beseech_v your_o reverence_n my_o good_a father_n to_o beg_v of_o almighty_a god_n that_o he_o will_v either_o take_v i_o quick_o to_o himself_o or_o else_o i_o beseech_v his_o divine_a majesty_n that_o he_o give_v i_o power_n to_o serve_v he_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n i_o humble_o beseech_v almighty_a god_n that_o what_o i_o have_v write_v here_o may_v be_v of_o some_o use_n to_o your_o reverence_n and_o i_o have_v not_o do_v it_o without_o some_o trouble_n in_o regard_n of_o the_o little_a convenience_n which_o i_o have_v but_o happy_a shall_v this_o trouble_n be_v if_o i_o have_v chance_v to_o hit_v any_o thing_n right_a and_o if_o our_o bless_a lord_n may_v receive_v some_o one_o only_a act_n of_o praise_n by_o occasion_n thereof_o i_o shall_v esteem_v myself_o to_o be_v full_o pay_v though_o your_o reverence_n shall_v burn_v it_o all_o immediate_o after_o and_o yet_o i_o can_v not_o wish_v that_o this_o shall_v happen_v till_o those_o three_o person_n have_v see_v it_o of_o who_o 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one_o day_n grow_v to_o understand_v more_o clear_o the_o great_a blessing_n which_o he_o have_v be_v please_v to_o show_v we_o both_o that_o so_o we_o may_v be_v able_a to_o praise_v he_o for_o all_o eternity_n amen_n a_o table_n of_o the_o chapter_n 1._o chap._n the_o saint_n show_v how_o our_o lord_n begin_v to_o stirr-up_a her_o soul_n in_o her_o childhood_n to_o the_o performe_a of_o virtuous_a action_n and_o of_o the_o help_n which_o it_o give_v in_o order_n to_o this_o end_n to_o be_v bear_v of_o virtuous_a parent_n 2._o chap._n she_o show_v how_o she_o go_v loose_v in_o the_o way_n of_o virtue_n and_o how_o very_o much_o it_o
yet_o can_v not_o be_v too_o great_a a_o demonstration_n when_o i_o weigh_v how_o deep_o i_o offend_v thou_o afterward_o now_o i_o think_v that_o i_o have_v reason_n before_o in_o not_o desire_v so_o great_a a_o dignity_n as_o this_o consider_v how_o ill_o i_o be_v like_a to_o employ_v it_o but_o thou_o o_o my_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o permit_v that_o i_o may_v use_v this_o favour_n so_o ill_o twenty_o year_n together_o and_o will_v content_v thyself_o to_o be_v the_o person_n affront_v that_o i_o may_v be_v the_o person_n improve_v for_o it_o seem_v not_o to_o i_o now_o o_o my_o god_n that_o i_o make_v thou_o any_o promise_n of_o any_o thing_n but_o only_o that_o i_o will_v keep_v no_o promise_n which_o i_o have_v make_v thou_o though_o yet_o my_o intention_n be_v not_o such_o at_o that_o time_n and_o yet_o i_o find_v my_o action_n to_o have_v grow_v afterward_o to_o be_v such_o that_o i_o may_v very_o well_o think_v i_o scarce_o know_v what_o kind_n of_o intention_n i_o have_v 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accident_n do_v i_o hurt_v enough_o towards_o the_o make_v i_o turn_v back_o often_o yea_o and_o for_o the_o make_v i_o loose_v myself_o but_o such_o a_o one_o will_v have_v daily_o assist_v i_o to_o lay_v aside_o and_o leave_v those_o occasion_n which_o i_o take_v to_o offend_v almighty_a god_n in_o these_o beginning_n his_o divine_a majesty_n begin_v to_o do_v i_o so_o great_a favour_n that_o at_o the_o end_n of_o the_o time_n when_o i_o remain_v there_o which_o be_v about_o nine_o month_n in_o this_o way_n of_o solitude_n though_o i_o be_v not_o so_o free_a from_o offend_v god_n as_o the_o book_n appoint_v which_o i_o neglect_v as_o hold_v it_o impossible_a to_o continue_v still_o so_o watchful_a over_o myself_o i_o be_v careful_a not_o to_o commit_v any_o mortal_a sin_n and_o i_o will_v to_o god_n i_o have_v always_o be_v so_o but_o of_o veniall_n i_o make_v no_o great_a account_n and_o this_o be_v that_o in_o fine_a which_o destroy_v i_o but_o our_o lord_n begin_v to_o regale_n 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life_n of_o saint_n to_o be_v write_v by_o three_o several_a kind_n of_o person_n for_o some_o be_v deliver_v by_o man_n who_o be_v only_o eminent_a in_o the_o historical_a way_n and_o they_o deserve_v to_o be_v esteem_v and_o believe_v for_o the_o merit_n of_o that_o worth_n which_o shall_v appear_v whatsoever_o it_o fallout_a to_o be_v the_o second_o sort_n be_v when_o the_o writer_n be_v not_o only_o worthy_a man_n but_o be_v withal_o so_o great_a servant_n of_o almighty_a god_n as_o to_o be_v acknowledge_v by_o the_o christian_a world_n for_o saint_n as_o s._n athanasius_n who_o write_v the_o life_n of_o s._n anthony_n s._n epiphanius_n of_o several_a prophet_n s._n hierome_n of_o s._n paul_n and_o s._n hilarion_n both_o of_o they_o heremite_n s._n gregory_n the_o great_a of_o s._n bennet_n s._n bonaventure_n of_o the_o humble_a and_o admire_a s._n francis_n and_o the_o like_a who_o deserve_v a_o far_o high_a credit_n than_o the_o former_a in_o regard_n that_o the_o writer_n be_v 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forasmuch_o as_o may_v concern_v the_o hart_n or_o will._n for_o as_o these_o moral_a part_n will_v keep_v they_o from_o deceive_a other_o so_o the_o intellectual_a will_v secure_v they_o from_o be_v deceive_v themselves_o and_o will_v make_v they_o define_v and_o divide_v and_o suspect_v and_o doubt_v and_o ask_v before_o they_o full_o resolve_v to_o believe_v &_o much_o more_o before_o they_o will_v publish_v thing_n to_o the_o world_n and_o now_o as_o the_o incomparable_a s._n augustin_n be_v call_v by_o the_o consideration_n of_o his_o own_o great_a sin_n and_o god_n great_a mercy_n to_o declare_v his_o life_n in_o the_o never_o enough_o admire_v book_n of_o his_o confession_n so_o also_o do_v the_o glorious_a s._n teresa_n the_o self_n same_o thing_n in_o effect_n in_o this_o book_n but_o by_o direction_n of_o her_o ghostly_a father_n not_o yet_o that_o he_o do_v so_o much_o as_o incline_v she_o to_o publish_v she_o own_o imperfection_n and_o sin_n nay_o rather_o he_o do_v the_o direct_a contrary_n but_o only_o to_o declare_v her_o form_n of_o prayer_n together_o with_o the_o favour_n which_o our_o lord_n impart_v to_o she_o therein_o but_o now_o she_o upon_o that_o occasion_n will_v needs_o make_v she_o own_o process_n in_o view_n of_o the_o world_n &_o show_v as_o incident_a to_o the_o rest_n how_o ill_o she_o have_v comply_v with_o almighty_a god_n from_o time_n to_o time_n and_o by_o this_o mean_n do_v she_o in_o effect_n weave_v that_o great_a piece_n of_o rich_a cloth-of-gold_n and_o tislue_v which_o concern_v almost_o the_o history_n of_o her_o whole_a life_n and_o now_o the_o same_o be_v hungout_n abroad_o to_o the_o view_v of_o the_o world_n but_o yet_o among_o all_o the_o excellency_n thereof_o there_o be_v one_o thing_n which_o displease_v many_o worthy_a wise_a &_o holy_a man_n or_o at_o least_o which_o please_v they_o less_o than_o the_o rest_n and_o it_o be_v that_o whensoever_o there_o be_v any_o question_n at_o all_o of_o herself_o in_o order_n 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have_v a_o mind_n to_o be_v most_o particular_o serve_v and_o glorify_v by_o it_o and_o that_o the_o soul_n which_o will_v consecrate_v themselves_o to_o he_o therein_o may_v prove_v to_o be_v holy_a and_o happy_a in_o a_o very_a eminent_a degree_n as_o long_o as_o they_o will_v continue_v attentive_a and_o careful_a not_o to_o swerve_v from_o that_o spirit_n which_o be_v derive_v to_o they_o from_o heaven_n through_o s._n teresa_n by_o her_o prayer_n and_o tear_n and_o other_o holy_a mean_n which_o spirit_n of_o she_o though_o it_o evident_o appear_v both_o by_o the_o exercise_n and_o example_n of_o all_o heroical_a virtue_n yet_o particular_o it_o seem_v to_o aim_v and_o point_n at_o the_o regular_a and_o constant_a use_n of_o recollection_n &_o mental_a prayer_n whereof_o she_o speak_v often_o and_o with_o most_o particular_a desire_n and_o care_n and_o appoint_v two_o hour_n to_o be_v employ_v every_o day_n therein_o beside_o all_o other_o devotion_n of_o any_o kind_n which_o be_v 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it_o be_v the_o holy_a will_n of_o our_o b._n lord_n and_o because_o he_o have_v make_v it_o the_o mean_n whereby_o she_o may_v obtain_v the_o pardon_n of_o her_o sin_n and_o acquire_v all_o christian_a virtue_n through_o increase_n of_o grace_n and_o pay_v both_o frequent_a &_o ardent_a act_n of_o homage_n &_o grief_n &_o love_n to_o his_o divine_a majesty_n &_o procure_v a_o imitation_n of_o those_o heroical_a virtue_n which_o he_o be_v please_v to_o express_v in_o his_o bitter_a passion_n and_o above_o all_o thing_n the_o saint_n require_v we_o to_o take_v heed_n of_o have_v any_o mercenary_a respect_n at_o all_o to_o receive_v gust_n &_o spiritual_a delight_n or_o other_o high_a favour_n from_o he_o in_o this_o life_n but_o to_o remit_v all_o such_o thing_n to_o the_o next_o and_o so_o that_o we_o may_v ever_o do_v he_o true_a service_n to_o leave_v it_o with_o all_o indifferency_n &_o conformity_n to_o our_o bless_a lord_n whether_o he_o will_v dispense_v all_o his_o favour_n to_o we_o at_o one_o payment_n in_o the_o next_o world_n or_o else_o by_o part_n &_o portion_n in_o this_o and_o whosoever_o shall_v be_v of_o a_o different_a mind_n will_v not_o only_o disoblige_v the_o glorious_a s._n teresa_n herself_o but_o may_v also_o make_v this_o book_n both_o a_o unprofitable_a &_o unuseful_a yea_o &_o even_o a_o inconvenient_a study_n for_o his_o soul_n but_o to_o return_v to_o the_o glorious_a action_n of_o this_o saint_n that_o beside_o the_o institute_n or_o redress_v this_o order_n where_o she_o have_v both_o man_n and_o woman_n though_o yet_o chief_o her_o own_o sex_n in_o her_o eye_n she_o shall_v also_o be_v only_o but_o a_o woman_n be_v able_a so_o to_o work_v upon_o man_n as_o in_o despite_n of_o less_o rigour_n &_o no_o little_a envy_n to_o bring_v they_o to_o take_v as_o it_o be_v the_o law_n at_o her_o hand_n and_o notwithstanding_o the_o pride_n of_o old_a adam_n to_o overworke_n they_o to_o cooperate_v with_o the_o grace_n of_o the_o new_a and_o to_o 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of_o this_o excellent_a creature_n s._n teresa_n and_o long_o before_o she_o be_v declare_v a_o saint_n by_o