Bottle Bag Pipe Dog and all Shall breed no iarres in Westminsters great Hall Peace and tranquility was all his life And dead his goods shall breed no cause of strife Thus Shepheards haue no places meanes or times To fall into these hell-deseruing crimes Which Courtiers Lawyers Tradesmen men of arms Commit vnto their soules and Bodies harmes And from the Shepheards now I le turne my stile To sundry sorts of sheepe another while The Lambs that in the Iewes passeouer dy'd Were figures of the Lambeâ— that 's crucifi'd Esa. 53.7 And Esay doth compare our heauenly food 1. Ioh. 1.29 T'â— Sheepe which dumb before the shearer stood Whose death and merits did this title win The Lambe of God which freed the world from sin LAMBE Anagram's BLAME LAMBE Anagram's BALME The Anagram's of Lambe is Blame and Balme And Christ the Lambe Vpon him tooke our Blame His precious Blood Gods heauy wrath did calme ' I'was th' onely Blame for Sinne to cure the same All power and praise and glory be therefore Ascribed to the Lambe for euermore And in the threescore nineteenth Psalme we read That like a Sheepe our God doth Ieseph lead Againe of vs he such account doth keepe That of his Paffure we are called Sheepe And euery day we doe confesse almost That we haue err'd and stray'd like Sheepe that 's lest Our Saueour that hath bought our Soules so deare Hath said his Sheepe his voice will onely heare And Thrice did Christ vnto Saint Peter call In which he spake to his Disciples all Iab 21.15.16 If you doe loue me feed my Sheepe quoth he And feed my Lambs well if you doe loue me Moreouer in the final Iudgement day There is the right hand and the left hand way Whereas the sheepe he to himselfe doth gather With saying Come Ye blessed of my Father c And to the Goats in his consuming ire He bids Depars into eternall fire Thus our Redeemer and his whole elect The name of Sheepe held euer in respect And the comparison holds reference To profit and to harmelesse innocence For of all beasts that euer were or are None can for goodnesse with a Sheepe compare Indeed for bone and burthen I must grant He 's much inferiour to the Elephant The Dromedarie Camell Horse and Asse For loade and carriage doth a Sheepe surpasse Strong Taurus Eunuch sonne the labouring Oxe The stately Stagge the bobtaild craftie Foxe These and all rauenous beasts of prey must yeeld Vnto the Sheepe the honour of the field An Oxe is the Eunuch sonne of a Bull. I could recount the names of many more The Lyon Vnicorne the Beare and Bore The Wolfe the Tyger the Rhinoscerot The Leopard and a number more I woe But all these greedie Beasts great Ouids pen Doth say are metamorphos'd into men For Beast to Beast afford more conscience can And much lesse cruelty than man to man I le therefore let such Beasts be as they be For feare they Kicke and snap and snarle at me â—â— Vnto the Sheepe againe my Muse doth flye For honest safetie and commoditie He with his flesh and fleece doth feed and clad All Languages and Nations good and bad What can it more but dye that we may liue And euery yeare to vs a liuery giue 'T is such a bountie and the charge so deepe That nothing can afford the like but Sheepe For should the world want Sheepe but 5. whole yere Ten thousand millions would want cloathes to And wer 't not for the flesh of this kind beast weare The world might fast when it doth often feast There 's nothing doth vnto a Sheepe pertaine But'tis for mans commoditie and gaine For men to men so much vntrusty are Tolye to couzen to forsweare and sweare That oathes and passing words and ioyning heads Is like assurance written in the sands To make men keepe their words and mend all this The silly Sheepe skin turn'd to parchment is There 's many a wealthy man whose whole tstate Lyes more in Parchment then in coyne or Plate Indentures Leafes Euidenoes Wills Bonds Contracts Records Obligations Bils With these although the sherpeskin is bat weake It binds men strongly that they dare not breake Bâ—â— if man eates Spiders no. v and then The oyle of Parchment cures him oftagen And what rare stuffes which in the world are fram'd Can be value like to Parchment nam'd The richest cloth of gold that can befound A yard of it was nere worth fiftie pound And I haue seene two foot of Sheepeskin drest Which hath bin worth ten thousand pounds at least A peece of parchment well with Inke Iac'd ouer Helps many a gallant to a Sattin couer Into the Mercer it some Faith doth strike It giues the Silkeman Hope of no dislike The Taylor it with Charitie assailes It thrusts him last betwixt his Bill and Vailes And by these meanes a piece of parchment can Patch vp and make a Gull a Gentleman The Nature of it very strange I finde 'T is much like Physicke it can loose and binde 'T is one mans freedome and anothers noose And like the Pope it doth both binde and loose If the Taylors Bill be out of measure to the Gentleman then be can make a fit measure for him with his owne bond And as the Ram and Ewe doe fructifie And euery yeare a Lambe doth multiply So doth a sheepe-skin Bond make money breed And procreate as seed doth spring from seed â—â— hundred pounds the Ewe which euery yeare Doth breed a ten pound Lambe all charges cleare A Bond is the Ewe the borrower and lender are both Rams and the Interest is the Lambe Thus is a sheepe-skin prou'd the onely Tie And stay whereon a world of men relye Which holds a crew of Earth wormes kin more awe Then both the Tables of the sacred Law Past number I could many functions name Who as 't is parchment liue vpon the fame But 't is sufficient this small homely touch Should all be writ my Booke would swell too much Now for the Ram the Ewe the Lambe and Weather I le touch their skins as they are turn'd to Leather And made in Purses Pouches Laces Strings Gloues Points Book Couers ten thousand things And many Tradesmen line and thriue thereby Which if I would I more could amplifie Their Guts serue Instruments which sweetly found Their Dung is best to make most fruitfull ground Their Hoofes burnt will most venom'd Serpents kill Their grated Hornes are good 'gainst poyson still Their Milke makes Cheese mans hunger to preuent As I haue seen in suffex and in Keut Their Trotters for the healthy or the sicke Drest as they should be are good meat to picke The Cookes and Butchers with the Ioints doe gaine And poore folkes eate the Gather Head and braine And though all wise mens iudgement will allow A Sheepe to be much lesser then a Cow Yet in a Leg of Mutton I can see More meat then in a leg of Beefe can be A liue Sheepe
I am loth to belye any man But if you bee addicted to any of these aforesaid vertues I pray let mee finde it in your fauourable Censure and so I leaue you to laugh â—d lie downe Bee fat LAVGH AND BE FAT Now Monsieur Coriat let them laugh that wins For I assure ye now the game begins â— is wondrous strange how your opinions vary â—â—m iudgement senceâ— or reason so contrary â—at with infamous rash timerity â—m raile at me with such seuerity â—be broad-fac'd lefts that other men put on you â—â—take for fauours well bestow'd vpon you â—sport they giue you many a pleasant cuffe â—â— no mans lines but mine you take in snuffe â—hich makes the ancient Prouerbe be in force â—at some may with more safety steale a horse Then others may looke on for still it falls The weakest alwayes must goe to the walls I need no vse this Etymology My plainer meaning to exemplifie Which doth induce me to expresse the cause That my vntutor'd Pen to writing drawes Be it to all men by these presents knowne That lately to the world was pâ—ainely showne In a huge volume Gogmagoticall In Verse and Prose with speech dogmaticall Thy wondrous Trauels from thy natiue home How Odly out thou went'st and Odly â—ome And how as fitted best thy Workes of worth The rarest Wits thy Booke did vsher forth But I alas to make thy fame more fuller Did lately write a Pamphlet Call'd the Sculler In which as vnto others of my friends I sent to theâ— braue Monsieur kind commends Which thou in double dudgeon tak'st from me And vow'st and swor'st thou wilt reuenged be The cause I heare your fury flameth from I said I was no dunce-combe cox-combe Tom What 's that to you good Sir that you should fume Or rage or chase or thinke I durst presume To speake or write that you are such a one I onely said that I my selfe was none Yet Sir I 'l be a Cocks-combe if so please you If you are ouer-laden Sir I 'l ease you Your store of witlesse wisdome in your budget To giue your friend a little neuer grudge it Nor that from Odcombs towne I first began Nor that I greeke or Latine gabble can I am no Odcombe Tom why what of that Nor nothing but baro English can I chat I pray what wrong is this to you good Sur Your indignation why should this incurre Nor that I thought our Land had spent her store That I need visit Venice for a whore Which if I would I could make neerer proofes And not like you so farre to gall my hoofes I said if such a volume I should make The rarest wits would scorne such paines to take At my returne amidst my skarre-crow totters To runne before me like so many trotters I know my merits neuer will be such That they should deigne to honour me so much I further said I enuied not your state For you had nothing worthy of my hate In loue your innocence I truly pitty Your plentious want of wit seemes wondrous wittie Your vertue cannot breed my hatefull lothing For what an asse were I to hate iust nothing Your vice I bare not neither I protest But loue and laugh and like it like the rest Your vice nor vertue manners nor your forme Can breed in me fell enuies hatefull worme I said it was a lodging most vnfit Within an idle braine to house your wit Here I confesse my fault I cannot hide You were not idle nor well occupide Be 't faire or foule be 't early or be 't late Your simple witlies in your humble pate A King sometimes may in a cottage lye And Lyons rest in swines contagious stye So your rare wit that 's euer at the full Lyes in the cane of your rotundious skull Vntill your wisedomes pleasure send it forth From East to West from South vnto the North With squib-crack lightning empty hogshead thundring To maze the world with terror with wondring I boldly bade you foole it at the Court There 's no place else so fit for your resort But though I bid you foole it you may chuse Though I command yet Sir you may refuse For why I thinke it more then foolish pitty So great a iemme as you should grace the citty Whilst I would foole it on the liquid Thames Still praying for the Maiesty of Iames. Good Sir if this you take in such disgrace To giue you satisfaction take my place And foole it on the Thames whilst I at Court Will try if I like you can make some sport Or rather then for fooleship we will brawle You shall be foole in Court on Thames and all Thus what to you I writ loe here 's the totall And you with angry spleen haue deign'd to note â—â—â— And vow from hell to hale sterne Nemesis To whip me from the bounds of Thamesis Yet when I ope your paper murd'ring booke I see what paines the wisest wits haue tooke To giue you titles supernodicall In orders orderlesse methodicall There doe I see how euery one doth striue In spight of Death to make thee still suruiue No garded gowne-man dead nor yet aliue But they make thee their great superlatiue In the beginning Alphabeticall With figures tropes and words patheticall They all successiuely from A to N Describe thee for the onely man of Men. The frontispice of Master Coriats Booke very â—â—â— nedly descanted vpon by Master Laurence Whitakers and Master Beniamin Ionson Thy Shipping and thy Haddocks friendly feeding Thy Carting in thy Trauels great proceeding Thy riding Stirroplesse thy iadish courser Thy Ambling o'r the Alpes and which is worser After the Purgatory of thy Legges Thy Puncke bepelts thy pate with rotten egges When thou braue man assault'st to boord a Pinace As fits thy state she welcomes thee to Venice Thy running from the mis-beleeuing Iew Because thou thought'st the Iew sought more then â—â—â— For why the Iew with superstition blind Would haue thee leaue what most thou lou'st behind How with a rusticke Boore thou mad'st a fray And manfully broughtst all the blowes away The Turkish Emp'rour or the Persian Sophy Can hardly match thy monumentall Trophy Thy ancient Ierkin and thy aged sloppes From whose warme confines thy retainers drops I stand in feare to doe thy greatnesse wrong For 't is suppos'd thou wast a thousand strong Who all deriu'd from thee their happy breeding And from thy bounty had their clothes feeding Thy lasting shooes thy stockings and thy garters To thy great fame are drawn and hangd in quarters Thy Hat most fitly beautifies thy crest Thy wits great couer couers all the rest The letter K doth shew the brauest fight But wherefore K I 'm sure thou art no Knight Why might not L nor M nor N or O As well as knauish K thy picture show But saucie K I see will haue a place When all the Crosse-row shall endure disgrace Who at the letter K doth truly seeke Shall see thee hemm'd with Latine with
befall the Barne How quickly it the fathers wit could learne So thou nor male nor female art by right But both in one a true Hermaphrodite That man may well be call'd an idle mome That mocks the Cocke because he weares a combe A man to better vse may put his tongue Then flowt an Asse because his eares be long To thee alone in Tropes sophisticall These lines are writ in speeches mysticall The Moones own man that bears the bush of them May rue the time that e'r thy selfe wast borne Thou hast beene whereas he hath neuer beene And seene more sights then Luna's man hath seene Cast lots with him for why I thinke it fit Thou hadst his bush to shrowd thy nat'rall wit T is pitty Calculations of thy birth Should be diuulg'd about this massie earth For out of it each foole would matter pike By Obseruation to beget thy like Incipit Robertus Taxley Now Mounsieur Coriat enuy not the Sculler Here 's one would haue thy coat of many a culler And as befits thy person he thinks best Thou had'st a cap and Cocks-combe for thy crest And 'cause a traueller may boldly lye A whetstone Embleme-wise must hang thereby And at the last he ends in pleasant sort And saies Thy booke and thee were made for sport Incipit Iohannes Strangwaies This Gentleman thy trauels doth aduance Aboue Kemps Norwich anticke Morris-dance And hauing grac'd thy fame with praises meet Talkes of thy shooes and of thy galled feet And how thou thought'st the Iewes were too too cruel And ranst away from them to saue thy iewel Thy heeles there help'd thee nimbly in thy flight Since which thy hands haue done much more to wright Incipit Gulielmus Clauel Here 's one whose Muse was couiur'd from her sleep And being rapt with admiration deepe Thy booke he titles Gogmogog the huge Thy shield of safety and thy wits refuge Iohannes Scorie Here 's one that mounts thy same beneath the sky And makes thee famous for Cosmography He saies but sure he either iests or flouts Thou drew'st a Map when first thou pist thy clouts And how it was allotted thee by fate As soone as thou wast borne to talke and prate For as a candle 's stuft with cotton weeke So thou art cramm'd vp to the brim with Greeke As Asia and to Affricke prethee goe Let them like Europe thy rare vertues know And make thy Booke thy Buckler 'gainst all euill Whose grim aspect will terrifie the diuell Iohannes Donne Another here thy lâ—ooke doth much commend That none can studie it to any end Without or head or foot or top or taile Yet like a sauage monster dares assaile The front of sadnesse who with anticke grinning Applauds thee without ending or beginning Great Lunaticke I thinke thou'lt ne'r be full Vntill the world cannot containe thy skull And like a foot-ball cram the vaulty skies Because earth aire nor sea cannot suffice The greatnesse of thy Fame thy booke and thee All three in one and one compact of three Yet here 's a Prophecie concernes thee much Which doth thy booke and thee too neerely tutch Both gulls and gallants thy poore brat bereaues And from thy booke shall rend both lims leaues To wrap vp pepper ginger cloues and mace And drie Tobacco in each skuruie place To fold vp drugs and pilles for Physicks vse And serue for each Mechanicall abuse But I not minding with thy state to slatter Thinke 't will be vs'd in many a priuie matter Thou o'r thy wit dost keepe such carefull watch That from thee one can hardly any catch And sooth to say his conscience is but little Which in his wants would seeke to rob the Spittle Thy wits exchequer hath bin ouer-kinde That much I feare there 's little left behinde But thou braue man bidst freely farewell it We 'll raise Fifteenes and Subsidies of wit Shall fill thy seruiceable pate againe Whose poÌ„drous waight shal tire thy bearing brain Then seare not man but spend it whilst thou hast it To doe thy Countrey seruice 't is not wasted This Author saies thy book o'r-throwes him quite And therefore bids both it and thee good night The greatnesse of it puts him in such feares That he 'll reade neither all nor none he sweares Richardus Martin This friend of thine thy wisedome cannot mocke Yet he intitles thee an Od comb'd cocke 'T had bin all one if at thy comming home He had but plac'd the cocke before the combe To make thy name more learnedly appeare He calls thee here an Od comb'd Chanticleere I knew not who this should bee but it is the next English to Mr. Laurence Whitakers Out-landish Now here 's another like a true Attourney Pleades very wisely and applauds thy iourney And faies thy trauels thou didst so decipher As well the world may see thou art no cipher And how thy booke so liuely out doth show thee That whosoe'r doth see 't must truly know thee Hugo Holland This man doth praise thy totterd ragged shirt Thy shooes and shanks at all he hath a flirst And like a patient bearing Asse he saies Thou bear'st thy load through faire foulest waies And for in carriage thou didst proue so able At night thou laist with Iades within a stable Thou wast not onely in thy pace an asse But thou all other asses didst surpasse All beasts in knowledge were to thee but weake For thou the tongue of Balaamâ— asse didst speake But much I feare thy booke in print will staine Because thou art not di'da â—â—â— in graine The Preamble to the Paralel and the Epilogue Againe this Author thinkes it no great slander To say thou fitly maist be call'd a Gander Braue trotting traueller thy fame he hisses And makes thy wit inferiour to Vlisses And if he laugh not at thee much he feares In angry spleene thou 'lt haue him by the cares Therefore hee 'l laugh at thee and so will I. In hope to scape thy furious rage thereby Next in the ancient famous Cambrian tongue To call thee noddy he accounts no wrong T' interpret this I need to goe to Schoole I wot not what he meanes except a â—â—â— Robertus Riccomontanus A large relation this thy friend did write Describing thee a monstrous man of might And bids thee venter such another taske And at thy backe returne hee 'll haue a caske Much bigger then the Heidelbergian bumbard To keepe thy works that neuer can be numberd Christopherus Brooke Eboraconsit This Gentleman in some vnmeasur'd measure Compares thee vnto Homer and to Caesar. Old Homers Iliads are but idle tales Waigh'd with thy works thy booke will turne the cales And like great Caesar he doth thee commend For thou like him hast all thy trauels penn'd But yet me thinks he playes the merry foxe And in thy praises writes a Paradoxe Iohannes Hoskins Cabalisticall or Horse verse Hold holla holla weehee stand I say Here 's one with horse-verse doth thy praise dissplay Without all sence or
reason forme or hue He kicks and stings and winces thee thy due He maketh shift in speeches mysticall To write strange verses Cabalisticall Much like thy booke and thee in wit and shape Whilst I in imitation am his Ape Mount Maluora swimming on a big-limb'd guat And Titan tilting with a flaming Swanne Great Atlas flying on a winged Sprat Arm'd with the Hemispheares huge warming pan Or like the triple Vrchins of the Ash That lie and she through Morpheus sweet-fac'd doore Doth drowne the starres with a Poledauies flash And make the smooth-heel'd ambling rocks to roâ—â— Euen so this tall Colombrum Pigmy steeple That bores the Butterflie aboue the spheare Puls AEolus taile and Neptunes mountaines tippleâ— Whilst Coloquintida his fame shall reare Loe thus my Muse in stumbling iadish verse On horse-backe and on foot thy praise rehearse Pricksong Here 's one harmoniously thy same doth raise With Pricksong verse to giue thee prick praise But prick nor spur can make thee mend thy troâ— For thou by nature art nor cold nor hot But a meere nat'rall neutrall amongst men Arm'd like the bristles of a Porcupen If French or Venice Puncks had fir'd or scald thee This man had neuer raw-bon'd Coriat call'd thee Thou that so many Climats hotly coasted I wonder much thou wast not boild nor rosted Yet euery man that earst thy carkasse saw Are much in doubt if thou bee'st roast or raw Iohannes Pawlet de George Henton Now here 's another in thy praises ran And would intitle thee the great god Pan. No warming pan thou art I plainely see No fire-pan nor no frying-pan canst thou be Thou art no creame-pan neither worthy man Although thy wits lie in thy heads braine-pan Lionel Cranfield This Gentleman thy wondrous trauels rips And nothing that may honour thee he skips Thy yron memory thy booke did write I prethee keepe a wench to keepe it bright For cankerd rust I know will yron fret And make thee wit and memory forget Left rust therefore thy memory should deuoure I 'd haue thee hire a Tinker it to scowre Iohannes Sutclin Now here 's a friend doth to thy fame confesse Thy wit were greater if thy worke were lesse He from thy labour treats thee to giue o're And then thy case and wit will be much more Lo thus thy small wit and thy labour great He summons to a peaceable retreat Inigo Iones What liuing wight can in thy praise be dum Thou crowing Cock that didst from Odcom com This Gentleman amongst the rest doth flocke To sing thy fame thou famous Odcomb'd cocke And learnedly to doe thee greater grace Relates how thou canst scrue thy veriuyce face He wishes him that scornes thy booke to read It at the sessions house he chance to plead That he may want his booke although he craue But yet thy booke will sooner hang then saue So many gallowses are in thy booke Which none can read without a hanging looke Georgius Siddenham Now here 's a Substantiue stands by himselfe And makes thee famous for an anticke else But yet me thinkes he giues thee but a frumpe In telling how thou kist a wenches rumpe To spoile her ruffe I thinke thou stood'st in fearâ— That was the cause that made thee kisse her there Robertus Halswell Thy praise and worth this man accounts not small But ' thad bin greater writing not at all Thy booke he calls Dame Admirations brother I thinke the world vnworthy such another Thy booke can make men merry that are sad ' But such another sure will make men mad Iohannes Gifford This friend amongst the rest takes little paine To laud the issue of thy teeming braine And to applaud thee with his best endeauor He begs his wits to helpe him now or neuer He bids graue Munster reuerence thy renowne And lay his pen aside and combe thy crowne He praises thee as though he meant to split all And saies thou art all wit but yet no witall Except thy head which like a skonce or fort Is barracado'd strong left wits resort Within thy braines should rayse an insurrection And so captiue thy head to wits subiection Robertus Corbet The luggage of thy wit thy Booke he tearmes The bagge and baggage of thy legs and armes That neuer can be vnderstood by none But onely such as are like thee alone Iohannes Donnes This Gentleman commends thy Trauels much Because like thee was neuer any such Decembers thunder nor hot Iulies snow Are nothing like the wonders thou dost show Iohannes Chapman Here 's one in kindnesse learnedly compacts Thy naturall iests and thy all naturall acts And craues the Reader would some pity take To buy thy booke euen for his owne deare sake For of thy trauels and thy great designes There 's little matter writ in many lines Thou in much writing tak'st such great delight That if men read thou car'st not what thou write This man could well afford to praise thee more But that hee 's loth to haue thee on his score For he no longer will thy praise pursue Lest he should pay thee more then is his due Iohannes Owen This Author to thy fame in friendship saies How ancient Writers pend the Asses praise And wishes some of them aliue agen That they alone might thy high praises pen. Petrus Alley Now here 's a friend that lowd thy glory rings With Cannons Sakers Culuerings and Slings Guns drums and phifes and the thrill clang'rous truÌ„pet Applauds thy courting the Venetian struÌ„pet Samuel Page This Gentleman accounts it no great wrong Amidst thy praise to say thy cares be long His meaning my construction much surpasses I wet not what he meanes except an â—â—â— Thomas Momford Here 's a strange riddle puts me much in doubt Thy head 's within thy wit thy wit 's without 'T were good some friend of thine would take the paines To put thy wit i' the inside of thy braines For pitty doe not turne it out of dore Thy head will hold it if'twere ten times more Thomas Bastard This Gentleman aduiseth thee take heed Lest on thy praise too greedily thou feed But though too much a surfet breed he saies Yet thou shalt surfet but not die of praise Guilielmus Baker Here 's one by no meanes at thy same can winke And saies how most men say thou pissest inke If it be true I 'de giue my guilded raper That to thy inke thou couldst sir-reuerence paper Thy gaines would be much more thy charges lesse When any workes of thine come to the Presse 'T were good thy eares were par'd from off thy head 'T would stand Cosmographers in wondrous stead To make a Globe to serue this massie earth To be a mappe of laughter aud of mirth All new-found sustian phrases thou do'st sup And ' gainst a dearth of words dost hoard them vp Yet where thou com'st thou spendst thy prating pelse Thogh no man vnderstand thee nor thy selfe Thou art a iewell to be hang'd most fit In eares whose heads are nothing
which more is Did moue my Muse to write Laudem Authoris If for his Land Discoueries * I touch not his Trauailes to Scotland Iermany or Bohemis or the Paper Boat she should praise him Whether would then his liquid knowledge raise him Read his two Treatises of Theefe and Whore You 'l thinke it time for him to leaue his Oare Yet thus much of his worth I cannot smother 'T is well for vs when Theeues peach one another This Preface is but poore 't is by a Boy done That is a Scholler of the Schoole of Cloydon Who when he hath more yeeres and learning got Hee 'l praise him more or lesse or not a ist Giuen vpon Shroue Tuesday from our seate in the second Forme of the famous free Schoole of Croydon By RICHARD HATTON WHen a fresh Waterman doth turn Saltpict His Muse must prattle all the world â—â—â— know it Of Whores and Theeues he writes two merry Bâ—â—â—â—â— He loues them both I know it by his lookes Alas I wrong him blame my Muse not we She neuer spake before and rude may be Giuen from the lowe estatedâ—â— the fift Forme neere to the Schoole doore at Croydon beforesaid By GEORGE HATTON TO THE HOPEFVLL PAIRE OF BRETHREN AND MY WORTHY PATRONES Master RICHARD and GEORGE HATTON Loue Learning and true Happinesse Your Muses th' one a Youth and one an Infant Gaue me two Panegericks at one Instant The first Pen the first line it pleas'd to walke in Did make my * This Gentleman was pleased Anagrammatically to call me Water Rat or water Art which I doe Anagrammatiae Water-rat to bee A true Art Art a Rat and like Grimalkin Or a kinde needfull Vermin-coursing Cat. By Art I play but will not care your Rat. I thanke you that you did so soone determine To Anagram my Art into a Vermine For which I vow if e're you keeps a Dayrie Of now and then a Cheese I will impaire yee Kinde M r. George your Muse must be exalted My Poetry you very well haue salted Salt keeps things sweet makes them rellish sau'ry And you haue powdred well my honest â—na â—â— I thanke you to nor will I be ingratefull Whilest Rime or Reason deignes to fill my pare full You truly say that I loue Whores and Thieues well And half your speech I think the world belieus wel For should I hate a Thiefe Thieues are so commos I well could neither loue my selfe or no man But for Whores loue my purse would neuer hold oâ— They 'l Cheat and picke the Siluer and the Gold oâ— You both haue grac'd my Thiefe he hath confessed You like two Shrieues conuay'd him to be Prised In mirth you write to me on small Requesting For which I thanke you both in harmlesse Iesting And may your Studies to such goodnesse raise you That God may euer loue and good men praise you Yours when you will where you will in what you will as you will with your will against your will at this time at any time at all time or sometimes in pastimes IOHN TAYLOR To any Reader Hee or Shee It makes no matter what they bee WHen you open this first leafe imagine you are come within the doore of my house where according as you behaue your selues you are courteously welcome or you may lay downe the Booke and got the same way you came the flattering of Readers or begging their acceptance is an argument that the ware is scarce good which the Author meanes to vtter or that it is a Cheape yeere of wit and his lyes vpon his hands which makes him pittifuly like Suppliant to begin Honorably Complaineth to your Humblenes 't is but mistaken the first should be last Some men haue demanded of me why I doe write vpon such slight subiects as the Praise of Hempseed The Trauailes of Twelue-pence Taylors â—â—oose The Antiquity of Begging A Cormorant A Common Whore And now an an arrant Thiefe To whom I answer here that many Graue and excellent Writers haue imployed their Studies to good purposes in as triuiall matters as my selfe and I am assured that the meaner the subiect is the better the Inuention must bee for as Tom Nash â—â—id euery Foole can fetch Water out of the Sea or picke Corne out of full Sheaues but to â—â—ing Oyle out of Flint or make a plentifull Haruest with little or no Seed that 's the Workâ—an but that 's not I. And Gentlemen as I lately sent you a Whore that was honest so haue now sent you a Thiefe that will neuer Rob you nor picke your Pockets of more then you are willing to part withall Yours at all good times IOHN TAYLOR A THIEFE Lately to the world did send a a A Booke I writ called a whore whore And she was welcom though she was but poore And being so it did most strange appeare That pouerty found any welcome here But when I saw that many Rich men sought My whore with their coyne her freedome bought I mus'd but as the cause I out did ferrit I found some Rich in Purse some poore in merit Some earned Schollers some that scarce could spell Yet all did loue an honest whore right well T was onely such as those that entertain'd her Whilest scornfull Kuaues witlesse Fooles disdain'd her Now to defend her harmelesse Innocence I send this Thiefe to be her Iust defence Against all true-men and I 'l vndertake There are not many that dare answer make Then rowze my Muse be valiant and be briefe Be confident my true and constant Thiefe Thy trade is scartred vniuersally Throughout the spacious worlds Rotundity For all estates and functions great and small Are for the most part Thieues in generall Excepting Millers Weauers Taylers and Such true trades as no stealing vnderstand Thou art a Thiefe my Booke and being so Thou findst thy fellowes wheresoeu'r thou goe Birds of a feather still will hold together And all the world with thee are of a feather The ods is thou art a Thiefe by nomination And most of men are Thieues in their vocation Thou neither dost cog cheat steale sweare orlye Or gather'st goods by false dishonesty And thou shalt liue when many of the Crue Shall in a Halter bid the world Adue And now a thought into my minde doth fall To proue whence Thieues haue their originall I finde that Iupiter did watonly On Maya get a sonne call'd Mercury To whom the people oft did â—acrifice Accounting him the God of Merchandize Of Eloquence and rare inuention sharpe And that he first of all deuis'd the Harpe The God of Tumbless Iuglers fooles and Iesters Of Thieues and fidlers that the earth bepesters Faire Venus was his Sister and I finde He was to her so much vnkindely kinde That hee on her beg at Her 〈…〉 As Ouid very wittily doth write His wings on head and heeles true Emblems bee How quick he can inuent how quickly flee By him are Thieues inspirde and from his gift They plot
