob would not put it as a marke of the wicked Iob 24 21. that Hee evill intreateth the barren that beareth not And yet I suspect that some grievous sinne is the cause of mine affliction for barrennesse hath beene often sent as a curse and fruitfullnesse as a blessing How happie was the wife of Terah in her faithfull Sonne Abraham How happie was Iochebed in her meeke Sonne Moses How happie was Elizabeth in Iohn the Baptist But how most happie of all was the virgin Mary in her holy child Iesus prononnced so by he◠cosijn Elizabeth who sayd unto her Blessed art thou among women Luc 1.42 and blessed is the fruit of thy wombe This blessing mee thinks I seriously long for though I cannot expect a child of such excellency as was Abraham or Moses or Iohn the Baptist But why doe I thus disturbe my selfe about that which is not in my power to amend or alter Fruitfullnesse hath not allways beene a token of mercy sometimes it hath spoken the wrath of the All-mighty 2. Sam. 11.5 Bathsheba indeede was free from barrennesse but her child by King David was the spurious issue of a defiled bed Such sinister practises have beene the faults of diverse who have rather chosen to dishonour God then to be despised by men But this remedie would prove farre worse then the disease if I should seeke to be pregnant by the wayes of wickednesse Thus to become a mother I should dishonour my husband and which is infinitely worse my Lord and my God Thus should I desclayme the protection of God my father and the love of mine indulgent husband and all in a wicked and lustfull curiositie to take away my reproach among men Yea thus by endeavouring to salve my credit I should more deepely wound it and to avoyd a contempt for what I cannot helpe I should be branded with infamie which I could never wipe off Conscience and obedience to the lawes of my God forbid the thought of so dangerous a cure loyaltie and affection to my husband deny it love and desire of vertue chide it yea and care of my good name doeth plainly prohibit it I had rather continue for a time a reproached Elizabeth then be a lustfull Bathsheba to be the wife of a King It lyeth in the power of him who is omnipotent to make mee if hee pleaseth a joyfull mother I will not despaire while I live upon the earth because I
brought on us seaven times more plagues then formerly Hee seeth that wee feare not this glorious name The Lord our God therfore hath hee sent us greate plagues of long continuance and sore sicknesse of long continuance Thus I sitt and muse and consider of the sicknesse I heare the bells tolling even those bells which were wont to invite us to the temple that wee might know our sinnes at the mouth of the preacher and pray for remission of our sinnes by the helpe of the preacher the very selfe-same bells serve now to tell mee that one man lyeth languishing and desireth my prayers another man is departed and wanteth nothing but a funerall a third man is to be buried but a neighbourly and friendly companie is wanting Every stroake of a bell mee think's hitteth mee at the heart and biddeth mee to prepare for my last fare-well Every toul awakeneth my conscience and biddeth mee remember what my sinnes have merited Thus mine eares receave a sound and thus my trembling heart feeleth a throb a heating a panting for my particular sinnes which have beene some cause of this generall sicknesse Moses went unto the Lord 3. Ex 32.31 and sayd Oh this people have sinned a greate sinne and have made them Gods of gold But what followed The Lord plagued the people vers 35 because they worshipped the Calse which Aaron had made There was the sinne there was the punishment But was that plague the same as this which now doeth rave and rage amongst us Surely our sinnes are the same as were theirs for wee digge the entrailes of our mother earth and like the Augures the Sooth-sayers though they sayd noe sooth noe trueth at all wee conjecture wee divine by those entrailes yea and wee decree him who is rich to be a good man a fufficient man an honest man and what not Wee vallew the man for the gold wee worship him for it wee honour him for it And is not this to sinne with the Israëlites Wee doe very litle differ from those idolaters even nothing at all They made them Gods of gold and wee make gold our God Iustly therfore are wee thus punished by the true God because wee honour that which is noe God The Israelites had this very kind and sort of plague such a very pestilence as ours and for just such a sinne as this of ours Though Moses prayed for them yea though hee desired to be blotted out of the booke of God vers 32 rather then they should not be forgiven yet God decreed saying vers 33 Whosoëver hath sinned against mee him will I blott out of my booke Whosoëver hath sinned against him If hee should deale so with us who should people the land Who should inhabit our dwellings Who should enjoy our treasures Hee hath begun blotting indeede allready His inke is found in the blacknesse of every blaine in the blewnesse of every token in