the_o judgement_n of_o the_o holy_a catholic_a church_n in_o the_o process_n whereof_o there_o use_v ever_o to_o be_v even_o a_o excess_n of_o difficulty_n in_o weigh_v and_o admit_v of_o all_o proof_n there_o grow_v a_o question_n about_o the_o publish_n of_o her_o write_n and_o work_n and_o to_o the_o end_n that_o nothing_o may_v be_v do_v therein_o either_o by_o any_o indiscreet_a zeal_n or_o other_o accident_n the_o council_n royal_a of_o spain_n which_o be_v a_o body_n of_o great_a authority_n &_o wisdom_n commit_v the_o review_n of_o whatsoever_o the_o saint_n have_v leave_v behind_o she_o in_o that_o kind_n to_o be_v consider_v by_o some_o fit_n &_o grave_a person_n that_o so_o that_o which_o shall_v be_v find_v to_o be_v true_o she_o may_v be_v distinguish_v from_o other_o thing_n and_o so_o proceed_v to_o be_v public_a by_o authority_n this_o person_n be_v a_o learned_a and_o renown_a man_n a_o father_n of_o s._n dominick_n order_n &_o a_o doctor_n who_o live_v in_o madrid_n at_o that_o time_n his_o name_n be_v lewis_z de_fw-fr leon_n as_o i_o say_v before_o who_o together_o with_o acknowledge_v and_o approve_v yea_o and_o admire_v her_o write_n whereof_o this_o life_n of_o she_o be_v the_o chief_a employ_v himself_o also_o with_o great_a care_n to_o set_v they_o out_o himself_z and_o when_o this_o book_n go_v to_o the_o press_n he_o dedicate_v it_o to_o the_o prioress_n and_o religious_a woman_n of_o the_o teresian-carmelites_n who_o then_o be_v new_o found_v in_o madrid_n and_o here_o you_o shall_v be_v entertain_v with_o as_o much_o of_o that_o dedicatory_a epistle_n as_o import_v the_o excellency_n both_o of_o the_o holy_a mother_n s._n
they_o but_o all_o goodness_n and_o all_o care_n also_o of_o my_o good_a but_o pass_v on_o from_o that_o tender_a age_n to_o be_v able_a to_o begin_v to_o understand_v the_o benefit_n and_o gift_n of_o nature_n which_o our_o lord_n have_v bestow_v upon_o i_o which_o other_o esteem_v and_o say_v to_o be_v great_a in_o steed_n of_o give_v he_o thanks_n for_o the_o same_o i_o begin_v to_o serve_v myself_o of_o they_o all_o towards_o the_o offence_n of_o his_o divine_a majesty_n as_o i_o shall_v now_o declare_v the_o second_o chapter_n which_o show_v how_o she_o go_v lose_v in_o the_o way_n of_o virtue_n and_o how_o very_o much_o it_o import_v to_o converse_v in_o childhood_n with_o virtuous_a person_n i_o believe_v that_o a_o certain_a thing_n whereof_o i_o will_v now_o give_v account_n begin_v to_o do_v i_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o hurt_n sometime_o i_o grow_v to_o consider_v how_o ill_o those_o parent_n do_v who_o procure_v not_o that_o their_o child_n shall_v be_v ever_o see_v example_n 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child_n in_o such_o sort_n as_o to_o divert_v they_o from_o the_o thought_n of_o worse_a thing_n my_o father_n be_v yet_o so_o much_o trouble_v at_o this_o that_o particular_a care_n be_v have_v that_o he_o may_v not_o kouw_v it_o but_o i_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n remain_v with_o the_o custom_n of_o read_v these_o book_n and_o that_o little_a fault_n of_o i_o which_o even_o i_o myself_o discern_v therein_o begin_v to_o cool_v my_o good_a desire_n and_o be_v the_o reason_n why_o i_o also_o grow_v to_o fail_v in_o the_o rest_n and_o i_o make_v myself_o believe_v that_o it_o be_v not_o very_o ill_o do_v though_o yet_o i_o spend_v many_o hour_n both_o of_o the_o day_n and_o night_n in_o so_o vain_a a_o exercise_n and_o though_o it_o be_v still_o conceal_v from_o my_o father_n but_o i_o be_v possess_v heerwith_n in_o such_o extremity_n that_o if_o perhaps_o i_o can_v not_o get_v some_o new_a book_n i_o see_v not_o how_o i_o can_v be_v in_o contentment_n i_o begin_v also_o to_o make_v myself_o fine_a and_o to_o desire_v to_o grow_v acceptable_a in_o seem_v handsome_a and_o i_o take_v much_o care_n of_o my_o hand_n and_o of_o my_o hair_n and_o to_o get_v choice_a perfume_n together_o with_o all_o those_o vanity_n which_o it_o be_v possible_a for_o i_o to_o incurte_n by_o this_o mean_n which_o i_o confess_v be_v enough_o in_o regard_n that_o i_o be_v very_o curious_a in_o this_o kind_n i_o have_v only_o no_o ill_a intention_n nor_o desire_v i_o upon_o any_o term_n that_o any_o creature_n shall_v offend_v almighty_a god_n upon_o any_o occasion_n of_o i_o but_o i_o continue_v in_o so_o great_a a_o curiosity_n for_o daintiness_n and_o cleanlines_n as_o be_v even_o beyond_o all_o reason_n and_o those_o thing_n which_o for_o many_o year_n i_o conceive_v to_o be_v of_o no_o sin_n at_o all_o i_o find_v now_o how_o very_o ill_o they_o be_v now_o i_o have_v certain_a cousin-german_n who_o frequent_v my_o father_n house_n in_o familiar_a manner_n no_o other_o have_v any_o such_o liberty_n as_o that_o for_o my_o father_n be_v very_o wary_a and_o reserve_v in_o this_o kind_n but_o i_o will_v to_o god_n he_o have_v also_o be_v so_o in_o respect_n of_o my_o cousin_n because_o now_o i_o discern_v the_o danger_n that_o it_o be_v for_o such_o as_o be_v to_o begin_v to_o plant_v virtue_n in_o the_o soul_n to_o treat_v with_o person_n who_o know_v not_o in_o true_a account_n how_o great_a the_o vanity_n of_o the_o world_n be_v but_o rather_o be_v incline_v to_o awake_v &_o stir_v other_o up_o to_o cast_v themselves_o also_o into_o the_o same_o danger_n these_o kinsman_n of_o i_o be_v in_o effect_n of_o my_o own_o age_n or_o rather_o a_o little_o elder_a than_o i._o we_o be_v usual_o together_o and_o they_o carry_v great_a affection_n to_o i_o and_o in_o all_o thing_n which_o give_v they_o contentment_n i_o be_v willing_a to_o uphold_v the_o discourse_n and_o give_v ear_n to_o the_o success_n of_o their_o love_n to_o other_o and_o such_o other_o foolery_n as_o be_v good_a for_o nothing_o yea_o and_o which_o be_v worse_o i_o grow_v by_o these_o mean_n to_o lay_v my_o soul_n open_a to_o be_v look_v upon_o by_o certain_a idle_a thought_n which_o be_v the_o cause_n of_o all_o the_o ensue_a ill_a if_o i_o be_v worthy_a to_o advise_v parent_n i_o will_v wish_v they_o to_o take_v great_a heed_n what_o kind_n of_o person_n they_o admit_v to_o converse_v with_o their_o child_n for_o much_o harm_n may_v grow_v from_o thence_o since_o the_o natural_a condition_n of_o mankind_n will_v never_o climb_v up_o so_o easy_o towards_o good_a as_o decline_v towards_o ill_n at_o least_o it_o happen_v so_o to_o i_o i_o have_v a_o sister_n much_o elder_a than_o myself_o of_o who_o purity_n and_o goodness_n whereof_o she_o have_v great_a store_n i_o take_v no_o part_n but_o i_o fail_v not_o to_o take_v all_o hurt_n from_o a_o certain_a other_o kinswoman_n of_o i_o who_o have_v also_o familiar_a entry_n into_o our_o house_n now_o she_o be_v of_o so_o light_a and_o guiddie_a a_o conversation_n that_o my_o mother_n have_v use_v several_a diligence_n to_o divert_v she_o from_o familiarity_n with_o us._n for_o it_o seem_v she_o do_v even_o half_o foresee_v the_o mischief_n which_o be_v to_o grow_v upon_o i_o by_o her_o mean_n and_o yet_o on_o the_o other_o side_n the_o occasion_n be_v so_o great_a &_o fair_a whereby_o she_o be_v to_o enter_v that_o even_o my_o mother_n can_v not_o tell_v how_o to_o decline_v it_o with_o this_o creature_n as_o i_o be_v say_v do_v i_o come_v to_o have_v much_o delight_n to_o entertain_v myself_o with_o she_o be_v my_o conversation_n and_o my_o discourse_n because_o i_o find_v that_o she_o employ_v herself_o willing_o upon_o all_o those_o way_n of_o pass_v my_o time_n wherein_o i_o delight_v most_o yea_o and_o sometime_o she_o will_v embark_v i_o in_o they_o of_o herself_o give_v i_o part_n and_o knowledge_n of_o all_o her_o own_o conversation_n and_o vanity_n till_o i_o begin_v to_o be_v familiar_a with_o she_o when_o i_o think_v i_o be_v some_o fourteen_o year_n old_a or_o rather_o a_o little_a more_o i_o mean_v till_o she_o have_v wrought_v herself_o into_o so_o much_o friendship_n with_o i_o as_o to_o make_v i_o partake_v the_o knowledge_n of_o all_o her_o little_a affair_n i_o be_o much_o incline_v to_o think_v that_o i_o have_v never_o forfeit_v the_o favour_n of_o almighty_a god_n by_o any_o mortal_a sin_n nor_o ever_o forsake_v the_o fear_n of_o his_o divine_a majesty_n though_o yet_o still_o i_o fear_v more_o to_o loose_v my_o honour_n this_o last_o point_n be_v of_o power_n enough_o with_o i_o for_o not_o permit_v i_o to_o loose_v it_o outright_o nor_o do_v i_o conceive_v that_o any_o thing_n of_o this_o world_n can_v make_v i_o change_v that_o resolution_n nor_o be_v there_o any_o person_n alive_a who_o can_v win_v i_o to_o yield_v myself_o up_o to_o that_o misery_n i_o will_v to_o god_n i_o have_v so_o abound_v in_o strength_n &_o courage_n as_o not_o to_o make_v one_o pace_n against_o the_o honour_n of_o his_o divine_a majesty_n as_o even_o a_o kind_n of_o natural_a constitution_n of_o mind_n confirm_v i_o towards_o the_o not_o lose_v that_o wherein_o i_o hold_v the_o honour_n of_o this_o world_n to_o consist_v though_o yet_o i_o consider_v not_o the_o while_n that_o i_o lose_v even_o that_o also_o many_o way_n for_o the_o vain_a uphold_v hereof_o i_o have_v even_o a_o extreme_a resolution_n though_o yet_o for_o the_o proper_a and_o fit_a mean_n which_o be_v necessary_a for_o preserve_v it_o i_o use_v none_o at_o all_o only_o i_o be_v earnest_a in_o take_v care_n that_o i_o may_v by_o
