if you pay me Yet that deceit from you were but my due But I looke ne'r to be deceiu'd by you Your stockes are poore your Creditors are store Which God increase and decrease I implore 7. Those that are as farre from honesty as a Turke is from true Religion SEuenthly and last's a worthy worthlesse crue Such as heau'n hates hell on earth doth speâ— And God renounce dam them are their praiers Yet some of these sweet youths are good mens heâ—â— But vp most tenderly they haue bin brought And all their breeding better fed then taught And now their liues float in damnations streame To stab drab kil swil teare sweare stare blasphâ—â—â— In imitation worle then diuels Apes Or Incubusses thrust in humane shapes As bladders full of others wind is blowne So selfe-conceit doth puffe them of their owne They deeme their wit all other men surpasses And other men esteem them witlesse asses These puck foyst cockbrain'd coxcombs shallow â—â—â— Are things that by their Taylors are created For they before were simple shapelesse wormes Vntill their makers lick'd them into formes T is ignorant Idolatry most base To worship Sattin Satan or gold lace T' adore a veluet varlet whole repute Stinks odious but for his persumed suite If one of these to serue some Lord doth get His first taske is to sweare himselfe in debt And hauing pawn'd his soule to Hell for oathes He pawns those othes for newfound fashioÌ„ clothes His carkasse cased in this borrowed case Imagines he doth me exceeding grace If when I meet him he bestowes a nod Then must I thinke me highly blest of God Perhaps though for a Woodcocke I repute him I vâ—ile my bonnet to him and salute him But sure my salutation is as euill As infidels that doe adore the Diuell For they doe worship Satan for no good Which they expect from his infernall mood But for they know he 's author of all ill And o'r them hath a power to spoyle and kill They therefore doe adore him in the durt Not hoping any good but fearing hurt So I do seeme these minimicks to respect Not that from them I any good expect For I from dogs dung can extract pure honey As soone as from these wedgeons get my money But I in courtesie to them haue bowde Because they shall not say I am grownâ— proud And sure if harmelesse true humility May spring from money wanting pouerty I haue of debtors such a stinking store Will make me humble for they 'l keepe me poore And though no wiser then flat fooles they be A good lucke on them they 're too wise for me They with a courtly tricke or a flim flam Do nod at me whilst I the noddy am One pare of Gentry they will ne'r forget And that is that they ne'r will pay their debt To take and to receiue they hold it fit But to require or to restore's no wit Then let them take and keepe but knocks and pox And all diseases from Pandora's box And which of them sayes that I raue or raile Let him but pay and bid me kisse his T. But sure the Diuell hath taught them many a tricke Beyond the numbring of Arithmeticke I meet one thinking for my due to speake He with cuasions doth my purpose breake And asks what newes I heare from France or Spain Or where I was in the last showre of raine Or when the Court remooues or what 's a clocke Or where 's the wind or some such windy mocke With such fine scimble scemble spitter spattar â—s puts me cleane besides the money-matter Thus with poor mungrell shifts with what where when â—m abused by these things like men And some of them doe glory in my want â—hey being Romista Fa Protestant â—heir Apostaticall imunction saith â—o keepe their faith with me is breach of faith For 't is a Maxim of such Catholicks 'T is Meritorious to plague Hereticks Since it is so pray pay me but my due And I will loue the Crosse as well as you And this much further I would haue you know My shame is more to aske then yours to owe I begge of no man 't is my owne I craue Nor doe I seeke it but of them that haue There 's no man was inforc'd against his will To giue his word or signe vnto my bill And is' t not shame nay more then shame to heare That I should be return'd aboue a yeare And many Rich-mens words and bils haue past And tooke of me both bookes both first and last Whilst twice or thrice a weeke in euery street I meet those men and not my mony meet Were they not able me amends to make My conscience then would sooner giue then take But most of those I meane are full purs'd Hindes Being beggerly in nothing but their mindes Yet sure me thinkes if they would doe me right Their mindes should he as free to pay as write Neer threescore pounds the books I 'm sure did cost Which they haue had from me and I thinke lost And had not these mens tongues so forward bin Ere I my painefull iourney did begin I could haue had good men in meaner Rayment That long ere this had made me better payment I made my iourney for no other ends But to get money and to try my friends And not a friend I had for worth or wit Did take my booke or past his word or writ But I with thankefulnesse still vnderstood They tooke in hope to giue and doe me good They tooke a booke worth 12. pence were bound To giue a Crowne an Angell or a pound A Noble piece or halfe piece what they list They past their words or freely set their fist Thus got I sixteene hundred hands and fifty Which summe I did suppose was somwhat thrifty And now my youths with shifts tricks cauils Aboue seuen hundred play the sharking Iauils I haue performed what I vndertooke And that they should keepe touch with me I looke Foure thousand and fiue hundred bookes I gaue To many an honest man and many a knaue Which books and my expence to giue them out A long yeere seeking this confused rout I 'm sure it cost me seuenscore pounds and more With some suspition that I went on score Besides aboue a thousand miles I went And though no mony yet much time I spent Taking excessiue labour and great paines In heat cold wet and dry with feet and braines With tedious toyle making my heart-strings ake In hope I should content both giue and take And in requitall now for all my paine I giue content still and get none againe None did I say I 'l call that word agen I meet with some that pay now and then But such a toyle I haue those men to seeke And finde perhaps 2,3 or 4. a weeke That too too oft my losings gettings be To spend 5. crownes in gathering in of three And thus much to the world I dare auow That my oft walkes to get my
Anothers Horses drawes it quite away One giues a Iarrs of Oyle to scape the soile An Oxe o'retures the Iarre and spils the Oyle And thus like Pharaohs kine he hath the power To make the fastest bribes the leane deuoure His motions moue commotions and his suites Foure times a yeare doe Termely yeeld him fruits Foure sundry wayes a Kingdomes Lawes are vs'd By tow maintained and by two abus'd Good Lawyers liue by Law and 't is most fit Good men obey the Law liue vnder it Bad Lawyers for their gaine doe wrest the Law Bad men of God or mans Law haue no awe But whether these men vse Law well or ill Th' intention of the Law is honest still For as the text is rent and torne and varied And by opinions from the sence is carried By ignorant and wilfull Hereticks Or impure separating Sehismaticks Though from the truth of text all men should seuer The text is permanent and Sacred euer Euen so the Law is in selfe vpright Correcting and protecting wrong and right T is no just Lawyers or the Lawes desame Although some hounds of hell abuse the same This Cormorant I meane gulps whom he list And hauing swallow'd fees into his fist Deferres the motion till the Court with drawes Then to the cushions pleads the poore mans cause As formally as if the Iudge fate No matter for the man the money 's gat My Cormorant was neuer match'd till now If I said o'rematch'd I le resolue you how And you that reade it shall confesse it true Perhaps it is a thing well knowne to you Where Corâ—â—ants haunts numbers of fish grow lesse But where bad Lawyers come there brawles increase Now master Vndershrieue I vnderstand You bring my Lawyer worke vnto his hand You bring him stuffe hee like a Taylor cuts it And into any shape hee pleaseth puts it Though to the Client it appeare slight stuffe It shall out-last him any suite of Buffe For though from terme to terme it be worne long T is drest still with the teazle of the tongue That though it be old at euery day of heating It lookes fresh as 't had neuer come to wearing And though it seeme as th' owner neuer wore it A Broaker will not giue him three pence for it Sweet master Shrieue let it not grieue your mind You being the last o' th brood come last behind No doubt you might be first in a bad case But being call'd vnder I make this your place I know where e're you stand you are so good You 'l scorne to be vnlike one of the brood And tak 't in dudgeon as you might no doubt If mongst this ranke of Corm'rantsâ— you were out I haue a warrant heere for what I doe Plaine truth it selfe and that haue seldome yoe Some of your tribe a man may honest call But those my Corm'rant meddles not withall You that dare fright men of a shallow wit Who cannot read when there is nothing writ And can returne when you are pleas'd to saue A Non inuentus for a bribing knaue For one that stands indebted to the King A Nihil habet if his purse can ring When a poore man shall haue his Bullockes ceaz'd And priz'd at little to make you appeaz'd You haue the art and skill to raze words out Of Writs and Warrants to bring gaine about I will not serue you so for if you looke Your name stands fairely printed in my booke For every one to reade how you can straine On Widowes goods and restore none againe Picke Iuries for your purose which is worse Then if you pick'd the wronged Plaintiffes purse Returne your Writs to your aduantage best Bring in some money and drab out the rest Leauing oft times the high Shrieue in the lurch Who stops the bountie should repaire the Church Or buy some Bels to sound out his deuotion If either Ayre or Earth or the wide Ocean Can shew worse Cormorants or any brooke I 'le neuer aske a penny for my Booke EPILOGVE Now Reader tell me if thou well canst iudge If any honest man haue cause to grudge At these my Stayres being plaine and true Giuing the world and the Diuell their due I haue but bluntly call'd a spade a spade And hee that wincheth shewes himselfe a â—ade Be quiet see thy faults and learnet ' amend Thou shewest thy guiltinesse if thou contend FINIS TAYLORS WATER-WORKE OR THE SCVLLERS TRAVELS FROM TYBER TO THAMES WITH his Boat laden with a Hotch-potch or Gallimawfrey of Sonnets Satyres and Epigrams With an Inkhorne Disputation betwixt a Lawyer and a Poet and a Quarterne of new-catcht Epigrams caught the last Fishingâ—â—â— together with an addition of Pâ—storâ—â—â— Equiâ—â—â— or the complaint of a Shepheard â—… DEDICATED To neither Monarch nor Miser Keaser nor Caitiffe Pallatine or Plebeian but to great Mounsier Multitude ahas All or euery One IOHN TAYLOR sends his Scull-boats lading to be câ—nsured as please their Wisedomes to screw their Lunatike opinions MOst Mighty Catholike or Vmuer sall Mounsier Multitude whose many millions of Hvâ—raes heads Arâ—â—-eâ—es and â—â—â— hands â—â— if you pleaseâ— to iudge of my Water-Muses â—â—â—â—â— to looke with hundreds of â—â—â—â—â—â—â—â—â— of my Sculler or to lend a few of your many hands to helpe to tugge me a shore at the Hauen of your goodwâ—ls which if you doe it is more then my â—â—â—â—â—â—â—â—â—â—â—â—â— expcet or merit But if you will not assâ—st me I will â—â—â—â— the next high tide and scramble vp intoâ— though â—he fast a ground for my labour â—e grable for Gudgeons or fish for Flounders in the Rereward of our eâ—â—â— temporizing â—â—umorists sharpe Satyrists or â—â—â— call â—â—â— I could wish my lines might please like Cheese to a Wâ—lchman Rutter to a Flemine Vsâ—â—â—baugh to an Irishman or Honey to a Beare To conclude I wish best to the Protestâ—â—t I â—â—â— the â—â—â— praying for the perseuerance of the one and a Reâ—ormation of the other Meane â—â—â— my â—â—â— like a Barbers shop is readie for all commers bee they of what Religion they well paying their Farewell Yours ten thousand wayes IOHN TAYLOR To the Right Worshipfull and my euer respected Mr. IOHN MORAY Esqire OF all the wonders this vile world includes I muse how sâ—atterie such high fauours gaine How adulation cunningly deludes Both high and low from Scepâ—er to the swaine But it thou by Sâ—â—tterie couldst obtaine More then the most that is possest by men Thou canst not tune thy tongue to falshoods straine Yet with the best canst vse both tongae and pen. Thy sacred learning can both scan and kâ—n The hidden things of Nature and of Art 'T is thouh all â—â—'d me from obliuions den And made my Muse from oblcure sleepe to start Vnto thy wisdomes censure I commit This first bâ—rne issue of my worthlesse wit I.T. To my deâ—re respected friend Maister Beniamin Iehuson THou canst not â—â—â— for though the strâ—â—â— of death Depriâ—â—â— the World of thyworst â—â—â—thly part Yet when the corps hath banished thy
Curse but the contrary wee are inioyned to blesse those that Curse vs and pray for them which hurt vs Luke 6. 28. The Curses of wicked persons are like arrowes shot vpright which are likely to fall vpon the heads of the shooters or as feathers cast into the wind which fly backe in the face of him or her that throw them yet is Cursing the last and poorest reuenge that can bee had for any iniury as when men are oppressed or ouer-borne that they haue no power or meanes to helpe or redresse themselues when friends credit power and money doe faile yet Cursing remaines as long as breath lasts they haue a bottomlesse inexhaustible treasure of Curses to bestow vpon any man whom they know or imagine hath wronged them But herein they shew how negligent they are in following the example of our Sauiour who prayed earnestly for his enemies yea euen for those that persecuted him to the most shamefull death of the Crosse with these words Father forgiue them they know not what they doe Yet doth the Prophet Dauid Curse his enemies most bitterly in the 55. Psalme and verse 15. and Psalme 59. verse 3. and Psalme 140. 9 10. But it must be considered that those whom Dauid did Curse were Atheists Heathen Infidels malicious vnrepentant Idolaters and blasphemers of the Diuine Maiestie and so they were Gods enemies and therefore Dauid by the Spirit of God had warrant to Curse them and yet if Dauid had Cursed his owne peculiar enemies it had beene no example for our imitation for wee are not to take the infirmities of the best and most glorious Saints and seruants of God for the Paterns to rule and square our liues by but it must be their vertuous conuersation that we all must take for our direction Holy Iob and Ieremie in their afflictions in the their fraile passions did curse the dayes of thir birth Iob 3. Ieremie 20. 14 15 16. It is fearefull to heare in these dayes with what feruency people doe Curse one another and how dull and coldly they pray to God either to auoide his Curse or obtaine his blessing Parents to their children wiues and husbands all degrees wishing most heauy Iudgements of God to fall one vpon another that although the Plague be but newly by the great Father of mercy taken from vs yet the mouthes of many are filled with the cursed desire and daily wishing for it againe But my deare brother I heartily beseech thee as thou hast a hope to heare one day that blessed voyce in the 25. of Saint Mathew of Come ye blessed by the hope and trust that you haue it shall be spoken to you auoide all manner of Cursing and bitter excerations And this shall suffice to finish this second part of this Treatise namely the Curse of Man to Man The third when Man Curseth himselfe THose Kinde of Cursers are most desperate daring sort of wretches who doe make so small account of the Curse that any man can pronounce or wish against them that they dare to desire Gods heauy Curses to fall vpon themselues and their families yea they are so hellish-mad that they will beate their brests and with lowd clamours as it were meete the vengeance of Heauen halfe-way to plucke it on their heads would so many else in theit desperate madnes desire God to Damne hein to Renbunce them to Forsake them to Confound them to Sinke them to Refuse them and would so many so earnestly beseech the Deuill to take them and Hell to receiue them if they did either loue Heauen hate Hell or loue themselues If they beleeued there were eternall Glory prepared for the Blessed and euerlasting torments for the Accursed they would neuer so violently wish or desire the other When Pontius Pilate sate in Iudgement vpon our Sauiour Iesus Christ his conscience knowing and his tongue affirming Christ to be iust yet himselfe called himselfe innocent of his blood although hee pronounced the vniust Sentence of death against him saying to the people I am innocenâ— of the blood of this lust manâ— looke you to it The people presently answered all and said His blood bee vpon vs and on our children Math. 27. 24 25. Which Curse how it tooke effect vpon them you may reade in Iosephus first Booke of the warres of the Iewes the 1. 2 and 3. chapters how that within lesse then 50. yeeres the Roman Emperour Vespasian with his sonne Tiâ—us besieged Ierusalem eighteene months in which space there dyed by Warre Famine and the Sword eleuen hundred thousand of them the City sacked and razed and the Iewes carryed away into perpetuall slauery and captiuity because they bought and sold the Sonne of God for thirty pence where for a further manifestation of the former Curse which they wished to fall on them and their posterity we see the Iewes at this day haue continued these sixteene hundred yeeres a dispersed and despised Nation ouer all the Earth being scorned and afflicted more then any others hauing neither Gouernment or Commonwealth but in most miserable bondage both of soule and body depriued both of heauenly doctrine and earthly comfort The Apostle Saint Peter Cursed himselfe Math. 26 74. But this was a suffering or permission of God whereby hee might know his owne weakenesse that so confidently would promise his Master Christ neuer to deny him and this example of Peters fall is left for our instruction as a Glasse or Mirrour of our humane frailty that seeing so glorious an Apostle and Saint of God when he presumed of himselfe to haue most ability of strength that then he fell most fearefully how then can we who are so many degrees short of his perfection so many steps below him in life and conuersation how can wee I say haue that foolish impudence as to put any trust or confidence in our owne strength which is but smoake or any thing but an assured faith in Christ Iesus But there are too too many that imitate the frailty of this blessed Saint in denying Christ and Cursing themselues but the number are but few which doe repent as Peter did and goe out and weepe bitterly which true repentance and vnsained contrition must be the meanes for the attainment of Gods pardon in our sins remission Note the seruant loue of that man of God Moses Exodus 32. 32. Which for the zeale which he bore to the glory of God the encrease of the Church and the hearty affection of the people when they had prouoked the Lords wrath that hee was ready to consume them for their idolatry with the Golden Calfe then Moses prayed for them that if God would not pardon their sinne hee prayed that he might be for euer blotted out of the Booke of life so much he did preferre Gods glory that rather then it should be so diminished he desired to vndergoe the grieuous Curse of eternall damnation The like example of zeale to Gods glory and loue of the forlorne and reiected Iewes is