his other sinnes he play the Thiefe And steale mens goods they all will sentence giue He must be hang'd he is vnsit to liue In the Low Countryes if a wretch doe steale But bread or meat to feed himselfe a meale They will vnmercifully beat and clowt him Hale pull and teare spurne kicke flowt him But if a Drunkard be vnpledg'd a Kan Drawes out his knife and basely stabs a man To runne away the Rascall shall haue scope None holds him but all cry * Run Thiefe Run Lope Scellum Lope Thus there 's a close conniuence for all vice Except for Theft and that 's a hanging price One man 's addicted to blaspheme and sweare A second to carowse and domineore A third to whoring and a fourth to fight And kill and slay a fist man to backbite A sixt and seuenth with this or that crime caught And all in generall much worse then naught And amongst all these sianers generall The Thiefe must winne the halter from them all When if the matter should examin'd be They doe deserue it all as much as he Nor yet is Thieuery any vpstart sinne But it of long antiquity hath bin And by this trade great men haue not disdain'd To winne renowne and haue their states maintain'd Grest Alexanders conquests what were they But taking others goods and lands away In manners I must call it Martiall dealing But truth will terme it rob'ry and flat stealing For vnto all the world it is well knowne That he by force tooke what was not his owne Some Writers are with Tamberlaine so briefe To stile him with the name of Seythian Thiefe * Plutarâ—b Licurgus lou'd and granted gifts beside To Thieues that could steale and escape vnspide But if they taken with the manne were They must restore and buy the bargaine deere Thieues were at all times euer to be had Examples by the good Thiefe and the bad And England still hath bin a fruitfull Land Of valiant Thieues that durst bid true men stand One Bellin Dun a Hen. I. a famous Thiefe surniu'd From whom the cowne of Dunstable's deriu'd And Robin Hood b Rich. 2. with little Iohn agreed To rob the rich men and the poore to feede c Edw. 3. The Priests had here such small meanes for their liuing That many of them were enforc'd to Thieuing Once the fist Henry could rob ex'lent well When he was Prince of Wales as Storeis tell Then Fryer Tucke a tall stout Thiefe indeed Could better rob and steale then preach or read Sir Gosselin Deinuill d Edw. 2. with 200. more In Fryers weedes rob'd and were hang'd therefore Thus I in Stories and by proofe doe finde That stealing's very old time out of minde E't I was borne it through the world was spred And will be when I from the world am dead But leauing thus my Muse in hand hath tooke To shew which way a Thiefe is like a Booke A Comparison betweene a Thiefe and a Booke COmparisons are odious as some say But my comparisons are so no way I in the Pamphlet which I wrote before Compar'd a Booke most fitly to a Whore And now as fitly my poore muse alludes A Thiefe t' a Booke in apt similitudes A good Booke steales the mind from vaine pretences From wicked cogitations and offences It makes vs know the worlds deceiuing pleasures And set our hearts on neuer ending treasures So when Thieues steale our Cattle Coyne or Ware It makes vs see how mutable they are Puts vs in mind that wee should put our trust Where Fellon cannot steale or Canker rust Bad Bookes through eyes and eares doe breake and enter And takes possession of the hearts fraile Center Infecting all the little Kingdome Man With all the poys'nous mischiefe that they can Till they hape rob'd and ransack'd him of all Those things which men may iustly goodnesse call Robs him of vertue and of heau'nly grace And leaues him begger'd in a wretched case So of our earthly goods Thieues steale the best And richest iewels and leaue vs the rest Men know not Thieues from true men by their looks Nor by their outsides no man can know Bookes Both are to be suspected all can tell And wisemen e'r they trust will try them well A Booke may haue a title good and faire Though in it one may finde small goodnesse there And so a Thiefe whose actions are most vile Steales good opinion and a true mans stile Some Bookes prophane the Sacred text abuse With common Thieues it is a common vse Some Bookes are full of lyes and Thieues are so One hardly can beleeue their yea or no. Some Bookes are scurrilous and too obsceane And he 's no right Thiefe that loues not a Queane Some Book 's not worth the reading for their fruits Some Thieues not worth the hanging for their suits Some Bookes are briefe and in few words declare Compendious matter and acutenesse rare And so some Thieues will breake into a house Or cut a purse whilest one can cracke a Louse Some Bookes are arrogant and impudent So are most Thieues in Christendome and Kent Some Bookes are plaine and simple and some Thieues Are simply hang'd whilest others get reprieues Some Books like foolish Thieues their faults are spide Some Thieues like witty Bookes their faults can hide Some Bookes are quaint and quicke in their conceits Some Thieues are actiue nimble in their sleights Some Bookes with idle stuffe the Author fills Some Thieues will still be idle by their wills Some Bookes haue neither reason law or sense No more haue any Thieues for their offence A Booke 's but one when first it comes to th'Presse It may increase to numbers numberlesse And so one Thiefe perhaps may make threescore And that threescore may make ten thousand more Thus from one Thiefe Thieues may at last amount Like Bookes from one Booke past all mens account And as with industry and art and skill One Thiefe doth daly rob another still So one Booke from another in this age Steales many a line a sentence or a page Thus amongst Bookes good fellowship I finde All things are common Thieues beare no such mind And for this Thieuing Bookes with hue and cry Are sought as Thieues are for their Fellony As Thieues are chasde and sent from place to place So Bookes are alwaies in continuall chase As Bookes are strongly boss'd and clasp'd bound So Thieues are manacled when they are found As Thieues are oft examin'd for their crimes So Bookes are vsde and haue bin at all times As Thieues haue oft at their arraignment stood So Bookes are tryde if they be bad or good As Iuries and Graund Iuries with much strife Giue vp for Thieues a Verdict death or life So as mens fancies euidence doe giue The shame or fame of Bookes to dye or liue And as the veriest Thiefe may haue some friend So the worst Bookes some Knaue will still defend As Thieues their condemnation must abide Bookes are
Fisting hound all these are for pleasure by which wee may perceiue that Man is allowed lawfull and honest recreation or else these Dogges had neuer bin made for such vses But many pretty ridiculous aspersions are cast vpon Dogges so that it would make a Dogge laugh to heare and vnderstand them As I haue heard a Man say I am as hot as a Dogge or as cold as a Dogge I sweat like a Dogge when indeed a Dog neuer sweates as drunke as a Dogge hee swore like a Dogge and one told a Man once That his Wife was not to be beleeu'd for shee would lye like a Dogge marry quoth the other I would giue twelue pence to see that trick for I haue seene a Dogge to lye with his Nose in his Tayle FINIS The VVorld runnes on wheeles OR Oddes betwixt Carts and Coaches The meaning of the Embleme THe Diuell the Flesh the World doth Man oppose And are his mighty and his mortall foes The Diuell and the whorish Flesh drawes still The World on wheeles runnes after with good will For that which we the World may iustly call I meane the lower Globe Terrestriall Is as the Diuell and a Whore doth please Drawne here and there and euerie where with ease Those that their Liues to vertue here doe frame Are in the World but yet not of the same Some such there are whom neither Flesh or Diuell Can wilfully drawe on to any euill But for the World as 't is the World you see Itâ—â—â— on wheeles and who the Palfreys be Which Embleme to the Reader doth display The Diuell and Flesh runne swift away The Chain'd ensnared World doth follow fast Till All into Perditions pit be cast The Picture topsie-turuie stands hâ—wwaw The World turn'd vpside downe as all men know TO The Noble Company of Cordwainers the worshipfull Company of Sadlers and Woodmongers To the worthy honest and laudable Company of Watermen And to the Sacred Societie of Hackney-men And finally to as many as are grieued and vniustly impouerished and molested with the Worlds running on Wheeles GEntlemen and Yeomen maruell not that I write this Pamphlet in Prose now hauing beforetimes set forth so many Bookes in Verse The first reason that moued me to write thus was because I was Lame and durst not write Verses for seare they should be infected with my Griefe and be lame too The Second Reason is because that I finde no good rime for a Coach but Broach Roach Encroach or such like And you know that the Coach hath ouer-throwne the good vse of the Broach and Broach-turner turning the one to Rackes and the other to Iackes quite through the Kingdome The Roach is a dry bish much like the vnprofitable profit of a Coach it will cost more the dressing and appurtenances then t is worth For the word Encroach I thinke that best befits it for I think neuer such an impudent proud saâ—cie Intruder or Encroacher came into the world as a Coach is for it hath driuen many honest Families out of their Houses many Knights to Beggers Corporations to pouerty Almesdâ—sdâ—s â—â—â— to all misdeedes Hospitality to extortion Plenty to famine Humility to pride Compassion to oppression and all Earthly goodnes almost to an vtter confusion These haue beene the causes why I writ this Booke in Prose and Dedicated it to all your good Companies knowing that you haue borne a heauie share in the Calamitie which these hyred Hackney bell-Carts haue put this Common-wealth vnto For in all my whole Discourse I doe not enueigh against any Coaches that belong to persons of worth or qualitie but onely against the Carter piller swarme of hyrelings they haue vndone my poore Trade whereof I am in Member and though I look for no reformation yet I expect the benefit of an old prouerbe Giue the losers leaue to speake I haue imbroadered it with mirth Quilted it with materiall stuffe Lac'd it with similitudes Sowed it with comparisons and in a word so plaid the Taylor with it that I think it will fit the wearing of any honest mans Reading attention and liking But howsoeuer I leaue both it and my selfe to remaine Yours as you are mine Iohn Taylor The VVorld runnes on VVheeles WHat a Murraine what piece of worke haue we here The World runs a wheeles On my Conscience my Dungcart will be most vnsauorly offended with it I haue heard the words often The World runs on Wheeles what like Pompeies Bridg at Ostend The great Gridyron in Christ-church The Landskips of China or the new found Instrument that goes by winding vp like a Iacke that a Gentleman entreated a Musitian to Rost him Seliengers Round vpon it Ha! how can you make this good Master Poet I haue heard that the World stands stock still and neuer stirres but at an Earth-quake and then it trembles at the wickednes of the Inhabitants and like an old Mother groanes vnder the misery of her vngracious Children well I will buy this volume of inuention for my Boyes to reade at home in an Euening when they come from Schoole there may be some goodnes in it I promise you truly I haue found in some of these Books very shrewd Items yea and by your leaue somewhat is found in them now and then which the wisest of vs all may be the better for though you call them Pamphlets to tell you true I like em better that are plaine and merrily written to a good intent then those who are purposely stuffed and studyed to deceiue the world and vndo Country That tells vs of Proiects beyond the Moone of Golden Mines of Deuices to make the Thames run on the North side of London which may very easily be done by remouing London to the Banke-side of planting the I le of Dogs with Whiblins Corwhichets Mushromes and Tobacco Tut I like none of these Let mee see as I take it it is an inuectiue against Coaches or a proofe or tryall of the Antiquitie of Carts and Coaches T is so and Gods blessing light on his hart that wrote it for I thinke neuer since Pheton brake his necke neuer Land hath endured more trouble and molestation then this hath by the continuall rumbling of these vpstart 4. wheel'd Toâ—toyses as you may perhaps find anone For as concerning the Antiquity of the Cart I thinke it beyond the limmits of Record or writing Besides it hath a Reference or allusion to the Motion of the Heauens which turnes vpon the Equinoctiall Axeltree the two wheeles being the Articke and Antarticke Poles Moreouer though it be poetically feined that the Sunne whom I could haue called Phoebus Tytan Apollo Sok or Hiperion is drawn by his foure hoâ— and headstrong Horses whose names as I take it are AEolus AEthon Phlegon and Pyrois Yet doe I not finde that Triumphant Refulgent extinguisher of darknes is Coach'd but that hee is continully carted through the twelue signes of the Zodiaque And of Copernicus his opinion were to bee allowed that the Firmament with the
Boores who weare white Linnen breeches as close as lrish iouzeâ— but so long that they are turned vp at the shooe in a role like a Maides sleeues at the hand but what these fellowes want in the bignesse of their Hose they haue in Dublets for their sleeues are as big as Breeches and the bodies great enough to hold a Kinderkin of beere and a barrell of Butter The Country is very full of Woods and especially Oakes which they very seldome cut down because of the Mast for their Swine which liue there in great abundance If any man bee slaine or murthered in the way they vse to set vp a wooden Crosse in the place for a memoriall of the bloudie fact committed there and there were many of those woodden Crosses in the way as I trauailed They seldome haue any Robbery committed amongst them but there is a murther with it for their vnmannerly manner is to knocke out a mans braines first or else to lurke behind a Tree and shoot a man with a peece or a Pistol and so make sure worke with the passenger and then search his pockets It is as dangerous to steale or killan Hare in some places there as it is to rob a Church or kill a man in England and yet a two penny matter will discharge the offender for the best and the worst is but an Halter and I was enformed that an English Marchant not knowing the danger as he was riding on the way hauing a peece charged in his hand as it is an ordinary weapon to trauaile with there by chance he espyed an hare and shot at her and killed her but hee was apprehended for it and it was like to haue ecst him his life but before he got out of the trouble he was faine to vse his best friends and meanes and pleading ignorance for his innocency at last with the losse of a great deale of liberty and five hundred pound in money he was discharged The reason of this strict course is because all the Hares in the Country doe belong to one Lord or other and being in aboundance they are killed by the owners appointment and carried to the markets by Cart-loads and sold fot the vse of the honourable owners And no Boore or Tenant that dwels in those parts where those Hares are plenty must Keepe a Dogge except hee pay fiue shillings a yeere to the Lord or else one of his fore feet must be cut off that hee may not hunt Hares A Man is in almost as high proportion to be a â—naue in England as a Knight in Germany for there a Gentleman is called a Youngcur and a Knight is but a Youngcurts man so that you shall have a scuruy Squire command a Knight to hold his stirrop plucke off his boots or any other vnknightly peece of seruice and verily I thinke there are an 100. seuerall Princes Earles Byshops and other Estates that doe euery one keepe a mint and in their owne names stampe Money Gold Siluer and Brasse and amongst 23. two pences which I had of their brasse money which they call Grushes I had 13. seuerall coynes Many more such worthic inâ—unctions and honourable ordinances I obserued which are hardly worth pen and inke the describing and therefore I omit them and draw toward an end for on the Wednesday morning I was at an anchor at Stoad and on the Friday night following I was by Gods gracious assistance Landed at London So that in three weekes and three dayes I sayled from England to Hamburgh and backe againe staying in the Countrey 17 dayes and trauailed 200. miles by Land there gathering like a busie Bee all these honied obseruations some by sight some by hearing some by both some by neither and some by bare supposition FINIS TAYLORS TRAVELS TO PRAGVE IN BOHEMIA Reader take this in your way A Pamphlet Reader from the Presse is hurld That hath not many fellowes in the world The manner 's common though the matter 's shallow And 't is all true which makes it want a fellow ANd because I would not haue you either guld of your mony or deceiued in expectatioÌ„ I pray you take notice of my plaine dealing for I haue not giuen my book a swelling bumbasted title or a promising inside of newes therfore if you look for any such matter from hence take this warning hold fast your mony and lay the booke downe yet if you do buy it I dare presume you shall find somwhat in it worth part of your mony the â—roth is that I did chiefly write it because I am of much acquaintance and cannot passe the streets but I am continually stayed by one or other to know what newes so that sometimes I am foure houres before I can goe the length of two paire of Buts where such non-sence or sencelesse questions are propounded to me that cals many seeming wise mens wisedomes in question drawing aside the curtaines of their vnderstanding and laying their ignorance wide open First Iohn Easie takes me and holds me fast by the fift halfe an houre and will needs torture some newes out of me from Spinola whom I was neuer neere by 500 miles for he is in the Phllatinate Country and I was in Bohemia I am no sooner eased of him but Gregory Gandergoose an Alderman of Gotham catches me by the goll demanding if Bohemia be a great Towne and whether there bee any meate in it and whether the last fleet of ships be arriued there his mouth being stop'd a third examines me boldly what newes from Vienna where the Emperours Army is what the Duke of Bauaria doth what is become of Count Buquoy how sares all the Englishmen Where lyes the King of Bohemiaes forces what Bethlem Gabor doth what tydings of Dampeier and such a tempest of inquisition that it almost shakes my patience in peeces To ease my selfe of all which I was inforced to set pen to paper and let this poore Pamphlet my harald or nuntius trauaile and talke whilst I take my ease with silence Thus much I dare affirme that whosoever he or they bee that doe scatter any scandalous speeches against the plenty in Bohemia of all manner of needfull things for the sustenance of man and beasts of the which there is more abundance then euer I saw in any place else or whatsoeuer they be that report any ill successe on the Kings party this little booke and I the Author doth proclaime and proue them false Lyers and they are to be suspected for coyning such falshoods as no well willers to the Bohemian prosperity One thing I must intreat the Readers patience in reading one hundred lines wherein I haue kept a filthy stirre about a beastly fellow who was at my going from England a peece of a Graues end Constable at which time he did me such wrong as might haue drawne my life in question for he falsly said that I would haue fired their Towne I did promise him a ierke or two of my pen
loue thee hee is either a foole or a mad man indeed our first father was too diffident towards God and too credulous toward Thee our first mother was a lyar and our first brother was a murtherer this is the sweet kindred wee came of yet thou Obewitching world doest puffe vs vp with pomp making vs forget our originall and esteeme our selues Demie-gods when we are farre lesse then men there is a more resemblance of immortalitie in a suite in Law then in the life of a man and we are so credulous that when the whoremaster is called honest man the Knaue will belieue himselfe to be so Truth is and euer hath beene dangrous to be spoken It cost Iohn Baptist his head and Clytus his life World I haue two requests to thee which if thou grant mee I will neuer thanke thee the first is good cloathes for those beare a monstrous sway because I haue occasion to speake with great men and without good cloathes like a golden sheath to a leaden blade there is no admittance Secondly that thou wilt keepe close from my Readers all preiudicate opinions or let them be perswaded that this following Booke is not of my writing for oppinion doth worke much in such cases There were Verses once much esteemed for their goodnesse because it was thought that a learned Italian Poet named Sanazarus made them but afterward being found to bee of a poore mans writing they lost their estimation An Anthem was once sung before the Dutchesse of Vrbin and but slightly regarded but after beeing knowne that Iaquin de pris made it it was extolled So for my poore inuentions of my poorer selfe were it namelesse I am perswaded that it would passe more blamelesse howsoeuer world to thee I send it I know thou hast many humours and qualities and I hope to finde some of the best of them resoluing to take my lot as it fals with patience fortitude and as many vertues as I haue and more too knowing my selfe for two conditions to haue no fellow first in beeing a Sculler secondly a VVater-Poet of the last of which there is and shall bee no more I hope And knowing further that the way to immortalitie is euer to remember mortalitie and that death hath more manners then an Ague for death will bee a mans guest but once which when hee comes I wish all men readie to bid him welcome So world in plaine termes I tell you there is no trust in you yet I like a foole put you in trùst with my Booke the reason is I am wearie of you and it and take leaue to leaue you IOHN TAYLOR Errata or Faults to the Reader FAults but not faults escap'd I would they were If they were faults escap'd they were not here But heere they are in many a page and line Men may perceiue the Printers faults or mine And since my faults are heere in prison fast And on record in print are like to last Since the Correcters let them passe the Presse And my occasions mix'd with sicknesses And that foure Printers dwelling farre asunder Did print this booke pray make the faults no wonder I will confesse my faults are â—cap'd indeed If they escape mens Censure when they read No Garden is so cleare but weedes are in 't All is not Gold that 's coined in the Mint The Rose hath prickles and the spots of sinne Oft takes the fairest features for their Inne Below the Moone no full perfection is And alwaies some of vs are all amisse Then in your reading mend each mis-plac'd letter And by your iudgement make bad words â—ound better Where you may hurt heale where you can affect There helpe and cure or else be not too strict Looke through your fingers wink conniue at mee And as you meet with faults see and not see Thus must my faults escape or escape neuer For which good Readers I am yours for euer IOHN TAYLOR In laudem Authoris THou hast no learning yet with learned skill Thou dost write well although thy meanes be ill And if I could I would thy merits raise And crowne thy temples with immortall Bayes Thine in the best of friendship ABRAHAM VIELL TAYLORS VRANIA To the Vnderstander SEe here the Pride and Knowledge of a Sayler His Sprit-saile Fore-saile Main-saile his Mizzâ—â— A poore fraile man God wot I know none frailer I know for Sinners Christ is dead and rizen I know no greater â—inner then Iohn Taylor Of all his Death did Ransome out of Prizzen And therefore here 's my Pride if it be Pride To know Christ and to know him Crucifide 1 ETernall God which in thine armes do'st Graspe All past all present and all future things And in ineuitable doome dost claspe The liues and deaths of all that dyes and springs And at the doomefull day will once vnhaspe Th' accusing booke of Subiects and of Kings In whom though ending nor beginning be Let me O Lord beginne and end in thee 2 All cogitations vaine from me remooue And cleanse my earthly and polluted heart Inspire me with thy blessings from aboue That to thy honour I with Artlesse Art May sing thy Iustice Mercy and thy Loue Possesse me with thy Grace in euery part That no prophane word issue from my pen But to the Glory of thy name Amen 3 I doe beseech thee gracious louing Father Reiect me not in thy sharpe iudging Ire But in thy multitude of Mercies Rather Recall me to thee Recollect me Nigher My wandring Soule into thy bosome Gather And with thy Grace my gracelesse heart Inspire Dictate vnto my mind what it may thinke Write with thy Spirit what I may write with ink 4 Thou all things wast cu'n then when nothing was And then thou all things did'st of nothing make Of nothing All thou still hast brought to passe And all againe to nothing must betake When sea shall burne and lâ—â—d shall melt like brasse When hills shall tremble and the mountaines quakâ— And when the World to Chaos turneâ— againe Then thou Almighty All shalt All remaine 5 And since this vniuersall massie ball This earth this aire this water and this fire Must to a ruine and a period fall And all againe to nothing must retire Be thou to me my onely All in All Whose loue and mercy neuer shall expire In thee I place my treasure and my trust Where Fellon cannot steale or canker rust 6 All things but only God at first began The vncreated God did all Create In him Alone is equall will and can Who hath no ending or commencing date To whose Eternitie all time 's a span Who was is shal be euer in one state All else to nothing hourely doth decline And onely stands vpon support Diuine 7 Our high Creator our first Parents form'd And did inspire them with his heau'nly spirit Our Soules-seducer Satan them deform'd And from Gods fauour did them disinherit Our blest Redeemer them againe reform'd And ransom'd them by his vnbounded merit Thus were
Steward be Which at the last the Lord shall faithfull finde Heart tongue or eyes cannot thinke speake or see The glory that to him shall be assignde He shall out-passe the Angells in degree He shall out-shine all Starres that euer shinde He shall for euer and for euer sing Eternall prayses to his God and King 85 Vnto which God the Father first and last Whose goodnes all conseru's preseru's and seeds To God the Sonne whose merits downe hath cast Sinne death and hell due vnto sinners meeds To thee O Holy Ghost that euer wast The blessing that from Sire and Sonne proceeds And to the vn-deuided Three in One All Power and Praise and Glory be alone FINIS TO THE TRVELY VVORTHY AND RIGHT HONOVRABLE IOHN MORAY L. VISCOVNT ANNAN EARLE OF Annandale one of the Gentlemen of his Maiesties Royall Bed-chamber Earths Honours and Heauens happinesse THis Booke Good Sir the issue of my braine Though farre vnworthy of your worthy view Yet I in duty offer it to you In hope you Gently it will entertaine And though the Method and the Phrase be plaine Not Artlike writ as to the stile is due Yet is it voyde of any thing vntrue And truth I know your fauour shall obtaine The many fauours I from you haue had Hath forc'd me thus to shew my thankefull minde And of all faults I know no vice so bad And hatefull as ingratefully inclinde A thankefull Heart is all a poore mans pelfe Which with this Booke I giue your Worthy Selfe Your Worships euer most obliged IOHN TAYLOR THE SEVERALL SIEGES ASSAVLTS SACKINGS AND FINALL DESTRVCTION OF the Famous Ancient and memorable Citty of IERVSALEM THe Iustice Mercy and the Might I sing Of heau'ns inst mercifull Almighty KING By whose fore-knowledge all things were elected Whose power hath all things made al protected Whose Mercies flood hath quencht his Iustice flame Who was is shall be One and still the same Who in the Prime when all things first began Made all for Man and for himselfe made Man Made not begotten or of humane birth No Sire but God no Mother but the Earth Who ne'r knew Childhood of the â—ucking teate But at the first was made a man compleat Whose inward Soule in God-like forme did shine As Image of the Maiestie Diuine Whose supernaturall wisedome beyond Nature Did name each sensible and sencelesse creature And from whose Star-like Sand-like Generation Sprung euery Kindred Kingdome Tribe and Nation All people then one language spake alone Interpreters the world then needed none There liued then no learned deepe Grammarians There were no Turkes no Scythians no Tartarians Then all was one and one was onely all The language of the vniuersall Ball. Then if a Traueller had gone as farre As from the Artick to th' Antartick starre If he from Boreas vnto Auster went Or from the Orient to th' Occident Which way soeuer he did â—â—â— or minde He had beene sure his Country-man to find One hundred thirty winters since the Flood The Earth one onely language vnderstood Vntill the sonne of Cush the sonne of Cham A proud cloud-scaling Towre began to frame Trusting that if the world againe were drown'd He in his lofty building might rest sound All future Floods he purposd to preuent Aspiring to Heau'ns glorious Battlement But high Iehouah with a puff was able To make ambitious Babel out a bable For what is man that he should dare resist The great Almighties pow'r who in his fist Doth gripe Eternity and when he please Can make and vnmake Heau'n and Earth Seas For in their expectation of conclusion He plag'd them all with sundry Tongues confusion Such Gibrish Gibble Gabble all did tangle Some laugh some fret all prate all diffring wrangle One calls in Hebrew to his working Mate And he in Welch Glough wheâ— Comrage doth prate Another gapes in English or in Scotch And they are answer'd in the French or Dutch Caldaicke Syriacke and Arabian Greeke Latine Tuscan and Armenian The Transiluaniae and Hungarian The Persian and the rude Barbarian All these and diuers more then I can number Misunderstanding tongues did there incumber Thus he that sits in Heau'n their plots derided And in their height of pride their tongues deuided For in this sudden vnexpected chang The wife and husband Sire and sonne were strange The Brother could not vnderstand the Brother The Daughter stands amazed at her Mother By euery one a seuerall part is acted And each vnto the other seemesdistracted Thus by the iustice of the Lord of Hosts Each seuerall tongue was driu'n to seuerall coasts And GOD peculiar to himselfe did chuse His most beloued yet hard-hearted Iewes Iehouahs honor with them then did dwetl His name was onely knowne in Israel Salem his habitation was of yore In Sion men his Glory did adore Th' Eternall Trine and Trine Eternall One In Iury then was called on alone The sonnes of Heber were the adopted stocke Gods onely Chosen holy sacred Flocke Amongst all Nations them he onely lik'd And for his owne vse them he culd and pik'd Them his sin-killing sauing word he gaue T' instruct them what condemn'd and what would saue To them he gaue his word his Couenants band His Patriarks his Prophets and his hand Did blesse defend instruct correct and guide The Iewes and no one Nation else beside For them a world of wonders hath he done To them he sent his best begotten Sonne On them a Land he freely did bestow Where milke and hony plentiously did flow With them he was till they from him did turne And wilfully against his blessings spurne All heau'nly earthly Soules or Bodies good They lack'd no temp'rall or eternall food His Temple builded in Ierusalem Where he had daily sacrifice from them Where though their seruice was defect and lame Th' Almighties mercy did accept the same For though Mans sin is great God hath decreed To take his best endeuour for a deed And whilst they in his loue and feare abode They were his people he their gracious God But when impieties began to breed And ouergrow old Iacobs sacred seed When they from good to bad began to fall From ill to worse from worst to worst of all When Gods great mercies could not them allure And his sharp threatnings could not them procure When each ones body was vnto the soule A lothsome Dungeon to a prisoner foule When sin al shamelesse the whole Land o'rspreads Then God threw dreadful vengeance on their heads And for their heynous heaping sin on sin Ierusalem hath oft assaulted bin First Shishak Egypts King with might and maine Made hauock there in Rehoboams Raigne The Citty Temple Golden vessels Shielas All as a prey to the Egyptians yeelds Next loas came the King of Israel In Amaziahs dayes with fury fell He brought Iudea to Samariaes thrall King Kingdome Princes Peeres and people all Then thirdly Rezin King of Aram came In Abaz time with sword and furious flame Th' Assyrian great Zonach'rib was