be_v able_a to_o suffer_v the_o difficulty_n and_o trouble_n of_o a_o religious_a life_n because_o former_o i_o have_v be_v use_v so_o delicate_o and_o be_v so_o nice_a but_o yet_o against_o this_o also_o i_o defend_v myself_o as_o well_o as_o i_o can_v by_o the_o affliction_n which_o christ_n our_o lord_n endure_v for_o i_o and_o that_o so_o it_o will_v not_o be_v much_o for_o i_o to_o endure_v some_o for_o he_o i_o ought_v also_o to_o have_v consider_v that_o he_o will_v give_v i_o help_v to_o bear_v they_o yet_o i_o remember_v not_o whether_o i_o have_v this_o last_o consideration_n or_o no_o but_o i_o be_o sure_a i_o have_v temptation_n enough_o about_o that_o time_n i_o then_o also_o grow_v to_o have_v great_a fit_n of_o faint_a by_o a_o burn_a fever_n into_o which_o i_o fall_v for_o i_o always_o have_v little_a health_n but_o it_o give_v i_o even_o my_o life_n at_o that_o time_n that_o already_o i_o be_v grow_v to_o love_v good_a book_n and_o so_o i_o come_v to_o read_v the_o epistle_n of_o s._n jerome_n which_o help_v i_o to_o such_o hart_n and_o courage_n as_o to_o make_v i_o resolve_v that_o i_o will_v impart_v my_o purpose_n to_o my_o father_n which_o in_o effect_n be_v even_o as_o much_o for_o i_o as_o to_o take_v the_o very_a habit_n upon_o i_o for_o i_o be_v ever_o so_o affect_v to_o maintain_v the_o point_n of_o honour_n that_o i_o think_v i_o can_v never_o have_v turn_v back_o again_o upon_o any_o term_n when_o i_o have_v first_o engage_v myself_o by_o speak_v any_o one_o word_n to_o the_o contrary_n but_o he_o love_v i_o to_o so_o strange_a a_o proportion_n that_o by_o no_o mean_n i_o can_v win_v his_o consent_n nor_o be_v the_o intercession_n of_o such_o person_n as_o i_o procure_v to_o move_v he_o in_o order_n to_o my_o end_n of_o any_o power_n at_o all_o to_o prevail_v the_o most_o that_o i_o can_v get_v at_o his_o hand_n be_v that_o when_o he_o shall_v be_v dead_a i_o may_v do_v what_o i_o list_v with_o myself_o but_o as_o for_o i_o i_o be_v in_o doubt_n of_o my_o own_o great_a weakness_n as_o fear_v that_o i_o may_v loose_v ground_n and_o fall_v back_o again_o and_o so_o i_o think_v it_o be_v not_o fit_a for_o i_o to_o content_v myself_o with_o the_o offer_n which_o he_o make_v and_o i_o procure_v therefore_o to_o obtain_v my_o end_n by_o another_o mean_n which_o i_o will_v now_o declare_v the_o four_o chapter_n wherein_o she_o relate_v how_o our_o lord_n assist_v she_o to_o force_v herself_o to_o take_v the_o habit_n of_o religion_n and_o of_o the_o many_o infirmity_n which_o he_o begin_v to_o bring_v upon_o she_o in_o these_o day_n whilst_o i_o be_v walk_v on_o with_o my_o hart_n in_o such_o determination_n or_o strong_a purpose_n as_o i_o have_v here_o describe_v i_o persuade_v one_o of_o my_o brother_n to_o become_v a_o religious_a man_n discourse_v to_o he_o upon_o the_o vanity_n of_o the_o world_n and_o so_o we_o both_o of_o we_o agree_v to_o go_v very_o early_o together_o one_o morning_n to_o the_o monastery_n where_o that_o friend_n of_o i_o remain_v who_o be_v she_o to_o who_o i_o carry_v so_o great_a affection_n though_o yet_o in_o this_o last_o firm_a purpose_n of_o i_o i_o be_v grow_v to_o be_v of_o such_o resolution_n that_o i_o will_v live_v wheresever_v i_o think_v i_o may_v serve_v god_n best_a or_o my_o father_n shall_v desire_v most_o that_o i_o may_v be_v for_o now_o i_o seek_v more_o earnest_o for_o the_o good_a of_o my_o soul_n and_o make_v no_o account_n at_o all_o of_o rest_n or_o ease_v and_o i_o remember_v to_o the_o very_a uttermost_a of_o what_o i_o be_o able_a to_o call_v to_o mind_n and_o according_a to_o the_o very_a rigour_n of_o truth_n that_o whilst_o i_o be_v go_v out_o of_o my_o father_n house_n i_o believe_v not_o that_o the_o sharpness_n of_o sense_n will_v be_v able_a to_o be_v great_a even_o in_o the_o very_a instant_n or_o agony_n of_o my_o death_n than_o it_o be_v then_o for_o it_o seem_v to_o i_o as_o if_o every_o bone_n which_o i_o have_v in_o my_o body_n have_v be_v disjoint_v from_o all_o the_o rest_n and_o there_o be_v no_o such_o love_n of_o god_n in_o i_o at_o that_o time_n as_o be_v able_a to_o quench_v that_o love_n which_o my_o hart_n carry_v to_o my_o father_n and_o friend_n all_o that_o which_o then_o i_o do_v be_v with_o so_o mighty_a a_o violence_n that_o if_o god_n have_v not_o give_v i_o great_a help_n i_o own_o consideration_n will_v never_o have_v beme_fw-mi able_a to_o carry_v i_o on_o but_o here_o he_o allow_v i_o such_o courage_n even_o against_o myself_o that_o i_o have_v power_n to_o put_v my_o purpose_n in_o execution_n at_o the_o instant_n of_o my_o take_v the_o habit_n our_o lord_n give_v i_o well_o to_o understand_v how_o high_o he_o favour_v they_o who_o offer_v themselves_o violence_n for_o the_o do_v he_o any_o service_n though_o yet_o no_o body_n have_v find_v by_o i_o but_o that_o i_o enter_v into_o the_o way_n of_o religious_a observance_n with_o much_o facility_n and_o good_a like_n but_o at_o that_o 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i_o remain_v so_o alter_v yea_o and_o so_o astonish_v that_o i_o intend_v to_o see_v that_o person_n no_o more_o it_o do_v i_o a_o great_a deal_n of_o hurt_n that_o i_o know_v not_o at_o that_o time_n that_o it_o be_v possible_a for_o one_o to_o see_v any_o thing_n but_o with_o the_o eye_n of_o the_o body_n and_o the_o devil_n be_v careful_a enough_o to_o continue_v i_o in_o that_o erroneous_a opinion_n and_o to_o make_v i_o still_o believe_v that_o it_o be_v impossible_a and_o therefore_o that_o i_o have_v but_o fancy_v certain_a thing_n to_o myself_o and_o that_o perhaps_o it_o may_v be_v a_o work_n of_o the_o devil_n and_o he_o bring_v many_o suggestion_n like_o this_o upon_o i_o though_o yet_o still_o i_o be_v very_o confident_o of_o opinion_n that_o it_o be_v god_n and_o no_o conceit_n or_o fancy_n at_o all_o but_o yet_o still_o because_o it_o induce_v i_o to_o do_v thing_n which_o be_v against_o my_o gust_n i_o do_v the_o best_a i_o can_v even_o to_o belie_v my_o very_a self_n 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please_v that_o any_o religious_a woman_n may_v fall_v upon_o read_v this_o discourse_n they_o may_v be_v bring_v to_o be_v careful_a to_o take_v warning_n by_o i_o and_o i_o beg_v of_o they_o that_o for_o the_o love_n of_o our_o lord_n they_o will_v take_v heed_n of_o such_o recreation_n as_o these_o and_o i_o beseech_v his_o divine_a majesty_n that_o some_o one_o of_o they_o may_v be_v disabused_n who_o i_o have_v deceive_v when_o i_o tell_v they_o that_o it_o be_v not_o ill_a and_o when_o be_v in_o such_o blindness_n at_o that_o time_n i_o procure_v to_o assure_v they_o that_o there_o be_v no_o danger_n at_o all_o and_o in_o regard_n also_o that_o by_o the_o ill_a example_n which_o i_o give_v give_v they_o as_o i_o have_v relate_v here_o i_o be_v a_o cause_n to_o they_o of_o great_a mischief_n while_o yet_o i_o think_v not_o that_o i_o do_v so_o much_o hurt_v and_o though_o also_o it_o be_v certain_a that_o i_o have_v no_o design_n at_o all_o to_o deceive_v they_o but_o now_o even_o while_o i_o be_v yet_o much_o indispose_v in_o the_o way_n of_o health_n both_o concern_v body_n and_o mind_n and_o so_o before_o i_o be_v able_a to_o help_v myself_o in_o either_o kind_n i_o grow_v into_o a_o extreme_a desire_n to_o do_v other_o good_a which_o be_v a_o very_a ordinary_a temptation_n for_o new_a beginner_n though_o yet_o it_o happen_v now_o to_o succeed_v well_o with_o i_o and_o consider_v how_o dear_o i_o love_v my_o father_n i_o wish_v he_o the_o self_n same_o benefit_n which_o i_o conceive_v myself_o to_o have_v get_v and_o gain_v by_o mean_n of_o mental_a prayer_n and_o esteem_v that_o in_o this_o life_n there_o be_v no_o great_a blessing_n then_o to_o obtain_v and_o enjoy_v that_o gift_n i_o begin_v by_o certain_a way_n of_o discourse_n to_o procure_v the_o best_a i_o can_v that_o he_o will_v endeavour_v to_o obtain_v it_o and_o i_o give_v he_o certain_a book_n for_o this_o purpose_n now_o he_o be_v a_o man_n of_o so_o much_o virtue_n as_o i_o have_v already_o declare_v grow_v to_o settle_v himself_o so_o very_o well_o in_o this_o exercise_n that_o he_o come_v within_o five_o or_o six_o year_n for_o so_o long_o i_o think_v it_o be_v to_o be_v so_o well_o improve_v and_o advance_v therein_o that_o i_o bless_v our_o lord_n much_o for_o the_o favour_n and_o it_o give_v i_o a_o extreme_a consolation_n the_o trouble_n and_o cross_n which_o he_o endure_v be_v very_o great_a and_o of_o many_o kind_n and_o he_o pass_v through_o they_o all_o with_o much_o conformity_n to_o the_o will_n of_o our_o lord_n he_o come_v to_o see_v i_o often_o and_o be_v great_o comfort_v to_o treat_v of_o spiritual_a thing_n and_o when_o now_o i_o live_v so_o distract_v and_o diffuse_v without_o use_v mental_a prayer_n and_o see_v withal_o that_o he_o conceive_v i_o to_o be_v still_o the_o very_a same_o that_o i_o have_v be_v before_o i_o be_v not_o able_a to_o endure_v to_o live_v without_o undeceaving_a he_o for_o i_o have_v then_o be_v a_o year_n and_o more_o without_o mental_a prayer_n as_o think_v it_o more_o humility_n for_o i_o to_o abstain_v and_o this_o as_o i_o shall_v declare_v afterward_o be_v the_o great_a and_o worst_a temptation_n that_o ever_o i_o have_v for_o by_o this_o mean_n iranne_n headlong_o upon_o my_o total_a ruin_n whereas_o when_o i_o frequent_v prayer_n if_o i_o offend_v god_n one_o day_n i_o return_v to_o recollect_v myself_o upon_o another_o and_o so_o to_o absent_v myself_o from_o the_o occasion_n but_o that_o bless_a man_n my_o father_n come_v to_o see_v i_o in_o such_o state_n as_o this_o it_o be_v too_o much_o for_o i_o as_o i_o be_v say_v to_o let_v he_o walk_v on_o so_o far_o in_o error_n as_o to_o think_v that_o i_o still_o converse_v with_o god_n in_o prayer_n as_o former_o i_o have_v do_v and_o so_o i_o tell_v he_o then_o that_o i_o do_v no_o long_o use_v mental_a prayer_n though_o yet_o i_o do_v not_o tell_v he_o the_o cause_n thereof_o but_o i_o allege_v my_o infirmity_n for_o the_o reason_n and_o that_o although_o i_o be_v recover_v of_o the_o main_n sickness_n i_o have_v yet_o disease_n yea_o and_o very_o great_a one_o still_o and_o that_o although_o of_o late_a they_o have_v not_o assault_v i_o with_o so_o very_a great_a fierceness_n as_o before_o yet_o they_o fail_v not_o still_o to_o continue_v and_o to_o exercise_v i_o also_o in_o many_o kind_n in_o particular_a that_o i_o have_v certain_a vomit_n for_o twenty_o year_n together_o every_o morning_n in_o such_o sort_n as_o that_o i_o can_v never_o break_v my_o fast_n till_o noon_n be_v past_a yea_o and_o