Empires and of mighty Potentates â—â—aue caus'd murther cruell Homicide â—â—ule Fratricide vnnaturall Paricide â—â—r which a curse doth vnto me remaine â—â— Runuagate and a Vagabond like Caine. â—â—d though that God in thundring Maiestie â—â—rbad man to haue any Gods but he â—â—t many thousands that command forget â—â—ot minding God their minds on me * Twelue-pence is a shrift they set â—â—o purchase me men haue forsworne and sworne â—â—nd from the Booke of life their names haue torne â—â—r me the Sabbath is prophan'd with workes â—â—f Christians labours worse then Iewes or Turkes â—â—r me those Parents that haue nurst and bred â—â—heir children by them are dishonoured â—â—r to haue me to endlesse ioy or woe â—â—me children care not where their Fathers goe â—with the deu'ls sole helpe my sole partaker â—â—aue bin an vniuersall Cuckold-maker â—â—r where nor wit or beauty could come in â—â—any shape I could admittance win â—â—make the Husband sometimes keepe the dore â—â—he whil'st for me his wife doth play the whore â—â—nd many times to moue all hell to laughter â—â—made a Mother Bawde vnto her Daughter â—â—forc'd a Virgin cast off continence â—â—nd Chastity and put on Impudence â—â—made a reucrend Iudge to take a Bribe â—â—made a Scribe a forged Name subscribe â—â—caus'd a Miser sell his soule to hell â—because I here on Earth with him should dwell * On money And eighteene yeeres be kept me day and night Lock'd in a Chest not seeing any light And though my lot was thus a Slaue to be Yet was he a farre worser Slaue to me For he had vow'd himselfe to death to pine Rather then spend one penny pot of wine Although he late had swallow'd downe his throat Stinking fresh Herrings threescore for a Groat And he did bide this slauish misery On purpose to debarre my liberty At last this poore base penurious Knaue Was borne the way of all flesh to his Graue And his braue heire vpon his backe had got A mourning merry sute long look'd I wot He the next day let slie the ill got treasure And I began to see some worldly pleasure From my old Masters Chest I was assum'd To my young Masters pockets sweet perfum'd 'T a bawdy house of the last new translation He bare me with him for his recreation There for a maydenhead he plaid a game Where eightscore more before had done the same There did my Master Knaue discharge the score And went and left me with my mistris Whore I stai'd not in her seruice long for shee Was not two dayes before she set me free For hauing got a Frenchisied heat She was prescrib'd a Dyet and a sweat She gaue me to the Surgeon for some Lotion For Vnguents and a gentle working Potion For Plaisters and for oyntments in a Box And so I left my Mistris with a Pox. The Surgeon me to the Physician sent From him I to th' * Vintners rents dearer then any almost by halfe Apothecary went But there I thought that Hell I had beene in And all the Fiends had in his Boxes bin For it appear'd to me that all his drugs Had got the names of the infernall Bugs Zarzaparilla Colloquintida Auxungia Porci Cassia Fistula Egiptiacum Album Camphiratum Blacke Oxicrotium and whire Sublimatum But soone my Master freed me from my feare He to the Tauerne went and left me there And whilst l in the Vintners house remain'd Some knowledge of my Masters state I gain'd Let no man say that drunke my selfe I showe For what I speake I vnderstand and know I 'le shew some discommodities that waite For the most part on euery Vintners state First if a rowe of houses stands together All of one bignesse form'd no oddes in either If one of them be to a Vintner let Amongst the rest at double rent 't is set Next if French Wine be twenty pound the Tonne But a poore penny in a quart is wonne Besides he sometimes in the Caske doth finde Of Lees sixe Gallons for a Lagge behinde And more when in the Celler it is laid The Carmen and Wine-Porters must be paid And by misfortune if the Caske be weake There or foure Gallons in the ground may leake Or taking vent it may grow dead and flat And then the Vintner little gets by that And if he be a fellow of free heart He now and then must giue a pint or quart His Candles night and day are burning still Within his Seller lest his Wines should spill And if two Kennell-rakers chance to come To come i' th euening they must haue a roome And ouer one bare pint will sit and prate And burne a Candle out perhaps thereat Whilst all the Drawers must stay vp and waite Vpon these fellowes be it ne'r so late The whilst a Candle in the Kitchin wastes Another to his end i th' Seller hastes One with the Guests another at the Barre Thus for one pint foure Candles burning are By day-light this I haue seene some to doe Call for a pipe a pint and Candle to By that time he hath done 't is quickly counted To what large summe the Vintners gaines amouÌ„ted Besides all this his charge is euer great For seruants wages cloathes and fire and meat For linnen washing Trenchers losse of Plate For Glasses broken by the course of Fate * All or the most of this is most true on mine owne knowledge Besides he hath some scores which if you looke They make his posts look white black his book And if a debter seu'n long yeeres doe stay But six pence for a quart of wine hee 'll pay When if a Merchant doe a Vintner trust For his forbearance deare he answer must And when some Guests hane liquer in their braines How they will swagger in their roaring straines Out goe their swords and by the eares they fall And now and then one's nail'd vnto the wall The man and 's wife abus'd his seruants beaten No moneyes pay'd for what is drunke or eaten His house in question brought a man is kill'd His and his wiues heart both with sorrow fill'd And whereas other Trades their labours end At night till midnight He doth still attend * Besides if Drawer he neuer so good a man yet euery paâ—iry fellow will callâ—oy fill more Wine At euery Groomes command officiously He waits and takes hard words most courteously He that amongst these harmes can purchase profit Much good may 't doe him he is worthy of it My Masters Vintner Trade I thought to touch Because I cannot thinke his gaines is much I loue them all my lines here manifests And so God send them honest sober guests From thence vnto the Wine-Marchant I went He presently me to the market sent For Butter and for Egges I was exchang'd And to the Country with my Dame I rang'd Her Husband gaue me to a lab'ring Ditcher He to the Ale-house went and bang'd the Pitcher To stay long there I was exceeding loth They vs'd so much deceit with
for my Deere and still with delayes and demurres I was put off from my Decre with promises that at such and such a time I should haue my Deere but now I am in despaire of my Deere and I meane to take no more care for my Deere And so Adue my Deere but indeed hee that had the bounty to promise me this Deere hath the grace to blush whensoeuer he sees me and therefore I doe loue him for his modesty and shamefastnesse and had it not beene for that and that I doe loue him indeed I would long before this time haue sung him a Kerry-Elison that should haue made him beene glad to haue promist me a brace of Bucks more to haue stop'd my mouth withall although in performance my Deere had beene nonest inuentus In a word of all sorts of Deere I hold sâ—uâ—â—â— Venison to be the most honestly gotten because the Theeues are so quiet close priuâ—â— and silent at their worke that they haue no leisure to sweare or curse as men doe when it â—â— lawfully taken and my conceite is that why oathes and curses are most restrain'd theâ— most honesty and piety remaines But commonly swearing execrations and drinking are the ceremonious Rites of a Buckes or Hares death and obsequies With the cry of the Hounds And the Eccho resownds Through the Meade through the fallow With the Horne with the hallow With the Horse lowd neigh the Backe at a Bâ—â— And with the Deers fall the Horn sounding â—â—â— My Pen bids Hunting Woodman-SHIP farewell The Ships and Pinnaces that serued in tâ—â— Regiment vnder the Woodman-SHIP â—â—â— these 1 The Chanter 2 The Bawman 3 The Ringwood 4 The Slut. 5 The Beuty 6 The Daysie 7 The Kilbucke with diuers others all theâ—â— being for course or chase FINIS THE PRAISE ANTIQVITY AND COMMODITIE OF BEGGERIE BEGGERS AND BEGGING A Begger from an * Antiquity of Beggers Ancient house begins Old Adams sonne and heire vnto his sins â—d as our father Adam did possesse â—e world there 's not a Begger that hath lesse â—r whereof is the world compact and fram'd â—t Elements which to our sence are nam'd â—e Earth the Ayre the Water and the Fire With which all liue without which all expire â—ese euery Begger hath in plenteous store â—d euery mighty Monarch hath no more â—or can the greatest Potentate aliue â—e meanest Begger of these things depriue â—e * Vniuersality Earth is common both for birth or Graues â—r Kings and Beggers Free-men and for Slaues â—nd a poore Begger as much Ayre will draw â—â— he that could keepe all the world in awe â—he * Earth Ayre â—â— Fire Water be it Riuers Seas or Spring â—ts equall for a Begger as a King â—nd the Celestiall Sunn 's bright * If these elements could bee bought and â—â— the poore Beggers should haue small roome for birth â—â—buriall fire from Heauen â—â—ongst all estates most equally is giuen â—â—iu'n not to be ingrost or bought nor sold â—r gifts and bribes or base corrupted gold â—â—ese things nor poore or rich can sell nor buy â—â—e for all liuing creatures till they dye â—â— Emperour a great command doth beare â—â— yet a Begger 's more secure from feare King may vse disports as fits the season â—â— yet a Begger is more safe from Treason Prince amidst his cares may merry be â—â— yet a Begger is from flatt'rers free A Duke is a degree magnificent But yet a Begger may haue more content A Marquesse is a title of great fame A Begger may offend more with lesse blame An Earle an honourable house may keepe But yet a Begger may more soundly sleepe A Vizecount may be honour'd and renoun'd But yet a Begger 's on a surer ground A Baron is a Stile belou'd and Noble But yet a Begger is more free from trouble A Knight is good if his deserts be such But yet a Begger may not owe so much A good Esquire is worthy of respect A Begger 's in lesse care though more neglect A Gâ—ntleman may good apparell weare A Begger from the Mercers booke is cleare A Seruing-man that 's young in older yeeres Oft proues an aged Begger it appeares Thus all degrees and states what e're they are With Beggers happinesse cannot compare Heau'n is the roofe that Canopies his head The Cloudes his Curtaines and the earth his bed The Sunne his fire the Starre's his candle light The Moone his Lampe that guides him in the night When scorching Sol makes other mortals sweat Each tree doth shade a Begger from his heat When nipping Winter makes the Cow to quake A Begger will a Barne for harbour take When Trees Steeples are o're-turn'd with winde A begger will a hedge for shelter finde And though his inconueniences are store Yet still he hath a salue for eu'ry sore He for new fashions owes the Taylor nothing Nor to the Draper is in debt for cloathing A Begger doth not begger or deceaue Others by breaking like a bankerupt Knaue He 's free from shoulder-clapping Sergeants clawes He 's out of feare of Enuies canker'd iawes He liues in such a safe and happy state That he is neither hated nor doth hate None beares him malice rancour or despight And he dares kill those that dare him backe-bite Credit he neither hath or giue to none All times and seasons vnto him are one He longs not for or feare a quarter day For Rent he neither doth receiue or pay Let Nation against Nation warres denounce Let Cannons thunder and let Musket bounce Let armies armies force 'gainst force oppose He nothing feares nor nothing hath to lose Let Towns and Towres with batt'ry be o're-turn'd Let women be deflowr'd and houses burn'd Let men fight pell-mell and lose life and lim If earth and skies escape all 's one to him O happy begg'ry euery liberall Art Hath left the thanklesse world and takes thy part And learning conscience and simplicity Plaine dealing and true perfect honesty Sweet Poetry and high Astronomy Musickes delightfull heau'nly harmony All these with begg'ry most assuredly Haue made a friendly league to liue and dye For Fortune hath decreed and holds it fit Not to giue one man conscience wealth and wit For they are portions which to twaine belong * Wit wisedome wealth and conscience are not vsually hereditary or in one man And to giue all to one were double wrong Therefore although the Goddesse want her eyes Yet in her blinded bounty she is wise I will not say but wealth and wisedome are In one ten or in more but 't is most rare And such men are to be in peace or warres Admir'd like blacke Swans or like blazing Starres Two sorts of people fills the whole world full The witty Begger and the wealthy Gull A Scholler stor'd with Arts with not one crosse And Artlesse Nabal stor'd with Indian drosse I haue seene learning tatter'd bare and poore Whilst Barbarisme domineerd with store I haue knowne knowledge in but meane
from whom it was so free of the loane of this Lent that would bee knowne First then you must conceiue that the true Etimologie or ancient name of this Lent is Lean-tide which being Anagramatiz'd Landit for the chiefeâ—prouision that he is furnished withall being fish and such sea-faring fare that except he land it there will bee but cold takings in the fish markets for Iack a Lent hath no societie affinitie or propinquitie with flesh and blood and by reason of his leannesse as Nymshag an acient Vtopian Philosopher declares in his Treatise of the Antiquitie of Ginger-bread Lib. 7. Pag. 30000. hee should haue beene a foot man to a Prince of that Empire named Lurguish Haddernot but Lent shewed him the tricke of a right footman and ran away from him faster then an Irish Lackquey and from that time to this was neuer seenâ— in Vtopia Besides he hath the Art of Legerdemaine beyond all the Iuglers in Egypt or Europe for with a tricke that he hath he is in England Scotland France Ireland and the most part of the Christian world at one and the selfe same time yet for all this nimblenesse and quicke agility he was neuer seene to sweare which is no maruell because he hath not any fat or pinguidity in his incorporeall corps He hath a wise named Fasting as leane as himselfe yet sure I thinke she is as honest as barren but it were very dangerous for an Epicure or a Puritan to haue a bastard by her for there were no other hope but that the father of the brat if it should proue male would tutor it in all disobedience against both Lent and Fasting for although Lent and Abstinence be but forty dayes endurance yet to these valiant men of their teeth it seemes forty yeeres for they put the Letter e into the word Fast and turne it into Feast And though a man eate fish till his guts crack yet if he eate no flesh he fasts because he eates as fast as he can For the word Fast is to be taken in many sences as to fast from feeding and to feed fast to be bown to fast and to be bound fast The Fast from feeding is diuers wayes performed 1 Some there are that fast for pure deuotion with a zealous abstinence from any kind of corporall foode for a space because they will bring downe and curbe their vnbridled affections and tame their fleshly desires that so the exercise of spirituall contemplation may be the more seruent their repentance more vnfained and their prayers more acceptable 2 Another Fast is hypocriticall or sophisticall as a holy Maid that inioyned her selfe to abstaine foure dayes from any meate whatsoeuer and being locked vp close in a roome she had nothing but her two Books to feede vpon but the Bookes were two painted Boxes made in the forme of great Bibles with claspes and bosses the inside not hauing one word of God in them nor any fault escaped in the printing but the one well fild with Suckets and sweet meates and the other with Wine vpon which this deuout Votary did fast with zealous meditation eating vp the contents of one Booke and drinking contentedly the other Then there is a Fast called in spight of your teeth and that is Will yee nill yee when a mans stomacke is in Folio and knowes not where to haue a dinner in Decimo sexto This Fast I haue often met withall at the Court and at diuers great mens houses not because there hath wanted meat but because some hâ—â—â— wanted manners and I haue wanted impâ—dence But Iack a Lents Fast is otherwise then â—â—â—â— these for I am as willing to fast with him as â—â—â—â— feast with Shrouetide for hee hath an army â—â—â—â— various