the rednesse of every crossed doore But will this blotting allwayes continue Will hee not stay his hand Will his wrath burne like fire for ever Ps 141.7 Our bones lye scattered at the graves mouth as when one cutteth and cleaveth wood upon the earth vers 8. But mine eyes are unto thee ô God the Lord in thee is my trust Either blott not at all or onely blott out our offences Hide thy face from our sinns and blott out all our iniquities Say unto every one of us as thou diddest unto Iacob by the mouth of thy Prophet I Is 43.25 even I am hee that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine owne name's sake and will not remember thy sinnes The Fourth part of the Soliloquie consisting of Severall examples of dreadfull Pestilences LOrd what a hideous dinne is this in mine eares There was a groane able to have shaken even the earth it selfe had it beene imprisoned in the deepest bowells thereof What another Hearke There 's weeping too Oh this is the sad and wearisome life of us poore sinners who are caged and miewed up in our infected citties and townes and villages The diseased groane through the extreamitie of their paines and for want of comforts both of body and soule The sound are weeping for the miseries of the sick and long for the deliverance even of their whole familes from the burden of the flesh Some habitations are made both hospitalls and charnell houses where many a one lyeth sick and for want of helpe they sicken without hope they dye without comfort and they consume without interment Sometimes againe the mother who dandled her infant in her clasping armes is enforced in those armes to carrie it to the grave Sometimes the husband who deerely affected the wife of his bosome is enforced to make her the burden of his shoulders and to beare her dead corps to the devouring earth for want of friends neighbours to ease him of the burden Yea sometimes the children are enforced to assist their father in the cariage of their mother to her longest home O horrour horrour horrour Can pittie find noe enterance at the hearts of strangers Can compassionfind noe harbour in the bowells of neighbours Will none performe this act of pietie to key-cold woman to the carkeise of a woman but onely her husband the husband of her affection and her children the labour and the fruit of her wombe O how divers in the world would stand amazed at the sight hardly determine whether the dropps which fall from the faces of the bearers be the sweate of their browes or the teares of their eyes Oh what adreadfull time is this Did ever any age produce a paralell to this severe contagion Was it ever knowne that a Pestilence was so generall and so malignant Did ever any people drinke so deepe of the cup of sorrow astonishment Eze 23 33. vers 4. and desolation as wee doe Was ever Samaria or Aholah or Aholibah or Babylon or Ierusalem Ier 25.20 was ever the king of the land of the Philistines or Askelon or Azzah or Ekron vers 21 or Ashdod was ever Edom or Moab or Ammon or Tyrus or Zidon vers 22 was ever Dedan or Tema vers 23 or any other place so drunke with the cup of furie from the Lords hands as wee are Hos 4.18 Our drinke was formerly sowre with our whoredomes with our abominations now therfore wee have waters of gall to drinke Ier 8.14 c 23.15 c 25.15 Eze 39 17. vers 18 vers 19 Lam 1.12 wee are fed with wormewood and our cup is a cup of furie of trembling and of astonishment O the plague the plague it is that eateth our flesh and drinketh our blood it eateth the flesh of the mighty and drinketh the blood of Princes it drinketh even untill it is drunken with our blood Was there ever any sorrow like unto our sorrow where with the Lord doeth afflict us in this day of his fierce wrath But why doe I thus cry out Why
seldome is love forgotten in the mother of children Cant. 3 6. in whom it is commonly as strong as death vers 7. for many waters cannot quench it neither can the floods drowne it Much therfore I cannot blame the wife of Zebedeus for the fervency of her affection to her beloved Sonnes All that shee erred in was both in the thing shee requested and in the person to whom shee tendered her petition Surely without offence I may likewise besiech my mercifull Saviour that hee will be pleased to undertake the protection of my young ones It is a petition more proper for mee then her's was for her for shee was living and might have beene a comfort unto them but I am dying I am leaving the world I lye drawingon and wayting for that blessed hower of my Saviours comeing All that is left mee now to doe is onely to blesse them before my departure and this is the best legacie that I can bequeath unto them I must I will blesse them by the leave and favour of my God yet not as from my selfe but onely from God not as thinking that my power can purchase their happinesse but praying to him that his blessing may prosper them Thus by faith did dying Iacob blesse both the Sonnes of Ioseph Heb. 11 21. and worshipped leaning upon the top of his staffe Thus old Isaak said unto