the poorer in spirit though not in purse but if a proud Diues handle it he will esteeme it worse then his Dogges if a proud Courtier reade it hee will teare it to tatters whilst a Generous Affable Gentleman will louingly entertaine it If beauty chance to behold it it will bid it welcome if Pride stand not in the way if a strong man that is not proud of it grow acquainted with the contents of my meaning I thinke it will content him if Parents or children or all or any body that are not poysoned with pride doe but see or heare it distinctly read and vnderstand it with iudgement I am perswaded it will passe and repasse with friendly vsage but if any of the contrary faction come within the Aire of it they will vse it in some sort as bad as the hangman will vse them And So much for To no matter who It is no great matter where this be read for as a good man being banished is neuer out of his Country because all Countries are his so my Booke in Church Court Citty Countrey or Cottage is one and the same it may perhaps alter the place where it comes from worse to better but the place can neuer alter the honest intents of it from better to worse Therefore no great matter where To be read there is matter why because it strikes at the roote of a most deadly sinne which almost as bad as an vniuersall deluge hath ouerflowed the most part of the world and though the Preachers on Earth Gods Trumpets and Ambassadours from Heauen doe diligently and daily strike at this abomination with the eternall Sword of the euerlasting Word yet what they cut downe in the day like Mushromes it growes vp againe thicke and threeâ—old in the night for whilst the husband-man sleepes the enuious man sowes tares Wherefore I hauing a talent of knowledge lent me by which I know that I must render an account one day how I haue imployed it and hauing written neere forty seuerall Pamphlets in former times I purpose henceforward God willing to redeeme the time I haue so mis-spent imploying my Pen in such exercises which though they be not free from a rellish of mirth yet they shall be cleare from profanation scurrillity or obsceannesse I doe know Pride is at such a height that my Mole-hill Muse can neuer by mineing at her foote shake her head for where Diuinity preuailes not Poetry in meddling doth but shew the Suns brightnes with a Candle Yet forasmuch as I know that Pride cast Angels out of Heauen made diuels in hell threw man out of Paradise was a maine causer of the drowning of the first World is a deuourer of this world and shall euer be accursed in the world to come by this knowledge I haue with a mix'd inuectiue mildnesse shewed in this Booke the vanities of all sorts of Pride not that I hope for amendment but to shew my honest intendment I haue seene sixe or seuen fashion hunting Gallants together sit scorning and deriding a better man then themselues onely because either his Hat was of the old Blocke or that his Ruffe was not so richly lac'd his Cloake hath beene too plaine his Beard of the old translation his Bootes and Spurres of the precedent second edition and for such slight occasions a man hath beene slighted ieerd and wonderd at as if he had beene but a Zany to the fashion or a man made for the purpose for them to whet their scorne vpon and therefore to reade this there is a matter why It is not much matter when for be it read on Friday the Turks Holyday on Saturday the Iewes Sabbath on Sunday the Lords Day or on any day or all dayes nights or houres there is Diuinitie with Alaâ—ritie Poetrie with mirth and euery thing so interwouen one with another that if it please not the generality yet I hope in particularitie it will tolerably censur'd by all that hate Pride and loue humility And therefore not much matter when IOHN TAYLOR A FEW LINES TO SMALL PVRPOSE AGAINST THE SCANDALOVS ASPERSIONS that are either maliciously or ignorantly cast vpon the Poets and Poems of these Times THere doth a strange and true opinion runne That Poets write much worse then they haue don And how so poore their daily writings are As though their best inuentions were thread-bare And how no new things from them now do spring But all hath ref'rence from some other thing And that their daily doings doe reueale How they from one another filch and steale As if amongst them 't were a statute made That they may freely vse the theeuing trade And some there are that will not sticke to say That many Poets liuing at this day Who haue the Hebrew Latine Greeke at will And in th' Italian and the French haue skill These are the greatest theeues they say of all That vse the Trade or Art Poeticall For ancient Bards and Poets in strange toungs Compiled haue their verses and their songs And those to whoÌ„ those tongues are rightly known Translating them make others verse their owne As one that steales a Cloake and presently Makes it his owne by alt'ring of the dye So whole bookes and whole sentences haue bin Stolne and the stealers great applause did win And by their filching thought great men of fame By those that knew not the right Authors name For mine owne part my Conscience witnesse is In'er was guilty of such theft as this Vnto such robbery I could neuer reach Because I vnderstand no forreigne speach To prooue that I am from such filching free Latin and French are heathen-Greeke to me The Grecian and the Hebrew Charactars I know as well as I can reach the Stars The sweet Italian and the Chip Chop Dutch I know the man i' th Moone can speake as much Should I from English Authors but purloyne It would be soone found counterseited coyne Then since I cannot steale but some will spy â—le truely vse mine owne let others lye Yet to excuse the writers that now write Because they bring no better things to light 'T is because bounty from the world is fled True liberality is almost dead Reward is lodg'd in darke obliuion deep Bewitch't I thinke into an endlesse sleepe That though a man in study take great paines And empt his veines puluerize his braines To write a Poem well which being writ With all his Iudgement Reason Art and Wit And at his owne charge print and pay for all And giue away most free and liberall Two three or foure or fiue hundred bookes For his reward he shall haue nods and lookes That all the profit a mans paines hath gat Will not suffice one meale to feed a Cat. Yet still Noble Westminster thou still art free And for thy bounty I am bound to thee For hadst not thou and thy Inhabitants From Time to Time relieu'd and help'd my want I had long since bid Poetry adieu And therefore still my thankes shall be
to you Next to the Court in generall I am bound To you for many friendships I haue found There when my purse hath often wanted bait To fill or feed it I haue had receite So much for that I 'le now no more rehearse They shew their loues in prose my thankes in verse When death Mecanas did of life depriue Few of his Noble Tribe were left aliue This makes inuention to be meane and hard When Pride and Auarice doth kill reward And yet me thinkes it plainely doth appeare Mens writings are as good as e're they were Good lines are like a Banquet ill imployd Where too much feeding hath the stomack cloyd Good verses fall sometimes by course of fate Into their hands that are preiudicate And though the Writer n'er so well hath pend Yet they 'le find fault with what they cannot mend Thus many a learned well composed line Hath bin a Pearle that 's cast before a swine Or more familiarly to make compare Like Aqua vitae giuen vnto a Mare These fellowes glutted with variety Hold good lines in a loath'd saciety Whilst paltry Riming Libels Tigges and Iests Are to their appetites continuall feasts With which their fancies they doe feed and fill And take the Ill for good the Good for ill Whilst like to Mōkeyes scorning wholsome meate They greedily doe poysnous spiders eate So let them feed vntill their humours burst And thus much bold to tell them heere I durst That Poetry is now as good as euer If to bounty relieue her would endeuer Mens mindes are worse then they haue bin of yore Inuention's good now as it was before Let liberality awake and then Fach Poet in his hand will take a pen. And with rare lines inrich a world of paper Shall make Apollo and the Muses caper SVPERBIAE FLAGELLVM OR THE VVHIP OF PRIDE VVHen all things were as wrap'd in sable night And a If any man fetch his Story higher let him take my booke for nought Ebon darknes muffled vp the light When neither Sun or Moone nor Stars had shinde And when no fire no Water Earth or Wind No Haruest Autumne Winter when no Spring No Bird Beast Fish nor any creeping thing When there was neither Time nor place nor space And silence did the Chaos round imbrace Then did the Archwork master of this All Create this Massie Vniuersall Ball And with his mighty Word brought all to passe Saying but Let there be and done it was Let there be Day Night Water Earth Hearbs Trees Let there be Sunne Moone Stars Fish Fowle that flees Beasts of the Field he said but Let there be And all things were created as we see Thus euery sensible and senselesse thing The High-Creators Word to passe did bring And as in viewing all his workes he stood He saw that all things were exceeding good Thus hauing furnisht Seas and Earth and Skies Abundantly with all varieties Like a Magnificent and sumptuous Feast For th' entertainment of some welcome Guest When Beasts and Birds and euery liuing Creature And the Earths fruits did multiply by Nature Then did th' Eternall Trinity betake It selfe to Councell and said Let vs make Not Let there be as vnto all things else But LET VS MAKE MAN that the rest excels According TO OVR IMAGE LET VS MAKE MAN and then did th' Almightie Red Earth take With which he formed Adam euery limme And hauing made him breathed life in him Loe thus the first Man neuer was a Child No way with sinne originall defil'd But with high Supernat'rall Vnderstanding He ouer all the World had sole commanding Yet though to him the Regency was giuen As Earths Lieutenant to the God of Heauen Though he commanded all created things As Deputy vnder the King of Kings Though he I so highly here was dignifide To humble him not to be puff'd with Pride He could not brag or boast of high borne birth For he was formed out of slime and earth No beast fish worme fowle herbe weed stone or tree But are of a more ancient house then he For they were made before him which proues this That their Antiquity is more then his Thus both himselfe and his beloued Spouse Are by Creation of the younger house And whilst they liu'd in perfect Holinesse b Imperfect Holinesse and Righteousnesse Their richest Garments were bare Nakednesse True Innocency were their chiefest weeds For Righteousnesse no Masque or Visor needs The royal'st robes that our first Parents had Was a free Conscience with Vprightnesse clad They needed ne'r to shift the cloathes they wore Was Nakednesse and they desir'd no more Vntill at last that Hell-polluting sin With Disobedience soil'd their Soules within And hauing lost their holines Perfection They held their Nakednes an Imperfection Then being both asham'd they both did frame Garments as weedes of their deserued shame Thus when as sinne had brought Gods curse on man Then shame to make Apparell first began E're man had sin'd most plaine it doth appeare He neither did or needed Garments weare For his Apparell did at first beginne To be the Robes of penance for his sinne Thus all the brood of Adam and of Eue The true vse of Apparell may perceiue That they are Liueries Badges vnto all Of our sinnes and our Parents wofull fall Then more then mad these mad-brain'd people be Or else they see and will not seeme to see That these same Robes with Pride that makes them swell Are tokens that our best desert is hell a Comparison Much like vnto a Traytor to his King That would his Countrey to destruction bring Whose Treasons being prou'd apparantly He by the Law is iustly mg'd to dye And when he lookes for his deserued death A Pardon comes and giues him longer breath I thinke this man most madly would appeare That would a halter in a glory weare Because he with a halter merited Of life to be quite desinherited But if he should vainegloriously persist To make a Rope of silke or golden twist And weare 't as a more honourable show Of his Rebellion then course hempe or towe Might not men iustly say he were an Asse Triumphing that he once a Villaine was And that he wore a halter for the nonce In pride that he deserued hanging once Such with our heau'nly Father is the Case Of our first Parents and their sinfull Race Apparell is the miserable signe That we are Traytors to our Lord diuine And we like Rebels still most pride doe take In that which still most humble should vs make Apparell is the prison for our sinne Which most should shame yet most we Glory in Apparell is the sheete of shame as 't were Which for our penance on our backs we beare For man Apparell neuer did receiue Till he eternall Death deseru'd to haue And thus Apparell to our sense doth tell Our sinnes 'gainst Heau'n and our desert of Hell How vaine is it for man a clod of Earth To boast of his high progeny
should beheaded be The Earle of Flanders Philip did ordaine Their losse of life and goods that swore in vaine Saint Lewis the King of France enacted there That for the first time any one did sweare Into imprisonment one month was cast And stand within the Pillory at last But if the second time againe they swore One with an iron hot their tongues did bore And who the third time in that fault did slip Were likewise boared through the vnder-lip For the fourth time most gricuous paines belongs He caus'd to be cut off their lips and tongues Henry the fift of England that good King His Court to such conformity did bring That euery Duke should forty shillings pay For euery Oath he swore without delay Each Baron twenty Knights or Squires offence Paid tenne and euery Yeoman twenty pence The Boyes and Pages all were whipt most fine That durst abuse the Maiestie diuine Thus Pagan Princes with sharp lawes withstood Profaning of their Gods of stone or wood And Christian Kings and Rulers formerly Haue most seuerely punisht blasphemy And shall a Heathen or an Infidell That knowes no ioyes of Heauen or paines of Hell More reuerence to his deuillish Idols show Then we doe to the true God whom we know If we remembred well but what we were And what we are we would not dare to sweare Poore trunks of earth fill'd with vncertaine breath By nature heires to euerlasting death Most miserable wretches most ingrate 'Gainst God that did elect vs and create Redeem'd conseru'd preseru'd and sanctifi'd And giues vs hope we shall be glorifi'd H' hath giuen vs being life sense reason wit Wealth and all things his Prouidence thinkes fit And for requitall we quite voyde of grace Curse sweare and doe blaspheme him to his face Oh the supernall patience of our God That beares with Man a sin polluted clod When halfe such treasons 'gainst an earthly King Would many a Traytor to confusion bring Suppose a man should take a Whelp and breed him And stroke him make much of him feed him How will that curre loue him beyond all other Neuer forsaking him to serue another But if he should most disobediently Into his Masters face or throat to fly Sure euery man that liues vpon the ground Would say a hanging's sit for such a hound And worser then so many dogges are they That 'gainst their God with oathes do barke bray And if repentance doe not mercy win They 'll hang in Hell like Hell-hounds for that sin Of all black crimes from Belzebubs damn'd treasure This swearing sin no profit yeelds or pleasure Nor gaines the swearer here but earths vexation With change of his saluation for damnation It is a sinne that yeelds vs no excuse For what excuse can be for Gods abuse And though our other faults by death doe end Yet Blasphemy doth after death extend For to the damn'd in Hell this curse is giuen They for their paines blaspheme the God of Heauen Examples on the earth haue many beene As late in sundry places haue beene seene At Mantua two braue Russians in their games Swore and blasphem'd our blessed Sauiours name Where Gods iust iudgement full of feare dread Caus'd both their eyes to drop from out their head In Rome a childe but fiue yeeres old that swore Was snatcht vp by the Deuill and seene no more And at Ragouse a Mariner did sweare As if he would Gods name in sunder teare When falling ouer-boord was drown'd and tost And nothing but his tongue was onely lost Remember this you sinfull sonnes of men Thinke how that Christ redeem'd you from Hells den His mercy he hath giu'n in magnitude Requite him not with vile ingratitude He made the Eares and Eye and heares and sees The swearers execrable oathes and lyes The Godhead of the Father they contemne Against the Sonnes Redemption they blaspheme The Holy Spirit grieuously they grieue And headlong into Hell themselues they driue It is in vaine for mortall men to thinke Gods Iustice is asleepe although it winke Or that his arme is shortned in these times That he cannot reach home to punish crimes Oh thinke not so 't is but the Deuils illusion To draw vs desperately to our confusion Some say that 't is their anger makes them sweare And oathes are out before they are aware But being crost with losses and perplex'd They thinke no harme but sweare as being vex'd And some there are that sweare for complement Make oathes their grace and speeches ornament Their sweete Rhetoricall fine eloquence Their reputations onely excellence Their valour whom the Deuill doth inflame T' abuse their Makers and Redeemers Name Thinke but on this you that doe God forget Your poore excuses cannot pay this debt Remember that our sinfull soules did cost A price too great to be by swearing lost And blessed was our last good Parliament Who made an Act for swearers punishment And blest shall be each Magistrates good name That carefully doe execute the same Those that are zealous for Gods glory here No doubt in Heauen shall haue true glory there Which that we may haue humbly I implore Of Him that rules and raignes for euermore Th' Eternall Lord of Lords and King of Kings Before whose Throne blest Saints and Angels sings All power praise glory Maiesty thankesgiuing Ascribed be to him that 's euer liuing FINIS TO THE TRVELY GENEROVS AND NOBLE KNIGHT SIR IOHN MILLISSENT SERIEANT PORTER TO the Kings most Excellent Maiestie RIght worthy Knight when first this Booke I writ To You I boldely Dedicated it And hauing now enlarg'd both Prose and Rime To you I offer it the second time To whom should I these sorrowes recommend But vnto You the Cities Noble Friend I know you are much grieued with their Griefe And would aduenture Life for their reliefe To You therefore these Lines I Dedicate Wherein their Sorrowes partly I relate I humbly craue acceptance at your hand And rest Your Seruant euer at command IOHN TAYLOR TO THE PRINTER MY Conceit is that these are very lamentable Verses and will grieue many the reading they so expresse Death to Life and make mortalitie immortall I wish that as many as can make vse of such Lines had Copies the rest may want them Here and there a Verse may occasion a Teare then the Authour is a true VVater-Poet indeed but else-where there wants not a hand-kercheffe to dry that Teare So is the whole worke a * A Sweete-bitter or Bitter-sweet 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 and deserues an Approbation at least from IOHN TAYLOR of Oriell Colledge in Oxford THE PRAEFACE IN this lamentable time of generall Calamity our hainous sinnes prouoking Gods iust Indignation this heauy visitation and mortality I being attendant vpon the Queenes Maiestie at Hampton Court and from thence within two miles of Oxford with her Barge with much griefe remorse did see and heare miserable and cold entertainement of many Londoners which for their preseruation fled and
rest he 's one that I must thanke With his good wife and honest brother Frank. Now for the City 'T is of state and Port Where Emperors Kings haue kept their Court 939 yeere the foundation Was layd before our Sauiours Incarnation By * Ebrank was the fift K. of Britain after Brule Ebrank who a Temple there did reare And plac'd a * An Arch-Flamâ—â— which was as an idolatrous high Priest to Dians Flammin to Diana there But when King Lucius here the Scepter swaid The Idols leuell with the ground were layd Then Eleutherius Romes high Bishop plac'd An Archbishop at Yorke with Titles grac'd Then after Christ 627. Was Edwin * Edwin and his whole family were baptized on Easter day the 12. of Aprill 6 7â— baptiz'd by the grace of heauen He pluck'd the Minster down that then was wood And made it stone a deed both great and good The City oft hath knowne the chance of warres Of cruell forraigne and of home-bred iarres And those that further please thereof to read May turne the volumes of great Hollinshead 'T is large 't is pleasant and magnificent The Norths most fertile famous ornament 'T is rich and populous and hath indeed No want of any thing to serue their need Abundance doth that noble City make Much abler to bestow then need to take So farewell Yorke * Yorkshire the greatest shire in England and 308. â—â—â— about Speed the tenth of August then Away came I for London with my men To dinner I to Pomfret quickly rode Where good hot Venison staid for my abode I thanke the worshipfull George Shillito He fill'd my men and me and let vs goe There did I well view ouer twice or thrice A strong a faire and ancient Edifice Reedifi'd where it was ruin'd most At th' high and hopefull Prince * Pomfret Castle of Wales his cost I saw the roome where Exton * Prince Charles and his rowt Of Traytors Royall Richards braines beat out And if that King did strike so many blowes As hackes and hewes vpon one pillar showes There are one hundred slashes he withstood Before the Villaines shed his Kingly blood From Pomfret then vnto my noble friend Sir Robert Swift at Doncaster we wend An ancient Knight of a most generous spirit Who made me welcome farre beyond my merit From thence by Newarke I to Stamâ—ord past And so in time to London at the last With friends and neighbors all with louing hearts Did welcome me with pottles pintes and quarts Which made my Muse more glib and blythe to tell Thistory of my Voyage So farewell * Sir Pierce of Exton Knight King Richard the second murdered there An Epilogue Thus haue I brought to end a worke of paine I wish it may requite me with some game For well I wote the dangers where I ventered No full bag'd man would euer durst haue entered But hauing further shores for to discouer Hereafter now my Pen doth here giue ouer FINIS THE GREAT O TOOLE ENglands Scotlands Irelands Mirror Mars his fellow Rebels Terror These lines doe gallop for their pleasure Writ with neither feet or measure Because Prose Verse or Anticko Story Cannot Blaze O Tooles great Glory GReat Moguls Landlord and both Indies King Whose selfe-admiring Fame dot â— lowdly ring Writes 4. score yeeres More Kingdomes he hath right to The Starres say so And for them be wiâ— Fight toâ— And though this worthlesse Age will not beleeue him But clatter spatter slander scoffe and grieue him Yet he and all the world in this agree That such another TOOLE will deuer bee AN ENCOMIVM OR ENCO-MI-ASS TRICK DEDICATED TO THE VNLIMITED memory of Arthur O Toole or O Toole the Great Being the Sonne and Heire of Brian O Toole Lord of Poores Court and farre Collen in the County of Dublin in the Kingdome of Ireland The Marâ— and Mercury the Agamemnon and Vlisses both for Wisdome and Valour in the Kingdomes of Great Britaine and Ireland Prologue BRaue Vsquebough that fierce Hibernian liquor Assist my braine and make my wit run quicker To heat my Muse like to a well warm'd Chimney I beg thy merry ayde kinde Polyhimny I list not to call Fables into question Nor of Baboones or idle bables jest I on And yet if Sence or reason heere you looke for For neither or for either read this Booke for And if perchance I doe in any word lye Doe as I writ it reade it o'r absurdly Though in these daies there are a Crew of fond men That for inuention striue to goe beyond men And write so humerous Dogmaticall To please my Lord and Lady what d' ee Cail With Inkehorne tearms stiffe quilted bumbastâ—â— And though not vnderstood yet are well tasted And therefore I 'l not reach beyond the bounds of My weake capacity nor search the sounds of Deepe Natures secrets or Arts spacious cirquit My Muse is free from those my selfe will her quâ— But leauing idle toyes with toyle endure I on To write the praise of this braue bold Centutiâ—â— THE ARGVMENT AND MEANING of this following History IN all Ages and Countries it hath euer bin knowne that Famous men haue florished whose worthy Actions and Eminency of place haue euer beene as conspicuous Beacons Burning and blazing to the Spectators view the sparkes and flames whereof hath sometimes kindled Courage in the most coldest and Effeminate Cowards as Thersites amongst the Grecians Amadis de Gaule Sir Huon of Burdeaux in France Sir Beuis Gogmagog Chinon Palmerin Lancelot and Sir Tristram amongst vs here in England Sir Degre Sir Grime and Sir Gray Steele in Scotland Don Quixot with the Spaniards Gargantua almost no where Sir Dagonet and Sir Triamore any where all these and many more of the like Raâ—â— haue fill'd whole Volumes with the ayrie Imaginations of their vnknowne and vnmatchable worths Sâ— Ireland amongst the rest had the Honor to produce and breed a sparke of Valour Wisedome and Magninimity to whom all the Nations of the world must giue place The Great O Toole is the toole that my Muse takes in hand whose praises if they should be set forth to the full would make Apollo and the Muses Barren To whom the nine Worthies were neuer to be compared betwixt whom and Haniball Scipio the Great Pompey or Tamberlaine was such oddes that it was vnfit the best of them should â—ell his stirrop and who by his owne Report in whom Ireland may reioyce and England be merry whose Youth was Dedicated to Mars and his Age to Westminster which ancient Cittie is now honour'd with his beloued Residence To the Honour of the Noble CAPTAINE O TOOLE THou Famous man East West and North and Southward â—om Boreas cold rump t' Austers slauering mouthward â—all Apolloes daughters all to witnes â—uch would I praise thee but my Wit wants fitnesâ— â—â— thou thy selfe of thy selfe canst speake so-well â—â—ut though my Rimes not altogether goe-well â—â—et if the worlds applause would not
money now With my expences seeking of the same Returning many a night home tyr'd and lame Meeting some thirty forty in a day That sees me knowes me owes me yet none pay Vs'd and abus'd thus both in towne and Court It makes me thinke my Scottish walke a sport I muse of what stuffe these men framed be Most of them seeme Mockado vnto me Some are Stand-further off for they endeauer Neuer to see me or to pay me neuer When first I saw them they appeared Rash And now their promises are worse then trash No Tasfaty more changeable then they In nothing constant but no debts to pay And therefore let them take it as they will I 'l canuase them a little with my quill To all the world I humbly doe appeale And let it iudge if well these men doe deale Or whether for their basenesse 't were not fitter That I should vse more gall and write more bitter I wrot this booke before but for this end To warne them and their faults to reprehend But if this warning will not serue the turne I sweare by sweet Satyricke Nash his vrne On euery pissing polt their names I 'l place Whilst they past shame shall shame to shew their face I 'l hale fell Nemesis from Dis his den To ayde and guide my sharpe reuenging pen That fifty Popes Buls neuer shall roare lowder Nor fourscore Cannons wheÌ„ men fire their powder And sure my wronged Muse could lines indite So full of horror terror aâ—d affright That they like Cain confessing their estates But little better then base Reprobates And hang themselues in their despairing moods But that I 'l not be guilty of their bloods No let such fellowes know that Time shall try My mercie 's greater then their honesty Nor shall my verse affoord them no such fauour To make them saue the hangman so much labour They are contented still to patch and palter And I with patience with them each a halter They are well pleas'd to be perfidiâ—m fellowes And my reuenge bequeathes them to the gallowes For I would haue them thâ—s much vnderstand Words are but winde 't is money that buyes land Words buy no food or clothes to giue content Bare words will neuer pay my Landlord rent And those that can pay Coyne and pay but words My minde a mischiese to them all affoords I count them like old shooes past all mens mending And therefore may the Gallowes be their ending If some of them would but ten houres spare From drinking drabbing and superstuous fare From smoaking English fire and heathen stinke The most of them might well pay me my chinke There 's no wound deeper then a pen can giue It makes men liuing dead and dead men liue It can raise honour drowned in the sea And blaze it forth in glory Cap. a.pea Why it can seale the battlements of Heauen And stellifie men 'mongst the Planets seuen It can make mizers peasants knaues and sooles The scorn of goodnesse and the diuels close stooles Forgot had bin the thrice three Worthies names If thrice three Muses had not writ their fames And if it not with flatt'ry be infected Good is by it extold and bad corrected Let Iudgement iudge them what mad men are those That dare against a pen themselues oppose Which when it likes can turn them al to loathing To any thing to nothing worse then nothing Yet e'r I went these men to write did like And vs'd a pen more nimbly then a pike And writ their names as I suppos'd more willing Then valiant Soldiers with their Pikes are drilling But this experience by these men I finde Their words are like their payment all but winde But what winde 't is is quickly vnderstood It is an evill winde blowes no man good Or else they make it to the world appeare That writing is good cheape and paying deare No paper bill of mine had edge vpon it Till they their hands and names had written on it And if their iudgements be not ouer-seene They would not feare the edge is not so keene Some thousands and some hundreds by the yeare Are worth yet they their piece or halfe piece feare They on their owne bils are afraid to enter And I vpon their pieces dare to venter But whoso at the bill hath better skill Giue me the piece and let him take the bill I haue met some that odiously haue lied Who to deceiue me haue their names denied And yet they haue good honest Christian names As Ioshua Richard Robert Iohn and Iames To cheat me with base Inhumanity They haue denide their Christianity A halfe piece or a Crowne or such a summe Hath forc'd them falsifie their Christendome Denying good ill names with them agree And they that haue ill names halfe hanged be â—â—d sure I thinke my losse would be but small â—â— aquittance they were hang'd vp all â— such I am past hope and they past grace â—d hope and grce both past's a wretched case â— may be that for my offences past â—d hath vpon me this disturbance cast â—be so I thanke his Name therefore â—nfessing I deserue ten times much more â—s as the Diuell is author of all ill â—ill for ill on th' ill he worketh still â—mselfe his seruants daily lye and lurke â—ns cares on earth or paines in hell to worke â— how the case then with my debtors stands â—â—ey take the diuels office out of 's hands â—menting me on earth for passed euils â—d for the diuell dooth vex me worse then diuels â—troch 't is pitty proper men they seeme â—d those that know them not would neuer deeme â—ut one of them would basely seeme to meddle â— be the diuels hangman or his beadle â— shame for honesty for both for either â— my deserts desertlesse or for neither â—charge your selues froÌ„ me you know wherefore â—d neuer serue or helpe the Diuell more â—â—â— heard some that Lawyers doe condem â—t I still must and will speake well of them â—hough neuer in my life they had of me â—arkes Counsellors or yet Atturneyes fee â—et at my backe returne they all concurr'd â—nd payd me what was due and ne'r demurr'd â—â—me Counter Serieants when I came agen â— Against their nature dealt like honest men â— wondrous accident perchance one may â— rope out a needle in a load of hay â—nd though a white Crow be exceeding rare â— blind man may by fortune catch a Hare â— may a Serieant haue some honest tricks â— too much knauery doth not ouermix â—ewgaâ—e the Vniuersity of stealing â—id deale with me with vpright honest dealing My debtors all for ought that I can see â—ill still remaine true debtors vnto me For if to paying once they should incline They would not then be debtors long of mine But this report I feare they still will haue To be true debtors euen to their graue â— know there 's many worthy proiects done The which more credit and more coyne haue won And 't is a shame for
