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A13524
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The world runnes on vvheeles: or oddes, betwixt carts and coaches
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Taylor, John, 1580-1653.
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1623
(1623)
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STC 23816; ESTC S101982
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17,053
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38
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The meaning of the Embleme THe Deuill the Flesh the World doth Man opposâ— And are his mighty and his mortall foes The Deuill and the whorish Flesh drawes still The World on Wheeles runs after with good wille For that which wee the World may iustly call I meane the lower Globe Terrestriall Is as the Deuill and a Whore doth please Drawne here and there and euery where with ease Those that their Liues to vertue heere doe frame Are in the World but yet not of the same Some such there are whom neither Flesh or Deuill Can wilfully drawe on to any euill But for the World as 't is the World you see It Runnes on Wheeles and who the Palfreys bee Which Embleme to the Reader doth display The Deuill and thâ— Flesh runnes swift away The Chayn'd ensnared World doth follow fast Till All into Perditions pit be cast The Picture topsie-turuie stands kew waw The World turn'd vpside downe as all men knâ—â— The World runnes on VVheeles Or Oddes betwixt Carts and Coaches LONDON Printed by E. A. for Henry Gosson 1623. ¶ To the noble Company of Cordwainers the worshipfull Company of Sadlers Woodmongers To the worthy honest and lawdable Company of Water-men And to the Sacred Society of Hackney-men And finally to as many as are grieued and vniustly impouerished and molested with The Worlds Running on Wheeles GEntlemen and Yeomen maruell not that I writ this Pamphlet in Prose now hauing before times set forth so many Bookes in verse The First Reason that mooued me to write thus was because I was Lame and durst not write Verses for feare they should be infected with my Griefe be lame too The Second Reason is because that I finde no good rime for a Coach but Broach Roach Encroach or such like And you knowe that the Coach hath ouer-throwne the good vse of the Broach Broch-turner turning the one to Rackes and the other to Iackes quite through the Kingdome The Roach is a drie Fish much like the vnprofitable profit of a Coach It will cost more the dressing and Appurtnances then 't is worth For the word Encroach I thinke that best befits it for I think neuer such an impudent prowd sawcie Intruder or Encroacher came into the world as a Coach is for it hath driuen many honest Families out of their Houses many Knights to Beggers Corporations to pouerty Almes deedes to all misdeedes Hospitality to extortion Plenty to famine Humility to pride Compassion to oppression and all Earthly goodnes almost to an vtter confusion These haue beene the causes why I writ this Booke in Prose and Dedicated it to all your good Companies knowing that you haue borne a heauy share in the Calamitie which these hyred Hackney hell-Carts haue put this Common-wealth vnto For in all my whole Discourse I doe not enueigh against any Coaches that belong to Persons of worth or qualitie but onely against the Catterpiller swarme of hyrelings they haue vndone my poore Trade whereof I am a Member and though I looke for no reformation yet I expect the benefit of an old Prouerbe Giue the loosers leaue to speake I haue Imbroadered it with mirth Quilted it with materiall stuffe Lac'd it with similitudes Sowed it with comparisons and in a word so playd the Taylor with it that I thinke it will fitte the wearing of any honest mans Reading Attention and Liking But howsoeuer I leaue both it and my selfe to remayne Yours as you are mine Iohn Taylor ¶ The VVorld runnes on Wheeles WHat a Murraine what piece of work haue we here The WORLD runs a Wheeles On my Conscience my Dung-cart will be most vnsauourly offended with it Ihaue heard the wordes often The World runs on Wheeles what like Pompeies Bridge at Ostend The great Gridyron in Christ-church The Landskips of China or the new found Instrument that goes by winding vp like a Iacke that a Gentleman entreated a Musitian to Rost him Seleâ—â—ers Round vpon it Ha! how can you make this good Master Poet I haue heard that the World stands stock still neuer stirres but