that_o i_o shall_v shed_v those_o tear_n do_v show_v i_o favour_n enough_o for_o his_o part_n since_o i_o forget_v the_o sense_n and_o tenderness_n thereof_o so_o soon_o and_o i_o recommend_v myself_o to_o that_o glorious_a saint_n that_o she_o may_v help_v i_o to_o obtain_v pardon_n of_o my_o sin_n but_o i_o conceive_v that_o i_o profit_v the_o more_o in_o that_o last_o time_n when_o i_o pray_v before_o the_o picture_n because_o then_o note_n i_o be_v grow_v into_o very_o great_a distrust_n of_o myself_o and_o place_v all_o my_o confidence_n in_o almighty_a god_n to_o my_o think_n i_o tell_v he_o then_o that_o i_o will_v blessing_n never_o rise_v from_o thence_o till_o he_o grant_v i_o the_o humble_a suit_n which_o i_o have_v make_v and_o i_o be_o full_o of_o opinion_n that_o it_o do_v i_o good_a for_o i_o have_v go_v improve_v much_o ever_o since_o that_o time_n now_o i_o continue_v to_o hold_v this_o manner_n of_o prayer_n because_o not_o be_v able_a to_o discourse_v with_o my_o understanding_n i_o procure_v to_o represent_v christ_n our_o lord_n to_o my_o mind_n as_o be_v then_o within_o my_o very_a self_n and_o jever_n also_o find_v it_o to_o prove_v better_o with_o i_o in_o my_o opinion_n when_o i_o conceive_v myself_o to_o find_v he_o all_o alone_a for_o he_o be_v alone_o and_o i_o be_v so_o much_o afflict_v i_o think_v he_o be_v to_o admit_v i_o yea_o and_o to_o assist_v i_o too_o as_o a_o person_n who_o be_v in_o necessity_n and_o misery_n of_o this_o kind_n of_o simplicity_n i_o have_v many_o and_o in_o particular_a i_o use_v to_o find_v myself_o very_o well_o in_o the_o prayer_n of_o the_o garden_n yea_o and_o i_o be_v in_o my_o kingdom_n when_o i_o may_v accompany_v he_o there_o i_o think_v also_o much_o upon_o that_o sweat_n together_o with_o the_o great_a affliction_n which_o he_o sustain_v then_o and_o i_o wish_v that_o i_o may_v have_v be_v permit_v to_o wipe_v that_o most_o painful_a sweat_n from_o his_o face_n but_o i_o remember_v how_o in_o fine_a i_o never_o dare_v resolve_v to_o presume_v to_o do_v it_o so_o grievous_o do_v my_o sin_n represent_v themselves_o to_o i_o howsoever_o i_o remain_v there_o by_o he_o as_o long_o as_o my_o thought_n will_v give_v i_o leave_v but_o the_o truth_n be_v i_o have_v store_n of_o such_o as_o torment_v i_o most_o night_n during_o many_o year_n before_o i_o go_v to_o rest_v and_o when_o i_o be_v recommend_v myself_o to_o god_n ere_o i_o sleep_v i_o ever_o think_v a_o little_a upon_o this_o passage_n of_o his_o prayer_n in_o the_o garden_n and_o that_o even_o before_o i_o be_v a_o religious_a woman_n for_o they_o tell_v i_o that_o i_o may_v gain_v many_o indulgence_n by_o it_o and_o at_o least_o i_o be_o of_o opinion_n that_o my_o soul_n get_v much_o by_o this_o mean_n because_o thus_o i_o begin_v to_o make_v mental_a prayer_n even_o without_o express_o know_v what_o it_o be_v and_o then_o it_o be_v as_o usual_a for_o i_o not_o to_o omit_v this_o custom_n as_o not_o to_o fail_v of_o blessing_n myself_o with_o the_o sign_n of_o the_o cross_n before_o sleep_v but_o to_o return_v to_o what_o i_o be_v say_v of_o the_o torment_n which_o my_o thought_n be_v wont_a to_o give_v i_o this_o manner_n of_o proceed_v without_o discourse_n of_o the_o understanding_n have_v this_o in_o it_o that_o the_o soul_n must_v both_o gain_v much_o and_o loose_a much_o i_o mean_v all_o consideration_n and_o discourse_n be_v lose_v for_o as_o for_o profit_v they_o profit_v much_o who_o use_v it_o since_o all_o such_o prayer_n be_v love._n but_o to_o arrive_v to_o this_o point_n &_o pitch_n it_o will_v cost_v every_o body_n a_o great_a deal_n of_o pain_n except_o such_o as_o our_o lord_n vouchsafe_v to_o conduct_v in_o a_o short_a time_n to_o quiet_a prayer_n of_o which_o kind_n i_o know_v some_o and_o for_o they_o who_o go_v by_o this_o way_n it_o will_v be_v good_a to_o have_v some_o book_n or_o other_o at_o hand_n that_o so_o they_o may_v recollect_v themselves_o quick_o as_o for_o i_o it_o do_v i_o also_o good_a to_o look_v upon_o field_n or_o flower_n or_o water_n for_o in_o these_o thing_n do_v i_o find_v the_o memory_n of_o our_o creator_n as_o i_o also_o do_v in_o my_o own_o ingratitude_n and_o sin_n all_o which_o particular_n be_v wont_a to_o awake_v i_o and_o recollect_v i_o and_o to_o serve_v i_o in_o stead_n of_o a_o book_n for_o as_o for_o heaven_n and_o such_o high_a thing_n as_o that_o my_o understanding_n be_v so_o dull_a that_o i_o can_v never_o i_o say_v never_o be_v able_a to_o have_v or_o frame_v any_o imagination_n or_o fancy_n concern_v they_o till_o our_o lord_n represent_v they_o to_o i_o by_o other_o mean_n and_o i_o have_v so_o very_o little_a ability_n to_o represent_v thing_n to_o my_o mind_n by_o way_n of_o the_o understanding-part_n that_o my_o imagination_n serve_v i_o not_o to_o work_v upon_o any_o thing_n but_o only_o what_o i_o see_v with_o my_o eye_n which_o yet_o other_o be_v able_a enough_o to_o do_v who_o know_v how_o to_o form_v certain_a representation_n of_o thing_n to_o themselves_o upon_o which_o they_o can_v recollect_v their_o thought_n for_o my_o part_n i_o can_v only_o think_v upon_o christ_n our_o lord_n as_o man_n but_o yet_o it_o be_v very_o true_a that_o how_o much_o soever_o i_o read_v of_o his_o beauty_n or_o see_v his_o picture_n yet_o can_v i_o never_o represent_v he_o to_o myself_o but_o just_a so_o as_o one_o who_o be_v either_o in_o the_o dark_a or_o else_o stark_o blind_a may_v be_v able_a at_o that_o very_a time_n to_o represent_v any_o other_o person_n to_o himself_o for_o though_o such_o a_o one_o may_v speak_v with_o such_o another_o &_o know_v that_o he_o be_v with_o that_o person_n because_o he_o be_v sure_a that_o the_o say_a person_n be_v there_o yet_o in_o fine_a he_o do_v but_o understand_v and_o believe_v he_o to_o be_v there_o for_o he_o see_v he_o not_o and_o in_o this_o sort_n do_v it_o happen_v to_o i_o when_o i_o think_v of_o our_o lord_n upon_o this_o reason_n be_v i_o so_o great_a a_o friend_n and_o favourer_n of_o the_o use_n of_o image_n or_o holy_a picture_n miserable_a creature_n be_v they_o who_o lose_v this_o benefit_n through_o their_o own_o fault_n and_o it_o appear_v also_o well_o enough_o that_o they_o do_v not_o love_v our_o lord_n for_o if_o they_o love_v he_o they_o will_v be_v glad_a to_o see_v his_o picture_n as_o here_o it_o give_v we_o contentment_n so_o see_v the_o picture_n of_o those_o person_n who_o we_o love_v about_o this_o time_n they_o give_v i_o the_o confession_n of_o s._n augustin_n and_o it_o seem_v our_o lord_n do_v so_o ordain_v it_o for_o neither_o do_v i_o procure_v they_o nor_o have_v i_o ever_o see_v they_o i_o bear_v a_o very_a great_a affection_n to_o this_o saint_n because_o the_o monastery_n where_o i_o live_v before_o i_o grow_v to_o be_v religious_a be_v of_o his_o order_n and_o beside_o in_o regard_n that_o he_o have_v be_v a_o sinner_n for_o i_o always_o find_v particular_a comfort_n in_o those_o saint_n who_o after_o have_v be_v sinner_n be_v convert_v to_o our_o lord_n as_o conceave_a that_o i_o shall_v have_v help_n by_o their_o mean_n and_o that_o our_o lord_n may_v also_o be_v induce_v to_o forgive_v i_o as_o he_o have_v do_v they_o save_o only_o that_o i_o be_v discomfort_a by_o this_o consideration_n as_o i_o have_v say_v before_o that_o our_o lord_n call_v they_o but_o once_o and_o they_o return_v not_o to_o fall_v from_o he_o any_o more_o but_o as_o for_o i_o i_o have_v fall_v so_o often_o that_o it_o afflict_v i_o to_o the_o very_a hart_n but_o yet_o still_o when_o i_o consider_v the_o love_n he_o bear_v i_o i_o grow_v to_o be_v encourage_v again_o for_o i_o never_o disinherit_v his_o mercy_n though_o i_o doubt_v of_o myself_o very_o often_o o_o my_o dear_a lord_n how_o mighty_o do_v that_o obstinate_a stiffness_n amaze_v i_o to_o which_o my_o soul_n must_v needs_o have_v be_v subject_a whilst_o it_o receive_v so_o many_o help_n at_o thy_o hand_n and_o all_o in_o vain_a and_o it_o strike_v i_o with_o much_o fear_n to_o consider_v how_o little_a i_o be_v able_a to_o win_v upon_o myself_o all_o that_o while_n and_o how_o i_o remain_v still_o bind_v up_o from_o resolve_v to_o give_v myself_o whole_o to_o thou_o but_o when_o once_o i_o begin_v to_o read_v the_o say_a confession_n i_o think_v that_o case_n which_o have_v be_v he_o be_v also_o now_o direct_o i_o own_o and_o i_o recommend_v myself_o much_o to_o that_o glorious_a saint_n but_o when_o i_o come_v afterward_o to_o his_o conversion_n and_o read_v how_o he_o hear_v that_o voice_n
improve_v so_o much_o the_o more_o as_o also_o because_o by_o this_o time_n she_o be_v grow_v to_o approach_v near_o to_o that_o virtue_n and_o power_n from_o whence_o all_o virtue_n proceed_v which_o be_v almighty_a god_n because_o his_o divine_a majesty_n do_v not_o only_o then_o communicate_v himself_o to_o that_o soul_n but_o he_o be_v also_o please_v that_o she_o shall_v find_v in_o what_o sort_n it_o be_v that_o he_o communicate_v himself_o to_o she_o in_o arrive_v once_o to_o this_o place_n she_o instant_o begin_v to_o loose_v the_o appetite_n of_o all_o thing_n concern_v this_o world_n and_o i_o can_v blame_v she_o for_o already_o she_o see_v very_o clear_o that_o one_o moment_n of_o that_o gust_n be_v not_o to_o be_v purchase_v here_o and_o that_o no_o riches_n nor_o dominion_n nor_o all_o the_o honour_n nor_o delight_n of_o this_o world_n be_v able_a to_o give_v such_o contentment_n and_o satisfaction_n as_o this_o though_o it_o be_v but_o for_o the_o twinkle_n of_o a_o eye_n because_o this_o be_v true_a contentment_n and_o such_o a_o one_o as_o we_o real_o see_v and_o find_v to_o content_v we_o indeed_o for_o as_o for_o those_o other_o of_o this_o world_n it_o may_v well_o go_v for_o a_o wonder_n if_o we_o can_v so_o much_o as_o tell_v even_o wherein_o the_o contentment_n of_o any_o thing_n do_v consist_v nor_o do_v there_o ever_o fail_v to_o be_v a_o kind_n of_o measure_v cast_v between_o the_o yea_o and_o the_o no_o in_o any_o of_o they_o but_o here_o all_o be_v in_o the_o affirmative_a and_o profess_v to_o say_v yea_o as_o long_o as_o it_o last_v and_o the_o no_o come_v not_o in_o till_o afterward_o because_o then_o they_o see_v that_o the_o business_n be_v grow_v to_o be_v at_o a_o end_n and_o that_o he_o can_v recover_v it_o again_o nor_o know_v indeed_o how_o to_o go_v about_o it_o for_o though_o he_o shall_v even_o half_o kill_v himself_o with_o do_v penance_n and_o make_v much_o