dishes an hoast of diuers fishes wâ—â—â— fallets sawces sweet meates Wine Aâ—â—â— Beere fruit rootes Reasons Almonds Spices â— with which I haue often and care not mucâ— to doe more often made as good a shiftâ—â—â—â—â—â— fast and with as good a zeale performed it â—â—â—â— a Brownist will goe to plow vpon a Christmas day Thus hauing shewed the originall of this Iack it followes next that I declare his yeerely entertainâ—ment into this I le of Great Britaine what priuiledges he hath to whom he is best welcome who are glad of his departure what friends or foes he hath and when he inhabiteth all the yeere after his going from hence Alwayes before Lent there comes wadling fat grosse bursten-gutted groome called Shroue-Tuesday one whose manners shewes theâ—â— he is better fed then taught and indeed he is the onely monster for feeding amongst all the dayes of the yeere for he denoures more fâ—â—â— in foureteene houres then this whole Kingdome doth or at the least should doe in â—â—â—â— weekes after such boyling and broyling such roasting and toasting such stewing and breâ—ing such baking frying mincing cutting caruing deuouring and gorbellyed gurmoâ—â— dizing that a man would thinke people did take in two months prouision at once into their paunches or that they did ballast their bellâ—â—â— with meate for a voyage to Constantinople or â—â—â—â— the West Indies Moreouer it is a goodly fight to see how the Cookes in Great mens Kitchins doe fry in their masters suet and sweat in their own grease that if euer a Cooke be worth the â—â—â—â—ting it is when Shroue-Tuesday is in towne foâ—â— he is so stued and larded roasted basted and almost ouer-roasted that a man may eate the rawest bit of him and neuer take a surfet In a word they are that day extreme cholericke and too hot for any man to meddle with being Monarchs of the Marow-bones Marquesses of the Mutton Lords high Regents of the Spit and the Kettle Barons of the Gridiron and sole Commanders of the Frying-pan And all this hurly burly is for no other purpose but to stop the mouth of this Land-wheale Shroue-Tuesday At whose entrance in the morning all the whole Kingdome is in quiet but by that time the clocke strikes eleuen which by the helpe of a knauish Sexton is commonly before nine then there is a bell rung cald The Pancake Bell the sound whereof makes thousands of people distracted and forgetfull either of manner or humanitie Then there is a thing clad wheaten flowre which the sulphory Necromanticke Cookes doe mingle with water egges spice and other tragicall magicall inchantments and then they put it by little and little into a Frying-pan of boyling suet where it makes a confused dismall hissing like the Learnean Snakes in the reeds of Acheron â—tix or Phlegeton vntill at last by the skill of the Cooke it is transform'd into the forme of a Flap-iack which in our translation is cald a Pancake which ominous incantation the ignorant people doe deuoure very greedily hauing for the most part well dined before but they haue no sooner swallowed that sweet candyed baite but straight their wits forsake them and they runne starke mad assembling in routs and throngs numberlesse of vngouerned numbers with vnciuill ciuill commotions
her commanding that all â—â—â—â— victuals in the house should be laid on the Tâ—ble She said she was but slenderly prouideâ— by reason goodman Wood was there but wâ—â— she had or could doe wee should preâ—caâ—â— haue so the cloth was displaid the salt â—â— aduanc'd sixe penny wheaten loaues wâ—â— mounted two stories high like a Rampiâ— three sixe-penny Veâ—le pyes wall'd shâ—â— about and well victual'd within were presented to the hazzard of the Scalado one ponâ—â— of sweet butter being all fat and no bones was in a cold sweat at this mighty preparations one good dish of Thorneback white as Aâ—baster or the Snow vpon the Scithian mountaines and in the Reare came vp an inch thâ—â— shyuer of a Peck house-hold loase all which prouision were presently in the space of â— houre vtterly confounded and brought to â—â— thing by the meere and onely valourous desterity of our vnmatchable grand Gurmouâ—â— he couragiously past the Pikes and I cleared â—â—shot but the house yeelded no more so â—â—â—â— Guess arose vnsatisfied and my selfe â—â— contended in beingâ— thrifty and sauing my â—oney against my will â—â— did there offer him twenty shillings to bring â—â— vp to my house on the Bank-side â—â— there I would haue giuen him as much â—â—od meate as he would eate in tenne dayes â—â—e after another fiue shillings a day euery â—â— and at the tenne dayes end twenty shilâ—ings more to bring him downe againe I did â—y offer tenne shillings to one Ieremy Robinson â—Glouer a man very inward with him to atâ—â—nd anâ— keepe him company and two shillings six pence the day with good dyet and â—â—lging all which were once accepted vnâ—â—â— Wood began to ruminate and examine what â—â—ruice he was to doe for these large allowâ—ces Now my plot was to haue him to the â—eare-garden and there before a house full of â—â—eople he should haue eaten a wheele barrow â—ll of Tripes and the next day as many pudâ—ing should reach ouer the Thames at a â—â—lace which I would measure betwixt London and sRichmond the third day I would haue allowed him a fat Calfe or Sheepe of twenty â—hillings price and the fourth day he should â—aue had thirty Sheepes Gathers thus from day to day he should haue had wages dyet with variety but he fearing that which his meâ—ts would amount to vnto brake off the match â—aying that perhaps when his Grace I guesse who he meant should heare of one that ate so much and could worke so little he doubted there would come a command to hang him where upon our hopefull Beare-garden busines was shiuerd and shattered in pieces Indeed hee made a doubt of his expected performance in his quality by reason of his being growne in yeeres so that if his stomack should faile him publikely and lay his reputation in the mire it might haue beene a disâ—aragement to him for euer and especially in Kent where he hath long beene famous hee would be loth to be defamed But as weake as â—he was he said that he could make a shift to destroy a fat Weather of a pound in two houres prouided that it were tenderly boild for he hath lost all his teeth except one in eating a quarter of Mutton bone and all at Ashford in the County aforesaid yet is he â—ery quicke and nimble in his feeding and will ridde more Eating worke away in two houres then tenne of the hungriest Carters in the Parish where he dwells He is surely noble for his great Stomacke and vertuous chiefely for his patience in putting vp much moreoeuer he is thirfty or frugaâ—l for when he can get no better meate he will eate Oxe Liuers or a messe of warme Ale-graines from a Brew-house He is prouident and studious where to get more prouision as soone as all is spent and yet hee is bountifull or prodigall in spending all hee hath at once hee is profitable in keeping bread and meate from mould and Maggots and sauing the charge of salt for his appetite will not waite and attend the poudring his courtesie is manifest for he had rather haue one Farewâ—â— then twenty Godbwyes Of all things hee holds fasting to be a most superstitious branch of Popery he is a maine enemy to Ember weekes he hates Lent worse then a Butcher or a Puritan and the name of Good-friday affrights him like a Bulbegger a long Grace before meate strikes him into a Quotidian Ague in a word hee could wish that Christmas would dwell with vs all the yeere or that euery day were metamorphozâ—d into Shrouetuesdayes in briefe he is a Magazine a store-house a Receptacle a Burse or Exchange a Babel or confusion for all Creatures Hee is no Gamester neither at Dice or Cards yet there is not any man within forty miles of his head that can play with him at Maw and though his pasture be neuer so good he is alwayes like one of Pharaohs leane Kine he is swarty blackish haire Hawk-nosed like a Parrot or a Roman hee is wattle-lawde and his eyes are sunke inward as if hee looked into the inside of his intrayles to note what custom'd or vncustom'd goods he tooke in whilst his belly like a Maine-sayle in a calme hangs ruffled and wrinkled in folds and wrathes flat to the mast of his empty caâ—kasse till the storme of aboundance fills it and violently driues it into the full sea of satisfaction LIke as a Riuer to the Ocean bounds Or as a Garden to all Britaines grounds Or like a Candle to a flaming Linck Or as a single Ace vnto Sise Cinque So short am I of what Nick Wood hath done That hauing ended I haue scarce begun For I haue written but a taste in this To shew my Readers where and what he is FINIS TO THE SIR REVERENCE RICH VVORSHIPPED M r TRIM TRAM SENCELES GREAT IMAGE OF AVTHORITY and Hedgborough of the famous City of Goteham and to the rest of that admired and vnmatchable Senate with their Corruptions and Families MOst Honorificicabilitudinitatibus I hauing studied the seuen Lubberly Sciences being nine by computation out of which I gathered three coniunctions foure mile Asse-vnder which with much labour and great ease to little or no purpose I haue noddicated to your gray graue and grauelled Prate â—ction I doubt not but I might haue had a Patron neerer hand as the Deane of Dunstable or the Beadle of Layton Buzzard but that I know the Phrase Methode and Stile is not for euery mans vnderstanding no my most renowned Pythagor-Asses for you this Hogshead of inuention was brewed and broched for I am ignorantly perswaded that your wisedome can picke as much matter out of this Booke in one day as both the Vniuersities can in twelue moneths and thirteene Moones with six times foure yeeres to boot I know your bounties too exding for as old mother Baly said the wit of man was much when she saw a dog muzzled Euery man is not borne to make a Monument for the Cuckoo to send a Trifoote home
I am loth to belye any man But if you bee addicted to any of these aforesaid vertues I pray let mee finde it in your fauourable Censure and so I leaue you to laugh â—d lie downe Bee fat LAVGH AND BE FAT Now Monsieur Coriat let them laugh that wins For I assure ye now the game begins â— is wondrous strange how your opinions vary â—â—m iudgement senceâ— or reason so contrary â—at with infamous rash timerity â—m raile at me with such seuerity â—be broad-fac'd lefts that other men put on you â—â—take for fauours well bestow'd vpon you â—sport they giue you many a pleasant cuffe â—â— no mans lines but mine you take in snuffe â—hich makes the ancient Prouerbe be in force â—at some may with more safety steale a horse Then others may looke on for still it falls The weakest alwayes must goe to the walls I need no vse this Etymology My plainer meaning to exemplifie Which doth induce me to expresse the cause That my vntutor'd Pen to writing drawes Be it to all men by these presents knowne That lately to the world was pâ—ainely showne In a huge volume Gogmagoticall In Verse and Prose with speech dogmaticall Thy wondrous Trauels from thy natiue home How Odly out thou went'st and Odly â—ome And how as fitted best thy Workes of worth The rarest Wits thy Booke did vsher forth But I alas to make thy fame more fuller Did lately write a Pamphlet Call'd the Sculler In which as vnto others of my friends I sent to theâ— braue Monsieur kind commends Which thou in double dudgeon tak'st from me And vow'st and swor'st thou wilt reuenged be The cause I heare your fury flameth from I said I was no dunce-combe cox-combe Tom What 's that to you good Sir that you should fume Or rage or chase or thinke I durst presume To speake or write that you are such a one I onely said that I my selfe was none Yet Sir I 'l be a Cocks-combe if so please you If you are ouer-laden Sir I 'l ease you Your store of witlesse wisdome in your budget To giue your friend a little neuer grudge it Nor that from Odcombs towne I first began Nor that I greeke or Latine gabble can I am no Odcombe Tom why what of that Nor nothing but baro English can I chat I pray what wrong is this to you good Sur Your indignation why should this incurre Nor that I thought our Land had spent her store That I need visit Venice for a whore Which if I would I could make neerer proofes And not like you so farre to gall my hoofes I said if such a volume I should make The rarest wits would scorne such paines to take At my returne amidst my skarre-crow totters To runne before me like so many trotters I know my merits neuer will be such That they should deigne to honour me so much I further said I enuied not your state For you had nothing worthy of my hate In loue your innocence I truly pitty Your plentious want of wit seemes wondrous wittie Your vertue cannot breed my hatefull lothing For what an asse were I to hate iust nothing Your vice I bare not neither I protest But loue and laugh and like it like the rest Your vice nor vertue manners nor your forme Can breed in me fell enuies hatefull worme I said it was a lodging most vnfit Within an idle braine to house your wit Here I confesse my fault I cannot hide You were not idle nor well occupide Be 't faire or foule be 't early or be 't late Your simple witlies in your humble pate A King sometimes may in a cottage lye And Lyons rest in swines contagious stye So your rare wit that 's euer at the full Lyes in the cane of your rotundious skull Vntill your wisedomes pleasure send it forth From East to West from South vnto the North With squib-crack lightning empty hogshead thundring To maze the world with terror with wondring I boldly bade you foole it at the Court There 's no place else so fit for your resort But though I bid you foole it you may chuse Though I command yet Sir you may refuse For why I thinke it more then foolish pitty So great a iemme as you should grace the citty Whilst I would foole it on the liquid Thames Still praying for the Maiesty of Iames. Good Sir if this you take in such disgrace To giue you satisfaction take my place And foole it on the Thames whilst I at Court Will try if I like you can make some sport Or rather then for fooleship we will brawle You shall be foole in Court on Thames and all Thus what to you I writ loe here 's the totall And you with angry spleen haue deign'd to note â—â—â— And vow from hell to hale sterne Nemesis To whip me from the bounds of Thamesis Yet when I ope your paper murd'ring booke I see what paines the wisest wits haue tooke To giue you titles supernodicall In orders orderlesse methodicall There doe I see how euery one doth striue In spight of Death to make thee still suruiue No garded gowne-man dead nor yet aliue But they make thee their great superlatiue In the beginning Alphabeticall With figures tropes and words patheticall They all successiuely from A to N Describe thee for the onely man of Men. The frontispice of Master Coriats Booke very â—â—â— nedly descanted vpon by Master Laurence Whitakers and Master Beniamin Ionson Thy Shipping and thy Haddocks friendly feeding Thy Carting in thy Trauels great proceeding Thy riding Stirroplesse thy iadish courser Thy Ambling o'r the Alpes and which is worser After the Purgatory of thy Legges Thy Puncke bepelts thy pate with rotten egges When thou braue man assault'st to boord a Pinace As fits thy state she welcomes thee to Venice Thy running from the mis-beleeuing Iew Because thou thought'st the Iew sought more then â—â—â— For why the Iew with superstition blind Would haue thee leaue what most thou lou'st behind How with a rusticke Boore thou mad'st a fray And manfully broughtst all the blowes away The Turkish Emp'rour or the Persian Sophy Can hardly match thy monumentall Trophy Thy ancient Ierkin and thy aged sloppes From whose warme confines thy retainers drops I stand in feare to doe thy greatnesse wrong For 't is suppos'd thou wast a thousand strong Who all deriu'd from thee their happy breeding And from thy bounty had their clothes feeding Thy lasting shooes thy stockings and thy garters To thy great fame are drawn and hangd in quarters Thy Hat most fitly beautifies thy crest Thy wits great couer couers all the rest The letter K doth shew the brauest fight But wherefore K I 'm sure thou art no Knight Why might not L nor M nor N or O As well as knauish K thy picture show But saucie K I see will haue a place When all the Crosse-row shall endure disgrace Who at the letter K doth truly seeke Shall see thee hemm'd with Latine with