to euery Reader doe I write But onely vnto such as can Read right And with vnpartiall censures can declare As they find things to iudge them as they are For in this age Criticks are such store That of a B. will make a Battledore Swallow downe Camells and at Gnats will straine Make Mountaines of small Molehills and againe Extenuate faults or else faults amplifie According as their carping censures flye Such are within the Motto of I haue But though the gallant Gulls be ne'r so braue And in their owne esteeme are deemed wise I haue a mind their follies to despise There are some few that wil their iudgement season With mature vnderstanding and with reason And call a spade a spade a Sicophant A flatt'ring Knaue and those are those I want For those that seeme to read and scarce can spell Who neither point nor keepe their periods well Who doe a mans inuention so be-martyr So hanging drawing and so cut and quarter Making good lines contemptible threed-bare To keepe my booke from such as those I care Adue IOHN TAYLOR TAYLORS MOTTO ET HABEO ET CAREO ET CVRO. I HAVE I VVANT I CARE IS any man offended marry gep With a horse nightcap doth your Iadeship skip Although you kicke and fling and wince and spurn Yet all your Colts-tricks will not serue your turne Vice hath insected you 'gainst vertues force With more diseases then an aged horse * If all â—â—adeâ— saâ—e of VVaterman I will turne Farrier I doe not thinke that any Horse leâ—ch can blazon such a pedigree of matching nâ—ladiâ—s For some of you are hide-bound greedily Some haue the yellowes of false Ielousie Some with the staggers cannot stand vpright Some blind with Bribes can see to doe no right Some foundred that to Church they cannot goe Broke-winded some corrupted breath doth blow Some hoofe-bound some surbated and some graueld With trauelling where they shuld not haue traueld Some are crest-falne through th' immoderate vice Of gorgeous outsides smoake and drinke and dice And some are full of â—allenders and scratches The neck-cricke spauins shouldersplat and aches The ring-bone quitter-bone bots botch and scab And nauelgall with coursing of the Drab The back gall light-gall wind-gall shackle-gall And last the spur-gall the worst gall of all A good found horse needs not my whip to feare For none but Iades are wrung i' th withers here And doe these Hackneyes thinke to runne on still Without a bit or snafsle as they will And head-strong prancing through abuses dash And scape without a Satyrs yerking lash No they must know the Muses haue the might The vniust iustly to correct and smite To memorize victorious Vertues praise To make mens same or shame out-liue their dayâ— To force iniustice though it doe looke bigge With his owne nayles his cursed graue to digge T'emblaze the goodnesse of a man that 's poore And tell the vices of an Emperour All this the Muses dare and will and can Not sparing fearing flattring any man And so dare I if I iust cause doe see To write from feare or hate or flattry free Or taxing any in particulere But generall at all is written here For had I meant the Satyre to haue plaid In Aqua fortis I would whips haue laid And mixt my inke to make it sharpe with all With sublimate and Cockatrices gall Which with a Satyres spleene and fury fierce With the least ierke would to the entrailes pieâ—e And with a lash that 's lustily laid on Would strip and whip the world vnto the bone I know that none at me will spurne or kicke Whose consciences no villany doth pricke And such as those will in their kennels lye And gnar and snarle and grumble secretly But with full mouth they dare not barke or bite But fret within with rancor and despight For why before the world I make a vow There doth not liue that male or female now 'Gainst whom I haue so much as is a thought Much lesse against them are my Verses wrought This Motto in my head at first I tooke In imitation of a better Booke And to good mindes I no offence can giue To follow good examples whilst I liue â—or I had rather to abide detraction â—â—â—od be an Ape in any honest action â—hen wilfully into a fault to runne â—â—hough it before had by a King bin done â—â—e not here reuil'd against my betters â—hich make me fear no dungeon bolts or fetters â—or be he ne'r so great that doth apply â—â—y lines vnto himselfe is worse then I. â—mooth is my stile my method meane and plaine â—ee from a railing or inuectiue straine â—â— harmeleffe fashion here I doe declare â—ine owne rich wants poore riches and my care â—nd therefore at my wants let no man grieue â—xcept his charges will the same relieue â—nd for my Wealth except a rotten Boat â—â— neuer feared the cutting of my throat â—â—nd those that for my cares doe enuy me â—â—all in them if they list great sharers be â—â—ll my taxations are in generall â—â—oe any personall or nationall â—he troubles now in France I touch not here â—or of the Britainâ— Fleete before Argiâ—re â—or of the forces that the Turke doth bring â—gainst the Poland Kingdome and their King â—f Count Buckoy of Beth'lem Gabor or Of Spinola or any Ambassador Nor Denmarks King nor of the Emperour Nor Netherlands great Nauigable pow'r Nor of Religious points my Muse doth chant Of Roâ—â—ish Catholicke or Protestant Of Brownist Hussite or of Caluinist â—â—minian Puritan or Familist Nor against Corporation trade or Art My poore inuention speakes in any part And therefore Critticke snarle and snap and hang â—f inwardly thou feele my Satyres sang â—is wisedome in thee if thy spleene thou hide And mend thy selfe before thy faults be spide Thus as I boldly haue begun to enter Couragiously I 'l thorow the businesse venter Et Habeo I haue I Haue a Soule which though it be not good 'T was bought at a deare rate my Sauiours Blood And though the Diuell continually doe craue it Yet he that bought it hath most right to haue it I with my soule haue power to vnderstand The summe of my Creators great Command And yet I haue a Law within me still That doth rebell against his Sacred Will But though through merit I haue Hell deseru'd Through Mercy yet I haue a Heau'n reseru'd I haue a reason which can difference make 'Twixt good and bad to choose and to forsake I haue a working forward and free will Wherewith I haue inclined to doe ill I haue a Conscience which doth tell me true That for my sinnes the wrath of God is due And to relieue that Conscience terrifi'd I haue a Faith in Iesus Crucifi'd I haue a iudgement by the which I see And iudge how good and bad things different bee And with iust Censure I distinguish can The oddes beeweene a monster and a man But when with iudgement on my selfe I looke I straight wayes
misbegotten sonne Gentility in a wrong line may run And thus soule lust to worship may prefer The mungrell Issue of a Fruterer Or yeoman of the Bottles it may be Or some vnmannerd rascall worse then he And though the Stripling vp in yeeres doth grow He shall want wit his father how to know But he shall know one that will father him And with good bringing vp maintaine him trim And loues him with affection as he were His owne most nat'rall * In my English Latine Richard Swary I finde or coynd this worthy word The Heralds of this Office dwell at Nâ—â—â—â—â— Primogeniter The old Knight dyes and freely giues him all And he being growne a Gallant faire and tall If with his cursed wealth he purchase can To wed the Daughter of some Nobleman And being thus enaebled much thereby Through his Alliance with Nobility He may in time possesse an honour'd state Which God doth curse and all good people hate Then shall be search'd it possible it be Before Canis birth to finde his Petigree Then is some famous coat of Armes contriu'd From many worthy families deriu'd And thus may Lust Wealth rayse many a Clown To Reputation and to high Renowne Thus many good men are deceiu'd perhaps In bowing of their knees and dossing Caps And courteously commit Idolatry To a proud branch of Lust and Letchery For my part I want meanes to gull men so I may be gull'd with others goodly show If any finde my Children meate or cloth I got them in my sleepe I 'l take mine oth I cannot be deceiued in my Heyres As some that are my betters may in theirs And as no Bastards my free mind perplexe So I want Iealousies which some men vexe Should thousands such as Hercules combine T' inspire with Iealousie this brest of mine Nor all the Goatish soule luxurious brood Could not possesse me with that frantike mood She that I haue I know her continence And she as well doth know my confidence And yet for ought you know both she and I May want both honesty and Iealousie Though of our selues our knowledge is but small Yet somewhat we doe know and God knowes all The man whose wife will be a whore indeed His Iealousie stands but in little steed Nor can holts locks or walls of brasse suffice Brâ—â— hundred hands nor Arges eyes Not all the wit in man or Diuels pate Can alter any mans allotted fate For if a Woman be to lewdnesse giuen And is not guided with the grace of Heauen Shee will finde oportunity and time Inspight of watch or ward to doe the Crime But if she be with heauenly blessings grac't As outward beautifull and inward chaste Then may soule iealousie and false suspition Against her nature alter her condition From good to bad from bad to naught and worse And turne her vertues to a vicious course For nothing can an honest minde infect So soone as iealousie and false suspect And this soule Fury many times hath wrought To make the bad worse and the good stark naught But neuer yet by it as I could heare The good or bad one iot the better were And therefore be my wife or good or ill I iealousie doe want and want it will I want dissimulation to appeare A friend to those to whom I hatred beare I want the knowledge of the thriuing Art A holy outside and a hollow heart Put as I am the same I 'l euer seeme Not worse or better in mine owne esteeme For what attire soe'r my corps doth hide Or whether I doe goe on foot or ride Or were I with the Kings high fauour grac'd Or at a great Lords boord at dinner plac'd And should I haue all this I were no more But a poore Waterman that at his Oare Doth for a liuing labour tug and pull And carries both the Gallant and the Gull How-euer others doe esteeme of me Yet as I am I know my selfe to be If I doe chance to be in company Well welcom'd amongst true Gentility I know in them it is a courteous part And that me it can be no desert I want that high esteemed excellence Of sustian or Mockado Eloquence To flourish o'r or bumbast out my stile To make such as not vnder stand me smile Yet i with Non-sence could contingerate With Catophiscoes Terragrophicate And make my selfe admir'd immediately Of such as vnderstand no more then I. Besides I want the knowledge and the skill How these my lines may pasle now well or ill For as a learned Poet lately writ With a comparison comparing fit Mens writings and inuentions like to Cheese Which with some stomacks very well agrees Some loue it and some cannot well disgest it Some eare not for it and some quite derest it And so my lines to sundry hands may come Some pleasing and displeasing vnto some One likes it well and very well commends it A second sweares 't is naught and madly rends it A third cries mew and serues his iawes awry And in a scornfull humour layes it by Thus some like all some somwhat some nothing And one mans liking is anothers lothing I want hope to please all men where I come I want despaire and hope I shall please some I want ingratitude to friends I want A willing mind what 's written to recant I want 'gainst any man peculiar spite I want a selfe-loue vnto what I write I want some friends that would my want supply I want some foes that would my patience try If all things that I want I here should tell To a large volume then my booke would swell For though my selfe my wants doe boldly beare My wants of such great weight and number are That sure the burden of the things I want Would breake the backe of any Elephant Et Curo I Care ICare to thinke vpon the Theame I write For Care is carefull yeelding no delight And though Care flowes like a continuall streame Yet Care is but a very barren Theame Vpon I care was my swift Muse could iog Like to an Irish Lackey o'r a bog But my poore wit must worke vpon I care Which is a subiect like my wit most bare I care to keepe my wife in that degree As that she alwayes might my equall be And I doe care and at all times endeuer That she to haue the mastership shall neuer I Care and so must all that mortall are For from our births vnto out graues our care Attends on vs in number like our sinnes And sticks vnto vs close as doe our skins For the true Anagram of * Learned Latine Lads tell me that Curo comes neere curse Care is Race Which shewes that whilst we on the earth haue place So many miseries doe vs insnare That all our life is but a Race of Care And when I call my life vnto account To such great numbers doe my Cares amount That Cares on Cares my mind so much doe lade As i of nothing else but Cares were
many times the text we doe forget Thinke but of this and then the yeere before Must be abated halfe or some what more Thus many a Christian sixty yeeres hath trod The earth and not six months hath sem'd his God When we our liues vnequally thus share In thinking of it I am full of care I care in all my actions so to liue That no occasion of offence I giue To any man with either pen or tongue In name or same or goods to doe them wrong For he 's the greatest murderer aliue That doth a man of his good name depriue With base calumnious slanders and false liess T is the worst villany of villanies To blast a good mans name with scandals breath Makes his dishonor long furuiue his death For Infamie's a colour dyde in graine Which scarcebliuion can wash out againe As nothing's dearer then a mans good name So nothing wounds more deeper then desame Nature gaue man a paire of eares and eyes And but one tongue which certainely implies That though our sight and hearing still is free â—â— must we not speake all we heare or see Then he 's a Viper that doth lyes inuent To worke thereby anothers detriment T is sinne to slander a notorious Knaue But sinne and shame a good man to depraue Thus good or bad or whatsoe'r they are To doe to neither of them wrong I care I care to get good Bookes and I take heed And care what I doe either write or read Though some through ignorance some through spite â—â— said that I can neither read nor write â—â— though my lines no Scholership proclaime â—â— I at learning haue a kind of ayme And I haue gatherd much good obseruations From many humane and diuine translations â— was well entred forty Winters since â—â— farre as possum in my Accidence And reading but from possum to posset There I was mir'd and could no further get Which when I thinke vpon with mind deiected â—â— care to thinke how learning I neglected The poet * Part of the Bookes of â—â—ry that I haue read Quid or Ouid if you will Being in English much hath helpt my skill And Homer too and Virgil I haue seene And reading them I haue much better'd beene â—â—frey of Bulloyne well by Fairfax done â—â—â— that much loue hath rightly wonne Did Chaucer Sidney Spencer Daniel Nash â—â—dip'd my finger where they vs'd to wash As I haue read these Poets I haue noted * Bookes that I haue read of Poesie Much good which in my memory is quoted Of Histories I haue perusde some store As no man of my function hath done more The Golden legend I did ouer tosse And found the Gold mixt with a deale of drosse â—â— haue read Plutarchs Morals and his Liues And like a Bee suckt Hony from those Hiues â—sepbus of the Iewes Knowles of the Turks Marcus Aurelius and Gâ—â— works â—yd Grimstane Montaigne and Suetonius Agrippa whom some call Cornelius Graue â—â—â— and Câ—â—bden Purchas Speed Did Monumentall â—â—â— and Hollinshead And that sole Booke of Bookes which God hath giuen The â—â—â— Testanicâ—ts of heauen That I haue read and I with care confesse My selfe unworthy of such happinesse And many more good Bookes I haue with care Lookt on their goods and neuer stole their ware For no booke to my hands could euer come If it were but the Treatise of Tom Thumb Or Scoggins Iests or any simple play Or monstrous nowes came Trundling in my way All these and ten times more some good some bad I haue from them much obseruation had And so with care and study I haue writ These bookes the issue of a barren wit The most of them are verse but I suppose It is much ease to name them here in prose The names of many of the bookes that I haue written First the Sculler Vpon Coriat three merry bookes called Odcombs complaint Coriats resurrection and Laugh and be fat The nipping or snipping of Abuses Two mad things against Fenor Taylors Vrania The marriage of the Princesse An Elegy on Prince Henry Two bookes of all the Kings of England Three weekes three dayes and three houres obseruations in Germany Trauels to Scotland Trauels to Prague in Bohemia An Englishmans loue to Bohemia The Bible in verse The Booke of Martyrs in verse The praise of Hempseed A kicksy winsy The great O Toole Iacke a Lent The praise of Beggery Taylors Goose. Faire and soule weather The life and death of the Virgin Mary The Whip of Pride And lastly since the reigne of th' Emperour * I was much beholding to this Emperors name to make vp the meeter OTTO Was neuer seene the like of TAYLORS MOTTO All these and some which I haue quite forgot With care as is aforesaid I haue wrote I care how to conclude this carefull straine In care I care how to get out againe I care for food and lodging fire and rayment And what I owe I care to make good payment But most of all I care and will endeuer To liue so carefull that I may liue euer Thus without wronging any man a iot I shew I haue what euery man hath notâ— My wants are such that I forgiue them free That would but steale the most of them from me My cares are many as I here expresse Poore couzin Germans vnto carelesnesse I haue a knowledge some men will read this I want the knowledge how their liking is I care in all that I herein haue pend To please the good and shew the bad to mend And those that will not thus be satisfi'd I haue a spirit that doth them deride I flattry want mens likings to obtaine I care to loue those that loue me againe Thus be mens iudgements steady or vnsteady To like my Booke the care is tane already The Prouerb sayes that haste makes often waste Then what is waste impute it to my haste This Booke was written not that here I bosst Put houres together in three dayes at most And giue me but my breakfast I 'l maintaine To write another e'r I eate againe But well or ill or howsoe'r t is pend Lik't as you list and so I make an END ODCOMBS COMPLAINT OR CORIATS FVNERALL EPICEDIVM OR DEATH-SONG VPON HIS late-reported drowning With his Epitaph in the Barmuda and Vtopian tongues And translated into English by IOHN TAYLOR The Authour in his owne defence IF any where my lines doe fall out lame I made them so in merriment and game For be they wide or side or long or short All 's one to me I writ them but in sport Yet I would haue the Reader thus much know ' That when I list my simple skill to show In poesie I could both read and spell I know my Dactils and my Spondees well My true proportion and my equall measure What accent must be short and what at leasure How to transpose my words from place to place To giue my poesie the greater grace Either in Pastorall or
Greeke Whereas thy name thy age and Odcombs towne Are workemanly ingrau'd to thy renowne Beleaguerd round with three such female shapes Whose features would enforce the gods to rapes France Germany and smug-fac'd Italy Attend thee in a kind triplicity France giues thee clusters of the fruitfull vine And Germany layes out t' adorne thy shrine And Italie doth wittily inuite thee And prittily she sayes she will delight thee But yet thy entertainement was but bitter At Bergamo with horses in their litter Whose iadish kindnesse in thy stomacke stickes Who for thy welcome flung thee coltish kickes Thy begging from the high-way Purse-takers Describes thee for a learned wiseakers â—o thus thy single worth is praised double For rare inuention neuer counts it trouble With timelesse reasons and with Reasons verse Thy great Odcombian glory to rehearse But yet whilst they in pleasures lap doe lull thee Amidst thy praise egregiously they gull thee Th' art made Tom Table-talke mongst gulls and gallants Thy book and thee such esteemed tallants When they are tired with thy trauels treading Then hauing nought to do they fall to reading Thy wits false-galloping perambulation Which ease the Readers more then a purgation But to proceed I 'l recapitulate The praise that doth thy worth accommodate Thy Character in learn'd admired Prose The perfect inside of thy humour showes Attended with thy copious names Acrosticke To shew thee wisest being most fantasticke All these Noblemen and Gentlemen that are named in the following book did write merry commendatory verses which were called the Odcombian banquet and were inserted in Mr Coriats booke intituled Coriats Câ—udities Vpon which verses I haue seuerally and particularly paraphrased Next which in doggrell rime is writ I wot Thy name thy birth and place where thou wast got Thy education manners and thy learning Thy going outward and thy home returning Yet there I finde the Writer hath tane leaue Midst words that seeme thy same aloft to heaue That for no little foole he doth account thee But with the greatest vp aloft doth mount thee Th' art lik'ned to a Ducke a Drake a Beare A iadish Gelding that was made to beare An Owle that sings no wit to whit to who That nothing well can sing nor say nor doe Incipit Henricus Neuill de Aberguenie Then follows next a friend that faine would knight thee But that he fears he should do more then right thee Yet wheÌ„ his verses praise on cock-horse heues thee He found thee Thomas Thomas he leaues thee Iohannes Harringtonde Bâ—â— The Goose that guarded Rome with sentles gagling Is here implor'd t' assist the Ganders stragling A pen made of her quill would lift thee fooae As high as is the thorn-bush in the Moone Incipit Ludonicus Lâ—wknor Fooles past and present and to come they say To thee in generall must all giue way Apuleius asse nor Mida's lolling cares No fellowship with thee braue Coriat beares For 't is concluded 'mongst the wizards all To make thee Master of Gul-finches hall Incipit Henricus Goodyer Old Odcombs odnesse makes not thee vneuen Nor carelesly set all at six and seuen Thy person 's odde vnparaleld vnmatchd But yet thy Action 's to the person patch'd Thy body and thy mind are twins in sadnesse Which makes thee euen in the midst of odnesse What-â—r thou odly dost is eu'nly meant In Idiotisme thou art eu'n an Innocent Thy booke and thee are shap'd to like each other That if I looke on t 'one I see the tother Th' art light th' art heauy merry midst thy sadnesse And still art wisest midst of all thy madnesse So odly euen thy feet thy iourney trod That in conclusion thou art euenly odde Incipit â—â—â—nnes Paiton Iunior Thou saw'st so many cities townes and garisons That Caesar must not make with thee comparisons Great Iulius Commentaries lies and rots As good for nothing but stoppe mustard pots For Coriats booke is onely in request All other volumes now may lye and rest Blind Homer in his writings tooke great paines Yet he and thee doe differ many graines For in my minde I hold it most vnfit To liken Homers verses to thy Writ Incipit Henricus Poole Next followes one whose lines aloft doe raise Don Coriat chiefe Diego of our daies To praise thy booke or thee he knowes not whether It makes him study to praise both or neither At last he learnedly lets flie at large Compares thy booke vnto a Westerne Barge And saies 't is pitty thy all worthlesse worke In darke obscurity at home should lurke And then thy blunted courage to encourage Couragiously he counsels thee to forrage 'Mongst forraine Regions and t' obserue their state That to thy Country-men thou might'st relate At thy returne their manners liues and law Belcht from the tumbrell of thy gorged maw Incipit Robertus Philips This worthy man thy fame on high doth heaue Yet Mounsieur Leg-stretcher pray giue me leaue He saies that men doe much mistake thy age That thinke thou art not past the making sage T is hard to make a foole of one that 's wise For wit doth pitty folly not despise But for to make a wife man of a foole To such a Clarke we both may goe to schoole Yet much I feare to learne it is too late Our youthfull age with wit is out of date He sayes If any one a foole dares call thee Let not his thundring big-mouth'd words apall thee But in thine owne defence draw out thy toole Thy Booke he means which will his courage coole For why thy Booke shall like a brazen shield Defend thy cause and thee the glory yeeld An asse I 'm sure could ne'r obserue so much Because an asses businesse is not such Yet if an asse could write as well as run He then perhaps might doe as thou hast done But t is impossible a simple creature Should doe such things like thee aboue his nature Thou Aiax of the frothie Whitson Ale Let AEolus breathe with many a friendly gale Fill full thy sailes that after-times may know What thou to these our times dost friendly show That as of thee the like was neuer heard They crowne thee with a Marrot or a Mard Incipit Dudleius Digges Here 's one affirmes thy booke is onely thine How basely thou didst steale nor yet purloyne But from the labour of thy legges and braine This heire of thine did life and soule obtaine Thou art no cuckold men may iustly gather Because the childe is made so like the father In nat'rall fashion and in nat'rall wit Despight of Art 't is Nat'rall euery whit Incipit Rowlandus Cotton Columbus Magelan nor dreadfull Drake These three like thee did neuer iourny take Thou vntir'd trauelling admired iemme No man that 's wife will liken thee to them The Calfe thy booke may call thee fire and dam Thy body is the Dad thy minde the Mam. Thy toylesome carkasse got this child of worth Which thy elaborate wit produced forth Now Ioues sweet benison
but all wit And thy blown tongue wil make great ships to saile From coast to coast if winde and weather faile Againe Againe his Muse from sodaine sleep is waked And saies this booke of thine is nat'rall naked Thou urely art a seruiceable waiter For when thou mad'st this booke thou didst not loyter Yet much he doubts if God or fiend will haue thee For if thou be'st sau'd sure thy booke will saue thee If I to scape the gallowes needs must read I surely for another booke will plead The reason that incites me thereunto Thy booke to saue thee hath enough to doe This man hath a Greeke name This Gentleman thy praise doth briefely note Compares thy wit and senses to a Goare And well thy breeding he hath here exprest A Phoenix hatch'd from out the Wag-tailes nest But let them say and call thee what they will Thou wast and art and wilt be Coriat still Thomas Farnabie alias Baiurâ—fc Here 's one that like a carefull true Collector Tells like a Bee thou fill'st thy combe with Nectar Die when thou wilt in honour of thy Name Ram-headed Bel-weathers shall ring thy fame Guilielmus Austin I thinke this Author doth equiuocate In writing of the word â—â—â— The word so prittily he seemes to curtall That I imagine it is done for sportall But he perswades thee trauell once agen And make the world to surfet with thy pen. Glareanus Vadeanus Thou fatall impe to Glastenburie Abby The Prophecie includes thou art no baby That ouer Odcombs towne must one day ferrie As Whiting earst did ouer Glastenberie But yet 't is pitty one of thy rare skill Should like the Monke be drowned vpon a hill If thou canst climbe to heauen in hempen string Thy same for euer then my Muse shall sing But yet 't is safer in a Trunke to hide Then such a dang'rous wincing iade to ride Iohannes Iackeson Thou that hast trauel'd much from coast to coast Come eat this Egge that is nor rawe nor rost For like a friend this man hath plaid the cooke And potch'd this Ginnie Egge into thy booke Michael Draiton Now here 's another followes with a messe In haste before thy Booke comes to the Presse The shortnesse of the time is all his fault But now he 's come and brings thee spoons salt He saies that thou hast taught the right behauior How with great men we all may liue in fauor He bids thee liue and with their loues to ioyne Whose worth and vertues are most like to thine Nicholas Smith This Author liuely hath thy fame exprest But yet his lines are different from the rest For all but he that doe thy praises pen Say thou art farre vnlike to other men But this man to thy honour doth relate How many Courtiers thee doe imitate And how for feare thou should'st be stolne away They make themselues as like thee as they may For if they lose thee by false theft or slaughter The Court I feare will weep for want of laughter Thy greatnes here the pore-blind world may see He saies not I thy peeres haue iudged thee Stand to their censures then make no deniall For surely thou hast had a noble triall Laurentius Emley Here 's one commends thy booke and bodies paine And counsels thee to trauell once againe Whereas the treasure of thy wit and body Shall tire each lumpish asse and dronish noddie A horse that beares thy corpes more ease shall find Then men can haue in bearing of thy minde For in thy minde is many a paire of gallowes Waigh's more then thee or twentie of thy fellowes Was nothing in thy iourney small or mickle But in thy minde thou barrell'dst it in pickle So that if men to see thy minde were able There 's more confusion then was ere at Babel For there 's confusion both of tongues and towers Of loftie steeples and of lowly bowers Of libbets racks and round nor menting wheeles Of Haddockes Paddockes and of slipp'rie Eeles Of wit of sense of reason death and life Of loue of hate of concord and of strife The seuen deadly sinnes and liberall Arts Doe in thy minde discord and haue tane parts It is a doubt which side the conquest winnes Either the liberall Arts or deadly sinnes Not fourtie Elephants can beare the loade Of pondrous things that haue in thee abode Thy minde waighs more then I can write or speak Which heauie burden Atlas backe would breake Iohannes Dauis This Gentleman thy trauels doth relate Applauding much the hardnesse of thy pate I thinke thy head 's as hard as steele or rockes How could thy cox-comb else endure such knocks The brauest Smithes of Britaine haue tane paines To beat vpon the anuill of thy braines But let them beat thou canst abide the blowes Thou countst theÌ„ fauors which thy friends bestows One with a cocks-combe hits thee o'r the comb Another with an Asses eares strikes home Another with a fooles coat and a cap As hard as he can driue giues thee a clap But let them strike with what they please to strike Thy hardened head will not their strokes dislike The blows the Boore did giue thee in the vineyard Thou put'st them vp neuer drew'st thy whiniard Thou took'st a beating from a boorish foe-man I hope that thou wilt scorne a knocke from no man Richardus Badley Here 's one whose lines coÌ„mend thee with the most And saies how that a foole at Pentecost At Whitsontide he meanes did ouerthrow thee And at thy owne blunt weapon ouer-crow thee If it be true me thinkes 't is wondrous strange That thou so many countries o'r should'st range And hast the tongues of Latine and of Greeke Yet 'gainst a foole should'st haue thy wits to seeke I at the Sessions house the like haue seene When malefactors at the bar haue beene Being well-read Schollers for their booke would plead Yet for their liues haue had no power to read So thou great Polypragmon wast more graueld With this wise foole theÌ„ else-wher as thou traueld Henricus Peacham Of all rare sights in city court or towne This Author saies thou brauely put'st them downe The horrid darke eclipse of Sunne or Moone The Lyon Elephant or the Baboone The huge Whale-bone that 's hang'd vp at White-hall The sight of thee puts downe the diuell and all Tricks ligges and motions are but idle toyes The sight of thee their glories all destroyes The sweetnesse of thy Phisnomy is such That many to behold it would giue much But they are blind and would giue more to see And therefore would giue much to looke on thee The Viopian Tongue Thoytem Asse Coria Tushrump cod she adirustie Mungrellimo whish whap ragge dicete tottrie Mangelusquem verminets nipsem barely battimsore Culliandolt trauellerebumque graiphone trutchmore Pusse per mew Odcomb gul abelgsk foppery shig shag Cock a peps Comb settishamp Idioshte momulus tag rag Iacobus Field This Author 'mongst the rest in kindnesse comes To grace thy trauels with a world of