Esau his Sonne Gen. 27 2. vers 3. Behold now I am old I know not the day of my death now therfore take I pray thee thy we opons thy quiver and thy bowe and goe out to the field and take mee some venison vers 4. and make mee savourie meate such as I love and bring it to mee that I may eate that my soule may blesse thee before I dye Thus Isaak blessed Iacob and said c 28.3 God All-mighty blesse thee and make thee fruitfull and multiplie thee that thou mayest be a multitude of people c. 49.28 Thus Iacob blessed the twelve tribes when hee spake unto them and blessed them every one according to his blessing hee blessed them c 31.55 Thus Laban even in the time of his health rose up early in the morning and kissed his Sonnes and his daughters and blessed them and then departed and returned to his place Yea thus even Moses who was but a leader of the people and not so neerely linked unto them by the bonds of nature blessed them and sayd Deut. 1 11. The Lord God of your fathers make you a thousand times so many more as yee are and blessed you as hee hath promised you Thus the same Moses againe drawing neere to the time of his leaving the world c. 33.1 with his blessing did blesse the children of Israel before his death Thus when the dayes of David drew neere that hee should dye 1. King 2.1 hee gave a charge and a blessing to his beloved Sonne Solomon And noe marveile since it is most true that hee whom God blesseth is blessed Num 22.6 and hee whom hee curseth is cursed The blessing of a parent is nothing but a prayer to the giver of good things Iam. 1.17 that hee may be pleased to send his blessing on their issue Mee thinks therfore the words of Samuel which hee sayd unto the people doe take a deepe impression in my breast 1. Sam. 12.23 for hee sayd God forbid that I should sinne against the Lord in ceasing to pray for you With leave then of my God I will see my children and I will kisse them as Laban did his and I will likewise blesse them The Lord direct mee in my prayers for them and the Lord accept my prayers grant my requests which I shall make unto him for them part 2 The Second part being the benediction or blessing it selfe ending in a prayer MY deerest children yee whom I love in the tender yerning bowells of affection draw neere and attend to the words of your dying mother A weake woman yee see I am but yet sinfull I am which peradventure yee see not O weepe not my prettie ones doe not pierce and breake my troubled heart with your sad laments I must dye my litle ones and goe to a better place whither yee I hope shall one day follow mee Wee came not together into the world nor shall wee goe together out of it In vaine doe yee shed those teares of sorrow for allthough nature teacheth you to bewayle my departure yet grace will teach you to moderate your mourning My heart even bleede's to leave you behind mee fearing lest yee will forget the commandements of your God I should be sorrie to have just cause to say unto you as Moses did to the Levites yet I will put you in mind of his words Deut. 31.27 Behold sayd hee while I am yet alive with you this day yee have beene rebellious against the Lord vers 29 how much more after my death I know that after my death yee will utterly corrupt your selves and turne aside from the way which I commanded you and evill will befall you in the latter dayes because yee will doe evill in the sight of the Lord Heb. 6.9 to provoke him to anger through the worke of your hands But I am perswaded better things of you and things that accompanie salvation though I thus speake O my deare ones hearken unto the words which I shall say They must be my legacie unto you heare mee with patience and treasure up in your memories the last speech of your fainting your dying mother How deare yee cost mee before yee had life and what pangs and torments I suffered for you before yee were heard or seene in the world yee cannot imagine nor I expresse Yet all was forgotten for joy that yee were borne Ioa 16.21 and hoping that yee would adde unto the quire of Saints To this purpose I have laboured and taken care for the nourishment both of your soules bodies and for your sustentation so much as in mee lay from the breast to this instant O what sad and perplexed thoughts have I had for you in the day times and how many howers have I borrowed from my sleepe in the nights to thinke what would become of you if yee should not be obedient to the commandements of my God! To the same God they are best knowne O how often upon my knees have I prayed for your happinesse and wept and mourned when yee have done what yee ought not To him is it best knowne to whom I now am goeing Sometimes when yee have offended I was enforced to correct you but each stripe which yee receaved did cut mee into the heart In many things yee failed because yee were young and in many things I failed too because I am a weake and a sinfull woman If at any time yee thought that I did not my duety take heede that hereafter yee remember it not to my dishonour Ponder in your