Greeke Whereas thy name thy age and Odcombs towne Are workemanly ingrau'd to thy renowne Beleaguerd round with three such female shapes Whose features would enforce the gods to rapes France Germany and smug-fac'd Italy Attend thee in a kind triplicity France giues thee clusters of the fruitfull vine And Germany layes out t' adorne thy shrine And Italie doth wittily inuite thee And prittily she sayes she will delight thee But yet thy entertainement was but bitter At Bergamo with horses in their litter Whose iadish kindnesse in thy stomacke stickes Who for thy welcome flung thee coltish kickes Thy begging from the high-way Purse-takers Describes thee for a learned wiseakers â—o thus thy single worth is praised double For rare inuention neuer counts it trouble With timelesse reasons and with Reasons verse Thy great Odcombian glory to rehearse But yet whilst they in pleasures lap doe lull thee Amidst thy praise egregiously they gull thee Th' art made Tom Table-talke mongst gulls and gallants Thy book and thee such esteemed tallants When they are tired with thy trauels treading Then hauing nought to do they fall to reading Thy wits false-galloping perambulation Which ease the Readers more then a purgation But to proceed I 'l recapitulate The praise that doth thy worth accommodate Thy Character in learn'd admired Prose The perfect inside of thy humour showes Attended with thy copious names Acrosticke To shew thee wisest being most fantasticke All these Noblemen and Gentlemen that are named in the following book did write merry commendatory verses which were called the Odcombian banquet and were inserted in Mr Coriats booke intituled Coriats Câ—udities Vpon which verses I haue seuerally and particularly paraphrased Next which in doggrell rime is writ I wot Thy name thy birth and place where thou wast got Thy education manners and thy learning Thy going outward and thy home returning Yet there I finde the Writer hath tane leaue Midst words that seeme thy same aloft to heaue That for no little foole he doth account thee But with the greatest vp aloft doth mount thee Th' art lik'ned to a Ducke a Drake a Beare A iadish Gelding that was made to beare An Owle that sings no wit to whit to who That nothing well can sing nor say nor doe Incipit Henricus Neuill de Aberguenie Then follows next a friend that faine would knight thee But that he fears he should do more then right thee Yet wheÌ„ his verses praise on cock-horse heues thee He found thee Thomas Thomas he leaues thee Iohannes Harringtonde Bâ—â— The Goose that guarded Rome with sentles gagling Is here implor'd t' assist the Ganders stragling A pen made of her quill would lift thee fooae As high as is the thorn-bush in the Moone Incipit Ludonicus Lâ—wknor Fooles past and present and to come they say To thee in generall must all giue way Apuleius asse nor Mida's lolling cares No fellowship with thee braue Coriat beares For 't is concluded 'mongst the wizards all To make thee Master of Gul-finches hall Incipit Henricus Goodyer Old Odcombs odnesse makes not thee vneuen Nor carelesly set all at six and seuen Thy person 's odde vnparaleld vnmatchd But yet thy Action 's to the person patch'd Thy body and thy mind are twins in sadnesse Which makes thee euen in the midst of odnesse What-â—r thou odly dost is eu'nly meant In Idiotisme thou art eu'n an Innocent Thy booke and thee are shap'd to like each other That if I looke on t 'one I see the tother Th' art light th' art heauy merry midst thy sadnesse And still art wisest midst of all thy madnesse So odly euen thy feet thy iourney trod That in conclusion thou art euenly odde Incipit â—â—â—nnes Paiton Iunior Thou saw'st so many cities townes and garisons That Caesar must not make with thee comparisons Great Iulius Commentaries lies and rots As good for nothing but stoppe mustard pots For Coriats booke is onely in request All other volumes now may lye and rest Blind Homer in his writings tooke great paines Yet he and thee doe differ many graines For in my minde I hold it most vnfit To liken Homers verses to thy Writ Incipit Henricus Poole Next followes one whose lines aloft doe raise Don Coriat chiefe Diego of our daies To praise thy booke or thee he knowes not whether It makes him study to praise both or neither At last he learnedly lets flie at large Compares thy booke vnto a Westerne Barge And saies 't is pitty thy all worthlesse worke In darke obscurity at home should lurke And then thy blunted courage to encourage Couragiously he counsels thee to forrage 'Mongst forraine Regions and t' obserue their state That to thy Country-men thou might'st relate At thy returne their manners liues and law Belcht from the tumbrell of thy gorged maw Incipit Robertus Philips This worthy man thy fame on high doth heaue Yet Mounsieur Leg-stretcher pray giue me leaue He saies that men doe much mistake thy age That thinke thou art not past the making sage T is hard to make a foole of one that 's wise For wit doth pitty folly not despise But for to make a wife man of a foole To such a Clarke we both may goe to schoole Yet much I feare to learne it is too late Our youthfull age with wit is out of date He sayes If any one a foole dares call thee Let not his thundring big-mouth'd words apall thee But in thine owne defence draw out thy toole Thy Booke he means which will his courage coole For why thy Booke shall like a brazen shield Defend thy cause and thee the glory yeeld An asse I 'm sure could ne'r obserue so much Because an asses businesse is not such Yet if an asse could write as well as run He then perhaps might doe as thou hast done But t is impossible a simple creature Should doe such things like thee aboue his nature Thou Aiax of the frothie Whitson Ale Let AEolus breathe with many a friendly gale Fill full thy sailes that after-times may know What thou to these our times dost friendly show That as of thee the like was neuer heard They crowne thee with a Marrot or a Mard Incipit Dudleius Digges Here 's one affirmes thy booke is onely thine How basely thou didst steale nor yet purloyne But from the labour of thy legges and braine This heire of thine did life and soule obtaine Thou art no cuckold men may iustly gather Because the childe is made so like the father In nat'rall fashion and in nat'rall wit Despight of Art 't is Nat'rall euery whit Incipit Rowlandus Cotton Columbus Magelan nor dreadfull Drake These three like thee did neuer iourny take Thou vntir'd trauelling admired iemme No man that 's wife will liken thee to them The Calfe thy booke may call thee fire and dam Thy body is the Dad thy minde the Mam. Thy toylesome carkasse got this child of worth Which thy elaborate wit produced forth Now Ioues sweet benison
principall matter there and so be gone In this city of Agra where I am now I am to remaine about 6. weeks longer to the end to expect an excellent opportunity which then wil offer it selfe vnto me to goe to the famous riuer Ganges about 5. dayes iourney from this to see a memorable meeting of the gentle people of this countrey called Baicans whereof about foure hundred thousand people goe thither of purpose to bathe and shaue themselues in the Riuer and to sacrifice a world of gold to the same Riuer partly in stamped money and partly in massie great lumpes and wedges throwing it into the Riuer as a sacrifice and doing other strange Ceremonies most worthy the obseruation such a notable spectacle it is that no part of all Asia neither this which is called the great Asia nor the lesser which is now called Natolia the like is to be seene This shew doe they make once euery yeere comming thither from places almost a thousand miles off and honour their Riuer as their God Creator and Sauiour superstition and impiety most abominable in the highest degree of these brutish Ethnicks that are aliens from Christ and the common-wealth of Israel After I have seene this shew I will with all expedition repaire to the city of Lahore twenty dayes iourney from this and so into Persia by the helpe of my blessed Christ. Thus haue I imparted vnto you some good accidents that happened vnto me since I wrote a letter vnto you the last yeere from the Kings Court and some little part of my resolution for the disposing of a part of my time of abode in Asia Therefore now I will â—â—aâ— to a conclusion the time I cannot liaâ—â— when I shall come home but as my merciful God and Sauiour shall dispose of it A long rabble or commendations like to that which I wrote in my last letter to you I hold not so requisite to make at this present Therefore with remembrance of some few friends names I will but vp my present Epistle I pray you recommend me first in Odcombe to Master Gallop and euery good body of his family if hee liueth yet to Master Bâ—râ—b his wife and all his family to all the Knights William Chum Iohn Selly Hugh Donne and their wiues to Master Atkins and his wife at Norton I pray you commend mee in Euill to these to old Master Seward if hee liueth his wife and children the poore widow Darby old Master Dyer and his Sonne Iohn Master Ewins old and young with their wiues Master Phelpes and his wife M. Starre and his wife with the rest of my good friends there I had almost forgotten your husband to him also to Ned Barbor and his wife to William Ienings commend me also I pray you and that with respectfull termes to the godly and reuerent fraternity of Preachers that euery second Friday meet at a religious exercise at Euill at the least if that exercise doth continue pray read this letter to them for I thinke they will be well pleased with it by reason of the nouelties of things And so finally I commit you and all them to the blessed protection of Almighty God From Agra the Capitall City of the Dominion of the great Mogoll in the Easterne India the last of October 1616. Your dutifull louing and obedient Sonne now a desolate Pilgrim in the World THOMAS CORIAT The Copy of a speech that I made to a Mahometan in the Italian tongue THe Copie of a speech that I made extempore in the Italian tongue to a Mahometan at a City called Moltan in the Eastern India two daies iourny beyond the famous Riuer Indus which I haue passed against Mahomet and his accursed Religion vpon the occasion of a discourtesie offered vnto me by the said Mahometan in calling mee Giaur that is infidell by reason that I was a Christian the reason why I spake to him in Italian was because he vnderstood it hauing been taken slaue for many yeeres since by certaine Florentines in a Gally wherein he passed from Constantinople towards Alexandra but being by them interrupted by the way he was carried to a City called Ligerne in the Duke of Florences Dominions where after two yeeres hee had learned good Italian but he was an Indian borne and brought vp in the Mahometan Religion I pronounced the speech before an hundred people whereof none vnderstood it but himselfe but hee afterward told the meaning of some part of it as farre as he could remember it to some of the others also If I had spoken thus much in Turky or Persia against Mahomet they would haue rosted me vpon a spit but in the Mogols Dominions a Christian may speake much more freely then hee can in any other Mahometan Country in the world The speech was this as I afterward translated it into English BVt I pray thee tell me thou Mahometan dost thou in sadnes call mee Giaur That I doe quoth he Then quoth I in very sober sadnes I retort that shamefull word in thy throate and tell thee plainly that I am a Musulman and thou art a Giaur For by that Arab word Musulman thou dost vnderstand that which cannot be properly applied to a Mahometan but onely to a Christian so that I doe consequently inferre that there are two kindes of Muselmen the one â—n Orthomusulman that is a true Musulman which is a Christian and the other a Pseudo-musulman that is a false Musulman which is a Mahometan What thy Mahomet was from whom thou dost deriue thy Religion assure thy selfe I know better then any one of the Mahometans amongst many millions yea all the particular circumstances of his life and death his Nation his Parentage his driuing Camels through Egypt Syria and Palestina the marriage of his Mistris by whose death hee raised himselfe from a very base and contemptible estate to great honour and riches his manner of coozening the sottish people of Arabia partly by a tame Pigeon that did flye to his eare for meat and partly by a tame Bull that he fed by hand euery day with the rest of his actions both in peace and warre I know aswell as if I had liued in his time or had beene one of his neighbours in Mecca the truth whereof if thou didst know aswell I am perswaded thou wouldest spit in the face of thy Alcaron and trample it vnder thy feet and bury it vnder a laâ—e a booke of that strange and weake matter that I my selfe as meanly as thou dost see mee attired now haue already written two better bookes God be thanked and will here after this by Gods gracious permssion write another better and truer yea I would haue thee know thou Mahometan that in that renouned Kingdome of England where I was borne learning doth so flourish that there are many thousand boyes of sixteene yeeres of age that are able to make a more learned booke theaâ— thy Alcason neither was it as thou and the rest of you Mahometans
'l rest Thus may a Whore be made by this construction Vnto the Grammar Rules an Introduction But yet if Learning might be gotten so Fow to the Vniuersities would goe And all degrees tagge ragge and old and yong Would be well grounded in the Latine tongue Whil'st many learn'd men would be forc'd to seeke Their liuings from the Hebrew and the Greeke For mine owne part I dare to sweare and vow I ne'r vs'd Accidence so much as now Nor all these Latine words here enterlac'd I doe not know if they with sense are plac'd I in the Booke did find them and conclude At random to a Whore I them allude But leauing Latine eu'ry trading wench Hath much more vnderstanding of the French If shee hath learn'd great P O Per se O She ' le quickly know De morbo Gallico If in these rudiments she well doth enter With any man she neuer feares to venter She 's impudently arm'd and shamelesse too And neuer dreads what man to her can do Her neather part to stake shee 'l often lay To keepe her vpper part in fashion gay She blushes not to haue her Trade well knowne Which is she liues by vsing of her owne Her shop her ware her same her shame her game 'T is all her owne which none from her can claime And if she be halfe mad and curse and sweare And fight and bite ' and scatch and domineere Yet still she proues her patience to be such ' Midst all these passions she will beare too much She is not couetous for any thing For what she hath men doe vnto her bring Her Temp'rance is a vertue of much honour And all her Commings in are put vpon her She 's generall she 's free she 's liberall Of hand and purse she 's open vnto all She is no miserable hide bound wretch To please her friend at any time shee 'l stretch At once she can speake true and lye or either And is at home abroad and altogether Shee 's nimbler then a Tumbler as I thinke Layes downe and takes vp whilst a man can winke And though she seeme vnmeasur'd in her pleasure 'T is otherwayes a Yard's her onely measure Bâ—t as most Whores are vicious in their fames So many of them haue most Vertuous names Though bad they be they will not bate an Ace To be cald Prudence Temp'rance Faith or Grace Or Mercy Charity or many more Good names too good to giue to any Whore Much from the Popes of Rome they doe not swerue For they haue Names which they doe ill deserue Onely betwixt them here 's the difference on 't A Whore receiues her Name first at the Font The Roman Bishop takes a larger scope For he doth change his name when he 's a Pope As if he were a Persecuting Saul If he please hee 'l be call'd a Preaching Paul Is his name Swinesnowt he can change the Case And swap away that name for Boniface If he be most vngodly and enuious Yet if he please he will be called Pius Be he by Nature to all mischiefe bent He may and will be called Innocent And be he neuer so doggedly inclin'd Hee 'l be nam'd Vrbane if it be his mind If he be much more fearefull then a Sheepe The name of Leo he may haue and keepe And though he be vnmercifull yet still He may be called Clement if he will Thus Popes may haue good names though bad they be And so may Whores though different in degree The Anagram of WHORE'S her mortall foe Deuided into two words 't is HER WO. And seriously to lay all Iesting by A Whore is Her owne Woâ— and misery For though she haue all pleasures at the full Much more then Thais that proud Corinthians Trull Who suffered none but Kings and Potentates To haue their pleasures at Excessiue rates Yet all that Deare bought Lechery would be The greater brand of lasting Infamy And though her Carrion Corps rich clad high fed Halfe rotten liuing and all rotten Dead Who with her hellish Courage stout and hot Abides the brunt of many a prick shaft shot Yet being dead and doth consumed lye Her euerlasting shame shall neuer dye Ixion in his armes he did suppose That he the Goddesse Iuno did inclose But in the end his franticke error show'd That all which he imbrac'd was but a Cloud So whosoeuer doe their Lust embrace In stead of Loue are clouded with disgrace The Godlesse Goddesse Venus honour'd farre For conqu'ring of the Conqu'ring God of Warre To hide their shame they no defence could get When limping Vulcan tooke them in a net And being past shame with that foule offence She arm'd her selfe with shamelesse Impudence And with vngodly articles would proue That foule Concupiscence and Lust is Loue. For which each bawdy Knaue and filthy Whore Her Deuillish Diety doe still adore I haue read Histories that doe repeat Whores were of old in estimation Great Pandemus King of Corinth he erected That he from Perses power might be protected A Temple vnto Venus as some say Where whores might for his safety safely pray And some in Ephesus did Temples reare In whom the Paphean Queenes adored were Where they that were the wickedst whores of all Were the chiefe Priests in robes Pontificall And in the I le of Paphos 't was the vse Maides got their Dowries by their Corps abuse But if that order were allowed here So many would not portions want I feare The Art of Bawd'ry was in such respect Amongst the Egyptians that they did erect An Altar to Priapus and their guise Was that their Priests on it did Sacrifice Wise Arictotle was in wit so poore He Sacrific'd to Hermia his whore Great Iulius Caesar was so free and Common And cald a husband vnto euery woman Procullus Emperour the Story sayes Deflowr'd one hundred Maydes a Here I haue for some 60 lines followed the report of Cornelâ—us Agrippa in his Vanity of sciences b Sermatian Maydes c 30. pound waight a peece in fifteene dayes If all be true that Poets vse to write Hercules lay with fifty in one night When Heliogabulus Romes Scepter sway'd And all the world his lawlesse Lawes obay'd He in his Court did cause a Stewes be made Whereas Cum priuilegio whores did trade H'inuited two and twenty of his friends And kindly to each one a whore he lends To set whores free that then in bondage lay A mighty masse of money he did pay He in one day gaue to each whore in Rome A Duckat a large and ill bestowed summe He made Orations vnto whores and said They were his Souldiers his defence and ayde And in his speech he shew'd his wits acute Of sundry formes of Bawdr'y to dispute And after giuing vnto euery where For list'ning to his tale three Duckats more With Pardon vnto all and Liberty That would be whores within his Monarchy And yeerly Pensions hee freely gaue To keepe a Regiment of whores most braue And oft he had when