Toms Tom Thumbe Tom foole Tom piper and Tom-asse Thou Tom of Toms dost all these Toms surpasse Tom tell-troth is a foolish gull to thee There 's no comparisons twixt thee and hee If tell-troth Tom were any of thy kin I thinke thy Booke not halfe so big had bin Clareanus Videanus Not last nor least but neere thy praises end This worthy man thy worthlesse works commend No scuruy idle name he will thee call And therefore he will call thee none but all If I on euery Epithete should write Thy friends bestow on thee thou wandring wight No Reader then durst on my writings looke They would so far out-swell thy boystrous booke But shortest writ the greatest wit affoords And greatest wit consists in fewest words Thus Monsieur Coriat at your kind request My recantation here I haue exprest And in my Commentaries haue bin bold To write of all that haue your fame inrol'd I meane of such my wit can vnderstand That speake the language of the Britaine land But for the Latine French the Greeke or Spanish Italian or the Welsh from them I vanish I on these tongues by no meanes can comment For they are out of my dull Element Consider with your selfe good Sir I pray Who hath bin bolder with you I or they If I I vow to make you satisfaction Either in words or pen or manly action I haue bin bold to descant on each iest Yet from the Text I nothing wrong did wrest My lines may be compared to the Thames Whose gliding current and whose glassie streames On which if men doe looke as in a glasse They may perceiue an asse to be an asse An owle an owle a man to be a man And thou thou famous great Odcombian Shalt see thy selfe descypherd out so plaine Thou shalt haue cause to thanke me for my paine But holla holla whither runnes my pen I yet haue descanted what other men Haue wrote before but now I thinke it fit To adde additions of mine owne to it I yet haue champ'd what better writers chaw'd And now my Muse incites me to applaud Thy worth thy fortune and thy high desart That all the world may take thee Asse thou art And now to sing thy glory I begin Thy worthy welcome vnto Bossoms Inne M'Coriats entertainement at Bossoms Inne IEwes-trumpt Bag-pipes musick high and low Stretch to the height your merry squeking notes And all you Cockney cocks clap wings and crow Here comes an Odcomb cocke will eat no oates Pipes tabers fiddles trebble and the base Blow sound and scrape fill all the ayre with mirth Blind harpers all your instruments vncase And welcome home the wonder of the earth Great Coriat mirrour of the foure-fold world The fountaine whence Alacrity doth flow On whom rich Nature nat'rall gifts hath hurld Whom all admire from Palace to the Plow The onely Aristarck-asse of this age The maine Exchequer of all mad-cap glee For Fortune thrust him on this earthly stage That he the onely Thing of Things should be He that so many galling steps hath trac'd That in so many countries earst hath bin And to his euiternall same is grac'd To be well welcom'd vnto Bossoms Inne Vnto which place whilst Christians time doth last If any once in progresse chance to come They of my Lords great bounty needs must taste Which oftentimes doth proue a pondrous summe For why my lusty liberall minded Lord Is very friendly to all passengers And from his bounty freely doth afford Both pounds and purses to all messengers And thither now is Monsieur Odcombe come Who on his owne backe-side receiuâ—d his pay Not like the entertainement of Iacke Drum Who was best welcome when he went his way But he not taking my Lords coyne for current Against his Lordship and his followers raues Like to a cruell all-deuouring torrent These words he vtterd stuff'd with thuÌ„dring brâ—â— Bafe vassals of the blacke infernall den Vntutor'd peasants to the fiends of hell Damn'd Incubusses in the shapes of men Whose mind 's the sinke where impious dealings dwell Curst age when buzzards owles and blinded bats Against the princely Eagle rise in swarmes When weazels polecats hungry tau'ning rats Against the Lyon raise rebellious armes When as the offall of the vilest earth Raile roguishly ' gainst their superiour powers And seeme to contradict them in their mirth And blast with stinking breath their pleasat houres When base mechanicke muddy-minded slaues Whose choysest food is garlicke and greene cheese The cursed off-spring of hells horrid caues Rude rugged rascals clad in pelt and freeze And such are you you damn'd Tartarian whelps Vnmanner'd mungrels sonnes of Cerberuâ— Whom Pluto keepes for speedy hellish helps T' increase the monarchie of Erebus But now my Muse with wrinkled laughter fild Is like to bursts O hold my sides I pray For straight my Lord by his command'ment wild Cause Coriat did his Lordship disobay That in the Basket presently they mount him And let him see his ancient royall tower For he hath maz'd them all that they account him To be some mighty man of forcelesse power And now the matter plainer to disclose A little while I 'll turne my verse to prose 2. Oration COntaminous pestiferous preposterous stygmaticall slauonians slubberdegullions since not the externall vnualued trappings caparisons or accoutrements that I weare as outward ornaments or inuellopings of the more internall beauty of the minde that is â—â—is incaged within them since not the eye-amazing character of my austere Physiognomy since not the sword of Aiax nor the words of â—vlisses since no meanes nor proiect neither of â—force or policy could stay the rugged râ—bustiâ—ous rage that your innated hereditary inciuility or inhumanity hath made you to inflict â—on me I vow and sweare by the burning heard of scorching Sol and by the bloudy cut-throat cuttleaxe of swaggering Mars and by the dimple faire Venus chin and by the armed cornuted front of sweating Vulcan that I will execute on you such confounding vengeance that your off-springs off-spring to the 39. generation shall ban with execrations as bitter as coloquintida the day houre and bald-paâ—â—ed Time of this your audacious insolency And thou ignoble horse-rubbing peasant that by the borrowed title of a Lord being but a vilipendious mechanicall Hostler hast laid this insulting insupportable command on me the time shall come when thou shalt cast thy â—nticke authority as a snake casts her skin and then thou for an example to future posterities shalt make an vnsauory period of thy maleuolent dayes in litter and horse-dongue No sooner was this graue Oration ended Whereto my Lord and all his traine attended Being strooken in an admirable maze That they like Ghosts on one another gaze Quoth one This man doth coniure sure I thinke No Quoth another He is much in drinke â— Nay quoth a third I doubt he 's raging mad Faith quoth my Lord he 's a most dangerous lad For such strange English from his tongue doth slide As no man
principall matter there and so be gone In this city of Agra where I am now I am to remaine about 6. weeks longer to the end to expect an excellent opportunity which then wil offer it selfe vnto me to goe to the famous riuer Ganges about 5. dayes iourney from this to see a memorable meeting of the gentle people of this countrey called Baicans whereof about foure hundred thousand people goe thither of purpose to bathe and shaue themselues in the Riuer and to sacrifice a world of gold to the same Riuer partly in stamped money and partly in massie great lumpes and wedges throwing it into the Riuer as a sacrifice and doing other strange Ceremonies most worthy the obseruation such a notable spectacle it is that no part of all Asia neither this which is called the great Asia nor the lesser which is now called Natolia the like is to be seene This shew doe they make once euery yeere comming thither from places almost a thousand miles off and honour their Riuer as their God Creator and Sauiour superstition and impiety most abominable in the highest degree of these brutish Ethnicks that are aliens from Christ and the common-wealth of Israel After I have seene this shew I will with all expedition repaire to the city of Lahore twenty dayes iourney from this and so into Persia by the helpe of my blessed Christ. Thus haue I imparted vnto you some good accidents that happened vnto me since I wrote a letter vnto you the last yeere from the Kings Court and some little part of my resolution for the disposing of a part of my time of abode in Asia Therefore now I will â—â—aâ— to a conclusion the time I cannot liaâ—â— when I shall come home but as my merciful God and Sauiour shall dispose of it A long rabble or commendations like to that which I wrote in my last letter to you I hold not so requisite to make at this present Therefore with remembrance of some few friends names I will but vp my present Epistle I pray you recommend me first in Odcombe to Master Gallop and euery good body of his family if hee liueth yet to Master Bâ—râ—b his wife and all his family to all the Knights William Chum Iohn Selly Hugh Donne and their wiues to Master Atkins and his wife at Norton I pray you commend mee in Euill to these to old Master Seward if hee liueth his wife and children the poore widow Darby old Master Dyer and his Sonne Iohn Master Ewins old and young with their wiues Master Phelpes and his wife M. Starre and his wife with the rest of my good friends there I had almost forgotten your husband to him also to Ned Barbor and his wife to William Ienings commend me also I pray you and that with respectfull termes to the godly and reuerent fraternity of Preachers that euery second Friday meet at a religious exercise at Euill at the least if that exercise doth continue pray read this letter to them for I thinke they will be well pleased with it by reason of the nouelties of things And so finally I commit you and all them to the blessed protection of Almighty God From Agra the Capitall City of the Dominion of the great Mogoll in the Easterne India the last of October 1616. Your dutifull louing and obedient Sonne now a desolate Pilgrim in the World THOMAS CORIAT The Copy of a speech that I made to a Mahometan in the Italian tongue THe Copie of a speech that I made extempore in the Italian tongue to a Mahometan at a City called Moltan in the Eastern India two daies iourny beyond the famous Riuer Indus which I haue passed against Mahomet and his accursed Religion vpon the occasion of a discourtesie offered vnto me by the said Mahometan in calling mee Giaur that is infidell by reason that I was a Christian the reason why I spake to him in Italian was because he vnderstood it hauing been taken slaue for many yeeres since by certaine Florentines in a Gally wherein he passed from Constantinople towards Alexandra but being by them interrupted by the way he was carried to a City called Ligerne in the Duke of Florences Dominions where after two yeeres hee had learned good Italian but he was an Indian borne and brought vp in the Mahometan Religion I pronounced the speech before an hundred people whereof none vnderstood it but himselfe but hee afterward told the meaning of some part of it as farre as he could remember it to some of the others also If I had spoken thus much in Turky or Persia against Mahomet they would haue rosted me vpon a spit but in the Mogols Dominions a Christian may speake much more freely then hee can in any other Mahometan Country in the world The speech was this as I afterward translated it into English BVt I pray thee tell me thou Mahometan dost thou in sadnes call mee Giaur That I doe quoth he Then quoth I in very sober sadnes I retort that shamefull word in thy throate and tell thee plainly that I am a Musulman and thou art a Giaur For by that Arab word Musulman thou dost vnderstand that which cannot be properly applied to a Mahometan but onely to a Christian so that I doe consequently inferre that there are two kindes of Muselmen the one â—n Orthomusulman that is a true Musulman which is a Christian and the other a Pseudo-musulman that is a false Musulman which is a Mahometan What thy Mahomet was from whom thou dost deriue thy Religion assure thy selfe I know better then any one of the Mahometans amongst many millions yea all the particular circumstances of his life and death his Nation his Parentage his driuing Camels through Egypt Syria and Palestina the marriage of his Mistris by whose death hee raised himselfe from a very base and contemptible estate to great honour and riches his manner of coozening the sottish people of Arabia partly by a tame Pigeon that did flye to his eare for meat and partly by a tame Bull that he fed by hand euery day with the rest of his actions both in peace and warre I know aswell as if I had liued in his time or had beene one of his neighbours in Mecca the truth whereof if thou didst know aswell I am perswaded thou wouldest spit in the face of thy Alcaron and trample it vnder thy feet and bury it vnder a laâ—e a booke of that strange and weake matter that I my selfe as meanly as thou dost see mee attired now haue already written two better bookes God be thanked and will here after this by Gods gracious permssion write another better and truer yea I would haue thee know thou Mahometan that in that renouned Kingdome of England where I was borne learning doth so flourish that there are many thousand boyes of sixteene yeeres of age that are able to make a more learned booke theaâ— thy Alcason neither was it as thou and the rest of you Mahometans
full of filiall piety and officious respect I haue written two letters to my Vncle Williams since I came forth of England and no more whereof one from the Mogols Court the last yeere iust at the same time that I wrote vnto you and another now which I sent iointly by the same Messenger that carried yours out of India by Sea Once more I recommend you and all our hearty wel-willers and friends to the gracious tuition of the Lord of Hosts I pray you remember my duty to Master Hancocke that reuerend and Apostolicall good old man and his wife if they are yet liuing to their Sonnes Thomas and Iohn and their Wiues The Author of the Verse takes leaue of the Author of the Prose desiring rather to see him then to beare from him THose Rimes before thy meaning doth vnclose Which men perhaps haue bluÌ„dred ore in Prose And 't is a doubt to me whose paines is more Thou that didst write or they that read them o're My Scullers muse without or Art or Skill In humble seruice with a Gooses quill Hath tane this needlesse fruitlesse paines for thee Not knowing when thou l't doe as much for me But this is not the first nor shall not be The last I hope that I shall write for thee For wheÌ„ newes thou wast drown'd did hither come I wrote a mournefull Epicedium And after when I heard it was a lye I wrote of thy suruiuing presently Laugh and be fat the Scullers booke and this Shew how my minde to thee addicted is My loue thee hath euermore beene such That in thy praise I ne'r can write too much And much I long to see thee here againe That I may welcome thee in such a straine That shall euen cracke my pulsiue pia mater In warbling thy renowne by land and water Then shall the Fame which thou hast won on foot Mongst HeatheÌ„s Iews Turks Negroes black as soot Ride on my best Inuention like an asse To the amazement of each Owliglasse Till when fare well if thou canst get good fare Content's a feast although the feast be bare Let Eolus and Neptune be combinde With Sea auspicious and officious winde In thy returne with speed to blow thee backe That we may laugh lie downe and mourne in Sacke Iohn Taylor A Bawd A vertuous Bawd a modest Bawd As Shee Deserues reproue or else applaud DEDICATED TO THE NEITHER NOBLE OR JGNOBLE LORD OR LADY KIND OR CRVELL learned or ignorant curteous or currish Christian or Barbarian Man or Woman rich or poore but to all and euery one in generall and particular MOnsieur and Madam Hydra to your many heads and variety of Censures I haue made bold to dedicate a poore harmelesse modest honest and innocent Bawd I know great persons of worth and honour are daily so visited with penurious shreds of Schollership fragments of Hexameters and Pentameters scraps of Poetry the Scum and dreggs of wit and the froth and lees of wisdome one salutes my Lords Lordship at Breakefast with a funerall Elegie lamentably written and is most miserably rewarded for his kindnesse Another bunts out his Worships vngentlemanly Knighthood hauing most intolerably belaboured his name with an Acrosticke or Anagram which out of his vacuity of worthinesse hee rewards with not a peny A third hath belyed such a Lady or Gentle womans beauty and qualities in most abominable fashion setting her forth for faire and vertuous for the which hee is rewarded according to the subiect hee wrote of and his owne demerits with as much as comes to nothing For these and some ether respects I thought it not fit to desire the patronage of any one person in particular it being a subiect that is common to all for all or any As men are dispersed uniuersally through the world so a Bawd being an vniuersall creature whose function is publikely scattered I thought it not pertinent or accommodating that shee should be priuately protected by any Therefore at shee hath beene and is for all so I dedicate her to all knowing that all are better able to reward the Poet then one alone And this is further to aduertise the Reader that where I doe speake of spirituall Bawds Bawdry Adultery or Fornication that I haue auoyded prophanity obseenity scurrility and all manner of inciuilitie or indecency not meddling with religion at all bâ—t with a pittifull derision and merry reprehension explaining the abuses soppish and sottish corruptions that like so many Cankers or Caterpillers haue and doe daily eate consume and putrifie both the Puritie and Pietie of that Religion which boasts it selfe to be most Primitiue and Catholike For the other part of this Booke or Bawd shee is altogether ciuill or temporall being not troubled so much as with one good Ecclesiasticall word but meerely Paradoxicall setting forth ther are and singular vertues of a Bawd wherein if any of my Readers can picke any pleasure it is an apparant signe they haue some wit and if they reape any profit let them either thanke me in words or elsereward mee with silence Yours so farre and no further then you are mine IOHN TAYLOR A Bawd MY Verse is honest seemely neat and cleane Yet is my Theame polluted and obsceane He touch foule pitch yet will not be defilde My Muse shall wade through dirt and not be soild The Sun on noysome Dunghils shines as well As on faire flowers that doe fragrant smell The Ayre by which wee liue doth euery where Breathe still alike vpon the poore and Peere The Sea beares many an old despised * VVitnesse my paper Boat Boat Yet on the Sea the best ships doe but float And Earth allowes to all her scatterd brood Food Clothes and lodging to the bad and good Yet Sun Ayre Sea nor Earth receiue disgrace By any bounty which they giue the base Euen so my Muse free from all foule intetnts Doth take eâ—â—â—ple from the Elements In laying better studies by a while And in clean fashion write a beastly stile Yet will I not my sense or meaning marre With tearmes obscure or phrases fetcht from farre Nor will I any way equiuocate With words sophisticall or intricate Vtopian-Fustianisme poore heathen Greeke To put my Readers wits to groape and seeke Small eloquence men must expect from me My Schollership will name things as they be I thinke it good plaine English without fraud To call a Spade a Spade a Bawd a Bawd Two little Pamphlets I haue wrote before Which I was bold to call a Thiefe and Whore Yet was my Whore so chaste that shee had not From end to end one foule offensiue spot Nor did my Thiefe from any man purloyne Or liu'd by filching either goods or coyne And now by chance it came into my mind That with the Bawd my pen was much behind â—â—y Where was honest and my Thiefe was true And in this sort I le giue the Bawd her due â—range fruit from my poore barren labours springs â—â— modestly must vse immodest things
contrary nature cannot agree withall for shee knowes by old experience that it hath vndone many and that they are accounted none of the wisest that make any account or reckoning of it I am sorry that I haue not dedicated this book to some great Patron or Patronesse but the world is so hard to please that I thinke it an easier matter to displease all then euery way fully to please one for I did lately write a small pamphlet in the praise of cleane Linnes which I did dedicate to a neat spruce prime principall and superexcellent Landresse and shee in stead of protecting my labours or sheltring my good and painfull study doth not onely expresse her liberality in giuing me nothing but also shee depraues and depriues me of that small talent and portion of wit and Poetry which nature hath giuen or lent mee most vntruly affirming and reporting that that Pamphlet was the inuention of a graue and learned friend of mine whose imployments are so vrgent and eminent and whose iudgement and capacity are so mature and approued that not one line word sillable or letter is in that poore toy but it is so farre vnlike a wiseman that they all and euery one doe most truly and obediently call Iohn Taylor father But belike shee hath learn'd some frugall qualities of some who are more honored and worshiped then honourable or worshipfull who take it for a point of thirsty wisdome to discommend where they doe not meane to reward It is a kind of policy vnder which many better labours then mine haue suffered persecution and Martyrdome and belike my vnkind Patronesse is ambitious to follow the example of her betters But I would haue her to know that if shee had but gratefully accepted my booke of Cleane Linnen that then I would haue cudgeld and canuasde my Muse I would haue rowz'd my spirits belabour'd my Inuention beaten my braines thump'd bumbasted strapadoed lambski'nd and clapper claw'd my wits to haue mounted her praise one and thirtie yards London measure beyond the Moone But ingratitude is the poyson of industry and detraction is the destruction of good endeuours for the which sinnes of hers I will allot her no other punishment but this that shee shall remaine as shee was and is the true wife to an honest Cobler A cleanly trusty chast louing and welbeloued Landresse whom when the fates and destinies shall depriue Chancery Lane of then many polluted and slouenly Linnen soylers shall lament in foule bands blacke cuffes and mourning shirts a The industry and vigilancy of a Bawd As Sloth and idlenesse are vices discommended in all Lawes and Common-wealths being enormities of that high nature and vile condition that they haue ruined whole Kingdomes Cities families and many particular persons so on the contrary diligence industry and carefull vigilancy are qualities that doe not onely erect States and Common-wealths but they doe also conserue and preserue whomsoeuer shall put them in vse and practice who then is more vigilant or industrious then a diligent Bawd shee is none of the seuen Sleepers nay shee carefully watchâ—th whilst others sleepe shee takes paines for the pleasure of many shee is the true Embleme or image of security her eyes like carefull and trusty scouts or spyes doe fore-see and preuent the danger of M r. Busieman the Constable with his ragged rusty regiment Moreouer shee is not like a ship bound for Groneland which must saile but in summer or a pot of Ale with a toast which is onely in winter no let the winde blow where it will her care is such that it brings her prize and purchase all seasons her b Or Punckes pinkes are fraighted her Pinnaces are man'd her friggots are rig'd from the beak-head to the Poope and if any of her vessels be boorded by Pyrats and shot betwix winde and water they are so furnished with engines that they le send them packing with a pox or else blow them quite vp with a diuels name there is not a poynt in the compasse but the skilfull c A Bawd a skilfull Nauigator Bawd obserues if the wind be North or North-east shee expects profits out of the Low-Countries from Germany Denmarke Norway and sometimes a Prize from Scotland if at South or S. west then her hopes are from France but Spaine and Italy doe seldome or neuer faile her And let it blow high or low the Englishman is neere on all occasions She hath not beene much accused for receiuing vncustomed goods for to speake the truth she will harbour no ventred commodity in her warehouse and if the Informer or Constable doe light vpon one of her conceal'd dryfats Punchions fardils or naughty packs and hauing seiz'd it by his office and honestly laid it vp safe in the store-house of Bridewell yet the Bawd will so compound in the businesse that for a small toye and a little sufferance shee le redeeme the Commodity and haue her ware againe in her owne hands d The plaine dealing of a Bawd A Bawd is no deceiuer of her customers for what shee promiseth shee will performe as for example If shee take a see to helpe a man to a Whore shee will not cheat him and bring him an honest woman a bargaine 's a bargaine and shee will not faile you in a tittle shee plainly and openly shewes her selfe what shee is shee doth not dissemble or hide her function from her clyents vnder the veile of hypocrysie and for her creatures that liue vnder her e A Bawd hath common sense and reason to take her part or share in her prosession shee hath taught them their Art whereby they may liue another day when she is dead and rotten and as they haue their maintenance by her instruction and vnder her protection so it is fit that in requitall of her paines she should picke a reuenue out of their commings in shee hath good presidents out of famous Authors for it an old braue fellow tooke great paines in teaching of his Cut horse and the beast was so thankfull for it that hee got his masters prouender and his owne both many yeeres after If a man teach in Ape to doe trickes the honest Ape will maintaine him for it I haue seene a Hare get her master and dames liuing with playing on a Tabor The very Baboones are graue examples in this kind Tumblers boyes and sometimes their wiues doe teach vs this duty and the ignorant Puppets doe allow their maker and master meat drinke and cloth For mine owne part if I teach my man to row I will haue for my paines the greatest part of the profit If I dig or plow and cast my Seed into the ground I will expect the benefit of the Crop If I plant or grasse I should thinke I had but hard measure if I should not feed vpon the fruit of my labour By this consequence it is reason that a Bawd should reape where shee hath sowne and eate and liue vpon such fruit