prayer_n and_o use_v in_o fine_a all_o other_o possible_a diligence_n yet_o will_v it_o all_o serve_v to_o very_o little_a purpose_n unless_o our_o lord_n vouchsafe_v to_o impart_v it_o but_o almighty_a god_n be_v please_v here_o for_o his_o own_o greatness_n that_o this_o soul_n shall_v now_o understand_v that_o his_o divine_a majesty_n vouchsafe_v to_o be_v so_o near_o she_o that_o now_o there_o be_v no_o need_n of_o send_v any_o messenger_n to_o she_o but_o only_o that_o she_o herself_o may_v speak_v with_o he_o though_o yet_o not_o by_o word_n of_o mouth_n because_o then_o he_o be_v already_o so_o near_o she_o that_o he_o understand_v she_o as_o a_o man_n may_v say_v even_o by_o the_o very_a lest_o stir_v of_o her_o lip_n but_o now_o it_o may_v chance_n seem_v to_o some_o to_o be_v impertinent_a for_o i_o to_o talk_v after_o this_o manner_n in_o regard_n the_o world_n know_v well_o enough_o that_o our_o lord_n do_v ever_o hear_v we_o &_o be_v ever_o present_a with_o we_o and_o there_o can_v be_v no_o doubt_n at_o all_o but_o that_o this_o be_v true_a but_o yet_o here_o this_o emperor_n and_o lord_n of_o we_o be_v please_v that_o we_o shall_v also_o understand_v that_o he_o understand_v we_o and_o what_o his_o presence_n be_v able_a to_o do_v &_o what_o he_o will_v particular_o begin_v to_o work_v in_o our_o soul_n and_o the_o great_a both_o interior_a and_o exterior_a satisfaction_n which_o he_o impart_v and_o the_o mighty_a difference_n which_o as_o i_o have_v say_v there_o be_v between_o this_o kind_n of_o delight_n and_o gust_n and_o all_o the_o other_o of_o this_o world_n for_o this_o seem_v even_o to_o fill_v all_o those_o hollow_a and_o void_a place_n which_o our_o sin_n have_v make_v in_o our_o soul_n and_o this_o so_o great_a satisfaction_n be_v in_o the_o very_a most_o intimate_a part_n thereof_o and_o she_o know_v not_o how_o nor_o by_o what_o mean_v also_o it_o come_v nay_o many_o time_n she_o can_v tell_v even_o what_o to_o do_v nor_o what_o to_o ask_v no_o nor_o what_o to_o wish_v for_o the_o soul_n seem_v there_o to_o find_v all_o good_a thing_n together_o and_o she_o do_v not_o very_o well_o know_v even_o what_o she_o have_v find_v nor_o yet_o can_v i_o tell_v how_o to_o give_v it_o to_o be_v understand_v for_o there_o will_v here_o be_v need_n of_o learning_n for_o many_o purpose_n and_o here_o will_v it_o come_v very_o well_o in_o to_o give_v to_o understand_v the_o difference_n betwixt_o general_n and_o particular_a help_n or_o succour_n of_o grace_n whereof_o many_o be_v ignorant_a and_o our_o lord_n in_o this_o prayer_n be_v please_v that_o our_o soul_n shall_v see_v this_o particular_a succour_n as_o it_o be_v with_o her_o very_a eye_n and_o many_o other_o thing_n also_o which_o may_v perhaps_o be_v ill_o declare_v here_o by_o i_o but_o since_o understand_v person_n be_v to_o see_v what_o i_o write_v and_o who_o will_v know_v if_o it_o have_v any_o error_n in_o it_o wherein_o i_o may_v easy_o be_v find_v faulty_a enough_o through_o want_n both_o of_o learning_n &_o spirit_n i_o be_o in_o 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himself_o for_o i_o must_v be_v stir_v up_o and_o down_o in_o the_o community_n &_o have_v many_o other_o business_n to_o do_v since_o i_o be_o at_o this_o present_a in_o a_o house_n which_o be_v but_o beginning_n now_o as_o i_o shall_v show_v afterward_o and_o therefore_o i_o be_o write_v this_o without_o any_o such_o rest_n and_o quiet_a kind_n of_o be_v as_o be_v convenient_a so_o that_o i_o must_v do_v it_o by_o little_a and_o little_a and_o by_o fit_n but_o i_o can_v wish_v i_o be_v now_o at_o more_o leisure_n for_o when_o our_o lord_n give_v a_o spirit_n to_o do_v a_o thing_n it_o be_v easy_o and_o much_o
be_v never_o so_o much_o alone_o though_o yet_o i_o feel_v still_o that_o i_o know_v there_o be_v a_o god_n and_o i_o find_v also_o that_o it_o be_v my_o imagination_n and_o my_o understanding_n which_o do_v i_o so_o much_o hurt_v in_o these_o occasion_n and_o cafe_v for_o as_o for_o my_o will_n i_o think_v it_o stand_v right_a in_o i_o and_o that_o it_o be_v dispose_v to_o all_o goodness_n but_o this_o understanding_n of_o i_o be_v so_o entire_o lose_v that_o it_o seem_v to_o be_v no_o other_o thing_n than_o some_o furious_a and_o mad_a kind_n of_o fool_n who_o no_o body_n be_v able_a to_o bind_v nor_o be_o i_o so_o far_a mistress_n thereof_o as_o that_o i_o can_v make_v it_o quiet_a for_o one_o credo_fw-la sometime_o i_o fall_v on_o laugh_v and_o yet_o then_o do_v i_o know_v my_o misery_n and_o stand_v look_v upon_o my_o soul_n and_o permit_v she_o to_o do_v what_o she_o will_v and_o yet_o our_o lord_n be_v thank_v she_o never_o by_o any_o mean_n apply_v herself_o to_o any_o thing_n 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in_o celebrate_v thy_o praise_n that_o so_o all_o the_o power_n thereof_o may_v admire_v thou_o permit_v not_o heerafrer_n o_o lord_n that_o she_o wander_v up_o and_o down_o by_o piece_n for_o now_o it_o seem_v no_o otherwise_o then_o as_o if_o every_o one_o of_o the_o same_o power_n be_v run_v up_o and_o down_o in_o a_o several_a way_n these_o thing_n pass_v thus_o very_o often_o and_o i_o understand_v also_o very_o well_o that_o sometime_o the_o little_a corporal_a health_n i_o have_v contribute_v much_o to_o these_o inconvenience_n i_o also_o reflect_v much_o by_o these_o occasion_n upon_o the_o hurt_n which_o the_o sin_n of_o our_o first_o parent_n have_v do_v we_o for_o i_o think_v it_o be_v grow_v from_o thence_o that_o we_o be_v incapable_a to_o enjoy_v so_o great_a a_o good_a and_o my_o own_o sin_n be_v a_o great_a part_n of_o the_o cause_n for_o certain_o if_o i_o have_v not_o commit_v so_o many_o i_o shall_v have_v remain_v more_o entire_a and_o free_a towards_o the_o do_n 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pedro_fw-la de_fw-fr alcantara_n declare_v to_o i_o that_o i_o be_v not_o to_o be_v trouble_v at_o that_o i_o be_o not_o ignorant_a that_o in_o the_o serve_v of_o almighty_a god_n i_o have_v not_o yet_o so_o much_o as_o begin_v though_o yet_o the_o way_n which_o his_o divine_a majesty_n have_v hold_v in_o do_v i_o favour_n be_v the_o same_o which_o he_o have_v use_v towards_o such_o as_o be_v good_a whereas_o for_o my_o part_n i_o be_o no_o more_o than_o a_o direct_a downright_a mere_a imperfection_n unless_o it_o be_v in_o my_o desire_n to_o love_v he_o for_o in_o this_o indeed_o i_o see_v well_o that_o our_o lord_n have_v do_v i_o favour_n that_o so_o i_o may_v perform_v some_o little_a thing_n for_o he_o i_o confess_v i_o think_v i_o love_v he_o but_o my_o action_n and_o the_o many_o imperfection_n which_o i_o discern_v therein_o give_v i_o great_a discomfort_n at_o other_o time_n my_o soul_n fall_v into_o a_o kind_n of_o foolery_n for_o so_o it_o be_v when_o i_o think_v i_o do_v neither_o good_a nor_o ill_a but_o follow_v on_o after_o the_o walk_n of_o other_o folk_n and_o this_o neither_o with_o pain_n nor_o glory_n nor_o with_o thought_n of_o life_n or_o death_n nor_o gust_n nor_o trouble_n yea_o i_o think_v she_o feel_v nothing_o at_o all_o but_o rather_o seem_v to_o i_o to_o walk_v on_o like_o some_o little_a ass_n who_o seed_n and_o sustain_v himself_o because_o they_o give_v he_o somewhat_o to_o eat_v and_o he_o eat_v almost_o without_o think_v what_o he_o be_v do_v for_o the_o soul_n when_o she_o be_v in_o this_o state_n be_v not_o likely_a to_o be_v without_o feed_v upon_o some_o great_a favour_n of_o almighty_a god_n since_o she_o be_v not_o trouble_v with_o live_v in_o so_o miserable_a a_o life_n as_o this_o but_o pass_v through_o it_o with_o patience_n and_o equality_n of_o mind_n but_o yet_o these_o motion_n and_o effect_n be_v not_o find_v by_o she_o in_o such_o sort_n as_o that_o the_o soul_n be_v make_v to_o understand_v herself_o by_o they_o it_o seem_v now_o also_o to_o i_o to_o be_v as_o when_o man_n sail_v at_o sea_n by_o the_o breath_n of_o a_o sweet_a and_o gentle_a wind_n for_o then_o we_o ride_v much_o way_n though_o we_o scarce_o know_v how_o whereas_o in_o those_o other_o condition_n the_o effect_n be_v so_o very_o great_a that_o the_o soul_n do_v almost_o instant_o discern_v she_o own_o improvement_n for_o instant_o do_v her_o desire_n boil_v up_o and_o the_o soul_n can_v never_o satisfy_v herself_o but_o they_o to_o who_o almighty_a god_n impart_v such_o impetuosity_n of_o love_n do_v find_v such_o operation_n as_o these_o this_o be_v like_o certain_a little_a spring_n which_o i_o have_v observe_v to_o rise_v and_o where_o the_o sand_n never_o cease_v to_o move_v upward_o and_o this_o example_n and_o comparison_n of_o soul_n which_o be_v arrive_v to_o this_o state_n seem_v very_o natural_a to_o i_o for_o love_n will_v be_v ever_o boil_v upward_o and_o consider_v and_o devise_v about_o what_o it_o may_v be_v able_a to_o do_v and_o can_v by_o no_o mean_n be_v contain_v in_o itself_o as_o it_o seem_v the_o water_n whereof_o i_o speak_v be_v not_o able_a to_o continue_v in_o the_o earth_n which_o still_o be_v cast_v it_o up_o from_o thence_o and_o just_o so_o be_v it_o very_o usual_a for_o the_o soul_n not_o to_o be_v at_o quiet_a or_o in_o contentment_n with_o herself_o through_o the_o love_n she_o bear_v to_o almighty_a god_n but_o she_o be_v so_o bathe_v and_o soak_v and_o fill_v with_o it_o that_o she_o wish_n that_o other_o will_v drink_v too_o since_o for_o her_o part_n she_o can_v want_v that_o so_o they_o may_v assist_v she_o to_o sing_v the_o praise_n of_o almighty_a god_n o_o how_o often_o do_v i_o call_v to_o mind_n that_o live_a water_n whereof_o our_o lord_n speak_v to_o the_o samaritan_n as_o indeed_o i_o be_o very_o much_o devote_a to_o that_o gospel_n and_o real_o it_o be_v most_o true_a that_o i_o be_v so_o even_o from_o my_o childhood_n though_o i_o do_v not_o then_o understand_v this_o benefit_n as_o now_o i_o do_v but_o i_o often_o beseech_v our_o lord_n to_o bestow_v of_o this_o water_n upon_o i_o and_o always_o i_o have_v the_o image_n or_o figure_n of_o it_o at_o hand_n with_o this_o motto_n or_o word_n of_o she_o when_o he_o be_v so_o near_o the_o well_o domine_fw-la da_fw-la mihi_fw-la hanc_fw-la aquam_fw-la o_o lord_n bestow_v this_o water_n upon_o i_o it_o seem_v also_o to_o i_o that_o as_o a_o fire_n which_o be_v very_o great_a needs_o matter_n upon_o which_o to_o work_v to_o the_o end_n that_o it_o may_v not_o be_v extinguish_v so_o also_o for_o