Priests Lemman and a Tinkers Pad Or Dell or Doxy though the names bee bad And amongst Souldiers this sweet piece of Vice Is counted for a Captaines Cockatrice But the mad Rascall when hee 's fiue parts drunke Cals her his Drah his Queane his Iill or Punke And in his fury'gins to rayle and rore â— Then with full mouth he truely call's her Whore And so I leaue her to her hot desires ' â—Mongst Pimps and Panders and base Applesquires To mend or end when age or Pox will make her Detested and Whore-masters all forsake her A comparison betwixt a Whore and a Booke ME thinks I heare some Cauiller obiect That 't is a name absurd and indirect To giue a Booke the Title of a Whore When sure I thinke no Name befits it more For like a Whore by day-light or by Candle 'T is euer free for euery knaue to handle And as a new whore is belon'd and sought So is a new Booke in request and bought When whores wax old and stale they 're out of date Old Pamphlets are most subiect to such fate As Whores haue Panders to emblaze their worth So these haue Stationers to set them forth And as an old whore may be painted new With borrowed beauty faire vnto the view Whereby shee for a fine fresh whore may passe Yet is shee but the rotten whore shee was So Stationers their old cast Bookes can grace And by new Titles paint a-fresh their face Whereby for currant they are past away As if they had come forth but yesterday A Booke is dedicated now and than To some great worthy or vnworthy man Yet for all that 't is common vnto mee Or thee or hee or all estates that bee And so a man may haue a Whore forsooth Supposing shee is onely for his tooth But if the truth hee would seeke out and looke She 's common vnto all men like a Booke A Booke with gawdy coate and silken strings Whose inside's full of obsceane beastly things Is like a whore Caparison'd and trap'd Full of infection to all mischiefe apt As one whore may bee common vnto any So one Booke may bee dedicate to many And sure I say and hope I speake no slander To such a Booke the Poet is the Pander He prostitutes his muse to euery one Which should be constant vnto one alone This is a kind of Bawd'ry vile and base Kils bounty and is Poetryes disgrace And left they should be lost it is ordain'd That Bookes within a Library are chain'd So he that to himselfe will keepe a Whore Must chaine her or shee 'le trade with forty more As Bookes are lease by lease oft turn'd and tost So are the Garments of a Whore almost For both of them with a wet finger may Be folded or vnfolded night or day Moreouer 't is not very hard to proue That Bookes and Whores may Riuals be in Loue To purchase mens displeasure I am loth But sure good Schollers still haue lou'd them both Some Bookes haue their Errates at the last That tell their errors and offences past So many great Whores did in state suruiue But when death did their hatefull liues depriuâ— Their faults escap'd and their Errates then Haue beene made manifest and knowne to men Some Bookes and Whores to wicked purpose her Doe for their faults receiue one punishment â—â— Bukes are often burnt and quite forgotten â—â—â—â— Whore are ouer-stew'd or rosted rotten â—â— experience shewes that Bookes much knowledge brings â—nd by experience Whores know many things â—â—â— as â—â—ed Iustice all mens losse repaires â—â—â— whores doe giue to all men what is theirs â—â—â— shee learnes yet will shee much rebuke vs â—â— I wee doe play the part of true Eunuchus â—â—â— Bookes prophane or else Hereticall â—â—â— soâ—â—ilous non-sense Schismaticall â—â—â—erts man Iudgement and his soule pollutes â—â—ch are all Whores and such will be their fruits â—â— one Slouens soyle a Booke in little space â—â—nd slauer it and so the Leaues deface â—â—â—nd some againe will take a cleanly course â—â—o read it dayly yet t is ne'r the worse â—â—â— some man vse a Whore when once they haue her â—They'le touze and teare and beastly all beslauer When forty neat Whoremasters might haue play'd â—â—nd vsde her and shee still be thought a maide â—â— that doth read a Booke he likes would be â—â—loue from any Interruption free â—â—nd hee that with a Whore would toy or lye â—â— thinke desires other Company â—â— When Bookes are wet their beauties gone or soyl'd â—â— wash a whore and all her paintings sooyl'd â—â—nd as an old Whore spight of Paint and cloathing â—â—als at the last the obiect of mens loathing â—scorn'd and vnpittied and to finish all â—â—yes in Ditch or in an Hospitall â—â— Pamphlets and some workes of writers Graue â—â—re vsde much worse then Whores by many a Knaue Who ne'r regard the matter or the price â—ot teare like Tyrants to wrap Drugs or Spice â—â— which is worse in Priuie matters vse them â—â— worst of all like Roarers they abuse them When as they rend good Bookes to light and dry â—â—â— â—â—â— Englands ds bainefull Diety And 't is a thing I ne'r thought on before A * Now a dayes Booke 's examin'd stricter then a Whore There 's not a Sheet a Lease a Page a Verse A word or sillable or letter scarce But that Authority with Iudgements eye Doth diligently looke and search and pry And gage the sense and first will vnderst nd all Lest in a Phrase or word there lurke a scandall And my poore Whore in this hath not beene spar'd Her skirts were curtaild hee nayles were * She would haue scratched else par'd All 's one for that though shee such vsage had Shee 's not left naked though not richly clad I knew shee must be question'd and I say I am right glad shee scap'd so well away And should ail Whores of high and low degree As Bookes are to account thus called bee The whorish number would waxe very small Or else men neuer could examine all This Booke my Whore or else this Whore my Booke Shee beares both names so neither is mistooke Respects not all her enemies a straw If shee offended shee hath had the Law She was examin'd and shee did confesse And had endur'd the torture of the Presse Her faults are printed vnto all mens sight Vnpartially declar'd in blacke and white And last in Pauls Church-yard and in the streets Shee suffers Penance vp and downe in Sheets And if all Whores to doe the like were made A Linnen Draper were the richest Trade If any Whore be honcster then mine is I le write no more but stop my mouth with FINIS An arrant Thiefe whom euery Man may trust In Word and Deed exceeding true and iust With a Comparison betweene a Thiefe and a Booke THis Water m The Anigram of Rat is Art Rat or Art I would commend But that I know not to begin or end He read his Verses to me and
which more is Did moue my Muse to write Laudem Authoris If for his Land Discoueries * I touch not his Trauailes to Scotland Iermany or Bohemis or the Paper Boat she should praise him Whether would then his liquid knowledge raise him Read his two Treatises of Theefe and Whore You 'l thinke it time for him to leaue his Oare Yet thus much of his worth I cannot smother 'T is well for vs when Theeues peach one another This Preface is but poore 't is by a Boy done That is a Scholler of the Schoole of Cloydon Who when he hath more yeeres and learning got Hee 'l praise him more or lesse or not a ist Giuen vpon Shroue Tuesday from our seate in the second Forme of the famous free Schoole of Croydon By RICHARD HATTON WHen a fresh Waterman doth turn Saltpict His Muse must prattle all the world â—â—â— know it Of Whores and Theeues he writes two merry Bâ—â—â—â—â— He loues them both I know it by his lookes Alas I wrong him blame my Muse not we She neuer spake before and rude may be Giuen from the lowe estatedâ—â— the fift Forme neere to the Schoole doore at Croydon beforesaid By GEORGE HATTON TO THE HOPEFVLL PAIRE OF BRETHREN AND MY WORTHY PATRONES Master RICHARD and GEORGE HATTON Loue Learning and true Happinesse Your Muses th' one a Youth and one an Infant Gaue me two Panegericks at one Instant The first Pen the first line it pleas'd to walke in Did make my * This Gentleman was pleased Anagrammatically to call me Water Rat or water Art which I doe Anagrammatiae Water-rat to bee A true Art Art a Rat and like Grimalkin Or a kinde needfull Vermin-coursing Cat. By Art I play but will not care your Rat. I thanke you that you did so soone determine To Anagram my Art into a Vermine For which I vow if e're you keeps a Dayrie Of now and then a Cheese I will impaire yee Kinde M r. George your Muse must be exalted My Poetry you very well haue salted Salt keeps things sweet makes them rellish sau'ry And you haue powdred well my honest â—na â—â— I thanke you to nor will I be ingratefull Whilest Rime or Reason deignes to fill my pare full You truly say that I loue Whores and Thieues well And half your speech I think the world belieus wel For should I hate a Thiefe Thieues are so commos I well could neither loue my selfe or no man But for Whores loue my purse would neuer hold oâ— They 'l Cheat and picke the Siluer and the Gold oâ— You both haue grac'd my Thiefe he hath confessed You like two Shrieues conuay'd him to be Prised In mirth you write to me on small Requesting For which I thanke you both in harmlesse Iesting And may your Studies to such goodnesse raise you That God may euer loue and good men praise you Yours when you will where you will in what you will as you will with your will against your will at this time at any time at all time or sometimes in pastimes IOHN TAYLOR To any Reader Hee or Shee It makes no matter what they bee WHen you open this first leafe imagine you are come within the doore of my house where according as you behaue your selues you are courteously welcome or you may lay downe the Booke and got the same way you came the flattering of Readers or begging their acceptance is an argument that the ware is scarce good which the Author meanes to vtter or that it is a Cheape yeere of wit and his lyes vpon his hands which makes him pittifuly like Suppliant to begin Honorably Complaineth to your Humblenes 't is but mistaken the first should be last Some men haue demanded of me why I doe write vpon such slight subiects as the Praise of Hempseed The Trauailes of Twelue-pence Taylors â—â—oose The Antiquity of Begging A Cormorant A Common Whore And now an an arrant Thiefe To whom I answer here that many Graue and excellent Writers haue imployed their Studies to good purposes in as triuiall matters as my selfe and I am assured that the meaner the subiect is the better the Inuention must bee for as Tom Nash â—â—id euery Foole can fetch Water out of the Sea or picke Corne out of full Sheaues but to â—â—ing Oyle out of Flint or make a plentifull Haruest with little or no Seed that 's the Workâ—an but that 's not I. And Gentlemen as I lately sent you a Whore that was honest so haue now sent you a Thiefe that will neuer Rob you nor picke your Pockets of more then you are willing to part withall Yours at all good times IOHN TAYLOR A THIEFE Lately to the world did send a a A Booke I writ called a whore whore And she was welcom though she was but poore And being so it did most strange appeare That pouerty found any welcome here But when I saw that many Rich men sought My whore with their coyne her freedome bought I mus'd but as the cause I out did ferrit I found some Rich in Purse some poore in merit Some earned Schollers some that scarce could spell Yet all did loue an honest whore right well T was onely such as those that entertain'd her Whilest scornfull Kuaues witlesse Fooles disdain'd her Now to defend her harmelesse Innocence I send this Thiefe to be her Iust defence Against all true-men and I 'l vndertake There are not many that dare answer make Then rowze my Muse be valiant and be briefe Be confident my true and constant Thiefe Thy trade is scartred vniuersally Throughout the spacious worlds Rotundity For all estates and functions great and small Are for the most part Thieues in generall Excepting Millers Weauers Taylers and Such true trades as no stealing vnderstand Thou art a Thiefe my Booke and being so Thou findst thy fellowes wheresoeu'r thou goe Birds of a feather still will hold together And all the world with thee are of a feather The ods is thou art a Thiefe by nomination And most of men are Thieues in their vocation Thou neither dost cog cheat steale sweare orlye Or gather'st goods by false dishonesty And thou shalt liue when many of the Crue Shall in a Halter bid the world Adue And now a thought into my minde doth fall To proue whence Thieues haue their originall I finde that Iupiter did watonly On Maya get a sonne call'd Mercury To whom the people oft did â—acrifice Accounting him the God of Merchandize Of Eloquence and rare inuention sharpe And that he first of all deuis'd the Harpe The God of Tumbless Iuglers fooles and Iesters Of Thieues and fidlers that the earth bepesters Faire Venus was his Sister and I finde He was to her so much vnkindely kinde That hee on her beg at Her 〈…〉 As Ouid very wittily doth write His wings on head and heeles true Emblems bee How quick he can inuent how quickly flee By him are Thieues inspirde and from his gift They plot
to steale and run away most swift In their conceits and fleights no men are sharper Each one as nimble-finger'd as a Harper Thus Thieuing is not altogether base But is descended from a lofty Race Moreouer euery man himselfe doth show To be the Sonne of Adam for wee know He stole the Fruit and euer since his Seed To steale from one another haue agreed Our Infancy is Theft 't is manifest Wee crie and Rob our Parents of their Rest Our Childe-hood Robs vs of our Infancy And youth doth steale out childe-hood wantonly Then Man-hood pilfers all our youth away And middle-age our Man-hood doth conuay Vnto the Thieuing hands of feeble age Thus are wee all Thieues all our Pilgrimage In all which progresse many times by stealth Strange sicknesses doe Rob vs of our health Rage steales our Reason Enuy thinkes it fit To steale our Loue whilest Foliy steales our wit Pride filcheth from vs our Humility And Lechery doth steale our honesty Base Auarice our Conscience doth purloin Whilest sloth to steale our mindes from work doth ioyâ—â— Time steales vpon vs whilest wee take small care And makes vs old before wee be aware Sleepe and his brother Death conspite our fall The one steales halfe our liues the other all Thus are wee Robb'd by Morpheus and by Muâ— Till in the end each Corps is but a Coarse Note but the seasons of the yeere and see How they like Thieues to one another bee From Winters frozen face through snow showers The Spring doth steale roots plants buds flowers Then Summer Robs the Spring of natures sute And haruest Robs the Suramer of his fruite Then Winter comes againe and he bereaues The Haruest of the Graine and Trees of Leaues And thus these seasons Rob each other still Round in their course like Horses in a mill The Elements Earth Water Ayre and Fire To rob each other daily doe conspire The fiery Sun from th' Ocean and each Riuer Exhales their Waters which they all deliuer This water into Clowdes the Ayre doth steale Where it doth vnto Snow or Haile congeale Vntill at last Earth robs the Ayre againe Of his stolne Treasure Haile Sleete Snow or Riâ—â— Thus be it hot or cold or dry or wet These Thieues from one another steale and get Night robs vs of the day and day of night Light pilfers darknes and the darknes light Thus life death seasons and the Elements And day and night for Thieues are presidents Two arrant Thieues we euer beare about vs The one within the other is without vs All that we get by toyle or industry Our Backes and Bellies steale continually For though men labour with much care and carke Lie with the Lamb downe rise vp with the Larâ— Sweare and forsweare deceaue and lie and cog And haue a Conscience worse then any Dog Be most vngracious extreme vile and base And so he gaine not caring for disgrace Let such a Man or Woman count their gaines They haue but meat and raiment for their paines No more haue they that doeliue honestest Those that can say their Cousciences are best Their Bellies and their Backes day night and houâ—â— The fruits of all their labours doe deuoure These Thieues doe rob vs with our owne good will And haue dame natures warrant for it still â—â— crimes these Sharks do worke each others wrack â—â— reuening Belly often robs the backe Will feed like Diues with Quaile Raile Pheasant â—beâ—â—â— all tarter'd like a Peasant Sometimes the gawdy Backe mans Belly pines â—â—which he often with Duke Humphrey dines â—â— whilest the mind defends this hungry stealth â—â— sâ—ies a temp'rate dyet maintaines health â—â—â—â— cry let guts with famine mourne â—â— maw's vnseene good outsides must be worne â—â— these Thieues rob vs and in this pother â—â—mind consents and then they rob each other â—â—knowledge and our learning oft by chance â—â— steale and rob vs of our ignorance â—â— ignorance may sometimes gaine promotion There it is held the mother of deuotion â—â—â—knowledge ioyn'd with learning are poore things â—at many times a man to begg'ry brings â—â—â— fortune very oft doth iustly fit â—â—l to haue all the woâ—â—â— some all the wit â—â—â—â— robs some men into it list â—eales their coyne as Thieues doe in a mist â—â— men to rob the pot will ne'r refraine Still the pot rob them of all againe â—rodigall can steale exceeding briefe â—ks his owne purse and is his owne deare Thiefe And thus within vs and without vs we â—â—â— Thieues and by Thieues alwaies pillag'd be â—â— then vnto the greatest Thieues of all Those Thâ—â—â—â—â—y is most high and capitall â—â— that for pomp and Titles transitory â—â—your Almighty Maker of his Glory â—â— giue the honour due to him alone â—to a carued block a stock or stone â—â—image a similitude or feature Angell Saint or Man or any creature â—â— Altars Lamps to Holy-bread or Waters â—â—â— shrines or tapers of such iugling matters â—â— reliques of the dead or of the liuing â—is is the most supremest kind of Thieuing â—â—esides they all commit this fellony â—t breake the Sabbath day maliciously â—â—â— giues vs six daies and himselfe hath one â—â—herein he would with thanks be call'd vpon â—â— those that steale that day to bad abuses â—â— God of honour without all excuses Into these Thieues my Thiefe doth plainly tell But though they hang not here they shall in hell Accept repentance and vnworthy Guerdon â—â—rough our Redeemers merits gaine their pardon â—â— there 's a crue of Thieues that prie and lurch And steale and share the liuings of the Church These are hells factors merchants of all euill Rob God of soules and giue them to the Deuill For where the tythe of many a Parish may Allow a good sufficient Preacher pay Yet hellish pride or lust or auarice Or one or other foule licencious vice Robs learning robs the people of their reaching Who in seuen yeeres perhaps doe heare no preaching When as the Parsonage by account is found Yeerely worth two three or foure hundred pound Yet are those Soules seru'd or else staru'd I feare With a poore a In the 93. page of a Booke called The Spirit of Detraction the Author cites 12. parishes in one Hundred in Wales in this predicament Reader for eight pounds a yeere A Preacher breakes to vs the Heau'nly Bread Whereby our straying Soules are taught and fed And for this heau'nly worke of his 't is sence That men allow him earthly recompence For shall he giue vs food that 's spirituall And not haue meanes to feed him corporall No sure of all men 't is most manifest A painfull Churchman earnes his wages best Those that keepe backe the Tythes I tell them true Are arrant Thieues in robbing God of'd due For he that robs Gods Church t' encrease his pelfe 'T is most apparent he robs God himselfe The Patron oft deales with his Minister As Dionisius with b Iupitert Idoll in Siracusa in Sicilia Iupiter He stole his golden Cloake