as shee hath planted To close vp all the summe of all is this I 'l end my booke as Ouid ended his So long as on the Poles the spangled firmament shall whirle So long as Procreation shall beget a Boy or Girle So long as winter shall be cold or summer shall be hot So long as pouerty and spight shall be true vertues lot When Phoebus in the West shall rise and in the East shall set When children on their mothers their owne fathers shall beget Then shall this booke or Bawd lye dead and neuer till that day Shall Booke or Bawd or Bawd or Booke be scarce if men will pay Till Sun and Moone shall cease to shine and all the world lye wast So long this Booke or else a Bawd I 'm sure so long shall last FINIS A Common Whore with all these graces grac'd Shee 's very honest beautifull and chaste With a comparison betweene a Whore and a Booke DEDICATED To no matter who Lord Master Goodman Gaffer or Knaue Lady Mistresse Good-Readers wife Gammer or Whore I Would not haue you to take me for a Bawd or a Pander for that I send a Whore amongst you for though it be my pleasure to call her so yet you in perusing of beyond conuersing with her shall finde her honester then some of your Wiues or Mothers Indeed she hath no great Kindred to boast of for my poore braine like loue was father and mother that begat and bare her like a new Pallas and my peâ— the Midwife that first wrap'd her in ragged verses in stead of clouts where the Printer hath â—â—'d her as he would be loth to be vs'd himselfe for hee hath published and proclaimed all â—er faults to the view of the world and yet I know the poore Whores paines is not past for now shee is to be examined a thousand wayes and tortured vpon the Racke of Censure â—and amongst all that shall view and handle her the hot Whoremaster will deale most discourteously with her for when hee perceiues her honestie too hard for his knauery hee will in â—ger with three tushes foure pishes fiue mewes sixe wry mouthes and seuen scurâ—â— faces teare her and pull her worse then the rusticall Rabblement did vse to vse common Whores on former Shroue-Tuesdayes But all 's one let him due his worst shee is confidently arm'd with Innocency and the threats or danger of the bad cannot affright â—â—er but that shee will attempt to recreate the good In a word all that is amisse in â—â—ir I pray you impute it to my bad Tutorship and her owne frailtie all that I hope of â—â—er is that shee is a merrie Whore full of good words A kinde Whore to be bad for â—â—oney or loue any where a true Whore and a constant for shee will neuer for sake any man â—that will keepe her and by reason shee is an honest Whore shee is a poore Whore and hath either money nor Sprats so take my VVhore amongst you as she is Now after this I 'l bee exceeding briefe To send another Pamphlet call'd a Thiefe The Hue and Cry is out and I protest Though hee scape hanging yet hee shall be prest IOHN TAYLOR A WHORE MY Booke an honest Whore I fitly call Because it treats of whores in generall Then though this Pamphlet I doe name a Whore Let no man shun her company therefore For if ten thousand with her lodge and lye No reputation they shall lose thereby No cost * A cheape Whore for dyet she at all requires No charge for change of changeable attires No Coaches or Carroaches she doth craue No base attendance of a Pand'ring Knaue Perfumes and Paintings she abhorres and hates Nor doth she borrow haire from other pates And this much more I le boldly say for her Whoso redeemes her from the Stationer With whom she as a Slaue is kept in hold And at his pleasure daily bought and sold I say that man that doth her ransome pay She will requite his kindnesse euery way Her Inside with such Treasury is stor'd As man become the Pocket of a Lord All from the Cottage to the Castle high From Palatines vnto the Peasantry If they 'l permit their wisedomes rule their will May keepe this whore and yet be honest still Yet is she * A strange Whore common and yet honest Common vnto all that craue her For sixe pence honest man or knaue may haue her To be both turn'd and tost she free affords And like a prating whore she 's full of words But all her talke is to no other end Then to teach Whoremasters and Whores to mend She in plaine termes vnto the world doth tell Whores are the Hackneys which men ride to Hell And by comparisons she truely makes A whore worse then a common Shore or Iakes A Succubus a damned sinke of sinne A mire where worse then Swine doe wallow in And with a whore although thus plaine she be She shewes a Whoremonger as bad as she And though I barren am of Eloquence Nor neuer vnderstood my Accidence Yet though I haue no learning to my share A whore to broken Latine â—â—e compare First if her minde on whoring she doth fix Shee 's all compact of mirth all Meretrix And with small teaching she will soone decline Mulier into the Gender Masculine By her Attire of which sex she should be She seemes the doubtfull Gender vnto me To either side her habit seemes to leaue And may be taken for the Epicâ—â—â— Vnto the Newâ—â—r I compare her can For she 's for thee or me or any man In her Declensions she so farre doth goe As to the common of two or three or moe And come to horum harum Whorâ—â—s thenâ— She proues a great proficient amongst men Then after she had learn'd these â—â—ssons right She forward goes vnto hoc leue light She paints our pulcher ayded by her glasse She 's neither bonus or yet bonit â—â— Home for all men is a common name And she for all men is a common shame Not lapis singularly her can please She loues the plurall number lapides To construe plainly she is seldome curious The two hard words of durus and of durius Though she 's not past the Whip she 's past the Rods And knowes to ioyne her qui's her qua's and quod's The Actiue from the Passiue shee 'l deriue Her Mood commands like the Imparatiue She knowes nâ— Concords yet to all men thus She faine would be Iucundus omnibus Claâ—â— is the Cloake that couers her offence Her goodnesse all is in the Future tense She 's facile fieri quickly wonne Or Const'ring truly Easie to be done Parui ducitur probitas sets forth Her honesty is reckoned little worth And he shall finde that takes her for his choyce An Imeriection or Imperfect voyce Among the rules of Gender she by heart Can without missing daily say her part The first among them all she liketh best Propria quae Maribus and there she
multitude 'T is onely want of worke than makes them rude 'T is want of money and of manners too That makes them doe as too too oft they doo And euery good thing that in them is scant It still must be imputed to their want But leauing true men I must turne my stile To paltry Thieues whose glory is their guile For thrice three hundred of them from me tooke Some of them ready money some a Booke And set their hands to Bils to pay to me When I from Scotland should returned be Crownes pounds or Angels what they pleas'd to write I haue their filts to shew in blacke and white And after that I to Bohemia went And gaue out money and much money spent And for these things those Thieues in generall Will neither giue me gaine or Principall I lately wrote a * It is cald a Kicksie winesie or a Lerry cum twang Pamphlet to the Crue That spake their due for keeping of my due Wherein I gaue them thankes that had me paid And pardon'd those that in their graues were laid To those that were exceeding poore or fled Except good words I very little sed I praid for them that onely would and could not And I inueigh'd at those that could and would not And let those shifters their owne Iudges be If they haue not bin arrant Thieues to me For first and last they tooke with their good wils Neere fifteene hundred Bookes vpon their bils And all their hands if I the truth may vtter Are worse then obligations seald with butter For I haue in my store not worth a Louse As many Bils as well may thatch a House And there I haue the hands of Knights and Squires And Omnium gatherum cheating knaues and lyers Seuen hundred in a Galley mawfrey Close Which I would sell for fifteene pence the Groce They 'l neither pay with coÌ„ming nor with sending And are like old Boots past all hope of mending First they did rob me of my expectation And made me walke a long perambulation And as my * To whom I in all humility must euer acknowledge my obedience and dutifull thankfulnesse and seruice Royall Master when I came The good Prince and my Lord of Buckingham With many more of honour worship and Men of inferiour callings in this Land Were bountifull to me at my returne Yet I like one that doth one Candle burne In seeking of another spent their gifts To finde out sharkes and complements and shifts Theft is the best name I can giue their crime They rob me of my Bookes my coine and time Of others bounty and mine owne good hopes And for this These I leaue them to the Ropes I speake to those that can and will not pay When in the streets I meete them euery day They doe not much mistake if they doe thinke I wish them a I haue 700. Bils of their hands which in all comes to â—â—â—â— 300. â— hang'd for keeping of my chinke Thus haue I touch'd a crue of Thieuing fellowes That rob beyond the compasse of the Gallowes Whilest many little Thieues are hang'd vp dead That onely steale for need to finde them bread As Pharaâ—h's fat Kine did the leane deuoure So great Thieues swallow small ones by their pow'r And sure I thinke that common Burglaries Pick-pockets Highway Thieues and Pilferies And all that thus felloniously doe Thieue Are Thieues whose labours b The trade of Thieuing is very profitable to any men many doe relieue Who but poore Thieues doe Iaylors wants supply On whom doe Vnder-Keepers still rely From Thieuing money still is gotten thus For many a Warrant and a Mittimus And if men were not apt to filch and Thieue 'T were worse for many a high and vnder Shrieue The Halter-maker and the Smith are getters For fatall twist and pondrous bolts and setters The Carman hath a share amongst the rest Although not voluntary yet hee 's prest The Ballad-maker doth some profit reape And makes a Taburne Dirge exceeding cheape The whil'st the Printers and the dolefull Singers Doe in these gainfull businesse dip their fingers The very Hangman hath the sleight and skill To extract all his goods from others ill He is the Epilogue vnto the Law And from the iawes of death his life doth draw And last the Hangmans Broaker reapes the fruit By selling to one Thiefe anothers suit Besides Thieues are fit members for 't is knowne They make men caréfull how to keepe their owne For were it not for them we still should lye Rock'd in the Cradle of security Lull'd in base idlenesse and sluggish sloth Apt to all ill and to all goodnesse loth Which would infect vs and corrupt the blood And therefore for our healths sake Theeues are good And some men are so prone to steale I thinke It is as nat'rall as their meate and drinke They are borne to 't and cannot doe withall And must be filching still what e'r befall A wispe of rushes or a clod of land Or any wadde of hay that 's next to hand They 'l steale and for it haue a good excuse They doe 't to keepe their hands in vre or vse But not t' excuse a Thiefe in any case I say there are some crimes as void of grace On whom men scarce haue feeling or a thought Nor e'r like Thieues are to the Gallowes brought Those that obey false gods commit offence Against th' Eternall Gods Omnipotence Those that doe grauen Images adore Are worse then Thieues yet are not hang'd therefore T is treason high to take Gods name in vaine Yet most men do 't through frailty or for gaine The Sabbath is prophan'd continually Whilest the offenders pay small * Or none at all penalty And Parents are dishonour'd without awe The whilest the children doe escape the law And murther though 't be ne'r so soule and deadly Is oft times made man-slaughter or chance-medley Adultery's neighbourhood and fornication May be conniu'd at with a toleration A Witnesse that false testimony beares 'T is a great wonder if he lose his eares But sure the Prouerbe is as true as briefe A Lyer's euer worser then a Thiefe And 't is call'd Thrist when men their minds doe set To couer how their Neighbours goods to get To be vaine-glorious and ambitious proud Are Gentleman-like parts must be allow'd To beare an Enuy base and secretly 'T is counted Wisedome and great Policy To be a Drunkard and the Cat to whip Is call'd the King of all good Fellowship But for a Thiefe the whole world doth consent That hanging is the fittest punishment But if that Law were put in execution I thinke it would be Man-kindes dissolution And then we should haue Land and Tenements For nothing or for very easie Rents Whereby we see that man his wealth esteemes And better then his God his soule it deemes For let God be abusde and let his soule Runne greedily into offences soule He scarcely shall be question'd sor't but if Amongst
woman downe into the Celler and in the same place where the two Infants lost their liues hee did helpe the woman to wring a Bucke of his clothes and then hee requested her to helpe to conuey his goods out of his house for hee said that hee feared that the Sheriffe of Surry would come and seaze vpon all But the woman not thinking of any of the harme that was done imagined that he had meant that his goods would be seazed for debt and not for murther But to returne to the miserable Mother of the murdered Children shee said that her heart throbbed all the day as fore-boading some heauy mischance to come and hauing done her businesse that shee came about to London as soone as shee came home she asked for her Children to whom her Husband answered that they were at a neighbours house in the Towne Then said shee I will go thither to fetch them home No quoth he I will goe my selfe presently for them Then said his Wife Let the poore woman that is heere goe and bring them home But at last shee saw such delay was vsed shee was going her selfe then her Husband told her that hee had sent them to a Kinsmans of his at a Village called Sutton foure miles from Ewell and that he had prouided well for them and prâ—â—id her to bee contented and feare nothing for they were well These double tales of his made her to doubt somewhat was amisse therefore shee intreated him for Gods sake to tell her truly where they were Whereupon hee said If you will needs know where they are goe but vp the stayres into such a Chamber and there you shall find them But in what a lamentable perplexity of mind the poore woman was when shee perceiued how and which way they lost their liues any Christian that hath an heart of flesh may imagine Presently the Constable was sent for who tooke him into his custody who amongst other talke demanded of him why and how he could commit so vnnaturall a fact as to murder his Children To whom hee answered that he did it because he was not able to keep them and that hee was loth they should goe about the Towne a begging and moreouer that they were his owne and being so that hee might doe what hee would with them and that they had their liues from him and therefore he had taken their liues from them and was contented to lose his life for them for hee was sure that their miseries were past and for his part he had an assured hope to goe to them though they could not come to him So being had before a Iustice his Examination was very briefe for hee confest all the whole circumstances of the matter freely so that hee was sent to the common Prison of Surry cal'd the White Lyon where he remained fourteene or fifteene weekes a wonderfull penitent Prisoner neuer or very seldome being without a Bible or some other good booâ—e meditating vpon and when any one did but mention his Children hee would fetch a deep â—â—â— and weep desiring euery one to pray for â—â—â— and vpon his owne carenest request hee â—â—â—aide for at Pauls Crosse and at most of â—â—â— Churches in London and at many in the Country and at the Sessions holden at Croyâ—â—â— the latter end of Iuno last hee made such confesslion at the Barre declaring the â—â—â— of his life his odious Drinking his â—â—minable Whoring his cruell Murther â—â—â— the false dealing of his deceitfull freind â—â—â— was the cause of his finall wrack with â—â—â— Relations of his pronounced with vehemencey and protestations hee moâ—â—â— all that heard him to commiseration and â—â—â— So according to Law and Iustice hee was â—â—â— condemned and iudged for the murâ—ering of his two Children to be hang'd â—â—â— Iudgement was executed on him at â—â—â— Gallowes at Croydon on Munday the second day of Iune 1621. where hee â—â—â— with great penirency and remorce of 〈…〉 This was the lamentable end of Iohn Rowse â—â—â— of the age of fifty yeeres and one that â—â—â— right haue liu'd and dyed in better fashion â—â—â— had laid hold on the grace of heauen â—â—â— God 's protection and fatherly asâ—â—â—â—â—â— but of all that herein is declared this â—â—â— which I now declare is most lamenâ—â—â— and remarkable which is that Ewell â—â—â— a Market Towne not much aboue ten â—â—â— from London in a Christian Kingdome â—â—â— such a Kingdome where the all-sauing World of the euer liuing God is most diliâ—â—â—â— sincerely and plentifully preached â—â—â— this diligence as it were in â—â—â— or Center of this sincerity and in â—â—â— of this plenty the Towne of Ewell â—â—â— neither Preacher not Pastor for alâ—â—â—â—â—â—son age be able to maintaine on â—â—â— Preacher yet the liuing beeing in a â—â—â— hand is rented out to another for â—â—â— and yet no Preacher mainâ—â—â—â—â—â— Now the chiefe Landlord out of â—â—â— doth allow but seuen pounds â—â—â— Reader and the other that doth hyre the Parsonage at a great Rent doth giue the said Reader foure pound the yeere more out of his meanes and courtesie and by this meanes the Towne is serued with a poore old man that is halfe blinde and by reason of his age can scarcely read for all the world knowes that so small a stipend cannot finde a good Preacher Bookes and very hardly bread to liue on so that the poore soules dwelling there are in danger of famishing for want of a good Preacher to breake the Bread of life vnto them for a Sermon amongst them is as rare as warme weather in December or Ice in Iuly both which I haue seene in England though but seldome And as the Wolfe is most bold with the Sheepe when there is either no Shepheard or an impotent insufficient one so the Diuell perhaps tooke his aduantage of this wretched man seeing hee was so badly guarded and so weakly guided to withstand his force and malice for where God is least knowne and called vpon there Satan hath most power and domination But howsoeuer I wish with all my heart that that Towne and many more were better prouided then they are and then such numbers of soules would not be in hazzard to perish nor so many sufficient schollers that can preach and teach well liue in penuryo through want of maintenance I could runne further vpon this point but that I doe shortly purpose to touch it more to the quick in another Booke By this mans fall wee may see an example of Gods Iustice againste Drunkennes Whoredome and Murder the Diuell being the first Author who was a Murtherer from the beginning when â—l'd Catâ— with Enuy that hee murdered his brother Abel who tempted Dauid first to Adultery and afterwards to Murther who prouoked Herod to cause the blessed Seruant of God Iohn Baptist to lose his head because hee told him it was not lawfull for him to marry his brother Philips Wife and who was the prounker of the aforesaid Herod to marther all the innocent male children in
your leaue a little in Prose and to the purpose GEntlemen I pray you take me not for a common Ferriman to Conicatchers I transport this fellow this once not out of confederacy but out of commiseration For I confesse ingenuously at first sight of his pittifull Preface he turn'd all my malice into compassion For I had thought hauing giuen himselfe the Title of his Maiesties Poet and by his owne confession poore enough to be one that necessity at least would haue begot that which a beggar cals Phrase â—him Whereas this Cadworme hauing onely got Rime which is but the buttons and â—â—â— to couple Verse together or as the wings of a Butter-flye now turn'd out of his Sumâ—â— weeds hee appeares to be the same which I euer held him to be A most naked and â—â—ched Mungrell not able to pen a letter in true English though it were to borrow moâ—â—â— But you will say it was the badnesse of the matter being the absolute only profest lyâ—â—â— of our age it behou'd him to build vpon his memory which Artists say is an enemy to wit â—â—â— hereon his memory is so short that as we speake of the Italians they tell lyes so long till â—â—â— beleeue themselues for truths so this Hydra-tong'd Proteus-prater in his owne and â—â—â— selfe same pestiferous Preface auer's and confutes and then auer's againe the same contradictions which he denies that he was tyed to performe the Challenge at the Hope Yet â—â—â— he confesses he sent his man backe with the earnest which he sayes was fiue shillings say ten but we will not contend for the summe had it beene ten pounds hee 'll as soone pay as fiue shillings Did I giue him fiue shillings earnest then no question but it was to tye him â—â—â— bargaine was the money certaine and the conditions at his owne choice Indeed he â—â—es to haue money for a Song but I haue more wit then to be one of his Patrons But his â—â—â— plaid the knaue as how could he doe other hauing such a Master and ran away with â—â—â— money was euer poore Rat driuen to more extremity to free her selfe from the trap by â—â—ning off his owne taile is Monsieur le Foggnieurs seruice so cheape that it will be sold for five shillings He will say his Annagram is I will feare no man It is a deere Anagram Monsiâ—â— â—â— it cost you fiue shillings For had you fear'd your Man you would neuer haue trusted him but you may see the scald Squire will haue his Iade though it be but a scabbed one â—â—â—his Man hath beene found in three or foure tales about the vnfortunate fiue shillings First he confest that hee paid it to a Broker for the loane of a Cloake for his Master to goe twiâ— to the Court in Secondly that he paid it for the hyre of two Shirts for his Master which he had to ride into the Country withall Thirdly that hee gaue it to a Punke for her diuidend which Punke was to haue a share in their Riming and whistling and they were to shaâ—â— with her in her commings in Fourthly that he paid it to a Broome-man for foure paire â—â—â— Bootes for his Master at fifteene pence a paire Was euer Poore crowne so martyr'd and quaâ—ter'd amongst Brokers Knaues and Whores But were this all the dust that stucke on â—â—â— Coate his man might beat it out of it you shall finde he hath a Father to father his lyâ— on which Sire of his as hee saith sent for him into the Country I say t was the Thiefe whoâ—â—â— pardon he was to get Now sayes hee whether should I obey my parents or Iohn Taylor Surely thy Father Mounsieur for he hath much need of a sonne that will Father thee Nayâ—â—â— such a father that gaue him a hundred pound at parting I hold my life he meant with aâ—puâ—â— for a parting blow This lye a man would thinke carries some colour with it did not thâ—â— witlesse Asse himselfe discouer it to bee but a Vizard For a little before he writes Might heâ—â—â— haue had fiue pound he would haue staid his iourney Doth not Esops pluck'd Crow looke like a Rooke now Vngracious Child wouldst thou preferre fiue pound to thy fathers blessing came the hundred pound so vnlook'd for that the hope of it was not worth fiue Surely Gentlemen I hope to auoid this tax hee will in his next edition confesse himselfe the child of the people and the hundred pound was one of his poeticall fictions for as yet one penny of it was neuer extant And beleeue it his faith his father and the money are aloâ—â— Implicite neuer made manifest Imagine his Father had beene able to giue him 100. pounds would hee haue bound hiâ— Prentice to a blinde Harper whose boy he cannot deny but he was whom the hungry sawâ—â— scroyle almost famisht with beguiling him of his victuals so that the poore musician was faine to shift him off for his guts were clung in his belly and Fennor meant to make Haâ—â— strings of them But thinke you if his Father had beene of that worth that he would haue suffered him to runne ouer the earth like one of Caines Imps that had a Plough tayle of his own to tye him to But you will obiect a reconcilement vpon better fortunes he is now married and hath a stayd head He hath call'd the King master and the blacke Guard fellowes heonors change manners I confesse and that he is adorn'd I will not deny the hundred pound well laid out shall speake his Fathers bounty At thy return Mounsier Le Fognier what became of the mony didst thou pay the Hackney man for horse-hire hee pleads not guilty because hâ— receiued no gilt thou hast but one only part of a Gentleman in thee and that is thou wilt pâ—â— no debts didst thou buy houshold stuffe Let the Thiefe speake who is most familiarly guâ—â— vnder colour of a pardon but thou holdst it lawfull to punish Sinners Didst thou buy appareâ— with it No verily he pawnâ—d his Cloake the next morning of his returne Oh inuisible summâ—â—â— what is become of thee This was a hidden blessing whose effects are not yet to be seene Tâ—â— one of Erra Paters predictions t is intailed vpon his Issue But to conclude if it were lawfull for me to examine thee at Staffords Law I would make thee confesse the receit of ten shillings the acknowledgement of my bill the acceptance of thy answere and thy word and promise for thy meeting me and that I neuer receiued mony or message to the contrary Aâ—â— which thou didst confesse to me before fiue Witnesses since thy booke was written when thâ—â—â— paidst me my Mony and this and more I could make thee say and sweare or else I would beat thee to mash and make a Gally-mawfry for Dogges of thee But I think it time to leaâ—â— Prose and fall into Verse for the satisfaction of the Reader thy shame and my Fame IOHN TAYLOR He
â—â— Maiesty did thee that name allow The name of Rimer carry to thy graue â—â—ile of Poet thou shalt neuer haue â—â—ch well in Turn-bull street or in Pickt-hatch â—ere Shorditch or Long alloy prethee watch And mongst the trading females chuse out nine To be thy â—â—â— they will sit thee fine Thy â— make thy rimes and thee of more account And mount thy same aboue Parnassus Mount Thou writst a hotch-potch of some forty lines About my Play at Hope and my designes Where men may see thy stocke of wit is poore To write of that which I had writ before Thou fill'st thy Booke with my inuention full And shew'st thy selfe an idle shallow Gull And then thou talk'st prat'st and keep'st a Rut And tearm'st my Muse Melpomenes Tayle Gut I wonder where thou didst that phrase procure Thou art beholden to some Tripe-wife sure When hunger doth prouoke thee rime and sing That Gut will make thy Muse a Chitterling For thou from tripes and tayl-guts hogs mawes Hast won thy greatest credit and applause There 's none that eats a Partridge or a Pheasant But takes thee for a soole to make them pleasant I know not if thy wife be he or shee If she be honest shee 's too good for thee Thou partly offrest me to hold the dore If I will make thy Kitchin-maid my whore But prethee hold thy prating witlesse Gander Shalt ne'r haue honor to become my Pander Thou saist I raile 't is true I had decreed To giue my wronged Muse a purge with speed And as the fittest vessell 't was thy lot To be her foule vnworthy Chamber-pot Shee 's well recouer'd and the world doth see Her filthy excrements remaine in thee No blacke contagious mist her pure light suffers But strait she makes of thee a paire of Snuffers To make her glorious greatnesse shine more cleere And this shall be your office Le Fognicre And now a thought into my mind doth creepe How thou a Kitchin or a Maid canst keepe I know the time thou wouldst haue lick'd thy chaps From out an Almes-basket to get some scraps And hast thou now a Kitchin and large roomes To entritaine faire Lasses and braue Groomes I see thou art the frugal'st Lad aliue And car'st not greatly what thou dost to thriue I wrongly call'd thy Kitchin-seruant maid No maid can dwell with thee I am afraid And now a pretty tale I meane to tell Marke it I prâ—thee for it fits thee well There was a fellow once some faults had done Which fearing hanging did his Country run And comming to the City full of feare Nay note my tale good Mounsier Le Fognier In hope to get his pardon 't was his chance Vpon a man as might be thee to glance The poore distressed fellow told his mind And said If any man would be so kind To get his pardon and to set him fâ—re He should haue threescore angels for his Fee Now he that this mans pardon should procure To saue his owne stake and to make all sure He leaues the Thiefe in London and strait went And brought a Hoy full of his goods from Kent Then out of hand this man like thee call'd Momus Did hire a goodly building called Donius Which this thiefs houshold-stuffe did furnish well And there this Gentleman like thee doth dwell Now to proceed the poore vnhappy thiefe Is ready still to hang himselfe with griefe For he is cheated of his goods I wot And knowesâ—â—t when his pardon will be got And 't is much fear'd the Cheater his owne selfe Will worke some meanes to hang him for his pelfe How lik'st thou this i' st not a pretty trick But wherefore dost thou chafe and spurn and kick A guilty conscience feeles continuall scare And this discourse doth seem to touch thee neare Nay then I will relate another thing Which I suppose will make you wince and fling Vpon S. Georges day last Sir you gaue To eight Knights of the Garter like a Knaue Eight Manuscripts or Bookes all fairely writ Informing them they were your Mother wit And you compild them then were you regarded And for anothers wit was well rewarded All this is true and this I dare maintaine The matter came from out a learned braine And poore old Vennor that plaine dealing man Who acted Englands Ioy first at the Swan Paid eight crownes for the writing of these things Besides the couers and the silken strings Which money backe he neuer yet receiu'd So the deceiuer is by thee deceiu'd First by those Bookes thou stol'st a good report And wast accounted a rare man in Court Next thou didst much abuse those Noble-men And kildâ—st their bounty from a Poets Pen. And thirdly thou a Poet didst beguile To make thy selfe the Author of his stile And last thou shewst thy cheating good and euill Beguiling him that could beguile the Deuill Thou highly hast prouoâ—'d the Muses fury Twelne Poets are empaneld for thy Iury Then William Fennor stand vnto the Bar Hold vp thy hand herd thy accuserâ— are Art guilty or not guilty of those crimes Thou art accus'd th' ast stole fiue thousand rimes From But ends of old Ballads and whole books What saist thou for thy selfe hold vp thy lookes He falters and his words are all vnsteady Poore fellow looks as he were hangd already His silence doth affirme these things are true And therefore let the Bench in order due Giue sentence that within a hempen string He at S. Thomas Wat'rings may goe swing And for heliu'd the wonder of our time Do him this honor hang him vp in rime A Sirrha is the matter falne out so Must thou Extemp'ry to the Gallowes goe For old atquaintance e'r thou breathe thy last I o'r the Water will giue thee A Cast. And till the halter giue thy necke a wrench Thou shalt haue time and space in the Kings Bench To Con and fesse and to repent thy fill And to dispose thy goods and make thy will Which being done and thou well hang'd and dead This Epitaph vpon thy graue I 'l spread That passers by may read and reading see How much thou art beholden vnto me Epitaph HE that could alwayes lye doth lye Sixe foote below thy feet Of any colours he could dye His lyes to make them meet In lyes vntrue he spent his youth And truly dead lies here in truth HOw saist thou Fennor is not all this worth Thy harty thanks which I haue here set forth If not thou shew'st thy selfe the more ingratefull Which vice is to the very Diuell hatefull Thou didst belye me when thou saidst I threat thee For rather then I would doe so I 'd beat thee And 't were the easier taske of both by halfe But who will foule his fists on such a Calfe A Calfe said I for age thou dost appeare To be a Bull of Oxe th' art past a Steere Thou liest againe accusing me of Griese Because thou goâ—st a pardon for a Thiefe Why should I grieue