at an Earth-quake and then it trembles at the wickednes of the Inhabitants and like an olde Mother groanes vnder the misery of her vngracious Children well I will buy this volume of nuention for my Boyes to read at home in an Euening when they come from Schoole there may be some goodnes in it I promise you truely I haue found in some of these Bookes very shrewd Items yea and by your leaue somewhat is found in them now and then which the wisest of vs all may be the better for though you call them Pamphlets to tell you true I like em better that are plaine and merrily written to a good intent then those who are purposely stuffed and studyed to deceiue the world vndo a Country That tells vs of Proiects beyond the Moone of Golden Mines of Deuices to make the Thames run on the North side of London which may very easily be done by remouing London to the Banke-side of planting the I le of Dogs with Whiblins Corwhichets Mushromes Tobacco Tut I like none of these Let me see as I take it it is an inuectiue against Coaches or a proofe or tryall of the Antiquitie of Carts and Coaches T is so and Gods blessing light on his heart that wrote it for I thinke neuer since Phaeton brake his necke neuer Land hath endured more trouble molestation then this hath by the coÌ„tinual rumbling of these vpstart 4. wheel'd Tortoyses as you may perhaps find anone For as concerning the Antiquity of the Cart I think it beyond the limmits of Record or writing Besides it hath a Reference or allusion to the Motion of the Heauens which turnes vpon the Equinoctiall Axeltree the two wheeles being the Articke and Antarticke Poles Moreouer though it be Poetically feygned that the Sunne whom I could haue called Phoebus Tytan Apollo Soll or Hiperion is drawne by his foure hot and headstrong Horses whose names as I take it are Aeolus Aethon Phlegon and Pyrois Yet doe I not finde that Triumphant Refulgent extinguisher of darknes is Coach'd but that he is continually Carted through the twelue signes of the Zodiaque And if Copernicus his opinion were to be allowed that the Firmament with the Orbs and Planets did stand vnmoueable and that onely the Terrestriall Globe turnes round daily according to the motion of Time yet could the World haue no resemblance of a foure-wheel'd Coach but in all reason it must whirle round vpon but One Axeltree like a two wheeld Cart. Nor can the searching eye or most admirable Art of Astronomie euer yet finde that a Coach could attaine to that high exaltation of honour as to be placed in the Firmament It is apparently seene that Charles his Cart which we by custome call Charles his Waine is most gloriously stellifide where in the large Circumserence of Heauen it is a most vsefull beneficiall Sea-marke and somtimes a Land-marke too guiding
ten-pound house-rent now was scarce twenty shillings then but the witchcraft of the Coach quickly mounted the price of all things except poore mens labour and withal transformed in some places 10. 20. 30. 40. 50. 60. or 100. proper Seruingmen into two or three Animals videlicet a Butterfly page a trotting footman a stiff-drinking Coachman a Cooke a Clarke a Steward and a Butler which hath enforced many a discarded tall fellow through want of meanes to liue and grace to guide him in his pouertie to fall into such mischieuous actions before named for which I thinke the Gallowses in England haue deuonred as many lusty valiant men within these 30. or 40. yeares as would haue beene a sufficient armie to beate the foes of Christ out of Christendome and marching to Constantinople haue pluck'd the great Turke by the Beard but as is aforesaid this is the age wherien The World Runnes on Wheeles It is a most vneasie kinde of passage in Coaches on the paued streetes in London wherein men and women are so tost tumbled iumbled rumbled and crossing of kennels dunghills and vneuen-wayes which is enough to put all the guts in their bellies out of ioynt to make them haue the Palsey or Megrum or to cast their Gorges with continuall Rocking and Wallowing to preuent which there was a gentleman of great note found fault with his Coach-horses because his Coach iolted him commanding his man to sell away those hard trotting Iades and to buy him a paire of Amblers that might draw him with more ease another when hee saw one of his horses more lusty and free then his fellow hee commanded his Coachman to feede him onely with bread water till he were as tame and quiet as the other which wise command