ne'r are paid agen 'T is said that Iacob counsel'd by his mother Did steale his fathers blessing from his brother This was a theft which few wil imitate Their fathers blessings are of no such rate For though some sonnes might haue them for the crauing Yet they esteeme them scarcely worth the hauing Their fathers money they would gladly steale But for their blessings they regard no deale And by their waters you may guesse and gather That they were sicke and grieued of the Father But on such Thieues as those I plainly say A hansome hanging were not cast away Some Thieues may through an admirable skill An honest Common-wealth both pole and pill These fellowes steale secure as they were Millers And are substantiall men their Countries Pillers Purloyning polers or the Barbers rather That shaue a Kingdome cursed wealth to gather These Pillers or these Caterpillers swarmes Grow rich and purchase goods by others harmes And liue like Fiends extremely fear'd and hated And are and shall be euer execrated A King of Britaine once Catellus * He was the fortyth King after Brute and he raigned â—â—â— Christs birth 171. yeeres nam'd Vpon Record his Charity is fam'd His iustice and his memory was so ample He hang'd vp all oppressours for example If that Law once againe were in request Then of all trades a Hangman were the best These are the brood of Barrabas and these Can rob and be let loose againe at ease Whilst Christ in his poore members euery day Both suffer through their Theft and pine away And sure all men of whatsoe'r degree Of Science Art or Trade or Mystery Or Occupation whatsoe'r they are For truth cannot with Watermen compare â—â— know there 's some obiections may be made How they are rude vnciuill in their trade But that is not the question I propound â—â— say no Theft can in the trade be found Our greatest foes by no meanes can reueale Which way we can deceiue or cheat or steale We take men in and Land them at their pleasure And neuer bate them halfe an inch of measure Still at one price our selues we waste and weare Though all things else be mounted double deare And in a word I must conclude and say A Waterman can be a Thiefe no way Except one way which I had halfe forgot He now and then perhaps may rob the pot Steale himselfe drunke and be his owne Purspicker And chimically turnes his coyne to liquor This is almost a vniuersall Theft A portion Fathers to their Sonnes haue left â—â—en are begot and doe like their begetters And Watermen doe learne it of their betters Ther 's nothing that doth make them poore bare â—â—ut b'cause they are such true men as they are For if they would but steale like other men The Gallowes would deuoure them now and then Whereby their number quickly would be lesse Which to their wants would be a good redresse Their pouerty doth from their truth proceed Their way to thriue were to be Thieues indeed If they would steale and hang as others doe Those that suruiue it were a helpe vnto Truth is their trade truth doth keepe them poore But if their truth were lesse their wealth were more All sorts of men worke all the meanes they can To make a Thiefe of euery Water-man And as it were in one consent they ioyne 1 The Anagram of Water-man is A TREWâ—MAN To trot by land i' th' dirt and saue their coine Carroaches Coaches Iades and Flanders Mares Doe rob vs of our shares our wares our Fares Against the ground we stand and knocke our heeles Whilest all our profit runs away on wheeles And whosoeuer but obserues and notes The great increase of Coaches and of Boates Shall finde their number more then e'r they were By halfe and more within these thirty yeeres Then Water-men at Sea had seruice still And those that staid at home had worke at will Then vpstart Helcart-Coaches were to seeke A man could scarce see twenty in a weeke But now I thinke a man may daily see More then the Whirries on the Thames can be When Queene Elizabeth came to the Crowne A Coach in England then was scarcely knowne Then 't was as rare to see one as to spy A Tradesman that had neuer told a lye But now like plagues of Egypt they doe swarme As thicke as Frogs or Lice vnto our harme For though the King the Counsell and such States As are of high superiour rankes and rates For port or pleasure may their Coaches haue Yet 't is not sit that euery Whore or Knaue And fulsome Madams and new scuruy Squires Should iolt the streets in pomp at their desires Like great triumphant Tamberlaines each day Drawne with the pamper'd lades of Belgia That almost all the streets are choak'd out-right Where men can hardly passe from morne till night 1 The Wherries were want to haue all the Whores till the Guaches robd them of their custome Whilest Watermen want worke and are at ease To carry one another if they please Or else sit still and poorely starue and dye For all their liuings on foure Wheeles doe flye Good Reader thinke it not too long or much That I thus amply on this point doe tutch Now we are borne we would our worke apply To labour and to liue vntill we dye And we could liue well but for Coaches thieuing That euery day doe rob vs of our liuing If we by any meanes could learne the skill To rob the Coachmen as they rob vs still Then in the Sessions booke it would appeare They would be hang'd fiue hundred in a yeare Besides it is too manisfestly knowne They haue the Sadlers trade almost o'rthrowne And the best Leather in our Kingdome they Consume and waste for which poore men do pay Our Bootes Shooes to such high price they reare That all our profit can buy none to weare I in Bohemia saw that all but Lords Or men of worth had Coaches drawne with cords And I my necke vnto the rope would pawne That if our Hackney ratlers were so drawne With cords or ropes or halters chuse ye whether It quickly would bring downe the price of Leather The Watermen should haue more worke I hope When euery hireliug Coach drawne with a rope Would make our Gallants stomacke at the matter And now and then to spend their coyne by water Without all flattery here my minde I breake The Prouerb saies Giue loosers leaue to speake They carry all our Fares and make vs poore That to our Boates we scarce can get a d The Wherries were wont to haue all the Whores till the Coaches robd them of their custome Whore Some honest men and women now and then Will spend their moneyes amongst Watermen But we are growne so many and againe Our fares so few that little is our gaine Yet for all this to giue the Diuell his due Our honest trade can no wayes be vntrue If some be rude amongst the
his other sinnes he play the Thiefe And steale mens goods they all will sentence giue He must be hang'd he is vnsit to liue In the Low Countryes if a wretch doe steale But bread or meat to feed himselfe a meale They will vnmercifully beat and clowt him Hale pull and teare spurne kicke flowt him But if a Drunkard be vnpledg'd a Kan Drawes out his knife and basely stabs a man To runne away the Rascall shall haue scope None holds him but all cry * Run Thiefe Run Lope Scellum Lope Thus there 's a close conniuence for all vice Except for Theft and that 's a hanging price One man 's addicted to blaspheme and sweare A second to carowse and domineore A third to whoring and a fourth to fight And kill and slay a fist man to backbite A sixt and seuenth with this or that crime caught And all in generall much worse then naught And amongst all these sianers generall The Thiefe must winne the halter from them all When if the matter should examin'd be They doe deserue it all as much as he Nor yet is Thieuery any vpstart sinne But it of long antiquity hath bin And by this trade great men haue not disdain'd To winne renowne and haue their states maintain'd Grest Alexanders conquests what were they But taking others goods and lands away In manners I must call it Martiall dealing But truth will terme it rob'ry and flat stealing For vnto all the world it is well knowne That he by force tooke what was not his owne Some Writers are with Tamberlaine so briefe To stile him with the name of Seythian Thiefe * Plutarâ—b Licurgus lou'd and granted gifts beside To Thieues that could steale and escape vnspide But if they taken with the manne were They must restore and buy the bargaine deere Thieues were at all times euer to be had Examples by the good Thiefe and the bad And England still hath bin a fruitfull Land Of valiant Thieues that durst bid true men stand One Bellin Dun a Hen. I. a famous Thiefe surniu'd From whom the cowne of Dunstable's deriu'd And Robin Hood b Rich. 2. with little Iohn agreed To rob the rich men and the poore to feede c Edw. 3. The Priests had here such small meanes for their liuing That many of them were enforc'd to Thieuing Once the fist Henry could rob ex'lent well When he was Prince of Wales as Storeis tell Then Fryer Tucke a tall stout Thiefe indeed Could better rob and steale then preach or read Sir Gosselin Deinuill d Edw. 2. with 200. more In Fryers weedes rob'd and were hang'd therefore Thus I in Stories and by proofe doe finde That stealing's very old time out of minde E't I was borne it through the world was spred And will be when I from the world am dead But leauing thus my Muse in hand hath tooke To shew which way a Thiefe is like a Booke A Comparison betweene a Thiefe and a Booke COmparisons are odious as some say But my comparisons are so no way I in the Pamphlet which I wrote before Compar'd a Booke most fitly to a Whore And now as fitly my poore muse alludes A Thiefe t' a Booke in apt similitudes A good Booke steales the mind from vaine pretences From wicked cogitations and offences It makes vs know the worlds deceiuing pleasures And set our hearts on neuer ending treasures So when Thieues steale our Cattle Coyne or Ware It makes vs see how mutable they are Puts vs in mind that wee should put our trust Where Fellon cannot steale or Canker rust Bad Bookes through eyes and eares doe breake and enter And takes possession of the hearts fraile Center Infecting all the little Kingdome Man With all the poys'nous mischiefe that they can Till they hape rob'd and ransack'd him of all Those things which men may iustly goodnesse call Robs him of vertue and of heau'nly grace And leaues him begger'd in a wretched case So of our earthly goods Thieues steale the best And richest iewels and leaue vs the rest Men know not Thieues from true men by their looks Nor by their outsides no man can know Bookes Both are to be suspected all can tell And wisemen e'r they trust will try them well A Booke may haue a title good and faire Though in it one may finde small goodnesse there And so a Thiefe whose actions are most vile Steales good opinion and a true mans stile Some Bookes prophane the Sacred text abuse With common Thieues it is a common vse Some Bookes are full of lyes and Thieues are so One hardly can beleeue their yea or no. Some Bookes are scurrilous and too obsceane And he 's no right Thiefe that loues not a Queane Some Book 's not worth the reading for their fruits Some Thieues not worth the hanging for their suits Some Bookes are briefe and in few words declare Compendious matter and acutenesse rare And so some Thieues will breake into a house Or cut a purse whilest one can cracke a Louse Some Bookes are arrogant and impudent So are most Thieues in Christendome and Kent Some Bookes are plaine and simple and some Thieues Are simply hang'd whilest others get reprieues Some Books like foolish Thieues their faults are spide Some Thieues like witty Bookes their faults can hide Some Bookes are quaint and quicke in their conceits Some Thieues are actiue nimble in their sleights Some Bookes with idle stuffe the Author fills Some Thieues will still be idle by their wills Some Bookes haue neither reason law or sense No more haue any Thieues for their offence A Booke 's but one when first it comes to th'Presse It may increase to numbers numberlesse And so one Thiefe perhaps may make threescore And that threescore may make ten thousand more Thus from one Thiefe Thieues may at last amount Like Bookes from one Booke past all mens account And as with industry and art and skill One Thiefe doth daly rob another still So one Booke from another in this age Steales many a line a sentence or a page Thus amongst Bookes good fellowship I finde All things are common Thieues beare no such mind And for this Thieuing Bookes with hue and cry Are sought as Thieues are for their Fellony As Thieues are chasde and sent from place to place So Bookes are alwaies in continuall chase As Bookes are strongly boss'd and clasp'd bound So Thieues are manacled when they are found As Thieues are oft examin'd for their crimes So Bookes are vsde and haue bin at all times As Thieues haue oft at their arraignment stood So Bookes are tryde if they be bad or good As Iuries and Graund Iuries with much strife Giue vp for Thieues a Verdict death or life So as mens fancies euidence doe giue The shame or fame of Bookes to dye or liue And as the veriest Thiefe may haue some friend So the worst Bookes some Knaue will still defend As Thieues their condemnation must abide Bookes are
your leaue a little in Prose and to the purpose GEntlemen I pray you take me not for a common Ferriman to Conicatchers I transport this fellow this once not out of confederacy but out of commiseration For I confesse ingenuously at first sight of his pittifull Preface he turn'd all my malice into compassion For I had thought hauing giuen himselfe the Title of his Maiesties Poet and by his owne confession poore enough to be one that necessity at least would haue begot that which a beggar cals Phrase â—him Whereas this Cadworme hauing onely got Rime which is but the buttons and â—â—â— to couple Verse together or as the wings of a Butter-flye now turn'd out of his Sumâ—â— weeds hee appeares to be the same which I euer held him to be A most naked and â—â—ched Mungrell not able to pen a letter in true English though it were to borrow moâ—â—â— But you will say it was the badnesse of the matter being the absolute only profest lyâ—â—â— of our age it behou'd him to build vpon his memory which Artists say is an enemy to wit â—â—â— hereon his memory is so short that as we speake of the Italians they tell lyes so long till â—â—â— beleeue themselues for truths so this Hydra-tong'd Proteus-prater in his owne and â—â—â— selfe same pestiferous Preface auer's and confutes and then auer's againe the same contradictions which he denies that he was tyed to performe the Challenge at the Hope Yet â—â—â— he confesses he sent his man backe with the earnest which he sayes was fiue shillings say ten but we will not contend for the summe had it beene ten pounds hee 'll as soone pay as fiue shillings Did I giue him fiue shillings earnest then no question but it was to tye him â—â—â— bargaine was the money certaine and the conditions at his owne choice Indeed he â—â—es to haue money for a Song but I haue more wit then to be one of his Patrons But his â—â—â— plaid the knaue as how could he doe other hauing such a Master and ran away with â—â—â— money was euer poore Rat driuen to more extremity to free her selfe from the trap by â—â—ning off his owne taile is Monsieur le Foggnieurs seruice so cheape that it will be sold for five shillings He will say his Annagram is I will feare no man It is a deere Anagram Monsiâ—â— â—â— it cost you fiue shillings For had you fear'd your Man you would neuer haue trusted him but you may see the scald Squire will haue his Iade though it be but a scabbed one â—â—â—his Man hath beene found in three or foure tales about the vnfortunate fiue shillings First he confest that hee paid it to a Broker for the loane of a Cloake for his Master to goe twiâ— to the Court in Secondly that he paid it for the hyre of two Shirts for his Master which he had to ride into the Country withall Thirdly that hee gaue it to a Punke for her diuidend which Punke was to haue a share in their Riming and whistling and they were to shaâ—â— with her in her commings in Fourthly that he paid it to a Broome-man for foure paire â—â—â— Bootes for his Master at fifteene pence a paire Was euer Poore crowne so martyr'd and quaâ—ter'd amongst Brokers Knaues and Whores But were this all the dust that stucke on â—â—â— Coate his man might beat it out of it you shall finde he hath a Father to father his lyâ— on which Sire of his as hee saith sent for him into the Country I say t was the Thiefe whoâ—â—â— pardon he was to get Now sayes hee whether should I obey my parents or Iohn Taylor Surely thy Father Mounsieur for he hath much need of a sonne that will Father thee Nayâ—â—â— such a father that gaue him a hundred pound at parting I hold my life he meant with aâ—puâ—â— for a parting blow This lye a man would thinke carries some colour with it did not thâ—â— witlesse Asse himselfe discouer it to bee but a