and_o certain_o i_o will_v have_v suffer_v many_o year_n for_o the_o advantage_n and_o deliverance_n of_o a_o soul_n let_v our_o lord_n be_v praise_v for_o all_o for_o the_o prayer_n of_o such_o as_o serve_v he_o well_o can_v do_v much_o as_o i_o believe_v my_o sister_n do_v of_o this_o house_n but_o yet_o because_o i_o have_v be_v earnest_a in_o procure_v those_o prayer_n the_o devil_n will_v be_v more_o enrage_v against_o i_o then_o against_o other_o and_o our_o lord_n also_o permit_v that_o for_o my_o sin_n about_o this_o time_n also_o i_o once_o think_v that_o the_o devil_n will_v even_o have_v strangle_v i_o &_o it_o be_v by_o night_n but_o as_o soon_o as_o i_o have_v cause_v holie-water_n to_o be_v cast_v upon_o i_o i_o see_v a_o multitude_n of_o they_o run_v away_o as_o if_o they_o have_v be_v about_o to_o break_v their_o neck_n from_o some_o high_a rock_n and_o it_o be_v so_o frequent_a and_o familiar_a with_o i_o to_o be_v torment_v by_o these_o curse_a wretch_n and_o the_o fear_n which_o now_o i_o have_v of_o they_o be_v grow_v to_o be_v so_o very_o little_a by_o see_v that_o they_o be_v not_o so_o much_o as_o able_a to_o stir_v unless_o our_o bless_a lord_n give_v they_o leave_v that_o although_o it_o may_v be_v of_o comfort_n to_o myself_o yet_o i_o shall_v not_o fail_v to_o weary_v your_o reverence_n if_o i_o relate_v they_o but_o even_o that_o which_o be_v say_v already_o may_v serve_v to_o show_v that_o any_o true_a servant_n of_o almighty_a god_n may_v need_v to_o trouble_v themselves_o little_a at_o these_o idle_a fright_n and_o bugg-beares_a which_o the_o devil_n be_v wont_a to_o expose_v that_o so_o they_o may_v make_v we_o fear_v they_o and_o in_o fine_a let_v the_o world_n be_v sure_a that_o every_o time_n when_o we_o make_v they_o see_v that_o we_o despise_v they_o they_o will_v remain_v with_o so_o much_o the_o less_o strength_n after_o it_o and_o the_o soul_n as_o be_v a_o great_a princess_n than_o she_o be_v before_o will_v remain_v with_o so_o much_o more_o power_n and_o profit_n as_o i_o will_v not_o stand_v here_o to_o relate_v for_o fear_v of_o too_o much_o length_n but_o now_o i_o will_v only_o declare_v what_o happen_v to_o i_o once_o upon_o a_o all-soule_n day_n at_o night_n for_o be_v at_o that_o time_n in_o the_o oratory_n and_o have_v recite_v matin_n as_o also_o those_o so_o very_o devout_a prayer_n which_o be_v at_o the_o end_n thereof_o according_a to_o the_o breviarie_n the_o devil_n put_v himself_o upon_o the_o book_n to_o the_o end_n that_o i_o may_v not_o finish_v the_o prayer_n but_o i_o bless_v myself_o with_o make_v the_o sign_n of_o the_o holy_a cross_n and_o so_o he_o go_v present_o away_o but_o i_o begin_v again_o he_o also_o return_v and_o i_o think_v it_o be_v no_o less_o that_o the_o like_v happen_v than_o three_o time_n and_o till_o i_o cast_v holie-water_n at_o he_o i_o can_v not_o make_v a_o end_n of_o the_o business_n but_o then_o i_o plain_o see_v that_o some_o soul_n go_v out_o of_o purgatory_n at_o the_o instant_n who_o belike_o want_v very_o little_a of_o their_o deliverance_n and_o perhaps_o the_o devil_n mean_v to_o divert_v it_o it_o be_v seldom_o that_o i_o have_v see_v the_o devil_n in_o any_o exact_a and_o particular_a form_n or_o figure_n but_o many_o time_n without_o form_n as_o i_o do_v the_o vision_n for_o a_o body_n see_v very_o clear_o that_o he_o be_v there_o as_o i_o have_v declare_v already_o and_o i_o will_v now_o relate_v this_o also_o because_o it_o amaze_v i_o very_o much_o be_v one_o day_n in_o a_o certain_a monastery_n and_o in_o the_o choir_n and_o upon_o the_o festivitie_n of_o the_o bless_a trinity_n i_o chance_v to_o be_v in_o rapt_v and_o i_o see_v a_o great_a contention_n and_o strife_n between_o angel_n and_o devil_n yet_o not_o know_v what_o that_o vision_n may_v mean_v but_o about_o some_o fifteen_o day_n before_o it_o be_v hear_v that_o a_o certain_a great_a disagreement_n have_v happen_v between_o some_o person_n who_o be_v of_o prayer_n and_o many_o other_o also_o who_o be_v not_o so_o &_o there_o come_v a_o great_a deal_n of_o harm_n to_o the_o place_n where_o this_o occur_v for_o the_o strife_n continue_v long_o and_o it_o breed_v a_o very_a great_a deal_n of_o disquiet_n another_o time_n i_o see_v a_o multitude_n of_o they_o all_o round_a about_o i_o but_o then_o it_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o i_o be_v environ_v with_o a_o great_a kind_n of_o light_n which_o permit_v they_o not_o to_o approach_v and_o i_o understand_v thereby_o that_o our_o lord_n keep_v they_o off_o from_o come_v near_o i_o in_o any_o such_o sort_n as_o to_o make_v i_o offend_v his_o divine_a majesty_n and_o by_o that_o which_o i_o have_v find_v sometime_o in_o myself_o i_o conceive_v that_o it_o be_v a_o true_a vision_n the_o matter_n be_v that_o i_o now_o understand_v so_o very_o well_o how_o little_a power_n they_o have_v whensoever_o i_o go_v not_o against_o god_n that_o in_o effect_n i_o do_v not_o fear_v they_o at_o all_o for_o their_o strength_n be_v direct_o nothing_o unless_o they_o find_v the_o soul_n they_o set_v upon_o to_o be_v cowardly_a and_o yield_v to_o they_o but_o then_o indeed_o they_o show_v their_o power_n in_o some_o of_o those_o former_a temptation_n i_o think_v they_o employ_v themselves_o now_o and_o then_o upon_o awake_v and_o reviue_v in_o i_o the_o memory_n of_o all_o the_o frailty_n and_o vanity_n of_o my_o former_a time_n in_o such_o sort_n as_o that_o i_o have_v good_a cause_n to_o recommend_v myself_o much_o to_o almighty_a god_n but_o this_o put_v i_o to_o very_o much_o pain_n by_o make_v it_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o now_o it_o be_v all_o of_o the_o devil_n since_o those_o thought_n of_o i_o return_v till_o such_o time_n as_o my_o ghostly_a father_n put_v i_o in_o quiet_a for_o real_o it_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o even_o the_o first_o motion_n of_o ill_a thought_n be_v not_o so_o much_o as_o to_o approach_v any_o such_o person_n as_o have_v receive_v so_o great_a favour_n of_o our_o b._n lord_n at_o other_o time_n it_o torment_v i_o much_o yea_o and_o even_o it_o torment_v i_o still_o to_o see_v that_o man_n shall_v hold_v i_o in_o so_o high_a account_n and_o especial_o that_o it_o shall_v be_v do_v by_o eminent_a person_n and_o that_o they_o shall_v speak_v so_o much_o good_a of_o i_o and_o in_o this_o i_o have_v suffer_v and_o still_o suffer_v much_o but_o i_o quick_o cast_v my_o thought_n upon_o the_o life_n of_o christ_n our_o lord_n and_o his_o saint_n and_o i_o think_v i_o walk_v in_o a_o way_n which_o be_v very_o contrary_a to_o that_o of_o they_o for_o they_o aspire_v to_o nothing_o but_o to_o be_v subject_a to_o injury_n and_o contempt_n and_o this_o make_v i_o walk_v with_o such_o fear_n as_o that_o i_o even_o sarce_o dare_v hold_v up_o my_o head_n and_o will_v be_v glad_a to_o get_v myself_o out_o of_o sight_n which_o yet_o i_o never_o desire_v when_o i_o find_v myself_o subject_a to_o persecution_n for_o then_o my_o soul_n carry_v herself_o like_o a_o great_a lady_n whatsoever_o the_o body_n may_v feel_v i_o know_v not_o how_o these_o thing_n can_v stand_v but_o yet_o they_o pass_v in_o such_o sort_n that_o the_o soul_n seem_v then_o to_o be_v as_o in_o her_o kingdom_n and_o that_o she_o tread_v and_o trample_v all_o thing_n under_o her_o foot_n this_o occur_v to_o i_o several_a time_n and_o the_o same_o continue_v long_o and_o i_o think_v it_o be_v virtue_n and_o humility_n but_o now_o i_o see_v plain_o enough_o that_o it_o be_v a_o temptation_n and_o a_o dominican_n father_n a_o learned_a man_n declare_v it_o to_o i_o very_o well_o when_o i_o conceive_v that_o these_o favour_n which_o our_o b._n lord_n be_v please_v to_o do_v i_o will_v grow_v to_o be_v public_o know_v it_o be_v of_o so_o excessive_a a_o torment_n to_o i_o that_o it_o extreme_o disquiet_v my_o soul_n and_o it_o come_v at_o length_n to_o that_o pass_v that_o whilst_o i_o be_v consider_v the_o same_o i_o can_v more_o willing_o have_v be_v content_v to_o be_v bury_v quick_a then_o that_o any_o such_o thing_n shall_v arrive_v and_o so_o when_o i_o come_v to_o have_v those_o so_o great_a recollection_n and_o rapt_n as_o that_o it_o be_v not_o possible_a for_o i_o to_o resist_v they_o in_o public_a iremain_v so_o confound_v with_o shame_n afterward_o that_o i_o will_v have_v be_v glad_a not_o to_o appear_v where_o any_o creature_n who_o know_v i_o may_v see_v i_o and_o be_v once_o extreme_o afflict_v upon_o this_o account_n i_o be_v ask_v by_o our_o bless_a lord_n what_o it_o be_v whereof_o i_o be_v so_o much_o afraid_a for_o
