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ID Title Author Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication) STC Words Pages
A67510 Labour in vain: or, What signifies little or nothing Viz. I. The poor man's petitioning at court. II. Expectation of benefit from a covetous man in his life-time. III. The marriage of an old man to a young woman. IV. Endeavours to regulate mens manners by preaching or writing. V. Being a Jacobite. VI. Confining an insolvent debtor. VII. Promise of secrecy in a conspiracy. VIII. An enquiry after a place. Ward, Edward, 1667-1731. 1700 (1700) Wing W744; ESTC R219389 19,833 32

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But to the Fortunate and Rich are kind Since Money weighs down Iustice and Desert The Poor's Desires don't signifie a Fart Expectations of Benefit from a Covetous Man in his Life-time QVis Pauper Avaras An admirable and proper Answer to the Question because the Covetous Man wanteth that which he hath as well as that which he hath not as proves true by the following relation A Friend of mine if a Covetous Man can be so of Gentile Extraction and sutable Educa●i●● having a competent Estate of four hundred Pounds per Annum an● a thousand Pounds in Money left him which Revenue as far exceeded his desire of Living as it came short of his desire of Acquiring for he no sooner had the Possession but he retrench'd the usual Expences of the Family he sav'd Charge by putting away the Mouths that caus'd it and the only Servant that he kept liv'd almost like a Bear in Greenland on the Nourishment he had got in the Summer of the Fathers Life time In short no Anchorite liv'd more sparing than he unless it were upon anothers cost and then 't was a covetous humour made him Eat and Drink like a Glutton and a Drunkard In all his Actions he was Base He would Steal his own Goods to make his Servant pay for them By such sordid ways his Wealth was accumulated he sold the Mansion-House because the Purchase-Money would yield a greater profit than the Rent amounted to and retir'd from a great House not from Plenty and Abundance to a less that he could not Rent out By such Niggardly Methods in proc●ss of time he had heap'd up a very great Treasure There was a Young hopeful Gentleman his Nephew who expected to ●●ap the fruits of his Covetousness that often came to visit him and w●s always Complaisant sooth'd and commended every Humour which I take to be the right way of Pleasing for certain at least du●ing the time of prevailing Fancy or Action every Man is pleas'd with his own Sentiments or Doings so consequently loves to have them approv'd and applauded He gr●●●●i'd the Misers Appetite at his own Expence his Pantrey and his ●ellar were always ready to gratify his least motion of desire his C●●ch and Horses attended his occasions he baulk'd his own Hu●ou● neglected his pleasant and facetious Companions and con●●●● himself to Oblige his Sordid Temper Tho' it must be confess'd S●●●-interest mov'd him yet it pleas'd the Wretch when he advised him to secure his Treasure that no Rachel or other might Steal his God He Christned his Son of the Iew 's Name he did what not to Oblige him He defended him from Robbers at the peril of his own Life Nay more He justify'd his base Principles contrary to his 〈◊〉 But all the Returns that were paid to these Services ●e●e Mountain-Promises whilst in his Cups but Molehills or no ●erformances when Sober Afterwards this Obliging Gentleman fell by misfortune into Straits and Necessities so that his Family wanted convenient Subsistance yet the other pitiless and unconcern'd return'd no good Nature no Charity no grateful Act for all his generous Obligations not so much as even common Humanity would out of Mercy oblige a very Iew to show to a Stranger in Misery After the Miser had Bought what he had left for half the value he forbid him his House and whenever he met him he pass'd by him as a Stranger At last Intestate the miserable Rascal Dies for the very Thought of disposing of his Riches would have been as Mortal as a Cannon Shot So Volens N●lens what he left fell to this Gentleman But I had almost forgot to tell you That his Jealous Temper which must accompany the Covetous let their Avarice be fix'd on what it will made him Bury a great part of his Money and Writings so that a great deal was lost for want of the knowledge of the Concealments OBSERVATION A Covetous Desire is properly applicable to self for even when I seem to desire the Advantage of another there is something of self in the matter and it must be allow'd that he I wish well is my Friend tho' anothers being my Enemy only makes him so so by my desire I gratifie my own Inclination in my Friends Advantage or please my Anger in my Enemies Disadvantage a Covetous Mans Thoughts center in his own Prosit and what good goes besides him he counts by Providence wrong apply'd then 't is Idle to expect that he that Covets all should frustrate his vast Design by giving me a part as Covetousness is a Selfish humour 't is impossible it should be diffusive The Misers Wish is of a vast Extent And would Engross beneath the Firmament All that it likes still Covetous would try To Merchandize with Spirits of the Sky His Wishes only to Advantage tend From Self's their Origin in Self they End So cannot be Diffusive to a Friend In Vain a Favour you expect from such You may as well expect one from the D The Marriage of an Old Man to a Young Woman THe mutual Disapointments that commonly thwart and hinder the Happiness expected by the Marriage of an Old Man to a Young Woman the following Story sets forth An Ancient Gentleman whose head Age had Powder'd like a Beau's who in his Sp●ightly Youth could at Sight answer the Expectations of the most Lascivious Female as Doctors Commons and parish-Parish-Books could Witness he had liv'd a Libertine Life and had never thoughts of Marriage till he was Three Score and Ten when he happen'd into the Company of a Beautiful Young Woman whose Charms and Behaviour bl●w away the Ashes that covered the Fire that remain'd in the Brands end so that it made a Faint Blaze which of late unaccustom'd warmth made the willing to be Deceiv'd Senior fancy that there was yet a great Stock of Vigour in his Veins that would answer the ends of Marriage thus when Lechery had left his Tail and agitated only by Desire fancy'd mighty Performances in his Lustful Brain he Courts this Lady for his Bride who had not the Charms to renue an old Aeson's Age sensible that his expiring Flame could not long last he was Impatient of delay so by continual Courtship he try'd to watch his Mistress like a Hawk into Compliance but 't was perswasive Money that made her Consent to endure a Lenten Pennance in Expectation of an happy Easter after his Death In short for filthy Lucre Married him and submitted herself to his ●eeble Threescore and Ten Years Attempts after his fluttering all the Wedding Day they were put to Bed I think that word suitable to his Age and after Sack-Posset Eat and Stocken thrown the Company withdrew and left them to themselves When he fail'd in Performance she was frustrated in her Expectation so that their Marriage signified Little or Nothing OBSERVATION The Answer I make to those that will say Every Body knew this Story before is That tho' I pretend to Write Novel's I don't