was dutifully obserued The best vse that euer was made of Coaches was in the old warres betwixt the Hungarians and the Turkes for like so many land Gallies they carried souldiers on each side with Crosbowes and other warlike engines and they serued for good vse being many thousands of them to disrowte their enemies breaking their rankes and order making free and open passage for their horse and foote amongst the scattered squadrons and regiments vpon occasion they serued as a wall to Embarricado and fortifie their campe this was a millitarie imployment for Coaches and in this sort onely I could wish all our hirelings to be vsed It is to be supposed that Pharaohs Charriots which were drowned in the red sea were no other things in shape and fashion then our Coaches are at this time and what great pitty was it that the makers and memories of them had not been obliuiously swallowed in that Egiptian downfall Mowntaigne a learned and a noble French Writer doth relate in his booke of Essayes that the ancient Kings of Asia and the Easterne parts of Europe were wont to be drawne in their Coaches with foure Oxen and that Mark Anthony with a Whore with him was drawne with Lyons Heliogabalus the Emperoâ—r was drawne with foure naked Whores himselfe being the Coachman and the Coaches in these late times to shew some sparke of gratitude or thankfulnes in remembrance that naked Whores once drew 〈◊〉 of them they doe in requitall very often carrie Whores halfe naked to the belly and gallantly apparelled besides only but foure Whores drew one Coach and 500. Coaches hath carried 10000. of them for it but sometimes they were drawne with Stagges as it is the vse in Lapland at this day The Emperour Firmus was drawne with foure Estridges and to requite those fauours they doe now often carrie men as rauenous as Lyons as well headed as Oxen or Stagges and as the Estridges did once draw so the feathers of them doe daily ride in Plumes and Fannes In the Citie of Antwerp in Brabant I haue seene little Coaches which men send their children to Schoole in each of them drawne by a Mastiffe dogge not hauing any guide for the dogge himselfe doth exercise three offices at one time being as the Horse to draw the Coachman to direct and an honest labouring dogge besides I remember that in one place aforesaid I haue written that Coaches doe seldome carrie any dead things as Stones Timber Wine Beere Corne c. But in so writing I finde that I haue done many of them great wrong for I perceiue that they carrie oftentimes diuers sorts of Rye as Knaue-Rye Foole-Rye Leache-Rye Rogue-Rye Vsue-Rye Bawde-Rye Braue-Rye Slaue-Rye and Begge-Rye Sometimes by chaunce they may hap to carrie good Husband-Rye and Housewife-Rye but such burthens are as scarce as money or charity and one thing more comes into my minde about their multitude for though a Coach doe 〈◊〉 to be a dead or sencelesse thing yet when I se 〈…〉 consider how they doe multiply and encrease I am doubtfull but that they are male and female and vse the act of generation or begetting or else their procreation could neuer so haue ouer-spread our Nation To conclude a Coach may fitly be compared to a Whore for a Coach is painted so is a Whore a Coach is common so is a Whore a Coach is costly so is a Whore a Coach is drawne with beasts a Whore is drawne away with beastly Knaues A Coach hath loose Curtaines a Whore hath a loose Gowne a Coach is lac'd and fring'd so is a Whore A Coach may be turn'd any way so may a Whore A Coach hath Bosses Studs and guilded nailes to adorne it a Whore hath Owches Brooches Bracelets Chaines and Iewels to set her forth a Coach is alwaies out of reparations so is a Whore a Coach hath need of mending still so hath a Whore a Coach is vnprofitable so is a whore a Coach is superfluous so is a Whore a Coach is insatiate so is a Whore A Coach breakes mens neckes a Whore breakes mens backes This oddes is betwixt a Coach and a Whore a man will lend his Coach to his friend so will hee not his Whore but any mans Whore will saue him the labour of lending her for she will lend her selfe to whom shee pleaseth And thus my Booke and comparisons end together for thus much I know that I haue but all this while bark'd at the Moone throwne feathers against the winde built vpon the 〈…〉 â—â—ackmore and laboured in vaine 〈…〉 or enormitie hath pleasure in it 〈…〉 profit and power to defend it 〈…〉 speake and weakenesse may babble of Reformation though to no end and so I end FINIS