Vizard For a little before he writes Might heâ—â—â— haue had fiue pound he would haue staid his iourney Doth not Esops pluck'd Crow looke like a Rooke now Vngracious Child wouldst thou preferre fiue pound to thy fathers blessing came the hundred pound so vnlook'd for that the hope of it was not worth fiue Surely Gentlemen I hope to auoid this tax hee will in his next edition confesse himselfe the child of the people and the hundred pound was one of his poeticall fictions for as yet one penny of it was neuer extant And beleeue it his faith his father and the money are aloâ—â— Implicite neuer made manifest Imagine his Father had beene able to giue him 100. pounds would hee haue bound hiâ— Prentice to a blinde Harper whose boy he cannot deny but he was whom the hungry sawâ—â— scroyle almost famisht with beguiling him of his victuals so that the poore musician was faine to shift him off for his guts were clung in his belly and Fennor meant to make Haâ—â— strings of them But thinke you if his Father had beene of that worth that he would haue suffered him to runne ouer the earth like one of Caines Imps that had a Plough tayle of his own to tye him to But you will obiect a reconcilement vpon better fortunes he is now married and hath a stayd head He hath call'd the King master and the blacke Guard fellowes heonors change manners I confesse and that he is adorn'd I will not deny the hundred pound well laid out shall speake his Fathers bounty At thy return Mounsier Le Fognier what became of the mony didst thou pay the Hackney man for horse-hire hee pleads not guilty because hâ— receiued no gilt thou hast but one only part of a Gentleman in thee and that is thou wilt pâ—â— no debts didst thou buy houshold stuffe Let the Thiefe speake who is most familiarly guâ—â— vnder colour of a pardon but thou holdst it lawfull to punish Sinners Didst thou buy appareâ— with it No verily he pawnâ—d his Cloake the next morning of his returne Oh inuisible summâ—â—â— what is become of thee This was a hidden blessing whose effects are not yet to be seene Tâ—â— one of Erra Paters predictions t is intailed vpon his Issue But to conclude if it were lawfull for me to examine thee at Staffords Law I would make thee confesse the receit of ten shillings the acknowledgement of my bill the acceptance of thy answere and thy word and promise for thy meeting me and that I neuer receiued mony or message to the contrary Aâ—â— which thou didst confesse to me before fiue Witnesses since thy booke was written when thâ—â—â— paidst me my Mony and this and more I could make thee say and sweare or else I would beat thee to mash and make a Gally-mawfry for Dogges of thee But I think it time to leaâ—â— Prose and fall into Verse for the satisfaction of the Reader thy shame and my Fame IOHN TAYLOR He
of mine at Oxford rosted an old shoulder of a Ram which in the eaâ—ing was as tough as a Buffe Ierkin I did aske â—â—â— what the reason was that the mutton was â—â—â— tough She said she knew not except the â—â—cher deceiued her in the age of it and she would tell him on both sides of his eates like a â—eane as he was Nay quoth I I thinke there is another fault in it which will excuse the â—cher for perhaps you roasted it with old â—â—â— in troth quoth the hostesse it is like â—â—gh and my husband neuer doth otherâ—â—â— but buy old stumps and knots which â—â—â— all the meate we either roast or boyle â—â—â— exceeding tough that no body can eat it 85 ONe hearing a clocke strike three when he thought it was not two said this Clocke is like an hypocritical Puritane for though he will not sweare yet hee will lye abhominably 86 DIcks Tarleton said that hee could compare Queene Elizabeth to nothing more fitly then to a Sculler for said he Neither the Queene nor the Sculler hath a fellow 87 TWo obstinate rich fellowes in Law that had each of them more money then wit by chance one of them comming out of Westminster Hall met with his aduersarid wite to whom he said in troth good woman I doe much pitty your case in that it is your hard fortune that such a foole as your husband should haue so discreet and modest wife The woman replide In truth Sir I doe grieue more that so honest a wife as you haue should haue such a wrangling knaue to her husband 88 A Poore labouring man was married and matched to a creature that so much vsed to scold waking that she had much adoe to refraine it sleeping so that the poore man was so batterfang'd and belabour'd with tongue mettle that he was weary of his life at last foure or fiue women that were his neighbours pittying his case came in his absence to his house to admonish and counsell his wife to a quiet behauiour towards her husband telling her that she was a shame to all good women in her bad vsage of so honest a painefull man the woman replyed to her neighbours that shee thought her husband did not loue her which was partly the cause that she was so froward towards him why said an old woman I will shew thee how thou shalt proue that he loues thee dearely doe thou counterfeit thy selfe dead and lye vnder the table and one of vs will fetch thy husband and he shall finde vs heauy and grieuing for thee by which meanâ— thou shalt perceiue by his lamentation for thee how much he loues thee this counsell was allowed and effected when the poore man came home he hearing the matter being much opprest with griefe ranne vnder the table bemoning the happy losle of his most kind vexation and making as though hee would kisse her with a most louing embraâ—â—â— to make all sure he brake her necke The neighbours pittying the mans extreame passion in compassion told him that his wife was not dead and that all this was done but to make tryall of his loue towards her whereupon they called her by her name bidding her to rise and that shee had fooled it enough with her husband but for all their calling shee lay still which made one of the women to shake and iogge her at which the woman cried alas she is dead indeed why this it is quoth her husband to dissemble and counterfet with God and the world 90 A Planter of a Colledge in Oxford possessing some crums of Logicke and chippings of Sophistry making distribution of bread at the Schollers table one of the Schollers complained vnto him that the bread were dough baked Why quoth hee so it should bee what else is the definition of bread but dough baked 91 A Miserable fellow in the country did once a yeere vse to inuite his neighbours to dinner and as they were one time sate hee bade them welcome saying that there was a surloyne of beefe that the Oxe it came from cost 20. pound and that there was a Capon that he paid 3. shillings 6. pence for in the market at which a country yeoman sitting against the Capon fell to and cut off a legge of it the rest of the guests being not yet past their roast beefe to whom the man of the house said My friend I pray thee eate some of this same surloyne Oh sir God forbid quoth the fellow I am but a poore man an oxe of 20. pound price is too deare meat a Capon of halfe a crowne will serue my turne well enough I thanke you 92 A Rich man told his nephew that hee had read a booke called Lucius Apulcius of the golden asse and that he found there how Apulcius after he had beene an asse many yeeres by eating of Roses he did recouer his manly shape againe and was no more an asse the young man replied to his vnckle Sir if I were worthy to aduise you I would giue you counsell to eate a falled of Roses once a weeke your selfe 93 A Fellow hauing beene married but fiuâ—â—â— weekes perceiued his wife to be great with childe wherefore she desired him to buy â—â—â— cradle shortly after he went to a Faire and bought ten cradles and being demanded why he bought so many he answered that his wife would haue vse for them all in one yeere 94 A Gentleman vntrust and vnbuttoned in â—â—â— cold winter morning a friend of his told him that it was not for his health to goe fooâ—â— pen in the raw weather and that he mused it did not kill him to goe so oft vntrust to whom the other replyed Sir you are of the mind of my Silkeman Mercer or Taylor for they finde fault as you doe because I goe so much on trust but it is a fault I haue naturally from my parents and kindred and my creditors tell me that I doe imitate my betters 95 A Iustice of the Peace committed a fellow to prison and commanded him away three or foure times but stil the fellow intreated him Sirrah said the Iustice must I bid you bee gone so many times and will you not goe The fellow answered Sir if your worship had bidden mee to dinner or supper I should in my poore manners not to haue taken your offer vnder two or three biddings therefore I pray you blame me not if I looke for foure biddings to prison 96 A Great man kept a miserable house so that his seruants did alwaies rise from the table with empty panches though cleane licked platters truely said one of his men I thinke my Lord will worke miracles shortly for though he practise not to raise the dead or dispossesse the diuell yet he goes about to feed his great family with nothing 97 ONe said that Bias the Philosopher was the first Bowler and that euer since the most part of Bowles doe in memory of their originall weare his badge of remembrance and very dutifully
hold Bias. Now to tell you this Bias was one of the 7. Sages or Wise-men of Gaeue My authors to proue him the inuenter of Bowling are Shamrooke a famous Scithian Gimnosophist in his ninth booke of Rubbing and Running of which opinion Balductus the Theban Oratour seemes to bee in his third Treatise of Court performances the likeliest â—iecture is that it was deuised as an embleme to figure out the worlds folly and vnconstancy for though a childe will ride a sticke or staffe with an imagination that hee iron horsebacke or make pyes of dirt or houses of cards feed with two spoones and cry for three pieces of bread and butter which childish actions are ridiculous to a man yet this wise game of Bowling doth make the fathers surpasse their children in apish toyes and most delicate dogtrickes As first for the pollures first handle your Bowle secondly aduance your Bowle thirdly charge your Bowle fourthly ayme your Bowle fiftly discharge your Bowle sixtly plye your Bowle in which last posture of plying your Bowle you shall perceiue many varieties and â—â—â—inns as wringing of the necke lifting vp of the shoulders clapping of the hands lying dowae of one side running after the Bowle making long dutifull scrapes and legs sometimes bareheaded entreating him to flee flee â—â—â— with pox on 't when 't is too short and though the Bowler bee a Gentleman yet there hee may meet with attendant rookes that somtimes will bee his betters six to foure or two to one I doe not know any thing fitter to bee compared to bowling then wooing or â—â—â— for if they doe not see one another in two dayes they will say Good Lord it is seuen yeeres since we saw each other for Louers doe thinke that in absence time sleepeth and in their presence that hee is in a wild gallop So a Bowler although the Allye or marke bee but thirty or forty paces yet sometimes I haue heard the Bowler cry rub rub rub and sweare and lye that hee was gone an hundred miles when the bowle hath beene short of the blocke two yards or that hee was too short a thousand foot when hee is vpon the head of the Iacke or ten or twelue foot beyond In a word there are many more seuerall postures at bowles then there are ridiculous idle tales or iests in my booke Yet are the bowlers very weake stomackt for they are euer casting sometimes they giue the stab at the alley head but God be thanked no bloud shed and sometimes they bestow a Pippin one vpon the other but no good Apple I 'l assure you The marke which they ayme at hath sundry names and epithites as a Blocke a Iacke and a Mistris a Blocke because of his birth and breeding shewing by his mettle of what house he came a Iacke because he being smooth'd and gotten into some handsome shape forgets the house hee came of suffering his betters to giue him the often salute whilest hee like Iack sauce neither knowes himselfe nor will know his superiors But I hold a Mistresse to be the fittest name for it for there are some that are commonly termed Mistresses which are not much better then mine Aunts and a Mistris is oftentimes a marke for euery knaue to haue a fling at euery one striues to come so neere her that hee would kisse her and yet some are short some wide and some ouer and who so doth kisse it may perhaps sweeten his lips but I assure him it shall neuer fill his belly but rather empty his purse So much for bowling that I feare mee I haue bowled beyond the marke 98 A Minister riding into the west parts of England happened to stay at a village on a Sunday where hee offered kindly to bestow a Sermon vpon them which the Constable hearing did ask the Minister if he were liceÌ„ced to preach yes quoth hee that I am and with that hee drew out of a box his Licence which was in Latine truly said the Constable I vnderstand no Latine yet I pray you let mee see it I perhaps shall picke out heere and there a word No good sir quoth the Minister I will haue no words pickt out of it for spoyling my Licence 99 A Clinch A Country man being demanded how such a Riuer was called that ranne through their Country hee answered that they neuer had need to call the Riuer for it alwayes came without calling 100 A Fellow hauing his booke at the Sessions was burnt in the hand and was commanded to say God saue the King the King said hee God saue my Grandam that taught me to read I am sure I had bin hanged else 101 Atoy to mocke an Ape IN Queene Elizabeths dayes there was a fellow that wore a brooch in his hat like a tooth drawer with a Rose and Crowe and two letters this fellow had a warrant from the Lord Chamberlaine at that time to trauell with an exceeding braue Ape which hee had whereby hee gat his liuing from time to time at markets and fayres his Ape did alwayes ride vpon a mastiffe dog and a man with a drum to attend him It happened that these foure trauellers came to a towne called Lâ—â—e in Cornwall where the Inne being taken the drum went about to signifie to the people that at such an Inne was an Ape of singular vertue and quality if they pleased to bestow their time and money to see him now the townsmen being honest labouring Fishers and other painfull functions had no leasure to waste either time or coyne in Ape-tricks so that no audience came to the Inne to the great griefe of Iack an Apes his master who collecting his wits together resolued to aduenture to put a tricke vpon the towne whatsoeuer came of it whereupon hee tooke pen inke and paper and wrote a warrant to the Mayor of the towne as followeth These are to will and require you and euery of you with your wiues and familes that vpon the sight hereof you make your personall appearance before the Queenes Ape for it is an Ape of ranke and quality who is to bee practised through her Maiestics dominions that by his long experience amongst her louing subiects hee may bee the better enabled to doe her Maiesty seruice hereafter and hereof faile you not as you will answer the contrary c. This warrant being brought to the Mayor hee sent for a shoomaker at the furthest end of the towne to read it which when he heard hee sent for all his brethren who went with him to the towne Hall to constult vpon this waighty bustnesse Where after they had sate a quarter of an houre no man saying anything nor any man knowing what to say at last a young man that neuer had borne any office said Gentlemen if I were fit to speake I thinke without offence vnder correction of the worshipfull that I should soone decide this businesse to whom the Mayor said I pray good neighbour speake for though you neuer did beare any