at that was neuer done The pardon yet I 'm sure thou hast not won The poore man he hath cause to grieue enuffe For being Cheated of his houshold stuffe Thou braggâ—st and prat'st how charity and loue Of mankind onely did thy pitty moue And not desire of siluer for thy paine Did make thee seeke his pardon to attaine And then as if thou wert deâ—our'd with zeale Thy false hypocrise thou dost reueale In our Contentious writing 't is vnfit That any word of Scripture should be writ The name of God is to be feard with trembling And thou mak'st it a Cloke for thy dissembling Shall Raskall Rimes profane vnhallowed things Bâ—â—â—xt with flaming the great King of Kings The onely one in three and three in one Let him and all his Attributes alone Thou saist before that I should hanged be How thou a pardon woudst procure for me â—â—â— it come to that I 'l end the strife â—â—â— before I 'l thanke thee for my life â—â—â— thy gilt of conscience wondrcus great â—s â—â—â— thou wouldst ne'r write thy repenting treatis â—â—ing me to patience and forgiue â—â—â— shewes thou some abuse to me didst giue â—â—â— make me cry Vindicta and requite â—â—â— wrongs before all misconceiuers fight â—â—â— for my Arth's th' ast giu'n me quit for que â—â—ou must to Tyburn I to Wapping goe â—â—â— I have gotten a Reprieue and can â—â—â— myselfe to be an honest man â—â— Muse for thee a Habeus Corpus brings â—â— Tyburne to Saint Thomus Waterings An Epilogue â—To'd thee I had worser rods in pisse Thou findst it true and I haue worse then this â—â—c on occasion I will freely vtter â—â— thou but dare against me for to mutter â—â—â— three daies thou didst write that book of thine Thou saist and I in fourteene houres did mine â—or I would haue thee well to vnderstand â—â—â— haue by water and by land â—â— seruice and occasions me incites To write by snatches and by spurts a nights That if my businesse were but ouer-past The writing such another I durst fast â—â—m sleepe or sustenance of meat or drinke And such a taske would famish thee I thinke â—â—for a wager will be locked vp And no reliefe will either bite or sup Vntill as much as this my muse deuise And scarcely be an hungred when I rise Then for thine owne sake Poet Pedler cease Or bind my sharpe fang'd Muse vnto the peace For thou maist sweare keep thy conscience cleere That of thy life thou liu'st in mighty feare â—â—â— I make thee desp'rate thine owne breath bereaue â—y which the Hangman thou wilt much deceiue Thus doe I leaue my lines to all mens view To iudge if I haue paid thee not thy due To write of thee againe my Muse hath ceast â—â—â— is enough enough's a feast I know thy lying Chaps are stopt for euer That all thy study and thy best endeuour Nor fifty more such shallow brains as thine Can answere this one little booke of mine But if thou dost I know 't will be so lame A wise man will not reade it o'r for shame And therefore Fennor gnaw vpon this bone What next I write shall better be or none Taylors defence of the honesty of his Blew-Bitch NOw Fennor once more I 'l giue thee a twitch For hunting hotly after my Blue Bitch Beware she doth not teare thee by the throat She 's neither Salt nor hot I 'd hauâ— thee know â—â— Thou like a Hound perhaps maist licke her taile But further all thy wits cannot preuaile I wish thee from thy Kennell â—â—â— to roame But for thine owne tooth keep thy Brache at home My Bitch will bite thee sorely I am sure And where she fangs 't is commonly past enre At honest men shee ' I neuer cry â—â—â— But she will snarle and snap such knaues as thou As for my Cod let her be up'd and rip'd Let her be search'd to see what she hath ship'd And nothing in her all the world can see But sharpe Satyricke whips to torture thee His Landing NOw here I land thâ—â—â— S. Mary â—â—â—â—â— I think not for your worships woÌ„ted bawdries I know your businesse is not for a wench The Tipstaffe tels me you are for the Bench Where you may feed your Muse on Carrat rootea And lie a bed borrow no shooes or bootes And liue within the ruses a good thing truly For such a man as you that liue vnruly Farewell and yet I 'l visit you againe When in a Rugg you Clanior at the Chaine And once againe when it falls to your lot Below your eare to weare the pendant â—â—not Meane space because you are a merry Greeke I 'l send thee bread and pottage thrice a weeke The praise of cleane Linnen VVITH THE COMMENDABLE VSE OF THE LAVNDRES DEDICATED TO THE MOST MONDIFYING CLARIFYING PVRIFYING AND REPVRIFYING CLEANSER Clearer and Reformer of deformed and polluted Linnen Martha Legge Esquiresse transparent vnspotted Snow Lilly-white Laundresse to the Right worshipfull and generous the Innes of Court of the middle Temple with diuers others in the ranke of Nobility Gentility and tranquility your poore and vnknowne Poeticall Oratour IOHN TAYLOR in humility and â—â—â— cranes your Patronages ability in defence of his imbecility MOst cleanely and profest Antagonist to vermine dirt and filth â—â—â— Dragmatus the Diagotian Stigmatist very worthily wrot in hiâ—â— Treatise of the Antiquitie of Shapparoones and carelesse Bandâ— Rushtoy ton tumeron smolensco whish wherlibumque Which is in English That to conserue and keepe cleane is as much or more then to make cleane and I know by long experience that your paines and industry not onely makes our polluted Linnen cleane but also to conserue and preserue â—â— in that neatnesse and purity as is correspondent for our health and wholesomenesse vpon these gratefull confiderations I haue presumed to consecrate these vnpolish'd lines to your vnspotted Cleanlinesse not doubting but the lathering suds of vour lennitie will wash away all such faults as are not herein committeâ—â— through want of ignorance and with the white Starch of your firme constancy you will stiffen the weakenesse of my feeble and limber labours that it may be able to stand like a stout Mastiffe Dogge against the opposition of all detracting Nungerels I haue in this ensuing volume set forth the praise and commendations of Cleane Linnen with the honourable paines of the Laundresse which word Laundres I finde to be both vnfitting and derogatory to your comly commendable laudable neate sweet and seemely calling for the Anagram of Laundre SLAVVNDER which name or Epithite is halfe a slawnder to your suriâ—â—â— for to be a Laundres imports onely to wash or dresse Lawne which is as â—â—â—â— impeachment as to cal a lustice of the Peace a Beadle a Dyer a Scaldragge or â—â—â—â—â—nger a seller of Gubbins No my most laborious and purifying Patroâ—â—â— your glory shall no longer be Ecclipsed to be termed a bare Lawndres or a â—â—â—â— of Lawne but a Hollandresse Tiffanie-dresse Lawndresse
And sharke and steale as much as it can hold 'T is soft and gentle yet this I admire at At sweet meates 't is a tyrant and a pyrat Moreouer 't is a Handkerchiefes high place To be a Scauenger vnto the face To clense it cleane from sweat and excrements Which not auoyded were vnsauory scents And in our griefes it is a trusty friend For in our sorrow it doth comfort lend It doth partake our sighes our plaints and feares Receiues our sobs and wipes away our teares Thus of our good and bad it beares a share A friend in mirth a comforter in care Yet I haue often knowne vnto my cost A Handkerchiefe is quickly found and lost Like loue where true affection hath no ground So is it slightly lost and lightly found But be it ten times lost this right I 'l doe it The fault is his or hers that should looke to it Should I of euery sort of Linnen write That serues vs at our need both day and night Dayes months and yeeres I in this Theame might spend And in my life time scarcely make an end Let it suffice that when 't is fretted out And that a cloth is worne into a clout Which though it be but thin and poore in shape A Surgeon into lint the same will scrape Or rolles or bolsters or with plaster spread To dresse and cure all hurts from heele to head For gangrens vlcers or for wounds new hack'd For cuts and flashes and for Coxcombs crack'd Thus many a Gallant that dares stab and swagges And 'gainst a Iustice lift his fist or dagger And being mad perhaps and hot pot-shot A crazed Crowne or broken-pate hoth got Then ouer him old Linnen dominceres And spight of steeth it clouts him 'bout the cares Thus new or old it hath these good effects To cure our hurts or couer our defects And when it self 's past helpe with age and rending Quite past selfe mending 't is our means of meÌ„ding The flint and steele will strike bright sparkling fite But how can wee haue fire at our desire Except old Linnen be to tinder burn'd Which by the steele and flint to fire is turn'd â—â—â— all cleane Linnen that a Laundresse washes â—â—â— Muse hath worne to clowts or turn'd to ashes â—nd ther 's the end on 't Now I must pursue The old consumed how to purchase new â—ow of the louely Laundresse whose cleane trade â—â—th ' onely cause that Linnen 's cleanely made â—â—ing is on two extremes relying â—â—â— euer wetting or shee 's euer drying â—â—â— all men dye to liue and liue to dye â—â—â— doth shee dry to wash and wash to drye â—â—â— runnes like Luna in her circled spheare â—â—â— perpetuall motion shee doth steare â—â—â— course in compasse round and endlesse still Such like a horse that labours in a mill â—o shew more plaine how shee her worke doth frame â—â—â— Lianen's foule e'r shee doth wash the same â—â—â— washing further in her course she marches â—â—â— wrings she folds she pleits she smoothes she starches â—â—â— stiffens poakes and sets and dryes againe â—nd foldes thus end of paine begins her paine â—â—d like a whirligigge or lenten Top â—â—a most plenteous spring that still doth drop â—â—â— Soddes vnto the Sea I may compare The Reake or smocke the wind the fishes Linnen are â—he Laundresse fishes foaming froth doth lighten â—he whilest her tongue doth thunder affrighten The totall is a tempest full of chiding That no man in the house hath quiet by ding â—â—â— Lâ—ndresses are resty and full of wroth â—hen they are lathering in their bumble broth â—â—â— can I blame them though they brawle talke â—en there haue nought to doe they may goe walke â—â—â— commonly their worke this profit brings The good-wife washeth and her husband wrings â—â—â— though my verse thus merrily doth stray â—â—â— give the Laundresse still her due I pray What were the painefull Spinner or the Weauer â—â—â— for her labour and her good endeauour What were the function of the Linnen Draperye â—â—â— Sempsters admirable skill in Naperye They all might turne and wind and liue by losse â—â—â— that the Laundresse giues their worke a glosse â—â—â— that wee vse to weare 't is plaine The Laundresse labour giues it grace and gaine Without her 't is most loathsome in distaste â—nd onely by her paines and toyle 't is grac'd â—â—â— is the ornamentall Instrument That makes it tastefull to the sight and scent â—â—â— you man-monsters monstrous Linnen soylers â—â—â— Shirt polluting tyrants you sheets spoylers â—â—tious rude Ruffe-rending raggamentoyes â—â—â— tragma Troynouantoyes Remember that your Lanndresse paines is great Whose labours onely keepe you sweet and neat Consider this that here is writ or said And pay her not as was the Sculler paid Call not your Laundresse flut or slabb'ring queane It is her slabb'ring that doth keepe thee cleane Nor call her not Drye-washer in disgrace For feare shee cast the suddes into thy face By her thy Linnen 's sweet and cleanely drest Else thou wouldst stinke aboue ground like a beast There is a bird which men Kings fisher call Which in foule weather hath no ioy at all Or scarce abroad into the ayre doth peepe But in her melancholy nest doth keepe Till Tyians glory from the burnish'd East Rich Bridegroome-like in gold and purple drest Guilds and enamels mountaines woods and hils And the rotundious Globe with splendor fils In these braue Buksome merry Halcion dayes Then this most bewtcouâ— bird her plumes displaies So doth a Laundresse when the Sun doth hide His head when skyes weepe raine and thunder chide When powting lowring slauering sleete snow From foggy Austers blustring iawes doth blow Then shee in moody melancholy sittes And sighing vents her griefe by girds and sittes Her liquid Linnen piteous pickl'd lyes For which shee lowres and powts as doth the skies But when bright Phoebus makes Aurora blush And roabes the welkin with a purple flush WheÌ„ mourning cloudes haue wasted all their teares And welcome weather faire and dry appeares Then to the hedge amaine the Laundresse ambles In weeds of pennance clothing bryers and brambles Like a Commaundresse vsing martiall Lawes She strikes she poakes and thrusts she hangs and drawes She stiffens stifly she both opes and shuts She sets and out she pulles and in she puts Not caring much if wind blow low or hye Whilst drunkards thirst for drink she thirsts to dry Thus hauing shew'd the Laundresse praise and paine How end of worke begins her worke againe I hope amongst them they will all conclude Not to requite me with ingratitude But as an Act they 'l friendly haue decreed I ne'r shall want Cleane Linnen at my need Whil'st to their owne contentments I coÌ„mend them And wish faire drying weather may attend them If thankefully you take this worke of mine Hereafter I will cause the muses nine To helpe me adde to what seemes here diminish'd So Vale Totâ— here my Booke is FINISH'D The principall occasions why this merry Poeme was written
Orbes and Planets did stand vnmoueable and that only the Terrestriall Globe turnes round daily according to the motion of Time yet could the World haue no resemblance of a foure-wheel'd Coach but in all reason it must whirâ—â— round but vpon one Axeltree like a twowheelde Cart. Nor can the searching eye or most admirable Art of Astronomie euer yet finde that a Coach could attaine to that high exaltation of honour as to be placed in the Firmament It is apparantly seen that Charles his Cart which we by custome call Charles his Waine is most gloriously stellifide where in the large Circumference of Heauen it is a most vsefull and beneficiall Sea-marke and somtimes a Land-marke too guiding and directing in the right way such as trauaile on Neptunos waylesse Bosome and many which are often benighted in wilde and desert passages as my selfe can witnesse vpon New market heath where if that good â—â—â— had not Carted me to my Lodging I and my Horse might haue wandred I know not whither Moreouer as Man is the most noblest of all Creatures and all foure-footed Beasts are ordayned for his vse and seruice so a Cart is the Embleme of a Man and a Coach is the Figure of a Beast For as Man hath two legges a Cart hâ—â—h two wheeles The Coach being in the like â—â—â— the true resemblance of a Beast by which is parabolically demonstrated vnto vs that as much as Men are superior to Beasts so much are honest and needfull Carts more nobly to be regarded esteemed aboue needlesse vpstart â—â—â—sticall and Time troubling Coaches And as necessities and things whose commodious vses cannot be wanted are to be respected before Toyes and trifles whose beginning is Folly continuance Pride and whose end is Ruine I say as necessity is to be preferred before superfluity so is the Cart before the Coach For Stones Timber Corne Wine â—eete or any thing that wants life there is a â—â—â— they should be carried because they are dead things and cannot goe on foot which necessity the honest Cart doth supply But the coach like a superfluous bable or vncharitable â—â—â—er doth seldom or neuer carry or help any â—ead or helplesse thing but on the contrary it helps those that can help themselues like Scogâ—â—â— when he greazd the fat Sow on the Buttâ—â—â— and carries men and women who are aâ—â—â— goe or runâ— Ergo the Cart is necessary and the Coach superfluous Besides I am verily perswaded that the â—â—â—est Coxcombe that euer was iolted in a â—â—â—â— will not â—e so impudent but will conâ—â—â— that humility is to be preferred before â—â—â—â— which being granted note the affaâ—ility â—â— low lines of the Cart and the pride and inâ—â—lency of the Coach For the carman humbly â—â—â—â—â— it on foot as his Beast doth whilest the â—â—â—â—â—â— is mounted his fellow-horses and himselfe being all in a Liuery with as many â—â—â—â—ieties of Laces facings Cloth and Colours â—â—â—â—â— in the Râ—â—nebowe like a Motion or Paâ—â—â— rides in state and loades the poure Beast which the carman doth not and if the Carmans horse bee melancholly or dull with hard and heauy labour then will he like a kinde Piper whistle him a fit of mirth to any tune from aboue Eela to below Gammoth of which generositie and courtesie your coachman is altogether ignorant for he neuer whistles but all his musicke is to rappe out an oath or blurt out a curse against his Teeme The word carmen as I find it in the Dictionary doth signifie a Verse or a Song and betwixt Carmen and Carmen there is some good correspondency for Versing Singing and Whistling are all three Musicall besides the Cart-horse is a more learned beast then the Coach-horse for scarse any Coachhorse in the world doth know any letter in the Booke when as euery Carthorse doth know the letter G very vnderstandingly If Adultery or Fornication bee committed in a Coach it may be grauely and discreetly punished in a Cart for as by this meanes the coach may be a running Bawdy-house of abomination so the Cart may and often is the sober modest and ciuill pac'd Instrument of Reformation so as the Coach may be vices infection the Cart often is vices correction It was a time of famous memorable misery when the Danes had tyrannicall insulting domination in this land for the slauery of the English was so insupportable that hee must Plow Sow Reape Thrash Winnow Grinde Sift Leauen Knead and Bake and the domineering Dane would doe nothing but sleepe play and eate the fruit of the Englishmans labour which well may bee alluded to the carefull Cars for let it plough carry and re-carry early or late all times weathers yet the hungry Coach gnawes him to the very bones Oh beware of a Coach as you would doe of a Tyger a Wolf or a Leuiathan I le assure you it eats more though it drinkes lesse then the Coachman and his whole Teeme it hath a mouth gaping on each side like a monster with which they haue swallowed all the good housekeeping in England It lately like a most insatiable deuouring Beast did eate vp a Knight a neighbour of mine in the County of N. a Wood of aboue 400. Akers as if it had beene but a bunch of Radish of another it deuoured a whole Castle as it had beene a Marchpane scarcely allowing the Knight and his Lady halfe a cold shoulder of Mutton to their suppers on a Thursday night out of which reuersion the Coachman and the Footeman could pick but hungry Vailes in another place passing through a Parke it could not be content to eate vp all the Deere and other grazing Catâ—ell but it bitvp all the Oakes that stood bare-headed there to doe homage to their Lord and Maister euer since the conquest crushing their olde sides as easily as one of our fine Daines with a poysoned breath will snap a Cinamon stick or with as much facility as a Bewde will eate a Pipin Tart or swallow a â—â—ewed Pruine For what call you the Towne where the great Oysters come from there it hath eaten vp a Church Chauncell Steeple Bells and all and it threatens a great Common that lyes neere which in diebus illis hath relieued thousands of poore people may so hungry it is that it will scarcely endure in a Gentlemans house a poore neighbours childe so much as to turne a Spit nor a Yeomans sonne to enter the house though but in good will to the Chamber maide who anciently from 16. to 36. was wont to haue his breeding either in the Burtry or Celler Stable or Larder and to bid good man Hobs good wife Grub or the youth of the parish welcome at a Christmas time but those dates are gone and their fellowes are neuer like to be seene about any of our to gallime houses There was a Knight an acquainâ—â—ce of mine whoseh wole means in the world was but three score pounds a yeere and aboue 20. of the same went for his Wiues coach-â—â—â—â— now
so lowde she cannot sleepe Lo thus the deuill sowes contentious seed Whence sects schismes and heresies do breed Epigram 15. Kissing goes by fauour BEmbus the Burgomaster liues in paine With the Sciatica and the Cathar Rich Grundo of the dropsie doth complaine And with the Gowt these mizers troubled are If Tinkers Coblers Botchers be infected With Bembus Lamenesse or with Grundoes Gowt Like pocky fellowes they must bee reiected And as infectious rascals bee kept out And not come neere where wholesome people flocks Thus rich mens sicknesses are poore mens pocks Epigram 16. Deere no Venison PRocilla alwaies calls her husband Deere Belike shee bought him at too deare a rate Or else to make the case more plaine appeare Like to a Deere she hath adorn'd his pate If it be so god Vulcan send her lucke That she may liue to make her Deere a Bucke Epigram 17. Euery thing is prettie when it is little THere is a saying old but not so wittie That when a thing is little it is prettie This doating age of ours it finely fits Where many men thought wise haue pretty wits Epigram 18. I meant somewhat ONe ask'd mee what my Melancholy meanes I answer'd 'T was because I wanted meanes He ask'd what I did by my answer meane I told him still my meanes were too too meane He offer'd me to lend me pounds a score I answer'd him I was too much in score He finding me in this crosse answ'ring veine Left me in want to wish for wealth in vaine Epigram 19. Faith without workes A Mongst the pure reformed Amsterdammers Those faithfull Friday feasting capon craÌ„mers Only in them they say true faith doth lurke But 't is a lazy faith 't will doe no worke O should it worke ther 's many thousand feares 'T would set the world together by the eares Epigram 20. Partiality STrato the Gallant recles alongst the street His addle head 's too heauy for his feete What though he sweare and swagger spurn kick Yet men will say the Gentleman is sick And that 't were good to learn where he doth dwell And helpe him home because he is not well Strait staggers by a Porter or a Carman As bumsie as a fox'd flapdragon German And though the Gentlemans disease and theirs Are parted onely with a paire of sheares Yet they are Drunken knaues and must to th' stocks And there endure a world of flouts and mocks Thus wheÌ„ braue Strato's wits with wine are shrunk The same disease will make a begger drunke Epigram 21. A keeper of honesty DEliro should of honesty be full And store of wisedome surely is within him What though he dally with a painted Trull And shee to folly daily seemes to win him Yet in him sure is honesty good store He vtters but his knauerie with a whore For he that spends too free shall surely want Whilst he that spares will liue in wealthy state So wit and honesty with such are scant Who part with it at euery idle rate But men must needes haue honesty and wit That like Deliro neuer vtter it Epigram 22. All 's one but one's not all TO wonder and admire is all one thing If as Synonimies the words be tooke But if a double meaning from them spring For double sence your Iudgement then must looke As once a man all soild with durt and mire Fell downe and wonder'd not but did admire Epigram 23. Mistresse fine bones FIne Parnell wonderfully likes her choyce In hauing got a husband so compleate Whose shape and mind doth wholy her reioyce At bed board and abroad he 's alwaies neate Neate can he talke and feed and neatly tread Neate are his feete but most neate is his head Epigram 34. A supposed Constructions MAry and Mare Anagrammatiz'd The one is Army and the other Arme â—â—â— both their names is danger Moraliz'd â—â— both alike doe sometimes good or harme Mare 's the sea and Mare 's Arme 's a riuer And Mary's Armie 's all for whatl ' yee giue her Epigram 25. Death is a Inggler A Rich man sicke would needs go make his will And in the same he doth command and will The hundred pound vnto his man call'd Will Because hee alwaies seru'd him with good will But all these wills did proue to Will but vaine His master liues and hath his health againe Epigram 26. Mistresse Grace onely by name GRace gracelesse why art thou vngracious Grace Why dost thou run so lewdly in the race The cause wherefore thy goodnesse is so scant â—â—ose what most thou hast thou most dost want Epigram 27. Prudence T Is strange that Prudence should be wilde and rude Whose very name doth Modesty include â—â—e reason is for ought that I can see Her name and nature doe not well agree Epigram 28. MercyÌ„ MY Mercy hates me what 's the cause I pray T is ' cause I haue no money thee doth say â—mell Mercy now I plainly see Without a see no mercie comes from thee â—et in conclusion euery idle gull â—â—ceines thy Mercy is vnmercifull Epigram 29. Faith O Faith thou alwaies vnbeleeuing art Faith in thy name and faithlesse in thy heart â—â—â—credidst all but what is true and good â—vertue rude in vice well vnderstood Epigram 30. Vpon my selfe MY selfe I like to an vntun'd Viall For like a Viall I am in a Case And whoso of my fortunes makes a triall Shall like to me be strung and tuned base And Trebles Troubles he shall neuer want But heere 's the Period of my mischiefes All Though Base and Trebles fortune did me grant And Meanes but yet alas they are too small Yet to make vp the Musicke I must looke The Tenor in the cursed Counter booke Epigram 31. A Rope for Parrat WHy doth the Parrat cry a Rope a Rope Because hee 's cag'd in prison out of hope Why doth the Parrat call a Boate a Boate It is the humour of his idle note O pretty Pall take heed beware the Cat. Let watermen alone no more of that Since I so idlely heard the Parrat talke In his owne language I say Walke knaue walke Epigram 32. Constants INconstant Constants all-bewitching feature Hath made faire Constance an inconstant Creature Her Godmother was very much to blame To giue Inconstancy a constant name But 't was a woman nam'd her so contrary And womens tongues and hearts doe euer vary Epigram 33. Vpon the burning of the Globe A Spiring Phaeton with pride inspir'd Misguiding Phoebus Carre the world he fir'd But Ouid did with fiction serue his turne And I in action sawe the Globe to burne Epigram 34. Late Repentance A Greedy wretch did on the Scriptures looke And found recorded in that Sacred booke How such a man with God should sure preuaile Whoâ—clad the naked and visit those in Iaile And then he found how he had long mistak'd And oftentimes had made the cloathed nak'd In stead of visiting th' opprest in mones He had consum'd them to the very bones Yet one day he at
farre â—â— I can from the cleane sound and profitable Sheepe before mentioned for feare the bad should infect the good ANd now from solid Prose I will abstaine To pleasant Poetrie and mirth againe The Fable of the golden Fleece began Cause Sheepe did yeeld such store of gold to Man For he that hath great store of woolly Fleeces May when he please haue store of golden peeces Thus many a poore man dying hath left a Sonne That hath transform'd the Fleece to Gold like Iases And heere 's a my stery profound and deepe There 's sundry sorts of Mutton are no Sheepe Lac'd Mutton which let out themselues to hire Like Hackneys who'lbe fir'd before they tire The man or man which for such Mutton hungers Are by their Corporation Mutton mongers Which is a brother-hood so large and great That if they had a Hall I would intreat To be their Clarke or keeper of accounts To shew them vnto what their charge amounts My braines in numbring then would grow so quicke I should be Master of Arithmeticke All States degrees and Trades both bad and good Afford some members of this Brotherhood Great therefore needs must be their multitude When euery man may to the Trade intrude It is no freedome yet these men are free Not sauers but most liberall spenders be For this is one thing that doth them bewitch That by their trading they ware seldome rich The value of this Mutton to set forth The flesh doth cost more than the broth is worth They all Ewes yet are exceeding Ramish And will be dainty fed whoso'uer famish Nor are they mark'd for any man or no man As mene or thine but euery mans in common â—â—beads and necker and breasts they yeeld some itore â—â—â—scarcely one good liuer in nine score Liuers being bad 't is vnderstood The reinea are fild with putrified blood Which makes them subiect to the scab and then They prone most dangerous diet vnto men And then the prouerbe proues no lye or mocke On seabbed sheep 's enough to spoyle a focke But yet for all this there is many a Gall â—â—â— Mutton well and dips his bread â— the weell And were a man put to his choyce to keepe 'T is said a Sbriw is better then a Sheepe â—â—â— if a man be yok'd with such an Eâ—â—â— See may be both seabbed Sheepe and Shrew And he that is so march'd his life may well Compared be vnto an earthly hell Into my Theame which I wrote of before Let this Mutten must haue one cut more These kind of Sheepe haue all the world ore'growne And seldome doe weare flecces of their owne For they from sundry men their pelts can pull Whereby they keepe themselues as warme as wooll Besides in colours and in shape they varie Quite from all profitable sheepe contrarie White blacke greene rawny purple red and blue Beyond the Raine-bow for their change of hue â—â—â— like in alteration â—â—â— that bare Ayre they cannot liue vpon The Moones mutation's not more manifold Silke Veluet Tissue Cloath and cloath of Gold These are the Sheep that Golden fleeces weare Who robe themselues with others Wooll or haire And it may bee 't was such a Beast and Fleece Which Iason brought from Cholcos into Greece They are as soft as silke-wormes VVere it no more but so I dare be bold To thinke this Land doth many Iasons hold VVno neuer durst to passe a dang'rous waue Yet may with ease such Golden fleeces haue Too much of one thing 's good for nought they say I le therefore take this needlesse dish away For should I too much of of Lac'd Mutton write I mayo'recome my readers stomacke quite Once more vnto the good Sheepe I le recare And so my Booke shall to its end exspire Although it be not found in ancient writers I finde all Mutton-caters are Sheepe-biters And in some places I haue heard and seene That cutrish Sheepe-bisers haue hanged beene If any kinde of Tike should snarle or whine Or bite or wootry this poore Sheepe of mine Why let them barke and bite and spend their breath I le neuer with them a Sheepe bitter's death My Sheepe will haue them know her Innocence Shall liue in spight of their malcuolence I wish them keepe themselues and me from paine And bite such sheeps as cannot bite againe For if they snap at mine I haue a pen That like a truky dog shall bite agen And in conclusion this I humbly crane That euery one the honesty may haue That when our fraile mortality is past We may be the good Shepheards sheepe at last FINIS THE PRAISE OF HEMP-SEED WITH The Voyage of Mr. Roger Bird and the Writer hereof in a Boat of browne-Paper from London to Quinborough in Kent As also a Farewell to the matchlesse deceased Mr. THOMAS CORIAT The Profits arising by Hemp seed are Cloathing Food Fishing Shipping The Profits arising by Hemp seed are Pleasure Profit Iustice Whipping DEDICATED TO THE RIGHT WORSHIP FVLL PAternes and Patrons of honest endeuours Sir THOMAS HOVVET and Sir ROBERT WISEMAN Knights And to the worthy Gentleman M r. IOHN WISHMAN Health Mirth and Happinesse be euer attendants NOBLE SIRS I Could haue soyled a greater volume then this with a deale of emptie and triuiall scuffe as puling Sonets whining Elegies the dog-trickes of Loue â—â—â—â— to mocke Apes and transforme men into Asses Which kind of writing is like a man in Authoritie ancient in yeares rouerend in Beard with a promising out-side of Wisedome and Grauitie yet in the expected performances of his profound vnder standing his capacitie speakes nething but Mutimus But heere your Worships shall find no such stuffe for thou I haue not done as I should yet I haue performed as much as I could I haue not had riuers of Oyle or fountaines of wine to fill this my poore caske or booke but I haue as it were extracted oyle out of steels and wine out of dry chaffe I haue here of a graine of Hemp-seed made a mountaine greater then the Apenines or Caucalus and not much lesser then the whole world Here is Labour Profit Cloathing Pleasure Food Nauigation Diuinitie Poetry the liberall Arts Armes Vertues defence Vices offence a true mans protection a Thiefes execution Here is mirth and matter all beaten out of this small Seed With all my selfe for my selfe and in the behalfe of Mr. Roger Bird doe most humbly thanke your Worships for many former vndeserued courtesies and fauours extended towards vs especially at our going our dangerous Voyage in the Paper boat for which wee must euer acknowledge our selues bound to your Goodnesses Which voyage I haue merrily related at the end of this Pamphlet which with the rest I haue made bold to dedicate to your Worshipfull and worthy Patronages humbly desiring your pardons and acceptances euer remaining to bee commanded by yon and yours in all obsequiousnesse IOHN TAYLOR THE CONTENTS OF THIS BOOKE 1 The most part of such Authors are nominated as haue written of