may_v hope_v from_o those_o terrible_a and_o perpetual_a torment_n since_o that_o time_n as_o i_o be_v say_v there_o be_v nothing_o which_o seem_v not_o easy_a to_o i_o in_o comparison_n of_o one_o moment_n of_o that_o which_o be_v to_o be_v suffer_v there_o and_o i_o be_v in_o a_o very_a great_a wonder_n that_o have_v so_o often_o read_v diverse_a book_n which_o give_v i_o some_o notice_n of_o a_o part_n of_o the_o torment_n of_o hell_n i_o fear_v they_o so_o little_a and_o hold_v they_o in_o so_o small_a account_n consider_v in_o what_o case_n i_o be_v then_o and_o how_o it_o be_v possible_a for_o i_o to_o receive_v contentment_n in_o any_o such_o thing_n as_o final_o be_v to_o carry_v i_o on_o to_o so_o wretched_a a_o place_n as_o that_o be_v be_v thou_o eternal_o bless_v o_o my_o god_n for_o how_o well_o have_v thou_o make_v it_o appear_v that_o thou_o love_v i_o incomparable_o better_a than_o i_o do_v myself_o how_o often_o o_o my_o dear_a lord_n have_v thou_o deliver_v i_o from_o that_o dark_a and_o horrible_a dungeon_n and_o how_o often_o have_v i_o return_v to_o cast_v myself_o in_o thither_o again_o even_o against_o thy_o will_n from_o hence_o also_o i_o get_v a_o facility_n to_o be_v in_o very_o great_a pain_n for_o the_o many_o soul_n of_o these_o lutheran_n which_o be_v condemn_v to_o hell_n and_o especial_o because_o they_o have_v once_o be_v member_n of_o the_o holy_a catholic_a church_n by_o their_o baptism_n i_o gain_v also_o great_a impulse_n to_o do_v good_a to_o soul_n and_o real_o it_o seem_v to_o i_o to_o be_v very_o certain_a that_o for_o the_o save_n of_o any_o of_o they_o from_o so_o grievous_a and_o everlasting_a torment_n i_o can_v suffer_v many_o death_n with_o a_o very_a good_a will_n for_o i_o consider_v that_o if_o we_o see_v a_o person_n in_o this_o world_n who_o we_o love_v undergo_v any_o great_a affliction_n or_o pain_n it_o seem_v that_o even_o our_o natural_a disposition_n invite_v we_o to_o have_v compassion_n of_o the_o case_n and_o so_o much_o as_o that_o pain_n be_v great_a so_o much_o the_o more_o and_o therefore_o now_o to_o see_v a_o soul_n which_o be_v for_o ever_o to_o be_v enchain_v to_o the_o endure_v of_o that_o supreme_a affliction_n and_o misery_n of_o all_o misery_n who_o shall_v be_v able_a to_o bear_v it_o and_o what_o hart_n can_v ever_o brook_v it_o without_o strange_a trouble_n and_o since_o we_o be_v move_v here_o to_o so_o much_o compassion_n of_o man_n who_o misery_n have_v yet_o a_o term_n prefix_v and_o at_o the_o further_a they_o be_v to_o end_v with_o their_o life_n how_o shall_v we_o be_v able_a to_o get_v patience_n for_o think_v of_o the_o infinite_a torment_n of_o those_o other_o consider_v what_o a_o huge_a number_n of_o soul_n the_o devil_n be_v daily_o carry_v into_o hell_n this_o consideration_n also_o make_v i_o desire_v that_o in_o a_o business_n of_o so_o mighty_a importance_n we_o may_v not_o be_v satisfy_v with_o less_o than_o the_o do_v of_o the_o very_a uttermost_a we_o can_v on_o our_o part_n and_o that_o we_o leave_v nothing_o at_o all_o unattempted_a to_o secure_v ourselves_o by_o that_o mean_n and_o i_o humble_o beseech_v our_o bless_a lord_n to_o give_v we_o all_o his_o grace_n for_o this_o purpose_n when_o i_o consider_v that_o howsoever_o i_o be_v former_o most_o wicked_a yet_o have_v i_o some_o little_a care_n to_o ferue_v almighty_a god_n not_o yet_o do_v i_o then_o commit_v certain_a thing_n which_o be_v take_v and_o swallow_v down_o by_o the_o world_n as_o familiar_o as_o to_o turn_v the_o hand_n and_o with_o this_o i_o endure_v huge_a sickness_n and_o i_o do_v it_o with_o that_o great_a patience_n which_o our_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o give_v i_o for_o that_o purpose_n and_o i_o be_v also_o not_o incline_v to_o murmur_v and_o detract_v or_o to_o speak_v hardly_o of_o any_o creature_n nay_o it_o seem_v to_o i_o as_o if_o i_o scarce_o have_v power_n to_o with_o any_o body_n any_o ill_n nor_o be_v i_o covetous_a nor_o envious_a for_o any_o thing_n that_o i_o can_v ever_o remember_v at_o least_o to_o any_o such_o proportion_n as_o may_v result_v to_o the_o great_a offence_n of_o almighty_a god_n and_o some_o other_o thing_n also_o there_o be_v wherein_o though_o i_o be_v very_o wicked_a i_o have_v usual_o the_o fear_n of_o almighty_a god_n before_o i_o and_o yet_o notwithstanding_o all_o this_o i_o see_v where_o the_o devil_n 471._o have_v take_v up_o and_o provide_v my_o lodging_n and_o it_o be_v true_a that_o consider_v what_o my_o fault_n have_v be_v it_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o i_o yet_o deserve_v more_o punishment_n but_o howsoever_o upon_o the_o whole_a matter_n i_o declare_v that_o it_o be_v a_o most_o horrible_a torment_n and_o and_o that_o it_o be_v a_o dangerous_a thing_n that_o the_o soul_n shall_v take_v contentment_n and_o be_v at_o rest_n which_o be_v fall_v every_o minute_n into_o mortal_a sinne._n nay_o rather_o for_o the_o love_n of_o almighty_a god_n let_v we_o remove_v all_o the_o occasion_n thereof_o for_o our_o lord_n will_v help_v we_o all_o as_o he_o have_v do_v i_o and_o i_o humble_o beseech_v his_o divine_a majesty_n not_o to_o give_v over_o to_o hold_v i_o fast_o in_o his_o hand_n least_z if_o he_o do_v i_o return_v to_o fall_v for_o in_o that_o case_n i_o see_v already_o what_o be_v to_o become_v of_o i_o for_o ever_o but_o i_o beseech_v our_o b._n lord_n again_o not_o to_o suffer_v it_o even_o for_o his_o own_o mercy_n sake_n amen_n but_o now_o after_o my_o see_v all_o this_o as_o also_o many_o other_o great_a thing_n and_o secret_n which_o our_o lord_n through_o his_o own_o mercy_n be_v please_v to_o show_v i_o concern_v the_o glory_n which_o be_v design_v in_o the_o next_o life_n for_o the_o good_a and_o the_o torment_n for_o the_o wicked_a and_o i_o procure_v now_o to_o light_v upon_o some_o way_n or_o mean_n whereby_o i_o may_v do_v penance_n for_o so_o much_o ill_a as_o i_o have_v commit_v and_o may_v be_v able_a also_o to_o do_v somewhat_o towards_o the_o obtain_n of_o so_o great_a a_o good_a i_o desire_v even_o to_o fly_v out_o of_o the_o sight_n of_o mankind_n and_o now_o at_o length_n once_o for_o all_o to_o divide_v myself_o from_o the_o world_n and_o to_o part_v from_o it_o and_o my_o hart_n will_v now_o be_v quiet_a no_o long_o but_o yet_o be_v not_o that_o disquiet_n of_o i_o any_o troublesome_a kind_n of_o thing_n but_o rather_o of_o contentment_n and_o gust_n and_o it_o be_v evident_a that_o it_o come_v from_o almighty_a god_n and_o that_o his_o divine_a majesty_n have_v give_v heat_n enough_o to_o this_o soul_n of_o i_o for_o the_o digest_v of_o other_o and_o strong_a meat_n than_o she_o have_v former_o take_v cause_n and_o now_o i_o begin_v to_o consider_v what_o i_o may_v possible_o he_o able_a to_o do_v for_o almighty_a god_n and_o the_o first_o thing_n i_o think_v be_v to_o follow_v that_o first_o call_v which_o his_o divine_a majesty_n have_v give_v i_o to_o lead_v a_o religious_a life_n and_o that_o by_o the_o observance_n of_o my_o rule_n with_o the_o great_a perfection_n that_o i_o can_v practice_v and_o though_o there_o be_v in_o the_o monastery_n wherein_o i_o find_v myself_o at_o that_o time_n many_o servant_n of_o almighty_a god_n by_o who_o he_o be_v very_o much_o serve_v in_o that_o place_n yet_o in_o regard_n they_o want_v temporal_a mean_n many_o of_o the_o religious_a woman_n be_v cast_v into_o a_o kind_n of_o necessity_n to_o go_v abroad_o sometime_o for_o relief_n of_o the_o house_n but_o yet_o they_o do_v it_o so_o as_o to_o pass_v with_o all_o kind_n of_o chastity_n and_o piety_n and_o beside_o that_o house_n be_v not_o found_v according_a to_o the_o first_o rigour_n of_o the_o rule_n but_o only_o the_o same_o rule_n be_v observe_v in_o conformity_n with_o all_o the_o rest_n of_o the_o order_n according_a to_o the_o bull_n of_o relaxation_n and_o dispensation_n there_o be_v also_o some_o other_o inconvenience_n and_o beside_o it_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o the_o place_n be_v of_o much_o regalo_n in_o regard_n that_o it_o be_v both_o large_a and_o pleasant_a but_o especial_o the_o inconvenience_n of_o go_v sometime_o out_o of_o the_o monastery_n be_v grow_v to_o be_v a_o very_a great_a one_o for_o i_o though_o former_o i_o have_v be_v one_o who_o make_v most_o familiar_a use_n of_o it_o myself_o in_o regard_n that_o sometime_o some_o person_n who_o the_o superior_n be_v importune_v can_v not_o well_o refuse_v take_v contentment_n that_o i_o shall_v accompany_v they_o who_o go_v abroad_o and_o by_o this_o mean_n according_a to_o the_o use_n which_o be_v hold_v i_o may_v grow_v by_o degree_n to_o remain_v very_o
in_o this_o diamond_n it_o be_v such_o as_o that_o all_o thing_n be_v shutup_a in_o it_o because_o there_o be_v nothing_o which_o can_v get_v out_o of_o that_o greatness_n it_o be_v a_o thing_n extreme_o to_o amaze_v i_o to_o be_v able_a to_o see_v in_o so_o very_o short_a a_o time_n so_o many_o thing_n together_o in_o this_o bright_a diamond_n and_o so_o be_v it_o also_o matter_n of_o extreme_a compassion_n and_o grief_n for_o i_o every_o time_n that_o i_o remember_v myself_o to_o have_v see_v that_o thing_n so_o very_o ugly_a and_o foul_a as_o my_o sin_n be_v shall_v be_v represent_v and_o show_v in_o that_o so_o clearness_n of_o light_n and_o the_o truth_n be_v that_o whensoever_o i_o remember_v it_o i_o know_v not_o how_o it_o come_v to_o be_v possible_a for_o i_o to_o endure_v it_o and_o i_o do_v real_o then_o remain_v so_o extreme_o out_o of_o countenance_n and_o ashamed_a that_o i_o think_v i_o can_v not_o tell_v where_o to_o hide_v my_o head_n o_o vision_n that_o some_o creature_n or_o other_o be_v able_a to_o give_v this_o truth_n to_o be_v well_o understand_v by_o these_o people_n who_o commit_v dishonest_a filthy_a sin_n that_o so_o they_o may_v come_v to_o know_v that_o they_o be_v not_o secret_a and_o that_o almighty_a god_n have_v reason_n to_o be_v very_o sensible_a of_o those_o wrong_n since_o they_o be_v act_v so_o true_o in_o the_o presence_n of_o his_o divine_a majesty_n and_o that_o we_o carry_v ourselves_o with_o so_o base_a irreverence_n before_o he_o i_o see_v here_o also_o how_o just_o hell_n be_v deserve_v for_o any_o one_o mortal_a sin_n because_o it_o be_v pass_v our_o power_n to_o understand_v what_o a_o most_o grievous_a crime_n it_o be_v to_o commit_v it_o in_o the_o presence_n of_o so_o great_a a_o majesty_n and_o what_o a_o unspeakable_a distance_n and_o dissimilitude_n be_v find_v between_o that_o which_o he_o be_v and_o that_o which_o our_o sin_n be_v and_o how_o it_o appear_v even_o hereby_o so_o much_o the_o better_a how_o great_a his_o mercy_n be_v since_o notwithstanding_o he_o know_v all_o this_o he_o yet_o endure_v us._n it_o have_v also_o make_v i_o consider_v that_o if_o such_o a_o vision_n as_o this_o can_v leave_v the_o soul_n so_o extreme_o astonish_v and_o amaze_v what_o kind_n of_o thing_n will_v the_o day_n of_o judgement_n prove_v to_o be_v when_o this_o majesty_n of_o almighty_a god_n will_v show_v itself_o with_o all_o clearness_n and_o so_o we_o shall_v also_o clear_o see_v what_o kind_n of_o thing_n our_o sin_n be_v which_o we_o commit_v against_o he_o o_o my_o dear_a god_n what_o blindness_n be_v this_o which_o have_v seize_v i_o and_o i_o have_v often_o be_v amaze_v even_o whilst_o i_o have_v be_v write_v this_o and_o your_o