at my returne which now I haue performed not out of any malice but because I would be as good as my word with him Thus crauing you to reade if you like and like as you lift I leaue you a Booke much like a pratling Gossip full of many words to small purpose Yours as you are mine IOHN TAYLOR TAYLORS TRAVELS From the Cittie of LONDON in England to the Cittie of PRAGVE in Bohemia WITH The manner of his abode there three Weekes his Obseruations there and his returne from thence AS ALSO How hee past 600. Miles downe the Riuer of Elue through Bohemia Saxonie Anhalt the Byshopricke of Magdenburg Brandenburg Hamburgh and so to England With many Relations worthy of note I Came from Bohem yet no newes I bring Of busines 'twixt the Keysar and the King My Muse dares not ascend the lofty staires Of state or write of Princes great affaires And as for newes of battels or of War Were England from Bohemia thrice as far Yet we doe know or seeme to know more heere This was is or will be euer knowne there At Ordinaries and at Barbar-shops There tidings vented are as thicks as hops Hyu many thousand such a day were slaine What men of more were in the battle ta'us When where and how the bloody fight begun And â—â—â— such scences and such Townes were won How so and so the Armies brauely met And which side glorious victorie did get The moneth the weeks the day the very hours And â—â—â— they did oppose each others powre These things in England prating fooles dee chatter When all Bohemia knowes of no such matter For all this Summer that is gone and past Vntill the first day of October last The armies neuer did together meet Nor scorce their eye-sight did each other greet The fault is neither in the foot or horse Of the right valiant braue Bohemian force From place to place they daily seeke the foe They march and remarch watch ward ride run goe And grieuing so to waste the time away Thirst for the hazard of a glorious day But still the Enemy doth play boe peepe And thinkes it best in a whole skin to sleepe For neither martiall policie or might Or any meanes can draw the foe to fight And now and then they conquer speele and pillage Some for thatcht houses or some pelting Village And to their trenches run away againe Where they like Foxes in their holes remaine Thinking by lingring out the warres in length To weaken and decay the Beamish strength This is the newes which now I meane to books He that will needs haue more must needs goe looke Thus leauing warres and matters of high state To those that dare and knowes how to relate I 'le onely write how I past heere and there And what I haue obserued euery where I 'le truely write what I haue heard and eyed And those that will not so be satisfied I as I meet them will some tales deuise And fill their eares by word of mouth with lies THe Mouth that beares a mighty Emp'rers name Augustus bight I passed downe the streame Friday the fourth just sixteene hundred twenty Full Moone the signe in Pisees that time went I The next day being Saturday a day Which all Great Brittaine well remember way When all with thankes doe annually combine Vntoth ' Almighty maiesty diuine Because that day in a most happy season Our Soueraigne was preseru'd from Gouties treason Therefore to Churches people doe repaire And offer sacrifice of praise and prayer With Bels and beâ—fires euery towne addressing And to our gracious King their loues expressing On that day when in euery nooke and angle Faâ—gets and banins smoak'd and bels did â—angle Onely at Graues end why I cannot tell There was no sparke of fire or sound of bell Their â—eepls like an instrument unstrung Seem'd as I wish all scolds without a tongue Their bonfires colder then the greatest frost Or chiller then their charities almost Which I perceiuing said I much did muse That Graues-end did forget the thankefull vse Which all the townes in England did obserue And cause I did the King of Britaine serue I and my fellow forour Masters sake Would neere the water side abâ—fire make With that a Scotchman Tompson by his name Bestowed foure forgets to encrease the flame At which to kindle all a Graues-end Baker Bestowed his bauiâ—e and was our partaker We eighteene feete from any house retir'd Where we a Iury of good Faggots fir'd But e're the flames or scarce the smoake began There came the fearefull shadow of a man The Ghost or Image of a Constable Whose franticke actions downeright dance-stable Arm'd out of France and Spaine with Bacchus bounty Of which there 's plenty in the Kentish County His addle coxcombs with tobacco puff'd His guts with â—â—â— full bumbasted and stuff'd And though halfe blind yet in a looking glasse He could perceiue the figure of an Asse And as his slauering chaps non since did flutter His breath like to a jakes a â—â—â— did vtter His legs indenting scarcely could beare vp His drunken trunke o'er charg'd with many a cup This riff raff rubbish that could hardly stand Hauing a staffe of office in his hand Came to vs as our fire began to smother Throwing some faggots one way some another And in the Kings name did first breake the peace Commanding that our banfire should succease The Scotchman angry as this rudenesse done The scatlered faggots be againe layd on Which made the â—â—my Constable goe to him And punch him on the brest and outrage doe him At which a cuffe or twaine were giuen or lent About the eares which neither did content But then to be are bow fearefull be asse braid With what a hideous noyse be howld for ayde That all the â—â—â— in Graues-end in one houre Turn'd either good bad strong small sweet or soure And then a kenuell of incarnate currs Hang'd on poore Thompson no like so many burrs Haling him vp the dirty streets all foule Like Diuels pulling a condemned foule The Iaylor like the grand den'â— gladly sees And with an itching hope of â—â—â—s and fees Thinking the Constable and his sweet selfe Might drinke and quaffe with that ill gotten pelfe For why such beunds as these may if they will Vnder the shew of good turne good to ill And with authority the peace first breake With Lordly domineering â—â—â— the weake Committing oft they care not whom or why So they may exercise themselues thereby And with the Iaylor share both fee and fine Drowning their damned gaine in smoaks and wine Thus hiredings Constables and Iaylors may Abuse the Kings liege people night and day I say they may I say not they doe so And they know best of they doe so or no They hal'd poore Thompson all along the street Tearing him that the ground scarce touch'd his feet Which be perceiuing did request them cease Their rudenesse vowing he would goe in peace He would with quietnesse
and they themselues thus rending Doth shew what all of vs hath euer bin Addicted vnto martiall discipline Sâ—â—â—â— can report and Portingale can tell Denmarke and Norway both can witnesse well Sweden and Poland truely can declare Our Seruice there and almost euery where And * The Low Countries Holland Zealand c Belgia but for the English and the Scots Perpetuall slauery had beene their lots Vnder the great commanding power of Spaine By th' Prince of Parâ—a's and the Archdukes traine Farre for my witnesses I need looke 'T is writ in many a hundred liuing booke And Newports famous battell brauely tels The English and the Scots in fight excels Yea all or most Townes in those seuenâ—â—â—â— Lands Haue felt the force or friendship of their hands Ostend whose siege all other did surpasse That will be is or I thinke euer was In three yeares three moneths Scots Englishmen Did more then Troy accomplished in ren Ostend endur'd which ne're will be forget Aboue seuen hundred thousand Canon shot And as if Hell against it did conspire They did abide death dearth and sword and fire There danger was with resolution mixt And honour with true valour firmely fixt Were death more horrid then a Gorgons head In his worst shapes they met him free from dread There many a Britaine dy'de and yet they liue In fame which fame to vs doth courage giue At last when to an end the siege was come The gainers of it cast their loosing samme And the vneuen reckoning thus did runne The winners had most losse the loosers wonne For in this siege vpon the Archdukes side Seauen Masters of the Campe all wounded dyde And fifteene Colonels in that warre deceast And Serieant Majors twenty nine at least Captaines fiue hundred sixty fiue were slaine Leiutenants whilst this Leaguer did remaine One thousand and one hundred and sixteene Dyed and are now as they had neuer beene Ensignes three hundred twenty two all euen And nineteene hundred Serieants and eleuen Corp'rals and Lantzprizâ— does death did mixe In number seauenteene hundred sixty sixe Of Souldiers Mariners women children all More then seauen times ten thousand there did fall Thus Ostend was at deare rates wonne and lost Besides these liues with many millions cost And when 't was won 't was won but on conditions On honourable tearmes and compositions The winners wan a ruin'd heape of stones A demy Gâ—lgotha of dead mens bones Thus the braue Britaines that the same did leaue Left nothing in it worthy to receiue And thus from time to time from age to age To these late dayes of our last Pilgrimage We haue beene men with martiall mindes inspir'd And for our meeds belou'd approu'd admit'd Men prize not Manhood at so low a rate To make it idle and effeminate And worthy Countrymen I hope and trust You 'l doe as much as your fore-fathers durst A faire aduantage now is offered here Whereby your wonted worths may well appeare And he that in this quarrell will not strike Let him expect neuer to haue the like He that spares both his person and his purse Must if euer he vse it vse it worse And you that for that purpose goe from hence To serne that mighty Princesse and that Prince Ten thousand thousand prayers shall euery day Implore th' Almighty to direct your way Goe on goe on braue Souldiers neuer cease Till noble Warre produce a noble Peace A briefe Description of BOHEMIA THE Kingdome of Bohemia is well peopled with many braue Horse-men and Foot-men Rich fruitfull and plentifully stored by the Almighties bounty with all the treasures of Nature fit for the vse and commoditie of Man It hath in it of Castles and walled Townes to the number of 780. and 32000. Villages by a Graunt from the Emperour CHARLES the Fourth it was freed for euer of the payments of all Contributions to the Empire whatsoeuer Morauia Silesia and Lusatia are as large as Bohemia well replenished with stout Horse-men and Foot-men FINIS Honour Conceal'd Strangely Reveal'd OR The worthy Praise of the Vnknowne Merits of the Renowmed Archibald Armestrong who for his vnexpected Peace-making in France betwixt the King and the Rochellers hath this Poem Dedicated as a Trophee to his matchlesse Vertuesâ— This being done in the yeare of our Lord 1623. Written by him whose Name Annagramatiz'd is LOYOL IN HART 'T is not the Warres of late I write vpon In France at the Iles of Rhea or Olleron These things were written in K. IAMES his Raigne Then Read it not with a mistaking Braine Dedicated to the Reader or Vnderstander or both or either or neither WHat you are you partly know and how you will like my lines I partly know not A better mans pen might haue vndertaken this taske for the Subiect for worth is net inferiour to Aiax of whom the learned Sir Iohn Harington wrote a well approued Volume the smallest baires haue their shadowes and the least shadow its substance and though vertue belong Eclipsed by the corrupted Cleudes of Enny yet at the last the Sunbeames of noble mâ—â—t wâ—llâ—reake through those Contagious Vaepours expelling the obscure caertaines of Malignity to the Eternizing of the owners fume and the unrecalled Obloquy of hatefull and malicious opposition And in this Iron age where men hoard vp their goodnesse as they doe their money Wherein it is to be condoled to the tune of Lachrime to see how much Vice is expressed Pouerty depressed Innocency oppressed Vanitie impressed Charitie suppressed the Muses made Bawdes and Parasites to hide and slatter the wilfulnesse and folly of Greatnesse whilst honour of a mens owne winning spinning and weauing cannot be allowed him for his owne wearing This made me to stirre my sterrill iâ—â—â—ention from the Leathean Den of obliuions Cimcrianisme and take this neglected subiect in hand which else is to be seared had beene irrecouerably swallowed in the precipitated bottomlesse Abisse of sable Mourning melancholy Taciturnity and Forgetfulnesse Herein may the Reader without much wearying his eye-sight see Werth emblazed Desert praised Valour aduanced â—â— it described Art commended and all this Paradoxically apply'd to the person and successefull Industry of the ouermuch and worthy to be praised Archiball Armestrong the Camplementall Comma of Courtly Contentment Whose Admirable Fortunte Fate Lucke Hap Chance Destiny or what you please to tearme it was to appease the furious Warres in France and make a wonderfull Accord or Peace betwixt the King and his Subiects whereby it may be obserued how Rochell was conserued the Kings Honour reserued act France preserued and what Archy deserued IOHN TAYLOR THE PEACE OF FRANCE With the Praise of ARCHY VLisses was a happy man of men In that his acts were writ with Homers pen And Virgil writ the Actions the Glory Of bold and braue AEneas wand'ring story Great Alexander had the like successe Whose life wise Quintus Curtius did expresse And worthy Archy so it fares with thee To haue thy name and same emblaz'd by
so himselfe himselfe doth ouerthrow The Philistines his childrens bloud did spill And with his Sword King Saul King Saul did kill 2. Samuel King Deuids royall heart is fild with woe For Ionathan and Saul his friend and foe In Regall state he liues and flourisheth And loues Sauls Grandchild lame Mephibosheth Affection blinds him on Vriahs wife T' accomplish which her husband lost his life The King 's reprou'd by Nathan and repents And by repenting heau'ns high wrach preuents Incestuous Amnon Absâ—lon doth kill For forcing Tamar gainst her Virgin will He 's reconcil'd vnto his louing Sire And proudly to the Kingdome doth aspire The old King flees and ouer Iordane hies The Sonne pursuing and the Father flyes Achitophel himselfe hangs in dispaire And Absolon dyes hanged by the haire The King for his rebellious Sonne doth mourne His people numbred are at his returne The Lord is wrath the pestilence increast That seuenty thousand dye and then it ceast 1. Kings The Kingly Prophet valiant Dauid dyes His Throne is left to Salomon the wise False Adoniah Ioab Shimei kild By his command as erst his Father wild With speed he sends for workmen from farte Coasts To build a Temple to the Lord of Hosts Before or after him was neuer such That had of wisedome or of wealth so much A thousand women some wed some vnwed This wise King to Idolatry misled He dyes and 's buried by his fathers toome And Rehoboam doth succeed his roome Now Israel from Iudah is diuided Both Kingdomes by bad Kings are badly guided Yet God to Iacobs seed doth promise keepe And raises faithfull Pastors for his sheepe 2. Kings Eliah worketh wonders with his word By inspiration of the liuing Lord He 's taken vp aliue and his blest Spirit Doth doubly in Elishaâ—s breast inherit Some Kings doe gouerne well most gouerne ill And what the good reformes the bad doth spill Till Isr'el Iudah King and Kingdome 's lost To great Nebuâ—hadnâ—zzar and his host 1. Chronicles Here euery Tribe is numbred to their names To their memorials and immortall fames And Dauids acts t' instruct misguided men Are briefly here recorded all agen 2. Chronicles The state of Israel Iâ—dah and their Kings This Booke againe againe Recordance brings Their plagues of plague of â—â—mineâ—â—lâ—uery sword For their contemâ—ing heau'ns All sauing word Mâ—â—â—ssâ—â—â— Praâ—er Mâ—â—â—ssâ—â— almost drown'd in black despaire Gaines mercy by repentance and by prayer Ezrs. The Persian Monarch Câ—â—â—â— granteth haue The Iewes once more their freedomâ— should receiue When at Ierusâ—lâ—m they make abâ—d They all with zeale â—â—â—â—â— the house of God Malicious men with poysnous â—â—â—â—â— fild Makes Artaâ—â—â— â—irdeâ— tho'e that build Yet God so workes that Israels is loâ—e and zâ—ale Resâ—mes againe their ancient Church and weale Nehemiah The booke of Ezra doth concord with this Commanding good forbidding what 's amisse And godly Nehemiah â—â—â—â—â— reform'd What sinne and Sathan had long time deform'd Esther Here he that dwels in heauen doth deride Queene Vshy's and ambitious Hamans pride The Iewes are sau'd by Esters suite from death And Haman and his Sons hang'd loose their breath Poore Mordecay is held in high account And to great greatnesse humbly he doth mount Thus God doth raise all those his Lawes doe seeke He layes the lofty low exâ—lâ—s the meeke Iob. No lusse of Sonnes and Daughters goods and all Make not this man into impatience fall Assailing Sathan tempring wife false friends With perfect patience he â—ll woeâ—â— defends I â—â—â—â—â—â—â—â— quoth he into this world And â—â—â—â—d herâ—â—â—â—â—â— I shall be hurâ—d God giues and takes according to his word And blessed euer bee the liuing Lord. Psâ—lmes The blessed Kingly Prophet sweetly sings â—â—â—nall praises to the King of Kings Gods Power Iustice Mercy Fauour looke For they are comprehended in this Booke Prouerbs The wisest man that euer man begot In heauenly Prouerbs shewes what 's good what 's not Ecclessiastes Health strength wit valour wordly wisdome pelfe All 's nought and worse then vanity it selfe Salomons song This Song may well be call'd the Song of Songs It to the heauenly Bride and Groome belongs It truely shewes Christs loue vnto his loue His Church his Wife his Virgin Spouse his Doue Isaâ—ah This worthy Prophet truely doth foretell How Christ shall come to conquer death and hell Rewards vnto the godly he repeats And to the godlesse he denounceth threats Ieremy This Man of God long time before foreshoes Ierusalems Captiuity and woes Lamentations He wishes here his head a fountaine deepe That he might weepe weepe nothing else but weep That he might gush forth flowing streames fo teares For Iuaah's thraldome misery and feares Ezeâ—hiel In Babylon this Prophet Captiue is And there he prophesies of bale and blisse How all must come to passe the Lord hath said How Iudgement surely comes although dalayed Daniel The Kings darke dreame the Prophet doth expound For which he 's highly honour'd and renown'd Nabuchadnezzar doth an Image frame Commands all paine of death t' adore the same Three godly Iewes by no meanes will fall downe And for contempt are in the fornace throwne Where midst the flames vnhurt they sweetly sing Which wonder doth conuert the tyrant King Here Daniel Prophesies of Christ to come Of Babel Persia Graâ—ia and Rome Hosea He tels misgouern'd Israel their sinnes And how the losse of grace destruction winnes Ioel. This Prophet tels the stubborne hearted Iewes How heau'ns consuming wrath apace ensues He therefore doth perswade them to contrition And by contrition they shall haue remission Amos. Mans thanklesse heart and Gods vnmeasur'd loue This Prophet doth to Isr'els faces proue Obadiah He comforts Pudah ouer-prest with woes And prophesies destruction of their foes Ionah Here Ionah tels the Niniâ—itrs except Repentance wrath of Heauen doe intercept In forty dayes high low rich poore great small The Lords hot fury shall consume them all With hearts vnâ—aign'd the sinfull Citie mournes The Lord grants mercy Ionah backe returnes Micah He speakes of Isr'els and of Iuda's crimes And tels them their confusion comes betimes Nahâ—m The Niniâ—ites againe forsake the Lord And are subdu'd by the Assirian sword This Prophet comforts those that are opprest And tels the godly they shall be releast Habakkuk He doth be waile th' oppression of the poore For mercy humbly he doth God implore To keepe the Captiu'd Iewes from fell despaire He teâ—ches them a heauenly forme of Prayer Zephaniaâ— He fils the good with hope the bad with â—eare And tels the Iewes their thraldome draweth neere Haggay He exhorteth them to patience in their paine And bids them build the Temple once againe Zachariah He tels the Iewes why they haue plagued beene He bids them shunne Idolatry and sinne Malachi For sinne he doth reproâ—e both Peince and Priest And shewes the comming both of Iohn and Christ. Which Christ shall be a Sauiour vnto all That with true faith obey his heauoâ—ly call Apâ—â—ryphâ— These bookes doe all in generall intimate The State