triuiall matters 2 The Names of most of the Pagan and Heathenish Idols that haue beene and are honoured at this present 3 The profit and pleasure all Countries haue by Hemp-seed 4 How it propagates the Gospell 5 Nauigation with the Commodities it brings and carries 6 How many Trades and Functions liue by it 7 How when it is worne to ragges it is made into Paper 8 How many liue by it being Paper 9 The sacred memory of Patriarchs Prophets Euangelists Apostles and Fathers 10 The foure Monarchies 11 The seauen Wonders 12 Philosophers Historians Chronographers Poets ancient and moderne the best fort mentioned 13 The Anatomy of a Brownist or precise Amsterdamd Puritane 14 A Voyage in a Paper-boat to Quinborough 15 The description of a Sea-storme 16 The Names of the most famous Riuers in the World 17 The praise of the noble Riuer of Thames A. Preamble Preatrot Preagallop Preauick Preapace or Preface and Proface my Masters if your stomackes serue BOoke goe thy wayes and honest mirth prouoke And spightfull spirits with Melancholy choake â—â—â— I command thee where thou dost resort To be the bad mens terrour good mens sport Netre as thou canst I pray thee doe not misse In make them vnderstand what Hempseed Me thinkes I heare some knauish foolish head Accuse condemne and judge before bee read Saying the fellow that the same hath made It ame bouicke Waterman by trade And therefore it cannot worth reading be Being compil'd by such anoue as he Another spends his censure like Tom ladle Brings in his fine egs soure of which are adle Mewes and makes faces yet scarce knowes what 's what Hemp. seed quoth he what canbe writ of that Thus these deprauing minds their iudgements scatter Eyber against the Writer or the Matter But let them if they please reade this Preamble And they will finde that I haue made a scamble To sâ—ew my pocre plentious want of skill How Hemp-seed doth deserue preserue and kill I muse that neuer any exe'lent wit Of this forgotten subiect yet bath writ The theams is rich although esteemed meane Not scuvrulous prophane nor yet obsceane And such as taske may well become a quill To blaze it that hath all the grounds of skill This worke were no dishonour or abuse To Homer Ouid or to Marots Muse. A thousand Writers for their art renown'd Haue made farrt baser things their studies ground That men haue cause to raile ' gainst fruitlesse Rimes Vainely compil'd in past and present times And say O Hemp-seed how art thou forgotten By many Potts that are dead and rotten I And yet how many will forget the still Till they put on a Tyburne Pickadill The Names of most of such Authors or their Workes as haue writ vpon many poore subiects Erasmus that great Clerke of Rotterdam In praise of Folly many lines did frame The summe and pith of all his whole intents Showes Fooles are guilty and yet Innocents Another briefly barely did relate The naked honour of a bare bald Pate And for there 's not a haire twixt them and heau'n The title of tall men to them is giuen And sure they put their foes in such great dread That none dares touch a haire vpon their head Mountgomerie a fine Scholler did compile The Cherrry and the Sloe in learned stile Homer wrote brauely of the Frog and Rat And Virgil versifi'd vpon a Gnat Ouid set forth the Art of lustfull Loue. Another wrote the Treatise of the Deue. One with the Grashopper doth keepe a rut Another rimes vpon a Hazell Nut. One with a neat Sophisticke Paradoxe Sets sorth the commendations of the Poxe Signout Inamorato's Muse doth sing In honour of his Mistris Gloue or Ring Her Maske her Fanne her Pantosle her Glasse Her Any thing can turne him to an Asse Plinie and Aristotle Write of Bees Some write of Beggeries twenty foure degrees One of the Owle did learnedly endite And brought the Night bird welcome to day-light A second did defend with tooth and nayle The strange contentment men may find in Iayle A third doth the third Richard much commend And all his bloudy actions doth defend A fourth doth shew his wits exceeding quicknesse In praise of Tauerns healths and Drunken sicknesse A fift doth toyle hit Muse quite out of breath Of aduerse Fortune banishment or death A sixt the very Firmament doth harrow Writes of the Parret Popinjay and Sparrow The Storke the Cuckoe Nothing can escape The Horse the Dog asse foxe ferret and the ape Mounsieur de Gallia writes all night till noone Commending highly Tenâ—is or Baloone Anothers Museus high as Luna flies In praise of hoar sursse dropsies and bleare eyes The Gout Sciatica scab'd hams small legs Of thred-bare cloakes a jewes-trump or potch'd egges One all his wit at once in Rime discloses The admirable honour of red noses And how the nose magnificat at doth beare A tincturs that did neuer colour feare One doth her â—icke it throng hout our coast The vertue of muld-facke and ale and toast Another takes great paints with inke and pen Approuing fat men are true honest men Out makes the haâ—â—ig hâ—y vaâ—ty welkin ring In praise of Custards and a bag pudding Another â—theâ—â—â— inke and paper Exalting Dauncing makes his Muse to caper Anothers humour will nothing allow To bee more profitable â—â—â— a Cow Licking his lips in thinking that his theame Is milke cheese butter whay whig curds and creame Leather ana Veale and that which is most chiefe Tripes chitterlings or fresh powder'd beefe A number haue contagiously rehearsed And on Tobacco vpouriz'd and vearsed Maintaining that it was a drug deuine Fit to be seru'd by all the Sisters nine Yet this much of it I shall euer thinke The more men stirre in it the more 't will stinke A learned Knight of much esteeme and worth A pamphlet of a Priuie did set forth Which strong breath'd Ajax was well like'd because T was writ with wit and did deserue applause One wrote the Nightingale and lab'ring Ant. Another of the Flea and th'Elephant Tom Nash a witty pamphlet did endite In praise of Herrings both the red and write And some haue writ of Maggots and of Flies A world of fables fooleriâ—s and lies And this rare Hempsee a that such profit brings To all estates of subiects and of Kings Which rich commoditie of man should lacke He were not worth a shirt vnto his backe And shall is no tryamphant honour haue But lye dead buried in obliuions graue Some Critticks will perhaps my writing tax With falshood and maintaine their shirts are flax To such as those my answer shall be this That Flax the male and Hemp the female is And thier engendring procreatiue seed A thousand thousand helpes for man â—ath breed And as a man by glauncing vp his eye Sees in the aire a stocke of wilde Geese flye And ducks and woodcocks oyboth sexes be Though men doe name but one forbreuity There'eganders 'mongst the geese hens with the
prophane and great abuse To turne the brethrene linnen to such vse As to make Paper on 't to beare a song Or Print the Superstitious Latine tongue Apocrypha or Ember-weekes or Leus No holy brother surely will consent To such ldolatry his spirit and zeale Will rather trouble Church and common-weale He hates the Fathers workes and had much rather To be a bastard then to haue a Father His owne interpretation he 'll affoord According to the letter of the word Tropes Allegories Types similitudes Or Figures that some my sticke sense includes His humour can the meaning so vnfold In other fashions then the Fathers could For he dogmatically doth know more Then all the learned Docters knew before All reueread Ceremonies he 'l oppose He can make an Organ of his nose And spin his speech with such sincerity As if his bridge were falne in verity The Cope and Surplesse he cannot abide Against the corner-Cap he outhach cride And calls them weeds of Superstition And liueries of the whore of Babylon The Crosses blessing he esteemes a curse The Ring in marriage out vpon 't 't is worse And for his kneeling at the Sacrament In sooth he 'le rather suffer banishment And goe to Aâ—â—â—erdamd and liue and dye E're he 'l commit so much ldolatry He takes it for an outward Seale or Signe A little consecrated bread and wine And though it from his blessed Saulour come His manners takes it fitting on his bum The spirit still directs him how to pray Nor will he dresse his meat the Sabbath day Which doth a mighty mysterie vnfold His zeale is hot although his meat be cold Suppose his Cat on Sunday kill a Rat She on the Munday must behang'd for that His faith keepes a continuall Holy day Himselfe doth labour to keepe it at play For he is read and deeply vnderstood That if his faith should worke 't would doe no good A fine cleane fingerd faith must saue alone Good workes are needlesse therefore ho'l do none Yet patience doth his spirit so much inspire He 'l not correct a Seruant in his ire But when the spirit his hot furie layes Hee congregates his folkes and thus he sayes Attend good Nichodemus and Tobiâ— List to your reuerend Master Ananias And good Aminadab I pray attend Here 's my man I smael highly did offend He told a lye I heard his tongue to trip For which most surely he shall tast the whip Then after some sententious learned speech The seruant humbly doth let fall his breech Mounts on his fellowes backe as on a Mule Whilst his pure Maister mounts his rod of rule The boy in lying with his tongue did faile And thus he answers for it with his taile O Vpright Sincere Holy execution Most patient vnpolluted absolution Shall Paper made of linnen of these men Be stain'd with an vnsanctified pen In sooth who ere doth so beâ—'t he or she They little better then the wicked be Children of Sathan and abhomination The brood of Belials cursed congregation The bastard off spring of the purple where Who doe the Babylonish Beast adore From the Creation to the generall Fleed The name of Paper no man vnderstood But by tradition still from Sire to Son Men liuing knew the deeds by dead men dont Yet many things were in the Deluge san'd In stony Pillars charactered and grau'd For the most part antlquity agrees Long since the floud men writ in barkes of trees Which was obseru'd late in America When Spanish Cortois conquered Mexica Then after in Fig-leaues and Sicamour Men did Characters their minds explore â—â—â— when it is worne to Rags it is made into Paper Long after as ingenuous spirits taught Rags and old Ropes were to perfection wrought Into quare formes yet how to giue a name Vnto their workemanship they could not frame The Originall of Paper Some Authors doe the name of Paper gather To be deâ—iu'd from Papa or a Father Because a learned man of Arrius sect Did Christendome with heresie infect And being grear errors much mistooke Writ and divulged in a Paper booke And therefore Nimphsâ—ag thus much doth inferre The name of Paper sprung from Papaerr Some bold the name doth from a Rush proceed Which on Egiptian Nilus bankes doth breed Which rush is call'd Paptr us for on it Th' Egiptian people ofteneimes had writ And some againe of lesse authoritie Because it 's made of rags and pouerty In stead of Paper name it Paâ—peris Be sure thinkes they take their markes amisse For foure and twenty sheets doe make a Quire And twenty Quire doth to a Reame aspire And euery Reame were kingdomes for their strength â—â— that they want a single 1 in length A Reame of Paper therefore keepes great port And were a Realme wer'â— not an 1 too short Besides we haue an old Proguâ—â—icater An erring Father quast arta Pater â—â—â— euerlasting Almanack tels plaine How many miles from hence to Charles his waine From â—â—â—â— vnto Mercury how farre To venus Sol and Mars that warlike stâ—rre From Mars to merry thunder-thumping Ieaâ— And thence to fullen Saturns highest aboue This if I lye not with advice and leasure Old Erra Pater to an inch did measure But hollow Muse what mounted to the sky I 'le clip your soaring plumes for you and I Must talke of Paper Hemp and such as this And what a rich commodity it is It was time to remember my selfe for I was a degree too high The best is I haue elbow roome to trace I am not tide to times to bounds or place But Europe Asia Sun-burnt Affrica America Terraâ—â—â—â—â— The Christians Heathens Pagans Turkes Iewes And all the world yeelds matter to my Muse No Empire Kingdome Region Prouince Nation No principality Shire nor Corporation No Country County City Hamlet Towne But must vse Paper eyther white or browne No Metropolitane or gracious Primate No Village Pallace Cottage function Climate No age sex or degree the earth doth beare But they must vse this seed to write or weare How it Propagates the Gospell This Paper being printed doth reueale Th' Eternall Testament of all our Weale In Paper is recorded the Records Of the Great all-Creating Lord of Lords Vpon this weake ground strongly is ingrau'd The meanes how man was made and lost and sau'd Bookes Patriarchall and Propheticall Historicall or Heauenly Mysticall Euangelicall and Apostolicall Writ in the sacred Text in generall The sacred memory of Patriarchs Prophets Euangeiists Apostles and Fathers Much hath the Church our Mother propagated By venerable Fathers workes translated Saint Ierome Gregoris Ambrose Augustius Saint Basil Bernard Cyprian Constantive Eusebius Epipleanssu Origen Ignatius and La ctantius reuerend men Good Luther Caluine learned Zwinglius Melancton Beza Oecolampadius These and a world more then I can recite Their labours would haue slept in endlesse night But that in Paper they preseru'd haue bin T' instruct vs how to shun death hell and sin The memoriall of Monarchies and Wonders with their
at my returne which now I haue performed not out of any malice but because I would be as good as my word with him Thus crauing you to reade if you like and like as you lift I leaue you a Booke much like a pratling Gossip full of many words to small purpose Yours as you are mine IOHN TAYLOR TAYLORS TRAVELS From the Cittie of LONDON in England to the Cittie of PRAGVE in Bohemia WITH The manner of his abode there three Weekes his Obseruations there and his returne from thence AS ALSO How hee past 600. Miles downe the Riuer of Elue through Bohemia Saxonie Anhalt the Byshopricke of Magdenburg Brandenburg Hamburgh and so to England With many Relations worthy of note I Came from Bohem yet no newes I bring Of busines 'twixt the Keysar and the King My Muse dares not ascend the lofty staires Of state or write of Princes great affaires And as for newes of battels or of War Were England from Bohemia thrice as far Yet we doe know or seeme to know more heere This was is or will be euer knowne there At Ordinaries and at Barbar-shops There tidings vented are as thicks as hops Hyu many thousand such a day were slaine What men of more were in the battle ta'us When where and how the bloody fight begun And â—â—â— such scences and such Townes were won How so and so the Armies brauely met And which side glorious victorie did get The moneth the weeks the day the very hours And â—â—â— they did oppose each others powre These things in England prating fooles dee chatter When all Bohemia knowes of no such matter For all this Summer that is gone and past Vntill the first day of October last The armies neuer did together meet Nor scorce their eye-sight did each other greet The fault is neither in the foot or horse Of the right valiant braue Bohemian force From place to place they daily seeke the foe They march and remarch watch ward ride run goe And grieuing so to waste the time away Thirst for the hazard of a glorious day But still the Enemy doth play boe peepe And thinkes it best in a whole skin to sleepe For neither martiall policie or might Or any meanes can draw the foe to fight And now and then they conquer speele and pillage Some for thatcht houses or some pelting Village And to their trenches run away againe Where they like Foxes in their holes remaine Thinking by lingring out the warres in length To weaken and decay the Beamish strength This is the newes which now I meane to books He that will needs haue more must needs goe looke Thus leauing warres and matters of high state To those that dare and knowes how to relate I 'le onely write how I past heere and there And what I haue obserued euery where I 'le truely write what I haue heard and eyed And those that will not so be satisfied I as I meet them will some tales deuise And fill their eares by word of mouth with lies THe Mouth that beares a mighty Emp'rers name Augustus bight I passed downe the streame Friday the fourth just sixteene hundred twenty Full Moone the signe in Pisees that time went I The next day being Saturday a day Which all Great Brittaine well remember way When all with thankes doe annually combine Vntoth ' Almighty maiesty diuine Because that day in a most happy season Our Soueraigne was preseru'd from Gouties treason Therefore to Churches people doe repaire And offer sacrifice of praise and prayer With Bels and beâ—fires euery towne addressing And to our gracious King their loues expressing On that day when in euery nooke and angle Faâ—gets and banins smoak'd and bels did â—angle Onely at Graues end why I cannot tell There was no sparke of fire or sound of bell Their â—eepls like an instrument unstrung Seem'd as I wish all scolds without a tongue Their bonfires colder then the greatest frost Or chiller then their charities almost Which I perceiuing said I much did muse That Graues-end did forget the thankefull vse Which all the townes in England did obserue And cause I did the King of Britaine serue I and my fellow forour Masters sake Would neere the water side abâ—fire make With that a Scotchman Tompson by his name Bestowed foure forgets to encrease the flame At which to kindle all a Graues-end Baker Bestowed his bauiâ—e and was our partaker We eighteene feete from any house retir'd Where we a Iury of good Faggots fir'd But e're the flames or scarce the smoake began There came the fearefull shadow of a man The Ghost or Image of a Constable Whose franticke actions downeright dance-stable Arm'd out of France and Spaine with Bacchus bounty Of which there 's plenty in the Kentish County His addle coxcombs with tobacco puff'd His guts with â—â—â— full bumbasted and stuff'd And though halfe blind yet in a looking glasse He could perceiue the figure of an Asse And as his slauering chaps non since did flutter His breath like to a jakes a â—â—â— did vtter His legs indenting scarcely could beare vp His drunken trunke o'er charg'd with many a cup This riff raff rubbish that could hardly stand Hauing a staffe of office in his hand Came to vs as our fire began to smother Throwing some faggots one way some another And in the Kings name did first breake the peace Commanding that our banfire should succease The Scotchman angry as this rudenesse done The scatlered faggots be againe layd on Which made the â—â—my Constable goe to him And punch him on the brest and outrage doe him At which a cuffe or twaine were giuen or lent About the eares which neither did content But then to be are bow fearefull be asse braid With what a hideous noyse be howld for ayde That all the â—â—â— in Graues-end in one houre Turn'd either good bad strong small sweet or soure And then a kenuell of incarnate currs Hang'd on poore Thompson no like so many burrs Haling him vp the dirty streets all foule Like Diuels pulling a condemned foule The Iaylor like the grand den'â— gladly sees And with an itching hope of â—â—â—s and fees Thinking the Constable and his sweet selfe Might drinke and quaffe with that ill gotten pelfe For why such beunds as these may if they will Vnder the shew of good turne good to ill And with authority the peace first breake With Lordly domineering â—â—â— the weake Committing oft they care not whom or why So they may exercise themselues thereby And with the Iaylor share both fee and fine Drowning their damned gaine in smoaks and wine Thus hiredings Constables and Iaylors may Abuse the Kings liege people night and day I say they may I say not they doe so And they know best of they doe so or no They hal'd poore Thompson all along the street Tearing him that the ground scarce touch'd his feet Which be perceiuing did request them cease Their rudenesse vowing he would goe in peace He would with quietnesse
so himselfe himselfe doth ouerthrow The Philistines his childrens bloud did spill And with his Sword King Saul King Saul did kill 2. Samuel King Deuids royall heart is fild with woe For Ionathan and Saul his friend and foe In Regall state he liues and flourisheth And loues Sauls Grandchild lame Mephibosheth Affection blinds him on Vriahs wife T' accomplish which her husband lost his life The King 's reprou'd by Nathan and repents And by repenting heau'ns high wrach preuents Incestuous Amnon Absâ—lon doth kill For forcing Tamar gainst her Virgin will He 's reconcil'd vnto his louing Sire And proudly to the Kingdome doth aspire The old King flees and ouer Iordane hies The Sonne pursuing and the Father flyes Achitophel himselfe hangs in dispaire And Absolon dyes hanged by the haire The King for his rebellious Sonne doth mourne His people numbred are at his returne The Lord is wrath the pestilence increast That seuenty thousand dye and then it ceast 1. Kings The Kingly Prophet valiant Dauid dyes His Throne is left to Salomon the wise False Adoniah Ioab Shimei kild By his command as erst his Father wild With speed he sends for workmen from farte Coasts To build a Temple to the Lord of Hosts Before or after him was neuer such That had of wisedome or of wealth so much A thousand women some wed some vnwed This wise King to Idolatry misled He dyes and 's buried by his fathers toome And Rehoboam doth succeed his roome Now Israel from Iudah is diuided Both Kingdomes by bad Kings are badly guided Yet God to Iacobs seed doth promise keepe And raises faithfull Pastors for his sheepe 2. Kings Eliah worketh wonders with his word By inspiration of the liuing Lord He 's taken vp aliue and his blest Spirit Doth doubly in Elishaâ—s breast inherit Some Kings doe gouerne well most gouerne ill And what the good reformes the bad doth spill Till Isr'el Iudah King and Kingdome 's lost To great Nebuâ—hadnâ—zzar and his host 1. Chronicles Here euery Tribe is numbred to their names To their memorials and immortall fames And Dauids acts t' instruct misguided men Are briefly here recorded all agen 2. Chronicles The state of Israel Iâ—dah and their Kings This Booke againe againe Recordance brings Their plagues of plague of â—â—mineâ—â—lâ—uery sword For their contemâ—ing heau'ns All sauing word Mâ—â—â—ssâ—â—â— Praâ—er Mâ—â—â—ssâ—â— almost drown'd in black despaire Gaines mercy by repentance and by prayer Ezrs. The Persian Monarch Câ—â—â—â— granteth haue The Iewes once more their freedomâ— should receiue When at Ierusâ—lâ—m they make abâ—d They all with zeale â—â—â—â—â— the house of God Malicious men with poysnous â—â—â—â—â— fild Makes Artaâ—â—â— â—irdeâ— tho'e that build Yet God so workes that Israels is loâ—e and zâ—ale Resâ—mes againe their ancient Church and weale Nehemiah The booke of Ezra doth concord with this Commanding good forbidding what 's amisse And godly Nehemiah â—â—â—â—â— reform'd What sinne and Sathan had long time deform'd Esther Here he that dwels in heauen doth deride Queene Vshy's and ambitious Hamans pride The Iewes are sau'd by Esters suite from death And Haman and his Sons hang'd loose their breath Poore Mordecay is held in high account And to great greatnesse humbly he doth mount Thus God doth raise all those his Lawes doe seeke He layes the lofty low exâ—lâ—s the meeke Iob. No lusse of Sonnes and Daughters goods and all Make not this man into impatience fall Assailing Sathan tempring wife false friends With perfect patience he â—ll woeâ—â— defends I â—â—â—â—â—â—â—â— quoth he into this world And â—â—â—â—d herâ—â—â—â—â—â— I shall be hurâ—d God giues and takes according to his word And blessed euer bee the liuing Lord. Psâ—lmes The blessed Kingly Prophet sweetly sings â—â—â—nall praises to the King of Kings Gods Power Iustice Mercy Fauour looke For they are comprehended in this Booke Prouerbs The wisest man that euer man begot In heauenly Prouerbs shewes what 's good what 's not Ecclessiastes Health strength wit valour wordly wisdome pelfe All 's nought and worse then vanity it selfe Salomons song This Song may well be call'd the Song of Songs It to the heauenly Bride and Groome belongs It truely shewes Christs loue vnto his loue His Church his Wife his Virgin Spouse his Doue Isaâ—ah This worthy Prophet truely doth foretell How Christ shall come to conquer death and hell Rewards vnto the godly he repeats And to the godlesse he denounceth threats Ieremy This Man of God long time before foreshoes Ierusalems Captiuity and woes Lamentations He wishes here his head a fountaine deepe That he might weepe weepe nothing else but weep That he might gush forth flowing streames fo teares For Iuaah's thraldome misery and feares Ezeâ—hiel In Babylon this Prophet Captiue is And there he prophesies of bale and blisse How all must come to passe the Lord hath said How Iudgement surely comes although dalayed Daniel The Kings darke dreame the Prophet doth expound For which he 's highly honour'd and renown'd Nabuchadnezzar doth an Image frame Commands all paine of death t' adore the same Three godly Iewes by no meanes will fall downe And for contempt are in the fornace throwne Where midst the flames vnhurt they sweetly sing Which wonder doth conuert the tyrant King Here Daniel Prophesies of Christ to come Of Babel Persia Graâ—ia and Rome Hosea He tels misgouern'd Israel their sinnes And how the losse of grace destruction winnes Ioel. This Prophet tels the stubborne hearted Iewes How heau'ns consuming wrath apace ensues He therefore doth perswade them to contrition And by contrition they shall haue remission Amos. Mans thanklesse heart and Gods vnmeasur'd loue This Prophet doth to Isr'els faces proue Obadiah He comforts Pudah ouer-prest with woes And prophesies destruction of their foes Ionah Here Ionah tels the Niniâ—itrs except Repentance wrath of Heauen doe intercept In forty dayes high low rich poore great small The Lords hot fury shall consume them all With hearts vnâ—aign'd the sinfull Citie mournes The Lord grants mercy Ionah backe returnes Micah He speakes of Isr'els and of Iuda's crimes And tels them their confusion comes betimes Nahâ—m The Niniâ—ites againe forsake the Lord And are subdu'd by the Assirian sword This Prophet comforts those that are opprest And tels the godly they shall be releast Habakkuk He doth be waile th' oppression of the poore For mercy humbly he doth God implore To keepe the Captiu'd Iewes from fell despaire He teâ—ches them a heauenly forme of Prayer Zephaniaâ— He fils the good with hope the bad with â—eare And tels the Iewes their thraldome draweth neere Haggay He exhorteth them to patience in their paine And bids them build the Temple once againe Zachariah He tels the Iewes why they haue plagued beene He bids them shunne Idolatry and sinne Malachi For sinne he doth reproâ—e both Peince and Priest And shewes the comming both of Iohn and Christ. Which Christ shall be a Sauiour vnto all That with true faith obey his heauoâ—ly call Apâ—â—ryphâ— These bookes doe all in generall intimate The State
Priests Lemman and a Tinkers Pad Or Dell or Doxy though the names bee bad And amongst Souldiers this sweet piece of Vice Is counted for a Captaines Cockatrice But the mad Rascall when hee 's fiue parts drunke Cals her his Drah his Queane his Iill or Punke And in his fury'gins to rayle and rore â— Then with full mouth he truely call's her Whore And so I leaue her to her hot desires ' â—Mongst Pimps and Panders and base Applesquires To mend or end when age or Pox will make her Detested and Whore-masters all forsake her A comparison betwixt a Whore and a Booke ME thinks I heare some Cauiller obiect That 't is a name absurd and indirect To giue a Booke the Title of a Whore When sure I thinke no Name befits it more For like a Whore by day-light or by Candle 'T is euer free for euery knaue to handle And as a new whore is belon'd and sought So is a new Booke in request and bought When whores wax old and stale they 're out of date Old Pamphlets are most subiect to such fate As Whores haue Panders to emblaze their worth So these haue Stationers to set them forth And as an old whore may be painted new With borrowed beauty faire vnto the view Whereby shee for a fine fresh whore may passe Yet is shee but the rotten whore shee was So Stationers their old cast Bookes can grace And by new Titles paint a-fresh their face Whereby for currant they are past away As if they had come forth but yesterday A Booke is dedicated now and than To some great worthy or vnworthy man Yet for all that 't is common vnto mee Or thee or hee or all estates that bee And so a man may haue a Whore forsooth Supposing shee is onely for his tooth But if the truth hee would seeke out and looke She 's common vnto all men like a Booke A Booke with gawdy coate and silken strings Whose inside's full of obsceane beastly things Is like a whore Caparison'd and trap'd Full of infection to all mischiefe apt As one whore may bee common vnto any So one Booke may bee dedicate to many And sure I say and hope I speake no slander To such a Booke the Poet is the Pander He prostitutes his muse to euery one Which should be constant vnto one alone This is a kind of Bawd'ry vile and base Kils bounty and is Poetryes disgrace And left they should be lost it is ordain'd That Bookes within a Library are chain'd So he that to himselfe will keepe a Whore Must chaine her or shee 'le trade with forty more As Bookes are lease by lease oft turn'd and tost So are the Garments of a Whore almost For both of them with a wet finger may Be folded or vnfolded night or day Moreouer 't is not very hard to proue That Bookes and Whores may Riuals be in Loue To purchase mens displeasure I am loth But sure good Schollers still haue lou'd them both Some Bookes haue their Errates at the last That tell their errors and offences past So many great Whores did in state suruiue But when death did their hatefull liues depriuâ— Their faults escap'd and their Errates then Haue beene made manifest and knowne to men Some Bookes and Whores to wicked purpose her Doe for their faults receiue one punishment â—â— Bukes are often burnt and quite forgotten â—â—â—â— Whore are ouer-stew'd or rosted rotten â—â— experience shewes that Bookes much knowledge brings â—nd by experience Whores know many things â—â—â— as â—â—ed Iustice all mens losse repaires â—â—â— whores doe giue to all men what is theirs â—â—â— shee learnes yet will shee much rebuke vs â—â— I wee doe play the part of true Eunuchus â—â—â— Bookes prophane or else Hereticall â—â—â— soâ—â—ilous non-sense Schismaticall â—â—â—erts man Iudgement and his soule pollutes â—â—ch are all Whores and such will be their fruits â—â— one Slouens soyle a Booke in little space â—â—nd slauer it and so the Leaues deface â—â—â—nd some againe will take a cleanly course â—â—o read it dayly yet t is ne'r the worse â—â—â— some man vse a Whore when once they haue her â—They'le touze and teare and beastly all beslauer When forty neat Whoremasters might haue play'd â—â—nd vsde her and shee still be thought a maide â—â— that doth read a Booke he likes would be â—â—loue from any Interruption free â—â—nd hee that with a Whore would toy or lye â—â— thinke desires other Company â—â— When Bookes are wet their beauties gone or soyl'd â—â— wash a whore and all her paintings sooyl'd â—â—nd as an old Whore spight of Paint and cloathing â—â—als at the last the obiect of mens loathing â—scorn'd and vnpittied and to finish all â—â—yes in Ditch or in an Hospitall â—â— Pamphlets and some workes of writers Graue â—â—re vsde much worse then Whores by many a Knaue Who ne'r regard the matter or the price â—ot teare like Tyrants to wrap Drugs or Spice â—â— which is worse in Priuie matters vse them â—â— worst of all like Roarers they abuse them When as they rend good Bookes to light and dry â—â—â— â—â—â— Englands ds bainefull Diety And 't is a thing I ne'r thought on before A * Now a dayes Booke 's examin'd stricter then a Whore There 's not a Sheet a Lease a Page a Verse A word or sillable or letter scarce But that Authority with Iudgements eye Doth diligently looke and search and pry And gage the sense and first will vnderst nd all Lest in a Phrase or word there lurke a scandall And my poore Whore in this hath not beene spar'd Her skirts were curtaild hee nayles were * She would haue scratched else par'd All 's one for that though shee such vsage had Shee 's not left naked though not richly clad I knew shee must be question'd and I say I am right glad shee scap'd so well away And should ail Whores of high and low degree As Bookes are to account thus called bee The whorish number would waxe very small Or else men neuer could examine all This Booke my Whore or else this Whore my Booke Shee beares both names so neither is mistooke Respects not all her enemies a straw If shee offended shee hath had the Law She was examin'd and shee did confesse And had endur'd the torture of the Presse Her faults are printed vnto all mens sight Vnpartially declar'd in blacke and white And last in Pauls Church-yard and in the streets Shee suffers Penance vp and downe in Sheets And if all Whores to doe the like were made A Linnen Draper were the richest Trade If any Whore be honcster then mine is I le write no more but stop my mouth with FINIS An arrant Thiefe whom euery Man may trust In Word and Deed exceeding true and iust With a Comparison betweene a Thiefe and a Booke THis Water m The Anigram of Rat is Art Rat or Art I would commend But that I know not to begin or end He read his Verses to me and