reverence_n need_v be_v amaze_v at_o nothing_o but_o how_o i_o be_o able_a even_o to_o live_v whilst_o i_o be_o look_v both_o upon_o these_o thing_n and_o myself_o but_o let_v he_o be_v eternal_o bless_v who_o have_v vouchsafe_v to_o endure_v such_o thing_n at_o 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this_o order_n shall_v flourish_v and_o have_v many_o martyr_n another_o time_n be_v at_o matin_n in_o the_o choir_n six_o or_o seven_o person_n be_v represent_v and_o set_v before_o i_o and_o i_o hold_v they_o to_o be_v of_o the_o same_o order_n and_o they_o have_v sword_n in_o their_o hand_n and_o i_o conceive_v that_o i_o be_v give_v thereby_o to_o understand_v that_o they_o shall_v defend_v the_o faith_n for_o be_v in_o prayer_n another_o time_n and_o rapt_v in_o spirit_n i_o think_v i_o be_v in_o a_o very_a spavous_a field_n where_o many_o be_v who_o fight_v and_o they_o of_o this_o order_n do_v also_o fight_v with_o great_a fervour_n they_o have_v their_o face_n beautiful_a and_o much_o inflame_v and_o they_o beat_v multitude_n of_o man_n down_o to_o the_o ground_n and_o killed_z other_o this_o battle_n seem_v to_o be_v give_v against_o heretic_n &_o i_o have_v see_v this_o glorious_a saint_n diverse_a time_n and_o he_o have_v tell_v i_o some_o thing_n and_o give_v i_o thanks_n 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i_o have_v communicate_v when_o he_o shall_v understand_v with_o all_o clearness_n and_o truth_n that_o true_a dominion_n consist_v in_o possess_v nothing_o he_o may_v take_v it_o then_o give_v thereby_o to_o understand_v that_o whosoever_o be_v to_o be_v a_o prelate_n must_v be_v very_o far_o from_o so_o much_o as_o desire_v it_o and_o yet_o further_o from_o procure_v it_o these_o favour_n and_o many_o other_o also_o have_v be_v and_o be_v still_o very_o ordinary_o show_v by_o our_o bless_a lord_n to_o this_o sinful_a woman_n which_o i_o think_v be_v not_o very_o necesarie_a to_o be_v relate_v since_o by_o those_o which_o be_v deliver_v already_o my_o soul_n together_o with_o the_o spirit_n which_o our_o lord_n have_v give_v i_o may_v be_v understand_v but_o let_v he_o be_v ever_o bless_v who_o have_v have_v so_o much_o care_n of_o i_o he_o tell_v i_o once_o by_o way_n of_o comfort_v i_o that_o i_o must_v not_o afflict_v myself_o and_o this_o he_o do_v with_o most_o tender_a love_n 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he_o and_o to_o love_v he_o and_o what_o say_v he_o will_v thou_o have_v do_v if_o it_o have_v not_o be_v for_o such_o as_o they_o that_o he_o dislike_v not_o that_o conversation_n shall_v be_v hold_v with_o such_o as_o be_v good_a but_o that_o my_o word_n must_v ever_o be_v well_o consider_v and_o holy_a and_o that_o so_o it_o will_v be_v rather_o profitable_a to_o i_o then_o hurtful_a not_o to_o give-ove_a communication_n with_o they_o now_o this_o impart_v a_o particular_a comfort_n to_o i_o for_o sometime_o it_o will_v seem_v to_o be_v a_o have_v too_o great_a a_o tie_n upon_o creature_n which_o make_v i_o once_o incline_v to_o give-ove_a the_o custom_n
how_o many_o year_n she_o have_v continue_v in_o that_o dangerous_a state_n and_o in_o fine_a how_o she_o conceive_v that_o her_o proper_a place_n and_o particular_a torment_n be_v prepare_v for_o she_o in_o hell_n itself_o for_o the_o everlasting_a punishment_n of_o her_o sin_n which_o she_o faith_n she_o feel_v in_o spirit_n whereas_o yet_o in_o reality_n and_o sincerity_n of_o truth_n it_o may_v be_v clear_a enough_o to_o such_o as_o will_v unpartiallie_o consider_v what_o they_o be_v to_o judge_v and_o not_o look_v through_o the_o mist_n or_o cloud_v of_o that_o too_o great_a insatisfaction_n and_o severity_n which_o she_o will_v be_v sure_a to_o carry_v towards_o herself_o that_o she_o be_v always_o far_o from_o commit_v any_o mortal_a sin_n in_o all_o the_o course_n of_o her_o life_n now_o the_o difference_n in_o point_n of_o judgement_n between_v our_o saint_n and_o other_o may_v well_o seem_v to_o have_v proceed_v from_o this_o occasion_n which_o follow_v they_o look_v upon_o 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time_n when_o herself_o profess_v that_o she_o confess_v all_o her_o sin_n so_o entire_o as_o not_o to_o omit_v so_o much_o as_o even_o all_o those_o venial_a sin_n upon_o which_o she_o can_v reflect_v so_o that_o clear_o by_o the_o very_o worst_a of_o her_o case_n if_o any_o such_o thing_n as_o she_o have_v ever_o do_v be_v doubtful_a &_o if_o her_o ghostly_a father_n assure_v she_o then_o that_o it_o be_v not_o mortal_a as_o indeed_o they_o do_v what_o reason_n can_v she_o have_v to_o be_v so_o very_o high_o and_o irreconciliable_o unsatisfy_v with_o herself_o but_o the_o truth_n be_v she_o pierce_v so_o deep_o by_o mean_n of_o celestial_a grace_n into_o that_o endless_a spotless_a mine_n of_o the_o purity_n of_o almighty_a god_n and_o the_o unlimited_a excellentie_n of_o his_o high_a majesty_n and_o the_o unspeakable_a deformity_n of_o the_o least_o imperfection_n or_o frailty_n when_o once_o it_o shall_v be_v bring_v to_o appear_v before_o that_o incomparable_a claritie_n of_o the_o king_n of_o glory_n and_o on_o the_o other_o side_n she_o be_v endue_v with_o such_o a_o strange_a internal_a kind_n of_o knowledge_n of_o herself_o that_o it_o make_v as_o i_o be_v say_v before_o those_o moat_n of_o her_o imperfection_n seem_v mountain_n when_o once_o they_o be_v to_o appear_v as_o in_o god_n presence_n she_o be_v also_o of_o so_o very_o sensible_a a_o nature_n which_o i_o must_v needs_o touch_v again_o afterward_o and_o so_o easy_o oblige_v and_o so_o inseparable_o engage_v upon_o the_o receive_n even_o of_o poor_a weak_a little_a service_n from_o mortal_a creature_n &_o much_o more_o when_o celestial_a favour_n distil_v down_o so_o very_o fast_o towards_o she_o from_o that_o never-failing_a fountain_n of_o divine_a mercy_n that_o for_o she_o to_o find_v herself_o any_o way_n ungrateful_a yea_o or_o so_o much_o as_o even_o unmindful_a thereof_o and_o yet_o much_o more_o if_o she_o shall_v prove_v so_o inhuman_o unkind_a as_o in_o stead_n of_o pay_v service_n to_o commit_v fault_n how_o light_n soever_o they_o may_v be_v such_o error_n will_v seem_v in_o those_o eye_n of_o she_o which_o still_o be_v feed_v from_o that_o inflame_a hart_n to_o be_v real_o not_o very_o much_o less_o than_o almost_o as_o so_o many_o half_a sin_n against_o the_o holie-ghost_n and_o from_o this_o composition_n of_o her_o mind_n both_o in_o the_o natural_a and_o supernatural_a way_n do_v grow_v those_o profound_a detestation_n of_o herself_o those_o high_a exaggeration_n of_o her_o imperfection_n and_o frailty_n those_o loud_v exclamation_n against_o her_o suppose_a ingratitude_n and_o unkindness_n towards_o almighty_a god_n which_o break_v as_o it_o be_v even_o her_o own_o very_a hart_n while_o she_o be_v think_v and_o deliver_v over_o such_o feel_a argument_n of_o her_o sad_a remorse_n while_o she_o be_v writing_n as_o be_v able_a to_o strike_v the_o water_n of_o tear_n out_o of_o the_o stony_a heart_n of_o her_o reader_n like_o the_o rod_n of_o moses_n which_o drive_v water_n out_o of_o the_o rock_n when_o once_o they_o lend_v their_o sight_n though_o never_o so_o little_a to_o behold_v that_o sweet_a object_n of_o her_o enamour_a thought_n and_o expostulation_n against_o herself_o from_o hence_o it_o be_v i_o say_v that_o she_o accuse_v herself_o after_o a_o kind_n of_o obstinate_a manner_n whensoever_o she_o reflect_v upon_o god_n &_o herself_o in_o order_n to_o his_o bounty_n on_o the_o one_o side_n &_o her_o discorrespondence_n on_o the_o other_o whilst_o yet_o when_o her_o thought_n be_v bend_v but_o to_o express_v the_o plain_a order_n of_o thing_n after_o a_o manner_n mere_o abstract_v from_o those_o superior_a consideration_n she_o deliver_v such_o truth_n concern_v herself_o as_o make_v all_o these_o imputation_n which_o fall_v so_o fierce_o upon_o her_o soul_n out_o of_o her_o own_o mouth_n appear_v to_o be_v far_o different_a from_o that_o which_o she_o will_v desire_v that_o they_o may_v be_v think_v and_o so_o in_o conformity_n with_o this_o you_o my_o reader_n shall_v do_v well_o to_o consider_v in_o serious_a manner_n how_o she_o who_o speak_v after_o a_o sort_n erroneous_o when_o she_o will_v partial_o judge_v of_o her_o action_n in_o order_n to_o the_o spotless_a purity_n of_o almighty_a god_n and_o his_o strict_a judgement_n do_v yet_o unfold_v herself_o most_o literal_o true_o when_o she_o express_v her self_o viâ_fw-la facti_fw-la and_o relate_v her_o affection_n and_o action_n as_o it_o be_v in_o the_o historical_a way_n observe_v therefore_o how_o in_o this_o way_n she_o say_v of_o herself_o that_o she_o be_v ever_o 4._o very_o careful_a not_o to_o commit_v any_o mortal_a sin_n that_o she_o have_v great_a care_n of_o her_o conscience_n still_o forasmuch_o as_o concern_v any_o thing_n of_o that_o kind_n and_o that_o if_o ever_o she_o will_v be_v so_o unhappy_a as_o to_o commit_v any_o such_o sin_n that_o she_o shall_v never_o be_v in_o quiet_a till_o she_o be_v disburden_v of_o it_o that_o she_o seldom_o receive_v the_o b._n sacrament_n 5._o but_o with_o abundance_n of_o tear_n that_o after_o she_o have_v once_o taste_v of_o the_o regalo_n of_o that_o celestial_a banquet_n which_o she_o begin_v to_o do_v when_o she_o be_v young_a she_o never_o omit_v to_o confess_v any_o thing_n which_o she_o may_v conceive_v to_o be_v a_o sin_n though_o it_o be_v but_o venial_a that_o she_o have_v ever_o great_a remorse_n 2._o whensoever_o she_o commit_v any_o offence_n against_o almighty_a god_n that_o she_o do_v natural_o detest_v all_o dishonesty_n and_o that_o she_o conceive_v not_o that_o there_o be_v either_o any_o occasion_n or_o any_o person_n in_o the_o whole_a world_n who_o can_v possible_o overcome_v that_o resolution_n in_o she_o that_o difficulty_n grow_v afterwards_a upon_o she_o by_o occasion_n of_o some_o conversation_n which_o she_o have_v whereof_o yet_o she_o confess_v herself_o by_o way_n of_o doubt_n as_o i_o have_v insinuate_v before_o her_o ghostly_a father_n make_v 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